50 Dates with Sydney
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2024
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"I would just hang out and then we would just...be" thats like half of how my relationships started. Youre not alone dr.doe!
That's the reason I've only dated two people. I married the second, and we both still hang out with the first and their spouse, almost 20 years after the breakup. It's difficult for me to comprehend that this isn't just objectively the best way to do it. I understand that it isn't, because different people want different things out of dating and experience attraction differently, but it really feels like I got to date on easy mode.
This is what I want. I know it's against the point of the video, but I would really rather just hang out with someone and "be."
isn't that how any relationship starts without a computer? [successful for thousands of years?]
@@nessesaryschoolthingk
She says she goes onn dates to meat people - don´t we all.
Loved the information, but after reading the comments, maybe "How to Date" isn't the best title for this video, as it isn't advice that fully includes everyone who would be interested in learning how to date. Maybe something like "Sydney's Experience with 50 Bumble Dates".
As a 33year old adult woman who has never dated, never been married, virgin, I'm super curious...
When she says she would go on dated 5+ times a week, what constitutes a date? Getting a meal together? Watching a movie? Having sex?
I know each person is different and the answer to my question could be none or all the above. But I could love for any thoughts from anyone who has been on a date or in a relationship as to what you have done.
My health has been in a steep decline since I was 15. I was recently diagnosed with a rare heart and lungs condition and was told I only had 4 to 8 year life expectancy. So I've kind of walled off the part of me that would be in a relationship. Being told you are never going to get better, you will die a slow and agonizing death makes me not want to get attached to anyone or anything. So I've kind of decided not to explore that side of life, but now I'm wondering if I should explore it. I don't know!
I think most people understand a date as "an activity you do together with the expressed purpose of building a personal bond". For various people and types of relationships there will be various activities you can do.
As a person who has been married for too long, we define a date as food + activity. Which means that something we'll be out somewhere doing life things and suddenly declare that we are on a date!
So sorry to hear about your health :( that is in an incredibly hard pill to swallow. If it's something that's high on your priority list, go for it! If it's not, there's no shame in not doing/wanting it. I myself am chronically ill (though not terminally) and have found people open to dating me. I hope that helps.
I’m very sorry to hear that. If I can give some advice, id just jump in and go for it. Just start and see where it takes you.
i hope you do. Ask your friends and family for help, they can smooth the introduction process. Do you have any special interests? Do you have a favorite YT or FB on social media and read comments you reply to? It can start as simply as that. As for dates, it can be anything, anywhere, what matters is doing something fun, and if the other person feels the same about it, that's a start. GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE!!
I see a lot of men complaining about a lack of useful info on the male perspective in this video. As a bisexual woman who has dated both men and women on Tinder HERE'S SOME ACTUAL ADVICE ON BUILDING TINDER PROFILES. Here are the reasons why I've been very hesitant to reply to or even match with men on Tinder (while being less reluctant to contact women):
1) No bio
Seriously, why do men do this to themselves. Basically, everyone can either be physically attractive at first glance or rely on their personality to get them through the door. So whyyy do so many men on dating apps either have no bio or just "swipe right to learn something about me" as their bio? Put your hobbies there, a joke, a funny story, a random shitpost, literally anything that says anything about you.
EDIT: 1b) Your bio should be clear about what kind of relationship you're looking for. When I was using Tinder I was looking for an actual long-term partner and I hated that men would have profiles all about their life values and hobbies but then in DMs it turned out they were all about quick sex.
2) Bad profile picture
Men need to learn their angles, seriously. Try not to take selfies in artificial light, dim light (ideally, your main Tinder pics should be taken by someone else). If you're taking a selfie, go with the front camera, not the selfie camera. The selfie camera distorts your face. If your skin looks bad, put foundation on. I promise no one will notice the makeup if the lighting is good. DON'T SET A SHIRTLESS PIC AS YOUR MAIN UNLESS YOU'RE 10000% SURE YOUR CHEST LOOKS GOOD.
3) Negativity in bio
"I'm kinda clumsy, my friends tell me I can be bitchy". Uuh that's not good self-marketing. I'm not saying you should lie but wearing your hangups on your sleeve is a big red flag for me. It screams "someone who will treat me like their private therapist".
*3b) Lists of people you don't want in bio
Women do this very rarely. With men, I see it all the time. You open the bio and it starts with "Swipe left if you're in one of the following 20 groups of people I hate:" Now this DOES say something about your personality. It says that you're an asshole.
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Just here to give this comment a little boost
Um where I live every 9 of 10 women just write about everything they hate in people.
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Good advice. However, as a guy that has done most of this (apart from professional photographs for profile pics, because that isn't cheap) I still have horrendously bad luck with any app I have tried (Bumble, OKCupid, Hinge, Tinder). There is more at play for men it would seem than for women. Perhaps it is because I have not paid for a profile, perhaps it is the area I live in, perhaps I am just an ugly bastard no matter how much I think otherwise. We could play this guessing game all day, but clearly there is some kind of uphill struggle for male applicants. It may exist for women too, but I don't really hear about the same issues. Usually their issues revolve around bad dates, idiots, or creepy people.
Once you do get that rare, maybe once a month match (maybe if you are lucky), I have been mostly ghosted or had to carry the conversation with no effort from the other party. I do mean no effort, one word responses to a question, no question back, what do these women expect from us? Even if you keep asking stuff they usually ignore you after a couple questions.
So as a bisexual woman who has been active on tinder, I ask you this. If you knew a friend that followed this advice, and tried but just could never seem to get any traction going, what would you recommend then? I am legitimately curious, because I don't know what I am doing wrong.
Please do this subject again but with a male guest. An average typical male guest that's more representative of most men. You'll find the experiences shockingly opposite from this interview.
With someone who actually struggles, not a superattractive Tinder god that gets matches by doing absolutely nothing.
