My Awakening Story, Overcoming the Fear of Death and Finding True Happiness.
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- čas přidán 20. 08. 2024
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This is the pre-awakening part of my story. The very prelude to the beginning of the real path is our first proper awakening.
I will upload the post-awakening story soon.
I was in a very bad place about a year ago, and in the exact same way that you said "Either I find a way out of this depression or I die", I had the exact same thoughts.
Last October I had my first (and a very strong) trip on psilocybin, because I had been reading and listening about its healing and awakening properties for a couple years; I felt it was about time I faced the part of myself that was causing me misery.
The reason why your story resonates with me so deeply, is because I witnessed that exact same eternal hell of nothingness and hopelessness and limbo during my trip. I felt like I was trapped in a state of meaningless existence for eternity, which scared me and tortured my mind. After a couple hours of eternity, that part of the trip was over, and I woke up outside laying on the grass in a field, so thankful to experience such suffering, because it gave the good experiences (and just all experience in general) in my life so much more meaning.
For the past few months however, I have been in psychosis as you described, because even with such a profound experience being had, my ego was still not gone, but at the exact same time I felt like I was God after having witnessed eternity during my psychedelic experience. This has been causing myself so much suffering lately, because up until now I have been projecting my happiness to some point in the future when I finally become fully enlightened, and at that eventual point I will be complete and happy.
When you said "I'm not enlightened. There's no enlightened being", it completely flicked a switch in my mind and I understood how I was causing my own suffering. Because my ego is so strong and I subconsciously identify with it so heavily, it created my own hell loop of 'eventually I'll become enlightened then I'll be happy'; which would never come because it only exists in my experience here and now. You have just saved me from myself.
Thank you Saja, I am so happy I found you.
Deeply appreciate this comment my friend, I’m so glad I could help! Be sure to check back in in the future, I’d love to see how you are when that realisation has integrated more 🙏
had a similar experience with dmt which left me with an overwhelming fear of death and of losing control and sanity. Had to go to therapy.
I hope you're okay now 🙏
@@sajafendel yeah, i am thanks. I didn't have as intense experience as you did tho but it intesified some early trauma related experience. Wasn't ready for such insight.
Do you believe you are a work of art, breathed into being? feliz cumpleaños ‘_’
Tu hablas español?
Wow that's insane it's one of those things where you can't seem to believe it until you've experienced it fr. I had a spontaneous realization i was god once then i hit rock bottom right after lol. now i feel like im working my way up there idk
Yes very much so. It just goes to show how important it is to integrate these realisations after the fact! Why do you think there was such a contrast for you after that realisation? Sounds extraordinary to me!
I hope you’re on the latter end of that now 🙏 Be great to see you in my free weekly Thought Yoga sessions in the community I’ll be hosting/creating soon.
Stay tuned my friend :)
idk maybe i got a glimpse and then i had to really actually put the work in. Yes I will definitely be joining!
@@EmmanDesh hmmm interesting.
Awesome! :)
@@EmmanDesh Hey my friend! The community is here. feel free to check it out, I'd love to see you there :) www.skool.com/the-thought-dojo-9968/about
@@sajafendel yess I joined a few days ago!