What is Co-Dependency?
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I can see where the enabling bit comes in, but I always thought of co-dependency more as when a person seeks to gain from a relationship what they aren't able/don't believe they are able to provide for themselves. Like completely relying on the person to make you happy or build up your self-esteem. That's what co-dependency has looked like for me. In a lot of my relationships my sense of self-worth fluctuated with the success (or lack thereof) of the relationship.
I heard one guy say that co-dependency is being dependent on having someone being dependent on you. Like it says in the song, "She's a drunkard's dream if I ever did see one."
Codependency is enabling poor behavior
Being dependent on someone is being reliant on someone else. Super simlar words but they can over lap in some relationships.
Interdependency is the goal
The Evolving Codependent exactly!! I’ve had to explain what codependency means to a lot of ppl and they always think it means dependency .. two different things
I just needed to share this because it made me laugh. But last night I found your channel and I was so happy to find a channel like this so I watched like, six videos before I went to bed. Then I had a dream you were helping me build a boat and you were like, "good job, Jessica!" And I was so proud of myself. Lol! For real though, thank you for these videos. I'm so excited to watch some more!
Jezahlie Why do you find this funny? What's so funny about it?
Pete Mitchell I meant my dream I had, not the actual video. :) It just made me laugh that I had watched so many of her videos before bed that I dreamed about her.
I struggle with boundaries
It took me till I was 30 I realize to know I even had them
Boundaries I thought were mean to the other person
Now I am realizing not having them is bing mean to me
Still working on it though
I am also recovering from codependence. It took me years of recovery to realize I had a choice. Also, the book Boundaries by loud and Townsend is a great read
@Tracy your epiphany makes me realize too!! Thank you.
I like: ‘Co-dependency is the need to be needed.’
Sometimes I like just picking various videos of yours, never knowing what is relevant or not, it is interesting learning. I have a support mental health group, and just love sharing your videos with my members. Thanks for all you do.
I've seen many people struggle with co-dependency while I was in IOP and PHP groups. Many of them felt like it was the only way they would keep their spouse in the relationship. For example, one person told us that she knew what her husband was doing was bad, but she guilted herself into buying him more and more alcohol because she thought that he only loved her and her family when he was drunk. Through our group sessions she took control of the abusive relationship and ended it, and by the time I left that group, her kids and her were living with some family and she was divorcing him so her kids wouldn't have to see that anymore. It's one powerful story I'll never forget because it shows how therapy can literally change your life. XOX Kati!
I think an important thing to note is that the dependency is an emotional one "a codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance. In this context, people who are addicted to a substance, like drugs, or a process, like gambling or sex, can also be considered codependent. In its most narrow definition, it requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to heroin, and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior."
It's all addiction. Dysfunctional behaviours. We all have something.
kati, you are so amazing! I have been having a hard time whem it comes to coping with loneliness, abandonment, anxiety, and depression so I have been watching your videos! They are helping me so much! You always make me feel better with your awesome personality! Thank you so much for doing what youre doing! Youre an inspiration of me.:)
You have no idea how much I wish you were my therapist, Kati. I feel like you could help me sort myself out really quickly. Your videos are so tremendously helpful. Thank-you so much for your work.
My best friend was co dependent to me through the entire elementary school. Once we got to middle school it got so extreme that I couldn’t have anything for myself. I cut off the relationship completely with the help of my mom. It’s been two years now since I talked to her and she’s completely sunk. She’s dropped out of school and never comes out of the house and she told the school that I was the reason she left. I am now graduating 8th grade and it’s been two years since I have even spoke to her and she is so mad at me I feel bad but I had to do it because she was sinking and I couldn’t let go so I was sinking with her too.It hurts but I know it’s for the best.
I’m so glad you mentioned 12-step programs. They helped me so much in learning about my own codependency and recovering from it. Therapy is great but for me the groups helped in special ways, eg hearing people talk about their own codependency and how they are changing helped me identify it in myself. These days I still have problems but I am much better at realising what I cannot do. I can’t fix or change other people. I can’t love somebody better, they will keep being who they are and I will have a bunch of unmet needs. Codependency is really a complex set of behaviours and beliefs that wont fit in this space. The benefits of meetings is you can go as often as you want for minimum expense and benefit from the wisdom and experience of those who are making changes too. Remember you don’t have to be friends with everyone you meet there. You can have boundaries in a group too. You can go slowly and decide who you relate to and on what level.
