EARLY RED FLAGS OF ABUSE
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
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www.thehotline.org/
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Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
2:30 Love-bombing
3:38 Lowering your standards
4:44 Double standards
5:18 Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
6:24 Controlling behavior
7:16 Intimidating/threatening behavior
8:24 Anger problems
9:49 Isolation
10:27 Punishment
11:48 Gaslighting
What is also important to mention is that abusers can be nice 95% of the time. They can be friendly to relatives, the cashier and so on. But never forget the other 5% where they cross the line, this is what actually counts.
Yup, the person "they become" is still them. Not a blip. It's their character.
Yes! This point is so key! Without it we will never accept the reality of who they are and the chaos they create
And the 5 % is the lashing at you, shouting, beating etc.. It's extreme behavior not petty behavior like maybe being somewhat lazy or being somewhat nagging
Thank you
basically my parents. this is why it's so hard to stop loving them
I think when there's an absence of aggression, people assume it's not abusive. Abuse is synonymous with violation. Thanks for taking into account the more insidious, psychological abuse patterns, and clarifying the flags themselves are the abuse
The anger part is a huge one. Abusers need to be intimidating or have some sort of power over you in order to make you fear their outbursts.
What do I do if I'm already afraid of their outburst
@@_alauda_please leave. If you feel you can't, ask for help.❤️
I think that many people can have anger issues that comes from other things and it comes out not necessarily because they want to have power over you, but because they don’t feel like they have their own control.
anyone saying they have "anger problems or anger issues" is just telling you they're most likely an abuser.
@@sparrowspotty I feel like we need to be careful when we condemn anger as an emotion and not the poor decisions made while angry. Plenty of people can have anger problems without being physically abusive or emotionally abusive, and there are plenty of things people say while angry that are just reactions to a feeling of injustice and aren’t abusive.
Look out for financial abuse early on, too! My first date with an abuser was such a red flag, looking back on it. He showed up straight from the gym, so hadn't showered or changed or anything, and then acted like he forgot his card so I ended up paying for the meal. He CONSTANTLY "needed" money from me for the duration of our 4 month "relationship." Also, during our first date conversation, he was already negging. Ex: "guys must really be intimidated by you because you have a master's degree. You must have a hard time dating." It was true, but that's such a weird thing to say. Sane, clear-thinking, healthy people would just engage with me about what I studied or try to find common ground over college sports teams or something like that. Not sit there and 1) neg me while simultaneously 2) trying to make themselves seem different and special like "ohhh look at me, I'm not like the other people you've dated because I'm not intimidated by your level of education."
I could for the sake of my sanity never understand how could you and why did you continued dating him besides everything my Gf did the same with her past relationship . And its more prevalent in younger girls not realizing i mean its not that hard was he good looking was he physically your type because i don't see any solid and reasonably reason why could somebody continue dating . All the manipulating tricks for me as a guy are so easy to spot like in my sleep .
@@stevo7220 because when you hate yourself you take any amount of love you can. Even when the love comes with a price.. Not saying the OP hated herself, but i know having low self esteem makes you more susceptible to it
Here is also a red flag that made me turn down a guy who was 18 when I was fifteen who was Asexual: “I’m not like other guys” he said that and I was just like nope
@@emilymatthews2990 I mean not to generalize but almost 90% of girls in my HS were saying "iam not like the other girls " and i hear it more from girls than guys but probably just anecdotal exp.
@@emilymatthews2990 I was abused my entire childhood and young adulthood, so yes, there was a lot of internalized self-loathing that it took me a couple of years of therapy to undo.
I've seen this in platonic relationships too. I think the term "mean girls" does not convey the seriousness of the psychological damage that so-called friends like this can inflict. It can be harrowing
Another red flag of abuse is mean-spirited and cruel "jokes" which is just another form of gaslighting and normalizing their abusive behaviours. It's gaslighting bc "oh I was just joking, you can't take a joke" when good people who aren't abusers would never make those types of jokes. Jokes reveal mindsets non-bigots will never make bigoted jokes and jokes also normalize certain things.
and another is if you hear contempt in the way they talk about other people about you, contempt seeping out often is such a huge indicator of abusers and abuse.
I see what you are trying to say but, you have to know that person to know if they are joking or not. By that same standard every single comedian is bigoted and not "good" people which is a bit crazy when you break it down. That would mean that everyone that sees that comedian is also a bigot. Is most of the population a bigot? That might be a hard one to spin
@@Advisory_Vessel some people make that argument these days. It's a pretty common thought among the more activists progressives.
