The Truth About Daycare, ADHD, and Attachment Issues
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- čas přidán 18. 02. 2024
- Have you ever questioned the real impact of daycare on your child's growth? In this compelling episode, Dr. Josh Axe reacts to insights from a clinical social worker, unraveling the intricacies of daycare's effect on childhood development.
Dr. Josh Axe examines:
* Is ADHD really a disorder?
* The concerning surge in ADHD rates among young children
* Research linking increased daycare hours to the emergence of behavioral and attentional issues in children
* A hierarchy of care options to foster emotional well-being
* The best ways for working parents to support their children
Gain profound insights into the often-overlooked consequences of daycare on childhood development. Dr. Axe provides actionable tips and alternative care approaches, empowering parents to make informed decisions for their children's well-being.
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Links:
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journals.plos.org/plosone/art...
ifstudies.org/blog/measuring-...
nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display...
www.iwf.org/2016/06/21/the-un...
worldpopulationreview.com/sta...
www.child-encyclopedia.com/pd...
www.zora.uzh.ch/id/eprint/166...
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ABOUT DR. JOSH AXE
Dr. Josh Axe is a leadership expert, entrepreneur, and physician. He earned his doctorate from Palmer College and his Master of Science in Organizational Leadership from Johns Hopkins University. Josh is the cofounder and CVO of Ancient Nutrition and founder of DrAxe.com. His company ranked on the Inc. 500 fastest growing companies two years in a row. He is the bestselling author of Eat Dirt, Keto Diet, and Ancient Remedies. Josh is the founder of Leaders.com, an online platform that provides the latest on breaking news, leadership, business, and wealth. He regularly teaches lectures and trains entrepreneurs on leadership, mindset, and self- development. Josh is married to his wife, Chelsea, and they have two daughters. They live between Nashville, TN and Dorado, PR and enjoy cooking, staying active swimming and cycling, and prioritize time for their faith and family. His latest book, Think This Not That, will be available nationwide April 2, 2024.
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DISCLAIMER
This content is strictly the opinion of Dr. Josh Axe and is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of medical advice or treatment from a personal physician. All viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. Neither Dr. Axe nor the publisher of this content takes responsibility for possible health consequences of any person or persons reading or following the information in this educational content. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
I've felt this way for a long time. As a teacher, I put a pause on my career to stay at home with my kids. As adults, they are well adjusted and close to us as a family. Now late in my career, I'm seeing MOST children having issues. We need to change our priorities!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! God bless you and your family 🙏
I agree. I must confess I had to go back to work when my youngest was 2 years old and he was Adhd. But what I was seeing in my classes at the end of my career was frightening. We have feral kids with lots of behavior issues due to poor parenting.
The more we outsourse...the worst we are off. Childcare, food preparation, etc.
I have a 2 yr old and 5 month old and I’m a teacher as well of 9 years. But this year I’m staying home after school lets out for summer 🫶🏼
I am an ophthalmologist, glaucoma specialist doctor and now I am a stay at home mom for 2 years . Do I miss my job and OR? Absolutely!!! But I also have a personal experienced growing with nannies and drivers since my parents are busy working as a doctors. I can tell you nothing can be able to compensate for kid yarning for parents’ time.
Still have no idea what I should do if I am going to send him/her to school but at least I am surely know I’m doing all the things I can as a mom for them.
I worked in daycare years ago and noticed how much the babies needed their moms. The policy of the daycare was to move kids up to the next teacher within 6 months to a year. A child could make an attachment to a teacher, but then they moved up. I had kids cry when they saw me because I wasn’t with them in the classroom. I questioned this because the best daycares, according to a child psychology class, have teachers stay with their group of kids and not pass them to the next age group teacher. I’m so thankful I can stay home with my kids. My younger children are so less stressed than my older children who were in care at very young ages. I also love that I can homeschool my kids.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
As a home based provider of 34 years, I agree. I've had children in my home from newborn through age 13. Being with me, and my husband as a strong male figure is key. This creates/ed a surrogate family group. I'm still in contact with many of my kids as adults in their 20s and 30s.❤
And their dads and siblings too.
They need *
Yes, continuity of care is so important. For a time I worked in a childcare center that provided that for children. Teachers moved up with the babies until they went to the preschool pod where they had 2 years with the same teachers there.
When it comes to children, The days are long... but the years are short!
Well said…I agree
❤ Love that perspective.
Yes my mom told me this and I always remember it ❤
Well put!❤
What does that mean? Please explain.
I grew up thinking I would work and use daycare until I held my firstborn and I could not leave my baby. I was not expecting those feelings at all. When he went off to preschool my 2nd child asked him what he did while he was at recess. He said, “just think about mom”. My baby! He’s 9 now and I have 5 children. We have been homeschooling since Covid. Love it!
Wow I had the same experience ❤🥲. They are so vulnerable and defenseless, we can never get the time back to give them a safe and secure foundation for the rest of their lives.
💯
I am a 72 year old mother and grandmother. Raised in the 50’s &60’s my mother only worked part-time but I can still feel the trauma of coming home to an empty house. My mom was a homemaker, she radiated comfort and secured by her presence. When I married and we wanted to start a family all I could think about was if I can’t take care of my children then I don’t want to have any. We worked it out to where I could stay home with them. That didn’t last very long and I needed to work part time. My daughter didn’t adjust any better than I did. Saying all this to say Mothers do not underestimate your role as a mother, nurture and sustainer. Thank you for bringing truth to the forefront!
Thank you for sharing your story! God bless you and your family!!
I have done the same with my daughter but now we want a second it is becoming increasingly difficult
I am happy there is a conversation about this.
It cost me a lot to stay home with my kids, but I am so happy I did that for them and for me.
I wouldn’t have changed my decision if I had to relive it.
I went with my maternal instinct.
I am a single mom, and I work from home in accounting. I go to the office one a week for a few hours, and have family stay with the kids, that is also a blessing.
❤🫶
Should not have not gotten divorced
@@paulozeruga8454 yes I should have stayed and let my ex molest my kids.
Before you give advice know the situation and ask if that person wants your advice.
I was told not to have children until the father & I was capable and had the resources to care for them.
Best advice.
I stayed at home with our 2 children & ended up homeschooling, as well.
Our daughter is 16 & our son is 11.
I am extremely grateful for my hard-working, loving, supportive husband.
