Stephanie I was one of those people.. in the Navy for 21 years and almost 6 years working for the VA. Girl I left/resigned and burned it… last year. Now living for me in Mexico City!!!! Thank you for all that you offer and again “Thank you for your Service” as well.
Hi! Mexico City is thriving and growing rapidly its black expat community. There is the first black owned Soul Food Restaurant here, bustling community events, venues and such. It is the new Mecca for black entrance without prejudice. Think of New York on steroids with more than 2 billion people here. Safety isn’t an issue either. Additionally, you US dollars go a long way here. I encourage you to research Black Expats living in Mexico City. Food, music, language classes and much more to offer. Caveat.. if you are seeking a job you need to have that worked out prior to going the Mexico City. I hope this helps. People are very welcoming and friendly too. The city is always active and exciting. @@lionintu
Yep. Better to concentrate on the people who want to watch and follow your example. That doesn't require you to carry anybody on your back. I had no idea my nieces were paying attention to my approach to life. Now that they are adults, they've expressed the desire to travel and find paths to self-reliance and self-determination. Love it.
I have always known who I am. Black Excellence was “sold” to me in a very bizarre way. My parents elected to live in mostly white communities with little to no children in my age range. They also had me reading books regarding the slave trade that were well beyond my comprehension -I was six, seven, and eight years old. I refer to this time as my introduction to the horror genre. And now I’m living a nightmare I don’t know how to escape. I have spent my entire adult life looking for my Tracee Ellis Ross Girlfriend group, and I can not move forward without them…because I have no effin’ idea what I am doing.
WHAT IF BLACK WOMEN AND MEN CAN PROCREATE WITH ALL RACES AND WE HOLD NO LEGION TO EACH OTHER. WHAT IF WE ARE BOTH GOD AND WE’RE JUST MENTALLY BOXED IN (ENSLAVED) TO THINK THAT MAKING BROWN MORE PURE HAD ANY PURPOSE, LIKE COLORS OF PAINT, YOU JUST GET MORE BROWN. GOD (whoever he is to you should have unconditional love and is not racist if he is good) YOU GOD (if good) SHOULD NOT CARE WHO WE CHOOSE TO LOVE. IF YOUR GOD CARES ABOUT SKIN COLOR, YOUR GOD IS THE DEVIL. “SATAN IS THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION.” DON’T BE WEAPONIZED BY WHITE PPL, THEY WILL STILL PLACE THEMSELVES BEFORE US ALL THE TIME, ALL THE CHANCE THEY GET. TRUE EMPOWERMENT COMES FROM GOD/FROM WITHIN. TRUE EMPOWERMENT COME FROM NOTHING. POWER IS A WEAPON AND ITS NOT IN OUT NATURE TO LOVE/WANT/NEED POWER. WE HAD SPEARE AND ARROWS. WE NEVER MADE “THE GUN” OR “NUCLEAR BOMBS”. THEY ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL WHEN WE FINALLY CHPOSE TO FULL DROWN THEM OUT AND WPRK TOGETHER. THEY ARE USING THE INTERNET TO MONITOR & MONETIZE OUR EVERY MOVE. SPEND TIME ALONE AND OFF THE WEB. ITS NOT FOR YOUR PERSONAL LIFE. THE INTERNET IS JUST ANOTHER REALM OF CONTROL.
Black women need to understand that we hold all of the leverage in this circumstance. We have always been expected to give our everything to people who return to us nothing. Those who expect us to wear capes can argue, be uncomfortable, or get mad all they want....at the end of the day, no one can control black women's behavior but us. I burnt the cape years ago, people lashing out and gaslighting me certainly won't make me put the cape back on again.
YOU'RE RIGHT! that YT MAN you CAPE FOR 24/7 don't have to give you 1 red cent and you have NO PROBLEM CRAWLING on ALL 4S for him. With actions like that, you can KEEP THAT ISH PUSHEN! I MEANT TO SPELL IT THAT WAY before you cherry-pick that spelling!
My daughter has been telling me for years she's leaving the US she's 23 almost done with nursing school and she's leaving. I'm 911 dispatcher and decided I'm going too. I hope to connect with you ladies
I was sister save my family. I burned the cape by going no contact with my toxic family, leaving toxic people (black, white, etc.) & places. & Began truly healing through Somatic Experiencing (nervous system & body) therapy & Equine therapy. My health all around is SO much better! ❤
I had to cut our 3 family members, one of whom in her "nice mood," said to me explaining why another sis didnt' like me "well what have you done LATELY!!!" screaming at me...this is a long line of meanness from that particular family member.
I love to see black women spread these kinds of messages. _Everybody_ treats us like we're the enforcers, as if they think we're meant to step in whenever they need us to fight their battles. I *refuse.*
@ccb6013 Yes! I have an Arab colleague just like this.. a woman.. I didn’t know until fairly recently that Arabs are considered white. So this arab/white woman constantly finds herself under somebody’s foot being walked on .. and I’ll tell you why: her own darn cape wearin self. I understand; her culture and conditioning set her up for perpetual servitude. And that’s HER business. She keeps roping me into her fights and I keep shutting her down. Annoying af. She’s sweet as pie but good Lordt; the pathology is real. And I absolutely refuse. My company consistently lets me know how little it values me.. and I consistently reciprocate energy. Total energy vampires - bof’ em! 🤭😂
Too many of my friends have died, got sick, disabled.....but they refuse to burn the cape,....my Aunty told me when i get ready to leave, just leave,....because " they dont understand kno way, you cant take them with you kno way, " they good where there at"......❤
Two of my best friends in academia-one GOT CHRONIC ILLNESS LUPUS, the other got sick/overweight to feel good by overeating and then needed surgery, both very high performers. I QUIT ACADEMIA it's been hard but my mental health is better.
One more thing... I did just get thousands of dollars in student loans forgiven. So happy about that. Of course that got me thinking even harder about how I can leave my job sooner than later.
I had platinum status in the Sister Save-a-Situation Club. I was the "go-to" person for all sorts of difficult situations. I was an expert at attaching myself to difficult friendships, jobs, romantic relationships, and often traveled up the rough side of the mountain carrying other people's backpacks. My exit was gradual at first. I gave up platinum status, then left the club altogether. These days, I allow maximum ease and flow in my ease and flow. I don't travel on the rough side of anything. I look to do as little as possible. 😊
Same...and when I needed help, those people were suddenly non-existent, too busy, or (insert excuse). I had to learn the hard way, but my cape is very much burned and buried!!!!! I wish you lots of luck 😊
I have detoxed from my family since 2017. My mother can’t understand how I can travel the world but skip them for holidays and such. I value my peace and my sanity so I refused to be around ppl who hate me
It's sad when families are full of toxicity. There is nothing more gratifying to me than to see families enjoying each other and having healthy interactions between generations. May your family get the therapy they need.
I am 34 right now but my cape burning began at age 24 and finally was completed at 33. I was so invested in the community. I tutored Black children of all ages for 11 years. I created artwork and workbooks about Black history. I painted three murals for the community (all of them destroyed). I worked for at least five to six Black-owned businesses (a catering company, a bookstore, a health store, a CZcamsr, and a lawyer). I was subjected to so much verbal or mental abuse. One of the jobs didn't pay me three times in a row and I lost my apartment. Out of the three Black male bosses that I had only one didn't harrass or physically assault me. I kept meeting scammers and hypocrites but for some reason I still held onto belief in the community. I housed at least 6 to 7 Black people at different times for free in my tiny one bedroom apartment, now where are they now? I had two Black couples that I would give snacks to. They broke into my home and stole the food from my fridge. I had people not paying me or trying to underpay me. But the final straw has been the past two years. I started getting threatened by BM on the train and bus. I had two different ones grab my hair and the other try to push me because I wouldn't give him my number. I started wearing a headscarf even though I am not very religious because I was tired of being judged about my hair. I am completely disillusioned and all I want to do is be in nature and invest in myself. I am in the process of trying to get a work-from-home job because I am tired of being harassed, bullied and criticized by my own people. I still invest in the Black people I believe in but definitely NOT as much as I used to. I used to give counseling, money, food, stitching clothes, giving my skills and making excuses for people. I don't need to play this toxic game anymore and I am not sorry. I stopped marching too. Now my main focus is healing myself and creating peace. I have been concentrating on making more money as well.