Same thought. I imagine something like this: "spent 25 years and got to 32/50 dates" :D
I never got a date but I spoke to a girl on the phone once so that was nice.
That sounds interesting
Absolutely. A good looking woman like her can easily get a date five times a week. Not the same for a guy.
How about interviews with men about dating apps? I've found the difference terrible. Female friends are overwhelmed with matches and I get about one match a month of which 3 of 4 flake and never turn up to the first date.
Same
I’ve found a good amount of success with dating apps, but it’s also because I toyed with around 4 or 5 different ones (IMO hinge is the best one for actual longer relationships). There’s a strategy to building a good profile and you get better as you build more and more of them
That's because celebrity/famous men have more women for every one like ratio 1,000/1 and we're left with those disappointed for not getting with rockstar eventually ruining our lives because of their personal failures
@@9114utube what are you an incel come on. There is just as much guys who worship celebrities
From experience it really is the case that women get drowned in applications that it can actually be hard to talk to them while I have to pretty much constantly approach because otherwise almost no one will write me and those who do are usually not my type. As a rather timid and careful type having to chase is really not great.
Sydney is a good guest, but this video isn't really a "how to", so a different title might be a good idea. And like the comments have been saying, it would be interested to see the opposite end of this with a male guest.
I really wish there were more insights for conventionally "unattractive" people-- i.e. disabled people, fat people, people with scars or skin conditions, or even people who are considered unattractive within certain contexts (i.e. dark-skinned Black people who face colorism prejudice).
How do people get over the barrier of everything being photo or visual oriented? When someone can "swipe left" in 5 seconds (that is, as soon as they see a pic where your wheelchair is visible, for example), there's so little time to make a good impression.
I am currently in a great relationship, but I was only able to persuade a few people to give me a chance on the apps. I ended up paying for a frankly expensive matchmaking service to meet someone. I wouldn't recommend that to most people.
Not wanting to be dismissive of people facing those difficulties (it's unfair and it sucks). If visual presentation is not one of your strongest asset, I would advise to stop wasting any efforts on visually oriented platforms. You need to figure out what are your strong suit and find ways to leverage them. Social people with large circle of friend can find group activities and try to engage other people. For creatives, you can try to find gathering of other people interested in same creative outlets. Athletic people can join local sport teams. Obviously none of those option can ever be as convenient as an app but it's not hopeless either.
God, yes! I'd really like one from someone with a long term health condition that affects their day to day. I'm too bendy, it can limit my mobility, and trying to navigate introducing that to dates without scaring them is really... hooo boy.
@@QvsTheWorld I mean, I kinda already took your advice, using a professional matchmaker. Part of the deal was like, I had to trust her judgement and basically agree to go on blind dates, as did the guys. It worked! Just...it was expensive, especially because I'm not religious and there are few matchmakers who aren't religiously affiliated.
Also, while it was ostensibly an LGBT-inclusive service, in practice only, like, three other women open to seeking women in my region signed up. So, overall, it did the job--I met my amazing partner! I just wonder if there are more alternatives than pay $$$ for a professional blind-date arranger or just...spend so much time on the apps with so few results.
@@Jonquil_Studios I totally get that and I'm glad thing worked out for you. I'm still of the opinion that apps for anyone who are not above average attractive is like signing up for a kickboxing tournament when you're in a wheel chair. Point being, that while sport leagues for people who are in wheel chair are less numerous and less advertise they offer a much better experience for their participants. That's why I suggest anyone to take a tally of their strength, weakness and interest and see if they can find way to leverage them to their advantage.
I would also like to add that while we often talk about someone being a 10 or whatever, that beauty is not really a universal metric. While on average we can tell if someone is generally attractive or not, there is always the possibility of someone's 10 being just a 3 for somebody else and vice versa. If you pay attention to others in how they interact with you, it's possible to find a person for whom you are their awesome 8 or perfect 10.
Yes, please! I'm chronically ill and finding dating to be SO hard!
Always thought dating apps are just a massive tax on a persons mental health and self worth from a male perspective. This video has absolutely reaffirmed my belief in this. Dating apps are great for women for either genuine dating if they are careful or just getting a self confidence boost, but terrible for the majority of men.
Thank you for saying this without being rude about it. I agree.
@@alexandramuck1352 Besides fundamentally changing human nature? I'm not entirely sure what possibly could change this dynamic. Men and women do tend to have pretty different approaches to romance and sex, and given the near-total-universality of those differences across the globe, it doesn't seem like it's a cultural phenomenon, which leaves evolutionary biology as the most likely cause. And THAT is not something we can "fix" in anything remotely close to a human time-frame.
@@RudeAlert Chalking it up to human nature is quite trite. There are plenty of visible instances of socialisation encouraging men-as-pursuers that can be consciously chosen against. You didn't evolve to do long division or calculate tax returns but presumably you don't have a problem with people applying their cognitive faculties towards those skills. Ditto trying to make dating fairer.
@@bangboom123 Well, good luck with that, I really hope it works out.
@UCsvHauMpb-64Xh3HNyElzew To put it simply, men are more desperate to get women than women are to get men. As a result there tends to be more men on dating apps than women, which means women have far more options to choose from than men, which then means that men need to stand out all the more just to get any attention.
Just to put in my own example; years ago I briefly tried using Craigslist to find someone (I know, I know, I didn't know any better, I was young and naive). I posted a few times but never got a single reply. I also responded to a few women's posts and only ever got a handful of replies, none of which ever lead to anything. So just for the hell of it, one day I decided to do a quick experiment; I posted a very bland, non-descriptive, non-sexual post with no picture in the "Women Looking for Men" section, just to see how many replies I would get, if any... Dear God! My frikin inbox exploded! I could not believe there sheer disparity in results. Mind you, there were a fair few dick pics in there, but there were also quite a few guys who were clearly sending meaningful replies.
