How to date, mate, and find fulfillment | Helen Fisher & more

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  • čas přidán 11. 04. 2024
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    Up next, Good sex explained in 9 minutes ► • Good sex explained in ...
    Is polyamory a sustainable model for societies? Do partners really need to maintain the "spark" to have a healthy sex life? And should sex, romantic love, and attachment be viewed as phases of a relationship or as systems in the brain?
    As modern science continues to illuminate the timeless experiences of sex and love, we're learning more about the nature of healthy relationships and the often counterintuitive ways individuals can maximize both sexual pleasure and fulfillment in relationships.
    In this Big Think video, we explore all of the above through insights from anthropologist Helen Fisher, journalist Louise Perry, sex educator Emily Nagoski, primatologist Frans de Waal, and author Richard Reeves who examine sex and relationships across three key domains: your brain, your bedroom, and your society.
    Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/the-big-t...
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    About Helen Fisher:
    Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D. biological anthropologist, is a Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, and a Member of the Center For Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. She has written six books on the evolution, biology, and psychology of human sexuality, monogamy, adultery and divorce, gender differences in the brain, the neural chemistry of romantic love and attachment, human biologically-based personality styles, why we fall in love with one person rather than another, hooking up, friends with benefits, living together and other current trends, and the future of relationships - what she calls: slow love.
    About Louise Perry:
    Louise Perry is a writer and campaigner based in London, UK. She is a columnist at the New Statesman and a features writer for the Daily Mail. Her debut book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century, is published by Polity.
    About Emily Nagoski:
    Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

Komentáře • 552

  • @GreyCrowe
    @GreyCrowe Před měsícem +1336

    I'm pretty busy with food and shelter at the moment

  • @aboveaverage3748
    @aboveaverage3748 Před měsícem +397

    Yes, adults, you need money to have your best possible relationship. Money pays for meal dates, transportation, and everything else. You can have a relationship without such means, but there will be additional stress. Women are often attracted to confidence. Even if you don't feel that you are worthy of being a clothing model, you can exercise and practice strength training regularly. Plenty of women are attracted to muscular men, and this should increase your confidence. Most humans are attracted to honesty, reliability, kindness, openness and loyalty. If she is attracted to traits in opposition of the ones I just mentioned, maybe consider someone else. Women are looking for partners they can survive with, raise healthy children with, have stimulating conversations with. Do what you can to improve yourself mentally, physically and spiritually or philosophically. Be patient. Learn. Grow. If you are overzealous, it may lead to dishonesty. You should be authentic from the moment you meet. Don't portray yourself to be someone you aren't. It could cause serious issues later in the relationship when she finds out you were putting on a front. Relax, be yourself, and have a good time.

    • @EntertainingRunner-vd3bn
      @EntertainingRunner-vd3bn Před měsícem +10

      This is something that isn't talked about. Like how is someone supposed to date if they are broke, or don't have a Car in a society where Cars are like nessessary at this point. How do you date if you don't have your own place, if everyone expects you to have a Car, Money, a Private space, and of course, non-existent dating experience.

    • @user-ym5on6hl5w
      @user-ym5on6hl5w Před měsícem +14

      And what are the requirements for a woman?

    • @johnwinkowski3154
      @johnwinkowski3154 Před měsícem +8

      ​@@EntertainingRunner-vd3bn My recommendation for someone in their 20s who is broke, carless, etc.? Single moms 30+ openly looking for short-term fun.
      Since you're not a potential stepdad, those "expectations" you list suddenly aren't as important anymore. She'll always have her own place to go back to with you, and the familiarity can help her feel safer and more relaxed. She might want you out in the morning before her kid gets back from their sleepover and avoid any unnecessary questions, so there's usually a cap on how much time you need to put in. It's not long-term, so you just need enough money for one or two dates (and maybe subsequent booty-call Ubers). You're younger, which is a sexual plus and a big ego boost for her. She's obviously had sex at least one time, and usually at that age a woman is pretty comfortable and experienced with sex.
      I think you'd also be surprised how many single moms LOVE the idea of being a young guy's first and showing him the ropes. They are at their sexual peaks but also have that nurturing side activated, so being young and inexperienced on a guys' end makes for an interesting pairing. As a bonus they usually have lots of snacks, too lol.
      You're not really doing it to "date", but you still get the social and sexual experience for actual dating later on. Fwiw, I was in that *exact* situation in my 20s and single moms did the trick for me.

    • @abigaelbalbuena1917
      @abigaelbalbuena1917 Před měsícem +2

      Fantastic take. Every male has their work cut out for them. Now, as someone posted below, what's the other side's work to do look like after this list?

