Functioning with FLASHBACKS (+footage!): Our experience | Dissociative Identity Disorder & PTSD
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 14. 04. 2020
- Jamie (an alter) talks about our experience of functioning with flashbacks. We live our life with Dissociative Identity Disorder, and PTSD is part-in-parcel. However, we want to show that we can still function (and do!) despite our diagnosis and the effects it can give us. This is our story, and the effects of PTSD and/or DID may affect sufferers in different ways.
===Whilst we may give self-help tips and advice, we are not a replacement for any mental health professional===
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â Resources: â
â Dual/Continua Mental Health/Wellbeing Model: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
â Front and back brain infographic:
information.pods-online.org.u...
â High-functioning DID/PTSD:
(McLean:) www.mcleanhospital.org/sites/...
(Kluft: old article, small pool)
High-functioning multiple personality patients. Three cases. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3...
â Theory of structural dissociation:
psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-0...
â Treatment steps:
(1) information.pods-online.org.u...
(2) information.pods-online.org.u...
â Treatment guidelines (recommended steps for treatment):
www.isst-d.org/wp-content/upl...
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#dissociativeidentitydisorder #mentalhealth #psychology
â â â
Fans: âGaz is the best husband and cannot get any betterâ
Jamie: âHold my teaâ
Now I want tea
Theyâre both amazing đâ€ïž
Iâd say its a tie
@@malcaesar2221 Both can wear ties though .3.
âDID is not about the alters but the TRAUMAâ LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
Frrrrr
I carry a lot of trauma, and my boyfriend would always tell me to get over it. That life is life and I should just let it go. He once got so angry with me for having a panic attack because he was embarrassed. He left me a few days ago and it was crushing, because I do love him. But hearing Gaz try to calm you instead of shutting you out is a good reminder that I deserve more. And that there are partners out there who won't abandon you because of mental illness.
Bella B
You go, you grow girlfriendâŁïž
If it were possible I would like your reply TWICE... TWICEâŁïž
Bella B Iâm so sorry that he didnât treat you with the respect, empathy, and compassion that you deserve. Sometimes we love people who arenât worthy of our love. Itâs unfair and Iâm sorry youâre in pain, but Iâm so grateful that you are no longer with him if this is his reaction to your panic attacks. They are valid and real, and you have NO REASON to feel ashamed, regardless of how he feels. Please remember that you deserve better in the future. Wishing you well!
You do deserve more Bella. You do! Your perfect mate will understand and be there for you. Count on it.
I hope you stick to this!!! Iâve had a man tell me to get over it and stop crying and get angry at me for it which only made it a worse while having a panic attack and hyperventilating and Iâve also had a man who sat there saying what can I do? And as soon as I was able to get out the word âcatâ and he ran to get my cat & it calmed me down so much faster. (Iâve had my cat for 18 years and he knows when Iâm having a panic attack and will put himself on me and lick my face and it grounds me) It makes a massive difference having someone supportive there in those moments. You are better off alone than with someone who makes it worse. Good luck with this new chapter in your life â„ïž you can do it!
Sending you love and hugs xx
Oh Jess love. That flashback said so much about why us non-DID folks, with our inexplicable morbid curiosity about trauma, REALLY need to show respect and not ask stupid personal questions. Thank you for your frankness, it humbles me.
Thank you, this needed to be said! As a fellow non-DID viewer it was truly eye opening in a horrible (but very necessary) way.
oh i feel the same but i don't know wether i do or don't have did
@@LC-hb5ky Yes exactly, I'm the kind of person who has a morbid curiosity about things. I know I shouldn't really ask people or push them to tell me about the trauma that has happened in their life, but this video and that clip of Jess having a flashback, really made me understand why someone wouldn't want to talk about their trauma.
Well its not necessary to have did to have flashbacks and panic attacks from trauma. So I think the more correct way to frase it is. that the people that don't suffer from trauma need to show respect and not ask stupid questions. I myself suffer from trauma and flashbacks from sexsual assault, but still don't have did.
@@emmysworld2624 Good point.
I was aware that you guys have trauma and that it's the cause of your DID but actually hearing a panic attack really made me understand that fact. It was a really upsetting recording but what made me really upset and start crying was the idea that you guys had to go through something so bad and that someone did something so horrible to a child that this is the result. It took a lot of bravery to post that, but I feel like I've learned more about the PTSD side of DID just like everyone else who sees this video. Wish you guys the best, especially now with all of this uncertainty in the world!
Couldn't have put it in better words. My immediate feeling was one of needing to comfort and protect. I don't know them personally but a part of me wishes i could take some of the pain even if it would only give them a little relief. I cant imagine the terror of having to relive something like that. It takes so much courage to put up a video like this and with everything going on in the DID community, this is such an important message. Thank goodness they have Gaz. â€
I was thinking the same thing!! I work with kids and I cant stand the thought of someone hurting her like this. God I wish I could have protected her. Guess we all feel like we know her. She and the system are our friends now and we want to protect them.
I can't have said it any better myself. I'm still crying. Just the thought of someone hurting a child so badly that they are this affected as an adult, having flashbacks and panic attacks... My heart breaks for them.
I agree! While I do know that trauma is the cause of DID, I tend to forget about it when I'm watching video of those who have it and when I realize it again I always think it's so unfair that those people had to go through something so awful
I agree. I knew that they have trauma. But.... I never realized what that really meant. This is horrible, simply horrible that someone would do something so terrible.
