Women have to allow themselves to be used: be useful or be ornamental
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- čas přidán 16. 06. 2024
- Given the state of modern courtship, in which sex precedes commitment, many women are concerned about "being used" in the dating process. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Just like most men have to expose themselves to potentially being used for their resources to secure a relationship, most women have to allow themselves to run the risk of being used sexually to get the same. The alternative to being used is being ornamental, which (for better or worse) is not a viable option for most women. That said, in this episode, I discuss how to reduce the likelihood of poor dating outcomes for women in light of this reality.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #women
Given the state of modern courtship, in which sex precedes commitment, many women are concerned about "being used" in the dating process. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Just like most men have to expose themselves to potentially being used for their resources to secure a relationship, most women have to allow themselves to run the risk of being used sexually to get the same. The alternative to being used is being ornamental, which (for better or worse) is not a viable option for most women. That said, in this episode, I discuss how to reduce the likelihood of poor dating outcomes for women in light of this reality.
Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY
Book a paid consultation:
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #women
I cannot appreciate you enough, sir. A girl I've been seeing wants a lot from me but wants me to be a "friend". I am, an honorable guy, sick and tired of raw deals like this and told her so! Awaiting her response. This video will be sent to her asap.
@@jn3750 What does she want from you while only wanting to be friends?
@@BeautiHacks A lot (and I don't have a hell lot of time) of things that cost me much time (and some money). I told her that no high-value, self-respecting, healthy man with blood flowing thru his veins would accept her arrangement (straight out of Orion's videos),
@@jn3750 What did she say? How long have you known her? And what exactly does she want? Is she dating any other guys? How old is she?
@@BeautiHacks she wants me to help her write her damn doctoral dissertation - specifically, doing high-level statistical analysis . the girl is pretty, 29 and may have someone in the background. I've known her for 4 months. Awaiting her response. I asked for more than being "friends", clearly suggesting some actions and romance. why are there such (unreasonable) creatures on this earth?
My girlfriend exceeded my expectations in every way while we were dating. She put herself together by dressing well and taking care of herself through diet & exercise, she read a lot of non-fiction which keeps the intellectual gears going, she cooked & cleaned her own place on a daily basis, and she showed me how much she cared for me beyond what I offered in resources or attention. And it's a two-way street. I levelled up my financial game by going after better work, kept in shape, and spent time with her where I showed her I cared for her beyond just the sex. We've been married for 27 years and we still strive to be our best selves for each other. Sure, we falter from time to time, but the intention to make ourselves the best possible partner to the other is always there. I don't think building a life together really works any other way.
While reading your comment, I wondered for a second if it was my boyfriend writing this comment under a throwaway account. You sound exactly like him, and the way I behave sounds exactly like your girlfriend (now wife).
I am happy to hear that this type of relationship can be sustained for so many years, it gives me hope! May you have at least as many happy years in the future with your beloved ❤
It's sad that testimonials like these don't get any attention on RP channels. I love Dr. Orions work! But his audience is largely bitter.
@@lilelly16I'm in a relationship like this too, and it sustains itself. Very little trauma or drama.
Your wife grew up in a different time. They don't make them like that anymore.
@@pamelah9205they do they’re just buried in the other comments about the experiences of 99% of people
I really suspect that 90% of this videos directed to women are watched by men
True. This implies a deception on his part to his male viewers. To what end?
It’s an opportunity for males to tap into the female psych 😂
Women who get it don’t need his advice...and women who don’t get it, don’t care either way 😂
Since men have a way of falling for the wrong women on a rush of endorphins these videos are valuable to us, too. Had I seen these videos in my younger years I would have selected much more wisely.
@@alexvignolo7798 It's not that deep.
He's trying to get women to understand that if they want the Men they typically seek and they are the only Men who are good enough to meet their selection critereia, then they have to step outside of themselves a bit and learn to be what those Men want.
It's helpful for Men to listen to this so they can filter for the Women who are wise enough to listen to it.
I suspect most women will ignore this advice.
Good advice consists of ugly truths. They usually prefer "their truth".
My wife hates this episode amd generally this chanel
When I get a daughter I'll put her through this man's episodes.
@@marcuschauvin7039
Divorce her.
I think the numbers are worst
The issue here is that women think they ARE ALREADY the CEO of the company auditioning men for their personal assistant job, without realizing or far too late that in fact they are the candidate to the men they want...
You're right that women feel that they are already the CEO. Given the vast number of simps applying, women are right. More women than men are getting what they want in this marketplace.
Women are the CEOs already to the men they don't want, and the humble employees to the men they do want.
@@davidrosenfeld8519 HVM consider them temp workers!
@@davidrosenfeld8519well said
So what? Sift the sand, collect the gold.
Life is a series of games and some of the games aren't worth playing. Key lesson from my business school years... "Don't play games you can't win." So, the last point, play your cards well, is critical to success. Your resources are limited and there are many rigged games, with zero or negative sum outcomes for you. Choose wisely.