    • @opencase9903
      @opencase9903 Před měsícem +4

      Interesting. You started this comment with "Adults" but the rest of it was advice to men ;) maybe it's not a message to adults, but to men? Which would mean women don't have as much asked of them, but you don't want to admit that.

  • @kristinhess1704
    @kristinhess1704 Před měsícem +103

    This is one of my favorite Big Thinks. Such an important topic. Such an essential conversation, largely absent. And Emily is the epitomy of a top-notch speaker, educator, advocate; just a rock-star level type of gal. I love just knowing that she's out there teaching every day. Bang-up job.

    • @gregvanpaassen
      @gregvanpaassen Před 25 dny +1

      The obsessions with self and sex are the curses of the age. Give to your community.

    • @elbretto6062
      @elbretto6062 Před 24 dny +2

      @@gregvanpaassen you took the lyrics straight out of my songbook.

  • @michellecook-hill431
    @michellecook-hill431 Před měsícem +29

    She gets more beautiful as she ages. The epitome of a Sage. Thank you, Helen.

  • @B.Whittaker
    @B.Whittaker Před měsícem +191

    “Mental health care is a necessity 😄…
    but, you have to pay for it like it’s a commodity… here’s 10% off! 🤑”

    • @marsdriver2501
      @marsdriver2501 Před 26 dny +5

      what are you even talking about, is food free?

    • @elbretto6062
      @elbretto6062 Před 24 dny

      @@marsdriver2501 food is free for some gents.

    • @getmeout449
      @getmeout449 Před 4 dny

      therapist no go chop

    • @SlickNick98
      @SlickNick98 Před 4 dny

      If u hunt for food it's free and water is free same with oxygen​@@marsdriver2501

    • @SlickNick98
      @SlickNick98 Před 4 dny

      ​@@marsdriver2501growing food is free too

  • @l01230123
    @l01230123 Před měsícem +183

    The comment section is WILD. Y'all need hugs or something. 😅✌

    • @invox9490
      @invox9490 Před měsícem

      I think what we all need is SEX. 😬

    • @user-yh1nm1vy3i
      @user-yh1nm1vy3i Před měsícem +4

      I don’t see anything wild? What’s going on?

    • @Kavaitsu
      @Kavaitsu Před měsícem +3

      Where is the hug

    • @l01230123
      @l01230123 Před měsícem +2

      ​@@user-yh1nm1vy3i Well, there's that recent comment about necro and r@pe, people saying the speakers are mentally I'll, and blatant sexism.

    • @l01230123
      @l01230123 Před měsícem +1

      ​@@Kavaitsu🫂 That's the best I can do from an internet away 😅

  • @AnnaC330
    @AnnaC330 Před měsícem +20

    So appreciative for this collage video that help us build and maintain one of *the* most relationships in our lives. Thank you BigThink!!!

  • @Mr.Saiful
    @Mr.Saiful Před měsícem +54

    Very deep video
    I have to watch this video twice
    Thank you Bigthink for making this video ❤

  • @HouseOfAliShali
    @HouseOfAliShali Před 26 dny +9

    That bit about Christianity and monogamy was an eye opener

  • @josiahamaze
    @josiahamaze Před měsícem +211

    Men we need women. Dont give up kings. You deserve a queen and she deserves you. Also Betterhelp is trash. Speaking from experience. I just choose to believe the right thoughts and ive healed so many areas of my life over the past couple years. You got this kings and to any ladies reading this I appreciate you all you lovely babes.

    • @cseptember6562
      @cseptember6562 Před měsícem +1

      Women openly say that they dont need us though.

    • @rheanarula9643
      @rheanarula9643 Před měsícem +2

    • @cseptember6562
      @cseptember6562 Před měsícem +15

      Women openly say that they dont need men though...

    • @josiahamaze
      @josiahamaze Před měsícem +5

      @cseptember6562 That doesn't seem fair to women to say that. Seems like we haven't been fair any many areas.

    • @cseptember6562
      @cseptember6562 Před měsícem +6

      @@josiahamaze Its fair because a lot of them also say it with no pushback. And its not that guys are giving up for no reason. A lot of us have 0 options and its harder than ever now to date. Especially if you are younger

  • @matthewschuessler4422
    @matthewschuessler4422 Před měsícem +120

    Turn the freaking music down

  • @WarrenByrdSpeak
    @WarrenByrdSpeak Před měsícem +5

    Nice, y’all. Colossal conciseness 😊

  • @amanborasi2183
    @amanborasi2183 Před 23 dny +3

    so much to learn!