Also, can we all talk about how sweet Gaz was? Iâm so glad that you have a husband like that.
Aideé Franco
Yes, PLEASE âŁïž
Gaz is a gem isn't he!
He is so understanding and gentle. Itâs so nice to see them together because the system is also protected on the outside world. And even though they have flashbacks they are not alone anymore and those horrible things wonât happen again đâ€ïž
My bf is exactly the same as gaz
AideĂ© Franco my bf is trying to be Gaz but he hurt me as well and heâs sorry
"People like us aren't monsters but, the abusers who made us this way, are."
I don't know the reason why I used to have panic attacks regularly but I believe I put them behind me and that clip was totally heart-wrenching for it was...real. That's how it looks like, and that's why it happens and I hope with all of my being that you can manage this in time, I know you will.
My partner has CPTSD and her panic attacks with/triggered by flashbacks sound so so similar to this. As a S/O, it is one of the most harrowing and horrific things to watch the person you love experience pain like this and to feel so useless. Listening to Gaz repeat the same things I say, the same way that I say them, is strange comfort to me. I do what I can, but most of the time, I am only her reminder to breathe. I admire the bravery it takes to show such vulnerability and honesty, especially with the nature of trauma-responses in DID and the openness of a platform like YT. Every day that I get to learn and listen to Jess and the boys is a privilege, and a step towards being a gentler and more understanding person overall. I am a better partner, daughter, and friend because of this channel. I approach the traumas of my loved ones, and my own trauma, with much more care and consideration. Thank you for sharing this with us, thank you for trusting us with this, and thank you for being a source of such light and compassion in a time of chaos like right now. â€ïž
Rachel Ekstrom
As someone with DID whose partner has been there to support us through flashbacks, even just being there and saying âitâs okayâ means so so much. Youâre an amazing kind person, never forget that â€ïž
Sending you and your partner love today.
Staying with someone is sometimes all they need. I think you did the right thing.
This is the side of DID that some forget about when they say things like "I wish I had DID" or "Isn't it just like having friends in your head?" It's so much more than that. We thank you all for being brave and putting something so personal out there for people to see. Much love from our system â€ïž
My thoughts exactly.
-Nils
This is so true, people forget about the dark side of it all
you don't need DID to have a system either.
To be fair, some people who say they wish that they had DID have experienced intense childhood trauma and developed different coping mechanisms. Some of these people are alive, but living in a Hell mentally that they believe that having DID would give them a brief reprieve from. It's still wrong to look at someome with DID who was able to get educated and work despite PTSD and to see DID as something that could have made dealing with their trauma easier because it invalidates all the hard work the person with DID had to put in to get to that level of functioning, but I can understand why something struggling to cope with their own mental illness and still do basic necessary self care things like bathe because they're too triggered by something would see DID as having some part of you that cares enough about you to take care of you during rough patches when you're not able to take care of yourself, and it likely says a lot about the failings of the current systems we have in place to take care of the mentally ill that some people are too low functioning to take care of themselves, but see no way that they could find outside support, so instead they envy those who have protectors.
What these people don't seem to understand is the survivor's bias fallacy. A lot of the people with DID that you see on youtube are educated and capable of working and self care, but those incapable of such things wouldn't usually be making youtube videos. You're seeing the "success stories" of people who have managed to get to this point of functionality, odds are there are plenty of people with DID coping just as poorly as those with PTSD and other mental health conditions.
FrickenDweeb
Yeah, I know what you mean. I find those people often forget that DID isnât that convenient. Sometimes a traumatized alter ends up being front stuck for long periods of time. Sometimes the only alter who is capable of, for example, taking a shower, is nowhere to be found. Sometimes an alter goes unexpectedly dormant and throws your entire life off balance. Sometimes time loss can be really scary and cause you to lose chunks of your life. Itâs very much not just taking a break whenever you want. Itâs being forced to take a break when you donât want to, and then getting front stuck when the last thing you want is to be fronting.
DID isnât inherently âbetterâ or âworseâ than PTSD. Theyâre different disorders and each has its own challenges.
As someone who doesnât have DID, but wants to be educated I want to just send as much love as I possibly can to everyone in the community and just the world in general. I got so emotional watching this as I have friends who have PTSD and it is so beyond brave of you to share this and everything else you share. Sending a ton of love and encouragement and thanks for everything you do â„ïž
Same here. I am only replying to this because I don't want to repeat the same thing you said. - Kayleigh
I wasnât expecting that at all I was crying listening to that.
Same đââïž I found this channel totally by accident but so glad, I've learned so much about DID but I think also about myself! Everything is so beautifully explained and so carefully presented.
Thank you, all of you for making this video, it must have been so difficult, it was difficult enough to watch xxx
Astrea's Web
Same here. I don't personally know anyone that has DID but I do have friends that suffer from PTSD and all that it comes with. I hope that I can become more educated in the subject and offer as much support as I can. I want to thank you guys for being so brave and allowing us all to learn from you so that we can also help others in a healthy wayđđ
Crying doesn't usually get to me... but that cry was so primal, such raw terror that it punched me right in the gut. I'm so sorry for what happened to you guys and I hope life will become easier. You forever have my support
As someone with cptsd, this is oddly.. comforting to see. Itâs absolutely heartwrenching donât get me wrong, but I have never had an experience with flashbacks similar in severity to mine being represented. People really arenât aware how terrible and debilitating it can be. Especially when you have no support system, or access to help.