Thanks for defining Co-dependency in such a clear and easy to understand manner. It makes it easier to identify signs and symptoms of an unhealthy relationship. Feel Blessed with all the information you provide us all with.Thanks Kati xoxo
ouch! and a big THANK YOU for the reminder!
I use your videos all the time for my own clients! Thank you for these!!!!!!
I used to be exactly like this :/ So glad I'm better now!
Thank you. I love how you explain things. You don't judge and make people feel stupidor weak that they are in these situations. You are great and I'm learning alot from your videos that makes me feel less alone. :)
Yessss I think this is a topic I requested like two years ago! Love that you did this one...I'm sure I'm not the only one who was looking for an explanation of what it means to be codependent :)
Thanks Kati, as always!
Just did a 'Love and Wisdom' group with my Watershed girls and we went through the book 'Codependent no more' by Melody Beattie. It was great, and much much needed!
I am & have always been a co-dependent & recently due to always wanting to help & please others, I realized I went overboard with it and have recently worn myself out with it because not only have I helped take care of & please everyone but I even let it interfere with what I am trying to do for me and I found I started feeling upset and mad. So since last month I started verbally letting everyone know that I didn't want people knocking on my door anymore and then I started one by one pulling out the bad weeds because I noticed that some were starting to take advantage of everything I have done for them which that too started making me mad & upset because there were people not listening, so I kept that note up on my door for a month. Then about 2 weeks ago I verbally let everyone know my second set of rules and boundaries followed Again by another note, & it's taking some time for them to know but half of them are finally starting to get & understand exactly how I feel which feels good because I finally am able to spend more time to myself and by myself which I am starting to enjoy it a little more that they are all starting to understand & get how I feel about my house being taken over by them.
Can you make a video about a codependent child? Also, how can it change your adulthood.
Thanks Kati Morton.
My mother was an alcoholic, and yet I resisted going to Alanon for many years. Now I don’t remember why. I think I was really scared, but now that I’m on the other side, I realize that the daily fear and anxiety of avoiding going to Alanon was quite high. And then when I went, I met people who understood me and so it was reassuring. Not that bad memories didn’t come up. They did. But I didn’t have to face them alone, by myself, without saying anything.
Alanon turned my life around. And the good thing is that if you don’t feel like talking or participating, all you have to do is say “pass.” No judgment! No pressure! I’ve sat through many a meeting just in a terrible mood. Not talking. Just sitting there stewing in my own juices. But then when the meeting was over, I felt better. Not because I talked anything out necessarily, but maybe just from not being alone. Or maybe someone shared something that helped me.
I have always said “I don’t understand how this program even helps. But it does. Just keep coming back.”
Thank you for this vid!
I've been to alanon with my mum and its great
What if a couple is co-dependent with each other? Like both people enabling each others bad habits.
Then you both need help.
Could be fun as long as you aren't hurting yourselves or anyone
I would look up codependent couples, you will find info on just that, as I did because that’s what I’m dealing with
Someone said I was co dependent today. That and asked if I am an enabler. Wtf, im neither. Im fn delusional fixer, I think
i was in a relationship like that, its nasty we enabled each other it did so much damage and takes ages to recover, we broke up in 2017 and im only now mature enough to understand and fully comprehend what had happened how it got that bad recovery is hard
Great video Kati.
It would be interesting to see your take on the toxic relationships between Codependents and people with Cluster B personality disorders (like Sociopathy/Narcissistic Personality Disorder).
***** Glad to hear that! I am looking forward to it. :)
There's a song about a co-dependent relationship called "If Not You" by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show. It's not too bad. There's another song by the same group about the same topic called "I Call that True Love". It's the worst song I've ever heard. Listening to that will cure a person of co-dependency.
OMG Kati, I LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL!!! OK, here's why I said I LOVE you. Several months ago a friend said in response to a comment I made "so codependent" in a very passive aggressive tone. It bothered me for months hearing that, and I thought "how can I be co-dep, when I'm single, live alone and pay my own bills" it hurt hearing this because I've know them for many year. I was wondering what co-dep meant today, so I decided to look it up! Your video just made me wondering why I allowed someone's clear projection to emotionally injure me for so long before researching the meaning and tossing that shit back across in their court. Many, in fact most, of the symptoms you read described them to a T. Need to control (check) people pleaser (double check) enabler ooooh boy! So glad I came to you for help! Hugging you like a bear right now!
