How to ask for help -- and get a "yes" | Heidi Grant
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- Asking for help is tough. But to get through life, you have to do it all the time. So how do you get comfortable asking? In this actionable talk, social psychologist Heidi Grant shares four simple rules for asking for help and getting it -- while making the process more rewarding for your helper, too.
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Summary:
1. Don’t say awkward things like: “I’m so sorry”, “I feel bad for asking you” etc. Skip small talk too. Go directly to the point and be specific about the help.
2. Don’t offer payment, especially to your friends and relatives. It makes it more like a business deal and also awkward. Giving gifts afterwards is better, but not crucial.
3. Ask in person, or at least face time or phone call. You’re more likely to get a positive response.
4. Provide feedback. Tell them how they helped you and make both of you feel good.
Thanks for the useful summary.
thanks you for your summary. In the morning, i am so sleppy.
Someone should give this man a medall
@@hahahahaha-od6oy lol
Potato King Thanks for the summary!
Thank you Dr. Grant, this talk is helping my family go through a tough time during this pandemic. I have not asked a family member or friend for help in over 10 years and I had no idea how to do it. This gave me the confidence to at least try.
You’re so brave, this is amazing 🖤🖤🖤🖤
THANK YOU. I watched this before I asked my dad to help me get a car and I usually make all the mistakes you said not to and followed your advice and he said yes. THANK YOU❤
*This video is*
*important especially to lower income people struggling to pull themselves up* *i talk to people like that and I always say no one has ever "made it" without help in some way shape or form so seek help, often they've already lose hope.* 💪
YESSSS! I feel this comment 100% ! Low income people need to stop being afraid of asking for help! & throw this feeling away of feeling like we dont deserve it
Heidi Grant
• Introduction, it’s hard asking for help
1:38 We have to get good at it
2:32 - Bad Assumption: Assuming people understand when you need help, and wait for someone to help you
3:21 You need to ask for it, if you want it.
4:33 Be specific: (1) What exactly do you want and (2) why?
6:07 Avoid: Disclaimers, Apologies, and Bribes
7:46 Email and text are impersonal. Email and text are less likely to get a “yes”
8:40 Follow up with them afterward
• Show the helper that their help really was effective
11:08 Reliance on each other
Thanks
very useful！
thanks!
👍
Thank You for making this videos. I'm so grateful. I don't know where to ask for help or anyone is genuinely cares about me? I experience a lot of trauma. i just wanted you to know how grateful I am for extending any help. rejections is hurtful as well as failure. all i wanted is to live a peaceful life but i guess its impossible for me to attain a peaceful life. I don't know how to communicate it in English because my native language is not English. But I would like to say Thank You very much from the bottom of my heart. words is not enough to express how grateful i am for doing this all for me. Thank You so much! ❤️💛🧡💙💚 You greatly help me realize that asking for help is okay. THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart.
*The power of asking. Thank you...Your talk really helps me a lot*
Also being helpful yourself when asked gets good returns.
I think more people have a greater fear of saying "I don't know" than asking for someone's help.
That was helpful and I am thankful.
100% agree with in person communication. I have taken on an interim role as a supervisor never dealt with administrative tasks before and I am astonished of how much communication is done through email which Sommer is helpful but how dismissive it can be
Amazing.....she said her partner ( a man ) actually asks her if theres anything she needs!!!!! If my husband asked me if theres anything I need Id faint from the shock. Of course, he has no inhibitions about asking me for anything and everything.
I ask my wife if she needs helps every day to as I know she would not ask for. Herself
@@Johanneslol11 you're an exception to the rule.
@@Johanneslol11 You're wife is a very lucky lady. I have to get in his face
@@nechiedavis1779 :) there is no rule, people should just be willing to help others more. I think that is a key point in any relationship.
@@Johanneslol11 I agree. All Im saying is that most men are clueless in this respect. Perhaps you should give classes for married men. How to be a better husband.
Im just saying that most men do not and will not ask their wives if they need anything.
Most men are all about their own needs.
Her: I’m bad at asking for help
Still her: I’m going to give a ted talk about asking for help
Never put yourself down whenever asking for anything.
Nobody likes victim-minded people. Have your sense of pride intact.
This speech has helped me a lot. Thank you!
She is so right about those LinkedIn requests I hate accepting hidden agenda requests
This is helpful,thank you a lot
before asking for help, Chinese people like to chat with the guy they want to ask for help, they normally do not directly into the main conversation, I guess it is a way that using to break the ice, to reduce the embarrassment. and Chinese like to say 礼尚往来, means Courtesy demands reciprocity。you help me today, I help you tomorrow.
皮皮怪的自宇 - similar to sayings "one hand washes the other" or "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". Unfortunately the theory behind the whole idea is subjective n misleading, all based on morals n character. Which I discovered as a child that most have little to none n only got reinforced over n over later: Morals, Common Sense n Conscience, like Love, Respect n Loyalty - all traits that are damn near extinct qualities...
