Why Do So Many BLACK MOTHERS HATE THEIR DAUGHTERS? The Mother Wound Explained
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 7. 07. 2024
- On this episode, you get to meet Jennifer Arnise, an author and guide who helps black women navigate toxic relationships with their mothers. Jennifer shares her personal experiences and insights into the complex trauma that stems from strained mother-daughter relationships. The conversation delves into the "mother wound" and its impact on self-identity, discussing generational trauma, societal pressures, and the unique challenges faced by black women.
This episode highlights the importance of reparenting oneself and developing a healthy sense of autonomy, while also addressing the broader implications of these dynamics on personal growth and emotional well-being.
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I've noticed how much our moms will abuse us, tear us down, embarrass us, but treat the sons like goldđą
Can we talk about how when these same women look for us when their sons are no where to be found as they age? Itâs like daughters are only valued for our labor.
Thai is true. Thatâs how my mother is.
Unfortunately, so true.
â@@karinal75mhm
And as soon as we do something they can brag about they want to play nice. When I brought home a white boyfriend my mom was all smiles (weird flex but ok. If I brought home a black boyfriend it wouldn't be as great or something?đ). When my middle sister went to the army my mom tried to play the concerned mother role. When our eldest sister married into the suburbs my mom wanted to visit every weekend like it's her house now too. It's just so weird that you don't like us until we do something you didn't think we could pull off.
If your own mother hates you she hates herself, thats just what it is ,very sad
yes they are very insecure (and worldly) and pass it onto their children.
Truth
So true. I wish I knew why there was so much self-hatred. Maybe because she was born in the 1930s in the south.
đŻđŻđŻđŻ
Very true that's why it's important to hear your mom's story of growing up as well as your grandma's story from growing up because their stories and who they are built you into Who You Are and when you recognize then you can see where were the abuse started a lot of time the abuse starts with your Grandmama as a little girl being abused
Ladies keep going. Our mothers dont define us.
â„ïžâ„ïžâ„ïž
ThEY DO NOT
@@koereyelle I've known this for a while and I am 24 years old. I grew up in white schools and realized the white daughters were TAUGHT by their moms to maximize their femininity to gain free access and assets. Our mothers teach us to work hard like a dog and to NOT get married. Last year, when I expressed an interest in dating for marriage she SNAPPED and threatened to cut me off from inheritance... the next day she had visitors from cousins, aunts, and nieces showing her potential brides for my brother who is 30 and lives at home with her. He doesn't have a degree and never worked a day in his life, he ONLY makes his bed but the maid makes food and waits on him. He's her first born and spoiled little Prince.
AMEN đđŸ
Because theyâre jealous! And our brothers are their son husbands!
Too true
Sonbands is def what they are
uhh this is a almost ghetto mentality this is not black mothers at all.
But donât you dare call out a âmamaâs boyâ. They get defensive like you called them out of their nameâŠ.and Iâm talking about the MOTHERS!đđ
Exactly
Clearly "Claire Huxtable" was so beloved because a lot of us longed for a mother like her, myself included.
That's funny I call my mother a fake ass claire huxtable. Lol
Yesssss â€â€â€
@@renaburgess9196đđđđđ
My mother was my biggest bully growing up. She abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. I forgave her and tried to have a relationship with her. I'm 47, she's still toxic so I had to cut her off my life. Meanwhile, she treats my brothers who are all losers like gold. Sad indeed đą
Im so sorry this was your experience!
I know if I had brothers this is how it would be. I am praying for you...that God will send you people in your life to fill in that gap that she left open. He will do it. He did it for me! I wouldn't be alive if it were not for the women that were sprinkled all along my childhood and now who have filled in where she couldn't...but I feel your pain, because it is still a whole that no one can fully replace. â€âđ©č
Same here
She don't treat them like gold, it just looks like that on the surface. Trust. She's incapable of treating any of her children good
Motherâs like this are simply the type of women who simply hate women in favor of men. They Probably were like this way before they had daughters. Then they have mothers who favor the daughters vs the sons because they hate men even before they had their sons.
My grandmother hated my mother, my mother hated on me there is generational trauma. I think every race deals with it but they don't talk about it enough.
I'm White but I like listening to all women's problems, and while different I think definitely most of us (I'm 30) have come from a very troublesome generation. I see it a lot in women my age, for sure the generational trauma is real and we can only do better by our own daughters and future women.
â@@WatermelonPeppermint AMEN ! đđż
We should really call it what it simply is.... Jealousy ! đđȘđ
Exactly my mother and I not as close I would like however neither us my son and I đąI never thought about if my grandmother disliked my mother cause it never showed but as I'm grown now I never asked her cause it does seem generational
Iâm Mexican . My grandmother hated my mother and my mother hates me. This is generational trauma. They know what they are doing.
This conversation is deeeeeeeeeeeep!!!! My mother is in a wheelchair at this moment resulting from a stroke. I love her. I donât hate her. But I simply cannot wipe her ass. I was verbally mentally emotionally and physically abused all of my life. She even allowed her siblings to treat me horribly. But my brother was her golden child. I forgave her but simply CANNOT bend over backwards to come to her rescue. I am now a mother and I strive daily to be better than she ever was. I hug my kids. I speak positively to my kids. I tell them I love them. I protect them. I nurture them. I never make differences in them. I went through therapy. I am now at a place where I can tell her I love her and call her beautiful. Things she never did to me. I tried to hug her and she pushed me away. She told me she loved me for the first time after God put her in that wheelchair. My brotherâŠThe golden childâŠWILL NOT HELP HER!!! Yet my familyâŠher toxic abusive narcissistic siblings expect me the one they abused to come save the day. Iâm not doing it. Iâll FaceTime her but I have no desire to wipe her ass.
†You broke that generational curse. Donât feel bad for putting yourself and your peace first. Sending you love đ
â@@Pinesol605I agree
Good on you! I am in a similar situation and I am not standing down either. Best peace I can give myself given the trauma her and so called family have caused me. đđŸ
@@MsTishalish Good for you! Stand strong. Protect your peace and do what is BEST for YOU!!!!!
@@latoyaboyce9902 Thank you. Stay strong đ
My mother has envied me my entire life. I remember her saying I think Iâm better than everyone when I was a teenager. Like girl, Iâm 15. What are you even talking about?
