What to wear to a wedding, Victorian style? Fashion advice from the Victorians etiquette books
Vložit
- čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
- I'm answering YOUR fashion questions about what to wear to a wedding, wedding traditions, white gowns and wedding dress history-- with fashion advice from the Victorians etiquette books and fashion magazines. Visit birchliving.com/SnappyDragon and get 25% off your Birch mattress plus two free Eco-Rest pillows for a limited time during their 4th of July Sale.
Wedding season brings fashion questions : is wearing a white dress to a wedding ever okay? Did Queen Victoria really popularize the white dress? Where did all of these wedding superstitions and traditions about fashion come from? Turns out, fashion advice from the Victorians is still very useful, especially when it comes to the origin of wedding traditions. Turns out, back in Victorian times, the bride wasn't the only one allowed to wear white-- and this is only one of the fun wedding facts I learned doing this dress history research.
I got a ton of questions about what to wear to a wedding, and about wearing any amount of white in your dress. Unlike today, not only was wearing white to a wedding okay in Victorian times, it was encouraged if you were a bridesmaid or a newlywed! Victorian brides were expected to wear their wedding gown to all formal events for a year after getting married, including a formal wedding ceremony for someone else. It was the wedding flowers that were the most important indicator of who was the bride, rather than the veil or the white gown.
And for much of Victorian history, white dresses were not automatically part of bridal traditions! Queen Victoria did wear a white dress, and while white was one of many popular colors for wedding dresses, Victoria's white gown did make them the ideal. But many Victorian brides preferred other colors, because they were more affordable so they could continue to wear their wedding dress to more events. The history of weddings worldwide doesn't limit the bride to white, either-- red and even black are the traditional color for brides in different regions.
I hope having these wedding traditions explained and your Victorian style wedding questions answered helps! Whether you need wedding ideas for planning your own, or are wondering what to wear to a wedding, you have plenty of advice to consider and make your own choice from. The most important thing is celebrating your friends who are getting married. Wedding superstitions and traditions are a great way to do that, as long as they aren't used to get in the way of celebrating love.
Join my Patreon for Discord access, behind-the-scenes updates, pattern diagrams, research lists, monthly video chats, and more! / snappydragonstudios
Or, you can buy me some Ko-Fi : ko-fi.com/snappydragon
Follow me on IG for more stitchy business : @missSnappyDragon
For business inquiries, send an e-mail to : SnappyDragon at TBHonestSocial dot Com
I do not take personal costume/sewing or research commissions.
Want to send me letters? Send mail to PO Box 11573, Oakland CA, 94611! Letters and cards only please 💚 - Jak na to + styl
“Because humans are like this” an underused reason when it so often applies
👆👆👆
Fun fact: white has been traditional for Jewish weddings (particularly Ashkenazi) longer than for xtian weddings. But in Jewish weddings white doesn't have the creepy misogynist "I have an intact hymen" symbolism. Both the bride and groom wore white for the same reason we frequently wear white for Yom Kippur: to symbolize a blank sheet of parchment with all of our recorded sins erased. A couple's wedding day is supposed to be their own personal Yom Kippur, and Orthodox couples will still fast until after the ceremony, so that they go into their new life together with a blank slate, or blank parchment, with all of their sins from their individual lives erased.
See I like this tradition so much better! . . . but I'm still not wearing white if I ever get married, I will look like a corpse. And cool as the Jewish corpse bride folk tale is, it's not my vibe 🤣
Definitely a vast improvement over the christian one.
I read a post apocalyptic story once (*maybe* by Joan Aiken??? ) where brides wore yellow to symbolise the wish for some sunshine in their future (so much pollution meant sunny days were rare in this story).
@@SnappyDragon you would, however, look stunning in ivory. (My mother got married again at the age of 75. She wore a white cocktail dress and a hat with a veil, and looked appropriate and lovely. My brother and I walked her down.)
@@JenInOz Yellow?!??! Great, so in this future I would look like I have jaundice on my wedding day.
Video idea: how to dress for first impressions: job interviews, meeting your partner’s parents, etc.
First time I met my husbands family they gave my 6 year old son strawberries, so they won't remember anything else but the sight of his allergic reaction 😅, we didn't know he was allergic, so it was memorable but not in a good way. ❤
Scandinavian folk clothes including bridalwear usually have a lot of black in them. My folkdräkt has a black wool skirt and a red bodice and the apron and all the accessories have a bunch of different colours. The costumes are usually mostly black and red and the embroidery and jewellery and details are very colourful.
And although my bunad is green (like the cap the embroidery was based on), the cut of it is based on a circa 1850 wedding dress which was black.
As a former wedding photographer, my advice is to follow the cues of your invitation (the printing, any instructions, the type of venue), what folks involved in the wedding are saying about how the wedding party is approaching the wedding (my/our big day or joy-centered celebration), and just don't overdo it. Also, wear shoes that you can be in for the whole day and reception or have a change of shoes in the car for between the wedding and reception. Simple flats or sandals are fine if heels do not love your feet!
Thankfully I know the couple getting married quite well-- they're basically planning a weekend of folk-dancing, so I'll pack three or four dance dresses and some comfy clothes for mornings. And dance shoes, of course!
@@SnappyDragonsounds like it is going to be a marvelous wedding.
This is right on target.
Fun fact for you…Mary Queen of Scots wore a white wedding dress for her wedding day to the Dauphin of France. It was said to be richly made the color of ivory with orange blossoms and Lilies, can’t remember which kind, embroidered on it. People who witnessed were said to be shocked and were in awe of her choice of color. I don’t know why I know this, just a random tidbit of trivia. Have fun at the wedding whatever you wear, I dig purple, it’s my jam. Cheers❤
Oooh I'll have to look into this!
