Trans or Just Upset By Your Place In Society? // Ask Jack
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
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"I love women's fashion but it doesn't feel right on me" YES!! Y ESSSSSSSSSSS!! ME!! MY THOUGHTS!! THANK YOU!!!
This legit made me tear up because it's how I've felt my entire life - "That top looks fab!" *Tries it on* "WHY DOES IT NOT FEEL RIGHT WTF"
I...seriously feel the same
honestly same but tbh i think im fine being a comfy tomboy yknow
@@robinharris8746 same
yes.... lots of things look great, but... on other people
I have found my NaNoWriMo story. Transwarts, School of Queerness and Gender Nonconformity, home of the Gryffinfluids, Ravenfemmes and Demipuffs.
Would definitely read
+AyNay246 Seriously? No Slytherin?
+LapinLibertin Obviously I will have a Slytherin-like house
+Deviney Rose I like that!
I'd so read
Your videos are ridiculously informative and well spoken. I'm so inspired!
YES! THANK YOU! I was always so frustrated in high school because I felt like I wasn't like other girls - and I told my guy friends that and, being the misogynists we all were when we were 16, it meant I could hang out with the guys and leave the lame girls and their lame girl things behind us (which was cool because I got to be one of the guys!) But then moving away and going to college (and discovering feminism) I came to understand that the "not like other girls" thing is awful because it implies that there is something undesirable about girls just being girls. It wasn't until I grew into my trans identity that I learned it wasn't that "I'm not like other girls", it was that I wasn't a girl. It took a lot of time to work through all that and to be okay with my identity as a guy and a feminists, and not completely hate myself for the way I acted in high school.
DEMIPUFF RAVENFEMME AND GRYFFINFLUID SLYTHERQUEER i am so down omg
A letter would be cool, but then we would miss out on all the confusion and the process of figuring stuff out which allows us to grow as people (so I've been told).
What I would really love, though, is like a space for gender experimentation. A nice house with a garden and a huge closet with all kinds of different clothes and accessories and make-up so that I could just try out new stuff without having to buy it and where I wouldn't feel like changing my gender expression (or identity) is like a statement or a commitment or something. Basically, we would all just experiment, fugure out what we are comfortable with while having lots of fun and great conversations and while totally embracing and accepting everybodies gender. That would be great! :-)
what if at Transwarts, you don't get sorted into a house at age 11 (because really, whose identity is complete and immutable by age 11?) but can experiment with different houses, switch between them, find your place in the castle culture. like some kids would probably be drawn immediately to a specific house, while some would be uncertain and try out a few different ones, and no matter what the older students would be there to support the new kids, give them makeup and fashion tips, and reassure them that their experience of gender is valid no matter what.
Dude yes I feel this. It was really with coming into my feminism and challenging gender roles more that I really began to realize I'm a transguy. It really is when you're so supportive of a group but then also recognize that you are not a part of it that it almost cements things more. And that women's fashion thing--yes. For years there were things that I liked in theory but always felt super wrong on me, which had confused me, but hey here we are.
So down for more videos like this. It has been so helpful to me personally seeing you going through your process since you're one of the transguys I've found who I identify more with and it helps me be a lot more hopeful for my transition and future in general. Thanks man
Yes! Thank you! Trans men should be allies to women! Especially since it means we can be allies for each other.
Dude. Your videos are always helpful because you are honest and speak from the heart. That is all we could ask for.
And I definitely know a few DemiPuffs, btw.
This is absolutely incredible! Worded so eloquently and thoughtfully AHHH I can't get over how wonderful this is! I completely relate to what you said about being all for feminism and stuff yet still not feeling quite connected, and with loving women's fashion but it not feeling right on you. I struggled with the latter in particular for so long! I kept buying all this cute femme stuff and then never feeling comfortable wearing it out. Thanks again for this u lil legend
definitely! yeah its hard to stray away from what you're used to. i often get too scared to buy/try certain things on even though i like them because i'm worried they'll just draw attention to some of the feminine features i want 2 hide
I can't get out of the passing for a sporty cis woman right now despite wearing mostly men's fashion so I feel you.
