Five Husbands, Two Murders | Betty Lou Beets Case Analysis
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- This video answers the question: Can I analyze the case of Betty Lou Beets?
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"A person can be both a perpetrator and a victim at the same time.". So true!
That doesnt make the perpetrator part any less bad
@@derstoffausdemderjoghurtis It can be a mitigating factor.
Many were victimized by a predator, and become predators. It's a tragic cycle. It can be stopped but take lots of work with an analyst.
This line is do true. I have a friend with Borderline Personality Syndrome. Her partner has total custody because she is physically and emotionally abusive to them. Her childhood was he'll. She is a victim who victimizes.
@@derstoffausdemderjoghurtis
No one said it is.
Enjoyed the satirical comedic aspects, Dr. Grande, but also your reflection on the need for a deeper analysis of Betty. "She really was alone in almost every sense of the word. She was isolated from peace, isolated from support, isolated from hearing the world around her, isolated from compassion. And in the end, she would be isolated from mercy." Overall, a very sad and trajic story.
MANY have been.....literally in her shoes....and NEVER murdered people. She's trash....
I saw another comment, one of her victims dig his own grave and blame her children. These doings don't sound good to me. Your judgement is lacking, sorry OP.
@@gomahklawm4446 Yep.
I don't understand quoting the good doctor right after he said it. We just heard what he said.
@@ShavaChihera When someone repeats in quotes what Dr. Grande said, it means we are in agreement with that particular point. It is a form of approval. Many comments are similar if you read through them.
Betty Lou wasn’t shown compassion and she didn’t show compassion. What a sad cycle.
Great video Dr Grande!!!
Your compassion towards Betty and her circumstances leading up to her crimes is impressive. You state an alternative to her ultimate punishment that would have spared her life, but not her deeds. If she had committed her crimes in a state with a less aggressive Capital Punishment policy, she might be alive and serving a life sentence.
The compassion in this analysis is palpable. … “and isolated from Mercy.”
Well said Dr. Grande.
This is such a sad story all around. Being abused alone is bad enough. People do horrible things to each other. Being hearing impaired alone kept Betty isolated (my husband is hearing impaired also). Your compassion Doc is a bright spot in our universe!
Dr. Grande, you are amazing at recognizing that a person that did mean, and despicable things to others was still a human being that had mean and despicable things done to her. I really appreciate the fact that you see this in your analysis.
So true, she never had a chance ...
I agree with you Dr. Grande. This is a sad case. Life in prison should have been sufficient. Sad that those whom abused her as a child were not held accountable. The way a child is treated does actually contribute to how they behave as an adult.
Many people have been abused, it doesn't give a free ride to murder or to abuse ur own children, with everything that happened to Betty she was a wonderful mum, u can't blame divorce or our own childhood environment! Walk away from the abuser, my generation (baby boomer and) saw the most divorces ever, none of us decided on murder instead of divorce. Every generation, specially boomers and every generation before them were abused. Free will is what makes us human. Control is what we are meant to have, stop blaming our upbringings, I had a shit upbringing but became a fantastic mum and carer for my daughter.
Regardless of her having a rough life she was cold blooded enough to have one of her victims "dig his own grave"....and then tried to blame her children, that's cold !!!
Don't blame the children, that's just not right.
@@fulltimerver2355 lol, and killing is ok? Shifting blame can be a good strategy if court can't prove who exactly killed the victim.
@@fulltimerver2355 well she made her daughter help her. I think that’s what they mean. Crazy lady
@@fulltimerver2355 not calling you a crazy lady. I meant her lol
She was so badly treated as a child she did not have a golden standard of parenting to emulate. That and her deafness - it profoundly affects learning and world comprehension - meant, without outside intervention she grew up without knowing any better way.
Wish there was more kindness on earth and less suffering.
As someone who lost her beloved father almost two weeks ago it really hits me hard to see such a horrible life story of Betty Lou Beets. I still can't understand why parents mistreat children and teenagers. I am pretty sure a loved Betty Lou wouldn't harm anyone. Rest in peace, humanity and thank you for your sensitive analysis, dear Dr Grande❣👏❤
He, Ro Se - I lost my father when I was 19. Sending Compassion and Love.