If I remember correctly that far back in history it was either white or yellow was actually a mourning color in france. But I may be remembering wrong.
@@rebeccawayman4219 Mary Queen of Scotts wore a lot of white, anyway. She had red gold hair and white was very flattering, becoming “her color.”
@@nancyjohnson7147 nope,,, you are correct. That’s why many were shocked.
@@SnappyDragon it will be another fun rabbit hole indeed. What a neat tidbit of history though.
I think I remember reading/hearing from an older relative, that lower-income brides would dye the white dress and put it into regular usage after.
@@sisuka6505 my granny got married in 1939, and did exactly that. She was thrifty, not poor. And with rationing later on, it was totally necessary
Late 60s and my best friend who got married thought about that but she could only afford a polyester one that one couldn't dye. I had the usual hot pink frou frou dress that no one would ever wear in public again.
One of the things I read (not 19thC, later) mentioned that white wedding dresses truly became ubiquitous in the 30s-40s because of the availability of cheaper rayon and synthetic materials for them.
Hippies did too in the 1970s - my mum wore a white cotton dress that she later dyed pink
@@SnappyDragon My parents got married in December 1951 and they both purchased new suits for the occasion. Mom’s was black. They were both in their 30s at the time and it was their first and only marriage.
In Korea, it was traditional to wear red at the wedding. Those dresses were *heavily* embroidered so there was no way you could upstage a bride
Fun fact: those particular dresses were only reserved for royalty, but peasant girls were allowed to wear them on their wedding day so they can be a princess for a day. There was a dedicated place where those wedding clothes were kept and you could go borrow them for your wedding ceremony
I like the idea of them being communal like that!
That sounds lovely. In Sweden we usually had a bridal crown in silver (in the parish church) that a woman could borrow for her wedding. That's still possible to do in many places.
Back when I was planning my own wedding, I remember reading somewhere that BLUE was originally the color associated with purity, because of its association with the Virgin Mary. I thought about having a blue wedding dress since I look good in blue, but ended up loving a beautiful ivory peau de soie gown. Maybe for our tenth anniversary next year we'll do a vow renewal and I'll wear blue!
My grandma wore blue for her wedding. It was a shocking choice for her because she's mennonite, and up until those days (the 50s) women only got married in black. But my grandma refused to get married in a mourning dress.
My mom heard the same thing, and opted to wear a denim dress, and the dress code for everyone else was blue jeans... 😂
I had a baby blue wedding dress, and loved having something with color. White/ivory dresses are fine, but I wanted something a little more colorful.
I have a fashion plate, from 1869. The bride is wearing a blue underskirt and a lot of froof in white. It's quite low cut, like a ballgown. The bridesmaid (aged about 7) is wearing a white petticoat with a pink jacket, and what looks like the matron of honour (I am guessing it's the bride's married sister) is wearing a very stylish light brown silk.
PS green is deemed to be bad luck because it's the colour of The Good Ones, and you might have them steal the bride
That sounds like a lovely plate! Do you know where the superstition about green being the color of the Fair Folk comes from? I've read that in some places it was one of the many preferred colors for brides, because it symbolized fertility and new beginnings.
@@SnappyDragon not really, it's just something I grew up with. It could just be my family, most of whom are of Scottish, Irish, and Scandinavian descent. But They are renowned for living in green mounds and the two strange children of Woolpit had green skin. Until they had spent enough time away from their home.
We had a hike-in wedding and now I never want to attend another fancy dress wedding again. No pomp, just comfy clothes, good times with friends, and all the dogs and kids. 12/10, would recommend 😄
I do really love "unconventional" weddings like that. I'd much rather go to a ceremony and party that reflects who the spouses are and what matters to them, than something they're "supposed" to do.
My Dutch grandmother wore a dark silk dress for her wedding in the early 1920s. Many European Catholic traditions had the bride wear a new dark dress to indicate her new status, with a change of headdress style to further reinforce the message.
My Dutch grandmother married in black, because she was in mourning over her father's death. The wedding had to happen soon though, can't have the farm be without a man on it
My paternal grandmother wore a purple dress to her wedding. Family lore is divided on her reasoning when white was the standard by then (maternal gran wore white), with some thinking it was a Sunday Best situation, others thinking it had to do with some patriarchy-induced shame about bad things that happened to her as a very young child. My hope is that it was an intentional choice to spite her uptight family.
I hope so too! I think everyone should be able to get married in the color that makes them feel most celebratory.
I once wore a lovely warm-red dress, as in, not siren red but slightly darker (but not burgundy) and then the bride turned up and was wearing the exact same shade of red - LOL!!
Never knew about the orange blossoms, btw. I know I saw them mentioned in books etc. but didn't realise how significant they were for brides.
Oof, yes! I feel like this is why if one cares about people not matching the spouses, they ought to say so on the invitations or otherwise make it very clear.
I remember hearing that, although blue had been used as a symbol of purity in earlier times, Victoria decided against it as blue (as a symbol of purity) was the colour most commonly associated with pictures of the Virgin Mary, and she didn’t want to be seen as a Catholic sympathiser. Red (the colour of life and fertility) had also often been worn at wedding, but Victoria had worn red for her coronation, and wanted her wedding to be seen as a union between man and wife, not Queen and subject. She chose white because it held no symbolism at all, so couldn’t be misconstrued. After the royal wedding, all the brides wanted to wear white because that was what the Queen had worn.
She was definitely making a really strong statement about the nature of her marriage!