That's when I learned who online dating REALLY works for. And, yes, of course there will be a few guys coming along to say that they're just ordinary looking guys and they have better luck than that. I don't doubt their claims at all, there are always exceptions to every rule; and the rule of online dating for guys is, you need to be either:
-really attractive,
-rich,
-incredibly charismatic/interesting.
Or any combination of those traits.
I was just thinking about how much it's going to suck whenever I actually start dating, given my none existing people skills
It sucks
@@wesleygaray2666 😂😂 I'm looking forward to that
Find an equally as socially awkward date. Advertise that this is what you’re looking for. Then you don’t have to be afraid of each other.
@@Mo95793 yeah man it's something else I was talking to a chick for a year and a half and I was like hey I like you and she said she thought she liked me 😐 I thought that was good but nah she is trying to keep me around as like a super distant friend now like I was in a better spot before saying anything 🤣
@@wesleygaray2666 see shit like this is the stuff of nightmares to me, I'll probably not even have the courage to end things with her and move on, and I'll probably be trapped for a while
I don't want to be "that guy" here, but this advice is totally unrealistic because she is extremely attractive and her experience just doesn't apply to most people, especially men. Of course she got fifty dates, just look at her. If a man goes on bumble and is average looking he'll be lucky to get one match a month. (and that will likely be from someone he is not attracted to)
Disagree, maybe it's your profile content that's impacting that low match result. I get about 3 matches/day. I'm not the best looking guy either so it's not rule 1 or rule 2 (1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive.)
@@NoaEnt Stop lying nobody likes a liar
@@NoaEnt Those are pretty important rules among the FA community... it matters a lot.
@@whygiveup11 I have no reason to lie to a bunch of strangers on the internet. If you have shitty pictures, it doesn't matter how good looking you are in real life, you won't succeed on dating apps. Watch any tik tok videos of women swiping on dating apps, almost every guy they swipe left on has a shitty selfie as their main pic.
@@weregretohio7728 what's FA?
Apps don't work if you're not rich or conventionally attractive. People will treat you like shit on them, and the algorithm will take you out if you aren't either of those things. As you put it, "better for people who are hit on a lot already". Sorry, think this video avoided the hard truths about apps.
As an above average looking guy who’s been treating getting dates on apps as a second full time job for the last 2 years, this is triggering.
And I know I’m lucky for being able to get dates with women I’m attracted to once a month or 2 on average. But even then, the process is so incredibly arduous, time consuming and taxing to my mental health. You have to make a good profile, pay for premium, think of good openers, keep the conversation going, set up an interesting date, ask for the date but not too soon, be interesting on the date, don’t escalate things too quickly, let her make the next move. Then and only then you can start figuring out if you’re even compatible. If you fuck up any of these she’ll just move on to the next guy in the queue. Good luck and have fun! Only a month or 2 before you get your next shot if you keep on the grind and get lucky
I empathise. It really does feel like a second full time job.
This level of attention and anxiety is what women have to put into everything that involves social interaction. Don't begrudge having to get on our level.
What you expirience is called “mental load“ and its actually not new to any woman. It just presents differently and is not so much an issue when it come to dating as it is in actual relationships. So i feel you!
@@natalieferraro8048 not to turn this into a whole men vs women thing but in my experience women are more likely to have deeper friendships and support networks while guys end up pretty lonely if they can’t find a life partner. It’s also hard for men to get help and support for issues related to the emotional and social (including dating). If you struggle with that stuff you should suck it up and work at it on your own. Unless you want to be that guy.
The downer/loser no one wants to hang out with.
This is accurate and I'm also very traditionally attractive and successful. It all comes down to supply vs demand which isn't in the man's favor. Women have INFINITE choices to choose from on dating apps
Step 1: Be a woman. Step 2: Be at least average looking. Step 3: Date effortlessly. Pro tips: don't mention ''serious relationship'' or being a single mother, nothing else matters, you can be poor, uneducated, mentally unstable, etc.
Step 1: Be a straight man. Step 2: Be in the top 20% in physical attractiveness, wealth or preferably both. Higher education might also be required. Step 3: Have a buttload of additional qualities and talents. Step 4: Stand out, for every woman on the app there are 10 men as attractive as you are. Step 5: Date, but never screw up, there are a thousand guys in line to take your place.
the twist: the 1,000 guys in line to take your place are all clones of you from other dimensions.
Wish I had this 15 years ago...
Oh yeah 5 year old be would be the talk of the playground
@@juliannewallo8046 Well for me, 15 years ago I was 54... And, it would've helped.
Yeaaaah, I'm gonna have to agree that this video isn't really representative for the male population on dating apps and doesn't really give any good advice for them. The bold implication here is that you even have a good amount of matches to choose from and not just complete radio silence
Well, most men take TERRIBLE photos and have no marketing sense and telegraph their desperation, it becomes obvious why 20% of men get 80% of the matches on dating apps. It's really quite easy if you know how to take a good photos and not sound boring on your bio.
@@TheGeorgeD13 How, then?
@@TheGeorgeD13 yep, I'm listening. How to take "good photos" without the help of a professional photographer if you're not conventionally attractive
Maybe thibk of this notion: mot everything has to represent your expirience
@@dicecard921 Well, it does help to use some sort of DSLR camera, but that's not necessary (phones can take great photos nowadays). But too many photos I see are grainy or of poor quality phone pictures. Too many selfies. DO NOT use a selfie. Too many group photos, don't do that.
Also most guys don't know which angles they look best in either.
Finally, there's no narrative or rhyme or reason to the pictures in bad tinder profiles. The pictures should be a good representation of who you are and what you're about. The ordering of the photos matter too. A clear good medium sized shot that gives a good look of your face should almost always be your first photo.
