5 Things You Should Never Say to an Autistic Child (or ANY child).
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- čas přidán 26. 05. 2014
- **EDIT: This video was made 10 years ago before the history of the term "Aspergers" was well-known and before it was removed to be replaced by Autism. I am keeping the video up because the information applies, but please know I am aware of the usage and have adapted my language moving forward.
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"Calm down." Instant hot button for me. Especially if I already am calm. It does the total opposite.
Ho0ly Parents seem to be experts at using reverse psychology without realizing it, don't they?
That and Shut Up. This also provoked my ire.
+Matt Hatter Shut up is just plain rude. Provokes me period.
+Holly Handgrenade Oh, and don't get me started on, "why are you angry?" I wasn't angry, but now I most definitely am!
I've heard my parents say "Shut up" or "Be quiet" which angers me and it's a trigger. If you can't tell already, I have a lot of hatrid for my parents because ever since autism ruined my life, it felt worse about myself and can't seem to know how to handle me.
"Stop overreacting!" My dad's favourite thing to say to me, just like "stop crying" as if it's a choice...
Im sorry but your dad seems to be ignorant and should have time to understand you were.
A parent should never say that to any child especially when they have autism and other things that make it even more tough for them in life crying isn't a bad thing especially when you're actually feeling sad of frustrated and you should be able to show your emotions instead of just having to keep them all bottled up and then eventually explode from all the stress and pain you had to hide inside of you and you or someone should tell your father how to treat you and what he should and shouldn't say it's not okay for a parent to behave in such a horrible manner he needs to be more educated about autism and learn how to treat you like a living person who has just as much right to be happy and respected as everyone else would you like to be treated and he needs to remember that as a parent he should make you feel safe and make sure you know how much you are loved by your family and friends if he continues this you should tell someone that will actually help with your problems like maybe your mother or if she doesn't help try to find another adult who cares about you and your well being I hope your ignorant father learns to see that his actions are not good for your mental health and that he is emotionally hurting you and your self esteem and I hope your not mad at me calling your father ignorant if so I apologise for that and will let you tell me if I should have used a nicer word or if you think I should have called him something different or more mean than calling him ignorant tell me please. And I want you to know that there are people who actually care about you and will try to understand you and help you through tough times and I wish I could be of more help but all I can do is try to give you emotional support and let you know that we are here for you and know how you feel and understand the struggles of the life you live in and that some of us try to educate people about things like this and try to prevent people who suffer from autism from being mistreated and abused and be able to get help and be happy for the amazing people that they are and not worry about what other evil and cruel people think of you. And remember your the way you are for a reason god made you different from others so you can be more unique then the rest of the people in the world and teach others that god dose this so we can admire your strength and will to be good person and be successful despite what others may say and one day they will regret what they did to you and ask you for forgiveness and feel a extreme weight of guilt and you must always remember that success is the best revenge to prove them how wrong about you they were. God bless you and may you have a easier time with your struggles in life.
Same. Also "why are you crying?" (while I´m trying to not start crying) like if I were overreacting
My dad said your too sensitive and he defends himself I just want him listen to my point. He just tells me that I am wrong example "I am not yelling I am talking over ur crying"
My dad's favorite too, well, until I dug my nine inch nails into his back and tore the f8cking shirt right off of him! (I also pushed his ruddy a$$ off the garage stairs and he schreamed like a wittle girl!) Hey crying is better than tomorrow somebody dying.
6th thing to not say:
"It's not THAT bad/it's not that hard."
Thomas Berge true!
Tommy Taylor Berge oh my gosh I've heard this one so many times at my old school the assistant teacher who is usually supposed to help students if needed always said that to me I tend to get anxious and upset when I can't understand the question on my math homework I've always had trouble in school and my struggles with autism as well as my ADHD makes me unable to focus sometimes I always ask the assistant teacher for help with almost half of my work and he always says that I need to stop asking for help so much because other students might need help as well and I know that I'm not trying to keep others from getting help sometimes he won't even help me and I was tired of raising my hand and decided to go up to him and ask him for help I asked him in a very polite and calm respectful tone and he took me outside of the classroom and got angry at me and yell at me and said that it shouldn't be so difficult for me and said if I paid attention in class I wouldn't be so dumb but I actually do pay attention to the lessons and try to understand the best I can he said it was amazing how I even past the 2nd grade and said I should be in a school that is for the retarded kids I just stood there and cried as he was ranting on and on and then I said that he's the real stupid one and that he should be more educated on how to treat others and about the struggles some people like me have to live with and that he was a disgusting person later I told my mom about it and the next day she went to the school and demanded an explanation and an apology from the teacher he said he was very sorry for his actions and only did it because he was upset and having a stressful week he wanted to make it up to me and my mother and I agreed that he should make it up to me by letting me and my family educate him on autism and other disorders and promise never to say such things ever again I'm glad that he knew what he said was wrong and was willing to learn how to handle students with conditions like mine properly and he even arrange a yearly event where all the students gather together to be educated about autism and how to treat them as you would like to be treated and raise awareness since then I have a easier time in school and don't get picked on as much anymore and I think all schools should teach the staff teachers and students about this kind of thing and learn that we may function a bit different but we aren't dumb and we understand things and have emotions just like others but we just understand them a bit different from the way other students do. Sorry it's so long of a comment I just wanted to explain the whole story and those who did read all of this thanks for taking your time to read my experience with these problems your all beautiful people and don't let anyone tell you otherwise and keep on being you and being happy to be yourself.
As someone on the spectrum and unusually intelligent, I’ve unfortunately been guilty of that. I’d get angry and impatient with people not getting stuff that came easily to me when I was little. Took a bit to learn that the obvious to me could be totally foreign to others. Slights like saying it’s not that hard took a bit longer to remove from my vocabulary. I occasionally still am surprised by the intellectual functioning gap. I remember learning a couple years ago that other people don’t always keep rough maps of an area in their head after being around a couple times. - Also how few people understand directions with cardinal directions without prior prompting: It’s just a less ambiguous system! - Studying philosophy among other things really spelled out the common failure to think straight (I’m guilty of that too, of course).
That one really makes me angry especially when my parents say it to me
Generally, don't say that about anything someone is going through.
"You are perfectly normal " has me wanting to throw bricks.
aka for "please shut up about your so-called disability!" They don't want to see it nor hear about it.
'You look normal so you can't be disabled' makes me want to scream. I have spent a lot of my life, both before and after my Asperger diagnosis, being seriously jealous of Down Syndrome kids because at least they can see the reason they are bullied and rejected every time they look in the mirror. Me - I see someone who looks perfectly normal back can't make myself acceptable no matter how hard I try. We Aspergers seem to be becoming the new vermin caste of society.
As a parent I've had the most ignorant remarks . A stranger once told me to put my son who has Aspergers to military school, because that would take the Asperger's off him.... I told him he should be the one to join because that would take the ignorance out of him".... I've had relatives that all of a sudden appear in my life and have nothing to do with my child or I, tell me that my son is retarded, that I'm an ignorant because I don't want to take him to specialist and have him put in an institution for mental disabled people.... WTF???? my son just got a scholarship offered from a Private College across the country how does that make him mentally retarded? that one pissed me off so much , I wasn't so diplomatic to tell them where to stuff it.
Not me it just makes me sad
Science Troll me too!! 😡
I needed a REASON why I was supposed to do something. "Because I said so" wasn't a reason. Plus you couldn't intimidate me with your "authority". I would only respect someone if they respected me as well. I had teachers who were abusive and a father who threatened to punch my teeth our for talking with the "wrong" tone of voice. I could never control the tone of my voice...I often got upset with my parents about their tone but they would tell me people can't control their tone all the time. Then why did they expect me too? I eventually threatened my father back by telling him I would report him for domestic violence if he ever threatened to hit me again.
+misspinkpunkykat That sounds exactly like the first 8-10 years of my life (I was diagnosed at 7). It was my mum with whom I had the epic battles.
I was a nice teenager, though-once I came to realise life wasn't a war of "who's right".
+misspinkpunkykat im the same way we need a reason [which we are entitled to] with me i just cant stand most people they bother me so i understand about this i too am a proud aspie i dont let people mess with me period!
+misspinkpunkykat It was the exact same deal for me in regards to people with authority as a kid, and still is in a lot of ways. A lot of the time with teachers, you're just flattering their desire to feel like they have power over you, even if their threats and demands don't get you anywhere or have no effect. Also, being a girl, it kind of feels like people expect you to stay in your lane and do what you're told and be complacent when mistreated. So I think you threatening your father was fair and justified.
I'm not only one then!
I wish my parents would at least try to understand, but they only make things worse by yelling at me.
My mom always tells me to do like 3-4 things at once, and it often ticks me off, because I can only keep track at so much at once.
I had someone like that happen to me when I was 14 during a time when I was feeling ill.. I was asked to put some ketchup on the table while being told "Oh and make some juice too and so this one more thing." So I so frustrated that I slammed a bottle of ketch up on the table. The bottle ended up breaking on the bottom while I broke down and cried. I heard "What's wrong with you?"
Yeah, of course people are like that. It's sad.
***** It often happens when they don't live in our shoes along with not really having the proper learning materials from others with Asperger's themselves.
I suppose that may be. Although, my mom is well aware I have Asperger's.
***** yeah they are aware but not really knowing what it's like to live with AS day in and day out.
For the hyper sensitivity to stimuli, I can literally hear, see, and feel when somebody is upset or angry in my house. My dad came home in a bad mood yesterday, and I saw the look in his eyes. I knew he was not his happy self. When I felt him walk past me, I felt the anger and the disappointment radiating off of him, and I heard it in his footsteps. It's weird that I notice these things and nobody else in my house can- other than the dogs.