Wow! I forgot I was told that starting around age 12 đą
My grandma would tell me this đą
Mines 2
Yup and that I couldn't be half the woman she is
Sounds like my mother too smh she told me one time that I think
Itâs all about me after years of doing nice things for her and my father and sister. Treating them places, comforting and being there for the family whenever they needed me and buying very nice gifts for her on birthdays, Motherâs Days and holidays. I guess she forgot about all that smh đ€ŠđŸââïž
Itâs deep when your mother tells you that her other child is her favorite on her sick bed while you are caring for her and that child is no where around. We are some hurt people.
Very hurt people. Hard and mean spirited. đą
My mom did the same đą
đ yall better than me cause as the so called black sheep. In which I do not claim. To describe myself. They expected me to wipe her saa and take care of her, through her dementia. đ and I totally abandoned them. I don't even stop by to see if she's ok
@@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg love that for you.
â@@EmpressEnergy-yc7jg I believe kids are parents karmic lesson if parents abuse and mistreat their kids especially since birth they have no right or entitlement to be cared for in old age when they are vulnerable the most. I don't blame you for turning your back on your mom because the delusion is really real out here.
I am sooo glad black women specifically are deciding to speak and disect this topic I am as well.
yes instead of blaming the abused.
I'm glad this dark secret is finally being talked about...my grandmother hated my mother & her kids, the hatred ran soo deep
Thank you for watching! Get on the wait list for Jennifer's next group program: bit.ly/waitlistgsp đ
To me, it is sad how many of us relate to this. Including myself.
Right? My sister and I suffered so long, I didn't know it was a community of us!
My mother resented me because my father didn't want to be with her, and she took it out on me. She lied about who he was, preventing me from ever meeting him. She only revealed the truth after he had died, along with many other hurtful things. I've cut her off for good. Sadly, I had to mourn the parents I never had, but now I can finally heal.
Same here. You are not alone!
Same thing happened to me. After my parents split she prevented him from talking to me. Now that Iâm grown I donât speak to her
Same story! I forgave her for a traumatic experience I endured. She passed and now Iâm faced with parenting myself Iâm like two decades behind.
Sadly, I had to mourn the parents I never had- this right here!
I really thought I was the only one with a similar story and I have also done the same as I dont believe she will change or want to change and her behaviour is just too toxic for my mental wellbeing
I didnât tell my mom about my new by friend, when I bought a house. When I got my real estate license. Iâm not sure I will invite her to my wedding because anything good that happens to me, she will try to ruin it. It hurts my hurt that I canât include her in my victoriesđą
Same here
I can relate
Same. God will deal with them.
understand your mother is probably a covert narc like mine
SAME GIRL
I knew at 5 years old something was wrong. I addressed it the 1st time when I was 9 or 10 years old. I wrote my Mom a letter. I asked her why did she hate me. I said letâs spend time together. She refused. She denied everything. Our relationship was always strained. Especially when I moved to NYC. She ignored me. I didnât understand how much she impacted me until I became a mother at 34. I didnât realize my mother is a narcissist and we are a part of a narcissistic family system.
Your guest is totally me! Thank you so much for this!!
I had did the same thing but with an email nd like a month later she found it nd she got mad at me
I wrote my Mother a note at about the same age and said I was running away because she didnât love me. When I woke up she had packed me lunch and left cash for my transportation. She has Dementia now and I spent 50 yrs trying to get her to love me. What a waste of time. Iâm reparenting now as I heal. Sending loving energy to you. đ
Same
Wow, this is my mother & she call so many otherâs a narcissist
that part of going back to your child and apologizing to your kid, and letting them know your issues are not their fault. that is sooooo beautiful, f*cking up as a parent is inevitable but that going back explaining, and apologizing is so vital.
I am big on this even with my toddlers if Iâm wrong going back to them and mommy was wrong Iâm so sorry and Iâm working on myself
YESSSSS!! I apologize to my daughter when I know I'm wrong! â€
My mom relationship is non existent. She bullied me from a child to my adult years. I forgave her but I love from a distance. Iâm okay with that. But reading these comments it seems like these baby boomer moms had a mental illness they didnât want to let go of.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
All you had to say was 'Baby Boomer'.... that entire generation is TOXIC AF.
It's before the boomer era.
yes, this is spot on.
I am appalled at the awakening of the amount of mother abuse issues I am reading. đą
My mother wasnt a friend at all. From the day i was born she was antagonistic and hateful towards me. Apparently she threatened to strangle me as a infant until my father stopped her. My grandmother took me in and raised me until age 7 and then sent me to go live with my biological mother. For 4 years, she was abusive, physically and verbally, extremely mean towards me, sabotaged anything or anyone that was loving towards me. Never had my back, went around telling people lies about me as a child and teenager. When i was 23 or 24, she made the comment "i looked better than you when I was 24". Thats when i realized she was my first hater, bully. I have been estranged from her since then. Its been 12 years.
But as an adult i began to understand why i showed up in female friendships guarded and defensive. I saw every woman as a potential hater, to be mean,rejecting towards me.
Itâs time to talk about this because itâs a cycle. This mentality has destroyed our community. Itâs interesting how Black mothers favor their sons, very harsh on their daughters but then the same sons still have resentment or unspoken towards them hence the negative attitude towards Black women. Itâs complex.
I think the sons may resent them, because they are actually son-husbands and the moms make them responsible for their emotional needs (emotional incest) and have to be the âmanâ of the house and he doesnât know how to put it in words because he loves his mom, but he knows something is wrong
Itâs not a black thing. Itâs not. We have enough burdens as is. Everything bad isnât just us. Thatâs so tiring. Do some research.
â@@Hephbeu no one said it's just us but it is a big issue amongst us. Stop deflecting. So should we ignore the problems amongst us because "other people do it too"?
Good point, in my case my brother is an excellent father and husband. His family loves and appreciates him. I think in this case he took the how not to be approach. My other brother isn't married but he has been with his gf for over a decade. He's not exactly straightforward but my mother promotes that behavior.
Yes
Iâm so glad we are coming out of isolation saying âOUCH MY MOMMA HURT MEâ! Iâm a âunloved daughter â and also help women with this issue. I read a book called âDaughter Detox daughters of unloving mothers â and it changed my life! It showed me that there are thousands of us. I was not alone! My momâs treatment towards me has always been harsh and horrible. Iâm healing my emotions still at 51 years old. But Iâve raised 2 daughters and my girls have never experienced me as an evil mother. This is a Hot Topic.
