I wish she‘d see this comment: THIS was the video that saved my life 2 years ago. I was anorexic and depressed. When I randomly watched this (I was actually looking for videos to trigger me) I cried and cried and cried and cried. And then It ALL CHANGED. This day honestly changed my life. I‘m healthy and happy now and I eat what and whenever I want ❤️
"take cornflakes to the cinema instead of popcorn" oooh my god this hit me so hard. I literally took cereal or apple slices to the movie theater. Its so crazy how in the moment you don't realize what you're doing is abnormal.
keipup Something like that isn't necessarily abnormal though, is it. Plenty of people who DON'T have EDs do that to save a buck or because cinema food is generally unhealthy.
While thats true, being afraid of "unhealthy" food is one of the symptoms of anorexia/orthorexia. When you have an ED, "popcorn is unhealthy" or "popcorn is expensive" can just be a reason to restrict. It all depends on whats going through your brain. Sometimes I bring snacks like cereal to the theater because we can't afford theater snacks, but I am not afraid of theater popcorn anymore. When I had my ED, the thoughts I had about theater popcorn were harmful and abnormal.
ugh. yall. im not saying anything about cereal and popcorn, im saying something about my eating disorder. Movie theater popcorn was not safe for ME, and cereal WAS. And Jakob if you are still eating "safe" foods I recommend you getting help immediately.
I sit here watching this knowing that tomorrow I'm going to be hospitalised for my eating disorder and telling myself that I'm going to make the most of this. I'm determined that this will be the turning point. I don't want to be sick anymore.
Glad your doing better!! One of my good friends is currently going through treatment. She was under a lot of stress and I understand more about anorexia thanks to this video. Praying for you!
“I became a lying machine. I hated lying to my family.” I felt that. You want to get help, you want to eat, you just hate your body and how it looks. You want to stop, but that voice reminds you that you can’t
I get it. You want to stop But you just don‘t Know how. It is Hard because you Merge with your Eating disorder and you don’t Know who you are without it.
@@AnaLaura-xw5hb exactly. It becomes part of your identity. But it doesn't have to stay like that. I've been working towards recovery and have slowly started recovering my identity :)
Yes, yes anorexia is not about losing weight and craving to look like a model, at least in my case. It's about gaining control and feeling high due to holding back. My empty tummy gives me ecstacy. For evidence I feel guilty no matter what i eat. Whether what i ate were tomatoes or pizza doesnt matter. What matters is that i had not been able to control myself. The way she pointed this fact out makes me trust her words since she has gone through what i am going through now.... this speech is so truthful and somewhat comforting, thank you for sharing.
Totally can relate. It is such a bizarre struggle! For me, it is all about control and nobody as ever put it into words as well as she did in this talk. It is so very hard to explain to people, but the starving & numbness are truly what I clung to for so long until I could finally let go of whatever it was I thought I was keeping at bay.
@@valeriavaldes353 recovery! you don't have to be diagnosed with an ed, you still deserve to be able to break the fears your mind has placed upon you. you're stronger than you know & i believe in you :)
"life is too short to weigh your cornflakes," That sentence made me want to recover. That sentence is the reason I'm not starving myself. That sentence is one of the reasons why I'm alive. thank you.
@@kavaforever9432 thank you! I'm pretty good right now actually, I'm finally getting treatment for my eating disorder, and I overall feel a lot happier and I can eat food without feeling as much guilt after, which is really nice :)
Well done xx don't forget she's right life is to short to weigh your cornflakes what a waste of life you will struggle I am but never give up and be free xx
"Don't eat more than anyone you're with," was a HUGE subconscious rule I set for myself. I am absolutely chilled to hear her say that. There were so many small rules to it that eventually just become your everyday habits and thoughts, they pick at you and you obey them without a second thought.
maybe Hovno Sk means that they could understand her despite her British English Accent? Although...the "unbelievable" bit...is quit jarring to say the least. Or maybe they just thought she sounded clear, and confident while speaking?? If English is your second language, and you are taught American English, I know from some ESL friends, a British Accent can be quit hard to decipher. heck I know many Americans who don't understand British English. Either way Strange comment.
Trust me I know I have it. Some people deliberately stress me out so I don't eat I didn't eat properly today I cant concentrate for very long now because people made me delay my lunch. I am a frail woman and lose my eyesight very easily. Watch others that you feel are hostile. Those women's clothing are way too small small as kids I compared them. Don't worry about labels. I am campaigning to get rid of the numerical values. Hope this helps.
“ never eat more than 500 calories.” That strikes a chord. I allowed myself 800... on good days. I was blind to the fact that it was an eating disorder because “ I was eating!” ... the saddest part were the compliments I got from everyone. 5’6. 103 pounds. “ You look soooo great! “ We need to inform people that if someone looks too skinny... they most likely have an eating disorder. Don’t encourage it. Thanks.
When I was 20 lbs underweight a guy on the beach wanted his picture with me because he thought I had the “body of a Victoria’s Secret model.” It’s honestly disturbing.
I had this discussion with my best friend who when he saw me at 5ft weighing a bit under 40 kgs he said I looked great. I explained to him that it's hard for me to fight the disorder when he says things like that. I mean I am almost 40 and there's kids at my daughter's primary school with fuller figures. I know I don't look good. He was trying to be nice but to me that just fed the fear of gaining weight an awful lot.
Exactly! I used to have that 500 calorie rule in addition to running for an hour and burning at least 800 calories. When I look back about a year ago, I get a little surprised at what foods I avoided to not use up my precious calories. I wasn't allowed to eat avocados, apples, bagels, eggs with the yolk, or yogurts that were over 80 calories. Yet I was like, "ah yes. This 30 calorie piece of candy shall be my lunch!" 🤦🏻♀️ I can't believe I convinced myself I was healthy.
@@caseyminett7394 You look like an Auschwitz inmate, you look like a racoon could beat you in armwrestling, the only positive thing about your body is that there's so little of it, you have to hover over the toilet, so you don't fall in. Which of those would be best to deter someone from anorexia?
as a person who has eating disorder. i cried so much. i have never found someone who can explain how i felt. i hope i can get myself to stop obsessing over food and weight
@@urma8720 Thank you so much for your comment it really made me proud of what I have accomplished❤. Yes I did recover two years ago, and now I am living a healthy lifestyle but most importantly with a healthy mindset.
People don't understand how deep into this disorder you become. I remember the first time watching this, as I was deep into my anorexia, I was listening to the rules she made and comparing them to my own, the amount she ate and how I wasn't "as anorexic" as her yet. Watching this 6 months later I hear her amazing journey and recovery instead.
Yes I am struggling with that right now. I am noticing myself comparing mine with hers and thinking the same. I realize I hear a good idea in bringing cornflakes instead of popcorn. I wish I didn’t think this way but I don’t know how to stop obsessing. Thank you for your thoughtful and relatable comment. I hope you are still doing well!
everything she described is true. we used starving as a coping mechanism. the weight loss was just evidence that we were in control. we felt undeserving of food. the structure/rules were safe. it is really hard to free yourself from the ED thoughts. I remember every other week i'd try to recover. there were disordered shopping trips and recovery shopping trips. "this time I'll get better," I used to promise my dog. each failed attempt, the restriction got worse. it is like a monster in your head that won't leave you alone. you have to be 100% dedicated to getting better. have goals for your future. work towards something; it will help you feel deserving of nourishment. every day eat things you are afraid of eating and look in the mirror when you're done and smile and say you're proud of yourself. it will get easier. when you wake up in the morning and the self hatred kicks in you must fight against it. you are lovely, you have so much potential, you can improve your circumstances.
