My Stalker Broke Into My Home | Other People's Lives
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- čas přidán 13. 09. 2024
- A woman discusses her terrifying experience with a stalker and how it has affected her.
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I gasped when she said he's a POLICE OFFICER NOW......
Not surprising and so unfortunate
not surprising at all
Not surprising
A tip for when someone is asking about your coworker. Even if it seems innocent, do not give out any of their information! Even if they're like I'm their uncle blah blah. If you don't know for sure be very careful. You don't know if they're a stalker. I was lucky to have great coworkers in my situation.
My boss actually had us discontinue the use of name tags because too many randos would come and ask about a specific employee. (I.E, "is mary working today"). Not to mention my first name is unique enough that if I wore it people could easily find me on social media like the woman's stalker did her.
Yes! I worked a grocery store about 5 years ago and refused to wear my nametag because of the creepy men who would call me by name to pretend they knew me. A coworker gave a man my number and he was trying to pay me to clean his apartment and have sex with him. I would NEVER have given this man my number.
My friend did this for me in college. A guy in our department had asked for my number out of the blue. She checked in with me first before giving out any information, and I thought that was really smart and respectful of her.
In 2019 a man who looked like Danny Devito walked in to my office and asked if my coworker (a petite 20 year old intern) was present, I said “no” but as soon as he told me he’s her uncle I gave him her work schedule and told him she said she was going to her university to pick something up. The next day I asked about her uncle and she told me her whole family lives in another state!
@@MiGorengConnoisseur I am an uncle and my niece always asked me for rides to the movies with her friends or restaurants before COVID
This man absolutely fabricated some life in his head that he and her were together and that’s why he was following her and why he was so comfortable in her house and why he said they needed to work things out. She “left him” to go to her hometown for days and he made up in his head that they were fighting and she left him. So he wanted to talk it out with her. Psychotic man and I’m so sorry for this woman having to deal with that. You can hear how traumatic this was for her
i thought the exact same
Exactly what I thought!
All stalkers are crazy, but the quiet ones are dangerous
Kinda reminded me of the Joker.
Her saying “you’re not supposed to be here” is still pretty brave!
Ladies. trust. your. gut feeling. every. time. If something feels off don’t just think you’re being paranoid!! it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Mmmm YES. This year I was shopping at my local foodmaxx and I was being followed by a group of four men in orange construction vests. Everywhere I went they were there. I was so scared to go to the front of the store because I wasn’t sure if they’d follow me to my car. I went to the cashier who I’m familiar with and these men happened to be leaving. I told him (cashier) what happened and he had someone walk me to my car. This cashier dude kept me updated for weeks and it turns out that after I said something, multiple woman started coming forward that were also being followed and approached by these men. They didn’t approach me most likely because I stood my ground and starred at them wondering what the fuck is their deal. But it turns out that the police started investigating and a female cop went undercover. They approached her, and invited her to party with them at their spot. They had been trafficking woman. One of their victims became pregnant and they also found one of r*pists wife dead in the basement. My fam and boyfriend didn’t believe that it was something so serious until I received the updates, they thought I was being dramatic. Watch your back ladies! Always be aware of your surroundings!
EVERYONE
the fact that hes now a police officer makes this whole story even more terrifying
Psychopaths and narcissists are actually usually drawn to police work. So it’s not that surprising. Only a truly sick person would want to have power and control over other normal citizens. Why do you think the police in this country are so fucked up?
It broke my heart when she was talking about how her boyfriends friends/family think she’s a bitch, because she’s too traumatized to be as friendly/open as she once was able to. I really feel for this girl and I hope she is able to get to a point where she feels safe to be herself again
Lots of people are fascinated by stalker stories but in reality it’s absolutely terrifying! Nobody wants to have their lives invaded and violated! 🙈
Right? I’ve been stalked before, it’s definitely not a fun experience.
I think that's why people are fascinated by it....because it is unimaginably terrifying
@@vanessacecil2203 very true! Just like we’re fascinated by horror movies. However, in real life if this would happen to a person they could never go back to normal life. Sense of not being safe or secure stays with you for years. That’s real trauma.
She’s so right about the portrayal of stalkers because the whole time I pictured him looking like some middle aged weird white guy and hes more so like Joe from the Netflix show You.
I was picturing Danny Devito 😱
The whole time she was telling the story I was picturing a 40 to 50 year old guy, looking tired and a bit off...but he was 21 ?? Makes you think twice about how we've collectively ruled out certain people as potential threats, not to be paranoid or anything. I hope she finds the peace she deserves and gets back to a somewhat normal life.
I was picturing Danny Devito omg
thats weird because I was picturing basically what she described. A tall looking slim dude in a blue hoodie.
@@Kurto. Danny Devito!!