Maybe we should write our own versions of daughter detox. Maybe our stories can help heal too.
â@@akilahbatyah6505 Great idea!
Thank you for the book recommendation đ«¶đœâšïž
@@akilahbatyah6505 I love that idea. I would love to collaborate with some of my sisters to do something like this even a symposium or conference. This would benefit others and aid in our healing. âșïž
@@Jhenesrandomthoughts of course. I want us all to show up in our lives whole! đ
I am a Black Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a mother, and a mommy wounded woman. My wounds definitely fueled my professional development. As a therapist and someone with life experience,I come from a place of understanding that society, in addition to cultural factors, contribute to how we view our mothers and motherhood. I always use the clients perspective to guide the conversation. I understand that all mothers âarenât in fact doing their best and itâs not ok to accept things just because sheâs your mom.â Great conversation â€ïž I wish love and healing for us all!
â€ïž thank you for making this world a better place for us all đ
@@mineandmine4528 Thank you. Iâm doing Godâs work the best way I can â€ïž
@@socialworkersanonymous I totally agree with this. Itâs time to stop hiding ourselves because of what they did to us. We Win!
Success as a trauma responseâŠ..thatâs deep
I never thought how Mothers coming out of slavery mindset would struggle with motherhood. †This definitely has been a perspective change.
Mothers from subsaharian Africa treat their daughters the same. Let's include the bigger picture : we're talking about the misogyny of women towards each other and the one blacks daughters experience with their mothers globally. Of course, slavery played a tremendous role in that, pointing it out was quite revealing.
Thatâs trauma for all black people that has to be taken into account. Just think about the extreme trauma of something like slavery
Yes indeed super informative â€
White adult kids, male and female, are abandoning their relationships with their parents today as well⊠so whatâs that about?
@@christinelaloba8869 she said âblack moms in the westâ, specifically. Geographically specific trauma!đ€
I experienced an enormous amount of emotional abuse as a child. My mother even said that we wished that I was never born. As a child, my mother often called me Black and ugly because I was dark skinned while my sisters were light skinned.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
@baderinwa1 Iâm sorry you had to experience that. I had a friend who had the same experience growing up and it was weird/awkward when her mom would express it in front of me and our mutual friends. With no shame at that and she herself wasnât light-skinned! I hope you find peace đ.
This is a convo I would love to be a part of. My mother broke my heart when I realized she was my biggest bully. The way she raised me was to only care about her and to live in her reality. If I didnât participate in her world she would disown me. I would have to tap dance and do everything for her to talk to me, let alone be there for me but she never was. I always felt like a burden to her, like she hated me. I felt like she raised me to be stupid and not think for myself and if I did I was being disrespectful. She lied about my biological father, told me another man was my father only to realized they used me as their pawn to cheat on his wife for 30 years, and I recently found out she knew my sister was molested and did nothing to protect her. My mother is the big bad wolf Iâve always been scared of. An absent Father is hard, yes. But an unhealed mother is the most dangerous person in my opinion. I have 4 children, 2 girls. I was so afraid of having girls cause I wasnât taught how to be a woman. Though I still learning through these podcasts, therapy, and healing, I can say itâs the hardest thing Iâve ever done. I missed the mother I will never have. But Iâm the mother I needed to my girls. I will never say or do half of the things my mother did to me. Iâm healing for myself but also for my kids. I want them better than me. My mother wanted me to suffer like her or more. The adult daughter/mother pain is something you canât explain. Thank you for this convoâ€ïž
Thank you for sharing your story. YOU ARE SO BRAVE! You also shared my story. Thank. You. So. MUCH!
"never taught to be a woman"!!!!! This is me, with a 4 year old daughter đą
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
You just told my story. I'm laying here crying thinking about how to heal. đą
â@@KeishaCherre-ic2gv cry it out,shout it out,talk it,walk it....just *dont* hold it inđđđ§Ą
My Mother was there physically but mentally checked out. She was deep into Religion and used Jesus as a shield to hide from the real world. She treated my younger brother like a king he got whatever he wanted. Didnât have to do chores, work, she did it all for him. He treats her like $hit now that we are grown. I barely speak to her because itâs so draining. She didnât teach me anything about life, money, Men, Nothing. I was on my own to figure it out. đą
Thanks so much for watching!! Jennifer is hosting a Free Masterclass soon! You can register here: jenniferarnise.systeme.io/motherwoundmasterclass đ
I could have wrote this entire paragraph. My mom was the same. Even still to this day.
My mom is the same. When it comes to matters of womanhood, my mom completely dropped the ball on that. Didn't talk to us about fibroids, even though she had a hysterectomy in her 40's and, I had my fibroids removed, thank god I found a good doctor that saved my uterus, but had I known earlier, it could have been avoided. Also, we just recently found out from someone else that she had breast cancer. You would think she would tell us that too? Of course not, but nagging and accusing us of stuff we didn't do? She won't forget that.
Same here, I thank God heâs given me the ability to go on with my life.
This is so amazing!! So many black women need to hear this !!!!
my mother was abusive, neglectful and toxic. she made me feel unloved and unwanted and i knew something was wrong from a very young age. my late 20s i discovered she is very narcissistic, if not an actual narcissist, and it was like something clicked and it all made sense. our relationship has always been strained and ive tried too many times to have a good one with her. it wasnt until i fully realized how messed up my childhood was and how sheâll never change, that i went no contact. i dont plan to ever speak to her or see her again if i can help it. it really sucks but ive started my healing journey and i will be okay.
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
Your childhood is very similar to mine.
Yes I had to cut my mom off last year. She did everything in the world to break me. What hurts is that no one believed me when I cried for help. They sided with her and basically looked at me like I don't care. I grew up so angry yet I had this big heart that I felt no one wanted. It's so sad. I spent my whole life wanting to be loved and people like my mother who was nasty a cheater ect would get all this love and I had to suffer for her sins. If there was a chance I could go to heaven by unaliving my self I would have done it at 5. I had a grandmother who loved me but she died in 2002. I've been walking this world in pain just waiting to heal. I don't know if I ever will đą
â@@KeishaCherre-ic2gvDont let her take your life force from you. Discover your tribe and express your love when safeđ§Ą
Mine too
I just came from TikTok please continue this conversation on how it impacts your finances, how you feel stuck, how you feel like youâre unable.
