That 4 w 5 saying she thought she would have the apartment alone and singing from room to room looking through drawers absolutely made me laugh so loud with relatability.
im glad you described the 4w5 as "protetcting their emotions (4) and proteting their inner ressources (5). :D im SOOO sick of the people who say the 4 is just withdrawing because she wants attention... thats completely wrong and every time i hear that i think... "yep. the people really dont understand us." xD thank you for feeling understood ♥
I've honestly believed that lie that it's about attention because I do want comfort but it took me a while to realize that I just don't want people to take what I have.
@@StockHonda The enneagram Institute didn't make the enneagram. There are lots of different sources on the enneagram as the enneagram goes back to a long, long time ago. The earliest being a Monk in the 4th century
@@StockHonda I don't think the conscious motivation for withdrawing is for others' attention, it's usually a quest for our own attention. If others are along for the ride, great. But if not, I'll just end up withdrawing further because I haven't found anyone who can journey with me without trying to fix my feelings instead of being curious with me. I honestly don't want someone else's attention if they can't hang through the crud with me. I'd love some attention from a person who could do that, tho. I'm not holding my breath on that anymore.
I'm DEFINITELY a 4w3. However, when I feel overwhelmed, I go all the way to my wing 5 and become very withdraw, but I deal with my emotions better. It's like I have two completely different personalities inside of me. And I like it.
I'm the exact same. I always deal with overwhelming emotions myself first, alone, often with a journal (probably because I assume that no one else can understand me or say the right thing ha! Classic four)
I'd say that's mostly just a 4 thing reguardless of your wing. As a 4w3 I think I can be withdrawn, but mostly because I often spend a lot of time working on creative projects.
I'm a 4w3 with a really strong wing. I used to mistake myself for a 4w5 because I'm highly intellectual in my interests and I'm super shy (it doesn't help 5w4 is one of the fake personas I put on in public because I want people to think I'm smart). Then I realized that I'm shy because I care a ton about what other people think, not because I'm trying to guard my inner resources. I want to be my true self so badly, but I care so much about image that I always have this fear that almost no one will actually like me for who I actually am...
My time has FINALLY come! Most of the time I'm a 4w3. I am huge on emotions and I care about what people think about me to some extent. Fun fact: I was diagnosed with autism so that part about going all in on an obsession really hits home! When I'm by myself, however, I feel a lot like a 4w5. I like being alone sometimes and I like to process my feelings and brainstorm creative projects.
Finally, I feel like ive been understood. I also feel like a 4w3 but 4w5 as well. For some reason, I always feel the need to be conformed into either grps, instead of 1 cause I felt the need to be understood. But nah, no one's personality is just made up of 1 grp/trait. Don't conform yourselves people.
I immediately started laughing when the 4w5 came up. Because I knew I was home alone today, I started singing and dancing around our pets. I also sang to them. I don't do this in front of other people. Ever. I've also been very overwhelmed with my graduate thesis project to the point that as soon as people come home, I will self-isolate in my bedroom and work myself until burnout. I won't tell other people when something is bothering me, and I won't ask for help because I know I'm a lot to handle. And yes, I do need to protect my emotions and inner resources. I only have so much time and energy to dedicate to things. But when I do, I go all in. So I can't do everything, nor will I, unless I'm very passionate about it.
4w5, so so accurate. I have been told I am creative with my gift giving. I also don’t like labels. I really like your videos. I don’t really like to be “seen” but in a way I feel accepted and that feels comforting. So, thank you. :)
I'm a 4w5 and same. It causes me to wonder if my number influenced my love language as my top are gifts (usually in regards to gift giving) and words of affirmation (typically in being like no one else)
I love the way you described 4w5s, it resonates perfectly with me. Isolating myself when I’m dealing with things is absolutely my go-to move. I think because us 4w5s are so self aware (to a fault probably), it’s so easy for us to be independent. But we admittedly take it too far sometimes. 😅
Especially when we are in our worst and most emotionally moments as we are aware of how much we can be and would rather not deal with people dealing with us
I completely understand what people mean when they say that they feel called out be the enneagram now, because 4w3 is me to an ~eerie~ degree! This was super helpful!!
*gets really shy* ....Thank you for appreciating me.🥺 I can't wait until I find that special person who lets me feel comfortable enough to bring my walls down and who's understanding and genuinely interested in what I have to say.
"When I like something, I go all in" - couldn't agree more! This applies to all fours, I believe, but 4w5s will do it in a more introverted way, only truly opening up with people closest to them.
Very true! 4w3s get very invested in their interests but they have so many and dont spend as much time getting super invested. Whereas 4w5s are usually driven to very niche, esoteric, and obscure topics (bc of the 5 wing) that they get deeply invested in and find it hard to actually talk to other people about it in a casual way because they want to have a deeeeep conversation about it and get into all the trivia and facts that they find interesting. But yeah, 4s can often find themselves in wikipedia page rabbit holes or deep-diving into an artists' works.
Wow this is so true. Me being ENFP 4w5, I'm weirdly Extroverted and Introverted. My introversion shines more when I experience negative emotions, or problem or falling ill, I will detach myself from humanity, and dislike being approached(unless being asked to). And I have unrealistic fear and anxiety of doing anything in the presence of others. Fear of Self-image affected, be it positive image or negative😣
THIS. "The unrealistic fear of doing something in the presence of others." Just today I was telling my 6 friend that I don't struggle with paranoia EXCEPT when my mood is low, and shame has crept in, THEN I become mortally afraid of (and mortally irritated by) anyone witnessing me, anyone with their eyes on me as I do anything. The greatest relief in these times is getting to a space where no one can see me. I am so glad you articulated this, because I feel alone and a little crazy sometimes for this trait. Power to you, fellow 4w5, on your journey to being the best human you can be through all the paradoxes inside you!