Sounds like you have been suffering from toxic empathy. Users can spot your low self esteem and vulnerability a mile away. I don't think you are accustomed to being respected, and it shows. Please get in therapy to find out why you tolerate this and to begin to truly value yourself. 🙏 ❤
My silly self was cap'tn save everybody and ignore my self. No more! I Helped e'rybdy and wasnt looked at as worthy unless i did so much for the "community" or producing something in or for the "community". I got sucked into the conscious community Pan African community. I'm currently trying to get out totally while keeping some of the ideology but not killing myself to be "sister save a race" Some only see you as useful if you can be a soldier warrior even the women. It's a very patriarchal existence. I joined the African organizations to fight the man and be a Pan African. For the people in that community I felt like I just existing and overly angry. I'm very clear on Yt Supremacy. Many don't really love you (in that community) unless you are being useful to them. It's all ego based. Unfortunately you are what you can produce for the entire race in those circles..
You have no idea how much this means to me. For 18 years, I've been saving family, church, companies, people and I just literally prayed about this the other day and told Yah I don't want to be anyone's savior. I want to be at ease, to travel, to rest. It took a school I worked for to rob me of my time, my talent and treasure for me to WAKE UP. I can't do it anymore. Thank you.
I'm so glad that I've never done any of this. I worry about me and mine, I refuse to "save" a community, march, put anyone on my back, scream for everyone's cause, vote the way I'm "supposed" to, etc. Working on retiring in the next 5 years and living in a lovely cottage doing my own thing. Live and love your life, your families, and friends that matter, but do you ladies.
More than 25 years ago Ophra did a segment about women learning to say No. I was very young, but her words and the philosophy settled down deep into my soul. It was years and years before I traced my utter willingness to say NO back to her words. I'm a "no" girl when that's how I'm feeling and it takes my spouse to truly explain how ingrained it is for me. When I say No, everyone knows I mean it and I love that for me 💅🏽
Great content, Stephanie! Please continue to shout this message from the rooftop!🗣️ I retired from both the military reserves and the federal government and I have been told that I need to “keep working or stay busy” even though I receive three retirement checks (which includes social security). I am wondering why some Black people think we need to work ourselves to death while other people are retiring “work-free”.🤷🏾 ( I guess I will have to be the work-free “possibility model” for those who are watching me rest/enjoy my life.💁🏾♀️)
I’ve had random people expect for me to butt in and defend them simply bc I’m a black woman. I’ve had people get visibly upset with me when I don’t defend/rescue them. I’m not doing it.
Stephanie thank you so much for your content! I’ve been with USPS for 26 years as a carrier. After finding you I’ve taken a less paying much easier position. I’m embracing my soft era! No more working overtime! I’m adjusting my lifestyle to work part time and focus on me!!!!❤
Good for you! I also work for the USPS as a clerk for 8 years. So many of the carriers broke down physically and mentally and they’ve invested 20-30 years! Most of them are married and can afford to retire. Just don’t make no sense to me. I’m a 63 year old divorcee and trying to figure out a way to get out asap. 🙏🏽
@@Msterri4u you are so right! I’ve been to physical therapy 3 times during my career. I’m 53 and 5ft. I have no business working 10 hrs a day while delivering packages taller than me. I’ve transferred into a PTF window clerk position with 24 hrs a week. I’m in semi retirement. I’m fully retiring in 2027! 🙌🏽
2024 has been declared: Me, Myself, and I. My main issue was to detox myself from toxic family members. A situation where, this is what you can for me, and to hell what you want!. Ive figured out so much about myself. You can be alone, but not lonely. Thank you for all you do. Happy New Year!
A sabbatical will change your LIFE 🙌🏾. I’ve been on a sabbatical for the last 20 months which has taken me through a range of emotions and have had many epiphanies. I’ve unplugged from placing expectations onto others who don’t live in my house, I don’t allow others to put their expectations onto me and I don’t subscribe to US beauty standards. I feel so free and will be even more free once I get my health back on track and pay off my debts in December of this year! Thanks for the reminder and inspiration Stephanie ❤
I am beyond ready to take off the cape and to leave my job. I can do an early retirement but the pension monthly payments will be reduced. I do have saving and some investments but i just purchased a house. 😳 I feel so caught up but i keep coming back to these videos for motivation and ideas! ❤️
the way my anxiety, overthinking and stress went away as i watched this video. you are helping my cultivate peace/ start my journey towards a lifetime of peace and fulfilling my dreams. thank you!
Yes left that behind over two years ago…if I don’t want to do it I say NO I see what Black Excellence has done to the women in my family and I will not do the same on the job or at home 😊😊😊I am so happy that I found this community
Being there for others wouldn’t be a thing if it was reciprocated. I never would’ve believed I’d see our community cease to exist bc so many took love out and refused to put any back in.
I burned my cape years ago, but I feel like Michael Corleone in the Godfather. Everytime you think you're out they keep pulling you back in, lol. It takes work to stay out of the superwoman business. But it's worth it. I never realized how invested other people are in making sure we as BW stay put. It's disheartening, however it's a new day for BW and my hope is that we can be leisurely and free and on our own schedules and timelines. Burning the cape for me looks like this: the word "No" is ingrained in my vocabulary and used often, my time is my time and I treat it like gold, I'm the last person that people ask for a "favor", sometimes I don't answer the phone or the door if I suspect it's bs coming my way, my cutoff game is elevated to an art form. ☮️ and blessings to all BW in the New Year to infinity.
I truly hope Black women are not only listening to this but also taking action. Make the decision, find your tribe and live the life you love each second of. Write your own story. You got this ❤ Thanks @stephanieperry for this important reminder.
I have been on a forced sabbatical aka layoff since October. I was struggling with the idea of not reporting to work daily and had a hard time resting the first 2 months because I felt obligated to be working. I felt like I was being looked at as a lazy woman. Now, I'm enjoying learning and living for me. I am using this time to decide what I really want to do. I refuse to apply for a job out of obligation. I am not choosing a job just because it's what others feel is a good job. If I choose to return to the workforce, I will choose a job that will allow me to feel happy and fulfilled. However, my goal is to pursue my writing and grow my healing empowerment community. I'm so glad I found your channel in September. I never thought about taking a sabbatical until then. I was in the process of planning my sabbatical when I was laid off. This layoff has been such a blessing. Thank you for creating this platform.
@@justme2272I'm blessed to be in a position where I can decide what I want my next step to be. And even if I wasn't I will downsize my life before I sacrifice my health again for any company. I'm also grateful for my husband's support.
This resonated so deeply. I’ve never made the connection of black excellence as a byproduct of white supremacy culture but it’s true! We must unmask and live freely.
I left the U.S. Burned that cape in 2006. Happy here in ease in Yaoundé, Cameroon, West Central Africa. Mother wouldn't join me, so I left her in the care of the U.S. system with other relatives.