Whew!
!!!!!!
đŻ
This video NEEDS to go viral with millions of views instead everything else that is plaguing social media! Fellas please support protect and love our women!!!!
I started to see that narcissistic mothers especially, keep their kids dependent on her. She rarely celebrates the kids who seeks success. She keeps all of her children and grandchildren feeling like having success should not be looked at as worthy of celebrating. But theyâll celebrate mediocrity. Itâs twisted. Glad the conversations are happening
Wow, that example of the driver and the hit pedestrian around 18 minutes in is phenomenal!
Thank you! I had to use an example with my therapist to get her to understand bc we look at mothers so differently
I cried through this whole video. I abruptly left my 15 year toxic job that was killing me. I told my mom and she hasn't checked on me or spoken to me since. I hate to admit it but I think a part of her enjoyed my suffering.
I refect on things she's said in the past like, "What do you mean you had people over your place? Who would want to be friends with you?"
I've had to keep coming back to this over the years, hoping that I'm wrong or don't understand her enough. But the truth is this person doesn't really love me (probably doesn't know how).
Very, very hard to face.
Sorry your going through that
I am so happy for you that you left the toxic job!
You will find something that suits you better.
I just left my job too, so I understand.
@@parttimesuperwoman Just accepted a position for a career that's a perfect fit. I'll be praying that you get your perfect fit as well.â€ïž
Iâm really sorry youâre going through that. You leaving that toxic job is great! Good job â€ïž Iâm sure there are people in your life that love and adore you. Iâm really sorry SHE fails to see how amazing you are. Iâm sending you tons of love and healingâ€ïž - another healing daughter
@@YourUncleJas Thank you so much. You are so kind. I realize that life will be as good as I allow it to be. I appreciate her for the good she's done and only let her get so close.
I'm grateful for a new start and will dedicate my life toward self care then love and building of my communityâ€ïžâđżâ€ïžâđż
This reminds me of Moniqueâs character in Precious. Bad mothers compete with daughters.
Iâve noticed that some mothers have messed up their own lives. To only find their daughters doing it differently than them. They become jealous and want to live their lives over by snagging onto their daughterâs lives. So when the daughter out comes is a lot better a mother becomes resentful . Some mothers donât know how to respect boundaries and think just because they are the mother. They think youâre supposed to always jump and ask how high. Not realizing youâre your own person and allowed to be and make decisions on your own. My mother never respected my preferences In who I choose to date. I like the choice of dating outside my race my mother likes her own. So she think that just because she likes who she likes Iâm supposed to like the same. She never respected my decisions or my boundaries so I speak less to her. Because we are two different people and she knows that. Her life isnât my life and my life isnât hers. But some moms think they can live their life through that of their daughter. Instead of correcting whatever it was they did in their own life theyâd rather latch on to their daughterâs life. Which always back fires on them in the end!! Daughters speak up and shine your always good enoughđ
SO ACCURATE. THANK YOU for saying this truth exactly what I am millions of others are facing . So many mothers especially in our community are bitter , envious and in competition with their daughters . They end up with a life they didnât want then try to confuse and derail yours too .
Bingo!!!!!
Iâm the underachiever. Always being super smart never trusting myself that I can be the best I can be.
Thats me as well â€ïžâđ©čđ«đ«¶đŸ wishing you đ.
Thatâs why these discussions are so important because you can sometimes feel alone. I also never knew there was a connection between my relationship with my mother and my being an underachiever but it all makes so much sense. All the best to you. đ»
@@theshugashackpodcast2457 yes i feel that too
đđŸââïž
I have a ministry I started to deal with this. I love this topic! Ladies, keep talking we can change a generation.
Iâm curious to learn more about the ministry youâve started.
â@christinasession8013 me too because God isn't in this conversation at all.
What is the ministry called?
27:04 to 28:20 "Success as a trauma response" is a whole sermon đĄ
She didn't have to hem me up like that.
@18:20-21:25: This! Enough of the therapists who donât let you safely express and articulate how your mother hurt you. (Therapist - Youâre fired).
I will no longer be held responsible by her for everything bad that happens to others, when I have not acted to harm others (e.g., Iâm not responsible for a friendâs auto accident when I wasnât in either car.)
@34:15-34:35, @36:00-36:15: Spot on regarding self trust.
Omg the shame! I never knew how shameful I felt about myself for my mother not loving me properly.
Hiâ€
I struggle with guilt of speaking on how I was treated because I donât want my Mom to look bad to other people.
So very real! I have a mandate to write and I am stuck because of what others will say đą
Speaking YOUR truth doesnât make her look bad. HER behaviors make her look back. Please work on not carrying that guilt. Youâre allowed to speak on YOUR truth. If people donât understand or judge thatâs on them. But as another healing daughter I hear you, I understand you and I stand with you. â€ïž
@@YourUncleJas Thank you đđœ
Be careful on how you go about it, let God lead you. Remember, maybe this was done to her too and she never figured how to heal herself. Don't punish her, and don't reduce her. Seek good counselling before going on about it. Jesus Love you â€
@@cynthiajones7608heal from shame and expectation
my mother always accused me of being stupid, untrustworthy and not able to choose good friends. I never understood why she thought so little of me and always stressed myself trying to prove to her otherwise. she always talked about my size although she was plus size and I'm thin, she was married to my dad so this is not a single mother issue by a long shot. later I realized she hated that my dad treated me better than her. well in her eyes he did. It was so freeing when i went to therapy, but sometimes therapist will have you sympathizing with an abuser, you can understand them but there is no excuse..... absolutely NO EXCUSE only thing I can thank her for despite the emotional trauma is making me an overachiever.
đŻđŻđŻ
This is the most affirming video that my 65 year old self needed to watch at this specific moment. Mother wounds caused me to normalize being "othered," gaslit, demeaned and wronged. Then, I had horrible experiences in therapy early on because their training was to keep you engaged with people who don't change to conform because generationally, this was the way things were. I have finally decided that almost all of the people I held space for in my life - blood and otherwise, can kick rocks! I have blocked and ghosted all those who make me feel wrong or wronged and those energy vampires who take from me disproportionately to what I give to them, leaving me depleted. I am spending time alone and loving it. Having those conversations with my inner little girl. Loving her. Allowing myself to be super picky with who I allow into my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you CZcams algorithm for putting this in my feed! Subscribed!