  • @rafa0907
    @rafa0907 Před 4 dny +1

    This video frees me from like 10 beliefs I had about sex, thank you for bringing this video, and thanks for beeing free. knowledge is freedom

  • @AndresBarrosMusic
    @AndresBarrosMusic Před 11 dny +7

    Helen Fisher's book "Why Him, Why Her?" boils things down to "finding a suitable partner is a matter of matching with the one whose 2 main hormones complement yours" (overly simplified, but bear with me). Emily Nagoski's book "Come As You Are" says hormones like testoterone have nothing to do with it. Maybe a debate between them would be interesting? Big Think staff?

  • @KrisS447
    @KrisS447 Před měsícem +4

    Great work 👏

  • @blake1001x
    @blake1001x Před 26 dny +1

    Insightful 😊

  • @bigmo10
    @bigmo10 Před měsícem +2

    Followed Emily on Twitter for years and now I know why 👍🏿

  • @simonszabo990
    @simonszabo990 Před měsícem +3

    Great content

  • @emydpham
    @emydpham Před měsícem +89

    With the way inflation, unemployment, and housing costs are looming in everybody’s wallet, soon, these love anecdotes will be what we only dream about and archived. Let’s call it the caveman love style: focus on food and shelter. 😅

  • @ZaharaReign
    @ZaharaReign Před měsícem +7

    Wow, thank you for sharing your study 📚

  • @navineon4961
    @navineon4961 Před měsícem +5

    Amazing video! Education truly worthy of modern days

  • @alybeer4559
    @alybeer4559 Před měsícem +32

    Love the woman talking about poly X monogamy... completely disregarding that nowadays we don't talk about polygyny. It's not about men having multiple women. It's about decentralization of relationships. You can't really compare to men marrying 14 women... under 16... that s just off the point

    • @jmipraimundo
      @jmipraimundo Před měsícem +4

      and also that it works better on the contrary for women to also have several partners...since before they were slaves to just one!

    • @samaraisnt
      @samaraisnt Před měsícem

      Yeah that was disturbing. No shit a man having 10 slaves, I mean underage “wives” (expendable brood mares) isn’t going to create a equal or happy society…umm? i thought we discovered that centuries ago!

    • @umohluna
      @umohluna Před měsícem +4

      Exactly, her segment was my least favorite and the least scientifically accurate. Also monogamy is not the biological standard and never has ever been. It’s only been customary maybe for the last 50 years or so. Men cheating has always been socially acceptable including in the Biblical sense. Frowned on but not that big of a deal. Different story for women. Women’s sexual fidelity was based on necessity not biology. The more societal and economic freedoms women have the more likely her cheating starts to increase and comes closer to how often men do it. It’s a matter of not getting stoned to death, outcast or assaulted rather than biology.

  • @neon_nana
    @neon_nana Před měsícem +31

    I agree with the supernatural part cuz it IS a miracle for all of us to find a right partner and it feels miraculous when we see someone eye to eye. You can never forget that experience: the connection. - but I agree with the process can be scientifically proven too!

    • @jmipraimundo
      @jmipraimundo Před měsícem +1

      yes but not only 1 when you have 8 billion... sorry

  • @erinc492
    @erinc492 Před měsícem +87

    Big Think, as much as I like your videos, I can’t believe you’ve accepted BetterHelp as a sponsor. Especially after everything they’ve done

    • @AndradaBalteanu
      @AndradaBalteanu Před měsícem +6

      What did they do?

    • @TMK1450
      @TMK1450 Před měsícem +2

      @@AndradaBalteanu Apparently they have done "everything". Looks and feels like a bad-will campaign though... mental health is a very difficult arena, I give them that!

    • @AndradaBalteanu
      @AndradaBalteanu Před měsícem +5

      @@TMK1450 haven't found what they did...

    • @TMK1450
      @TMK1450 Před měsícem

      @@AndradaBalteanu me neither. Maybe @erinc492 can help?

    • @sohu86x
      @sohu86x Před měsícem

      Takes literally 10 seconds to Google or CZcams it.​@@AndradaBalteanu

  • @sunbather616
    @sunbather616 Před měsícem +34

    We are in the vanity phase of Universe 25. It's so sad what the dating world has become. I genuinely feel like I left the last helicopter out of Vietnam. Think about what you can provide instead of what you deserve. Providing isn't always in the material. Advice coming from a stay at home dad with 2 kids.

    • @jamontoast
      @jamontoast Před měsícem

      ironically i am living in vietnam right now in my mid 20s and dating has been pretty damn fruitful for me lmao. maybe at this point it's time to get the last chopper IN

  • @TheKeirsunishi
    @TheKeirsunishi Před měsícem +77

    How do you find someone to do it with though?

    • @BitterDawn
      @BitterDawn Před měsícem +39

      By being genuine/authentic and a little brave.

