[M4A] Oblivious Cultist Tries to Sacrifice You to Yourself [Deity Listener] [Deception] [Fantasy]
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- čas přidán 4. 08. 2022
- You stop by a restaurant for a quick meal, but the waiter there has some more devious plans for you.
Script credit: SplashiestPig
Art credit: picrew.me/image_maker/1666544 - Zábava
![[M4A] Oblivious Cultist Takes You to Your Church [Deity Listener] [Part Two] [Fantasy]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kwI9dtBKtXc/mqdefault.jpg)
![[M4A] Oblivious Cultist Takes You to Your Church [Deity Listener] [Part Two] [Fantasy]](/img/tr.png)
![[M4A] Your Supervillain Minion Is In Love With You [Supervillain Listener] | ASMR Roleplay](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YT9W2yv2guA/mqdefault.jpg)
Y/n: Reveals to be the deity he's trying to do a sacrifice for
Jupiter: I've done all the calculations necessary,but man,am I bad at maths
Lmao ikr 😅
The math isn't mathing
Is that a quote from somewhere
"You will be a PERFECT sacrifice for our lord."
"I AM YOUR LORD!"
This makes "I AM the manager" look like a joke
@@jakubfabijanczuk8221 agreed😂
"Do you want to join this cult?"
I *AM* THE CULT
ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US
@@djwolf3810 yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssss yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssss yayasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyas
@@djwolf3810 O N E O F U S
@@NapalmStick *O N E O F U S*
*O N E O F US*
*O N E O F U S*
Him: what are you 7'2 ?
Me 5'3: I will take that as the best compliment I have ever gotten
Same
Me chilling in the corner being 5'9:* chuckles in tall*
I am 5ft and laugh at this😂
My being 5’4: Agreed man
More like the biggest
"welcome to the cultist cookery"
*first red flag, great!*
Then the excessive comments on how we look *is concerned in what are you planning to do with it*
I can just imagine the deity listener just sitting there and just waiting for him to find out that they're a literal diety-
Him: *telling us about how we are to be sacrificed*
Us: ...it's tough to be a god... trod where mortals have not trod
@@nights_the_nightingale OH MY GOD YES.
@@nights_the_nightingale Them just sitting there while thinking: "When is this dumbass gonna figure it out?"
@@nights_the_nightingale Be deified when really you’re a sham
@@michaelverissimo2666be a symbol of perfection 🎶
“You definitely look fit”
“Thanks bro”
😉
💪👔👍
🩳
👢👢
Drippin
. 🌵
. 👖
👢👢
SLAY!
🤫
🧥
👖
🥾🥾
@@bjt_bjt Yas queen
*Chuckles Under His Breath After He Eats The Cake Cause He Can Taste The Drugs:* *”Oh. I’ve Been Drugged. Well I Might As Well Play With My Little Cultist Boy.”*
Ah yes we all know one of those nieve little cultist boys
Yes
This sounds seriously sus when you say it like that
@@reillythompson
That’s the idea!
I imagine the listener is just here just like: "man that food was good but where is my cul- OOOOHHHHH"
Well, there it is
*him complimenting me and calling me healthy and fit*
*me with my mental illnesses and gender dysphoria*
Mood
Mood 😌
Mood -w-
"healthy and fit" is gender neutral.
@@cxntaur never said it wasn’t
Me to the cultist: you translated "sacrifice" wrong,the right translation it's offering insted of sacrifice,since you gave me food i can't be upset by the fact you tried sacrifice me to myself,even that being odd
I love this comment I don't know why it's funny but it is
"i offer My God, so My good Will bless me". Teezench:Uhhh Nice.
Jupiter: "you seem pretty forgiving"
Me: "yeah well when ya lives 500+ years you get to know....things"
Him" your meal will be out before you can say goat blood."
Me"goat blood."
Him" here it is"
Me"what the heck 🤣🤣🤣"
I did that too😂
“No allergies? Great!”
NO I SAID NUT ALLERGY-
I am lactose intolerant so not technically allergic but my toilet is my best friend if I have too much lactose🤣🤣🤣
Him; “You definitely look fit”
Me🐖: “why thank you”
Also this concept is absolutely hilarious, and your delivery of the script is perfect- I love it lmao
SAME-
bro same 💀
Exactly like nah man I’m fat as hell
Same
My lifestyle:🐷
The cultist: You’re the great one?!? *Bows before me*
Me, about 5min later: Somft… *does the equivalent of burying myself in a pile of blankets in his mind*
I love this so much
:D SOMFT **joins you**
*somft*
*SOMFT!*
Omg yes *somft*
Much somft, many cozy
Him: **trying to sacrifice us to ourselves**
Well I’m both scared and flattered at the same time
Same, it is thoughtful but WHAT THE FUCK
"What are you, like 7'2?"
