Are You Afraid the Worst Is Going to Happen?
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- Are You Afraid the Worst Is Going to Happen?
On today’s show, we hear from:
- A woman desperate to stop assuming the worst-case scenario in every life situation
- A newly married man also navigating the adoption of his nephew
- A disabled veteran anxious about starting his career over at age 58
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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My friend adopted a 4 year old girl in a similar situation. They decided to change her first name when they adopted her and changed her last name because her new name would not be a reminder of the abuse. When she was a teen ager she told me that was so glad her old name given by the abusers was not a part of her life.
I catastrophize a lot and one thing my husband always says that throws me right off that track is when I say something like “What IF our car breaks down??” He says “What if it doesn’t?” Or if I say “What if I have cancer?” He says “What if you don’t?”
My mind genuinely doesn’t explore the probable/rational outcomes of life.. him doing that throws me for a loop and helps break rumination cycle.
As a Ukrainian, I really appreciate you mentioning war in Ukraine
Dayum, why that headline be attacking me like that 😂
😊
Gosh, this brave caller took the words right out of my mouth. I've always been a worst case scenario person but ever since our youngest daughter died, I can't stop worrying that my two older kids are next. This is a horrible way to live.
I'm so sorry for your loss...loosing loved ones are overwhelmingly tough, more so when they are our children. I hope you are seeing a therapist to help your anxiety/phobia u now have about your other children being taken 😔 ur definitely dealing with a form of PTSD and it's unfair ur mind is controlling you like this and taking away from you having some peace and enjoying your time with your children that are present now. We can't control the unforseen circumstances that we are all subject to but we can't let it control us and our thoughts...I hope you find some peace in all of this. 💕
So sorry to hear that❤️hugs to you...
They aren’t next ❤
Emdr scared me because I thought it was like being hypnotized. That’s not what it is and it’s helped me immensely. It’s difficult at times but if you push through it you feel so much better on the other side.
I did EMDR through a Zoom meeting with a psychologist - it works! I am still in progress but have come a long way, thanks to my counselor and the EMDR. BTW: are you reading a Yeti book?
I definitely get into worst-case and what-if at times. Had a good chat with my therapist about it yesterday and he helped me to see how far I’ve come, which helped to put my recent “anxiety relapse” into perspective.
Second call: agree with Dr. John on the name change. My spider senses go off about the name change because the caller keeps saying the name change is a new beginning. The caller is glorifying this name change. It changes nothing for the child. The adoption does. The name change is just for the caller's need. The child can change his name later when they are mature enough to make that decision if desired.
Dr John- I respectfully disagree with your assessment about the baby’s name. My son has an abusive father and had his name as his middle name. At 18 he changed his last name to my husband’s last name-who raised him from age 6 and also changed his middle name.
I think an 18 year old changing their own name is completely different than changing a 2 year old’s name.
Your son at 18 had the autonomy to make that decision for himself.
Key word "he"..what is the disagreement about given the age difference?
EMDR has been the single best thing for my CPTSD (aces score 6-7-ish) after having tried so many different therapies/ methods. And yes, essentially somebody is wiggling their finger in front of your eyes :-)))
Damn, I should write to John. I am in Ukraine and what I keep thinking about is: rocket hitting my house killing me, the same but barely killing me and ot my husband, nuclear attack, nuclear station attack, cold, no water , heating, electricity, no money. And it's pretty realistic, damn the Russians ...or my husband taken to the army. oh and I am on week 32 with twins....
Praying Maria!
@@andreaarias2085 thank you and all US for supporting us. BTW, I hope my comment did not sound like an attempt to diminish callers' problems. I empathize with them.
@@marianemashkalo4182 Not at all, you are having the same issue on a much larger scale. I pray none of those things will happen to you.
@@sobeliever1638 thank you🥰
I had EMDR done on my for a short time that helped me. Unfortunately, I ended up with vertigo, which precluded me from continuing.
Amen Dr John, love that you were completely honest with the second caller. Excellent.
I have been reading books about neurobiology, books by Dan Siegel, and others. In trauma, it sounds to me, based on my elementary understanding of the subject, that there is a disintegration between different areas of the brain, and especially between the right and left hemispheres. The right hemisphere stores emotions and feelings and pictures, and what we would call our gut instinct. The left hemisphere deals with logic, words, etc. in a healthy person, these two sides complement each other. In the case of this woman, the images, feelings, and emotions overpower her logic. Part of what EMDR does, by moving the eyes right and left, while thinking about, and processing the trauma, seems to be the reintegration of those those two hemispheres, as well as other functions of the brain that have become disregulated and disconnected. I’m surprised John doesn’t actually know this. After all, he has two PhD’s, and I have a GED and less than a year worth of college credits to my name. Oh, and some training in neurobiology from a pastoral counseling course.
You can learn a lot by doing independent study on your own through reading and research without having a formal education. I love to learn.
43:05 this is the MOST relatable thing you have ever said.
EMDR is great. I had a really rough childhood, and it helps loads with the heavier stuff. The way I experience it is that it puts me into a dreamstate where my "team," my conscious-emotional-adult self, my conscious-rational-adult self, and my toddler-esque traumatized subconscious-self all come together and revist a particular event over and over again until my therapist and I can soothe my subconscious crying toddler that could not handle all the awful things from back then.
It has done wonders to stop the nightmares and "daymares" that used to plague me in day-to-day life.