Is empath just another word to describe a part of autism.
Dogs know everything.
@@carolinemacrae6227 Empathy is being able to strongly sense what someone else is feeling, and others around you just don't.
@@srldwg yes, I know. But 3v3n though people say qutistics lack empathy, the truth to me is obvious on a deeper level my kind of question is very empathic. My brother with cerebral paksey, even more so. Also he is autistic. 8m not sure about asperges type of autism. My successful brother doesn't need diagnosis. I know that if there is a ghost in the room Humphrey is the most sensitive to it then me but William the successful one won't see it. There seem to be different depth of empathy. Superficial empathy which regular people have. Then there is deepest empathy, the people who feel that may not always be empathic on a superficial basis but they are deep into feelings. They absorb the mood in the room as a spong3 picks up dirty water, or clean scented water. When I say superficial I don't meant doesn't matter, I'm talking eticate.
I am glad to be sensitive to others troubles or needs but it drains our energy sometimes if we hold on to it
"you are doing this on purpose" (not complying with whatever)
"You just don't want to do anything"
"Why can't you just do what I ask?"
"Stop that" (stimming)
"What's the matter with you?"
You forgot: "ASD isn't a thing. Every man has it. You're just a bad behaving child."
@@jebkerman5422 I'm not a man, I didn't know that one. Never heard of it. Sorry....
All of these.
Writing it here to remember the five (5) things to never say to a child (with Aspergers):
1. You are TOO sensitive / over-reacting.
2. You are so disrespectful / being defiant.
3. If you would just ________ / why can't you ___________.?
4. Why would you say something like that?
5. LOOK AT ME!
so very ashamed and guilty on #3 :( that's the only one I say to my babes, when I'm extremely frustrated at him after having tried numerous ways and attempts to make him do something he needs to get done and doesn't. Battle of hours finally I do get angry and frustration sets in. He does tell me, when I ask he does forget which is something it has taken me a long time to understand why in a flat second he "forgets" then he comes out with an explanation as I've asked him one day within my frustration to the point of literally crying.... " hun, seriously, why can't you just go take a shower ? I've asked you ALL day to do this and you aren't doing it. It's already past 10:00 pm ( he has long hair) so it's a bit late to go to bed with your hair all wet?... or " brush your teeth" something it's a battle for him to do , literally. He then gave me the answer one day of ... " mom, if you stop asking me, I'll get to it when I feel like it"..... that honestly threw me off because we know, we live in a society that People out there are not going to wait for you to do things whenever you "feel like it".... so I explained to him that If he felt that when I asked wasn't the right time then when? can we set up a schedule type? so I won't have to ask you and you set a new routine? will that work for you.... " umm I guess so" ... so we did and NOPE nothing! same ol, same ol... I get frustrated more... I ask again... " hun, ok this is not working out so "? he still thinks, "mom I'll get it done in my time" ... to me his time, could be today, tomorrow or in a month! that is not good. I have tried explaining to him why I push him to do the most simple task at the right time, he does tell me he does understand but he just doesn't want to do it. As a parent, I worry if I should let it go, let him be? or keep insisting with repetition of explanation of why I want him to do certain tasks at the time that he's asked instead of His time. And I'm just talking simple things.. taking a shower, no he's not sensitive to water, I've asked him, brushing his teeth, no he's not bothered by water nor toothpaste, I've asked him as well, Combing his LONG hair that I've tried to convince him to have it cut, he does have beautiful hair I can say ... LOL.. but he doesn't maintain it properly. I tell him... let me at least trim it so it grows healthy. Nope he doesn't care. so, on the hair , I let it go, hopping that one day he'll tell me to finally chop some of it off. :P So, what am I not getting from him? what am I not understand him on? He'll be off to college soon, he does say, the things I don't want to do when you ask me to, I will do once I enter college, my routine changes and I will do what I have to do at the time. I want to believe him, but as a parent, I worry. What do you guys think? I should trust him on it?
i always want to say about that "looking" thing is i just try to save them from a chaos atmosphere talking each other that would be cause of an hassle enaugh you to hate me just because of my anxiety, It could be funny and ridiculous for them but we can absolutely feel that a thought flow of absolute mix of our own and their thoughts about us, a case that we talk about, details,opposites or... ABOUT UNIVERSE FACST???? idk but and also feelings which they try to bury talkling with us is the main cause of not looking into people eyes, but we cannot also be sorry for a thing that in our nature. So it's can be more easy if they try to figure out a new conversation skill for them which is we experience every day in our life besides trying to get theirs. All in all, people with asperger's do not underestimate nerotypicals but... afffff... THERE ARE LOTS OF THNIGS THAT YOU CANNOT FEEL BRUH.. and these kicked up our brains... Could it be better if you try a new empathy way of me than trying to insult me for not understanding your old way of empathy coming from the 20th century ??? or is it really happenin people are continuing to evolve and one of us were borned as one point ahead for it?? MY BRAIN IS BURNED RIGHT NOW!? again.. :')
Yes yes yes!!!
Nora go fuck yourself
Nora your son is a functional adult now. You need to treat him with more respect.
Thanks for dispelling the "aspies don't feel empathy" myth. A better expression might be, "aspies don't show empathy in the same way neurotypicals do". If anything I have an almost crippling overabundance of empathy. Most people seem to feel truly empathetically only towards those in their family, or in their immediate proximity; with a diminishing empathetic response as relatedness/proximity diminishes. They might jump in a pool if a little girl from their neighborhood is drowning and ruin their $500 italian dress shoes in the process; but it would never occur to them that $500 expense could save the lives of ten little girls dying from malnutrition or starvation in some other part of the world. I don't differentiate the value of lives in such a manner, yet I'm seen as the one with the broken brain. I think the neurotypical form of empathy is far more broken than mine.
I agree with your statements and fully support you.
+iconoclastic23 Oh yes! Absolutely this, the artificial divisions that man has created through labels and borders, do not exists. The same conditions of suffering that John suffers in London is not more or less important thtn the suffering of Bilal in Syria - they are both equally offensive if caused by another human being, both equally painful, and they also are not less than your own kin, which seems to be the opposite for many [not all] neurotypicals who can compartmentalise people into those who matter and those who do not. That is a learned, not instinctive separation, it serves those who are the world leaders, creating a lack of empathy with people 'not like me' , yet, the reverse is true, all people matter - intensely and it hurts!
You also see this strange division of empathy among neurotypicals show itself in the disparagment of women as an insult. You see many men insulting other men by calling them a woman in some form or a woman's part. They don't realize that by saying that you are as inferior as they think a woman is n that what they are saying is that they have a low esteem towards women. Even while they get upset if someone disrespects their mom. ...NT really comes off as a mental defect from my perspective. So violent and hateful towards any that they see as not them. Perhaps they are simply an outdated step on the evolutionary ladder.
Can I ask that you perhaps recognize how saying "men do this" "men do that" has the same effect as the opposite? Two wrongs don't make a right. Also, there's the issue of practicality and effectiveness to consider when trying to help people in need outside of your own country. You could certainly send money to Nigeria; to some charity that claims they help people, but it's important to know for sure that such a charity is indeed helping people and not simply claiming to help.
I've noticed a stark and striking lack of care for the underprivileged in our own countries of origin and although a willingness to help the poor in other areas of the world is noble, those who are struggling and failing to make a life for themselves in the west are not going to magically "pick themselves up by their bootstraps and realize the American dream" for example.
There are a lot of cons out there in the third and even second world. They have strong incentive to do so after all. Make sure you do your homework on any charity you're donating to. You owe it to the people you're trying to help to at least put in the effort to make sure you aren't supporting thieves to make yourself feel better. Guilt is a powerful emotion, but it also blinds you to those who are suave and persuasive.
Also, please support your local homeless shelters, your mental health institutes (specifically ones devoted to the homeless. They are in dire need) and please don't resist the notion of a domestic violence shelter that provides for male victims. Just donate more and nobody needs to lose their funding to help more people. It's not a competition.
"Some of the 'homeless' are possibly rich people who put on rags and pretend to be homeless so they can get more money from people."
An interesting theory. But most rich people get far more $ / hr than begging could ever provide, so that would not be a rational use of their time.
I love how when you give examples of phrases that work, you’re actually spot on. I always hated communicating with my dad because he speaks in halfs, horrible at conversation.
“Pull it up.”
“Pull what up?”
“The lever!”
“There’s 3 colors, what color of lever do I pull up?”
“Just do what I’m telling you!”
Is it SO hard for someone to talk precise and clear!? “Can you come pick me up at the airport today at about 3PM?” works, “pick me up at the airport later.” means nothing.
It enrages me inside when people don't communicate properly. my sister talks around you. or talks at you , not to you. Also when I see manipulation .
The worst one I've heard is "all that kid needs is a good smack" - I've been told that a few times already when my son has a meltdown (in a shopping mall, on an airplane, etc.). Here in South Africa, the Afrikaans community think that beating your kids into submission is the right way to do things. They call it discipline, I call it abuse.
And say if you hit my kid I will call the police and have you arrested.
I assume that you know all Afrikaans people personally to be able to judge with such certainty.
Mariette van Huyssteen she did say the "community" not "every Afrikaans person", where people get the idea that everyone in a community must think identically from I don't know. Saying the general view of a group of people also doesn't equal racism.