    • @ricardoconqueso
      @ricardoconqueso Před měsícem +23

      Walk down the street with a crisp $100 dollar bill, flapping in the breeze

    • @larry6597
      @larry6597 Před měsícem +10

      Too difficult, I'll just wait for my AI girlfriend. Hopefully they make it ultra realistic such that I have to skip Saturday's to watch reruns of that Ru Paul show

    • @miftarisq2068
      @miftarisq2068 Před měsícem

      ​@@larry6597married?

    • @glendakillough6726
      @glendakillough6726 Před měsícem +5

      First thing is that should not be the goal. The goal should be the best version of yourself and a wonderful woman will see and become the apple of your eye.
      "Do it with"
      How romantic. I don't understand how women aren't just lined up around the corner for your attention.
      DAF

  • @jerryphilips9346
    @jerryphilips9346 Před měsícem +1

    Thank you for saying what we as a partner,but first i need to get a partner for this 😅.

  • @SuperYogagirl
    @SuperYogagirl Před měsícem +47

    I can't even imagine how I could have the time or energy to focus on love and sex, lol 😂 I live in a city where rent is $3k for a one bedroom, food is sky high and living expenses. I envy the young people who can live in a high sex drive and put fun as a priority.

    • @MarketWizard546
      @MarketWizard546 Před měsícem +15

      Find someone you can split the costs with that you like and you can go at it like rabbits

    • @Skochel
      @Skochel Před měsícem +14

      Literally move. Life is not worth that level of suffering. Where i live (South MI), 3k is rent, all my bills and all the groceries I could ever want. We choose our suffering, therefore we choose our salvation

    • @MarketWizard546
      @MarketWizard546 Před měsícem

      @@Skochel hah I lived in southeast Michigan

    • @Skochel
      @Skochel Před měsícem

      @@MarketWizard546 it’s not bad, I grew up & currently live near A2. Lots of retirement/suburban housing with the focus shifting to family oriented education

    • @sageofsixpaths98
      @sageofsixpaths98 Před měsícem +5

      Look how everybody started lecturing what you should and shouldn't do.
      If she could've she would've.

  • @catalicul
    @catalicul Před měsícem +7

    thank you for these beautiful lessons

  • @x2oChannel
    @x2oChannel Před měsícem +8

    Very interesting talk, but background music is a bit too loud and competing with my tinnitus 😅

  • @doctordhruv2595
    @doctordhruv2595 Před měsícem +9

    Everytime they mention Brain and simultaneously show a CT of lung and liver, it bothers me..

  • @justa_stranger_
    @justa_stranger_ Před měsícem +20

    Not sure if I agree with what Louise is saying, but I love the other two!

    • @LouiseEnriconi
      @LouiseEnriconi Před měsícem +6

      I definitely don’t. Polyamory has nothing to do with polygyny

  • @hekam
    @hekam Před měsícem +1

    Love in the higher power 💪

  • @spaceshipastro
    @spaceshipastro Před měsícem

    made me remember my ex friend that I loved, when he rejected me he said: "I will make u hate me!" in a way to make me stop loving him and be just friends or leave him alone.. uneducated person, he made me think that I am a stalker and a obsessed to a dangerous level which I wasn't, so glad to see a great person and prof here like Helen give people who are like me respect. thank u prof!

  • @GetToZeeChoppa
    @GetToZeeChoppa Před měsícem +9

    Emily Nagoski absolutely nails it here. I stood up and clapped. 👏👏👏

  • @Justmegaming404
    @Justmegaming404 Před měsícem +5

    Tbh Emily Nagoski could’ve done this whole vid. The others were great but what they resonated with me

    • @troynix215
      @troynix215 Před měsícem +1

      Huh... I felt the same about Helen Fisher.

  • @pedrosouza5599
    @pedrosouza5599 Před měsícem +11

    how do I get someone tho, it's been hard on the streets

  • @travonomenon
    @travonomenon Před měsícem +62

    The self-reporting in these comments is pretty hilarious, ngl

    • @B.Whittaker
      @B.Whittaker Před měsícem +10

      The incels flocked in droves to this video. Probably got linked on 4chan lol

    • @jurassicthunder
      @jurassicthunder Před měsícem +8

      ​@@B.Whittaker"if i don't like your take on sexuality that means you're an incel" 😂

    • @B.Whittaker
      @B.Whittaker Před měsícem +4

      @@jurassicthunder sexuality? No one is speculating on whether you’re gay or not lol

    • @jurassicthunder
      @jurassicthunder Před měsícem

      ​@@B.Whittakerthe whole video is about sex. are you trying to tell us something? don't be afraid I'm not homophobic like you.

