Gen Alpha Is Never Told "No"
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- A family and lifestyle content creator celebrated her oldest daughter’s 11th birthday and allowed her younger kids to blow out the candles too. This video sparked an online discussion about the downfalls of gentle parenting. Let’s get into it.
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Not your birthday, not your candles. Simple.
"you get to blow out candles on your birthday" 🤯
Fr
They're not even taught to wait til their birthday. Deferred gratification is alien to them. Spoilt rotten.
Frfrfr. Whatever that means. I see all you Kewl Kidz using it everywhere all the time, so I figured my old ass can use it to.
Fr.
@@vincedibona4687 … it means for real..
My nephew who's age 7 said "you're being mean" and I said "yeah it's because you're being annoying" and he looked at me with this incredulous face. It was as if he'd never experienced push back in his life. Wild.
yeah on a couples holiday i was alone with my friends kid and he was having a tantrum trowing things on the floor for reasons i allready forgot but i stood ground and said you made the mess you can clean it up, he was stunned but finally cleaned it up
Gosh
Omg the same thing is happening with the 5 year olds im working with this summer, especially these two in particular. There’s this one who is clearly an iPad kid, who claims to have a cell phone at home, and admits that his parents allow him on TikTok. That kid is very inappropriate for his age, even saying and doing stuff that is *actually* inappropriate and not just “kid inappropriate”, I’m genuinely shocked that he’s still allowed to attend this *private Christian* school. He said the other day that I was being mean to him when I was telling him no and to follow directions. He also makes annoying faces when we the adults tell him to do something even as simple as cleaning up his spot or to line up. The adults in charge of the summer day camp have told his parents what happened, but nothing seems to be improving. It’s like he’s never told no or the parents don’t do their job in parenting the kid. This kid resorts to physical violence too. He hits other kids, shoves another kid down to the ground often (these two get in fights a lot however), and recently he even got mad when he dropped a ball, another kid picked it up to put away during clean up, he ran up to her and started GRABBING HER SHIRT. Not only do I fear *for* him, I’m afraid *of* him sometimes.
Imma use this
@@marcelsgroot I had to do this with a child in a parent-child class. The parent was just ignoring the fact that the child was running around, dumping all of the supplies for the projects we were making on the floor. She dumped an entire tray of sand and seashells on the floor, and I just sat there, holding her, until she cleaned it up. Once she started cleaning it, I helped her. Her dad just observed the entire time. Thankfully, he didn't step in and get mad at me, and hopefully he saw that she didn't have to act like this. She wasn't mad at me. In fact, ever since that moment, she was affectionate and so loving to me. KIDS NEED BOUNDARIES TO FEEL SAFE!!
"My first time being a mom"
You have 4 kids, lady!
I feel like that's part of the problem. I come from an area with large families, and even the parents who LOVE being parents (like dedicate their whole lives to their children) often struggle to adequately manage that many children. It's one of those quiet parts that needs to be said out loud. Having more children than you can reasonably manage is NOT a flex. It deprives you of the time and energy needed to adequately address problems such as this. The thing with social media influencers is that they never put that information online for all to see. They only show you the glamorous parts of life with 4+ kids. They don't show you the part where they don't have the emotional headspace to deal with conflicts and behavior issues that can arise with that many children, even in the best of circumstances. Half the time, these parents don't even have time or energy to fix a meal for the family at the end of the day. It's all they can do to keep everyone's schedules on track. THAT'S the reality of life with 4+ kids, and while some people can manage it just fine, it's not for everyone. It's great that this mother was putting so much effort into making homemade decorations and trying to make the birthday special, but maybe that time and energy would have been better spent teaching the younger kids about the importance of celebrating their sibling's special day and waiting for their own instead of just expecting the older sibling to be understanding and empathetic about sharing their birthday.
And she first was 11 years ago.
@@fairywingsonroses older kids take over managing the younger ones. Obviously. As long as you raised the first two right ur all good
@@briancoward6531 that is NOT healthy for the older children. They shouldn't take on responsibility like that, no matter how minor. Unless it's something like babysitting when the parents aren't home when they're older, this shouldn't be happening. It is NOT a kid's job to take care of their siblings, especially before they're an adult.
Edit: Okay, so a lot of people are misunderstanding my comment. I am not saying that kids cannot HELP take care of siblings and take on some of the responsibility in small things like that. What I AM saying, is that kids should not have to RAISE their siblings, like it seems to me the comment I originally replied to was implying. Like I said, they can help babysit and stuff, but I should have rephrased better. They absolutely CAN do small things, but once again, they should not be raising them.
Her oldest is 11. That's 11 years experience.
My husband wanted to relight our 13 year old daughters candles for our 3 year old daughter to blow out because 3 year old was having a tantrum. I shut that down hard ASAP
Are you selling your kids?
Huh. This birthday candle thing is strange, because on my birthdays I blow out the candle first, and then my brother gets a chance to blow it. I’m not actually that bothered about it. I mean, I might want to be the one to blow it out last but otherwise it’s just a “whatever” thing. 🤔
@@pikasisy_oi5530it’s not right, it about teaching kids not every celebration is about them and to learn to find joy and celebrating others not themselves
Thank you for having a brain.
💯
My dad always said when asked by my grandma why he says no a lot: “I don’t negotiate with terrorists”. Children are definitely that😂
My dad said the same thing to me and my siblings lmaoo
I may have said that a few hundred times in the last 37 years. 😂😂😂😂
my teacher loved to say "I don’t negotiate with students or terrorists" 😂
Lmao, I very very jokingly say that to my 9 month old. She has learned that she can throw toys out of her car seat and then gives a very fake cry, no tears are shed.
I have a 2 year old. I say that ALL THE TIME 😂😂
I literally dispise parents like this. I've actually seen adult guests at a birthday party ask the parent of the birthday child if they could relight the candles so their random, non-birthday having child can blow out the candles. I hate people like this. Just tell your kid NO and keep it moving
That is bizarre. What is even the point? When I was a kid, all we cared about was eating the cake.
People like that should not have kids. they are neither smart nor mature enough.
Every kid has one birthday per year. they don´t need one everytime another one has one. How is that strange??
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5to nah fr bro
Yep , my husband & his siblings are millennials & their mom would do stuff like this . Everyone got equal treatment even on their birthday . They would all get a little gift too when it wasn’t their birthdays . Fast forward to their 30’s , they all think they’re entitled . Especially the oldest 🙄
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5to They're trying to steal the birthday wish! Evil lurks here!
And that’s the exact issue. Not the iPads, not the candy, not the skincare. The real issue is the lack of the word….
NO.
or in other words : the problem is the parent.
Why does Brett always defend the older generation All the time.
@@JLWprime10found the gen alpha
Who do you want her to defend? 🤔 @@JLWprime10
@@JLWprime10 More like doesn't really talk about them. The current gens are the ones in the focal point.
"No" is not abuse or trauma. Patience is a virtue. Consequences are a part of life. They have to learn that early and at home. My kids get told no all the time 😅
To be honest letting everyone blow out your candles instead of you is more traumatic by a parent
I am a 24-year-old woman and I vividly remember my younger brother blowing my candles out on my seventh birthday. No, my parents didn’t allow him to do that, he just has middle child syndrome. I remember running to my room crying, I was so hurt. Thankfully, my parents are awesome and my dad dealt with him. I’m happy to report my brother learned to never to do that again✨
What's middle-child syndrome??
@@gamergirl33193 words.....
@@gamergirl33193I think that's just them saying he was a middle child and middle children are stereotypically not cared for as much at the other siblings
@@gamergirl33193it’s just an expression used to refer to children who feel like their parents give more attention to their siblings than them. Because of this they tend to try to find ways to get their parents’ attention whether it’s positive or negative attention. It’s called “middle child syndrome” because the joke is the middle child is always the forgotten one. lol!
@@gamergirl33193that’s not middle child syndrome at all. Middle children are typically the less catered to, less prioritized ones. Spoken as a middle child married to a fellow middle child
“No, it’s not your birthday, sweetie. Let’s celebrate your brother today. Watch how happy he is!” ❤️
I’m a mom of three kids. They should be able to be excited for other people, especially their siblings.
Yep
Prevents competition and jealousy which I have seen in families til people die. It’s crazy.
I have taught my kids to enjoy other people's happiness!
Not being able to say "no" can lead to entitlement and lack of discipline, which can make it harder for these children to interact effectively in society as they grow older.
Yup. Anyone with a brain knows that. A person doesn't need to think that far to see that will inevitable outcome The problem is that common sense isn't common, and everyone is too sensitive.
"...can make it harder for these children to interact effectively in society...." That's true but it also makes it harder for the people who encounter them and have to deal with them as well.
