I'm so glad this was brought up. It's the hardest thing for me to abandon. It almost feels counterintuitive and like a betrayal, which stops people from practicing further due to fear of changing 'alliances'.
'Abandoning' is such a loaded word in the modern mindset; seen as a criminal act almost. Most words relating to this meaning unfortunately suffer from the same negativity bias - renouncing, detachment, giving-up etc. 'Letting go' somehow seems to have made it past the negativity filter; perhaps because of the connotation of 'ease' in doing so - and/or modern Buddhist usage. That negative bias that is associated with these words, is a direct indication of a mind affected with craving. That negativity bias has to be overcome first, in order to even truly understand what these words mean. As far as family goes, there is so much that one can 'let go' of prior to even coming to a point of applying it to one's family. One might drop attachment to music/entertainment. One might reduce or narrow down their friends circle. One could opt to not have a pet (a very common attachment in the West). One might choose to not have children (if not done so already). One could, even within a marriage, become celibate. These are all significant steps. If just these are insurmountable hurdles for one's mind, then the prospect of understanding what 'letting go' of one's family attachments isn't even on the horizon for them; for it is infinitely more difficult and the craving is far more deep rooted. It would be like attempting to do a backflip, when your legs are so weak they cannot even support your standing weight.
It’s quite difficult when you were raised within an ideology where death is an entrance to eternal life in heaven with beloved family. Everything will be good and pure, with family - forever. I believed this, through many of my most formative years, and have been confronted with how existentially attached to this idea I am, as life experiences have registered and Dhamma reflected upon. I think, that with people like myself who have such strong counter to Dhamma ideas ingrained within their psyche, that it is most realistic to “go into the forest” and not come back until stream entry. Which, is basically another way of saying to not come back at all. It’s just too strong of a force, like a vortex, otherwise. There is no one foot in one foot out situation here realistically it appears, at least for myself.
Very importantly, let me first say that I do not at all make this an advertisement of any religion, but simply write to help you or others who may have this same dilemma look more deeply in the beliefs that were supposedly held as part of your religion. Having seen that what you write here is but a shadow of the real teachings that were part of your religion, then you may more easily step into the teachings of non-craving, non-greed, non-aversion with regard to everything in your experience. I would say that each and every traditional religious teaching, if truly looked into, strongly - very, very strongly - declares that one *must* give up attachment to everything in this world, including one's family, and turn the whole of oneself to the Goal, to Truth, to Love, to God, however, that is contextualized, by whatever name, in each religion. For example, the Christian mystics often spoke of "dying to everything". If it seems obscure, consider the words of Jesus Christ in the Bible itself: "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:37-39 Considering the above, it seems that what you and many are taught is rather, "churchiness", a feel-good-ism, and not necessarily the teachings of Christ. Likewise, just the Buddha would say to his disciples, explaining to them, if they are asked what their teacher teaches, to say that they are taught to give up lust for the five aggregates, Christ similarly advised his disciples to say that they are "of the Light", ie. not (dependent upon) the material world. If you would consider the mistaken view that the "Eternal Life" that is spoken of by Christ is "an eternal heaven" that the mainstream belief expounds, then consider these words of Christ: "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away." Matthew 24:35 The heavens, as stated here, are just as transitory as the earth, yet, very confusingly, just as the Buddha's teachings are changed by many to suit one's likes and dislikes, it seems the teachings of Christ have certainly been treated the same way. If you can see that these ideas you hold were either: never there in the teaching of the religion you grew up in to begin with, or very simply, just as looking from at the same tree from the top, from below, from the left, right, back and front all offer different perspectives of the same tree, a different jargon to explain the same Truth is present in different spiritual teachings, then you may easily go and practice what is to be practiced, to find within yourself to walk, with a modicum of Faith, to the Great Peace, without an iota of doubt. It is freeing to do so, to declare this your intention here and now, and so, not burdened by doubt, have the courage to begin to See. For indeed, the growing experience of Peace in your own life through the utter perfect and immaculate practice of Virtue, stills all contradictions, just as it is doing so for myself, will continue to do so. I find it quite helpful to simply refuse to entertain, to gratify in doubts relating to seemingly differing spiritual teachings, our old ingrained attachment to them, or any such thing, including our relation to different combinations and variety of language - seeing past this, knowing that their is gratification in doubting, entertainment in it, and so not gratifying in this doubt even one iota, the experience, the Real Experience of Peace gives the wordless answer to what is spoken about in whatever language.
