So I started a celibacy journey after a breakup. I healed. I spent time with God & myself. I created a list classifying my type. Except this list included things like.... Godly man, family oriented, mature, financially responsible, etc. I continued doing me for 3 years but I became so consumed with me I didn’t notice 3 years had went by. If he didn’t fit my mold, I didn’t look twice. People told me he didn’t exist, there are no Godly men left. Then God led him to me. An old friend, who spent the last 3 years experiencing the same exact season I was. He exist Nik, allow God to create your list then focus on yourself and your kids. He will find you.
What do you guys think? I think there isn't anything wrong with having a type, but as long as it doesn't blind you to red flags and poor behaviour. It's easy to look past someone's bad actions due to them being your strong 'type'. Have you ever dated someone toxic you couldn't leave because they were your type? I'm curious how often this happens in dating.
For me, it was more of this complex where i had to "fix" people. When I stopped and looked back, I realized that my type seemed to be men with issues and emotional immaturity. I would somehow find them even more attractive because i guess they needed me?? Nah fam. No more! After my last relationship when I finally caught that pattern, as soon as it smells like red flags. Im out. I'm not Jesus. I Can't fix people who don't even care enough to work o n themselves. So yeah lol 😅. Thanks Nikki for this video ❤❤ I am happy to see you glowing and I wish happiness for you and your family!
You do struggle to change a certain things but at the end of the day you cant fix that you just have to drag yourself out of that relationship. (this is my experience)
One thing I've learned is that when a man asks you what you're looking for in a man, don't tell him. Some men know how to adapt and act like they have what you want or need but after a while their true colors will show. Unfortunately, some women will be stuck in relationships or marriages for years before they realize that man isn't who he said he was.
🌱🏺Ms Nandi Marie: I remember you, you commented on something I wrote about childbearing and age ...a topic directed to Meghan Mountbatten-Windsor. Your position was, you had children... one close to 40 and another beyond 40 AND LIFE WAS GOOD. In childbearing "one AGE rule doesn't fit all." 🌱 🍒 Dec 9, 2020
My mom used to tell me the same thing...she recently passed away, but I remember all of those little golden nuggets of wisdom she would give. This is one I never forgot .
@@Coolkem1 tell me what it is..if men judge you on looks..obviously they judge on beauty..its not rocket science..this is something that we all know men do..however it doesn't mean they will cancel out an 'ugly ' person..particularly if they only want sex
Paula says "know yourself". I would like to add that you need to be mentally strong in a relationship. You need the strength to walk away if you aren't being treated right. You need the strength to not have cheating or betrayal or other mistreatment break you. Especially, when you have kids. Your kids come first.
I used to have a "type" but funny enough whenever I saw a guy who was my type I never really wanted to date him. Now I'm married to a man who is miles away from my "type" and funny enough somehow I feel like he's my real type.
"There's a difference between being accountable for your actions and blaming you for everything" Yes Nikki biiiig difference! And men will try to convince you it's the same thing. Those are the ones to run away from.
P.S. I have been married for almost 30 years my husband is a cutie. Everyone loves him he's a really nice person. Thankfully, I never had a type otherwise I never would have married him and probably would have married the wrong guy. Having a type puts you in a hole and limits you greatly. Then results in wasted time, divorce, ugly breakups. Instead, you should have a list of things that are definitely NOT acceptable, common sense to read red flags and the writing on the wall. Lastly, anyone that wants to be with someone simply because of how they look are definitely not worth anyone's time. What if you have an accident, become ill, what if you have a birth defect and they don't know about it yet what about when you get old. What if what if 😒👎
My type is d man who worships d ground I walk on. My friend met her now husband of 4 yrs in college at a nite club. A week after they met she found herself in ER with advanced Tuberculosis, a disease which has a stigma to it. He barely knew her but kept checking on her and waited till she recovered. Might I add he is dashingly handsome and an Oxford Uni graduate of Engineering. What am I saying?. A man who is determined to love me is my type. Simple
Same. I nevee had a type. Ive always been open minded when it comes to looks. I feel like it just comes naturally when you find out you love someone. I just cared that they were God fearing, family oriented, ambitious, and not prideful. Im open to different heights, races, cultures. You dont have to be in the best shape but at least able to walk up a floor of stairs without being out of breath lol
Exactly all this superficial love they can keep it. Don’t make God teach you a lesson. They should go w their type though bc think ab it nobody wants to be the one you settle with bc you couldn’t get who you wanted.
* LONG POST ALERT *Normally I don’t comment and add my two cents but I want to chime in. I’ve been watching Nikki since she was enrolled in nursing school, got pregnant with Ava and decided she was going to step away from the nursing thing for a while. I watched after she gave birth to Ava and how her then partner would go out to clubs and party all night while she took care of the kids. I watched as she transformed into a stay at home mom, not hanging with her girls and slowly kind of losing her identity to being a wife and mom. I watched her go from being bubbly and happy to complacent and “being there for family she envisioned not wanting to disappoint her kids.” It’s crazy how we go through these transitions in our lives, and how much were willing to give up for the sake of others. Also, how many excuses we will give to save face for our relationship even if we’re unhappy. I’ve been there too , so I’m not here to judge. My point is, I admire the place she’s in now. I admire that she’s hanging with family and being surrounded by people who treat her like a priority and push her to be her best self. I admire that she’s getting back out hanging with friends and having a life outside of your kids. It’s difficult as hell being a wife, mom and individual. So I applaud you being a single mom, healing and becoming the best version of yourself. We love to see you grow, and I’m excited to see what the future holds for you . Edited: I think a lot of people took my comment as blaming the ex, and that is/was by no means my intentions. I never stated it was her ex’s fault, I’m simply saying that sometimes we as women lose ourselves in the process of becoming a mom and a wife. 🤷🏾♀️ I can honestly say, I have! These are just some observations I’ve noticed through the years
Couldn’t agree more! In the past her family wasn’t even featuring only the creepy Mr and Mrs Perkins, plus Jamie’s creepy friends. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ Have you seen Nikkie’s dad- the Vet, so adorable and respects women. On Mother’s day he made me cry- he showed Nikki with so love and told her she is a very good mum. Damn now look at the sister - clearly their parents didn’t raise broken children. You remember bubbly Duckie, the brother so adorable too. In conclusion I thank God for rescuing you from creepy people. You are now yourself and restored. May God send you the right man honey! Love you Nikki- you Proverbs 31 lady, raised up so well. You know just like you I married a guy who didn’t do prom - my ex was expelled from high school and had to write exams as a private candidate- what did I expect? Thinking I could fix a messed up guy? Obviously you can’t do anything to fix messed up guys who don’t even allow you to Be yourself. I ended divorcing the guy after 19 years. Tell you what he is not even my right - serious acne, very short, narcissistic, bad tempered, mean, self centred, loves money and didn’t even help me on bills etc. He is still the same and abandoned his children after I divorced him. He is not even adhering to the court order on maintenance. But God being God, the children are restored and shining! These buggers! I don’t even understand why I married this man, not my type! I was young, naive, pitied him and thought he needs someone to help him get fixed. Poor guy he was all alone at his graduation at university. Opposite of me - my parents and all my siblings, some relatives and friends came.
I agree. I think sometimes women get lost in a marriage putting their husband and childrens needs ahead of their own and then the husbands can become complacent. Nikki is doing the right thing, taking time to get to know herself again and figure out what she wants and where she is going in life. She is young, she has plenty of time and she will find someone who will not only treasure her but will allow her to be whoever and whatever she wants to be. A true soulmate does that for their partner, they allow them space to grow and cheer them on in their endeavours instead of patting themselves on the back for having a 'trophy wife' who makes them look good.
As I guy I won't comment..LOL BUT....you should make this a regular thing! And you're right, you're more true to yourself now and I like it. Keep doing you, sis. It's a breath of fresh hair in these gutter ass times! ;)
Over time I learned that my type was a guy who respected me and was a leader in the areas where I was weak. I had other wants when it came to looks but it wasn’t a deal breaker as long as I found the guy attractive.