Who you marry will determine so much in your life. You chose well and experienced the benefit of that. This is what more women need to understand.
@@precocioussceptic4967ABSOLUTELY!!!… So many don’t get this!
Amen to that! ❤ my husband and I just had our first baby and I'm blessed to have been able to spend my days with my 4 month old little one thanks to all the hard work and long hours he puts in! Most moms would be back to work by now and I couldn't imagine having to leave him 🥺
I want the same but am running out of time 😢
I currently work for a day school. It's heart wrenching to hear babies cry for their mothers and know that's what's best for them. So many momma's underestimate their influence on society by rearing their own children.
Aside from that, there's lots of germs and sicknesses that go around daycare. So parents often have to take off from work to stay home with sick kids. Why pay an exorbitant amount of money to have to ask off all the time? Stay home during the most foundational time of a child's life.
I'm very grateful my mom stayed home with me. It's worth every sacrifice.
So true
I was lucky to afford a nanny but I would never say a bad word about other mums that doesn't have that luxury! You think that those mother leave their kids with smile on their face? You are just cruel... My kids went to preschool when they were 4&5 and they still cry for mummy and my heart was still broken...after some time they enjoy it, made friends and develop emotionally and socially.
I am a stay at home mom of 3 and I sent my kids to Kindergarten at age 5. My kids’ paediatrician scolded me at every annual checkup because they really want to push kids into daycare, and they even wrote in capital letters: doesn’t attend kindergarten!
But I stand by my decision to keep my kids at home for as long as possible. We had such a fun time! We slept as long as we wanted, had breakfast, went for walks, went to playgrounds, had play dates. I miss the days when my eldest two were at home.. but now they’re well adjusted kids and love that I’m still at home to pick them up, do homework, eat homemade meals together. I still have my youngest at home and I’m savouring the last year before she goes off to Kindergarten.
The days can be very long, but the years are so so short! If you can, it’s definitely best to stay at home ♥️
Why are pediatricians pressuring moms to put babies in day care!? This is so disturbing 😨
As a child care professional of over forty years, I would 100% AGREE with the information. Thank you for this video!
Thank you for tuning in and sharing your thoughts!
My daughter owns her own childcare facility and I work with her as well as another teacher aide and I agree 💯 % as well.
My children’s father is a veteran of dessert storm and I was blessed to be able to be a stay home mom for the first 12 years of our marriage. I know this is why my kids are well rounded and socially able to adjust to life’s challenges because they had parents throughout their early childhood to refuel them everyday. I started an childcare business when my kids were in elementary/junior high school so my daughter did the same so she could raise her own kids and not have to be away from them. We do our best to comfort our daycare kids but their plight is clear to see. Thank you for this video and raising the discussion. One thing that worked for us as parents when I did join the workforce, my ex husband worked graveyard and I worked part time in the day. My kids never tasted daycare, only family and close friends. I hope this video helps parents see the need to do all they can to be there in their first 3 if not 5 years of their children’s lives. Thanks Doc for another great video ❤🙏🏾💯🥰
I am 70 but as a latchkey kid of the 60s (grade school age) I can still remember the empty feeling of coming home alone. I was so envious of friends who had Moms at home.
It was the same for me in the 70s. With raising taxes and inflation when I started high school our mother had to go back to work even though my old man was earning money interest rates in my country had gotten to 17%/annum.
It's all part of the plan.
As Lenin said, "Destroy the family, destroy the nation."
To this day I still have ptsd from leaving my niece on her first day of daycare without having time to pull her aside and fully explaining to her I will see her later. The workers there just ushered me out as they lead the children out to the play yard. This was 9 years ago.
I feel what we are doing to our children is heartbreaking. I won’t be surprised they have all suffered abandonment traumas. Thank you for putting awareness to this topic.
I’m a nurse with one child. I didn’t go back to work till he was 10 months old. And I work only 4-6 shifts within 6 weeks and only work on days my husband is home. I seriously can’t imagine sending him away to strangers for 12.5 hours.
I am happiest when I’m home with him than anything else I do.
Thank you. This video made me feel so much better about my decision to leave work to take care of my baby, cause sadly I get shamed for leaving work from family members!!
Time to step into your power mama and tell those ‘family’ you know what’s best for your baby!
It’s interesting that family will always have the most to say! I had a similar experience.
You are definitely doing the best thing for your baby. Momma knows best!
They only shame you bc sadly maybe they didn't get the same opportunity to stay home. Probably jealousy
Girl there are kids being r worded in daycares with no prosecution,
and the fent over doses at the daycare in NY… stay with those babies!!! 😢
I was a school teacher, my mom was as well, but I’m now a 36 yr old homeschooling mom, who has been home since my son was born. We weren’t sure if I would be able to stay home but once he was born my husband looked at me and said “we will take it one year at a time” because he knew I couldn’t bear to leave him. We took it one year at a time. For six years now. Raises came that helped with my missing income. I learned to clip coupons and cook every single meal at home and not waste any left overs. Clothes came from consignment sales, I used cloth diapers, and we halted any vacations or unnecessary travel. We made it work. Now we have a system down and are committed to homeschooling and making it work. It wasn’t always sunshine and roses and we lost half of our savings the first year before my husband’s first pay raise rolled in and covered the majority of my missing salary.
I started leaving our son with a grandma for an hour or two to go to the gym or to have a cup of coffee when he was about 9 months old. For his first three years only myself, my husband, or the grandparents kept him. His first night away from us was at age 4 at the grandparents house a few blocks away. Now at age 6 he has no attachment issues. My husband and I left him with the grandparents for three days to go on a marriage retreat with a church group this year and he was fine. That will be a once a year occasion. We just prefer to have our family together.
We have begun having the conversations around moving grandpa or grandma in when they are widowed and need help at home on a regular basis. It may sound crazy, but having cared for my baby/child in this way has opened my eyes to how much we have accepted not only daycare but also nursing homes as the norm. Once upon a time, multiple generations sharing a home was the norm and we want it to be a reality for our family.
We placed our son in daycare at 2 1/2. He was an only child, so we thought he would benefit from the interaction. We were wrong. He struggled all through school socially and academically. We did not medicate him and did not know about supplements that could help. He survived, we survived but at a cost. Thank you for making this episode. It might help some young, well meaning parents make better choices.