Thats why I am incredible happy I have a niece that just loves dressing up in femme stuff - because we have a similiar taste and I can just watch her in clothes I really like but would never wear myself. I can actually go shop these clothes (with my niece, of course, because she is the one wearing it in the end) without having them spoil in my closet because I would never wear them.
It's so refreshing to hear somebody who is able to verbalise how I felt for so long
Hey Jack! Thanks for bringing this question to light. I'm an AFAB agender person, and I feel like this ALL the time. Because I love makeup and usually I present quite feminine, I am often mistaken for a girl, which most of the time I will correct if I feel safe enough to do so (my pronouns are they/them so I have to correct people a lot". Oftentimes I feel like.... because I like some things that are "traditionally feminine", maybe my gender isn't valid and I'm just not on good terms with my own "femaleness", which tends to cause a lot of dysphoria that I don't normally have. I didn't know if I was alone in feeling this way, but now I know I'm definitely not. Thanks
I’m non-binary and can be feminine sometimes and I can relate to this a lot.
I feel this. I recently commented that I'm agender but I love playing in femme drag (make-up, heals, A-line skirts)... part of this is I have a pear to hour-glass frame so being completely gender neutral in appearance is just not in the cards... Anyway, although I said it with great confidence at the time, I still go back and forth about whether I am agender or if I just hate the all the sh*tty things about the female side of the binary (assumed weakness, irrationality, and care-taker, cleaner-upper and baby birther as my roles in life).
GRYFFINFLUID
Kat and Jessie Demipuff
I really wish there were some way of knowing absolutely that I am trans or not. I really dont mind other people doubting me because only I can define what I am but it’s really when I doubt myself that it gets really hard.
I'm nonbinary and mainly present as transmasculine, and I definitely had similar thoughts as yours when I was younger, especially when I realized that I wasn't a woman but really wanted to support women.
Got sorted into Slytherhim
Everything about this video is so lovely, especially the Harry Potter references.
CAN'T WE JUST HAVE SOME KIND OF HOGWARTS SORTING HAT LIKE
"Hmmmmm let's see"
"Not Slytherin Not Slytherin"
"TRANSGENDER MTF PANSEXUAL"
*pansexuals and transgenders clap at their tables"
Or
"Oh a Wesley! I know exactly where you'll go, not exactly where all your siblings are because everyone is different and you shouldn't be judged off who your siblings are"
"...okay?"
LIKE PLEASE
This video is great! I'm a nonbinary trans man so for the past four years I've been trying real hard to work through whether I'm trans or just bogged down by internalized misogyny. I ended up reaching to a lot of the same conclusions as you: women are awesome, women can achieve anything and express themselves however they want, and I deeply want to help women fight gender injustice, but I still can't think of myself as a woman. But in the past year, maybe two years, I've been going into the zone of overthinking that you warned about. Simultaneous to finally achieving an expression I loved presenting, I've continued doubting and fearing being wrong about it all. My thoughts on my sexuality have been similar. My attraction to men & male-aligned people is obvious but my attraction to women & female-aligned people has been questionable. My attraction to neutral-aligned people is occasional, and I've been equally as comfortable with that as my obvious attractions. So for years, I've been torturing myself with the "Am I really attracted to women?" question, fearing that shame as a teenager erased my ability to feel that attraction or even internalized misogyny was also preventing me from feeling comfortable with dating women somehow. But it still never felt like I experienced genuine attraction to women.
Ultimately, I think I need to trust that I've worked through my issues enough that how I feel about myself (simultaneously male & genderqueer, generally gay) is genuine. It's been years, and like other things that weigh disproportionately heavy on me, I've been torturing myself by overthinking it. It's perfectly reasonable to take how I currently identify as my truth.
+EnbyBee Dear EnbyBee, are you me?? (Also, nice username!)
I’ve watched this video a hundred times and always thought-“what’s the slytherin equivalent at transwarts?” And today I realized: mascu-lin.