Being a man's type is not always the greatest thing. Sometimes a man will overlook the lack of chemistry or constant bickering and incompatibility just because they don't want to leave their ideal woman. This means that he'll refuse to let you go rather than avoid a toxic ass relationship. When a man has overlooked a number of things that you didn't have just because he likes you, he is much more likely to leave you when you disagree or when their physical ideal comes along. I think the safest bet is a good balance. To be fine enough to get your man hooked and be compatible enough to create a peaceful and long lasting union.
How do people honestly date in 2020 :/ I'm over this ghosting shit Needed this balcony chat!!! Totally agree, best to not have a type, personality and heart trumps looks any day....
@@FordGlitz I think people are becoming more narcissistic. Caring just about what works for them, their feelings, their convenience etc. I think some people take it as a cool trend 🤔
@@anonnona6433 this is the sad truth. One can determine whether they are interested from the get go. I have 0 understanding on being interested and when all seems to be going well u just vanish. We need to do better. Decide within yourself whether u want to be on 'talking terms' with someone. It becomes frustrating. In the end communication is key. And it seems we don't have that .
My husband definitely has a type. He and I met in art class when we were in middle school. He told me then, that I was beautiful. We have had ups and downs, but ultimately we only every wanted to grow old with each other. Our relationship was pre social media, he did some light stalking in school. Not in a harm you type way, but more of a I am serious about being with please don’t lose my number again. I did not lose his number again, and 20 years later we are still in love and best friends. He always tells me that I am beautiful even when I don’t feel that I am. He always tells me that he is lucky to have me. He is a great father, and husband. I did not have a type, but I love his eyes.
Paula is baaaaack! We love to see it. Certain people especially certain men are extremely superficial. Hence why as a woman, you should never settle to be with a man who doesn't view you as their first choice when choosing a partner. As your coach perfectly explained, once that man finds the woman he desires, he will LEAVE to be with said woman
I am over dating for now ... getting attached to a guy that is not ready to settle or ends up ghosting you for no reason ... I don't understand anything anymore. I hope you are going to find your person very soon guys ♥️
I feel the same. I have no problem attracting men, but they are all the same. Play games, not relationship-oriented, ghosting, or lying. I will rather be single and focus on myself. And it seems they stay trying to come into my life to f it up. I'm good. Either I will have a real man or nothing at all.
I think we have an issue in society where men think it’s okay to be emotionally distant. Some men trick women under guise of starting a relationship and end up ghosting you with no explanation. I think for now I’m better off not dating. I’ve been too open to ‘men with potential’ and they all suck. The men I’ve encountered have no morals at all and also have false pretenses ( which I obviously discovered after getting hurt). I’m every kind of done with dating.
The thing is you shouldn’t be getting “attached” to anyone. You should date and love freely. Allow people to come and leave as they please. I know it sounds overwhelming. But practicing non attachment is very important and a healthy concept. I think people date thinking it’s forever. Not everyone is permanent. Some people are lessons and some are blessings. Take it as a win. What’s meant for you will always be for you. I know it sounds cliche. But when you are healed dating is a very healthy concept. But if you find that dating brings you down especially when it doesn’t work. Heal yourself. Stay single for a minute. And try to understand why people leaving you causes you so much disturbance. Why do you crave that presence so bad? I mean if they are leaving or ghosting you it doesn’t sound like they were worthy of you anyway. Podcast books therapy & journaling has helped me a TON as I struggle with abandonment issues and have used a lot of my relationships as a means to feel validated.
Patricia Renee' I totally agree with you. I say date ALOT of guys but I personally would also add DON’T give up the pompom, because women that do that become attached but the men will grow cold! Because their hearts need time to catch up with their 🍆. So if they have to wait their heart will grow big but if they leave you for not putting out then they were just using you & you have just saved yourself a bigger heartache. Women don’t want to hear this, once she catches feelings she thinks putting out will make him stay but instead she was just created a bigger problem for herself. Because without true long-standing friendship, his heart will grow cold as soon as he gets it.
Dionna Nicole Well, I love Nikki’s style and personality and follow her in hopes of seeing good content on how she is handling this new life. Hate what this divorce is doing to her with the subliminal titles, the shade and downing her kids father on YT. The kids may find this content one day! If she is truly happy with her new life than why are we having to hear about her old life so much! Getting annoying and that’s my opinion, I’m entitled to it.
Ohhhhh snap she said she not dating anymore guys who needs fixing... this is tea ☕️ u can’t be a mom to a man Nikki. I’m happy you stood up for yourself.
Jeune Fille It can even just be compromising how you really feel, not feeling like you can be truthful about what you like and need, feeling worn out, and etc.
I know a lot of the older generation African couples who stay in a relationships for the sake for image. Whilst their emotions tank. It’s not worth it. So happy you’re looking after yourself and you choose happiness
Yes. Looking back on guys I was into previously, they all looked different.. Race, hair, height, eyes, body type, personality we’re all different. My boyfriend right now is white, blond and blue eyes, quite muscular. Never thought I would be into a guy like that, but he’s amazing.
Nah, a grown man does not have a type. Insecure men whos social surroundings dictate their prefrence have types. Dont trust anyone who's type is only physical
Men ALWAYS go for what they really truly like at the end of the day. I agree with you. That's why I only date men who I know love the way I look - I am totally their type.
Yes...I also think communication is also a waste of time for boys not men...with time this guy thinks the girl sounds like a repeated song... Men don't hurt women they love..if they hurt you just leave.
B B That’s why you only date men who you know love the way you look?? Huh?? If you only go after men that love the way you look, you have the wrong men. Looks fade & what’s more important is the respect & love you have for yourself & your positive attitude. Not your looks.
No it's boring to be with a man you don't gel with after the initial attraction calms down and feeling like you're by yourself. Now that's a bore for your ass.
Love this chat. It’s so important. I let go of the pressure I put on myself to date and be with a guy I love. Instead I’m just dating myself. Getting myself flowers. Solo trips etc. And it’s been AMAZING!
I've always told my single friends that you fix up houses not people. When you try doing this it always ends in tears. As for relationships I've always been an advocate of taking it just as seriously as you would your career or education, don't settle, be discerning ,be realistic and most importantly know yourself. If you don't even know what you want it's likely you will never be satisfied with what you get.
Yes dating is so hard now! This generation of men make me wish I was born in a different time...when a guy had no cellphone so he had to walk come see you.. so u kno he was serious if he walked that far!
I told my mom the same thing! Dating is sooooo complicated! I feel like I was born in the wrong time period. The men of this generation are very shallow, and puts emphasis on superficial things.
Paula is so sweet. You’re lucky to have her as an older sister she’s very caring, loving, and have no time for BS. Great chat and is always beautiful to see others perspective in life.
I don’t know how to put it but somehow I feel like Nikki is tryna say a lot probably from what she experienced but she doesn’t wanna say it all or be direct, I get you gal and that is totally fine because it’s also part of letting go and healing.. love you big times
I've been done with dating people with potential or needs "fixing". I used to be fixated on a certain aesthetic but as I've gotten older, I've realized that it's not that deep for me. I will say that at first sight, I do have to find them attractive. After that, it's chemistry and other things that are important to me.