Loss of a parent at an early age is very damaging. So sorry!😓
I'm so sorry for your loss Ro.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my Daddy in 2019. I was devastated.
Sorry for your loss Ro
Good morning Dr Grande. If a person is shown no mercy, how do people think she can show mercy. Such a sad situation, I agree with you, she should have gotten a life sentence. Thank you Dr Grande.
Betty’s long history-of trauma makes this a tragic case, indeed, until she blamed her children for murders she committed.
Since murder obliges the society to try and find a perpetrator, the fact that innocent people can be suspected is one of the worst byproducts of violence!
@Helga Youknow that’s the danger of scapegoating (one of the dangers).
@@bthomson iii I BBC
ALOT of people have trauma in their lives and don't murder...Its tragic absolutely, but yeah...
Because adults consciously make their own choices, there's absolutely no need to find excuses for their despicable behavior in their childhood traumas. I also know a lot of people who were abused when they were little, but they grew up to be amazingly compassionate, kind and decent human beings. This monster chose violence, premeditated murder, unrepentance and hatred towards her own children. I cannot think of a more appropriate sentence for her than death.
Thanks for your thoughts on this case. It's tragic all around. Justice needs to show compassion and not simply an eye for an eye.
Your monotone voice while making epic and sarcastic jokes is THE FUNNIEST!!! It cracks me up ❤
I definitely have sympathy for people who have suffered abuse, but this woman knew what she was doing was wrong, and did it anyway. She planned both murders. I also gave sympathy for the victims and their families. So sad. When someone is killed, there is no going back. They are gone for a long time.
Can we all agree that murder is not the answer?
Gone forever
YAY! The man who never sleeps is back!
@TheKimberlydw yes, and wearing my almost favorite shirt!
Which is you favorite? 👕
@@bthomson he has so many- i can’t choose!
SHOUT OUT to all the hard of hearing people out there. As someone who suffers from it, I know how frustrating and isolating it can be. Hopefully it won't be a factor in us killing somebody.
Hearing aids at age 48 here. Dr Grande is about my age and he has hearing aids too. Makes me feel less self conscious about it ❤
@@StaceyQTPie My brother and I have worn hearing protection religiously on job sites at all time. I realized I had hearing "zone" loss when it was snowing and I could real the lips of the crane operator three stories up!!!
@Buddy's Page! I have 2 hearing aids too.I don’t wear them as they make my ears itch.
I put ear plugs in yesterday and got the sudden urge to cause mayhem. Thankfully, they fell out just in time. They never fit my ears properly.
You often here mention of head injuries during childhood in the backgrounds of murderers and serial killers. I wonder if there is some sort of brain damage associated with childhood illnesses with prolonged high fevers that might have a similar negative effect on their adult behaviour?🤔
Obligatory shoutout to the Cactus Collective! Cactus Crew Assemble!!🌵
She also had head injuries in a car accident as an adult, didn't she?
" I will Jack you up." Your humor is a good way to start the day.
Or “he dug his own grave”. I see the humor. Sorry😌
What a sad story. Thank you for your compassionate analysis.
Thank you for always presenting these stories with nuance, humor & radical empathy Doc. 🙌
So very eloquent, Dr. Grande. No wonder your channel is on fire. You hit some high notes here, especially at the end of your analysis. Bravo.
Please consider analyzing the Kylr Yust case. If you do, I'll name my next cactus after you. I was summoned to testify at the murder trial because I knew him. Thankfully justice was served. If you're unfamiliar with the case, I won't spoil the ending.
I’m sorry your knew him but you’re so strong for your testimony! Thank you friend
@@Rebelluver97 I'm so grateful that I wasn't one of his victims. He was just an acquaintance that later was my tattoo artist. In 2010 he was on the local news... that's when I severed ties with him. I trusted him enough to tattoo me at one time, a thought that always makes my skin crawl. I was 22 years old, and really naïve.
He got away with it for far too long but he was good at covering his tracks. The police struggled with ample evidence to convict. Then he kills another girl years later. You've got to wonder if there might be more girls out there.