@@constantinethesecond949 yeah but common sense/knowledge is not really commone that's because we're programmed since birth to remain dumb and poor and never learn any critical thinking skills
“If a battle can not be won do not fight it.” Sun Tzu
@@imjaimja "look for a guy that loves you more and can take care of a family with good character to pass it to their kids " Ha, ha. Do you watch Manosphere Highlights Daily? He did a video a year or two ago. It featured an attractive black comedienne. She was telling a GF what she wanted in a man. Her first list was Alpha traits: attractive, tall, muscular, charismatic, etc. Her second part of the convo was Beta traits: he truly loves me, he wants a family, he'd be a terrific father, etc. She then played the part of her GF, who pointed out to her that the man she WANTS in the first list, is NOT the man with the traits she wants in the second part of the convo. In short: w0men today don't want the man you described.
@@imjaimja Well, you put the guy who loves you more in the friendzone. Chad was more interesting.
Your advice sounds cryptic. Why not provide actual examples as it pertains to these women?
they make rules for Simps but break them for Pimps
No lies detected.
Beta bucks, Alpha f*cks
😂
And where did you receivve your PhD? Best relationship advice by far
bro u need to step away from OF and see if u could attract a woman in IRL, simps getting all the p and u b 👀lonely 😩
A point of clarification, while sex before commitment is the modern norm. It is not what sets a women apart from her competition. A helpful and supportive women is the role when you are auditioning to be a wife to a highly successful man.
This is misogyny. I’m looking for an equal partner and not someone who sees me as their employee. Stay single ladies until u meet a man who doesn’t see u as cattle or an employee
The best way to get a promotion is to do the job you want to get promoted into. Take on more responsibility and perform at a higher level, and the promotion is obvious because you're already there. If you want to be a wife, be a wife now. Any woman that says she'll be a good wife, but only after getting married is lying to you, if not to herself also.
Why would you get promoted by doing the job that you want to get promoted into? I would think that the company would save money by keeping you at the same level and USING you.
@@nyaallain9635 this is how it usually happens. They take advantage of your work with no pay raise or promotion
@@TaureanDreams Create a portfolio of sort, consisting of past work experience in said promotion work. If your current employer doesn't promote you, why not go to a competitor with the portfolio?
@@kurisey8020 I was just agreeing with the previous commenter b/c I have seen this happen. I personally will always leave and get a promotion and raise
@@nyaallain9635a bad company does this.
The third option for those of us who trust in God is to be pure and trust that God will do the matchmaking for you.
I don’t know if calling it “being used” is the right term. It emphasizes passivity. I think the idea is to be aware that some relationships may lead nowhere. However, if you start to feel exploited, have the courage to leave such a person.
In essence, my approach is a “healthy” egoism. In relationships I try to prioritize both them and me. Because if you are too self-centered, it’s “using” another person. And if you are too selfless, you may end up “being used” and not able to protect yourself. One should love both others and themselves to be able to build a fulfilling relationship.
Sorry Doc, have to disagree on this. A woman that let herself to be used outside of a commited relationship will be viewed as a used good, and lower her value in the sexual market place.
To use your corporate analogy, if an employee lets himself to be used without having backed by strong labour laws and union, the employee will be used and squeezed without getting the appropriate compensation.
This goes along with Dr Taraban's advice to be the nastiest sluttiest version of yourself for the man you want a relationship with. There is nothing BUT risk out there if you are dating. If you have used proper discernment to select a candidate, why not throw all you can at it. To do otherwise is setting yourself up for failure or to be alone. The one who overpays, gets the job.
This is a capitalist psychologist not a communist one 👍🏻😂
You're using the word used different than ot
@@cosmictreason2242Please explain how the meanings are different.
@adamfaliq8464 It's cultural. In the contemporary West secks is no big deal,
Ornamental - this channel taught me so many new words in English 😂
The fuck!? Never celebrated Christmas eh? Lucky you.
@@brandonmartin8270
Considering the world's population, most people probably don't celebrate Christmas. Many people in the States don't for various reasons as well.😂
The more commonly used term is trophy wife. Same dif. They both get dusty and are replaceable!😂
@@brandonmartin8270were you born a father and had to pay for everything from birth or were you just extremely poor?
@@jsisbeingcensored Probably had obnoxious family. New word for you guys.
I wish I knew this information in my prime time. Instead I heard all the BS from the women around me who had no clue, including my mother. Now in my 50s and divorced it’s kind of late for me. I do share this valuable info with any women who will listen. Thank you doc!!! Another great video.
What Orion said is common sense. How can women have so little common sense?
Work on being healthy and kind, and go to places where you can meet new people and you'll earn your chance. It is always possible, just harder.
It isn't too late for you. That's BS too.
I’m sure you wouldn’t have listened to this info even if you got it in your prime.
Feminism has done a great job at manipulating women, especially younger ones.
not too late. you look attractive in your pic. go out and dont be afraid to ask a guy out, its a huge compliment. men are not complicated- Secks, food, and lack of drama. thats it. women want newness drama, uberstimulation. Men just want stability, Good Luck
This is the most radical title yet hahaha
😂😂😂
I know right???
nah, it's only ben that way only in US and only in last like 20 years... in the reest of the world it's common knowledge!
He's got some stones, lol. Need to be dumping some serious truth bombs with a title like that
The saddest thing about it is that his title is putting it very simplistic and as a person who witnessed women acting bizarre, especially in the dating scene. I can definitely say for sure that unless you've been living under a rock 🪨 women have been doing this since the dawn of time. Depsite he made a bold title for the video. What he is saying is essentially nothing new!
