A Lack of Boundaries Invites a Lack of Respect đŻ
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 15. 05. 2019
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A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect...I want you to understand that the problem is not you being too nice. Too many times we don't establish healthy boundaries and that causes less than ideal situations to take place in our relationships.
Listen to this video, and then share your thoughts in the comment section below.
"You need to have boundaries. You need to be able to tell people "no." You need to be able to let people know when this is going too far and this is unacceptable."
Find the right person for you...read this: www.themangodhasforme.com In this book I let you know if you're with the wrong man for your life, and help you recognize and receive the right man for you.
âYou have to be able to vocal and honest about the boundaries that we want set in our life and relationships
You can be a nice and respectful person and still draw the lines in regards to what emotional, spiritual, and physical boundaries you don't want another person to cross. The moment you are able to establish clear and consistent boundaries in your life you can begin to remove the negativity and unwanted relationships.
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As a certified life coach, relationship coach, and dating coach, I want to make dating and relationships easier for you. I pray that you find this video helpful and that you will receive the man who is truly best for you.
If you are asking any of the following questions or searching for:
- Boundaries in relationships
- How to set boundaries
- Setting boundaries
- Emotional boundaries
- Personal boundaries in relationships
- Online dating
- Relationship coach
- Relationship advice
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and more, well, I believe this dating advice for women and men video will give you the clarity you need.
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I hope you enjoyed my video "A Lack of Boundaries Invites a Lack of Respect"
Watch this dating advice video next, "5 GREAT Ways To Protect YOUR PEACE!"
đ âą 5 GREAT Ways To Protec...
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Why do women expect us to respect their boundaries but have no empathy for how hard asking out & being told no by a woman actually is?
I definitely agree! I had to enforce my boundaries.. Like they say, âYou teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.â Protect your energy at all cost! đŻ
By telling them what you tolerate you teaching them how to treat you
This is so true
I like protecting my energy. I get tired to quickly. My tolerance level is arising. To how much improperness I can tolerate. It makes you tired. đą
Itâs not always about setting the boundaries but..: Enforcing them!!!
Lonnie Rashid So true.
Amen to that, many people's boundaries only exist in talk but not in action.
Chris Sabaoth youâre right!!
C RD Nothing in life is 100% foolproof except death!
Prison is not always a deterrent to crime...crime still exists on all levels even the most heinous. With that being said most people are law abiding & want to respect the law...therefore the same with boundaries.What you can control is yourself & how you respond.
Do âsurgeryâ on the toxicity in your life
friends/ family. Remove yourself, the boundaries of what you tolerate lie w/in you. People treat you in the way of which you allow to be treated!!!!
@C RD then you cut the relationship. Simple
I set boundaries with my ex a few months ago and I havenât heard from her since. đ
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Amen!!!!đđđ
Some people's exit your life so you can enter into freedom and growth. It was a blessing in disguise
call me lol
@@ChrisOath True, I got out of a relationship where she kept blaming me for some stuff, I won't say she was not right but thanks to that, but at that time I thought she was; but after breaking up, I realize how wrong I was in some many ways, how my lack of boundary led me to these actions. I am not making excuses, I am fully aware I was wrong and because of my lack of boundaries, invited so many unhealthy behaviors, I was not strong enough to say no, but I am starting to work on myself and get to be a better version of me actually respecting my own boundaries and decisions first...
Setting boundaries with FAMILY AS WELL. That's also very important too.
So True
@Ashley D. get ready for war lol
you need boundaries with them the most, since weâre programmed to let the uttermost disrespect slide if itâs from family, because we share the same blood.
I do recommend setting boundaries. Then you will see who stays and who walks away when they can no longer use you for their own gain.
I agree or else the person will take full advantage and run over. Also, from a spiritual perspective, the devil is good at using that against us. "CHRISTIANS are supposed to be nice and forgiving", as if saying no is a crime/sin. Saying no is necessary and healthy at times. We don't have to be rude, but we should have healthy boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of.
