What is Great Parenting? Become A Better Parent | Dr. Shefali Tsabary with Vishen Lakhiani
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 31. 05. 2024
- How can we become better parents?
In this fireside chat at Mindvalley University 2018, Vishen Lakhiani sits down with award winning author and clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary to discuss what great parenting is and how we can become better parents to our children.
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What was your greatest takeaway from this talk? Is there anything you agree or even disagree with? Share in the comments below
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Mindvalley Talks dr shafali is so right.. itâs about effort...
Great interview.
I love her message. Truth sets us free.
I bought her book afer watching this interview.. i buy the concept but i am confused on how to apply this in real life...
The answer she gave on should we teach our religion to our kids was little confusing.. can someone who understood it better explain it.
Maya I donât have all the answers. But I get the fact that she said your kids are doomed if you tell them they are sinners until the savior saves them. It takes away many decisions they can make for themselves as if they are good enough. You are telling them the are not good enough to begin with. Wow thatâs very enlightening!!!
While on my spiritual journey, I have realized that my 5 year old daughter is mirroring how I truly feel inside. She is helping me to heal myself and go deeper into spirituality. I am so blessed to have such a great teacher in this life.
Yes ! I can relate ! My 8 year old daughter was divinely sent to me . She is my greatest teacher
There must be something about 5 year olds lol I am exactly at this place. She is what led me to this video đâ€
What a great relief to hear the authority on conscious parenting admit that the first several years of her parenting involved ego-driven outbursts, I feel so much better about my parenting journey. I feel so guilty everytime I lose control of my ego and yell or am angry at my children for being children. But I'm happy to learn that I haven't damaged them irrevocably because I am not perfect.
I'm hypnotised by this Goddess. She's brilliant, scintillating, captivating, beautiful.
Wow,,you found a beautiful word to describe her : a Godess! I totally agree â€
Money, with money đ”đ°that s why
@@elenamarina9736 big bullshitttt - low level taste
I think that if you are on this glorious inter-web, flipping through and either watching this video on purpose or happened upon it, youâre a good parent. Good parents are self reflective, theyâre thoughtful, they seek education to better themselves for their children. And so I highly suspect that for everybody that is here watching and leaving comments, youâre already a great parent! Now give yourself a hug, then go give your little (or big) ones a hug!
Excellent point. Tyrannical punishment is laziness when compared to being responsible for creating authentic connection and creative solutions. I'm grateful for my children who insisted I let go of my pride in how they show up. When I finally succumbed to letting the ego go at least in that tiny realm, it has become such a rich experience loving my NJ ow in grown children no matter what
Love what she said about religion. The world still isnât ready for her. đđœ
Man oh man, is she brilliant. WOW. The way she can answer these questions so readily and with such passion and humility!!! Amazing.
Every parent needs to listen to this, I see what I'm doing wrong.
Youâre not. You had to do and have to do what is needed for your and your childrenâs learning so far. The mistakes are part of the path. Now you incorporate with the new knowledge you have. Itâs all perfect â€ïž
A short cut to this realization on parenting came to me via parenting a child with mental illness. I had to realize and understand the world from their perspective in a very short period of time. Everything I assumed would happen was thrown out the window with my ego. Ha, the freedom of letting them live their life while you provide a safe place of love and support. Really once you get it, life is a lot easier for everyone. This woman is way ahead of the curve with her message.
Yes a mentally ill adult son can be a big awakening to the parents to really make you see the truth within đ
This is my path and I embrace it with open heart and yearning for the answers.
It is not easy but a spiritual awareness.
My question is how did you change? Every day I try and fail a lot.
