CBT Responsibility Pie: Stop Feeling Guilty
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 27. 01. 2022
- Do you ever feel overly responsible for other peoples feelings or struggle with a high degree of guilt or shame? In this video I will discuss a CBT technique called the responsibility pie, which helps reduce feelings of guilt and shame.
Let's start by looking at an example, Mary works full time and also cares for her disabled husband, Kevin. Due to chronic pain Kevin is usually low. After a stressful day at work Mary arrived home and noticed Kevin looked low. Mary shouted "I've had enough, I can't cope anymore?" Kevin started to cry. Mary felt tremendously guilty that her husband cried and believed she was 100% responsible. To help Mary gain some perspective she made a responsibility pie. She make a list of all the things that might have contributed to Kevin crying for example:
* Kevins in chronic pain
* He doesn't have any interests or hobbies
* Adult children never visit
* I work long hours and I'm tired all the time
* I shouted at Kevin
Mary then assigned slices of the pie to each identified person or factor that could have contributed to Kevin crying. For Kevins chronic pain Mary allocated 30%. For the fact he has no interests or hobbies 10%. For their adult children never visiting 10%. For Mary working long hours and the associated tiredness 20% and finally Mary's shouting (30%)
Via completing a responsibility pie Mary could see that she was not 100% responsible for Kevin crying but 30% responsible. She could she that she was trying her best in very difficult circumstances, with no help or support from others. So this exercise enabled Mary to see the bigger picture and disrupt the cycle of guilt and blame.
The responsibility pie exercise is not designed to always reduce guilt. Sometimes it's healthy to feel guilty about what you have done. But if you find yourself frequently feeling overly responsible for the feelings or actions of others this exercise can be helpful.
đ” CBT BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
â The Clinician's Guid to CBT Using Mind Over Mood by Christine A. Padesky. Please click on the link to buy from Amazon: amzn.to/409z8ko
â Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky. Please click on the link to buy from Amazon: amzn.to/3Hi7lp9
â Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Basics and Beyond by Judith Beck. Please click on the link to buy from Amazon: amzn.to/3RfTN2f
đ” ABOUT TERESA LEWIS
Teresa Lewis is the founder and Director of Lewis Psychology and a Senior Accredited psychotherapist with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP Snr. Accred). Qualified in 1995, Teresa has been providing counselling and psychotherapy treatment for nearly 30 years. Teresa holds a masters degree in counselling and psychotherapy and is a qualified EMDR Practitioner having completed training accredited with EMDR Europe. Teresa is also a qualified adult educator and an accredited Mindfulness teacher As a recognised expert in her field Teresa is frequently asked to conduct editorial reviews and endorse counselling and psychotherapy books for international publishing houses.
â Find out more here: www.lewispsy.org.uk/about-us/...
đ” WORK WITH ME
If you'd like to work with me, or a member of the Lewis Psychology team, please click on the links below:
â Lewis Psychology CIC (for face to face therapy): www.lewispsy.org.uk
â Lewis Psychology Online (for online therapy): lewispsyonline.co.uk
đ” GRAPHICS AND THUMBNAIL
Thumbnail and B-Roll graphics by Teresa Lewis. B-Roll video is used in strict compliance with the appropriate permissions and licenses required from Pexels.com in accordance with the CZcams Partner Program, Community guidelines and CZcams terms of service.
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I rationally know Iâm not guilty but I need people to say itâs okay in order to not feel it, to know Iâm with safe people. When people make me feel guilty on purpose and manipulate me I get angry and shameful and feel a sense of helplessness you cannot believe⊠itâs like I know Iâm being attempted at being manipulated and that just makes me feel so unsafe that it disappoints me but also weirdly, makes me feel like I canât do anything because the other person will believe whatever they want and I no longer can show what the truth is. Ahhh.
Factsss. Whenever I stand up for myself thereâs like this dread and I immediately get judged and turn into the bad guy. Then others will said âI shouldâ but when I fight for what I want for once. They donât like it. And it kills me inside a little especially when they win. Itâs like they have this power of you and even when you technically have the right to say no or yes or whatever the Situation is that your not bound by. They do a great job at making you feel that your are under there oath.