Thanks for the video!
đŻđŻđŻ
ON POINT!!!!
đŻ
Niceness is not a fruit of the spirit
@@sandradube4456 you are correct
Boundary violators. Theyâre everywhere!!!
This is a common topic in my therapy sessions.
ReaBasilisca -
Yes! I JUST dealt with that at my job.
I had plenty of them when i was child....đi had cousins who wanted to play beautician and play in my damn hair all the time,,and when I'd try to tell them no,,i get to hear ,,,"WINCH,,
SOMEBODY TRYING TO HELP U OUT,,THATS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU,,THATS WHY NO ONE DOES ANYTHING FOR YOU" ........the excuses of mistreatment are endless......anything I'd say No on,,,i get a guilt or religious speech about how i shouldnt treat my family that wayđ....nothing but endless grief.....my family always loved to shame me for something......i don't care what it was.
Currently dealing with this. Many men confuse kindness with weakness. He has taken advantage of my kindness one too many times. Now that I'm being more assertive he's questioning "us." My thing is don't expect me to be cool with you doing to me anything that you wouldn't want me doing to you. If you know you're not done playing around or you feel like you might miss something if you get in a relationship, cool, but go be a bachelor in your own space or be with someone who's okay with it. Don't try to live with someone when you know y'all are not on the same page or don't want the same thing. Be a man about it. Maybe it's bad timing. Maybe it's not meant to be. Either way a decent person with integrity wouldn't play games.
Love this!!
Nothing is meant to be, everything is built! You are right to expect a fair relationship.
Same thing I dealing with they Wana be a bachelor in your place and things and play u like u his Lil groupie that u don't allow bit he don't listen
All strength to you. From other side of the equation, having a woman in my life who tries to be in a relationship with me no matter how many times I try to communicate that I don't want a serious relationship.
You're absolutely right, the guys who do that are GETTING something from that arrangement though. What is WHY they are doing it. They will situationship the heck out of anyone and not care how it effects that person.
Courting/dating in 2019 requires you to have boundaries and listening to what the Holy Spirit is saying about a person!
Well said!
Enough said
Erica Paul i agree things need balance
I didnt underdtand you. What do you mean ?
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So true. When I finally,after many years far too many years,set boundaries for my former mate in a nice way he dipped out and quickly found another victim. I've never been happier.
D Moore my ex mate also immediately go look for another victim. They are definitely predator type and codependent is an issue
nakiflo They're definitely predators
@@dyoung2739 GOOD you loved you more.
I struggle to enforcing my boundaries. Working on enforcing my boundaries & not give people too many chances!
if you struggle to enforce your boundaries the best option is to stay away from people.
@@user-xp4ov5od8t I agree! I used to struggle with enforcement of my boundaries. Getting really good at enforcing my bound. Alot of growth & healing to get me to this point.
Start small and work your way up, rosalie. I struggle with this as well, but the last few years I've gotten better at doing it and it's stating to come naturally. When you repeat these behaviour patterns your brain rewires itself building neurological connections making it easier for you to do it the next time, but that can go the other way as well, don't practice want you don't want to be, and as your brain will wire itself according. Good luck and enjoy enforcing your boundaries, rosalie. đ
I totally agree!!! đđŒđđŒđđŒ I get told my âboundariesâ or âstandardsâ are too high but I disagree. I believe itâs necessary to have both of these in place. When the time is right, the right person will come and they will respect what I stand for! Iâm not afraid at all to say NO lol! â€ïž
As a modern western woman. Your standards are probably too high
You're standards are most likely unrealistic. If you're American, then you judge a man harshly on his looks. Men should not date you and pursue women overseas instead.
Lol, look at the loser boys in these comments. "Lower your standards so us creepy toads have a chance1!"
Not happening.
Sir....that was a WORD as they say. đThank you for sharing your wisdom. Keep growing in your God given purpose.
