Am I Trans? | 5 Questions for Questioning your Gender
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- Am I trans? Cis? Nonbinary? It's perfectly healthy to question your gender sometimes. Need help figuring out confusing gender feelings? In this video is a set of five questions made to help you think critically about your gender and to help you organize your thoughts. Leave advice for others questioning in the comments below!
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insta: @gagesalander
I’m pretty sure i’m trans (ftm) but i keep doubting myself saying stuff like “what if i’m actually not and i’m just overthinking” i also feel like my mom and other family wouldn’t believe me if i said i’m trans because to them growing up i probably seemed pretty feminine but i remember my childhood and i know that i didn’t want to be feminine. i wanted to be a boy. idk i’m so confused
Hey it’s ok, you’re completely valid, and I know it’s difficult, you’re gonna get through this. You’ve got this!! ❤️
Same
I can feel your words with every cell in my body ( 0 ^ 0) don't worry bro it's gonna be fine.
You will get through this. I would suggest seeking advice from people you trust most in your life. The people who know you. The people you live life with and respect. They have your best at heart.
Same, I keep thinking that I'm just wrong and question it too much.
I wish there was a quiz I could take that would just be like “YES you’re trans, man!” or “NO you’re cis, sis!” 😂 gender discovery is haaaard
Bro same 😭
same :(
yes
YES!!
I just was looking to see if there were any tests no matter the accuracy like that yesterday
I’m glad you brought up not liking being called a “lady”. I’m very squarely cis, and loathe being called “lady”! Thank you for always being open and informing folks who are still learning the ropes (like me!) ❤️😘
Of course!
I'm used to my friends calling me 'man, bro, dude' or just plain old Kerron
There’s no such thing as “cis”.
@@xz740 so in your eyes everyone is trans? Lol
@@musamaka9848 no-one is “cis”. No-one is “trans”. Some people feel like living as if they were the opposite sex.
i prefer being called a male like, he/him pronouns (afab) and stuff and i've often thought about having a flat chest but like what if i don't want it? and what if i'm not trans?? like i want a male chest but i'm so scared that if i went through with something, i'd be disappointed by it or just find out i've been faking ths whole time.
That's a really valid fear, Angel. Something I'd recommend is let time tell how you feel about your gender. I waited a few years before telling others I was trans because I wanted to see if my feelings would change. After two years I was more certain. Take care!
I’m going thru the same thing right now . I’m so glad I’m not the only one
I have this fear too, and it's terrifying.
Literally same. I'm hoping to go see a therapist, don't know if it will help clear things up faster. But we'll see
I'm in the exact same boat. I feel like you read my mind or something. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this. I hope we can all figure ourselves out eventually.
Vent:
Sometimes I’m scared to ask myself these questions because I feel like what if end up being a girl. Like why do I constantly even doubt myself, I’m pretty sure I’m not a girl and I know I don’t wanna be a girl but am I even a boy or enby I really don’t know. I honestly started to really question all of this year when I was 17 and I’m so confused on why I figured out until now when I have been invested in the trans community since the 8th grade. I even questioned myself in the 8th grade but for some reason stopped and I’m so confused on why I did that. I’m such a confused and scared human being.
Being scared and confused is valid! If you're questioning, I recommend joining groups online focused on questioning or on the identities you think you could have. There's a lot of people who've had the same feelings out there who could help you sort things out!
@@SalanderSays thank you!!!
i also dont know if im a boy or nb, im just fine with ppl defining me with either one idc, although i identify more with masculine pronous and am going to take t
Same, just the other way around. I've always been invested in the lgbt community and I've identified as a cis girl all my life. I don't want to be a man and don't really feel like one but there's something about me that makes me scared that I might end up being one? Its really irrational
I LITERALLY WENT YHROUGH THE SAME THING AS YOU ARE RIGHT MOW
wish I had this video when I was questioning, probably would've helped me out a lot haha
I had thought I was cis most of my life. There were signs of other things, but they were always subtle/hidden.
At the beginning of 2020, I had lost my job, and while at home, I figured out that I had been experiencing gender dysphoria. At the time, I was so intrenched in the idea of being cis that I dissociated from those feelings and assumed I had multiple personalities to explain the dysphoria.
It’s been a slow process, but I know I’m trans now. I’m nearing 25 now, so there isn’t much I can do to change my body. It’s a mess. I’ve been in deep undercover for too long. It’s gotten in my head. Hopefully I can figure this thing out.
Thanks for making the video. Great stuff! ❤️❤️
You can do it friend! Be kind to yourself. And ty!
I hope you don't mind me asking which way you are trans? (ie. male to female or female to male or nonbinary)? Also good for you for realizing this about yourself :).
@@nickronca1562 I don’t mind at all. I was born male, and I would like to transition to being a woman. So, male-to-female or mtf.
Sending you love! It's never too late to be your authentic self! Lots of trans women transition in their 30's. Contrapoints and Abigail from philosophy tube are great examples.
I'm also dealing with gender stuff and I'm 22.
Hope you can find your happiness 💜
I'm glad the pandemic helped you discover who you are. And I'm sorry that you hadn't the opportunity to do so earlier.
In United States I think we stay so busy with work that we don't get to discover who we are outside of consumers providing labor that's exploited by the ruling class. Most of us don't even get a chance to figure that out, either.
nobody:
me: *mesmerized by the lamp in the background*
This helped honestly and I cried. I'm 23 now and only really been able to explore this when away from my family as I'm kinda scared that they will reject me.
I'm so glad it was able to help! Take care friend!
@@SalanderSays you too ♥
It is really important to focus on who will accept you. Only people who can love you the way that is healthy will accept you for who you really are instead of what they want
I think I’m trans (ftm) but I feel like if I ever transition I wont ever be satisfied enough. Like, I wish I was a cis male. Often I find myself thinking about offing myself or just preserving until I die and hopefully be reincarnated as a man. Sorry if this sounds stupid.
big mood
bruh i’ve been thinking that exactly same for like 2 years
I have had those thoughts, not to those extremes but yes
0:00 - Introduction
0:36 - Questioning doesn't make you automatically trans.