Ugh thanks for this, No one has admitted to this before. lol I thought I was the only one. @@Imbetterthanpaulallen
@@thvnhxx So sorry to hear that, I hope we can heal.
It's ok, it's not your fault, you didn't do anything bad or wrong
@@lorenzomontagna7087
Thanks for this. I like that you mentioned it is okay to feel guilty sometimes. It is important to remember you are not responsible for other people's feelings, but sadly I met people who say the harshest things and yell and take no responsibility. I suppose that is manipulation.
I'm pleased to hear this video has been helpful. Best wishes, Teresa.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
I wish I could have the way things were a year ago back again.
I completely messed up my life situation. Now Iâm wallowing in guilt. It happened many months ago, and at the time I was confident in my ability to bounce back. I sort of did, but I did it at a huge step down in my career. I feel so much guilt because I blew up my life. I affected so many people negatively now. For a few weeks itâs been the first thing that comes into my mind when I wake up in the morning. Immediately Iâm having flashbacks and feeling guilt. Itâs like a nightmare, I donât enjoy my life like I did. I donât believe in myself. The energy I had felt like it came from my work and the structure of my life. It all worked and I felt freedom. I donât feel that anymore. Working a job I donât like and donât see myself pursuing long term is killing my soul. I donât feel comfortable in my own life. I am depersonalizing instead of just living the dream. I have been trying to get a similar position but the location was perfect too. The nearby places are options but I havenât gotten far yet.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
The feeling of guilt started when I was watching TV cop show episodes & body cam footage of officers engaging in various arrests. It got me thinking about my record because I most likely will have a criminal record.
The feeling of guilt, putting other people through misery because of my actions.
As far as I know, I haven't committed any crimes since my mid teens & I'm 41 now, but the feeling of guilt persists.
Iâm sorry you feel that way, I also did bad things in my youth and feel guilty for it. I started there , I also hurt an ex of mine and it made my guilt worse now I always feel like itâs my fault when others get sad or arenât doing well, like âyou shouldâve done moreâ or âwhy did u say that you shouldâve said thisâ đ€Šđ»ââïž itâs annoying cuz i know itâs not all on me but I still feel guilt ..
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
â@Lila17_ just means you are not a sociopath. You know that actions can harm others feelings or their future selves. But everyone has in some way harmed someone before. We all have.
I heard someone say to imagine that younger self, like me when I was 16 years old, now I see my son is 16 years old now and just think wow to me he looks like a child still. No wonder he could just like me make some mistake. Just remember your self at that age and take that child in your arms and say it's ok and move on.
@@silencenhikes6692
..........so you're saying in other words, I was a child, a youth, which made bad choices, but now I'm an adult, I understand I was a child when I did bad, I need to forgive my inner child because I won't truly & fully move on?
That sounds very logical to me, you have made me feel contented & I thank you đ
@paranoidgenius9164 or just that you were younger and less wise or experienced. You made a mistake that through your upbringing or experience of the time did not know how to act right or bad judgment. Now you are wiser and will not repeat it right? So it's ok to appease that younger self and move on. Now if the person you feel guilty about are still angry or not moved on yet than that is on them now at this point, only themselves can change how they feel no matter how many time you apologize to them. They still angry? Oh well.
I can relate to this very much, let me tell you something It is okay to feel guilty sometimes including when you get in trouble when you know you did something wrong, now here's the thing about it I think some people when you're in trouble get a kick out of you being sad so they tell you to keep being guilty that is my theory with me my guilt can stay for a very long time Then afterwards people ask me what's wrong with me. I cannot express myself because I don't know how to tell them that the guilt inside of me is hurting me a lot. Still, afterward After I think about it I remind myself that life moves nobody is going to care about the problems That you committed in the past and along with that I move away from that guilt as well because I'm not going to kill myself with sadness I am not going to give up on my life like that I'm going to continue to keep going I see things From a different point of view, I got a message for those that Are overly guilty and apologetic I wanna tell you your strong your special and you are cared about I promise you.
