How to Create a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Ferreira | Being Well
Vložit
- čas přidán 15. 08. 2024
- Somatic trauma therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins me to explore how we can create more secure relationships. We talk about the lessons we've learned from our relationship, the impact of trauma and prior relationship wounds, and how very different people can make things work. Topics include complex PTSD, how to work through disagreements, changing our model of relationships, and learning how to actually support your partner.
I loved this conversation, and hope you enjoy it!
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:00 The myth of relationships solving your problems, and self-awareness
4:25 Me, you, and us
14:00 Changing your partner by changing yourself
16:55 Embracing the challenges of vulnerability
23:40 Disagreeing well, making specific requests, and holding space
33:50 Learning how to support your partner
38:00 Five different styles of relationship
41:00 Moving from trying to please your partner to showing compassion
45:30 Love as a choice, and expressing wants and needs positively
49:55 Simply liking your partner
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple...
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthan...
📸 / f.hanson
Relationships are defined by how you manage conflict not by having no conflict or differences. Great take away.
🎉🎉Exactly !!😮😮👏🏼👏🏼
Well...I guess I'm just gonna have to be the one who brings it up.. Can we just acknowledge how gorgeous our Elizabeth's hair is?! ❤❤❤
10 minutes in and already my favorite episode. Forrest you are a gentleman and it’s great to meet your lovely partner ❤️
You two are so beautiful together. I love how you model how to communicate well. You are both so young & yet so inspiring. Thank you.
Yes queen is back 🤩 always love her perspective and wisdom
👑👑
" Healthy enough to know " whos problem is this " ?
Yes!!, agreed!! 🤔😃👏🏼👏🏼🎉🎉
The two of you are fun, informative, and fascinating to watch. I’ll be watching all the videos you make together! Good job!!
I love listening to Elizabeth, she is so authentic and I identify with her 'perspective' or interaction in the world ... I hope to see her more often on the channel, a channel that is already great, so Thank you for these sessions Forrest ...
I vaguely remember she's been a guest a couple of times already, usually talking about attachments and relationship
This video was so powerful to me. I especially appreciated saying that the idea being 100% healed is an illusion. Very freeing to be able to appreciate where I am and the idea that I'm not where I want to be is perfectly okay. Thank you.
" Being at tune to the parts you dont like", so you dont put the pressure on your partner " 😮😲 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Funny title..: "How to create a secure relationship with Elisabeth Ferrreira".. You guys are so sweet and thank you so much for all the content you share on your channel Forrest. To me and also my partner, as self-healers, your shared content makes really all the difference. Thank you!!
Thank you for putting yourselves out there to help the tribe. Very informative.
I really love it when you have Elizabeth as a guest. Great video!
PART TWO, PART THREE PLZ!!! LOVE the format.
This is really helpful. I am totally that person that's waiting to be "healed" until I get into a relationship but I think it's about finding a safe and good enough partner.
Passion and anger; pleasing and kindness, are great distinctions to atune to and wow, that's tender territory. Thank you
The timing of this episode was so spot on! I had to rewatch it right after I finished it the first time! Thanks for doing this work, Forrest! It helps me every single time!
Gabriela, Vicosa, mg?
I love Elizabeth, please do more episodes on relationship topics!
Thank you Elizabeth and Forrest for this encouraging glimpse through the window into such a beautiful relationship, the sort that I believe each of us imagines deep inside and unfortunately are too often taught by the world not to hope for - I know what that's worth, having been granted the privilege all too briefly, and I hope your journeys walking each other home lasts both your lifetimes, and that you cherish every step.
I absolutely adore Elizabeth for her beauty and grace as well as her thoughtfulness and kindness, (and she IS so smart). My mother is also an Elizabeth, with long, glossy, dark locks that I would sometimes brush to help soothe us both in silent communication when I was a boy ; thank you for that reminder, and for the comment about people pleasing as a form of "falling on your own sword", this is symbolism that has shown up in my personal archetypal narrative, given deeper dimensions of meaning by your words.
My truest thanks and best wishes to you both, and a fervent hope that we will be graced with Elizabeth's presence and more episodes like this one soon, and more often.
I’ve been building on the relationship with myself and with nature. I hope to open up again in the future.
Love these discussions. Thank you! I want to meet someone who is already ready for a vulnerable, healing, transparent, honest, loyal, dedicated, secure, and safe relationship. I'm not interested in convincing anyone to want or do this. Be ready to go right out of the starting blocks.