Also, being able to say “no” with proper explanations and being kind and understanding will teach children boundaries.
Children will learn to respect their parents’ boundaries, and they will also learn to assert theirs, be able to defend themselves.
Weak parents can be just as bad as abusive parents.
Yep. I was told No as a kid, and I was also constantly told that the world does not revolve around me, I am not entitled to anything.
It makes them narcissistic selfish adults and incapable of being kind loving partners and good parents themselves
This happened at my nephew’s 9th birthday, his 3 year old sister was so sad she couldn’t blow the candles, we all said no, she listened but she was still a bit sad, but my nephew INSISTED in blowing the candles with her, it was his choice and they were both super happy. He’s the sweetest boy and I’m so proud of him.
I think this is a point that is overlooked too! When parents are ultra-permissive, they take away opportunities for their kids to be kind themselves. Right here is the perfect example of that! I see the same thing with my niece. When her parents tell her brother "no, leave your sister alone she is trying to play with that toy," it gives her the chance (if she wants to) to say "it's okay, I want to share it with him."
I love that story, it really highlights what’s wrong with this one. Sharing can be wonderful, but when something is taken away from you against your will it’s not sharing anymore
@@Merrowsteel
Yes!! I noticed that too, ultra permissive parents hurt their kids in so many ways
Aww, I like that! You make such a good point here. And maybe this mom didn't realize this. I think the fact that she was in the comments saying what she did, she did see this as a learning opportunity
that's really sweet, he understood she was too young to know what was happening 😊
I use to do the bus route for VBS for my church. Those kids would get wild. One had spaghetti strap shirt and that’s against one of our dress codes. I told her no she can’t get on the bus and she started to throw a fit and wouldn’t go change. So I kicked her off. Next day she was back and gave me attitude again. She then gave me the middle finger. I told the driver to stop and take her back home. She started to cry but I said no. By the end of the week she hugs me and said I’m her favorite person and loves me. Kids need and want discipline. Please say no to kids. They will live and become better people.
"Kids need and want discipline" is SUCH an important line here! I taught elementary school for 3 years and I was a firm teacher. My principals put the poorest behaved kids in my class because I could handle them. And by the end they loved being there because there was structure and discipline and the rules made sense. People think they are helping their kids and making them happy, but it's actually structure and routine that makes kids happy!
Yes! My dad said once that kids need to know they can trust their parents, both for good things ("We'll go to the park tomorrow") and unpleasant things ("Obey me or you will get a spanking"). Without that trust, they will later hate their parents.
I’m a teacher and you are so spot on about them wanting discipline !
Oh yes! I’ve nannied 15 different children, babysat dozens of kids, and served in children’s ministries since I was old enough to - I’m always firm and keep my standards no matter who it is and they all love me and know I love them. (I’m a tough cookie!)
@@Merrowsteel exactly! And they grow up to be (hopefully) good respectable adults
recently, our 2 year old got really jealous when we were celebrating our 6 year old's birthday. I felt really bad because you could see in her eyes that she didn't understand why her sister was having such a special day and her feelings were genuinely hurt. But, I just told her that she'll have a birthday too. Kids need to learn these type of lessons when they're young.
I have friends who have children like this mess with peoples phones when they’re over and hide peoples keys, and mess with peoples cars! I told my friends if your kids mess with my stuff, you are the one that’s going to pay and it won’t be pretty! At a party at my house 10-year-old went in my bedroom went through my dresser and got her hand caught in a mouse trap! Lol parents were upset. I told him get the hell out of my house don’t ever come back.
My mother gave me a memorable piece of advice before I started school: if the teacher reports that I've been rude or talked back, there will be consequences at home. She even told my teacher to feel free to discipline me when necessary. Because of this, I always behaved well and became one of the teachers' favorites. Growing up in a household where respect was highly valued, I understood early on that my actions have consequences.
I think this approach is missing from parenting these days. Poor teachers can't say anything to the kids without facing backlash from parents. Naturally, their kids will grow up feeling entitled.
That's the way it used to be for all children. If you get in trouble at school it will be double that when you get home. Guess what, good classroom discipline at school and no school shootings even though high school boys carried rifle racks mounted to the back windows of their pickups during hunting season. What do you supposed has changed ?
It was the same for me too
This is so, so important to instilling respect
The late great Jerry Clower once said, "When I was a boy growin' up, if you did bad at school, you got a whoopin'. And if you got a whoopin' at school, you got one when you got home."
I was born in 1972, and adult neighbors were free to discipline any of the neighborhood kids who misbehaved in their presence. It rarely happened, but when it did, it was called for, and it was done with the approval of the kids' parents. I never got a swat on the butt from any of the neighbors, but I never saw anyone who did who wasn't asking for it, either - usually by doing or attempting something destructive, dangerous, or just plain mean in front of one of the grownups.
Entitled people make up 1% of the population, but 20% of business leaders according to studies. It’s a good thing because it makes it more likely you’ll succeed. If you’re ok with not getting what you want, you become complacent and don’t strive to get promotions and raises as much as others because you’re ok with no having everything you want like the leaders of the company do.
As a seasoned mom I would like to share this: My, then, 4 yo wanted to blow out the candles on my 11yo birthday(seems to be a common desire), the answer was no and he got himself together to be happy for his brother. Then afterwords the older lit the candles again and asked his little brother to blow it out in the kindest act of brotherly love. A “no” from us gave an opportunity for generosity in my older kid, my younger was so super grateful! Saying “no” kindly is an art that takes skill. I hope to encourage the young moms to try it, it is so worth it!
Literally just a small explanation helps kids, they need logic; no its your siblings birthday, they get to make a wish right, like u do on your birthday
true. too much "me time" or "its my moment" nowadays. sharing your moment with siblings are very memorable, too. the bday girl blew the candles first. sorry we always do it all the time, too, with my family hahaha but of course bday girl/boy first. it's the feeling of the bday person sharing the moment and everybody is happy.
I had watched an entitled people story where a young boy had his baby sister highjack his birthday for 8 years and ruined it every year by celebrating their daughter instead on his birthday. Its so sad.
Think I Heard That Story (R/slash)
Sometimes I wish it was legal to backhand adults for bad parenting.
Oh man that is very sad
I think I also heard that story plus a similar one today but with a boy's birthday always getting ruined by his parents enabling his brother to act like a brat because of autism
@user-rb2cs8ur6r I saw that one too!
I gentle parented for 4 years. I have two boys. With my first it worked out decently, but he is compliant or as people would call an easy child. It was easier to convince him to listen. When he turned 5 though he started yelling no at us. No matter what tactics we used, once he decided he didn't want to there was no amount of reasoning or stickers on the chart that could convince him. The second became soooo tough. He was violent, rude, screaming at us, saying no for anything and everything, getting nasty with kids on the play ground, people would come up and say hi to him and he would say "don't talk to me"...hes 3. I was losing my mind, I wasn't enjoying going out anymore because the convincing my toddlers to listen wasn't working anymore. My husband and I read so many books and videos. We tried so many tactics! We were so exhausted. In the world of gentle parenting you are taught to build a loving relationship with your children so that they will want to listen instead of being punished into listening, set boundaries and if they cross them you either set it up to convince them to listen or physically remove them (what happens when they are too big to pick them up was always in the back of my mind!), teach them empathy (sounds great until you try to convince a 2 year old that hitting hurts) my last one didn't care lol he would look at me and say no or try to hit again. So while all of this sounds so amazing and you can totally add this into regular parenting as they get old enough to understand..convincing, sticker charts and physically removing the child is not that great in the long run. Because there will come a day when none of those things will work. It did for me. And it was exhausting. Don't forget the gentle parenting police that will comment "you are doing it wrong" "I never had to punish my child and we have a great relationship" that makes you feel sooo guilty or that it is all your fault and maybe you aren't doing enough for your kids or playing with them enough or not loving them the way they need it. Those were tough times and I can see how my children would have been a nightmare for teachers if we wouldn't have pulled our heads out of our asses.
May I suggest the slipper technique, remove slipper, raise slipper, whoop the child with the slipper, return slipper to foot. Highly effective.
What did you do that finally worked?
I appreciate your honesty.
More parents like YOU should speak out on it so hopefully other parents don't have to go through what you did. Or who are going through it don't also feel guilty.
There will ALWAYS be people to judge other parents though. There is NO ONE who won't be judged. By other parents, even people who don't have children, other children, etc!
That's why I don't understand why ANYONE would want to film their children and post it. That alone is judged heavily even if it is a happy positive video.
Too many parents never learned why they were told no, they just decided they wouldn't be 'mean' like their parents were.
I think this is a really underrated take. People need reasons or a moral compass to make important stuff work out long term.