The only thing I know about weddings is something I read in Emily Post from last century, A new bride wears white, if she gets married again she wears Ivory and a third time Turquoise. She doesn't say what comes next. I guess, Honey three times, just give up.
Oh goodness, that's very specific!
ngl I was a little relieved when my friends' wedding was postponed due to covid (they still got married but just went to the courthouse alone), because it's given me more time to think about what I want to wear as a nonbinary person in the wedding party.
I've seen some incredibly cool outfits, both on guests and on nonbinary folk who are marrying!
That can be a hard question. What did you go for? (If you are willing to share?)
@@danielalaatz57 it actually still hasn't happened yet lol. the original plan of pushing it back 1 year did work for international wedding party members reasons, so they decided to wait until their 5th or 7th anniversary to celebrate. which means I still haven't decided on what I'm wearing
@@nyves104 I hope you find something you feel good in.
Actually, as we got married during Covid restrictions with a very small party, we were thinking about having a nice big party for our 5th anniversary. If you have any input I would live Ideas for inclusive dresscode. Although I think everyone who knows us will just wear what they feel comfortable in anyhow.
My Finnish maternal grandmother wore all black to her rural wedding in the late 1930s. She was born in 1917 in a part of Karelia that became a part of Russia after WW2.
On the other hand, my Swedo-Finnish paternal grandmother wore all white to her wedding, in the mid-1930s. She was born in 1907 in Helsinki, our capitol, where she also got married.
My Dutch grandmother married in black, because she was in mourning over her father's death. The wedding had to happen soon, because there just had to be a man on the farm..
I found it really interesting that none of these books had much to say about if the bride was in mourning! It had to have been something that happened, but I didn't see any specific suggestions for it.
I only recall attending one Jewish wedding. The couple was late because they had to find a minyan en route to the site. The ceremony took place outdoors, in the summer, with little to no shade. The ceremony itself and lunch afterwards was more about impressing the in-laws than anything else. I guess the in-laws were fans of brief ceremonies and bland food.
From what I gather, most Jewish weddings are better planned and more celebratory.
I think weddings in any culture can be a good or bad time depending on the individuals planning them
I'm not Jewish, so I had to look up what a minyan was. Thanks, I learned a new thing today, and it's only 8:47 in the morning.
If I remember correctly, the bodice that the cut of the nordlandsbunad (from Vefsn, roughly in the middle of Norway) is modelled after was/is black, and that was originally the bodice of a wedding dress.
As for what uniquely differentiated the bride, it was her headwear: she might wear a wreath of myrtle flowers, or even a crown.
It makes a lot of sense to have the bride identified by a headdress rather than specific type of dress! Much less resource-intensive to make a headdress than an entire outfit only for getting married in.
@@SnappyDragon
And the wreath was fresh flowers of the season allowed it, while the crown would obviously be reused by future brides.
@@SnappyDragon There were women who were "bride dressers" and they would lend the crown, and sometimes also the dress, to the bride. The crowns I've seen are very large and colorful, with pieces of colored paper dangling from the top.
To preface: I really love my mother in law even though she can sometimes be a lot, especially when she’s excited about something. So when I was planning my wedding I remember her being almost horrified that my mother was planning to wear a black dress. I couldn’t have cared less, especially since the dress suited my mom’s typical style. And I wanted her to feel comfortable in what she wore.
The funniest part about it to me was that my mother in law wore this dark navy dress that I would have mistaken for black if she hadn’t had that reaction to my mother’s dress color.
Ahahahaha. This is why we really need to stop making assumptions like this about what color people are wearing. If I want to ill-wish someone's wedding, I wouldn't wear black, I'd go full Maleficent and show up with a dragon or something 🤣
Do you own a time machine?
If yes you are invited to my wedding. I am going to have insulted you shortly before the wedding.
That would be cool.
Of course you know better, but I could imagine that she chose such a dark color so she would blend in with your mom’s choice. I know my mother in law thought it important to coordinate with my mom.
Some years back (the 1980s) my immediate supervisor -- and friend -- was criticized for an outfit choice to wear to a wedding by her sister because it was white. I saw it and it was not entirely white, but blue and white striped! Needless to say, I was appalled by her sister's criticism especially when her sister was going to wear black lace!
P.S.: Fast forward 40 years later -- I think that the black and white dress you pulled out is charming!
Yeah that seems just incredibly unnecessary!
Both grooms? Nice. As a fellow redhead, I would say a nice dark color like a dark blue or purple. Because light colors seem to wash us out. But if you are one of the rare redheads who can pull off pink? Go for pink!
I second dark blue, that tends to go well with red hair. Or green, although that might give wood elf/Merida vibes (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). Depending on how close one is with the soon-to-be-wedded, the easiest way is to send them a picture of what you want to wear and ask if thats ok with them. Problem solved🥳
Ooooh I do have a pink dress that would work really well, from the Ora Lin Robin blouse pattern! I'll add that to the list of things to bring. The celebration is a full weekend, so I'm bringing options.
If I was redhead I would choose green or blue for contrasting colour. I love contrast!
I went to a wedding about 15 years ago, and the redheaded bride wore a champagne silk satin dress: It was an absolutely exquisite combination 🤗
That sounds lovely!
I think the white dress she held up gets even more of a free pass because most women get married in floor length dresses made of nonpatterned fabric. But also it's a gay wedding so who cares? It looks cute!
Oh yeah, I would have no concern for that dress being mistaken for a bridal dress-- it's part of why I used it as an example of how ridiculous this standard can be!
Yes, we scandinavians did wear black wedding dresses!! I haven't read too much on the topic, but it's still a tradition in some southern regions where traditional dress still lingers as festive wear.