1:09 - How do you feel about gendered language?
3:17 - What gender(s) can you picture yourself as?
4:57 - Do you wish you were assigned a different gender?
5:50 - Do you experience dysphoria? (Not everyone does)
6:37 - Do you have difficulty relating to cisgender people of the same AGAB? (Assigned Gender at Birth)
Don't rush things, this can take time to figure out, give yourself the time and space you need to figure this all out; it's okay you'll get there :3
In the meantime take care of yourself, y'all are beautiful!
I was born a female, and I don't mind that, I don't feel dysphoric on how my body is and I don't mind dressing femininely. Though I do dislike it when people treat me as a girl. When people only use she/her pronouns all the time I feel uncomfortable and I asked my friends to use he/him and they/them (thanks for the advice) and i like them both, I still don't mind she/her but when people only use that it's weird. Sorry if this is confusing. i'm not sure how to explain it either, does anyone have anything I can look into?
I am very confused if you couldn't tell
That's really valid! As we say, femmes can be thems, if you consider yourself to be a femme of course. I have many friends who use all pronouns or multiple pronouns, whether they are nonbinary, gender fluid, or binary.
Soda PS this is the same for me. I am used to wearing dresses because they are almost the only thing I have in my closet. I respond to he/him. I came out to my parents to I could transition, subtly, in case it's another phase. They are still calling me my dead name and misgendering me. I keep reminding them and they ignore me.
Omg same!
Hi! You might have figured things out already, this comment was made a while ago lol but imma just share a few thoughts anyways. I feel pretty similarly to you I think. I don’t mind she/her but I don’t wanna be called only by she/her, I go by all pronouns, they/he/she/etc. (which you might definitely wanna look more into if you haven’t already). I really love dresses and skirts and stuff and I like makeup, but I’m still nonbinary and my gender is leaning more towards boy.
How you express yourself (clothing, pronouns etc) doesn’t have to “match” your gender at all. You could identify as a girl and use he/they pronouns, or not be a girl and still dress feminine. You don’t have to feel dysphoric about your body to be trans. Your gender expression is what you express outwards and your gender identity is what you feel you are on the inside. Maybe try to experiment a little with different labels (girl, boy, nonbinary, demiboy, agender etc etc) and see if anything stands out to you as feeling better in some way. If you think you might be genderfluid you could try writing down your feelings (gender related, like preferred pronouns if those change or preferred gendered/nongendered nouns and stuff) each day and see if you notice anything. That’s a few things I did when I was questioning lol
literally the exact same for me.
About the “picture your future self” part. I saw a tip once (that I have used for myself, it worked for me) about making your ideal self in the sims lol, like without thinking about others opinions and society and stuff. You can be anything and look however you want (my ideal self was an androgynous looking genderfluid mermaid (I have the lgbt mod and packs so that’s why) so just go crazy lol) and see what happens. I realized that I for example really wanted to cut my hair short, get a binder cause I liked my chest being flat and that he/him pronouns felt shockingly good whenever my sim would use them, so yeah, if that’s something you wanna try lol (I’ve done it multiple times actually, second time I was a nonbinary Lolita vampire)
- Xan (any pronouns (genderfluid))
Thank you for this. I’m in the early stages of social transition as a non-binary transmasculine person and still experiencing occasional doubts (generally caused by the reactions and discomfort of people around me). It’s helpful to revisit questions like these to affirm to myself that I’m on the right path and doing what is best for me. 💜
I’ve been having feelings I’m trans since I was young and I came out as non-binary a week ago and now I’m questioning it more than ever. I identify so much with being a man, yet I feel for some reason like I can’t transition, like it wouldn’t be for me. I can’t tell whether that’s because I’ve been seen as a girl my whole life or because I’m scared that transitioning would uproot my whole life or what.
There are people who are binary trans and don’t like to transition. If u were born a girl and identify as male it’s completely okay if you feel comfortable in your “female” body. It would just make it harder for society to accept u as man but that’s their problem not urs.
@@jayjo.mp3 you've put my experience into wonderful words. Very accurate. Thank you
Sedum Reflexum thanks 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 if ur ftm or mtf ur body is a male body if u identify as male and ur body is a body of a female if u identify as such. Doesn’t matter how it looks like. I’m ftm and I’m on hormones but my body was always a body of a male because I am a man. Even if I’m a man with a vagina I’m still a man and my body is still a man’s body.
@@jayjo.mp3 that’s really sweet to think about
this is the same for me, you aren't alone
Thank you for sharing this! I think I'm an enby ftm and I'm struggling with accepting and validating myself. The longer I thought about being trans and watching others experiences the more I've felt dysphoric. I feel more strange when referred to she/her and when my mother calls me her daughter (she speaks portuguese and this language is totally gendered and that sucks). I started correcting her in my mind. I found a new name for myself (Marion) but I haven't told anyone to use it. My best friend saved it in her contacts next to my given name and that made me so happy! I feel like I'm faking it because I haven't felt like that before:
Not liking my pronouns and feeling strange when my mother talks about/and to me with female suffixes.
My name always felt odd. I feel like I pronounce it wrong when introducing myself. I couldn't play with boys bc I was a girl (and they probably thought I was weird) or because they were hella aggressive and I still feel bad about it. I feel left out bc I'm not being seen as one of them. Some of my female cis friends have also experienced this but it seems like they don't mind as much.
I never liked my boobs and being forced to wear bras. But until 2019 I thought it meant that I wanted them bigger because a lot of women also struggle with them.
Dating men as a woman was strange. There wasn't something I could pinpoint that made it strange. It's just the overall situation. Probably because they saw/see me as something I'm not.
The only thing I was never clearly dysphoric about is my vulva. Today I'd say that I do have some bottom dysphoria but every dysphoric feeling regarding my other body parts are much more intense that bottom dysphoria.
When looking at buff men, I often want to look like them (and touching them honestly ^^). I want to be buff and have a muscular chest. And theoretically, i could be a buff woman. I could be a masculine woman but that's not what I am and what I want to look like. My female face and voice annoys me. I'm pretty but I don't look like myself.