The thing is, after starving myself for months and loosig more and more weight, I realised this wasn't about being skinny. I think I wanted anorexia to actually kill me. I'm in a clinic for recovery right now but it's hard. Because recovery is not really about eating, but about knowing you deserve it. Knowing you're worth it, as she said...
It's funny you say that because to me that's what it is, it's a slow suicide. It happens gradually and it seems kinder to family than to end it all but I think underlying is this desire for alot of us if we realise it or not. We want to die. I always used to say I'm so useless I can't even kill myself properly. That really says it all I guess.
@@mariamustermann3827 I remember that feeling so vividly. It's so defeating. You can fight it and win tho. I'm still fighting but most days I win. I won't give up because one thing I know is I'm so stubborn 😂 And I have decided I just want to be good at being me and loving me and if that's my life's work I will be proud of it. Your are exactly who your are meant to be and people who don't like you are not your people. The most valuable thing I learnt so far is to be gentle with myself and stop the negative self talk. It's hard but it helps so much. ❤️🤗
I'm 32 and a recovered anorexic. I was anorexic from the ages of 15-19. Years I'll never ever get back and sometimes I miss the comfort of anorexia. Life is hard with 3 children. And a husband. But life is way too short to weigh your cornflakes. This was stellar. She's a very intelligent young woman.
"It is impossible to recover from anorexia and keep your rules" That really hit home. I've been trying to convince both myself and those around me for months that I am finally recovered, but I feel myself slipping a little further every day. Anorexia never really disappeared for me; it quietened, but it always comes back.
Anorexia isn't about being skinny in the first place. It really wasn't about looking good for me at all. I just wanted to be in control! I even noticed I didn't look good without my feminine curves, and yet I wanted lose it all. I knew I was harming myself, I knew what I did was insane, but damn it was hard to let go! So here's what I'd like to tell everyone who is currently suffering from anorexia: You, my friend, deserve to eat, because trust me: You are just as amazing as this young woman, Catherine. Eating will make you gain weight, but this will only make you stronger, not weaker! Being able to eat is like being able to walk, talk and sleep: It is crucial to our survival. And you need to survive in order to get better. Do you really want to die, or are you just scared of life? Looking back, I have come to believe that what it really takes is love: Love for that poor scared person that is you. I struggled to love myself back then (I still do sometimes), but I have always loved my little sister, so I asked myself what I'd do if she were trying to starve herself, and I realized that I'd try everything to make her eat, to make her feel safe, to make her feel loved. And then I started to treat myself that same exact way. I literally talked myself into eating more, eating things that had this red "taboo" sign on them, and even while suffering through all the fear and guilt that came afterwards, I kept telling me that I had done the right thing. Just consider one thing: You and only you are in control - whether you decide to eat or not to, it is YOU who is in charge. Do what you'd do if you were your own best friend. Would you punish her (or him) the way you punish yourself? If the answer is no, get up right now and treat yourself to some tasty food. Eat whatever your starving body wants you to eat, and while you're eating, try to think of yourself as someone you really love. It's okay to be scared, it's okay to cry, but try it anyway. You CAN get out of this. You won't feel guilty for the rest of your life. One day, you might even be proud of how you saved your own life.
My daughter will be going into residential soon and I think I’m going to write her a letter using some of these ideas. She is a stubborn one - and her eating disorder is strong. But she adores her elder sister… so I’m going to ask her how she’d feel if her big sister started starving herself.… and hope it resonates! Thank you for sharing! 🙏
Wow this comment is powerful. I suffered with typical anorexia from the age of 14 too age 21 . I knew I did not look normal or healthy but the eating disorder had such a grip on me and as much as there was a part of me that wanted to be in recovery I just could not give up the control to make recovery possible, then one day I saw on the news that Karen carpenter had passed away from her battle with anorexia and reliezed that I was living on barrowed time and was in fact in worse shape then she was at the time of her death and it could be me next, that day I looked in the mirror at myself like I did countless times before multiple times a day and that day I got a realistic reflection of how I really looked and it shocked me how awful I looked. U could see every bone sticking out and sunken in face and I was horrified and became willing too do what was nessary to recover. It was difficult and had some relapses along the way but got back on recovery track and iam happy to report iam 15 years from my last relapse and have learned so much about myself and what caused my eating disorder and after being hospitalized at one point know that iam on the right track. Thank you for great video
I just want to say thank you, from someone who used to really struggle with eating, that you didn’t rip up the rule book yourself (if it is an actual physical book 😅). I think a lot of parents might take matters into their own hands out of frustration and also because they think it will help their child… but really, their child has to rip up the rulebook on their own, whether it’s a literal or metaphorial rulebook. ❤️
Reading the comments made me realize just how many people struggle with eating disorders, and it’s really sad 😞. I wish whoever’s reading this the best and if you struggle with your relationship with food I want you to know you’re not alone and you are so much more worth it than you think.
"Eating disorders are not a choice" I love her voice so much...she doesn't put a lot of force in her voice but it's still powerful and brings attention
I've had my ED for a few years now. I've gone through recovery and relapsed many times over and over. And now, I've had yet another relapse. It's not so bad as in the past, as I'm not as tiny as I was back then, though I can feel by body falling apart still. This relapse has been different for me, however. I have a job that I like, a business that I'm passionate about, and a man in my life of whom I am very fond of. I have dreams, hopes, and aspirations now... a vague idea of how I would like my life to be, or at least how I wish it could be. I've not had something to care about much in the past. I want to recover now. I want to recover and stay at a healthy weight. I don't want to deal with all of the woes of having my ED or putting anyone else through the emotional and mental roller-coaster that is an ED. Thank you so very much for your speech, Catherine. I think you've help give hope to a lot of suffering individuals out there. Much love ♥
great TEDx Talk. You were very brave in sharing your story. Keep fighting on in your journey. Recovery is not easy, but be strong! From a fellow TEDx Talker and soon to be 2-timer.
I cried twice while watching this and believe me I never cry. I had anorexia in 2007 but I feel like I never recovered from it. funny, I was at Warwick for some of the same times as Catherine but at the end of my 3rd year of 4, I dropped out. since 'recovery', a lot of bad things have happened to me, two to be precise, worse things than I ever thought could have happened to me. actually, I made a full physical recovery and unfortunately I gained a lot of weight due to a health problem and dodgy medication. it actually kills me more because people see me, I might be fat, but I'm not they far from my anorexia. I still panic around food and I feel like a terrible person for eating. I never stopped hating myself. I repeat: I never ever ever stopped hating myself. and then like I said, bad, very dark things happened. two terrible events, unrelated to food, which I can't disclose. I had the worst time at uni but then I dropped out. luckily, I am back again, albeit at another school. I hope. I hope that I can heal. I hope that I too can find in love. I hope that I'll love myself one day. I hope that I'll keep on writing music. I hope that I'll go somewhere e with my degree one day. I hope one day that anorexic inside of me will be heard and I will restore my body to health and everything will be okay again I hope I am sad that things didn't go well at Warwick for me (that's the uni where Catherine was going). no friends, no success, no fun, no societies- nothing they felt good or right for me anyway. now I am one of the top students. I'll be applying for a PhD this year avid hopefully I can get some rest over the summer.. Beautiful video.
I gained weight because of medication just as I was trying to recover from my ED. also, many people have thoughts of starving or the body hate or the feelings come back or the fear of food even after they've been eating well for a long time. you're not alone and it doesn't invalidate the progress you've made. You will fully recover. You will be happy. it'll be okay.
How are you now? Hopefully doing well! ❤ Never forget that you are so loved, and I hope you can realize how amazing you are and love yourself too! God bless.
I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict. I already knew this going into this talk, but what a good reminder that disordered eaters are JUST LIKE ME- just in a slightly different way. The numbing out to escape all the negative thoughts telling you that you’re not good enough- that really struck a chord with me. God bless anyone struggling with addiction. You don’t have to keep suffering. By the grace of (a higher power I call) God, and 12 steps, I have over 3 years sober, after more than 2 decades of killing myself. If I can do it anyone can do it.