@@jeanoltvedt It's infuriating thinking about how inept investigators allowed him to remain free for a decade before striking again. I wasn't in KC in 2007, and didn't know about the first case until it resurfaced in 2010.
I’m not familiar with this case but it sounds like you survived a harrowing experience even if you weren’t a victim. Thank you for testifying.
what a tragic character. and as always, i enjoyed your nuanced analysis.
He’s so, not just invested, but knowledgeable in the stuff he talks about. It’s really impressive. Probably my favorite channel on CZcams. Such good, entertaining, and interesting content and there’s really not a lot of channels like his
Betty Lou Beets sounds like a Disney character.
Yes, indeed. Reminds me of Betty Boop. 🙂
@@WarriorPoet54 Betty Boop's black widow step sister.
@@maureeningleston1501
Haha!😂👍🏻
@Jo Jo 😹😹😹
Or a hip hop producer.
You’re the best. I always get a good laugh during your presentations. This one gave me a laugh and a little cry at the end.
Very sad case, her lawyer didn't do her any good at all, he should have bought up her history of trauma as a child, etc. She turned very cold after her years of abuse. Almost like a switch had been turned on. Sad!! Thanks for your analysis Dr. Grande!
Wardrobe malfunction 😁. No one can turn a sad serious case to a pretty good life lesson like Dr. Grande 👑.
Epic analysis 💯.
Dr. Grande, please get your law degree and practice Defense law. One day, the system will understand trauma to such an extent that jurisdictions will be incredulous about how things have historically functioned.
On another subject: check out Dorathea Puente, Sacramento CA in the late 80s
My question is? If she had not been harmed or not part deaf 🧏♀️ or had a hardship childhood would she still have been the same and isolated and also isolated herself from the other people?? A hardship childhood is always a crime in my opinion.
Dr. Grande, Stay well.
Thank you! 🥰
Thank you for making your videos with equal parts head and heart, Dr. G! It’s an uncommon ratio. 🤓😍
“I think being shot put a damper on the whole relationship.” The delivery is still great. Also I tend to agree that getting shot would definitely ruin a relationship
Dr Grande you continue to amaze me with your thoughtful and compassionate analysis & ability to see the depth & complexity of the origin of the victims and perpetrators. Thank you
Forgot to add I love the "in sickness and in health, with shooting or no shooting" part. Hilarious!!
I wish Dr. Would present people who changed personality and became killers after head injury. There are well known sports figures and many others who have done this.
Agreed. Many people with acquired traumatic brain injury unfortunately lose so much after whatever caused the injuries. Impulsivity without the ability to first consider the possible consequences of behavior is an awful thing to deal with.
Texas University Tower shootings is a prime example. In that case it was a brain tumour. But everyone that knew him said his behaviour changed completely over a few months, and he was randomly verbally abusing family and friends. The tumour was only diagnosed after the shooting at his autopsy.
I really feel sorry for this lady! Your speculation is spot on with my own assessment of her as I listened.. How do u defend urself when all u learned in life was to put up protective walls and strike out at those around u, who were usually violent. What is truly sad is throughout her sixty two years not one single person stepped up to help her, not even a pastor! I'm not surprised she blamed her children!
She had an awful life, and a crooked defense lawyer to top it off. She might have had a lighter sentence if he'd brought up the abuse and injury she suffered.
Justice done. Betty saw men as financial gain when they die. No remorse. Influenced her children with her callous behaviour
Very interesting story and analysis. Life can be so unfair. Thank you for the overview.
Ah! Fairness! Humans want it but nature seems to deny it!
@@bthomson Ha, Ha, so true. Life isn't fair no matter how much we want it to be!
If only Betty would've realized after the second or fifth time that it's ok to be alone.😳
My mother was married three times. She never loved her husbands. She just wanted the financial security that they provided. That is likely true in Betty's case.
@@lallred1911 Yeah, I would think being an unmarried woman was more difficult in the past.
My Father built a wishing well, I wonder if any one's remains were in there. I often wonder if he had killed a neighbor while they were working. He also had lead bricks made in the back yard.
