You Can Change Your Personality | Nathan Hudson | TEDxKids@SMU
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- čas přidán 28. 10. 2018
- If you've ever wanted to change something about your personality, you're not alone. Most people want to change aspects of themselves--and research suggests that they may actually be able to do so. In this actionable talk, psychology professor and researcher Nathan Hudson discusses small, concrete, evidence-based steps you can take to move closer to becoming the person you want to be. Nathan W. Hudson is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, TX. He was born in Frederick, MD and received his PhD in Social/Personality Psychology from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign in 2016. His research focuses primarily on understanding people's desires and attempts to change their own personality traits. He also studies people's motives and goals in their romantic relationships. Professionally, Nathan's ultimate goal is to understand who people want to be and what they want from their closest relationships--and to discover ways to help them move toward making those desires a reality. Outside of the lab, Nathan is an avid outdoors-man, is active in local sports leagues, and believes in living life to the fullest. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Let’s be honest. We all searched for this
Hey bella, how's things going on with you?
I sure know i did
Yea
Sure
@@jihedmedini1318 you definitely made the right choice searching for this video.
Saving you the trouble.
Notes:
1.Take small steps to change your personality. (04:28)
2. Fake it till you make it. (06:49)
i) Extroversion: Invite people for lunch.
ii) Conscientiousness: Organize your room.
iii) Emotional Stability: Write down what you're grateful for each day/ Journal.
3. Plan small goals for each week to change your personality. (08:35)
R: Realistic
A: Actionable
P: Persistent
Omg you are a life-saver! Thank you!😊
We need more people like you in this world
Thank you so much! Know i can chnage my bratty personality so me and my online sister can talk again!
not every hero wears a cape
No its just that my english teacher wanted us to talk about this video
I wanna be more confident, outgoing, hardworking, tough, and bossy.. but not in a bad way.
Me too
Sameee
that’s interesting. I’m trying to be the opposite lol
Wow so I'm not alone.. I guess every shy and timid person wants that..
Same
I used to be nice, sweet, and kind when I was younger. Now, I'm mean, rude, and I hate myself. So, I'm trying to be kinder and more thoughtful in regards to people.
Literally just described me in a nutshell
Same with me.
I want to take stand for myself , instead of thinking about others 🥺
Same .I think that's why people hate me too .I don't understand why I become like this
it all starts with you, be kind to urself love
Is anyone here because you hate how everyone sees you no? Okay just me
Yep
Ya same
@@Han___000Keep working on yourself my friend but remember to enjoy the journey 😉
Yes I've decided I want to change bc I'm constantly being judged so here I am trying to find a way to be loved... Yea...
Nah i- i just hate myself
I am socially awkward and silent. I would like to be more out there and get new friends 😔
Don't worry 😀 you can change 🔥💥💪
@@jihedmedini1318 same here, i am an introvert. Your description suits me.
Eyyyyy.
Same! I want to be more social and outgoing!
Same.
I just wanna be more like Snoop Dogg
Don't we all?
Nah xxxtentacion
Smoking Lotta weed?
@@nathanrangel9484 Dead?
Bruh why am I wheezing StAwP- 😂🤣
My anxiety is preventing me from acting.
I wanna be more laid back & extroverted
I want to be introverted.
@@bellahlynn7164 bro... WHY?!?😂
I'm tired of talking 😂
bellah lynn mood
Same
I want to build a very strong personality: self-assured, open minded, sanguine, charming.
I wanna be more confident, outgoing, trustworthy, responsible, hardworking and knowledgeable
As much as i tried to change my personality, I successfully did some progress but I always doubt myself. I be like “maybe I’m too comfortable talking to this person because we have chemistry or because I’m anxious about something else” ...etc. I will always find an excuse for my progress because I didn’t know that it’s actually possible to change my personality! Now I can’t believe i came across this! This is exactly what I wanted to know I wanted to know that it’s possible and it’s not gonna happen so fast and you can get stuck in the process but you’ll eventually reach you goals!! Now i will continue trying my best and i will absolutely try the “fake it till you make it”. This handsome guy is gonna change my life! My self esteem went slightly higher just by knowing this. I’m so thankful to him.
congratss, and thanks for giving me hope In my journey. I also struggle with anxiety and want to become more outgoing :)
Congratulations. I do the same. I feel I need to change how I am, how I act and its worse when I feel I'm okay and then suddenly it hits me.
