I think financial insecurity is very real. As you age it becomes more culturally unacceptable to be poor. People expect you to be poor on early 20's or late teens. But 25+ and people are like why aren't you at my level yet? Why are you still poor? why haven't you made better choices in life? poverty is seen as a moral failing.
I also want to add, speaking from the wealthier friend side, make more friends. If you look around and most people don’t have as much money as you, that’s perfectly fine. Keep those friends with less money, BUT, make more friends who have the money you have so that you can experience the luxury you can afford with people who can also afford it. That way everyone can be happy. You still have both type friends and can do all the activities you want to! Thats what i did and its great. When i want to do something super luxurious i can and when i hang with my other friends we can do more chill things. Everyone wins
Absolutely, this is what I’ve learnt to do! Widen your friendship groups. Otherwise you will find yourself missing out on certain things you would like experience.
How did you level up. What did you focus on to begin with? Or is it just that you’re in a line of business that pays more than “average”. Whatever average is to you. Many thanks for your insight.❤
I find radical honesty between friends on what I feel comfortable spending has helped me set boundaries from both directions. I make enough to splurge out on eating out and shopping with friends but not enough to shell out for a spontaneous vacation. Boundaries are so so important and I hope more people are more discretionary with who they're spending with
It's important to have friends that really see your value outside of your income. All of my important friendships are faith-based. We love Jesus hard. So if money gets tight, we do what we have to to make it work in that season because the value of being in covenant friendship with another woman of God is priceless. We tap into praying together and supporting each other through the times which has actually lead to financial breakthrough many times. But we know our assignment as friends and don't allow a financial setback to cause us to stop seeing the calling on each other's lives. I'm grateful for having real friends.
i'm sorry girl! ppl are so small-sighted. lots of folks live with their parents and don't understand that ppl with jobs don't have just lumps of money lying around. especially if you're single and don't come from parent money. it takes a lot of restriction for me to afford life AND save for goals. if I didn't have a man paying for fun stuff I wouldn't do nothing but crochet and watch tv. @WarmSun_MGM
Definitely expanding your friendships are totally worth it. Compartmentalism is key. Some friends are great for chilling with indoors in front of a cute film and a takeaway. Whilst others can come to brunch and shopping on the weekends. Same formula can be applied for vacations with friends
As someone that grew up on the poorer side of life and continues to be in the "poorer" category in my early 30s ... this is interesting conversation and also something I think about . Growing up, I was often treated differently because of my class level and family financial standing.. so, I couldn't agree that we were all on an equal playing field before adulthood. Most recently, as an adult, I felt this division in my romantic relationship, as I feel my inability to prove myself stable was a major reason why we couldn't be together. It sucks . Appreciate this video though, God Bless
You're right I guess we don't all start off on equal footing. I was speaking from my experience and given that many people grow up in areas where there's a shared wealth/class level amongst neighbours. Sorry you're going through that and I hope things get better xx
I had to leave a friendship like that. I was on the poor side. I grew up poor and my adult life is still poor, but my friend had money. Now ex-friend though. She makes six figures and did make me feel a type a way about my finances. She would make indirect comments about paying for things like dinner and she would say these things while a group of us were in a room so people would know those comments were clearly for me because I don’t make as much money as her and these other people make. She would constantly pull something like that and the thing that bugged me was that I’m not so poor where I can’t afford my own meals or this and that and when we’re just by ourselves I would treat her and vice versa, but in a group setting she’d try to embarrass me for some reason or when we’re out in public she’d treat me like a child like I had to be around her all the time and I can’t go off browsing in a store by myself. I don’t know what had gotten into her at that point, but I had to cut her off. To me, that friendship wasn’t worth me getting put down all the time and treated like I’m lesser than because I don’t make the same amount she makes. I cut her off.
I'm always intrigued with this topic because i'm lucky enough to have never been in such situations. Not because I have money but because me and my friends are so open with what we can and can't afford and how bill splitting will neveeerrrr happen you pay for what you eat. Being this open has made planning for things so stress free budgeting wise because budgeting with the lowest amount in mind is common sense for us at this point. Moral of the story, be open with your friends, make your money boundaries clear and encourage them to do the same
An example of where this has been tricky in my life is when planning trip accommodations. Sometimes one friend will want to stay in a hotel/airbnb within a tight budget while someone who makes more might want something nicer or in a safer area. "Budgeting with the lowest amount in mind" is not always the best idea. You're right that being open about things is the best....I don't mind paying a bigger share of the total for example if we're going somewhere more expensive because of my tastes.
I know since I am restructuring my life and I realized, I generally just want more money. But I have friends that make more than me right now and they never make me feel less and vice versa. I feel its good to have wealthier friends and those on the other spectrum, sometimes you don't always want to spend money to keep up with everything. I have run into women who ONLY want friends who are in their tax bracket because they made it there which I also get but its also a bit selfish because everyone's journey is different, so I don't hang out with them much. All in all, I just hope people find ACTUAL, HEALTHY relationships and not relationships based on financial brackets.