Learning about abuse is beneficial. The hardest part I've had with processing abuse is recognizing how prevalent abuse is in our society. Everyone, be careful of gaslighting.
once I hear those rude/mean "joking" comments, I run for the hills. It's hard sometimes when I've already started bonding with the person but I gotta put me first chile
Yep very smart
If someone seems too good to be true, 10/10 they are trying to fines you. Do not show your vulnerabilities early on. Most times, abusers will deliberately pick their victims as they are easy targets( broken homes, single moms, people going through vulnerable stages in their lives). Always keep a level of suspicion and do not believe anyone blindly. Do not tell them what you are looking for in a partner early on. If you give someone enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves. Stay safe. Is a cold world
I would say, do indeed show your vulnerabilities but have strong boundaries. The good thing about being vulnerable is that it let you know early who's an abuser.
something also so confusing about those types of relationships is that often they will gaslight you to believe you were the abusive one and guilt trip you to think that you deserved whatever they doing/did to you
I’ve only started dating recently, and this obsessiveness shown with “love-bombing” is just a symptom of my ADHD. I should watch out for that before. Also I have certain triggers that can get me very irritated quickly. This is important stuff to know so I can work on myself so I don’t fall into these behaviors.
In this case , it would be great to let the other person know that you struggle with ADHD. This will maybe help clarify things
If it's just you being honest and excited about your emotions then it isn't lovebombing though! The intention behind lovebombing is always manipulation. The person will build you up and then break you down. That's usually the cycle of partner abuse
I can’t believe I tolerated that. Such a bad place to be.
I possessed those red flags in my ex relationship. Now Im learning how to correct myself. Ana is doing good work helping raise awareness bout how not to be a shitty boyfriend. Thanks doc.
What did you do to counteract these behaviors? or What behavior did you implement to replace the abusive ones?
@@ID_Kevin Dont have a set plan. Just be self aware and try to get better anger managenent. Positive music, proper sleep, setting boundaries, cutting toxic people off.
Which red flags did you show? How did you know it was a problem?
Ana you saved my life. Watching this video made me breakup with a narcissist before i knew he was one. THANK YOU
Im scared to leave him because I feel like I wont know what to tell him when he asks me why. And every reason I do give him he’ll try to give it a “solution”. The reasons i have are bc of his misogyny, narcissism, controlling behavior, lack of empathy, saying things that make me insecure and so much more. I’ve even preformed sexual acts for him even when I wasn’t completely sure or felt pressured. I know what I have to do and will get out of this and update you guys.
Be vigilant. The sooner you end it the better
Please go and find help to find your way out. There is probably a number you can call for advice on domestic violence. Any sexual act that you perform without your 100% consent is sexual abuse and is against the law.
@@TheMaxiSoul ok thank you
Stay safe @mkayy. You are strong and will definitely get over this. It is my 2nd month of no contact, it is not an easy path but trust me, it DOES get better.
@@Sidney0 thank you
I know this is meant for the context of romantic relationships, but I see a lot of this in my parents - and it's correct that you say that a lot of these behaviours are in themselves abusive. But it's obvious in the case of my parents.
What I think would be a good follow-up or companion video/topic would be what is *not* particular red flags, such as lovebombing. I believe in that case there's wiggle-room for interpretation there which people may actually be misinterpreting, such as someone being very eager early into a relationship. Such behaviour may be unwise on their part, but I believe there's a fine line between being very eager (they may have been very lonely, been abandoned or not had many or any opportunities in romantic relationships, or they may just value you that much) and abuse, which often involves the element of manipulation. I have also seen people worrying that they may be lovebombing someone when their behaviour genuinely doesn't appear to be (I know I worry about that and also coming off as eager), but because we who know about these red flags tend to be very alert about them, we can end up robbing ourselves of opportunities to become close with anyone, and eventually end up emotionally freezing ourselves over and isolating ourselves as we push others away by leaving them with a sense of futility about getting through to you or caring about you.
That's an interesting topic. I would guess that the difference between someone eager and love-bombing would be setting boundaries (by asking for permission) about things like constant texting and gift giving. But any overly exaggerated complements early on are suspicious behavior.
I really agree with this! I think it's def important that people keep an eye out for behaviors that could be abusive such as this! Even with things like love-bombing or giving too many compliments it can definitely come from someone who doesn't have a proper understanding of themselves, their intentions, and how terrible their actions can make someone feel!