This is the first person I’ve heard who acknowledges that anorexics actually love food. I’ve been recovered for 4 years now, and all this time I thought I was unique because I knew that I actually loved food even when I was starving myself. (I used to watch food network all the time, too.) I really appreciate her acknowledging this because it really does highlight how anorexia is a form of self-punishment because one feels unworthy, which is crucial to understand and address in order to help that person recover.
She's so beautiful, I love her hairs that matches with her beautiful blouse. I also love her calm way of talking, no rush in her voice although you can see at the same time she's nervous (of course)
Lila Rose shut up that’s not the point of the video, you should be glad she has A voice to speak about how she survived. No matter what voice she has, she deserves this audience and stage.
eight years since all it started and i still cry so so bad (this even not my first time watching this) i'm in a better relationship with food though i became sucks at schoolwork (just cant get back my control ( ; _ ; ) good luck everyone (crying while saying this)
Everyone who doesn’t understand people with eating disorders should Watch This. Bravo!! So eloquently said!! I love this! I’m going to make my husband watch this today! He keeps saying, “ you just have to choose to ignore it.” Bless him, but he just doesn’t get it. Hopefully this will help him understand it better! Thank you!!!!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️
Wow! Having Anorexia for about more than 20 years, I never ever heard so precise thougts about ED like this speech. It‘s a lifelong battle, but its worth it. After hairloss, kidney-missfunction and being more death than alive, I‘m now a mother of two beautiful kids! So a big shoutout to all people still fighting: go on, you can make throu this! And a big thank you to Catherine for sharing your thoughts with us.
I struggled with anorexia at a peak my freshman year of college. I’m a junior now, and last year I decided it was okay to eat again. Today I got weighed at an appointment. I wanted to die and went straight to the gym and worked so hard I almost fainted multiple times. This TED talk brings me back down to earth and reminds me that healthy is what is beautiful. Screw you, Ana! We are beautiful.
I finally passed a tipping point after a mental breakdown and started disordered eating patterns about a week ago. This video inspired me to reach out to my therapist and tell her everything, to start early intervention. Thank you, Catherine. Thank you so much.
Wow, just wow. This was one of the most moving, thoughtful, powerful, and raw speeches I have ever seen. She articulated so many of my own struggles - some that I couldn't even put a name to. I saw many of my own habits and tendencies in her story. I couldn't stop crying throughout the whole video. Thank you for sharing your story!!!
I watched this at the peak of my eating disorder, and I can't explain how much this helped me understand how badly I was treating my body. This video literally made me want to recover for the first time, and I'm so fortunate and thankful for her words ❤
The accuracy of her expressions brought tears to my eyes. Perfect clarification of the source of the emotions she talked about. Though I'm no longer an anorexic since years, sometimes all I want to do is fall/flop back to it; feel devoid of energy for physical and cognitive action, so that I didn't really have to justify what I was doing with my abilities. But one thing stops me: life isn't a rule book, like she says, and you can't always be in control by adhering to a fixed set of rules and letting all else go to hell. You have to take care of every aspect of life with painful slowness- unless you're alright with accepting your cowardice.
This talk reminded me so much of my past with anorexia, at my lowest i had a bmi of 14 and then after recovering I relapsed with a bmi of 16, its been 1 year and a half since i recovered but i still always weigh my food and count my calories and hate my body at a bmi of 20. i still wish i could be underweight again. Being over a bmi of 20 scares me so much and to top it all off i've just been diagnosed with OCD. I'm 15 right now and I don't think i'll ever be fully recovered
I’m finally at a point in my recovery where I’m no longer afraid of weight gain. I know now that I won’t blow up like a whale, that I can trust my body to tell me when it’s hungry and when it’s satisfied. I know I’m beautiful not for what my body looks like but for what it can do.
"If I recovered, who would I become? What could I amount to? Recovery isn't just about wanting it enough. You can want it more than anything in the world; you can have so many reasons to recover, but you just can't do it. It is the most terrifying concept imaginable. It means letting go of control, and leaving your comfort zone." I do not suffer from anorexia, but I do suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. It has been such a difficult thing to express to my friends and family that I do want to change, I want to stop hurting myself and other people. More than anything else in the world. But NOT hurting is far, far scarier than the idea that I might one day push everyone away from me, and be left totally alone. Being someone else, and not this miserable person I've known for almost twenty years, terrifies me. Even if he is almost certainly a person I would rather be. I have no idea why I'm so scared. If I knew, I suspect I would have accepted help already. I don't find comfort in other peoples' suffering, past or present, but it is a relief to be understood, in some small way. It's a relief to hear my own thoughts given a clear, confident voice. Thank you, Catherine, for sharing your journey. Not just for folks suffering from EDs of all sorts, but for people like me, too. You've given me a lot to think about.
When I was in anorexia recovery, I only decided that I wanted to get better when my doctor told me I might never get my period back. I always wanted to be a mother and that just broke me and I immediately regretted everything
After years of suffering myself, even though now ai'm weight restored and doing great at college, I still have an anorexic mind. A few weeks ago I re started treatment... I really wasn't sure why I seeked treatment again, but she just spelled out my own thoughts for me. If you can read this, thank you for sharing your story and allowing to for the last time realise that I'm worth it and that I'm not really living my life, and that I can one day live again
SO, so powerful. Lovely, you have come so far and i'm proud of you. I was also a student at Warwick University and had to have a year out due to Anorexia, I stupidly went back to soon, managed to scrape a first degree in German Studies, and was then forced to go into inpatient treatment. Everything you say is so true. You're amazing and this was incredible. Thank you for this.
Also, I cried when you talked about biscuits up the dressing down sleeve and adoring food but being too ashamed to admit it. Gosh I can see so much of myself in you. This is crazy. I am so proud of you girl. You're absolutely incredible. I messaged you on Facebook, I hope that wasn't inappropriate. xxx
Thank u Biebs I agree it's an amazing speach this girl describes my fears perfectly, i'm worried about my body image, i starve myself from supper to 3 o'clock everyday and lie about eating and exercising i don't know what i'm doing any more but i dont want to be diagnosed with anorexia
The Whoniverse the same goes for you. Inside you is the seed of something so unbelievably remarkable, that you'll be shocked when it blooms bright in the world. Do whatever you need to to care for yourself, I'm pulling for you.
my youngest sister is currently going through exactly what she went through, it's been hard on the whole family but I pray she will make a full recovery!
This speaks to me so deeply as someone who had so much trouble admitting I had anorexia. Everyone around me noticed me getting thinner and all I thought was that for once, I was getting skinny and beautiful. When my parents brought me to a doctor, I also thought there was nothing wrong. I was so angry because all my plans were being ruined. Thank you so so much--as someone who is struggling with recovery, thank you thank you.
The title alone brought tears to my eyes. I spent 6 months in hospital with anorexia and there is a weird turning point where they stop weighing your cereal and you just have to pour it into the bowl it's a scary yet freeing moment. Letting go of the control
Anyone else start crying when she said you have to "rip up your rulebook"? I'm recently seeing symptoms of anorexic tendencies and I know I have a brewing eating disorder of some sort that is getting worse, and like she said, there's something comforting beneath it all about being in control of food. I hate being hungry at times but being in control of food is one of the few things in my life that I feel like I have control over. I'm a near 6 foot male and I've been eating anywhere from 400-1000 calories per day for the past week and a half depending on how I'm feeling each day. This didn't come out of nowhere though. I've been having eating issues for several weeks that have stemmed through my new diet. I'm getting help, but I like being in control.