You don't need to be conventionally attractive, you need an excellent vibe. And you sell your vibe through your pictures.
Also you should show a decent sense of style that shows you're not a slob that just wears whatever, unless you want to communicate that you're a purposeless guy with no drive.
Self awareness on how you come across to people is key.
This whole process feels so disgustingly objectifying. People aren't just produce that you squeeze at the grocery store to see if they're fresh enough for your taste and then just put them down and move on to the next one so casually. Dating is fine. Multiple dating is fine too, though I do admit I find it a bit icky, but this level of methodical analysis and sampling is just.... gross.
Also, I'll have to add my voice to that of all the guys who've posted that this is very unrelated from a male perspective; and also from an NB or disabled perspective, since some have also mentioned that as well. Oh, and of course there's the level of fiscal privilege involved. I don't know how many people could possibly afford that many dates in such a short time, both money-wise and time-wise.
why is it gross to you? personally i enjoy going on dates as if squeezing produce at the store. i’m genuinely interested, what aspect of it is off-putting?
@@Amanda-hu6de It's not the dating itself that's the issue for me, like I said I'm even fine with people dating multiple people at the same time, though I personally find it icky. The issue is with the sheer casual way that she reduces the whole thing into almost an equation that turns people into mere statistics to be analyzed, rather than whole people.
Also, I've found that those who seem so focused on what THEY want, what's right for THEM, and all about finding the right person for THEMSELVES, seem to put very little thought into what they have to offer the person they're dating.
The whole thing feels incredibly selfish and dehumanizing to the people she dates.
Also, before anyone mentions it, I feel that it's just as bad if a guy goes around dating women just for sex and then ditches them right after. Assuming, of course, that the woman wasn't also interested in no-strings-attached sex.
*Where can I tell my story of 50 dates?*
I like this conversation, I too have had 50 dates, I come with a colored male heteronormative perspective.
I've used Bumble and got a very different perspective from this woman and I want to tell my story.
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I'm listening
@@sexplanations , Hey Dr. Doe, thank you for listening.
There's a lot to unpack so please feel free to ask me questions.
I've been using dating apps for years now and I've slowly hit 50 dates using apps like Tinder, Bumble, ok Cupid, pure, and coffee meets bagel. Keep in mind that many of these are owned by Match.com and this is a deeper rabbit whole to expand upon.
While using these apps, I found that I would find small pockets of success among a gargantuan sea of colorism with possible roots in racism. This happened so frequently that I began counting cases and reporting them to the respective app in use. The apps reflected on my information, some reach out to help, but the trends still persisted.
Prior to BLM and Covid, using Bumbel, within South Florida, I would expect a 1/1,200 match rate. Meaning I would need to swipe right about 1,200 times before I would get one match. This is agonizing when we consider that the swipe caps are set at roughly 100 per day meaning I would need to swipe about a dozen days, about half a month, with no success. This scarcity changes the way I see success on these apps and makes it precious. To top things off, people like myself were given disheartening messages when we hit our caps. This was changed over time and yes, I confirmed my data with others.
I found it shocking when I took the same bumble profile with me on a trip to Mexico City. Nothing was changed. *I went from 1/1,200 to 1/4.* _This boiled my blood to realize how the area I lived in values me._
Post the start of BLM and COVID 19, I ran a similar counting and found that my numbers have changed. I am now ~ 1/400 and my matches are purely women of color. These women were not Hispanic, I found this interesting given the demographics of South Florida.
At this point I still have much to say, but I'd like to pause for reciprocation.
@@JonathanMahadeo Damn, the huge change in response rates is a helluva thing to see. Like, it's always one thing to know that racial dynamics affect the local dating scene, but entirely another to get both solid numbers and a 300x magnitude of difference
@@JonathanMahadeo So you got better results as an American in Mexico than as an American in America? I'm sorry but this just sounds like people were more attracted to you because you were a foreigner.
This happens where I live too. I live in Europe and basically any American man of any race and skin color has crazy response from women while for white native men the ratio is just as low as the one you're describing.
As an NB person, the cis privilege in this video is staggering. You're a cis woman, so of course you can have so many criteria on who you date and actually find a lot of people who want to meet up with you.
As a working person, the class privilege is over the top. 5-7 dates a week? How can you afford that? Either in preparation costs, cost of the date, or time that you might otherwise need to be working.
Love you Dr. Doe, but this video is not relatable.
I can't help but wonder what this interview would look like if she were interviewing any man. There is no queue, that's for sure. This video presents one very specific perspective that is not representative of most people.
Yeah, the simple notion of there being a "queue" is flat-out unreal for most ordinary guys.
As a man, I've definitely had queues before, what are you talking about?
@@RudeAlert I don't know, I'm pretty ordinary and I get a queue.
@@TheGeorgeD13 There are always exceptions to every rule, I'm glad you've had better success than most.
@@RudeAlert I'm not an exception. I know some pretty ugly guys who get queues.
Goodness, that’s like 10 dates a month. A new date every 3 days... I got tired just from doing that math 😅 I need that woman’s energy!
A new date, but not a new person. She's gone on a date with a new person about 2 times per month
@@mundanepants gotcha. missed that part! still sounds like too much for me to handle though. props to her!
Exactly what I was thinking
Walking is a great way to improve or maintain your overall health. Just 30 minutes every day can increase cardiovascular fitness, strengthen bones, reduce excess body fat, and boost muscle power and endurance👏
"We would just hang oout and then we would just... be"
That's amazing! We practically NEVER hear something else other than dating and that sounds so cool! Also less stressful. And kind of what i want! As a demisexual/demiromantic person, this sounds PERFECT.
did she say 5 to 7 dates a week? holy shit that's expensive.
I'll just go to the filling station, get me a bottle of Pop, and go over to Thelma Lou's to watch television.