Ah, this is the video I was looking for. I have recognized that this my issue. I will look into what actions I can take. Thank you for your informative video.
Do you think you could do a video on anxiety with derealisation disorder? Where everything always feels like a dream? Not a lot of people talk about it and I've had it for 3 years. it's really frustrating.
Who's to say it's not a dream spooky moulder? Dreams seem real. Reality seems real. Years go by like a flash in the pan after a point. All we have is the 🎁 present
DP/DR can be scary, I get it when I'm stressed (I have BPD). I'm still learning coping methods to get myself out of a DP/DR episode.
Thanks Kati! Great explanation of co-dependency!
I’m codependent but my husband is too. I enable his untreated ocd/anxiety and he enables my inability to hold down a job or stay in one place
So it works !?
Thank you kati for your videos. I love them. I would like to hear more on codependency relationships when "both" partners are codependent.
Hey Kati thank you for this video and giving me some tools to use. Please do more video on this topic.
Thank you for the video. In November it will be 10 years that I have been in ACA ( Adult Child of an Alcoholic 12 step group)
Ive been going to AA for over 20 years , im only now at 52 understanding my relationship patterns, chronic pathalogical lonliness keeps me in toxic relationships, going to meetings more regularly eases this.
love your videos kati
Thank you for this. ❤️❤️Btw, your hair is beautiful!
I tell my spouse that she cannot feed me out of my anxiety because I need to recover :) Thank You Kati
I never understood why everyone say codependency is so bad treating it like a decease... I see it as a good thing and completely normal to trust and rely on your loved ones support. It is only a problem when when egoistic psychopaths takes advantage of it. It is not the codependent that is sick, it is those the take advantage of it and abuses the codependent...
Change is everthing ❤❤❤
Al-Anon and therapy have been lifesavers for me. Don’t let the spiritual, higher power talk in Al-Anon discourage you, there’s a lot to benefit from the program.
Most of the time it feels like my boyfriend ONLY wants codependency.
It's frustrating being the one in the relationship who has the addiction and poor mental health, everytime I work hard to change my habits and work on myself my boyfriend completely shuts down as if he wants to be in a toxic situation. He stops communicating, starts doing everything he can to make sure things don't go smoothly. The only time he gives a fuck is when I'm having a mental spiral, or a binge on alcohol. He chose to date me at my lowest, and never supports my growth if it involves him making any changes.
I want to be with someone who WANTS to see me grow, not is only interested in being someone who is captain save a ho. That's not a good relationship. I feel like he uses this as a way to not make changes in himself. Like he has to date someone who's broken, to hide the fact he wants to stay the same. I hate this.
With the comment below, Katie could you please do a video on NPD, Sociopaths and Psychopaths and how to avoid them or how to get the person help? Signs or symptoms. Thanks!:)
Oh yes I saw them, thanks!:)
CO Dependency????? Wuuuuuut is it??!!!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ What the diddly do-da does that even mean!????? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - Kati Morton
HAHAHAHAAHAH !!!!
The man I love is in a co-dependent relationship with a heroin addict/prostitute according to Wikipedia definition. And if it weren't her, it would be someone else... realistically, there is little hope for my relationship with him because he is in denial about the parts of a relationship that he needs to work on. This has been driving me crazy, especially in the last two weeks when I re-discovered that she is saying the "three little words" every time he gives her money. We have a long history and we have been going over some sentimental items that we have shared over the 16 years. He says that even if he were to commit to me, that he cannot "unring that bell", and he has little faith that I will believe him if he commits to me only. I have been in recovery a long time now, and I have the insight to realize these things. I feel proud of myself even though it hurts. these videos help a lot/
CODA’s the best!!
Hi Scott, How can I join CODA?
Loving your information!! Been watching all day. New Subject: I’m not sure how it feels or how to address it. Since you are an LMFT can you teach us about how undermining (from spouses) plays out in front of kids? I think he does it and I’m not sure how to explain it without undermining him. It’s fun. 😁
Ive been struggling with nightmares and dreams that I think are real for the past couple months. Like, I had a dream that the police came to my door and asked my sister the next day if they did and she said no. My depression and drinking has been bad during that time too. Its just not being able to distinguish between dream and reality is scary sometimes and I want the dreams to stop.