My ex had a type and I wasn’t it. Took me awhile to leave him but I look back and see he constantly berated me and tried to change me to fit his type. I’m glad I opened my eyes and left him but sad it took me as long as I did because now my self image is tainted
@@Damnsaburna Omg are we the same person?! That's why it hurt more because I was thinking you weren't even MY type! Now you have me feeling bad about myself when I wasn't even interested to begin with! smh
@chi Absolutely..but not too much of it exists anymore. I thank God for my decent, caring, loving, hardworking, sexy, sensitive, dark chocolate man that I'm about to marry in a few months
I had a moment recently, where I stood up for myself in a relationship that was new and didn't really seem to have any direction. That lack of clarity turned my mind into a chaotic mess. I was afraid to say anything about it because, I was still very excited about the person and I wanted to just enjoy his company. At some point, when the chaos in my head became overwhelming, I decided to initiate an open conversation. It was so uncomfortable and I felt guilty for being as blunt as I was. I don't know why I felt bad about it... But we managed to get everything out in the open. To make our intentions and boundaries clear. We agreed that we would provide a safe space for each other to just be, without fear. I didn't feel comfortable with trusting him with me, as I am, and so, I would always watch my behaviour, and limit the extent of myself that I would show. Anyway, since having that conversation, I've come to learn that I can't expect to receive, or entertain a fearless love, when I am fearful. It's not his responsibility to open me up, and fix me, and vice versa, but it turns out that we were both in a place where we are actually ready for that kind of openness. It lead me to think that maybe, if you're not ready to deal with the real version of yourself, and are not quite okay with who that person is, or haven't taken the time to heal, grow, understand, and love yourself as you are, everything that you hope to achieve or become, kind of passes you by. I think that without self reflection, you'll never really understand why things happen. Sometimes we hold ourselves back, when the world is ready to embrace us, we just have to be ready too.
After the breakup from my son's dad I was single for a good year until I felt comfortable to date again. My current boyfriend is someone I would have overlooked but I'm happy I didn't because he makes me the happiest. I wasn't looking but I'm glad I gave him a chance and he's great with my son so that's a plus
Agree but thats so hard to find these days. Its mostly women who are religious. Even men in the church are just there to catch a church girl but they arent actually much of a follower themselves
Dating as a single mom is very serious. Bringing someone around your children especially little gurls would be very stressful. Def something that takes time and background checks lol.
@@sandyjaja1840 I said especially. Statistics prove girls ARE molested more than boys . But we ALL know it happens to boys too!! So nothing to be careful about what I said. Thx.
But why bring someone around your child that 1.hasn’t been properly vetted and 2. You even have that thought that they could be a predator 3. If you don’t see them long term an introduction is not needed.
Dana Harvey sis, no one thinks a man will prey on their children. People are predators often don’t “look” like it. They look like average good people...
People watching videos trying to analyze Nikki and her past. It’s dead guys! Sis is happy! She’s glowing! Shes moves on. She’s flourishing and blessed. Next!!!
I love these chats. This is great insight to who you are, how you think with kids and advice for women around the world. Keep doing these because as a young black woman this is perfect for me when I need a fresh perspective on a subject. Much love 💕💕💕💕💕
I think that people always show you who they’re when you first meet them just look and listen very close to what they’re doing and saying its God gift us
Omg I can't believe Nikki couldn't be herself all these years! I would go mad. That's the first thing I look for...can I be myself. If I feel uncomfortable being myself then it's not going anywhere.
She couldn't be herself.. and it was filmed for years ...And we didn't know our girl was having such a hard time... I feel like a bad friend 😞 I hope she is much better now. I hope she has found peace within her life.
IMO there was always an air of saddness around Nikki in her marriage. Yes it looked perfect on the outside but she rarely looked truly happy and I could always sense that about her. I hope she is happier now and eventually finds someone she can truly be herself with.
Marshals Journey yes she thought Jamie would go down to her level but most people don't lower their levels and neither would his friends. Here's hoping she stays in her lane this time.
The attracting broken men line resonated with me on a whole other level. My daughter's father said when he was looking, he was looking for someone with kids. Crazy! He was/is extremely broken mostly due to the fact that his mother committed suicide when he was little. Edit: I can also relate to being single so long that you just prefer not to date and deal with someone else's baggage. I much prefer to be on my own. My peace of mind and mental wellness is now in a far better place. I'm 35 and everyone keeps saying you're too young to make such a decision. I know what I want, and my peace is far too valuable.
I feel like you’re so much more confident and comfortable in your skin lately Nikki! You seem so genuinely content and that makes me so happy! Love these balcony chats and you and your sister’s skin!!! Literally GLOWING! Melanin poppin! Lol
Think she's taking time to rediscover who she actually is. When you are married you put your husband and your children ahead of yourself looking after everybody else and you can lose yourself in that role if you are not careful. Nikki is now starting to get to know herself again, thinking about what she wants and that is a good thing. I am glad she hasn't rushed into a relationship because she needs this time to heal to be ready for another relationship in the future and second time round hopefully she will meet someone who will truly love her for her and not just for her looks as a 'trophy wife' to make him look good.
I once had a type, and said I’ll “never” date someone of a “certain kind”. I dated my type and was unhappy, now happily dating that someone of a certain kind 😅 “never say never”
Wooow!!! Want the clapping hands emoji! ....So true...! Spot on... but boring can also be soooooooooo boring...LOL! When u the only 1 that can bring the spice..
I loved this Balcony Chat. I just has this conversation with my boyfriend about this. I think we always assign “type” as physical, but we have types emotionally and morally as well. I think that once you broaden the physical attributes that you find attractive it will be more plausible to find a happy and successful relationship. I do believe that you should be physically attracted to your partner, but people that prioritize emotional and moral features that then compliment a person’s physical appearance is a win win.
I asked God to choose the man for me- I've made a mess of things when I tried to find him myself😥God sees the future, He knows the man's heart, and his intentions. I asked Him to fulfill me, give me peace, and grant me patience while He's changing me into what my future man desires in his woman. Now I feel so much better leaving it in His hands💁🏾
Im new to dating after being in a relationship for 14 years and its discouraging because it feels that all of the men are trying to move too fast or they think they are players
Yesss my beautiful ladies I'm here to listen in!! ❤️ You're both glowing! Some people are so shallow and I feel sorry for them. As you grow wiser, looks are less important. Yes I agree as Nikki said, looks are important as you need to feel attracted to that person, but there needs to be depth to a person and greater qualities that stand out more than the looks. I like that freedom to be myself too. It's everything. And I looove what you said about not dating broken men. Not interested. We are not here to fix anyone 100%. Thank you ladies. This was wonderful to watch.
When I was single and childless, I purposely didn't date men with kids because I didn't want to have to worry about baby momma issues and let's be frank I also didn't want my income to go to someone else's . However if I was to divorce, I would strictly date men with children because I feel like I someone with kids can relate readily with the responsibilities of being a parent and the sacrifices that it entails. It's just easier.
Its my 1st time dating sum1 with kids. I don't have any. Its hard. I guess he expects me to be a mom, but i'm not 1. I expect to be important to him, but obviously his kids are his priority.
I was in a marriage for 27 years and have been on my own now for 9 years. The thought if dating terrifies me but the thought if being on my own for the rest of my life is not a great option. I am happy being single but would love to meet someone, but I have lost trust in men and don't know if I can ever trust another man again after my ex as I truly thought he was the one.
I couldn't agree more with this video. We should focus on values, respect, ones heart. And it doesn't matter if people on the outside think your relationship is boring. If you know you're happy and adored in your home (when the camera's are not on), that's all that matters. Forget about social media perfection. We all should stop wishing for peoples lives that we know absolutely nothing about. I admire you Niks and you're so blessed to have Paula. The best awaits you ladies :-). Bear hugs 💛
Great to have the chats back 🤎🤎. Re staying in shitty relationships sadly people stay all the time ... especially women and some men. I know a few miserable couples and neither is rich or wealthy. People are scared of the unknown, scared to be single, and a whole lot of reasons I don’t understand. But yes find the person who will respect and cherish you 😊😊
This was a really good convo, ladies! You’ve both raised great points. But just to backup what Nikki said, it’s not always about money why people stay. I’ve stayed with a type longer than I should’ve cause I thought I could save/heal them.
I love the patio conversations, Paula is so relatable not that you aren't too Nikki I just relate to Paula's story that was me. Thank God I snapped out of it after a few years. It was hard getting back on the dating seen but you have to wait until your mentally ready.