I'm so glad this was brought up. It's the hardest thing for me to abandon. It almost feels counterintuitive and like a betrayal, which stops people from practicing further due to fear of changing 'alliances'.
'Abandoning' is such a loaded word in the modern mindset; seen as a criminal act almost. Most words relating to this meaning unfortunately suffer from the same negativity bias - renouncing, detachment, giving-up etc. 'Letting go' somehow seems to have made it past the negativity filter; perhaps because of the connotation of 'ease' in doing so - and/or modern Buddhist usage.
That negative bias that is associated with these words, is a direct indication of a mind affected with craving. That negativity bias has to be overcome first, in order to even truly understand what these words mean.
As far as family goes, there is so much that one can 'let go' of prior to even coming to a point of applying it to one's family. One might drop attachment to music/entertainment. One might reduce or narrow down their friends circle. One could opt to not have a pet (a very common attachment in the West). One might choose to not have children (if not done so already). One could, even within a marriage, become celibate.
These are all significant steps. If just these are insurmountable hurdles for one's mind, then the prospect of understanding what 'letting go' of one's family attachments isn't even on the horizon for them; for it is infinitely more difficult and the craving is far more deep rooted.
It would be like attempting to do a backflip, when your legs are so weak they cannot even support your standing weight.
It’s quite difficult when you were raised within an ideology where death is an entrance to eternal life in heaven with beloved family. Everything will be good and pure, with family - forever. I believed this, through many of my most formative years, and have been confronted with how existentially attached to this idea I am, as life experiences have registered and Dhamma reflected upon.
I think, that with people like myself who have such strong counter to Dhamma ideas ingrained within their psyche, that it is most realistic to “go into the forest” and not come back until stream entry. Which, is basically another way of saying to not come back at all. It’s just too strong of a force, like a vortex, otherwise. There is no one foot in one foot out situation here realistically it appears, at least for myself.
Very importantly, let me first say that I do not at all make this an advertisement of any religion, but simply write to help you or others who may have this same dilemma look more deeply in the beliefs that were supposedly held as part of your religion. Having seen that what you write here is but a shadow of the real teachings that were part of your religion, then you may more easily step into the teachings of non-craving, non-greed, non-aversion with regard to everything in your experience.
I would say that each and every traditional religious teaching, if truly looked into, strongly - very, very strongly - declares that one *must* give up attachment to everything in this world, including one's family, and turn the whole of oneself to the Goal, to Truth, to Love, to God, however, that is contextualized, by whatever name, in each religion.
For example, the Christian mystics often spoke of "dying to everything". If it seems obscure, consider the words of Jesus Christ in the Bible itself:
"He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:37-39
Considering the above, it seems that what you and many are taught is rather, "churchiness", a feel-good-ism, and not necessarily the teachings of Christ.
Likewise, just the Buddha would say to his disciples, explaining to them, if they are asked what their teacher teaches, to say that they are taught to give up lust for the five aggregates, Christ similarly advised his disciples to say that they are "of the Light", ie. not (dependent upon) the material world.
If you would consider the mistaken view that the "Eternal Life" that is spoken of by Christ is "an eternal heaven" that the mainstream belief expounds, then consider these words of Christ:
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away." Matthew 24:35
The heavens, as stated here, are just as transitory as the earth, yet, very confusingly, just as the Buddha's teachings are changed by many to suit one's likes and dislikes, it seems the teachings of Christ have certainly been treated the same way.
If you can see that these ideas you hold were either:
never there in the teaching of the religion you grew up in to begin with,
or very simply, just as looking from at the same tree from the top, from below, from the left, right, back and front all offer different perspectives of the same tree, a different jargon to explain the same Truth is present in different spiritual teachings,
then you may easily go and practice what is to be practiced, to find within yourself to walk, with a modicum of Faith, to the Great Peace, without an iota of doubt. It is freeing to do so, to declare this your intention here and now, and so, not burdened by doubt, have the courage to begin to See. For indeed, the growing experience of Peace in your own life through the utter perfect and immaculate practice of Virtue, stills all contradictions, just as it is doing so for myself, will continue to do so.
I find it quite helpful to simply refuse to entertain, to gratify in doubts relating to seemingly differing spiritual teachings, our old ingrained attachment to them, or any such thing, including our relation to different combinations and variety of language - seeing past this, knowing that their is gratification in doubting, entertainment in it, and so not gratifying in this doubt even one iota, the experience, the Real Experience of Peace gives the wordless answer to what is spoken about in whatever language.
A very helpful discussion, thank you
🧡