“What were you going to be doing alone here?” Me, out loud: “Singi-“ 4w5: “Sing some songs” I swear my eyebrows flew up when I heard that matching quote hahahah I’m an Enneagram 4 who’s wondered her wing for a while! Every time I quiz for it I get told they’re equal, and I feel I relate to both. I haven’t seen this full vid yet but I’m excited :))
@@sophiaredwood5825 Hey, I found you again hehe.😁😅 It always makes my day when I manage to find you again. It lets me know I'm on the right track, in a way.
I'm definitely 4w3 and have so much tea!!! Like at least 10 types in my kitchen! I also feel like 'I have a happy personality with a heavy soul' quote describes me perfectly! So accurate 🤣
Ohh - 4w3 here apparently. I identified with the tea and just realized - my bag of colouring books. Oh and the ton of coloured pencils. Stack of music (several Chopin and I think Bach, Mozart, and sheet music of Poulenc's Trois Novelettes) when I was about 25. Stitchery projects. Bag of yarn. Enough hair elastics and scrunchies to sink a ship. (Not everyone does this?) Pisces, 4w3, INFP.
I need to tap into my 3 wing more so I can DO THE THING! I'm a 4w5 at present but have definitely been a 4w3 at times in my life. I absolutely frigging love all your videos Abbey!! You're doing amazing and your following has grown so much. Keep going 👌🏼👏🏼💕 Ps. The clip with you wearing the white Cardigan - you looked gorgeous 😍
Well said-same here! I loved how you described the deep soil of the four wing five. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit more about our shadow. That might’ve been your emphasis on a strong pull to withdraw, but I’m just wondering if there’s any practical insight for us to keep in mind with how to protect our inner lives without completely isolating. Thanks again for all your great insights!!
I resonate so much with the 4w5 (especially the dancing around the house with a bed sheet over me 😅). However, I also resonate with a type 9! I'm kinda confused lol
I noticed a lot of 4w5’s are ISFP on the Meyers Briggs personality test. I always get them mixed up with 9’s. Maybe u should take that test and see what u come out as?
same. I actually couldn't decide on which type was my core for a while. I finally got to the conclusion that I was 4w5 because I'm way too image and identity oriented (heart triad characteristic) to be a 9. there is the concept of tritypes, which could explain it if you believe in it. try searching about that.
@@StrongestLibrafluidAlive yes! I identify with an INFP 4w5. However, I do resonate with a 9 sometimes but I think I'm just overthinking it lol. I'm definitely quite image concious as well. Something that helped me was one of Hilary Mckaskey's videos. She said that 9s tend to disconnect from emotions while 4s disconnect from the external world and delve deeper into emotions and I definitely resonate with the latter. And the tritypes do help a bit as well...okay I am a four lol
This was a great video! It really helped me settle on my 4W3 typing. You could say you nailed the 4W3…to a tea? I normally test as a Type 2 but my wife made me realize I’m a Type 4. I know my 3 is strong (I’m very career driven) so I was also considering 3W4 but after watching your 3 wing video, it’s clear that the 4 is the primary. I never saw much of the 5 wing in me but the gift example resonates with me. Thanks!
If I like something I neither can't do it without obsession, but I need time to share this with others. Like usually weeks, but sometimes months or years as a 4w5.😂 I'm also really protective over my heart and mind... I'm trying to figure out how to share enough.
I tear up every time I watch your videos on Type 4. I always feel so seen and understood. I'm a 4w3. My wife agrees and 4witha3wing got it right. Thank you Abbey.
I just learned that I am both a 4w5 and a 4w3. The tea thing made me laugh my ass off. I have a lot of boxes of tea- mostly related to stomach issues I've had since ending up with post-infectious stomach issues. I really relate to the 4w5 as I have a lot of the 4w3 stuff, but not all the energy of it. Thank you! This was a fun presentation that helped make things more clear.
Thanks for this video! I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry when I totally saw myself in the 4w5. I had been wondering what my wing was. Great video 💗
Basically, a 4w5 brings, gives, and has fundamental information of a given aspect or circumstance if they have researched it and experimented on it fact by fact rather than what has been read or written and simply followed by many. It's like we can explain things in a very simple manmer that even babies can understand them. An ellaborate information expressed simply to be understood by many but most importantly, ourselves. I'm also an isfp and fact is calculated not simply by thought or idea but by the 5 senses itself.
Please please please talk about what it's like to have balanced wings. I'm an Enneagram type 4, and my wings are quite balanced. We are not discussed oftenly. And we should be.
I am a 4 and I feel like I could be both 4w5 and 4w3. I tend to want to protect my emotions a lot and then I become isolated. I know that's not a good thing. Other times I will be a 3 and be a go getter with what I want. I get so confused about myself often!
0:37 I felt that. Ok I clicked on the video because I was hella confused between the wings but alone the talking voice of your 4w5 makes me blush cause that's me, I feel exposed
This video was hilarious! Never have I seen myself portrayed so accurately and with such comedy- it was like me dialled up to 10. I saw myself in both the 3 and 5 equally.
Thank you so much for this video! It really did help me narrow down my type (pretty sure I'm a 4w5 now). I've been feeling like a fish out of water on the enneagram subject as I've always been an MBTI girl. But thanks to your content I'm starting to get a grasp of it!🌻
Refreshing to see a take on the 4w3 that isn't "snobby art critic" & shows some of the cool bits too It must be, like, the Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known on steroids Staying tunes for the last 3 wing vids ^-^
This was very enlightening. I don't know if I'm a 4w3 or a 7 (maybe 7w6), or anything else lol. But one day I'll figure it out! I did relate to the 4w3 description you made. I just can't get this enneagram thing down smh lol.
