How to Stop Arguing with an Alzheimer's Patient
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- čas přidán 11. 09. 2024
- How to stop arguing with an Alzheimer’s patient. If you’ve ever struggled to figure out how to talk to someone with dementia, especially when you can’t seem to stop arguing in circles about petty things and getting nowhere, this video is for you.
How can you reason with someone who is unreasonable? In this video, I demonstrate some dementia communication techniques that changed my life and dementia communication strategies to help you escape the caregiver guilt and talk to a parent with dementia (or grandparent, sibling, friend) with more grace, patience and confidence.
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CAREGIVER INSPIRATION - Inspiring & Equipping YOU to Keep a Song in Their Heart ❤
Are you caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia? I created ‘Caregiver Inspiration’ to be a source of hope for you and to help you navigate this journey of a lifetime.
I was 21 when I fell into the role of a full time caregiver to my Grandma who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. What initially felt like the end of my world became a beautiful new chapter of life, full of moments I will cherish forever!
Though she’s no longer with us, my heart goes out to family caregivers like you who are caring for a loved one right now. Caregiver stress and burnout are a real thing. Whether you’re caring for someone with dementia at home and you need tips on how to manage dementia behaviors or you just need some inspiration to put the spark back into your heart, I’m here to support you in whatever way I can.
My heart is with you, my friend. You do have what it takes, and you are not alone.
Laura
Just started this journey with my wife. She used to to be the cleanest person and now it hard to get her to take a shower, I am retired military and not much with games or lies but I guess I am going to have to learn if I am going to get through this.
Hi Bud. That’s so tough, I’m sorry to hear it… It’ll be key to remember that the disease is not HER, and to look past Dementia to see the woman you fell in love with.
teepasnow.com is a great resource. You can live chat with someone there or do a consultation to get help with your specific situation. I wish I found them sooner.
No doubt this is difficult for you. Iam facing the final stages with my wife and can relate to what you are saying. You are not alone
Inner child comment was critical comment. I did this as well and I. Had a much easier time than my husband…..i found my inner child
Yay! Well done! 👏😃 Perhaps your husband will catch on too as he sees your example.
Wise beyond your years.
I'm sorry this disease has impacted your young life.
Don't know why it took so long to find you. 3 years in helping mom.
Thanks so much for helping others.
Thanks for taking a moment to connect with me. I’m encouraged that my journey can somehow help you in a little way. Bless you for helping your mom! ♥️
My husband has dementia and I can relate to so much it a struggle
Sorry to hear that, Halima. My heart goes out to you... bless you for all you do for him.
I loved this so much. My mother (born 1918) had Alzheimer's as well as her mother. Spiritually Our Lord Jesus guided me to interact with her as you shared with us in this video. We had a loving close relationship. As she progressed Our Lord Jesus had prepared me for the day she would not remember me and my husband and children. She greeted us saying "You seem like family." I told her yes we are with happiness and then introduced each by name and relationship. Then near the end of her life we had a family gathering. Her brother wanted to see mom. I told him that my mother might not remember him. When her brother walked towards her. Joy filled her and she called him by name. My journey with her was a loving blessing.
Oh, Mary. This is a beautiful moment in time. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤ It never ceases to amaze me how The Lord can take such desolate situations and bring immense beauty and joy from them. What a day that will be when you meet her face to face again and she recognizes you! 🙌
Actually, in some cases. It is useful for other situations. Thanks!
Thank you so much , I am so glad that God showed me your channel , My husband has Early dementia, and yes every day we have these challenges, now I know how to react and be with him , looking forward to watching more of your shows , 🙏🏻💖
Karen, thank you for this beautiful comment. ❤️ It was God who led me to start this channel, as Moses was led to “Go back to Egypt and bring your people out!” Going back to Egypt - back to Dementia - was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Thank you for reminding me that God is at work here, and for motivating me to keep showing up. My prayers are with you and your husband. 🙏❤️
been lookimg after my mum and this is a good trick
Glad you found this helpful, Craig!
Such a direct practical advise and demonstration on how to deal with an Alzheimer patient. Appreciate and much thanks.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Sekc! I’m so glad you found it helpful.
I found out the hard way that you don't tell someone with dementia their beloved has died. They crumple up and greive all over again. I had a lovely lady who would ask where her husband was. 'He's gone to the hardware shop', I would say and she would say 'Well he better be home for dinner', and then forgot about it. One day, I repeated this lie and she said 'He's been there a bloody long time!', and I thought I'd been busted. Ten minutes later, and she asked again. She had already forgotten.
Aw… that’s heartbreaking. 😢 Yes, very good point, Silvia, thanks for sharing that! They don’t often remember what you said, but they remember how you made them feel. Better to tell a good story. ❤
great examples and modeling! Very helpful.