Agreed. I'm blessed and lucky to have friends that are so understanding of my finances, and as I step into this next chapter of my life , I realize I want and need more money. Fingers crossed we both get to that place we want to be.
I had a friend in the poorer side who made it, so she wanted one birthday to celebrate in a semi fancy restaurant, and one group of friends dragged her for that, she just wanted to celebrate how great that year had been for her, so in friendships its all about communication and boundaries, they could have just said "i cant afford that" but they decided to bully her for having more.
I have a friend who still owes me 500 when i helped her pay for her graduation party 🙁 i never had the balls to chase her down for it, it's been 7+ years and i still gave her money on her wedding too. Mind you i was NOT the rich friend but i always held my own and worked while they flew to miami or got bbls. I'm done having friends my age, all my friends are in their 40s 50s and I'm 33 because I'm a grown person and no one my age can hold their own.
I love this. I’ve been both, went from broke to a good earner. I think there’s also something around what you see financial value in. One of my friends is also a good earner but she loves to go out to eat at fancy restaurants. I’ve made it a rule to not go out to restaurants unless it’s a special occasion. My thing is live experiences , I’ll easily drop money for that but she’s more reserved when it comes to that. We both make good money but act ‘cheap’ when it comes to certain things
What a good video, honestly! When I finished my LLM I literally remember crying because I felt misunderstood/was 'disruptive' because I suggested another restaurants with ex-friends because I couldn't afford to go eventually. No one had me or suggested but there were sacrifices I had decided to made to climb the ladder - thank God it paid off but it only paid off 3 years down the line lol. Generosity is key and I do think some people expect others to always have it together to meet up with image/events lol. If someone cannot afford something, they can't - people can find someone else to go out with. Even if people do have it, they can choose not to 'waste' funds on it. It all depends. I grew up not having much at all so I was motivated to not be broke for too long so I've done what quite a few people wouldn't be willing to do to be in a decent/ok place. If you have cracked the code, you can share it with others and it's up to them to take the plunge or make decisions but it's not our jobs to make someone feel like s**t just because we're no longer in their shoes. Some people also do have different work ethics too so I do get wanting to be around people who you can learn from especially if the goal is to build financial wealth but that doesn't need to be the foundation for friendship. Simple things like hanging out in a car, at a Chinese restaurant and just speaking for hours is much better and wholesome than wasting money elsewhere at The Shard or something lol.
I used to get embarrassed when one of my friends would plan trips and the activities was always a bit too expensive for me. The guilt I felt for having my best friend having to front the bill for me showed me that one of my friends was not as considerate as she thought she was when it came to our trips. This is the reason why at this point I want to map out the expenses of the trip with an active budget even though I’m now in a different racket when it comes to money. This is to look out for my friends that don’t have that money ability to spend randomly. Other than the fact that for the next trip I’m going to actively pay for my best friends an activity expenses as a thank you for all those years. Money and wealth is so hard to talk about and I’ve definitely fumbled with things in the past and not being honest about not having it together. But now I’m like nah imma skip that 😅 because if that one friend that like more expensive things wants to do more imma let her respectfully.
Great video! I’d like to add that often the ‘wealthier’ are actually the ones spending modestly, not extravagantly. And the ‘less rich’ friends are the ones financing a more expensive lifestyle than they can truly afford.
So my friend who lives with us makes more money than we do. It would be fine, but she is extremely inconsiderate. We are a family of 5 with 2 dogs, living on way less than what she makes. She only has to pay for herself. We also feed her dog. I used to be in the same job field as her, so I know what it is like not to worry about money. I think she earns her money and can do whatever she wants, but she constantly complains to me that it's not enough and that she is struggling. This is all happening while she eats our food, uses our stuff without replacing it. She pays her part of the rent. I don't make her pay utilities, but she does pay for the internet. Her living with us is a temporary thing so we could afford the house. She will be out soon. She has also pointed out our class difference two different times, and the way she did it was unnecessary. I know I'm the poorer one, and I chose to become a stay-at-home mom/artist, but I don't need it pointed out to me the way she did. I know her financial situation very well because she's always talking about it to me. she is just irresponsible with her money.
@@AdellaAfadi I have spoken to her about the class joke and she apologized for that but the other stuff no. I know I should but she's been really depressed lately and gets super defensive when I bring anything up. she'll even start arguing with me. It's a bit disorienting because I start to question my reality and if I'm being too harsh. She takes criticism very hard. As soon as this is over our friendship will be done. It's been a rough 2 years for my family and I so I'm mostly just trying to stay quiet until we can afford the rent on our own (which will be happening within the next couple of months). I'm scared she'll leave before we are ready if she thinks I'm criticizing her too much. We have lived together before but it was before she was in this field and while I was in school for it. I was supporting her financially at the time but it was mutually beneficial. She would help with my son and take care of the house. I also supported her financially when she was getting her licence to get in the field.
I’m not doing that “generosity” thing anymore, it feels like you’re paying for friendship to constantly have to cover the bill if you want to go out. They don’t even suggest places that don’t cost money or in their budget, it’s either stay home or spend hella money
I love this video and I’m glad someone is talking about it! I would not consider myself rich, probably upper middle class. I went very quickly from being dead broke to this and the impact has been massive! I’m beyond grateful but at the same time it’s been a very isolating experience. I think it’s a must to have friends on all income levels.