@@gunnikr Hi Gaya, if your child lives with serious mental illness, know you are not alone. I had no choice but to let go of any and all expectations that I personally was holding for my child, no matter how good my intentions were. Kids that struggle like this are actually expressing their real feelings. Better to do it now, then when they are 40 and have kids and a lot of responsibility. With good professional help and UNCONDITIONAL love and support from family, a person will find their way. Chances are it wonât look like the most direct or easiest route, but when they get to a place where they can manage their mental illness they will actually be ahead of most people their age who are doing the bidding of others. It is almost impossible to believe a kid in crisis will ever find stability, but in time it can happen. No sugar coating here, I remember the tears and fears.
'the most defensive of all species, the parent...' Love that.. Spot on.. :-)
I agree with her on most things and it was eye opening on some issues. But being a practicing Muslim and planning to raise my child on the same belief, my faith has taught me two amazing things: My child doesn't belong to me. He has his own life.
Secondly over worrying about your children's future and survival. It is fundamental in Islam to believe in pre-destination and not killing yourself over past mistakes and take the future as it comes.
Also it is against religion to complain about your child, about how he/she is as God bestowed them upon you. Accept the reality. You don't get what you want but what you need.
thatâs really beautiful. I donât know much about the Muslim faith, but these points that youâve mentioned ring not only true in my heart, but makes sense because being selfless, having faith and getting what one needs is important and healthy! Thank you for sharing this comment, a beautiful testament to your faith.
@@noodlepoodlegirl you are welcome my dearâ„ïž
She is a riot.
Speaking the truth through and through. So bright and brave. My new hero. Thank you, thank you. We all can learn so much from her. Namaste.
đ@riot đ€Łđâșïž
Vishen you must bring her back again soon. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I love her insight.
Thanks a lot for your comment. Keep with us.
Iâm not a parent though I could not agree with this more. Very insightful interpretations for deep reflection.
yes its true. read this by clicking this link rb.gy/ozqzft
â@@amandarussick1680 Same
I agree!!!
real world insights
It is not about being GREAT is about doing the correct upbringing to your children.
Wow, the intelligence in this lady is just gushing out of her every pore. Impressive insight.
I completely totally agree with what she says about schooling and the grades in our education system are complete BS. Sheâs completely right. I started getting anxiety when I went to public school because of the testing system that they do and before hand I had no anxiety when I went to a music and arts school because they tested in a completely different way I just want to say again she is completely right. I hope more people get to hear what she has to say. Please share this with everyone you know.She is really amazing so brilliant I pray many many more of us will get to hear that her wisdom thank you so much
I almost cried and laughed... For all my mistakes about the parenting I have been doing....
Our identity can not be affixed the things outside â€
This is mindblowing. Completely eye opening. She is unapologetically dropping truthbombs. I needed this when I was young. I will not repeat these ways.
It is really rewarding to see people deeply appreciating this talk. Thanks a lot.
I really love how she approached the topic of religion and passing on religion. I was born into a home that followed a religion. However, my parents allowed me the freedom to choose. For that I am grateful. Even though this religion was well intentioned, i learned and had to accept that it was now holding me back from discovering my authentic self. When I stepped outside the box of religion my heart and mind opened up and I was able to awaken. She approached this topic with grace and clarity. Well done!
Crash all expectations...embrace the child you have with eyes đ unveiled đ thank you Dr for this ongoing learning experience
Dr Shefali You are the best, wish you were around 30 years ago , my children (and me) and husband would have had a better life
Wow, her views are so clear. Around 3 rd grade I noticed my daughter was developing OCD along with severe anxieties. Her grades were becoming everything, and I was terrified that she is going to inherit her dad's anxiety problems. We started meditation and talks about spirituality, life without form, and stated forming her idea of a soul. 3 years later I have really good results. And today I found this amazing woman. I agree wholeheartedly with everything she says. I think I might visit her in NYC. Her point starting 5:45 just so, so correct.
We are happy this has touched you. Thank you for your comment.