Kati, today I went to see a mental health professional for the first time. I was prescribed Zoloft. I'm so scared to take an antidepressant. What tips do you have for me to deal with this? Thank you so much!! You're the best!
so if we all have some co-dependency in every relationship, how do we know when it is unhealthy?
If you are enabling eachother to continue bad or destructive lifestyles or habits/addictions, then it is obviously unhealthy.
I plan on joining CODA but definitely scared to make the move to go into it
My mother has been a co-dependent to her narcissistic husband and very narcissistic parents. I am 31 years old and just realsing that I am a co-dependent and a parentified child with serious interpersonal issues and extremely low self esteem.
Kati, your video's are amazing. The past few days I have been terrified because the wrist I had major surgery on in February has start having problems. It started with just the thumb going a little numb to completely numb to my entire hand numb. I am not asking for medical advice. I see my surgeon tomorrow afternoon. The reason I'm terrified is last time the Dr. said something was up but he didn't know what. I am terrified I am going to need surgery again and I'm not sure how I will deal with that emotionally. Any suggestions on how to , first off, not jump to worst case scinerio, and 2 if I end up needing surgery how do I deal with it and not break down?
Have you gone over co-dependency that isn't just in relationships but like how your behaviour towards everyone.
Are you able to do a video in relation to developing a chronic life changing disease/condition such as type 1 diabetes and mental health. I'm 26. I have type 1 (since 14) and recently depression and anxiety. I'm wondering how to cope with what my future is going to look like with this eg disability and mortality. This condition is in my face all the time. I am seeing a therapist.
Hey Kati I know this isn't super relevant to what your videos normally are but I want to go into the counseling field but I find it super overwhelming to figure out what the difference is between different graduate degrees/fields (ie Marriage and Family Therapy vs. Mental Health Counseling, vs. Clinical Psychology). Could you possibly explain the differences between each one so I can figure out what I should be going to grad school for? Thanks and I love your videos!
co dependency is when the behaviour of one person affects another, that person then tries to control the other person behaviour, manipulation, non assertiveness, indirect, quilt trips, shaming etc
You talked about the enabler codependent but I wish you had talked about the enabled person too. What do you do when you're the one benefitting from the enabler?
She sort of mentions it back handedly, "instead of getting him help to stop his gambling" and then mentioning Al-Anon as an "also". If you're the person with the unhealthy habit being enabled, you need to reach out and get help for your own issues. I didn't until my enabler finally left.
You get help, obviously.
This is the one dysfunctional relationship I can never really wrap my head around no matter how much someone explains it. Like am I enabling someone if I’m making sure I have a roof over my own head and the other person just happens to live with me and I’m not trying to kick them out? I don’t get it. And because I don’t get it makes me worry that I’m in one and I’m subconsciously denying it or something. I don’t even know if that’s possible.
JD no thats dependence, not co-dependence
sfa
I have since finally learned what it means. Turns out I was in one!! 😅 The problem I had is that codependency was always described in the extreme case? Like most people can recognize when someone has an addiction but to my understanding addiction isn’t a required component. For anyone else confused, what I learned is that it’s when one person in the relationship has an emotional void they’re trying to fill, be it by putting their self-worth or identity into the relationship, not knowing how to love themselves, and/or some addiction or bad habit. The other person in the relationship has a need to be needed and makes it their personal responsibility of taking on the other person’s problems caused by said emotional void.
A realistic example: Sarah is the only blue sky in Johnny’s life. He feels completely worthless when he lets Sarah down but doesn’t know who he’d be without her by his side. The thought of losing her terrifies him to his core so he goes above and beyond to make Sarah happy so she’ll never want to leave but he somehow always seems to mess up and the moments in between never last long enough. Sarah frequently carries Johnny on her back. Even though Johnny has a full time job and she taught him how to balance his budget she’s had to intervene a few times and pay his bills because of his grand monetary gestures and neglect of regular life responsibilities. She often feels like a martyr helping Johnny cover up mistakes and feels hopeless getting him on the right track. Sarah spends much of her time thinking of ways to help Johnny and hasn’t come to grips with the fact that she isn’t and can’t.