I see ur an ENFP as well ! I’m also an ENFP who struggled with finding out whether I’m 4w3 or 7w6. I mistyped as 7w6 for 2 months but then later figured out I’m a 4w3. I think the way u could figure it out is by reading both type descriptions and seeing which one fits u more !!
Are you more motivated to have your unique identify and be affirmed for it (4w3) or to be fulfilled with your life with those close to you(7w6)? Answering that question may potentially help.
I’m pretty equal on my wings which makes me feel even more conflicted lol. I can be around ppl and explore creatively with them, I love entertaining and cooking for FRamily, but I also have my very reclusive side that needs time alone and to listen to my favorite music in the comforts of my home…alone. Lol
omg, it's amazing how you manage to be so authentic and fun in your videos. I'm Brazilian and I'm not fluent in English.. I'm sorry if I'm not being clear.
Feel like I’m naturally a 4w5, with very strong tendencies of 9w8 that describe me just as well. They just exemplify different key parts of myself (with some overlap of course). Any thoughts on identifying within the enneagram in this way?
well there's your tritype, you probably have a strong 9w8 fix. I relate btw. I'm a 4w5 with a very strong 9 fix, to the point that I actually couldn't decide on which type was my core. I finally got to the conclusion that I was 4w5 because I'm way too image and identity oriented (heart triad characteristic) to be a 9. don't know which wing I would be tho.
@@StrongestLibrafluidAlive This. There aren't a ton of reliable resources on tritypes bc they're sort of an advanced topic when it comes to the enneagram, but the main idea is that we have one predominant type and wing which are in our predominant triad. I'm a 4w5 so my main triad is the feeling triad. But people usually have elements of most of the types to varying degrees that can change over time and also be influenced by spending time with friends that are that type. As such, we also have a dominant type in each of the other 2 triads (instinctual and thinking) and we tend to rely on them in a certain order, but the order of the last 2 can change. So for instance, my tritype is 4w5, 1w9, then 6w7. On top of that, your tritype can also be even more specific if you get into sx/sp/so and instinct stacking, it gets even more specific.
@@hiitheree664 also, if you don't mind, could you tell me a little about how being a type 4w5 and having a type 6 as your last fix manifests for you? I've been trying to discover what my head triad fix is and that could be helpful.
Apparently I'm a 4w5, although that fluctuates, but as someone who's new to the whole enneagram system, I would just say that I keep to myself with my hobbies/interests 'cause when I'm asked to explain why I'm interested in it, I get weird looks... A little less angsty drama queen, more "do I really wanna have this 45min. conversation to explain why I know so much about hurdy gurdies again?" Occasionally I do go into those topics, but if I'm feeling drained in the first place, I know from experience it's a little much.
I love your description of the 4w3! That is so me! I always say I have the soul of the 4 and the juice of the 3! 😜 But I’m also a hard 4w3 SX, so I crave the juice. 😆 Thanks, Abbey! ❤️
I literally claim to have been born in the wrong country... often; and "why did nobody tell me I had something in my teeth?!" has absolutely come out of my mouth multiple times before hahaha #4w3
Huh, I never really realized this, but I guess to an extent I use both: - When I'm around total strangers or crowds of people, 4w3 is active. I wanna show off my stuff and show how great I am, but it's more to show people how great THEY can be. It's like "Look at all the stuff I've accomplished, and I know you can accomplish it too, because I believe in you!" - Meanwhile, if I'm with individuals or small groups of people I am super familiar with (friends, family, coworkers I've been with for a while), that's when 4w5 shines the most. I've been told I give great and thoughtful advice, even if I give off the vibe that I'm digging a bit too deep into the questions or discussions I'm having with people. Is this common for people? Like, do people use wings based on environmental factors or situations?
Thank you for these insightful and amazing videos! Is there one of you talking about relationships between 4 and 8 yet? If not, would that be something you would consider making? (: Thank you once again and please keep this amazing work going!
For a while I thought I was a type 5w4, but I'm coming to realize as of late i'm probably a 4w5. But, I am an Intp in Myers-briggs so my confusion makes sense since I'm more analytical, uncomfortable-with-emotions, and philosophical than other 4s for this reason. I find it interesting to see how my 3 wing comes out in tandem with 5 wing. But, my 5 wing is more obvious and strong to the point that I can look entirely like a 5 in certain contexts. For example, as a writer, I come across more like a 5 in more technical, argumentative, intellectual, scientific, professional, theoretical, essay, and academic writing, while in my creative writing it's more obvious I'm a 4. This makes sense because the former is supposed to be detached, analytical, knowledge-based, effective, and objective while the latter is more subjective and imaginative. I geniunely enjoy both styles of writing, so the 4 and 5 wing in me are pretty even in this regard. I find that in my day-to-day life when I'm most authentic doing what I geniunely enjoy, my behavior is more 4 like. My favorite activities, traits, and daily qualities include: introspecting, aesthetic, beautiful, understanding my authentic self/finding out what I authentically love to do more than anything, creating art and writing, spending quality times with loved ones, deep conversations, learning new things, warmth, skepticism, sensitivity, self-awareness, philosophizing, attachment to loved ones, daydreams, emotional depth, delving into my psyche and relationships with others, compassion, analyzing information, volunteer work, listening to music, exercise, etc.. I also realize most of the negative traits im criticized for are type 4 problems : navel gazing, self-obsessed, dramatic, envy/comparison, self-conscious, overly emotional, soft, pretentious, etc.. I find that I'm a very ambitious and hardworking -- I love to work and achieve lofty goals -- creative person, but I often value my privacy and "hoarding" of resources and alone time at the expense of actualizing my greater ambitions; my 5 wing dominates my 4 wing in the way I sacrifice my ambitions for my thinking time. I'm often described as ambitious and hardworking by people who know me, and I would agree with them, but I'm also content with a simple and modest life in which I have plenty of time and space for learning, reflection, and creativity. I struggle with isolation, and often neglect my social life to pursue my private interests. I can also be detached and more disagreeable than I imagine a 4w3 would be. I'm not afraid to express my opinion on something even if it might hurt someone's feelings. I don't care as much if people like me, I just care about doing the right thing and speaking the truth. This probably makes me less popular than a 4w3, but I'm certainly a very courageous person and am willing to stand up for what I believe is true even if that leads to rejection. Still, at my core, I'm a very sensitive and open person. I respect people's emotional needs, and am willing to compromise to what people need and humble myself and apologize if I hurt their feelings. The type 5s I've met tend to be much less emotional than me and can more easily detach from other people. I don't think I've ever been the person to make an enemy out of someone first.