We are there now. Our daughter is 5. She’s very smart but struggling socially and emotionally.
I love this video! We kept receiving pressure from people saying we should/NEED to put our only child in daycare for socializationand learning and that it woukd be a disservice not too.
In early times, we had to place him in daycare because we both worked, but by age 8 months, we decided to have my husband stay home with him. The change in our son's behavior once he got to stay home was dramatic - he was happier, slept, better, he was so much more well adjusted. We now homeschool and are so grateful to have that opportunity.
We’re in a similar position to you. We have an only child (18 months) and for many reasons have just decided to put her in Montessori 3x per week. She starts next week and we’ll be observing closely. We’re hoping it’ll be fun for her.
First 3 years for sure should be with the parents. We need parental leave for everyone so between the two parents they can care for the child. That’s the socialization they need at that age with adult caretakers.
@@kalasue7 I agree!
@@amyzinger4693 she may have a great time and may love it. Some kids take really well to daycare and prek❤️
@@amyzinger4693 my (now 4 year old) daughter was at a Montessori schools daycare program from 10 months to 3.5. She absolutely loved it and thrived there. The ratio of staff to students was very low and she adored all of them, still talks about them often. We moved in October and I have been home with her (and my 2 year old son) since then. I know I want to stay home but she was so happy and excited going in and excited to come home to tell me and her dad all about her day- I feel guilty sometimes for taking her out!
Here is a summary and outline of the key points from the article:
Summary:
The article discusses research on the impacts of daycare on childhood development, especially for children under age 3. It notes that longer hours/days in daycare is associated with higher rates of aggression, behavioral problems, and attentional issues like ADHD. The ideal situation is parental care, followed by care by grandparents or other family members. The article advises avoiding full-time daycare if possible, and instead using part-time daycare or a trusted nanny. If full-time daycare is necessary, it recommends finding a center with low child-to-caregiver ratios and spending quality time with children outside of daycare hours.
Outline:
I. Research on daycare's effects on childhood development
A. Longer hours/days in daycare associated with more problems
1. Aggression and behavioral issues
2. Attentional issues like ADHD
B. Daycare stresses young children and activates "fight or flight" response
II. Ideal childcare situations (in order)
A. Parental care
B. Grandparents or family members
C. Trusted nanny
D. Shared nanny/small group care
E. Daycare (last resort)
III. Tips if using daycare
A. Use part-time/half-days when possible
B. Find daycare with low child-to-caregiver ratio
C. Spend quality time with kids outside daycare
IV. If child has issues like ADHD
A. Try natural approaches first
B. Focus on personality and reducing stress
C. Avoid medication as first approach
Thanks ❤
Thank you !!! You get my brain!!!
I also highlighted how children under 3 parallel play and how they don't really interact with others until about 3. I also highlighted emotional refueling and how that is needed.
Wow great summary, thank you.
Awesome breakdown!!
There needs to be more support for mums so they can take more time with their children
Yes. Governments can afford to pay an allowance to women to be with their kids at home.
In Canada, we have the child tax benefit received monthly for children under 18. It has really helped my family and allowed me to stay at home with my kids.
Heck yes!!!
I have worked in daycares for years and every day it broke my heart to see the impact these daycares would have on these kids and what they would go through as a result of the long hours being left there. I had a class with about 30 kids of the age of 3 and we had a couple kids that would sit there and just cry and cry and fight with each other and you would literally feel like you were in a living nightmare. It was so bad I would actually have to leave the room to go cry and scream in my car just to get through the day and can’t imagine what the kids would feel. And there were two kids that would make it their mission to actually run out the back door into the play yard and would escape around the sides of the building just to get away from that room and they would fight, kick and scream having to be brought back in the room. It broke my heart to see so many of them sitting in a corner crying due to the chaos around them and we as workers could only do so much to make it a peaceful environment too, no matter how hard we tried. It felt like a life size whack a mole game. It was literally all we could do to keep them potty’d and fed and entertained without them hurting themselves. I often felt like a built in bodyguard for these kids just to make sure they didn’t get hurt, never mind nurtured. I am adamantly against daycares if at all possible. Especially the ones that have more than 6 kids per teacher.
More parents need to hear these stories from Daycare workers
This wasn’t an issue when a family could live on one wage. This has been created by the devaluation of money, inflation and creating a debt based society. Let’s hope we in the western world wake up to it soon and exercise our choice at the voting box.
Although voting doesn’t seem to make a difference.
@@sassysandie2865 yep, perhaps it’s time for some 1776 energy
@@sunmoonstars3879 I hate war but I understand why you think that. The government loves war because they make money from it.
::: Splitting up families, and devaluing women, is a major plank in the Marxist ideology framework that became popular in the early 20th century.
coughfeminismcough flooding the business world with female workers, devaluing wages certainly didn't seem to help.
I was a stay at home mom 100% of the time when my kids were little. They were never in daycare, we kept them away from food coloring, I made their baby food from scratch, and breastfed until 14 months. We had a steady schedule, read multiple books a day, two naps a day, and I took them somewhere everyday because my son would essentially climb the wall. We'd go to the park, the zoo, go on long walks. They didn't have screen time. It was wonderful. However, my son has off the charts ADHD. We also put him in counseling when he was 10 to see if it could help my oldest with his behavior. This is NOT the case our lives. Videos like this feel like gaslighting when you've done everything right, and your kid just had ADHD.
I agree with you. I teach and I'd say about 2/3 of the cases of "ADHD" are stress reactions due to unstable home life or traumatic events. The other 1/3 seems to be some genetic issue. Upon meeting the parents I usually see one as having a similar story...tons of energy, struggled in school, got in trouble a lot. But almost everyone of those cases, that parent is well adjusted, mature, usually very successful. Now I see my grandson and he has all the symptoms of ADHD. Apparently my SIL was diagnosed as a boy and he still will occasionally use his meds to help him focus as he's getting an engineering degree. My daughter works part-time and they only send my grandson to preschool two mornings a week and we grandparents help out, too. But I know when he gets to school they'll want to medicate him. What else are teachers supposed to do with several of these kinds of kids in a classroom of 25+?
Agreed
I wouldn’t call it gaslight and I do believe it’s an inherent condition whether learned or genetic.
Having grown up in daycare from 3 months old to 5th grade, I can attest to the validity of these findings. Thank you for sharing!