I'm now fantasizing about myself as a male and it feels good. My wish to transition has increased since then. I think I'm allowing myself now to feel it. I think my pronouns didn't feel as odd as they do now because I was used to them. I was so used to suppressing my feelings that I did in fact feel nothing.
In terms of transitioning (also socially and for oneself) and feeling better: I need to say that euphoria is more important when you don't know your path. I felt great after cutting my hair short and masculine, after buying masculine clothes, after finding a new name, after photoshopping my face male on an app, etc.
Hi thanks for sharing, sorry if this is wrong or intrusive but i was just wondering about your identity as an 'enby ftm' does this mean youre non binary or a trans man? Or is it both? I just thought those where two different identities, or is it like masculine-presenting enby person? Thanks! Hope youre having a good day :)
@@sukindiamuzik I may be wrong so don't take my word for it, but I think they mean they go by he/they pronouns, meaning they feel good indentifying as both a guy and a nonbinary person. Again, I'm not a 100% I'm just speculating. And if I used the wrong pronouns for them(not entirely sure if they go with what I was guessing) I'm sorry. Please correct me if needed and I will edit this comment.(this was for the original commentor)
I relate to so much of what you said, particularly the dysphoria with things I might not have given pause to before I started questioning, like pronouns. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to just know I'm not alone in it.
You described almost word for word what I feel, although I'm trans femme so maybe you described it going the other way lol. I know I'm a pretty "guy" but I feel very disconnected from that image of myself, I feel very uncomfortable with my body and the way I present myself, and I thought it was because I wasn't masculine enough so I grew a beard and started exercising. And yeah I look "better" but I feel worse about myself so that's pretty much what confirmed that something was really off lol.
I also feel like I'm not trans because It didn't bothered me being male before I started questioning. But in retrospective I really wasn't happy with being a man, I just didn't have words for it. And being able to explore those feelings have definitely made them stronger
I think it's important to remember that
1. Most people are socialized as a certain gender, so we may get used to it, even though it might not be out true identity
2. Gender and our self-perception can shift and mold and change over time
i was questioning during quarantine and i figured out im a trans man :D
the one with trying to picture yourself in the future is something i can relate with a lot. i was folding laundry one day and i pictured myself with a flat chest wearing a pajama top. i almost cried of happiness and now i wont wear that shirt until i buy a chest binder- :>
i’m so thankful for finding a video like this! thanks for your content :)
To be honest I’ve been thinking hard about this for 4 years straight. And I don’t know what I am. There are days when I’m happy being called she/her and there are days where I am happy being called he/him and the same with they/them. I am afab and I don’t really care about my bottom “part” but my top “part” just feels like it shouldn’t be there on me. I hate it and I hate feeling that top part ever since I was a kid. I wear sports bras a lot and it really helps tho! But I just want to figure out my gender it’s really confusing…
I definitely have had a lot more time to think about my gender in quarantine and it made me realize how little I ever did think about it. I always sort of understood that I was a girl but I never really had a strictly gendered idea of myself if that makes sense. I’ve been thinking a lot about what gender even is and what it means and I haven’t been able to come up with a clear answer. I generally have felt comfortable being perceived as any gender, and although I don’t think I’ve ever been actually perceived as a boy, I’m open to it and would be comfortable with it. Same goes for being seen as non-binary. I just don’t seem to identify strongly with any one identity because because I relate to any of them. It’s made it hard for me to figure out what would best suit me. I’ve been meaning to talk to some people with experience with this sort of thing, and I figured this would be a nice place to do so, so if anyone would like to share their perspective I’d love to hear :))
Have you heard of terms like gender fluid, greygender or demigirl/boy? Fluidity or indifference about gender matches some of these identities. It might help to explore them!
Hello! I am struggling in a similar way! I am an AFAB person who for now still identifies as a woman.
I am thinking Perhaps I am demigendered. I feel like I have both femeninity and masculinity within myself. But I'm not a man. However I sometimes like the idea of having a flat chest and I hated it so much when my boobs started coming in back in middle school. It made me very uncomfortable at the time and there were times I wished I had been born a boy.
But I know I'm not a man. Sometimes I feel a little guy-ish though.
So am I just a woman with masculinity inside or am I not fully a woman? I'm so confused.
Yeah it's kinda hard to discern what has been socially induced into us vs our actual identities
@@RatsPicklesandMusic personally, this sounds A LOT like me, and I do not have a clear answer for your question. I feel the same way. I think I might be demigender or fluidflux. I have dysphoria about my chest, but at times I enjoy the way my chest looks in tank tops and such. It is very confusing bc we've taught ourselves that we have to be one thing all the time.
I myself still question if i'm just afab demigender or actually masculine nonbinary. The only advice i can give you is to take your time and be patient with yourself
@@RatsPicklesandMusic this is almost exactly how I feel! Like there's something... male/masculine about me but I am also fine with being a female. And since I've identified as a lesbian (not openly but I was getting there) I thought that maybe I'm just a butch/masculine. But now its all even more confusing than ever.
Thank you so much for this. This video helped me more than words can describe especially imagining myself in the future I couldn't help smiling every time I thought of myself different to I currently am.
thank you so much for this! especially the question about the future version of you really helped me
i like how calm ur voice is, it's very nice to listen to :) oh and very helpful questions!
thank you for posting this, this probably sounds super random but i just wanted to say i really enjoy your way of talking! it's very calming to listen to, and with a topic like this its even nicer and more comforting :,) also, i love your room!
This video was really helpful, thank you so much!
this video is fantastic! all of these tips are really excellent. excellent work! :D
Soothing voice, nuanced arguments and cool style. Definitely subscribing.
I am glad to have come across this video, because I’m really confused. I grew up just living life the way I was told to: I’m a girl, no reason to question, right? I was always a “tomboy” most of my friends were guys, I hated girly things. Now I mean i told myself so what, it doesn’t make me any less of a girl. Recently I’ve reached the point where I just thought I was gay, my first relationship was a girl. But now, feelings are coming back that I had around puberty that I didn’t recognize as dysphoria. A trans friend of mine is giving me a binder he doesn’t use, and the feeling of happiness that comes from that is honestly scary.