When it comes to lovebombing and also people who may be a bit too eager I definitely understand that there may be another aspect or realm of possibility to the situation as well! I've noticed that I can often be quite insecure and at times jealous even when I'm just getting to know somebody I'm interested in! It can be scary because when it comes to that we really do want to show our appreciation and interest in that person but it can also be a bit too much or even be manipulative without our knowledge. I really do hope that I'm able to explore and identify the actions I value and enjoy sharing awesome and meaningful experiences with people I love and appreciate though!
I def think I've got some of my own red flags but I'm gonna try my best to work on being better through the days!!
Yesterday I was in a date with this guy(valentine's day in my country) and the date was amazing, but it was our first date. He just posted our photos in every social media swearing that he's gonna love me for the eternity. I repeat. It was our FIRST DATE. When we got home, he asked me for be his girlfriend (it's usual to ask in my country but when you have been dating for a long time). I said I needed time.
After this vídeo, my eyes are open cuz he is always saying how he loves me, how I'm the love of his life and he wanna make me happy. But we only saw each other 1 time. =/ RED FLAG 🚩
Ooh definite red flag. That's too much too soon
Run.
Yep. He would tell me that I had “sexy eyes” and “sexy lips” then tell me I’m crazy… or say “I’m not attracted to your body per se.” As if he was some GQ model… please!!! 🤮🤮🤣🤣🤣. He did each and every one of these.
This is what my Family, notoriously my father did to me my entire life. Emotional physical and verbal abuse accompanied by aggressive alcoholism and supreme gaslighting. Like keeping their foot on your neck and telling you to leave at the same time. Disgusting. Great video thank you
❤
I love what you said, this is already abuse and not okay! I wish someone told me this before i married My ex husband, i normalized his abuse so much, i thought it was normal male gender behavior
i really like how you deliver the information via adding your thoughts and experiences to the topic. it makes me rethink and analyze everything that has happened in my life.
So glad to hear that!
I left him in 2020 and I’m still too emotionally exhausted whenever the thought of him or what i went through comes to mind. 😞
How are you doing now? ❤
Be careful - abusers think they are being abused, hence why they abuse. Abusers accuse their partners of being narcissists too.
i just realized i just came out of one. the gaslighting was so real he made me question my memory always and always was angry and threatening… i completely lost my self esteem… but i had the hope and strength to walk away . thank you for sharing
My ex boyfriend used to say he would hold me down and beat the shit out of me until I loved myself. Now I love myself way more without him.
just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship ): it is hard bc u wanna believe itll work out but the rose colored glasses gotta come off someday. Next relationship im in im gonna be more careful and watch for red flags early on. Done tolerating the toxicity
Literally same
Yes as someone mentioned a phrase that helped me a lot to remain clear about the need to stop a relationship was the fact to remind myself '' most people can be nice, but not everyone will hurt you and be fine with it''
Coercion IS assault. The FBI definition classifies it as rape with sexual acts, such as penetration with body parts (for either party involved) or objects. So, it's not that coercion will "escalate" into assault. It is sexual assault.
I’m almost six months into my first relationship. We love each other a lot and it’s very passionate. In the last month we’ve had the same misunderstandings over and over again. I’ve noticed that he does things that match with the signs you pointed out (lovebombing, lowering relationship standards, coercion, jealousy, anger problems, punishment). But I can easily explain all his behaviours and I know that he doesn’t come from a bad place. I’m worried that I’m making excuses for it because I’m what people would call a doormat and my mother insults me calling me a martyr. I have low self esteem and self worth. This is my first relationship, the first time I’ve felt wanted or loved. I love him and I want this to work out. I’m not sure if I’m seeing everything rationally. But I also can’t go to my family because they don’t want him and I to be together.
you said it yourself. you’re seeing the red flags and pointing them out. my advice to you is to get out of the pink world, otherwise you’ll be blind to the red flags. judge your relationship both rationally and emotionally, stay safe
If family and close friends don't like your choice, you really should question your choice. Your family and friends probably know you well and want the best for you. If I were in this situation, it would be helpful if your parents could articulate what they don't like. It would be helpful to know his family life, his romantic history, etc., as people will usually continue patterns from the past. And, likely, if you're with that person, you're going to have to live with his friends and family, anyways (not the literal sense of "to live'). There are occasionally people who overcome their past and change, but it's rare, esp when you start the mutual project of raising children. Those are my thoughts from observation.
Sounds like your family isn't the most helpful either, maybe you should try to focus on being by yourself for awhile. Dudes come and go but your relationship with yourself and your self esteem are what will make you truly fulfilled.
@@sweatergod5386 I agree that, in the end, your blood relations are the most important and lasting. Getting all your personal things in order first will almost make you the most attractive and successful, as well as not settling for things that don't work for you longterm (which also means what's best for the man too). I think we can all say that it's better to be single that married to hell.