    • @jurassicthunder
      @jurassicthunder Před měsícem

      ​@@B.Whittakerthe whole video is about sex. are you trying to tell us something? don't be afraid I'm not h-phobic like you.

  • @estefanianempequemorales6285

    Co create a context that allows both of their brains to have access to pleasure “ amazing phrase

  • @vagabondfeet
    @vagabondfeet Před měsícem +4

    Why are responses getting hidden?

  • @movimientoinformativo5314

    14:34 why is there Epicuro? Can someone explain me what he has to do with what she's talking about?

  • @katoy9976
    @katoy9976 Před 20 dny

    Hay yaşa! ❤️

  • @raspberrypi7098
    @raspberrypi7098 Před 7 dny

    Very low volume, please fix it 🙏 ❤

  • @henrimilo1
    @henrimilo1 Před 9 dny

    Loneliness is growing in all age groups. The shift from agricultural society which favours fertility to a post-industrial society with efficient medecine and an unprecedented human numbers growth is disorienting people very deeply.

  • @clairelinden9786
    @clairelinden9786 Před 19 dny +3

    Sounds like everyone in the comment section needs a little love in their lives..

  • @thelegend-gr9463
    @thelegend-gr9463 Před dnem

    that background music is Krap

  • @joaosimoes7800
    @joaosimoes7800 Před 9 dny +1

    thanks middle lady for talking really fast while whispering, it really makes it easier for me

  • @dominicclark3774
    @dominicclark3774 Před 9 dny

    Joan Rivers, PhD. Love it.

  • @troynix215
    @troynix215 Před měsícem +4

    The first guest of three knew her stuf at least.

  • @PetraKann
    @PetraKann Před měsícem +2

    How do you know which is which?

  • @RobbVance
    @RobbVance Před 3 dny

    what about a system where the women got to have as many partners as they want, instead of focusing on the men having lots of partners?

  • @johns1139
    @johns1139 Před měsícem +1

    Huey Lewis was right

  • @alphabeta8403
    @alphabeta8403 Před měsícem +9

    9:00 *Magic trio*
    18:00 It’s a brain process

    • @mars_mellow5842
      @mars_mellow5842 Před měsícem

      its different views of the same topic from three different professionals. The video is made to show you different views on it so you can better formulate your own opinion on the subject.

  • @lonewolf2072
    @lonewolf2072 Před 11 dny

    why am i watching this while being rejected

  • @wassabied
    @wassabied Před měsícem +1

    👏🏼

  • @khoakdoan
    @khoakdoan Před měsícem +17

    My ex left me twice for another partner. Love is a joke.

    • @michxahadu
      @michxahadu Před měsícem +11

      It's just you're a joke, not love.

    • @novacaine_
      @novacaine_ Před měsícem +4

      Sorry you went through this, try not to let them kill love for you, its them that's the issue

    • @FantasmaRadioattivo
      @FantasmaRadioattivo Před měsícem +8

      Never give someone the opportunity of dumping you twice, once is enought

    • @adukalu168
      @adukalu168 Před měsícem +5

      Nah bro the 2nd one was on you. U played ur self

    • @benfelps
      @benfelps Před měsícem

      @@michxahadu😂

  • @SpencerBRandall
    @SpencerBRandall Před 26 dny +1

    Turn down the music please.

  • @thetruther954
    @thetruther954 Před 26 dny

    Ride the fear. Ask her to ask you. QED.

  • @CrescentPaws5000
    @CrescentPaws5000 Před měsícem +6

    Why didn’t they address other forms of polyamory there other types besides polygamy like polycules or not just one guy a ton of women it’s not allways like that

    • @jmipraimundo
      @jmipraimundo Před měsícem

      Primates dont know how to do monogamy...😂
      We are from their family 😉
      Was religion and opression men women that obligate a master and a slaver.
      If today we can transform Patriarchy to Matriarch everyone will be more prosperous happy and no violence😉

    • @mars_mellow5842
      @mars_mellow5842 Před měsícem +1

      yeah the speaker should have talked about it in more detail

  • @A861967
    @A861967 Před měsícem

    What if it’s not love , and it’s just a conditional response 😂

  • @dereksniper
    @dereksniper Před 14 dny +1

    Wasnt betterhealth shown to be subpar mental health service?

  • @augustbjeilkjr737
    @augustbjeilkjr737 Před 28 dny +1

    13:45 wildly untrue that only males of high status had access to women slaves! It wasn’t frowned upon for women with high status to carry the children of their slaves as well.