I just don’t know who I am. Maybe I want to present more gender neutral. Sometimes I’m okay feeling more like a girl, but I never really feel like being a boy, just more in the middle. The problem is that I’m worried to confuse this with sexuality, and I’m not sure how to sort everything out.
Anyone who can offer advice in some way, I appreciate it so much 🏳️🌈💙
Uh I'd say tru they/them pronouns for a while, I guess. Or she/they
Yeah, that sounds scary. I can't tell you what your gender is, but I think it might be helpful to enter an online space using he/him or they/them just to try them out, or maybe ask a friend to use them for you. I also recommend watching videos by other people to see how they figured things out!
@@SalanderSays thank you so much!! :)
I have been using they/them pronouns for the past few weeks and it brings so much relief! I was getting bad dysphoria around pronouns, and my physical appearance, being seen as a “girl” in general. My girlfriend started calling me her partner, and I feel so much better about it. I followed your tip to imagine myself in the future, and I ended up cutting my hair short. This video means so much to me because it really helped guide me in the right direction 🥺thank you so much 💜
This is just a vent:
I was born female, identified non-binary for the past year or two but recently I've been more comfortable presenting male or by pronouns and titles that hold a more masculine meaning. I didn't really question it since I was close to certain that I wasn't trans in anyway since I don't have the terrible dysphoria my friend had and so I didn't feel like I should even consider possibly being it (I wanted to respect her struggles and her journey to overcoming it).
But today I thought about it a bit more. Someone texted me - "you mean you're cis but an attention seeker" - and I couldn't stop thinking. Because, I didn't know if I actually felt like this voluntarily or I was influenced to think like this by what I was consuming on the internet. Except I was happier being referred to as a guy, I actively try to deepen my voice because I hated how squeaky my voice got when I talk to anyone that's not myself, and I overall enjoy looking and presenting more masculine.
I'm trans or some other reason.
I really relate to this, from the doubts to the identifying (for myself) as nonbinary for about 2 years (at least that's how long i've used an actual word for it). I also struggle with the high pitched voice when speaking to other people and have been making an effort to expand my register! You are not alone and it's ok if things take a while to figure out. As long as you feel comfortable being referred to with certain terms and identifying as a certain thing, you shouldn't worry about faking it! Identity can change and flow over time too, and we can adjust accordingly! Sending lots of love your way wherever your journey takes you. Remember to take time for yourself and be patient with yourself.
Thank you so much. This genuinely helped me come to terms with myself that I am trans.
Vent/rant:
I've been really confused recently. When I first heard of non-binary people, and especially agender, I thought "Hey, it may be me", but as I never felt dysphoria, I never pushed the question further. I never dared to try different pronouns, and I feel like I wouldn't care much either way, yet I did feel excitement at time when thinking about people having a hard time defining my gender upon seeing me, or people using gender-neutral terms for me, or just looking like the opposite gender. But still, my AGAB is quite comfy for me.
My current feelings are all over the place, so everything feels at the time neutral, and maybe a bit wrong, or is it right?! Really, I just want people to respect me and not put absurd expectations on me. At the moment, the whole concept of gender has completely lost its meaning.
I think part of me just really want to belong to the enby family, and I feel disappointed at the idea that I may go through all this mess to just conclude I was cis since the beginning. I mean, come on!
The more I think about it, the more I believe social aspects are tied to my gender reconsideration. I'm done with stereotypes and social expectations, I just want to define myself without anyone chosing a term for me without asking me anymore, and honestly, gender is useles to me since I'm aro-ace. I just want to be me, and for everyone to leave me alone. I'm just over-analyzing everything again, and it makes me anxious.
All thing said, my serious current considerations for possible a gender for me are either cis (which currently kinda upset me), demigender or agender.
I relate to this. I feel completely fine with my gender when I’m alone. It’s only when the outside world treats me differently, doesn’t know how to interact with me, gives me weird looks, etc. that I start to question myself. I’ve even had strangers directly ask me if I’m a man or a woman (when the polite question would have been to ask what my pronouns are). It honestly makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I wish people weren’t so innately insistent on putting people into boxes….. if men and women were treated the same way, I believe this wouldn’t be an issue. I just want to exist as me and not have strangers treat me like a weirdo for looking androgynous.
Dude, how the hell did you just describe me??
I mean I'm aroace as well, who is currently questioning their gender. I'm also leaning towards agender for the same reasons: I don't want to be judged by my AGAB, I want to be me: a person.
I would also LOVE a genderless body, cuz man, that just sounds so awesome, but that might be because I don't want my body to be sexualized in any way.
I started questioning like 2 years ago I think and have been coming back to it like every 6 months. Whenever I remember that huh, I should deal with this I spend weeks reading/watching videos about non-binary identities (mostly agender stuff) and when I feel like I'm ready to consider myself agender, I chicken out and go back to "being cis".
My biggest fear is that I'm not gender queer but I just want to be and that I would be faking it.
I don't really like gendered words being used when referring to me, e.g. girl, daughter, woman etc. I always call myself human or kid and like to do this with other people as well sometimes.
Honestly I just want to live in a world where it doesn't matter what gender or sex you are unless it's about dating I guess. I don't want to be treated differently because of my bits. Because that's what "being a girl" means to me (I'm only talking about myself here, I know you can be any gender regardless of your genitals, dw): having female genitals. Nothing else. I've never related to womanhood or whatever you wanna call it.
Kinda became a long rant, sorry about that but I thought I should share my experiences, maybe it will help someone? Anyways, my country will have a pride parade today, I made myself an agender pin and I think I'll wear it, perhaps it will help me decide.
Edit: nvm, read the comments on another video and I think it's better if I just leave the topic alone for another 6 months~
You don’t have to be caught up in this. “Gender” was first misappropriated from grammar and misapplied to humans in the 1950s by John Money, a discredited sexologist and paedophile. Unfortunately it has evolved into a social cult and kids are coming across all this earnest labelling thinking that they have to conform into some “gender” label or other. You can have a happy life without all this nonsense and be yourself. Just get some perspective away from this programming that someone has called “gender”.