Thisss
I once had to call a group of Gen Alpha Sephora kids brats because they spilled a whole cup of coca-cola on a carpet, stared at it, then continued gossiping with each other without a second thought. I was left in charge so when I asked a couple to go get paper towels I had one. ONE kid go and get some. The rest sneered at me and said I’m not the boss of them. I called them spoiled brats and went and got the towels myself, they were absolutely aghast that I would dare call their petty little self brats. The adult then returned and they went and complained to her over how I was “so mean” and “called them brats for no reason” the adult laughed and gave me a high five once the kids left 😂
Did the adult at least help you clean up?! That's why I raise my small kids to always clean up their messes no matter where they're at
Why did the adult not back you up in front of the kids? They will go home thinking you were in the wrong, not them.
Need more context because at the moment the adult failed.
@@jessicaclark7130and the good educated children will potentially question themselves about why there are differences in education
@@TheWolfalpino I don’t understand your point about education
This is why I have been consistently strait forward with the boundaries in my home. “No” is a staple in my home. When asked “why” I ask back “what do you think will happen if I said yes? Tell me the scenario.” The wheels turn, I get the answer to why I said “no”, and I hear back “mom….that makes sense…” and we are done. We don’t live by feelings, we live by what’s right, healthy morals, boundaries, and good old discipline. One and done in this house lol Results are 👍👍
@@LaylalovesUnicorns-rp9iethis also allows kids to freely explore ideas and knowing they can ask questions
That's really smart. I'm going to steal this idea.
I appreciate that you don’t just say “because I said so,” and help your kids understand the why behind the no. I believe we need to treat our kids like their thoughts and opinions matter even if they’re definitely not getting their way. These kids will grow up thinking through their choices not just being “yes” people.
@LaylalovesUnicorns-rp9ie I agree with you. I'm all for stern discipline but I also think it's a requirement to thoroughly explain why.
"It's my first time being a mom". She's been doing it for 11 years. Other than school, the handful of things I've done that long have all become ways of life for me. There was plenty of time for her to figure things out.
Every mom is being a mom for the first time, forever. Someone who uses this as an excuse is also not teaching their kids critical thinking skills.
If she’s been doing that for 11 years it’s called a habit.
So....she makes excuses.
We had to stop having birthday cake with extended family because another mom would let her kids blow out my kids’ candles.
My Granddaughters who turned 3 had her candles blown out by her 8 year old cousin I was so upset and her family played it off as she was trying to help no she straight up blew out her candles and the face my granddaughter made broke my heart but when I tried to relight the candles they pulled them out of the cake I dropped it because I didn’t want to ruin her party
My ex would play board games with his girls....with no rules for them. When they started playing with friends it caused BIG problems as their friends saw it as cheating. The girls were lost.they had no idea how the real world worked. One of the girls is now a 40 year old "man".
5 years ago, I worked at a daycare and we were told to never tell a child “no”. It creates a negative space for the child and will make them feel sad. It also doesn’t tell them a clear direction. Ex. Instead of saying “No running” you tell them “Walking feet”. Pretty much positive redirection. Now as a mom, I see how negatively it impacts a child to never tell them no. My kids will hear me tell them “no” quite often and they are still very happy, obedient children. I am also very firm with them and explain to them “these are the rules” or “this is the boundary”
Exactly why I dropped out the first semester of going into childcare! It's a train wreck just waiting to happen; and here we are going off the rails!
It’s doublespeak and toxic positivity
That is how I used to talk to my children. I believed that saying no was negative. Well, by the time I had a 5 year old he was yelling no at me and refusing to listen. My at the time 2 year old learned even more quick and was much worse. It was a night mare when I look back at it!
@@elsamartin8165 did you ever end up correcting that behavior? If so, how was the process, if you don't mind me asking.
Childcares who have that rule are being run by people with minimal education and intelligence. The more educated ece educators don't ascribe to that at all because we actually understand child development.
Kids are gunna end up like Cartman where they have to open their own gifts at other people’s birthday parties 😂
Stopppppp his mom would be a gentle parenting influencer
@@daniellelendino8003 "Eric Cartman hit his friend so I tell him he is naughty and he can now go back to playing"
@@user-lz7gn9gt7b FR ONG (I roleplay w as Cartman and my friend is the mom and this is exactly what we do)
czcams.com/users/shortsw8XtEd-CpzQ
Respect my author- ity
My little sister did that everytime it was MY birthday!!! she would start crying until she got what she wanted which was not only blow MY candles but she had to have birthday presents too even if it was not her birthday!!! that was more than 50 years ago!!!
When my oldest child was in 4K, the teacher explained to me that they now understood that saying "no" was negative reinforcement and should be avoided. It was better to offer my child an alternative to the undesirable behavior or object rather than saying no. I disagreed saying, "But how will my child face life? Life says no often." I told my kids no. They weren't allowed to throw tantrums. They were free to express disappointment other ways. And my kids are required to work to buy their first car and work to pay for college. First 2 years are free at our community College or they can work for scholarships.
Yes, my mother has done this to me as well, she gave gifts to my brother on my birthday so they would not have felt "left out". Often, their gifts were better than mine. We do not talk now!!
Good for you! More forward, make and keep the best friends you can. Create your own life.
I am so sorry for that. ❤ love your self girl ( or boy idk)
My sister always did that on my kids birthday. I told her to knock it off. It was the one child special day only. She did
That's actually insane. Like each child has their own birthday, and on that day it's their day. Other children shouldn't be getting birthday treatment when it's not their birthday
That makes absolutely not fucking sense. Including others so they don't make them feel left out on YOUR birthday is diabolical😭
I was working in a child care center a few years ago. The training we received on disciplining the children literally told us that we cannot say no to the students. I was working with 3 year olds. Needless to say, I did not apply that in my classroom.
Good
Yes! Sounds like the place I worked! We weren’t allowed to use the word no or time out or anything. We could ask them if they wanted to sit in the quiet cube but that was it. We couldn’t even say “no running!” Or “don’t do xyz”. If behavior was so bad we had to call the office, they were given a hug and a walk to the aquarium.
They called it redirecting where i worked without trying to say no.💀
Same, i was called out for being too strict when i was just calmy explaining to a kid why she was wrong
As a parent of 2 under 2, watching my kids grow up is wild because HOW can parents NOT say no? I tell my 20 month old "sorry kiddo you can't have another cookie" and he throws a whole tantrum but you have to redirect. I didn't realize how many people don't understand that concept. "No we can't do that but we can do this."
With that too, we had to cut screen time almost completely out because he would get so angry and irritable.
Unfortunately I see a lot of parents that wany kids but don't want to parent them. It's scary.
This is ACTUAL gentle parenting. Setting a boundary and sticking to it while offering options that are available. Great job.
I really struggled with setting boundaries at the very first. But then I realised that if you are consistent with boundaries, your kid lives in a world where some things are off limits. If you don't, they live in a world where they think anything could just be snatched from them at any moment and that must ne frustrating.
@@carolynserra3195 100%!
Under 2 and “screen time” shouldn’t be a thing.
that triggered a core memory and gen trauma @@tweedledee450
I work at a daycare and 75% of the parents are like this.
We have 4- and 5-year-old pre-K kids whose parents have CARRIED THEM TO CLASS all year.
We have parents who scream at the director when field trip plans are changed DUE TO WEATHER because they (the parents) “did not sign a permission slip for that new location so this is fraud and a breach of contract”.
My mom raised me and all my siblings with a wooden spoon with each of our names on, we went through afew of those a year. She was a pre school teacher for 30 years and looking in from the outside you would have thought that the children must have hated her because she was so strict but the children loved her the most of all the teachers because she was so engaged and heavily invested in their lives at school. Give praise where its due, disipline consistently and firmly . My mom is #1 mom & #1 teacher and everyone who knows here will agree, especially #1 teacher. People were begging her not to retire even though she can hardy walk anymore. They knew there would never be another Teacher Gaby again. Love you Mom!!!!!
When I started having kids (9 years ago) I read in numerous articles to try not to say the word no. Use creative ways to tell the kid no without actually saying no. It took me till my daughter started to walk before I learned that was a load of crap. Not only do I say no, but I've added "absolutely not" and they know the look I give that says "don't make me tell you to stop" and they freeze.
Im of the firm opinion that a mother unable to strike the fear of God in their children is no mother at all.
@@Ben-zr4ho I'm in the middle. I don't want my kids to fear me, but they do respect me. My kids come to me when they make mistakes because they know I'm not going to flip off the handle. But I do have them face consequences. But I understand why parents stopped saying no. So many people telling us that it was not good for their growth. Luckily I have a bs radar, but so many people don't.
I remember seeing the same advice when I started being a mom. At that point there was a heavy push for gentle parenting. I tried it for a bit and realized it was ineffective for my child. I don’t see the same push anymore.