I agree.
I'm getting mixed feeling because, as someone who doesn't have DID, this allows me to get a raw view of what u live with, but also makes me really sad and angry how the selfishness of another human been causes you that much pain :(. Truly admire your strenght and transparency and your will to educate us. Send you and your family a lot of love! đ
I literally started crying as soon as the audio clip started. I could not even imagine how scary having to relive any of those memories, in any capacity. I am so so sorry to all of you. And also I am so so thankful that you all have Gaz as someone to help in all ways that he can. This absolutely broke my heart, but I think could be so helpful and important to others. You are all so strong and I am so proud of you all for posting this. You are amazing!
I'm not sure why I'm *not* crying, honestly. M&M are an incredible team.
same... i got goosebumps and started crying.
it felt like I was hearing myself.
Thank you thatâs so kind of you đžđ
bunheadhil i think also, this is clearly terrifying for a full grown adult to just remember, imagine a child having to go through it. heart wrenching.
You said what I wanted to say and couldnât put in to words properly â€ïž
Hi all! Thank you so much for watching and helping us bring this subject to light!
There is a big trigger warning here for the audio clip involved as it's quite upsetting. The timestamps are as follows:
The panic attack begins at 3:51, increases to a flashback by 4:06 and ends at 5:28.
Links for further help & support are listed within the description, please take care of yourselves and practice self-care where necessary
Thank you for educating us and sharing this part of your personal experiences. I know it is hard but someone like me who don't have DID and hearing it happen for myself is powerful and I understand better now why people shouldn't joke about these things. I'd be terrified if it'd happen to me especially if I didn't have anyone like Gaz. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, it sounded horrible, but that made me realize things. I don't have DID, but other hmm.. complications (lol). I think I have been having panic attacks but I have been trying to diminish and undervalue this. I would never wish that my friends would do that. And I would never wish anybody to try to just endure them, like Ed did. So why do I do it to myself, huh?. Please take care.
Been to therapy for 2 years already and now I noticed, whoops.
The pain in your voice during the flashback is simply heartbreaking. Sending you and your family positive energy and strength.
Thank you I had to pause it and I couldn't forward it to the right point at first so this was helpful
I couldn't finish this part, it really brought flashbacks to me... and I had to forward it. I don't have DID, but, anxiety and depression are my main issues. Thank you for everything. Many of your videos had helped me in the past.
it hurts my heart to hear the raw pain and horror in the audio clip, and to know something so awful and horrifying happened to a child. the bravery of the whole system to put out something so personal is stunning. so much love to the system, and gaz, who is so lovely and wonderful. I have an anxiety disorder and I know how helpful it can be to have a loving and kind presence to guide you through the worst feelings and see you to the other side. you are all amazing people and you are breaking down barriers for mental health advocacy.
Those cries were purely harrowing, I'm so sorry for what you went through and continue to go through. I've been watching you since the early days and am so grateful you choose to share about your condition in such an insightful manner. You are so immensely strong as a system and Gaz seems like the most wonderful, helpful and supportive partner. I hope the therapy is going really well! â€
I dunno why but my mind kept trying to place that cry. I've only once or twice heard something similar, but never that intense. It almost reminds me of when I was going through drug withdrawal, and I was clenching every muscle in my body and having a panic attack and just sobbing /screaming. It was weird listening to that sound again.
Itâs mad to think that even after all of that stress from the flashback they still managed to pick up the camera and give us the knowledge and information about what was happening. Strong is an understatement.
Izzy D
âŁïžâŁïž
I was thinking something simular too. I have never had anything as horrible as this and yet on days when I'm having mentally down days I would never be able to turn on a camera to bare myself like that. It's unfathomly brave.
It was probably more for their treatment provider than for us
This was unbelievably courageous of you to put your vulnerability out there. These flashbacks can be horrific. It's nice to know I am not alone, yet I wish I were. That this disorder was never needed. That abuse/trauma was not in existence. But, this video helped in ways unspoken. I will go back into therapy with a heart that perhaps is a lil more brave. Again, thank you.
As a person with PTSD I greatly appreciate how incredibly vulnerable you have all been with showing panic attacks and flashbacks. Youâre powerful and your husband seems like a lovely support.
I actually started crying when i heard that voice recording. Gaz is so good of a husband and you all take care of yourselves. I couldn't imagine having to deal with something like that every day, it sound so heart wrenching. Im here to be educated as I had no idea that this was even a thing before a month ago and ive watched almost every video. Keep doing what youre doing and stay safe!
i cried too. is so hurtfull, and to think that something had happened to this sweet person, broke my heart
I didn't think I'd cry, just the second it played I was in tears.
Hearing that audio gave me the worst kind of chills. I had no idea flashbacks could be that intense! :( Thank you so much for sharing and educating. You are all immensely strong.
I hope they were real, and not some inner world or fictive phantom memmory flashback. I swear other people talk about inner world trauma is real.
kaiyodei
Was that seriously your first thought? Have some respect, dude đ This isnât the video to be making that type of comment on.
M&M doesnât have any fictives or inner world trauma as far as I know. And Jess has no access to their inner world anyway.
Fictives with trauma from their source are, from what Iâve encountered, usually trauma holders who hold actual trauma from the systemâs life, but with the safer distancing of being a fictional character. So while the memory itself is a false memory, the trauma is real. Does that make sense?