I was assigned male at birth and if I were to answer these questions it would go like this.
1. I like she/her. Like a lot.
2. I find it easier to imagine myself as a girl/woman than a boy/man
3. I have always dreamed of what it would be like to have been assigned female at birth. All of them being very positive.
4. I feel like I am unsure of my current gender identity. But I don't feel like I'm a boy. So yes dysphoria I guess.
5. I don't really find it that difficult. But I can also relate to certain other genders just as much.
thank you for the content; keep on making this kind of stuff. this helps clarify my understanding of how trans people see themselves; I wish i'd have come across this kind of content a decade ago
Oh my gosh thank you so much- I’ve been so confused abt my gender and this really helped :D
thank you this was really helpful!! :)
This was very helpful, thanks! I'm still confused but this helped to narrow done a lot :D
I’m questioning it’s quite over whelming and confusing I want to be a boy look like a boy but I also like being a girl in some ways (I absolutely hate my lady lumps) I like my long hair. I push most of these feeling away till I think of them at night I hope one day I won’t be so confused.
Long hair isn't necessarily a female trait,, there are tons of cis men out there who have long hair. If your feelings of duality or fluidity about your gender persist in other ways though, like if you hate your lady lumps but love womens clothes, you should consider other genders such as genderfluid, genderflux, demigender, etc
Ive been mistaken as a boy a few times which honestly makes me wonder. Ive never felt girly at all sure i wore dresses to church(not christian now) but i didnt feel.natural and always felt weird. i tried make up a few times but couldnt really bother with it. Idk Not to mention when i write i feel more at home writing my guy characters. Im.pretty flat chested always have been
oh boy do i need a supportive family
Best video on this topic. I’m definitely trans, but I’m trying to live with androgynous presentation because I just can’t transition right now, and it’s tearing me up inside.
Bloody hell, this is good stuff! I have been stressed to no end. I'm 33 and only now exploring the possibility of being trans.
I fear that I don't have gender dystopia. I don't *hate* being a man. However, I don't get along with other men; I never have. Females have always dominated my friendship circles.
As I get older, it's hard not to picture what adult CIS version of myself as I'm.... Older. However, I remember as a child, teen and young adult, I wandered endlessly without direction.
Some friends have started using more feminine language around me; it feels uncomfortable at first, but like everything else, I fear I'm doing something wrong.
I *love* wearing the few dresses I own. My perfect self has long dark hair, simple makeup and a-line dresses poofed up by petticoats. She's strong. I imagine she walks with purpose everywhere she goes.
As I am, I try to blend in as much as possible, even with all. With that said, I may not be trans. I start the soy soon; I hope they can help me figure it out.
Your video has granted me a lot of clarity. Thank you.
Oddly, I asked myself these exact questions for over twenty years to figure myself out. Mostly with gendered language and relating to cisgendered AMAB people I didn't quite have issues, but never quite felt like I was male it felt more like part of it suited me (to a degree) even if I could never easily picture myself as male or female due more to having a hard time visualizing myself. I'd add "how often do you dream of yourself as AGAB?" because most of the time I saw myself in dreams as female or almost like I was merely observing events
I relate! I am female but for a long, long while I was always a man in my dreams. I started dreaming as myself, as female, after I got a drastic haircut and started looking less feminine. There's really something to be said for looking like yourself and finding a comfortable visual self-expression.
At least once a day I wish I was born as a male/in a male body. because I just know that it would be so much easier for me to figure out who I am that way, I can’t really explain it tbh, but it would just be easier to figure out my gender and also sexual. Because I’m complicAteD...
But I still question if I’m trans or not.. I know something is up with my gender. Just don’t know what lol
Update: we going with gender fluid for now
Actually same here lol, I use she/her pronouns, I like it feel comfortable with being a women and everything about that but sometimes I just feel like me being male would make feel so idk good ? Anyways just wanted to say that I feel similar and if u wanna talk about it with someone who feels like this too, hey lol
saaaame, I think it might be easier to be out since I think I would be very very 'gay' or at least I hope I would be brave enough to be femme... and then my parents at least wouldn't be surprised with more lgbtq "stuff" like gender. also, I'm genderfluid but I lean more to the male side. But probably it's better that I'm born a girl since I like female thinks better.... *sigh* ... complicated
@@jensjordan8984 yeah I think I have established I’m gender fluid as well. But it’s so compilatning with gender, it’s confusing. And yeah same here with the “very very gay” and femme part.
even tho I don’t really lean towards the masculine side, I still consider myself a tomboy. I mean I still do my makeup (which I’m not saying only girls and feminine people can do!). It’s just everything with me would align much better if I was amab. Both my sexuality and I would be femme, but still a boy. gender identity is so confusing istg
Same. I wish I was a cis male, but i know I'm not a trans man. It is strange, but hey.
Like yeah it’d instantly clear everything up
really useful vid! Thankyou so much
So I'm afab and I like my body and all but I started questioning my gender a few months and holy fuck as an overthinker that shit kills me, I like being called "young lady" and I don't have a problem with being called female n stuff but sometimes my brain just goes "but what if we're a boy" or "could a boy lIkE mE do this as well?" but it feel so uncomfortable being adressed as male and I want to be female but these thoughts are literally driving me crazy bc they won't go away bdjsbdjdj
I know cis folks and trans folks who have experienced intrusive thoughts like these around gender, so you aren't alone. Read more about or watch more videos about people of different genders and see if you can relate! I know that helped me a lot when I was figuring things out.
hii ! i just wanted to say i’ve been struggling with the same thing so i did a bit of research if you have any anxiety or ocd conditions you may have this thing called tocd ! it’s basically like intrusive thoughts about gender i’m gonna comment a link to a video about it it turns out i was struggling with it and you may be too :)
czcams.com/video/SY1RczHKc_4/video.html
@@liliqnx511 thanks a lot!! This might actually true considering that I have generalized anxiety disorder as well as OCD
@@mashallaheinfachdiehubsche6203 no problem !! i hope everything works out okay for you :D
I want to be a professor and I was born female and every time I picture myself in the future it looks like a modern version of my profile picture (Kaiser Wilhelm II)
Thank you so much, that was really helpful ❤
This is so helpful thank you very much.