My 5'2 ass: Yes.🧍♀️
Mood
"Have you ever been baptized into a religion?"
Me an OG barbie fan: Yes the BIBBLE religion...
OH MY
Lil opera singer😂
Cultist: Aren't you scared or something?
Me: This is another Tuesday to me...
Cultist: What?
Me: Also Friday
Also every month
@@djwolf3810 Also every year
@@morganlovesedger2768 also Every decade
@@MommyJustice Also every millennial
And Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.
"You passed with flying colors"
Me who's favorite color is apparently orange: 👉💨💨🟠🍊🔸️🧡
If it makes you feel any better, when I was writing this, I imagined that Orange was the wrong answer. That you had to have any favorite color except orange to qualify as a host.
@@SplashiestPig Same. I’m not a fan of most shades of orange so that’s how I interpreted it too
I cackled at the "hey real question, are yiu sure this isn't just schizophrenia?" Lmaoooll
Him : your like 7 ft
Me: I'M FINALLY TALL !!!!
I thought this was going to be a continuation of the story where the guy who thinks you are an incarnation of a dark deity, but in reality, he just got "visions" from being hungry and eating moldy food.
I rmb that one LMAOO
HUH
"I'll have it out before you say goat blood!"
Me: *Wanna see some real speed, b*tch?*
No but literally I said it in less than a second.
Listener after saying they’re deity: 🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗
Jupiter: *contemplating life*
Him: Do you work out?
Me: No.
Him: Oh, I can tell!
roasted
"big thing like you"
*are you calling me fat-*
Him: You're like 7' sumthin
Me, 5'3": 🤡
The ultimate "I am the manager"
Him:You look fit and you're tall
Me who is short and cubby:😭👍
ME TOO I honestly got so offended when he was like "you're big you must work up an appetite" before he said TALL.
@@Yogsy at least doors ain't a problem for you guys my head still hurts from a doorway
@Yogsy, for real, my insecurities were about to say, Hey
Jupiter: you're a perfect vessel
me: "A perfect being you said?" *continues to regale jupiter using Mayuri's speech on perfection*
I'd just be asking for hugs. Literally like: "All's forgiven, if youll hug me. It's already forgiven, I just want a hug."
Same bro
To reveal your prophecized return, you've got to Stay Hydrated!
Him: “What are you like 7’2
Me: “nope but almost 6’0
😌
Me: "nope but almost 5'4"
Him: is your favorite color orange?
Me: how did you know!?!
I this in my watch later, so I was just writing and when I heard "Hello, and welcome to the cultists cookery" I was like... "I'M SORRY, WHAT!?!"
Me who's oc is a deity: This. Is. My. Time.
Same lmao
Yep
Same tho
Same bro
Same
Him: I promise I won't slack off now that you're here
Me: bruh we ain't getting nothing done now that I'm here 😂
"What are you? 7'2?"
Me: *is 5'2*
My five foot nothing ass was very pleased at the 7” thing I love it
Him: "Where our food will keep you coming back for more!"
Weighing scale: "Nuh uh gorl-"
This was really great!! Loved and enjoyed every moment of it!! Thank you Jupiter! Keep up the great work and stay hydrated ~
!!! This script was so buried, I didn’t think it was going to get voiced! I'm so happy to hear it!
Him: wow this is cool
Me: thank you I've practiced this many times to look cool 😎😌
Me: *giggling the whole time*
I KNEW IT! I KNEW THE CAKE WAS A LIE!
I didn’t know we were a EATING AT THE DEVILS DINNER I thought THIs WAS DENNYS
Reminds me of Genshin impact. Barbara praying to barbatos because barbatos broke something that belonged to barbatos in front of barbatos
I fucking snorted- THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED?
@@-Dark_Shadow- yes. And then she told Barbatos that she wouldn't give Barbatos the thing that belongs to him because Barbatos broke it
How many barbatos?
HAAHHAHAAHA her being like "oh anemo god help us" and Venti just standing there while he broke the Holy Lyre🤣🤣🤣I cackled so much
When he asked me if my favorite color was orange, I thought I was being watched 🤣🤣
I'm not just a sacrifice, I'm the wholeass cult
" You look 7'2 "
**Laughs in 5'1**
him: table, booth, or bar?
me: oh just a booth-
him: bar it is!
Saw this and was like "this is going to be funny" and had to watch it. I was right and I loved it. Though first order of business as a deity to this cult is getting the practices corrected and fill in the missing gaps in knowledge, getting the important stuff written down. Burnt texts are hardly something to go off of.