Of course, it can be clumsy and imperfect. But at least be there emotionally, mentally, ethically, morally and with principles and values. I believe my person is out there.
Me too. I’m not giving up on myself.
Non-violent (compassionate) communication provides a framework for expressing feelings and the underlying needs in a non-blaming way, and framing a positive and clear request (for a new strategy to get needs met).
The answer can be no, but the request can be a starting point for an empathic discussion about which strategies would work for both parties to get their needs met.
It's a simple framework to learn, but can be challenging to get right, but I've seen it work really really well, not only in personal relationships but in mediation.
This format was very helpful. While the point by point format makes my brain happy and I enjoy it, the exchange between both of you seems more like actual modeling that sits deeper than intellectualizing. It's more viscerally understood and can be more readily applied relationally.
Agreed! Felt very relatable and more helpful this way. :)
Loved this episode-so fantastic!!! The only thing that I could think of to add an introduction about attachment styles and the Gottman process so people understand how valuable and important establishing a secure attachment style relationship is towards not only a deeper relationship but the increase of probability of going the distance in an era where too many relationships fail and how relationships are so important towards individual wellness which I know your dad has touched on in his material of wellness!! Would love if you guys did more in this area and even make it a Niche possibly-because its so needed!!! Thank you for great content!! So appreciate it!
This is really damn good. I'm a big fan of this more conversational, or "Fuzzy" as Forrest put it, type of videos. Its also just so helpful for us onlookers who might want to have a glimpse into good relationships, especially when you two discuss the work required in such a transparent way.
I think, like probably many of us here in the comment, I've lacked exposure to healthy relationships growing up. Or, heck, just lacked exposure to any kind of interpersonnal relationship that wasnt seemingly problematic in one way or another. Its something i didnt realize that i needed until starting to watch your videos, be them with your dad Forrest or with Elizabeth. And its been teaching me a lot of things.
So yeah, all in all, thank you very much.
i really enjoy watching both of you! i would love a video diving into conflict in relationships and a way to communicate better
Really like this free flowing episode 🙂
Yes, I agree. In therapy the sessions should be free flowing and Elizabeth manages it well, keeping with in the banks of that flowing river while thoroughly exploring and defining her subjects. I worry another format might not bring out such great insights from her. Afterall, she does 'like to throw at the walls and see what sticks'...(or maybe..Flow to the river banks and see what surfaces.)
In the transcript's outline there enough of a format (repeating as necessary).
Always great. Thank you
PS. Forrest, I did miss your usual review of the podcast. It's always so reassuring to know that I got all the concepts correctly at the end.. (Even after, in the transcript, my 'repeating as necessary'.)
Omg Forrest is blushing 🤭 you guys ❤ both gorgeous & beautiful humans. Thank you!!!
Window of presence sounds SO much better!
Shes just so stunning and so wonderful
Loved this podcast, and I came away with some great personal aha moments. And yes, would love more podcasts with you guys together. 😀
Awesome episode!!
I liked the less structured format for this! It seems to have really allowed for discussion about the most important things! Maybe things you couldnt have remembered when making an outline beforehand
This was amazing! Love, every episode, although absolutely LOVE when Elizabeth and you get to sit down and chat about the good stuff (complex relational and psychological content).
Really loved this episode! And this podcast in general! Thankyou for all you do!
happy to see you both...
Been ANTICIPATING this podcast !! To learn & grow from your knowledge & experience. 😮😮😲😃👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I loved this authentic, real, and insightful discussion... you tapped into so many valuable and useful relationships aspects. The vocabulary you used is so very helpful for me to better identify my needs, wants, and somatic reactions. Thank you!
Thank you very much guys for this video, coming from a very dysfunctional family, it is a pleasure to see a healthy couple how they interact, the same Forest is when I see the relationship you have with your father. All blessings for you, thank you again for all your work
Wow this video could easy have a part 2, part 3. The way the conversation revs up had my attention like nothing else
It is easy to "choose" to love when the loved one can open so many doors to one's passion & that which gives us so many nutrients to our life which is psychology.😊
Love and truly appreciate this episode! So helpful. Thank you :)
Great session. Many people needed to hear the specifics of good communication. Great job
What an incredible couple you are. I hope you keep finding each other in deep acceptance & from there keep stretching & growing 🎉
Great episode. Thank you both😊
Loved this episode, more of this formate please!!
Def do more of this kind of stuff! I learned and related so much.
This content is right on time.