Have a nice day
Thanks, you too!
I grew up thinking I was a boy but when my mom found out, I believed I dissapointed her and started behave like a girl just to make her own image better. But that was the worst thing I could have ever done to myself. Now that I know I'm not a girl I really wish I had fought her back. Now I'm so used to being called a girl that I'm afraid I'm gender fluid. But I hate being a girl.
Very insightful, thank you!
I feel like an MtF but I've only been sure for 3 months and in denial probably for a year but I still feel like it's a phase even though it probably isn't
Take ur time 💖
Thank you! This video really helped me :D
Love your name haha
1. I don't really care, as long as I am treated as a human
2. Future is unknown, so there are infinite variants
3. I've never seriously thought about such an idea, actually
4. I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing can be described as dysphoria
5. People can be difficult to communicate with in general, regardless of their gender
The conclusion: I am a human being
Thanks a lot!
Peace!
Question: I am non-binary, does that also make me trans? Because I've heard that trans is just an umbrella term meaning not cis, but I feel like I dont really see enbies identifying as trans. Thoughts?
Not necessarily! Cis and trans are a binary too, I've got a few other videos talking about that. I'm nonbinary and I'm trans, but there are lots of people who are nonbinary who don't identify as trans. I think I know fewer nonbinary people who don't identify as trans than who do, but that's probably just my spaces.
@@SalanderSays what is the difference or definition of being non-binary AND or NOT trans? Can you explain that for me please
My understanding is that if you don't identify as the gender assigned at birth, you're trans, that includes being non binary
@@veronica_bohemian which makes something like catgender valid trans
I'm genderfluid and identify as trans
I just wanna say that I've been questioning mostly because I've had "fantasies" (not in a weird way) of being the opposite gender and sometimes when I have time with my thoughts I wish I was the opposite gender, though I'm quite indifferent to pronouns and don't care what I'm called, though I prefer Queen over King but Lord over lady but when it comes to actual pronouns and those things I don't care. I just have no idea how to feel expressly when my brain is telling me I'm the opposite gender but I also feel fine in my current body (besides regular insecurities) I genuinely don't know and just wanted to I guess put this out there, thanks for your time
ACE FLAG IN THE BACKGROUND THO
YESSS
Is this a gay candle??
That is so cool
Yes it is! It was a gift from my brother.
That’s really cool!
I make pride flag themed candles so it’s cool to see that people like them
@@SalanderSays cool
most of the time I want to be a boy , but then I get moments where I think that im attention seeking of faking it , or I feel really wierd idk how to explain it , but its rlly difficult to explain how i feel , or understand how I feel 😂
This is not the only thing I'm questioning right now (I'm sure about my sexuality tho) but like, I don't want to change my body, any pronouns are just as good, and still I don' t really feel connected to any definition of gender. I just don't want to accept gender.
I don't want to accept/admit that male and female are actual things I like the idea of human beings living their best life, doing whatever they want and expressing themselves the way that fell right, being comfortable and empowered just because.
That's why I love seeing non binary contents and can relate to it. But I don't want to define myself cause it's limiting (?) I just like to think I'm my own gender and idk what does it make me.
vent
i’ve been out as a non binary trans man for 3 years now, and i’ve recently (like 4 months ago) started questioning again.
questions like: “what if i regret being trans (changing my name and pronouns, possibly taking testosterone) in the future”, “what if im not really a guy” “what if my mental health issues have got me feeling this way” etc.. and questions about if i want to or dare to [lack of better word] start testosterone.
i just wish there was a way i could look into the future and see if im still living as a masculine person or a girl.
i don’t want to live as a girl.
and this makes me feel so depressed, idk what to do or who to talk about it.
This was really helpful thank uuuu
I'm so glad!
I'm Amab and have always had these type of thoughts since I was a kid and I always tried to relate to other guys and I just could never.
I remember when I was around seven or eight,I said that I feel like I'm both and I am a mix of girl and boy.Years later now, I am questioning my gender.Do know of any labels or terms to help me decide?
Look into these terms: Genderfluid, bigender, pan gender, intergender, demiboy, demigirl, agender, genderqueer! It's possible one may fit! If not that is okay too!
I got to know about intersex people earlier than i learned about non-binary folks. So i remember considering i was intersex without knowing it (it happens a lot). I literally dreamed about being intersex because for me back then it was the only explanation of how i've been feeling my whole life.
Now years later i identify as non-binary, but still question it sometimes. This video really helped me see the bigger picture. I'm pretty sure who I am rn.
Hi! Thanks for your video. I've recently been feeling uncomfortable about the way I look and especially when looking in a mirror. I may be trans. I have to explore it more.
I have super bad memory so I would never remember if I’ve had gender dysphoria
i am in a gender crisis rn it's gotten more and more confusing in the last two weeks and i'm just???? confused?? TT-TT
This is very helpful and I like how clear and calm you talk.
This might come across as a little venty tbh (and yes I know I already commented sorry x3)
I'm honestly struggling a lot with questioning, at the moment I identify as male, but I know I've daydreamed/imagined myself as feminine for years, without even considering the possibility of me being trans. Now that I'm actively questioning, I'm really confused about a lot of things. I know that for personal desire, I'm leaning to identifying as female; in the couple of cases where someone has referred to me in a feminine manor (a friend accidentally called me a "dragoness" which I perceive as feminine for "dragon" in one case) I was impulsively extremely happy. But at the same time I can't help but worry about the idea of me faking these feelings or the idea that this is something that will pass and isn't worth noting. Plus I'm worried about how my family would react and if they'd judge me or not >~
Hello! Im 13 and been questioning my gender a lot recently. Your video was helpful and helped me with some things. I do wish i was a girl rather then a boy because it feels more right to me. I saw another video saying if you had a button that could change your gender forever, would you push it? My first thought was to smash that button. Its stressful though because thinking about stuff like this makes me stressed some times and it kills me mentally. Im also bisexual btw
Ok the last one hit hard. I'm not cis and yeah I do have trouble some of the time relating to people with the same AGAB. Also when I was 10 or so and I found out what intersex was I really wanted to be that...
this helped. im a cis girl.. but i never in 30 years felt like i could relate to girls. i dont know what girls think.. but i always got along with guys and understood guy body language so much better. i cant get along with other women of my gender, so i always had gender dysphoria. i like being femme. i just wish i was born a boy who could act and dress femme.