Oh good I'm glad I wasn't misinformed!
I've been to a *LOT* of family weddings, christnings and funerals. I wear what I want (though I've never worn white except as a shirt/blouse). My family members have come to formal ceremonies wearing everything from suits and full formal gowns to tracksuits in bright pink (yes, I've seen that at a funeral). Aside from the variations of traditional wedding dresses, there have been brides dressed in pastel "office suits" (one in slacks) with a lacy or floral-topped facinator. One cousin and her bridesmaids wore camo and jeans. Most of my cousins don't care what you wear, they're just happy you showed up. Re: Black at a wedding. I've worn a black dress to a wedding (floral fabric). I went with my Grandmother and Aunt to pick a dress out, and I came out of the dressing room and they both said "That's lovely, you look charming."- and my Aunt was a stickler for proper etiquette.
It sounds absolutely ideal to have a family that prioritizes what matters 💚
Bridal costumes in European folk costume can get pretty wild. I went to a folk costume museum in Serbia last year and some of the bridal outfits were covered in coins or involved insanely elaborate headdresses.
I always love seeing these! It really goes to show just how limited our idea of "Western" or "European" fashion is, that so many regional styles got overwritten by English/French fashions.
It is very interesting that so much of what we think of as a wedding in the West is so recent.
This seems to be the case with a lot of supposedly super-old institutions!
Excellent of you to mention multiple cultures ❤
For what it's worth, a close friend of mine has said for years that she's going to show up to my wedding in cosplay. I told her to go for it.
I love a costume wedding! Lots of the Victorian sources talked about themed historical outfits for the bridal party.
I think that one of the reasons for weddings being fancy could be that marriage was a huge deal, a change of life, a relationship that was meant to be for the rest of their lives. Even a change in dress, the way the women wore their hair and how they covered their hair could change. In Sweden similar things also happened after the adolescents confirmation in church, where the young girls started to wear their hair up afterwards
Pretty much all of my wedding attire knowledge (outside of wedding dresses themselves) comes from reddit's Am I the Asshole posts, and my fun "fact" is that apparently, if you were red (I'm assuming a bright red) to a wedding as a female presenting person, it means that you slept with the groom before. That may be more of a southern thing. No one said anything when I wore a red polka dot dress to my cousin's wedding.
I. I just. Why??? At this point I feel like there's got to be a superstition somewhere about wearing just about every color to a wedding, and none of them are "I am happy for the spouses and wish them well".
I have nothing to contribute to this conversation but I shall comment to feed the algorithmic machine. All hail the algorithm.
A few years ago, we were invited to a steampunk festival and to attend a friend's Wiccan handfasting that was being held as part of the festival programme. I made myself and hubby lovely steampunk outfits for the occasion. When we got there we were invited to be part of the bridal party which was lovely except that everyone else in the party was wearing "elven " style dresses so we stood out in our steam punk clothes.
In Japanese traditional weddings, the bride changed several times - she would arrive and be welcomed in a formal furisode, the garment of unmarried women, adorned with the crest of her maiden family. She'd then change into a Shirokakeshita, a white kimono and accessories, to drink the nuptial wine - there is a bit of debate about the symbolism of the white, some say it's for purity, some say it's to show the transition from her old 'colours' to her new family's 'colours', some say it's to mourn her childhood/life with her parents. (I see the purity meaning a lot more in newer sources and have my suspicions that it's mostly seeped over from Western exposure.) Depending on the culture and religion being observed, she may also wear either a fancy red and gold Uchikake over-robe for good fortune, or a white one. After the main ceremony, she'd then change again into a new adult woman's formal kimono, normally a Tomesode with her new family's crest on it, and be introduced to the new relations and friends of the groom's family as a married woman while wearing this kimono.
There are of course lots of variations, and during the Edo period the bright might have changed at least her accessories and outer layers 5+ times! Nowdays the bridal outfits can be anywhere from full ultra-traditional Shinto with multiple changes to a completely modern/western gown, and there are so many fun and interesting hybrid styles and variations that people create in the space in between.
I've seen a few pictures of wedding kimono and they're gorgeous!
A lot of the instances I have come across regarding colors that shouldn't be worn, are rules for A holes who are going to show up in white to try and upstage the bride, or black funeral attire to show they are morning the marriage. A case of crazy is going to crazy but at least every else can know they are crazy.
Yeah, it seems like attaching these meanings just gives people a way to either pick at others, or express the sort of self-centered behavior that they'd find a way to do so anyways. If you're that upset at a wedding happening . . . maybe don't go?
In addition to Asian weddings usually being red, the traditional color in Sudan is red and I have some evidence that red was the traditional Egyptian color too. Additionally, both 19th century Egypt and current Sudan had traditional bridal shawls imported from India! The Sudanese one is a plsid with gold, red, blue, and other colors, called a Garmasis, and the Egyptian one was a red Kashmir shawl draped to hide the bride from view, with a few pieces of jewelry attached on the outside.
In Morroco, the traditional dress was called "the Great dress", and was made of red velvet with gold embroidery.
A white wedding dress is lovely. My soft white wedding dress was going to be made of natural fabrics and in a style so it could be worn afterwards (I'm not spending that much money on a dress I wear only once) *and* it was going to be dyed a nice blue after the wedding. I also had plans to bead it so it would be "fancier" for the ceremony and I'd remove it after. Suffice it to say, I never got married (though it was close a couple times)..
I love the idea of designing a wedding dress with the intention of wearing it again! The idea of only wearing something once makes me really sad for all the work that went into the dress.