Thanks for the lovely video Abbey! Hello all fours!! 👋 It definitely gives me hope to hear a 4w5 has a loving and supportive partner because I often just feel .. unfit for human consumption? 😂 And yes, I do love when the roommates leave me alone in the apartment 🙈 I'd love to give everyone personalised gifts if I had the time/money to knit all my friends and family scarves, or make them scrunchies and aprons, that's often my first motivator when learning a new skill. The self-isolation thing is a bit of a problem tho ... Either way, ahh I love this editing!!!!!
Don't believe that lie that you're unfit for love! It's your super-sized emotions tricking you that you are too much. You actually are just emotionally deep and need someone to take a dive with you! Another 4w5 with a 5w4 spouse that is saying it is possible! 4s are special and just require a refined taste. Wouldn't have it any other way! We are too precious to be told otherwise!
I’m a 4w5 and I feel like I am a lot like you described here but I feel like 4w5s (I guess depending on how strong your 5 wing is) can be very cynical (I know I am) as well. Anyway, I recently discovered that one of my children is a 4w3 and even though I kind of prefer my dominant wing, I am a bit jealous of 4w3s because they make stuff HAPPEN! My son is so creative and he can just have this off the wall thought and just do it and it turns into something beautiful, whereas I am also very creative but I often lack the motivation to create and when I do it’s usually for myself or only those closest to me. I thought for sure that my son was maybe a 3w4 but he definitely is a 4w3. It’s just so crazy to me how 2 people with the same core type can look so different depending on their wing and even the level of that wing that they are. I love it though because it’s what still makes every 4 unique!
When you said, “He is all roots,” that touched my soul. I can’t imagine a better compliment.
As a 4, the best compliment my husband ever gave me was that I'm extraordinary.
Ahhh. That was accurate and beautiful
That 4 w 5 saying she thought she would have the apartment alone and singing from room to room looking through drawers absolutely made me laugh so loud with relatability.
im glad you described the 4w5 as "protetcting their emotions (4) and proteting their inner ressources (5). :D im SOOO sick of the people who say the 4 is just withdrawing because she wants attention... thats completely wrong and every time i hear that i think... "yep. the people really dont understand us." xD thank you for feeling understood ♥
I've honestly believed that lie that it's about attention because I do want comfort but it took me a while to realize that I just don't want people to take what I have.
Enneagram institute says otherwise, if one goes against what made it, then is it true at all?
@@StockHonda The enneagram Institute didn't make the enneagram. There are lots of different sources on the enneagram as the enneagram goes back to a long, long time ago. The earliest being a Monk in the 4th century
@@StockHonda I don't think the conscious motivation for withdrawing is for others' attention, it's usually a quest for our own attention. If others are along for the ride, great. But if not, I'll just end up withdrawing further because I haven't found anyone who can journey with me without trying to fix my feelings instead of being curious with me. I honestly don't want someone else's attention if they can't hang through the crud with me. I'd love some attention from a person who could do that, tho. I'm not holding my breath on that anymore.
Yup I wouldn't survive without withdrawing, I need it
I'm DEFINITELY a 4w3. However, when I feel overwhelmed, I go all the way to my wing 5 and become very withdraw, but I deal with my emotions better. It's like I have two completely different personalities inside of me. And I like it.
I'm the exact same. I always deal with overwhelming emotions myself first, alone, often with a journal (probably because I assume that no one else can understand me or say the right thing ha! Classic four)
@@floatwiththesticks yes, I do feel misunderstood quite often
you have a 5 in your enneagram threetype, I guess
feel that way too and i'm 9w8 that's ALREADY hard ti comfort with 4w3 in tritype @@floatwiththesticks
I'd say that's mostly just a 4 thing reguardless of your wing. As a 4w3 I think I can be withdrawn, but mostly because I often spend a lot of time working on creative projects.
I’m a 4w5 and this was super accurate for me, especially walking around the house singing! I do that constantly!😂
Me too... either that or mumbling random introspections, poetry, philosophy, jokes or stories while I spend 5 minutes finding some object I misplaced.
I'm a 4w3 with a really strong wing. I used to mistake myself for a 4w5 because I'm highly intellectual in my interests and I'm super shy (it doesn't help 5w4 is one of the fake personas I put on in public because I want people to think I'm smart). Then I realized that I'm shy because I care a ton about what other people think, not because I'm trying to guard my inner resources. I want to be my true self so badly, but I care so much about image that I always have this fear that almost no one will actually like me for who I actually am...
Real
Same ;-;
My time has FINALLY come!
Most of the time I'm a 4w3. I am huge on emotions and I care about what people think about me to some extent. Fun fact: I was diagnosed with autism so that part about going all in on an obsession really hits home!