Stephan Speaks You're welcome.
Respect is earned. It's not asked for. It's been like that since the beginning of time. If you are searching for respect, you are a very shallow person. If you are trying to make someone respect you, you might as well just say this person needs to like this person and not care about how they feel. It's expectations. That's the problem.
People just do not understand this. That's why they get in trouble!!!!!! But always respect people as human beings. That's a given and that's the truth. Everybody have a good day!đ
Sometimes the people violating your boundaries donât take a no for an answer when youâre being nice about it.
Amen. See my comment and how I share what you said about "don't take no for an answer when you're being nice about it".
Knowing when to say no unapologetically is a true sign of maturity. I have no problem saying no and establishing boundaries, however, this does result in being by yourself too. I still have faith that the man for me is out there somewhere. Iâm just trying to be patient and waiting on God to put us in each otherâs paths. Itâs not hard sticking to your standards but it is hard dealing with loneliness as a result of not settling for less than you deserve. Feels like a catch 22 at times but I try to be positive. Seems that the men who donât have their stuff together are more aggressive in dating than the men who do have their stuff together....at least it seems that way in my city.đ€·đœââïž
I too agree. I overshared with my friend my personal problems and now she started using my infos against me and started disrespecting and Judgeing I should have not allowed that person to much close to me
Peace.. Facts... The same with children..
I shouldnât have to yell, scream, or act hard to set my boundaries. I am practicing being assertive in the kindest way possible even if itâs through text message. If you do not fix how you are treating and or talking to me, then we cannot be cool anymore! For a long time I was afraid to say no because I wanted people to like me and I did not trust my self. However, The older I get I want people to respect me especially when it comes to manipulating people. I still love you but do not cross the line.
"I simply have to let you know that this is unacceptable and this needs to change, and if you're unwilling to embrace that and make the necessary changes, then you have to go!"
Exactly! Lmao!!!
I can't tell you how many times a day I hear that I am too nice..it isn't limited to heterosexual relationship, it comes from co-workers, peers and colleagues. I went through a season of self doubt-questioning my character and core. Thank you for clarity! Boundaries are necessary and people WILL test them...I am holding fast to the direction I came into agreement with God about concerning me and decided no more..I will not compromise healthy boundaries which self inflicts pain, frustration and disappointment. Kudos to all who will apply wisdom and sound counsel to their lives so that in living, we will truly live. â€
Someone reported to my insultor that I have high boundaries. Changed nothing. The reporter made the effort atleast.
I struggled for the longest time with boundaries, and each time I tried when I was younger, I was always made to feel guilty. It followed me into adulthood when I was in a relationship, and enforcing any boundaries felt so unnatural because my moral compass was a mess. Ever since the relationship ended, I started setting boundaries especially with my family, if I couldn't do it with my family, then there'd be no hope for others. Learned it a bit late, but I'm glad to have more enforcement over boundaries than I used to.
Stephan, I am in agreement with you 100% it is important to set expectations and boundaries within the relationship no matter what ties you used to have with that person... Personal space, respect of boundaries, and communication are the key to properly co-parenting with the significant other without drama or messiness when or if kids are involved in some cases... As black women we have to realize that being too nice and getting too comfortable can make the relationship difficult because it confuses the kids.... Ladies don't lose your Worth don't let your guard down, have standards.... Don't be used.
Facts. One of my best friends has let her family stress her all the way out, causing her physical illness because she doesn't say no to them, and they take FULL advantage of that. I have had to step in and stand up for her because it hurts me seeing this.
Omg this used to be me with my family. I had move out and donât come back. I used to go to the hospital a lot for depression. No jokes, I was in hell.
@@LGess_love Aww no. I'm praying for your healing and nothing but success, love and happiness into your life. Yes, my friend is finally starting to wake up from the shenanigans.