I feel like I’ve been experiencing this for a while like even before college - I have friends who’s parents are in a different tax bracket and it was always so awkward for me to explain why I couldn’t just go on trips or buy concert tickets out of the blue like them lol - and they’d be like “oh I’m broke too but-“ and I’m like no…you don’t get it friend
Me and my husband are friends with this couple who are definitely making more money than us. At one point, they were making double. We never complain about the price of things, and when we can't go out, we just don't. However, they constantly talk about money. Every time we make plans, they are like ," we don't want to spend a lot of money," or "lets do something cheap," even when we make the plans. It's not like we do anything expensive, usually just a bar and food. But every time they complain about spending money. However, in passing, they brag about their income and invite us out of state consistently. We are open about our situation and budget for nights out, but we never complain or ask them to pay. Is this behavior by them weird?
I am literally struggling through this and this video helped me think through it. Thank you! Had to rewatch several times and think about all of these important concepts/mindsets. I died when you said "You don't have to eat in Hakkasan" which is literally part of what triggered some of my recent interactions in a mixed-income friendship. Thank you again! Keep doing what you're doing!
ngl this hit hard as i was transitioning from uni to full time work. my friends and i always been fair to each other and upfront about things we can/cannot do when going anywhere which i really cherish ❤️ i’ve been on either side and i’ve noticed more so with old money friends that they don’t really understand that people have BOUNDARIES with money. sometimes it’s hard when you wanna do certain specific things and people say they can’t and there’s just no way around it. whilst i don’t mind doing things on my own, it gets boring sometimes ngl. any tips on how to make some more friends w a similar pay/higher pay lol? (most of the ppl within my field/my level are 15+ years older 😭) i’d say though that there also other things at play like having a saving mindset (even if it’s a lil at a time) and also i’m not a person who likes wasting money too much on what seems like lil expenses that eventually add up (e.g. i’m not buying lunch/coffee everyday, i’m bringing the same lunch that i’ve batched cooked for a week so i can save my money for the festival i wanna go to in another country where i wanna have nice accommodation and be able to visit around a bit 💀)
great video I love the talk through video of the friends episode, that so cool to see how on the show call 'friends' it's related to real life situations, its giving real reality tv show.
From a very wealthy area of the country. Went to private schools. All my friends have college degrees. Some make more. Some make less. We’ve never really had “issues” other than the occasional “who didn’t Venmo” because of WHERE we grew up AND our communication skills (having a ballpark idea of how much karaoke will cost). We knew things were expensive regardless, so we planned accordingly (on a sliding scale of free to not free activities). What I have noticed in my bigger age is that people’s ideas of expensive or their psychological relationship to money is what is missed in between dinners out on the town. I was once judged for shopping at Whole Foods by a friend who purchased previously illegal substances on a regular basis. It was enlightening. At the end of the day, if your friends are always doing $100 activities (cough, bowling?!), then it might be time to actively look at other options vs. just cutting people off. As for restaurants - I don’t go out with people whose motto is “separate checks.” Extenuating circumstances aside, we are not nickel and dimming after a lovely evening. Simple.
as someone who had a recent falling out with a close friend because of this exact issue this video kind of hurt to watch 😭 long story short, i live with my mom and she’s been trying to leave her current job for a long time now bc it doesn’t pay enough to cover all the bills. i also left my job bc it was deteriorating my mental health and was pretty much unemployed for the entirety of last year. i kind of stopped talking to everybody bc i was having a hard time financially, i was struggling to help my mom out and this friend had a better paying job and i just started growing more resentful and jealous, something i rly regret now. we’ve talked about it but our relationship is still kind of weird and i miss her a lot. anyway point being just talk to your friends if you’re struggling, if they’re real friends they’ll understand your situation. we’re all trying our best to make it and to pay our bills, you’re not alone
Im practically the brokest of my friends but thank God they’ve always been considerate towards me regarding my financial situation and even offered to pay my way for things
I don’t come from a rich family however i earn an above average salary as a young adult and all of my friends are still in college or haven’t had the chance to find a job yet, so i’m feeling like i’m struggling to find people i can experience some stuff with that only money can allow such as trips, or going to some fancier places. I am really struggling to make friends since i only go to work and home, and everyone around me already has their close friend or group that they do stuff with.