This video has brought me to tears…and i appreciate you for it. This cape is smothering me; I’m ready to find out who I am outside the struggle. You’re such a blessing Stephanie ❤
I thought of you after Harvard’s former president resigned from her role this week. You are really preaching to the choir! Thank you, and Happy New Year 🎊
Roshida said in her video yesterday, "If you're the first Black anything, there's somebody working to make sure you're the LAST." I say we opt out. Happy New Year! 🎉
Listen, my dad used to say, when they put a black anybody in a position of power, its because sh*t is about to happen and they're setting you up to fail just to say, "See, we do believe in diversity, it's not our fault if s/he failed!!"🤦🏾♀
This is so accurate for my life. Im finding me right now. My daughter is 16 and im at the stage where i just dont feel like it anymore. I still cook and clean, transport, give love every single day BUT i no longet cook everyday. My daughter called me lazy for working in my bed and i said afyer 15+ years of giving my all, i have nothing left. Im exhausted from having to over extend.
Usually push over women are the eldest daughter/sister of a toxic family 😔😭. I learned the hard way and sometimes I still have these traits coming back but then I have to remember that it done me no good so I can revert back to being selfish again for my sanity 🙌🏾🙌🏾
I signed up for Trusted House sitters and have two interviews set up already. 👏🏾 I’ll be in the states but I’m very satisfied with exploring any place I haven’t been to.
@StephaniePerry, thank you for another timely, life saving message! I discovered you at the beginning of COVID. You and an amazing sister support circle helped me to begin my healing and freedom from Black Excellence journey. I began burning my cape in Feb. 2022 after receiving my last paycheck from a toxic job and career I stayed in for over 25 years. Then, I started a year-long career break and US nomad year in September 2023 by using your guidance, tools and resources. Now, after attending ExodUS Summit 2023, I’m preparing to start my own coaching and Voice Over Work businesses and retire as a US-International snowbird. My cape is almost gone. 😂
I plan to burn my cape in 2030. I'm in my 50s. I am a mother of an autistic adult, a daughter of a mother with cancer, a government employee and a veteran. My toxic ex left me, our son, and his belongings in 2022. I'm so exhausted that in June 2023 I had chest pain so severe that i had to drive myself to the ER. I'm exhausted and I should have buried this frigging cape years ago. I'm eligible for early retirement in 2030 but if things change sooner, I'm digging the grave for my cape early. I will continue to follow your channel. Thanks for the inspiration. 🎉
I thought about you and Roshida when Gay resigned. All of her sacrifices gone poof. Yes it’s time for us to step away from their rat race with shifting rules of play designed to dehumanize us and keep the golden key away from us. We need to be brutally honest that the system does not want us to succeed. Let’s set us free of the unworthiness produced by the daily games that they play.
Stephanie Perry, you are just amazing and phenomenal! You are a positive person that has given black ladies so much hope to take the road less traveled. Many black women have gotten US Passports and are permanently moving overseas. America is not a place for black ladies due to a plethora of reasons (racism, sexism, poverty, colorism). We are now the new face of expatriates and we doing what many black women have said: Black women are walking off THE PLANTATION OF PAIN, POVERTY, AND STRUGGLE LOVE. Thank you Stephanie Perry 😊🌏🚶🏿♀️🧳✈️
I am so ready to give it all up. My son graduates from high school June 2025. I am holding on and am preparing for my departure! This video was totally exhilarating and encouraging! I am dedicated to living for me, fully and free! Thank you for the content and representation❤
Late seeing your video. We were shopping $$$$$$ with cash $657.90 at the farmers market, went to the gym & home to bed. I never have worn a cape in my life 😂........ Eze unbothered non working spouse child FREE too, age 70 physically fit
I've been caption save my family. Mantra all 2023 was: That is not my Sh*t!!! I can hold space and give resources but I will not be responsible for other people's Sh*t
YOU ARE SO FUNNY,,,U SAID BURN THE CAPE,,,UR SO RIGHT,,,,,I GOT REALLY REALLY SICK,, TRYING TO HELP EVERYONE,, FAMILY,FREINDS,,,I WAS IN HOSPITAL THREE TIMES IN INTENSIVE CARE YEARS AGO,,, RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO BE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AND TRYING TO HELP EVERYONE AND RAISE MY DAUGHTERS AT THE SAME TIME ❤❤❤❤❤
Stephenie, I am 61 years old and I have raised my siblings my children as well as my siblings children. And I am currently raising my niece or adopted her autistic, partially blind and epileptic son. I referred to him as my grandson because I adopted his mother, who is my niece.I don’t know if I can continue this journey. I’m tired I want to leave. I want a different life I want to die.😢 I’ve never known who I am I’ve always been something and everything to everyone else.
Gather all those that you have raised who are now grown and inform them that you are tired and require them to assist with the rearing of their sibling/cousin. You absolutely need an extended break. No matter what DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Guilt is a tool of the devil. You will have achieve nothing more than a lovely obituary by trying to save your entire family. Family members need to be held accountable for their own lives and choices. This life changing shift will NOT be easy but it's necessary. Save yourself by burning the savior's cape while you still got some years of life left.
Praying and for and sending you light Sis! Remember that YOU AND YOUR LIFE MATTER. YOU ARE LOVED just as you are because you were fearfully and wonderfully made by Mother-Father God. You don’t have to sacrifice your life to love your family. 💜🕯️🙏🏾🕊️
Dearest Jazzy, bless you for the love in your heart you’ve had for others and family members. It is now time to love and care for yourself just as much as you have loved others! You must set it as a priority not to take on one more person, and it is time to make plans for the rest of your life, which does not involve caretaking. It’s funny. All of your family members get to live their lives, right? What if you started researching facilities that house autistic people? What about your niece caring for her own child? Have a family meeting with straight talk and no crying, sharing your plans, along with your research. Request that someone take over his care, and offer the disability check that he receives. If nobody steps up, then you have a decision to make. Sell your house and move to Mexico!These are just points to consider. Plz follow your heart. Blessings!♥️
Prayer for U to go forward with YOUR LIFE! One day at a time change is good writing it down your plans 61yrs is some best yrs going forward it's alright to say no I don't want to do this anymore Blessings to U and Family ❤
Exhausted. Tired. Gave way too much to family who never listened to anything that benefited me in the long run. Broke, overworked underwhelmed and overwhelmed. I’m now evolving a strategy to live the life I want.
Happy New Year's Stephanie and Global Warrian Women. WOW! I couldn't stop crying after the message I received from you today. Therefore, I thank you for keeping me focused. Peace & Luv ❤️🔥
I am working on burning the cape and deprogramming my conditioned concept that I must work harder, achieve more accomplishments, & remain extremely productive to be valuable. I am mentally burnt out and it is also taking a toll on my physical health (e.g.- obesity, migraine attacks, uterine fibroids). It is a difficult process to undue years of a learned behavior, but I will change this mindset. It is not worth the damage to my mental or physical health.
I so love, love ,love this video!! It is just like a good mental health session. You are so right and since I quit my job after planning and saving money and setting up my hobby as what I want to do, I've been so happy. I feel light as a feather everyday.
Has anyone ever told you, "I want better for you than it seems you want for yourself"? 2024 is teaching me to burn the cape. I dont know where to begin. I hate feeling like I'm dropping the people in my life. However, i do realize that the reciprocity is not seen the way I need it to be. Having a cape has required me to change while remaining the same. Change, because i have to "fit what is needed" by another person, while remaining the person that i know to be. Trying to hold things together while i should let them fall apart is old!