My grandmother and her sister both got married in 1930, a few months apart, and went in very different directions. Aunt Julia’s dress was a beautifully elaborate white confection with a fabulous beaded cloche hat and veil. Gram’s dress was a very pretty but practical brown velvet that was her ‘fancy’ dress for years afterward. These were not wealthy people, farming/mill working family in upstate New York. I think it was just a question of personalities and priorities. Julia wanted fancy, and she got it. It really was a great dress! Gram splashed out in other ways but was always practical and not super concerned about clothes.
On an amusing note, their father brought out his dandelion wine for Gram’s October wedding, but not for Julia’s in July. Whether he didn’t like Julia’s husband as much or the wine just wasn’t ready at the time, I have no idea, but Gram said her wedding was quite the party!
My husband has a book with photos of his ancestors from about 1890 when they came over from Norway and settled in the American Midwest. As the men got married, each of their brides wore the exact same purple gown initially belonging to the husbands' sister (photos are sepia, but a family member kept a journal) that was temporarily altered for her.
So there's a decade's worth of photos from 8 different weddings where there's different couples, same dress.
Oh wow! I do like the idea of having something shared or communal like that.
Black is a bad colour for men's suits. Navy or dark grey is a much better choice for your first suit. If you want to wear your suit to a funeral, pair your navy or dark grey suit with a black tie. To a wedding wear a bright and joyous tie.
When we were planning our wedding (lo these many years ago) I was horrified when the guy from the shul suggested using a light bulb instead of a wine glass for my new husband to crush "because it makes a louder noise." The reason for the wine glass (as far as i can tell) is because it's a symbol of celebration and we are reminding ourselves that until the Holy Temple is rebuilt all are celebrations are tempered by the remembrance of the destroyed Holy Temple.
If I get married again (divorced) I’m gonna wear orange blossoms in my hair… still won’t be a white dress. My first was a champagne colored ball gown. If I get married again it would be in a colorful summer dress.
That sounds lovely! I'm in favor of flowers in hair no matter what.
The last wedding I attended was for my nephew and his husband. They got married on Halloween, and encouraged guests to come in costume. I had made a forest green 13th century kirtle and fashioned a veil out of linen leftover from making the shift. I spent all evening saying , no, I’m a medieval lady, not a nun, lol. I’ve always been curious about the custom of breaking a glass in Jewish weddings. I’m not sure if that’s a thing only in some sects or a standard thing. If you have any information on that or a reliable place to look for the answer, I’d love to know. Have fun at the wedding! It’s been my experience that queer weddings are such a fun and joyous celebration of newly gained rights. Wishing the couple all the joy and happiness!
Ahhh I love a costume wedding!
My mother-in-law wore a white linen shift dress with a floral border to my wedding. Even though I was a small wedding (35 guests), it was *very* obvious she wasn't the bride! I guess the no-white rule depends on the level of formality expected of the guests - if it's going to be very fancy, a long white dress can easily be mistaken for a wedding dress so it's best avoided. Otherwise I don't think it matters!
I think this thing of "not upstaging the bride" is a little bit nonsensical. If you're invited to a woman's wedding you should know her well enough to know whether your chosen outfit will upstage her dress, if you don't then you really have no business accepting her invitation. White is a fine color for a daytime summer party, whether or not it is a wedding. It is usually considered a faux pas to wear white in the evening, or when it is not summer (the oft cited rule in America is "after Veterans Day" which is at the beginning of September). Again, this technically applies to all parties not just weddings although weddings are typically a time when following rules of etiquette is expected. A white ball gown for a bride is an exception to the "no white in the evenings" rule, and likewise a white dress for a bride is an exception to the "white is a summer color" rule. But in summer and in the daytime, white is always an acceptable color for anyone: especially if it is not solid white. People tend to bling out their wedding attire, so I honestly would never worry about upstaging either a bride or groom. Though, if the bride is a minimalist and you're a maximalist, I'd perhaps suggest toning your typical accessorizing down a little since this is her day not yours. But this has less to do with colors and more to do with jewelry or scarves and the like, and it's about not interrupting the bride's aesthetic rather than not upstaging her. If she is someone who likes things sleek and clean, then modifying your usual dress habits in that direction for one party is a way of showing affection for her.
Yeah, I think "don't wear white" is definitely oversimplifying the spirit of the intended guideline-- "It's not your wedding, so don't make it about you".
I would add that white - being harder and more expensive to maintain in clean condition, would have been more easily available to the upper classes. Therefore, though I don't think I have heard anyone say it; I do believe that a white gown in general would not have been popular with the lower classes, as they would not likely have had the time and money for proper care of a white gown to be worn several times, needing to be cleaned between uses. Victorian and pre-Victorian wedding dresses were many different colors. My great grandmother's (in the late 1800's) was a grey-ish steel blue. I have seen pictures of brides in blues, pinks, and even reds for their wedding day. The color of the dress was far less important than the flowers. Also, there is is symbolism assigned to the other dress colors as well.
Oh definitely! People on a budget were much less likely to go for a new white gown, and a lot more likely to have a new "best" dress in a fabric they could easily reuse. Or, wear whatever their "best" dress was if they couldn't afford a new one.
In Bengali culture, brides wear red, so as a wedding guest, I won't wear red or anything that could be close to it. The only exception was when I attended a wedding during lockdown through a video call, and the bride was wearing pink, so my orange shalwar kameez (that can look red at certain angles) didn't seem like I was upstaging the bride.
My family is from Norway, and the 19th Century was the rise of the folk costume as A Thing Of National Pride in Scandinavia. Many of those folk costumes are black (or other dark color) with embroidery. All are based on late-18th Century clothes with small regional variations. I would bet a great deal that that's what was going on.