@@mamaluvbug987 i see
I just started asking directly, unapologetic and to the point after trying to grow my art business on my own for over 5 years! Asked for vendors for a free pop up shop I'm offering to do for other entrepreneurs, when helping people it does come back. One of those entrepreneurs that signed up for my pop up shop offered to interview me on their radio station, so will keep asking for help and offer help back too.
I appreciate so much💗 when a speaker talks with a perfect pronunciation 🌟 which makes me feel treated with respect 🙏 - Thank You Very Much! 🙏👏👍
i wish i had a friend like this lady
this video was very helpful. as a matter of fact am about to go call all the people who said yes to helping me with fund for hardware for my youtube channel.
THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMATION ON HELP
i need to learn to say no...,this talk makes me feel better about not helping,..thanks.
Thank u for this advices u really help me to ask for a good yes help ..
Can you help me?
This was better than I expected. Awesome thanks!
Thank you
I feel touched and grateful, thank youu! Dr. Grant
Thanks a lot, lots of learning adapted for life.✨
everytime i ask for help i get ignored or turned down so i learned to live with what i have.
This video is perfect
Thank you ❤
Thank You! This was perfect!
I love you Heidi! Been a fan since I watched your get-better mindset talk at 99u 5 years ago
Wow im so grateful you made this omg
This can be used to ask for help as a family or a group as well...
Saying yes when someone ask for help is easier for me than asking for help from someone.
Same me too.
I haven't watched the video yet, but this reminds me of the line "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." from The Godfather film.
How to ask for help and get a 'yes'.
Pulls out a gun.
wow! one of the best ted talks, I'm so thankful
Ask for a help with a friendly smile ! They surely help you !
Will you accept a proposal 😊😊😊
I don't mind helping my friends and family out. If I have it to give great it is theirs. But it seems that the same people keep coming back over and over again. The truth is that I am not an ATM. I am struggling too. I am a single mom. I know that I should be able to say no but then I feel guilty.
Never give money and expect to get it back. You won't. Not ever. Don't do a favor for someone and expect them to do one for you. It is rare. Everyone has that one or two people who are always coming round asking for something. It makes those who really need help look bad. Not everyone who asks for help is a mooch.
Thank you!💕👍
love this talk!
I Am GRATEFUL Your Help IS Right On Time😅❤ May Many Blessings From The Universe Be Bestowed Upon You, Those You Love But Moreover Blessings Be Betowed Upon This Magnificent Planet Earth & The Universe😅😅😅❤❤❤😎
This is a very smart woman.
So strange hearing someone say they’re from South Jersey, too lol!
Thank you so much for your awesome tips!
Very fantastic video
Asking for help is a skill. Be specific. Express why you need help. Don't apologize, bribe or incentivize. Ask in person, not over text. Afterwards, let them know how their help saved you. #TEDTalk twitter.com/tedstalkin
Notes:
Whn asking fr help - Be specific and why
- no direct payments, no bribe, no disclaimer, no sorry. Alt: Be Awkward, give random(spontaneous) gifts
- no msg, no emails. Alt: f2f, call(phone) them, talk to them, let them hear your voice.
Aft getting helped - Give follow-up, pics, letters, proofs of your helpers impact.
Thank you ☺ I like to see TED💜💜
thanks
Very nice talk!
I am also ending my life ...
Now i am in dead end ...
Suffering from huge debt which is very difficulty to solve me right ..
Looking some financial help from my brothers and sisters..
No words to express my pain ... God is calling his word ..which is new for me ...
Try out for a medical study.. you can get money for participating in science
👍😊 very useful.... thanks 😊
No matter how ever i ask my friends classmates keep saying lies they cant help me or not possible understand excuses . I realised i will never get something that's not mine. Iam depressed iam just asking them a kind of digital study materials for my job preparation .they cant even copy and share to me what can one expect another. I did this same help to 100s of friends 100 times .they act like they don't have time to breath this excuse they have time to tell.
Know and understand: We get what we expect.
The "Universal Law of Attraction" is Absolute.
I encourage your gaining a comprehensive understanding of it, for we Literally Create/attract 100% of our experiences, our Reality.
Thus, we can adjust and enjoy positive reality Experiences.
This is the key to our Life Journey with desired, in greater joy and happiness.
*Mastering our: "Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs" are the "to do's"* ✓
Good one .. 👍
Very interesting
"I do not need nobody to help me. LIES."
~ NF, single track "WHY"
Dem double negatives... classic.
How about thins you can't possessed
We can't live without others help in this 🌍
No arrogance
Cousin I get my myself the thumbs up
Heidi. I just watched your video on salads. Question...how do you eat a wedge salad?
" use ur phone as a phone " 😁
I need finical help for my business?
Honking car locking wakes people up and creates Noise Stress Everywhere. When you park your car near our apartments and houses we can hear it inside. It wakes our kids up. Please lock your car quietly with light flash only. Thank you.
2:30 in still nothing offered
Can you help me to write content for me to get help from public
Most of this does not apply when you’re asking for financial help.