This is a paradigm changing talk! đźđźđź
While listening to this all I see is my daughterâs face at different reactions from me, how she knows that I am going to react like this and she cries at her deed without me even being mad. I am hearing her words like âmom I am still learing. I am 5, not a grown upâ. Really feel like breaking free of all these pressures of outside world on these beautiful hearts. I hope I could do that with her and her little brothers too!!! It was very enlightening â€ïž
Really love the chalk and cheese nature of Vishen whose cringeworthy questions epitomise unconscious parenting, and Shefali's responses pointing out just some of the features of his questions that show the unconscious 'me' statements in his questions.
There is a strong case for the need for conscious parenting courses, and a transformation of our 'form-based' schooling system, to include consciousness in the classroom to develop consciousness in children.
Dr.Shefali has given me the vision of the kind of women I would like to have in my life. Thank you and God bless you đ
idress2one Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.
2nd to life experience, pain, etc The best wisdom always comes with those whom have the Best sense of humour.
Wow wow...and I thought I was crazy for being like this. I've been called all kind of names "bad parent" for trying to grow my kids like this. Sometimes I even second guess myself and start to go to form...wow thank you
God I just love hearing her talk. She is so honest, itâs really so refreshing
@Joshua, It is really rewarding to see people deeply appreciating this talk. Thanks a lot.
Way ahead of most Americans. This truth is going to be interesting to implement.
Her clarity, her openness and honesty are refreshing. She's very relatable and easy to follow. Keep doing what you are doing
This is awesome. I understand what she is saying. I am on my own conscious journey with guiding my daughters in life. I once was controlling and wanted to make sure that my daughters would turn out to be perfect but now I just share life with them and watch them become themselves.
Why do u want them 2 be perfect in the first place thatâs stupid just leave them alone and be happy no matter what the outcome because children r not pets pets need u constantly even as they grow up human children donât
Was this a comedy show or an informative how to be a good parent show, but I got the benefits of both, thank you so much to her and you too the interviewer... You both had good humor and it all went smooth. Much appreciated.
Gosh! I am gonna share this and dare all my peers to hear this conversation. What a roller coster ride!? You should create multiple snippets of 3-5 min from this talk coz there are so many such powerful lessons.. Thank you Vishen & Shefali for daring us to challenge our own beliefs and assumptions about parenting...
Thanks a lot for your support. Thanks for watching it.
How I love her! She is great woman with lots of wisdom and so funny! Makes her so adorable! â€
Thank you thank you Lord.
This morning I had argue with my 12 yo and I Closed door and cried and while crying I asked God to show me what to do,and I fall asleep when I woke up,I find this link on my social network page..I am so excited! My parenting is exactly as Dr says...I am gonna Change now..thanks for uploading this đđđđđ
Edited:
First video in CZcams I watched with my full attention that is more than 1 hour long đđ
Kach _ Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.
You are a brave woman thank you very much I am just speechless at how brilliant and courageous that was thank you so much
Love Dr. Shefali!!! She gets it!
â€step aside and mirror who they are (you feel this way? you like this?) and watch them BE.
Itâs so helpful to know that Iâm not alone.
Just when you (think you) know who they are, they are now different. Change is the constant. And itâs THEIR journey as per being their OWN human being. Parenting is truly a sacrifice: of our ego or surface self. And our desire to impose or project ourselves onto another. If you parent WITHOUT making your well-being related to your childâs deference to who YOU ARE as who THEY ARE, youâre on the correct path. They be them. You support them. You be you. THATâS THE sacrifice.
Itâs not money or work.
You do those for yourself.
Kids could not care less about your work accomplishments or your bank account. They want a role model protector and mirroring guide who spends TIME with them getting to know them.