@@kaiyodei anything that exists or occurs in the inner world is a symbol of an original external trauma. I know that can be hard to understand for someone who doesn't have DID. But I'd relax on your reach to call people fakers. This is not the vid.
@@ashtenchambliss284 so if someone has a volcano go off in their inner world it "totaly happend and I need to treat it as if a real world volcano erupted"?
@@kaiyodei i think you should just stop commenting. i mean this in the politest way possible
Omg the worst part about the panic attack was that the audio sounded like a child crying. I'm so so sorry that you all have to experience this. I am sending you so much love and virtual hugs.
I am a therapist with a special interest in trauma and DID, I'm proud of all of you for this I think particularly Ed as I know from previous videos he is a little more private and hesitant about sharing this stuff. I feel like you're all moving forward together and it's beautiful to see đđ
The audio alone broke my heart. Really doesn't sound pleasant in the slightest. But it gives a clear imagine.. per say.. on how difficult D.I.D is. And it's dare I say interesting on how the body remembers but the mind doesn't! Sending lots of love guys, stay safe â€
Oof that was hard to watch. But I think it was equally so, so important too. Thank you guys for sharing this in order to shed some light on just how life altering the severe anxiety effects of these types of disorders can be, whilst also proving that people can still have a life outside of your own mental health struggles by taking the good and the bad as they come and learning to cope xxx
At age 13 when you thought till that moment âI donât have trauma and events that could cause trauma never happened to meâ and were told âyou went through traumatic events that you donât rememberâ it must have been so difficult to process. It really must have caused a lot of pain for you when you started having panic attacks and other crises. Iâm sorry that you had to deal with that
I used to think the same thing until someone opened my eyes..
Panic attacks suck, emotional flashbacks suck, auditory flashbacks suck, visual flashbacks suck, complete flashbacks suck. It's really hard to understand how badly they suck if you've never gone through them, but I believe your clip shows it really well. A part of my trauma was not expressing what was going on. I felt like I had to pretend to be okay to protect my family from all the ridicule I got from school. My panic attacks and flashbacks reflect that, they're quiet even when they're internally extremely violent, I just collapse, throw up, squeeze my own hand or leg, curl up in a ball and cry silently. I couldn't scream if I wanted to. It's interesting (as much as I had to take breaks in between) to see a loud version of that. The pain is real either way. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
i feel you. similarly to what you describe hiding my vulnerability was part of my trauma, and it still shows in my flashbacks/ resurfacing of trauma. especially when people are around it stays kind of under the surface, and i move into a dissociation when iÂŽm triggered, but a kind of very automated fawning dissociation like i switch into a persona that is totally fine to hide that iÂŽm breaking down, internally (and later then also outwardly, as soon as its safe)
but throught the course of my trauam recovery i have learned to become louder and more expressive (when safe to do so) when iÂŽm triggered, crying, sobbing screaming, and also physically going into positions that actually help my body to realese the trauma have proven useful to me.
It hurts my heart knowing that Ed, Jake, and Jess go through flashbacks and panic attacks. I know this probably won't mean much but I've watched you guys for a long time and I genuinely care about and appreciate you (or at least how you present yourself online) I want you to know that people care and you aren't alone pls stay safe đ
Jamie, Jess, Jake, Ed and Ollie you all are such amazing people. I can not imagine how difficult this particular video was to put out into the world. You are brave and worthy of so much more than the trauma you have been put through. I want you to know that we are here to listen and let your voice be heard. Sending you all, Gaz and Eve included, so much love and support.
Iâm sad that, for whatever reason, the systemâs or his, Anthony Padilla didnt have you in his thing on DID. Youâre all so amazing and have been working so hard to reduce the stigma. When I think of âDID spokesperson/activistââ Iâve always thought of you all.
So sorry things were tough at this point. Hoping theyâre better now, for all of you. đ
It's mostly bc they didn't have the funds to bring them to the US. They did want them for the vid tho!
anthony wanted jess for the video. dissociadid stole the slot from her. she's a snake
@@doom3798 they're a snake? Bc of what? Their availability?
@@amybenham1796 no. because she took the slot from jess. sheâs done many horrible things to other creators such as boboandco too. have a look at her subreddit.
@@doom3798Bruh the way you just used the subreddit as a source and misgendered them is such a big sign that ur just lying lmao
We have an alter in our system who is like this so much. Just screaming and crying. Just hearing you it was so similar like you had recorded her. I genuenly without thinking went into action stations to calm things and then remembered it was you. Even now my heart is beating so fast. I applaud you for being so brave and we really look up to you so much. To see someone experience what we do. To hear it. Thank you so much. Even with just this one video you have done so much. đđđđ
i hope for your sake they aren't one who thinks they are someone else's intellectual property, I am told we all need to treat them as real/valid/literary that character
@@kaiyodei ?
I had to pause hearing Jess panic made me cry right away. My panic attacks have gotten less the more i work with my d.i.d, but I'm right there with her, the pain and terror just...
Thank you for being honest and brave enough to share this.