I've been suffering from an Eating disorder going on three years now. I'm very glad I only have a mild case and only during some seasons it gets bad but then it gets better. It's on and off over and over again. I love food but then I have my self doubt telling myself otherwise. It's like a constant war, I would always have to compromise with my self doubt. I knew what I was doing, I knew the consequences I couldn't stop. I felt pleased with my weight dropping, I liked that I was in control. It's dangerous, very dangerous and it can kill you. As a Christian, I'm always praying to God to heal me and others who are suffering. You are not alone and I'm praying for you.
God her eating disorder was so much like mine. I had all of her rules. No snacking, don't eat more than the people around you, don't eat until you're feeling faint. I'm so glad she's in recovery, and I hope she is able to continue to have a healthy relationship with food.
This is wonderful. So inspiring! We knew, years ago (1970s) of a young woman who died from this. She kept her illness secret, became reclusive and antisocial, and although her weight loss was so obvious - no one stepped in to intervene. Nor did she seek help. She was found dead in her room...such a loss, such a waste..
I had the exact same symptoms as Catheric when I was younger. Sadly, my symptoms were driven by my parents' consistent discouragement of my physical appearances and mediocre life ahead (e.g. ordinary face, ordinary grades, low prospects in life). I felt hopeless of my situation and turn to food for control. Diet, weight and health were the only control I have to adjust my life. With this control, I feel contented that I have a chance to work towards something. I finally break away from my cycle when one day I realise that this control wasn't helping me at all. There were no achivements, yet it is ok to eat junk food, it is ok to drink alcohol, it is ok to socialise and be happy. I am stopping myself from experiencing life, and I am not giving myself a chance to do so. For anyone out there that is experiencing eating disorders for whatever intrinsic reasons, only we ourselves can release that control. Our body is there for us to energise, not for us to abuse and mistreat. Enjoy health and self love 💌
This is one of the best Ted talks I've ever seen. I have anxiety and sometimes I worry about eating too much. I wrote the title on my hand so I can always look at it 🙂
What a lovely, clear, beautiful speech. As a daughter of an anorexic mother, I wish my mother took treatment but she is in denial of her illness. I hope she finds your video and finds the strength to recover.
My tears drop as I listen to her words. It's so sincere, brimming with all the emotions she has faced, endured, and reflected upon. Recovery from any kind of mental illness / eating disorder / bad habit is really tough. It's true that at some point people are comfortable with their pain. They find comfort in knowing that this is the pain they have chosen for themselves. But we deserve so much more. We are good and we deserve a good life. Thank you for urging me to study the rules I have made for myself to feel that I am in control. This is going to take time but I will try to break each rule one by one. Thank you from Thailand.
So incredibly accurate, and beautifully explained by Miss. Pawley. As someone who recovered from Anorexia a few years ago, so much of what she said struck home with my own journey. "The one overwhelming thing that recovery brought me, is me. I've got myself back" brought me to tears. There were times during my lowest points where I couldn't ever imagine being anything other than the anorexic shell that I was. The moments, which I still have now, when you realize how far you come, and how much your life has grown since those points, still leave me breathless and beyond thankful for that.
“We find comfort in suffering”
ain’t THAT the truth
Yes it is
Jules Jolie omg so true.
At least we are familiar with that suffering.
Jules Jolie oh shut up
Jennifer Liu no
I wish she‘d see this comment: THIS was the video that saved my life 2 years ago. I was anorexic and depressed. When I randomly watched this (I was actually looking for videos to trigger me) I cried and cried and cried and cried. And then It ALL CHANGED. This day honestly changed my life. I‘m healthy and happy now and I eat what and whenever I want ❤️
I'm so happy for you, congratulations! I think this video is amazing too, it's so nice to have someone be able to describe what it's like
I'm so happy for you! I wish that I could be me
im so so proud of u
That's heart-warming. I'm so happy for you!
I am so proud of you.
"take cornflakes to the cinema instead of popcorn"
oooh my god this hit me so hard. I literally took cereal or apple slices to the movie theater. Its so crazy how in the moment you don't realize what you're doing is abnormal.
keipup Something like that isn't necessarily abnormal though, is it. Plenty of people who DON'T have EDs do that to save a buck or because cinema food is generally unhealthy.
While thats true, being afraid of "unhealthy" food is one of the symptoms of anorexia/orthorexia. When you have an ED, "popcorn is unhealthy" or "popcorn is expensive" can just be a reason to restrict.
It all depends on whats going through your brain. Sometimes I bring snacks like cereal to the theater because we can't afford theater snacks, but I am not afraid of theater popcorn anymore. When I had my ED, the thoughts I had about theater popcorn were harmful and abnormal.
keipup ... But I don't like popcorn. Wouldn't mind some cereal though ^^
Popcorn is one of my safe-foods, it is actually relatively low cal.
ugh. yall. im not saying anything about cereal and popcorn, im saying something about my eating disorder. Movie theater popcorn was not safe for ME, and cereal WAS.
And Jakob if you are still eating "safe" foods I recommend you getting help immediately.
I sit here watching this knowing that tomorrow I'm going to be hospitalised for my eating disorder and telling myself that I'm going to make the most of this. I'm determined that this will be the turning point. I don't want to be sick anymore.
adagio nine Proud of you! If you truly invest in treatment, freedom can and will happen, praying for you right after I hit send.
Hope you are doing well
adagio nine Good luck! You're amazing! It's a long cycle of recovery, so you're doing amazing!
thank you! I'm doing really well and I feel so much better. I think I might actually be able to beat this.
Glad your doing better!! One of my good friends is currently going through treatment. She was under a lot of stress and I understand more about anorexia thanks to this video. Praying for you!
“I became a lying machine. I hated lying to my family.” I felt that. You want to get help, you want to eat, you just hate your body and how it looks. You want to stop, but that voice reminds you that you can’t
I get it. You want to stop But you just don‘t Know how. It is Hard because you Merge with your Eating disorder and you don’t Know who you are without it.
@@AnaLaura-xw5hb exactly. It becomes part of your identity. But it doesn't have to stay like that. I've been working towards recovery and have slowly started recovering my identity :)
"the rules that gave me safety were slowly killing me" so poignant.
Repeat to yourself the words "I am enough".
powerful talk. she has a soothing and controlled voice. well delivered.
and a nice face really helps
Yes! Sometimes these people speak really well but they kind of shout at times, and it hurts my ears.
mark henick has a good talk about suïcide i watch it once every month.
YES! It's the same what I was thinking and commenting just at the moment.
Miss Miss her voice is amazing
Yes, yes anorexia is not about losing weight and craving to look like a model, at least in my case. It's about gaining control and feeling high due to holding back. My empty tummy gives me ecstacy. For evidence I feel guilty no matter what i eat. Whether what i ate were tomatoes or pizza doesnt matter. What matters is that i had not been able to control myself. The way she pointed this fact out makes me trust her words since she has gone through what i am going through now.... this speech is so truthful and somewhat comforting, thank you for sharing.
Totally can relate. It is such a bizarre struggle! For me, it is all about control and nobody as ever put it into words as well as she did in this talk. It is so very hard to explain to people, but the starving & numbness are truly what I clung to for so long until I could finally let go of whatever it was I thought I was keeping at bay.
i hope you get better love💜
i wanna frame this
I hope you're better now 💕
❤️
"never enjoy food." God, this hit me hard. I'm not even Anorexic, but that is a mentality that I had drilled into my head. I should stop.
jesus loves you!
same i used to wonder how anyone wanting to loose weight could enjoy food
how are you doing ?
How can someone stop? I’m not anorexic but I want to stop restricting myself
@@valeriavaldes353 recovery! you don't have to be diagnosed with an ed, you still deserve to be able to break the fears your mind has placed upon you. you're stronger than you know & i believe in you :)
"life is too short to weigh your cornflakes,"
That sentence made me want to recover. That sentence is the reason I'm not starving myself. That sentence is one of the reasons why I'm alive.
thank you.