Dear Jack,
What do you think about gender identity marked on documentation? Would it be better to just do away with having a gender marker or would it be better to have alternatives to male or female on documentation which may make some people feel excluded and more marginalized.
For example, in Australia, you can opt to have an X instead of male or female on your passport and maybe the rest of your documentation. Only thing is that X can be used by both intersex and non-intersex people. While that's all well and good, it seems like that is simply creating a box of misfits and not creating a marker to be proud of? I don't know, this probably doesn't make any sense.
But seriously, this video was AWESOME. Keep up the good work ;)
One of the things that I've experienced as a transman has been a shift in how I view feminism. I didn't question my gender identity until after I was already out of high school so growing up being perceived as female, I viewed myself as a tomboy and not a real boy (which was caused by a combination of ignorance and environmental influences) so I viewed women's rights as being my rights. Once I started questioning my gender identity I noticed that I slowly started to shift my views on feminism from being something that directly affects my life to something that I was just very passionate about. I also noticed that I have started to resent the people around me that have started to treat me with more respect and authority (basic male privilege) because I hate the fact that male privilege exist in the first place. I'd like to know if any other trans masculine people out there have experienced this as something similar.
Awesome, as usual! It was cool to hear this question addressed. I'm sort of on the other side where I'm a cis feminist and there are times when I relate to trans men because I don't like being put in a box or limited to feminine things, but ultimately I identify as a cis woman, even if I don't shave my legs or cut my hair short, or occasionally wear "menswear" or whatever.
Dude, as someone who is about 90% sure I am cis, this is so helpful! I'm in the opposite situation where I'm pretty sure I'm a ciswoman who is mostly somewhere between femme and soft butch, but who sometimes feels nauseous just thinking about wearing a dress that I normally love, because I get patriarchy fatigue. Like I know that when I put on a pretty dress, I'm going to get stares and comments and that the more feminine I look on a date with my girlfriend, the more guys are going to try to hit on us when we're just trying to hang out with each other. So sometimes I just want to cut off my hair (which I have done before) and wear men's clothes and bind my chest and all that stuff, and intellectually I know that that's a fluidity in my expression that is probably caused by how sick I get of the patriarchy, but I have a voice in the back of my head that says "A REAL woman would wear that dress. a REAL woman would grow her hair out all the way. maybe you're not a woman at all" which I know is just internalized misogyny bullshit but...yeah...i mean, all my favorite looks that i see on pintrest I can't wait to go buy so actually i think this was very helpful to me in the opposite way that it was intended!
Oh my gosh that's basically what happened with me, my mom basically convisted me that I was just a girl who felt oppressed by the patriarchy. And I am still battling with my own self valididity because I just felt like partly because of my mom that I was just being week and a coward. and just trying to live on the better side of society instead of fighting for equality.
And I don't think my mom ment to make me doubt myself more , I think she genuinely thought that I was just an oppressed girl.
This is a great question to answer. I can imagine this issue being hugely confusing for someone working through all those complexities.
OMG I've been looking for this video for months now, ever since I came out to my family as genderfluid and my mom and I started to have deep conversations about feminism and how I feel about being a feminist who "willingly" walks away from womanhood AARRGHH so confusing but I was convinced I saw a video about this from you so happy I found it. This comment is like two years after posting so I'm sure you won 't read it, but maybe say it again for the people in the back: You are an inspiration to me, you are one of the people who held up a mirror to me and helped me see the man I can be so thank you so much (sorry if this is too much pressure, just keep doing what your doing and change it up when you feel like it) shoutout to Chase Ross, Aaron Ansuini, Stef Sanjati and Ash Hardell who also were pivotal in my coming out to myself
HA Gryffenfluid, Ravenfemme and Demipuff are my new favourite words!
I really connected to what you said about liking women's fashion but /really/ not liking it for yourself. I own so many dresses, yet I wear the same 3 button downs and pair of jeans over and over.
I have a very, very good friend who is experimenting not with gender, but with sexuality and labels (or lack of) in general. Thank you for helping me better understand what she is figuring out, Jack.
oh my gosh you've literally just summed up how i feel exactly thank you friend
Getting out of my head is reeeeeeally important.