When I was 20 my stalker was 21. He came from a wealthy background and didn’t look scary. It could literally be anyone. That’s a scary fact about stalkers.
Violence against women is not taken seriously in this country. We are actually #10 in the whole world for violence and this story is such a strong example of that. Literally anything could have happened to her. How terrifying. Wishing everyone peace and safety. Thanks for sharing this story.
Culturally it's taken seriously. Almost everyone is on the same page, it's the police department that don't take it seriously
As if a stalker wasn’t scary enough, no one - not even the police - believing you or wanting to help is terrifying
Its a matter of whether or not the victims press charges
When she said it became clear he was an issue when his "vibe" became menacing... ugh I completely understand. I think humans are more perceptive than we give ourselves credit for.
I was sexually assaulted by someone who had been a trusted friend, but the night it happened I had the same feeling; his vibe was different, his energy was different, his intentions felt different. I didn't know he was going to do what he did to me, but I knew he no longer seemed like the person I had been friends with
Please make a video explaining
Same thing happened to me with someone I was dating for two years.. one day he was just a completely different person and it was so scary and I almost knew what was going to happen that day
What you said i can relate to exactly.
@@redhotyummybrownie2 you are wrong
Human chakras are truly a gift from the universe, it’s a shame most don’t know or care to understand who we we really are.. 😉 What is the human experience anyway?
I am still hung up on the fact that they let him be a cop even with a stalking charge against him... WTF?! Yeah good idea to put a stalker in the position to be able to find anyone. 👏🏽👏🏽
He wasn’t ever charged with anything. She had a police report regarding the break in, but they didn’t catch him. She never got a restraining order so his record wasn’t affected.
@@KDu400restraining orders aren’t easy to obtain either. Absolutely fucked up I feel like dudes name needs to be dropped
I had a guy who came in every Sunday with his son to buy the new released movies at Walmart. I apparently helped him once or twice. Then one day he waited for me while I was on a register to go on break and stopped me to tell me about the "connection" we had and how I always was so nice helping him and his son during their weekly DVD runs and was really persistent about getting my number but I said "no, I'll get in trouble" blah blah. He made a comment that made it seem like he was going to wait and ask me off the clock so I wouldn't get in trouble. I got walked out to my car at the end of my shift for the next few days because I was terrified. I genuinely didn't even remember or recognize this guy but somehow he thought something else, would look for me, and come on days I regularly worked. I'm thankful it didn't escalate more from there
This is terrifying!
I had a stalker before the pandemic. I was a cashier. He would wait outside my workplace, sometimes up to 40minutes and just stare at me through the glass doors. Several times, he followed me home at night. One time, it was around 11pm and he was pestering me on my way home. I asked him to leave me alone and he said something along the lines of "but we need to talk about this". As if we were in a relationship? It happened so often that I didn't wanna be alone at night anymore and I asked my dad to escort me home after work until it got better. My dad agreed and offered to follow me from a distance to see if he could catch the guy in the act. Scariest part is he didn't catch that guy but another one! I was walking, my dad was keeping his distance, trying not to be seen, and this young man starts following me, getting closer and closer. I felt something was wrong and decided to '"stop and check my phone". If he wasn't following me, he would naturally walk past me. He didn't. He stopped right behind me. It was 11pm, it was night, the street was empty, the shops were closed. He had no reason to stop behind me. When I turned to face him, he was disturbingly close. My dad couldn't believe his eyes. He ran to our side of the street, got right next to me and yelled "what are you doing following my daughter?". Stranger said nothing, just took a last look at us and fled.
You are a fortunate young woman to have an attentive father willing to protect you in this manner. I'm sorry for your experience. I know that is terrifying!
Did you experience anything after that?
@@JsPrittyKitty Yes, I feel very lucky that he was able and willing to escort me home every night, and that he protected me that way. Very lucky indeed. Thank you. ❤️
@@Shakkkkkk Well, I went to the police (asking them for help wasn't the best experience tbh) and filed a complaint for the stalker. They gave me a phone number I could call if he showed up again. Turns out the pandemic happened shortly after that and the place I worked at had to shut down. I haven't had to go to work or to walk the streets at night for almost a year. In a weird way, the pandemic kept me safe from him. I haven't been called back by the police, so I don't know if they ever actually tried to find him or anything. I hope he'll have forgotten me and won't bother me again when/if I have to go back to that same job after all this is over.
Sadly, it wasn't shocking that her stalker was attracted to being in law enforcement which would give him power over people and access to their information. God help the next woman he fixates on. I wish she could report her experience to the department he works at, but it would most likely be ignored and he would be tipped off to her.