Nobody, no matter how much you love them, should be your EVERYthing. In a healthy relationship the two shouldn’t rely strictly on each other as sources for needs like social interaction, mental stimulation, happiness, etc.
Hi, Is there a 12-Step Program for Mood Disorder? Thanks.
Hey Kati. So today in school I talked to my teacher about my anxiety and panic attacks because she basically saw me have it. She was really supporting and tried to look for ways she could help me which I really appreciate. One thing she suggested was letting the other teachers know that school is very hard for me and some of the reasons which I think might help but on the other hand it makes me feel stupid and bad because I feel like I'm not good enough or functioning enough to be like the others and deliver good grades and stuff like that. It kind of makes me feel like a failure. Which is a feeling I really can't stand. We want to talk about it further on Wednesday but I don't really know what to do. She also suggested that I should go see a therapist again(bc I told her that the fact that a lot of things aren't going well atm. I gave her a tiny background story. But not a lot.) or see the school counsellor and I don't know about that. For a therapist I'd have to get my mother involved and I really don't want her in this this time. I like that she thinks I'm good. But also I am scared that this isn't just a having a bad time thing but that I am slipping into old patterns again. So I think I'd need some help but I don't think I could ask for it or accept it because I feel like I have to get through this on my own to be worthy and good enough. This probably sounds so stupid.
I'm not Kati, or even a doctor, but I want you to know that none of that sounds stupid. We're unfortunately conditioned to think that all we need to do is "suck it up," that having these anxieties is just us being a baby, and that's simply not true. I wish I had some advice for you on the other things, but the main thing I want you to know is that your feelings are all totally valid, and not dumb at all. *hugs*
+veryberry39 Thank you. I've had to tell another teacher today because I had pretty bad anxiety during school today and all he did was make me feel like I was a baby and had to suck it up which really added to everything. He made it sound like I just couldn't cope with schoolstress and was unable to handle myself which really hurt. So this reminder really helped a bit...
My son has left home. But we are still paying his car insurance. He hates us. Was very depressed, & blames us for everything in his life. That he should never have been born. I don't know who is supporting him. We also pay his phone bill. It's very upsetting to attend communication, or resolve of our contributing finances.
Humanity evolved for Co-dependency... We literally need one another to survive. It's called evolution.
I have been in a codependent relationship for the last 10 years. I just recently ended the relationship but I'm worried (in fact scared ) that I will find myself in the same situation in the future. How do I make sure I don't find myself there again? While this past relationship was by far the worst I have found myself in. I feel as if I've had this happen throughout my entire life. I hope that makes sense.
#KatiFAQ Hi Kati! So the last few years while been in therapy I have really struggled with actually talking and expressing my thoughts.Sometimes I can write stuff down before a session to bring with me and give to my therapist to read. But I really really want to be able to just speak, that would make things so much easier and "quicker"! The problem is how, as soon as my therapist brings up a sensitive/uncomfortable subject I just freeze or shut down and can say a thing even if i wanted to. How can you get pass this kind of "hang up"?? Thanks for great videos as always! xoxo
not quite clear about when I am enabling/or I am the codependent problem! response
Can you give me tips for how to handle a depressed friend? I have never have these kind of age adequate problems... I don't know if I shold nag him to get out of it or what... Please!
Kati, is any relationship with unequal power balance condependent?
Hi Kati, I wish you could do another video on Disassociation! I do that A LOT, and I don't know how to stop, I do it when I self harm and I never cry, not since I was a kid... and I really think I spent a lot of my teenage years not being present, like I couldn't feel happy or sad, only numb...all the time..And I still feel like that when talking about my issues. I don't know what to do or how to deal, I suffered from emotional abuse from my father, and I was just diagnosted with bipolar II, and it's like I'm starting now(in the past 2 years) to really feel life, but I didn't really felt anything during my adolescence... was it normal? what was that? what can I do? (PS: I still can't cry PS2: I LOVE your videos!!!! =D) #KatiFAQ
What if somone can't afford therapy?
what do u do if both people in a relationship are having the codependent symptoms? We both enable eachother to do unhealthy things
hey kati there is a special segment on erasing mental health stigma on channel 9 tonight
I am from NewHampshire. it was on NH chronicle on the wmur news 9 channel
Is co-dependency in the DSM. i watched various co-dependant videos before watching yours and now I'm confused about what it actually is. I had one idea about what it was but your video is not matching up to the others. BTW i still love 💘 your videos
What about small stuff
....