Wow it brings me comfort to see women supporting and talking to each other about these issues! Its healing!
My mother left me with my father when I was almost two years old. For most of my life she would brag about how she left me. As an adult woman my mom is only present in my life when it benefits her. She wasnât present throughout my entire cancer journey but she showed up to my final chemo treatment, wearing a shirt that said âIâm Godâs Favoriteâ. Just to post pictures on Instagram. I finally started working and sheâs already asking me for money and if she can borrow my car when most people wanna borrow sugar. I need emotional space from her so I can nurse myself to health.
She sounds insufferable, selfish, and childish. I hope youâre able to get away from her and live a long peaceful life that you deserve.
I'm so sorry. Thank God your cancer free
@@ThePhillyfashionista thank you, itâs been a journey but Iâm grateful đđŸ
Our mother's can't give what they don't have. We are humans and will have deficits. Hopefully, as time goes on, each generation will get better.
Starting with many women realizing they donât have to be mothers!
@@CarmenSDYep!! đđœ Iâm remaining child free by choice.
this excuse does not apply to their son's thou... so it becomes a direct mistreat... they do it very much aware..
but the problem is they don't want to change. they don't want help. it is evil. they are evil.
Then they should take the steps to heal and take accountability
That flip phone iPhone analogy really did what it needed to do for me. Thank you.
This is a much needed conversation that needs to continue and scale because thereâs a lot of us out here. For the daughters who are truth tellers please continue to tell your story for your own healing and also to try and break these toxic generational curses/traumas for daughters that come after us. The shame associated with being an unloved daughter who never felt good enough and the outcomes (PTSD, perfectionism, hyper independence, lack of trust and more) that come as a result of being emotionally, mentally, spirituality abused by your mother to the point that you physically canât be around her is almost unbelievable, but itâs real. I pray for the healing of any woman who has experienced this!
THIS WAS GOOOOOOOOD!!!!! We as black women from all age groups need to have & hear this conversation!!!!!!! Jennifer is good!!!!!
I remember watching "Precious" and hearing her yelling at the bottom of the stairs... my mom sounds EXACTLY like her...
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
âčïžthat is absolutely awful. Here's a hug sis (((((â€â€â€)))))) but you survived her!!! Hold your head up high and find a way to love yourself if you haven't already
@@laignermassey3631 mine did too. SMH đ€Šđœââïž
I was disconnect with my mom at a very young age. My mom had always hated me and treated my brother well. Iâm her care taker now and itâs been the hardest thing to care for someone who doesnât care about you.
Iâm the first to break the the curse. I made sure that me and my daughter have a good relationship. I will die before I allow me and my baby have the kind of relationship me and my mom and grandmother had.
@kendrawinchester3704 meaning no harm, but breaking the curse might also include not being her caretaker. It's hard maybe because it's not what you should be doing. Your childhood was already hard because of her, why make your adulthood one day difficult because of her, when now you have a choice?
Glad this is being talked about.
Ladies, please don't let ANYONE tell you how you feel about someone, including your mother. Your feelings are valid.
Jennifer Arnise....this is beyond finding your niche...this is creating your own space...respect to you
Alot of Black mothers love their daughters too!
I certainly hope so
I agree. Unfortunately that will never be focused on.
@@donnab.333 It is not that we donât focus on the love they have for their daughters. The bigger topic is that they love and treat their sons better. This is a real thing.
@@kebzynot all mothers.
@@kebzy It happens all around (i.e. mothers favoring only their bio sons, mothers favoring their bio daughters, or mothers favoring everybody else's children but their own). This is a real thing too. Just because you're not around it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It exists. And stop acting like this only happens with Black folks (those southasian people will give you a run for your money). However, on these social media streets, some people tend to focus only on their trauma bonding, & from what I have observed, when it comes to Black folks they love focusing on how terrible, horrible, & how they hate their Black mothers . You either have how black sons hate their Black mothers (this was in the mid-2000s) & now you have how Black mothers hate their black daughters. One thing I have noticed when it comes to other ethnic groups, they will focus on how horrible any family member or whoever else was horrible to them growing up, as well as, giving credit to the parents, relatives, etc. that were good to them as well when they were growing up. This is why it is so important for Black Women to go live their LIFE & NOT have children if they don't want them. Please use protection & if accidents happen, please take care of it. Don't hold your lives back to raise a child/children if you really don't want one/any. Black women pursue your dreams & your purposes in life. In this way, Black women won't have to worry about having sons hating them or them hating their daughters because neither of them would exist.
So good! I still have to watch my back with my own mother. I am afraid for her to have my address due to the fact she may show up or hire someone to follow me or harm me...I am afraid to introduce her to my adult friends because she will get their numbers and fake like she is being "motherly" and then dog me out to them, to prevent me from having emotional support/love outside of her...I thought I was an oddball growing up and the only one going through these things...I still won't tell a man I am dating until after we are perhaps, engaged...because people look at you different and don't get it unless they are living through it. I made it through, but there is a fine line in forgiving an extremely toxic mother and protecting yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. She is still a predator. And I have made peace with that. I show her respect when I see her. I even visit her and my father about once a month...but I keep it light and leave it at that.
Youâre not alone.The way you wrote this, I thought it was an old comment of mine. God has us, if He didnât we wouldnât have made it out alive.
I canât share anything w/ my mother because she harbors jealousy n tries to sabotage my life n relationships. She used to be beautiful, charming n male identified and will do anything for any manâs attention n acceptance. She slept with my boyfriend when I was a teen so she wonât be around my husband bcuz of her competitive nature. I cut her dirty azz offâŒïž I wonât look back for nurturing bcuz itâs not in her.
My life has never been better đđœ
Your story is very...similar to mine! But guess what?! We made it! Thank You Jesus!