@chris ., You don't know that. Especially since she dates women as well
As it seems to me that the man pays 95% of the time on a date.
Its cheap for Sydney in fact she probably saved money from not buying as much food
That's why I only do coffee/hiking dates 👌
Step 1: Find a date
Welp, back to the internet
Well this was depressing.
I hate meeting people. Why am I watching this?
anxiety intensifies😭
@Mateus I found it fascinating to listen to her dating experiences but it is absolutely not for me. Maybe I envy her ability to casually enter and end relationships. But I also wonder how many broken hearts she has left behind?
I hate meeting people too. Let’s all talk about our experiences about that together and learn about each other.
I really wish we could have also seen the male perspective, as it is a vastly different experience on the other side. So many women on dating apps only have their profiles for the ego boosts that comes from getting liked and/or for getting new Instagram followers. Never mind the fact that in the rare instance that you do get a match, and they don’t ghost you at the outset because they’re just counting likes, conversations can feel so one-sided that it’s like pulling teeth. I understand that these dating apps are supposed to involve law of averages, and that for all the duds out there, you’ll eventually find a diamond in the rough, but when the pool of users is over saturated with people who aren’t actually serious about dating, it further muddies already murky waters.
> we need balanced perspectives on gender for this topic
> here is my inaccurate take on why women use dating apps
Wow, the doublethink.
@@fruitygarlic3601 It is true for many women to behave this way. Just because you don’t it doesn’t invalidate his comment.
Many women who have gone from dating men to women acknowledge the problem with women’s dating habits.
@@fruitygarlic3601 unfortunately that's the experience many men have with dating apps. It's true that there should be more resources for them to learn how to date effectively, right now only the PUA community is doing that job and it's a disservice to everyone.
On the other hand, what a former match told me, there's a lot of creeps just waiting to get into their knickers.
As for my personality, dating applications are useless and I'll just leave that stuff to my friends and relatives. If they don't provide anyone, I'll simply stay solo.
This really isn't true. Most women use dating apps to get dates, just like men do. Maybe women don't want to date you because you have sexist opinions about women.
There’s a lot of people in the comments mentioning how hard it is for them, as men, to watch this video without being distressed because it reminds them how much easier it is for women to get dates than for them, online. This is a real thing that slowly gnaws at your mental health.
Some people have also felt the need to say that women have it comparably hard at every social interaction. If you have this need I want to ask you to accept your beliefs and be loving to those around anyway by also accepting that everyone has a right to felt understood and voice their concerns. People don’t have to earn a right to their suffering, we all suffer and we all need compassion.
So when someone needs help you help, you don’t say to them who needs more help until they’re already helped. There’s no reason why the benefit of men has to be the downfall of women or why the benefit or women has to be the downfall of men. Maybe we both need an orange, but if you want the juice and I want the peels fighting for the orange will waste time, money, and our friendship.
@@archdukeferdinand411 what were you thinking?
This is so incredibly well put.
@@archdukeferdinand411 you’re right about that. This video is about Sydney, so it’s understandable.
You all need to chill. The framing of the video as a guide, rather than what it is - a look into someone else's experiences and practices - makes it seem more unrelatable than it needs to be. (Even as a woman my experience looks nothing like hers.) But a tragic amount of the negative replies show whinging and a lack of perspective. We're all adults here; really just chill.
I think people feel upset because the title is misleading for what this video is actually covering. She also asked people to share their stories, and these stories are the reality for a lot of people. There is a lot of raw pain for people with this topic.
It's an upsetting subject, and some of us don't get to be treated like adults or feel like adults in this way. Let's face it, we feel ignored and looked down upon by society. Even if that wasn't the video's intention, it hits a sore spot. People end up feeling mocked for their frustrations, ones many have given up on entirely.
Thank you for this. lots of complaints and not a lot of actual discussion about dating.
Lindsey is turning into Oprah where guests go home with toys. YOU get a toy and YOU get a toy!!! Everyone gets a TOY!
This is hilarious.
So many men in here quite salty about dating apps. Yes, men may not get as many matches as the average woman but we can still get a good amount of matches weekly without being a model. It's about knowing how to take pictures, setting up a good profile, and like Sydney said not taking things personally and just going with it. I've experienced both sides (radio silence to overwhelmed with matches) and all I did was change my attitude and fix my profile to tell a story.
Exactly. I'm not the most extraordinary looking man in the world, but I do decently on apps. The "tell a story" with your profile is spot on. Don't just randomly throw up pictures and put up a lame 2 sentence bio like most guys do. It's really, really easy to stand out as a guy if you put up just a little bit of effort into your bio.
This is so very fluid, i love how everyone is speaking of their "partner" and love interests and "dates" in the same sentence...i would love to see a show about dating and jealousy and how that's overcome and maybe talk to someone like Miss Syndey who dates multiple people, and speak about exclusivity vs. openness and how prevalent each is. What separates a "date" from someone you're Dating and at what point is it THIS is the person and the ONLY person i'm going to be with...Love the show keep going...i stay curious..i'm too dang curious all the time with my questions and what not
may i request you to provide subtitles :( the auto generated ones just dont cut it :(
loved the video even though i sort of expected more practical pandemic date ideas... if anyone has suggestions feel free to let me know :D
A walk/hike, get takeout and have a picnic, play a videogame together
My favorite breakup line: Looks over their shoulder, "Are you being followed?... Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
You can't
Just can't....as a man
Then you're not doing it right. There are so many lonely women out there. You're standards are probably waaay too high.
@@socialenigma4476 why would you want to lower your standards for anyone? Horrible mindset to have.
@@NoaEnt If you want to be lonely and horny your whole life on the off chance you might score a super model one day that's your prerogative, but as for me I'd rather get laid. Sex is sex...