When I'm by myself, however, I feel a lot like a 4w5. I like being alone sometimes and I like to process my feelings and brainstorm creative projects.
Finally, I feel like ive been understood. I also feel like a 4w3 but 4w5 as well. For some reason, I always feel the need to be conformed into either grps, instead of 1 cause I felt the need to be understood. But nah, no one's personality is just made up of 1 grp/trait. Don't conform yourselves people.
I immediately started laughing when the 4w5 came up. Because I knew I was home alone today, I started singing and dancing around our pets. I also sang to them. I don't do this in front of other people. Ever.
I've also been very overwhelmed with my graduate thesis project to the point that as soon as people come home, I will self-isolate in my bedroom and work myself until burnout. I won't tell other people when something is bothering me, and I won't ask for help because I know I'm a lot to handle. And yes, I do need to protect my emotions and inner resources. I only have so much time and energy to dedicate to things. But when I do, I go all in. So I can't do everything, nor will I, unless I'm very passionate about it.
Now I'm even MORE confused- I literally relate to both of these equally 😭
4w5, so so accurate. I have been told I am creative with my gift giving. I also don’t like labels. I really like your videos. I don’t really like to be “seen” but in a way I feel accepted and that feels comforting. So, thank you. :)
Thank YOU for watching and for your encouraging comment. Appreciate you!
I'm a 4w5 and same. It causes me to wonder if my number influenced my love language as my top are gifts (usually in regards to gift giving) and words of affirmation (typically in being like no one else)
I love the way you described 4w5s, it resonates perfectly with me. Isolating myself when I’m dealing with things is absolutely my go-to move. I think because us 4w5s are so self aware (to a fault probably), it’s so easy for us to be independent. But we admittedly take it too far sometimes. 😅
Especially when we are in our worst and most emotionally moments as we are aware of how much we can be and would rather not deal with people dealing with us
I completely understand what people mean when they say that they feel called out be the enneagram now, because 4w3 is me to an ~eerie~ degree! This was super helpful!!
hehehee I'm glad it was helpful!!
My girlfriend is a 4w5 and I'm a 5w4 and I love them so much. I have never been happier. We love you fours!!
WE LOVE YOU FOURS!!
*gets really shy* ....Thank you for appreciating me.🥺
I can't wait until I find that special person who lets me feel comfortable enough to bring my walls down and who's understanding and genuinely interested in what I have to say.
"When I like something, I go all in" - couldn't agree more! This applies to all fours, I believe, but 4w5s will do it in a more introverted way, only truly opening up with people closest to them.
Very true! 4w3s get very invested in their interests but they have so many and dont spend as much time getting super invested. Whereas 4w5s are usually driven to very niche, esoteric, and obscure topics (bc of the 5 wing) that they get deeply invested in and find it hard to actually talk to other people about it in a casual way because they want to have a deeeeep conversation about it and get into all the trivia and facts that they find interesting. But yeah, 4s can often find themselves in wikipedia page rabbit holes or deep-diving into an artists' works.
When my wing 5 niche is the enneagram and everyone around me doesn't know enough to chat deeply with lol
I prefer loose leaf tea.
I didn’t realize other 4w5s like going room-to-room singing with no one in the house
I’m a type 4w3 and this is sooooo spot on!! There’s a lot of confusion in between but I believe in my potential!
Wow this is so true. Me being ENFP 4w5, I'm weirdly Extroverted and Introverted. My introversion shines more when I experience negative emotions, or problem or falling ill, I will detach myself from humanity, and dislike being approached(unless being asked to). And I have unrealistic fear and anxiety of doing anything in the presence of others. Fear of Self-image affected, be it positive image or negative😣
THIS. "The unrealistic fear of doing something in the presence of others." Just today I was telling my 6 friend that I don't struggle with paranoia EXCEPT when my mood is low, and shame has crept in, THEN I become mortally afraid of (and mortally irritated by) anyone witnessing me, anyone with their eyes on me as I do anything. The greatest relief in these times is getting to a space where no one can see me.
I am so glad you articulated this, because I feel alone and a little crazy sometimes for this trait. Power to you, fellow 4w5, on your journey to being the best human you can be through all the paradoxes inside you!
Same. Same.
This sounds totally like me!! 😳🤯
“What were you going to be doing alone here?”
Me, out loud: “Singi-“
4w5: “Sing some songs”
I swear my eyebrows flew up when I heard that matching quote hahahah
I’m an Enneagram 4 who’s wondered her wing for a while! Every time I quiz for it I get told they’re equal, and I feel I relate to both. I haven’t seen this full vid yet but I’m excited :))
Awww this makes me so happy!!!
@@AbbeyHowe Ayyyyy!! Update after watching, I definitely see myself far more in the 5 wing than the 3 wing. Nice 🤩 thanks for this!!!
Literally this was also me
@@sophiaredwood5825 Hey, I found you again hehe.😁😅 It always makes my day when I manage to find you again. It lets me know I'm on the right track, in a way.
@@neverendinchaos4800 Hahaha awe!! Hello legend 🤩
I'm definitely 4w3 and have so much tea!!! Like at least 10 types in my kitchen! I also feel like 'I have a happy personality with a heavy soul' quote describes me perfectly! So accurate 🤣
I am definitely a 4w3. I feel like most 4 videos represent the 4w5 most of the time. It is validating to see the wing 3 here!
Hahaha I felt called out when 4w5 talked about being alone singing songs, wandering from room to room, just looking at things. Spot on. Spot on.
"if I like something, I go ALL in" ..... I swear my eyes just popped out. That's me.
