I had a friend whos husband was a cheater. He was so good at covering his tracks, making excuses. When she found out about his GF on the side, she was blindsided. And he left her. His cake and eat it too world came crashing down. Now she looks back and sees signs she thought that she should have noticed. It eats her up inside still after 5 years. I told her hindsight is 20/20. I also told her don't blame yourself. This is his problem. And he broke up another marriage in the process and didn't stay with her...the original GF. She will never really know how long the infidelity went back in their marriage. The lesson here to me is, some people have deep emptiness that they are fighting. A void they are trying to fill. Some use food, alcohol, shopping, relationships to fill it. The need to heal some past wounds. Sometimes other people are casualties in their internal battle. I'm sure not perfect. I have my own issues from childhood. Don't we all.
Nah same thing happened to me and I caught the woman in our house the sick thing is that he kept our bed sheets what a weirdo. Have fun with your sloppy seconds or whatever it's called weirdos. lol The guy is so gross he couldn't even change the sheets. I called him a rap*st and called it a day. lol
I can totally relate to Jennifer’s experience. I liked controlling my romantic partners and eventually, I met my match. I met someone who liked trying to control me and I realized I didn’t like it. It felt suffocating and so I decided to get professional help. It is very hard though to let go but it’s very freeing once you do.
Agree, “we have a culture obsessed with true crime”. I rarely watch TV. When I turn it on, I’m always shocked how much this creepy, details of death, fear & destruction dominates TV ! It’s disturbing & OF COURSE it has an affect on our minds -> behaviors! We are constantly taught to be freaked out, afraid, isolated. Can it lead some people to think that it’s ok to do some weird thing…. “Because it’s not as bad as……” ?
lol! I watch it all the time I enjoy it. I have almost been trafficked to so it's a good thing I watch this kind of stuff. If you look close enough you can see who the psychopaths are though and true crime's help some victims have gotten away to tell their story.
She can ask him if he cheated, but if he’s a liar he will just lie his way through and the cycle will just continue and she won’t ever feel the peace she is seeking.
Im VERY controlling like Jennifer, not controlling of others, but of Myself and My environment. As adults we can’t make people “change” or “behave” but we can change ourselves and our environments. Once I took the control of myself I saw the world differently.
She gets triggered, because he never showed her that she can trust him, and she is still with him. Also, people usually do not change. She has every reason to feel deep down that he is still not trustworthy.
My interest in murder / serial killer documentaries isnt about it being cool or edgy (not sure how anyone can idolize serial killers)… but im aware that as a woman there is always a chance of becoming a victim. It is not a morbid thrill but a need to learn what horrors are and hopefully gaining an insight on how to read these people and maybe learn to avoid becoming a victim. A very good show into the psychological aspect of murderers is “Mindhunter”
Mindhunter is the only true crime show I watch and although it’s disturbing as all get out, it’s so freaking well done!! Im very disappointed they cancelled it. I will say that I fall into the other category as a morbid thrill, but that along with the news did too much to my brain so I had to hang it up for a few years before watching Mindhunter. I remember identifying the sick, yet curious feeling id get before choosing to “learn more” and that ended up being my alarm to exit out immediately 😂.
I fully believe people can and do change, but NOT if what they’ve been doing has been working for them on some level. This cheater has no reason to change. The wife doesn’t feel enough like changing either. So they carry on in the same rut they’ve been in for 30 years.
Wow, can I relate. Discovered my porn addict husband of 22 years a month b4 our 22nd anniversary. Completely blindsided. The man is obviously not at all the person he pretended to be.
Talking g about mystery/murder podcasts makes me also think about the tv shows that are all about murder/bombers/killing others/war movies, etc. You can barely get away from it.
@Beatrix Altenberg making fun of her would be commenting on her specific situation, it's general humor dufus. U chose to come at me, so I'm coming at u nut job
Oh my God I think she is my husband Gotten better but before my God I can’t go anywhere he wants to be with me 24 , 710 days a week Literally, we got a big ass fight because I wanted to go visit my family I live in another state away from my entire family He won’t even go visit his kids because he wants me to go all the time and they just wanna hang out with him because they’re two boys they want to hang out with their dad. He won’t go without me. It’s smothering all that on your shoulders be the one that has to make you happy
That does not sound healthy. If you are a grown up and he is not your legal guardian you do not need his permission to visit your family. The fact that he would isolate you like that from them is a big red flag of abuse. Is this an abusive relationship for you?