This case brought tears to my eyes. The way you analyze and show compassion is truly amazing. I think your channel should have 7.9 billion subs. You are a remarkable human. Thx for all you do.
What a beautiful analysis. I love your compassion, kindness,insight
and evaluation. It could have turned out different for Betty Lou Beets if only she had the right people and support in her life.
This is by far the most compassionate telling of this story I have ever come across. Thank you for opening my mind to another point of view.
Can you please analyze the case of the therapist who shamed her client on Tik Tok for "trauma dumping" on her? LOVE YOU MEAN IT
That head enjury thing is really an issue. She may have had head injury from the beatings by the husband. It can make non-murderous people murder. She clearly had the propensity to kill, but, maybe the head injury made her worse .
Yes it’s incredible how frequently head injuries are being linked to violence and we need to work out as a society how to prevent people who suffer from brain injury not become violent. Thank you for the amazing stuff you do Dr Grande from Hitchin in the UK
@@andiejoanides9233 In 2000 in Canada a brain scan would be a "no-brainer" but Texas??? No. They COULD have sentenced her to live in Polk County, Florida the rest of her life. That would be a murderous punishment, according to my Utube feed.
Could you please cover the case of Cindy James? Richmond, BC, Canada. Very mysterious and I'm still undecided (very unusual for me).
The sentence was not a big deal. Trust me, when you've gone through an entire life of hell, you could care less whether you live or die. It's exhausting; death is release.
I hope this comment is not as much from personal experience as it seems?
@@bthomson Thank you for your concern 🙏
There was a time in my life when this was true; death seemed like sweet release (andI hadn't suffered half of what Betty Lou did). Gratefully, I survived and am physically and mentally healthy. 🧏🏼♀️
Hey Dr. Grande! I would love to see you analyse the parents of missing Western Australian girl, Cleo Smith. We are desperate for answers here in Australia and everyone seems to be looking at the parents, except for the authorities. Really hoping you can weigh in, since you do such a great job with so many other cases. Thanks for everything you do!
Betty tried to blame her children for the murder. It’s good no one believed her…
Except for the gravity of the situation, the comedic aspects of this analysis were pure gold! 😂
This is a case of obvious horrendous child abuse that damaged this woman so badly she never really matured into a mentally stable adult. I doubt many watchers of this channel understand how pervasive physical child sexual abuse was in former generations. Sexual, emotional and physical abuse was endemic in America for generations. As a child, I was unusually fortunate enough to be raised by loving and supportive parents who were working class. We lived in a poor community and I believe that over 3/4 of the children I grew up with were abused in ways that would be considered outrageous enough to be worthy of criminal charges. I was blessed by good parents who protected me and my siblings. My sister has claimed for decades that we should start a support group for, as she describes us- “Children of Loving & Kind Parents“.
I slowly learned how bad things were for children of my generation and older as I grew up. And as I started dating girls in high school. Most of the girls I dated were victims of abuse of one kind or another. The truly amazing fact is that most of the innocent victims of this behavior have managed to build lives that are positive and nurturing for themselves and their families. Betty was broken by monsters. And became one herself.
Yes it's sad when people have bad childhoods, marriages, life etc. I had a very abusive & traumatic past but would never do anything like she did. It's still about personal responsibility. Some people aren't strong enough to overcome the odds. I became a solid person & very compassionate but I know some folks go other way & become abusers themselves.
I can relate to this. Child abuse was all around me as I grew up. At school, if you acted out, you were beaten in front of all the other kids in the lunch room. This was while the other kids were trying to eat lunch. That was horrific for all involved. I'm glad they finally stopped corporal punishment in the schools. Yes, Betty turned into a monster that was created by the monsters of her past. Sad case. I'm sure there are more Bettys out there too.
What are the actual statistics on this? Was abuse really more prevalent in the past?
@Mjira Achieng Depends. I doubt sexual was more accepted. Maybe physical, but there's a grey area with what counts as abuse as opposed to corporal punishment/discipline.
@Mjira Achieng The cruelty is horrific.