@@socialenigma4476 Lol or maybe society has high standards for some guys in a society that has become increasingly centered around isolationism and lookism.
@@socialenigma4476 You're assuming that we're all looking for supermodels. Heard it all before.
My experiences on dating sites have simply shown me that dating sites are virtually useless to the average man.
It is far better to find an organization you can volunteer your time to, and meet other people they way.
At worst, you are helping a cause you believe in.
If your are lucky you will meet and connect with someone you share a common cause with.
Perhaps you should have a male guest on, one who has suffered the brutal, endless humiliation of the female mating ritual. Ask him what dating is like, and why he has nothing in the bank. I'm available.
"Dating can open your mind and heart to what's out there". Wow Sydney is so amazing! This video gave a lot of insight to the dating app world and definitely made us curious.
I've got Dr. Doe's kind of dating style, just hanging out naturally, and this video was not enlightening at all. What kinds of dates did she go on? 5-7 a week is a part-time job, less like dating and more like a hobby, no matter how many people are involved.
I think going on dates is pretty much just hanging out with people too 🤷♂️. For most people
My go to break up line was "I don't feel/ think we're compatible"
Same I always just say, we arent sexually compatible, it's kind of hard to know what to say to that, so she just drifts off..
Dude I did bumble for like three months got like, 10 matches 3 of which led to conversions, none of which lead to dates. Other dating apps I could throw spaghetti at the wall and I’d probably always have a conversation, but on bumble because I had no control over the start of it I regularly didn’t have any activities conversations.
Then Bumble made a change, where they blocked conversations if you didn’t respond in 24 hours. So if I didn’t check everyday I’d just flat out miss whatever people were trying to contact me. But I have no incentive to check every day because I’m not talking to anyone.
After missing like three people I just deleted the app.
I swiped through every straight female on Tinder in a 1.1M population metro area and have managed zero dates. Only mildly depressing.
Sorry to hear that, king. Hang out with the lads.
Tinder is for hookups, not for dating, that might be your first issue to solve
Same here..Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, eHarmony, and countless others the last 10 years. Wish I had 15 opportunities to find the "perfect" one
"Maybe it's just your generation?" Dr. Doe and Sydney ... diet soda HURTS when it comes spraying out your nose!
"... then we would just ... be." Did that once ... almost 45 years ago. Neither of us has dated with anyone else since. Could you call that a 'long date?' ;-)
Totally agreed. In my case it was mt dew.
Bumble (I'm that guy under a rock...) sounds like more of a 'meet people that might be friends with benefits' than a traditional dating site. It sounds more casual which is great because the dating apps can pair you with people who are either judgemental or have high expectations.
And by the end of this I feel like I should move to Montana...
Oh, and I believe you're a good person because you have a totally chill dog!
The problem worth bumble is the whole premise. Only women can make the first move and women in general are not known for making the first move. .
I don't believe that I am unattractive, nor undatable, but I wish I had 15 dates from these apps in the last 10 years. My heart breaks for someone who has to struggle with all of these decisions.
The problem with dating THAT much, is you notice all the best things about a huge variety of people... and there's no way ONE other person will come close to measuring up to your ideal person. Dating that much builds unreasonable expectations to the point you'll never be truly satisfied with any one person.
I'm just thinking how expensive this would be. My wallet cannot afford this frequency of dating.
I was wondering if anyone would bring this up. People should be using the chat function the apps/sites to determine if there's any potential for a relationship and then going on a date after they've gotten to know each other for a while. This will weed out most people and leave only the ones with actual potential. She's talking about just jumping into a date with every match, which is a horrible idea for many reasons, including financial. 🤦
I'm guessing you're a man, because women don't really have to worry about that side of things.
@@user-vn7ce5ig1z I see where you are coming from and I agree. However, I didn't get the impression she did that with every match. I am assuming she has so many people to pick from that those that meet some of her criteria she will date. Sorry if i am blatantly wrong about this.
@@charlie7mason Yeah I am. I get that they don't have to worry about this but I know I will have to so this is a huge consideration if I ever wanted/could apply this strategy.
@@mahindra123456789 Agreed. Definitely something this channel should explore.
I just assume I'll always be alone. I don't know how to "act" on a date. I always feel like everyone is faking it, and I don't want be fake.
That’s a good thing, be your self. Otherwise it’s misrepresentation.
Join a club, or group, relating to an interest/activity. You win, without expectation.
pretty much 95-98% of folks are caught up on impressing others. So you are dead right. wish you luck, it's a shit show out there of fake people
@@drrydog I got a new car the other day to replace my old rust bucket. My friend suggested I would have better luck dating now. It's a shame it has to be that way.
I also would love to listen to a dialogue and problem solving for men on dating apps. I am a very classically attractive and successful man and my career centers around psychology, communication and healing emotional dynamics of people.... which you would think would give me an edge in dating but my experience is similar to the other male comments. I get about one match per month and 75% ghost from the beginning.
I've tried being serious/ funny, clean/ dirty, many/ few messages. There's no pattern to follow. It's all luck.
Also GEOGRAPHY is hugely important and needs to be spoken about. I'm a vegan athlete in Texas where a third of the WOMEN'S photos show them with the animal they've just hunted and killed.
My only strategy at this point is to travel just to see how the rules change in different areas of the globe.
Come to California man. There are loads of vegans here.
Exaxtly what part of TX? Im only one state over. ❤️🥰
@@dominiquedugas2854 hah east texas currently. Where are you based?
@@JasonReagan84 louisiana. :) lafayette to be exact
@@dominiquedugas2854 oh ya, that is kind of far from where I live. Hows the vegan culture where you live?
I think we now have enough information to show what is happening and where the problem lies.
Firstly men using online dating outnumber women. The younger the men the worse the ratio, but for older men a quick look at Match shows about 150 men for 100 women. Good start for women.