Maybe 10th
That's why the world is messed up that's family brothers and sister that's why we can't never get nowhere because embarrassed stuff it's okay to ask so y'all please don't listen to her while her father's side and you never get too old to learn God say help and not talk about a person help people help your help your enemies so how can we teach the young people stuff and we older people got education is on Facebook Instagram putting stuff like that
#staypositive #iwannadoatedtalk :)
Can you translate to ( Arabic ) , i am understand english but also we need arabic
AD upload Google translate app it’s free.
No one knows what you need?
Except for Google and Facebook I guess.
Siranat usawasutsakorn God, I hope you got more out of this then the thought to make a silly comment.
the illusion of transparency or the people around you just don't care about you.
No problem must not been all that good come back my damn daddy what's my uncle work at karma he never say I don't care how rich you didn't say you know what we can meet up today and down tomorrow don't you never forget don't you look down nobody cuz what you got diamond earrings at elementary school, yes you know about karma thank God that man raised me right and graduate from prairie view high college first black man from Huntsville guess I'll just come out Mason 200 gets jumpers I gave her power might get jumpers come on by babe I never got Instagram talk about what my dad said that was selling back I'll never said that so you ain't your damn Daddy come on so imagine when your kids and your grandkids grow up babe I feel so I'm going to be the main one shooting up and popping pills that s*** with you and your your daddy say
Americans need to change spelling of the word “really” to “wheally”
Does it sounds that way to you when we say it or something?
@@sublimesamoyed are u really american? Shouldn’t you write it as “Does it sound” instead of “Does it sounds”?
@@massofsnow It was a typo; yes I am really American. You didn't answer my question.
@@sublimesamoyed yes you do sound that way. Isn’t this video a good example?
@@massofsnow Not wheally 🤷♀️
I'm confused. So you want people on LinkedIn to tell you exactly what they want in their message, yet we're only supposed to ask for help in person or over the phone? It sounds like mixed messages.
I asked him for help. he says he is nowhere near. I say bs.
Where is Russian subtitles?
Where's your English skill?
Melancholy Owl ignorant
@@melancholyowl8355 English language learners are stupid.
The Google translate app is very good...
@@melancholyowl8355 I'M RUSSIAN
4th
Yeet
HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP !!!
I need somebody, HELP!
:)
step #1 Be a woman.
Yep, you'll have legions of men tripping over themselves trying to help you. That is if you're mediocre to above average looks.
first comment
H.E.L.P
Help! I need a girlfriend.
That's when I realized no one can help me with it.
Iam gay man from Yemen I attcked many times and I if pic full with boold and my live is in real doungurs cuz ISIS I asked for help from many LGBT org but no one help me
Wanna help me????????
Sure, what do you need?
@@thenonsequitur6750 he needs to keep your mouth shut when you speak
yeet them
no views
31 likes... wtf..???
Dont ask for help with money..... You will be greatly disappointed!!!!!
How to get a "yes"? Be a fucking megalomaniac. While nobody likes helping weaklings, everyone's in love with a megalomaniac so they'll help them latter more.
It's sad to see to what TED has come down to. Inviting to stage Cpt. Obvious squad, or just people sharing their trauma stories over and over again without any actual new information.
This could have been more helpful. Stronger methods and examples would be helpful. Broadcast via email and txt is good when you are afraid to ask. Getting 4 to help my be better than getting one.
Be appreciative or just do your own TED Talk!
😅
@@glnset-apart Terrible way to think.
@@HighLanderPonyYT how do you figure?
Thomas post please clarify your last sentence..
@@HighLanderPonyYT thought so.
How freaking stupid to give unsolicited advice about what someone wears
Why does she call her boyfriend a partner? At first I thought she meant that she was a lesbian. That’s a gay term.
Because we are all in a culture fusion and free to express in and out of fixed mixed or pan it’s all ok and we don’t offend anyone.
No, it doesn't. :P
So basically, "blackmail" or pressure people into saying yes by making it personal, playing on their reluctancy to say no to your face. Then reinforce their choice by telling them they're cool for helping.
Be a woman.
And when I ask for help if you understand why a person saying I tell my little nieces that you understand pay attention to ask tell a person explain yourself I ain't ask no one for no money over no fool I asked a question can they please help me on a large ticket the mega ticket that's why I asked for help because I don't know how to play it and it stole me it was trying to play me I got three numbers right and two numbers round that's why I was asking for help that someone know how to play it and how you go about doing it the right way because the machine is not telling me nothing it so why you jump on Instagram find out the facts before you try to download someone and it's okay ask for help on groceries too it's okay is that your neighbor if you at the store you need 50 cents a dollar like do what you got to do to feed them kids put your pride behind God say ask that's why we here for help each other that's what's wrong with the world now so but you just somebody asked me the question why I was asking for when I asked for help and I know many people out there know how to play the damn lottery number pick 3 and the mega number you working so you going to try to get the money too you going to tell the first day and win either if they don't know cuz you're a damn lie you will you will keep that and you know it's a winning ticket but like I said you do things like that you ain't pulling up everybody else but you ain't fooling God and the holy Spirit cuz they know and y'all will not get away with it thank you like I said God bless you and your family and God please need to help you you might got education but your mind is all f***** up in the head on Instagram come on
Thanks