A very compassionate and humane review of a victim who never received respect. Well done.
Interesting take on it Dr Grande but two premeditated murders for clear financial gain and no ownership of her wrong doings and total lack of remorse i honestly think in this case the world could do without her and not set an example too people that just because someone has had a tough run in life doesn't give them the right too take a life or two in this case especially given the nature of her crimes..just my thoughts.
Thank you so much for your compassion and kindness, Dr. Grande.
My heart was crying for the child version of Betty
I know it's stupid to say but you need instructions for everything except having kids!
It's been ages since I've watched a Dr. Grande video. He's still great!
Great analysis, Dr. Grande.
I am against death penalty, but I think the same about this case.
Thank you, Dr. Grande.
Another winner Dr. G!
Could you please analyze the shocking case of serial killer Herb Baumeister?
He was a true waste of human life.
Excellent analysis!Thank you Dr. Grande.
hi! actual granddaughter of betty, thanks for covering this and bringing awareness to what happened! keep up the great work
I'm her granddaughter too. Robert is my father. I don't really know too many people from that side of my family. I was tossed around and in the system as a kid.
I dated Robbie (Robert) from December 1982 thru Feb 1983.
I'm almost always a "Hang 'em high" kind of guy, but in this case I have to say, I actually felt a bit bad for her.
That last sentence! LOL!! Do not worry Doc, your vids are always more interesting than a wardrobe malfunction!
This was a good episode. Doc's deadpan humor was on point. "Jack you up" indeed.
Love you're subtle humor!
These stories are heartbreaking xxx
Right, Dr. Grande. Choosing the right partner is the answer.. . not changing a person.
Wow, Dr. Grande, what a profound analysis. Mercy... We all could use a little of this in today's world.
Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time. She was too damaged by her childhood circumstances leading to all of it. The hearing problem is a big deal. I work w someone who cannot hear well. It makes him seem odd, and he doesn’t like to tell people about it, so no one knows what’s wrong …
The hearing thing truly is sad. I had to constantly remind both our peers and instructors that a man in our group couldn't hear on one side and struggled to hear out of the other ear. He rarely understood what was going on around him, plus he was an older gentleman, and ended up being very isolated because of his trouble hearing. He seemed to feel too embarrassed or perhaps even just got tired of constantly having to ask ppl to speak up/ talk in the direction of his "good ear", etc. Watching him and how lonely he seemed brought tears to my eyes many times. I tried my best to interact with him when I was able.
@@JustJ-Me An invisible disability causes distress and you're probably right about your friend in the group, it's not easy, constantly explaining what's wrong. If he had been blind, people would know how to respond.... I hope!
Glad you paid attention, I'm sure it was appreciated.
@@margaretr5701 Thank you. I would like to hope it helped and that he saw at least one person cared. I still think about him and wonder how he's doing. I wish I could've done more. I can relate to having invisible disabilities and it's very frustrating.
@@JustJ-Me I'm sure you made a difference in the gentleman's life, kindness is never wasted, life can be harsh for any of us, but especially for the elderly, even more so with a disability.
Did you lose touch with him? Take care😊
Babe wake up a new Dr Grande just dropped !!
Sharing the treasure!🎁🏆💰
This is a sad situation.
Thank you for your analysis.
Peace 💕🇺🇲
Good morning Dr Grande! Good morning Grande-Sub family!
I hope everyone has a beautiful day filled with love and laughter!
I really like that as a society we are starting to shift the narrative on a criminal from "they are just evil terrible people lock them up and throw away the key" to looking at their lives a bit deeper. It doesn't excuse the crimes they commit... but the more we understand and acknowledge what trauma does to people the better we can prevent them not just from being victims, but possible preparators themselves. It's okay to be empathic to people like Betty... at the end of the day a lot of these people have lived through trauma, lack of love, and lack of having systems in place that could have intervened.