RUN
should be taught in school. Over and over again so that through the years this is understood well. This will help not just victims, but also abusers, who learn their abusive behavior from somewhere (likely a parent?) and so they can recognize it instead of passing it down to the next generation.
My ex always said "it's not about what you said, it because you said it in a weird way" no matter how normal and casual the conversation was. Obviously it was an excuse to blame me of his bad reaction
Wow I can relate
@@user-hl1ct3yh1r thank you!!!!
wow, everything you mentioned is basically everything my girlfriend has been doing too me. this really hurts but I'm glad I'm more aware than ever thank you.
the signs you described are how my abuse escalated over time in that exact order. i used to be with a narcissist for 5 1/2 years.
My ex fiance displayed 80% of these signs. I'm glad I left. feel bad for his new wife.
Staying in an unhealthy relationship will keep you from discovering your true path in life. We have to make healthy choices to walk away not only to save us from heartache, but also to protect our emotional and mental health.
💙CZcamsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
My last relationship was textbook narcissistic abuse and toxic. I was a single mom with my own home, job that I loved, friends and my own car. He was using a truck his boss let him borrow for our first “date”. He got us a hotel(motel) and when I assumed we would be going out to eat he instead got me drunk while ordering mostly watered down drinks all night so hedidn’t have to pay for food or a lot for drinks because he knew someone at the bar.
He wanted to hold hands and make out like we had known each other for ages when I got home the next day he texted me all day and night. After 2 weeks he wanted to move in and even said he loved me.
Oh how I fell for it hook line and sinker.
I lost my friends, family, job, car and home.
What happened was total destruction of my life. Please run when you see the signs. I am out of the relationship after 7 years of off and on toxic cycles and I’m finally becoming the woman I deserve to be and embracing and loving myself again ❤
Thank you for sharing this information 🙏
Happy you got out of it❤
thank you for covering this topic. having been on the receiving end of a long-term relationship with someone who was NPD, I can appreciate these dynamics. it took a few years of educating myself on the dynamics and techniques of a controller. to really be able to cut clean. one of the biggest things to overcome, is the shame of allowing yourself to have stayed or remained bound to such a person. it was text book from beginning to end. the dynamic that you suffer consequences for anything you might say...even a sincere and simple "good morning" could be spun as an assault on them, and become a launch pad for a major violent reaction. you become conditioned to a constant state of anxiety and being hyper tuned to this person. there were so many sources available to gain information, educating people on the dynamics of such relationships. And that is why I feel it's important for professionals like yourself, to do videos like this. I cannot possibly express, how helpful and maybe even life saving they are.
Everything you said is how my mum treats me. Except for the lovebombing.
That sucks, Mikky. Keep looking for healthy guidance such as on this channel so that you will have the knowledge you need to make healthy choices for yourself.
On the autistic spectrum, sensory issues can cause them to redline and become out of control. One of the things i had to learn was to shield my senses in order to live in a more relaxed form. I carry sunglasses for when i have too much visual input and earplugs for when things are louder than i can accept. Taste and touch and other sensory things can cause overload too. When i was a kid i was taught to try and just weather the sensory overload, but as an old man, i take steps to go somewhere quiet and take care of myself so overload and its consequent freaking out does not happen. The strongly focused senses can be assets in work, but they can be liabilities unless you know to ask for a hiatus for a half hour when things are two busy for you to process. Sometimes i felt that neurotypicals were intentionally stomping on my senses, but i think it is just that they do not focus as strongly as autistic spectrum persons.
Even though the love bombing made me feel incomfortable, I just ignored it. I have learned to trust my instincts and never ignore them.
You're doing God's work. Keep it up.
Yeah, always better to leave at the first sign of abuse imo. Any of these means time to put up your boundaries and/or there are more people worth meeting out there, leave this one. With love bombing, I would include the more obvious verbiage. Like, they give out tons of complements constantly in the beginning, "never met anyone like you," "you're so beautiful," etc. Stuff normal people are a bit shy about saying but abusers have no emotion about words. Then they start trying to control things/making demands/yelling/refusing to cooperate. It would be great to see more healthy relationships and more abusive people left in the dust. Seems like an epidemic of bad relationships are all around.
Hey Anna, what about no win scenarios? One I encountered was...
"You don't remember enough about what happened, you can't still be mad at it"
And then days later "You remember this is in such detail, I can't believe you're holding a grudge against me"
Extreme jealousy and possessiveness. That was the red flag for me. He’d get angry over something very minimal like me seeing the shoes of another man. I’d question myself “why is he so jealous or angry if to me he has no flaws, he’s perfect.” But I came to realize he wasn’t. He had very low self esteem and anything I did was an attack to him.
yea I had an ex accuse me of screwing my sister. She blew up at me after a car accident because she didn't get there first and I got another ride. Wild.