Then they'll complain when your kid grown up to be a thug that beats, robs and rapes. I even believe corporal punishment can increase violence in special needs kids(more than one peer I had over the years showed signs of this). Maybe having that awareness would get people looking at corporal punishment alot differently too. Don't listen to those fools bro! You got this!
Ah yes, the old physical abuse tactic. I am African so I get you
This video made me cry because it explained in detail the problems that I've been facing my whole life and I myself could never seem to explain it right thank you I want to try showing this to my parents maybe now they might understand me a little better
+HaysterTheOtaku Check out Tania Marshall and her research into Girls and Aspergers... you will find this very helpful. Also Tony Attwood.
taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/06/22/first-signs-of-asperger-syndrome-in-young-girls-pre-school/
Lori Petro thank you!
my parents understand me better than I do myself I don't totally understand aspergers myself and I have it.
Exactly I no how you feel it happens to me
It makes me laugh because I have been told all of this before
I have AS and I can tell you its my goal to make everyone happy every second of the day.I worry about everything.. I grew up being misunderstood and accused of being rude all the time.. I was just asking things differently than they would...so they concluded I was rude.. Our expectations are sometimes a bit too high and we need to be more flexible with folks like me. Thanks, nice video.
Lorraine I agree with you 100%
u also sound like an empath, love🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜
It's so heartaching when someone points out to me that I was being rude. I tell them "I only know what I know" and what I know in that moment usually that is hidden feelings like trying to be precise or clear but I don't quite know how to express it, my wording is different than others. And I just don't comprehend what happens.
I think the worrying about everything is insecurity because you were Always misunderstood and accused. If you deal with that, you will worry less because you feel safer in life.
Lorraine I bend over backwards to accommodate NT behavior and still end up offending them
I love this. I was blessed with a lovely Aspie child, who is now an adult, with great empathy and insight. I always knew he was not disrespectful, or defiant. I was blamed for his behavior, I guess because I did not harshly punish him in front of people. I always knew he was trying harder than I ever could have, and my respect overflows for him. Well, I love him and am thankful for him. He has taught me so much more than I have taught him.
cooksmary.. I love your comment.. Im autistic and wouldnt trade my autism for anything.. Autism made me exactly who I am if I traded my autism it would change who I am.. Autism gave me a job that I absolutely love..
EXACTLY they are amazing human beings that for me, my son is my greatest teacher. True sometimes we do have our struggles, but I wouldn't change anything about him.
❤️
That's how I feel about my child.😁 My child is a blessing.
That's not what she said. Read it again. And, unless you have a neurodiverse condition yourself, I don't think it is fair to judge others.
My mom told me to "take a moment", "think about what's going on", or "think about what you are doing". For seven years, this has worked to shock me out of the rythum of my melt down and triggers my need to analyze and understand.
But when I was younger the only way I knew to calm down was to read. Expecially, one of my favorite books, an encyclopedia on horses. This allowed me to focus on something other than what was causing me to be overwhelmed.
Reading helped me, as well...and my mother taught me to "count to 10." Didn't always work, but I tried.
"Too sensitive" is SO ANNOYING! I'm not too sensitive, you're too callous (Ok, that's probably not fair either). But it really isn't fair to tell anybody that.
The "disrespectful" thing can be helpful if done right. I had a teacher take me aside after math class in sixth grade and tell me she had felt like I was being disrespectful to her during class. It wasn't said in an accusing way, and it was alone, not in front of the class where I would have been embarrassed. I hadn't realized I was being disrespectful (I was just frustrated and venting) and broke into tears, but it wasn't a negative experience over all, and I tried to remember that and avoid it again.
Oh gosh. Unsolicited advice. I correct people so much. It isn't intentional. I'm trying to be helpful. I'm trying to catch it so I don't insult people, but it's hard.
My parents were awesome. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but my mom was able to figure out a lot of the advice people give to parents of autistic kids on her own anyway. She certainly wasn't perfect, but she did amazing given the resources she had.
:D
The "You're so sensitive" seems to be a passive aggressive defense mechanism from the role of the other person, because they don't want to "Feel bad," for their own actions. I haven't just heard this among adults but from their own peers who are supposed to be their friends and people one with AS can trust. They seem to do it after saying something nasty.
That can be true, but I've also had it happen with people who were not the one who had upset me telling me I'm to sensitive and need to toughen up, in essence.
All of those sayings should be so annoying
very true teacher did that to me i broke down becuase i was venting becuase i have no where to vent so i vent at random times
and one more thing you just shouldent say to your kids is something along the lines of why cant you be more like such and such
YES ! My mom was ALWAYS comparing me to my very successful older sister, whom went into foster care when she was 11. I grew to hate her. So I decided when I went to the same high school that she went to, that I would do just the opposite and be a failure at EVERYTHING she did. I dropped out when I was 17.
Ya, definitely don’t say that! Please
I’ve always been compaired to my brother and sister and it’s only worse now that we’re older cuz my sister is an acountant and my brother is a nurse, meanwhile I can’t hold down a job, it always leads to suicidal stuff.
spasticpanda :
@Cullen Tashiro
Geeze your a real fucking dick aren’t you?
One thing that always stuck out to me as a kid, was the phrase "Your going to make my ears bleed", whenever I was going on a bit with a subject. Now my parents wonder why I don't really talk.
❤😔😔👊
You’re* I’m glad my parents were tactful with listening to me. They often would nicely tell me to quiet down, though. Was too loud for the occasion, tbh, but definitely didn’t help. Turned out meek until I got fed up with it. Still hesitate to use my full voice, erring to the side of too little.
I tried to show this to my mom. She apperantly can't take twelve minutes to see this.
Sorry, sweetheart. You are a fabulous, but not neurotypical person. Wish you the best.
It wouldn't make it better if you thought she understood after a video. If she wanted to, she'd be looking it up herself. I'm sorry you got hurt. This kind of pain is a bitch, but sometimes it makes you stronger. I'm glad you are looking into this for yourself.
My mother told me "I was sick in the head and she don't care what's wrong with me'.... I'm 54 yrs old 😢
I’m so sorry Astrid and Plissa!
Stop crying about it. Leave her alone. She is not willing to evaluate her life. That is her good right. You cannot enforce your own desires upon others. Stop doing that.
I am the queen of rejecting things that have no purpose, especially when I'm stressed. It has gotten me into trouble at work, for example, because I refuse to do anything if I don't see why it has to be done. Sometimes people don't bother to explain, and sometimes they simply can't. It's really frustrating. I see others doing what they're told without knowing why, but I just can't bring myself to do the same. Also, even if I get an explanation, it has to be a good one. If I'm not happy with it, I still refuse to comply.
Same i don't see the point in it I won't do it I get I so much trouble though
It's nice to know that others struggle with pointlessness, or inane intraoffice politics.
valedro That makes sense.
we are no sheep :-)
valedro Same! Having to work is extremely difficult for me. Not only do I get burnt out very quickly, (so I try to save my energy for meaningful tasks) but I just cannot deal with authority figures whatsoever. I've gotten in multiple arguments with superiors because I've refused to do anything that I knew was pointless. I've even told some of my bosses to "fuck off" because that's just how upset and frustrated it makes me.
Thank you!
As a child, I was driven to believe I was a problem.
This video is the first positive piece of advice I've ever seen on how to treat Autistic children.
I remember my dad would constantly tell me to 'act normal' and to 'fit in'. He would get angry at me every time I expressed myself in a non-typical way or struggled to control the volume of my talking voice. He would also yell at me for any accidental meltdowns I had, acting as if they were intentional misbehavior. He even got mad at me anytime I talked about my fixations or mention them in conversation. Honestly, this only made me more afraid of him and I am still terrified of him finding out about any meltdowns.
It gives me an inside what my little grandson feels and how he acts. I hug him, he does not seem to want hugs, I gently talk to him, he does not want to listen. But one day I sat down and I felt a pair of little arms come around my neck and I got a huge hug from him. I cried! First hug! So all my gentle patience and putting it another way won me a hug that is worth more than millions. Thank you for teaching me to understand him.
you have brought me to tears, I was not sure how or if I am handling my child properly. I have said some of these things in the past, and have noticed her starting to close off. I am going to change my way of communicating with her. thanks again this was an extremely helpful video.
An eye opener to a mom of three to hear how I was incorrectly approaching and misunderstanding my son. We clash daily. For years I thought he had SPD. Now it's leaning more to this. What type of physician can assess and see if my boy is an aspie? I want a better relationship with my 13 yr old son.
Lucky little girl, to have a Mom willing to learn how to be helpful, working towards a better life. Don't forget the healing power of horses, dogs, & cats.
Me too, it’s so stressful sometimes getting other people to understand my 12 yr old. He is the love of my life and his pain emotionally can be so intense.
When I was 4, I had a babysitter who swore. My family was on the up side of upper/middle class and swearing was not a thing we experienced. One day, my Grandma couldn't find her purse and she was wandering around the house saying "Now, where is that purse? Where did I put my purse?" and I was toddling behind saying "Now where is that fucking purse? Where did I put that fucking purse?". Suddenly, there was chaos. Everyone was acting excited! It was exciting! I had no idea why. I liked that my words got everyone so excited so I kept on doing it. Finally, my mom took me aside and explained that those words can make people feel uncomfortable." Oh no! I would never want to make someone feel UNCOMFORTABLE! I, to this day, don't swear...even though I know it makes some people UNCOMFORTABLE. You can't win. But yeah. The lesson here is that aspergers/autistic kids need a little more explanation. Your gasps and "Oh my's!" will not register as "That makes me feel uncomfortable." with a child with Aspergers, but if you explain it, you will have better results. Just my own, personal, input.