  • @prometheusrising13
    @prometheusrising13 Před měsícem +12

    "Novelty, Novelty, Novelty"

  • @jaimebernardovg
    @jaimebernardovg Před 2 dny

    So, I am not broken, there is nothing wrong...
    Wow
    I wish I still had a wife to talk about this 🙃

  • @AliHussein30605
    @AliHussein30605 Před 24 dny

  • @hakijin
    @hakijin Před měsícem +1

    Fulfillment I will only find in large scale medieval warfare on a green grass field inside of gothic armor

  • @vieiradelimafilho
    @vieiradelimafilho Před měsícem +12

    It's striking the epistemological gaps between the 3 speakers, very telling of the different perspectives culture has assumed in each generation. The first lady sounds very much like a boomer, traditional but easy-going and open-minded, scientifically grounded and optimistic, if too positivistic. I applaud her neurological expertise, but she won't go deep enough if she thinks the brain is what it all boils down to. The brain is but an amazing tool, a wonderful mechanism, a means to an end. The last lady, a GenZer I suppose, sounds like a flamboyant Instagram influencer to me. So mechanistic, schematic, it feels as though she thinks people should manipulate one another with therapytalk for commodifying bodies into sex toys to serve our pleasure for as long as it's worthwhile, idolizing the power of "rationality" (most often, a disguise to manipulation). A shallow pedantic narcissistic faker, or a postmodern psychologist, and a quintessential citizen of the clown world we've built in the West. To me Louise Perry has the ultimate realistic, grounded perspective that rises high above scientism, marketing and ego catering to frankly address human nature and the facts of history. It'd be wise to seek more of her brilliance.
    There's no healthy sexuality without connection through meaning; human connection is basically a spiritual endeavour. You should feel like you are sharing a common story in which the moment just drags each other closer. Animal magnetism. Sex starts with the gaze and the build-up of tension that comes with honest exchange. Like happiness is an epiphenomenon, sex should be just the cherry on top of a meaningful encounter. A celebration of life and happenstance, ideally consummating and deepening a proper relationship. The moment just happens when you can't help but bond, feeling like a child that's curious and willing to play. Not necessarily because you have found the "right person", but that you both were lucky enough to have met someone you're able to trust, and feel vulnerably and adventurously naked with, caring for and deserving of each other, so you can surrender and leap together into the unknown with true engagement and compassion. Or just someone to have fun and joy with, fully immersed in the moment, not escaping from yourself with the latest drug. Pleasure is not the goal but a bonus, a collateral effect. It's not about mind and thoughts but spirit and movement. Like the poetry of rivers merging, an intuitive erasure of edges and selves, a melting unceremoniously and unpretentiously into one ecstatic dancer that flows seamlessly in-between. Tantra? It's way more an art, or ritual, than a "science of pleasure and mating". Kudos to Louise.

    • @703390
      @703390 Před měsícem +2

      Great way to put it.!

    • @gborsonello
      @gborsonello Před 27 dny +1

      Best comment EVER, thanks!

  • @RLLE-dl3oy
    @RLLE-dl3oy Před 15 dny

    Whoever works in STEM and seriously thinks that any biological system is part of the supernatural should roll the dice about vacating this workplace permanently

  • @rodrigocamacho8834
    @rodrigocamacho8834 Před 27 dny

    "When you put the neutral and the romantic love on top of each other and cancel out what they have in common, you left on whats going in the brain when you madly in love, " She said. I don't have to be a scientist to know that this idea of encapsulating what romantic love is false. First, it seems too simplistic and idealistic to just deduct from a picture what the complex wiring is the brain doing for "love." I think Helen's idea of what is romantic love is is not complete, it is false to just depend and name love by looking at pictures and cancel each other and whatever left think that is love. It is too easy to be true, from history we have found that thing are way more complex than just simple thesis like Helen's.

  • @atomafotos
    @atomafotos Před měsícem

  • @Valdemore4
    @Valdemore4 Před 21 dnem

    came here for the How To`s, didn't find any XDDD

  • @Sa1ntV1cious
    @Sa1ntV1cious Před měsícem +1

    Ah yes, THE SEGGS

  • @RobiulIslam-nj4fw
    @RobiulIslam-nj4fw Před měsícem +1

    Pleasure of Youth ! 🎋❤️🎋

  • @borrico1965
    @borrico1965 Před 27 dny

    Absolutely, sex has a biological function aimed at continuing the species. However, people tends to abuse the sexual faculty. People tends to use the faculty solely for the pleasure it gives. If that will be the case, the faculty is misused.

  • @c2819fnf
    @c2819fnf Před měsícem +1

    All it comes down to is a match of personality/temperament and money. But if you have no money you can’t be a provider.

  • @justinrita7793
    @justinrita7793 Před 13 dny

    If love is an addiction or it activates a part of the brain that has to do with addiction. Couldn’t love be argued as the first stepping stone to other substances? Like not being loved enough as a kid would lead them down a slippery slope of substance abuse. Couldn’t not being loved enough be looked at as a form of rejection? But then again I guess that’s the joke. “Mommy and daddy didn’t love you enough as a child.”