The fact that you've found yourself and know what your boundaries are speaks volumes! I sincerely pray that you blossom into the woman you've always envisioned but felt was unattainable. 💕💕💕
I don’t have a type honestly. Funny enough I’ve never dated or been in a relationship ever 😔 and I’m 25. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with me although I questioned myself A LOT lol I guess being shy and not going out does not help. I’ve been working and studying only but now that I have my masters I feel like it’s time to live 😩. All that to say that I don’t have a type. I usually prefer one’s character over looks so I’m rarely into the super handsome (by occidental standards)guys, even in movies or tv shows haha. I find guys with great personalities so attractive and the super good looking ones get annoying to me when I see that their personality is dull.
Congratulations on your Masters!! I had my first real relationship at 25. I waited. I can't give you a lot of advice about men. Just work, invest, save, have fun.They don't have to know everything about your finances. Find joy everyday.
I’m still watching but I just wanted to comment how I like this discussion. It’s not many people I think I could have a good chat with but you and your sister seem like me and my sisters kinda people.
you need a soulmate connection. When you are hit with that kind of connection that makes you feel you have known that person for a lifetime, you will know.
SCCB True! People put on a front in the beginning to keep you interested or get you hooked then the REAL person and all the brokenness comes tumbling out.
Superficial: Looks fade and change over time, illness, accidents, emotional issues, and life happens + aging. e.g. I got sick with cancer and looks and emotions change. depending on looks will only keep one in superficial engagements and it puts way to much pressure on what we look like. We need someone who is 100% together, we don't need grown men to take care of. That type of person will not add value to our lives...we don't need grown men acting like kids and don't add value. We have our own accountability in our lives and not projecting their issues on other people. That is abusive. Value is in someone with a moral and kind heart along with taking care of themselves. The issue is how you get along and vibe together. If one only relies on looks, they will be disappointment daily.
You are both so lovely! Nikki and Paula, you will get another chance! I was married for many years in a miserable marriage. I got the courage to leave and it took a while to get myself together. Eventually I met my husband and it's such a healthy marriage. I knew exactly what was non negotiable and what character I needed in my life. Date as much as possible and look out for any red flags ASAP. Don't waste your time or give a second chance to anything that makes you uncomfortable while dating. I remember being scared for a while that I was too ruthless because I would go on these dates and I am like okay I think this person seems like a decent person, then they would say something from left field and I would get this sinking feeling in my gut and I was done. I was so strict and adamant on what type of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and was not going to settle or make excuses. Trust me...its very possible to meet a life partner where things flow. We tend to marry where are self esteem is. The higher we value ourselves, the less chance of settling with a partner that does not know our value!
The crazy thing about having a type is... you MIGHT NOT BE YOUR TYPES TYPE!!!!
This is the one! lol
True but ocean is plenty of fish
You know the vibes! 😭🤣
Bruh and it hurts
@@shashavengesayi6055 tell me about it😣😣🤦🏾♀️
So I started a celibacy journey after a breakup. I healed. I spent time with God & myself. I created a list classifying my type. Except this list included things like.... Godly man, family oriented, mature, financially responsible, etc. I continued doing me for 3 years but I became so consumed with me I didn’t notice 3 years had went by. If he didn’t fit my mold, I didn’t look twice. People told me he didn’t exist, there are no Godly men left. Then God led him to me. An old friend, who spent the last 3 years experiencing the same exact season I was. He exist Nik, allow God to create your list then focus on yourself and your kids. He will find you.
This is a beautiful testimony. Gods grace to you
Facts
Yesssssss MAAAM
So beautiful
So true.
What do you guys think? I think there isn't anything wrong with having a type, but as long as it doesn't blind you to red flags and poor behaviour. It's easy to look past someone's bad actions due to them being your strong 'type'. Have you ever dated someone toxic you couldn't leave because they were your type? I'm curious how often this happens in dating.
For me, it was more of this complex where i had to "fix" people. When I stopped and looked back, I realized that my type seemed to be men with issues and emotional immaturity. I would somehow find them even more attractive because i guess they needed me?? Nah fam. No more! After my last relationship when I finally caught that pattern, as soon as it smells like red flags. Im out. I'm not Jesus. I Can't fix people who don't even care enough to work o n themselves. So yeah lol 😅. Thanks Nikki for this video ❤❤ I am happy to see you glowing and I wish happiness for you and your family!
I do not have a type but I do have a preference. Indeed big difference.
I don’t have a type but I do need the person I’m with to have certain values and morals. I don’t know if that goes under a type though.
nikki s type white and rich! come on girl lets not play around here.
You do struggle to change a certain things but at the end of the day you cant fix that you just have to drag yourself out of that relationship. (this is my experience)
One thing I've learned is that when a man asks you what you're looking for in a man, don't tell him. Some men know how to adapt and act like they have what you want or need but after a while their true colors will show. Unfortunately, some women will be stuck in relationships or marriages for years before they realize that man isn't who he said he was.
Yep! Been there
Woow.. yeees!! Agree!!!
The bigggest red flag right there
Wise words sis
wise words beyond your years.
I really like Paula. She has a positive energy. I would love to see another Balcony chat based on the topic of your sisterhood.
Yeah ... so true
That’s interesting and maybe include friendships.
She has that sister-mom vibe. I have a sister like that😍
I know 😫 she’s so amazing and transparent. Paula and Nikki are a beautiful combination
@simply pash Blessings and love 😇🙏
“Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30💙
Jescah Kahungu come on somebodyyyyyyy
👏🏾👏🏾
The END🙌🏽🙌🏽😘
Now that's correct
Amen 💯
The way the sun is just kissing y’all faces🤤🤤
Joe Ann I agree♥️
@Joe Ann sigh
Yes! Cheekbones are gorgeous! 🥰🥰🥰
The sun loves us.
“ We don’t need anymore guys that need fixing” Periodtttt Nikki!
Girl I hear you. These men are so broken. I've been married for three years but before that it was rough
I need somebody like your sister in my life. You can tell she has your back with ANYTHING!!! ❤
Single moms must be careful who they bring around their children.
🌱🏺Ms Nandi Marie: I remember you, you commented on something I wrote about childbearing and age ...a topic directed to Meghan Mountbatten-Windsor. Your position was, you had children... one close to 40 and another beyond 40 AND LIFE WAS GOOD. In childbearing "one AGE rule doesn't fit all." 🌱 🍒 Dec 9, 2020
Nikki; “we don’t need anymore guys that need fixing”
PERIOD
or women that need fixing....cause y'all out here doing the most honey. Jus saying...hmmm
Girl ain’t that the truth
@@hummingbird1016 LMAOOOOOOOOO LOL LOL
Periodt
My ex had a type. Once she came along I was gone! It didn't matter how awesome I was.
I found my guy now. It turned out to be best for me.
Wow. That’s crazy
That's true,and for the one who doesn't know,you spend so much time wondering what you did wrong,hating yourself for absolutely no reason
The thing about having a type is I don’t wanna seem picky but at the same time I don’t wanna just settle for anything. 😅
🤯
That’s why my mum would tell me “ men see with their eyes and women see with their hearts”
My mom used to tell me the same thing...she recently passed away, but I remember all of those little golden nuggets of wisdom she would give. This is one I never forgot .
Not a good saying. It implies that men judge on looks which we know...so look good because he will always be looking at someone pretttier
optimisticrealism x that’s not what the saying means though
Paige ....your mom is Soooooo wrong!!!!!!!
@@Coolkem1 tell me what it is..if men judge you on looks..obviously they judge on beauty..its not rocket science..this is something that we all know men do..however it doesn't mean they will cancel out an 'ugly ' person..particularly if they only want sex
With maturity, comes wisdom. You have grown, Nikki.