The idea of a restaurant based of a cult is awesome
I’ve counted how many times I’ve sneezed during this video the total came out as 239 my nose hurts.
Ma'am are you okay? I'm concerned for your lungs. :)
@@FallenNexysCreates I’m a girl 🥲 but that’s ok!
Are...
_Are you... Good...?_
Are you fucking okay Gurl? LIKE WHAT THE FUCKING STATE OF YOUR LUNGS THO-
@@DragonFury4250 ACHOOOOOOO
"where would you like to sit today?"
Me: Booth please,
"Bar it is"
Me: I said Booth bit-
I said the same thing!
Now I want some devil’s food cake 🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰
Man, I love being a Deity >:D
The jokes on him my food will always be free in the sense of me being a deity I could just create money >:D
I imagine that this deity just shows up on earth from time to time to check what their cult is up to lol, also someone said that the scriptures say offering and not sacrifice, like food, and I like that a lot
Boutta snort a whole line of cake-
Lamo
5:39
*looks at entirely orange room and orange phone case*
“No.”
Me to the cultist: do not worry follower for your faith has spared you also the rolls were pretty good
Me: *passes out*
My mind: dang it, I got drugged again
Yep it happens every day
@@frenchtoast9158 yep 👍🏻
*unhinges jaw to eat the cake*
IDEA! After the meeting (Listener probably speaks from Jupiters body cuz why not) Jupiter asks if Listener can reveal themselves and when they come out (haha gae) they’re asleep cuz they got too burnt out
“Aren’t you scared?”
The only thing I’m scared of is Ohio 💀
Same a little bit
Bro I ain't scared of the random hands in the closet in ohio
I love being sacrificed
Can you explain why?
Explain it
@@justiceguzzler I get sacrificed to myself
"I'll have that out to you before you can say goat blood."
Me: Goat blood.
"Here it is."
Me: Wait wha-
God I’m so excited for the next part bc they’re gunna pop up all cool bc the cult didn’t believe him
Ngl that restaurant's menu sounds pretty good, the crucifixes especially sound like tasty garlic bread. But how dare they drug cake of all things. Also if you're a God's vessel but still in there, are you still sacrificed? Maybe just "given" or "offered"? And what did cultist-kun mean with the question about having sex with something NOT living like is he talking about necrophilia or like...doing it with a lich or something?
Him: Is your favorite color, orange?
Me: (lies) *yes* [it's purple and yellow..]
I did to. Purple, black, and red!!!
@@Lover_Of-Sinners ⊂((・▽・))⊃ thoses are such lovely colors!!
@@Lover_Of-Sinners same but add blue
Mines black, white and red
My reaction to reading this title is literally that Patrick gif of him running amd then stopping in midair
A very entertaining audio I love it 😆
So did I let my self get drugged or something? Because I don’t think a god would be able to be drugged
You bamboozled him my friend
You faked the drugging
5:38 Why, yes! Yes it is!
(Ngl hearing this surprised me though LMAO)
LOL!!!!
Me:*is tall* I never thought that day would come
4:04
“Uh finally 🙄”
WOW, I feel offended 🥲
That was an interesting concept, and a fun audio overall. I hope there's a part 2.
No no no, I said I wanted a SNACKrifice. As in feed me chili cheese tots.
Oh, I read this script just today!
I've watched this so many times I can't even count anymore 😭
🤣🤣 what an awesome script! i love the funny ones, really adds to the whimsy of the roleplay category
Can you do a part 2 please? I loved this!
Bro making me hungry
Later: oh shit
NAH THAT CRUCIFIX THING SOUNDS AMAZING
8:08 literally made me laugh 😂😂
This was a funny rollercoaster XD
This was very creative and interesting. Great job!
Approved
Excuse me for raining into this comment section, I haven't even listened to it, but I couldn't keep it - the title of this video made me laugh out loud 😂😂 How did asmr go from "Cute boyfriend helps you fall asleep" to "Oblivious Cultist tries to sacrifice you to yourself [Deity Listener]" 😂 So amazingly odd and random and smh it passes as normal for asmr fans 😂
Watch it girl 👧
i feel like i got here “to” fast🤨😃 not complaining tho💅
this is such a cute concept and you delivered it very well!!
My dumbass: I AM DEITY YOU WORSHIP 😊
I usually don't like listening to these but the tittle looks too golden and I wanna laugh
This concept is wild and I am here for it 😂
In love with this concept!! I hope we get more like this!!
Can we get a part 2 pliz!!!!!!!
This was awesome, I so want a part two with the meeting. Great work! ❤️
Part 2 ? Keep up the good work
That was the cutest thing omg