Yay! So glad that you chose recovery. Sending you continued strength, love and happiness ❤️
@GROID-19 uhhh what?
Im proud of you! How are you, right now? :)
@@kavaforever9432 thank you! I'm pretty good right now actually, I'm finally getting treatment for my eating disorder, and I overall feel a lot happier and I can eat food without feeling as much guilt after, which is really nice :)
Well done xx don't forget she's right life is to short to weigh your cornflakes what a waste of life you will struggle I am but never give up and be free xx
Never heard it described so accurately before. This girl is wonderful and I feel like she has just spoken my deepest thoughts. So much emotion x
Liv Cawley Same here, I can relate and it helps me self recover (even if it seems weird).
Hope both of you are doing better now :) much love.
"Don't eat more than anyone you're with," was a HUGE subconscious rule I set for myself. I am absolutely chilled to hear her say that. There were so many small rules to it that eventually just become your everyday habits and thoughts, they pick at you and you obey them without a second thought.
Her english is absolutely great. I can understand every single word. Unbelievable.
Hovno Sk She is British I think
Well yeah....she is English 🤔
Hovno Sk well obviously, she is English
Maybe Hovno is not?
maybe Hovno Sk means that they could understand her despite her British English Accent? Although...the "unbelievable" bit...is quit jarring to say the least. Or maybe they just thought she sounded clear, and confident while speaking?? If English is your second language, and you are taught American English, I know from some ESL friends, a British Accent can be quit hard to decipher. heck I know many Americans who don't understand British English. Either way Strange comment.
I just ate a piece of carrot cake and it was such a victory. Thank you :')
I hope you’re doing better ☺️☺️ Keep going!!
how are you? I hope you're doing well 👌
EAT THAT FOOD QUEEN
Good job!
I just ate a piece of bread and it’s one of my danger foods :)
I'm so proud of you!
I wish she wrote a book about this. This is a horrendous illness that takes away everything from you...
Trust me I know I have it. Some people deliberately stress me out so I don't eat I didn't eat properly today I cant concentrate for very long now because people made me delay my lunch. I am a frail woman and lose my eyesight very easily. Watch others that you feel are hostile. Those women's clothing are way too small small as kids I compared them. Don't worry about labels. I am campaigning to get rid of the numerical values. Hope this helps.
She is so lovely. Wonderful speech. And her voice reminds me of Emma Watson :)
Kiana May Yes i thought that aswell!!
same here
Kiana May ikr!
Just because she's British?
Gloomy Skittlez No....because she sounds like Emma Watson.
“ never eat more than 500 calories.” That strikes a chord. I allowed myself 800... on good days. I was blind to the fact that it was an eating disorder because “ I was eating!” ... the saddest part were the compliments I got from everyone. 5’6. 103 pounds. “ You look soooo great! “ We need to inform people that if someone looks too skinny... they most likely have an eating disorder. Don’t encourage it. Thanks.
When I was 20 lbs underweight a guy on the beach wanted his picture with me because he thought I had the “body of a Victoria’s Secret model.”
It’s honestly disturbing.
I had this discussion with my best friend who when he saw me at 5ft weighing a bit under 40 kgs he said I looked great. I explained to him that it's hard for me to fight the disorder when he says things like that. I mean I am almost 40 and there's kids at my daughter's primary school with fuller figures. I know I don't look good. He was trying to be nice but to me that just fed the fear of gaining weight an awful lot.
Exactly! I used to have that 500 calorie rule in addition to running for an hour and burning at least 800 calories. When I look back about a year ago, I get a little surprised at what foods I avoided to not use up my precious calories. I wasn't allowed to eat avocados, apples, bagels, eggs with the yolk, or yogurts that were over 80 calories. Yet I was like, "ah yes. This 30 calorie piece of candy shall be my lunch!" 🤦🏻♀️ I can't believe I convinced myself I was healthy.
@@caseyminett7394
You look like an Auschwitz inmate, you look like a racoon could beat you in armwrestling, the only positive thing about your body is that there's so little of it, you have to hover over the toilet, so you don't fall in.
Which of those would be best to deter someone from anorexia?
as a person who has eating disorder. i cried so much. i have never found someone who can explain how i felt. i hope i can get myself to stop obsessing over food and weight
did you manage to overcome your eating disorder?
Same
Are you ok now?🥺 I hope you have overcome anorexia!
@@urma8720 Thank you so much for your comment it really made me proud of what I have accomplished❤. Yes I did recover two years ago, and now I am living a healthy lifestyle but most importantly with a healthy mindset.
@@danteaguilar2275 I am sorry for the late answer , I did recover. Thank you so much for asking ❤
I related to this so much, thank you for articulating things I couldn't quite express.
agreed
that's EXACTLY what I was thinking!!!
Snacking through this whole video because we all need to love ourselves ❤️ #recovery
Congratulations! i hope you're doing well. Your name is interesting. Where is it from?
Tiia Honkala That's great!! I hope you're doing well ❤️
I hope you make it through and don't turn back to that disease
@@etta5487 Thank you
@@thatonenerd6223 I made it through! Thank you for your kindness
TRIGGER WARNING. Take care before watching if you're suffering or recovering.
Zain Albastaki to late but thanks zain
ikr, they really should have a tw
lol this triggered me hard and took some tips from her but thanks
Wish this comment would be a bit higher
carito ME TOO OH MY GOD
WoW.. its scary how she explain how she felt, it reminds of me when I had anorexia... the comfort zone.
C L you are beautiful
You can see in her eyes the earnestness of how she wants to help others. She is definitely made me self reflect...
People don't understand how deep into this disorder you become. I remember the first time watching this, as I was deep into my anorexia, I was listening to the rules she made and comparing them to my own, the amount she ate and how I wasn't "as anorexic" as her yet. Watching this 6 months later I hear her amazing journey and recovery instead.
Yes I am struggling with that right now. I am noticing myself comparing mine with hers and thinking the same. I realize I hear a good idea in bringing cornflakes instead of popcorn. I wish I didn’t think this way but I don’t know how to stop obsessing. Thank you for your thoughtful and relatable comment. I hope you are still doing well!
@@defunkdafied listen to her message!! You must free yourself from your rules. They are not serving you. You are worth it, as she was.
everything she described is true. we used starving as a coping mechanism. the weight loss was just evidence that we were in control. we felt undeserving of food. the structure/rules were safe. it is really hard to free yourself from the ED thoughts. I remember every other week i'd try to recover. there were disordered shopping trips and recovery shopping trips. "this time I'll get better," I used to promise my dog. each failed attempt, the restriction got worse. it is like a monster in your head that won't leave you alone.
you have to be 100% dedicated to getting better. have goals for your future. work towards something; it will help you feel deserving of nourishment. every day eat things you are afraid of eating and look in the mirror when you're done and smile and say you're proud of yourself. it will get easier.
when you wake up in the morning and the self hatred kicks in you must fight against it. you are lovely, you have so much potential, you can improve your circumstances.
Thank you.
After this video, I went and ate dinner. Thank you..
aot Levi? Lmao
Guys, don't miss this out! This is not just concerning Anorexia, but life in general. Amazing! Outstanding!
The thing is, after starving myself for months and loosig more and more weight, I realised this wasn't about being skinny. I think I wanted anorexia to actually kill me.
I'm in a clinic for recovery right now but it's hard. Because recovery is not really about eating, but about knowing you deserve it. Knowing you're worth it, as she said...