I don't know why there would be empathy for someone cheating just because it was a one night stand that came out of a work conference. Granted there is a difference between a one time thing and a long term cover up parallel life. Either way there should be ZERO empathy other than for the one being cheated on.
I've been listening to your show for a while now and this episode really got me in the heart. Keep doing what your doing Dr John! N also the whole team!
For sheer peace of mind, I gave up TV about 40 years ago. Very rarely I come into contact with one, and every single time, often years apart, it's WORSE, unbelievable. And The News, oh lordy. It's shaping a really awful zeitgiest.
Seriously the ads make this so hard to listen too. I physically work my hubby physically works. We listen while working yet every 5 minutes ads are popping up and they are insanely long. And I will not spend money on this anti free speech dbag platform for ad free, I would on a platform my principles align with … the only reason I listen to CZcams is because free markets are an illusion in America and they strangled the competition along with the gov and I’m forced to be in this crap site if I want to see any videos. Edit: he’s on Spotify bah bye you tube!
Also- true crime stories have been around forever- It’s the in depth stories and actually giving the victim their personality back which attracts us. The 1980’s media would say Skin Eater Sam killed 73 prostitutes. Today the episode will say “Sarah’s family welcomed her into their family as the little sister of 6 older brothers. Sarah Daintye grew up in the countryside east of Chicago where she enjoyed riding the pony that her grandparents got her. Her brothers spoiled her but also teased her and she became a tomboy playing with them. Later she headed off to college where…” . Sure the episode will eventually mention how she eventually became depressed after her parents died with her two closest siblings- in a car accident. She fell into alcoholism and drugs. She started sex work as a means to support her 2 children but also to get easier access to the ongoing addict. She went to rehab twice and 3 days after she completed her program-She disappeared.
Agree but not about it being punishment. That's punitive. No pun intended. Agree because leaving them keeps you safer from them hurting you again. More to protect yoirself than punish them. Because you are worth it even if this relationship isn't.
Ask him to stop flirting with them and start flirting with you, Wifey. Here's that episode in fast forward: You might emotionally wrestle him away from her or them... and he'll white knuckle it without them, resenting you for the loss of hos girlfriend(s) for a while... and you'll realize even after that anger disipates that this relationship isn't worth it anyway because of the patterns of disrespect so deeply ingrained repeatedly... it's not worth it. You can try to convince him to respect you or you can show him you respect yourself. But that means accepting his overarching pattern of disrespecting your relationship for what it is: not love. And moving on. But after this long marriage, that involves separate domiciles, and less financial secueity for both of you, means dissolving a lifestyle you have grown accustomed to and benefit from. You want to give him up for his bad behavior but you need the picture this marriage presents of you, so you may be willing to overlook his bad side so you don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater... so to speak. Good riddance to bad rubbish. If you let him stay, then make a new agreement, a covenant with yourself based on the realities that will entail: - getting STD tests if you are intimate with him - preparing for tue possibility he could get another girlfriend pregnant - or may start cheating with men or other genders (happens more than you'd think) - the pote tial your distant in law might call randomly one day to ask about your marriage because they saw your hubs' communication with a gal dangling her cleavage all over the net - or somebody seeing him with one of his chickees outside the motel in town... and trying to be a good friend by telling you about it - which will come out of the blue... if you don't prep now. You want the picture of your good marriage even though it doesn't match the reality of your bad one. You can keep living in the illusion as long as you need to, but you don't get to complain about it from this mokent forward because from now on, this is a choice you make with full knowledge of what's up. If he gaslights you that you are crazy when you find the mystery bra in the laundry, he has deeper, potentially dangerous problems.
Much, much worse. My brother watched far too much of this horror. Our ACEs scores are, were, 7. He loved 'live' cop shows. He carried a gun. I told him to get into therapy, because guns don't protect him from what was really threatening him. He said that he needed a gun to protect himself. And he didn't need therapy because "Jesus had saved" him. He was good sized, "trained," all that. And someone took his gun and killed him with it. I think that we live in an insane culture. An agonizing, insane culture.
I was raised extremely abused. I watch true crime hoping for the incarceration thrill. I effin LOVE it when someone has to face justice for hurting women and kids! If they take the cowardly way out and self extinguish I believe that’s a decent end for them as well. There’s a difference between knowing you are a sicko and Acting on it. A person can keep all their perverse thoughts to themselves and never harm anyone. And as far as awareness-I think it’s bringing a MUCH NEEDED awareness to young women of how very dangerous MANY men can be. Sure still some good ones but gotta be wary as you can be. Watch out for red flags! Incels are really feeling the burn of this because it’s harder for them than it used to be-thankfully! They have issues with red flags all around!