Thank you
damn, that was useful. thank you
Vent:
For the last few months I was so confused about my gender. Since I was little I was acting like a boy. I was playing with cars, enjoyed boy stuff, wore more masculine clothes but I was born as girl. So my parents were buying me girly stuff, but I'm not comfortable in these. I feel like a boy, but I feel like I'm stuck and voices are telling me that I'm a girl and not a boy. But my heart is telling me that I'm a man. I started to stop liking my body, but I'm scared. I just don't know what to do...
I've identified as non-binary for the past 11 months. I started questioning a few weeks ago when I was thinking about wanting to be a boy. I love being masculine and having masc qualities but I also being feminine, and both. I don't know if I'm trans but I have heavy gender dysphoria when I take showers or wear clothes that just show me off a bit. I've been taking so many quizzes and researching things and I don't know if I'm trans or bigender
Well, every time I think about having top surgery or thinking about using a pack and I just cry lately. Is hard to think about it because I don’t see anyone in my family there for me
Ngl I'm kinda scared of finding out if I'm trans or not. I've been thinking about it for quite awhile but my friends knew theirs before me. So I feel like I'm a chaser or something. But I used to watch kalvin so I felt really weird about things in the past. I just wanna have a flat chest, start t, and be seen as mostly a guy or neutral
Your words honestly do really help me.. I've come to the conclusion that i'm non-binary (I feel more masculine than feminine though and was asigned female at birth) I don't like the idea of being called she/ her. I know I would rather be called they/them and even he/him even sounds nice to me just thinking about it. I have body dysphoria as well. It just that, I don't really know where to go for help.. I've talked to my therapist about this. But should I contact my doctor about this as well?
Me: I think I might be trans
My brain: But all of your childhood friends were girls! You played with dolls right?
I have phrases and words that are gendered that I don't like used for me, but I'm still not sure. I don't want to pursue a transition, I'm fine with my name and stuff, but I do feel dysphoria around certain things. Any more advice on how to tell if that's just insecurity or related to gender? I currently use she/they pronouns and like to dress more neutral. I went to get glasses and the optician asked if I wanted neutral frames and an unexplained feeling of relief and excitement came over me. I'm not sure I want to pick a label, I was wavering around demigirl as I don't feel totally disconnected from being AFAB and the female sex, but I don't feel a strong connection. I found neurogenders and ludogender spoke to me as I went through a more feminine phase to try and fit in due to my undiagnosed ADHD and disability causing me to get bullied, and I have strict parents who often tried to dictate how I dressed as a teen. When I was little I wished I was a boy, I never liked girls toys, but I keep going back and forth between just being a tomboy and being non binary. It's been a few years of these ideas going back and forth. It's confusing, but these are some good questions.
Neurogenders are awesome and I can relate to undiagnosed neurodivergence. Hoping you find a term you're at peace with or find comfort without one!
I’m 39 and came out as genderfluid (I’m AFAB) this year but I’m kinda feeling like a man 52 weeks of the year. It may just be my fluidity. I’m really not sure.
Im struggling with my identity right now due to mental health reasons but I've felt estranged with gender since I was little I've never really seen myself belonging to a specific
I've said for a long time that I don't care for gender, clothing isn't related to anything for me I like the idea of wearing whatever I like. I'm inspired alot by this, all my idols have the same opinion so I assumed I must be on the nonbinary spectrum
But I've been feeling more of a pull lately to being ftm I'm finding it confusing if anyone could help me out I'd appreciate it
The points that make me feel strongly about this are that when I imagine myself in the future as my better version or if I fantasize I see myself as male, when I look at men that inspire me I prefer to look like them, have their phisique, face, I've started to really want the ability to grow facial hair
But then I've never felt the need to rid myself of body parts yk get surgery done although Im pretty damn flat in most apartments so
I've struggled with body dismorphia since I was younger so I don't know if I am ftm or if Its just the change I want
Because I'm 19 and I'm scared of it being to late to transition but I'm also scared of something not working out and being irreversible
Edit: I didn't realize how much I was writing
gender neutral term for partner in marrige is spouse btw
Vid: do you experience dysphoria?
Me: hmm idk
Also me: sitting on my bed in a (DIY) binder that I wore bc I didn’t like my chest 😑
I'm sure I'm trans (ftm) but I keep thinking it over and over again, when I'm around others I dont like to talk about my gender becaus of what others think but I really do want to be seen as a boy
dont mind me venting. im afab
1. I dont mind she/her but it feels so good when someone refers to me as they/them. I dont really mind he/him either but I prefer she/they. I love when someone calls me girl and im not sure about boy/enby bc no one ever referred to me like that
2. i can it was pretty easy tbh
3. when i was like 6 I was kinda questioning my gender bc I loved playing football with my brother so I thought I must be boy but I didn't really feel like one so idk. when I was like 11 I wished to be a male bc they have easier life but at that time I was also obsessed with being pregnant (idek why) so thats confusing lmao.
4. no I dont i just felt a bit weird when I went to buy bras with my mom for the first time idk if it counts so maybe. id also like to be shorter but that probably doesn't count. bit other than that im perfectly comfortable with my body as it is
5. I don't know. I feel like I could relate to everyone.
tbh I kinda feel like I could be agender because if something happened and I would become man I would probably just carry on with my life but i love being a girl and wearing make up and dresses and everything (not that other genders can't wear make up and dresses). or maybe im just confused girl/demigirl. gender is social construct anyways im just gonna vibe. thanks for video :)
I love how calm you're talking
before the video: i think i’m trans ftm i’ll update
update i realized i was non binary
Any advice in regards to figuring out if it's body dysmorphia or gender dysphoria?