I been having this on my watch list and after yesterday’s NYE festivities I had to finally watch. 😅 I went out with friends and there was a “bill discrepancy”. My friend wasn’t expecting to pay as much as she did and I empathized with that. HOWEVER, I did not appreciate being griped about it all night, yesterday, and today…and I think it’s extremely rude (kardashian voice) to complain and blame me when I simply made reservations and intended to have a good night. I’m very mindful about my attitude toward money - If I had to splurge today I just okay I’ll get it back tomorrow. I’m not ruing my new year over $100
We were not all in the same position during or after university. I had a university friend whose parent was a multi-millionaire. Her tuition and living expenses were all paid for, her holidays, travel, society fees, club memberships and event tickets etc. And yet she would constantly talk about how she was “broke” and needed to “watch her spending” except if she went on a shopping spree with nothing in her bank account, she would just have her parent transfer funds over before reaching checkout. She has never had a job. It was obnoxious and so entitled to see her pretend like she was struggling. I had to stop contact after our undergraduate degree because she started talking about the costs of a masters and how it was stressing her out, despite the fact she was graduating with no debt, and her parent to bankroll her further studies so she could continue to not have to take student loans. I can’t with rich people 😒
Just because her parents are multimillionaires doesn’t mean SHE is. You don’t know what the deal is between her / parents. They may have agreed to pay for her college tuition but put her “on her own” for other things. Can’t assume anything
this is such a good topic to think and talk about! loved the conversation and your thoughts and solutions for both parties. also you look beautiful, the hat is fire x
The only issue I have is with one of my friends inviting me out every weekend, out to the club (I don't even like going to clubs), going to the store, etc., and having to pay for the both of us every time. It is okay sometimes but after YEARS of doing it.... the good deed has never been returned. It makes me not want to hang out. I can stay at home for free. It is not because I am now earning more money than she is, it is because every place we go together you automatically expect me to pay, you don't even ask anymore... It is almost coming off like I am being used
Got my first credit card to pay our shared utility bills when my wealthier housemates kept forgetting to pay me on time. Joke's on them, I now have a slightly better credit rating 😑
Lots of reasons. Some based on their character and behaviour but I think others are less justified and probably due to jealousy and discontentment. Also our culture is quite reserved so any overt show of wealth (like 'new money' vibes) is looked down on by some
There are studies and arguments for both tbh I guess it's one of those things than can be proved either way for different people. But I didn't save my links sorry I'm working on a better template so I can share all sources going forward xx
I disagree. At university, my parent sent me 600 -1000 euros pocket money each month. I learned very early on that everyone was not like myself or my highschool friends. So very early on, I learned not to invite my university peers to expensive places. Simple. Also, if they're TRUE friends, y'all know about each others financial status. When one of my TRUE friends' parents lost their money and my friend lost the ability to pay, I paid it forward to her. I mean it's strange that this is an issue. It's just common sense. Why take a person on a minimum wage job and from working class parents to a high-end restaurant without having the conversation? That simply means that you're not necessarily true friends.
The comment about people getting wealthy mainly by luck or inheritance is factually untrue as most millionaires are first generation (80%+) and most inherited wealth is squandered with nothing left for the next generation
Must be nice to be so privileged to have money, I would never want a friend like you because obviously money means more than just connections. I rather have no friends or other poor friends than people like you.
I think financial insecurity is very real. As you age it becomes more culturally unacceptable to be poor. People expect you to be poor on early 20's or late teens. But 25+ and people are like why aren't you at my level yet? Why are you still poor? why haven't you made better choices in life? poverty is seen as a moral failing.
I also want to add, speaking from the wealthier friend side, make more friends. If you look around and most people don’t have as much money as you, that’s perfectly fine. Keep those friends with less money, BUT, make more friends who have the money you have so that you can experience the luxury you can afford with people who can also afford it. That way everyone can be happy. You still have both type friends and can do all the activities you want to! Thats what i did and its great. When i want to do something super luxurious i can and when i hang with my other friends we can do more chill things. Everyone wins
Absolutely, this is what I’ve learnt to do! Widen your friendship groups. Otherwise you will find yourself missing out on certain things you would like experience.
@@Leo_Lise this! I want to experience absolutely everything I can before my life is done and the best way to do that is to expand my circle
@@lalittl here here 🥂
THIS part! I agree!
How did you level up. What did you focus on to begin with? Or is it just that you’re in a line of business that pays more than “average”. Whatever average is to you. Many thanks for your insight.❤
I find radical honesty between friends on what I feel comfortable spending has helped me set boundaries from both directions. I make enough to splurge out on eating out and shopping with friends but not enough to shell out for a spontaneous vacation. Boundaries are so so important and I hope more people are more discretionary with who they're spending with
This is a very good way to go about it!
I can't say I have this issue because I don't have friends or a social life, so problem solved I guess 🤷🏾♀️ 😆
Got the right idea! 😁
Same 😂
😂 same!
Exactly 🎉
It's important to have friends that really see your value outside of your income. All of my important friendships are faith-based. We love Jesus hard. So if money gets tight, we do what we have to to make it work in that season because the value of being in covenant friendship with another woman of God is priceless. We tap into praying together and supporting each other through the times which has actually lead to financial breakthrough many times. But we know our assignment as friends and don't allow a financial setback to cause us to stop seeing the calling on each other's lives. I'm grateful for having real friends.
So well put couldn’t agree with this more
Praying for covenant friendships.
Beautiful ! I hope God continues to shower you and your friends with blessings ❤
When I wanted friends to come to Brazil for my 30th bday I planned one year ahead and offered to cover lodging. It was funnn!!
Sounds fun!!
I’ve always been behind in life, and coming from an extremely poor background and only just beginning playing catch up, I’m tired. I’ll be at home lol
This is too real!