God bless all of you who are feeling hurt or have any issues god will protect you and guide you no matter what you're going throughđđđđđđđđđđ
Being 30% responsible would still have a negative affect on me. Like that 30% of me shouting & 20% of me working too many hours is 50% me affecting someone else's low mood. My over thinking mind is better not dealing with percentages and just generally telling myself that many factors resulted in both our frustration & upset.
I moved out and my mum has been terribly sad and lonely. I feel horrible. I still help pay for rent and groceries but I feel like a terrible son. She has few friends. My father was abusive. Shes now very fearful of others and believes everyone is out to get her. It makes me feel so guilty and hopeless. I feel like I betrayed the only person in the world who will ever love me unconditionally. She always says she isn't angry at me or that she doesn't blame me but all our phone calls make me feel so guilty when I hear how she's doing. I will make this pie to cope. Thanks
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
@@user-so4sv1dq4z thank you friend
Damn same here with my mother in France. She made all the decisions that led her to be the way she is now but I feel so much guilt to phone her or not phone her for a while. But than she also will not phone. Than she would just go on about her own guilt for why my brother won't call her, I just say you call him than if you really need to. She tries to make me talk to him like I am supposed to guilt trip him. Hell no.
The example hits home
My boyfriend has a bad case of scoliosis, no parents and lives in what is basically an orphanage
I try to help where I can, in housework and with mental health
But each time I say something negative, for example this one time we went cycling, he almost crashed and it got me worked up, he asked me how it was cycling with him and I said stressful
This made him go silent...And I felt guilty, started crying and then felt guilty again for making this about me again
I feel guilty from feeling guilty
Thanks for sharing your insights. I'm pleased this video helped make sense of your situation. Best wishes, Teresa.
Its ironic, because I came from a life like your boyfriend, broken home, with chronic pain, etc. but I would feel guilty if that made my girlfriend feel guilty. I don't want my pain to be her pain. So while I do share my struggles, I will always try to make her happy, because she makes me happy. My dad was like that, always pushing his pain and guilt onto us growing up.
Yeah, I mean there always has to be a balance. You canât always be about you but you can never not stand up for yourself and speak you mind. Itâs like your a slave in your own mind to this person. Gauge your thoughts wisely and know when itâs better to stay silent and let it slide but when it repeats to shut it off when it happens to often. You do have the right to speak how you feel. And they have the right to accept it or not. But for your own sake itâs best to do it.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
â@@LewisPsychologyđ
My dad bought an old doll, and I have an extreme fear of dolls to the point I literally had a panic attack over it. So I binned it but now I feel so guilty.
Im sure he will understand since you have such a big fear of dolls
@@benzarre yeah and he did
@@g.ctheweebbecomefat Awesome sauce, I'm glad he did. Sometimes guilt is good, but sometimes it's irrational. It's oftentimes difficult to discern between the two
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
Extremely helpful - thank you!
I dont know but felt like ranting out a bit.... I sometimes feel guilty about what horrible things i have done in the past.... though right now I have changed a bit but the feeling will always be there always and always... But i do wish is that i could get better with time as deep down how guilt I may feel but i know that it was not my mistake, yes what i did was wrong but it was never my intention and right now I just want to lead a happy life.... And ill like to think of that phase as a teaching phase which taught me many things and I hope things get better in the future
My thing was always karma. I feel guilty so I must be wrong and if I donât do what they ask Iâm the bad guy and karma will get me. I always hated that. On top of that fact they always make me feel bad about it and everyone tells me how I should be doing what they want even though I have the right to stand up for myself and say no
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
It's so weird also that I think about a future possible success I might have through my endeavors and I feel guilty about it, like how could I be this rich while my other family members are not. How weird right?
this video really good and definitely understandable, thank ya
Thatâs great to hear. Best wishes, Teresa.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
Thank you.