By the time you pay a daycare or nanny you don’t bring home much unless you make 100k plus. Do the math.
::: Yes, and, the hidden extras also add up. Transportation, “work clothes” & dry cleaning, and buying more convenience foods put a strain our budgets.
Yup. So many people don't understand how we can afford me being a SAHM on one income. Because it would have been worse for us to afford daycare. I would have basically spent 40 hours away from my kids to pay someone else to raise them for me. Instead, we tightened our finances and make it work. This allows me to homeschool our kids and provide them a safe, happy, healthy home.
@@ThesmartestTem yay!
@@ThesmartestTem ::: Congratulations! We don’t have to be intimidated into believing that they have all the answers.
@@ThesmartestTemheck yes! We did the same and I homeschool my kids as well!
Yes - daycares are chaotic, and children are often there for 10 hours a day. 10 hours. 7 am - 5pm. 5 days a week. And often sick.
Thank you for the information. This is very educational. Even though I have a middle income firefighter salary, my wife has made the choice to stay home and raise our kids. My kids are worth more than any silver or gold. I would never deprive them of their mother.
As a former middle school counselor, I saw so many things unfold as our children grow up. Thank you Dr. Axe for sharing this.
Former school counselor here too! I left after having my own children. I couldnt shake the feeling that we were trying to fix too many issues in schools that could have been addressed further upstream in the home 😔
@@FlourishAndDwell absolutely! I could write a novel about how our educational system is simply not set-up for our kiddos. From the cafeteria meals to atmosphere to the actual daily schedule. It's a lot.
I've been a in home daycare provider for 28 years. As I've gotten older, my thought process has changed on this and I truly believe a child should be at home with their mother at least for the first year. I no longer take infants in my care. Prefer at least a year old, preferably 18 months old and I've also kept my numbers down. Not running full capacity so that I'm able to provide more quality care for the kids that I have.
I get extremely frustrated with the daycare parents that will not be working yet to bring their children. . I get the common statement " well we're paying for it" like they want to get their money's worth. Never mind the fact. How about you spend time with your child?
Most people are brainwashed to having kids in the western world with all the glamorizations on being pregnant and how happy kids will make you feel. Until they are faced with reality of how hard it is to be with a child.
I never understood why parents put their children in daycare when they aren’t working.
@@Ummkelechibecause it’s exhausting.
I'm also an in-home childcare provider, and my limit is also under the licensing limit, so I can provide greater care for them. I have credentials to care for children who have special needs.
@@Meganmama then don't become a parent if you don't want to put in the work. Nobody said it was easy
Priorities People...I stayed home with 5 children on one salary under 50,000 a year. You can do it. Do what is best for your children. Children do not miss money they don't have.
Maybe you could but with inflation now it's probably impossible. I didn't realize I could probably have gotten Medicaid and other help if we only had one income. I thought I had to work because we wouldn't have healthcare if I didn't. My husband never had a job that offered it.
I agree! Priorities! I have a lot of friends who tell me they wish soooo much they could stay home full time with their kids. I tell them it is possible, but you need to make some sacrifices. Most of them are just not willing to give up their two car payment, fancy house lifestyle. I would personally would live in a tent if that’s what it took to stay home with my children.
@@Cuteservative AGREED!
@@ginahartley7295I don’t think you realize what living in a tent entails!!! What a crazy statement to make!
@@sarahgirard1405 I think you took that statement literally, not figuratively. I never said I would live in a tent but sometimes you need to make sacrifices and again it is your choice. I did live in a 2 bedroom with one bathroom with 4 children. Single parents have it tough, but I have a daughter who got divorced (because of an abusive husband) and I told her to move in so we could help her. She has 2 small children and I want her to stay home and raise her kids until they go to school. You make sacrifices ...it is not easy. I raised 5 kids. I did not expect to be 60 years old, work full time and now helping my daughter raise her kids. She works weekends, so I don't have a free weekend. She is lucky, I know not everyone has that support. I worked in 3 very highly rated daycares. I would not send my dog to daycare.
I think this will be a big topic in a few years as more and more physicians and psychologists dare to speak about it.
I remember my 2 year old in day care, when I picked him up after four hours, he would run to me and would start to break down in tears and this was every time. Later I realized it's his nervous system that relaxed, as he saw his mom. And dropping him off at daycare was tough. He didn't want me to go.
My mom didn't start working till I was 10 and honestly I hated it so much. Our home was never the same
Same here. My mom went back to work when I started High School and I hated it. It was awful coming home to an empty home and trying to scavenge something to eat after being at school all day. I loved coming home to my mom when I was younger and having her company and home cooked meals.
I had siblings so we liked being at home when our parents weren’t there😂. We had a supportive family but we knew our parents were working and we came along just fine. So I guess it just depends.
So thankful I’ve been able to stay home with my daughter and niece! I remember being left in the care of others, and they aren’t pleasant memories. I also worked in a daycare and quit rather quickly bc I couldn’t handle the way these people were treating children that don’t belong to them. I understand it’s difficult, but it really is best for kids to be with mom if they can.
I went back to work, after 8 weeks. My son thankfully stayed home with my late mother and his dad. I had to enroll him when he was almost 2 because my mom became ill. He cried at every daycare but 1 and he was almost 3. My son got extremely sick his first week of daycare, but thankfully, there were only 3 major illnesses. He's now 6 and follows me every where and wants hugs all the time. I pray I didn't damage him and contemplating private or homeschooling because now he hates school. Also, public school kids teach your kids things you try to shelter them from.I decided to stay home with my 2nd child. I love it, he is so calm unlike my first child.
I hope this video causes a mom to change her mind about daycare.
It has. I was considering it for socialization. I still want more socializing for him but am going to figure something else out.
@@ebonyokeke943playgrounds, library reading times, etc
@@ebonyokeke943Local mom groups, the library often has play groups, church, and local towns often put together family activities and sports.
@@ebonyokeke943 I take my 3 little kids to the library for story time, music, and play (1-2x a wk), they do soccer basics (1x a wk), munchin and me at Rebounderz (2x a wk), park on the other days, and my 4 year old just started t-ball. It all is reasonable and they get out and see the same kids their age each week.
Mom and me gym classes, swim classes, etc.