THIS. All these birthday dinners are killing me.
@@PeukinsPointright😂
yesss I'm just tryna handle my own damn situations lol 😂
i'm sorry girl! ppl are so small-sighted. lots of folks live with their parents and don't understand that ppl with jobs don't have just lumps of money lying around. especially if you're single and don't come from parent money. it takes a lot of restriction for me to afford life AND save for goals. if I didn't have a man paying for fun stuff I wouldn't do nothing but crochet and watch tv. @WarmSun_MGM
Definitely expanding your friendships are totally worth it. Compartmentalism is key. Some friends are great for chilling with indoors in front of a cute film and a takeaway. Whilst others can come to brunch and shopping on the weekends. Same formula can be applied for vacations with friends
This is true!
As someone that grew up on the poorer side of life and continues to be in the "poorer" category in my early 30s ... this is interesting conversation and also something I think about . Growing up, I was often treated differently because of my class level and family financial standing.. so, I couldn't agree that we were all on an equal playing field before adulthood. Most recently, as an adult, I felt this division in my romantic relationship, as I feel my inability to prove myself stable was a major reason why we couldn't be together. It sucks . Appreciate this video though, God Bless
You're right I guess we don't all start off on equal footing. I was speaking from my experience and given that many people grow up in areas where there's a shared wealth/class level amongst neighbours. Sorry you're going through that and I hope things get better xx
I feel this girl. Don't let these circumstances steal your joy.
I have a rich and poor friends. No major issues with them, issues arise with you have friends that are irresponsible and being inconsiderate.
True
I had to leave a friendship like that. I was on the poor side. I grew up poor and my adult life is still poor, but my friend had money. Now ex-friend though. She makes six figures and did make me feel a type a way about my finances. She would make indirect comments about paying for things like dinner and she would say these things while a group of us were in a room so people would know those comments were clearly for me because I don’t make as much money as her and these other people make. She would constantly pull something like that and the thing that bugged me was that I’m not so poor where I can’t afford my own meals or this and that and when we’re just by ourselves I would treat her and vice versa, but in a group setting she’d try to embarrass me for some reason or when we’re out in public she’d treat me like a child like I had to be around her all the time and I can’t go off browsing in a store by myself. I don’t know what had gotten into her at that point, but I had to cut her off. To me, that friendship wasn’t worth me getting put down all the time and treated like I’m lesser than because I don’t make the same amount she makes. I cut her off.
I'm always intrigued with this topic because i'm lucky enough to have never been in such situations. Not because I have money but because me and my friends are so open with what we can and can't afford and how bill splitting will neveeerrrr happen you pay for what you eat. Being this open has made planning for things so stress free budgeting wise because budgeting with the lowest amount in mind is common sense for us at this point.
Moral of the story, be open with your friends, make your money boundaries clear and encourage them to do the same
An example of where this has been tricky in my life is when planning trip accommodations. Sometimes one friend will want to stay in a hotel/airbnb within a tight budget while someone who makes more might want something nicer or in a safer area. "Budgeting with the lowest amount in mind" is not always the best idea. You're right that being open about things is the best....I don't mind paying a bigger share of the total for example if we're going somewhere more expensive because of my tastes.
I know since I am restructuring my life and I realized, I generally just want more money. But I have friends that make more than me right now and they never make me feel less and vice versa. I feel its good to have wealthier friends and those on the other spectrum, sometimes you don't always want to spend money to keep up with everything. I have run into women who ONLY want friends who are in their tax bracket because they made it there which I also get but its also a bit selfish because everyone's journey is different, so I don't hang out with them much. All in all, I just hope people find ACTUAL, HEALTHY relationships and not relationships based on financial brackets.
Exactly this! let's just focus on character and good friends!
Agreed. I'm blessed and lucky to have friends that are so understanding of my finances, and as I step into this next chapter of my life , I realize I want and need more money. Fingers crossed we both get to that place we want to be.
I had a friend in the poorer side who made it, so she wanted one birthday to celebrate in a semi fancy restaurant, and one group of friends dragged her for that, she just wanted to celebrate how great that year had been for her, so in friendships its all about communication and boundaries, they could have just said "i cant afford that" but they decided to bully her for having more.
I just found this girl because she helped me find a hobby last year. Thank you!
I have a friend who still owes me 500 when i helped her pay for her graduation party 🙁 i never had the balls to chase her down for it, it's been 7+ years and i still gave her money on her wedding too. Mind you i was NOT the rich friend but i always held my own and worked while they flew to miami or got bbls. I'm done having friends my age, all my friends are in their 40s 50s and I'm 33 because I'm a grown person and no one my age can hold their own.
The generosity part of it… so true
I love this. I’ve been both, went from broke to a good earner.
I think there’s also something around what you see financial value in. One of my friends is also a good earner but she loves to go out to eat at fancy restaurants. I’ve made it a rule to not go out to restaurants unless it’s a special occasion.
My thing is live experiences , I’ll easily drop money for that but she’s more reserved when it comes to that. We both make good money but act ‘cheap’ when it comes to certain things
I love your hat 💗
Same
same i need one!