0:00 💥 Black women are urged to shed the pressure of being superheroes and embrace living their own lives without the societal expectations. 1:00 🗣 Stephanie Perry discusses three steps she's seen black women take to break free from the 'superhero' role imposed on them. 1:54 🌍 Stephanie shares her work helping black women take career breaks, travel, and live abroad, steering away from the cape. 3:35 🎓 Black Excellence imposes narrow societal standards on black women, emphasizing white approval, leading to exhaustion and a loss of self. 8:01 🔍 The 'cape' in black women's lives symbolizes sacrificing personal desires for others, leading to self-loss and resentment. 10:39 ✅ Step one to burn the cape: Decide what you want for yourself, which demands dedicated time and focus. 11:59 🔥 Burning the cape involves assessing personal needs and preferences, like Stephanie's choice of a peaceful life in Costa Rica. 13:19 👥 Step two: Engage with a community that values your chosen lifestyle to ease the process of attaining your desires. 14:58 😌 Fulfillment for black women can stem from ease and not necessarily from actively engaging in struggles against systemic issues. 16:56 🤝 One can stay connected and love black people without actively participating in societal struggles. 18:27 🦸 Burning the cape means discovering oneself outside of external pressures and societal roles, emphasizing self-awareness. 20:20 ✔ Encouraging black women to share their experiences shedding the 'superhero' role and embracing a life true to themselves. 21:20 📣 Sharing this message with black women who might benefit from freeing themselves from societal expectations.
I’m trying to escape Chinafornia over here, it’s slavery here and I’m as a the Black woman in my town, because there are so few of us here, trying so hard to get out😢
2:11 !!! ❤❤❤!!! Yes!!! Love this, I’ve always been this way and been judged but I do not give a damn anymore 😂😂the way my family can no longer get to me anymore is so funny & this black community shit is a waste of trying to save anyway. I’ve wiped my hands from it all! I’m my own individual!
Im thirty six years old and I have three children. I totally agree with your dialogue and I just recently quit my job Dec. 28th of last month and I'm tired of living my life based on family standards, I've been living my whole life people pleasing. I'm just tired, please help lol. I've always wanted to be a homesteader and grow my own food, ect. I just don't have the confidence within myself to do so do to all the negativity around me.
🌸💐🥰🌹🌺❄️ Happy New Year Stephanie! Your video showed up in my notifications. I really needed to hear your message just now. Against my better judgment and after I’d gone no contact with my family for Christmas I allowed my brother to talk me into going to spend 6 days with my parents in the New England family home where my mother perpetrated psychological, physical and emotional abuse. My dad was emotionally absent. Well I went and returned day after Christmas and now am sick in bed with Covid. 😢😮🤢😷 Never ever had it before. Never got sick always healthy. 😢 I’d protected myself and proud that I’d never gotten it until Mom yelled at me from upstairs to go up to dress her for dinner. She had a stroke 4 years ago and her attitude is worse, sneezing all over me she never even said “thank you” when I finished dressing her. 😤😳😡 I’m the eldest daughter. Never married. No children. Retirement age is around the corner and I’m burnt out. My dad sat me down. He is going into dementia. He said “You’re supposed to move back home and take care of us.” 🤔😏 They were never there for me when I needed help with racist high school counselors. They were too busy moving’ on up and traveling to be supportive. But quickly got mad when we all moved out to different parts of the country (my sister and brother).🎉 I left at 17 after being beaten up nearly every day by a narcissistic jealous mother. 😰They always found me showing up in NY so I could return to help them as they wanted to travel for 3 months and Mom needed me to run her hair salon, I’ve bee older sister, older daughter save a family, save a department save a fiancé find his potential only to have him cheat on me. I kicked him out. 🥺 I lost my new job in October by a former boss who was the “people officer” saving all the white people from themselves but leading by intimidating her mostly team of black women by being nasty to them. 🥵She practically wore 5 or more capes. Mad no other black woman was following her lead. She hired an incompetent director that no one respects and who doesn’t inspire nor how to lead. 🤬🤯 Yep! Your message is right on time as I lie in bed with more than a week of being sick. Thank you for your video. I want to know more. 😊
I was a caretaker for 7 yrs full-time but the difference is my Mom was appreciative. I couldn't imagine giving so much of myself to unappreciative parents. Misery can lead to elder abuse so unless the whole family is helping I wouldn't do it. Nursing home and visitation would be all I'd be willing to do.
Stephanie I was one of those people.. in the Navy for 21 years and almost 6 years working for the VA. Girl I left/resigned and burned it… last year. Now living for me in Mexico City!!!! Thank you for all that you offer and again “Thank you for your Service” as well.
CONGRATULATIONS! 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾 How are you enjoying Mexico City?
From a fellow veteran, congratulations! I hope to be in that position one day.
I love it here. I just received my TR Card today. So I am all set! It only took 3 hours. BTW I am Regina~@@StephaniePerry
How is it there?
Hi! Mexico City is thriving and growing rapidly its black expat community. There is the first black owned Soul Food Restaurant here, bustling community events, venues and such. It is the new Mecca for black entrance without prejudice. Think of New York on steroids with more than 2 billion people here. Safety isn’t an issue either. Additionally, you US dollars go a long way here. I encourage you to research Black Expats living in Mexico City. Food, music, language classes and much more to offer. Caveat.. if you are seeking a job you need to have that worked out prior to going the Mexico City. I hope this helps. People are very welcoming and friendly too. The city is always active and exciting. @@lionintu
Every thing you said hit home. I refuse to be Big Mama, sacrificing for everybody
That's right. Refuse. 💗
❤❤
@SpannaBanna Go to hell
I never rocked the cape, and folks called me selfish!😂😂😂 💅🏾 Unbothered!
That thumbnail looks like the cape is your ground zero. Lol.
Sounds like a blk single
Mother attempting to run away from her responsibilities to her children. Typical.
@All.Natural. ..that lil pic is EVERYTHING 😂 not trans chucky 🥴
Most of the people you try to save don't even appreciate what you do. And it's not reciprocated, anyway. I don't bother. Love the message.
🎯
Yep. Better to concentrate on the people who want to watch and follow your example. That doesn't require you to carry anybody on your back. I had no idea my nieces were paying attention to my approach to life. Now that they are adults, they've expressed the desire to travel and find paths to self-reliance and self-determination. Love it.
I have always known who I am. Black Excellence was “sold” to me in a very bizarre way. My parents elected to live in mostly white communities with little to no children in my age range. They also had me reading books regarding the slave trade that were well beyond my comprehension -I was six, seven, and eight years old. I refer to this time as my introduction to the horror genre. And now I’m living a nightmare I don’t know how to escape. I have spent my entire adult life looking for my Tracee Ellis Ross Girlfriend group, and I can not move forward without them…because I have no effin’ idea what I am doing.
@@janeljohnson5833Please seek therapy. You have been traumatized and dealing with PTSD. I wish you well. ❤
WHAT IF BLACK WOMEN AND MEN CAN PROCREATE WITH ALL RACES AND WE HOLD NO LEGION TO EACH OTHER. WHAT IF WE ARE BOTH GOD AND WE’RE JUST MENTALLY BOXED IN (ENSLAVED) TO THINK THAT MAKING BROWN MORE PURE HAD ANY PURPOSE, LIKE COLORS OF PAINT, YOU JUST GET MORE BROWN. GOD (whoever he is to you should have unconditional love and is not racist if he is good) YOU GOD (if good) SHOULD NOT CARE WHO WE CHOOSE TO LOVE. IF YOUR GOD CARES ABOUT SKIN COLOR, YOUR GOD IS THE DEVIL. “SATAN IS THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION.”
DON’T BE WEAPONIZED BY WHITE PPL, THEY WILL STILL PLACE THEMSELVES BEFORE US ALL THE TIME, ALL THE CHANCE THEY GET.
TRUE EMPOWERMENT COMES FROM GOD/FROM WITHIN.
TRUE EMPOWERMENT COME FROM NOTHING. POWER IS A WEAPON AND ITS NOT IN OUT NATURE TO LOVE/WANT/NEED POWER.
WE HAD SPEARE AND ARROWS. WE NEVER MADE “THE GUN” OR “NUCLEAR BOMBS”. THEY ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL WHEN WE FINALLY CHPOSE TO FULL DROWN THEM OUT AND WPRK TOGETHER.
THEY ARE USING THE INTERNET TO MONITOR & MONETIZE OUR EVERY MOVE.