I was absolutely shocked at this information but after reading your comment sadly you are right I should not be shocked at all. this is disgusting
There was a cop in my city that got caught looking up women he would pass on the street that he found attractive and get their information to speak with them. When He got caught his 'punishment' was desk duty for a month or so. It's all corrupt bullshit like this that creates such distrust between the force and citizens. I don't know if there is a way to reverse the damage here, to be honest.
As a guy this seriously terrifies me and freaks me out, once had a customer claim that she was being gangstalked by an officer ex-boyfriend and his coworkers, I was super young and even more naive. Still feel bad that I wasn't able to help her or anything. Who watches the watchmen is a question society has yet to answer.
Well it’s not surprising actually what kind of normal human would want power and control over other everyday citizens. Sounds just like a rapist to me.
Omg so scary!! The fact that he became a police officer is outrageous.
I had a stalker who my would come to my house every night between 12 am and 1 am and use binoculars to peer through my bedroom window from the street. My neighbors luckily noticed and told my family and I, we filed a report and signed up for a neighborhood watch to come by our house at those hours.
They tried catching him multiple times but he always seemed to get away. Finally they caught him and discovered he lived next to my high school at the time, had a wife and a criminal record.
Terrifying to say the least!
I was picturing Danny devito
I had a stalker during my high school years. When I went to college, he sent me a long DM confessing his love and blaming me for wasting his first love experience. He even knew exact dates and details about things I didn't even remember (concerts I went, afternoons I spent with my friends, etc).
Since we lived in the same small town, he would take long walks until he find me, making it look like we casually run into each other. One time he insisted to walk me to my home, probably because he wanted to know where I lived. He would wait for me every day in my classroom's door just to say "good morning". I refused plenty of times to meet him out of school, using fake relationships as an excuse, but he managed to hang out with my group of friends to see me. His mother was my History teacher, so I was afraid to fail her class if I treated his son "badly".
It was a very awful experience to live. I even cried sometimes. The worst part was that nobody said nothing to him. People laughed about it. A lot. I was even recognized by strangers at street because he talked about me to everyone. One time a guy came to me laughing and asking if I was the famous Miguel's crush. I felt humiliated.
The nights I went out with my friends he usually approached me. My "friends" should stick with me, but instead, they walked away and leave me alone with him (nobody liked him and they thought it was my fault he keep trying to be our friend).
Years passed (like 5 or so) and he continued to ask about me to my old classmates. He said to his friends that he was convinced we would end up together.
A year ago a notification popped up in my Linkedin, saying that he saw my profile. I ended up meeting a girl that was in his same class in high school and she said to me that before he became obsessed with me he would stalk a girl from their class. He even went to her house with some dumb ass justification. He once used his feet to prevent her to shut the door.
It's been a long time since I didn't see him around, but sometimes I fear that he comes back to hurt me. Please, girls, stay safe.
(Sorry about my crappy English, I'm from Spain).
Joe's reaction to her saying he said I want to talk 😂😂 I love joe so much
Of all the guests on this show my heart breaks the most for her. She sounds like she's in so much pain 😢
People always reference ‘fight or flight’ but there actually is a third automatic physiological reaction that is very rarely mentioned- ‘freeze’. Freeze is just as normal and common of a reaction to danger, it is not a conscious decision and is the always overlooked third survival oriented response to acute stress . Fight, flight, freeze.
yes I was gonna say that. that is psychology proven. which is why i find it ridiculous when people say like when someone is being raped, they're like "why didn't you punch him or scream or something if you were really raped, well if you're body is not letting you. it's like you're frozen, stuck in your own body not able to move even if you have obvious common sense that you WANT to.
i really hope she stays safe now this is such a terrifying situation especially now that he’s a cop.
Black Lives Matter
The worst thing is hearing her suggest women should change up their routine and we should adapt to their predatory behaviour, but really its men who should not stalk or threaten women in the first place. Educate men to be decent human beings not allowing them to do this
I agree, it's on the stalkers to not stalk. Until that happens, it's good to know some tips to protect yourself.
I’m catching the vibe that the college town police department didn’t do much for her safety simply for the fact that they knew him. Convenient he became a police officer and they found him “in their system” and that she had to press charges in his hometown instead of there. Sounds super sketchy and I’d be questioning the college town police department big time.
freezing is a normal trauma response and i still beat myself up for doing it at the time of my trauma but after talking to many therapists i learned it was normal i understand on such a deep level that when you tell other people that's what you did you feel shame because everyone expects you to fight or run but you literally can't control what your body and brain does when it goes into survival mode
I was dating this guy years ago. I had just gotten my first apartment, I was super excited to finally move out of my parents. I saw him for about 6 months. Mind you we never made it official!! I had lost interest in him & just slowly stopped speaking to him. One night randomly he literally started to try & kick in my door!! I was so scared I didn’t know what to do at all!! Like her I froze & for some reason opened the door. His face & demeanor was terrifying I thought he was going to hurt me :( my only thought at that moment was to give him an ear & hear him out.. I ended up moving out just like her. I couldn’t sleep.. I didn’t feel safe it’s a terrifying thing to experience especially her who didn’t even know the man. Stay safe everyone!! 💖
This poor woman! I could not imagine , that is terrifying
Agreed!! I feel worried for her in the future, not to mention.... How the hell did this guy pass the psyche exam and background check?!?!? Absolutely terrifying...