I've have a gut feeling his advice won't be taking seriously.
I get it if you're looking at a relationship as business like "what do I get out of it?" But it seems to be that all happy & healthy relationships are naturally about loving and giving without wondering what you get in return. I was with someone who wanted to know what "my offer" was and now my boyfriend naturally sees what my offer is and is of much higher value than my ex.
Just because you don’t worry about what you have to “offer” in a relationship, doesn’t mean others aren’t nor should be a bad thing. Because there’s a difference between knowing what you want or looking for and settling for whatever is available. Nothing in life is entirely free as there’s always a cost. Be it your time, resources, attention & etc.
Orion in another episode explained how all relationships are a medium through which value is exchanged. In plain terms, they are transactional by nature. Our platonic friends, family and romantic partners etc. by default expect a mutually beneficial relationship otherwise they're going to feel used and resentful.
It is an uncomfortable truth that many couples tend to overlook when everything is all rosey and smooth however, the transactional nature inherent in relationships become apparent when one party begins to feel shortchanged as a result of unmet expectations they have of the other party. In short, there's no such thing as unconditional love in romantic relationships.
@@KwekuTed sometimes one person can be disappointed by shortcomings but if you’re in a committed relationship you make the choice every day to stand by your partner through thick and thin. I’m madly in love with my husband but at the moment I’m feeling disappointed by his failed business venture and string of bad financial luck, but it doesn’t change anything. I love him and I committed to stand beside with him through the hard times.
A point of disagreement. Although many, if not most, average men have lower standards, all high value men hold higher standards and would not be willing to enter a long-term relationship with someone who has a high body count. You don't have to have sex to be used.
So much about jobs, not all guys are super rich so why should females "work" for the average man? It's not about work. It's about respect for men. Plain and simple.
I completely disagree that women have to allow themselves to be used sexually if they want a man. I do agree that everyone is required to demonstrate value if they wish to be chosen by a potential partner. As a woman, I take a risk by opening my heart, expressing desire and respect for a man, letting him know I’m interested, listening to him, being nurturing. Providing companionship and things he can’t get from other men who are always competing with him or sizing him up. I’m different because I accept and appreciate him. Yet he could reject me even after all that. This is the way in which women must risk being used, not by spreading our legs. I preserve my value by not having sex with men who have not committed to me. And I am able to do this because I get interested in average, good men instead of obsessing over the Uber-attractive narcissistic men at the top 1%. Those men are never kind anyway, who wants ‘em. This is how I preserve my value, take risks to find love, and recognize high quality men that others may overlook.
Are you a virgin and will you become exclusive/marry a man without having sex with him first?
This. As a man reading this warms my heart a little. Maybe we're not doomed after all, but I find it difficult to stumble across women with your mentality.
"Uber-attractive narcissistic men".
They're not narcissitic, they just don't see you at their level.
Also your choice (if true, because i suspect it's not) means you will have to eliminate and be eliminated by a lot of men.
It's a sad reality that people with options pursue the best options available to them.
Yes if you are high value you can definitely do this. If you are an 8 you can do this with an 8 guy, although a 6 may be safer. 😅
@@simontmn yup - women date up, but marry down or across
I think Orion is right about the practical acceptance of physical relationships happening before committment/marriage.
I also think this will eventually trend back towards abstinance until marriage. Might take a couple decades but nothing that is readily available is valuable. At some point men and women will not want to accept their intimacy should be cheaply obtained.
I hope you're right, but "abstinence until marriage" absolutely requires a woman to be a virgin. No self-respecting man wants to be treated [worse] than the last guy.
@@andyfranks1575 Yeah. I do think there is a middle point though, woman with low single digit body count and a month or two of dating/courtship before sex.
If they allow themselves to be used, they will become used goods, and used goods do not fetch a high price. The trick is to be perpetually useful, perhaps indispensable, and not merely fit for one time use only.
You're just playing with language, not adding anything
The only problem with that reasoning is:
It $TiLL doesn't account for the CHAD$ who can (and often do) have any and every woman they want. It doesn't matter how loyal and useful a woman makes herself... even if she's on the CHAD'$ level. He can have any woman he wants, even to the point that multiple women will $HARE him rather than "settle" for a man slightly above their own level.
What is the answer for this conundrum? I don't know, because you're never going to be able to get women of every level to stop lusting after CHAD$ and taking up his offer to bed them (even if she's in a relationship) if/when he comes sniffing their way.
🤷♂
Thank you for stating this fact. There’s too many women operating as wives without a ring for men, simply to remain in dead end girlfriend relationships for YEARS because some men don’t buy the cow when the milk is free.
The first part is true, but I don't know how a woman can be perpetually useful. After the first one dumps her, her value is damaged and there is nothing she can do about it.
@@KennethFabritiushe says for women to use their discernment to pick the right person who wants to commit. I.e. avoid Tyrone and Chad.
They make exception for Chad.
Then regret it. And ask "where are all the good men!" 😅 I used to be Chad. Now I self control.