Hey how are you doing now
I feel like anxiety is really effecting my life in a negative way.
I want to be more outgoing and have a don’t care attitude 😂
Same lol
This is so true. In reality, we've already done this. If you ask yourself, is my personality now different than it used to be as a child? Did life's circumstances cause me to be something else to reduce the rejection I received and increase others acceptance of me? If you're like me, the answer is yes. And if your answer is yes, what did you do about it? You became something else, someone more "acceptable" based on your understanding of what WAS acceptable. You changed. We changed, which proves that we can change now. These tips work and with diligence, we will emerge as our more ideal selves, not restricted by the past and optimisticly hopeful for our future. Blessings, everyone!
beautiful insight what you said is absolutely true I can relate with it 100%
I am just tired of everyone calling me shy overdramatic and moody and that I should be more like my brother so HERE I AM-
LOL WE'RE SIBLINGS
I just wanna be smart, well spoken, educated, chill, warm funny (In a good way) and a person people like to talk to because she's enjoyable! Just like Wentworth Miller
Did you make progress?
i want it too, specially to well spoken
People actually see me as “super kind, extroverted, pure, smart, sentimental” but it’s too extreme, I want to be more honest, more to the point. I can control my emotions but I want to be more cold in a way, instead of a full bubbly person... for me it’s
I don’t want to be nicer, I want to be the true me, the me in my head.
Because someone might say, did I do this right and I say yeah, but inside I want to tell them no, you needed to do this and this. Maybe not too coldly but I don’t wanna sugar coat, the thing is I’ve always sugar coated things and it’s hard to stop
This hits a bit too close... Im in a similar situation and want to change, so thanks a lot for this. Maybe replying a year later doesnt mean much but, how are things right now? Are you on your way? A step closer to who you want to be? I hope the best for you random person on the internet
@@samgungsmartfridge oh wow, hello! I was definitely not expecting a reply to this comment a year later. But I'm doing well, to be quite frank with you I've come to accept both sides of me, the overly kind and the overwhelmingly colder side. They are both me and I believe are just results of me being bullied to the point I imbeded a different personality into myself as a way to manage through different situations.. and yes it works for me and it helps me to be almost perfectly attuned to the atmosphere of the people around me around me. I still have many secrets and things I hide or pretend not to have as to not hurt myself or others, but over time it will blend together as I'm sure of it. I still sugar coat sometimes but I'm slowly working over it and im just providing criticism in polite and respectful ways, balanced with compliments. Tysm for your kind words, I too wish you luck and happiness for the rest of your days. :) good luck out there
I want to be more optimistic, even though I'm already an optimist. I want to be more on the extraverted side as right now I'm an ambivert but I have a lot of social anxieties. I want to be more selfless and rational with my emotions.
I wish I could shut up. I always end up telling everyone about my life and I don’t want to be like that.
same, i wanna be mindful when i'm talking
Fake it till you make it!
In other words act until you believe it is reality😹 🤣🤣😂
True honestly lol because your not gonna like it at first but eventually it will become your normality. It’s like getting a new job.
I would envy a rock for the luxury that it has. The luxury of its non-consciousness. That is, its _lack_ of a consciousness. Its lack of a vulnerable mind. It's lack of a torturous thought. Also its lack of a sensation of pain. The blessedly insensate and insensible object that it is! Oh my, yes, I would envy a rock indeed!
I think pain is good and something to cherish. Pain teaches us how to survive till we no longer can, it teaches us what is morally wrong or right through guilt or through the pain we feel when others treat us bad, it teaches us who to trust and who to avoid, it teaches us how significant a loved one is when we lose them because the pain reminds us of their significance and of their impact on our lives, it nurtures us and moulds us. Pain is something to be grateful for.
So....you like cars?
You'll have that experience when you die
That sounds like a good poem...
This is a great presentation. Thank you very much mr. Hudson!
Absolutely, no one would guess what I want to change about myself, because it is so weird, that I want this, because other people would do anything to make it gone, and I want it.
My family loves me, but they think I’m controlling and talk too much - they are right. I’m working on changing those behaviors. It’s difficult.