We love you all. đ
Phenomenal courage and bravery, sharing something here, that for us, at least, is accompanied by massive shame and self recrimination for just not knowing what is happening or has happened, despite it having been so real at the time. It has been a while since we had flashbacks so devastating as the audio you shared, but we do get the body and emotional memories often. This disorder is so very clever, this was not a conscious "thing" to not remember, but not remembering has allowed us, me, to have some level of normalcy in some small way. What you have shared here is so powerful, it was impossible to not be affected by it. I listened with gritted teeth and tight jaw and a fuzzy head, remembering the last time we can actually recall this happening to us, but no matter what, not remembering what we were remembering!! Jamie, you explained this for people so well, so clearly, people who may be experiencing these types of fbs and bms etc and not being able to understand the logic behind their seemingly illogical experiences! It's frustrating to us that we have a lot of insight into the theories and current understandings of dissociation and fbs and dysregulation etc but as yet, no clue how to pivot that insight in the direction of our own experiences in order to help ourself. In short, it's hard to have good insight when you cant remember much about much! Though at least with good info, with explanations with the clarity and simplicity that you employ to share them with us, Jamie, at least we are able to apply them in the wake of confusion, even if we cant at the time, which is a vast improvement on before when we were just in a full time muddle! Somehow hearing these things from you-as a system with whom we relate strongly, though our presentation is far less florid- those insights carry much more weight and meaning than when we have read them written by well intentioned therapists who admit to never having experienced these things. Again, we are going to say-you are so brave, courageous and powerful to override the instinct to file this stuff away, manually compartmentalise the mess and keep the fact of your success and "okness" at the front of peoples' minds. In fact, to me, seeing and hearing the truth of your vulnerability, I believe that you are so much MORE successful, MORE ok and do even better than I knew you did anyway! Because you are not successful "in spite" of these painful experiences, you are successful and manage so well in addition to these being a part of your life. The biggest thing that I will take away from watching this is: being vulnerable does not make a person weak. Allowing your fear and vulnerability to be visible and to be afraid but do it anyway, that makes you so incredibly powerful, so full of courage. And this is why you survived, all of you. Because you were able to use your strengths to weather the most fearful and terrifying and dangerous storms, and find creative ways to survive and thrive. What others see as that Hollywood "monster" to us, seeing you now.... you are no monster, you are a warrior. You are the writer of your story. Thank you đ
I know you guys were debating whether or not you wanted to post this but I'm glad you did, I think it gives people without PTSD a good understanding of what it can be like. Times are tough right now in the community and in the world in general, take care of yourselves!
Our dog came running when she heard your panic attack. She was really alarmed. I hope you guys are okĂ© đ
mine too. bless their hearts. i usually keep it all together as good as i can and time my breakdowns for when he is with my friend. the joys of trauma. lol
I donât have DID but I do have PTSD and this was very validating. The audio was heartbreaking but as someone who has experienced flashbacks to this severity I felt so heard and understood. So thank you. â€ïž
Me too man! I started crying because I felt a strange sensation of relieve, because Jess sounds exactly like me. I also tend to scream and cry very loud and never felt more... Not alone
We weren't doagnosed w/DID until recently at age 51 and this makes so much sense why we didn't know all these years. Thank you! đđđ
Jen Scriven
Honestly I think that my system couldâve gone undiagnosed for a lot longer if we hadnât encountered DID videos on CZcams. We knew that we were experiencing PTSD, but we had no idea that DID was a trauma disorder so we never wouldâve guessed!
Wow 51 damn
47 and only learning this about myself now.
As heart wrenching as that audio was to hear, it definitely spoke VOLUMES about the side of DID & other mental illnesses that most people donât know about & this awareness is important... I do not have DID but I do struggle with mental illnesses of my own & I have had panic attacks, so this was triggering (I appreciate the warning, though) but it reminded me that those of us who struggle, in any way, are tremendously strong... I can not commend you enough for your bravery & transparency to show us this side & it pains me deeply that you have to go through this because some monster put you through this... Iâm so glad you have a supportive husband to help you & Iâm wishing your system the absolute best! Thank you for fighting the good fight! đđđ
I have CPTSD and suffer from flashbacks and anxiety attacks too. It's not fun. Hearing the absolute raw terror and pain in your voices, throughout the video, was very intense, very necessary for some people to understand, and very sad. I just wanted to reach out and hug you, to help you feel like you weren't alone. Sometimes in our pain and trauma it can feel that way, but I love how you reached for Gaz and how loving and supportive he is of you. Ed, you're not broken, babes. None of you are broken. The person who hurt you is. You are all survivors and have the strength of titans. Sending you much love and support.
Thank you for trusting us with this intimate side of you and your whole system, thank you also to Jamie for explaining everything so very well and thank you for making me and others who may suffer from panic attacks not feel so alone. Sending alll my love and well wishes đ
Jamie, you used the phrase "People with DID can still live fruitful lives." I have to say, I laughed out loud, because (of course) I heard in my brain the biblical phrase "Be fruitful and multiply!" How apropos! Love to you all, thank you for sharing yourself, your family, and your journey with us. I appreciate you so much!
I donât have DID, but I have PTSD and all the memories of my traumatic childhood. I envy the amnesia part of DID, because I remember everything and with so much detail itâs unbearable. Not only that, my trauma made me a person with better than average memory, and that includes the trauma memories. Watching videoâs about DID started as a curiosity thing for me, and I had no idea trauma is the thing that triggers DID to develop in the first place. After years of watching educational videos about DID, Iâm now in the fase of processing the trauma memories and trying to heal from the traumas. Probably a lot of people watching your videos started watching because of curiosity, but some suffered traumatic situations too, like me, and are getting help from these videos, like me.