But Freakonomics data shows that 25% of women get no email from men. Ouch, even with substantially more prospects 1 in 4 women do not make the grade. They may be the ones complaining the men want supermodels, in reality the top 75% of women.
That leaves 150 men chasing 75 women, or a ratio now of 2 to 1. The men all send lots of emails, and 60% of them get no response whatsoever. So the “frogs” of the dating world are also out in the cold - all 90 of them, but we still have 60 of them left chasing 75 of the women.
Surely the women will accept these men - not a bit of it !
The freakonomics data shows that unlike men who will attempt communication with the opposite sex in proportion to the level of attractiveness, women do not show this linear response, they pretty much only respond to the most attractive men with the top 5% getting most of the traffic.
There is now hardly any men left in the game. To be generous here - at best we now have 80% of the remaining women 60 out of 75 chasing only 20% of the men or 12 out of 60.
We have 48 men getting a small response from the 15 women who statistically must be in the bottom 40% in level of attractiveness (the 48 men are all in the top 40%). These men probably are not impressed with this outcome !
The top 12 (8%) of the men now have their pick of the 60 remaining women. Of course these women will probably not be too impressed by their success rate, and are probably wondering why the men they desire show no desire to commit.
The remaining last statistic that we have is that 90% of men give up online dating in the first 3 months, and that seems to make perfect sense given the above.
Conclusion - if people follow their biological programing very few of either sex will have any success
How do you afford 5-7 dates a week? Oh...
She doesn’t pay a dime
I don't know, I've found it pretty easy.
I'm here for this, but also I feel kinda bad for the people going on those dates. Not that I don't think they had a wonderful time, but is it not leading people on? Is that just me?
Not really, if there’s an expectation of just getting to know each other, which is the point of dating. If people get overly attached, that sucks but is not on the person who set expectations
Yeah it’s definitely not leading someone on. There is an expectation on dating apps.
Best breakup line for me. True as well. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past and everything points in that direction right now. ❤️ thank you Dr Doe...
Not saying that this isn't a good video! It's really interesting, and definitely seems like an important experience. It's just...an experience that varies widely.
She chose to date 15 out of how many options? I'm curious how many like/matches she received or whatever they're called on Bumble.
How empty.
The thing about "dating profiles do a bad job of describing people" is really what kinda puts me off of dating sites. I mean... judging whether you might wanna hang out with a person (platonically or otherwise) just based on a few pictures and a short bio is impossible enough, but then also like... how tf do you actually sum yourself up in a short bio?!
Judging by my friendships... having hobbies and stuff in common isnt' that important. You just gotta have that "chemistry". Although I guess if you want to move in together it's useful to have some things in common? (like being able to have similar sleep patterns, or a similar sense of cleanliness. But idk)
My question about the 'breakups'... Do you stay friends with people? I've heard about people who just cut all contact if they enter a monogamous relationship. Which seems weird to me, like, if you got along with these people, could you not also get along platonically? Do you not miss them?
Lindsey being like "I would just hang out with someone and then we would just... be" really reminded me on Ladykiller in a Bind's wisdom about dating xD It's a great game. If you like Sexplanations you might like it. Also has a SFW mode and lets you skip any scenes you're uncomfrotable with. (not really spoilers, but spoilers below I guess.)
"But nobody likes the /idea/ of 'dating'! It's just a vetting process to weed out serial killers. So the top dating pro strat is 'don't date.' Just... fuck your friends?"
50 dates? My experience has been more along the lines of a total of 4 dates over 5 years. So Bumble/Tinder completely does't work for me. The idea of multiple dates in one week? A totally unattainable goal. The idea of 50 dates? Also feels completely unattainable. Heck, I'd probably be happy with just 50 matches, let alone 50 actual dates...... :(
That's because you're a guy.
1. Team Bumble with people.
2. Don't expect too much, if in doubt go to just meet people.
3. Try to always go on a 2nd date.
4. Talk to successfull couples for their tips.
5. Try to date a lot - that way you can compare better (look for chemistry and connection).
6. It's an easy choice. If oyu have to force yourself your heart in't in it.
7. Best Breakup line: "I'm interested in someone else and want to see where it goes.".
You are forgetting the step that says "Wonder why you are getting zero responses"....
"This person is great but, something is missing. My heart is not in it.": I had this exact feeling.
But, what if I'm wrong?
In today's connected world, we compare our life with idealized lifestyle-bloggers and compare our body with Photoshop-Plastic-Perfection celebrities.
How do we combat social-media inflated standards from preventing us from finding someone?
Sorry if it's a bit rambly. ^^
Please note that I'm not making a statement about the guest, just projecting my feeling on what she said.
Thanks for the video.
I’ve never been on a date. Somehow I ended up getting into relationships and eventually happily married regardless.
Same here
This interview reflects my experience with mass online dating last year.
Very interesting. Though my very introverted self would probably take 10 years to go on that many dates. 😂
My worst break up line told to me was… she said she thinks she is lesbian but wants to remain friends with me too.
Oh I loved this talk. Very introspective and I wish everyone could learn of her dating philosophy and rationale. I am in the same boat as her where I'm shopping around because I'm not certain what would even work well for me.
Doesn't autism make it harder to date? Communication is harder. I gave up. I have hobbies now.
Maybe communication is harder, but if communication only comes from you and you don't get anything back in big numbers of people you tried to talk to, I would say autism isn't the main culprit here...
I really like your educational videos about dating! They're really helpful!
My husband and I go to local parks that aren't very busy. Great places to go and explore. We went birdwatching for our "covidmoon," but only saw some vultures and a woodpecker. XD
Another of your videos, great! Thanks. Super entertaining.
your guest illustrates i think what a mistake it can be to select (in or out) solely on chemistry. its fun to hang with people that you initially click with but eventually, the uncomfortable compatibility questions have to come into play. the night owl musician is a great example of this ... a potential night 'mare' for some despite his natural, effortless, fun hanging vibe.