This poor girl sounds so vulnerable. Let's take care of each other out there, we must protect one another. So many of her fellow humans failed her. I believe the next generation will be much better.
Check out the series Unbelievable. It addresses this topic so well. Best of luck to the girl, what a fighter.
Hey guys, I absolutely love your podcast. At one point towards the end though, the texting between you guys was incredibly distracting. She had finished sharing something deeply serious and incredibly telling about not going to therapy and Joe asked right after if she goes to therapy? Idk, it made me feel like she was not being carefully listened to.
I noticed that as well
Ummm do they not perform background checks on people prior to joining a police force?? Shouldn’t this flag something to them.... he’s clearly not in his right mind and should not work for a police department.
She said he became an officer in his hometown...so I'm thinking he had some inside connections to that department. Maybe his daddy's even the chief.
And this guy became a police officer !?!?!?!? WTF!
ikr how can he become a cop if he has precedents with the law O.O
Honestly, not suprised
Surprisingly, you can be a police officer and have a criminal record. I know someone who had a few drug possession charges and still was able to become a cop.
I actually don't think charges should stop anyone becoming a police officer... but harassment and stalking should be an immediate barrier
That is so creepy , anyone who does this kind of things should not be able to apply for any job that gives him access to people infos in any shape or form
It’s so disappointing how the police handle things like this sometimes!
The police wouldn’t help me either with my break in. And they also blew me off when a “friend” of mine took my debit card and caused fraught on my account by depositing a empty envelope and withdrawing money! I didn’t even know he had my pin and didn’t realize he had my card until I needed to use it.
They wouldn’t even go to get the security tapes at the bank even tho I knew the time and what bank!
I would call and email and I never got a response... it’s really so sad
Do you mean *fraud?
@@audreymai2773 yes that’s what I meant
A lot of women/girls get stalked, been there myself, but the fact that the man actually went INSIDE HER APARTMENT!! That's too far, and the police never really care anyways, usually by the time they get there, the crime has already been committed, or they just tell you not to call.
That’s insane
The fact that this man became a cop is incredibly concerning. That just gives him even more access to potential victims.
This was so creepy that it sent shivers down to core of my very being. I had a bad stalker experience too, thinking about it used to give me panic attacks. But I decided that I won’t allow the stalker to have any power over me. I don’t deserve to suffer because of them and they are not worth my pain. It doesn’t erase my trauma but it gives me much more control.
I hope the woman can also become more in control like that. If you are reading this, I support you and you deserve to live a life without that asshole involved in it in any way.
And also I wonder...what compelled him to stalk? I can imagine only two reasons: anti social personality disorder or severe trauma (he never had control over his life so he copes with his trauma by getting control over others, for example). What ever the reason is, she 100% didn’t cause it. I can say that with absolute certainty, and I do that rarely.
I had someone break into my house about 5 years ago, I walked in with my baby! And I noticed a candle was shattered all over my living room, and it instantly felt wrong. I grabbed a knife and went upstairs and my whole room was gone through my drawers were open my closet was open with my boxes I had in my room for storage sss open and gone through. I instantly ran downstairs and went to the basement to make sure no one was here while on the phone with the police. And then I had a thought to check my room in my jewelry box,I was saving money for a long time and had $800 kinds hidden in the jewelry box... but they found it and it was gone. It was heart breaking and I felt traumatized for years!
For at least 2 years I had nightmares and PTSD constantly thinking someone was trying to break in. I would wake up 3-4 times a night scared and I would go check all the locks and the window( that’s how they got in) and thankfully my dad installed bars on that window!
I could not imagine walking in and seeing someone sitting on my bed like that!!
I would never be able to walk into my home the same again. It’s actually Giving my tremors right now thinking about that... it was bad what I went through with feeling so violated and having that huge hit of money gone being a single mom and having a low income it was hard to save.
It’s a whole other level of traumatic having this freaky man in your home!!!
fuck I can’t imagine I feel so sorry for this lady!
It’s a *fight, flight or freeze* response so technically she did have one of those just not either of the ones you want to happen. Glad she’s okay.
It’s INSANE that this is still how the police are handling stalking cases when soooo many stories like this are out there. There needs to be laws and systems put in place that will protect victims of stalking. The response cannot continue to be that “well he didn’t actually DO anything to you so there’s nothing we can do until he DOES”. WHERE is the logic in that. We know how stalking plays out. We know what it looks like. We know it’s a crime and it can completely destroy the victims life. How is this allowed to go on. Why are stalkers not treated as criminals. Stalking in and of itself needs to be accepted as a crime because IT IS.