If you said all that I will never if I were you be alone with her. She sounds extremely dangerous
@@vfree4579 My middle sister has advised against it. She is never lone with her. My mother is genius level smart so she will cut you in a conversation and you don't even know you have been cut...until you think back on the conversation...and you are like...how did she do that without me even being able to realize it was happening? I have gotten smarter and figuring it out and will aggressively, yet respectfully correct her and she backs down...but it took so long to learn how to do that...now I just limit her access to me and when she can't see me when she wants...she will call around trying to ask questions about me...even though I visit my parents...they don't know where I live. And my Dad is trapped there with her...paralyzed on his left side from a stroke...so in order for my sisters and I to see him, we have to come to her home...and it is the only reason she takes care of him...to keep people coming to visit otherwise, she knows...no one would come see her from our family.
Please we NEED a series! Part 2âŠ.we want moreeeeee
I think a lot of Black mothers from yester-year donât want to admit that they fell for the okey dokeâŠthey thought having kids by men who werenât going to raise them or by men who would mistreat everyone in the household was the âplayâ and they played themselves in the end.
They see what many of us have achieved on our *own* and the freedoms we have fought for and afforded ourselves through hard work and dedication.
They see how many of us are *CHILDFREE* and like it that way and how we travel or own property or whatever and they wish theyâd had the courage and sheer audacity to dream bigger for themselves but got up in the *fantasy* of things instead of seeing the reality of their situation.
When they said donât âmess up like themâ we LISTENED (which they probably didnât expect) and now we are reaping the rewards of their warnings and thriving in larger numbers than ever before!
Naturally, that will cause mixed feelings from the very same women who wanted better for their daughters but donât know how to reconcile that with the envy they hold deep down that we did what they couldnât.
I think my mom feels sheâs in competition with me. The hate my mom has given me at times has been hurtful. One time she said to meâ thatâs why you donât have a MAN no one wants you!ââŠ.đź that cut so deep! She really has issues.
I unfortunately relate with both these ladies. I began to mourn my childhood and relationship with my mother when I had a daughter and saw how she trusts me in ways that I could never trust my mother. She used her words and lack of compassion and love to tear me down. Til this day, in my 40's I am having to heal. You cannot heal continuing to give excuses or compassion toward your mother, until you give it to yourself. We deserved better, we are worthy of love. Great topic of conversation.
Narcissism (deep insecurities) and worldliness (putting things over people) is the cause. We must break the cycle. I was abused by my mom yet I broke the cycle with my child.
Same here
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
Please make this topic a series! This woman is a national treasure.
I don't know how I found this channel and episode but I am so grateful I did. I hit that subscribe button so fast. The host is so beautiful for being honest and vulnerable about her mommy issues.
"Our mother is the water that we swim in," how deep, and so true, especially my mother was the most toxic person in my life, which is why I no longer speak to her til this day:
POSITIVE VIBES ONLY!đđđ
Hiâ€
Real TalkâŒïžđŻ
My mom is a equal opportunity abuser, but I also know that sheâs been through a lot in her life and she is still that 16-year-old girl who was never healed from the hurt. Sometimes I have to take a break, but I pray for her all the time and I love her.
Iâm only 5 minutes in and Iâm already invested. It feels so good to not feel alone. Thank you for talking about this.
I have a daughter and I try to love her so much so never feels the mean things my mom did towards me!!
I remember exactly where I was, how old I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing, and why I was crying to my best friend for the umpteenth time about "Why doesn't she like me? Why doesn't she love me?". So when My mom told me just last October, the depth to which she hated me... Even though I knew when I was 6 that I would NEVER be enough -Not even good enough, just enough- It hurt to hear her say what I already knew in my wounded child's heart.
I haven't spoken to her in almost a year, and to be frank, I hope I never see or hear from her again. If she died tomorrow, 2 things would happen: I wouldn't care, cry, or show up to the funeral, or, I would show up to the funeral, and stand far away from everyone as a representation of how I felt separated from the family, and wear my favorite colors just to make it clear that I don't respect her. Even in death. The "She's still your mom" statement is repulsive to me. It Holds no weight to me because she chose everything over me. Money, sex, alcohol, men. I was merely an accessory to her life, and nothing more. She *knew* she could be a better parent, she just didn't *want* to be a better parent. Her Mindset was "You can do better, but not better than me."
When the Loved experiences of a person are nonexistent or are overshadowed by the lived experiences of a person, you get what you deserve. If you don't want people to have negative experiences of you, perhaps you should treat them better.
block. no contact. move if needed. periodt. im no contact
My mom wrote in a card for my college graduation. I never wanted you to do better than me, but to be better than me.
@@autobotdiva9268currently no contact for 7 years.
@@latasih well if that isnt a malignant narcissit. i would never contact her again.
@@autobotdiva9268 I had to get a restraining order because she started to harrass my friends and my adopted family
This woman is really an amazing example of a HEALED woman. Anointed and enlightened, and not a drop of bitterness in her body either. This was very helpful for me.
I just officially cut my mother out of my life as of a week ago. This podcast really opened my eyes to a lot of the behaviors that I have because of mother wounds. From being a perfectionistâs . I have two bachelors degrees and I was in the military. And I still feel the need to achieve more. From never asking for help, to being indecisive.. all of these things I do not knowing that itâs because of the damage my mother has done. Thank you for this â€â€â€â€l
Same I think a lot of us are waking up
Wow, same here. Perfectionist, two degrees and military as well.
This made me cry in so many ways! Listening as a wounded daughter and A healed Mother!!
â„ïžâ„ïžâ„ïžâ„ïž
I am so glad that these conversations are being had. I had stopped sharing things about my relationship with my mother because I would be shamed so badly. For years I thought I was a unicorn. We are estranged now and I wish her nothing but the best and a journey of healing for herself. I am done being the recipient of toxic hurt from her childhood. I wish you all the best on your paths to healing and recovery.đ
This conversation is SO NEEDED! There are so many Black women with mother wounds (myself included). You ladies fed my soul!đ„°
I am now 26 years old⊠I realized I have of healing from my mom I need to do but Iâm blessed to say , God changed my mom & healed her so now sheâs a better mother to me.. she still has some issues she can work on and step up to the plate on but sheâs growing everyday and Iâm so thankful before I left this earth I got to experience the healed version of her. I pray we all get to do the same but I know this isnât everyoneâs reality but please donât blame yourself if it doesnât happen! Just be better than what you seen.
Rooting yourself in the fact that this is a remnant of chattel slavery really aligns me with the work that still needs to be done for my childrenâs sake.