SPEND TIME ALONE AND OFF THE WEB. ITS NOT FOR YOUR PERSONAL LIFE. THE INTERNET IS JUST ANOTHER REALM OF CONTROL.
No longer the savior or servant. Get free, Black women‼️❤️
Black women need to understand that we hold all of the leverage in this circumstance. We have always been expected to give our everything to people who return to us nothing. Those who expect us to wear capes can argue, be uncomfortable, or get mad all they want....at the end of the day, no one can control black women's behavior but us. I burnt the cape years ago, people lashing out and gaslighting me certainly won't make me put the cape back on again.
Their demons are going to come out even more. I’m glad we are waking up. ❤
YOU'RE RIGHT! that YT MAN you CAPE FOR 24/7 don't have to give you 1 red cent and you have NO PROBLEM CRAWLING on ALL 4S for him. With actions like that, you can KEEP THAT ISH PUSHEN! I MEANT TO SPELL IT THAT WAY before you cherry-pick that spelling!
Live your own healthy beautiful life
My daughter has been telling me for years she's leaving the US she's 23 almost done with nursing school and she's leaving. I'm 911 dispatcher and decided I'm going too. I hope to connect with you ladies
Can I catch a ride with y'all?
@@MCLottotv you can but you CAN soar independently. Good luck
Where did you decide to go?
I was sister save my family. I burned the cape by going no contact with my toxic family, leaving toxic people (black, white, etc.) & places. & Began truly healing through Somatic Experiencing (nervous system & body) therapy & Equine therapy. My health all around is SO much better! ❤
I'm so glad you're healing and thriving! 💗
I had to cut our 3 family members, one of whom in her "nice mood," said to me explaining why another sis didnt' like me "well what have you done LATELY!!!" screaming at me...this is a long line of meanness from that particular family member.
estranged for over 20 years with my mom. feels great
I'm in the estrangement camp too, it's hard sometimes, but I wouldn't swap my peace of mind and heart for anything in the world.
You had me at Somatic Experiencing 🙌🏾 Life changing!
I love to see black women spread these kinds of messages. _Everybody_ treats us like we're the enforcers, as if they think we're meant to step in whenever they need us to fight their battles. I *refuse.*
@ccb6013 Yes! I have an Arab colleague just like this.. a woman.. I didn’t know until fairly recently that Arabs are considered white. So this arab/white woman constantly finds herself under somebody’s foot being walked on .. and I’ll tell you why: her own darn cape wearin self. I understand; her culture and conditioning set her up for perpetual servitude. And that’s HER business. She keeps roping me into her fights and I keep shutting her down. Annoying af. She’s sweet as pie but good Lordt; the pathology is real. And I absolutely refuse. My company consistently lets me know how little it values me.. and I consistently reciprocate energy. Total energy vampires - bof’ em! 🤭😂
Too many of my friends have died, got sick, disabled.....but they refuse to burn the cape,....my Aunty told me when i get ready to leave, just leave,....because " they dont understand kno way, you cant take them with you kno way, " they good where there at"......❤
Some of them will understand later. But we can't wait.
Two of my best friends in academia-one GOT CHRONIC ILLNESS LUPUS, the other got sick/overweight to feel good by overeating and then needed surgery, both very high performers. I QUIT ACADEMIA it's been hard but my mental health is better.
@@StephaniePerry Exactly, your absolutely right,... Denise can't wait, and Denise deserves to live her Best life out loud 💯
@@YogaBlissDancewhat role in academia do they have? Professors, directors?
@@YogaBlissDanceAcademia is riddled in racism. It’s only a matter time until you burn out due to stress and prejudices.
I told my daughter NO on New Year's Day and told her NO is going to my response 99 % of the time from now on,
Loving Me ❤
And "No." is a complete sentence. 💗
Good for you. Random, What did she want?
@@shawnlove4502
MONEY, of course. Lol
@bebe553 lol ha I should of guess that.
Sounds like a bunch of blk single mothers attempting to run away from their responsibilities to their children. Typical.
Told my husband yrs ago I'm not no super woman
So glad you did! 💗
Good for you! The group we most "cape" for is males, particularly Black males.
One more thing... I did just get thousands of dollars in student loans forgiven. So happy about that. Of course that got me thinking even harder about how I can leave my job sooner than later.
How did you get your loans forgiven?
The million dollar question!
Biden
Don't quit your job until you are financially stable.
Thanks to Joe Biden ❤️
We Black Women do Love and Thank You, Stephanie.
I feel the love and I love you too. 💗 💗 💗
I had platinum status in the Sister Save-a-Situation Club. I was the "go-to" person for all sorts of difficult situations. I was an expert at attaching myself to difficult friendships, jobs, romantic relationships, and often traveled up the rough side of the mountain carrying other people's backpacks.
My exit was gradual at first. I gave up platinum status, then left the club altogether.
These days, I allow maximum ease and flow in my ease and flow. I don't travel on the rough side of anything. I look to do as little as possible. 😊
Same...and when I needed help, those people were suddenly non-existent, too busy, or (insert excuse). I had to learn the hard way, but my cape is very much burned and buried!!!!!
I wish you lots of luck 😊
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
@@apara2005this 🙌
I have detoxed from my family since 2017. My mother can’t understand how I can travel the world but skip them for holidays and such. I value my peace and my sanity so I refused to be around ppl who hate me
It's sad when families are full of toxicity. There is nothing more gratifying to me than to see families enjoying each other and having healthy interactions between generations.
May your family get the therapy they need.
I am 34 right now but my cape burning began at age 24 and finally was completed at 33. I was so invested in the community. I tutored Black children of all ages for 11 years. I created artwork and workbooks about Black history. I painted three murals for the community (all of them destroyed). I worked for at least five to six Black-owned businesses (a catering company, a bookstore, a health store, a CZcamsr, and a lawyer). I was subjected to so much verbal or mental abuse. One of the jobs didn't pay me three times in a row and I lost my apartment. Out of the three Black male bosses that I had only one didn't harrass or physically assault me. I kept meeting scammers and hypocrites but for some reason I still held onto belief in the community. I housed at least 6 to 7 Black people at different times for free in my tiny one bedroom apartment, now where are they now? I had two Black couples that I would give snacks to. They broke into my home and stole the food from my fridge. I had people not paying me or trying to underpay me. But the final straw has been the past two years. I started getting threatened by BM on the train and bus. I had two different ones grab my hair and the other try to push me because I wouldn't give him my number. I started wearing a headscarf even though I am not very religious because I was tired of being judged about my hair. I am completely disillusioned and all I want to do is be in nature and invest in myself. I am in the process of trying to get a work-from-home job because I am tired of being harassed, bullied and criticized by my own people. I still invest in the Black people I believe in but definitely NOT as much as I used to. I used to give counseling, money, food, stitching clothes, giving my skills and making excuses for people. I don't need to play this toxic game anymore and I am not sorry. I stopped marching too. Now my main focus is healing myself and creating peace. I have been concentrating on making more money as well.
Sounds like you have been suffering from toxic empathy. Users can spot your low self esteem and vulnerability a mile away. I don't think you are accustomed to being respected, and it shows. Please get in therapy to find out why you tolerate this and to begin to truly value yourself. 🙏 ❤
My silly self was cap'tn save everybody and ignore my self. No more! I Helped e'rybdy and wasnt looked at as worthy unless i did so much for the "community" or producing something in or for the "community". I got sucked into the conscious community Pan African community. I'm currently trying to get out totally while keeping some of the ideology but not killing myself to be "sister save a race" Some only see you as useful if you can be a soldier warrior even the women. It's a very patriarchal existence. I joined the African organizations to fight the man and be a Pan African. For the people in that community I felt like I just existing and overly angry. I'm very clear on Yt Supremacy. Many don't really love you (in that community) unless you are being useful to them. It's all ego based. Unfortunately you are what you can produce for the entire race in those circles..