@@JohnSmith-bh8um, After regretting, then go to another Chad, and then the cycle repeats. 😅
@@pmaitrasmPeople desire things they can't have.
@@JohnSmith-bh8um, True.
Don't forget Tyrone!
Everybody uses everybody. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
It's the basis of almost all trade and employment so it's logically hard to be against it.
Exactly
As long as all parties are honest.
Yea. Because every relationship is a transaction.
People can digress all they want, but this is one of the core aspects of human nature.
It's literally to derive a benefit from someone subsequent to a direct interaction with them
I have zero interest in a woman who rushes to make sex a central part of what is meant to be a long term relationship. Getting to know her first really helps men with their discernment too.
I dig it…and I’m always here for that one perfectly timed and emphasized F bomb lol
@@imjaimja I agree with you but both can be true. I think the guy in the video was more emphasizing that women should also make meaningful deposits into the relationship and I agree. Every man doesn’t have to be a CEO to have a vision. Allow a man to pursue and take care of course but it doesn’t mean that the woman shouldn’t co-create with him. A woman can help cultivate the relationship without depleting herself.
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?
Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive
hey witch doctor, give us the magic word!
This comment is clearly fake. Just want to publicize this "Spiritual Counselor". Good luck to the ones who fall for it.
@@user-sj8pt3st8l too late, I told the witch doctor I was in love with you 👀
I am a 52 yr old single female who just started to go back out in the dating world after 19 yrs. I really appreciate Orion's honesty, explanations and laying the truth out in each podcast. This one is golden!
If I may, you seem honest and open, and seeing you comment here makes me happy. Believe me when I say, if you take this channel's advice and apply it in earnest, you have the pick of the litter in men out there!
@@weirdcoincollectionnot for a female at 52 😂
Should have stayed with your previous partner. There is nothing better out there for a woman of 52 years old.
@@weirdcoincollection good joke. she has the pick of the broke out of shape old guys long term or the young broke guys short term.
@@glennlgg6871 There are well preserved 60 year old guys for whom a nice 52 year old is attractive.
had a platonic female friend tell "please f*** me" one time after we were drinking with our friend group. Was flattered, but still a bit disturbed by this for some reason.
So what stops the man from taking all they have and finally leaving without giving them what they want
Well, like Doc said in the video, the woman needs to exercise a level of discernment (as do men) when it comes to who they choose to get involved with
Nothing. That's why women should learn to enjoy the "journey" instead being obsessed with the "destination". We are not in the Victorian era anymore.
I think the terminology may be misleading. In your analogy, you say your boss and customer need to be allowed to “use” you. To me that term implies giving something for nothing in return. My boss is not using me because I am being compensated for the service I am providing. I am absolutely available to be UTILIZED for a compensation of equal value I have agreed to. I am not available to be used and taken advantage of. Word choice can make a huge difference in the way a message like this is received, especially to women, but I suspect you know this. Wording likely intentional, maybe this comment is directed more towards the audience than the creator.
*Go back to 3:15--3:45 & he clearly also notes you have to use your discernment to find out which type company you're dealing with.
@@IfSemper that part was not missed! Easier said than done however, it is definitely a valuable skill to cultivate!
*"My boss is not using me because I am being compensated for the service I am providing. I am absolutely available to be UTILIZED for a compensation of equal value I have agreed to. I am not available to be used and taken advantage of."* Spot on 🎯👏👏👏🎯
Allow to be used? Would you give this advice to your daughter? Come on now 🙄 A woman who knows her value will date to marry. A man must be willing to commit and respect his wife. Happy wife happy life. If you think you can "use" your wife, you should become her pimp.
I think you don't like the word "used" but looking at relationships/ dating objectively this is what happens anyway, regardless of how it's being said.
Those advice simply don't work for women in secular societies. If you do not let men to use you, you are useless to them. So there is no reason to marry.
« It’s not a man’s job to tell you the truth » .. it’s no one’s job to be truthful ever it’s just the right thing to do.
Nope. I've done it a hundred times and learned it's just a good way to get labeled a jerk.
I like how your videos are dating advice for women and workplace advice for men combined in one message.
There's always the option of avoiding all this and abstaining until marriage, which is what we chose. Although, that *was* 15 years ago, before Tinder, and hook-up culture, and "sex precedes commitment" sadly all became the norm.
Dating apps ruined everything. I've given up on dating.
Nonsense. He is trying to get women to be the way he wants, not what is best for women. His advice is terrible for women, but great for men. Notice how the men cheer him so much?? His advice will not land women quality men and will cause a lot of hurt.
Funny how he is comparing a women being in a relationship with a man to the relationship an employee has with their boss.
Because that only dynamic works for both parties. Women want to submit to a strong man and be in their feminine. Follow leads and feel safe
This guy is greatly disturbed with distorted thinking. It's so interesting to see what he pulls out his - and the comments 😂 people actually run with it. Most entertaining that people actually believe
Haven't you understood the part where he explains that most if not all men exlerience the same dynamics ALL THE DAMN TIME?!
Women and gynocentrism. ☕️
A woman can interview without being used. That's what a relationship should be. Prove to me you have what I need. That my life would be better with you. They just don't get this. Instead, they put out bc feminism told them that is their worth.