The real question is: in total, how much did she spend on the dates and how much did the guys spend? My guess is, if the average man wanted to date 50 times, he would need at least 2000$ ready to spend.
CHASE EXCELLENCE, NOT WOMEN.
Dating these days is daunting and complicated. I don't want to be single but at this point buying a gallon of lube and a membership to porn sites seems like a better option.
We are all hard to get along with. Find someone who can put up with you rather than someone you can put up with.
I only ever really had one genuine date, I do occasionally meet people, if I get very lucky, but I just had one date where it really was to see if we work out romantically. It was very nice but sadly there was no second one because some stuff happened that would be rather awkward to explain. Having now some experience with dating apps I found that you kind of flipflop between being spoiled for choice and running into closed doors over and over again, which can really do a number on your self esteem.
Am I the only one who thinks they’re dating?
The night owl thing can work, depending how much interaction you need.
I'm a night owl, and my spousal equivalent is not, but I'm also extremely introverted and I need to spend quite a lot of time alone.
When everyone else in the house is asleep, that's perfect alone time.
I completely agree that ghosting is the WORST!
I would like to hear "I want to check out my other options" as a "give me some time" line. If they come back, that's more than fine, if they don't come back, you know they are happy!
"Tell your friends! Get the toys!!"
This was a wonderful video, Thank you to the both of you, and now I know about a new app to try once it's safe to go back into the "OUTSIDE WORLD😵👀" I'm a trans Female to non-binary, and it's hard to find someone who is compatible. I'm not bisexual, which most people think is non-binary, and that confuses a lot of people unfortunately. I prefer men, which could make me almost gay if I did have "lower surgery" BUT, since I didn't have lower surgery, most gay men don't want me. It's a really niche part of the LGBTQ+ umbrella. 💖🧡💛💚💙💜
Partially pre-op transfemale here (not sure what I am, I think lesbian, but can't be really sure, I've never dated, only have had crushes on some very-much-out-of-my-league types of women).
It's a very annoying situation to be in unfortunately...
@@Dutch3DMaster I hope you can listen to your heart and mind once you get to where you want to be with yourself in your journey, it will point you in the right direction. I have tried being with women and men, then asked myself "What would I like if I wanted a lifelong partner/s?" after I had a few surgeries.
Yes, it's fun to be out there and see what you like and don't like (safely!), then narrow things down to what you like in your heart and mind, that's kind of how I found out what I truly want. I hope that's not too vague of a way to figure out where you want to go :)
TIL my dating style is just like Dr Doe's. Hangout together a lot... and just... be. :)
Time for my innocent self to watch this I guess.
Ummmm... I wouldn't be on an online dating site at all if I wasn't looking for an LTR. The whole "don't take it seriously" thing is why Online dating sucks so much. I can find friends anywhere, the difference is that most of them already have SOs. With dating I am looking for something specific. "Friends" and "Dates" are not the same thing.
Great video as always :)
It kind of sounds like she started her own Bachelorette, in that she went on many "short dates".
39 years old isn't a millennial Dr. Doe.
I know a lady who has 50 NEW dates ever year. She goes out every night after work.
I'm just bragging I went on one date in 2020...
👏
Same here. One date, one beer, nice chat, done. Back to my dreams.
Did you have to pay her?
Doc. Doe sounds like a great lifelong partner: smart, beautiful, mature and enthusiastic. That's admirable.
I love this video. I’m looking forward to dating in a new city when I go to university :D
Did anyone else not notice the sleeping pupper until a few minutes in? Such camouflage.
i didn’t notice until the end! to be fair though i was doing the dishes and watching at the same time.
I wonder if any of these dating relationships had a physical/sexual aspect to them and if that changed the dynamic around the decision or form of the "breakup"?
As a man going on 4 to 6 dates a week would break my bank not sure how this would work.
I can’t help but feel this woman will never find a life partner. That may be fine, if that’s what she wants. However, what I have seen with MANY friends is that so much choice has ruined their ability to find someone and be ok with the flaws that everyone has. There is no “perfect person”. When you can date 15 people and go on 50 dates all the time, you will perpetually look for “something better”, and never be satisfied with what you have.
The woman always makes the first move and they choose to divorce first too
Dating sites put men in a tough box. One you will not survive. I dated for a few years, and my friend did as well.. because I have a nice car and some money, it took me about 12 girls, to get 1 keeper. but I was so so lucky.. my other friend would need to date about 40 or more, to get to the 1 decent woman. It's a woman's dream position though.. because they can make all the demands, and drag the guy all around in loops. If I was giving a woman advice, I would say hell yea. use dating apps. I'm just warning men. any one else?
I love the idea for this video but it seems a little oddly done. Dr. Doe is a great host but the tone of this conversation is kinda half “just chatting” and half interview, without fully being either.
At least she didn't reply "ok boomer" 🤣
Night and day difference for a relatively attractive women, versus a short ugly man. It would have taken me 10 years to date 15 people.
I dated in high school, hung out and just...was in university, maybe there's a lesson there.
Dr. Doe, have you done a video on which materials are safe for sex toys? I actually used your Adam and Eve promo code recently, thinking I could trust the items on the site bc you recommended it, but not only did the specs on the site not match the item I received so I can't use it (and they wanted *me* to pay to ship it back), but upon further research it seems like the materials used for the toy I chose are maybe in a grey area in terms of safety? Like, non-toxic, but porous and prone to bacterial growth? Now I'm confused as to what's actually okay to get. But from what I can tell based on my preliminary research, it seems like a lot of the toys on A&E are made with not-great materials, and if that's the case, I'm disappointed that you'd promote them.