Very interesting. I'm used to thinking about guilt in binaries.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
What is self love? Self love means even though you are feeling dirty and filthy about yourself you love that thought which comes that you are dirty and filthy. Thoughts means you feel dirty and filthy about yourself these are called thoughts that comes in your mind. Love your thoughts that you feel dirty and filthy about yourself. This is called self love
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
A baby sparrow fell from our roof it was found by my mother and our roof is too high and we dont have a ladder to put it back to the nest its strong enough to eat but too young to fly so i take care of it for about 3days i dont know but i just love feeding him his name is jack by the way and just this afternoon our house cat eat himđą its holy week so i can guard jack because i thought he would get eaten by our cat and i left to go to the batroom i thought jack would be fine because i thought our cat is with her kitten and my mom told me that she found our cat eating jack andi just froze and i cant accept it and a few minutes gone by i started crying i dont know why i cried so hard hes just a bird and i want to beat up our cat but my sister would get angry and now i cant sleep i feel sad angry i regreted going to the bathroom because i always imagine jack being grown up and flying im guilty that jack must have feel so bad getting eaten i wish my mom just never shown me that bird i wish that bird never fall in our bed and i cant even remove this feeling i watch this it relive me for a bit but i still feel terrible
My partner tells me to stop guilt tripping him but i feel like hes guilt tripping me by saying that....
This seems useful to me in the sense that it brings more clarity to the situation, although unhelpful in the sense that it doesn't seem true to me. Mary isn't even 30% responsible for Kevin's tears. She's 0% responsible for his tears.
The yelling was just the straw that broke the camel's back so maybe 0.0002%.
my girlfriend is the one i am scared of disappointing or making upset. nothing too bad has happened. Its such small things but i feel immensely bad. We played a video game and our team did bad. She was frustrated. And i said sorry. She does this thing where she doesnt reply, but makes a sound in response to it. Like a small sigh mixed with a âhaâ idk how to explain. But it makes me feel like even saying sorry annoys her. I know sometimes she has said sorry doesnt mean anything. And that also makes me feel really bad sometimes. Because i am immensely sorry but i know it doesnt do anything. And i feel at fault. It eats me up sometimes, over such silly things. i feel better when i explain why i feel sorry. And she assures me its okay. But when im really guilty i tell her to give me a minute to decompress, and i lay in bed and cry a lot. As im doing right now, and watching this video. Ive never told her how i feel, and she doesnt know by âdecompressingâ im just crying my eyes out. I feel like its something i need to fix. Because i dont want her to feel like its her responsibility when im the one thats ultra sensitive and scared to disappoint or upset her. I really want to overcome this and stop feeling guilty
Responsibility pie: i know logically the bad teammates upsets her mostly. And not me or my performance.
But i still feel hurt and guilty about the âsorryâ and her scoffing in response. Idkđ
It's not your fault
@@levirey382 thank youđi voiced something today and we talked about it. It went well:)
It's no problem :), and I'm glad that it went well :D
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
I have COVID. I took off Thursday. They were understanding. Friday-Sunday was Easter so it was a paid holiday. I took off today since I can't breathe. Didn't sleep, and extremely weak and fatigued. They understood hopefully. I feel guilty.
Hi. I am Hannah from America. I am 27 years old. I feel guilty all the time. When I was a little girl, I often bullied my poor baby brother Seth because he was a late talker. I bit his little ear and he cried. Daddy heard him crying, scooped him up, rocked him back and forth, and sang You Are My Sunshine to him. When I got older, I threw his dinner in the trash. It was a plain McDonald's hamburger with nothing on it. Seth and I went to the same school together because we're both autistic. No matter how sick or hurt I was, I always had to go to school just to protect Seth from evil teachers. But, I failed to protect him. The teachers were way too big and strong. On Seth's 9th birthday, two teachers dragged him to the bus and threw him on. I tried to pull Seth out of their grasp, but those evil women were way too big and way strong for me. When I got to the bus, Seth was crying. The bus driver, a sweet and loving grandmother, comforted him. She was too scared to call the police because my teacher's boyfriend was a cop. He was mean and abusive. The only people he was nice to were those evil women and that evil man, who were all teachers at that school. The bus driver told me and Seth that she was bullied all