I'm so sorry about your struggles, I really relate. Unfortunately you'll have to come to a point where you can thank your lucky stars. I remember being eighteen and wishing I could just forget all my trauma memories - suddenly develop amnesia and be done with it. Little did I know that I did have amnesia. Four years later I met my alters who had hidden TONS of additional trauma from me that was so much more severe than anything I remembered. I think about that amnesia wish often, and I just have to tell you to be careful what you wish for. If you don't have amnesia, it's because your brain determined that it's possible to heal from this one day. The trauma I hold looks so manageable now - if I held what even one of them held, I would be dead. I am so grateful to hold what I do. Perspective is a funny, bittersweet thing. Take care đ
@@ashtenchambliss284 As someone else who has childhood trauma, thank you for putting it into perspective. I'm failing at words to explain my gratitude
Trying to put together all the puzzles pieces is nothing to be envied. Iâm not discounting anyoneâs trauma, because I have experienced so much as well. Itâs best to just come to terms with your own experiences and feelings, and not compare it to others. We are here to help each other, but please donât say you envy someone who has amnesia.
@@KimTaura đ
Hearing the pain jess was in during that flashback was so so so upsetting. You can hear her literally reliving that trauma. I'm so sorry this happened to you
I cried and I didn't know hearing this would affect me this much. I've been sitting here teared up for about 20 minutes. And to think that you are far from the only one going through this. It's heart wrenching. Guys you are so strong and brave, even if you don't feel that way. Thank you for educating us non-DIDs and being so open about your experiences. I know it sounds cheeky but I love you all so much. I feel like you're my friends of some sort even though you probably don't know I exist. Lots of love to each and every one of you, and Gaz and little Evee (or Eve, I'm not sure how to spell her name, sorry)
Edit: tried to become a patron... But I don't have a credit card. PayPal seems to require a credit card as well. So that sucks.
We appreciate you trying anyway! đ itâs honestly not expected! thank you ever so much for your kindness and lovely comment đ„°đ
Thank you. My best friend has DID and one of his EPâs is a little who Iâve witnessed have flashbacks and itâs so heartbreaking. All I can do is hold him until he switches again.
No, D.I.D isn't trendy and all funny awkhard situations
Thank you Jamie, for putting it into the light. You're all very brave, and determined for sending such a message by sharing your personal experience. You truly are models for our system
-Nils
I've had breakdowns that sound scarily similar to that and I think I might suffer from cptsd. Thank you for sharing this with us. As much as hearing a similar singular experience of trauma to what I have heard out of my body is terrifyingly reality shattering, it's also... something I am thankful you shared.
Wow this video was so eye opening. Iâve never really seen this part of someone who is struggling with DID and even though I knew that this disorder stems from the evil in the world but until now, everytime I watch a video from a DID creator it always slips my mind how horrible it really is. I was always only intrigued about the alters and their personality and just the surface of it. Cause just hearing about panic attacks isnât the same as actually hearing/seeing it happen. Thank you for sharing this. It must have been hard but you guys are very brave to do this. đđđđ
This broke my heartđ no one should have to go through this. It makes me angry people would do this to children and affect them for life
"We have to live a fractured life through no fault of our own"
Very well said Jamie â€ïžâ€ïž
I was diagnosed DID in 2003 and ever since my system has been aware of this channel, we have begun to have the utmost respect for youâre system.
Thank you for this, Jess and Jamie. I completely understand why you guys wouldn't want to show these things all the time. But your vulnerability in showing this footage just shows how DID is NOT something that should be romanticised or seen as something enviable, and I think that's a really important message to put out.
Can I also just say - Gaz was SO supportive
My heart broke when that audio clip played. You and the alters are amazing to be strong and share that with us.
Jamie, I donât have DID, I have written to you about de-stigmatising DID as Mindful Raven,I would still like to work with you on this, but only when you all are up to it. The community needs support.
This gives me such mixed emotions, heartache aswell as a sense of connection? I have D.I.D, and used to hear voices, and I've never heard someone go through that same sort of panic attack and flash back. I thought i was alone in feeling that intense retched pain, the sobbing and throat breaking crying, I didn't realise others have to go through that too. I'm so sorry. It's horrendous, and I never want anyone else to go through it. I wish I could take the pain and deal with it for both of us. â„ïž My heart goes to you
Oh my goodness Jamie thank you so much! Jess and the boys and Gaz, I'm so proud of you!!!! Good job guys this is amazing!
This is so helpful and gives us a sense of solidarity.
I don't often (you know ever) see other people experience panic attacks on this level.
Especially while staying functional.
Like we usually are.
Makes me feel like I'm not by myself.
I'm not so weird.
You guys aren't weird, so maybe I'm not.
Thanks guys
We love you
That audio clip broke my heart, I am so sorry that you experience this. I have so much admiration for you guys (and Gaz as well) for how brave and determined you are. Your channel is a lifeline to so many people. I think you are so creative and courageous and every video is so informative and personable. I am really glad that you have such a lovely family and a great career and although you're suffering you are still not letting it stop you from succeeding in life. In fact I think you have achieved more than most people ever will and that is fantastic. Keep going guys! Love and support, G x
It is extremely difficult to explain to a person who has not themselves experienced a flashback/s and/or panic attack/s how debilitating, horrifying, and seemingly never-ending it/they can be, but you have done so, so well with this video. It is one of the more honest videos I feel like I have seen and is so important for that. I'm so sorry for what you all have gone through.