Ohh - 4w3 here apparently. I identified with the tea and just realized - my bag of colouring books. Oh and the ton of coloured pencils. Stack of music (several Chopin and I think Bach, Mozart, and sheet music of Poulenc's Trois Novelettes) when I was about 25. Stitchery projects. Bag of yarn. Enough hair elastics and scrunchies to sink a ship. (Not everyone does this?) Pisces, 4w3, INFP.
I need to tap into my 3 wing more so I can DO THE THING! I'm a 4w5 at present but have definitely been a 4w3 at times in my life.
I absolutely frigging love all your videos Abbey!! You're doing amazing and your following has grown so much. Keep going 👌🏼👏🏼💕
Ps. The clip with you wearing the white Cardigan - you looked gorgeous 😍
4/5 here…perfect!
yay!
Well said-same here! I loved how you described the deep soil of the four wing five.
I was wondering if you could talk a little bit more about our shadow. That might’ve been your emphasis on a strong pull to withdraw, but I’m just wondering if there’s any practical insight for us to keep in mind with how to protect our inner lives without completely isolating.
Thanks again for all your great insights!!
I resonate so much with the 4w5 (especially the dancing around the house with a bed sheet over me 😅). However, I also resonate with a type 9! I'm kinda confused lol
dancing around the house with a bed sheet is a MUST
I noticed a lot of 4w5’s are ISFP on the Meyers Briggs personality test. I always get them mixed up with 9’s. Maybe u should take that test and see what u come out as?
@@munchingmakenna5776 most 4w5 are IxFP, either Infp or Isfp. I'm an Infp 4w5.
same. I actually couldn't decide on which type was my core for a while. I finally got to the conclusion that I was 4w5 because I'm way too image and identity oriented (heart triad characteristic) to be a 9. there is the concept of tritypes, which could explain it if you believe in it. try searching about that.
@@StrongestLibrafluidAlive yes! I identify with an INFP 4w5. However, I do resonate with a 9 sometimes but I think I'm just overthinking it lol. I'm definitely quite image concious as well. Something that helped me was one of Hilary Mckaskey's videos. She said that 9s tend to disconnect from emotions while 4s disconnect from the external world and delve deeper into emotions and I definitely resonate with the latter. And the tritypes do help a bit as well...okay I am a four lol
I know I'm a 4w5, but gosh darn it I feel called out on the tea part lol
This was a great video! It really helped me settle on my 4W3 typing. You could say you nailed the 4W3…to a tea? I normally test as a Type 2 but my wife made me realize I’m a Type 4. I know my 3 is strong (I’m very career driven) so I was also considering 3W4 but after watching your 3 wing video, it’s clear that the 4 is the primary. I never saw much of the 5 wing in me but the gift example resonates with me. Thanks!
eyyy!
The 4w3! Thank you! “Energetic. Creative. Driven.”
If I like something I neither can't do it without obsession, but I need time to share this with others. Like usually weeks, but sometimes months or years as a 4w5.😂
I'm also really protective over my heart and mind... I'm trying to figure out how to share enough.
Your 4w5 dancing and singing around is everything 😂❤
You nailed the Bohemian!!
I tear up every time I watch your videos on Type 4. I always feel so seen and understood. I'm a 4w3. My wife agrees and 4witha3wing got it right. Thank you Abbey.
I just learned that I am both a 4w5 and a 4w3. The tea thing made me laugh my ass off. I have a lot of boxes of tea- mostly related to stomach issues I've had since ending up with post-infectious stomach issues. I really relate to the 4w5 as I have a lot of the 4w3 stuff, but not all the energy of it. Thank you! This was a fun presentation that helped make things more clear.
Thanks for this video! I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry when I totally saw myself in the 4w5. I had been wondering what my wing was. Great video 💗
not even a minute in and my 4w5 self has already been called out
Laughing so hard at the tea selections. So me!! And I love that quote you shared. Must make into a sign!
It reminded me of that scene of Ramona Flower's tea collection in Scott Pilgrim vs the World. She's def a 4w3
@@hiitheree664 Love that movie!
just wanting to be alone at home to wander through the house while singing... that description was so spot on that it is scary.
According to what other people says about me I think I'm a 4w5, thanks for helping me to understand better
Basically, a 4w5 brings, gives, and has fundamental information of a given aspect or circumstance if they have researched it and experimented on it fact by fact rather than what has been read or written and simply followed by many. It's like we can explain things in a very simple manmer that even babies can understand them.
An ellaborate information expressed simply to be understood by many but most importantly, ourselves.
I'm also an isfp and fact is calculated not simply by thought or idea but by the 5 senses itself.
Omg, 4w5 is so INFP hippie 😍
I'm infp 4w5
As a 4w5, hearing you singing Grace Kelly made my night!!!
I think I finally found my enneagram because of you! 4w3! And I also like collecting teas lmao 😂
Please please please talk about what it's like to have balanced wings. I'm an Enneagram type 4, and my wings are quite balanced. We are not discussed oftenly. And we should be.
I am a 4 and I feel like I could be both 4w5 and 4w3. I tend to want to protect my emotions a lot and then I become isolated. I know that's not a good thing. Other times I will be a 3 and be a go getter with what I want. I get so confused about myself often!
0:37 I felt that.
Ok I clicked on the video because I was hella confused between the wings but alone the talking voice of your 4w5 makes me blush cause that's me, I feel exposed
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you really helped me, I'm pretty sure I'm a 4w5!! the dancing around the house singing is sooo me lol. thanks for this amazing video, I loved it ❤️
This video was hilarious! Never have I seen myself portrayed so accurately and with such comedy- it was like me dialled up to 10. I saw myself in both the 3 and 5 equally.
Some of my best friends are 4s! Love them so much!
Thank you so much for this video! It really did help me narrow down my type (pretty sure I'm a 4w5 now). I've been feeling like a fish out of water on the enneagram subject as I've always been an MBTI girl. But thanks to your content I'm starting to get a grasp of it!🌻
welp. definitely 4w5. thank you so much :D
Glad it helped!