I agree, Claire - sometimes they need it spelled out for them.
I was a huge swearer when I was a kid too.
I still am. Rebellious that way. Fuck yeah. People who swear tend to be more honest than those who do not.
You cause distress for people deeper on the autism spectrum than you when you talk like that. If you expect to be shown tolerance for your idiosyncrasies, please start by showing the same respect for others.
I never really understand the hypocrisy behind that. Adults who swear when they're angry, telling a kid who's ticked off and swearing, not to do it. Pretty ridiculous form of ageism if you ask me.
"I knew you could do it!" I always found that so patronizing!
" The only reason it's not working is because you're not trying hard enough or you never tried it at all!" I'm trying my best- it's just that many things that come easy to most people just don't come easy for me, and that's just the way things are!
I'm 16 now, but all of this is still so relatable for me. I feel like crying because this is so touching. Every caring parent of a neuro-atypical child should be watching this. thank you so much
For me it was MORE relatable at 16. Those were the worst years for me. Good in the sense that I was "defiant", like she said as a way to push back after being pushed for years.
Bad because I really believed that I was all the bad things that my parents (especially my dad at this point) told me I was.
I wish you the best, you are lucky to live in a day and age where there is understanding out there for people like us, and remember not to believe the things people communicate in a negative way about your behavior!
I'm 27 and wasn't diagnosed until I was 23 and this makes so, so, so much sense to me. These are all things that, even as an adult, I find myself struggling to explain to my family and friends.
I was diagnosed with AS when I was 50 (I am 61 now). Life has been hard, because so many people simply won't tolerate people being different.
I've been told ALL of the things you mentioned more times than I could ever remember. My mother used to treat me like dirt, telling me every day I am useless, worthless and good for nothing.
I asked her 33 years ago why she was always so mean when I was a kid, and she told me that I was so over-sensitive, and she was trying to 'toughen me up'! What she really did is make me suicidal.
She'd often say when I cried (thanks to her saying awful things to me) that if I didn't stop crying, she'd give me a really good reason to cry about!
I also hate it when somebody tells me I owe them an apology, and when I ask for what? I am told that 'You know exactly what you said!" when in reality I don't have a clue what it is I am supposed to have said! Why can't NTs just come out with what they want to say, instead of beating around the bush?
Hopefully, we are bringing more understanding, Ursula. My dad is a 71 year old Aspie who did not get a lot of support and was often misunderstood. Thank you for sharing your story! You are not alone.
Ursula Stouffer Wow its like your talking about my childhood but never got a diagnosis of anything. Also, contrary to popular belief there are alot of terrible mothers out there. One thing I learned early is no one tells the truth about interactions, you have to figure it out for yourself, they tell you the answer that gets you to leave while causing the least amount of stress to them. "Its not you, its me" type baloney.
Wow! 50? That makes me feel like I got diagnosed early at 17.
+TEACHthroughLove My Dad and sis are and life has been hell for them but being the youngest having 2 older non NT's as role models made my life complicated as well
Try to forgive your mother. Our parents treat us as per their own life experience and knowledge they have . Parents (most of them) try to give their best to their children. Sometimes they do it wrong because of lack of knowledge or their own problems. From the answer of your mother , it's clear that she wanted to help you . She thought you were too sensitive that's why she treated you though so you could change and survive in this world . She didn't know how she should treat you to help. But it doesn't mean she didn't want it or she didn't love you. Sorry for my English. It's not my native language
Thank you! I was constantly compared to my “perfect sister” who could do no wrong & got good grades. No one ever bothered trying to help me with the school work on how to better manage my time. That would’ve made a world of difference for me. I felt like no one wanted to even bother with me. People were constantly getting on to me for one thing or another without even asking my perspective, so frustrating! Glad to know there’s more information out there nowadays.
I'm glad the name's changed because when some folks say Aspergers, it sounds like "Ass Burgers".
Who the fuck is disliking this video? Fuck.
"Well, you just need to get over that." got so tired of hearing this. Once I became confident in telling my parents what I was struggling with they STILL wouldn't help me and would tell me to "just get over it" I told them "I have trouble speaking with strangers, I have trouble approaching people, I am uncomfortable making eye contact, I get really nervous talking to people on the phone, I'm not comfortable going to places I've never been before." well you just need to get over that ... like it was something I could just turn off with the push of a button and "get over it" do you not think that someone would change something if they could? If I could JUST get over it, I would, but I can't and that's why I'm telling you this, because I need your help, I need your support, I need your guidance and your advice and all you do is lazily tell me to "just get over it." ... stop telling people this, aspie or not.
I went to the docs because I had indigestion problems (with hindsight almost certainly caused by the generalized anxiety that is constantly with me, and which I mentioned at the time). His diagnosis was "There's nothing wrong with you, you just need to chill out". Pure. Fucking. Genius. Why didn't I think of that? I wish I was getting paid as much as that moron to dish out such careless advice.
No, I disagree. Yes it should be used less, but sometimes it is just necessary to get over things in life. You can't impose your will on life. It is stronger than you and things will happen that make you upset and you cannot change it. In fact, that happens every day. Get over it.
"Look at me when I'm talking (usually shouting) to you!" Was what got me focusing on the bridge of the nose instead of the mouth, but I still do both. Thanks for the video.
Expecting them to be "perfect" or insulting them or making them feel bad or telling them that their best is not good enough. Even pushing them to be a certain way to shut them up or forcing them to win their approval. None of those actions are acceptable. Believe me. I know.
It's actually how to create "The Perfect Monster". Just look at Trump! Whoops!
Being on the spectrum as a child in elementary was so hard, I was bullied mercilessly and have come to dislike people because of it. It is difficult now to make fruends because I find myself feeling disgusted by my peers or assuming they are just idiots without properly getting to know them. I just hope the new generation of children will learn to be respectful to people whether or not they are like them because it is nobody's goddamn right to pick on someone simply for being different and doing so is just sociopathic in my opinion.
Purple Puppy I went threw the same thing you went threw in elementary school and i ended up feeling the same way but i still have friends but my problem is i don't trust friends anymore because both recent and in past they caused me to much pain my parents want me to date but my heart has also been broken so much i dont want date anybody like i did when younger and don't trust the friends i have but getting beat up in elementary school has caused me to have a shorter fuse making it easy for me to lose my temper and i have to lock it down so i understand your ompion i went threw the same thing
Purple Puppy hey. Everyone around me has always told me that I am different than them , but every time I ask them to give me an example about how I am different , they can never give me one. Even if I never liked to admit it , and I always tried to learn from others behavior , I have always felt different , or better , others always made me feel different. A few hours ago I found this disorder while searching for ADD , and I fit perfectly in it. Also I feel exactly like you about the outside world. I don't know how to process this, i feel so empty. Will I ever be able to have a girlfriend, to make friends like anyone else , how do I behave normaly and appear normal to people I wanna become friends with ? Am I labelled from now on ? I really don't know what to do from now on
I'm really sorry that you had to go through that
My son is 9 and he told me " Mom I've come to realize I will never have friends" it breaks my heart!!! Kids make fun of him and I don't know what to do
amen I felt miserable and in senior school I am unhappy I'm planning an aspie book to teach nerotypical people how much plight we go through I will bring a new form of knowledge I will succeed
Don't use "please" when giving a command. Or at least explain to them (repeatedly) that it is pleasantry not an option. As a child i would get in trouble with parents because, they said 'please', i thought they were asking, not telling me to do something. I remember clearly one time saying that "i would rather not" to a friends dad. I was very surprised that he yelled at me, that i was being defiant. If he had just told me to do it, i would have.
Second, asking questions is not defiance. Quite often i would get in trouble for asking questions. It was often not clear enough for me to figure out how to do something. As i got older this was further exacerbated since I was more aware that there was things i was missing socially. I would try and understand the situation better so that i could get a better idea of what i needed to do. It was crazy making. People would get mad when i got it wrong, and get mad when i was trying to make sure i was not going to get it wrong. I will not often refuse to even try things because i have developed so much anxiety around helping.
i can totally relate.
Yeah man. This.
umm.. I have trouble with my now 18 year old aspie boy. when for example, we are waiting for an email from someone important regarding his College. I tell him... " babes, please don't forget to check your email for that message we are waiting for, it's very important because it will explain about your college tuition and course"...... a few hours later, after I come back from work.... " babes, did you check your email? " .... my son... " umm oh I forgot".... I next write the petition on a piece of paper and leave it on his desk for him to read when he gets on his computer..... hours later... " babes, did you read the note I left you about he email?".... response... " ah yeah, I saw it, I forgot"..... hours later that evening ..... " babes, check that email now?... like now "...... answer.... " oh yeah in a min" ...... and my frustration kicks in and I take my white flag out. email didn't get read until I was at an angry point, stood at his door, right next to him in his computer and said... " check that email NOW" and I didn't move until he did. Took him a min to do so. :( so am I doing wrong by asking him so many times and just command him? I feel so bad to act like a sergeant with commands though. I don't know anymore.
Nora it’s important to keep reminding him of the reasons, but it could be that he has his own reasons for not acting. Until he learns the value behind your reasoning, he likely won’t act on them. Don’t be afraid to push, especially when leading by example. There’s nothing wrong with being pushy until he learns why it’s important, and if it causes an actual rift, it can be solved over time.