the time when she was a little girl and she knew how we were feeling. When I got home, I told my parents what happened, but they grounded me and took my phone away. They thought that I was the one bullying Seth and not the teachers. When I told them that the teachers were bullying the both of us, they yelled at me and told me to stop making up stories. Only a few teachers were kind and understanding in that school, but they were all afraid of my evil teacher's boyfriend. Seth is 22 years old now. He can talk a whole lot, but not in complete sentences. I also still feel extremely guilty about what I said about my adorable newborn baby brother Jeremiah when I was 12 years old. I said that he was evil. Jeremiah is now 15 years old. Whenever I see him, I profusely apologize to him for calling him evil when he was just an innocent newborn baby. He says, "Hannah, that's okay. I forgot all about that." When I tell him that the real evil person was me for saying that, he says, "Hannah, you're not evil. You're a good person. If you believe in Jesus, you're not evil. I will always love you." I still feel extremely guilty about saying that Mommy had a cold heart when I was 8 years old. Sure, she can be strict sometimes, but she's just an Asian parent. She is very loving and caring. She is also very beautiful. She loves Jesus and prays every day. I also feel guilty about what I said about my crush Sam Moran, the former Yellow Wiggle, when I was 15 years old. I found out that he has tattoos and I said that he was such an evil person simply for having them. When I apologized to him about it on his CZcams channel, he quickly forgave me. I still feel extremely guilty about those lies I told people about Daddy when I was in elementary school. Daddy now lives in a nursing home due to a stroke that he had almost 11 years ago. He now has locked knees. His stroke caused him to lose his speech. When I was 10 years old, I lied to my elementary school guidance counselor about Daddy. Last year, I wrote her a letter and told her the truth. I told her that the only thing that Daddy ever did was love me and that Daddy is a Christian man with a pure heart. The guidance counselor called the police when she got the letter. The police then called my house. I still feel extremely guilty about how I treated my elementary school music teacher. When I was 10 years old, I said that he was one evil music teacher, which is a big fat lie. I also accused him of things that he never did. I always write letters to him, but he never writes back. He probably hates me now. I just wish he could find it in his heart to forgive me. I also want him to teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. I also feel guilty that I didn't go see a movie with my cousin Elizabeth, who died at only 36 years old. When I saw her dead in her casket at her funeral, I nearly passed out. The night before my 27th birthday, I went into the boys' room and found Seth watching A Goofy Movie. I kissed him three times on each ear and said, "I love you." My other little brother Isaiah, who is 17 years old, was confused. My other little brother Zach, who is 21 years old, was also confused. Seth was also confused. I felt so guilty because I remembered how I treated Seth when he was an innocent baby. I still feel extremely guilty about yelling I hate you to my parents when I was 7 years old. They prepared a delicious snack for me, which was a chocolate cake doughnut and a cup of warm milk. They said, "Hannah, drink your milk." I yelled, "NO! I HATE YOU!" My heart breaks whenever I think about that. 10 years ago, when I was 17 years old, I was in a state of depression because I missed Daddy walking and talking. I cried all the time. When I told my high school guidance counselor about it, she said, "Hannah, we all did things as children that we regret later in life. When I was a little girl, I threatened my sister. Years later, she died from cancer. I never said I love you to her once." I also asked Daddy's little sister, my aunt Debbie, if she ever did as a child that she regretted later in life. She said, "Yes. When I was a little girl, I yelled I HATE YOU to my parents." Daddy's parents, Nanna and Pop-Pop, both died before I was born. I never got to meet them, but my paternal aunts and my paternal uncle always tell me that they would've loved me. I just wish I could go back in time and change things, but I know that's impossible and that I can't do it. I also feel extremely guilty about threatening to kill my unborn baby brother Isaiah when I was 9 years old because I wanted a sister. Whenever I apologize to Isaiah about it, he just says, "It's fine. I forgot all about it. Don't worry about it."
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
A fine work of fiction indeed.
I feel guilty for being alive. Everything I do feels extremely wrong
Thank you so much
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
I can relate to this concept as an analyst
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
It helped me , thanks
Glad to hear that. Best wishes, Teresa.
Never feel guilty for anything as life is far too short.
very helpful!