I was just about to write this comment.😂
Thank you it's from PLT x
your video essays always fill my heart and mind with inspiration, thanks for sharing!
Yay so glad!!
What a good video, honestly!
When I finished my LLM I literally remember crying because I felt misunderstood/was 'disruptive' because I suggested another restaurants with ex-friends because I couldn't afford to go eventually. No one had me or suggested but there were sacrifices I had decided to made to climb the ladder - thank God it paid off but it only paid off 3 years down the line lol.
Generosity is key and I do think some people expect others to always have it together to meet up with image/events lol. If someone cannot afford something, they can't - people can find someone else to go out with. Even if people do have it, they can choose not to 'waste' funds on it.
It all depends. I grew up not having much at all so I was motivated to not be broke for too long so I've done what quite a few people wouldn't be willing to do to be in a decent/ok place. If you have cracked the code, you can share it with others and it's up to them to take the plunge or make decisions but it's not our jobs to make someone feel like s**t just because we're no longer in their shoes. Some people also do have different work ethics too so I do get wanting to be around people who you can learn from especially if the goal is to build financial wealth but that doesn't need to be the foundation for friendship. Simple things like hanging out in a car, at a Chinese restaurant and just speaking for hours is much better and wholesome than wasting money elsewhere at The Shard or something lol.
You need a podcast. I could listen to you all day
I used to get embarrassed when one of my friends would plan trips and the activities was always a bit too expensive for me.
The guilt I felt for having my best friend having to front the bill for me showed me that one of my friends was not as considerate as she thought she was when it came to our trips.
This is the reason why at this point I want to map out the expenses of the trip with an active budget even though I’m now in a different racket when it comes to money.
This is to look out for my friends that don’t have that money ability to spend randomly. Other than the fact that for the next trip I’m going to actively pay for my best friends an activity expenses as a thank you for all those years.
Money and wealth is so hard to talk about and I’ve definitely fumbled with things in the past and not being honest about not having it together.
But now I’m like nah imma skip that 😅 because if that one friend that like more expensive things wants to do more imma let her respectfully.
Great video! I’d like to add that often the ‘wealthier’ are actually the ones spending modestly, not extravagantly. And the ‘less rich’ friends are the ones financing a more expensive lifestyle than they can truly afford.
So my friend who lives with us makes more money than we do. It would be fine, but she is extremely inconsiderate. We are a family of 5 with 2 dogs, living on way less than what she makes. She only has to pay for herself. We also feed her dog. I used to be in the same job field as her, so I know what it is like not to worry about money. I think she earns her money and can do whatever she wants, but she constantly complains to me that it's not enough and that she is struggling. This is all happening while she eats our food, uses our stuff without replacing it. She pays her part of the rent. I don't make her pay utilities, but she does pay for the internet. Her living with us is a temporary thing so we could afford the house. She will be out soon.
She has also pointed out our class difference two different times, and the way she did it was unnecessary. I know I'm the poorer one, and I chose to become a stay-at-home mom/artist, but I don't need it pointed out to me the way she did. I know her financial situation very well because she's always talking about it to me. she is just irresponsible with her money.
Have you spoken to her about it? xx
@@AdellaAfadi I have spoken to her about the class joke and she apologized for that but the other stuff no. I know I should but she's been really depressed lately and gets super defensive when I bring anything up. she'll even start arguing with me. It's a bit disorienting because I start to question my reality and if I'm being too harsh. She takes criticism very hard. As soon as this is over our friendship will be done. It's been a rough 2 years for my family and I so I'm mostly just trying to stay quiet until we can afford the rent on our own (which will be happening within the next couple of months). I'm scared she'll leave before we are ready if she thinks I'm criticizing her too much.
We have lived together before but it was before she was in this field and while I was in school for it. I was supporting her financially at the time but it was mutually beneficial. She would help with my son and take care of the house. I also supported her financially when she was getting her licence to get in the field.
it sounds like she's selfish and can't see past herself. best of luck getting your home and peace back
I’m not doing that “generosity” thing anymore, it feels like you’re paying for friendship to constantly have to cover the bill if you want to go out. They don’t even suggest places that don’t cost money or in their budget, it’s either stay home or spend hella money
I love this video and I’m glad someone is talking about it!
I would not consider myself rich, probably upper middle class. I went very quickly from being dead broke to this and the impact has been massive!
I’m beyond grateful but at the same time it’s been a very isolating experience.
I think it’s a must to have friends on all income levels.
Your video set up is magnificent
I'm glad you like it
I feel like I’ve been experiencing this for a while like even before college - I have friends who’s parents are in a different tax bracket and it was always so awkward for me to explain why I couldn’t just go on trips or buy concert tickets out of the blue like them lol - and they’d be like “oh I’m broke too but-“ and I’m like no…you don’t get it friend
Love your editing by the way!
Thank you!