I have always thought this and it's very evident with the families that we are around on a consistent basis. I appreciate you putting this out there in a loving way. This is one of the most important messages of our time I think. I do hope that more parents can stay home with their children throughout childhood, but in the early years especially.
What a great video! I am a prek teacher…20 4-5 years olds in my classroom….some are at school for 8-11 hours a day, 5 days a week…. Between me and my 2 teachers in my classroom we try our best to stretch our attention to all of the children…. But we have spent more time this school year trying to teach regulation of emotions and social interactions….
I have been in childcare 12 years and it still pulls on my heart strings to see these children with me more than there parents…
Thank you Dr. Axe for this!
This is the best comment I seen thus far.
Would you recommend that going to prek on a part time basis is better?
@nicolewoods1701…I understand everyone’s situation is different (single parents) that don’t always have a choice….but if you do have the means to choose part time…I think that would be great
I ran a daycare for 10 years. I have a master's degree in early childhood education I wished I would have known this information presented here in your video then 1993-2003. All we went over was separation anxiety and the fact that preschoolers parallel play, not how it relates to other factors. I just sent this video to my granddaughter who has a 26-month-old and she'll be starting a new job Wednesday fortunately his dad will be the babysitter and I will watch him (great grandma) when dad has something to do. Thank you for sharing!
That is great that they have a solution that involves Dad who, by the way, is not babysitting, He's parenting. Great grandma, You are blessed to be able to feel that void
Dads don't babysit. They parent. The mindset of Dads "babysitting" their own kids is long since gone.
Yay for a stay-at- home dad! My dad wished he could have done that with me and my sister.
As a early childhood educator I do agree that shorter days are best, also some children do thrive in childcare and others with different personalities need their parents more. I give hugs and one on one attention as much as I can. Also, in childcare if you have a great educator who does sensory play, cooperative games and asks critical questions then you can say that it is beneficial.
That's what I was wondering. My daughter always loved going to her nursery before she turned 3. She goes to the nursery attached to the school and she asks me to take her to the old nursery even now. She loved the teachers over there, she still wants to call her old friends and she recognizes her teachers if we run into them. I do spend every single minute with her when she's not in the nursery. But I always thought she genuinely loved spending time there and having access to various toys and opportunities to make friends, listen to stories, dance and play. Maybe we got lucky but some dayvlcares have highly trained professionals and they can expose kids to activities that just the mother can't on her own.
@@amitasahasrabudhe6413I have the same experience with my kids. I'm fortunate to be able to stay home with them. They gets lots and lots of mommy time but they love going to our church groups, story times, etc every now and then because they get a different type of play and people around them.
@amitasahasrabudhe6413 I worked in a nursery school, and we were required to spend 1 to 1 time with each child every day and do sensory activities daily. My students loved me and the parents too. However, that was a very expensive private school that had low ratio, mandated one to one daily interactions and highly trained teachers.
We unfortunately have to put our kids in daycare but knowing that we searched for the best daycare we could find that provided what we needed. We spend a bit more expensive than most but it is 4 kids to 1 teacher. Our daughter is 18 months loves her teacher. Parents are welcome to stop by anytime. And we receive several updates and photos throughout the day. Whenever she is not at daycare we make sure we are giving her our undivided attention, playing going for walks , cuddling.
For parents working fulltime, cosleeping with their child is great for children. All animals co-sleeping and cuddling with their cubs so why not?.🥰 I remember when me and my four siblings were craving for cuddling with mama, we would fight for a spot close to mama. One sleeps on top of mama's head and the others in her arms ane even between her legs.
In the USA you will get heavy judgement for this. Doctors will threaten cps, they are convinced it is too dangerous.
Yes yes yes❤❤❤
This is a grey area. Many children can comfortably and more restoratively sleep on their own. Co sleeping causing strain on relationships and results in poor sleep for everyone involved. You can lovingly sleep train a child at 3-4 months on WITHOUT cry it out.
My 14 month old has an excellent nap/sleep schedule and it only took two weeks to "train." Her sleep is so restorative and my husband and I keep our bed
I leave this comment with the most respect. I’ve only been able to be blessed with one child. She is now ten. I was a stay at home mom and wife from the time I got married 11 years ago. I’ve always been a stay at home mom. My child never left my side. From the time she was born until the time she went to kindergarten she had only been apart from mom and dad for short periods of time and only with other family members she knew very well. With that said, she has always had combined type adhd. If you know about ADHD, you know that it’s not just emotional dysregulation. But it’s mostly an executive function issue meaning issues with inhibitions or impulse control. As well as having the flexibility to shift between tasks, emotional control, initiative, working memory to hold and recall info, planning and organization and self monitoring or the ability to measure your performance against expectations. Also, most kids with ADHD depending on the type will have some hyperactivity. This can be in the mind, thoughts or physical. Also, some sensory issues can come into play. So boiling adhd down to just being in fight or flight is misinformation. I don’t disagree that it’s stressful for kids to go to daycare. But saying that it causes aggression and ADHD is spreading so much guilt and misinformation. Especially for mamas that are already struggling.
I don't disagree with you, but we need to explain the crazy rise of this disorder and not just throw meds at it.
It’s like you’re describing my daughter. I sent her to pre-k 4 despite everyone suggesting I send her to daycare or headstart earlier. I didn’t and yet I will admit she is my most difficult child to handle, I agree with your sentiment.
According to the research there is a link with daycare and ADHD and behavioral issues, it’s not his opinion it’s based off research. However that doesn’t mean it’s the only cause. Stress appears in many forms and certain children are more sensitive /neuro-divergent than others.
Can’t thank these professionals enough for videos like this. These videos really fuelled my decision to be a stay at home mama.
I wish there was more communal living. But adult children move away, and kids never get to know grandparents. I chose to stay home. And supplemented with watching my friends kids, while they chased the American dream. I have always thought that your kids are the future. Giving them the best start possible should always be the goal. My daughter has followed suit as she has to work full time. I take her babies when she's at work. Is it hard on her and me as she works 5am-3 pm. But the security that I have seen in her daughter, and soon her baby son!! So worth it!!
Lots of grandparents don’t want to help. “I raised my kids, I’m done” mentality.
Thank you so much for sharing this crucial information. I fully support your work. The early years are tough but parents must be strong and patient to make it through and continue to be loving, supportive and willing to keep growing as opportunities present, often years later. So never give up and always stay aware so you can keep up!