A year later, and I’m still overthinking lol.
Very very very VERY helpful thank you thank you THANK YOU and yes so excited for more of this :)
lol demigirl and hufflepuff here!
When you said that you love women’s fashion but the clothes don’t feel right on you, I felt that. I remember that when I was younger, I had grown really attached to a small handful of dresses that I’d owned and actually wore. I wore them until they were too small or too ripped, but it wasn’t because they were dresses and I felt right wearing them. I wore those dresses because they made my reflection look like a pretty girl who I’ve loved seeing since I was little. And they had cool skirts that made a perfect circle when I twirled and I thought that was the coolest thing, but that’s just me being fascinated by something neat 😂. I still struggle with deciding what clothes to wear and what to do with this body for a few reasons. Those reasons are:
1.) It feels like I’m suddenly losing the twin sister that I’ve loved and thought was super pretty and aesthetically pleasing since I was little.
2.) None of the men’s or boy’s clothes I’ve come across actually fit properly or look right on me with my body proportions and face.
3.) I still like girl’s and women’s clothes, but only because they’re aesthetically pleasing and are often surprisingly comfortable.
I don’t want to lose my twin sister because she’s beautiful and amazing and talented and she deserves to have a good life, but at the same time I know that I can’t live in her body and pretend to be her anymore. I want to get top surgery, start testosterone, change my legal name and gender marker and live most of my life as a human being who uses he/him pronouns and gender-neutral bathrooms, and who also happens to have long hair, some feminine clothes, breast forms, and an occasional preference for feminine pronouns that lasts about an hour. That’s the life I would be most comfortable living. In my professional/formal life, I’ll just be an average dude with social anxiety who happens to have long hair. In my informal/private life, I’ll be a loving partner who sometimes does cosplay and occasionally wants to have some fun and use feminine titles/pet-names. That’s who I am right now, minus the long hair, feminine clothes and breast forms. I’m still too dysphoric for those things because I haven’t even started my legal and medical transitions yet and I know I still look very feminine, but eventually I’m hoping that I’ll be able to masculinize myself enough to where I no longer effortlessly pass for a girl. I /want/ to look like a boy in a dress, but I’m not there yet and I won’t be for a while.
I ended up going way off-topic. Oops 😬. Anyway uhh... yeah.
Yeehaw 🤠.
Petition to rewrite HP novels as trans narrative.
A very well spoken presentation on the difference between simply being discomfited by being a woman vs. not being a woman. Bravo. I intend to show this to my mother, since after nearly 20 years of me going "No, really, I'm not your little girl." she still believes I'm just confused.
Which, at 35, is a bitch.
A side note on fashion. I like fashion. I like seeing garments on others though. I only like to wear certain things. I'm a jeans and t-shirt type of person. I also like to wear dresses from the 1930's-1950's. My favorite clothes are pajamas.
I appreciate fashion but won't necessarily want to wear it. I don't wear dresses most of the time and I don't wear suits at all but if I see ones that look awesome I'll give it the credit it deserves. I think a lot of people think if you like it you must want it for yourself but that's not always the case.
Thank you so much for this! I've been struggling back and forth with my naturally feminist nature and my dysphoria hitting me really hard recently and hearing someone else express it is really appreciated. I've been having a really hard time with loving the fact that girls at my school are having an easier time expressing themselves and struggling with being misgendered because half the girls have short hair so I'm just group in with them and feeling really bitter about it. I'm grateful that you're showing that these thoughts that drive me insane won't be there forever and eventually I'll be comfortable enough with myself to be able to fully embrace women empowerment without that lingering resentment. Thank you for sharing this and I love your channel!
Hey jack! I just wanted to say that your videos have helped me a lot and because of you and a couple other lgbt+ CZcams channels, I was able to come out as a trans male. I appreciate you so much and I hope you make videos for a very long time! Thank you so much.
I know this is I really old video, but I’ve never heard a trans masculine person explain exactly how I feel so perfectly! Thank you so much for putting this out there!