I fully can relate to all this and as a 40 year ols adult get nasty looks or meancattitudes from other grown adults for simply asking questions for the same dam reasons. And I do NOT consider myself ASD . why? Because it has been very clear to me why people act like this (getting mad at someone for simply asking questions) because they dont have a true love for GOD by following his guidelines in the bible and treating others with repsect. Duh if everyone did that these kids (and adults) who need to ask more questiond or figure out how and why of something, then the othervperson wouldnt be such an asshole and just answr the dam question with a smile and noy be so rude themselves!!
I was extremely sensitive as a kid, and I cried easily whenever my mother yelled at me.
Wow, the whole world needs to know this.. Stop the presses!
@@allenhaywood9608 And now the whole knows you're an asshole. Stop the presses! 💩
My parents are awesome, but I still have an issue with some stuff.
I don't feel comfortable looking at people when we're talking. Why do I look at them if I can hear them just fine looking at something else.
I'm trying to be loud, stop telling me to speak up.
I'm friends with most of my friends because they were nice to me first. My friends are the ones who do the first smiles, the first 'hi's, the first jokes, the first everything. I don't know how to do that.
I don't laugh or smile a lot, but I do show signs of happiness. Just not a lot.
If I was good at math in the past, it doesn't mean I'm a math genius. It means that I was good at THAT level of math, it's harder when I'm older.
If I make a mistake, I sometimes change myself right afterwards. It annoys me when people talk about my mistakes when I know they are. It would actually be better for me to not hear it.
If I say I want to do something, it means I WANT to do it. If I don't, my mind is set on it so I'll do it anyway. It will drive me crazy if I don't.
I may be smart, but a C in school isn't me not trying hard, it's me not understanding. I can't admit it easily, because my pride is connected to it. How can you tell if I tried my hardest? It's ME that's doing the stuff.
WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE?
I wasn't trying to be rude, it's just how I communicate with people.
The way I speak is like with a feather. They either are tickled, or they are hurt. The only way to get my message across is to be sharp. I don't know how to speak another way.
If I describe a problem like a metaphor, I don't want advice, I want to vent my emotions.
I don't show much emotion because I don't want others to see what goes on in my head. That stuff is crazy, I want to keep it to myself.
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! THATS WHY I'M ASKING!
Telling a kid about how smart they are, it builds up their confidence. It makes them think they can do no wrong. If you then are all like 'oh, you only stay this smart if you work really hard, btw' it isn't my fault.
I HOLD ON TO THESE GRUDGES BECAUSE THEY MATTER TO ME! DON'T JUST SAY 'holding onto these grudges only hurt you', I CAN'T LET THEM GO. My sense of justice is a big part of decisions I make.
Just listen. That's all I want, to talk and be listened to. If I'm really quiet, chances are I don't want to be heard. If I am actually a good volume, then it's a sign I want to be heard.
Thanks for reading my venting comment, I just needed to get that off my chest.
One of the issues I have with my son is that he mumbles at times when he's saying something I can't hear or understand what he said. He gets pissed off when I tell him to repeat because I didn't hear him clearly. He gets mad and says.. " I said it clearly, not repeating" and the truth is... I honestly didn't hear him. I do tell him.. ." hun, you mumbled just please tell me again" .. sometimes he does repeat and then I get to hear him better. But those times that he mumbles... I have a hard time understanding what he said. :(
😀
@@Nora-ox3jn I tell my son that I have poor hearing, and have to see his mouth to understand what he is saying. That tip has helped he and I to a great degree. We both have AS/ADHD
@thatonepaperclip reading everything you wrote sounds just like my 11 year old. thank you for venting out because i for sure think aspergers is what my daughter has. it has help me see how to help her .😊 and help me understand what she is feeling and going thru
This is great. My 10 year old daughter has AS and ive spent all day crying and worrying about her life..just one of those days! But this has helped me back on a more positive road. Thank you ❤
Things to NEVER say to an autistic person or a parent/sibling/carer of someone with autism (including why) are:-
- 'Does that mean you're retarded?'
In many cases, autistic people don't have any sort of intellectual or cognitive disability. Nor do people with these disabilities have any form of autism. There are also of course, some people with both. Nevertheless, the word 'retarded' is often more hurtful to autistic people, since it's frequently used as an insult to dehumanize others with developmental and intellectual disabilities, or used to express hatred towards them. Please don't use this, as it's one to definitely be avoided at all costs!
- 'You should be very proud of yourself. You seem so normal. I couldn't tell you were autistic.'
While this is more commonly said to people who aren't obviously autistic, this is also highly insulting. Why? It suggests the person doesn't seem to be disabled in any way, or fit preconceptions of what an autistic person is meant to behave or sound like, thus they can't be disabled or autistic. It also suggests that 'normal' is the standard that all people should seem and that therapies should help autistic people 'normalize', thus it's bad to behave or speak in ways typical of being autistic. This shows some people may believe that autism is unworthy of consideration, when in reality, the contrary is true by law!
- 'You must be very high functioning.'
Lots of autistic adults have issues with 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' labels, sometimes having both in certain areas, but at different points in their lives. Many autistic people have uneven skills. For example, they may be able to speak clearly and use language well, but be unable to navigate from one place to another properly or cook for themselves. Unless people know someone with autism extremely well, they have absolutely no way of knowing which adaptive functioning skills the autistic or aspergic person has, or what their daily needs and requirements are. It's actually physically impossible to gain that information simply just by looking at the autistic individual.
- 'You're not like my child; you can write a blog post. My child will never be able to write a blog post.'
Not everybody who is capable of writing a blog post is able to live an independent life, tend to their own daily activities, complete higher education, travel on their own, communicate orally, manage their own finances or get and hold down a paid job. A person being able to write a blog online has absolutely no correlation whatsoever to how their disability affects them or their needs and challenges in daily life. While some autistic people struggle with speech communication, they have been successful giving presentations, written blog posts, written letters to editors or published journal or newspaper articles. Others who are often represented as 'high-functioning' lack consistent adaptive functioning abilities.
- 'I know someone whose autism is really severe. You don't seem like them.'
Exactly the same way as no two non-autistic people are the same, no two autistic people are identical either, not even if they're autistic identical twins! Among autistics, the abilities, challenges, needs and skills vary a lot. Knowing an autistic person's abilities and skills compared to their needs and challenges is impossible to know purely from comments on a blog post or a brief chat with them. The only thing that unites autistic people in reality is their diagnosis. While they all share certain autistic traits, there are differences in the neurological processing and communications which get seen as a disability. If an autistic person had their autism diagnosed by someone who is a qualified clinician who is familiar with autism, the person is autistic, regardless of whether or not they look, speak or behave like other autistic people.
- 'Can you have a relationship?'
Yes. Although people with autism often have difficulties with relationships - which in this case means they can find it very difficult to meet the right person who will understand the issues that they experience, and is able to provide the support which they require - it is indeed very possible for them to have a relationship, get married and have children (who may also be autistic). Some autistic people aren't taught about such things, which can be for a number of different reasons. Like other people with developmental disabilities, people with autism are at a higher risk of abuse or victimization than the general population. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that autistic people can't have a healthy and loving relationship.
It's also sadly been shown that autistic individuals are far more likely to stay within an abusive relationship or in a domestically abusive household than their non-autistic counterparts, rather than leave their abusive partner, or the others they live with who are abusive. This is for 2 different reasons:-
- it's much harder for them to recognize the different forms of abusive behaviours due to the difficulty in understanding body language and tone of voice, particularly since many forms of domestic abuse or relationship abuse are not always physical abuse.
- one way of getting out of an abusive relationship or abusive home and avoiding the abuser/s is by an individual varying their routine, which - as previously discussed - people with autism don't like doing!
- 'Does that mean you're really good at maths/IT/numbers?'
One thing that for sure will cause offence to autistic people, is the use of stero typing. While this can possibly occur, it doesn't in many situations. Also, just because somebody is particularly good at doing a certain task or a particular subject, that doesn't necessarily mean that they automatically enjoy doing it! They may simply be putting up with doing so because it's a compulsory part of their current life, or because they're helping others who want to learn about the subject which they're good at. Asking somebody who is autistic this question is like asking somebody who is African American if they like watermelon and enjoy listening to rap music purely because of their minority, or assuming that a domesticated pet dog will have a certain temperament just because of their breed, which isn't necessarily true at all!
- 'But you're married/have a job/are in college/are studying at university. You couldn't do that if you were really autistic.
Yet another possibly very hurtful comment. While not every autistic person will do these things, many autistic people successfully do them and saying that autistic people can't do them is ableist. (Ableism is any form if discrimination against someone because of them suffering from some kind of a disability). Assuming that no autistic people can do these things or that anyone who can isn't autistic is highly ableist!
- 'Do you take any medications for it?'
While in some situations it's very possible that autistic people do as it can help them, any use of medications is a highly personal decision that autistic people decide for themselves. Some autistic people do indeed take certain medications for personal reasons, others don't. People wouldn't ask a total and complete stranger or a work colleague if they used any kind of medication, thus they shouldn't ask autistic people if they do either. The only times that this should be asked is by a member of medical staff who is providing the autistic person with some kind of medical treatments, or if an autistic person was starting at a new school, college, university or area of work, in case of an emergency occurring.
- 'You don't have the right to speak for severely autistic people who can't speak for themselves.'
Having any form of autism doesn't necessarily mean that the autistic person can't speak for themselves. Autistics can learn to stand up for themselves the same as non-autistics, although their autism can make doing so difficult. Also, not every autistic person will be able to present themselves as highly verbal, due to the differences in difficulties from one person to another. Furthermore, people who are autistic will be far more understanding of others being autistic too than non-autistics are.