This is a really remarkable thing for you to be willing to share. I'm embarrassed to say that, even as a long-time viewer of your channel and being logically aware that DID only exists because of trauma, there was still a part of me that thought, "but it's kinda cool, though, right? like, they have a whole inner world! there are multiple people in one person!" This raw reality was a wake-up call for me as to just how deep that trauma runs and what you have to deal with constantly. I send you so much love as you continue to do this hard work to process and heal.
This video is so so so important. DID is so much more than just having alters.
Also âItâs a nightmare! ... And, those too. They can happen too.â made me laugh WAY more than I should have asdfghjkl maybe because Iâm an ANP? Idk lol -Alex
Hearing that audio broke my heart...you guys are so strong and brave for posting this đ
I've tried three times to type this out, but each time just can't find the words to say. The audio clip was emotionally moving (Tldr: I cried), it made me want to reach through the screen and comfort you. Gaz is a wonderful person, and you are such an amazing bunch of people, I find you all absolutely inspiring! Thank you to the entire system for compromising on the audio clip, it just highlights the severity of DID and other PTSD related mental illnesses - it really isn't a joke. Thank you again, and sending love to you, your system and your family đ
I think this is my favorite video so far. âWe are not monsters but the people that made us this way areâ probably has to be my favorite thing Iâve ever heard â€ïž
That audio was powerful, so brave of you to share something so vulnerable!
For someone like me who doesnt have did but have mental disorders this was so raw and hard to watch, but I'm so glad I did as I have learned even more about you and the did community, thank you for doing what your doing and please stay strong â€đ†x
holy god. you weren't kidding that was going to be upsetting. im so sorry. i have ptsd too but never have episodes where i end up screaming. plenty of crying and dissociating and panicking, but i've never screamed like that before. im so sorry. i feel for you guys so much
being someone where i go completely nonverbal, like almost no crying, no speech, just pure breathing when i flash back, this really sent me back on how opposite someone else can be. this really showed me another side, and iâm glad you were brave enough to edit this and show this to the world
I can't even begin to process how hard and scary releasing this video must be. The amount of courage you guys have is unimaginable. You inspire me to handle life as best I can everyday
OMG thank you Jess for filming and explaining this, and thank you Jamie for presenting it all. Seriously, I can't imagine having this kind of courage, but this is so helpful l. We've been struggling to understand how we can be fine one minute and crushed or panicked the next. Feeling memories I don't recall or the kids having nightmares that seem to come from no where, etc. This makes so much sense now! And Jamie, you're manner and voice made it feel safe to think about this. I don't know if we could have got through it without your presence, so thank you for helping our protectors protect us while we learn.
Thank you, thank you, thank you â€ïž You after both being real heroes right now! And don't deny it, because you are (as a system) our hero and today you two just stepped that up to a new level.
I don't have DID, but I do have PTSD from my childhood. I've been going to trauma therapy for a year now and this video really resonated with me. Hearing the flashback made me feel less alone. I feel so alone when i have them and it's comforting to know that I'm not exactly abnormal.
I don't have DID but I have had panick attacks and yes I imagine mine sounded just like that. I am so thankful my husband is much like yours and can help me though that dark moment. I know how terrifying it can be to not have any control of the tears and the breathing. May your medications and therapy help you get back to a more stable place.. I haven't had an attack for a couple of years now, but I aslo have recognized many of my triggers and avoid them like the plague.
This hit me harder than I thought it would. I sometimes struggle with flashbacks, too. It's hard to see the dark side of the past, especially when you think you're stable and everything is fine. Send you lots and lots of love and strength. Stay safe.
Woah that was tough to watch, I canât even fathom the courage you must have to post this. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, itâs an incredibly important thing that people need to know about. You are all so inspirational and brave â€ïž
"But the people who made us this way, are." I love that.
On a personal level as someone who has had to relive flashbacks ourselves. Thank you for this video. It is so hard for people to understand what we are going through or what we are experiencing. The inability to sleep. The inability to feel safe in a safe environment at that moment in time. You have our support and well wishes. And thank you for sharing this. Thank you for advocating for those with mental health. Thank you for giving them a voice.
This was probably one of the hardest things I've ever watched/listened to, but I am so glad you guys took the chance to be vulnerable with your audience and the Internet. DID is so much more than the alters, thank you so much for taking the chance to educate everyone on this. I hope your trauma processing goes better, you are loved.
This is such an important video, Jess we just want to give you the biggest hug, when Iâve heard that awful cry on recordings of myself itâs always made me feel so alone, because no human should made a sound like that, no one should be in so much pain... but this video helps me to feel like others understand đ you are an incredible system of wonderful people and knowing that itâs normal to go through this stuff when you have a traumatic background just means everything... and learning what that means and how the brain is behaving is really helpful for people... thank you so much for putting this out đ
This was powerful in so many ways. I also am a practicing therapist who had to take a step back during studying due to being triggered and countertransferance, so I understand how much of a set back it can feel at the moment. Thank you for being vulnerable.
I can barely handle myself, and you have managed to all operate within one system. Props to you and I have definitely educated myself more into DID, and continuing to learn. Thank you, Jaime.