Glad it was helpful! Best wishes, Teresa.
thanks, i appreciate it
Thatâs great to hear. Best wishes, Teresa.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
I wish i could make a Responsibility Pie for my parents making me feel guilty because I no longer follow their religious beliefs.
I always feel guilty spending money on myself. Especially for "unnecessary" purchases. I have no problem treating my neice and nephew any chance I get, but I get knots in my stomach when I do something for me. Just today I had to fight myself in order to buy a game, even though I can easily afford it.
I think this stems from childhood. My late mother spent money faster than she could get her hands on it. We didn't go without or anything like that, but it always angered me how she would waste money and have nothing to show for it. She couldn't have money in the bank, it had to be spent. Didn't matter on what, just that it was. So I think I've gone the opposite direction as a result.
Thatâs interesting, thank you for sharing. Best wishes, Teresa.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
Iâm always OK, but I need to know Iâm on the spectrum and have other issues so part of my deal is because of what people do for me like my parents pay for a lot or help me out and if it gives me something but I donât do exactly what they want with it. I truly feel guilty like Iâve let them down. Iâm not even free to try things or theyâre disappointed like they just want me to do what they want and I do too, but I canât always get that done or maybe it doesnât always work for me. Ideally someone would give without any expectations but theyâve also said the expectations. I can give it back, but Iâve never been able to support myself even when I tried like this other, I mean honestly every time I get talked, I work in the beauty industry appearance of gardens houses faces all of that I get it. None of itâs the main thing, but they are important to me and still every time I do it I feel guilty because itâs out of the order itâs ânot necessary. The truth is it may do harm and if anything happens, Iâll feel bad. My parents have to take care of me and theyâll say they told me so I canât imagine I mean I could, but I canât imagine and feel if Iâd be different or what it would be like if I had different parents and I canât react to the same way as someone who is like fully independent or has parents who is values are do what you want and independence and we wonât judge you or even I wouldnât want them to be proud of me or asked me to do it, but, at least just wanted to be private with no judgment and that Iâm the other thing is so honestly I mean 700 and something like that and you could see the family for a month I donât do this, but the truth of matter is the more important thing is a family being fed for a month.
The end of the day this extends to everything because of my parents help my past my conditions and things failing thereâs such a great cost to failing, in spite of my trying and being misunderstood the cost that if I was financially responsible for everything, I controlled the burden but now itâs so bad Thereâs also the other thing though sometimes I can those cases there is a reason for the girl and I shouldâve been strong enough to give the gift back because Iâm there end of it in their mind. They really did give it for that purpose and if I canât achieve that purpose honorable thing just to give it back so I donât knowconfusing, but itâs pretty bad like I have surgery coming up major and Iâve had this twice before and now and I canât tell them I canât ask for help and and if I tell them I wonât do it Iâll feel so conflicted
Very good!
Thanks! Best wishes, Teresa.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
I tried to steal a bike 2 days ago from Walmart and got caught and ever since then I've felt self shame self hate and guilt since then it bothers me bc I kept asking myself what was wrong wit me at the time but I think I was just in the moment just having the urge but ik for sure I will never ever steal anything ever again if I can't afford it I'll just have to live without it until one day I can be able to afford it đ
Thank you for sharing this. Sending you my warmest wishes, Teresa đș
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
I have learning difficulties and I might have autism the problem I have is I always do something inappropriate at the wrong time and when I'm told off I feel guilty for a long time. How do I fix that and how do I stop doing these things
I am underage and have been on an 18+ website I watched some things and I feel so guilty but I know I could never tell my parents so I just have to live with the guilt
I remember being 7 and fed my little bunny fhocolate it got diarhea and died 2 days alter eveyr second of my life i wish i didnt do that i miss you fluffy please forgive me i love you đąđą
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
what is a good number on the responsibility pie to not feel guilty?
Itâs subjective. Whatâs a good number for you? Best wishes, Teresa.
I feel super guilty for hitting my cousin in the eyeđ
1000th liked
đâ€ïž
30% + 10% + 10% = 50% but it seems to be more than half that pie in the video. I now feel guilty for posting this.
Ha ha creating graphics isnât my strong point đ Best wishes, Teresa.
I'm Sorry
For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.
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