This is wonderful advice, thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you. These things used to be common sense but our culture has flipped everything upside down.
Thank you for providing this information. The day you posted this is the day I was discussing sending my little one to daycare for socialization and for a break. The timing almost seems divine. Thanks again.
As a person with ADHD, I don’t like the dismissal of ADHD being a “throw away diagnoses”. It is incredibly invalidating for those of us who live with it. I can understand saying there is a misdiagnoses of ADHD due to the emotional difficulties from separation anxiety, but to completely throw away the diagnoses based on a single study is ill advised.
Thank you! Came here to say this as well. If that’s his opinion, ok… however it’s extremely valid and IS A DISORDER even if someone doesn’t wanna accept it. If you’re saying this then you clearly do not have adhd and should really research it. Having adhd is life changing for many. . Please don’t ever repeat (adhd as a throw away term) if anyone is reading this. Especially for the many women who has gone decades misdiagnosed because it WAS NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Be that pillar of strength and hear and try to imagine life with this. Sit and think on it. If you say this to a child it’s going to be incredibly damaging and dismissing af. It will encourage masking and they won’t open up to you. ❤️🩹
I agree as well! Grant it, I did have a rough life but I also been dealing with ADHD way before life went down hill. which tells me it's real.
@@pertinasmith8183 sending love bc it is so real and hard. you are seen and heard! 🥰🙏🏼
Some people think that allowing your toddler to toughen up in these situations will give them strength and lead them to be more independent, but actually being there, at least within eyesight, helps them to be more independent as they grow older because they feel safe.
Thank you. I quit my my full-time job to be home with my children, per my husband's recommendation. Our family is much happier all-around and it has easily been the best decision we've made. I started an in-home daycare to help other families in the area and have credentials to care for children who have special needs. I'm running under capacity so my clients (bonus kids, I call them) have more quality time and receive the care they need.
I was a stay at home mom for my six kids. I would love to see research about when grandma watches the kiddos. I tended my grandson from the time he was 6 weeks old until he started school and loved every minute of it.
My mother was a SAHM & now I am a SAHM to 2 young children. My children love my mother and literally cling to her. They love all hanging out together.
Hmmm.... As someone who burns toast every single time, but has very little stress I'd beg to differ on the roots of ADHD. I do agree that stress makes it worse. But, even eliminating my stress doesn't get rid of my ADHD symptoms. Having said that, I do also think that daycare contributes to unhealthy stress levels in children. I saw this in my 5 year old when he went to kindergarten. My pediatrician recommended I homeschool him, which I did, and that fixed his stress issues.
I see this with my 2 year old. If we go to a playground or indoor play area that is teeming with kids running around chaotically, she won't stray far from me or my husband and doesn't even want to get on the playground equipment. It's clearly too much,l - she seems to feel overwhelmed. But when we go to the same places and there are only a few kids running around, she's completely at ease and happy to get on the equipment and slides, etc.
It makes so much sense to me then that her behavior is due to cortisol levels in young children that rise with a chaotic environment and they need a trusted, close person to stabilize them because they aren't yet emotionally developed. A child who has yet to get through the temper tantrum phase is obviously not yet ready to deal independently with chaotic environments such as the ones most daycares will at least some of the time expose them to.
As an elementary school teacher I see children who go to daycare either before or after school or both, to be the ones with the troubling behavioural issues and often even physical health issues….. it’s sad but these are the ways we as a society have gone so much worse off than our ancestors. We’ve traded off emotional stability and wellbeing for technological and mechanical development in the name of progress. Not that I’m critical of development. But the trade off hasn’t served us well as a human race.
Not enough people talk about the intense feelings the parents feel when dropping off kids at daycare. We started preschool for my oldest when she was 3, almost 4. The first time I dropped her off she clung to my legs, the teachers had to peel her off, the whole thing. That was definitely an emotional experience for everyone, but what I remember most was the feeling of emptiness and uncertainty as I walked back to my car. I had to text another mom for reassurance and she said it brilliantly - it feels like you're leaving a piece of yourself behind and you don't know if you'll get it back. 😢
THANK YOU so much for sharing this as we are just wrapping up our head around daycare vs keeping our 2yo at home. We have a lot of help at home, so that not an issue but I was thinking that he may be developing better at daycare. This helped me realise that we need to prioratise his need for secure attachment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
In summary, abandon daycare. If you cannot afford to not work, move to a place where you can afford to not work. You can’t have both you must choose, your material desires or their needs.
So leave the USA. You guys don't even get healthcare for your taxes.
This is the best summary I’ve heard on this. I used to be a financial advisor before becoming an elementary school teacher. I’ve also worked in daycares. People say they can’t afford to live on one salary but they totally can, they are not willing to make the sacrifices to do so. They value money and fancy things more than the well being of their children. They don’t get that they can just live below their means. Children are 100% better at home with parents, even until 1st grade id say. Kindergarten should only be part time if used.
Yes we make sacrifices! My fam got rid of our second car, cut back on all extras, and cooked home every day. I’m grateful every day I get to stay home with my babies❤
@@BloodSweatandFearssame here! My wife stays home with the kids but before we did that, we downgraded our home, sold my car (I used public transport before taking a remote only job) and I took an easier job so that I could mentally have energy to assist with the homeschooling after work.
Five years later, it was the best investment my wife and I could have made.
@@JoeCole_social Exactly! It may be a struggle but it’s 100% worth it.
As an Early childhood professional, while I agree that a child being with thier parents should always be the goal and is the best when possible, I do think it is completely unfair to blanket all childcare programs in that category.
I have seen both sides of the argument. I believe that if a parent can afford to actually be present with thier child at home and teach and develop thier child, that is amazing. But working from home while your child is sitting in front of a screen all day is not the way either.
If a parent finds a quality childcare program a child can absolutely thrive. Especially after the pandemic the rate of children with developmental delays is at an all time high. Instead of blaming each other we would benefit more by working together as a village.
It’s easy to blame child care providers, but there should also be an equal amount of appreciation for all of the HARD work that goes into nurturing and developing children in the most critical stage in thier development.
There are programs who genuinely care and believe in creating a safe, loving, and educational environment.