Some (especially those developed later) are based on early to mid-19th century clothes as well, but you’re right about the colours: black, blue and red are the most common main colours, with green not too far behind. The general trend is that the wool is dyed a “rich” colour (black is always deep black and not charcoal, for example) and the shirt is bleached linen, usually with whitework embroidery. If the bodice is silk, it may also be a different colour such as gold, which is less commonly used for wool.
When I was a child I went to a 19th century house that had been turned into a museum in a place called Tailem Bend in South Australia. The exhibits included the wedding dress that the wife had worn. It was black. I wouldn't absolutely swear to it but I think I also saw black wedding dresses in similar museums in the Barossa Valley, which was settled by Lutheran Prussians.
In the picture taken of my grandparents at their wedding in 1909, my grandmother and her attendant are both wearing what look like Edwardian white dresses. It was a Lutheran wedding. Both my grandparents were first generation Americans from Sweden.
I am of the opinion that someone who gets married should just state on the invitation what they would like guests to wear. We had one rule: we want colours, no black.
My Father and Brother came as complete beautiful rainbows, having purchased tie-dyed Jodhpur trousers, my brother even combining it with an Antifa bandshirt. You don't get this look at a wedding if you don't ask for it.
Others wanted something more formal and I told them if they really want to wear a three piece suit in August, fine but take a nice colour.
So I would advise to just ask the grooms or their best men. I was told many people these days create an email account for the wedding (or a WhatsApp group if you're willing to use that) especially for these kinds of questions. That was helpful for us. I just gave that to my best men (love him) and let him handle any questions from the guest.
Yeah, saying so on the invitations just seems sensible.
My mother's father passed away suddenly, shortly before her wedding. She didn't feel like wearing a traditional wedding dress, so she wore a light grey suit. She looked lovely.
In the 1500s in Sweden there were a tradition of bestmens (brudsvennar). They were to protect the couple to and from the church. 😁They could also help to kidnap the bride if her family didn't wish for the marriage.😅
I believe the best man in other areas had similar duties-- and in the 19th century this evolved into making sure the groom showed up, was not drunk, et c.
I got married in jeans and my favorite black blouse! My first wedding my bridesmaids wore black.... I am decidedly not one for tradition 😂
It sounds like your wedding was perfect for you!
i'd love victorian advice for dressing in all black whilst making it clear that you're not in even half mourning; it seems like the line between half mourning dress and dress that just happens to be black or in somber colors is nonexistent... which is not the most helpful if you find black is by far the most becoming color on you
I remember in the ‘Little House’ books that Laura close to wear a black dress for her wedding, while her mother quoted ‘married in black you’ll wish yourself back.’ This is a memory from 40+ years so I may have it a little off, but it has stuck with me all these years.
Oooh, I wonder if the Great Dress is what those descriptions of the Jewish wedding referred to!
I really hope the hype around the white wedding dress will cease. White simply does not suit everyone, let alone in form of a flouncing cupcake. Let brides wear what they want, not what is „social norm“!
@@dressdeveloper I wore a bright orange/gold taffeta skirt with a black corset decorated with Chinese dragons in gold. I don't like white so I was all for drama
This this this!
@@kikidevine694 that sounds gorgeous!
I wore brown to my cousin's midday spring/summer black and white themed wedding because EVERYONE I asked said wearing black was bad luck. I stuck out like a sore thumb in the pictures.
If the theme is black and white, I can't see why people would suggest going against it!
@@SnappyDragon I didn't realize the theme at the time, I should have worn black or red
this was fun--tyvm!!
How fun to look back on things like this. At my wedding, I wore all black. The Husbear wore black. Nearly all of guests wore all black. I didn't even know that it was a faux pas to wear black to a wedding until so many guests were asking me if it was okay. Regarding my wedding party, I told them the dress code was, and I quote, "I don't give a heck what you wear, so long as it's all black. Wear a bathrobe for all I care. I just want you comfy, happy, and in black." 🤣
I certainly hope no one had the audacity to talk about how one shouldn't wear blac at a wedding to you!
Sweden does indeed have a tradition of black wedding dresses. It was mostly worn by lower income brides, who weren't going to waste money on a dress you would only wear once! A black wool dress with long sleeves and a high neck would be respectable in any social situation and could thus be used over and over. When used as a wedding dress it would be combined with a white veil and other white accessories, as well as a bouquet and maybe a small crown. (source: a book by swedish artist and dress historian Tonie Lewenhaupt that would translate to "Black as-" but I don't think it's been translated to other languages).
I briefly considered wearing a black wedding dress since I am a goth at heart, but eventually made a green outfit with gold details. Anything but the usual white dress that I would absolutely get dirty in an instant! My white hooped petticoat had so much mud on it, thank god it was 100% cotton bedsheets and curtains (I made the entire outfit machine washable because I am very clumsy). 😅
That makes total sense! I honestly would prefer just about anything other than white, too.
In my part of the world (sweden) brides of the lower classes (my reference is a lot of family photos thanks to my mothers geneology research) often wore black long into the 20ths century.
The reason is money issues. ...people just couldn't afford more than one lavish dress and it needed to be used in burials and fancy parties to.
Black was the go to "dressed up" colour.
I know in the 16th and 17th centuries, true black was an expensive color to dye so it was considered extra fancy. I wonder if that stuck around longer there than in other regions?
I’m planning on making my wedding dress, and intend to be able to wear it for formal events afterward. I’m thinking of a green dress
That is what I thought. Only as I married in the hottest days of summer I decided on a not so formal comfortable summer dress. It just looks formal with the hair up and flowers and all. And now I have a summer dress.