You have no idea how much this means to me. For 18 years, I've been saving family, church, companies, people and I just literally prayed about this the other day and told Yah I don't want to be anyone's savior. I want to be at ease, to travel, to rest. It took a school I worked for to rob me of my time, my talent and treasure for me to WAKE UP. I can't do it anymore. Thank you.
I'm so glad that I've never done any of this. I worry about me and mine, I refuse to "save" a community, march, put anyone on my back, scream for everyone's cause, vote the way I'm "supposed" to, etc. Working on retiring in the next 5 years and living in a lovely cottage doing my own thing. Live and love your life, your families, and friends that matter, but do you ladies.
Sooo you'd rather vote for people oppressing you ??🤦🏽♀️ Idiotic rebel without a cause
More than 25 years ago Ophra did a segment about women learning to say No. I was very young, but her words and the philosophy settled down deep into my soul. It was years and years before I traced my utter willingness to say NO back to her words. I'm a "no" girl when that's how I'm feeling and it takes my spouse to truly explain how ingrained it is for me. When I say No, everyone knows I mean it and I love that for me 💅🏽
NO is a complete sentence! ❤
Yes that segment helped me a lot.
Great content, Stephanie! Please continue to shout this message from the rooftop!🗣️ I retired from both the military reserves and the federal government and I have been told that I need to “keep working or stay busy” even though I receive three retirement checks (which includes social security). I am wondering why some Black people think we need to work ourselves to death while other people are retiring “work-free”.🤷🏾 ( I guess I will have to be the work-free “possibility model” for those who are watching me rest/enjoy my life.💁🏾♀️)
Enjoy collecting those checks and doing as little as possible. 💗 Show 'em how it's done.
I’ve had random people expect for me to butt in and defend them simply bc I’m a black woman. I’ve had people get visibly upset with me when I don’t defend/rescue them. I’m not doing it.
📣📣This is a Public Service Announcement 💯💯👏🏿👏🏿
THIS is the message for 2024 and BEYOND!
“Fulfillment doesn’t require struggle.” That is a word!! Felt that in my core….I needed this video. Thank you so much.
Stephanie thank you so much for your content! I’ve been with USPS for 26 years as a carrier. After finding you I’ve taken a less paying much easier position. I’m embracing my soft era! No more working overtime! I’m adjusting my lifestyle to work part time and focus on me!!!!❤
Good for you! I also work for the USPS as a clerk for 8 years. So many of the carriers broke down physically and mentally and they’ve invested 20-30 years! Most of them are married and can afford to retire. Just don’t make no sense to me. I’m a 63 year old divorcee and trying to figure out a way to get out asap. 🙏🏽
@@Msterri4u you are so right! I’ve been to physical therapy 3 times during my career. I’m 53 and 5ft. I have no business working 10 hrs a day while delivering packages taller than me. I’ve transferred into a PTF window clerk position with 24 hrs a week. I’m in semi retirement. I’m fully retiring in 2027! 🙌🏽
2024 has been declared: Me, Myself, and I. My main issue was to detox myself from toxic family members. A situation where, this is what you can for me, and to hell what you want!. Ive figured out so much about myself. You can be alone, but not lonely. Thank you for all you do. Happy New Year!
Yes! So true!
A sabbatical will change your LIFE 🙌🏾. I’ve been on a sabbatical for the last 20 months which has taken me through a range of emotions and have had many epiphanies. I’ve unplugged from placing expectations onto others who don’t live in my house, I don’t allow others to put their expectations onto me and I don’t subscribe to US beauty standards. I feel so free and will be even more free once I get my health back on track and pay off my debts in December of this year! Thanks for the reminder and inspiration Stephanie ❤
💖
This is fantastic- where did you go for your sabbatical?
A blueprint for Black women living! Thank you Stephanie for the cogent, actionable, and inspired permission to LIVE 🌺
I am beyond ready to take off the cape and to leave my job. I can do an early retirement but the pension monthly payments will be reduced. I do have saving and some investments but i just purchased a house. 😳 I feel so caught up but i keep coming back to these videos for motivation and ideas! ❤️
Would you consider selling the house, taking the reduced pension, and moving abroad to a less expensive country where your money goes much further?
the way my anxiety, overthinking and stress went away as i watched this video. you are helping my cultivate peace/ start my journey towards a lifetime of peace and fulfilling my dreams.
thank you!
Yes left that behind over two years ago…if I don’t want to do it I say NO I see what Black Excellence has done to the women in my family and I will not do the same on the job or at home 😊😊😊I am so happy that I found this community
Being there for others wouldn’t be a thing if it was reciprocated. I never would’ve believed I’d see our community cease to exist bc so many took love out and refused to put any back in.
I burned my cape years ago, but I feel like Michael Corleone in the Godfather. Everytime you think you're out they keep pulling you back in, lol. It takes work to stay out of the superwoman business. But it's worth it. I never realized how invested other people are in making sure we as BW stay put. It's disheartening, however it's a new day for BW and my hope is that we can be leisurely and free and on our own schedules and timelines. Burning the cape for me looks like this: the word "No" is ingrained in my vocabulary and used often, my time is my time and I treat it like gold, I'm the last person that people ask for a "favor", sometimes I don't answer the phone or the door if I suspect it's bs coming my way, my cutoff game is elevated to an art form. ☮️ and blessings to all BW in the New Year to infinity.
I truly hope Black women are not only listening to this but also taking action. Make the decision, find your tribe and live the life you love each second of. Write your own story. You got this ❤ Thanks @stephanieperry for this important reminder.
I'm always here for a message about burning the cape! It's about time we let folks figure out their own issues
🎯 exactly
I have been on a forced sabbatical aka layoff since October. I was struggling with the idea of not reporting to work daily and had a hard time resting the first 2 months because I felt obligated to be working. I felt like I was being looked at as a lazy woman. Now, I'm enjoying learning and living for me. I am using this time to decide what I really want to do. I refuse to apply for a job out of obligation. I am not choosing a job just because it's what others feel is a good job. If I choose to return to the workforce, I will choose a job that will allow me to feel happy and fulfilled. However, my goal is to pursue my writing and grow my healing empowerment community. I'm so glad I found your channel in September. I never thought about taking a sabbatical until then. I was in the process of planning my sabbatical when I was laid off. This layoff has been such a blessing. Thank you for creating this platform.
You must have alot of money saved and don't need to work. That's good.🤔
@@justme2272I'm blessed to be in a position where I can decide what I want my next step to be. And even if I wasn't I will downsize my life before I sacrifice my health again for any company. I'm also grateful for my husband's support.
This resonated so deeply. I’ve never made the connection of black excellence as a byproduct of white supremacy culture but it’s true! We must unmask and live freely.
…and just to think that you are set up in a losing game is insane!🤯🤯🤯
I left the U.S. Burned that cape in 2006. Happy here in ease in Yaoundé, Cameroon, West Central Africa. Mother wouldn't join me, so I left her in the care of the U.S. system with other relatives.
This entire video is the TRUTH!!!
Thanks so much for watching! 💗
This video has brought me to tears…and i appreciate you for it. This cape is smothering me; I’m ready to find out who I am outside the struggle. You’re such a blessing Stephanie ❤
Y’all been talking about burning this “cape “ since 2019 and before that too
Yes, the tears are flowing.
@@Marleydavis8 Thankfully it’s still being discussed so we all can keep learning and healing.
@@BonnieCreoleSpiritAgreed. It may take a while to deprogram a lifetime of brainwashing. And let's not forget the intergenerational trauma.
@@GooniesGirl Amen! 🧡
Very well said, Stephanie. Enjoy your life and embrace ease. OUT LOUD!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
OUT LOUD Nellie!! 💗💗
love Qq
been living the life "I" want within responsibilites. im the black sheep and estranged and thats fine with me!!