I’m SO happy you are trying to recover. If you ever need to talk I’m here 😊
@@whateveriwant8039 :) thank you
It's funny you say that because to me that's what it is, it's a slow suicide. It happens gradually and it seems kinder to family than to end it all but I think underlying is this desire for alot of us if we realise it or not. We want to die. I always used to say I'm so useless I can't even kill myself properly. That really says it all I guess.
@@caseyminett7394 I can relate to that so much.. It feels like I am not even good at having an eating disorder...
@@mariamustermann3827 I remember that feeling so vividly. It's so defeating.
You can fight it and win tho. I'm still fighting but most days I win. I won't give up because one thing I know is I'm so stubborn 😂
And I have decided I just want to be good at being me and loving me and if that's my life's work I will be proud of it.
Your are exactly who your are meant to be and people who don't like you are not your people. The most valuable thing I learnt so far is to be gentle with myself and stop the negative self talk. It's hard but it helps so much. ❤️🤗
I'm 32 and a recovered anorexic. I was anorexic from the ages of 15-19. Years I'll never ever get back and sometimes I miss the comfort of anorexia. Life is hard with 3 children. And a husband. But life is way too short to weigh your cornflakes. This was stellar. She's a very intelligent young woman.
"It is impossible to recover from anorexia and keep your rules"
That really hit home. I've been trying to convince both myself and those around me for months that I am finally recovered, but I feel myself slipping a little further every day. Anorexia never really disappeared for me; it quietened, but it always comes back.
Anorexia isn't about being skinny in the first place. It really wasn't about looking good for me at all. I just wanted to be in control! I even noticed I didn't look good
without my feminine curves, and yet I wanted lose it all. I knew I
was harming myself, I knew what I did was insane, but damn it was hard
to let go! So here's what I'd like to tell everyone who is currently
suffering from anorexia: You, my friend, deserve to eat, because trust
me: You are just as amazing as this young woman, Catherine. Eating will
make you gain weight, but this will only make you stronger, not weaker!
Being able to eat is like being able to walk, talk and sleep: It is
crucial to our survival. And you need to survive in order to get better.
Do you really want to die, or are you just scared of life? Looking
back, I have come to believe that what it really takes is love: Love for
that poor scared person that is you. I struggled to love myself back
then (I still do sometimes), but I have always loved my little sister,
so I asked myself what I'd do if she were trying to starve herself, and I
realized that I'd try everything to make her eat, to make her feel
safe, to make her feel loved. And then I started to treat myself that
same exact way. I literally talked myself into eating more, eating
things that had this red "taboo" sign on them, and even while suffering
through all the fear and guilt that came afterwards, I kept telling me
that I had done the right thing. Just consider one thing: You and only
you are in control - whether you decide to eat or not to, it is YOU who
is in charge. Do what you'd do if you were your own best friend. Would
you punish her (or him) the way you punish yourself? If the answer is
no, get up right now and treat yourself to some tasty food. Eat whatever
your starving body wants you to eat, and while you're eating, try to
think of yourself as someone you really love. It's okay to be scared, it's okay to cry,
but try it anyway. You CAN get out of this. You won't feel guilty for
the rest of your life. One day, you might even be proud of how you saved
your own life.
That was really helpful
Thanks a lot
My daughter will be going into residential soon and I think I’m going to write her a letter using some of these ideas. She is a stubborn one - and her eating disorder is strong. But she adores her elder sister… so I’m going to ask her how she’d feel if her big sister started starving herself.… and hope it resonates! Thank you for sharing! 🙏
Wow this comment is powerful. I suffered with typical anorexia from the age of 14 too age 21 . I knew I did not look normal or healthy but the eating disorder had such a grip on me and as much as there was a part of me that wanted to be in recovery I just could not give up the control to make recovery possible, then one day I saw on the news that Karen carpenter had passed away from her battle with anorexia and reliezed that I was living on barrowed time and was in fact in worse shape then she was at the time of her death and it could be me next, that day I looked in the mirror at myself like I did countless times before multiple times a day and that day I got a realistic reflection of how I really looked and it shocked me how awful I looked. U could see every bone sticking out and sunken in face and I was horrified and became willing too do what was nessary to recover. It was difficult and had some relapses along the way but got back on recovery track and iam happy to report iam 15 years from my last relapse and have learned so much about myself and what caused my eating disorder and after being hospitalized at one point know that iam on the right track. Thank you for great video
What an immaculate pronunciation...
K Dubbs immaculate works perfectly fine
onmy computer2020gal yeah i have no idea why i said that like idk what i was thinking lmao
I pray my daughter rips up her rule book. You are inspirational. Thank you for telling your story and being brave
My daughter too. My wife and I are struggling. It is really hard. I pray that our daughters tear up their rulebook and set themselves free
I just want to say thank you, from someone who used to really struggle with eating, that you didn’t rip up the rule book yourself (if it is an actual physical book 😅). I think a lot of parents might take matters into their own hands out of frustration and also because they think it will help their child… but really, their child has to rip up the rulebook on their own, whether it’s a literal or metaphorial rulebook. ❤️
Reading the comments made me realize just how many people struggle with eating disorders, and it’s really sad 😞. I wish whoever’s reading this the best and if you struggle with your relationship with food I want you to know you’re not alone and you are so much more worth it than you think.
thank you so much honey💖💖
What a beautiful, soothing voice and inspiring story.
The most accurate, relatable description of anorexia I've ever heard. This one really touched me.
"Eating disorders are not a choice"
I love her voice so much...she doesn't put a lot of force in her voice but it's still powerful and brings attention
I've had my ED for a few years now. I've gone through recovery and relapsed many times over and over. And now, I've had yet another relapse. It's not so bad as in the past, as I'm not as tiny as I was back then, though I can feel by body falling apart still.
This relapse has been different for me, however. I have a job that I like, a business that I'm passionate about, and a man in my life of whom I am very fond of. I have dreams, hopes, and aspirations now... a vague idea of how I would like my life to be, or at least how I wish it could be. I've not had something to care about much in the past. I want to recover now. I want to recover and stay at a healthy weight. I don't want to deal with all of the woes of having my ED or putting anyone else through the emotional and mental roller-coaster that is an ED.
Thank you so very much for your speech, Catherine. I think you've help give hope to a lot of suffering individuals out there. Much love ♥
I wish you all the best in your journey towards recovery!
“We find comfort in our suffering.” What better way to describe how we live?
She sounds just like Emma Watson
Não Sou Exposição aaaaandd i cant listen to this anymore
Não Sou Exposição You miss the whole point!
Não Sou Exposição
I think it’s kind of a higher pitch but u kno
she doesn’t lmao she’s just british
Lol why is this comment always on videos when there's any British women speaking xD
"I couldnt eat, i could gain, because that would mean losing control" :(
Recovery is amazing! Anyone reading this who is suffering, please know that a full recovery is possible. Keep fighting xoxo
"I've got my self back!!!" Sooo Powerful and Meaningful talk with plenty of emotions!!
Thank you Catherine! u are so strong ^^
great TEDx Talk. You were very brave in sharing your story. Keep fighting on in your journey. Recovery is not easy, but be strong! From a fellow TEDx Talker and soon to be 2-timer.
anorexia is similar to OCD in its roots "loosing control" this thing.
@@randomperson-py5ze ocd and perfectionism are highly apparent in people with eating disorders, the need for control often the cause of the ed
I cried twice while watching this and believe me I never cry. I had anorexia in 2007 but I feel like I never recovered from it. funny, I was at Warwick for some of the same times as Catherine but at the end of my 3rd year of 4, I dropped out.
since 'recovery', a lot of bad things have happened to me, two to be precise, worse things than I ever thought could have happened to me. actually, I made a full physical recovery and unfortunately I gained a lot of weight due to a health problem and dodgy medication. it actually kills me more because people see me, I might be fat, but I'm not they far from my anorexia. I still panic around food and I feel like a terrible person for eating. I never stopped hating myself. I repeat: I never ever ever stopped hating myself. and then like I said, bad, very dark things happened. two terrible events, unrelated to food, which I can't disclose. I had the worst time at uni but then I dropped out. luckily, I am back again, albeit at another school.