This is good advice. I worked as a caregiver for years and did this with my clients. Now it is my mom and I am having a really hard time doing it because I know her past and that she was a narcissist and always had to be right. My go to cptsd trauma response was to fawn, then to protect myself I went very minimal contact for years. I knew the fawning and appeasing was very unhealthy for me. I just did it and tried to please and be good enough for years when I was young. Then I snapped and started to feel rage if my fauwn response kicked in with her. I was not going belly up submission for her anymore. I took my space. Anyway, now that she has alienated herself from all her other children I am the only one left who won't leave her by herself. The problem is that I have trouble telling the difference between dementia and narcissism because it can sometimes look the same. She used to make absurd claims about herself and she would argue until you got upset and then tell you you were crazy and had anger problems. What she was saying was actually completely wrong and she either knew it and wanted to see you get worked up, or it was her delusion because of her narcissism. I just have to keep reminding myself to forgive her her past, she only acted that way because she was a wounded person, and try to remember it is probably the dementia and not the narcissism, but that whichever it is, I am an adult and a separate person who does not need the dignity of my mom seeing I am right. I have my own dignity and don't need to get it from her. It is so hard to let go of all the baggage I have with her, and to forget the times when she had her brain working properly where I had to pretend she was right. It just brings up that anger. I wish we had money for a non-family member who never knew her to care for her.
That’s such a tricky situation, especially when the other siblings aren’t interested in sharing the load. Bless you for choosing to love and let go of the past. ❤ Your attitude is absolutely beautiful, choosing to maintain your dignity and not sink to her level.
If you believe in God, here’s something that might help: “Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as serving the Lord and not man (or woman).” (Col. 3:23)
I find that I can always serve God with a full heart, even if I don’t particularly like the people He’s leading me to serve.
If serving God doesn’t motivate you, perhaps you can serve the little girl your mother used to be, before the world injured her and left her broken - as you said she is a wounded person (which is very mature of you to even recognize that). Yes, hurting people hurt people.
Sometimes you can find some government subsidies to help cover the cost of home care, even if that’s a simple as having someone come in once a week to give you some time away. You may want to do some research on that.
My thoughts and prayers are with you today. 🤍
Thank you. yes, serving God helps me with this. I can't say my good attitude always holds. Sometimes when I am caught off guard or over tired I can forget and just have a trauma reaction like I am stuck in the past. I feel terrible when that happens and do my best next time after a lot of praying. Good luck with whatever care taking journey you are on. @@caregiverschrysalis
Good advice. Thank you for taking the time to produce and share.
Thanks for taking the time to comment! I appreciate you.
I loved your real life suggestions ❤️🙏
Thanks! So glad you found them helpful. ❤
Helping out with my dad, and the confusion is getting worse. The other day he told me i parked in a bad place, because my mother would need to park there when she got back from the store. I said, no - she parks in the garage next to the house. He was sure he was right. It's tough sometimes.
That is tough… The easiest thing to do may be to respect his wishes and simply park elsewhere, and take the few extra steps to get to the house. The extra physical exertion wouldn’t compare to the emotional exertion of trying to reason with him, I imagine.
@@caregiverschrysalis thank you.
Thank you for describing this as Improv. I have struggled with lying, or engaging in her conspiracies, due to the inauthenticity toward my own values. But I think if I can imagine I am playing a role, I may be able to stomach those situations.
I empathize… It’s not an easy situation. I’m so glad you found this helpful!
Wow, that was great. Thanks!
Thank you so much for this!
Thanks for commenting! Glad you found it helpful.
Great suggestions thank you very much
Thanks for commenting, Jan! I’m so glad you found this helpful.
This was great advice I have found that with my wife to stop trying to explain anything her mind see’s no humor in anything anymore and forget saying no because in less than a second that ship has sailed.
Ah, losing a sense of humour is such a tragedy. I can only imagine how hard it would be to care for a spouse with dementia. I encourage you to remember WHO she is, see the woman you first fell in love with, and remember that she is not the disease. Underneath the disease, she’s still in there, even if you can’t often see her. ♥️
I thank you for your comment and I do know that she is the beautiful woman that I married 32yrs ago. I also know that deep down inside that she’s still there. The thing I don’t know is how much longer can I continue to be her sole caregiver the days on end of 2 and 3 hrs of sleep because she refuses to go to bed all the while hiding everything that I haven’t put out of reach or pulling out all of her jewelry and scattering all over the house even throwing it into the trash on occasion. She refuses to eat this whole week she has eaten maybe 6oz of her meals total. She falls so much that her legs have more bandages than skin.