I think everyone experiences it differently, tho I wanted to detail it out a bit more for anyone who is intrigued by it. There's no meds or anything, it's just done via mirroring stimulation that occurs during REM sleep (e.g moving your eyes from side to side).
I'm glad you shared your experience with EDMR. I've been curious about it and how it can be used to treat trauma.
Name change … my father was adopted by his step father and he was forced to change his middle name because it was his birth father’s name.
My dad hated his birth father and still was angry that they forced him to change his name!
Because your nephew is so little… I don’t know how that will work… some day I think he may have go through some stuff regarding his name change … and he will anyway because of the reason he was adopted… so maybe just one more thing …
If you do change the name … consider choosing names with depth of meaning that he can call these qualities as part of him. He’s going to need to know he is, can be, can feel strong, safe, worthy… maybe a name change including those qualities can be good for him.
I wish you the best in raising this sweet little boy. ❤
My business-ow ning blue collar dad almost revered rhe elite class, not the reverse. So, John was wrong on that. A rare moment on this show. 😅
Renee!
So sorry about your mom!
Hugs for you! ❤
Why are decent therapists so hard to find. Cuz Im broke? Yep
Same. That’s why learning psychology is my hobby. It’s been working pretty good. Although I know if I had a good therapist, it would be accelerated.
So I found out at 40 something years old. After diagnostics with a brain tumor, there is a form of Dyslexia that actually hits your time perception. I believe I could be wrong but it's in the same area as Geometry. So how many ADHD people are good with Geometry? Can we all raise our hands I'm just sayin....
Did "Worst case scenario" by Loveless start playing in anyone else's head after seeing the thumbnail title? 😂
Mad respect wearing a turnstile tshirt!!!! Love it!
My thoughts on the name change at adoption: In the particular context of that beautiful baby coming out of an abusive/neglectful environment AND carrying the name of his abuser, consider the following probable hardship. Neglectful and abusive parents, who have named their children junior etc, are generally NOT responsible in other areas of their lives such as financial decisions. With that in mind, credit reporting agencies OFTEN mixup credit reporting between the child and the parent. I know this because my own son was at risk of this very messy situation due to having his father’s name. My ex husband is very abusive and is financially irresponsible. His credit score equals hitting hell and continuing to dig. I took the active measures to protect our son by freezing his credit when he was only 13 years old. I have personally known other adult children of financially irresponsible parents, who suffered because they were named after their father (named jr etc) and their credit report was FULL of incorrect negative information that they never did. It was a nightmare and took years to correct. I’m thankful that my son’s financial future is not tarnished by anything that his father has or will do.
Thank for this call today!!! Much needed ❤
Can you write a book on living with ADHD?
I’ve been doing EMDR on zoom, and I think it’s been effective
I agree with commenter who now as a adukt so gkad adopters changed her name. It matters.
No but my husband does. 🤔
❤ thanks
I’ve heard so many people say they have ADHD that it means nothing to me anymore.
Bet it means a whole lot to them
@@sobeliever1638 if everyone has a problem, nobody has a problem.
@@l-train7876 It just means that quite a few people have ADHD.
@@theshunnedBandersnatch which means it’s not unique or unusual.
@@l-train7876 everyone does not have ADHD though so....
The R in EMDR is actually reprocessing
John, I wish youd stop saying how basically kame you are for being a podcaster/TikTocer. I know, its funny. But, man, you run us down, inadvertently. Because millions of absolutely love tou, man. ❤
Do not change the babies name!!!!
If you change a child's name means you might have to explain why you did that at some point
Wait, you write with both hands???
Lol that kid has no business trying to adopt a kid. Hes immature as a kid himself
Name change.... How about call child by his set middle name?
Am I the only one that feels like counseling is the newest snake oil. I've tried it 3 times and it was not helpful at all.
You must live under a rock.
It's not for everyone. And even for those it is for, it can be expensive, take a while to find a good fit, etc. Also there is a difference between a counselor and a therapist; I've had both and far prefer therapists. Even still, I switched to a new therapist after 2 years with my previous one and I have days where I want to quit, don't think it's working or for me anymore etc. It's up and down. I am still getting acquainted and feeling out the relationship after a couple of months. But if counseling or therapy is not for you, you're not alone in that. A lot of people do self-healing work and find that that resonates with them more.
@Caroline Hudson comparing to how long humans have been around its pretty new it only started in the 1800s.
This show helps for those who struggle with similar issues. adhd is real.
This adoption is a terrible idea. Seems like the biological dad isnt okay with it and will probably get custody shortly.
For Kyler, or anyone else....a name is just a name. The picture you paint around it is what matters. When my brother and his wife named their first child, all I could think about was this idiot loser we grew up with that same name. I never said anything to anyone, but all I could think of was how awful this name would be for this baby the rest of his life. But, throughout the years when I hear my nephew's name, I can only think of this handsome, wonderful person now. Then another loser guy, with the same name, came into my family's life (and now he's out), but there is no way this new messed up person could repaint my nephew's name. I still believe it's a good name, because I've painted a positive picture of what this name means. I think Dr D is correct in that you must work on your issue with the name, otherwise you're going to hand that issue down to your new son. That's more trauma he doesn't need.
Last caller is the lamest humble bragger I've ever heard. Master's degree, commendation medal, expert in m16 is the least impressive list of accomplishments I've ever heard.
😂