Paula says "know yourself". I would like to add that you need to be mentally strong in a relationship. You need the strength to walk away if you aren't being treated right. You need the strength to not have cheating or betrayal or other mistreatment break you. Especially, when you have kids. Your kids come first.
a great topic for the next balcony chat
I used to have a "type" but funny enough whenever I saw a guy who was my type I never really wanted to date him. Now I'm married to a man who is miles away from my "type" and funny enough somehow I feel like he's my real type.
Lol....
That’s why you always ask a man what his physical type is.. Or they’ll make you a placeholder till they find the one the ACTUALLY like.
Northern Light but why do you prefer dark skin women?
@Northern Light then you DO have a type
What you have said is so true
@@jessx8009 he clearly has a type
Men attraction is very physical. Women are not it’s biological tbh
"There's a difference between being accountable for your actions and blaming you for everything" Yes Nikki biiiig difference! And men will try to convince you it's the same thing. Those are the ones to run away from.
Exactly what I went through!!!! Now I am currently healing from emotional abuse.
THIS IS MY HUSBAND 100%...
Comment didn't age well 😂. It's on point with the current situation
P.S. I have been married for almost 30 years my husband is a cutie. Everyone loves him he's a really nice person. Thankfully, I never had a type otherwise I never would have married him and probably would have married the wrong guy. Having a type puts you in a hole and limits you greatly. Then results in wasted time, divorce, ugly breakups. Instead, you should have a list of things that are definitely NOT acceptable, common sense to read red flags and the writing on the wall. Lastly, anyone that wants to be with someone simply because of how they look are definitely not worth anyone's time. What if you have an accident, become ill, what if you have a birth defect and they don't know about it yet what about when you get old. What if what if 😒👎
My type is d man who worships d ground I walk on. My friend met her now husband of 4 yrs in college at a nite club. A week after they met she found herself in ER with advanced Tuberculosis, a disease which has a stigma to it. He barely knew her but kept checking on her and waited till she recovered. Might I add he is dashingly handsome and an Oxford Uni graduate of Engineering. What am I saying?. A man who is determined to love me is my type. Simple
Same. I nevee had a type. Ive always been open minded when it comes to looks. I feel like it just comes naturally when you find out you love someone. I just cared that they were God fearing, family oriented, ambitious, and not prideful. Im open to different heights, races, cultures. You dont have to be in the best shape but at least able to walk up a floor of stairs without being out of breath lol
Exactly all this superficial love they can keep it. Don’t make God teach you a lesson. They should go w their type though bc think ab it nobody wants to be the one you settle with bc you couldn’t get who you wanted.
This should be a weekly thing!
* LONG POST ALERT *Normally I don’t comment and add my two cents but I want to chime in. I’ve been watching Nikki since she was enrolled in nursing school, got pregnant with Ava and decided she was going to step away from the nursing thing for a while. I watched after she gave birth to Ava and how her then partner would go out to clubs and party all night while she took care of the kids. I watched as she transformed into a stay at home mom, not hanging with her girls and slowly kind of losing her identity to being a wife and mom. I watched her go from being bubbly and happy to complacent and “being there for family she envisioned not wanting to disappoint her kids.” It’s crazy how we go through these transitions in our lives, and how much were willing to give up for the sake of others. Also, how many excuses we will give to save face for our relationship even if we’re unhappy. I’ve been there too , so I’m not here to judge. My point is, I admire the place she’s in now. I admire that she’s hanging with family and being surrounded by people who treat her like a priority and push her to be her best self. I admire that she’s getting back out hanging with friends and having a life outside of your kids. It’s difficult as hell being a wife, mom and individual. So I applaud you being a single mom, healing and becoming the best version of yourself. We love to see you grow, and I’m excited to see what the future holds for you .
Edited: I think a lot of people took my comment as blaming the ex, and that is/was by no means my intentions. I never stated it was her ex’s fault, I’m simply saying that sometimes we as women lose ourselves in the process of becoming a mom and a wife. 🤷🏾♀️ I can honestly say, I have! These are just some observations I’ve noticed through the years
This made me cry. She sacrificed a lot but am glad she got out before it got too late
Couldn’t agree more! In the past her family wasn’t even featuring only the creepy Mr and Mrs Perkins, plus Jamie’s creepy friends. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ Have you seen Nikkie’s dad- the Vet, so adorable and respects women. On Mother’s day he made me cry- he showed Nikki with so love and told her she is a very good mum. Damn now look at the sister - clearly their parents didn’t raise broken children. You remember bubbly Duckie, the brother so adorable too. In conclusion I thank God for rescuing you from creepy people. You are now yourself and restored. May God send you the right man honey! Love you Nikki- you Proverbs 31 lady, raised up so well. You know just like you I married a guy who didn’t do prom - my ex was expelled from high school and had to write exams as a private candidate- what did I expect? Thinking I could fix a messed up guy? Obviously you can’t do anything to fix messed up guys who don’t even allow you to Be yourself. I ended divorcing the guy after 19 years. Tell you what he is not even my right - serious acne, very short, narcissistic, bad tempered, mean, self centred, loves money and didn’t even help me on bills etc. He is still the same and abandoned his children after I divorced him. He is not even adhering to the court order on maintenance. But God being God, the children are restored and shining! These buggers! I don’t even understand why I married this man, not my type! I was young, naive, pitied him and thought he needs someone to help him get fixed. Poor guy he was all alone at his graduation at university. Opposite of me - my parents and all my siblings, some relatives and friends came.
I agree. I think sometimes women get lost in a marriage putting their husband and childrens needs ahead of their own and then the husbands can become complacent.
Nikki is doing the right thing, taking time to get to know herself again and figure out what she wants and where she is going in life. She is young, she has plenty of time and she will find someone who will not only treasure her but will allow her to be whoever and whatever she wants to be. A true soulmate does that for their partner, they allow them space to grow and cheer them on in their endeavours instead of patting themselves on the back for having a 'trophy wife' who makes them look good.
FACTS
Thank you for this comment. #survivors!
As I guy I won't comment..LOL BUT....you should make this a regular thing! And you're right, you're more true to yourself now and I like it. Keep doing you, sis. It's a breath of fresh hair in these gutter ass times! ;)
Yes she is more herself now because she is with her interlectual and race equals and thats how she should choose in the future.
Over time I learned that my type was a guy who respected me and was a leader in the areas where I was weak. I had other wants when it came to looks but it wasn’t a deal breaker as long as I found the guy attractive.
1000%... this🔝
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
This should be the top comment
HELLO!!
Did u get married?
Don’t make your preference a prejudice. PERIOD 💯
Being a man's type is not always the greatest thing. Sometimes a man will overlook the lack of chemistry or constant bickering and incompatibility just because they don't want to leave their ideal woman. This means that he'll refuse to let you go rather than avoid a toxic ass relationship. When a man has overlooked a number of things that you didn't have just because he likes you, he is much more likely to leave you when you disagree or when their physical ideal comes along. I think the safest bet is a good balance. To be fine enough to get your man hooked and be compatible enough to create a peaceful and long lasting union.
You are spot on!
What could a girl possibly offer a guy who's dated several types of you! Look at leonardo dicaprio.
Hmmm you may have described my situation
How do people honestly date in 2020 :/ I'm over this ghosting shit
Needed this balcony chat!!! Totally agree, best to not have a type, personality and heart trumps looks any day....
gurl you have spoken..... like i dont get why people ghost. Dating is sooooo hard. Nikki please do a video on ghosting
@@FordGlitz I think people are becoming more narcissistic. Caring just about what works for them, their feelings, their convenience etc. I think some people take it as a cool trend 🤔
@@anonnona6433 this is the sad truth. One can determine whether they are interested from the get go. I have 0 understanding on being interested and when all seems to be going well u just vanish. We need to do better. Decide within yourself whether u want to be on 'talking terms' with someone. It becomes frustrating. In the end communication is key. And it seems we don't have that .