Dude, that last piece of advice hit the nail on the head...I am so guilty of overthinking. But thinking is so much less risky than being or doing...sigh...
this was a god topic, I have had a lots of these thoughts before so thanks..finally someone else has shown me its not just me with these thoughts
Thanks, Jack! This video helped me a lot because I'm questioning and sometimes I experience doubts that are super invalidating and hard to articulate. While I'm still working through my confusion, I love that you answered this question and I think that a lot of people (trans men) should see this video and make their own responses to this question. Working through doubts and uncertainties really helps those who are questioning or unsure in their identity!
+MetaFess That's a good idea.
Wait, but what about the polytherins?
You: this is dubious advice
Me: Jack is god
Love you, loved this video and loved the Hogwarts analogy 👍👏
I have been looking for this video for forever! I mentioned it in the comments of a more recent video, that this video keeps disappearing on me. Maybe it was purposefully hidden for a while, but I am happy to be able to watch it again :D
Jack, you are awesome and your videos are awesome. There's so much info for trans women that I feel like I'm just shuffling around trying to figure out myself on my own. But your channel helps me enormously. Thanks man. :]
aaaahhh i NEED to visit scotland. especially the cairngorns - how stunning! wonderful video
I wish you got a letter telling you "Yes you are [BLANK] gender". That would make figuring things out so much easier
I so enjoy listening to you - you have clearly thought and learned a lot about the things you talk about, and you bring a nuanced perspective that's really different from my own, so I always come away having learned something. Thanks!!
I might be totally wrong, but is the outro music "Stab Yer Dad" by Spoonboy?
I LOVE SPOONBOY :D It would be super awesome if someone big on CZcams did too haha. I got to saw Spoonboy a few years ago before they disbanded!
+Austin Duffie Also, it would TOTALLY mix with the theme of this Video and I appreciate that!
I'm so glad you did this!! Videos like this are the type of thing we need more of. You're definitely helping some people. Keep up the good work👍🏻😁
YES! You phrase it sooo well, I've had the exact same thoughts and experiences. You're awesome.
You are literally the sweetest bean, this was such a good video
I seriously loved your answer to this question but it raised another for me. I've been thinking for a while that trans people who have at different points in their lives been perceived as different genders would have a better view of feminist issues. You mentioned that you now have male privilege that you didn't have before your transition, and yet still feel now that it's important you let women speak for themselves. Do you think that you maybe have a better understanding of feminist issues from the perspective you've gained with your transition? Or do you feel that as someone who has never really identified with female gender roles that you didn't get the 'female' perspective on feminism? (Sorry if this is worded badly, and for context, I'm a cis female)
+Emily White While I can't speak for Jack, from my own experience, it's the difference between empathising through learning and empathising through experience. While it's true that as a transman I never identified strongly with female gender roles, I did experience some of the issues that women experience on a day to day basis which helped me to understand better and definitely helped to shape my opinions on these things.
Sceptagon That's what I thought would happen, but the way Jack was talking sounded like this wasn't his experience. Obviously I have no idea what transitioning is like or the experiences that come with it, so it's nice to hear your input
Yesss, thank you so much for making this video! Just sort of started figuring out I'm transmasc, and I relate to a lot of what you're saying. I appreciate you. 💙
Is very sad that the HP reference didn't age well. I guess Harry Potter was written itself now
This was actually very helpful, thank you!!
You are an expert in something; WAFFLES! Also this was a really good answer. I have struggled with how to address this question with some of my clients who are considering transition and you summed it up really well so... I'll probably just show them your video next time :D
Hey, I was wondering what your opinion is on my situation. I've recently started questioning due to feelings of what I'm thinking is dysphoria towards my curves, breasts, shoulders, voice, feminine face and hair (which I'm getting cut soon). I also have a more masculine style and like things that are usually associated with boys (I have my whole life) and most of my closer friends are dudes.
This is exactly how I felt. I thought that I was just feminist. It did not feel right. I loved women fighting for their equality, but I did not want to be a woman.
Excellent video! I look forward to these ask format videos!!