You could be as nice as pie and *still* have enough boundaries to tell someone, âyouâve got me fucked up.â
Curb your tongue lady,theres your boundary
God is Always confirming His word! This spoke to me, thank you!
I have been talking about boundaries all week! It's #straightfacts
đŻ đđ» Amen!... I finally had the courage to say no and set my boundaries after years of being too nice and afraid to bring issues up where I felt was being disrespected. When I finally found my voice, it wasnât all about him anymore and I wasnât being heard. I didnât get any answers and it ended up being âmy faultâ. It was a hard decision, but I had to go.
This is definitely something that I have always struggled with my entire life... everyone that knows me always says that i am too nice... Finally I can say that I have learned this lesson on boundaries...And the peace that I have found has changed my life in unimaginable ways. Thank you so much for this message!
I agree with this đŻ% I struggle with this from time to time definitely got to have boundaries nowadays
First,you have too let who ever is around you too let you know,do not talk too me any kind of way, and if so bye,,and move on, thanks for the video and God bless you
Thanks, and have a great day
Tamatha Wilson what if is my husband. I just got married. I am from a different culture. And he has disrespected me so much. Even in front of people. When we go to the store. He talks down. I just check him today. He got angry and gives me the silent treatment. I am a christian. I love the lord. I know I am supposed to respect him. But he is mean and harsh.
Norma Deluna and he suppose to respect you too doesnât it ? And before you respect him you need to respect yourself feeling boundaries.
Truer words have never been spoken. I only wish I had this wisdom like 10 years ago. It was a lesson hard learnt. Thank you Stephan â€ïž
Sometimes your vision gets clouded with all the manipulations and illusions. Although your intuition is telling you something is wrong. You feel stuck in believing your personâs representative, until they slip up and you finally see their true colors and are able to free yourself.
When a man continues to degrade n take advantage of a woman, it's usu cuz she has low self esteem n he will continue if allowed but a playa's worse nightmare is a woman with standards.game over for them.
Thanks Stephan! This is very true. I have experience being too nice, afraid and being pushed over. I now know that I can be kind and gracefully yet sternly let people know when they are wrong. Thereâs no need to be overly aggressive or negative to gain respect. People will try you regardless. Might as well be sweet, graceful, and strongly feminine.
I am tired of being nice to people that disrespect me, lie and manipulate. The first ones who are going to see are the so called christians pastor and spouse. They want to deliberately hurt me I'm going to give them something to not like me for!!!
Yes. We all must have boundaries and mutual respect for one another. This is crucial for a healthy relationship.đđœ
Great points! Sometimes the person with lack of boundaries builds resentment and although it is good to enforce and establish boundaries, we can sometimes be rude or disrespectful, and that does not create a space for communication and reevaluation. Establishing our boundaries in an open, loving yet firm manner is the best opportunity for growth on both sides.
Truth! Nice, kind, and compassion are good characteristics to have no matter what the situation is at the moment. He is right! Once you cross the line of disrespect. It is time to politely put people in check. Preach, Stephan! You have to create boundaries. You have to say "no" and say what you willing and not willing to accept. It is not overbearing. Amen!!
âYour not too nice your just too afraid to say noâ
Thank you and call those people who don't have no" in their vocabulary "fake "
There has to be consequences for boundary crossing. Im learning a lot about emotional boundaries and how vital they are. Praise god for teaching me. Keep praying for wisdom and He shall freely give it. Always remember it aint yours to boast of tho ^-^
Before I listened to the audiobook âboundariesâ. I used to believe that I had to agree with my coworkers even if things didnât feel right. I carried that crap for over a year. Then I woke up and realized yes Iâm a hard worker however at times I try to please the wrong people to âget alongâ to âavoid conflictâ and to âplease othersâ. Yep nope finally woke up and started speaking up. True certain people no longer like me but who cares. They are just mad cause they canât manipulate me anymore.
I really enjoyed the video. Boundaries are very important and it took me a long time to figure that out but with all that being said that without boundaries the relationship usually don't end on a good note.