Agree. We do need to take everything in to consideration. Believe she should have gotten life. It would be a life free of domestic violence. Which is what surrounded her always. Her picker was certainly broken. And blaming her kids was unforgivable. She paid the price. Until Children & Families gets their act together kids will continue to grow up into hurt & angry adults who become criminals. They screw up constantly, we only find out when a child dies. For every rat u see there are 50 you u don’t. Also kids need to be adopted by loving parents. Instead of getting babies from other countries or spending every dime trying to have their own. Whatever, it’s their life. I just wish more couples were willing to save a kid that already exists. There is no shortage of kids who need a good parent everywhere
Violence--the gift that keeps on giving. Why are some abused people able to rise above their misfortune and go on to live good productive lives, and yet others, like Betty, repeat the abuse? I don't know if there is an answer to that. An all around horrible existence for everyone involved.
One thing that helps is if other people help the person who was abused. It didn't sound like Betty Lou got that.
Thank you for such a thorough, accurate, and compassionate analysis. Almost all of my acute forensic psych patients were both victims and perpetrators. Thank you for stating this reality, which we as a society seem to determined to dismiss.
Though not all victims become perpetrators, the ones that do learnt it somewhere.
Wow Doc i feel this is onebof your best... Very fair and extremely touching analysis great job!
“Betty and Billy gave marriage another try, refusing to let common sense or reality dictate their decision-making processes.”
THIS is dry humor executed to perfection. Unfortunately, it was undermined by his next joke about the wedding vows, which, in my opinion, was low-hanging fruit.
Perhaps, even funnier, was his line after the divorce. He deadpans: I think the whole part about being shot really put a damper on the relationship. “
Again, the wedding vow joke takes all of the bite out of that humor.
Her background brings to mind Aileen Wuornos. Another woman who shouldn’t have been executed. Mind you, the death sentence is barbaric per se, regardless of the crime committed.
Yes, that penalty has no place in a civilised and evolved society. 🙂
Just say no to that!
In a 100 years, one will lament, "they actually approved of that behavior?" 😳
@@erikparent8176 Mediaeval “justice” - the delusion that somehow two wrongs can make a right. Pre enlightenment. An “eye for an eye” Old Testament rubbish.
@@cosimavonliebenau8317
Yes, Jesus didn't teach eye for an eye, he taught turn the other cheek! 🙂
Great observation.
Nice a new speculation of what could be happening in a Situation like this.
Great work Dr. Grande
Dr. Grande needs to become a prosecutor, a defense attorney AND a judge....but at the same time, keep his "day" job. Your analysis at the end was amazing to me, coming from a similar ((but nowhere near as bad)) background. btw, I've never committed a homicide.....I so appreciate how you look at the human being, not just what they have done... ty Doctor G
DO A VIDEO ON JODY HERRING!! would love to hear what you think about that situation, tysm for your incredible videos Dr. Grande!
Im amused she had him unknowingly dig his own grave but I don't respect her pulling a Stacey Castor and framing her own children
Amused? Good thing it's near Halloween! 👻👽👾🤖
Love to hear your thoughts on Theresa Knowles (Terry was the name of the youngest daughter I believe who told her dark secrets of her mother) never heard any channel cover it
This is my favorite analysis by you. Your empathy comes through very well in this one. I love listening to you. One could say that during downtime I delve deeply into the dastardly doings of deviants and their deleterious denouements delivered dryly by Dr. Grande.. Keep 'em coming Doc!🙂🙂🙂
Thank you for bringing us this story. Your compassion is appreciated.
P. S. More cactus please. 🌵
Greetings! Your objective opinions are appreciated...your wit, humor and taste in vehicles is enjoyed. Also, anyone who can confess that Karen Carpenters' voice is close to perfection says a lot. Thanks for showing all aspects of life from another perspective. Cheers!
I would love to hear your thoughts on Mitrice Richardson. Something regarding mental health was definitely going on with her case.
Great compassionate analysis.
Good morning Dr. Grande, Is it my imagination or are you getting earlier and earlier every day? Now I listen just before an early morning nap rather than before bed. Have a blessed day!
I'VE REACHED THAT AGE WHERE MY BRAIN GOES FROM "YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T SAY THAT." TO "WHAT THE HELL, LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS."
LET'S GO BRANDON!!!