It's so true! I would like to read a good parenting book, but I have no idea where I could find one in this insane world
@@friedawells6860 depending on the ages, I've liked the "how to talk to your kids" books. And "parenting with love and logic" I've heard great things about. I think every book you'll have to take some things, leave others.
as a young teenager, I have experienced REAL trauma. I experienced SA and had to go through a lot of therapy and go to police stations because of what happened. my parents discipline me properly and I am better for it, and they have helped me through everything. these kids will not be traumatized if their parents say no.
Someone once told me being made to stand in the corner for punishment as a child traumatized them and gave them ptsd
I feel you. I was born in the 80s and was beaten pretty bad, actually still have the physical scars. It was traumatizing HOWEVER it did teach me how to process negative emotions and experiences. I am better off for it honestly.
Honestly getting beat as a child is just as good as it is bad
@@Nil-tz6gy I also had to sit in a corner when I did something. Never did said action after that and no, it was not traumatic.
I’m sorry what you went through. I did too. But this LACK of parenting leads to adults who won’t accept no for an answer… including from women (or men, whatever the orientation). This is not just about candles!! Edit… I misread your intent. I fully agree!!
What in the world?!? I’ve been accused of letting my daughter get away with stuff but there is no way in hell I would let her ever do that. You just say “hey, that’s not your cake. You’ll get to do it at your birthday party” and move on. It’s 2 seconds. Let the kid blow out her candles and yank those suckers off the cake right after and move on and once they’re eating cake they’ll forget about it. Good grief that was crazy.
My first thought was to warn them that if they blow out their sibling's candles on their birthday, that sibling gets to blow out THEIR candle on their birthday. Maybe remind them about it when the day comes around, too.
Obviously not the first time if I foil that, but on the second or third, or if they actually do manage to snipe it.
@@JonathanScarlet right??? I understand the first kid bc maybe you didn’t catch them fast enough… but after that you make SURE the birthday girl gets to blowout the candles and say “it’s not your birthday” and like I said, take those candles off and give them cake and they’ll forget it in 2 seconds. That was ridiculous. I’m sure she was just trying to make everyone happy but that poor birthday girl…
I was blessed with wonderful parents and loving grandmother. Once of the best lessons my mother ever taught me occurred during my 5th birthday party. Two little girls have the exact same Barbie (I still remember which one and her outfit) before anyone could say anything derogatory about the same gift, my mother said, “how lucky you are! You have twin sisters!” That simple comment not only made the gift givers feel better but also instructed me in how to view presents. Mind you, around the same age my father warned me not to be disappointed because an elderly friend of the family only gave homemade gifts. Even at 5 i was confused because that woman could make literally anything by hand. She used to tat lace outfits on plastic baby dolls less than two centimeters long. She’d make bloomers, a frilly dress, an apron, socks and shoes, and a big bonnet. All on a doll less than the length of a child pinky finger. Thanks to her, my Victorian doll house had no family planning 😂. I still have almost everything she made, although a few baby dolls were abducted by the cat. She liked the sound of them bouncing off the walls, even my parents were a little disturbed at the picture it made… great cat though, despite her homicidal tendencies.
This is my best friend. She waited util she was 37 to have her first child and that child runs the house. She can do no wrong and mom cannot tell her no. I feel sorry for the child. She will have a lot of hard life lessons in the future.
I'm 28 and I was this child. Always in trouble, never disciplined, bought everything I ever wanted. Now, even though I logically know that consequences exist, the threat of them doesn't seem to sink in and it's a lesson that I've still not fully learned as there have only just began to be consequences to my actions in the last few years. I'm so underdeveloped in so many ways. It sucks. Would not recommend.
My Dad was the disciplinary parent in the home. He would give us that look and we would stop in our tracks. We knew that if we didn't, he would whoop our asses. I am soo grateful for that. Thanks Dad! ❤
My Dad was the same (Silent Generation raising me as a Gen X). I am now a grand parent. Didn't do the beating thing. But sure learned that look and how to discipline kids in other ways that worked well.
My 19 month old understands the word no, she doesn’t like it obviously, but she is getting used to it. She’s very good at listening because I’m putting in the work. I have to listen to tantrums and handle the screaming, but it’s WORTH IT. She’s already calming down faster and responding to praise when she listens and does the right thing. Not teaching them no is the worse thing you can do.
See, that's what some parents don't understand. Giving in to the tantrums or the crying is not fixing the behavior, it's reinforcing it. You're telling your child, "I can cry and scream and not listen and I'll get my way", which means they're less and less likely to listen later on in life because you've already instilled in them the idea that they are the ones who get what they want, not you. They WILL get that new toy or game or whatever, or you as the parent are going to suffer.
I can't remember if I heard/saw this with dr. K or in a random comment, but I remember it being something along the lines of "You are an adult and they are just a kid. You have far more energy and patience than they do. You should be able to endure it long enough for them to get tired and give up." I mean, I get it, nobody likes to hear a child crying and screaming for minutes or potentially hours on end, especially when it's not something actually important like a would or hunger or changing a diaper. But if it's just saying no to a cookie or a toy or something, you'll live. You'll survive. And you both will be better people for it.
@@JonathanScarlet Exactly! Giving in teaches them that that is the right way to get what they want.
When I was a kid, my parents made it very clear that if I ever cry or throw tantrum in general but specially in front of others, no would become hell no and there was no way they would give me or do that thing I wanted. But if I wanted something and the answer was no and I stayed calm, there would be a chance that they would give me what I wanted or if I could calmly negotiate the reason and need for that thing I still had a chance of getting it. As a result, I never cried and now as an adult I'm airtight convincing when I want to be due to all those negotiations and reasonings I needed to come up with as a child
@@Nikki..... me too! When I tried the tantrums in public my mom dropped everything and made me go home. I learned real quick that was the wrong way to get what I wanted 😂
Sounds like you're doing your job. 👏Way to go!
My husband and I made a point early on to train our toddler son to respect boundaries. You are so right---it is hard work in the beginning that makes for smoother days down the road. One time we were visiting some neighbours, and he badly wanted to take one of their toys home. At this point, we had already done a lot of teaching with him to get him to understand what is his and what isn't, so when I said, "Buddy, I know you really like that car, but it's not yours. You have to leave it here," his struggle was momentary and barely externally visible. I was so proud of him 😊
Last week I was at an airport with my brother in law. while we waited for our flight he was yo-yo-ing. He’s actually really good can do all kinds of tricks so naturally he draws the attention of a 6-7 year old boy. This boy literally comes up, his parents nowhere in sight and tries to grab his yo-yo. My brother in law was caught off guard, he didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to hurt the boy’s feelings but he told him he needs to back up. The kid kept asking if he could try and my brother in law was telling him no and trying to let him down gently but the kid kept whining and trying to grab the yo-yo. So finally I stepped in and told the kid in a very stern voice, “no means no, go back to your parents”
I feel like that was the first time he was ever told no. We were just stunned at the fact that his parents were nowhere in sight and he was going up to random strangers like that.
That reminded me!
I volunteer at a nature center where we take care of injured or disabled animals. One of ours is a Red Tail Hawk is completely blind in one eye, so she gets very scared if anyone approaches her from the right side and will instinctively attack them with her claws. She's really well behaved, that's the only time she would attack someone because she doesn't know what's coming at her.
One time my grandmother and I were at a nature convention, and we brought the hawk with us. We had her sectioned off, a good distance from everyone but still in a place where she was both comfortable and safe.
As I'm talking to some people, I hear footsteps running behind me. I turn and see a boy (no more than 4 years old) running at the hawk from her right side, with his arm outstretched and trying to grab her.
Immediately the hawk jumps and and goes to claw the kids face, so I dove in front of the kid, putting my back to the hawk. Thankfully we were just out of reach, and one of her feet was harnessed to her perch, but that did not stop her attempts.
After she calmed down, I slowly moved the kid away and asked where his parents were. He guided me to the complete OPPOSITE side of the convention, and the mother was just sitting down talking.
I walked over and said "ma'am, your son was almost attacked right now."
She just waved me off, and didn't even respond.
I shrugged and returned to my hawk. Not 5 minutes later, the boy returned. So I stood in front of him and said "No. Leave now." He pouted and walked away
Eventually the mother and him returned again, and I told her how her son was almost seriously injured.
She just shrugged and didn't care at all
I am 34. When I was a kid, to say I was wild would be an understatement.
My mother, god rest her soul, tried everything she could to make me behave like a human and not an animal.
Nothing worked....until.
She finally had to resort to physical discipline and introduced me to the belt.
THANK YOU, MOM! If it wasn't for you going against the (dumb) norm and putting a stop to my madness, I would have been a horrible person now.