@@AbbeyHowe
Abbey is my current favorite actor ❤️
Feel like I’m both of these. I’m a ambidextrous 4 I guess.
Super helpful! Definitely helped me clarify I'm a 4w3. Thank you!
Glad to hear it was helpful! 😊
Very helpful, love your content! 😅 also, your 4w5 slightly reminds me of Neil from the Young Ones??
Oh gosh that singing and dancing with the shawl on and flower pressing is savage 🤣🤣
Im a 4w5 and I love this video!!
Refreshing to see a take on the 4w3 that isn't "snobby art critic" & shows some of the cool bits too
It must be, like, the Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known on steroids
Staying tunes for the last 3 wing vids ^-^
Love this! :) Excellent job capturing the 4w3 vibe.
It's also so sweet how you appreciate your bf in here
4w3 in nutsell:
I am here. Obey. 🙃🙂🙃🙂
4w5 was pretty short. :( I wanted to know more about the one I identify with, from you.
LOL!!!!!!!@"Look through drawers and things."
definitely feel 4w5
This was very enlightening. I don't know if I'm a 4w3 or a 7 (maybe 7w6), or anything else lol. But one day I'll figure it out! I did relate to the 4w3 description you made. I just can't get this enneagram thing down smh lol.
Don't fret! The Enneagram is a journey- a journey that is more valuable than the destination! Keep learning and growing. You will figure it out.
@@AbbeyHowe I LOVE that response! Thank you!
I see ur an ENFP as well ! I’m also an ENFP who struggled with finding out whether I’m 4w3 or 7w6. I mistyped as 7w6 for 2 months but then later figured out I’m a 4w3. I think the way u could figure it out is by reading both type descriptions and seeing which one fits u more !!
@@senzuko3221 thank you! I will try that!
Are you more motivated to have your unique identify and be affirmed for it (4w3) or to be fulfilled with your life with those close to you(7w6)? Answering that question may potentially help.
I’m pretty equal on my wings which makes me feel even more conflicted lol. I can be around ppl and explore creatively with them, I love entertaining and cooking for FRamily, but I also have my very reclusive side that needs time alone and to listen to my favorite music in the comforts of my home…alone. Lol
I'm a 4w3 alright. Mood swings are a given.
INTP 4w5 here. One of the rarest types.
Yes, I loved you flapping wings 🔥
I, uh... don't know. I'm feeling both of these so much! 😩😩
Well, I though I was balanced, but I definitely identify waaaaay more strongly with the 4w3 in this video.
omg, it's amazing how you manage to be so authentic and fun in your videos.
I'm Brazilian and I'm not fluent in English.. I'm sorry if I'm not being clear.
Thank you for sharing this! So sooo spot on for the 4w3. Definitely resonated with 4w3 then the 5
4w5 here ! I love your videos. So creative !
I'm a 9w8 but for some reason I can also relate to 4w5 a lot.. interesting
40 seconds in and I already feel so called out 😆
These role-played comparisons are so helpful!
Feel like I’m naturally a 4w5, with very strong tendencies of 9w8 that describe me just as well. They just exemplify different key parts of myself (with some overlap of course). Any thoughts on identifying within the enneagram in this way?
well there's your tritype, you probably have a strong 9w8 fix. I relate btw. I'm a 4w5 with a very strong 9 fix, to the point that I actually couldn't decide on which type was my core. I finally got to the conclusion that I was 4w5 because I'm way too image and identity oriented (heart triad characteristic) to be a 9. don't know which wing I would be tho.
@@StrongestLibrafluidAlive This. There aren't a ton of reliable resources on tritypes bc they're sort of an advanced topic when it comes to the enneagram, but the main idea is that we have one predominant type and wing which are in our predominant triad. I'm a 4w5 so my main triad is the feeling triad. But people usually have elements of most of the types to varying degrees that can change over time and also be influenced by spending time with friends that are that type. As such, we also have a dominant type in each of the other 2 triads (instinctual and thinking) and we tend to rely on them in a certain order, but the order of the last 2 can change. So for instance, my tritype is 4w5, 1w9, then 6w7. On top of that, your tritype can also be even more specific if you get into sx/sp/so and instinct stacking, it gets even more specific.
@@hiitheree664 what would you say is a reliable source to learn more about it? I want to get more into it lol
@@hiitheree664 also, if you don't mind, could you tell me a little about how being a type 4w5 and having a type 6 as your last fix manifests for you? I've been trying to discover what my head triad fix is and that could be helpful.
@@StrongestLibrafluidAlive aye thanks for the reply! Wasn’t aware of tritypes as a concept at all but I’m getting it a bit now.
Apparently I'm a 4w5, although that fluctuates, but as someone who's new to the whole enneagram system, I would just say that I keep to myself with my hobbies/interests 'cause when I'm asked to explain why I'm interested in it, I get weird looks... A little less angsty drama queen, more "do I really wanna have this 45min. conversation to explain why I know so much about hurdy gurdies again?" Occasionally I do go into those topics, but if I'm feeling drained in the first place, I know from experience it's a little much.
I love your description of the 4w3! That is so me! I always say I have the soul of the 4 and the juice of the 3! 😜 But I’m also a hard 4w3 SX, so I crave the juice. 😆 Thanks, Abbey! ❤️
4w3... aaaaaahhhh I spent the whole 4w3 section with my hand covering my face LOL called out again Abbey
I literally claim to have been born in the wrong country... often; and "why did nobody tell me I had something in my teeth?!" has absolutely come out of my mouth multiple times before hahaha #4w3
I had 22 points for 4 and 20 points for both 3 and 5 wings
Huh, I never really realized this, but I guess to an extent I use both:
- When I'm around total strangers or crowds of people, 4w3 is active. I wanna show off my stuff and show how great I am, but it's more to show people how great THEY can be. It's like "Look at all the stuff I've accomplished, and I know you can accomplish it too, because I believe in you!"