For the ones who don’t let’s shut them down😑
I agree! I visit my kids daycare every few hours to breastfeed when young and she thrived and loved it! I agree leaving a baby alone for many hours can give them too much anxiety and mom can slowly back off on frequency based on how the child responds. Unfortunately most employers dont allow mom the flexibility they need at work without a huge pay cut. Many stay at home moms i know also leave there kids in front of a tv all day so each situation is not so black and white. Cameras also help too!
Now this is my pain point. I’d love to keep him home but due to the demands of my job… he’d be in front of a screen by me or his grandparents. He has behavioral issues and I know he just wants me more. I’m a single mom but not giving up on getting out of the rat race because my son is depending on it.
THANK YOU FOR THIS COMMENT
@@femaligned ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this comment, I was getting anxious about my boys being in daycare; one is almost 4 and one is 2. They started 2 months ago and they’re happy, especially my 4 year old. It’s a lovely daycare and 3 out of the providers working there we know personally that are kind and very patient with the children. They’re very strict with government regulation and they are very clean and anticipate children’s needs very well. I feel guilty for putting my 2 year old but I didn’t want him to just watch tv all day bc I’m not free to just play with him all day.
Thank you for this video. I will watch it with my husband and discuss how we can raise our son the best way possible ❤
Thank you so much for bookmarking this, I hope you enjoy! Let us know your thoughts after watching!
Thank you Dr.I can tell that you are dedicated to address the real issues no one talks about.
My hubby and I worked alternating schedules to take care of our first born at home. Now, I am pregnant with my second, I plan to continue to work from home indefinitely to be with my children.
Thank you, Dr. Josh Axe for bringing up this topic. Children and their families are the future of this country, and their well-being is very important. To all future and current parents, try to be with your children at least when they're infants. To make it possible and live on one income - live modest life, apply for local, state, and federal programs for low-income families and support each other. Infancy is a priceless time that you will never bring back.🙏❤️👶
I had my mom home till I was 8. Didn't go to kindergarten, was super excited to start school at 7 because I was constnatly craving being around other kids and I have adhd because my dad had adhd. I always asked my mom why did other children get to go to kindergarten and I didn't. Here the norm is to go from 2. My son went 2.5yo for around 5 hours a day and was happy for grandma to pick him up. My daughter at almost 3yo refused to leave the kindergarten and wanted to stay and sleep there and be picked up later. Where I live, education is compulsary from 4y and 6m that is the max you can keep them home.
In the late 70’s and early 80’s we gave up a lot for me to stay home while the kids were little. We stayed in our small home and drove one car for a while many others were moving into larger homes in the suburbs. I know things have gotten expensive but I think they always were. We can do without a lot of material things. 8-10 hours a day is too long for a toddler to be away from mothers. Kids don’t really need pre-school. Another lie we have been told.
Sometimes preschool is a source of food, a warm place, a place where they can get a head start on their education due to certain family situations. Children are extremely intelligent and education at a young age is crucial.
@@rhondasaab6656::: Governments need to shift their thinking towards budgeting that supports families, rather than institutions.
Kids need preschool if the parents are not involved with their upbringing.
It is a fact that kids without proper learning in their preschool years are always playing catchup. Loving books is so essential at a preschool age but many parents don’t see the value or are not willing to put the work in.
In those instances, preschool is a necessity so the child doesn’t fall too far behind.
In my case I kept my children until they were 6 but at home we were always reading, learning, cooking, exploring.
They have been top of their class ever since they started school. Love research, books and everything related to learning.
I understand your point of preschool not being a necessity but in reality it depends on the parents.
@@rtaveras84 yes under those circumstances it would make sense. Sad.
@@rhondasaab6656No education at a young age isn’t crucial. That’s another lie that Americans have been sold. What’s important during the first five years for healthy brain development is play, not education.
Finland has one of the best school systems in the world and kids start first grade there at age 7. Kids in Finland start kindergarten at age 6. Finnish kids outperform American kids in the PISA survey every year.
I found a way to work as a single mama bc it kept me sane and developed me. I got maternity pay and worked as a teacher when my baby went to sleep. I still do the same and my honey bear is 4. I never once had anyone look after him. He was babysat for maybe 4 times throughout his 4 years of life and w a camera in my room. Yes to emotional refuelling. That's why parenting is so hard emotionally. Our kids live and thrive from that fuel. And we need to consciously refuel our emotional tank as parents.
I was taken out of daycare at a young age due to how badly it was impacting me. But, both my parents worked so I just stayed at home alone all day during the summer and walked myself home from the bus stop after school to be home alone until my parents got home. I was alone A LOT.
This is excellent! I stayed home with all four of mine until kindergarten and they're all doing well. I also taught preschool and worked in daycare and saw firsthand the effects that long separations from parents has on kids. America needs to make some big changes in this area.
This is why I still only work part time , to stay more time with my kids . I work in a daycare , some parents just drop them for 8, 9 , 10 hours , with worse food possible . Not even fresh homemade . It’s a sad situation
@MarcialLopes-gm1jk... True, a percentage of parents don't care. But, these women need help from their tribe and there's no tribe. Also, the men, if they're even around, need mentoring and companionship from older men in the tribe. Plus, working together with uncles and brothers would help them with stress. People have become too isolated and it is harmful and inefficient for their families and society as a whole.
Almost didn't click on this video because my 3 yo is in daycare and I work... but this helpful and motivating to try to spend less time on work.
Well, I feel like a super terrible mother now. Thanks for the information. I try my best but I miss the mark with my children being in childcare. Very discouraging for me as a full-time working woman, loving mother, and caring wife.
Tell your husband he needs to earn more
Thank you for making this video. I'm a stay at home mom who has been feeling peer & family pressure to enroll our daughter into daycare for socialization purposes. So glad I saw this first!
Excellent video!
I used to child mind and parents had to leave their children with me and go to work
They were in tears and wanted to be with their babies!
Nothing else to say !
I was fortunate to be able to stay home with all five of my children, homeschooling them. They are grown now and I am still at home tending to my husband and our little homestead. I’ve loved every minute of it.
I would have loved to stay home with my baby, but as a solo parent based in the US I only had 3 months of paid leave. I did end up taking an additional 2 months unpaid and while I am glad I had the time with my baby I am still feeling the financial impact over a year later. I am not in a position to pause my career because I need to provide an income and benefits for my child. We were fortunate to be able to have a nanny until 16 months, due to an irregular healthcare schedule and the cost of a nanny in my area my little started daycare. So far I have managed that they only go 2 day a week but they can be long days.