This was immensely helpful to listen to. ❤
Many wonderful take aways from this episode that I can apply to my already loving relationship. Thank you! I am confused though about what happened at 22:50 where Forrest seemed to be complimenting Elizabeth on her great segue, but she took it as (slightly) offensive somehow and then Forrest explained what he meant by it and that he blew it up…. can someone explain?
When I said "yeah I know" I realized a moment later that could be taken critically, particularly in the flippant way I said it. So we took a second to laugh about it and clarify that it wasn't meant critically.
¡Gracias por esta hermosa conversaciòn!
Y'all are legends❤
Sweet I relate to Elizabeth so much
You all are just so cute!
This concept of being vulnerable intentionally seems so odd to me every time one of my vulnerabilities has been shared at some point in the future that individual will either share that vulnerability with others as a way of trying to shame me (or just gossiping) or they will use it against me to win an argument. One of the goals of my life has been remove all vulnerability or at least hide them as well as I can and I will never make myself intentionally vulnerable to anyone. Matter of fact, even posting this might make me vulnerable and I need to think about if I should remove it.
Thank you for sharing this. Honestly. This takes courage. I’ve had the same experience largely, though I will say that last summer I developed a connection with a man who, instead of shaming me for my sensitivity and emotional capacity, actually thanked me and told me for it, because it allowed him space to flourish himself and that these things were my best qualities. It was a very healing experience for me. There are people who will be kind, gracious, and understanding with you, instead of using such things against you. And when you find that, the connection will feel like a million hugs to your soul. Everyone else who doesn’t treat that with the respect you deserve can go suck an egg. Keep being your courageous self.
My own experience has been similar and the result has been that all the best parts of myself were exiled to a spectral life in Limbo and my experience of the world left hollow, my presence in it little more than an empty shell of armor. After a lifetime of a half-life I have taken up the search for those abandoned parts that were erased by shaming and other forms of abuse and invalidation; part of their rescue is being accomplished through tattooing their essence on the page to give them voice and new life by absorbing them through that outer skin and into my soul, where they always belonged. With them, I am stronger and wiser than I have been without them, and am learning that I no longer need to protect them by locking them away in a prison of cold iron and stone away from the light, where they only grower thinner, weaker, and more pale with time.
I hope you will let your comment stand, as an example and as a witness to help encourage the legions of others who have lived the same story, silent behind walls of shame and distrust. The reasons for our reticence are real, but far too easily ignored and dismissed, like those parts of ourselves we hid away for their own safety, and only through their voices can a demand for change be heard. Please don't silence the voice of your truest self, leave the comment- it, and you, do not stand alone.
@@don-eb3fj beautifully expressed.
@@MelW669Thank you very much, I'm glad to be able (finally) to create some beauty from the decades of Darkness and silence, and offer it as a small gift of hope to others who have lost it- it's a challenging and ongoing process, and every word of encouragement is appreciated. Add another warm hug to your (also beautifully expressed) millions in celebration of your good fortune, and another for luck in hopes that it continues to hold you close in its good company. 😊
@@don-eb3fj well the gentleman I spoke of is no longer in my life. I’m assuming his trauma shut him down to further connection because he ghosted me but the experience is something I will carry with me as a valuable message, that there is hope I can find that in a partnership with someone who will stick around. For now, I have to give myself what I’ve sought from others. It’s been decades of my own darkness and it hasn’t been until recent years that I’ve started to let some light into the cracks of my walls that I created long ago, out of a desire to keep out bad. I also kept out the good. I’m a work in progress but my life has changed so dramatically in just a few years that I can’t help but be excited about what’s to come. I admire you for sharing your experience and sharing your truth. For being a light to others. A big warm hug to you, as well.
CZcams UI kind of buried the key topics section. But please ensure to give the key topics still. It is very useful for people like me with very limited time yet very high passion to learn and grow.
Yeah I'm not exactly thrilled with the redesign. The chapters should just be on the scroll bar for the episode though.
brave episode 🎉
Dropped another banger Forrest
She is so beautiful I cant even I am about to die Im dying goodbye She is a princess she is an Angel
" i would like to do blank activity w/ you"?, is not a little thing " for someone who has trauma"
🙋🏾♀️ME !
yes!!!! 🤔😲👏🏼👏🏼🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳
❤❤❤
What if I want a secure relationship with someone other than Elizabeth? This title really seems aimed at Forrest.
You speak such an abstract language that it feels like math.
So many gilden bits already in the first 4 minutes
Sorry Lizzy, but I already got someone else in my life
you don't have to be fully healed to deserve a loving relationship❤🩹
Relationships offer you the best opportunity to heal and grow.