This country ( probably like many others!) Is so badly divided that the warring factions can't even talk to each other about politics any more! I think Democracy hangs by a thread but others feel that the poor will bring them down! I have no idea what the outcome will be but I think communication better start soon!
@@bthomson
How Social Media Works
Me or you: I prefer mangoes to oranges. Seems innocent.
Random Person on the internet: So basically what you're saying is you hate oranges? You also failed to mention pineapples, bananas, and grapefruits. Educate yourself. I'm literally shaking.
Dr. Can you please discuss the death and/or disappearance of George Smith on a cruise ship many years ago. He was actually on his honeymoon....but what always struck me about the case is I never saw his lovely new bride she'd one tear. And she remarried quickly after. Any analysis?
I would daresay most perps have indeed been victimised at one point or another. That's generally what sets the wheels in motion. Cause and effect.
Huntsville BTW is the saddest town in all of TX.
I could never live there.
Great respect goes to those who break these cycles of mistreatment!
@@bthomson Even if they live on disability?
I always thought that doctor's channel secretly is the channel of the funniest names people have in this world. 😊
Very compassionate in your assessment I appreciate that
I agree dr G.. poor Betty
I think you nailed it... as usual. Thanks for sharing.
Good morning,Dr. Grande. I read this book many years ago. Thank You.
I went through a lot of abuse while I was growing up. If I tried to defend myself, my father would become more violent. I had to pretend that the abuse wasn't happening, even while it was happening. If he started beating one of my brothers a few feet away from me while I was watching TV, I had to pretend that I was still watching the TV. If I left the room or acknowledged the abuse in any way, he would turn on me.
When I am accused of doing something wrong, I don't defend myself, even I didn't do what I was accused of. I understand that this lady wasn't in danger at time that she committed the murders, but a lot of survivors of domestic violence are in prison for defending themselves. I have met woman who have been held captive by men who are stronger, bigger and faster than they are. If a person in that situation managed to get ahold of a weapon while their abuser's back is turned, it might be the woman's last chance to escape captivity and sometimes death. If a person threatens to hunt down their victim if they ever leave, I couldn't blame that abused person if they committed premeditated murder so that they could be safe. Police don't always believe the victim. My friend reported her boyfriend strangling her and the police officer showed up at her home later and raped her. My husband made me live as his daughter for years. He never hit me, but he wanted us to die together, even though I wanted to live. When I finally reported him to the police, they said that I was mentally ill and tried to convince me to commit myself to a psychiatric ward. My husband would have been able to control me, even if I was committed, because psychiatrists in psychiatric wards often lend a lot of weight to what family members report and my parents would have supported him in any lies that he told, to cover up the abuse that they put me through.
I am mentally ill. I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse and domestic violence. People who mental illness are easy targets for abuse. Especially when they have been groomed from a young age to accept it. I knew that if my husband caught me trying to leave that he might shoot me or find some other way to prevent me from leaving. I remember packing for a domestic violence shelter and hoping to God, that my husband wouldn't come home early and catch me. I took two cans of pepper spray and an electric stunner with me, when I left and if I ended up having to defend myself, I would have been arrested or committed to a psychiatric ward.
Sorry you had a horrific childhood, I hope you're safe now.
@@margaretr5701 Thank you. I moved away from the people who were hurting me. I shared what I went through and how it effected me, in hopes to raise awareness on how childhood abuse can limit how a person can copy with domestic violence. I used to have a friend who always said that if a person is staying with their abuser that they deserve the abuse that they are experiencing at the hands of that person. In reality, a person can be manipulated into believing that, they can't escape ( there are a lot instances where this is actually the case ), that they are a horrible person if they leave ( a lot of families consider leaving a spouse to be a crime ), thier money has been withheld from them, if they try to leave that thier partner will find them and hurt them much worse than they have been, etc, etc.
I can see how a person can lash out, when they are cornered, especially if they have been cornered regularly.
Crazy, I watched this video last night and now on Evil Lives Here on the ID channel is about her. It's told through her daughter, Shirley, who she made help her. For anyone who wants to watch it, it's season 4 episode 8.