Being married and cheating just because happens and you have understanding and empathy for the cheater? 🤮 If you are so little engaged in your relationship, that you can easily cheat, you are supposed to not waste your partner's time. Every cheater says they are not cheating, until you can prove it. You blame the woman for rightfully not trusting her husband and make it sound like she is the problem. In reality, the only right thing to do is break up the first time someone is cheating! Of course, she is supposed to tell him how she wants his life restricted to show her he will not cheat. Just that there is no way. She would have to lock him in the house with no access to other women. It is hopeless, because he will always be a cheater, and he hurts her forever, no matter what he says. He is not trustworthy, get out! Punish him! He will anyway tell lies to other women how horrible his wife is! Facing reality is not telling women it is their fault, because they are not always fun, they are not exciting, they are everyday life and duties! Get rid of such men and punish them by never giving any past cheater anything. 🎉
Wow, only America and success for white people. Amazing that success for anyone who isn't white is so triggering for some people. I am white and there is room in this world for ALL people to have success. Soar on my brown brothers and sisters. And get over yourself dude!
I had a friend whos husband was a cheater. He was so good at covering his tracks, making excuses. When she found out about his GF on the side, she was blindsided. And he left her. His cake and eat it too world came crashing down.
Now she looks back and sees signs she thought that she should have noticed. It eats her up inside still after 5 years. I told her hindsight is 20/20. I also told her don't blame yourself. This is his problem. And he broke up another marriage in the process and didn't stay with her...the original GF. She will never really know how long the infidelity went back in their marriage.
The lesson here to me is, some people have deep emptiness that they are fighting. A void they are trying to fill. Some use food, alcohol, shopping, relationships to fill it. The need to heal some past wounds. Sometimes other people are casualties in their internal battle. I'm sure not perfect. I have my own issues from childhood. Don't we all.
Nah same thing happened to me and I caught the woman in our house the sick thing is that he kept our bed sheets what a weirdo. Have fun with your sloppy seconds or whatever it's called weirdos. lol The guy is so gross he couldn't even change the sheets. I called him a rap*st and called it a day. lol
I can totally relate to Jennifer’s experience. I liked controlling my romantic partners and eventually, I met my match. I met someone who liked trying to control me and I realized I didn’t like it. It felt suffocating and so I decided to get professional help. It is very hard though to let go but it’s very freeing once you do.
I can also relate with my spouse and my closest friends.
The hilarious thing is all the things he said about true crime shows are the same reasons people watch his show.....😂
I came here for that comment 🤣🤣
🍿🍿 🍿 🍿 🍿 🔥 🎉 😂 ❤
Also I watch both lol.
Agree, “we have a culture obsessed with true crime”. I rarely watch TV. When I turn it on, I’m always shocked how much this creepy, details of death, fear & destruction dominates TV !
It’s disturbing & OF COURSE it has an affect on our minds
-> behaviors!
We are constantly taught to be freaked out, afraid, isolated.
Can it lead some people to think that it’s ok to do some weird thing…. “Because it’s not as bad as……” ?
lol! I watch it all the time I enjoy it. I have almost been trafficked to so it's a good thing I watch this kind of stuff. If you look close enough you can see who the psychopaths are though and true crime's help some victims have gotten away to tell their story.
She can ask him if he cheated, but if he’s a liar he will just lie his way through and the cycle will just continue and she won’t ever feel the peace she is seeking.
Im VERY controlling like Jennifer, not controlling of others, but of Myself and My environment. As adults we can’t make people “change” or “behave” but we can change ourselves and our environments. Once I took the control of myself I saw the world differently.
She gets triggered, because he never showed her that she can trust him, and she is still with him. Also, people usually do not change. She has every reason to feel deep down that he is still not trustworthy.
Right.
Yep.
My interest in murder / serial killer documentaries isnt about it being cool or edgy (not sure how anyone can idolize serial killers)… but im aware that as a woman there is always a chance of becoming a victim. It is not a morbid thrill but a need to learn what horrors are and hopefully gaining an insight on how to read these people and maybe learn to avoid becoming a victim.
A very good show into the psychological aspect of murderers is “Mindhunter”
Mindhunter is the only true crime show I watch and although it’s disturbing as all get out, it’s so freaking well done!! Im very disappointed they cancelled it.
I will say that I fall into the other category as a morbid thrill, but that along with the news did too much to my brain so I had to hang it up for a few years before watching Mindhunter. I remember identifying the sick, yet curious feeling id get before choosing to “learn more” and that ended up being my alarm to exit out immediately 😂.