- 'Can you please not rock/flap/spin in public? It's embarrassing.'
These repetitive movements are often done to help an autistic person keep calm, especially if they're in a stressful situation, such as a crowded supermarket which is noisy. In many cases, it doesn't cause any sort of physical harm to the autistic person, nor anybody else in the surrounding environment. There's nothing wrong with it, so while it may seem odd to non-autistics, it comes naturally to autistic people. Therefore it's not as easy as some people may think for the autistic person to actually stop making the movement. Asking an autistic person not to do this is like asking somebody who is some sort of a theist to not wear religious jewellery in public places, or requesting that foreigners don't speak their own natural language, which again, is highly offensive.
- 'You mean you are a person with autism. You are a person first, not a disability or disorder label.'
Some people on the autistic spectrum prefer to be known as 'a person with autism'. If this is what they have a preference for, other people should go along with it. Some others prefer to be called 'autistic'. Again, others should stick with this if it's what they prefer. Everyone has the right to be described how they want to and have it stuck to.
- 'What's it like to be autistic?'
This is rude, improper and demeaning to someone who is autistic, especially if it's said by someone who is not familiar with them. Similar to asking someone 'what's it like to be a certain marginalized group?' It can also make people feel very uncomfortable, so should be avoided if the person has clearly stated that it's off-limits. Every autistic person's experiences vary so much that it would be unjustifiable to suggest that there's one single way of being autistic.
- 'Have you ever heard of Temple Grandin? Her books are really amazing!'
It's possible, but hearing about something like this for an autistic person day in and day out can become very tiresome. Many autistic people are prominent in diverse fields and known for a variety of accomplishments, but it's annoying to be compared to the one same person all the time.
- (Asking a question about the autistic person to a parent, support person, aide, sibling or friend who is with the autistic person).
Being autistic doesn't mean that the person can't hear others talking about them, even if they have a lowered sense of hearing, thus this is especially hurtful. This sends them the message that they don't matter and have nothing meaningful to communicate. As discussed previously, this isn't at all true.
NB this is learned from personal experience because I'm aspergic myself.
I go on rants writing like this myself, but trained myself to take a few breaths and then delete my huge overflowing text because it never helps me to hit send
I only read the first few paragraphs but I agree with the one on writing. I can write a post but I am on disability. My abilities vary widely.
Thank you. You just described most of my childhood.
I don't even know what to this. Within the past year, not only did I found out that I may ADHD, but apparently Asperger's as well. I just found this video today. I sat up and found my first years of the year. My mom isn't the most sympathetic person with me. I don't understand why she is so set to have me follow her culture and be the best Vietnamese man possible. It's just not viable for me to follow through. My siblings aren't much better, being younger than you and having better academic records than you just sucks.
Today, another boring mindless day passes by, until I have come across this video.
First, I like to thank you. Thank you for making this to help out parents with children like me. My mom and I are nice to each, most of the time. I like to be able to fix that as soon as possible.
Mom, I want to let you know that I am trying to be who you want me to be. I'm very sorry that I can't even be that.
Sincerely, your son Phillip Minh Dinh
I have Aspergers. My dad never understands it, so I'll show him this.
Zoe Murtagh me too my dad doesnt understand either
if your parents are Narcissists like mine, they will never understand, cause they don t want to
Does anybody understand?
David Lafleche. Good point.
I figured out that I'm not a good conversationalist, unless the topic is educational in some way. But I found another method of getting a point across: writing. I wrote a novel. My sister read it, and said, "I felt as if you were talking to me."
The only time I actually ever look at someone in the eyes is when I'm not listening. I might be thinking about something else and not notice I'm doing that
I used to do that without realizing it and people would get mad and try to start fights with me.
I am 50y old so i grew up before Aspergers was 'invented' by which i mean that the condition was not known to exsist, at least not the society i grew up in.
My mother was very negative about me, with statements like i was her disappointment, a trail sent for her to endure and saying that if my sister had have been a brother instead she would have strangled them at birth, she couldn't face enother one like me.
School was no better, i was always deemed to be a potentially bright kid but just far too lazy to bother concentrating and thus would never amount to anything, i was always the loner, the one other kids ganged up against, instead of getting any specific help i was just put at the back of every class and told to keep quite so i didn't interupt the others who were actually willing to learn.
I can really indentify with the points you have made in this video, thankfully personality traits are now picked up in young children and measures put in place to help them develope in the way that suits them best.
I have gone on to have a good working career but i have never manage to connect emotionally with a Lady and become a husband and father despite wanting such things, to this day i have never had any official diagnosis of the condition i have got but all the reading i have done on the subject points me to the conclusion i was serverely Aspergers with attension deficit disorder as a child which has which has now become Anankastic personality disorder as an adult.
What i can say is that life with a personality difference ( i think the term disorder is unnecessarily negative, we are just different not broken !) is not one condemed to failure, infact i believe that those of us that are wired up in a different manner have the ability to appreciate the world at a deeper level and are the people that most likely to have the ideas that progress the human race.
@Kimberlee Ponson The kids Dr. Asperger described in his stuy would nowadays not be diagnosed with Asperger syndrom (or Autism spectrum it is now). But I see your point. I was also only diagnosed at 50. Nobody thought of a personality disorder if you did not murder anyone in those days.
Well, I am 56 and not diagnosed until my ex-wife told me to let myself be checked. Still the divorce came. She did not want to share her life with an aspie. I can tell you, as I earn a good salary, I am condemmed the rest of my life to live financially a very tight life because of that. And I really gave the marriage all I had. It was not enough. Yes, I have a wonderful son. That is a great plus. But in hindsight, I should never have married and I should have had loose relationships (for which I am too weird and too shy, haha). Maybe this helps you.
@@ronaldderooij1774 Oh Ronan, pls do not take my words as silly attempts of compassion but man no, im touched, i really think that you did as everyone on this planet the best thing a human could do: living and believing. We live, we endure, we take decisions, we all embarked a journey and hard it is for everyone with no exceptions. From another hand its very difficult and we all limited in our way, and acceptance the hard task. Peace. I really hope this finds you well now.
James Dean was lucky to be undiagnosed, he got to accomplish his monomania of acting. He also got to be a racer and an artist. Had he been born in the 90s he'd be stuck in a cubicle as a career college student who has to do tough assignments just for the "right" to watch shows and play games he doesn't even like.
This short video may have just saved my relationship with my son. I can't thank you enough for posting this. I am so proud of you and grateful to you.
I am an adult on the spectrum and I have a mom with anxiety too. It never helped when she would throw her anxiety on top of mine. It always sent me into a meltdown. Kids with Asperger's are already anxious enough without someone throwing their anxiety of what could have happened on top of it.
THANK YOU. I have Asperger's, BPD1, and ADHD. I am so tired people thinking that I am an emotionless psychopath, I am actually quite empathic and sympathetic. Furthermore, I cannot stand it when people think that I am a hermit or I am too "anti-social", or "shy", I am introverted NOT shy. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not shy, I: am actually quite outgoing. I am extremely sensitive to many stimuli. Furthermore, I am not good with social and intrapersonal relationships despite trying extremely hard to make them.
Thank you so much I am all summer camp director and substitute teacher just learning how to deal with Aspergers
You are right, but we all hit by something, its not easy at all for anyone. If we could we all would do the right thing right?
The last point about not telling people to look at them made me cry so much. I was only diagnosed properly with ASD this year (I'm 18) and for basically the whole of my life no one ever knew anything was wrong with me until my depression got really bad and I had to go to a doctor to be put on medication. I had a really mean drama teacher in school who literally hated me and everything I did but drama is my passion so I either had to put up with her or not do what I love. She'd always pull me out of class and shout at me and always made me look her in the eyes and all I could ever do was cry and then she'd just shout more and it was so horrible! I'm so glad I'be finally left that school and can start university this month instead with an actual diagnoses so hopefully my teachers won't make me uncomfortable. Thank you for your video, it was nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel even if I'm not technically a child anymore.
I hate what the education system and it's bully teachers have done to my precious Grandson, times when i have wanted to thrash those who abuse their position and treat children the way they do. My grandson suffered greatly at their hands. He has ptsd, anxiety and OCD. I'll never forgive them, never. God bless you and thank you for sharing. It means a lot.
whenever my mom tells me to look at her, i just respond with “yes”
...Your pronunciation of Aspergers is spot on....
I have Apsergers. I did understand idioms like pull your socks up but I always used to do it literally anyway because making people angry was so funny to me.
Pull your socks up means to pull up your socks right?
Same! I found that hilarious when I was young.
LOL... ah you sneaky, that's what my son tells me he does that to me sometimes and with such smirk on his face the little devil Can't get mad at him and I love him so much. He is so blunt though, he does sincerely tell me... " mom the reason I do such and such , is because it's fun to make you mad" ..... well with such honesty how can I get mad? I just laugh my head of, shake my head, say Oh dear and give him a squishy hug which he takes so stiffly... LOL.. but he knows I love giving hugs so he takes them without complaint. :P
I feel a lot of things about this video. Definitely gratitude. My family were so mean about my quirks and it's left me completely alone in dealing with this. I've been so careful to see the needs my son shares and be supportive. This is validating AND it's going to help my chosen family to be stronger.
Thank you for this amazingly accurate video. Touched on exactly every issue that I encounter with my son. I've identified these things, but am guilty of approaching some of the situations all wrong (especially when I'm overwhelmed). Can't wait to show this video to my husband - will be so helpful for him especially. Can't thank you enough!