The topic about moms and daughters is so sensitive yet necessary. I donât have a healthy relationship with my mom and it causes discomfort. She will Gas light you đđđI donât have the power to and have no control so I pray for Gods intervention, nothing is impossible for God. This is too big for me.
This was one of the more informative, insightful podcasts I've seen in a while. So thank you both for this. Something even as a man I've been dealing with with my mom, which seemed to get worse around my teenage years when I started searching for my own autonomy not only from her but my family as well, so it's always nice to see other people put things I've felt into words. Topics like this are equally as reassuring as they are heartbreaking because I hate to see other people have to not only experience this, but move through life with the residue of it. Plus, as black women, I couldn't imagine how much more crushing/defeating it is to have to deal with. Much love to yall and salute for having the courage to fight to be who you actually are, not just for your kids, but for yourselves as well.
Side note: There's a book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish and it's a communication book geared around children but it has a lot of practical exercises on how to communicate with kids that translates really well when we use it to self talk to our own inner child. Jennifer mentioned the importance of reparenting ourselves and that's a resource that's done wonders for me.
@Roblyrical9949 I can't THANK YOU enough for the book recommendation. â€
My mother was abusive to me and is still a terrible mother to me but my younger sister she treats well and tries to make others favor her over me as well but it never works.
We have different fathers mine she hates and my sisters father is the man she loved and couldnât truly have.
đŻđŻ
I can relate to this! đ©
Wow that is heartbreaking đ
Wow, I have a very similar experience with my Mother.
Same here
20:39 ââI need you to be all the things that nobody was to youâ, which continues to wound you.â Iâm only 20 minutes in and this conversation is already tremendously validating.
I knew at 15 that my mom didnât love me but an uncle gave me false hope that had me going back, being understanding, trying to see her as her own woman outside of my mother, accepting her as she was, for 20 years. I finally realized that I canât heal our relationship by myself and that I canât heal her. She has to want that.
Last year I went no contact. She thinks Iâm punishing her but Iâm just choosing my peace. Going along with her delusions and accepting her narcissistic abuse hurts me and I wonât do that anymore. She calls me mean because Iâm not loyal to her but there can be no loyalty where there is no love or respect.
Intersectionality - being Black and ALSO a woman. Bell Hooks wrote an excellent book on this subject
Speak. Exactly how I feel. People are turning against me due to not wanting a relationship with my mother. Very good discussion.
Yes, please have her back to discuss the impact on careers; high and low earners. Thank you for bringing this topic forward with clarity and dignity.
My mother resented (and still resents) me for what my father did to her. Even things that he did to her before I was born.
She resents me for building a life that she wishes she had when she was younger. Then when my ex was abusing me, she encouraged it and I was expected to tolerate it. I guess because she felt she had to in her own marriage. Thankfully I knew better and I stood up to my ex.
Iâm in my 40s and I have FINALLY accepted that she will never be the kind of mother I wanted.
But we donât have to pass this down to generations. I am the kind of mother to my daughter that my own mother was incapable of being to me. I donât get on with my mother and have gone âno contactâ but I am grateful for the lessons I learned because I have nurtured a loving and respectful relationship with my own child and my daughter knows her worth
Part 2 definitely we need to talk about the financial stability of the mother. Being overwhelmed as a single mother and how to treat your child.
I didnât have the best relationship with my mother so I tried to be what my mother wasnât to me daughters. My oldest daughter, who was my motherâs favorite, is just as toxic in her behavior and treatment towards me as my mother. My worth is determined by what I can do for her. Itâs so heartbreaking.
This has happened to me đą
I would like to hear about this when you have a disabled mother who is dependent in some aspects not all but its caused so many toxic scenarios for me being the only and youngest daughter. This conversation was so needed! Thank you ladies
Sounds like my youngest sister. She thought she was doing the right thing taking care of her estranged mother. Sheâs now realizing that she cursed her own family. The dysfunction and madness she brought into my sisterâs life can only come from the devil.
Man Jennifer was on POINT! đđđŸ I thought this would be some stale talking points, mainly because Iâve seen peer-to-peer discussions more so venting as they attempt to explain âmother woundâ. Itâs usually more commiserating. But the guest asked the good (rhetorical) questions and decoding the behavior like a true SME. Very helpful. Nicely done.
Iâm a therapist and I agree with you!!! I donât put the mother on a pedestal when people are struggling . As healing begins they start seeing the parent and their full story!!!
I agree..we try to identify too much with our abusive mamas/parents and don't even realize we're victim blaming ourselves. I'm done doing that.
And omg the mention of accomplishments!!!!! I was taught not to be too happy because that was seen as gloating smh it's really why I don't tell her anything I'm excited about or proud of.
Please do a part 2. PLEASE! Or a series. VERY good. This was soooooo good. So very good. Kudos Ladies :)
My paternal grandmother ignores my calls, doesn't answer the door when I come over, makes up every excuse to avoid my company but will pick up the phone after 1 ring for my baby brother he even has a key to her home. I've learned to accept my grandmother for who she is and live my life. Atleast I tried.
Listening to this and reading the comments, I never thought I could love my mother any more than I already do, because my love is beyond infinity for her. I do have a deeper level of respect and love for my mother now because she was and is such an amazing mother to me. Sheâs literally phenomenal. This makes me appreciate her even more. I cannot imagine having a different mother who didnât love or support me, or was abusive towards me. My mom is in her 70âs and we are so close. Now I understand why so many other girls and young ladies looked at my mom as their â2ndâ mother-figure. Continue to get your healing ladies. đđœ
Literally how others look at my mom too. Even when I was younger friends would always tell me I have an amazing mom and I would be so confused but as I got older, it made so much sense.
I personally dread having a daughter. Let alone a child at all. I also fear having a son. They keep telling me i cant get my tubes tied because i havent had a kid yet. Its really frustrating.
Wowwww I neededdd this!!! There is a therapist keeping saying that you have to forgive your mother and keep on talking to her once in a while just to see how she is doing! I have been struggling wi5h this soo much cuz my soul dont want to as yet. And this keep me focussing more about the relationship with my mother and not to myself! It is weighting down on me cuz I feel like I cant move on unless I forgive and forget and talk to my mother like nothing has ever happened. I feel like I cant become something again unless I forgive and talk to my mother. It is a real struggle that is keepimg me stuck in life. Cuz I know when I let go, I really can do so much better and feel relief. But its like they talk the guilt in you that if something happened, you will regret not talking to her or something. This thing is really giving me menthal problems! So thank you for this!!