Jenifferrrrrr, you made me feel seen. Thank you for this call!!
Dr John handled the first call perfectly
I fully believe people can and do change, but NOT if what they’ve been doing has been working for them on some level. This cheater has no reason to change. The wife doesn’t feel enough like changing either. So they carry on in the same rut they’ve been in for 30 years.
😅😅
😅
Wow, can I relate. Discovered my porn addict husband of 22 years a month b4 our 22nd anniversary. Completely blindsided. The man is obviously not at all the person he pretended to be.
Talking g about mystery/murder podcasts makes me also think about the tv shows that are all about murder/bombers/killing others/war movies, etc. You can barely get away from it.
I get triggered too when I watch Dr J. I feel tempted to have a great day after the episode every time. I'm in a quandary.
Good job making fun of her! Are you proud of yourself?
@@altenberg-greifenstein fun of who? I didn't make fun of anyone. Ur a nut job.
@Beatrix Altenberg making fun of her would be commenting on her specific situation, it's general humor dufus. U chose to come at me, so I'm coming at u nut job
Oh my God I think she is my husband
Gotten better but before my God I can’t go anywhere he wants to be with me 24 , 710 days a week
Literally, we got a big ass fight because I wanted to go visit my family I live in another state away from my entire family
He won’t even go visit his kids because he wants me to go all the time and they just wanna hang out with him because they’re two boys they want to hang out with their dad. He won’t go without me.
It’s smothering all that on your shoulders be the one that has to make you happy
That does not sound healthy. If you are a grown up and he is not your legal guardian you do not need his permission to visit your family.
The fact that he would isolate you like that from them is a big red flag of abuse.
Is this an abusive relationship for you?
He could be playing her. Good chance he is. I lived through being married to a cheater. He might not be. I bet he is.
1st call. She should dump him and move on. I don't understand why she is still with him.
I love how John knows that Freddy is Robert Englund!! Just another reason why I think he's great
That true crime perspective really made me think. Wow
And Kelly shouting oht the killers shirt 😂
Dr. John 🔥🔥
I don't know why there would be empathy for someone cheating just because it was a one night stand that came out of a work conference. Granted there is a difference between a one time thing and a long term cover up parallel life. Either way there should be ZERO empathy other than for the one being cheated on.
I've been listening to your show for a while now and this episode really got me in the heart. Keep doing what your doing Dr John! N also the whole team!
1000000% on the first call. Lol BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW 😅
100% John!
New Life Live radio show with Steve Aterburn and Dr David Stoop and Milon and his wife. They were great at this too ..
Unfortunately this poor woman has got to accept that her husband is a cheater. Either accept it or leave. One or the other.
Fully agree with the true crime take. It 100% affects people even if it’s not a direct cause of violence
For sheer peace of mind, I gave up TV about 40 years ago. Very rarely I come into contact with one, and every single time, often years apart, it's WORSE, unbelievable. And The News, oh lordy. It's shaping a really awful zeitgiest.
This show can be summed up with 🤯😭❤
Kelly got you so good lol
Kelly rocks! 😂
Seriously the ads make this so hard to listen too. I physically work my hubby physically works. We listen while working yet every 5 minutes ads are popping up and they are insanely long. And I will not spend money on this anti free speech dbag platform for ad free, I would on a platform my principles align with … the only reason I listen to CZcams is because free markets are an illusion in America and they strangled the competition along with the gov and I’m forced to be in this crap site if I want to see any videos.
Edit: he’s on Spotify bah bye you tube!
Song is by a group called The Killers, John. What do you expect?!
Shout out to the t- shirt Dr.John love The Killers.
Also- true crime stories have been around forever- It’s the in depth stories and actually giving the victim their personality back which attracts us.
The 1980’s media would say Skin Eater Sam killed 73 prostitutes.
Today the episode will say “Sarah’s family welcomed her into their family as the little sister of 6 older brothers. Sarah Daintye grew up in the countryside east of Chicago where she enjoyed riding the pony that her grandparents got her. Her brothers spoiled her but also teased her and she became a tomboy playing with them. Later she headed off to college where…” . Sure the episode will eventually mention how she eventually became depressed after her parents died with her two closest siblings- in a car accident. She fell into alcoholism and drugs. She started sex work as a means to support her 2 children but also to get easier access to the ongoing addict. She went to rehab twice and 3 days after she completed her program-She disappeared.
Agree but not about it being punishment. That's punitive. No pun intended.
Agree because leaving them keeps you safer from them hurting you again. More to protect yoirself than punish them. Because you are worth it even if this relationship isn't.