I hope you support universal healthcare, more comprehensive paid family leave and better childcare subsidies to give parents more options.
Thank you for shedding light on this topic. Parents are looked down upon too often when a family such decides that one parent is going to sacrifice their career to be at home with their children. Nature did not intend for mothers to be away from their offsprings, but sadly our society has made the majority forget.
This is such an important video!!! Wish I could share with people who need it but they would never consider working less and having to live less lavishly. I pray young people learn this before starting families🙏🏻
There are studies to prove and debunk every and any topic you can think about. Behaviour disorders are multifaceted. In some cases daycare can even be a protection factor. They should stay as little as possible, but the strategies given are unrealistic to many people, I can say for my self.
There are in fact many studies about the positive impacts of day care.
So glad you recorded this video! One of your best. What could be more important than our health? The health of our children!
This is making me sad… I’ve been researching ADHD bc my daughter has been having emotional tantrums at daycare and I couldn’t figure out why. She started when she was 1 1/2. I want to be home with her but we can’t afford it… I’m soo torn😢
It makes all the sense in the world. Husband and I opted to do that, and my 2 years old is thriving !
There is something to be said for the traditional family roles of having a mother at home for the kids and to make healthy meals for the family and a comfortable home. I find it sad to see this eroding. I love that us women are getting more education and enjoying careers, however. But we need to have a balance. And employers need to understand the needs of a mother and a healthy family unit.
So amazing that you talk about this! I live in Norway and have 4 kids ages 6,4,3 and 7 months. In Norway over 90 procent of children under 5 go to daycare. We have a very generous parental leave, you get paid 80 procent for 1 year or 100 procent for 9 months. But after that year not many mothers are choosing to stay at home. I have been working part time for 5 years, I work 2-3 evenings/week. I switch with my husband when he comes from work att 15:30 and im back home at 21. I have had sooooo much negative comments during these years, that my kids will be behind socially etc. Thank you!
Public school is daycare too, in my opinion. My toddlers have thriving and precious relationships with my older kids thanks to homeschooling. They play together and love each other.
100% correct
Homeschool if possible for happier kids ❤❤❤
My mother is retired from CPS and my father was a police officer. I was home with a parent or with my grandparent until pre-kindergarten. I displayed symptoms of ADHD before the age of 1. I was taught how to control my behavior and was an honor roll student and had excellent conduct in school. My father also had ADHD. My niece does as well and was with her mother until kindergarten. I started taking medication in my early 30s. It has been helpful, but it is paired with CBT and an understanding of ADHD. I have a Master’s Degree in Accounting. I have always been an extrovert, but unstructured play when I did attend daycare after half-day kindergarten if it was during a period of time when my parents did have to work during that time. I was also allowed to go to my parents’ offices (or see the police car) and I knew where they were when we weren’t together.
I hate leaving my kid. I hate that women have been suckered into working over their family and now it’s almost impossible to live on one income
As difficult as it may be for me watching over 3 toddlers, I rather my babies stay with me until they are in the age of kindergarten. My 2 oldest are in school, and they were very much ready to start school. I homeschooled them for the 1st few years of their lives. My oldest children enjoy school and are very family oriented. I would not but my baby in a position where they feel scared to be without me on a daily basis. It is a sacrificial job, but well worth it at the end.
Thank you so much for this information. I truly appreciate it. For years I felt staying with my children was the right thing to do.
I've seen people put their kids in full time daycare at 6 weeks old. Honestly, with the price of daycare it would be cheaper, and better for the child, to stay home with them until kindergarten.
I live in the UK. I am a Childminder which is an alternative style of daycare. I would place it between grandparent/second home/small daycare environments. I work from my own home, ratio 1:3 and work to form a secure secondary attachment for my little ones. I get called Nanny by my little one. I have worked in a Nursery and Pre-School and understand the insecurity of the larger setting and emotional difficulties children face. I am interested in your results as it helps confirm that what I do does act as a further attachment as a stand in for parents. Unfortunately as the UK government is promoting funded childcare from 9 months, there will be increasing pressures to work for parents earlier and earlier.
I strongly believe the "engineers" of these systems in our societies know very well the consequences of their plans
I’m from the suburbs. We lived overseas and now we live in a small town with an amazing community. We have an amazing church, a wonderful library, non profit thrift store with great prices that people drive from all over to visit, hard working people in general. It’s wonderful. And there is nothing to stop us from visiting many other places to learn other cultures. And of course we have the internet so we can learn anything on CZcams we want. Best of both worlds.
This is not shocking. In fact, I'm more shocked that we don't have more messed up kids. Imagine yourself as a toddler being dropped off in the care of people who aren't your biological parents. In addition, you are there fending for yourself everyday against other toddlers.
Such a blessing to hear all this. As a homeschooling mom, I really needed to hear this.
I worked in a daycare it is heartbreaking. Those kids don't get much attention. And if the lead teacher doesn't like the parent 😢
I’m a full-time stay at home mom. One of my kids is still neurospicy. They are mildly dyslexic and have a hard time organizing. They struggle with executive function, which could be described as ADD. We are outside all the time, I read out loud, we avoid processed foods (no gummies or food fish etc), and I am a very organized person who has taken a LOT of time reading about the neurodivergent brain. We don’t medicate but I do supplement with OMega-3s for that child. Their circadian rhythm is also off by 1-2 hours, a hallmark of ADD. Even with the “perfect” schedule and life it is still hard. I do need to use melatonin with this child sometimes. But, I am doing my best!
I'm a full time stay home mom too, and also have a child with ADHD. I also know at least 2-3 friends who also are SAHMs with children with ADHD.
Dr. Axe, you are such a blessing. I truly enjoy all of your podcasts. This was great information😊 thank you!
This is why it's also important to space your children far enough apart that they each have individual attention when they're infants - at least 3 years apart and even better if it's 5 years (most children won't be jealous of a new sibling when they're older than that).
Daycare industry has a high staff turnover. Kids make bonds with educators then it’s lost when they leave. It takes time to build relationships with new educators.
So glad I get to stay home with my kids.
Thank you for sharing this information. As a new mum I have had to restructure how I think about daycare and realize that the normalization of daycare for very young children isn’t beneficial. Thank you for the tips.