I hope.
I hope that I can heal. I hope that I too can find in love. I hope that I'll love myself one day. I hope that I'll keep on writing music. I hope that I'll go somewhere e
with my degree one day. I hope one day that anorexic inside of me will be heard and I will restore my body to health and everything will be okay again
I hope
I am sad that things didn't go well at Warwick for me (that's the uni where Catherine was going). no friends, no success, no fun, no societies- nothing they felt good or right for me anyway. now I am one of the top students. I'll be applying for a PhD this year avid hopefully I can get some rest over the summer..
Beautiful video.
I gained weight because of medication just as I was trying to recover from my ED.
also, many people have thoughts of starving or the body hate or the feelings come back or the fear of food even after they've been eating well for a long time. you're not alone and it doesn't invalidate the progress you've made. You will fully recover. You will be happy. it'll be okay.
How are you now? Hopefully doing well! ❤ Never forget that you are so loved, and I hope you can realize how amazing you are and love yourself too! God bless.
How are you doing now?
omg her voice
I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict. I already knew this going into this talk, but what a good reminder that disordered eaters are JUST LIKE ME- just in a slightly different way. The numbing out to escape all the negative thoughts telling you that you’re not good enough- that really struck a chord with me. God bless anyone struggling with addiction. You don’t have to keep suffering. By the grace of (a higher power I call) God, and 12 steps, I have over 3 years sober, after more than 2 decades of killing myself. If I can do it anyone can do it.
“We find comfort in our suffering.”
THIS!!!
You have an eye for public speaking. Brilliant and powerful talk.
This is the closest account of anorexia to my own experience I've ever known. It gives me hope.
This is the first person I’ve heard who acknowledges that anorexics actually love food. I’ve been recovered for 4 years now, and all this time I thought I was unique because I knew that I actually loved food even when I was starving myself. (I used to watch food network all the time, too.) I really appreciate her acknowledging this because it really does highlight how anorexia is a form of self-punishment because one feels unworthy, which is crucial to understand and address in order to help that person recover.
She's so beautiful, I love her hairs that matches with her beautiful blouse. I also love her calm way of talking, no rush in her voice although you can see at the same time she's nervous (of course)
she's so beautiful and powerful an absolute idol 💕x
Hi ethereal
You are so lovely
D
But why your choice a sad profile
alex is this u?
yeaah boi she got that ASMR voice😍😍😍
Lila Rose riiiight
weirdo xoxo yaas, so glad this is a community, i'm happy i'm not the only "weirdo" around here😊
Lila Rose shut up that’s not the point of the video, you should be glad she has A voice to speak about how she survived. No matter what voice she has, she deserves this audience and stage.
Jennifer Liu Why are you so angry? We are just saying that she has a very calming voice that would be great for asmr.
@@jenniferl.8111 wth... someone doesn't know how to take a compliment 🙄 it was for her not you so anyways
eight years since all it started and i still cry so so bad (this even not my first time watching this)
i'm in a better relationship with food though i became sucks at schoolwork (just cant get back my control ( ; _ ; )
good luck everyone (crying while saying this)
Please remember you are worth the fight. Fight on. I believe in you.
She does NOT sound like emma watson. She has a lovely, but very different, accent.
To me when I heard her ..she is Emma Watson voice
Everyone who doesn’t understand people with eating disorders should Watch This. Bravo!! So eloquently said!! I love this! I’m going to make my husband watch this today! He keeps saying, “ you just have to choose to ignore it.” Bless him, but he just doesn’t get it. Hopefully this will help him understand it better! Thank you!!!!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️
Wow! Having Anorexia for about more than 20 years, I never ever heard so precise thougts about ED like this speech. It‘s a lifelong battle, but its worth it. After hairloss, kidney-missfunction and being more death than alive, I‘m now a mother of two beautiful kids!
So a big shoutout to all people still fighting: go on, you can make throu this!
And a big thank you to Catherine for sharing your thoughts with us.
I struggled with anorexia at a peak my freshman year of college. I’m a junior now, and last year I decided it was okay to eat again. Today I got weighed at an appointment. I wanted to die and went straight to the gym and worked so hard I almost fainted multiple times. This TED talk brings me back down to earth and reminds me that healthy is what is beautiful. Screw you, Ana! We are beautiful.
I finally passed a tipping point after a mental breakdown and started disordered eating patterns about a week ago. This video inspired me to reach out to my therapist and tell her everything, to start early intervention. Thank you, Catherine. Thank you so much.
My BFF just told me to just " not think about my food thoughts". Literally the same thing as telling a depressed person to just be happy
her voice is so soft and gentle as is her demeanor. comforting. bless her.
I listen to this every 3 days to recover...this gave me so much. I'm tearing up writing this but this girl did 50% of my recovery. I am so grateful
Wow, just wow. This was one of the most moving, thoughtful, powerful, and raw speeches I have ever seen. She articulated so many of my own struggles - some that I couldn't even put a name to. I saw many of my own habits and tendencies in her story. I couldn't stop crying throughout the whole video. Thank you for sharing your story!!!
I watched this at the peak of my eating disorder, and I can't explain how much this helped me understand how badly I was treating my body. This video literally made me want to recover for the first time, and I'm so fortunate and thankful for her words ❤
You must be 28 now, I hope you are doing a lot better and I hope you are in good health during these Covid years.
This was the video that made me stop counting calories and start recovery, and I know I’m on the right path. Thank you so much!
Congrats!
The accuracy of her expressions brought tears to my eyes. Perfect clarification of the source of the emotions she talked about. Though I'm no longer an anorexic since years, sometimes all I want to do is fall/flop back to it; feel devoid of energy for physical and cognitive action, so that I didn't really have to justify what I was doing with my abilities.
But one thing stops me: life isn't a rule book, like she says, and you can't always be in control by adhering to a fixed set of rules and letting all else go to hell. You have to take care of every aspect of life with painful slowness- unless you're alright with accepting your cowardice.
This talk reminded me so much of my past with anorexia, at my lowest i had a bmi of 14 and then after recovering I relapsed with a bmi of 16, its been 1 year and a half since i recovered but i still always weigh my food and count my calories and hate my body at a bmi of 20. i still wish i could be underweight again. Being over a bmi of 20 scares me so much and to top it all off i've just been diagnosed with OCD. I'm 15 right now and I don't think i'll ever be fully recovered
ElliPrefers you can do it I’m 15 and I’m glad I never got far into the ed stuff
I’m finally at a point in my recovery where I’m no longer afraid of weight gain. I know now that I won’t blow up like a whale, that I can trust my body to tell me when it’s hungry and when it’s satisfied. I know I’m beautiful not for what my body looks like but for what it can do.
"If I recovered, who would I become? What could I amount to? Recovery isn't just about wanting it enough. You can want it more than anything in the world; you can have so many reasons to recover, but you just can't do it. It is the most terrifying concept imaginable. It means letting go of control, and leaving your comfort zone."
I do not suffer from anorexia, but I do suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. It has been such a difficult thing to express to my friends and family that I do want to change, I want to stop hurting myself and other people. More than anything else in the world. But NOT hurting is far, far scarier than the idea that I might one day push everyone away from me, and be left totally alone. Being someone else, and not this miserable person I've known for almost twenty years, terrifies me. Even if he is almost certainly a person I would rather be. I have no idea why I'm so scared. If I knew, I suspect I would have accepted help already.