Good for you!
I thought of you after Harvard’s former president resigned from her role this week. You are really preaching to the choir! Thank you, and Happy New Year 🎊
Roshida said in her video yesterday, "If you're the first Black anything, there's somebody working to make sure you're the LAST." I say we opt out. Happy New Year! 🎉
🎯 Same, I thought about Stephanie’s videos as well.
@@StephaniePerry🙌🏾
Listen, my dad used to say, when they put a black anybody in a position of power, its because sh*t is about to happen and they're setting you up to fail just to say, "See, we do believe in diversity, it's not our fault if s/he failed!!"🤦🏾♀
I hope they find another black woman who is not an antisemite and a plagiarist.
I said Bye Felicia!
This is so accurate for my life. Im finding me right now. My daughter is 16 and im at the stage where i just dont feel like it anymore. I still cook and clean, transport, give love every single day BUT i no longet cook everyday. My daughter called me lazy for working in my bed and i said afyer 15+ years of giving my all, i have nothing left. Im exhausted from having to over extend.
Usually push over women are the eldest daughter/sister of a toxic family 😔😭. I learned the hard way and sometimes I still have these traits coming back but then I have to remember that it done me no good so I can revert back to being selfish again for my sanity 🙌🏾🙌🏾
The irony of success being measured by how much wyt people can exploit you and get rich through your labor and capital. Enough of THAT b.s.!
I signed up for Trusted House sitters and have two interviews set up already. 👏🏾 I’ll be in the states but I’m very satisfied with exploring any place I haven’t been to.
@StephaniePerry, thank you for another timely, life saving message!
I discovered you at the beginning of COVID. You and an amazing sister support circle helped me to begin my healing and freedom from Black Excellence journey. I began burning my cape in Feb. 2022 after receiving my last paycheck from a toxic job and career I stayed in for over 25 years. Then, I started a year-long career break and US nomad year in September 2023 by using your guidance, tools and resources. Now, after attending ExodUS Summit 2023, I’m preparing to start my own coaching and Voice Over Work businesses and retire as a US-International snowbird. My cape is almost gone. 😂
I plan to burn my cape in 2030. I'm in my 50s. I am a mother of an autistic adult, a daughter of a mother with cancer, a government employee and a veteran. My toxic ex left me, our son, and his belongings in 2022. I'm so exhausted that in June 2023 I had chest pain so severe that i had to drive myself to the ER. I'm exhausted and I should have buried this frigging cape years ago. I'm eligible for early retirement in 2030 but if things change sooner, I'm digging the grave for my cape early. I will continue to follow your channel. Thanks for the inspiration. 🎉
I empathize with you. Do you have respite services for your son and how is your mom doing under the circumstances?
I’m ready Stephanie!! If people are not donning the cape for me, I’m not doing it for them. My goal is nourish those who nourish me. Dassit.
Happy New Year Stephanie 🌹
I donated my cape to the Goodwill
Happy New Year! 🎉 Good riddance to that cape.
@@StephaniePerry
IKR 😆😂😭🤣
😂😂😂
You are a gem. I am 41, and I quit my toxic job.
I thought about you and Roshida when Gay resigned. All of her sacrifices gone poof. Yes it’s time for us to step away from their rat race with shifting rules of play designed to dehumanize us and keep the golden key away from us. We need to be brutally honest that the system does not want us to succeed. Let’s set us free of the unworthiness produced by the daily games that they play.
Stephanie Perry, you are just amazing and phenomenal! You are a positive person that has given black ladies so much hope to take the road less traveled. Many black women have gotten US Passports and are permanently moving overseas. America is not a place for black ladies due to a plethora of reasons (racism, sexism, poverty, colorism). We are now the new face of expatriates and we doing what many black women have said: Black women are walking off THE PLANTATION OF PAIN, POVERTY, AND STRUGGLE LOVE.
Thank you Stephanie Perry 😊🌏🚶🏿♀️🧳✈️
I am so ready to give it all up. My son graduates from high school June 2025. I am holding on and am preparing for my departure! This video was totally exhilarating and encouraging! I am dedicated to living for me, fully and free! Thank you for the content and representation❤
Late seeing your video. We were shopping $$$$$$ with cash $657.90 at the farmers market, went to the gym & home to bed. I never have worn a cape in my life 😂........ Eze unbothered non working spouse child FREE too, age 70 physically fit
This video deserves a standing ovation! TY and Happy 2024🎉
I love this video i watch it often to keep me focused and on track of my goals. I’m in my selfish season and it feels damn good .
I needed this message today! I've gotta make changes in my life for rest and ease.
…Sis! ❤️👏
Exactly. It’s not my job to save everybody from the rigors of life - it’s my job to save myself from the rigors of life (and I do).
👸🏻
I've been caption save my family. Mantra all 2023 was: That is not my Sh*t!!! I can hold space and give resources but I will not be responsible for other people's Sh*t
59 years old and I'm done trying to be a super-hero. My cape is tattered and torn but I burned it. Wonder woman can have her job back.
take the cape off and stretch your wings is exactly what I needed to hear at the beginning of 2024 💕
Stephanie, these are words of wisdom! Great video! Happy New Year! ❤️
Happy New Year Charlesetta! 💗
YOU ARE SO FUNNY,,,U SAID BURN THE CAPE,,,UR SO RIGHT,,,,,I GOT REALLY REALLY SICK,, TRYING TO HELP EVERYONE,, FAMILY,FREINDS,,,I WAS IN HOSPITAL THREE TIMES IN INTENSIVE CARE YEARS AGO,,, RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO BE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AND TRYING TO HELP EVERYONE AND RAISE MY DAUGHTERS AT THE SAME TIME ❤❤❤❤❤
Depleted and then who will save us?
"They're never gonna respect you!" Facts!
Excellent Video!! My social justice warrior days got me nothing and nowhere! I’m now resting heavy into comfort and ease. 💅
Take that Cape off and let that man lead. We got you baby. ❤
I’m retiring in January 2025. Period. I’m riding my new bike every other day not working 8 hours a day no longer
Stephanie looks younger every time I click on a video. That's a testament in itself !
Stephenie, I am 61 years old and I have raised my siblings my children as well as my siblings children. And I am currently raising my niece or adopted her autistic, partially blind and epileptic son. I referred to him as my grandson because I adopted his mother, who is my niece.I don’t know if I can continue this journey. I’m tired I want to leave. I want a different life I want to die.😢 I’ve never known who I am I’ve always been something and everything to everyone else.
❤
Gather all those that you have raised who are now grown and inform them that you are tired and require them to assist with the rearing of their sibling/cousin. You absolutely need an extended break.
No matter what DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Guilt is a tool of the devil. You will have achieve nothing more than a lovely obituary by trying to save your entire family. Family members need to be held accountable for their own lives and choices. This life changing shift will NOT be easy but it's necessary. Save yourself by burning the savior's cape while you still got some years of life left.
Praying and for and sending you light Sis! Remember that YOU AND YOUR LIFE MATTER. YOU ARE LOVED just as you are because you were fearfully and wonderfully made by Mother-Father God. You don’t have to sacrifice your life to love your family. 💜🕯️🙏🏾🕊️
Dearest Jazzy, bless you for the love in your heart you’ve had for others and family members. It is now time to love and care for yourself just as much as you have loved others! You must set it as a priority not to take on one more person, and it is time to make plans for the rest of your life, which does not involve caretaking. It’s funny. All of your family members get to live their lives, right? What if you started researching facilities that house autistic people? What about your niece caring for her own child? Have a family meeting with straight talk and no crying, sharing your plans, along with your research. Request that someone take over his care, and offer the disability check that he receives. If nobody steps up, then you have a decision to make. Sell your house and move to Mexico!These are just points to consider. Plz follow your heart. Blessings!♥️
Prayer for U to go forward with YOUR LIFE! One day at a time change is good writing it down your plans 61yrs is some best yrs going forward it's alright to say no I don't want to do this anymore Blessings to U and Family ❤
Exhausted. Tired. Gave way too much to family who never listened to anything that benefited me in the long run. Broke, overworked
underwhelmed and overwhelmed. I’m now evolving a strategy to live the life I want.