Every time he says something along the lines of "to win you have to pay the highest price" it troubles me to my core
But he is right
@@PlsSubramoni we all know of people who didn't pay the highest price when we did and we still lost. You mean to tell me I had to pay even more???!?!? I rather not play that game
@@jean-claudephilgence8371 I say this with the most genuine love in my heart- pay an even larger price next time you attempt it
"I want a long term, committed relationship." (But not with YOU...)
"You are the perfect boyfriend/man/husband, everything a woman could ever wish for. (...but not for me)!"
😂
The way this episode starts, i wouldn't expect alot to get more than 10 seconds through it
But then…… body count. Smh.
The doctor is giving free game 😮😮😮😮😮
The premise is valid to a point. My experience is that both genders are looking for someone they can relate to… that they connect with. Sex follows when there’s a nourishing, mature, human understanding. All this talk is not as relevant when there’s a connection. I think what’s important is for people to have the inner security and personality skills to know how to relate. Another thing: I think what we all really want is NOURISHMENT. We have many short term relationships, so we need to know how to enjoy the nourishment of being with each other. Unfortunately, there really are toxic and emotionally undeveloped people out there who skew the conversation. Date, Enjoy, and consider what a long term relationship would be. With God’s blessing you will find your love.
Orion's titlemaxxing game be wildin'
Why can't two things be true at the same time? People who "allow" themselves to be used are remiss but the exploiters are also bad people who should be scorned by society. This isn't a male vs. female thing it's a good person vs. bad person thing.
Most ppl are "bad" ppl
They will get what they want by hook or crook and the person who pays is the exploited
When committment stoped being a prerequisite for sex the argument of "exploitation" vanished. When modern women declare loudly that they have the right to sexual pleasure irrespective of commitment, then pure sex alone gets value.
Life is all about win-win. If I’m being used and losing all around I won’t be sticking around.
Most men think they are ‘high value’ and most women think they are ‘high value’ but in reality very few men or women live up to their personal concept of what this means. However, all hope is not lost, we can all individually get on the right trail of our own development and that is worth far more in the long run than whom we attract.
The Title is crazy, but I totally understand.
People attract partners based on their unresolved trauma. 80% of people probably shouldn't be in a serious relationship lol
I'm glad other ppl know this
You just put this in such a repulsive way . Truly
Only one point you missed here:
Men can be used sexually too.
Not all men want casual sex.
Many woman these days, do however want casual sex.
From one Andrew H to another- dead on mate. Women are more sexual than men. Our drives express themselves differently but they spend MUCH more time thinking of, preparing for, and having sex across the board. One of the most successful gaslighting campaigns of all time was telling men that we are the drivers of sex, and are somehow inherently degraded as a result.
A woman is not a car
Smart women already know this. Question is: how many men are worth the trouble?
Smart women already know the answer.
@@fanfanthomas9688 smart men have sense of humor..
They do. But why change the subject?
Men that are smart spot narcissists.
Spot on. All that for what exactly?
It is true that some people lie about their intentions. Getting to know them and spending enough time with them will tell you whether they are genuine people. It might take some time and some mistakes to realize what types of people only want to use you. You want to be with someone who loves you and compromises with you, not uses you. It hurts to feel used, don’t allow it.
Heres a better idea: Stop equating love with capitalistic ideas & corporate America. Men & Women stop eating "fruits of knowledge" from this snake.
I am so glad I am not in the relationship market.
Damn, your thumbnails are always really nice. Who's the artist behind them?
Probably AI. The hands are never right.
I appreciate the advice. It definitely makes sense. The only stumping point is that if women's value go down the higher her body count, why should we keep adding to that count without proof of commitment/aka marriage? How can you get around this catch 22?
Accept the guys that give you the "ick". They mean it.
He goes over this in some other videos, of women having to be the “sluttiest version of themselves.” Means they can start out with handholding or making out or something more tame when first entering the dating market when young, and slowly working their way up for each subsequent guy.
It’s definitely a balancing act, give enough to be considered, but don’t give everything in case it doesn’t work out. Also can be useful by making the man’s life easier, however that might be, whether cooking/cleaning/sex/therapy. Be someone he wants to keep in his life.
@@user-vx1up7ty7zwhy is the sentiment that a woman has to keep herself in a man’s life but not vice versa? What is a man doing to keep a woman in his life?
@@nstar1372 Because he's talking to women when he says that? He has plenty more videos geared towards how men can improve themselves as quality partners and attract/keep quality women
You can't. The only way you win is by betting on a future winner in your younger years like your mother and grandmother did. If he's already a winner, you're probably sharing him and being "used". You can always settle for a loser and he'll always commit but that's an L for you because you wouldn't respect him (and rightfully so).
Imagine listening to this guy.
Always remember that people behave the best they will ever behave during the trial (dating) phase of the relationship. If they behave badly in the beginning, it is only going to get worse. Most women these days have no idea, and don't care, what a man wants and if they did know, they would refuse to provide that thing just for spite.
I say this all the time!
Correct. What I've found of the women I meet just going about my day is that if they suggest something like hanging out together, in a way that would lead towards a relationship, they have no idea what to do except to sit back and be given free entertainment and experiences. It never crosses their minds that they have to do anything. When I indicate that if they want a relationship or want to spend time with me, they have to sacrifice the time, make an effort, and this horrifies them and they vanish.
