John Ratz - Love in a Time of Desperation
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2024
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John Ratz, performing at the 2016 College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational.
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"Sometimes I lover her so much, I wish we could let her die"
I got chills. This hit me right in the heart.
I'm so glad I clicked on this;
'the brain is the only organ afraid of dying'
I almost cried, this line is too real
You know you've just heard an incredible slam poem when by the end of it, your heart sinks a little
I just completely bawled my eyes out. The fact that my entire body is slowly breaking down at 26, and his sister's fucking name is Christine, came together emotionally in my mind and my eyes just waterfalled.
Love in a time of desperation/ John Ratz [lyrics]
The body can decide to stop living in stages
the slow death is the body whispering a quiet no no no
until some vital part refuses to keep working
some important piece of you does not consent to being alive anymore.
The way I understand my sister's disease is that it attacks everything at once.
I could write a list of symptoms but these days
it looks like something turning off all of the lights inside her.
She's 23 and cannot see.
She's 23 and cannot walk, cannot think.
She's 23 and already looks like an abandoned building.
So much of her has already decided to stop working.
We live in a time of miracles.
Medicine is the science of forcing your body to live wether it wants to or not.
It is forcing you the body to bow down to you the mind.
Because the brain is the only organ is afraid of dying.
But I told you my sister's disease attacks everything including the delicate network of neurons and synapses that makes her a person and the slow collapse of her body losing its ability to function
My big sister can't even decide wether living is worth it anymore.
Once she lost a lot of weight,
her jaw refused to work right.
More food ended up down the front of her shirt that in her mouth.
Her body weather hunched itself into a claw and for the first time in our lives there was less of her than there was of me.
My parents took her to the hospital and she came home a week later with a tube in her stomach.
She eats from a bag now.
No swallowing involve,
just a slow mechanical work the pump forcing paste directly into her stomach
we force feed her
and I have to believe that this is an act of love in a time of desperation.
There was no discussion of allowing this to be the end.
My mother says the GTube was the first time it felt like betraying my sister's body in order to keep her alive
and Christine didn't even get a saying in it.
Sometimes I imagine she stopped eating on purpose.
When she could speak she said the seizures felt like God
stabbing a knife into her brain and twisting
and I have to wonder if anyone ever really wants to be rescue back from an agony like that.
Sometimes I love her so much I wish we could let her die.
Someday another important part of my sister's body will stop functioning.
I imagine a thousand nightmares for some terrible accident claims my parents
and I hold her life in my hands and there's no way I would let her die.
But I wonder how far I would go to force her to live
and wether that is love or the stubborn pride insisting that as long as
I can force her heart to keep beating I'll never have to say goodbye.
thank you
God bless you baby
"sometimes I love her so much I wish we could let her die"
That line must have been hard to say and admit
speechless.
Medicine is the science of forcing your body to work (whether it wants to or not)
this really hit home. painful watch. can't imagine what it must have been like to perform. kudos.
It takes ALOT of guts to even admit this to yourself and on top of that.. Perform this. Wow. I understand this so much and I will pray for you. This touched me so much.
honestly the line that really made me cry was "and for the first time, there is less of her than there is of me.", like this is some heartbreaking stuff
I have chills Jesus this is my favorite one yet
absolutely stunning. the emotion here is raw in a way you can't fully understand if you weren't in that position. lost my mother in august to ovarian cancer and this brought back so many memories of having to watch her fade away. every decision you have to make never feels like the right one
this still hits so close to my heart. I return to it every few months.
when painful things happen to us we decide what we will mend with that threat.
That just might be the most amazing thing I have ever heard.
we need more of him
He looks a lot like Phil Kaye
Eltino117 so true
Not usually the poetry I watch, but God. I'm glad I watched this one.
woah. . . that hit me hard. Tears wouldn't stop falling for a while.
So much love for this boy and his family
Absolutely beautiful.
he had another poem on button that was also about his sister I think it was called "sleeping on god"
I don't know whether or not we experienced the same kind of loss, but when I saw CUPS included with the title, the memories of my wife of 31 years emerged once again. At age 59, she developed CUPS - cancer unknown primary source and passed away less than 8 months after it was diagnosed. To watch someone so loving and healthy literally waste away to nothing, both physically and mentally was heart-wrenching and almost unbearable. It seems almost heartless that I prayed that she would not have to suffer from this terrible affliction. Since the source of this cancer was totally unidentifiable, trying to treat it or provide some kind of comfort for her was almost impossible. So John, I can identify with what you have experienced, but more than that, the pathos, empathy, and heartfelt beauty you so eloquently composed and expressed, reveal a love that will never die.
wow that was absolutely breathtaking
My boyfriend thought something happend to me bc I sobbed. Such a powerful poem. In order to prove my point, I made him watch it and I could tell he wanted to shed a tear. Amazing - just speechless.