Hats off to this lady OMG just brilliant đđđ
The greatest takeaway here is that our children are already emodiements of the Divine in a process of unfoldening and in their own self awakening
Definitely, agree on most of the things she says. Our ego isn't the devil or root cause of negative experiences. Our ego is the driver of our car these days and we need to put the ego in the passenger seat and open a bottle of beer, share it with our ego and have a great time together. Trying to kick the ego out of the car isn't gonna help. Light only isn't gonna help. Darkness only isn't gonna help. Collaboration is what we should aim for. A quick example: when a kid throws their socks randomly around the house, maybe instead of trying to ignore it and keep calm, we could ask them politely not to do it and explain to them that we as parents are trying to keep the house clean and tidy which is a lot of effort and when they keep it messy - it shows disrespect to parents' efforts.
I laughed so hard when she got to the daily reset as a mom. IÂŽve observed how our doggie is intuitively present and accepting of our kids while IÂŽve had to keep reminding myself to be all there. Humans need to be taught everything, but animals just know how to parent.
By far the greatest talk I heard
I love u Dr Shefali!!!!
Stay blessedâ€â€
I must've needed this because Im tearing up before she started speaking. Thank you MindValley for this amazing talk.
I was never a strict parent, but my hubby was. Iâm not saying that I never made mistakes. I felt judged from my family. I feel validated now.
What inner talk did you do to not get sucked in?
Smart dosent even begin to describe this woman, thank God I found her on You Tube !
This is so helpful listening to Dr Shefali-im getting anxiety from all the insanity, seriously- Iâll have to now look at different ways on how to respond to teachers complaints from now on đđčđ«đŒđź
I Love her so much! My husband & I saw her live in Vancouver BC for a Conscious Parenting event. So insightful & inspiring đ Please come back đ
We are happy this has touched you. Thank you for your comment.
And also being creative with my answers for what their level of consciousness is ready for. I really liked that because I have been really torn between what to do. To lie or to share what I think is appropriate
I love the part about religion, realizing I was atheist helped me not only free myself but my daughter in effect.
Gh0stNoName Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.
Literally all my values in one talk by one amazing soul/womanâ€ïž
Thanks a lot! We are so glad to know that.
I LOVE THIS WOMAN!
Dr Shefali â€â€â€
HAHA "we need a payback" LOL... I totally didn't expect to laugh this much when I started watching this. So insightful and direct to the point
My biggest blessing from the devine is my youngest son. I just helped him with his ways and interests and believe me he is the most amazing thing i have ever encountered in my life. He totally helped me evolve. He has totally been the biggest blessing i could ever imagine. And then i lost my wife and he lost his mother 11 years ago to cancer and after a brief battle he became the best friend i could ever imagine. And i picked him out before he was born. At a really bad time in my life. He was every thing i ask for. To a tea.
I didn't lead him he just followed and became the other me but so far above with talent and intelligence. He has an i q that is like well they said it was the highest that any one ever scored. They sad he could go to kent state register and every big company in the world would hire and support his education but he looked at me and said dad that's not what i want to do. I said ok. So im an archeologist independent so he goes digging collecting fishing Kya cing and so i have always been an investor in in houses and antiques. So is he now. He is also a unbelievable. Artist. In guitar and vocals. But he is afraid to play for people or crowds i mean no joke he is one of the best in the world and i want to help him but i don't know how. I want to see him help people and get the recognition he deserves but i fell helpless . . he is better than a lot a hole lot of the top guitarists and vocalist on earth. And hes always trying and doing things for me. And i try to by him something or give him money and he says no dad you did so much for me i not to do that. But i told him he might be a man now but he is still my son and a father has a right to give to his son. Well that part did work. But im so stuck on how to help him over come him not wanting to perform i fell soooo helpless.
Wow! I am amazed by her way of speaking and answering. She nailed it! Thank you DR Shefali!
Wow. This is incredibleâŠ. Thank you to Shefali and Vishen âŠ.
So much was so eye opening.
My greatest takeaway was about how They are here for My experience. I am embedded in form and they are here to help me release from that.
I think when I listen again, more will sink in.
Powerful speech with massive messages delivered in such a brilliant way. Amazing.
Thank you!
Thats so lovely to listen dr shefali everytime.
I need to be a good parent for my kids.