@@EE12CSVT EXACTLY.
@@EE12CSVTthe sad truth is that women (real ones, not the imaginary façade they wish to fool us with) do not seem to be designed for relationships.
It seems like they are designed to be impregnated by the highest perceived value men (includes tingles and status) while simultarnously extracting resources from men they don't really value.
Maybe I'm missing the poinr, or maybe it's just that I am from a different generation, Men don't value; used. Especially not, well used. However, as I stated before, I am missing the point, or younger generations a men have a totally different value system.
Investing your time and money with no guarantee of a desired return is not allowing someone to USE you. If you FEEL used, that's on you. If i go on a date, spend time getting ready and voluntarily spending my precious time with someone and it doesn’t work out. I don't feel used. I'm not mad, bitter or emotionally injured. I CHOSE to venture on this date. If that's your perspective on dating, please do everyone a favor and don't date. You'll just be hurting yourself and others with that demented mindset.
Only way a woman can find out if a guy is a quality guy or not is to ask men to be trusted, meaning their father or their brothers. Other than that is will be shear luck. That mean that they can't and should not sleep around....
The analogy is a bit flawed. A woman would argue that she is being asked to work as a CEO before she gets a single dollar in compensation. And if she is doing the same work for free, who is going to pay for what they are getting for free?
More women need to see marriage as getting into the ground floor of a start up corporation, where she gets in on the ground floor with a ton of stock options but she is going to have to work her ass off to make those options worth something, including the inclusion of junior share holders.
Because women want to own 2024 Amazon stock at 1998 prices.
One word reply
NO.
Don’t lie. You can be not sure. You can say it depends . Don’t lie for sex. You shouldn’t have to.
Woemean cannot stand the truth. If you want to get laid as a man, you have to lie (except for the top 4.5% that cannot do or say wrong and get always laid)😂🎉
Give your daughter that advice. I hope you do that. Live what you preach. 😂 And your daughter gets used.
We have three daughters. All of them in relationships with good men. Always told them to meet his family first & let us meet them too. If they are good, proceed with courtship & intimacy. There is less likelihood to be used when family’s involved. Our daughters have never been “ornamental”or alone. Quite the opposite. Very popular. They’ve dated different types under our supervision. And we have made friends with families. That’s how we do it in our circles. Keep the status of our daughters & family high. Our girls have always demanded respect & friendship first. Only mixing with good families.
Your advice will let women get used without leading to marriage. It’s unsophisticated & lacks any sense of sensibility. Women have to question whether this is a good stable man from a good family or not. If they lay out this demand before intimacy, they get the chance to really see if it’s a good match or not. Know a man’s friends & family first. Spend a vacation together with his family & then go to bed. Unless it’s of course only for pleasure.
If you’re a non stable woman from a traumatic family. Make sure to work on your self first. When you’re healed, you’ll know who to look for & don’t lower your standards of personality, but lower your standards of physical appearance.
Agreed. If women follow this piece of advice without criteria, they will soon be physically and emotionally spent.
amen
@@greyhoundssss Good for you! Your father is king 🤴
Amen. This man clearly is not getting what he wants from women and is now being the devil telling women to give men what they want in exchange for a relationship. Ladies, please don't take his advice. It will ruin you. A real man will not take advantage of you. Only meet with men who are ready for marriage and that speak of the future on the first date. Men who are ready for commitment and responsibility will say they want to get married, they want to have children and they want ALL THIS in the near future! Make it easier for you. Don't interact or meet with any man who doesn't clearly showcase their seriousness. If you find dates on apps, only match with men who specifically look for long term partners. It will narrow down your choices. It's like shopping... if you're looking for yellow pants, why then look at red ones. Don't waste your time on devils. Look for god.
Do you have any sons, and if so, what guidance do you give them?
So then what are virgins supposed to do? Like I know a 30 year old virgin and she hasn't been with anyone just 1 boyfriend back in middle school and that doesn't count. She just never put herself out there and now she is lost in the modern dating game. She doesn't even have any of the dating apps and won't make a profile. What should she do?
Go to Church. Observe the men carefully. Smile and laugh when she is there. Learn to cook. When she has eased herself into being comfortable being in public around others, find a man who checks her MORAL boxes first and say "Hi". This is not hard, but like the rest of the real things in life it is tedious and that must be accepted.
Arranged marriage. That was the traditional solution.
Except that nowadays, the men& women that go through that route ain't the hottest of the block.
1:06 - "There are guys out there who will NEVER give you the relationship outcome you would prefer, no matter what you do. Ever."
They know that but do you think they care…
The only valuable advice this whole video gave. The rest were total garbage.
A woman can get a man to commit without being sexually used. You dont have to be a 10 out of 10 either or an "ornament". You just have to have self respect. Giving it up easy is terrible advice! He'll lose interest fast. If he respects you will wait, and if your smart ladies you " give in" when commitment is made.
You have opened my mind to another way of thinking and earned a sub as well. 😊
I almost sent this video link to my sister, my only issue is that I feel like you're setting wonan up for failure. In that, if men gate keep commitment and woman gatekeep sex
It doesn't benefit the woman to give sex without the commitment first.
