I prayed hard last night. And your videos are a Godsend. Husband and I both come from dysfunctional alcoholic families and parenting has been hard. Very hard. We are both on healing journeys and trying to undo all the bad problem solving and maladaptive behaviors we learned in our nuclear homes. Our son is 9 and we really want the best for him.
Brilliant. Thank you for sharing. I was also that scapegoat child and my #1 core value is TRUTH. This resonated beautifully. I appreciate you taking the time to create content like this for us. Bless you.
Wow! How did you immediately notice what the daughter was doing behind the scenes? Yes, my strong willed child does so much better when I'm consistent with mommy me time.... Thanks for sharing! I love your videos!
Oh my goodness, this resonates SO strongly! I'm a very feisty woman with four VERY feisty daughters, lol. My 10 yo is more obviously strong-willed and I've noticed when I've explained my reasoning to her and she understands where I'm coming from she is very accepting and modifies her behavior. Generally speaking, I do try to be consistent, reward positive behavior, impose reasonable consequences for negative behaviors; however, over the past few years I haven't been able to keep it up once I started becoming ill and was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. On the days I feel ok, it's not too bad, but on the days I'm in a lot of pain or especially exhausted I have very little patience or consistency. Have you worked with parents in this position? I have searched multiple times on the internet for advice but can't seem to find any. How do you parent consistently and with patience when you literally never know how you're going to feel from day-to-day?
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you soon!
I have 3 children in my home, my 2 daughters and my niece, my niece has been skipping school and wasn’t living with us during that time, I actually found you after talking to my counselor about her, he said it was a power struggle and I didn’t understand until I watched your video explain it in detail, thank you, I’ve been practicing some of the things I’ve learned from you and she has stopped skipping class, but she’s not getting her grades up, (I also don’t have legal guardianship) so sometimes it’s hard to know what to do, than my middle daughter does great in school but it is very hard to get her to do her chores, my little one also needs to do her homework, maybe I need to put their toys up as soon as privileges are lost? The younger two love to play together with toys, and I’m glad but it’s distracting when I give them an instruction, I think I also need to be more consistent. I run around so much it gets hard to make sure they do what I ask, I would love for her to get to where she knows she needs to follow instructions or she’s going to earn more chores! Thank you for the videos it really helps when I watch one to remind me what to say or do and I’ve been calm a lot more often! Your work has made a huge difference in my family!
I just love all of your content. Thank you so much for being a guiding light. Can you please make a video of a role playing example of handling sibling arguments?
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you soon!
This is exactly how it was in my house, I was the scapegoat, but it is complicated because I was also an over achiever so it seemed like I was getting all the positive attention.
Great video, Nicholeen! Thank you! You talked about the parents learn and practice the 4 basic skills for themselves- what does that look like within the role of parent towards child? What would be the differences? We are big fans of your model and have often wondered about this because we want to practice what we preach. So what would the differences be in application for those roles?
Great questions! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you soon!
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you soon!
I really need help. I know someone with a child who thinks their child is really really bad for them. She is a bright little girl. She is quiet and keeps to herself, but at home with mom she has explosive fits. It's honestly not the child's fault. I, along with her teachers, have given her lots of tools to use (we explain they take time to see results) but she is not consistent at all. We tell her she has to be consistent, and she said she is and it doesn't work. She says nothing works. I feel so bad for the little girl. The mom is wore out and always sending her to grandma or dad. She needs consistency and connection. The mom wants to put her in therapy because "she's so bad". Idk how to show her it isn't a child problem, but a parent problem.
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you soon!
I have taken a dive into your content, and I have been trying to cram as much knowledge as I can to better parent my three. Especially my strong-willed middle child son. Though both of my older two fit the strong-willed description, and I'm sure my baby will be too. My question is how do you get a 4.5 year old boy to learn to follow directions and comply? I am so worried about him starting school in August. He just doesn't seem to be able to learn anything no matter how often I reteach him! He is so very smart though it seems he tries to seem as if he isn't.
Great question! Here are some videos that might help: czcams.com/video/z7rF_9tA27E/video.html&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdG9kZGxlcg%3D%3D czcams.com/video/nJrVgawPoRg/video.html&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdG9kZGxlcg%3D%3D My daughter, Paije, uses the Four Basic Skills with her daughter, who is almost 2. But she's been using it since her daughter was 16-18 months old with great success. Although it seems like a lot of information for you, the implementation isn't very hard with younger children. They catch on super fast! Start by teaching them how to take deep breaths and use a calm down spot to positively trigger their mind to remind them to calm down. Then, help them learn the word, "okay." Tell them you're going to give them an instruction, tell them what it is, prompt them to say "okay", then do lots of descriptive praise when they do it ("Wow! You said 'okay' right away and you had such a calm voice! You went right away to do the instruction and you came right back. That was amazing!"). Here are a couple of videos showing Paije using some of the skills with Clara: czcams.com/video/x-QUNSXkUls/video.html&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieQ%3D%3D czcams.com/video/tYYsYMcN9RA/video.html&pp=ygUqbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieSBkaXNhZ3JlZSBhcHByb3ByaWF0ZWx5 I really should get even more video footage of Paije doing this with Clara so everyone can see what it looks like, shouldn't I... :) I hope this helps!