I feel similarly! I am sure I'll end up making the dress if I get married, and I don't want to put all that work into something only to shove it in a closet after one use.
If there is no dress code on the invitation, *ask the marrying couple*! I so hate it, when I have to do the guess work about "clues" in the invitation. I went to a couple of weddings without a dresscode, so it seemed to be "wear whatever festive clothes you like". But... it really wasn't, in the end it was more like "you simply have to *know* what is appropriate", but they won't tell you...
I did follow the rules you discribed "will I look like I could be mistaken for the bride in photos?" & "does this make me feel festive?" and every single outfit got me some side eyes and snide comments either by another guest, or even by the bride or the groom. As well as a ton of compliments and surprise/shock when I told other attendees about the critique.
--> The first time I was wearing a long flower printed halterneck dress. The second time a salmon pink pencil skirt + a cream silk blouse. And then a turquoise knee length wrap dress. So no, I wasn't stealing anyone's show...
There are people who will find something to criticize no matter what-- which is why I think a lot of these color-related assumptions are silly.
thanks for this neat video!
my brother recently got married, they opted for a very small 'elopement' with 15 guests including their standing friends and their 3 children. It was beautiful, I did ask if they had any preferances with how people dressed and all I got was blacks fine, nothing bright. I'm know for wearing bright red so that was fair
I find it interesting the different expectations people have in different places for weddings and funerals. Where I live in Australia, a white patterned dress wouldn't be remarked on and I don't think a plain white one would be either unless it was very fancy because the difference in style between a wedding dress and an ordinary dress is quite extreme. It would be an unusual choice though. Most people wear dark colours with black being a favourite.
Sweet! I love this video. Thank you delving so deep into this. 🥰
I had a lot of fun! Can't wait for the next one.
Loved it!
"Some people have nothing better to do than be judgemental" When I got married, we both wore black. And we asked our guests to wear black and shades of purple. (With the exception of my grandma who felt uncomfortable in black, so we agreed another colour was just fine.) Some complete stranger decided to berate my brand new sisters in law for wearing black, because "you can't wear the same colour as the bride!". Yep, some people clearly have nothing better to do.
Whatever you wear, I hope you have fun at the wedding and that your friends have a beautiful life together. Great video as always!
I just. Imagine the audacity of berating the spouses' siblings for following the requested dress code???
In Norway, bridesmaids tend to be little girls, so them matching the bride is hardly going to cause any confusion. Besides, the bride is usually the only one with flowers in her hair (a veil, although traditional since pre-Christian times, is definitely optional nowadays, and even if one is worn it usually doesn’t cover the face).
@@SnappyDragon I know. I almost wish I had that kind of confidence.
This one was clever and entertaining
Loved this video! Only been to a handful of weddings myself.
Still more than me 🤣
❤❤❤ great video
I seriously do not care what people wear to a wedding. In fact, when I got married, I told my bridesmaids what the wedding colors were and let them choose. I was in a cream-colored dress...they all showed up in the same shade independently. It was lovely. Most of this is manufactured anger to give people something to be angry about, like socks and sandals. People LOVE rage bait regardless of why they are angry.
Yeah, the people who are determined to find something to critique will find something no matter how many "rules" the person follows.
I love all brave brides today, that go for coulorfull gowns. I had black tule (cupcaky) dress with golden stars and felt amazing.... ❤
I ran into all these weird ettiquette issues when I got married (30 yrs ago sigh) It was pretty low key but kind of fantasy based & I wore a $50 off white empire maxi dress with gold trim detailing & gold threading throughout. I liked the vintage vibe of it. Technically our colors were creme/off white, gold with teal & wine accent colors (which were in a paisley pattern vest & duster the MOD & BestMan & ring bearers wore) We both wore off white & gold. The older ladies in my family kept asking if it was ok if they wore x color. I was kind of pre occupied with school & fighting with my mother over the wedding while trying to secure a venue & figure out guest lists, food, music, etc. My reaction was IDGAF what you wear, wear what you want you aren't in the wedding party. My mom informed me that it was tradional to NOT wear the colors of the wedding party so no one would be confused? Idk, it was a summer wedding (Aug) & hot af, if people wanted to wear off white I didn't think anyone would confuse them with me the bride considering the fantasy costuming. We also stipulated NO GIFTs but got a bunch of glassware & a punch bowl we really didn't have room for in our apartment anyway lol.
Fun Random fact: when the Daughters of the American Revolution have their state and national meetings, the "pages" (younger women who are boots on the ground running the conference) wear white to both blend into the background but also be easy to find when you need help.
Since the dress code for evening is formal you have a bunch of ladies in wedding dresses. For the national meeting there are around 300!
Good for you girl
The only things I know for sure about dressing for a wedding is that white is for the bride only, red means you either have slept with, tried to, or are currently trying to sleep with the groom, and black is for funerals only (especially in more conservative Catholic families). I also read somewhere once that if a woman shows up in white, the bridesmaids are required to pour red wine on the dress, but I cannot find a source for that, so grains of salt and all that. I think the coolest little thing I found planning my own wedding is that for most Spanish-speaking countries it's more common for brides to have fans as opposed to bouquets, and as a Mexican fan enthusiast I am absolutely using this as an excuse to shop for new fans both for myself and my party. In addition, one thing we're doing to incorporate my fiance's Italian heritage, I'm letting him pick out my fan as traditionally, the groom will present the bride with a bouquet before they walk down the aisle together. I'm also opting for a more traditional mantilla style veil, as it seems to me the most versatile option as both a cultural and dressier piece of outerwear, and a small antique silver peineta from the region in Mexico part of my family is from instead of the "western" tiara. Doing the research into customs from our cultures, it's interesting to see what's been around since Roman/precolonial times, what was brought in by the church, and what was brought into vogue by Queen Victoria, but for me at least, it's about us declaring to the world that we choose each other and celebrating afterwards, so the artistic things we chose to keep and get rid of are really about who we are and where we came from more than any other significance.