Ask him to stop flirting with them and start flirting with you, Wifey.
Here's that episode in fast forward:
You might emotionally wrestle him away from her or them... and he'll white knuckle it without them, resenting you for the loss of hos girlfriend(s) for a while... and you'll realize even after that anger disipates that this relationship isn't worth it anyway because of the patterns of disrespect so deeply ingrained repeatedly... it's not worth it.
You can try to convince him to respect you or you can show him you respect yourself.
But that means accepting his overarching pattern of disrespecting your relationship for what it is: not love.
And moving on.
But after this long marriage, that involves separate domiciles, and less financial secueity for both of you, means dissolving a lifestyle you have grown accustomed to and benefit from.
You want to give him up for his bad behavior but you need the picture this marriage presents of you, so you may be willing to overlook his bad side so you don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater... so to speak.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
If you let him stay, then make a new agreement, a covenant with yourself based on the realities that will entail:
- getting STD tests if you are intimate with him
- preparing for tue possibility he could get another girlfriend pregnant
- or may start cheating with men or other genders (happens more than you'd think)
- the pote tial your distant in law might call randomly one day to ask about your marriage because they saw your hubs' communication with a gal dangling her cleavage all over the net
- or somebody seeing him with one of his chickees outside the motel in town... and trying to be a good friend by telling you about it - which will come out of the blue... if you don't prep now.
You want the picture of your good marriage even though it doesn't match the reality of your bad one.
You can keep living in the illusion as long as you need to, but you don't get to complain about it from this mokent forward because from now on, this is a choice you make with full knowledge of what's up.
If he gaslights you that you are crazy when you find the mystery bra in the laundry, he has deeper, potentially dangerous problems.
Much, much worse. My brother watched far too much of this horror. Our ACEs scores are, were, 7. He loved 'live' cop shows. He carried a gun. I told him to get into therapy, because guns don't protect him from what was really threatening him. He said that he needed a gun to protect himself. And he didn't need therapy because "Jesus had saved" him. He was good sized, "trained," all that. And someone took his gun and killed him with it.
I think that we live in an insane culture. An agonizing, insane culture.
Listening to true crime podcast is opposition research 🤫
I was raised extremely abused. I watch true crime hoping for the incarceration thrill. I effin LOVE it when someone has to face justice for hurting women and kids! If they take the cowardly way out and self extinguish I believe that’s a decent end for them as well.
There’s a difference between knowing you are a sicko and Acting on it. A person can keep all their perverse thoughts to themselves and never harm anyone.
And as far as awareness-I think it’s bringing a MUCH NEEDED awareness to young women of how very dangerous MANY men can be. Sure still some good ones but gotta be wary as you can be. Watch out for red flags!
Incels are really feeling the burn of this because it’s harder for them than it used to be-thankfully! They have issues with red flags all around!
How did I miss this one?!?!
i own a Corso. Does anyone in my neighborhood feel safe, is the real question...
No. Because: San Francisco.
NO
😢
❤️🩷🧡💛.....the killers shirt 🫠
Lifeline
I'd title thos episode:
"My body Is A Wonderland... for The Killers." 🤣 😂 😃
We used to call true crime, murder points. 😂
What if she was roundly decieved?!?! What then, John?
We love you John but a little silly with the true crime podcast talk hahahaha
No internet? No laptop!? Stupid. I guess he has to retire since he can work.
Being married and cheating just because happens and you have understanding and empathy for the cheater? 🤮 If you are so little engaged in your relationship, that you can easily cheat, you are supposed to not waste your partner's time. Every cheater says they are not cheating, until you can prove it. You blame the woman for rightfully not trusting her husband and make it sound like she is the problem. In reality, the only right thing to do is break up the first time someone is cheating! Of course, she is supposed to tell him how she wants his life restricted to show her he will not cheat. Just that there is no way. She would have to lock him in the house with no access to other women. It is hopeless, because he will always be a cheater, and he hurts her forever, no matter what he says. He is not trustworthy, get out! Punish him! He will anyway tell lies to other women how horrible his wife is! Facing reality is not telling women it is their fault, because they are not always fun, they are not exciting, they are everyday life and duties! Get rid of such men and punish them by never giving any past cheater anything. 🎉
38:34 and once Dr John started arguing for the DEI grift nonsense, I was out.
Wow, only America and success for white people. Amazing that success for anyone who isn't white is so triggering for some people. I am white and there is room in this world for ALL people to have success. Soar on my brown brothers and sisters. And get over yourself dude!