I really hope she goes and finds a good therapist. It's hard to work through something without the proper coping mechanisms. The right therapist will get you thinking about things differently and help you live your life again.
the fact he’s a policeman now absolutely horrifies me
You tell in her voice this still affects her and with good reason. I understand that fear. I've never been affected by a stakler but the part of her coming home and finding him in her apt sent chills up my spine. At the age of 10 years old we had someone break into our home while we were there and although it did not escalate, the trauma has stayed with me throughout my entire life and still fear of that happening again.....My friends call me Fort Knox because at any time I am home, I'm on lockdown basically boarded up. I hope she will be able to overcome all of what she went through..
I feel for this poor woman...the idea of someone breaking into my home has also been one of my greatest fears. It's so sad how much it's affected her whole life and worldview. Meanwhile this terrifying man is a police officer?!? I hope that she can get some sort of justice, for peace of mind. I'm surprised they couldn't arrest him for breaking and entering at least!
This story was very scary to listen to but am I the only one who’s curious to know what that creepy dude wanted to “talk” about?
Yess!! I’m so confused
sounds like he may have someone got it in his head that they were in a relationship. that would explain why he was so comfortable at her house. maybe he thought they were “fighting”. i’ve seen cases like this with celebrities before, scary stuff
When she said that her local Police Dept wouldn't pursue charges against her stalker & that they told her to go to his hometown to do so...
I knew that he must've had some Police and/or Political connections...?
I bet you his dad or someone in his family is a high ranking Police Officer or Gov't Offical in his hometown...?
She should do some digging or hire a Private Investigator to find out anything & everything she can about that prick & then press charges against him!
Especially now that he has a Police badge!
He has a free pass to stalk, invade someone's privacy, enter someone's home or even kill someone & make it look like a shooting in the line of duty!
She really needs to speak up & stop him from doing this to someone else!
It’s actually fight, flight, or freeze... a lot of people actually do the latter when they’re afraid
I know exactly how this woman feels. They don't want to do anything until after something happens like someone is killed. Sometimes, getting legal help is extremely hard no matter the circumstance.
As someone who is currently working as a cashier and has been waiting tables and working customer service my entire professional life, I definitely think there is a conversation to be had about workers safety. I'm required to wear a name tag at my cashier job and I feel uncomfortable any time any customers says my name. You'd think it would be nice to be humanized by your customers and have a friendly moment with them beyond them just seeing you as a cashier, but because of stories like this it can be very scary. Especially as a young woman in a University town. Grocery store parking lots are a hotspot for abductions etc. Working with the public, especially at a grocery store where you see dozens and in larger places hundreds of customers a day - theres a bigger risk of someone with this capacity attaching themselves to you.
The fact that he's a police officer now is fucking terrifying. How was that allowed to happen?? Are they just ignoring her police report??? I'm floored.
Poor thing, It’s so sad every time her voice cracks. You can tell how hard she’s trying not to break during this interview 😔
the fact that people around her write it off as her being mean!! so terrible to go through that trauma and then have people judge you on top of that
It's technically fight, flight and freeze. Freezing is super common. I always have something on me or near me, people are crazy.
Oh honey, some people are crazy. It's nothing you did, you were just living your life. Its sad how common victims blame themselves for the actions of others.
I cannot believe he got to be a policeman. That is crazy! He could get away with so much having that job. He may have a new victim or still be stalking her.
I had a similar experience to this. A couple years ago, when I first moved to LA, I worked as a tour guide at one of the major film studios. Our groups had to be checked in with security before each tour, so each guide was pretty familiar with everyone who worked in security. A couple weeks into the job, I started running my own tours and opened up. One of the security guards and I would banter, but because he was flirty, I was always very open about the fact that I had a boyfriend. He started giving me snacks before each of my tours and then suddenly, I started to find the snacks laid out around the lot, which was weird considering our tour route changed daily. Then I found a random bottle of expensive wine by my car in the parking garage. And before I worked at the company for a month, a huge bouquet of red roses showed up in the office for me. He denied sending them but I kind of knew it was him. Lo and behold, things escalated and he somehow found out where I lived and would send random Ubers to pick me up and take me out to bars, which I always rejected. Every time I heard a motorcycle nearby, I would get uncomfortable because that’s what he drove. I ended up telling my boss and she made sure that he and I wouldn’t see each other as best as she could, but a couple months later someone else in security told me that the guy had fantasized an entire sexual relationship with me and would brag about our fake sex lives, etc. Everyone in his department believed him until I set the record straight. I left not long after that.