MY MOTHER LOVES ME SOO MUCH ALL OF US SISTERS â€â€â€
This whole thing was sooo interesting. My biggest gift and curse was the ability to look past self or society imposed titles from birth. Itâs refreshing to see how others think.
My mother was my first love and my biggest heartbreak. I actually worshipped and adored her like a fan would a celebrity, but she treated me like crap. For example, she never told me she loved me, hugged me, told me I was beautiful, or supported me. In addition to that, she would emotionally , physically as well as verbally abuse me. However, she must have believed in equal opportunity abuse because I have 5 brothers and 1 sister, and she mistreated all of us. Her mistreatment of us impacted my siblings and i in a way that we didn't know how to love, or care for ourselves nor one another. The good news is that I am an observer of human behavior so I began to question everything and I learned a lot about my mothers pass and discovered why she was like that which helped me forgive her and move and became a better mother. đ
Going through this now. I have younger bros and the only girl. My mom to this day never tells me she loves me, doesnât hug me, not means of affection. But will show it to her dusty boyfriend who just uses her and doesnât really care about herâŠ.ive detached emotionally I donât even think she realizes it. She ignores me like a child when I try to talk to her, sheâll turn up the tv and this woman is in her 50s. Iâve accepted the fact that she hasnât properly dealt with her own traumas and itâs eating her alive. And I refuse to partake in the misery. Iâm so much happier and successful than she and prioritize my own health and goals. đ
@ScorpioMoonYT Good for you. To add, I suffered from low self-esteem and always felt unwanted/unloved but eventually, I learned to love myself, and that's when my life got better. That being said, I'm happy to hear you're doing well and I đ that you continue to thrive and find the happiness equal to the misery you'd endure with your mother. âïž â€ïž
Iâve been in therapy for a solid year now. Iâve mostly talked about my father but most recently started opening up about my wound with my mother. @ 13 mins the tears started welling up @18:40 the tears were full blown. That piece resonated with me so hard currently. Jennifer dragged me BALD but ima gone head and subscribe.. đ„č I needed to watch this.
Wow!!! Finally someone verbalizing what i could not, i now understand why my mother was never happy for me about thing i achieved or give backhand compliments on my birthday always. Now thats she is gone my older sister does the samething, the birthday jabs in the form of compliments.....just nasty. So now i wish my siblings love & light from awayđ
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I literally donât watch that movie, âMommy Dearestâ. Itâs a huge trigger. Thankfully I have had lots of therapy and I can recognize that. I hope you all get the peace of leaving toxicity. đ
My mom was bipolar and refused to take her medication or get therapy. When my sister was born I knew my mother didnât like me and to read it in her journal was confirmation. As a child I just wanted to be loved and showed emotional attention as a teen I hated her and wanted to make her life harder, I wanted revenge. As an adult I was taking the responsibility to seek therapy and seeing a psychiatrist weekly I pitied her. My mom never was consistent with her mental health and I paid the price (emotionally, physically, mentally) she was a professional gaslighter. Itâs funny growing up she supposedly knew what was best for me but couldnât look in the mirror to see whatâs best for her and get help. Her trauma impact my whole life and traumatized me, I never had a safe place. As I continue my therapy journey a lot of my behavior growing up was a trauma response my safe space was going to sleep and internalizing it. I told myself Iâd never have kids because my granny obviously did something to my grandma that lead her to abuse my mom that ended her in foster care and my mom abusing me but that generational curse will not be placed on my child (My mom shouldâve never had a kid or got married at 19) she was irresponsible. Itâs crazy to think my mom kicked me out of the house in the six grade or her being the first person to call me a b**** or out my name in general. When it was bad youâd think I was some random chick off the street and not her child but then when it was good sheâd love bomb me. In public she was perfect everyone loved her she had lots of friends but when the door closed it was hell on wheels. When she got cancer and remarried I didnât show up or come visit often. I forgive her but the wounds she caused on me internally are deep and her being gone an apology will never be had. My sister finally told some of our family what my mom was really like and my mom favorite sister apologized to me for what my mother did and she apologized to her kids cause she knew what she did to them wasnât right. Itâs crazy how family are always like how come you didnt tell me, if I did would it made a difference NOPE. I disassociate from everyone and now my husband and I protected our peace. I remember talking to my step dad and him saying it makes sense now why you never really came around. I was 23 when my mom finally got mental help so by the time he met my mom she was a different person and they got the best of her when I got the bare minimum and I envy that. I never knew what unconditional love felt like until I met my husband because my parents love was conditional
Hey beautiful! Jennifer is hosting her next group program soon! Here's the wait list to learn more: bit.ly/waitlistgsp
I am so sorry that you experienced this too. My Mom also was mentally ill. And, it affected me greatly. I am 59 yrs old. I first spoke with a psychologist at age 24. I still see a therapist off and on because of what my mother did to me. It still haunts me. But, I have come to understand that b/c of her mental illness that she did her best. My mother was educated and well spoken, and a functioning alcoholic. And, she knew how and when to turn on the charm. But, behind closed doors she was hell on wheels. I have 1 sister and she went overboard letting everyone know that she was her favorite, and that she did not like me at all. Everyone in our family witnessed this. And, it upsets me even to this day that not one person spoke up for me. When I became an adult things only got worse. And, family would tell me that they saw the differential treatment, heard the comments and they did not agree. However, not one stood up for me or with me. And, mental illness runs in our family, and being aware of this, everyone was in denial. They actually looked up to her after witnessing what she did to me. Eventually she passed, and 2 yrs later my father passed. I even had to witness her verbally abusing my father. It was just too much. After they both passed, I moved to another state and have not looked back. When I think about my past, all I can remember is pain and constant drama. No one should live that way. And going forward I refuse to allow any drama in my life. I have already had my share.
Mines was a similar situation except I felt she would purposely not take her medication (even though I know the illness makes them feel like they don't need medication) and have manic episodes because we would mother her and she would get all the attention, and now that we are older it's like she tries to diagnose us so she is not to blame for our mother wounds she blames it on an illness(not me specifically but my siblings) she definitely weaponizes her illness and is still very much narcisisstic.