Good for you for taking that first step
I wish to be more interested in myself only, stop caring about others, work much harder and find new hobbies
I used to be an empathy, so loving and caring person you can ever meet but after a heartbreak, I started suffering from depression the I recovered but I wasn't the same person. Little bit apathetic and more logical, lost interest in socializing. I used to wonder why people say your personality can't change but the thing is I am not the person I used to be
Hi I think you miss heard:
To "get your personality changed" is pretty easy. Like in your case the heartbreak changed you, but the point of this video and what a lot of people say is, that it is hard to change your personality into a direction you would like.
I don't know if this makes sense to you, or if you wanted me to write this to you, but I found your comment randomly, so I thought I could answer you randomly.
(I am an extremely introverted person and this is my small step today. Pls be nice)
*I want to be more extroverted so i can have friends*
Same I'm shy and I'm an introvert I want to be more confident and outgoing.
I wanna be more
Cold
Mysterious
Savage
Badass
Chill
Cool
Quiet
Introverted
Witty
Studious
Charisma
Knowledgeable
Lillian Linton why quit
SAMEEEEE
That's why I'm here
@@cherrispit9088 cos I talk a lot, reveal too much and I'm annoying
That’s exactly what my personality changed too it’s not really as good as it sounds 😕
INTJ-ish
YES!!!!! Intentions people cannot see!! It's a mind f to fight with yourself opposed to what others see!!!!!
I been trying for 6 years and nothing worked. And it feels like every failure makes it even worst. I have read over 10 self help books. And applied it and nothing changes. Someyime i feel better for some week but after some months i realise how nothing has changed. Im still the same person. And i really want to change but cant. I have changed thing in mylife but not what i wanted. It seems like the more i try the more i lose... I need help but dont know where to find it. All this self help never works fir me anyways. I have tried the stuff and made effort after effort to following through but still im here praying for help because nothing is working.
me: wants to be more extraverted
TedTalk guy: we take small steps
Also me: gets a job in sales were I talk to 200 people a day
ah yes, mental breakdown squad where ya at?
I wanna be more relaxed and layed back, whitty, and be better at talking to others.
I want to change but then I think that it's unfair that I have to change to please people but in the other hand I need people, I want friends and I want them to think the best of me, but still, am I not enough the way that I am? Will I ever be? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhh
Thanks. Very helpful
I think that my personality is sometimes annoying so here i am
Meditation and spirituality helped a lot
I want to be more open and friendly and not panic every time I have to speak up, I wanna be chil and someone people like to talk to. I want to change my communication level..
I have a horrible personality no one likes. Today I apologized to God. I just want to be happy again. I want to go from a R rated life filled of hate and prejudice to a pg one. I am 36 years old. I want a good personality change before I hit 40.
Hope things are going good for you.
How's your progress? I'm just checking up on you.. are you a bit better than you were when you made this comment? .. I'm asking because I'm going through the same thing and want to know if going on this journey of change is worth it
Loved it 👍👏
I feel left out from my best friend bc her personality is more interesting/confusing, I can't be selfish n tell her to change her personality for me so I'm here to change my personality, wbu?
thanks for the sharing, I am really scared to make telephone call to overseas customers, because I'm not a native English speaker, but I think it's time to make a change, just like the video said, just take small steps every single day.
I’m here because I literally don’t even know how to start a conversation 😕
You don't need to have something outstanding to say ; just ask people about them and be genuinely interested and curious about their answer. Also if you have trouble maintening attention/focus on conversations, mindfulness meditation may help :)
@@violetiiko9899 solid advice. Showing that you are genuinely interested in what the person in front of you is saying makes them feel good and have worth. In turn it will make you feel good. Maintain eye contact, don’t interrupt them and smile
RAP : Realistic, Actionable, Persistent. I'll make sure to remember and act upon that ❤
6:43 to those who lazy to wait
Him and his brother are literally me and how I feel about my brother
I can confirm
In 6th grade i was too hyper and my friends excluded me and wouldn't let me into the newly established friend groups
So I changed and i got better but I went too far over and felt dead inside
8th grade i somehow fit in and got into my friend group but I didn't feel like myself
Now I'm back to my unaltered personality, but not the one from 6th grade
A different one
When I was in middle school I think I was very hyper as well and then Idk what happened now I’m having trouble talking to people and it’s hard for me to laugh and make people laugh and before I would make people laugh and laugh at everything
I'm working on becoming quiet and reserved.
This is actually true because before I was really extroverted being loud , friendly , outgoing and all such relates but because of that my reputation got bad in my old school becoz of myself thinking out loud and being insensitive
. After the school year ends , I transferred to another school and I decided to change identity rather having another identity in this current school - I convinced myself that I should be quiet , modest , reserved and sensitive about others .