Thanks a lot for your appreciation.
Listening to this conversation and feeling like waking my 4year old daughter. I feel like i have been too tough on her, yet she is going through so much to dopt in the changes our lives are going through. Separation and now a baby brother.oh universe guide me to conscious parenting.đđđđđđđ
So so so powerful, so insightful, so beautiful, so empowering, so true. In immense gratitude to get to hear such inspiring speech, a big thank you to you vishen whom I discovered thanks to your massive advertisement on CZcams, you really got my attention and I see such a beautiful job you do for yourself and for all the people you try to reach out to. How beautiful and inspiring are the encounters you've made! So thankful to have found mindvalley. I have a great wish to enroll 'to ' lifebook'' and "wildfit''. But I don't work right now and intend to homeschool so I don't have any income, hence no personal money to invest. But I hope to manage soon enough. And meanwhile I benefit from all the free content đđ enormous thank you. And yeah I found super interesting the class she proposed for the next day! Waw! I'm in love! đ
Totally agree...thatâs an awesome insight - thanks for sharing it with us.
Might make more sense If we all lived in an equal and perfect world.....
She is wonderful. I had things to do in my day, but I couldnât go. I was Locked into listening to her wisdom . Thank you Shefali.
It is really rewarding to see people deeply appreciating this talk. Thanks a lot.
Literally crying! My son is 10 and i feel like iâm so hard on him. I have to let go of my ideas and let him be. I can see my anxiety in him and iâm like omg i have to step back and worry about the relationship with him⊠He doesnât belong to me⊠Wow
Her English is so rich
I'm so grateful for this message
Wow my daughter is 14 she is creative but very laid back...I am trying to get her to write down some steps she can take everyday to study and look after herself...Last night she said to me..you like to write things down...I don't...
Thank you! Dr. Shefaliđđ»
What a beautiful question thank you so much that was amazing and brave of you to ask that
Outstanding!!! Continue Forward!!! Love herđđœ
We have teenagers and I needed this message. Thank you!
Took this ladys parenting course on mindvalley and she admits to doing treating her daughter in ways that i dont plan on hearing her ideas on parenting anymore
Amazing!! This good doctor has many nuggets of wisdom and delivered with such humor. I absolutely love her honesty!
She never fails to bring new light of understanding to my life. Namaste beautiful people x
One of the most important teachings in Islam is being not too much attached to this materialistic world and have more focus in our spiritual lives and having good heart and good manners and the true life is in paradise not on earth , so life on earth is a test and it is to know Allah and believe on Him and do good deeds to win His love and the immortal happiness in Gannah
I absolutely đŻ resonate with the breakfast part. I've done it all even the breakfast time "when our children is sleeping we make the best breakfast" because we are waiting for the best children of ou delusion to wake up. â° đ„đ
This is the damage done....
I love this, I've always been so focused on not messing my children up that knowingvive already messed them up has taken so much pressure off of me!
I've messed them up so now I can just enjoy them †absolutely love this talk, thank you so so much
I love shefali , just amazing she is
Agreed with her truely.. surely will practice her practice.. last few days my mind impulsing to watch listen her..
So glad to watch n listen her..
this session over here..
I wanted to take out time to watch some of her sessions..
I will watch others later..
Wow I've never hear anything like this, she is brilliant
Thanks a lot for your compliment.
This was simply awesome. You both are beautiful souls. Thank you for blessing the world.
Dr Shafali speaks a lot of truth ..... itâs what Iâve always thought... parents want to mould their children.. sheâs wonderful in being the person to speak whatâs real
We are happy this has touched you. Thank you for your comment.
She has some great talks on YT, definitely check them out
Best of the BEST .. PARENTING TALK i ever witness .. so Helpful and useful. Dr Shefali explained it beautifully ... filled with extraordinary words of wisdom and teaching .... đđđđ·đ
We are happy this has touched you. Thank you for your comment.