I wake up at 9 am on a Sunday
Eagar to get my day off to a good start .
But I stay quiet , and not to disturb others
If you are doing it out of fear of abuse from your partner is it still co-dependent?
Hey Kati can u talk about spilt personality disorder
Hi! I struggle with self harm and depression. Anyways, there is a girl(don't know her) in one of my classes, who has scars all over her arms. I don't want to trigger her. What do I do?
Katie, what if you have boundary issues, codependent personality or issues and fear of intimacy?! I think I need help to be better adjusted in my relationships? I have a terrible time letting men in my life. I feel a slew of emotions while I'm trying to get to know a person such as anxious, fearful they might or are going to use me, distrustful, worried, a bit paranoid, and I feel really emotionally vulnerable.
Can both parties in a relationship be enablers?
"Shit was bad!"
How do I figure out if I have an unhealthy codependent relationship with my parents? I am a part time college student and I live at home. I deal with depression and anxiety and I'm trying to find help. My mom tries her best understand, but how do I know if her understanding is really just enabling me to in the rut I have been creating for myself for so many years? I do think I'm codependent, but is it unhealthy?
***to live in the rut
@@hellobookworms3083 I hope by now you've gotten out of the situation of being in a rut.
We all have at least one unhealthy behavior. As I said above is read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Alos Kat is right about both therapy and 12 step programs, There is also Adult children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional Families
#KatiFAQ
for the first time I have actively been trying to recover from my eating disorder. i am now feeling all the feeling I have been suppressing or hiding through my ED. I am finding it hard to cope now with my work load and find I have started to brake down a lot at work over small things like roster changes. my manger and the big boss know what has been going on and has allowed me miss meetings and things to get to therapy sessions but how do I get them to understand that the reason i am getting upset really isn't about the roster change its about al the emotional turmoil in my head right now?
#katiFAQ What do you think about keeping in touch with friends from inpatient units? I've got a really good and healthy friendship with one of the girls I was in there with but my therapist wants me to end this as she doesn't think it's helping me 'move on.' Xx
Hi Kati, I suffered from emotional abuse from my father and this is really difficult, but my last 2 therapists doesn't treat like it... but it's really something I need to work on, and I think it has everything to do with my self harm and the reasons I feel SO guilt when things happen, even when it's not my fault or if it is something very small. I can't go to a therapist now because I moved to Argentina and I don't have security here. Is there a book or something I can do to get better? #KatiFAQ
What about if someone consistently lets their partners treat them badly or be inadequate partners? I have a friend who has a pattern of never giving up on horrible relationships and I don’t know how I can help her to see her worth or get out sooner. She stays in relationships for 2 years I would have left after 2 months and it’s awful. Is she codependent because she’s letting these men mistreat her and manipulate her?
#KatiFaq Hi Kati, As a college senior the pressure to perform academically is very high. I have been struggling with PTSD and insomnia and my panic attacks are becoming more frequent. Due to this I have missed class, I was awake for 3 days then just crashed and slept through everything. I don't want to tell my professors too much or really anything at all as it is very difficult to discuss. How do I articulate what I am struggling so that they understand and will perhaps be a bit more flexible if I need to leave/miss class?
What is it when both people do it for each other?
Whats that called?
Addiction.
dual co dependency?