I worked jobs in retail and can empathize with her. Although mine didn’t get to this point I didn’t have someone who really liked me and would come directly to me at work refuse to go to anyone etc it’s sad people can’t work or get money without this happening. Managers and companies should be educating people to speak up and prevent this harassment
Because of what I've learned from your show I have a better understanding of how people are affected by what happens to them. A very good friend has a new daughter-in-law who is very very guarded and standoffish with people, and who seems to be vulnerable and frightens easily. We really like her--she seems to be a terrific person, and makes her new husband very happy. We tried to figure out why she is so wary. My friend decided o have a conversation with her, telling her how much we love her, but feel that maybe something in her past is causing her to be so guarded with us. She told her she would never ask, but if she wanted to talk some day, it would be in complete confidence and safety. She told her new daughter in law that she is loved and fully accepted without questions. Her d-in-law's reaction was unspoken, but seemed to be grateful and relieved. . It's been a year and this subject has never come up again, but she seems more relaxed and thankful for the understanding and acceptance. It's so sad when people get hurt by other people.
Dude my biggest fear is home invasion same as her. This is my worst nightmare type of stuff! It's so true that for many women the police don't/can't really do anything without proof and any physical harm towards the victim. I think as a woman it's important to be very self aware and in the future if anything makes you uncomfortable that we should report it! Document everything you can and it might not do much but it's the very most we can.
I am so sorry that the police failed you and I am so sorry that his actions have impacted you for so long after and that you haven't yet found therapy to help you.
I had a stalker too. I was a convenience store clerk at 18yrs old. I don't wanna get into the details because that'll take too long, but I know exactly how you feel. I had my manager ban him from the store ( it took A LOT of evidence and convincing until then. Im lucky it didn't progress to me being physically harmed beforehand) and I was able to get a restraining order until I left town. The only reason I was able to get one is because he beat up my vehicle after getting banned from the store and it was on surveillance. I was lucky, but so many aren't. Sometimes it feels like the police aren't there to prevent crime and harm, but to just punish it afterwards. And even then most times it's fight to get justice.
You don't need to apologize for been hardened off or cautious of those around you. It's okay to be perceived as a bitch if it means you'll be safe or at least have a better mental well-being.
Wow I feel so relatable to this woman which is really weird because I don’t feel like that often. I also “act a certain way“ socially for something personal that I can’t just explain all the time to new people and unfortunately also get perceived a negative way. At first I thought we weren’t alike because I’ve never had anyone break into my apartment thank God but I have had a stalker and I think it’s affected me a lot more than I ever thought it is. Also when I was younger my biggest fear was someone breaking into our house (she also said that which was interesting).
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We all know about fight or flight, but I really really wish people would talk about those who freeze and fawn.
I've had three instances. Two when I was under 18. I was walking to the local community center, it's a smaller town. I had a red truck behind me and every turn I made or street I crossed, he also turned or ended up there. I got scared and ran as fast as I could into the community center and seen him parking and walking in and he looked all around for me. I ran around an old folks home that had a dead end. But eventually I lost him. That was the scariest time.
Yes, notify police AND keep a little book to write everything down if you ever encounter a similar situation. Dates, times, places, words spoken, if any. You get the picture.
11:13 I had the same reaction as Joe
I love this show so much! You guys seriously have an amazing talent in interviewing! And coming up with this original idea!
I’ve been a watcher/listener since the beginning and also with the basement yard!! . And been watching you joe for several years now!
You make me laugh like no one else can! Hahah
I’m so excited to hear the new episode every week ❤️❤️❤️
I’m a single mom of two young boys so these podcasts give me even a little bit of time to zone out and get my mind off the stress of everything and every day anxiety’s
Thank you guys for doing this ❤️🥰
Does...does Joe's candle say "Please don't do cocaine in the bathroom"?
always a good reminder
I just want to hug her. When I was a young mom I was a caretaker for a large apartment complex. I was stalked by a resident and for a very long time I did not know who it was. I still had to go out and clean and do my job. Scariest thing I have eve been thru.
Oh geez... I had a couple customers like this when I worked at a thrift store. One (who was married) asked me to marry him and said he wished I was his daughter so he could "take care of me." (He was 30 years older.) The other was also 30 years older, and he would wait for my line every time. When he was finally banned by my manager after repeating this behavior and asking if I was single, he had the biggest evil smirk on his face! I am so glad it never came to this. I think the thing that saved me was good management and having a boyfriend who worked with me.
All I want her to know is THIS MANS ACTIONS ARE NOT YOUR FAULT. He’s the one who decided to fixate on you.
A freeze response is fairly common, part of 4 options: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn ... the latter two are less understood by society and can significantly add to victim blaming when they are recognised trauma/ survival means, especially for those with trauma as kid, when fighting or fleeing are not an option ...