Me and my husband are friends with this couple who are definitely making more money than us. At one point, they were making double. We never complain about the price of things, and when we can't go out, we just don't. However, they constantly talk about money. Every time we make plans, they are like ," we don't want to spend a lot of money," or "lets do something cheap," even when we make the plans. It's not like we do anything expensive, usually just a bar and food. But every time they complain about spending money. However, in passing, they brag about their income and invite us out of state consistently. We are open about our situation and budget for nights out, but we never complain or ask them to pay. Is this behavior by them weird?
I've noticed that with a friend as well. I wish I could answer that question 😂
Really well written and delivered, what a high quality video! I agree. So glad I found your channel :))
Thank you so much!
I am literally struggling through this and this video helped me think through it. Thank you! Had to rewatch several times and think about all of these important concepts/mindsets. I died when you said "You don't have to eat in Hakkasan" which is literally part of what triggered some of my recent interactions in a mixed-income friendship. Thank you again! Keep doing what you're doing!
ngl this hit hard as i was transitioning from uni to full time work. my friends and i always been fair to each other and upfront about things we can/cannot do when going anywhere which i really cherish ❤️ i’ve been on either side and i’ve noticed more so with old money friends that they don’t really understand that people have BOUNDARIES with money. sometimes it’s hard when you wanna do certain specific things and people say they can’t and there’s just no way around it. whilst i don’t mind doing things on my own, it gets boring sometimes ngl. any tips on how to make some more friends w a similar pay/higher pay lol? (most of the ppl within my field/my level are 15+ years older 😭)
i’d say though that there also other things at play like having a saving mindset (even if it’s a lil at a time) and also i’m not a person who likes wasting money too much on what seems like lil expenses that eventually add up (e.g. i’m not buying lunch/coffee everyday, i’m bringing the same lunch that i’ve batched cooked for a week so i can save my money for the festival i wanna go to in another country where i wanna have nice accommodation and be able to visit around a bit 💀)
I haven’t watched this yet but I wanted to say the thumbnail is fire
Beautifully put, plus you look stunning
Thank you!!
great video I love the talk through video of the friends episode, that so cool to see how on the show call 'friends' it's related to real life situations, its giving real reality tv show.
Love this! Very eloquently put!
Thank you!
The Nigerian in you is talkin. I love it
I love the quality of content of your videos
Omg I was waiting for someone to make a video essay on this based on that one clip from friends!!
*THISSSSSS!!!!! very important conversation* 👏 👏 👏
😍😍😍okayyyyyy but the hat tho????
Looks like an Emma Brewin piece
Thanks it's PLTx
This is a very cool hat!
Ok, now lemme get into the video 👍🏿
Very needed conversation to have
Yay so glad!
Love your hat!!!
Thank you!
From a very wealthy area of the country. Went to private schools. All my friends have college degrees. Some make more. Some make less. We’ve never really had “issues” other than the occasional “who didn’t Venmo” because of WHERE we grew up AND our communication skills (having a ballpark idea of how much karaoke will cost). We knew things were expensive regardless, so we planned accordingly (on a sliding scale of free to not free activities).
What I have noticed in my bigger age is that people’s ideas of expensive or their psychological relationship to money is what is missed in between dinners out on the town. I was once judged for shopping at Whole Foods by a friend who purchased previously illegal substances on a regular basis. It was enlightening.
At the end of the day, if your friends are always doing $100 activities (cough, bowling?!), then it might be time to actively look at other options vs. just cutting people off.
As for restaurants - I don’t go out with people whose motto is “separate checks.” Extenuating circumstances aside, we are not nickel and dimming after a lovely evening. Simple.
I wish i could like this video multiple times !
This conversation is so silenced in mixed-income social environments
as someone who had a recent falling out with a close friend because of this exact issue this video kind of hurt to watch 😭
long story short, i live with my mom and she’s been trying to leave her current job for a long time now bc it doesn’t pay enough to cover all the bills. i also left my job bc it was deteriorating my mental health and was pretty much unemployed for the entirety of last year. i kind of stopped talking to everybody bc i was having a hard time financially, i was struggling to help my mom out and this friend had a better paying job and i just started growing more resentful and jealous, something i rly regret now. we’ve talked about it but our relationship is still kind of weird and i miss her a lot. anyway point being just talk to your friends if you’re struggling, if they’re real friends they’ll understand your situation. we’re all trying our best to make it and to pay our bills, you’re not alone
Im practically the brokest of my friends but thank God they’ve always been considerate towards me regarding my financial situation and even offered to pay my way for things
A very important topic that I should be commenting about especially you've made so many good points...but honestly that hat is cute! 😍
I don’t come from a rich family however i earn an above average salary as a young adult and all of my friends are still in college or haven’t had the chance to find a job yet, so i’m feeling like i’m struggling to find people i can experience some stuff with that only money can allow such as trips, or going to some fancier places. I am really struggling to make friends since i only go to work and home, and everyone around me already has their close friend or group that they do stuff with.
I'm really having trouble making friends in the workspace because I find people live far beyond their means and I don't want to take part in that.
Ok, that thumbnail got me. New sub 😊
Welcome!!