That example of the CEO and your boss decides to give you or not, how the cat decides the milk.
I'm not so sure this advice is infact in the benefit of the females cos if she gave them all they want and allowed herself to be "used" as you put it, only sets her up for failure.
There are relationship coaches that preach the opposite, it must be a win win situation
This that you speak about, not balanced at all
The "used up" women in societies are called the whores and prostitutes who are ran through, nobody wants them.
That's where this advice is leading the women who listen to you, into the arms of men to be easily used up and discarded.
You don't even advice them to exercise their power to get the outcome they want as a win win cos you clearly think of that as "entitled"
Please stick to topics for men, by men cos this is all this nonsense is.
In my opinion, gatekeepers are redflags.
@@Damesanglante let's use a different word.
Men get to decide whether they give you commitment or not (they propose)
Women decide whether they give you sex or not (the vagina is on her body)
So, is it not entitlement what this man is saying?
That the man is like the CEO or boss you must impress so give away all your power to him and expect for the best?
Nah, women who hold off intimacy until exclusivity are all doing well in life, this man is just a clueless prick cos if you let them use you up, they won't infact respect you... You are immediately grouped under floozies
What do you call a person who gives it up on the first date? Exactly, this advice is damaging and very patriarchal
You're not mentioning the fact that a woman can go to a DIFFERENT "sexual marketplace" like in Pakistan, where they still believe in commitment first, ie marriage first, before sex, If they don't want to feel used and waste their time.
No woman is going to Pakistan for a husband lol
yes...this is a video for a doomed and disgusting society
🤣🤣🤣You think they want to be traditional? 🤣🤣🤣Always the ones who are not traditional asking for traditional men….
As the old famous psychologist Mick Jagger said "you can''t always get what you want."
It is the woman's job to convince the man to commit. Most guy actually do want a committed relationship, especially as they get into 30s. It's the women that turn men off to it.
And it's the women who bail after 5-1O years once tha TiNGLE$ are gone...
DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@KennethFabritius No, only once he has accumulated enough so that divorce is the best way for her to profit.
@@marktapley7571 most of the time... not always... but most of the time.
Men want committed relationships but only with quality women. If the woman isn’t quality, then sex alone is ok
I like your Barcelona chair in the background. I have one too.
His statement that you need to have sex before you can get a guy to have a relationship with you is absolutely false. However the principle that you must contribute value to someone’s life if you want them to desire you, is absolutely true. Be deeply valuable in a man’s life, contribute your femininity and positivity and support to him. Stick to your standards, whatever they are, and find a man who values that.
That's why he said use discernment.
In principle, you’re correct, but I will say that for a man that highly values sexual compatibility and enthusiasm, indulging in that arena is apart of being of value. Sex is a form of intimate communication, after all.
He never made that statement. You assumed it and so many women in these comments are doing the same. Basically just telling on themselves. Your main point is correct.
Playing your cards right- will be a consultant /freelancer, until one of your clients headhunts you/offers you a CEO job -guaranteed. Meaning do not expect full investment and benefits as a full-time employee in exchange for the freedom to work with many clients. Until you are offered the CEO job guaranteed ( a proposal )
Question for the book "The Value of Others", would it get a Kindle version?
That version is available for pre-order via the link in the description, yes.
I love your social analytics just as much as your comparisons to other aspects of life. It really helps drive the point and also provides a reference to topics. Thanks!
DANGER (like a Running Back’s value) of being perceived as increasingly Used UP (diminishing fertility) while being useful… When should that window’s Progressing Pressure to secure that contract cause her to re-enter market?
This is great advice for all humans. If you decide to opt in the game. I don't. I'm happy single and casually dating. Focus on friendship not on delusional Disney fairy tales. I've never been happier.
I'm glad I stumbled on this thread. I normally agree with OT... but this sounds like "let's see where this will go" dating tactic. Discernment doesn't work if women date up only to become options or date down and elevate the down man to up and now he has options.
Women only date for benefit and attraction. If you have neither you get no woman. Now a woman may choose a broke man but she will leave when better option come. Same as a man he will leave when better options come. The difference is we a mem are penalized to the letter of the law while women are free to leave with no consequence. It's always lets see how this goes otherwise we'd be bound and honor the commitments we make, why do you oppose this
Straight up truth. Listen, accept, thrive.
Usually I'm interested in vsrious ideas, hut now I finally decided to block this channel.
Does he know any real men? Any real women? It's about respect and building a betterworld together.
Naive little child.
What is a real man or a real woman in a mariage and its dynamics ?
What’s the job description for a real man ? and the job description for a real woman ?
How do a man & a women build a mariage, before children arrive. Those children have to be raised in order to become functioning and respectful adults ?
@@TaphaSow75 Just normal people who love and help, friends at work and family friends, not trying to use others for everything, not making everything a gender issue, just meeting people and caring for them.
Don’t have sex with people you aren’t married to.