I am forever thankful that in her immense love for me, she went against her own heart and did what needed to be done. I am a better person for it.
No one can ever tell me certain kids don't need to be disciplined. Some don't, but some (like me) do.
I remember growing up. I have two cousins who are sisters. Every year the older sister also had to get presents on the younger sister's birthday. But not vise versa. I think this is what has let to a lot of the animosity between my two cousins.
As a Nanny from the late 80's through the teens, I told parents: If you don't tell them no now, the universe is going to do it for you.: Our children are floundering as they look for direction. As the adult that was often made the "bad guy". I'm here to tell you, they won't hate you for saying no. I NEVER raised a hand to them, but I did discipline them when needed. I also showered them in love. I encouraged them to be charitable first. Kindness doesn't cost you anything. Never act like you're the only person in the room, unless you're the only person in the room.
My brother did the same thing at my 13th birthday party too. Our parents yelled at him before taking away his GameCube. He never did it again.
You can be a kind and loving parent. But if you bend over backwards, you send a horrible message.
My brother did this too. I was disappointed, but my family chewed him out for it. Now I think it’s an interesting memory. 😂
My nephew did this at my daughter's first birthday. Took every bit of self control not to beat the living snot out of him. I let it go because we were singing and she couldn't blow the candkes herself yet. But I still fume about it. Needless to say he will be no where near the cake this year.
@@agonsfitness7308 First birthday!? 🙈
I am a teenager who is a gymnastics coach, and the things I see on a daily basis truly make me think of what is going to happen when these kids grow up into their teenage and adult years. I have a set of siblings (ages 9f and 10m) who you can tell never get told no, when I first started coaching them they tended to be very dismissive of what I was saying and they would do what they weren’t supposed to even after I told them no. It’s been a few week since these kids joined my class and even though I set firm boundaries they have told me multiple times that I am their favorite coach and they hate when I am gone. Kids won’t hate you if you say no, if anything they will like you more because kids need structure and discipline. The other thing I’ve found while coaching is the lack of respect the kids have not only for me but for other kids. A child ended up hitting and hurting a kid the other day and when the parent came to pick them up they acted as if it was my fault their child was in trouble. These parents need to realize it is not the coaches or teachers fault for getting them in trouble but rather their fault for not teaching the child what no means and how to be respectful.
I know a parent like that. Her son is antisocial, so she reported me for having standards.
I went to a Birthday Party once as a child, this moment I'll never forget. The place the party was at had a monorail train ride, all of us kids picked out a seat on the train, my brother who came along with me picked out a seat towards the front of the train so we could watch the engineer operate the ride. we sat down briefly to have a kid randomly come up to us throwing a tantrum because we took the seat he wanted. He wouldn't sit in the empty seat behind us or any other seat on that train, his mother dragged him away from the train and promised him he would ride it next time. 5 minutes the ride was over all of us kids got off the ride, the mom asked if we could all ride the train again and let her son sit in the seat my brother and I were in. All the kids didn't want to ride the train since we already went around. The kid threw an even bigger tantrum, he even started blaming my brother and I. Claiming we ruined it for him. Found out years later that same kid ended up in prison and had a long criminal record.
I work at Walmart, and one time some kids were playing around in the shampoo section while their mom was looking for something. One boy tossed a big bottle of something in the air, dropped it, and it busted. I didn't even say anything. I just went to get a roll of paper towels, so sure they were just going to run off and leave it there. Imagine my surprise when I came back with the paper towels and they were still there. The mom looks at me and says, "Give those to him. He's going to clean it up." She made him get on his hands and knees and clean every bit of that crap up. I could have hugged that woman!
A big thing I have noticed is that parenting is put on the back burner in exterior establishments like church and school.If I tell my children no and then someone comes behind you and says oh, it's fine and sneaks them a candy.They give them chocolate chip muffins everyday at scool.How am I supposed to be teaching healthy food boundaries.
Homeschool.
Stick to your boundaries and don't join the saboteurs of your sound rules.
Good point.
As a teacher I can say its more admin and behavior specialists who go against this. I LOVE parents with firm boundaries and expectations, we tend to make a good team. I am constantly working against the system to hold kids accountable, follow what seem to be common sense rules, and keep order in my classroom. The people above us do not like to see kids upset because it means more work for them so they override us at every turn. It is why wo many teachers are leaving.
You turn around and tell that person to shut-up and mind their own business. The word will quickly spread.
As a teacher I cannot believe how uninvolved parents are. I have 140 students and they never respond to calls or emails or show up to events like Meet The Teacher. I had only 10 parents total come to conferences. A lot of parents are also lawn mower parents and do not allow their children to face any kind of adversity or inconvenience whatsoever. The second anything becomes challenging, we need to move earth to accommodate them.
My teacher friend said the same thing. She calls those parents snowplow parents
Never heard the term lawnmower parents before
@@ExtinctionOfTruth Same. looked it up and it seems to be an even worse variant of a helicopter parent.
As a grand father that's so sad. When I was a parent I loved the times to go watch the kids perform, or to join the class to read a story, or share what types of work the Dads did.
What kind of urban hellhole employment center do you work for that you have 140 kids?!!! I've worked in multiple schools, urban, and rural, and I have NEVER heard of such monstrosity.
Let me be clear tho: I totally believe you, because the only ones worse than the parents are the goddamn administration
It drives me absolutely crazy how these kids are never told no. I have 4 kids ages 18 down to 3. My 7 year old has the biggest heart and always wants my toddler to blow out candles and I tell her I’m glad you want to be nice but this is your birthday! These are your candles and when it’s her birthday she gets her own candles. It’s ok to have something just for you. And don’t get my started on all the “gentle parenting”. There’s a correct way to “gentle parent” but the issue is they are just not parenting at all!
I was at my good friends' daughter's 4th birthday party recently.
One of her friends is autistic and is still learning boundaries. She got VERY upset when the birthday girl was about to blow out her candles, and literally screamed, "No, no, no stop iiiit!"
As a 4-year-old who knows it's HER party, I expected the birthday girl to get angry with her friend. She didn't. She just looked at her friend and said her name, in a confused "hey calm down" but not upset way.
Oh my gosh, I was proud of her for that. She's only 4 and already handling these situations with poise.
I watch 4 kids for a summer job everyday for 3.5 to 5 hours. Today was a hassle for some reason and though they normally can make it through the day without many complications the youngest two thought it would be ok to yell at me. The youngest yelled and screamed at me for putting away her towel (she was already dried off and dressed). I just looked her in the eyes and said “no you don’t get to yell at me. It’s not ok when I’m trying to help you”. She looked shocked and tried to yell again and I again just looked at her and said no. I’ve started to not respond to any of the kids if they are yelling at me and if they want me to get them a snack or something they now all know that in order to get it they have to have manners and say please. I have also started to have them put their plates in the sink after they eat lunch. They hated it and fought me a bit but now they all are much more polite and honestly way more fun
Props to you for handling it in a mature and responsible manner, things that most parents nowadays would never do
YES! Kids need boundaries and they will absolutely make them better people.
Its sad that you have to do this and the parents failed
dealing with a pack of wolves is never fun. a pack of well trained puppies is
I'm in highschool and my younger sister (who is Gen Alpha) has told me the horror stories from her grade. In 6th grade, kids are already vaping (in a small town, not some big city) and have bullied a whole family over the fact a sibling died. It's sickening and heartbreaking to see it evolve into this. Gen Z is not perfect, but I hope my generation can be more responsible (as these parents are both young Millennials/old Gen Zers) than what we've seen so far.
Because of incompetent parents. Kids turn out terrible because their parents allow it. Parents are 100% to blame if their kids are terrible and unlikable.
@Snifferuous
I'm 22,I grew up in gen z and was told no by my parents my whole life. And people still tell me no till this day no matter how annoying it is.
Over 30 years ago we saw the start of this madness. We had friends who said they would never tell their child "no". Their point was to support their child's self esteem. Guess how their kids turned out? Not well.
My wife's sister is exactly like this. She has an older kid, who is 6, and a middle kid who is now 5. The 5-year-old never heard the word "No", and never got bad consequences for going against what his parents are asking him. Seriously, they can tell him not to do something, and he either ignores them completely or if it's something dangerous to himself or someone else they will just try to distract him with something better. His mom usually ends up hugging and kissing and playing with him. His understanding of discipline is essentially "If I'm told No, I can still do that, or I might get something better". He also never uses "please and thank you" because his parents just jump to every command he gives. He does with me, because I'm strict with him since he annoys the hell out of me, so he is mentally capable of being a good kid when faced by an authority figure. The problem is he never does.
Also, he bullied his dad into sleeping on a mattress on the floor of his room for the last ~2 years. No joke. Some millennial parents go so far against the strict upbringing they had as kids, they move from feeling like they were the slaves of their parents to actually being their kid's slaves.