#katifaq hey Kati 😊
How are we supposed to deal with the issue of our family being our biggest trigger?? I'm 17 and I'm still in school and there is really no way of escaping my family as I'm technically still dependant on them... I've been seeing a counsellor behind my parents back however there was a blowup when they almost found out and there were consent issues, however I managed to sort it out (after months of stress over the matter). My mum is emotionally abusive and I don't have a very good relationship with my dad either as he is always setting unachievable standards for me! My older sister just adds to the mess and at times I can't deal with my family at all! Every time I try and bring something up about my mental health (or anything for that matter) my mum completely flips out and everything gets worse! She makes me feel guilty and won't listen to me even though I'm approaching her in the calmest most peaceful way possible! She gets upset and then takes it out on me like every other time she gets out of balance! I've found myself taking on the peace keeper role in my family as there is a blowup between someone and another basically everyday! But I have a really hard time dealing with that stress on top of everything else in my life! I've been struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions for a really long time now on top of depression anxiety and ednos! I refuse to report the abuse because I know that will just make things worse because my mum thinks she is doing the best she can for me and its at its worse when that idea is challenged! She's in complete denial that there could be anything wrong with me and I feel so guilty sometimes! She's seeing a therapist and she's recently began taking her meds again but it's not really any better and I just don't know what to do!! When I turn 18 I will have more freedom and will be able to drive etc so that's sorta the hope I'm holding on to! I want to move out as soon as I finish school at the end of next year but I know full well I won't be able to afford that, and moving out under those circumstances will just make things worse between my family! What am I supposed to do?? I'm just holding on and fighting day by day but with the pressure of exams and what not it makes everything so much harder to deal with! Like how am I supposed to do well in year 12 when I can't even get a moment of stress free peace!! Thanks for any advice you can give me xx
I have some of these problems, especially controlling people’s emotions or trying to help people that don’t want it. I drive my boyfriend crazy with this. However, he doesn’t like gamble or drink...so I have no idea why I act like thinks besides the fact that my mother does the same thing. Any advice? I know this video is from 2015 haha
Is it worth paying thousands of dollars for a treatment center vs weekly therapy, for codependency?
Great video. I try to people please less.
Any advice for someone trying to help a friend with an eating disorder? I have just gotten to a place where I'm trying to pull myself out of my own mental health issues, and right when i just started to see over the edge of all my hardships, my friend told me about her eating disorder struggles. I'm afraid if i put too much energy into helping her it will set my own progress back. I want the best for her and i want to be there to support her and be there if she needs someone to talk to. But I am really proud of the place I've gotten to and I don't want to get worse again. What should i do?
+backwardssdrawkcab You should definitely take care of yourself first. That sounds very selfish but it really isn't because how are you supposed to help her at all if you have major issues yourself? The healthier you are the more you can support her.
Since it's hard for you right now to be there for her, you could help by finding her other forms of support. Like helping her find a therapist, talk to her family, find a support group, find supporting online communities...whatever she needs.
And just communicate to her that although you want to be there and help her through, you have to set boundaries to protect your own recovery progress.
I hope you will do better and so will she! I wish you both the best :-)
+Kati Morton (Mental Health Vlogger) thank you. I think i needed to hear that! Thank you so much! I will definitely refer her to you ed workbook. I'm glad there are resources available. I'm going to try to focus on myself for now. Thanks for the help you guys!
do you have a video for lack of communication?
I suck at talking to people
+Kati Morton (Mental Health Vlogger) no I was just asking if you already made a video about people having trouble communicating with other people. because I just turned 23 and I can't have a normal conversation with anyone my head goes blank and I can't say a word.
#katiFAQ
Hey Kati!
So I just struck all of the red flags for those symptoms there 😅😂
But what if the other person is totally fine and the codependent party is just obsessed with controlling them? To me that’s also codependency so by isn’t that included in the definition.
How about when your therapist tells you she doesn’t want to work with you anymore because you are codependent on therapy? So confusing! 🤯 Didn’t even know I was doing this, no feedback.
What if my wife is Codependent but not with me?
She runs and gets into these friendships with these people who need "Help". However she just ends up getting drunk and messed up with them thinking she is helping.
I am the one holding the bag.
#KatiFAQ No question for you this week, however, I would like to share a favorite quote of mine that could inspire a future journal topic..."The only way I can take a breath is by releasing my breath. In order to be more, I must be willing to be less."-Jacob the Baker: Gentle Wisdom for a Complicated World.
+blindgurl72 "In order to be more, I must be willing to be less" -- I find this one problematic because I instantly perceived it in an eating disordered way. Whoops
As to not be taken the wrong way, I'll give an example...for me, I gave up my weekends in order to work more. And in turn, I'll be making more money, which will give me more opportunities to travel with my best friends. I've missed out on going different places with them, because the money just wasn't there...that's what I mean by this quote. I apologize if it gave the wrong idea. If I need to take it down, PLEASE let me know ASAP!
Nah, it's alright! :) It could also mean if you want to be "more" as in, the best you can be, you better accept, even embrace the "lesser" things about you. Work your flaws, you know what I mean?
It's all interpretation. You do you girl! I'd LOVE travelling more!
I was told I was codependent because I was my mother's caregiver whom had several strokes and heart problems. Makes no sense.