THANK YOU!! I have had a self awakening recently that I am Aspie (not diagnosed, but 100% I KNOW) it has answered ALL of my questions I have been asking myself since I can remember. At age 30 with two children who I see now are also Aspie. I've been a single mom nearly 5 years now. I didn't understand why I struggle so hard with them but mostly with myself. I have been saying all the wrong things to them - and it hurts to know I've been doing this to them. I needed this!! I feel as though I will be able to build a strong bond with them now. I feel like crying and jumping for joy at the same time. The struggle is real. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this!!
This is amazing....Thank you. Brought tears from my eyes. Aspergers children can sometimes seem so typical it's easy to forget they can't undo their diagnosis
So happy I have found this channel. Thank you! As a late diagnosed AuDHD/PDAer it's very helpful. ❤
I genuinely want to thank you a billion times over, my son just recently was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD and this video was one of the best resources I have found so far on our journey, in terms of understanding some behaviors I should change- it gave some needed input on understand my little one more (I am especially guilty of 'look at me')
I just found this channel, and I am so happy. I'm a late diagnosed Aspie and my son was recently diagnosed. Sometimes this parenting thing can be overhwelmong--especially during a pandemic. So I've started looking for resources to help me and my son. Thanks for putting this out there!
Welcome, Rebecca. You might find my Highly Sensitive Kids class (free) helpful too. bit.ly/2eQLZ7U
This really touched me. I heard these things ad nauseum as a kid. Even though I hated these phrases, they eventually became the things that I hear in my own head.
Hearing you speak those phrases and then replace them with words that were considerate and edifying felt very validating to my childhood experiences. Also, the stark contrast they have with my own thoughts really highlights how unkind I am to my own self. Now that I can see this a bit better, I too can work to replace them with something more compassionate. Thank you for that.
This is an extremely eye opening video. I have asperges, and was diagnosed at 33. Im 34 now, and am trying to expand my knowledge on the subject. It explains so much to me as a child and will probably help me as an adult too. Especially how to phrase certain things. Thanks so much xx
"you're not really sorry or you'd change"
I was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder but I just didn't want to be a servant. :(
I don't have it it's just being aspie.
My therapist told my dad I was staring at the floor and avoiding eye contact because I was guilty. He made eye contact a requirement I hated it
Finnaly a 2020 comment
@@13lettersinhere9 Hopefully there will be more, the video helped a lot.
I have Asperges and I am a good but, lame and strange person at school so this video was helpful. Thank you very much for the video.
Please don't call yourself lame and being different can be a GOOD thing.
thank you very much
You are lame? So you can't walk?
Mel B yes
I'm 27 as of this month and I can tell you that my parents, especially my mother said ALL of these things to me. Back in the 1990s-2000s, Autism, Aspergers and ADHD were not well known and far too many parents back in that era were narrow-minded about it and I suffered because of it. While my parents did plenty of good and have been great to me in many areas, they were also awful in a lot of areas and this is one of them.
I only wish I grew up in a later era or rather, I wish people would've been more educated back in the day.
This was such a great presentation; so many of these videos unprofessional to the point of being embarrassing. You're truly amazing.
BRILLIANT!!!! I never heard so much truth is such a short time. Deeply moved.
With my sincere gratitude for taking the time to share your wisdom and bring awareness to so many parents and friends out there. You are truly a beautiful person. Thank you!
My parents never understood that I didn't do things wrong because I was a misbehaved child I just didn't know what I was doing was wrong. I guess what I'm saying is don't punish or get angry at your child instead talk to them and make sure that they understand your expectations and if they don't get it right then let it go for the time being they may not be mature enough yet. Let them be themselves and be supportive of who they are, don't ever compare them to another child or teens accomplishments, that will cause your child anxiety, self loathing, and will not help only hurt your child. Tell them that you love them every day. Never tell them that they are bad just explain that what they did was bad. Let them know that you are proud of them no matter what. Just my two cents. :)
As this month is autism awareness month I decided to post videos on my Social Media sites because I have ADHD & Asperger's Syndrome. I was diagnosed half way through high school. I was bullied through most of my middle school and high school years and because of that I had a hard time, and still do have a rough time trusting other people right away. Much like Ryan Brady had stated before I am more of a solo person I tend to stick to myself and want to be alone more then anything and I grew up with a dog that was my best friend that I could pretty much share everything with. I have at least heard each of those at least once since I was diagnosed and never really knew how to react so I would shut down completely. I never really understood my syndrome and growing up more and looking back I can see that I understand it now more then ever. Thank you for this video it really touched me and helped me to understand some of the things I still questioned deep down inside about it.
Wow has this ever helped me!! I am a grandmother with an autistic 22 year old and it has helped me to understand her even better..I have been watching so many videos and if you dont watch invisible with Katy, you need to!! She is GREAT
This is good advice. For 18 months my wife and I have been consulting with a talented clinical social worker for coaching in the raising of our 5yr old Aspergian son. All of what you recommend is in line with what we've discovered to be successful. Your five points are an excellent and memorable guideline. Thank you.
As an adult Aspie with an Aspie child, I appreciate this so much. It just makes so much sense. Practicing it in a daily basis will be challenging, but now I understand better what I've been reading about. Thank you!
I have always treated my son's differences with respect. That being said, I also had to prepare him to work and live in the adult world. I showed him how to complete tasks he may not understand the importance of. How to answer everyone respectfully, even if they weren't respectful to him. I was told by most of his teachers that he was the most respectful child and the classroom and one of the hardest working. I do accept him, but I also know I will not always be her and he will one day have to navigate the world on his own. Aspie parents never forget this, so if we sometimes lose patience, that is why.
Debra ? Well said. That said, I think you did a fantastic job with your son. Care to adopt me too ??? ( just kidding. :) have a great day ! )
ehm i mean, i learned that all on my own tho.
the task thing is kinda iffy though...
like one time in class when i was 14, we could let our books in class instead of taking them home, i always took everything home since i liked to know where my books were at all times. so normally the person on the far left has to give the whole row their books so not everyone runs to the place to get their own book. now since i always took my book home, and probably the only one aswell, when the person next to me was sick i refused to do it because i did not see the point of doing it, why did i have to get punished to stand up and go around when easily the person next to me that did need his own book could do it for the row instead? like.... im the one thats already carrying all the weight home and back because i dont want to be bothered by other people. so yea i refused and just didnt do it i even said why and still got detention. also the teacher hated me...
might have seemed like a fuck you in her face but its not ment that way anyway, i mean i even explained why i didnt want to do it....
as for answering everyone with respect, ehm i think i've always done that anyway. as of hard working, that depends on what the task was, if it was with my hands you can bet all your money on it that i was terrible at it. from woodwork to drawing/painting, everything just terrible and slow. then you get me at a pc and suddenly im among the fastest and find new ways to do things better or quicker, time and time again.
oh and now, i have to search a job right...
I applied for one of the most autistic jobs ever with tons of repetitive tasks, well its basically 1 repetitive task, high precision needed and i got declined. reason being, on the test i had a perfect score, at the interview i apparently (i quote/translate):
"our biggest reason was that during the interview. We had difficulties getting to a dialog and it felt more like a question-answer conversation. Next to that you didnt seem to convince us that this job was right for you. Other candidates were better at showing their motivation more directly. In our conversation we even had the impression that you looked down on the job."
soo basically i am bad at communication, even tho i really liked the job and its like a perfect fit, somehow i could not get that across. and well if a task is so simple that it requires little to no thinking but just a lot of precision and pattern recognition, well i mean... if im super good at that ofcourse im going to be confident and say that its not a big deal. thats like asking a professional athlete if he can swim 1000m and they are like oh yea, i can do that no problem, when the other person next to them is like what the fuck.
even the busstop was right infront of the building, and i dont want to drive a car since i get tons of anxiety from it because i have to look at so many things at once... so that was nice too
actually this really really really turned me off from finding a job. im actually sooo sad -_-
We also lose patience as we are human too
Debra donkey, as my boy is entering now the "adult" legal age, 18 his twin brother has had no issue starting to be on his own and be responsible. He's matured in a way I didn't expect and as a mom, yeah I'm proud of him. My other son, has Aspergers. He too will enter college in a private school as he was offered a scholarship let's just say across the continent literally in the same country...LOL.. I don't mind to move. But he does want for me to go with him. He doesn't want to be placed with other people and likes being on his own. I have my fear that if something happens to me will he be able to cope on his own and so far away from his father, my ex husband and his twin brother? Will I be able to teach him enough? should I do what other's are telling me to do, to just ship him out on his own across the country and place him with others? when he clearly has stated that he doesn't and won't go If I don't go with him? am I pampering him too much? should I take that leap and just send him alone, I personally feel as well, he's not ready yet to be on his own like that. I don't mind moving with him across the country, I feel I can prepare and teach him better if I'm there with him in a different city and little by little teach him to be independent. would like to hear opinions on this as I'm emotionally so confused as to what is the right thing to do. For me, the right thing is to go with him and help him out.
Nora what did you end up doing?
I heard "Don't be like that!" for being shy, anxious, only able to have one friend. It confused me so much and made me afraid. "Too sensitive" was my very essence and it was so hard because I wanted to be tough and calm. The sensory issues were so horrible and still are.
Thanks Lori, hearing from you that aspies do feel empathy is such a valuable piece of knowledge for a grandmother trying to learn and help.