At first , it was hard becoz I was faking it when I am at school , when at home I was talkative (talking about my first experiences and interaction on others)
Until Time goes by , I unconsciously being the person I wanted to be or having that reputation I desired to have in the past . When I was asking what was my first impressions , I was told that I super quiet , prim and proper , modest .
Now , I realized that being this introverted has pros and cons .
But the negative effect of being an introvert doesn't seem to have a big effect on or I was fine with it.
Not having popularity , not having social events because it drains the energy out of me .
Officially , I am now an INFJ !
Wow, nice testimony
Nice, I want to be an extrovert
thank u..
I'm a pretty outgoing person and my sole desire is to stop wanting to be the center of attention. I want to be quiet, independent and definitely not attention-seeking.
I don't get why people want to be more extroverted and opinionated. The first thing I want to change in myself is to learn to be quiet and listen to people. I always feel like I'm just talking all the time, not listening to people and sometimes I wonder if people hate me for it. How do you learn not to have an opinion on everything all the time? Just listen?
I pride myself for my introvertedness lol
I would never give it away
Good point Matt - I’m outgoing, opinionated and assertive… and it can be too much. I am getting sick of myself!
I relate to you. I just want to be quite and observing details without sharing so much of my opinions, but I'm always too much reactive and... too much
It's usually a problem with silence. Extroverts tend to be seen as incredibly confident and introverts as incredibly shy but that's not always the case.
When it comes to silence, introverts tend to be more comfortable with it & just thinking where extroverts will jump in to fill the space - Embrace the silence!
Take more time to consciously think amidst a conversation and this will also give other people opportunities to chime in
There’s so little comments..
Here's a comment!
That's the thing about all the good stuff on CZcams..
I hate my personality so much, I have no friends and nobody talks to me
I hate my personality too, hopefully I can change for the better
Try to be nice to other people
@@TheShaRiaa I am, I respect everyone and I put others needs before mine but no matter what people push me away
I also don't have any friend.
Goodluck to you
Really helpful video
Thanks for sharing 🌱🌿☘️🍀🍀🎍🎍🎍🎍
uplifting.
I’m just trying to be a quiet smart anime character... nothing more nothing less
I want to be quieter and more organized/studious.
I'm trying to change myself because I always can't say "no" or rarely disagree with people and I will just go along the flow, does that mean I'm too kind? I always think I'm pathetic and that I can't speak up my true thoughts
I also hate it when I try put up a sociable act(or talk like a normal human being) when people come up and talk to me but deep inside I'm just mentally exhausted when conversing while putting up a cheerful attitude. Close people tend to tell me that I shouldn't bottle up my thoughts and emotions but I always failed miserably
I want to be more outgoing, honest to myself, learn how to say no, be more confident so that I won't think about the people who i conversed with in the day on how weird they think i actually am, and of course commit to my goals(:...
II'll come back to this in a year to see how far I'll achieve things and how much my personality has improved..
I just hate the way everyone sees me and I hate my personality
it aint easy being awesome
I can be anything I want assertive, dominate, social, charismatic, funny or dead silent stoic depends on alot of factors and the group I'm in but I'm a Chamillion such as everyone is most who think they are anti social really ain't in situations they have to they find they do pretty well even if they think they don't gotta apply pressure to get the diamond here is a tip mirroring people around you subtlety will make you the most charming one in the room
I'm just trying to be an edgy anime character
I can relate
Okay... go on?
That's why I'm here , bro I love you
Why?
Same that’s exactly what I’m doing
I want more Backbone, Confidence, And Voice. Gotta focus and narrow down what you want to change
Imagine beeing so tired of yourself and ending up here...
I want to make something for myself be somebody in life
The whole video i was like “Stop moving your hands dude you are pissin me off “
Hmm... seems doable.. liked the talk
I have another point of view. The beauty of our personality is to be real before to pursuit some new skill. Anyone that studied a little bit about MBTI (Myer Briggs Type Indicator) can understand that no one is 100% introvert or extrovert, we have a natural balance inside us (Carl G. Jung words).
So, before worry to develop some new skill we must develop our self-knowledge and focus where we already have strong points.
We are naturally balanced, someones are more elegants, someones are more dinamics. Both are interesting, we just to pay attention if we are not feeling anxious just trying to be ourselves.