My husband definitely has a type. He and I met in art class when we were in middle school. He told me then, that I was beautiful. We have had ups and downs, but ultimately we only every wanted to grow old with each other. Our relationship was pre social media, he did some light stalking in school. Not in a harm you type way, but more of a I am serious about being with please don’t lose my number again. I did not lose his number again, and 20 years later we are still in love and best friends. He always tells me that I am beautiful even when I don’t feel that I am. He always tells me that he is lucky to have me. He is a great father, and husband. I did not have a type, but I love his eyes.
Aww this is so beautiful I’m happy for you guys love is so cool 🥰
Paula is baaaaack! We love to see it. Certain people especially certain men are extremely superficial.
Hence why as a woman, you should never settle to be with a man who doesn't view you as their first choice when choosing a partner. As your coach perfectly explained, once that man finds the woman he desires, he will LEAVE to be with said woman
Or he'll treat you badly until you leave... especially if there are kids involved and he doesn't want to look bad...😏😪
@@msbrt8638 what a sad and ignorant answer.
“Know yourself so nobody can walk all over you” - Paula
💯💯💯💯💯
I am over dating for now ... getting attached to a guy that is not ready to settle or ends up ghosting you for no reason ... I don't understand anything anymore.
I hope you are going to find your person very soon guys ♥️
I feel the same. I have no problem attracting men, but they are all the same. Play games, not relationship-oriented, ghosting, or lying. I will rather be single and focus on myself. And it seems they stay trying to come into my life to f it up. I'm good. Either I will have a real man or nothing at all.
@@bobfryfish YES!! Absolutely true
I think we have an issue in society where men think it’s okay to be emotionally distant. Some men trick women under guise of starting a relationship and end up ghosting you with no explanation. I think for now I’m better off not dating. I’ve been too open to ‘men with potential’ and they all suck. The men I’ve encountered have no morals at all and also have false pretenses ( which I obviously discovered after getting hurt). I’m every kind of done with dating.
The thing is you shouldn’t be getting “attached” to anyone. You should date and love freely. Allow people to come and leave as they please. I know it sounds overwhelming. But practicing non attachment is very important and a healthy concept. I think people date thinking it’s forever. Not everyone is permanent. Some people are lessons and some are blessings. Take it as a win. What’s meant for you will always be for you. I know it sounds cliche. But when you are healed dating is a very healthy concept. But if you find that dating brings you down especially when it doesn’t work. Heal yourself. Stay single for a minute. And try to understand why people leaving you causes you so much disturbance. Why do you crave that presence so bad? I mean if they are leaving or ghosting you it doesn’t sound like they were worthy of you anyway. Podcast books therapy & journaling has helped me a TON as I struggle with abandonment issues and have used a lot of my relationships as a means to feel validated.
Patricia Renee' I totally agree with you. I say date ALOT of guys but I personally would also add DON’T give up the pompom, because women that do that become attached but the men will grow cold! Because their hearts need time to catch up with their 🍆. So if they have to wait their heart will grow big but if they leave you for not putting out then they were just using you & you have just saved yourself a bigger heartache.
Women don’t want to hear this, once she catches feelings she thinks putting out will make him stay but instead she was just created a bigger problem for herself. Because without true long-standing friendship, his heart will grow cold as soon as he gets it.
You and Paula should discuss finances in relationship on the next balcony talk 😊 #loveyouguys
They can’t they only like to talk about their failed marriages and put it off as good advice.
The Organized Life and you’re here watching the video because?
Dionna Nicole Well, I love Nikki’s style and personality and follow her in hopes of seeing good content on how she is handling this new life. Hate what this divorce is doing to her with the subliminal titles, the shade and downing her kids father on YT. The kids may find this content one day! If she is truly happy with her new life than why are we having to hear about her old life so much! Getting annoying and that’s my opinion, I’m entitled to it.
The Organized Life 😂
“As a single mom , we attract broken ((gimme, gimme men)). PREACH NIKKI PREACH !! 🗣🗣🗣❤️
i’m so glad you said “you’re dating for your kids and kids are not a project” that is sooooo true, and is not talked about enough
Ohhhhh snap she said she not dating anymore guys who needs fixing... this is tea ☕️ u can’t be a mom to a man Nikki. I’m happy you stood up for yourself.
I was shocked when she said be herself 100% around the guy....sad that she was not able to do this in her last relationship.
@@jessieantwi4565 maybe she felt like she was playing a role.
@@wearenotpoetsx hmm okay
Jeune Fille It can even just be compromising how you really feel, not feeling like you can be truthful about what you like
and need, feeling worn out, and etc.
@@jessieantwi4565 because she married above herself, second time round let's pray she stays in her lane!!!!
I know a lot of the older generation African couples who stay in a relationships for the sake for image. Whilst their emotions tank. It’s not worth it. So happy you’re looking after yourself and you choose happiness
Broken guys are a no no huns.
I think women are more flexible with “types”
yes, you look at guys exes, almost 70% past gfs always look similar
Men are always the one ranting about having a “preference”. I’ve never heard a woman say that in my life.
@@amira_shmira 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😆😁😁loool
Yes. Looking back on guys I was into previously, they all looked different.. Race, hair, height, eyes, body type, personality we’re all different. My boyfriend right now is white, blond and blue eyes, quite muscular. Never thought I would be into a guy like that, but he’s amazing.
Nah, a grown man does not have a type. Insecure men whos social surroundings dictate their prefrence have types. Dont trust anyone who's type is only physical
Men ALWAYS go for what they really truly like at the end of the day. I agree with you. That's why I only date men who I know love the way I look - I am totally their type.
Yup! And when you date someone who thinks you’re their ideal girl, they usually treat you really well.
Yes...I also think communication is also a waste of time for boys not men...with time this guy thinks the girl sounds like a repeated song...
Men don't hurt women they love..if they hurt you just leave.
Annali that depends.
Great advice!
B B That’s why you only date men who you know love the way you look?? Huh?? If you only go after men that love the way you look, you have the wrong men. Looks fade & what’s more important is the respect & love you have for yourself & your positive attitude. Not your looks.
Having a big sister like Paula is EVERYTHING
paula's skin is everthing
There skin is velvety like milk chocolate, smooth and beautiful !!!
I was just thinking that their skin is 😍
They are soo beautiful!
Can't stop looking at herr 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Yaaaaaassss her skin is glowing and Goregous
I connect to a man's personality more than having a type.
Borrring
No it's boring to be with a man you don't gel with after the initial attraction calms down and feeling like you're by yourself. Now that's a bore for your ass.
Love this chat. It’s so important. I let go of the pressure I put on myself to date and be with a guy I love. Instead I’m just dating myself. Getting myself flowers. Solo trips etc. And it’s been AMAZING!
Nice
I've always told my single friends that you fix up houses not people. When you try doing this it always ends in tears. As for relationships I've always been an advocate of taking it just as seriously as you would your career or education, don't settle, be discerning ,be realistic and most importantly know yourself. If you don't even know what you want it's likely you will never be satisfied with what you get.
Putting "TYPES" aside I just have to comment that both of you ladies have such dark chocolate and flawless skin!
Just saying.........................
They are such beautiful women!
Yes
True
just a beautiful family... great gene's 😍
Yeah, I've been single for like 5 years but I dunno if I am ready to date. I see my friends and some of the stuff they go through and I'm like nah 😂😂
🙂
Yes dating is so hard now! This generation of men make me wish I was born in a different time...when a guy had no cellphone so he had to walk come see you.. so u kno he was serious if he walked that far!
I told my mom the same thing! Dating is sooooo complicated! I feel like I was born in the wrong time period. The men of this generation are very shallow, and puts emphasis on superficial things.
Facts man. This generation of men is not it.
@@helenfillie5434 They are not men. Real men know how to treat a woman right. They are just boys pretending to be men. Overgrown toddlers really.
@@krazyeclectic It's not complicated, it's just most men ain't shyt.
@Joe Ann I agree.