When she said he was sitting on her bed, that terrified me!! Also I love the messaging back and fourth.
Wrong time for Greg Dybec’s door to be slowly opening and closing at the end. 😂
Had a similar experience 30 years ago. Same thing… they will make up an entire relationship they think they are in with you. She was more aware than I was of her surroundings. My stalker had been following me and my boyfriend for months, and all different places sometimes wearing disguises. I did not put everything together until the end . In my case, I got lucky because the cops, detective and judge were great. They took everything very seriously. State went after him in civil case.
I’ve heard so many stalker stories. The stories with outcomes where the stalker enters the justice system successfully all have one thing in common: meticulous documentation and reporting of every incident. Evidence is your best friend. Keep a diary, report unwanted contact to police, even if they just put the report in their system. Get surveillance for your home, put a tracker on your phone. Anything. Cos it’s only your story vs the stalkers story in the eyes of the police, until it becomes a physical in many cases. It’s scary to go to court to get a restraining order, I’ve done it before. But it’s worth it. Also tell your friends and family. Don’t do this alone, you are being victimised. Being proactive gives you some power back and reduces the fear.
This is why women don't report. Often we are not listened to. And i guarantee so many women relate to this woman. So many of us have had similar situations. Why can't men LEAVE US ALONE.
Women being nice to you is not an invitation.
We will. We don't want you...
@@jacksnakejames9570 nOT aLl MeN . On your way mate. You are part of the problem.
I feel awful and so sad for her. I find that with therapists you might need to "shop around", for lack of a better word, until you find one you're comfortable with and have a bit more chemistry.
Please consider giving therapy another try. You deserve to feel happy!! 💕
I was stalked by a young man as well. When I worked at a drive thru he would recognize my voice over the radio and say he was “so happy to hear me”. Little did I know he actually knew my schedule. One day he came in and asked for my number, he was attractive so I gave it to him. Then he started blowing up my phone, and getting really angry if I didn’t respond, coming into the store and getting mad if I didn’t talk to him etc. I ended up switching shifts and no longer worked drive thru after that, i’m glad he never went as far as figuring out where I lived, but I walked home on the side of a country road so I got paranoid and bought a pocket knife lol.
It’s so frustrating that people being stalked have such a struggle to get restraining orders. He literally broke into her apartment.
I was stalked by another female, and it was terrifying. Driving by my house, sending me threats, and even going after my parents. It happened 4 years ago now, and fear washes over me whenever I see the same kind of car she had.
I honestly think that women probably have more stalkerish tendencies…we are sneaky and can find out anything and those traits in a crazy person is bad!
(I'm french sorry for my bad english) Something like that happen to me, 4 years ago... He broke into my appartment and just watch me sleep (I was on medications, so I was like heavy sleeping) and left a box for me with a lot of knifes and a note like: you are so beautiful when you are sleeping. Can I cut off your eyes and eat it ?
I am still disturbed by this. I will not elaborate, but yeah.. he was a childhood friend(I hope you understand what I am saying), but I didn't know how much he was troubled. I told him I didn't love him back but he was really into me... Even had pictures of me in his room...
i just hate how people sexualize being stalked when its horrible :((
Unfortunately this has happened to me as well. BUT I was in a small farm town in Kansas, and my stalker was a police officer. It Forced me to move back home to NC. Was like a scary small town horror movie
I am so glad that she got out of her situation! It is so sad that law enforcement doesn't do much to help people feel safe. I understand how she feels about needing a fake Facebook to make sure he isn't around her area. I have been going through that with my ex fiance who was severely abusive. I moved over an hour away but im still afraid that he will show up. I cant even imagine how it would feel to have someone break into your apartment. Absolutely horrifying!!
I’m sorry that the everyone let you down. It’s not right and it’s not okay.
Keep this show up! I practice stenography to this show, and it is great practice since I am going to be hearing this kind of stuff every day. Keep it up guys!!
Am I the only one that was shocked when she said this guys age?! It reminds me of real life Joe from "You". So creepy, and now this guy is a cop which is doubly scary because someone can easily let their guard down around this guy or trust him just because he's now an officer. Makes you wonder if he chose that profession for a reason....
I was picturing Danny Devito
Its very telling how people are not surprised he ended up being a cop.
Fight flight OR freeze… I often freeze as well. Like a deer in headlights
I am so interested in stalking cases, perhaps because I can't imagine being so obsessed with a single person. There is a channel I watch on CZcams that focuses solely on stalking cases, some of these stories are horrific! I wish this lady all the best x
what’s the youtube channel ?