- Meanwhile, if I'm with individuals or small groups of people I am super familiar with (friends, family, coworkers I've been with for a while), that's when 4w5 shines the most. I've been told I give great and thoughtful advice, even if I give off the vibe that I'm digging a bit too deep into the questions or discussions I'm having with people.
Is this common for people? Like, do people use wings based on environmental factors or situations?
Well that makes a lotta sense as a 4w3
Thank you for these insightful and amazing videos! Is there one of you talking about relationships between 4 and 8 yet? If not, would that be something you would consider making? (: Thank you once again and please keep this amazing work going!
As an INFP 4w3: 4w5 are so cute.
My box of various tea bags 😚☺️😊
For a while I thought I was a type 5w4, but I'm coming to realize as of late i'm probably a 4w5. But, I am an Intp in Myers-briggs so my confusion makes sense since I'm more analytical, uncomfortable-with-emotions, and philosophical than other 4s for this reason.
I find it interesting to see how my 3 wing comes out in tandem with 5 wing. But, my 5 wing is more obvious and strong to the point that I can look entirely like a 5 in certain contexts. For example, as a writer, I come across more like a 5 in more technical, argumentative, intellectual, scientific, professional, theoretical, essay, and academic writing, while in my creative writing it's more obvious I'm a 4. This makes sense because the former is supposed to be detached, analytical, knowledge-based, effective, and objective while the latter is more subjective and imaginative. I geniunely enjoy both styles of writing, so the 4 and 5 wing in me are pretty even in this regard.
I find that in my day-to-day life when I'm most authentic doing what I geniunely enjoy, my behavior is more 4 like. My favorite activities, traits, and daily qualities include: introspecting, aesthetic, beautiful, understanding my authentic self/finding out what I authentically love to do more than anything, creating art and writing, spending quality times with loved ones, deep conversations, learning new things, warmth, skepticism, sensitivity, self-awareness, philosophizing, attachment to loved ones, daydreams, emotional depth, delving into my psyche and relationships with others, compassion, analyzing information, volunteer work, listening to music, exercise, etc.. I also realize most of the negative traits im criticized for are type 4 problems : navel gazing, self-obsessed, dramatic, envy/comparison, self-conscious, overly emotional, soft, pretentious, etc..
I find that I'm a very ambitious and hardworking -- I love to work and achieve lofty goals -- creative person, but I often value my privacy and "hoarding" of resources and alone time at the expense of actualizing my greater ambitions; my 5 wing dominates my 4 wing in the way I sacrifice my ambitions for my thinking time.
I'm often described as ambitious and hardworking by people who know me, and I would agree with them, but I'm also content with a simple and modest life in which I have plenty of time and space for learning, reflection, and creativity. I struggle with isolation, and often neglect my social life to pursue my private interests.
I can also be detached and more disagreeable than I imagine a 4w3 would be. I'm not afraid to express my opinion on something even if it might hurt someone's feelings. I don't care as much if people like me, I just care about doing the right thing and speaking the truth. This probably makes me less popular than a 4w3, but I'm certainly a very courageous person and am willing to stand up for what I believe is true even if that leads to rejection. Still, at my core, I'm a very sensitive and open person. I respect people's emotional needs, and am willing to compromise to what people need and humble myself and apologize if I hurt their feelings. The type 5s I've met tend to be much less emotional than me and can more easily detach from other people. I don't think I've ever been the person to make an enemy out of someone first.
So excited for type one! Great video by the way :)
Thanks for the lovely video Abbey! Hello all fours!! 👋 It definitely gives me hope to hear a 4w5 has a loving and supportive partner because I often just feel .. unfit for human consumption? 😂 And yes, I do love when the roommates leave me alone in the apartment 🙈 I'd love to give everyone personalised gifts if I had the time/money to knit all my friends and family scarves, or make them scrunchies and aprons, that's often my first motivator when learning a new skill. The self-isolation thing is a bit of a problem tho ... Either way, ahh I love this editing!!!!!
Don't believe that lie that you're unfit for love! It's your super-sized emotions tricking you that you are too much. You actually are just emotionally deep and need someone to take a dive with you! Another 4w5 with a 5w4 spouse that is saying it is possible! 4s are special and just require a refined taste. Wouldn't have it any other way! We are too precious to be told otherwise!
4w5 is so true!
4 W 5 Here ;) Spot on
You're so funny Abbey xD
I love your 4w5 dress!
4w3 here!
Thank you for all you do, Abbey!
wow 2:00 hit me hard
I’m a 4w5 and I feel like I am a lot like you described here but I feel like 4w5s (I guess depending on how strong your 5 wing is) can be very cynical (I know I am) as well. Anyway, I recently discovered that one of my children is a 4w3 and even though I kind of prefer my dominant wing, I am a bit jealous of 4w3s because they make stuff HAPPEN! My son is so creative and he can just have this off the wall thought and just do it and it turns into something beautiful, whereas I am also very creative but I often lack the motivation to create and when I do it’s usually for myself or only those closest to me. I thought for sure that my son was maybe a 3w4 but he definitely is a 4w3. It’s just so crazy to me how 2 people with the same core type can look so different depending on their wing and even the level of that wing that they are. I love it though because it’s what still makes every 4 unique!
468 and 469 please..
i was kinda leaning towards 4w5 but i wasnt sure then 4w5 was like "i dont like labels" and i was like oh yeah. thats me.