Thanks for the wisdom and advice Stephan. For me it couldn't have been more timely as I was struggling with this issue in a work related environment.. and from your video, and the comments below, I realized I was just scared that if I say no, they might not like me anymore, or think I'm not a nice person, and the world would end.... I also realized that if I'm cussing them in my mind, I was really not being true or nice to them, or myself when I hold in all that anger. Smiling and helping others feels natural to me, so I will use that along with your teaching, and a big dollop of courage to grow in the right direction. Again thanks.
Respect
You know that God is using someone when He gives them the type of wisdom that surpasses "boundaries' (pun intended)! This message not only applies to opposite sex relationships, but many parts of it can apply to coworker relationships, family relationships, and friendships as well. So glad I clicked on this video. Many Blessings Sir đđœ
didnt see the pun..
Thanks! This is helpful. I have a hard time saying no and it usually ends up with me overloading myself, feeling overwhelmed, and letting people down because I actually can't do it all and I need to say no sometimes.
You have a deep understanding of one concept to another. After many years of humiliating me and putting me down I finally put a HUGE boundary between my father and I. I kept my promise of never again stepping a foot into his house and I didn't till the day of his funeral. Now I must apply this to my sister. Thank you for your wise words.âĄâĄâĄ
Befor i get to finish this video Iâve to say somethingâyouâre not to nice youâre just afraid to say noâ i love love love this one. I replayed it more than for times before i get to the video.
This is absolutely true and thank You for taking the time to post the video.
I AGREE & I AM HERE FOR IT!
Thank you. For years people have told me Iâm too nice. That confused me. But I do need to set better boundaries; I realize that. Also intention is important because when people sense that, theyâre less likely to mess with you. Thanks again.
Yes I had to learn this&in doing so&setting those boundaries I've lost friends but I have to also remind myself that they weren't meant to be around anyway if u can't respect the boundaries.
That was the case with me I was young and married young and ex narc spouse did not allow boundaries it was just 1 sided .
Thank you! This is great info. Many people donât know that a lack of boundaries. Leads to a lack of respect.
THANK YOU Stephan. Now I Don't Feel Bad for being too nice. I just will have some boundaries and learn to say No in a respectful and loving way.
SUBSCRIBED and notified of notifications. Youâre great at what u do ,thank u for being here for us. Iâm at that time in my life where Iâm trying to be a stronger person, and I need more ppl like u in my circle
I will allow you to PLAY as long as Yah lets me know...STOP IT NOW..I GOT THIS THUS SAYS THE MOST HIGH...IN THIS SITUATION IF I WAD AFRAID...I WOULD NEVER NEVER EVER COME OUTSIDE...GOOD WORD MY BROTHER ...SELAH
The only people who will get upset with you when you set boundaries are the people who benefited from you having none. And if someone doesn't respect your boundaries, then they don't respect you. Remember people you can be nice and kind to others, but make sure you set your boundaries with them.
Boundaries = Protection
You can set boundaries all you want but if you aren't consistently enforcing them then it leaves room for trust issues and lack of respect. Also, not protecting the relationship at all costs can be very problematic. It opens the doors to outsiders coming into your relationship and disrespecting both parties.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that â€ïž
This is so evident in relationships where men have toxic narcissistic mothers.