Thanks a lot I’ve been debating if I want it to be transfer a while and I hate being called she her this woman wife girlfriend lady but I don’t actually mind being called any male or non-bnary pronouns So thanks a lot
I still don’t know! 😭. As of now, I identify as a cis gay male! Please don’t send me hate for this.
1. Pronouns: for myself, I don’t mind being call he/him or she/her. When I wear weave , dress, acrylic nails, etc... I just don’t mind it at all. 😭 I know, I’m confusing!
2. I can myself being a male and a female! I’m sorry to confuse anyone or not making sense. I find myself wishing I was a woman! But at times, I’m happy with what I have.
3. Honestly, I do! But I think if I was born a female it would be so much easy to be myself! I know that’s not a valid reason, but that’s how I feel.
4. I wouldn’t mind bottom surgery. 🤷🏽♂️😒. I’m sorry, I’m all over the place.
5. Please give me time to answer This one
All of these are valid. I know many people who use she/her and he/him pronouns together and that's ok! Sometimes gender and pronouns are more complicated than just male and female.
i’m questioning if i’m gender fluid or non binary or trans 😭
I was assigned female at birth and ever since I was like 8. I always always thought what life would be like to be boy. I would imagine what it be like to be them in a boys body. I still do, which has left me panicking because what if i’m trans. My whole family is transphobic and coming out as pansexual was already traumatic for me.
I believe I’m a cis girl , I feel and like being one, but with so many ppl even if it’s online , or in school , just talking about this it make me curious, I feel like a girl and like being one but ppl make me question myself so much sometimes , I like being called she/her and treated like a girl, but I’m really curious since recently a friend of my cousin of mine came out as gender fluid and good for them, they r using the name “Sophia” I think, and a few days later I had a dream where I was in the hospital saying what I like about being a girly girl while getting a chest cirugía, which had me thinking , “I like being a girl, yet that dream scared me bc I don’t feel like a guy at all” and now I think I’m a cis girl full of curiosity who doesn’t know what to believe , I talked with my family and all they said is “as long as ur happy” but I still feel like a girl I’m just feeling a bit curious from how many ppl around me r now under the trans umbrella and how I’m not, so right know I’m trying to make sure I’m actually happy, I still feel happy as a girl but having that dream sure stressed/scared me-
In the “try picturing ur self” I imagined myself in a more curly and fluffier long hair with bows and wearing a pretty dress , I imagined my self as a princess and it made me happy, and since y said the “cis ppl can also question themselves” I felt more at peace bc I’m really curious but also happy as a girl
Just found your video, and I must say you are very well spoken. I, unfortunately was born in 1966, long before any of this was even talked about. No internet. Only research I could do was at our small public library. I never questioned. I have always known I was a boy. Since I was raised in a very strict Christian home, I didn't even know the difference in gender, as far as anatomy goes, until I was 7. Hence the reason I couldn't understand why my mom would continue to tell me I wasn't a boy, when I demanded that I was. Being raised in a family of preachers, a small town, and in the bible belt, there was really no way to seek out resources at that time. So instead, I came out as lesbian in 83, my senior yr. And set this town on it's axis! We ended up having to move due to all the backlash and attacks on me. It was all good. Except that my parents became more determined to make me normal. I ended eventually, getting married, having 2 kids. I'll be honest. The only time I ever felt gay was when I had to sleep with my husband. After having kids, I had to put my life on hold. They needed a mother, not another father. Divorced after 5 yrs. But they still needed a mom. Now they are grown. But, I am now old. 55.
Funny, I have always had a deep voice. I get called sir everywhere I go. Luckily I was born small chested, but I still want them gone! Is it too late for me to at least have top surgery and start on T? Or should I just reside myself to living the way I have been my entire life?
It's never too late! Check out Finn the Infinncible on CZcams, he transitioned later and has great advice.
I think I’m trans (afab) and have thought so for a while, but I’m sometimes worried that I’m wrong and I’m not actually trans. I’ve known I was trans since a VERY young age, and kept thinking that, but there were things that influenced my feelings. For example I didnt know being gay was a thing, so I thiught of I liked a girl I was trans. I kept thinking I was trans tho for other reasons. Now here I am thinking I’m trans and thinking that with like more knowledge for like maybe at least a year, but I’m still unsure. And I dont think there are reasons for me to be unsure I just tend to overthink things. I wish I could just know. Any tips for not overthinking gender?
Edit: also I would kinda be really upset if I do just end up being cis tbh, because I spent like so much time questioning my gender, hating the fact that I’m trans, struggling to come out for literal years, and like other stuff, and it would really suck if I end up being like just cis after going through all that. It would feel like I went through it all for nothing.
I've been so proud of labeling myself as a lesbian in the past. Now I'm questioning if I'm ftm (still confused) and it feels like I'm lying to myself. I feel like I'm lying because I was confident in the label 'lesbian' and now I feel like a liar and a cheat. I feel like that might be stopping me from considering my identity more, I'm scared that if I'm trans I'll have to change a label I only just got comfortable in (lesbian in this case) and it feels like I'm lying :( I sometimes think that I only tolerate being seen as a girl because of me saying I'm a lesbian and people congratulating me and making me feel more comfortable in the label. I don't feel like a girl but I'm scared to acknowledge more deeply. I'm scared for others to realise.
I'm sorry this was a messy vent
I've seen people sya that mental health can affect this. I'm depressed and suicidal so I can hardly even picture myself in the future, and I want to know if that affects anything
I feel comfortable with alll of it but I also feel sad I’m really confused I’m ok with she but I feel better with they and he sometimes but not all the time
I don’t understand what you mean by the last question but all of the others I say yes to ( tens man)
I don’t know if I’m ftm and I’m going to gender therapy, but is it bad for not wanting facial hair and to be more of a pretty boy? I was also a really girly girl as a child but now I’m more gender neutral.