This is a story of such true love.
WOW, John. How terrifically powerful! You are a beautiful young man with a wonderful heart!
He is so beautifully brave.. Thank you for sharing your story in such a moving way
oh my
It's surprising how every video has a comment in it "best video so far" .
Every poem touches someone differently. Some more than others. I hope as an artist, everything I write is the best to someone else.
it’s been a while since i’ve cried like this over a poem. my younger brother fits so much of the description here. my family has always known he wont live as long or as well as we will, i’ve spent the last 18 years watching him just get worse and worse. the power chairs, the surgeries, the hospital stays, the feeding tube, the breathing machine, the nightly dialysis. he’s reaching the age of his predicted life expectancy. one of his doctors had to sit us down and tell us to start making preparations for what he wants for his remaining years. what hit the hardest was hearing “we want these to be things we’re doing FOR him, not TO him.” its hard to think about him getting to a point where keeping him alive feels like a punishment to him.
I have a friend who's sister has cancer and I saw him in you and I cried a little bit
I can't imagine how much he must be hurting. Sending prayers to you and your sister.
This is so powerful and touching. It reminded me of my friend who was relieved when his dad passed away because his dad suffered too much in the hospital ): RIP.
this is soooooo touching
I don't know why that was so emotionally hard for me to watch. I haven't cried in what seems like forever
"I have to believe that this is an act of love in a time of desperation"
My 8 year old is fully G tube dependant as of yesterday. He just had his second heart transplant June 2016. He has been ill off and on since the end of May. He refuses to eat or drink and it's finally come down to being fully tube dependant. I needed this today.
"Sometimes I love her so much, I wish I could let her die."
I admire poetry, I admire how writers can put how they feel to words.
Wow, gave me chills.
I have no words for how beautiful this is
Yep, I got the goosebumps...
Omg! That gave me chills.
So many chills!
i can't write how much this hit me
I love this I love this I love thissss !!!!
this is so true I'm CRYING
This poems hits home. My mom was on life support for a while and had to make the decision to stop treatment. She passed away within hours.
Thank you.
thank you thank you thank you button for uploading this poem; was one of my favorites at CUPSI & topic that is so so important!
Beautiful
I just lost my grandmother to cancer and this speaks to me
absolutely beautiful
Wow!!! So powerful and heartfelt
this was so powerful, it hit me hard
Beautiful.
Wow this left me speechless
Wow man, I give you props for this! 👍
I love this.
it's okay to have assisted suicide, how sad that you have to to go this far. terrible situation
Sadly that's illegal here except in California, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.
bruh....that shit deserves an Oscar
this is absolutely incredible
this reminds me so much of my brother
... beautiful
Amazing
im crying so much :(
Holy shit, he has a way with words.
Wow.
omg ouch but it was so beautiful I cried.
This one really got to me.
this is amazing.
beautiful
this has me shook
This is so fucking powerful. I had to stop watching a few times to regain my composure.
I've watched this a million times; definitely one of the best poems I've seen on this channel so far. But I have to ask, does anyone know what is meant by, "...there was less of her than there was of me,"?
I meant to say that she lost so much weight that she wasted away to be physically less than me, who has always been a twig of a person.
this hit pretty hard
wow.
Damn!
ok but now this has me thinking...
woooow
Oh my
I am so sorry. 😭
omg 😍👏👏
wow this hit me hard
ITS NOT OKAY THAT I DIDNT SEE THIS FUCKING SOONER
hot damn.
What's with the one dislike???? like seriously
um ok...Fuck Yes! That was a damn good piece of writing I can't bring myself to say is just another poem.
“because the brain is the only organ afraid of dying” shit yall
"Sometimes i love her so much i wish she would die" 😭🖤🖤
the ohs in the background
whats the age limit and do you guys go to utah?
Does anyone know what disease his sister has? I have a couple of guesses but I wanted to know what you guys think.
It has to be an autoimmune disease, right?
💔💔💔💔💔💔
absolutely beautiful
wow.