When I worked at Hallmark, I remember some ladies coming in to buy gifts for their kids. One of them had a birthday but they had to get the other kid a gift too so he/she wouldn’t feel excluded. 🙄
That drives me absolutely bonkers! I never did that for my kids and I won’t do it for my grandkids. I love them and I love giving gifts. I don’t love entitlement and strongly discourage it.
My own mother sadly went into this soft parenting, it got to the point where me a 16 year old has to be a parent to my soon to be 7 year old brother who has turned into a IPad kid. I always take his tablet away because I saw how bad it is doing to him, he isn’t eating, drinking, sleeping or going to the darn bathroom and my mom excused this of his autism which I always yell and criticize her parenting because when I am strict when I am being harsh to my brother he is getting many no’s from me like “no iPad at the table” “no iPad when it’s bedtime” “only having the iPad once you finished cleaning your room or taken a bath” and lastly “no playing on the iPad for more then 2 hours or after supper or once your room is cleaned” I feel like a parent then a teenager and that is just sad because I don’t even want kids but I am a parent of my own brother who is a Gen Alpha. Again I am 16 who is female and whenever I am showing some sort of being strict with my brother in front of my family they tell me I have to let my mom parent him but I always tell them that she isn’t parenting him the IPad is sense he refuses to eat, sleep, going to the bathroom and playing with kids in his age, to explain the last one it takes forever to get my brother to play with his cousins who are the same age has him and i think it got to the point that my own cousins in my age group are seeing what I am seeing they see how bad it is and that he is now a iPad kid that is so out of touch of reality. It took months or even years to get him to stop and finally get better but he is still suffering.
This is a message to parents who have iPad kids stop and look at your kids are they really happy? Or are you just hurting them. I can say that I was also a IPad kid when I was my brother’s age and it was bad i was traumatized and manipulated by elsagate onto thinking that content is ok and topics like that where ok. It took 7 years for me to get over that trauma but it still scars me. My own brother is falling into what I don’t want him to experience.
I feel you, my dude. My little brother is also an iPad kid, and it feels like me and my sister are the only ones who see that as being an issue. He's a preteen now but acts like a spoiled 6 yo, with no understanding of the word no, especially when it comes to personal space. He throws tantrums, tries to touch strangers and family friends even when they tell him no, and spends all day watching the same 50 videos. When I point it out, my mom says it because he's autistic and that he can't be motivated by punishment, only positive reinforcement. That's such crap! I'm autistic, and with plenty of harsh reality, tough love, and perseverance, no one can even tell anymore, I've come so far. But my poor brother? None of that. Instead, he's given the option to never grow or suffer the full consequences of his actions. I know I wore out my mom when I was younger, but I wish she would try again to help my little brother. Hopefully, if your situation can get better, mine will too. It's inspiring to hear how you fought for your little brother and have helped him, even if it wasn't appreciated.
@@user-jf4zb6wh6p yea I get super annoyed whenever someone excuse’s his behaviour because he is autistic, like I am autistic and I act 10 years past my actual age. What I mean is that whenever I talk to people who are at the same age group of my mom or older they always say how much I act like an adult.
Also I forgot to mention for my brother is that he does not know how to read, write or even do anything creative. The thing about that skibity toilet or whatever yea once he started watching that his brain was fried and he got even worse he kept singing that over and over again even when I tell him to stop he just doesn’t understand things and he doesn’t understand boundaries with his words and actions. And whenever I mention this to my mom that he doesn’t understand any social boundaries and that he isn’t going to get any friends like my younger cousin name Chase whenever my brother isn’t around he tells me that my own brother is annoying him and doesn’t stop getting into his personal bubble, so whenever he tells me that I tell him to bring my brother so that me and him can figure it out but whenever I do that my brother runs to my mom crying saying that I am being rude. My cousin doesn’t like my brother he just plays with him because at my grandmas house we always have to be outside but yea I feel bad about my little cousin.
Also even tho my cousin is like the same age has my brother he isn’t a iPad kid at all he is like an every 7 year old and he is older then my brother in a few months. But Chase is well behaved he knows social boundaries and he understands the word “no” like he always gets in trouble but what he gets in trouble for is normal in his age, and he knows how to talk while my brother just talks without meaning. Let me explain that, whenever me and my mom are having a conversation like it could be me arguing with my mom that she needs a break since she is overworking herself at her job, my brother would come in and say “I like cars!” Or something completely out of topic of what me and my mom are arguing about like that’s super annoying but for my cousin Chase he is at the same age group and he doesn’t do that like if he heard me and my mom arguing and he spoke up he would say something that is in topic.
@@user-jf4zb6wh6p but yea I just really hope that parents now a days would just stop and just raise their kids like they can’t read, write or even talk properly.
Entitled kids are having kids. What could possibly go wrong. We're lowering standards across the board, ego and entitlement is insane and there's a moral decay in society. This is a recipe for disaster. The next 20 years is going to be ROUGH.
UR A ROLE MODEL FOR ALL OF US YOUNG GIRLS. I AM 14 AND ME AND MY FRIENDS LOVE YOUR CONTENT SM
same and I agree with you. common sense needs to be normalized.
@@katherinet-mb6so seriously! I mean it’s really simple like no means no. And it’s insane that because of gentle parenting now kids are demanding to blow out candles when it’s not even their birthday. A birthday should be to celebrate the person born that day, not the people who became the sibling of the human being born. It’s the celebration and appreciation of the girl or boy living after x amount of years. Insaneee
My siblings and me were never hit or screamed at as children, if
we were out in public and one of us started throwing a tantrum, we would just leave (didn't matter if we were in a restaurant, shopping, or visiting someone) sure it might have ruined a couple
of outings... but it also saved so many future outings, it helped to teach our (baby brains) that " when you have a meltdown, you
are not only embarrassing yourself and your family, but you are also ruining the day of people around you, and when I do scream and yell, the fun thing that we were doing (AKA going out) ends"
when we were at restaurants old people would come to our table
and ask if they could pay for our dinner, because they said "We
were so well behaved, and you don't see that anymore" so to
make a long story short... it is not abusive to tell your kids no,
it is a blessing😇
Yes, even just a compliment from our waitress on my girls' good behavior makes their meal, and there were a thousand "no"s that led up to that moment
On my 10th birthday i had a sleepover party with lots of friends. One of my guests was invited by my mom, hadn’t seen the girl in years. It was her birthday too, sooo my mom gave her half my presents. That was so traumatic for me considering I was not a popular girl and was always second to my sister. It was the start of one terrible birthday after another. Please don’t do things like this to your children it’s very harmful.
Not saying no and not giving kids boundaries is easier for most parents than actually dealing with what the consequences of saying and meaning „no“ entails.
As someone who's gonna go to college soon to study to be a teacher, this is lowkey scary that parents are collectively failing an entire generation and shoving their problem onto teachers and babysitters and everyone except themselves, the parents.
Yes, becoming a teacher is admirable, but I think teachers need hazard pay at this point. Gone are the days when parents would back teachers. And some school districts don’t even back their teachers. Consider teaching at a private school or college.
Good luck. As a teacher I’ll tell you right now, the parents aren’t parenting.
I already have loads more respect for teachers, especially kindergarten teachers, after this summer. Maybe it’s because I’m so far removed from that time of my life that I can’t remember how bad I actually was, but I swear no one in my age group acted that bad 15 years ago. Sure there were bad apples, but not enough that half the class would not listen to simple instructions such as putting the toys away or cleaning up their spot.
@@smbarone2000 I can confirm that MOST districts don't back teachers. Not even the admin in the buildings seeing first hand the havoc a few kids can cause.
2nd year into getting my teaching degree and about to substitute soon, im horrified 😂
Thank you very much for blurring the kid's faces! It's so important to respect their privacy even as their parents are exploiting them.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. I'm not advocating physical punishment, but I'm definitely talking about strong and clear discipline.
He who withholds the rod hates his son.
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently
Prov 13:24
Then I'll advocate for it. My generation grew up with spankings, even at school. And we didn't grow up to be abusive sociopaths. So yes a little more discipline is needed.
Interestingly, the term “rod” in this Bible verse doesn’t refer to a tool for corporal punishment, but a shepherd’s rod. When shepherds are guiding their sheep in the right direction, they don’t use the rod to beat the sheep when they’ve done something wrong. Instead, it’s mostly used to turn the sheep’s head or body in the right direction before it veers too far off course. In that sense, discipline should aim to guide children in the right direction before they head too far down the wrong path.