The conclusion: "Fake it till you make it"..... with time it'll become your habit.
Faking it is just training
I like my personality but I need a change ngl
You can but not over night and should be done gradually
I agree with this but there's one thing you MUST NOT do, I'm saying this from exprrience cause I've done it. Just don't resist your true - self though. Yes, fake it until you make but DON'T resist your true - self, let your emotions and thoughts flow. Yes, *intentionally change your behaviour* but not your thoughts emotions or desires. Once I began to let my true self show, it wasn't good, I realised I wasn't a good person and was just resisting my true self for all these years.
I dramatically changed my personality, character during 2018-2022 period. But then I gave up changing myself.
Did you revert to your old self or are you able to maintain the 2022 personality?
@@spectrepar2458 I partly revert to my old self.
Is changing habits really changing personality?
mindlesstube yes
no
If you take the habit to be more curious about stuff in general, then you'll become more open.
If you take the habit of talking more often to people, then you'll become more extraverted.
If you take the habit of becoming more conscious about your emotions and needs, then you'll become less neurotic.
If you take the habit of planning your days/ weeks, then you'll become more conscious.
tl;dr: yes
yes , why do you think most of the guys who act confidence end up being confidence
I'm just here 'cause I want to be suicidal no more and have real friends. I used to be easygoing but now I'm just angry all the time for no reason. Hate myself, hate everything. And no one will care about this comment so I will be more lonely, and I know it already but am still writing.
I know this is meant for kids. But damn has this video help me in my 20s.
I’m in my 40s - it’s helping me.
My emotional stability gets more less increased
🤩🤩
I don't care what people think about me or talks about me..
that's pretty good,but if you think you can change your bad traits,why not;)
I wanna be more calm, more.. Introverted.
I am an INFP and I want to be an ESFP
I’m trying to be more confident, quieter, less of an over thinker, so just a quiet funny good guy.
I tried connecting with my peers,and tried my best to make friends but nobody wants to be friends with me because they tell me I'm very annoying,i try to be cheerful with everyone but i keep feeling like people hate me so much they want nothing to do with me , i guess I'm done trying to be a cheerful/good person or caring to any of my friends,guess I'll just stop .
Has anything changed? If one is socially akward it can be hard to change because it takes experience and even if meaning well we can be met with hostility or easily used as the person to beat down on for others to prop themselves up. Its why its so important to learn to socialize as a kid and a lot of people have childhoods that inhibit that.
As an INFP, I want to be an INTJ.
@@aam9516 woah 🙌
@@aam9516 i don't want to be annoying but tests don't usually work and you can't change your personality (maybe if you had big trauma or something). :( Probably you were just misstyped. MBTI is about how you're thinking, not about your personality.
As an enfp, me too
i just want to be more like akaashi
Well my problem is that am to confused about everything and also I am so lazy i want change that, if that would be possible. Sorry for my grammar.
This guy probably learned public speaking from Toastmasters.
My favorite was when he said he likes to think his brother wished he possesed some of his strengths and then grimiced and then reached for his cards after his pause for laughter was met with silance 😅😆😬
I want to be something like... LESS THAN MY FATHER :D sooo, more smart, confident, social, nice, not annoying, stop talking a lot, stop acting like you know more than anybody you know, I basically want to change my whole self, I can’t handle it
Same
I want to be more reputable
I want to be a mixture of Crowley and aziraphale from good omens lol but at the moment I'm mean sarcastic and rude with no filter what so ever any pointers?
Is it very easy to change our persanality.
I want the personality of a tired sloth, how does one achieve this?
depression 👍
I’m the class clown, but like has no respect
Nam Nguyen im also a class clown and i want to stop being one because nobody takes me seriously
Nam Nguyen im also a class clown and i want to stop being one because nobody takes me seriously
Y E E T S T R E E T I wish I was more of a clown, I’m taken too seriously
@@anaa9245 just act more casual around people
I want to be more reserved and quiet, more to myself, I hate how loud I am, and ADHD doesnt make it easier, does anyone have any tips for me? Be as brutally honest as you need ^^ c:
I’m gonna be more outgoing and less filtered.
I wanna be more quiet, less annoying, more intimidating, more intelligent and more bold.
Definitely it's not easy ....radical personality chance only happens when you have gone through sudden serious trauma or an accident ! If that could be so easy everybody would have personality disorders.