This sure brought back some bad memories but I’m glad you brought it up. I felt like such an outsider growing up and it helps to know I’m not the only one who had to deal with this treatment from adults.
This was just so heartening to listen to every word you said Lori. I recently found out I've had Asperger's Syndrome all my life while being completely oblivious of it. I just thought I was different from the other kids that made me the odd guy in the bunch and blamed just about everyone from parents to people to Gods for not being able to acclimatize. But when I about Asperger's I realized what went wrong with my schooling, friendships, relationships and life... Thanks a ton for your insight..!
Thank you for watching, Ankit!
@@teachthroughlove all the stuff you said in the video applies to adult Aspies too--it really would be good to not say harmful things to anyone, ND or NT.
This video was quite helpful. Thank you so much! My 8 year old granddaughter was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm an RN who specializes in developmental "disabilities" and knew what was going on with her before she got the label. She's bright and sooo funny. But we have to be careful not to laugh in case the humor was unintentional. That's hard because she can be very delightful. Her feelings are easily hurt. She also has a delay in understanding what has been said to her which leads to her misunderstanding the most innocent comments we make. Again accept my gratitude for sharing what you have learned through your own experience!
This makes me want to show this to my mom. You described my childhood. And you put exactly what I wanted to say to my mom when she asked me why I did certain things in a way that she would understand. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. I will show this video right now.
This video was so amazing. You completely understand how to talk about this topic. I thought this list was going to be some general things not to say to children but you being an Aspie. You understand and can tell other adults. I really loved this video. Keep it up from a fellow aspergers youtuber! :)
This reminds me of myself in too many ways. All the other girls in college called me a cold-hearted b*tch. I'm not cold-hearted and I'm not a b*tch. I'm just not social and I always hid my emotions cuz I don't know those girls at all. I didn't want them to judge me. When 2 other girls got into car accidents, I didn't do anything cuz they came to school just fine. Also, in college, I had a professor who got in my face and yelled "Why can't you do your homework and pay attention in my class? I DON'T care if you like geography or Chemistry so much!! You need to do your homework!! You need to take responsibility for your homework and actions!!!" After that, I just put my homework on her desk, and left. I didn't go to class cuz I spent the day crying. There's been countless times where I thought it was appropriate to say something but apparently my appropriate and everyone else's appropriate were 2 different appropriates. I got in trouble for saying inappropriate things. 1 thing I get told by people is "Stop! Just Stop!" I'd start talking about my day with my mom, she'll say "Stop! Just Stop!" I'll have no idea why she wants me to stop talking.
I'm an Aspie and hate bad words so pls no bad words
Kayla Martin its okay. Professors are bullies who can't get work elsewhere. I had them too. Get into music. You are the opposite of a cold hearted bitch, they just don't understand you. There are people out there who do. Sometimes you just have to go undercover and not talk until you get around the right people. There really is not enough support for Aspies in college. Right here is a good place to start a blog for Aspies in college. You can do that. Don't give up. And write a letter to the Dean about that stupid professor.
I guess my claws were coming out and being overprotective. I'm a mama bear for my aspbergers kids, and I know firsthand what bullies people can be to people whom they know are different. I use the B word sparingly, no offense meant in your direction.
"you're too sensitive". . Thought that was my name!!! Thank you SO much for making this. Explains my entire childhood. I'm now middle aged and only just realising why I've always been 'different' 🤗🙏💖
Thank you so much for such an informative and non-judgmental video! I sent this to my mom. She definitely has Aspergers but has gone her whole life without knowing all while attempting to cope with a considerable burden. I respect her and empathize with her so much but growing up with her was very difficult. She even had a similar experience with her mother as well. She also had no idea that I have Aspergers too. So it was difficult needless to say our communication has always suffered because she herself struggles with her Aspergers unbeknownst to her while she was trying to raise me as a neurotypical child. I did not understand half of the things that she told me as a kid I thought she was crazy and unreasonable and I was also gay so it didn’t help that she cried for two weeks when she found out which officially shut down our relationship. From then on it has been a rocky road. I’m doing the best I can to educate and help her understand more about ourselves in the most patient and loving way possible but sometimes I feel like the parent and I can be really close to losing my patience. But I absolutely have to forgive her because she didn’t know, she didn’t ask for it and she wants the best like I do so there is always hope and people even with Aspergers can change. Although psychotherapy has been really bad for us both . We had a therapist who spewed bullshit at us and told us to take these pills that only make us more disconnected from our feelings and ostracized from any hope of a professional diagnosis so I stopped seeing that therapist. I am now happy with a partner and writing a sci-fi novel. I’m not super social but I have very close friends. Overall my life has been difficult with a lot of miscommunications but there is a way out and only knowledge of our conditions (not ailments) can help alleviate the unnecessary discomforts in life so we can life more healthy productive lives. I hope someday that our children will be taught in school about Aspergers and how to understand these children better so we don’t perpetuate our same mistakes!
I could not agree more about the eye contact. I'm so glad to know there are people who understand Asperger's the way you do in the world. :) x
One of my cousins once said that if you point your finger at someone, there's three fingers pointing back at yourself. XD haha
This video was very helpful. I have a 10 yr. old daughter and a 7 yr. old son. with aspie disorders. I told my daughter to stop acting like an airhead. I felt so bad afterwards. I read her emotional journal.
It brought me to tears. She recoreded alot of neg. frustrating moments. I apologized and am more aware now. We have many battles and I have learned a lot along the way. The self education and adjustments are not easy, but well worth it.
THank you for helping me with my little girl with Aspergers. Your thoughts have made a difference in our lives
A ' not to say' that has driven me crazy over the years is " Smile you don't look happy" because I was in a crowd and concentrating trying to follow conversation. Nowadays I don't even bother with following a group of more than three having a conversation.
I' m 68 by the way and only recently discovered I am an Aspie after talking to my ex wife about my autistic daughter, who has more difficulties than I.
It's been a revelation to discover so much about myself that never made sense before; high marks at school for anything visual, but contsantly accused of not concentrating when lessons were just a teacher blah blah blahing.
Have never followed an unclear order without a reason being supplied, that got me into a lot of trouble at school.
A great video and a huge number of excellent comments.
I find it weird being diagnosed with Aspergers ten or so years ago, I understand sarcasm and metaphorical terms. I don't relate to the quirky behaviour mentioned in this video and on internet forums. The only things I struggle with is communication and looking people directly in the eye. I can do both of those things, but prior to communicating I have to think about what I'm going to say, somewhat like a movie script. It doesn't flow naturally like it does with most people. I can look people in the eye too but I have to try, and I'm tempted to divert the situation and do anything to look away. It's embarrassing, I'm barely 20, so hopefully I can learn to blend in more. Thanks for the video, was very helpful though :)
Look at the top of their nose instead if you can't make eye contact. It looks like eye contact, and you can see their facial expressions, but it's not as direct. Which makes it less awkward. :p
Thanks for sharing this video. I'm learning how to better communicate with my son. He is 8 and I finally got him on the ADOS list at Vanderbilt.
I love your idea a turning that pointing finger inward towards self. Thanks for the reminder that we have to look to ourselves sometimes, to clearly understand others.
Thank you. Great vid and possibly the first time I felt understood. Or at least to know how others experience their world with Aspe's.
Thanks for watching, KJC!
i am 23 yrs old male , and only today i realized i am an aspie. i always knew i was different but never knew wat was wrong wid me. thnks for the video though
Chris Wain thanks man. at least now i know wts wrong with me and thts a big step forward. appreciate bro
You too, eh ? I was diagnosed at age 8. My mom was told to institutionalize me and she refused. She told me to be like the other kids and to pretend to be normal. I did just that. And eventually I got so good at faking normal, that people have a hard time believing I even have Asperger's.
Wish my parents understood me; I just got abused for 18 odd years.
Wow .. you demonstrate an enormous insight! Thank you very much for this video.
Thank you so much for watching!
+TEACHthroughLove very informative even for adult aspies which i am thank you
+TEACHthroughLove Thank you
+TEACHthroughLove Thank you so much I wanna give you a hug
Thank you. Lots of wisdom in this. As a parent and a self-diagnosed adult, you have provided so many insights I have tried to verbalize but been unable to.
I have watched this so many times over the last couple of years, it has been really helpful and is a good reminder for me as a parent to go back to basics.
Thank you again
I lack empathy,but I have heightened sympathy
same
If you're a woman not sure about guys I read that our intellectual empathy is off or not in tune so much but our emotional empathy is high that's something i came across i just started reading about it though because it's just been suggested to me by a psychiatrist that i might have a.s.d.. i was visiting him to see if i had a.d.d
first time i heard someone tries to help out from the heart. really touching. i thank you for that
Thanks for watching, Gustavo!
Thanks ***** , for going against parents and helping us.
***** well, not really going AGAINST them but helping them get to know us aspies better.
i cannot thank you enough for sharing these insights. I learned more about my ignorance and got encouragement from your video to be more open for collaboration with kids and peers with Aspergers.
Well done breaking down the symptoms and more importantly, applications for helping in these difficult situations. I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum and have realized this for about 10 years now, after having read an article from a male aspie about how he was “okay” as a single person...until he married and cracked and became altogether different in that situation. I SO related to the details he shared. It’s sad yet there’s a glimmer of hope, now that I’m learning more about it.
My son has this and has strong emotional outbursts. I love what you said about all of this, it is so hard as a parent to try to get their teachers to understand. My son starts jr high and is so stressed. I love him so much and it hurts me to my soul that other people may assume he is a bad kid.