Paula is so sweet. You’re lucky to have her as an older sister she’s very caring, loving, and have no time for BS. Great chat and is always beautiful to see others perspective in life.
Hey Nikki, we missed you. Can't wait to hear this.
I don’t know how to put it but somehow I feel like Nikki is tryna say a lot probably from what she experienced but she doesn’t wanna say it all or be direct, I get you gal and that is totally fine because it’s also part of letting go and healing.. love you big times
I've been done with dating people with potential or needs "fixing". I used to be fixated on a certain aesthetic but as I've gotten older, I've realized that it's not that deep for me. I will say that at first sight, I do have to find them attractive. After that, it's chemistry and other things that are important to me.
My ex had a type and I wasn’t it. Took me awhile to leave him but I look back and see he constantly berated me and tried to change me to fit his type. I’m glad I opened my eyes and left him but sad it took me as long as I did because now my self image is tainted
I used to feel it tainted me but then I realized it was a lesson I had to learn about myself. Never again though.
Blue September hopefully I get to where u are. Slowly but sure I’m love loving myself again stay strong 💗
I’m experiencing the same thing as you. Your self image definitely taints and you started to devalue yourself. It’s a whole healing process.
Steph honestly just never gonna settle. Literally happened to me cuz he wasn’t my type to begin with. This what my dumb self get.
@@Damnsaburna Omg are we the same person?! That's why it hurt more because I was thinking you weren't even MY type! Now you have me feeling bad about myself when I wasn't even interested to begin with! smh
I pray you both find love! You’re both such beautiful individuals. Women with values, anyone that finds love with you will be lucky! ❤️
how about just wanting a decent person...let decency be a type
@chi Absolutely..but not too much of it exists anymore. I thank God for my decent, caring, loving, hardworking, sexy, sensitive, dark chocolate man that I'm about to marry in a few months
@chi thank you 🙂
I don’t think it’s that difficult to find a decent partner. There are plenty of decent human beings... it goes deeper than that
How about a normal person, let normal be a type
Paula was so trying to escape the sun lol every time she went in the shade Nikki would pull her back out 😂😂
😂😂😂 the Australian sun is deadly down here
YES!!!! :')))))
I had a moment recently, where I stood up for myself in a relationship that was new and didn't really seem to have any direction. That lack of clarity turned my mind into a chaotic mess. I was afraid to say anything about it because, I was still very excited about the person and I wanted to just enjoy his company. At some point, when the chaos in my head became overwhelming, I decided to initiate an open conversation. It was so uncomfortable and I felt guilty for being as blunt as I was. I don't know why I felt bad about it... But we managed to get everything out in the open. To make our intentions and boundaries clear. We agreed that we would provide a safe space for each other to just be, without fear. I didn't feel comfortable with trusting him with me, as I am, and so, I would always watch my behaviour, and limit the extent of myself that I would show. Anyway, since having that conversation, I've come to learn that I can't expect to receive, or entertain a fearless love, when I am fearful. It's not his responsibility to open me up, and fix me, and vice versa, but it turns out that we were both in a place where we are actually ready for that kind of openness. It lead me to think that maybe, if you're not ready to deal with the real version of yourself, and are not quite okay with who that person is, or haven't taken the time to heal, grow, understand, and love yourself as you are, everything that you hope to achieve or become, kind of passes you by. I think that without self reflection, you'll never really understand why things happen. Sometimes we hold ourselves back, when the world is ready to embrace us, we just have to be ready too.
I cud relate. It took me years to finally accept myself with all my wierdness. I ve started trying not to feel guilty for being who I am
This video went by so quickly 😭 who knew 21 minutes could go so quick haha
"I love a good social media stalk."
Same, girl same.
loved this, its just a positive message for anyone who is dealing with dating or had a breakup
After the breakup from my son's dad I was single for a good year until I felt comfortable to date again. My current boyfriend is someone I would have overlooked but I'm happy I didn't because he makes me the happiest. I wasn't looking but I'm glad I gave him a chance and he's great with my son so that's a plus
Lovely! This gives me hope 🥰
@@msbrt8638 don't give up , take time to heal and find yourself again. The right man will come
@@ameliasworld1425 thank you 🤗
My husband is not my type but I can totally be myself around him. I get it sis, that is so important.
I only want a Jesus Christ Fearing Holy Spirit Filled Christian man. I will never settle for anything else but that.
Amen.
Exactly.
Amen amen agree
Amen 🙏🏽
Agree but thats so hard to find these days. Its mostly women who are religious. Even men in the church are just there to catch a church girl but they arent actually much of a follower themselves
Dating as a single mom is very serious. Bringing someone around your children especially little gurls would be very stressful. Def something that takes time and background checks lol.
Be carefull about the little girls narrative because little boys are just as molested
Sandy Jaja absolutely
@@sandyjaja1840 I said especially. Statistics prove girls ARE molested more than boys . But we ALL know it happens to boys too!! So nothing to be careful about what I said. Thx.
But why bring someone around your child that 1.hasn’t been properly vetted and 2. You even have that thought that they could be a predator 3. If you don’t see them long term an introduction is not needed.
Dana Harvey sis, no one thinks a man will prey on their children. People are predators often don’t “look” like it. They look like average good people...
People watching videos trying to analyze Nikki and her past. It’s dead guys! Sis is happy! She’s glowing! Shes moves on. She’s flourishing and blessed. Next!!!
I love these chats. This is great insight to who you are, how you think with kids and advice for women around the world. Keep doing these because as a young black woman this is perfect for me when I need a fresh perspective on a subject. Much love 💕💕💕💕💕
I think that people always show you who they’re when you first meet them just look and listen very close to what they’re doing and saying its God gift us
This is real talk. I have type he must love God, himself and a good listener.
Must serve God
Amen
Omg I can't believe Nikki couldn't be herself all these years! I would go mad. That's the first thing I look for...can I be myself. If I feel uncomfortable being myself then it's not going anywhere.
She couldn't be herself.. and it was filmed for years ...And we didn't know our girl was having such a hard time... I feel like a bad friend 😞 I hope she is much better now. I hope she has found peace within her life.
@@qwertyqwert2772 right! I had no idea
IMO there was always an air of saddness around Nikki in her marriage. Yes it looked perfect on the outside but she rarely looked truly happy and I could always sense that about her. I hope she is happier now and eventually finds someone she can truly be herself with.
Marshals Journey yes she thought Jamie would go down to her level but most people don't lower their levels and neither would his friends. Here's hoping she stays in her lane this time.
creationsfromrubbish lol please if anyone lowered their level it was Nikki.
The attracting broken men line resonated with me on a whole other level. My daughter's father said when he was looking, he was looking for someone with kids. Crazy! He was/is extremely broken mostly due to the fact that his mother committed suicide when he was little.
Edit:
I can also relate to being single so long that you just prefer not to date and deal with someone else's baggage. I much prefer to be on my own. My peace of mind and mental wellness is now in a far better place. I'm 35 and everyone keeps saying you're too young to make such a decision. I know what I want, and my peace is far too valuable.
I feel like you’re so much more confident and comfortable in your skin lately Nikki! You seem so genuinely content and that makes me so happy! Love these balcony chats and you and your sister’s skin!!! Literally GLOWING! Melanin poppin! Lol
Think she's taking time to rediscover who she actually is. When you are married you put your husband and your children ahead of yourself looking after everybody else and you can lose yourself in that role if you are not careful. Nikki is now starting to get to know herself again, thinking about what she wants and that is a good thing.
I am glad she hasn't rushed into a relationship because she needs this time to heal to be ready for another relationship in the future and second time round hopefully she will meet someone who will truly love her for her and not just for her looks as a 'trophy wife' to make him look good.
I don’t think real man actually think this way. I think immature little boys do.
Totally agree!! I know many mature men who are not like this!