This was very helpful. I have a 16 year old son who won't give respect because he says I won't respect him but I try to until he spiny give respect. But I'm a recovering addict who had my mom raise him until 15 when she couldn't handle him even though he's not that bad. But she is very emotional and a guilt tripper major. He don't feel accepted or good enough for my mom and he thinks I will parent the same as my mom. How do I get him to stop arguing, not follow directions, lying, saying he'll do it then don't, sneakiness, etc. I love him and try to be honest and open minded but how do I get him to be the same?
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
Notes: Are strong-willed children scapegoats for parents? Strong-willed children are looking for truth and logic. Keys; bonding, lay out clearly how to be successful w/behavior and communication, saying ok and being ok. Teach kids the 4 basic skills. Consistent not manipulative. Thank you! I have a sw 5 yo who's very bright. My main struggle w/myself is consistency 😕
Great question! Here's what content I have on that subject: teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-117-parenting-on-your-own/ I hope this helps!
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you soon!
I'm dealing with my 13 yr old daughter, trying to push and corner me as her single parent father, into making quick decisions of her next gotta do thing. This time it's fake eye lashes..... TRIPLE BUSHY EYE LASHES ohh Myy
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
I prayed hard last night. And your videos are a Godsend. Husband and I both come from dysfunctional alcoholic families and parenting has been hard. Very hard. We are both on healing journeys and trying to undo all the bad problem solving and maladaptive behaviors we learned in our nuclear homes. Our son is 9 and we really want the best for him.
Brilliant. Thank you for sharing. I was also that scapegoat child and my #1 core value is TRUTH. This resonated beautifully. I appreciate you taking the time to create content like this for us. Bless you.
Wow! How did you immediately notice what the daughter was doing behind the scenes? Yes, my strong willed child does so much better when I'm consistent with mommy me time....
Thanks for sharing! I love your videos!
Oh my goodness, this resonates SO strongly! I'm a very feisty woman with four VERY feisty daughters, lol. My 10 yo is more obviously strong-willed and I've noticed when I've explained my reasoning to her and she understands where I'm coming from she is very accepting and modifies her behavior. Generally speaking, I do try to be consistent, reward positive behavior, impose reasonable consequences for negative behaviors; however, over the past few years I haven't been able to keep it up once I started becoming ill and was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. On the days I feel ok, it's not too bad, but on the days I'm in a lot of pain or especially exhausted I have very little patience or consistency. Have you worked with parents in this position? I have searched multiple times on the internet for advice but can't seem to find any. How do you parent consistently and with patience when you literally never know how you're going to feel from day-to-day?
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you soon!
I have 3 children in my home, my 2 daughters and my niece, my niece has been skipping school and wasn’t living with us during that time, I actually found you after talking to my counselor about her, he said it was a power struggle and I didn’t understand until I watched your video explain it in detail, thank you, I’ve been practicing some of the things I’ve learned from you and she has stopped skipping class, but she’s not getting her grades up, (I also don’t have legal guardianship) so sometimes it’s hard to know what to do, than my middle daughter does great in school but it is very hard to get her to do her chores, my little one also needs to do her homework, maybe I need to put their toys up as soon as privileges are lost? The younger two love to play together with toys, and I’m glad but it’s distracting when I give them an instruction, I think I also need to be more consistent. I run around so much it gets hard to make sure they do what I ask, I would love for her to get to where she knows she needs to follow instructions or she’s going to earn more chores! Thank you for the videos it really helps when I watch one to remind me what to say or do and I’ve been calm a lot more often! Your work has made a huge difference in my family!
You've done some good analysis! That's step one! You've got this!
I just love all of your content. Thank you so much for being a guiding light. Can you please make a video of a role playing example of handling sibling arguments?
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you soon!
This is exactly how it was in my house, I was the scapegoat, but it is complicated because I was also an over achiever so it seemed like I was getting all the positive attention.
Great video, Nicholeen! Thank you!
You talked about the parents learn and practice the 4 basic skills for themselves- what does that look like within the role of parent towards child? What would be the differences? We are big fans of your model and have often wondered about this because we want to practice what we preach. So what would the differences be in application for those roles?