The best part about Jewish weddings is the dancing. Nobody expects you to be good, just to get out on the dance floor and have fun.
As for curiosities aboutother Victorian fashion, I think maybe you have videos on all of them?
Mourning attire, duration. Accessories & other protocols
Esp. Black new or dyed
Was (lack ofl comfort a part of mourning
Hair jewelry
Other memorial practices related to fashion, or fashion-tangential
Common/lower class fancier clothes/fashion advice for "dressing up" when no nice clothes are available
Costumes & accessories worn to costume balls
My favorite part of Jewish weddings is that there is no "giving away the bride." The groom walks down the aisle between his parents, possibly followed by grandparents, siblings & any spouses, and ending with the bride escorted by both of her parents. The symbolism isn't a woman being passed from one man to another, but of two families joining together. Chasidic weddings muddy this up a bit by having the fathers accompany the groom and the mothers escort the bride, but that symbolism is still there.
People tend to overthink what to wear to wedding because they get caught up in the significance of the event. But youre a guest so its really not that deep. Just dress like you're going to a nice dinner with your parents in any color other than white. Its a long day so comfortable dress shoes are a must.
Jesus your hair looks amazing
Thanks!
I am from the north-west of Germany and here around the year 1900 women usually wore a black dress and a white veil for their wedding. I have seen many photos but don't know any particulars.
Super interesting!
But on the question of "should you be more formal than the bride and bridegroom" I remember watching some of the TV specials in the leadup to William and Kate's wedding, and one of them followed "an ordinary wedding guest" (a shopkeeper from Kate's hometown) as he and his wife got their wedding outfits. They're ethnically Indian, so she wore a sari, but the husband went to a bespoke tailor on Saville Row to get a suit made. They talked about how William and Kate had requested the guests NOT wear morning dress (because they thought it was old-fashioned and stuffy), but the shopkeeper was going to wear a morning suit anyway. Because it's a *Royal Wedding* and that is what is *appropriate*. You can't just go to a royal wedding in a regular suit! And the tailor heartily endorsed this.
That makes perfect sense! I think one doesn't want to outdress the overall vibes of the event, but for a literal royal wedding that's pretty hard to do 🤣
Very infirmative, thank you. What about the topic of gender bias clothing, i.e. an event where the wearer is attired in clothing suppossedly for the opposite gender or has aspects of clothing for the opposite gender. Such as a wedding where the men attending wish to wear dresses and the women wearing suits. Or any other formal event that requires the guests to be fittingly attired.
Hope that makes sence.
I don't tend to mess with gender much in my personal fashion, so I'm unsure if I'm the person to make that video-- but I did have a great time doing a video about the history of skirts as menswear back in April!
Many queer weddings tend to be a little more flamboyant than a traditional wedding, but as you said time of day and style of wedding kind of delegates the style of dress. If your friend has stated the style ie formal, traditional, evening, afternoon or morning wedding, with reception to follow....take your cues from the bridal pair. I think your black and white dress is lovely, but an afternoon wedding screams color and the season sets the color....ie winter, spring, fall or summer. A beach wedding would be different than a temple wedding, as would a traditional or themed wedding. Gather your info from your bridal couple and go from there.
I'm also going to my first wedding (for my cousin) in a few weeks. i have my outfit figured out (sans finalizing accessories), but the whole social etiquette has been stressful for my autistic ass lol. my wedding will 100% not be like this i will be telling everyone to dress like it's a ren faire
Yeah the social etiquette does seem a bit needlessly complicated. I'm happy that my friends' wedding is gonna be pretty different than the "standard", and I think will be a better time for everyone because of it.
Aren't the orange blossoms a fertility symbol? Which would make sense historically, but not necessarily match up with a modern bride's priorities.(Assuming she cares about flower symbolism.)
Yeah, that's what they seemed to be historically. And these days I don't think the symbolism would be familiar to most people . . .
@@SnappyDragon Probably not. It's a funny kind of drift in what falls under 'common knowledge.'
Mazel tov to your marrying friends!
Maybe a dumb question... but what did they do in the winter? Did they grow orange blossoms in green houses?
I'm not sure! One book or magazine said ordering two or three months in advance was needed, so perhaps they were imported? Silk or other artificial flowers were also really common.
I think rewearing your wedding dress is a great idea
just letting you know the link for your birch ad isn't a hyperlink in the description! i don't believe anyone who is genuinely looking to buy a would be put off by having to copy the text instead of clicking, but it might be worth correcting!
Yes, it is a big No NO to dress better or in white like the weddingdress, all around Europe. Where is that wedding happening?
I don't have a good, reputable source, but I have read several references to Spanish brides wearing black to symbolize that marriage would last until her death. I wish I could find proper sources to verify this.
Thankfully I never had to attend a wedding, and I would probably decline if invited
I always thought wearing a white dress was an american thing, because I only ever saw it in american films. Noone in my family or anyone I know was wearing a wedding dress to their wedding. Just a nice blouse and skirt, or trousers in black, red or blue. I myself wore a blue and white summer dress.
At least at the past they got some use out of their wedding dresses 😅
When in doubt just ask the bride to be what they would like and dislikes 💡