I don't find comfort in other peoples' suffering, past or present, but it is a relief to be understood, in some small way. It's a relief to hear my own thoughts given a clear, confident voice.
Thank you, Catherine, for sharing your journey. Not just for folks suffering from EDs of all sorts, but for people like me, too. You've given me a lot to think about.
Loved this - delivered perfectly!
When I was in anorexia recovery, I only decided that I wanted to get better when my doctor told me I might never get my period back. I always wanted to be a mother and that just broke me and I immediately regretted everything
How are you today??? Did you get your period back??? Hopefully you’re fine!! 🌻🌻
That’s a bunch of lies, you can absolutely get your period back ❤️ hope you did!
After years of suffering myself, even though now ai'm weight restored and doing great at college, I still have an anorexic mind. A few weeks ago I re started treatment... I really wasn't sure why I seeked treatment again, but she just spelled out my own thoughts for me. If you can read this, thank you for sharing your story and allowing to for the last time realise that I'm worth it and that I'm not really living my life, and that I can one day live again
HER VOICE IS SO COMFORTING WTF
that is exactly what happened to me with depression. i liked it, it was my comfort zone...she is absolutely right
SO, so powerful. Lovely, you have come so far and i'm proud of you. I was also a student at Warwick University and had to have a year out due to Anorexia, I stupidly went back to soon, managed to scrape a first degree in German Studies, and was then forced to go into inpatient treatment. Everything you say is so true. You're amazing and this was incredible. Thank you for this.
Also, I cried when you talked about biscuits up the dressing down sleeve and adoring food but being too ashamed to admit it. Gosh I can see so much of myself in you. This is crazy. I am so proud of you girl. You're absolutely incredible. I messaged you on Facebook, I hope that wasn't inappropriate. xxx
Aw that means SO much to me...thank you, really. Sending lots of love and happiness your way. xxx
I have anorexia myself and wow that was a wonderful speach! xoxo
Thank u Biebs I agree it's an amazing speach this girl describes my fears perfectly, i'm worried about my body image, i starve myself from supper to 3 o'clock everyday and lie about eating and exercising i don't know what i'm doing any more but i dont want to be diagnosed with anorexia
I feel u :(
Thank u Biebs the world needs you. You are loved. The very best of luck on your journey
The Whoniverse the same goes for you. Inside you is the seed of something so unbelievably remarkable, that you'll be shocked when it blooms bright in the world. Do whatever you need to to care for yourself, I'm pulling for you.
Joseph Pattison Tysm xx
This speech rescued me! Hearing this was my turning point in life! Thank you so much❤️ Am a healthy vegan now and love my life!
Great job, I might not be okay yet but I'm so glad you are!
Yay so happy for you darling!! ❤
this is the first time i actually enjoy listening to a ted talk. her voice is the prettiest thing on earth
same
Great speech, easy to understand even for non-native speaker like me. This young girl has the best speech ability!
She needs to be one of the voices on the Buddhify app. My insomnia would be cured.
my youngest sister is currently going through exactly what she went through, it's been hard on the whole family but I pray she will make a full recovery!
She has a way with words
This speaks to me so deeply as someone who had so much trouble admitting I had anorexia. Everyone around me noticed me getting thinner and all I thought was that for once, I was getting skinny and beautiful. When my parents brought me to a doctor, I also thought there was nothing wrong. I was so angry because all my plans were being ruined. Thank you so so much--as someone who is struggling with recovery, thank you thank you.
The title alone brought tears to my eyes. I spent 6 months in hospital with anorexia and there is a weird turning point where they stop weighing your cereal and you just have to pour it into the bowl it's a scary yet freeing moment. Letting go of the control
Anyone else start crying when she said you have to "rip up your rulebook"?
I'm recently seeing symptoms of anorexic tendencies and I know I have a brewing eating disorder of some sort that is getting worse, and like she said, there's something comforting beneath it all about being in control of food. I hate being hungry at times but being in control of food is one of the few things in my life that I feel like I have control over. I'm a near 6 foot male and I've been eating anywhere from 400-1000 calories per day for the past week and a half depending on how I'm feeling each day. This didn't come out of nowhere though. I've been having eating issues for several weeks that have stemmed through my new diet.
I'm getting help, but I like being in control.
how are you doing now?
@@ang3ela5 100% better! And vegan!! :)
Evan Miller omg YAYY i’m so happy🥺
Evan Miller that’s honestly crazy ahh becoming vegan is one of the main reasons for my recovery :)
I've been suffering from an Eating disorder going on three years now. I'm very glad I only have a mild case and only during some seasons it gets bad but then it gets better. It's on and off over and over again. I love food but then I have my self doubt telling myself otherwise. It's like a constant war, I would always have to compromise with my self doubt. I knew what I was doing, I knew the consequences I couldn't stop. I felt pleased with my weight dropping, I liked that I was in control. It's dangerous, very dangerous and it can kill you. As a Christian, I'm always praying to God to heal me and others who are suffering. You are not alone and I'm praying for you.
God her eating disorder was so much like mine. I had all of her rules. No snacking, don't eat more than the people around you, don't eat until you're feeling faint. I'm so glad she's in recovery, and I hope she is able to continue to have a healthy relationship with food.
Goodness this made me cry harder than I thought it would. Identified with so many of her words.
really proud of you , so brave to share your journey ..
This is wonderful. So inspiring! We knew, years ago (1970s) of a young woman who died from this. She kept her illness secret, became reclusive and antisocial, and although her weight loss was so obvious - no one stepped in to intervene. Nor did she seek help. She was found dead in her room...such a loss, such a waste..
I had the exact same symptoms as Catheric when I was younger. Sadly, my symptoms were driven by my parents' consistent discouragement of my physical appearances and mediocre life ahead (e.g. ordinary face, ordinary grades, low prospects in life). I felt hopeless of my situation and turn to food for control. Diet, weight and health were the only control I have to adjust my life. With this control, I feel contented that I have a chance to work towards something.
I finally break away from my cycle when one day I realise that this control wasn't helping me at all. There were no achivements, yet it is ok to eat junk food, it is ok to drink alcohol, it is ok to socialise and be happy. I am stopping myself from experiencing life, and I am not giving myself a chance to do so.
For anyone out there that is experiencing eating disorders for whatever intrinsic reasons, only we ourselves can release that control. Our body is there for us to energise, not for us to abuse and mistreat.
Enjoy health and self love 💌
wow I´ve got goose bumps all over my body. She said everything I have felt during my recovery.
This is one of the best Ted talks I've ever seen. I have anxiety and sometimes I worry about eating too much. I wrote the title on my hand so I can always look at it 🙂
What a lovely, clear, beautiful speech. As a daughter of an anorexic mother, I wish my mother took treatment but she is in denial of her illness. I hope she finds your video and finds the strength to recover.
My tears drop as I listen to her words. It's so sincere, brimming with all the emotions she has faced, endured, and reflected upon. Recovery from any kind of mental illness / eating disorder / bad habit is really tough. It's true that at some point people are comfortable with their pain. They find comfort in knowing that this is the pain they have chosen for themselves. But we deserve so much more. We are good and we deserve a good life. Thank you for urging me to study the rules I have made for myself to feel that I am in control. This is going to take time but I will try to break each rule one by one. Thank you from Thailand.
So incredibly accurate, and beautifully explained by Miss. Pawley. As someone who recovered from Anorexia a few years ago, so much of what she said struck home with my own journey. "The one overwhelming thing that recovery brought me, is me. I've got myself back" brought me to tears. There were times during my lowest points where I couldn't ever imagine being anything other than the anorexic shell that I was. The moments, which I still have now, when you realize how far you come, and how much your life has grown since those points, still leave me breathless and beyond thankful for that.
This video is amazing. You're such a good speaker and you totally understand this illness....