This was outstanding! I adore Dr. Shefali and use her principles every day!! I use to think I couldn't do anything about it now, my kids are grown in their 30s but damn it applies ALWAYS!! with them and with my soon to be grandchild! I'm so grateful for her work! where could I find her deeper dive video she was going to do the next day? Bravo to you too Mindvalley! Thank you for sharing this. More people need to see this! Much love! Lucia
Oh my goodness this talk is everything
With gratitude for mindvalley for wisdomful sharing, my takenotes n wisdom 1.easy to judge but for true healing we have to understand where parents come from 2.obessesd with performance kill ability to enjoy 3.every grade is only journey towards greater unfolding, form to formless 4.we all have to learn in their own way 5.child is forever grand and worthy
So good! My anxieties was about grade!! Thank you so much for reminding me about what they want not međđđŸ
Great, beautiful, gifted very spiritual and so right young lady. It is great to listen to Dr. Shefali.
This is the third interview with this woman and I am still scratching my head. I am guessing I am not the parent she is trying to reach because I can't really grasp her point. She seems all over the place. For me she seems more absorbed with being an expert at something that really having something to impart. I didn't come away from this being a better parent or understanding great parenting and she contradicts herself to often so know where she stands and what it is she is truly trying to impart.
Here is advice from someone who has been a parent for a long time, who doesn't care about grades, homework, bed time, keeping a kid super busy, making sure they are in sports, nor am I a parent who is purposefully trying to mold or un mold my kids. I am not preparing them for how harsh the real world can be, or how they will have to submit to our current culture, I am not teaching them to fight a system.
I am just doing what I am suppose to do (I think) keep them fed, warm, loved, make sure that I can help answer questions they have as honestly and as accurately as I can. I try to give them a home that feels safe, opportunities if they want them, a western education because it is the law, a public education because it isn't that much different than anything else really. I celebrate the things that are important to them, and I try to guide them the best I can in regards to things that I think are important like respecting others, being good to yourself, honoring your gifts, eating well, getting enough sleep, being safe.
I will fail a million times, I will pick my parenting apart and cry over it, my kids will end up in a therapists office complaining about a million other things even I wasn't aware of. When they have kids they will do it different (or at least they think they will) and still we will all sit down together to dinner and be a family, imperfect, loud, wrong, right, a little crazy and it will be ok.
It doesn't have to be anything else.
Thank you for sharing. I will be a FTM and honestly I'm scared but certain I will be alright.
@@msyxtyx you will be great, follow your OWN instincts.
MĂĄeshoua do the best you can always striving to be kind to your children while teaching them and youâll do ok. And always learning new ways, tips ideas etc will help.
Look into Mary Kurcinkaâs books too :). Very useful.
I couldn't agree more. This woman seems to be oblivious to the fact that she is going to do nothing but outsmart herself. Her poor kid is going to be institutionalized one day as he agonizes over the form and the formless. Very nice hair though.
Hahaha I was going through reading the comments and saw yours (as your thoughts about her are exactly what I was thinking !) And then looked at your name and realized hey your my fav reborn artist and i love your videos! Crazy to see your comment on this video on the huge neverending internet!
Great response to the nationality question!!!!!
Dr Shefali is the 3 devies in one đđč
Totally agree...thatâs an awesome insight - thanks for sharing it with us.
True I was obsessed with breakfast I am so much better now not forcing her to eat my amazing breakfast I make.....
Love her knowledge, willingness to laugh at herself and how she teaches us to lighten up , her effervescence is contagious , she makes me like my boys again jk đ Why are you so attached? Yes!!
Oh I love it! I've done/do exactly this same thing!
She is hilarious and speaks truth! đđ
Weâre so glad! Thank you for your comment
Wow, I love this. She says exactly what I feel and am afraid to say to others but especially myself, in fear of⊠I donât know đ€·ââïž my own learned helplessness, and my need to control? Very powerful message!