I have had 0 success with getting any assistance even though she’s approved for long term care no amount of begging seems to matter to them. I can’t help but to believe that the fact that her friend and some of her
Her friends and some of the family don’t come around because they might be asked to help for a few minutes. God knows I have ask but all I get are excuses. I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you I’m just at witts end with no where to go.
@@user-tj9kt5cs6d Mack… this is heavy. No words I could say can help you carry this load. Except maybe “this too shall pass.” There is LIFE beyond this chapter. I pray you find the support you need soon.
You may want to visit www.TeepaSnow.com and go to “How Can We Help” in the menu, then talk with someone there. They are the best I’ve found in emotional support for caregivers, and they may have some advice for you too.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I'll be back 😊👍
As I was leaving the care center yesterday, my husband was yelling for me. He wanted a pharmacy item that he has never taken. Probably saw a commercial for it. I just said I’d look for it. It’s hard to come up with the right thing on the spur of the moment.
Yes, I think you said the right thing. If he knows he’s handed that over to you to take of, hopefully he can forget about it.
My grandma would eat the whole box of cookies in a day if we didn’t hide them, but if she could see that cookies were on the grocery list, that would usually satisfy her.
Great advice. Thank you for passing this along. Simple words of wisdom. #yana you are not alone
Glad you found it helpful, Tad. 😊
Love this. ☺️❤️❤️
Amen.. Good Wisdom
Thank you, very helpful
So glad you found it helpful, Kathy! ❤️ Thanks for commenting.
Just starting this journey with my mom.😢
Sorry to hear it… 😔 If your journey is anything like mine, it will be one of the hardest AND most rewarding things you ever do. There is beauty ahead if you keep your eyes and heart open to receive it. ❤️ Saying a prayer for you today.
I recommend Teepa Snow and Careblazers on CZcams also.
Both helped me connect with my mom, in late stage Alzheimer’s.
@@salauerman7082 Yes, absolutely love Teepa Snow!
one needs to let go of being right, just be.
Yes, absolutely. Well said. ❤
YANA
#yana!
I’m learning flexibility and adaptation… I love and thrive on routine. 🤔
At least sounding as if I agree is a possibility, and I did learn quickly to write notes to prevent frustration for me/anxiety for my dad, but I still need to develop my redirecting skills.
Caring for someone really requires maturity. You definitely have my respect, especially as I hear too many stories of employees under the age of 40 that are rather disheartening, considering that they are the generation upon whom my future care may rest…
Thank you. I hear your concerns about the younger generation. 🤔 Unfortunately, much of our world programs us to focus on ourselves. From our first day in school, it’s all about “MY grades,” finding “MY truth” and working to secure “MY future.”
It’s a difficult switch to suddenly shift out of SELF-focused into SERVICE-focused. Caring for my grandma is what matured me.
What do you do when they tell you mean things I am my brother Sister/caregiver I just leave to the store and Usually when I come back he doesn't remember and we go from there.I don't know if my brother mad because he has to drink 3 to 4 bottles of water for his Kidneys he doesn't like water so doctor said he can have with Flavor at first it was working he would get a cigarette and a small cup of soda for each bottle of water he drink now it's not working at all he gives me a hard time to drink his flavor water so I back off but I don't give him a cigarette or soda .before I came to help my brother he was smoking one cigarette after another.can you give me some info to how to handle the mean things he tells me because I have to change him he tells me I smell I'm a dirty lady I don't tell my brother nothing mean because I know he needs my help.I cared for my disabled granddaughter for 8 years she went to paradise 1-15-2022 so I know how to clean my brother he has Dementia
I just want to know how to handle my brother when he telling me mean stuff do I just Ignore him or just go to the store like I do.Thank You Linda
Hello Herlinda. Bless you for showing up for your bother and sister. For some ideas of how to get fluids into your brother, you may find this video helpful: czcams.com/video/J46NJlA1cSI/video.htmlsi=77wJyPpU68ouf61V
As for what to do when he says mean things to you... I would personally recommend not responding; there's no need to respond to his mean comments. Stay calm and carry on with a smile. If he demands a response, I'd try responding with kindness. "I love you," "you're a great brother," "You know what I love about you? _____" "we're in this together," "thanks for helping me help you." He may just shoot back more mean things at you, and that's okay. Let them bounce off; don't take them to heart. If you can try remembering your GOOD memories together, and the times you DID feel his love, that may help you look past the disease to see his heart, and stay calm.
A song always worked well for my grandma, putting on some of her favorite music or singing a song she loves would often encourage her to shift her mood and sing with me. This may or may not work for your brother. If you need further support, you may want to book a phone consultation with Teepa Snow's team - they're just wonderful: teepasnow.com/services/consulting/phone-consultations/