I once had a type, and said I’ll “never” date someone of a “certain kind”. I dated my type and was unhappy, now happily dating that someone of a certain kind 😅 “never say never”
I had to let go of this whole notion of having a "type", because my type is toxic and I'm learning to embrace the guys that appear "boring"
Wooow!!! Want the clapping hands emoji! ....So true...! Spot on... but boring can also be soooooooooo boring...LOL! When u the only 1 that can bring the spice..
I loved this Balcony Chat. I just has this conversation with my boyfriend about this. I think we always assign “type” as physical, but we have types emotionally and morally as well.
I think that once you broaden the physical attributes that you find attractive it will be more plausible to find a happy and successful relationship.
I do believe that you should be physically attracted to your partner, but people that prioritize emotional and moral features that then compliment a person’s physical appearance is a win win.
I asked God to choose the man for me- I've made a mess of things when I tried to find him myself😥God sees the future, He knows the man's heart, and his intentions. I asked Him to fulfill me, give me peace, and grant me patience while He's changing me into what my future man desires in his woman. Now I feel so much better leaving it in His hands💁🏾
Im new to dating after being in a relationship for 14 years and its discouraging because it feels that all of the men are trying to move too fast or they think they are players
14 years? Fuck. Stay strong
Yesss my beautiful ladies I'm here to listen in!! ❤️ You're both glowing!
Some people are so shallow and I feel sorry for them. As you grow wiser, looks are less important. Yes I agree as Nikki said, looks are important as you need to feel attracted to that person, but there needs to be depth to a person and greater qualities that stand out more than the looks. I like that freedom to be myself too. It's everything. And I looove what you said about not dating broken men. Not interested. We are not here to fix anyone 100%.
Thank you ladies. This was wonderful to watch.
Agreed, no one wants to deal with a project of a man🤷
Some men are looking for mothers not wives. Sad but true.
When I was single and childless, I purposely didn't date men with kids because I didn't want to have to worry about baby momma issues and let's be frank I also didn't want my income to go to someone else's . However if I was to divorce, I would strictly date men with children because I feel like I someone with kids can relate readily with the responsibilities of being a parent and the sacrifices that it entails. It's just easier.
Its my 1st time dating sum1 with kids. I don't have any. Its hard. I guess he expects me to be a mom, but i'm not 1. I expect to be important to him, but obviously his kids are his priority.
@@achatwithgoitse leave his ass
I’ve been waiting for this one . TURN IT UP!! Can this become like a series please Nikki ❤️❤️
Honestly Balcony chat is helping me get through the worsts parts of my life RN we need a weekly upload!
Yess, I was waiting for the balcony chats! 🙌🏼❤❤
Dating men with substance is evvvverything. Looks are secondary. If he’s not serving YOU at YOUR table move on.
So it's all about catering to your needs, what about his?
Should i compromise on looks at 24?
The date game it's hard this days 😭
I was in a marriage for 27 years and have been on my own now for 9 years. The thought if dating terrifies me but the thought if being on my own for the rest of my life is not a great option. I am happy being single but would love to meet someone, but I have lost trust in men and don't know if I can ever trust another man again after my ex as I truly thought he was the one.
I couldn't agree more with this video. We should focus on values, respect, ones heart. And it doesn't matter if people on the outside think your relationship is boring. If you know you're happy and adored in your home (when the camera's are not on), that's all that matters. Forget about social media perfection. We all should stop wishing for peoples lives that we know absolutely nothing about. I admire you Niks and you're so blessed to have Paula. The best awaits you ladies :-). Bear hugs 💛
Great to have the chats back 🤎🤎. Re staying in shitty relationships sadly people stay all the time ... especially women and some men. I know a few miserable couples and neither is rich or wealthy. People are scared of the unknown, scared to be single, and a whole lot of reasons I don’t understand. But yes find the person who will respect and cherish you 😊😊
This was a really good convo, ladies! You’ve both raised great points. But just to backup what Nikki said, it’s not always about money why people stay. I’ve stayed with a type longer than I should’ve cause I thought I could save/heal them.
I love the patio conversations, Paula is so relatable not that you aren't too Nikki I just relate to Paula's story that was me. Thank God I snapped out of it after a few years. It was hard getting back on the dating seen but you have to wait until your mentally ready.
Some people can be very superficial, it's all about features, hair colors and body shape. HEART MATTERS TOO 😭💔
I have not given up, but I love me more now. I am whole on my own. Thank God for that. Wishing you both good luck on your hunt.
The fact that you've found yourself and know what your boundaries are speaks volumes! I sincerely pray that you blossom into the woman you've always envisioned but felt was unattainable. 💕💕💕
I don’t have a type honestly. Funny enough I’ve never dated or been in a relationship ever 😔 and I’m 25. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with me although I questioned myself A LOT lol I guess being shy and not going out does not help. I’ve been working and studying only but now that I have my masters I feel like it’s time to live 😩.
All that to say that I don’t have a type. I usually prefer one’s character over looks so I’m rarely into the super handsome (by occidental standards)guys, even in movies or tv shows haha. I find guys with great personalities so attractive and the super good looking ones get annoying to me when I see that their personality is dull.
Youre a pretty girl and you dont look overweight. Just put yourself out there a little and youll get snatched up real quick lol
Congratulations on your Masters!! I had my first real relationship at 25. I waited. I can't give you a lot of advice about men. Just work, invest, save, have fun.They don't have to know everything about your finances. Find joy everyday.
This needs to be continuous series!! honestly a lot of us lack older sis to have convos like this. We love to see it
I’m still watching but I just wanted to comment how I like this discussion. It’s not many people I think I could have a good chat with but you and your sister seem like me and my sisters kinda people.
you need a soulmate connection. When you are hit with that kind of connection that makes you feel you have known that person for a lifetime, you will know.
Brokenness normally reveals itself when u are already wrapped up in the relationship, thats the problem.
SCCB True! People put on a front in the beginning to keep you interested or get you hooked then the REAL person and all the brokenness comes tumbling out.
Love sissy! When she said she had your back I felt that! She meant that ish! Great video
I clicked on this video so mutha freakin fast!!!
Like my life depended on it 😂
Superficial: Looks fade and change over time, illness, accidents, emotional issues, and life happens + aging. e.g. I got sick with cancer and looks and emotions change. depending on looks will only keep one in superficial engagements and it puts way to much pressure on what we look like. We need someone who is 100% together, we don't need grown men to take care of. That type of person will not add value to our lives...we don't need grown men acting like kids and don't add value. We have our own accountability in our lives and not projecting their issues on other people. That is abusive. Value is in someone with a moral and kind heart along with taking care of themselves. The issue is how you get along and vibe together. If one only relies on looks, they will be disappointment daily.
I cut Moesha off for ya girl🤷🏾♀️ lol I love these.
same, was watching that on Netflix
Lol
So mad, those shows are not on Canadian Netflix I want to cry...I was soooooo excited
helen Fillie Use a VPN, you can switch your location to US and I think you’ll be able to see US tv shows
Gkrocksyoursocks better suggestion because mine was for her to relocate!! Lol don’t judge me, I don’t like to struggle🤷🏾♀️
You are both so lovely! Nikki and Paula, you will get another chance! I was married for many years in a miserable marriage. I got the courage to leave and it took a while to get myself together. Eventually I met my husband and it's such a healthy marriage. I knew exactly what was non negotiable and what character I needed in my life. Date as much as possible and look out for any red flags ASAP. Don't waste your time or give a second chance to anything that makes you uncomfortable while dating. I remember being scared for a while that I was too ruthless because I would go on these dates and I am like okay I think this person seems like a decent person, then they would say something from left field and I would get this sinking feeling in my gut and I was done. I was so strict and adamant on what type of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and was not going to settle or make excuses. Trust me...its very possible to meet a life partner where things flow. We tend to marry where are self esteem is. The higher we value ourselves, the less chance of settling with a partner that does not know our value!
1000% this is what my mom told me and I follow religiously