I've been watching your channel for years and I'm happy to say your channel was my introduction to DID. My view of the condition was shaped by you rather than the movies. Hearing the audio of your panic attack was a powerful tool to show how this type of pain consistently inflected on a child with no hope of escape can fragment. With that being said, I'll be happy to watch your journey as long as you post and I wish all of you well.
Sending lots of warm wishes your way! Always happy with any content you release and really grateful to be trusted with the vulnerability. â€ïžâ€ïž
So sorry that you have to go through this broke my heart hearing the audio but can I just say you are so brave for sharing this x
"I'm not defined by my scars but by my incredible ability to heal" đ
maybe by showing that you can prevent some people from wishing of having DID and stop the thought that it is so wonderful cos you have friends all the time with you and your own world inside your head. Truly much love from me in this dark times
The body memories are absolutely horrendous for us, we get them so long and so harsh that it can send us into a suicidal spiral if it doesn't end within a few days. This happens every month for around 5 days of increasingly long symptoms that then taper off after an apex of intensity. The flashbacks are are almost entirely tactile, with audio features, and with extreme insomnia, full body ratcheting up tension, and hyperarousal in every way. We have found nothing effective for this, grounding has made it worse, no medication has been approved for this shit... So now we self-medicate ourselves into a "coma" to get through.
You guys are incredibly brave for showing this, we are terrified of being seen that way but it is so so helpful for us to see that we're not making this up. Thank you đ€
I'm sorry you all are dealing with these attacks. We all here on CZcams love you and are sending our love. I hope things get better for all of you. You're all so strong and smart and I'm extremely thankful for all of you and this channel. Thank you for sharing all this with us.
So hard, but IMPORTANT, to listen to.
This is what it sounds like when my mom has a panic attack (not PTSD flashbacks to our knowledge) and I always feel so helpless.
It is helpful to know that these reactions are something others do as well. It feels like the end of the world. It's terrifying. It sounds like death. What a... sad normal? I'm having a really hard time expressing myself. I feel I might accidentally come across insincere or dismissive.
Hearing Gaz helps. I have panic attacks but nothing like this. And occasionally during this there are calls to die. I want to be able to support like this.
Thanks for listening. For sharing. You guys inspire.
Jamie is so eloquently spoken đ love ALL of you.
I respect Jamie and all of the rest of you so much for sharing so many personal things about yourself in the interest of educating others like myself who don't have DID or PTSD. It can't be an easy decision to put things like this out there - thank you so much for being so raw with us
You are so brave for posting this, I feel like Iâve been following along for so long but it has NEVER hit like this. This is so important for people to know. This is raw and real.
I want you to know, I found your channel after I witnessed a very traumatic event. Although I do not have DID, I do suffer from PTSD and some memory blocks. You all help me so very much by showing that we are not alone. I have so much love and gratitude for everyone. Thank you.
This is the side of DID that people don't normally see. Thank you for making this video. It's hard to watch and we know the struggle but it's so important for people to know how horrible it is to be a heavily traumatised child. Although we deal with the same things, it's so saddening to see others like us struggle with the same things. Sorry for the wobbly sentences, I'm all over the shop. You are wonderful and I'm so happy that you have at least a wonderful person in your life and were able to build a family and a safe place. Much love from us to you!
Oh my heart. My heart for you all. I donât know how to convey how strong, intelligent and wonderful you all are.
I canât believe how long Iâve been following you all - Iâve been so happy to see you get married, have a baby girl, Ollie growing and maturing, and you continually reaching out to help others at the same time and braving your own trauma. Thank you.
It was SO brave for you to even post the audio of your attack up. The last time I heard someone crying like that they had dislocated their ankle during a rugby game. And just like then, hearing you cry out broke my heart. I cannot even fathom how terrifying it would be for your body to react to something you cant mentally remember happening. You are all so so so amazing. You are so tough and amazing warriors.
I'm so sorry that you bear the consequences of another's horrible choices. You are so strong and sharing your story is such a brave way to help others.
That was absolutely heart wrenching, but so so important to share. We're so proud of you, we think you're so so brave. This was an amazing and impactful video, and I really loved the explanations of what was going on, it really is helping us understand ourselves too. We're also so glad that you have Gaz to help you through all of this. We love you all so much and think you're absolutely incredible for sharing this with us
You all are sooo strong. Ed, im proud of you for all that you have to overcome. In my opinion you are the strongest most wonderful human being and tho you were "made" to carry this trama, you do it with class and strength of heart. Jamie, i want to thank you for taking care of all of them through this hard time. Jess, you ate such a beautiful and strong mother/boss/wife. Gaz is lucky to have you. Oli, keep being you mate. Your doing great and its been a treat to watch you grow up. Jake, keep your head up
Your are all doing so awesome. Thank you for sharing this and thank you for teaching us. Lots of love from North Dakota in the USA.
This video left me speechless and I really am unsure what to say. But, I wanted to let you know that this is a great video. Jamie did a wonderful job explaining the medical aide of it. And, Sometimes it's good to give people not suffering a disorder a reality check of what its really like. I'm sorry for the pain you have to endure, but thank you for being vulnerable enough to release this video.
Also, I'm so glad you and Gaz have found each other.
I found this video and didn't expect how I would leave this video. Honestly I really get caught up in the whole alters and different people in one body. This video made it real. The audio made me realize that DID is severe and not fun. But I found it so strong that you guys shared that audio and talked about the darker side of DID.