@@anonymousoctopus3018thank you! People misquote that all the time!! 👏🏽👏🏽
I have conflicted thoughts. I don't think there's something innately political about use of punishment. I'm pretty sure I've seen Labradors react to their puppy getting rough with a little nip. And there's a difference between punishing your children physically and teaching them that anger or violence is power. In supermarkets, I've seen parents tell children "you've making me angry". Fear seemed to be the desired response.
But gentle parenting has issues. If you have to hand your kids over to strangers for 8 hours a day, then they don't have the ability to negotiate with every child at length. My nephews and niece were raised gently. They're not too bad. But they were absolutely infuriating. Any discipline needed to be sent through the parents. When I visited, if we were talking about literature or film, I'd be told off for not having been supportive enough. I could see them arriving in their first real jobs and being confused when their boss doesn't shower them with love and praise. A measure of success should be that by adulthood, you have a functioning adult - not a nervous little bunny rabbit with a strange vein of entitlement.
Mine are 12 and 14. I was not a gentle parent. I was firm and consistent when they were younger. They were held accountable for bad behavior. My children are not perfect, but they sure are pretty damn easy to raise right now. We have so much fun because they understand boundaries, have clear expectations, have parents that love and support them, but will also be called out if they arent acting right. So many times people say we are lucky. But it was alot of hard work when they were younger.
My children also have much more freedom than many kids their age. That is because they have proven themselves trustworthy. They want to make us proud too. They care a great deal what their family thinks of them.
These parents that are spoiling their children and enabling them to be entitled brats are not going to be having a good time with the teenage attitude. Or having adult children living at home forever because they cant handle the real world.
My niece and nephew are both under 8, and both have more than once grabbed food off my plate with their bare hands. And when I tell them both no, you can't have any because you tried to grab it off my plate, rather than take my side my mom and sister both call me selfish and give them the food anyway. Pathetic. I'm a better parent than both of them.
I’m originally from Greece and at age 8, my family immigrated to Canada in my last year in Greek elementary school while my teacher was teaching, I leaned to my left and whispered very very quietly, my teacher saw it walked right to me, grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to the front corner of the class to sit there for the next 10 or so minutes in front of everyone, let’s just say there is zero behaviour problems in Greek schools! In Greece, a healthy fear of the teacher is a real thing, and we still love our teachers there.
While I do think grabbing you by the hair was a tad overkill, I still applaud your countrymen.
I work at a school where you're supposed to pull the child to the side to tell them to stop privately. They don't. It's laughable.
I love that. It taught you a lesson. Respect someone while they are talking. Especially a teacher
@@thecatfather857 I agree it was not necessary, and I wondered if my teacher didn’t like me? and then a week later I realized she really did like me. She was a sweet woman, but didn’t put up with any mischievous behavior, it’s not rocket science, there has to be some form of discipline within the classroom, I think it’s just that simple.
@@katemiller7874 North American teachers don’t want to bring any form of discipline into the classrooms, it’s a simple fix, there is nations and continents around the world that don’t have this problem, I don’t know why we pretend to not know how to solve this.
This is why i dont have playdates with other kids in my home. I have rules in my home, if you dont follow them, you're gone. My daughter ended a friendship with one child because she was told no and couldn't handle it and her reaction made my daughter feel unsafe, glad she told us. Parents are so lazy now, i hate bringing my kids out because of that.
How absolutely fucked up that must feel
Why does Brett always defend the older generation All the time.
@@JLWprime10Because we’re right. 😉
@@vmj255 no y’all brainwashed her
@@JLWprime10 Well, can you compliment the millennials and gen z and gen alpha for her?
@@JLWprime10 I think she’s smart enough to do her own research and come to a reasonable conclusion.
I saw a video where the father blocked the younger son from blowing out the candles of the older sons cake. The younger son cried but the father didn't give in. That is the way to do it.
OK I LITERALLY JUST SAW THIS EXACT THING HAPPEN ON A MUCH LARGER SCALE A FEW WEEKS AGO.
One of my friends kids just had his 4th birthday, his mum already told him that his candles are his because it’s a special day for him ( he was really worried about his candles due to other parties he’s been to )
after he had blew out his candles all his cousins and friends wanted a turn of blowing out the candles ( 20 odd kids ) the other parents said they could and went to line the kids up 🔝 .
It turned into a shit show when birthday boys mum said no one else gets to blow out the candles and it’s special for the birthday boy.
I have never seen a room explode with so much entitlement in my life.
One parent even tried to snatch the candles to light for her kids!
Half the parents left cursing the mum out and calling her a bunch of “isms”
And the other half just casually called her names throughout the rest of the party.
The kids were not happy and most of them either cried or sat in sad silence until they went home.
I heard through the grapevine that a mum went out and bought a cake and candles for her child when they get home . Wild.
This has made me so scared for my
kids future birthdays.
No one does a better job at reading ads better than Brett 😂
MistaGG and InternetHistorian make ads genuinely entertaining. Brett is just sneaky with the segway into them
I'm a younger millennial mother of 2 and the word "no" is in the top 10 words I say to my kids daily (probably in the top 3 most days!) kids need boundaries and discipline in order to thrive and grow to be good people. Never saying no and always capitulating to their whims leads to narcissistic immature and down right awful adults. I work in retail and see so many unruly children who's parents checked out long ago and just let their children run wild. It's so sad and so worrying thinking about what these children will be like when the become adults
I would have told the little ones "you can blow out the candles when it's your birthday."
Several years ago, we were at my cousin's birthday party. She got a lot of presents she loved and, if I remember correctly, had no issues with sharing them with everyone, including my little sister, who wanted to take one of these presents home with her. When she was told "no," she started crying about it, and Mom had to sit her down and explain why she couldn't just take her cousin's birthday presents away from her. Today, she's in high school and is spoiled sweet at worst (because what baby of the family isn't spoiled in some way?).
I shudder to imagine what would have happened if Mom hadn't sat her down to explain that very basic concept way back when.
When I was growing up my cousins got presents on their siblings bday. Meanwhile today my youngest is going out with me to get stuff for my oldest daughters birthday. It's good to show your kids to celebrate each other to grow in kindness and putting others first. 😊
My sister has a 10 year old boy who decided at Christmas he wanted to go play in the yard at 11pm under the rain. Of course he didn't want to go alone so my sister asks my kids , who are teenagers. I said no obviously. After that my sister got mad and started attacking me for saying no for no reason, I then I had to argue with her for a bit, she wouldn't let it go. This video reminded me a lot of that episode.
Kids need to learn about Christ and the Bible.
This generation needs to be tougher on gen alpha
No it doesn’t
@@JLWprime10yes it does
@@fungle. wrong y’all need to be nicer to the youth stop blaming them
@@JLWprime10 we aren't blaming the youth. We're blaming parents who aren't disciplining the youth properly
@@JLWprime10 Obvious troll is obvious
My younger brother tried to blow out my candles once. Only once. Not because my parents stopped it, because they did, but i got there first and I laid down a boundary with him. Those were MY candles and you tried to blow them out at your own risk (side affects included getting an ego smacking and a shove from an angry 8 year old girl with anger issues.)
I think a good idea or solution for the candle thing, was one thing my parents used to do with my brother.
It was also my birthday, and my brother wanted to blow out my candles by my parents said no. I blew out my own candles and he threw a fit. So, instead, my older cousin took a spare candle from a packet, lit it up for him and just let him blow it out on his own, not attached to my cake. It’s a tiny solution that taught him, “it’s not your day, it’s your sister’s day. But, here’s a candle you can blow out, just because it’s fire, and fire is cool looking as a 4 year old.”
We grew up with my mom and grandma who said better you cry now then I cry later
I work in the school district mostly elementary and it blew my mind when I learned detention was no longer a thing in the schools simply because if a we punish a child they complain to their parents and the parents instantly get upset at the people working at the school. One time a kid left their trash on the table during lunch. I went to the kid asked her to go clean up her mess and a visiting parent got upset with me saying I should talk to her more nicely. I was actually so confused I asked a teacher next to me if I said anything wrong and they told me no just some parents are like that. It wasn’t even her own child.
My son is 9 and I tell him no daily. He is respectful and a good child. So not all gen alphas are gonna be spoiled.
Shouldn't have to say it, but thank you for telling your kid no and raising him to be respectful.
That’s because you are raising right. He will thank you one day.
Yeah. You're doing a good job, but your kid is gonna have a really hard time dealing with the other kids bad behavior. That's the problem.
My Mom was a teacher and she retired last year bc the kids were so awful & admin did NOTHING! My Mom even taught the “behavior disorder” class in a high school for 10 years & those were legit gang members! She said those guys were easier to deal with than the little sh*ts in school now who call their Mommy’s if you reprimand them & the admin never has your back.