  • @MrVisionDPB
    @MrVisionDPB Před měsícem

    Honey

  • @teacake6941
    @teacake6941 Před měsícem +1

    If they don't bring up how much resources you need to have in the western world to be comfortable in a relationship then they are missing a big chunk of what makes a relationship successful at beginning, the middle and the end because most relationships change and they may not be romantic but that can be an AWESOME friend!

  • @CyanCooper
    @CyanCooper Před 10 dny +1

    You don't "live on" if you have kids. And if your kids aren't a disappointment to your memory, your grandkids probably will be.

  • @bernardthefourth
    @bernardthefourth Před měsícem +14

    Fuck I wish I was better looking so I can get what I want and be miserable in a relationship I initially really wanted.

  • @anitoroyan272
    @anitoroyan272 Před 29 dny +8

    Better Help is the worst. Stay away from

  • @alg11297
    @alg11297 Před měsícem +5

    I wish I could get a degree to spout platitudes like these speakers

    • @ricardoconqueso
      @ricardoconqueso Před měsícem +8

      The first speaker had years of solid research that was backed up by scientific study and conclusions. If all you took away was platitudes, you missed the point. Doesnt sound like you actually care about education or learning.

  • @drradon
    @drradon Před měsícem

    It’s so strange how so many topics and so many speakers can be presented so one dimensional. Mmmh.

  • @Schweizer_Politik
    @Schweizer_Politik Před měsícem +2

    Brother is usinf the term "mate" im sure they never touched a women

  • @jawaharize
    @jawaharize Před 9 dny

    love is a drug of ignorance ..the wise dont find it outside

  • @namadekisufa
    @namadekisufa Před měsícem +4

    terrible sound mix

    • @ricardoconqueso
      @ricardoconqueso Před měsícem

      Only under-sexed people think the sound mix was bad

  • @lavatr8322
    @lavatr8322 Před 25 dny +1

    Although i hope to meet my soulmate or have a relationship
    im currently focused on getting a job and on my mental & physical health
    but obviously back of the mind i dream of going to movies , beaches, or just cuddling nothing else, with that special EMPRESS
    _idk where the fock is she?_

  • @BerlinaDice
    @BerlinaDice Před měsícem +9

    Just to clarify: you don't kill for love...that's not love

    • @julesoul
      @julesoul Před měsícem +6

      I feel like you can kill FOR love, but not out of love.

    • @GGFarofa
      @GGFarofa Před měsícem +3

      I think it's a situation in which your partner is in danger, and you actually kill the threat to protect them. These so called "crimes of passion" do not represent love. It's jealousy and control, not love.

    • @samaraisnt
      @samaraisnt Před měsícem

      So you wouldnt kill someone who was trying to murder your mom? Can’t relate…

  • @supremekakarot
    @supremekakarot Před měsícem

    Has anyone looked into the way Islam conveys marriage?

    • @rmmr1168
      @rmmr1168 Před měsícem

      What makes you ask this question?

    • @supremekakarot
      @supremekakarot Před měsícem

      @@rmmr1168 Because it’s almost like Islam has the solutions to these issues 😀

  • @vedmarth
    @vedmarth Před 6 dny

    It’s funny when about monogamy talks someone who is strongly biased towards monogamy, her conclusions based solely on biology and outdated social paradigms and quite false frankly when taking into account modern society

  • @klevykids
    @klevykids Před 18 dny

    Sex is either good or bad, nothing else

  • @LouiseEnriconi
    @LouiseEnriconi Před měsícem +20

    Using examples of polygyny to explain why polyamory wouldn’t be a good idea seems strange, to say the very least. Polygyny has nothing (or very little) to do with polyamory as it’s being discussed nowadays in progressist groups.

  • @AceKite00
    @AceKite00 Před měsícem +8

    I know all this. I know who i am, what I'm capable of, what I want, what I'm willing to do, and what i refuse to do. Flirting and approaching is easy enough. But guess what my problem is?... I GOT NO FU**ING MONEY! C'mon, how many relationships have you seen fail due to money? That means any relationship i enter won't be sustainable long term until i fix this. I mean unless someone can prove to me otherwise.

    • @goldenwolf90
      @goldenwolf90 Před měsícem +14

      Then you actually don’t have the means to connect intimately, or you feel as if you may not be entirely deserving of it, because of the added stress of financial security. Like Louise mentioned the offs also need to be turned off, couple that with possible trauma, and you’re likely less in-tuned than you think you are. Ultimately, you’re still deserving of a loving and sexually fulfilling connection regardless of your financial status.