im so glad i watched this. you are absolutely right and i am gonna start telling people NO
and if they got a problem with it then they are gone
im always going above and beyond for people im gonna stop doing this shit already and just save my own energy for myself
You would not believe who I told this to yesterday I totally agree it's like your talking to a child when you keep telling it to them . Thanks for being an honest Christian Man. Proud of you.â€â€â€
Winning!!! Say it with a smile. "PEACE"
This is soooo true. And itâs always easier to set boundaries up front rather than trying to set them later on. That way, thereâs a level of accountability from jump. Also, youâll have every right to dip if the boundaries that you ALREADY set, and agreed on, are crossed, with no need for an explanation lol đđŸââïž
Thank you! I hate the term âtoo nice.â
It a must ..people don't need to know everything about me . And yes I got mean when lines are crossed .cause I stay neutral to long ..but omg I pray some of these humans know I did care and would have loved to know the real them .I am 60 ..appreciate the gesture but ..no thank you ..and much in life to enjoy . I am also putting my detective jacket away .I did my share of prying .I learned it not our problem any more. But we can Jus love one another wth out lens .if people can't do thst then something s off ..well my media time for 2O21 is less..life's for living ! Namaste love light healing prayers..I was a nice human but too nice ways got me a lot of pent up frustration .time to let that go and start new routines in Life !
Thank you, so true
Good one Stephan, boundaries establish a strong sense of self why being respectful.
So true đ
Thank you for these beautiful words.
Thank you. I needed to see this video
So true and I've reaped that lesson !
Totally agree should respect people's boundaries, if it causes discomfort towards another person. It should not be done. Humour as well if it offends some one you respect their boundaries. In my opinion.
I needed to hear this video. Thereâs someone who started out being respectful then began to change over time and the level of respect for me went completely away and when I tried to explain to him how I felt he called me an â Alpha Femaleâ , Too controlling, and etc ... đ
Stephan Speaks I will try again and make sure he understands where I coming from as well as my boundaries.Thank You
Thanks for this! I appreciate you.
Thank you for the great advice!
You say more in a few minutes than what most people say in an entire hourâs lecture đ
This is gold. Thanks brotha
I needed to hear that
I like this because it gives the other Person a CHANCE to choose You or to choose to keep the bad character traits and be with someone else. I've noticed that in the dating world today, because We perceive that there are so many options since there are 7 billion People on the planet, the minute someone does something that a Seeker doesn't like, the Seeker washes their hands automatically, in many cases not even communicating what they disliked. Will TOLD Jada He wouldn't be a part of a violent home whether it be thru action or language and gave Her the CHANCE TO CHOOSE Him and giving up that behavior in order to keep Him... And 25 yrs later, they're still going strong and appear happy. I said all that to say "Listen to Stephen on this one... Give People a CHANCE to CHOOSE You and Your boundaries"
This is it. No bullshit. I just wished I wasn't so soft and was able to do this better.
Great video! 2 minutes straight to the point wow
So true.
It's rough when you're taught to "be" nice. Culturally it's understood in our own circles where the line is to respect boundaries. Other people outside our culture step on and cross that line but it's not to their knowledge; they need to be told to stay away.
This is great Stephan, thanks.
You are completely right
Definitely gotta kno how to enforce shit if necessary đŻ
Truthđ.
You should only have the boundaries conversation when one is crossed unintentionally. When friends deliberately and repeatedly cross obvious boundaries to test your reaction, it not only creates a lack of respect, but complete disinterest in them. đ
I think healthy boundaries are very important. Could you give us a few examples of what healthy boundaries look like?
wonderful!!! thank you!
Great point!
Yea i jus noticed that I need to set boundaries cause people will jus walk allll over ya Iâm learnin
âïžâ€ïžjust need to learn boundaries and be assertive and short .itâs not easy because then you can feel so guilty
Yes, I do believe that Boundaries should be set in the beginning of any relationship and by setting those boundaries the person will know exactly where they stand and where the other person is coming from . However, if boundaries are not set in the beginning of the relationship I believe that someone will take full advantage of the situation that presents itself but NO means NO in you can say No without being disrespectful. Either the person will understand what it is that the person is saying or they wont understand and if they donât then they will have to go because if itâs a problem in the beginning there will be minor problems throughout the relationship.
Great video great message ..No excessive profanity either..keep up the good work my bro ..Share and like everyone!!
If theirs one thing I know about myself, my "NO's" are very powerful.
Thank you. I needed this.
đŻ % true.
Well said!