So spot on, love your videos 💜 speaking the truth 👏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you!! 💗
Oh I been took that Cape off!!... That's why they look at me funny...🤷🏾♀️😂😂💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Happy New Year's Stephanie and Global Warrian Women. WOW! I couldn't stop crying after the message I received from you today. Therefore, I thank you for keeping me focused. Peace & Luv ❤️🔥
I am working on burning the cape and deprogramming my conditioned concept that I must work harder, achieve more accomplishments, & remain extremely productive to be valuable. I am mentally burnt out and it is also taking a toll on my physical health (e.g.- obesity, migraine attacks, uterine fibroids).
It is a difficult process to undue years of a learned behavior, but I will change this mindset. It is not worth the damage to my mental or physical health.
I burnt the cape in 2023.
So did I! Very happy that I did!🙌🏽
Thank you soooooooo Much!! This video literally was ONTIME!!! WONT HE DO IT!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤
Good evening Stephanie! Thank you for this reality check...
Good evening! Thanks for watching! I hope it's helpful. 💗
I'm at the point where im getting my coin right, Health right, ...its libertaring, to work towards ur goal.😊
I'm currently, sister save a friend .... I'm tired .. Thank you for this video 🎉
Wonderful perspective, wonderful reminders. Thank you Stephanie, you are fire!
I so love, love ,love this video!! It is just like a good mental health session. You are so right and since I quit my job after planning and saving money and setting up my hobby as what I want to do, I've been so happy. I feel light as a feather everyday.
Has anyone ever told you, "I want better for you than it seems you want for yourself"? 2024 is teaching me to burn the cape. I dont know where to begin. I hate feeling like I'm dropping the people in my life. However, i do realize that the reciprocity is not seen the way I need it to be. Having a cape has required me to change while remaining the same. Change, because i have to "fit what is needed" by another person, while remaining the person that i know to be. Trying to hold things together while i should let them fall apart is old!
0:00 💥 Black women are urged to shed the pressure of being superheroes and embrace living their own lives without the societal expectations.
1:00 🗣 Stephanie Perry discusses three steps she's seen black women take to break free from the 'superhero' role imposed on them.
1:54 🌍 Stephanie shares her work helping black women take career breaks, travel, and live abroad, steering away from the cape.
3:35 🎓 Black Excellence imposes narrow societal standards on black women, emphasizing white approval, leading to exhaustion and a loss of self.
8:01 🔍 The 'cape' in black women's lives symbolizes sacrificing personal desires for others, leading to self-loss and resentment.
10:39 ✅ Step one to burn the cape: Decide what you want for yourself, which demands dedicated time and focus.
11:59 🔥 Burning the cape involves assessing personal needs and preferences, like Stephanie's choice of a peaceful life in Costa Rica.
13:19 👥 Step two: Engage with a community that values your chosen lifestyle to ease the process of attaining your desires.
14:58 😌 Fulfillment for black women can stem from ease and not necessarily from actively engaging in struggles against systemic issues.
16:56 🤝 One can stay connected and love black people without actively participating in societal struggles.
18:27 🦸 Burning the cape means discovering oneself outside of external pressures and societal roles, emphasizing self-awareness.
20:20 ✔ Encouraging black women to share their experiences shedding the 'superhero' role and embracing a life true to themselves.
21:20 📣 Sharing this message with black women who might benefit from freeing themselves from societal expectations.
Viewing the replay in the future. Happy New Year 2024.
I’m trying to escape Chinafornia over here, it’s slavery here and I’m as a the Black woman in my town, because there are so few of us here, trying so hard to get out😢
2:11 !!! ❤❤❤!!! Yes!!! Love this, I’ve always been this way and been judged but I do not give a damn anymore 😂😂the way my family can no longer get to me anymore is so funny & this black community shit is a waste of trying to save anyway. I’ve wiped my hands from it all! I’m my own individual!
READY! Thank you Stephanie ❤
Happy Blessed New Year!🎉❤
I needed to hear this. 😅
Finally i have permission from a reputable source🎉🎉🎉 Happy new year 🎉🎉🎉
YOU'RE the reputable source. Give yourself permission and go. 💗 💗 Happy New Year! 🎉 🎉
Thanks Stephanie!! What a great reminder ❤
Thank you Stephanie for that message, i like when u say u can just stand there,and somebody is trying to put the cape back on.facts,everyday.
Im thirty six years old and I have three children. I totally agree with your dialogue and I just recently quit my job Dec. 28th of last month and I'm tired of living my life based on family standards, I've been living my whole life people pleasing. I'm just tired, please help lol. I've always wanted to be a homesteader and grow my own food, ect. I just don't have the confidence within myself to do so do to all the negativity around me.
I never had a cape. Folks was on their own…period!
Fulfillment in Ease! My new motto! I was Sister Save a Family! Finally taking the cape off! Thank you
🌸💐🥰🌹🌺❄️ Happy New Year Stephanie! Your video showed up in my notifications. I really needed to hear your message just now. Against my better judgment and after I’d gone no contact with my family for Christmas I allowed my brother to talk me into going to spend 6 days with my parents in the New England family home where my mother perpetrated psychological, physical and emotional abuse. My dad was emotionally absent. Well I went and returned day after Christmas and now am sick in bed with Covid. 😢😮🤢😷 Never ever had it before. Never got sick always healthy. 😢
I’d protected myself and proud that I’d never gotten it until Mom yelled at me from upstairs to go up to dress her for dinner. She had a stroke 4 years ago and her attitude is worse, sneezing all over me she never even said “thank you” when I finished dressing her. 😤😳😡
I’m the eldest daughter. Never married. No children. Retirement age is around the corner and I’m burnt out.
My dad sat me down. He is going into dementia. He said “You’re supposed to move back home and take care of us.” 🤔😏
They were never there for me when I needed help with racist high school counselors. They were too busy moving’ on up and traveling to be supportive. But quickly got mad when we all moved out to different parts of the country (my sister and brother).🎉
I left at 17 after being beaten up nearly every day by a narcissistic jealous mother. 😰They always found me showing up in NY so I could return to help them as they wanted to travel for 3 months and Mom needed me to run her hair salon, I’ve bee older sister, older daughter save a family, save a department save a fiancé find his potential only to have him cheat on me. I kicked him out. 🥺
I lost my new job in October by a former boss who was the “people officer” saving all the white people from themselves but leading by intimidating her mostly team of black women by being nasty to them. 🥵She practically wore 5 or more capes. Mad no other black woman was following her lead. She hired an incompetent director that no one respects and who doesn’t inspire nor how to lead. 🤬🤯
Yep! Your message is right on time as I lie in bed with more than a week of being sick. Thank you for your video. I want to know more. 😊
Sometimes illness is a way of your body signaling you to take both a mental and physical break. Blessings for a speedy recovery!🌻
I wish you healing in every way, and hope that full peace is around the bend for you!
Much rest to you, peace, and know that your life is for YOU to decide how to live it. ❤
Your parents need care but he doesn't want to do it so he is trying to convince you to do it.
I was a caretaker for 7 yrs full-time but the difference is my Mom was appreciative. I couldn't imagine giving so much of myself to unappreciative parents. Misery can lead to elder abuse so unless the whole family is helping I wouldn't do it. Nursing home and visitation would be all I'd be willing to do.
Love You, Love the message and LOVE how you address all of us as “Black Women”-so endearing❤
Beautiful message Stephanie! Happy New Years