Women and men in long term relationships both feel like slaves. As a woman I work hard to look nice and keep the fridge stocked, pay my share of the bills, take care of the kids, weed the garden, keep up on laundry etc. There are times I feel burnt out and feel like a slave to my family. But the thing is my husband feels the same way. He has to pay his part of the bills, drive the kids around, mow the lawn, make home repairs etc. He often feels like a slave as well. It’s all about effort, no matter how tired we are we’ve just got to keep working as a team and picking up the slack where the other leaves off. Relationships and raising families are a team effort and it takes a LOT of effort from both parties.
Will anyone sue this gentleman in America? Very curious
I dunno about the idea that women need to offer sex early to get a guy, if that's what this is saying. I waited until 10th date for sex once - but she was really really pretty 😂
@PsycHacks ... first time caller, long time listener. And usually I do just listen. I agree with everything you said in this video except your opening premise on female vetting. Once upon a time I was a handsome teenager in Canadian (read: feminist) public school back in the 1980s. I was a Christian and would never "dishonour" a girl by playing around. My values included The Golden Rule and my spiritual belief demanded no sex before marriage. I never had any female interest until I would put out in my twenties, at which time I became a Toy Boy, having given up on "immature" women my own age. My male friends all told me I was too serious for the girls. I had a great time with women in my twenties and thirties , but no serious marriage interest until I became a Passport Bro at the age of 34. (I brought home my wife and child and, within 7 months back in Canada, I find myself in a traumatic Child Protective Services custody battle because I was raising my 10 year old daughter in home-school to be a 1950s self-reliant girl suitable for a high value man in another 8 years' time. The hateful attitude I get from the women here and from the CPS make me sick to my stomach. My daughter was the most well-behaved, selfless, and conscientious kid in our farming community until she was taken to the city without my even being given a hearing before a judge back in October. ) So my problem with your opening premise comes from my experience: that women are turned off with the notion of a serious relationship right from the start at an early age. This is due to gynocratic culture and the education system. If a man wants to find purity and honour in a girl/woman with whom to raise a family, he is SOL. And if he voices this goal to a potential mate, he will die an incel until he changes his attitude to pump and dump the women because this is all they have been taught to expect from themselves. I see the difference in my 10-year-old daughter's expectations for herself, and the old biddy hatred directed at her. So I cannot accept your opening premise, though I find the rest of your information to be spot on. Until women raise their self-expectations, believe in themselves as complements to a man rather than competitors, and are willing to approach being the COO of a family the same way they are taught to approach the C-Suite for the tax-office, there is no hope in your premise, in my honest opinion. .
Just get an exclusivity commitment decided upon before sex. He can share his frame with her and she can decide if she likes it and can live up to it. If it's a match, they can agree to an exclusive relationship.
women say they are boss babes and want to be in charge. But if you were to ask them would they even consider let alone have a relationship with an emotional man who said he was a boss man they would have a glitch in their computing system.
Women are only boss babes until something goes wrong. The car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, a handyman job needs to be done, the job is dumb, dirty, and dangerous, or there is an actual thread, "Where is the man to rescue me?" As soon as she doesn't need emergency support, she is the boss babe too good for and does not need any man-ever-until the next time.
@@martinh8784 who doesn’t get someone else to do a dirty, dumb, dangerous job, isn’t that the definition of a boss?
Slight reframe in order to gain further perspective: many companies/bosses will see a worker so good at a particular role that the worker becomes viewed as indispensable ~ this can translate as un-promotable. I realize discernment comes into play here, curious if you would help round out this metaphor (ideally with advice on how to sense if/when this is the situation)?
what if the woman has a choice between pursuing a career to become a ceo or pursuing a rich man to become his wife.
Which path should the woman choose?
Hi everyone on the PsycHacks ✋🤗
Sometimes I compare a useful person to a piece of waste cloth or rags. In order to be valuable and important we need to be like rags which have many uses. Just my observation and POV .
Giving with discernment. The essence of this video 💭
This is why I just say that I want hookups. If women punish any answer that’s not long term relationship, how can I be punished for a lack of success? That means I’m being successful at stating my boundaries and they’re not good enough to get what they want, making them the problem and not me
It's quite simple, you have to lie to women and manipulate them. If you're honest, you'll have much less success. If you can manipulate without remorse, you can have all the cat you want.
You tell them that they all agree and then the problems start 🤣🤣🤣
How’s that working out for you?
@@rina99910 pretty well. I keep all of my dignity and never get played. That makes me more successful than most other men. Women are delusional to the point that they can’t get the guy they want (me). Stop giving power to women who have never earned it
@@rina99910 pretty well. I keep all of my dignity and never get played. That makes me more successful than most other men. Women are delusional to the point that they can’t get the guy they want (me). Men need to stop giving power to women who have never earned it. Women do not control sex, stop pretending they do
OMG this is wrong in so many ways, this advice does a great service for the pratriarchy, but very little to breach the gap between men and women.
We need to learn to first love and grow ourselves a lot and then love and help other lives expand and evolve and become a better version of their selves.
At least for me this is the way.
Man, I screwed myself with this not too long ago. I trusted my instincts the first go round with this one guy then six or so months later thought that I’d judged him too harshly…ended up having sex with him once which was good, then a second time also nothing stellar, then he just kinda went away, where there had once been somewhat consistent conversation/communication now there was none. I kick myself for knowing initially that he was a player and not staying with that course. Oh well, lesson learned.