My best friend was just talking about a teacher who was a favorite of a family we knew - one day a child threw a huge fit and was about to throw a chair at another child so the teacher picked the child up very briefly. She got fired for touching a student. 🤯
@@Rosie_C that’s ridiculous! The admin doesn’t have the teachers back anymore. And the teachers Union isn’t helping them either, they are worthless. My Mom said if she had school aged kids, she’d get them in private school where the kids are so polite. My nephew goes to private school, his Mom also works there so he goes for free! It’s so different than public school. The teachers get re hired every year. If they slack on their job, they won’t be asked to come back next year. Teachers don’t get tenure so they never get complacent or lazy. No students fighting either. My nephew is actually a really good pottery student & the teacher is encouraging him to keep at it. She gets him to submit work in pottery contests. I didn’t even know that was a thing!😂
This is why I retired 2 years ago. The behavior of the kids after a year at home during the pandemic.
Vets are trying to introduce the same kind of training to dogs. It's called force free training. I was told you can't even use safe leash pressure to pull your dog away from a negative situation and use treats instead. They said if you don't use this training, you're traumatizing your dog. WTF.
Im just gonna say this these kids especially if they're from gen alpha should not be on the Internet EVER. These parents aren't even bothering to try to teach their kids anything anymore and just let technology become the teacher even going as far to say that technology is the "better teacher"( the "better teacher" in question being asked for Andrew Tate, Skibidi Toilet, Lankybox, Sephora, TADC Brainrot, Content Farms, Ice Spice, Sëxyy Red ect.) Basically anything and EVERYTHING that has flashing lights and bright colors(example: the digital circus, Sephora Makeup packaging and Lankybox's Videos) and most of these things are dangerous and can really hurt your child's mind and at this rate i won't stop anytime soon its reached a point that if you even think about taking your kid's electronics you're suddenly the horrible person this is why kids shouldn't have a cellphone until the ripe age of 16 and i firmly stand by that
This behavior will also cause MAJOR ISSUES in the Far Future such as trauma for the oldest child and the younger children will be come so spoiled and entitled to EVERYTHING that the effects will probably NEVER be reversible beacuse the damage has been done and this mom and many other parents like her are one of the key factors that led to the rise of the gen alpha pandemic
It had to be said
PREACH!!! 🗣🗣🗣
Agreed. The only reason the digital circus even got a 100 million views in the first month was because of gen alpha kids being attracted to the bright colors of the characters and setting in the show otherwise it would've gotten only HALF the views and that also goes for Lankybox and everything else with bright flashy colors
Just beacuse it has bright colors doesn't mean it's for kids(example: happy tree friends)
I agree with what you're all saying HOWEVER let's not pull all the blame of these kids and rather put it on the DUMB@$$ Parents who perpetuate and condone these unhealthy and toxic methods
What's even worse is that kid spaces such as toys r us suddenly disappearing and places like Sephora that are meant for ADULTS and OLDER TEENS now targeting twoards younger kids, pre-teens and tweens that further escalates the problem
And What's even worse is that parents let their kids follow TERRIBLE role models such as Andrew Tate, Ice Spice and Sêxyy Red
@@MarioMusiczx4Lyfe All children deserve parents but not every parent deserves a kid especially if they teach their kids like This....
It’s always one of the older kids to be treated worse than the youngest. That’s kind of how it is in my family.
Yeah I don't get why parents feel it's ok to treat their kids so differently based on who was born first. It's like they forget first child is still a child no matter how many younger siblings they have. Nothing makes kids more resentful of their parents than favoritism.
@@SB-jn8pl It’s the middle child who has it the worst. The youngest is treated like a king constantly.
My comment keeps being deleted for some reason
Exact opposite in my family. Four kids and my eldest brother is always treated the best. My youngest sister gets treated the second best. Middle children always get shitted on, in my experience.
Lots of dumbass, childless people commenting here.
what's also sad is that the girl's siblings got to blow out the candles before she did. All the mom had to do was say no and explain that it's not their birthday, but they'll get to blow out their candles on their day.
4:25 As a horn player myself, taking every string off all the horns is evil. Those are a pain in the ass to fix/put on
I have three kids, and I certainly don’t have all the answers. However, it’s not hard to tell them no. It’s also not hard to help them identify how they are feeling and teach them to deal with their emotions in a way that is appropriate. My kids can be tough for me to deal with, but they are kind, respectful, and well mannered with everyone else 😂 They’re good kids. I talk a lot with my 10 and 6 year old about how many children are being raised now and why we choose to do things differently in our family. We also put a lot of emphasis on relational health and community rather than just individual happiness. I’m not going to do everything right, but it truly disturbs me to see the direction my children’s generation is headed in. Parents need to do better. Many have just stopped parenting out of frustration and fear. I tell my kids all the time that I am not their friend. We will be friends when they are adults and I am no longer raising them. My role is to teach them how to become respectful, kind, well adjusted adults. And I have expectations and boundaries because I love them, and want them to be ready to face the world when it’s time.
As a parent of a five-year-old and a one-year-old who feels like no is the one word I say 50 times a day, I do not understand this at all. How do these people not realize that they're setting these kids up to be even worse terrors than they already are? You deal with the initial battle and set the boundaries NOW so that they learn to respect them as they get older.
Also, this girl was turning 11. This woman had several years to figure out this is something you don't do. My oldest is only five and I already know that you don't do this to the birthday child.
I had to tell my mother-in-law to not bring a present for the birthday boy and also bring a gift for my non-birthday daughter, and vis versa. My kids’ birthdays are three weeks apart. They can be taught that sometimes they’re not the center of attention and they can be told no and will survive, and be better adults for it.
My Mom was the culprit. She was a loving woman but couldn't keep discipline to save her life. We got a puppy, my and little brother trained it well, no begging, no barking unless danger, ask to go outside, no attacking visitors to lick them to death. All of it. Within a month while our parents were gone (I was 16 at the time). Mom comes home and in less than a week destroyed all the training. Feeding bits at the table, encouraging begging ("because it's so cute"). Gone. Later, as a parent I had to get angry to get her to stop giving our kids candy every time they came over. Had to teach her to literally ask me or my wife before any treats get offered.
We need to get Supernanny back again
That show was 100% staged - I grew up with one of the families that was on it and was friends with their kids.
Completely normal family - They loved getting to act like monsters for the show.
She written some child care books and still does help sessions im pretty sure , but its online
I want supernanny to come in and fix a gentle parenting family
@@Nil-tz6gy Fake Internet comment
She was too soft with kids.
Serious question: I've been hearing this exact same thing for more than 20 years. Why is it only getting progressively worse??
Even schools are saying you can't tell them no anymore because they're afraid of the parents!
Answer: take a look at who their parents are as well as their home life now verses back then. It's not the same. Different times, more technology/phones, movies where the child is always praised or right, etc.... The list is endless. This video is a great start to a longer, more meaningful discussion of the breakdown of the family and societal norms and expectations.
Toxic kindness, or toxic empathy, perhaps? My generation got the participation trophies but I suppose not all of my peers looked at those trophies with disgust like I did.
@@abcdefghij337 I always liked my participation trophies, but I always knew they were just that, nice Keep sakes to say that I did the sport. Also the coach would talk about how you did and it was just encouraging to keep at the sport. I really needed the encouragement because I was very shy.
Though Winning a trophy nothing compares to that, you feel so good
this is why my 7yr old is having issues right now bc i tried the gentle way for the first 4 years of his life .... and now we have behavioral issue hell with him
Born in 66 I am generation X. We rode bicycles with no chain guard barefoot. Didn’t ask permission, just delt with the consequences . Knew I had to be home when the street lights came on and the nine o’clock whistle blew. The 11 o’clock news started with “it’s 11 o’clock, do you know where your children are “. No participation ribbons, second was first loser.
I'm a Xennial, and had pretty much the same childhood. Not allowed inside during the day, drank from the garden hose, and had to be home at streetlight time. I got in trouble, and dealt with the consequences myself.
I love how gen x always has to prove how hardcore they were for simple things like riding bikes around town.
That’s because there are to many kids that can’t ride a bike until they are 10 or even go outside anymore. They are overweight, can’t have a conversation with adults, won’t look into eyes of people trying to talk to them, they have very little manners and are obsessed with electronics. There are about 10 of them in my neighborhood. Half are exactly what I described the other half are bad ass kids. Water hose drinking, bike riding, know how to get dirty kind of kids. Gen X were kids that didn’t get trophy’s for being kids. So when I see a bad ass kid, I’m very impressed.
As I told my nephews all the time when they were growing up, no means no, not yes.
Exactly, I've always told my little ones no mean no, yes mean yes and maybe isn't a yes, it isn't a no it's a we'll see. People are so quick to jump onto "always say yes" that I always see in parenting groups. You need firm boundaries with kids or else they'll run right over you and everyone else
And you weren't the first to tell them that😉