Jack, just wanted to say thank you for making this and for sharing your transition with us.
holy shit that voice drop!
You're back! I missed your videos!
Thoughtful video. I've always been feminist at heart and at the same time, I do still like "feminine" things like decorating. In elementary school I would jump at the chance to decorate my classroom for the Halloween party. Just.. the big artsy gay interior decorator stereotype over here. 😝
Just noticing your earrings are different. I do that sometimes too :) Very cool and informative video!
SUCH a good video.
I think you are wonderful just the way you are, Jackson. You always manage to make me laugh, and someone who can do that is okay in my book no matter what gender. I love you just the way you are. Keep being you, keep being awesome, and most of all keep waffling! Lots of love from a cis-gendered gay guy.
Which Riot Grrl bands are your favorite +Jackson Brid? My has be Bikini Kill and Red Aunts. But so many great bands came out of that movement still hard to pick favs.
Hey jack. I'm a trans girl. My parents say they support me, and in reality... Not really. I'm not sure how to work what I need (expressing myself) into my life while still keeping them comfortable and making sure that I'm not making them angry. What kinds of things did you do to be a "secret act of rebellion" to avoid being defined as a girl while still living with parents? Also, do you have any ideas or inputs how I can be comfortable and happy while still conforming to my parents standards? Finally, any input as far as romantic identification goes while in a transitional period between two genders?
First video I found of yours :) love it, you earned a sub
This video makes me feel so much better about my identity. Thank you!
such an interesting and important topic, and a great video jack!
If you get the bread pun around 0:27, thumbs up XD
Def dig this. I made a video with similar thoughts too and always appreciate I'm not alone in my own feelings hahaha. I'm non-binary so it'a bit trickier for me but I see similarities.
I’ve recently figured out that I’m non-binary and I can relate to this.
Oh thanks! just what I needed to be reminded of right now!
what would slytherin be called?
Thank you so much for this!
I think it's awesome how the LGBTQ+ community has taken back the word "Queer." My question is, as straight cis-gender person, am I allowed to use that word within the same context as the LGBTQ+ community (ie not as a slur but as an "identifier")
+Lindsay Personally, I'd avoid it around people you don't know are comfortable with it. Not so much because you aren't "allowed" to, but because some folks still have pretty sore feelings towards it.
I just need to tell you that the word Demi-Puff is one of the most beautiful shwords i have ever heard lol thank you for that, as a hufflepuff deeply considering how Right demi feels as a label, thanks lol
You're so awesome Jackson! I love the Harry Potter references! :'D
DEMIPUFF I'M SCREAMING THIS IS MY FAVORITE
how do you feel about the idea some people stand by that labels are unimportant? you clearly identify as a trans man, but do you find an importance in that label or any other labels you may or may not identify? or are you of the mindset that labels are unimportant and everyone should just be themselves? either way, why do you feel this way?
+Lux Jones I saw this one quote once about how trying to put a cat in a box/cage ect is extremely difficult, but if a cat goes in a box by themselves, they love it, feel comfortable and relaxed. I found it to be a great metaphor for identity/labels. Having a label placed on a person can feel uncomfortable and restricting, but finding a term and identity that describes oneself can be a blessing, relief, comfort and empowering to some people. I've found that to be true for me, like discovering there's a word for a feeling that you though only you experienced. Of course, everyone is different and some folks find that no labels work for them, and that's okay too. Language should be used as a tool when it's helpful. When it's not, it's not. :)
yo same
I love this.
this was so interesting! I was wondering the same thing, and this video helped me understand better (Also the hogwarts houses part was hilarious)
really helpful video jack thank you :D
Great video. Thank you.
lord this helped me so much, thank you
This is so cool. Subscribed.
Congrats on NextUp!!
Thanks jack you're awesome
So helpful, thank you :)
Oh my God! then what did you say exactly the second time that I thought a long time, and now I do not feel lonely!
OMG! My gender is definitely Demipuff!
Demipuff!
I love the Hogwarts analogy; it's so perfect. I wish that is how it was though sometimes.