    • @sunbather616
      @sunbather616 Před měsícem

      Money is a construct and it's something the western world has trapped you with. If you already possess the self-awareness of your situation, it would be best for you to attempt to connect with someone sharing your same situation. If you're lucky enough to find someone to share goals with you, then perhaps coupling together and working towards that common goal will help. The problem with western society is that both genders have an expectation when it comes dating and we don't have the self awareness to see that we are all a work in progress.

    • @ricardoconqueso
      @ricardoconqueso Před měsícem +10

      If you have a good enough personality, you don't need money dude. Even if youre wealthy, most women, if they figure out that youre not much more than just money and have nothing else to offer, will leave. If you can offer something that can't be bought at a store, youre golden

    • @jurassicthunder
      @jurassicthunder Před měsícem +2

      ​@@goldenwolf90cap. women still wouldn't date someone long term if he has no money or is not willing to make it in the future.

    • @goldenwolf90
      @goldenwolf90 Před měsícem +8

      @@jurassicthunder Okay, cap, is you projecting from what is likely your own experience. There are several woman who would stay with a man that would make them feel safe, and most importantly appreciated. You hear this often with immigrant stories where a couple works together to raise their children in a foreign country. This is because healthy relationships are dual effort. And would even go as far to say that women, hell let’s generalize it even to everyone regardless of gender, it isn’t that you don’t have money it’s likely that you don’t have ambition. It’s one thing to work within your means and struggle than say make yourself a victim while not bothering to look for a job. Granted I will agree that there are individuals who will likely be more interested in exploiting a person with money than an actual relationship, but then again that’s not a healthy relationship. So to generalize this against all women isn’t healthy for you, and only perpetuates that you are likely dealing with trust issues.

  • @jaythefox
    @jaythefox Před měsícem +5

    Fear not hombres - the AI girlfriends are coming soon!

    • @NuntiusLegis
      @NuntiusLegis Před měsícem

      As soon as it comes to adult content, AI says no.

  • @monsieuralex974
    @monsieuralex974 Před měsícem +1

    "Maximize sex & love" ok.. "How to date, mate, and..." Hmph... This is a very nice topic. I would give a damn if I wasn't the lonely ass I am... See you on the next video BigThink (click Next)

  • @joelharris4399
    @joelharris4399 Před měsícem +22

    Most guys, particularly those who self-identify as MGTOW have already bailed out of the dating market.

    • @VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy
      @VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy Před měsícem +6

      More for me!

    • @jurassicthunder
      @jurassicthunder Před měsícem +10

      ​@@VoteBidentoSaveDemocracy you wish 😂 if you're average looking, you ain't getting any. except when they are looking to SETTLE down. 💰

    • @joelharris4399
      @joelharris4399 Před měsícem +3

      @@jurassicthunder 🤑🤑 money talks and money walks

    • @jurassicthunder
      @jurassicthunder Před měsícem +4

      ​@@Dimitris_Balfoh yeah classic "if you don't like me then you're gay" 😂 you just can't bear the idea that men might not be interested in you for your character.

    • @JordanMichael23CA
      @JordanMichael23CA Před měsícem

      ​@jurassicthunder
      Im overweight, make slightly better than average money, and am probably just cute on the face.
      My girl is really hot.
      It's less about those things than you are led to believe.
      I make her laugh till she cries, I'm emotionally available, can read her emotions, communicative, educated, receptive.
      Good women like us for things other than money and looks.
      We are shallow by nature. They aren't. Even if they tell you they are .
      It's not real, the dating market is veiled in lies. Women just want a guy they feel will protect them and take care of them, emotionally.
      These bitches that say otherwise are young (or old and too far gone) and lying. If they weren't, id get zero pussy.

  • @alexfletcher5192
    @alexfletcher5192 Před měsícem +1

    So, let me get this straight: the America of the 'real man' and the 'real woman' needs help on this? Okay. What happened before you knew what to do? Oh yes, you didn't. Possibly time to stop aiming for awards and just get with someone on your wavelength. I am frankly astounded that I need to say it....

  • @nias3202
    @nias3202 Před měsícem +2

    Don't know why, but this video makes me a little sad. So much advice, huge dating business, money spent in vain, addiction, reproduction, Darwin, chemical brain reactions...

  • @linli6012
    @linli6012 Před měsícem +1

    I DON'T AGREE WITH THE SECOND promiscuous woman.

    • @jmipraimundo
      @jmipraimundo Před měsícem

      Of course not....but you are a men who had a slave woman who satisfy you..
      I have a lot of live for more...and They are so happy....dont be restrain to a so religion ideia....love all ❤