I been having this on my watch list and after yesterday’s NYE festivities I had to finally watch. 😅 I went out with friends and there was a “bill discrepancy”. My friend wasn’t expecting to pay as much as she did and I empathized with that. HOWEVER, I did not appreciate being griped about it all night, yesterday, and today…and I think it’s extremely rude (kardashian voice) to complain and blame me when I simply made reservations and intended to have a good night. I’m very mindful about my attitude toward money - If I had to splurge today I just okay I’ll get it back tomorrow. I’m not ruing my new year over $100
I was just talking to my friend about this once incomes changes the relationships change because we can’t do the same thing
Such a great topic!! Can’t wait to watch. Lovely freakin hat!! & the hair 😍 how especially GORG do you look here!! ❤
this is a whole loooook😍 literally stunning
We were not all in the same position during or after university. I had a university friend whose parent was a multi-millionaire. Her tuition and living expenses were all paid for, her holidays, travel, society fees, club memberships and event tickets etc. And yet she would constantly talk about how she was “broke” and needed to “watch her spending” except if she went on a shopping spree with nothing in her bank account, she would just have her parent transfer funds over before reaching checkout. She has never had a job. It was obnoxious and so entitled to see her pretend like she was struggling. I had to stop contact after our undergraduate degree because she started talking about the costs of a masters and how it was stressing her out, despite the fact she was graduating with no debt, and her parent to bankroll her further studies so she could continue to not have to take student loans. I can’t with rich people 😒
Just because her parents are multimillionaires doesn’t mean SHE is. You don’t know what the deal is between her / parents. They may have agreed to pay for her college tuition but put her “on her own” for other things. Can’t assume anything
A great conversation x
i loved your thoughts on this also u are literally GLOWING!
This is such a great topic! Thank you for tackling this.
You are so gorgeous 😍
Thank you!!
Before I watch this vid… girl I love your hair
this is such a good topic to think and talk about! loved the conversation and your thoughts and solutions for both parties.
also you look beautiful, the hat is fire x
Where is your hat from its gorge!
Thanks it's from PLT x
Phenomenal video & phenomenal hat 👏🏻💖
You read my mind.
The only issue I have is with one of my friends inviting me out every weekend, out to the club (I don't even like going to clubs), going to the store, etc., and having to pay for the both of us every time. It is okay sometimes but after YEARS of doing it.... the good deed has never been returned. It makes me not want to hang out. I can stay at home for free. It is not because I am now earning more money than she is, it is because every place we go together you automatically expect me to pay, you don't even ask anymore... It is almost coming off like I am being used
Must be a female friend doing this to a man friend
What a great topic! 💕
Got my first credit card to pay our shared utility bills when my wealthier housemates kept forgetting to pay me on time. Joke's on them, I now have a slightly better credit rating 😑
Great discussion👏🏽
Great video !
Thanks!
love your channel😊
Thank you 🤎
Where did you get your hat from?
Pretty Little Thing xx
😂😂😂 love this video!
Please where is your hat from?😍
PLT xx
Why don’t people like the rich in the UK?
Lots of reasons. Some based on their character and behaviour but I think others are less justified and probably due to jealousy and discontentment. Also our culture is quite reserved so any overt show of wealth (like 'new money' vibes) is looked down on by some
What studies are you quoting when you say wealthy people mostly inherit/are lucky? I’ve only seen surveys where most millionaires are self made.
There are studies and arguments for both tbh I guess it's one of those things than can be proved either way for different people. But I didn't save my links sorry I'm working on a better template so I can share all sources going forward xx
Errm Hat details pleaseee😂😂😂 🔥 🔥
Pretty Little Thing xx
@@AdellaAfadi 🥰
Where is the hat from!!
R u in Missouri
I disagree. At university, my parent sent me 600 -1000 euros pocket money each month. I learned very early on that everyone was not like myself or my highschool friends. So very early on, I learned not to invite my university peers to expensive places. Simple. Also, if they're TRUE friends, y'all know about each others financial status. When one of my TRUE friends' parents lost their money and my friend lost the ability to pay, I paid it forward to her. I mean it's strange that this is an issue. It's just common sense. Why take a person on a minimum wage job and from working class parents to a high-end restaurant without having the conversation? That simply means that you're not necessarily true friends.
The comment about people getting wealthy mainly by luck or inheritance is factually untrue as most millionaires are first generation (80%+) and most inherited wealth is squandered with nothing left for the next generation
Why do I feel like even you have money you still think a lot about it? 😅
My bank account is named "Broke Graduate Ass" for a reason
poor friends are annoying, nobody has time for that. Also splitting bills is beneathe me, everyone pay for ourselves. buy what you can afford
Must be nice to be so privileged to have money, I would never want a friend like you because obviously money means more than just connections. I rather have no friends or other poor friends than people like you.
Lol, must be nice being so high and mighty.
Oh shiiiiit you mean mean
@@IshtarNike honestly, it's so peaceful
this hat is 🤌🏾 on you Adella, we need the details please 🧎🏾♀️🧎🏾♀️
It's from PLT xx
6:17 small request 🩷 I want to see the studies on this! Please ❤
I’m listening to what you’re saying, but I also want that hat (I’m pleading for a link 🥹)
Edit: Nevermind, saw another comment 💕