Great questions! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks for your great content. Will you do a video on sibling foster care strategies?
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you soon!
Thank you! Loved the video!!
I really need help. I know someone with a child who thinks their child is really really bad for them. She is a bright little girl. She is quiet and keeps to herself, but at home with mom she has explosive fits. It's honestly not the child's fault. I, along with her teachers, have given her lots of tools to use (we explain they take time to see results) but she is not consistent at all. We tell her she has to be consistent, and she said she is and it doesn't work. She says nothing works. I feel so bad for the little girl. The mom is wore out and always sending her to grandma or dad. She needs consistency and connection. The mom wants to put her in therapy because "she's so bad". Idk how to show her it isn't a child problem, but a parent problem.
I have tried to get the calm parenting toolkit before, but all the website said was that it was down and to excuse your dust. I will try again.
Here's the link for it!
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
Will you please do a video on strategies for dealing with siblings group in Foster Care?
Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you soon!
Yes
I have taken a dive into your content, and I have been trying to cram as much knowledge as I can to better parent my three. Especially my strong-willed middle child son. Though both of my older two fit the strong-willed description, and I'm sure my baby will be too. My question is how do you get a 4.5 year old boy to learn to follow directions and comply? I am so worried about him starting school in August. He just doesn't seem to be able to learn anything no matter how often I reteach him! He is so very smart though it seems he tries to seem as if he isn't.
Great question! Here are some videos that might help:
czcams.com/video/z7rF_9tA27E/video.html&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdG9kZGxlcg%3D%3D
czcams.com/video/nJrVgawPoRg/video.html&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdG9kZGxlcg%3D%3D
My daughter, Paije, uses the Four Basic Skills with her daughter, who is almost 2. But she's been using it since her daughter was 16-18 months old with great success.
Although it seems like a lot of information for you, the implementation isn't very hard with younger children. They catch on super fast! Start by teaching them how to take deep breaths and use a calm down spot to positively trigger their mind to remind them to calm down. Then, help them learn the word, "okay." Tell them you're going to give them an instruction, tell them what it is, prompt them to say "okay", then do lots of descriptive praise when they do it ("Wow! You said 'okay' right away and you had such a calm voice! You went right away to do the instruction and you came right back. That was amazing!").
Here are a couple of videos showing Paije using some of the skills with Clara:
czcams.com/video/x-QUNSXkUls/video.html&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieQ%3D%3D
czcams.com/video/tYYsYMcN9RA/video.html&pp=ygUqbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieSBkaXNhZ3JlZSBhcHByb3ByaWF0ZWx5
I really should get even more video footage of Paije doing this with Clara so everyone can see what it looks like, shouldn't I... :)
I hope this helps!
This was very helpful. I have a 16 year old son who won't give respect because he says I won't respect him but I try to until he spiny give respect. But I'm a recovering addict who had my mom raise him until 15 when she couldn't handle him even though he's not that bad. But she is very emotional and a guilt tripper major. He don't feel accepted or good enough for my mom and he thinks I will parent the same as my mom. How do I get him to stop arguing, not follow directions, lying, saying he'll do it then don't, sneakiness, etc. I love him and try to be honest and open minded but how do I get him to be the same?
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Notes:
Are strong-willed children scapegoats for parents? Strong-willed children are looking for truth and logic. Keys; bonding, lay out clearly how to be successful w/behavior and communication, saying ok and being ok. Teach kids the 4 basic skills. Consistent not manipulative. Thank you! I have a sw 5 yo who's very bright. My main struggle w/myself is consistency 😕
How do you do it when your husband isn't on board, when he is manipulative and angry and emotional in his parenting?
Great question! Here's what content I have on that subject:
teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-117-parenting-on-your-own/
I hope this helps!
Hi, I’m looking into starting a mission statement for my family. Do you provide these type of services? Thank you God bless
How help a teenager with bipolar physical aggression
How help a teenager with physical aggression
What if its too late ..how to manage the adult strong willed child?
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Great question! I've added it to my list of video topic ideas, so hopefully there will be some content about it in the future! You can also ask this question on my weekly Support Group live conference call, where it's recorded and answered in a group setting so others with similar concerns and questions can get answers too. I'd love to take the time there to go in depth!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you soon!
I'm dealing with my 13 yr old daughter, trying to push and corner me as her single parent father, into making quick decisions of her next gotta do thing. This time it's fake eye lashes.....
TRIPLE BUSHY EYE LASHES ohh Myy
not seeing the link?
I'm assuming you're talking about the Calm Parenting Toolkit link. Here it is!
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps!
how does one motivate a strong willed child who would rather sleep all day then do anything you ask!
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
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