@@abigail5242 Strickly stalking, they also have podcast with the same shows
I can relate to this woman's story. Luckily, I never had a stalker. But I worked for a check cashing establishment and there were a lot of creepy customers who came around. I told my boss, who was a woman, that some of them made me feel uncomfortable. She said I shouldn't mind the idea of a customer finding me attractive. I would say I was shocked, but I wasn't. I was fired shortly after that conversation, and I was upset until I found a less stressful job that paid my bills. It's been over ten years since I worked for that establishment, and I haven't been back since. I worked there 3 1/2 years, three years longer than I should've if you ask me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a man stalk me for about 4 years. From the time I was 10 until the end of my freshman year. Would show up at my middle school, show up at the parks I would play at as a child. He would follow me home, drive into the court I lived in and continued to do so with multiple different vehicles over the years. Took down his license plate as a kid, told my mom and went to file a police report. Police said they could do nothing. My parents did nothing and in fact my mom told me once I got older that she didn’t believe this was truly happening to me. All of my friends were aware of the situation and he only once got out of his vehicle and watched me from a distance behind a tree. It was straight out of a movie.
Very traumatizing. He eventually stopped and a few months later i was walking home late at night and had to run from a man in a truck who got out of his vehicle and tried to snatch me up. It was one of the trucks my stalker once drove but I was too afraid to get a good look of what the man looked like. I never once screamed, made any noise and at the time I did not have a cell phone. Very important to instill those safety measures into children. I now suffer with extreme anxiety and trust issues. It bothers me to know I may never have answers of who this man was, or if the man who attempted to kid nap me was the same man. Absolutely terrifying. Seems unreal whenever I speak about it. Glad this woman is safe today and I hope she can heal from this
I tried to type out my whole story, but for some reason CZcams deleted it, but I was abused and stalked for a very long time by a guy I met online when I was 13-14 yrs old. My parents were angry and blamed me, the police blamed me, and the guy continued to stalk and abuse other young girls. He finally is in jail for "corruption of minors" and assaulting a police officer.
I find myself doing the same thing she does, always checking up on him, seeing if he's still in jail. It has been 8 years since I heard from him, but I still feel like he's always there. I'm in a different country now and it's unlikely he knows where I am, but I'm still afraid he will find me. I also don't keep a routine to avoid being stalked. I rarely go out and am very paranoid when I do.
Did you post the comment & then it just never showed up? Cause that’s been happening to me ALOT lately.
@@MsNoPixel yeah it was weird, maybe because there were sensitive topics in the story it wasnt allowed, I'm not sure :s
How can it be even possible for people like this to be able to get into law enforcement? Having this type of record should automatically prevent someone to do so. What the hell?!
Good morning!! Being stalked is just So scary 😭
I live in texas, and yes it is INCREDIBLY hard to get out of any apartment lease 😩😶
This was great to have an episode about, I've had a man much older (21yrs vs. 50s) do similar, never escalated to her level because I told all of my coworkers and boss. They helped so much and he wasn't let back in the establishment eventually. But he would only show up and stay when I worked, would bring me gifts, he eventually knew my car and would only come in if he drove around the corner and saw it. Tell people you trust what's going on and how your feeling. Go to the police.
My house is my own small square personal space on the face of this entire planet away from everyone and everything, and I'm extremely protective of that. I've often told people that if someone were to break in, I would bash their skull into tiny pieces, then I'd paint those pieces with pretty colours and glue them to a canvas to make a beautiful piece of art. Then I'd hang that canvas on my front door informing potential intruders that this is what will happen to you when you violate my personal space on this planet. I have no fear and I will not have any regrets! I do not f*ck around when it comes to protecting my home!
My sister inlaw has had the same stalker since she was a little girl. He still leaves gifts (stuffed animals and other types of toys) on my brother and her front porch. I am so worried about him doing something to my brother to get him out of the picture tbh. I dont think he would ever hurt her though.
There's a ton of creepy stories I've read on this thread. This one is next level.
When I was 16 I worked at a store as a cashier as well. This man would come to my line often. Eventually he asked me out. I asked him how old he was, he said he was 32. I told him I’m sorry I’m only 16 I don’t feel comfortable to go out with him. He came back to the store 2 days after my 18th birthday and asked me out again. I had never told him when my birthday was, I’m not sure how he knew. My manager confronted him and threatened to beat him up in the parking lot and I never saw him agin. Looking back on it it’s so creepy that he waited all that time and didn’t get over it in two years.
the most shocking part of this story is that HE WHO HAS A CRIMINAL BACKGROUND IS NOW A POLICE OFFICER. WHAT???!!!!
THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!
so many girls are stalked everywhere and the fact that a STALKER can become an officer. WHAT KIND OF COUNTRY DO WE LIVE IN
Okay… I’m really scared for her. As soon as she said he is a police officer now my heart effing dropped. Hell yea he can look her up and I’m sure he already has. Smh. So scary. Wow