Your point about basic personality expression as anger was a new aspect. I think it's also a way to make every/any issue important and show where the whole world is composed of idiots (in their view). It's a bone to chew on and gain attention, not really wanting to share in a discussion, but more pontificating and inflicting their ideas on their audience.
im gonna cry bro. this is whats been happening to my mom for 25 years and to me and my siblings since we were born. i don't know what to do because my mom refuses to leave even after an extremely crazy abusive, psychotic episode from him and always blames it on other things (meds, other people, bad day, etc) like NO MOM it happens NO MATTER WHAT its just who he is
My abuser took advantage of the fact that I had a stroke that affects my short-term memory. He really had me believing that I was doing stuff and just not remembering it. I thought he loved me, and I had low self-esteem, so I would believe him. It was crazy.
someone I met online is helping me escape my hellhole of a country where I'm in danger of getting killed for my sexuality . they already paid my tuition and they want me to leave asap which I'd love nothing more and I'm so grateful for their kindness and generosity But in the middle of this they asked if we can date and I said yes just because I was scared of them abandoning me if I said no. tbh I feel lovebombed and exploited but I'm scared of saying something because my vety survival depends on them now . I feel.like they expect me to spend the first night I arrive to their country at their house . I don't feel safe enough to do it but I aslo don't have a lot of money and i might be forced to do it. I'm torn between risking my life by leaving or by staying here. I can't live in this backward country anymore. I desperately need advice.
When you get to the country call a domestic violence hotline
I'm reading this about a year after you wrote it. I hope so much that you are safe now, and free from both the country and the controling relationship. If you're still in an unsafe situation, please feel free to reach out here - I may know of some resources that could be helpful.
Great vid! Another one - if someone’s emotional reaction lead to them inflicting trauma to themselves. Like hitting their head with fists and against the wall. Deep issues, run for the hills 👀
i hope you are seriously giving yourself HUGE props cause your videos are amazing !!!!
This was such an important video, whenever I miss my ex I watch this video and it reminds me why I left.
my bf is extremely possesive and get jealous whenever i talk to my guy friends. i love him so much, but he got 4/10 of these red flags, but then again, in my country some of these things are not considered red flags bcs of the traditional norm here. idk if i should call it quits or not...
the red flags he has are:
1. he love bombs me
2. he gives backhanded compliments n stuff, he body shamed me too for being 'too skinny'
3. the double standard thing
4. extreme jealousy and possessiveness
what should i do?
I wish my son would realize what his wife is doing to him that he cannot live with his abusive wife. I see it and he would not listen.
This is beyond helpful 😭😭😭 I felt like I was exaggerating or overthinking but I knew I didn’t feel good about some of the things he said and did. Thank you so much for the confirmation.
thank you so much for this video 🤍
I really appreciate your videos! Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for bringing up this conversation!
Thank you so much, I really needed this video right now. Two months ago my fiancé and I broke up.. I’ve been missing him a lot lately, so I’ve been starting to minimize and overlook his bad qualities. Your video served as an important reminder that I’m much better off now. I appreciate you ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. Very well spoken.
You know, I've become familiar with these from a lot of reading over the years, and this is such a great summary of them all in one place. Thank you!
Thank you for this video ❤.
Thank you for uploading free content like this ❤️
What you said about anger being used to mask other emotions makes so much sense to me. I find myself getting very angry when I am sad or even depressed. I've never let it get out of control to the point where I have hurt someone, but usually I will let people know I need time alone.
can you talk someday about avoidant personality disorder and how to fight against that, how not to avoid confrontations with people, when it's actually healthier to talk things through with people, how not to let pride or hurt get the better of you?
Nice to see you again Ana.
This was a wonderful video thanks so much 🙏
It always makes me wonder why it's so difficult to access education about relationships and signs of abusive behavior.
i like the empathy in the warning at the beginning
my ex would say that words > actions. when he disrespected me and treated me like shit he would apologize, play victim and blame me for reacting. i blocked him today and its so hard not to feel stupid. he still owes me money, ive been holding off on saying mean stuff to him and its tough
Oh wow thanks dearie 🖤
Your videos keep getting better and better. I appreciate your perspective so much.
I adore your videos! Thank you for all you do
Love this video - so informative and helpful. As someone esperiencing most of these growing up in need to keep myself in check as to what I allow into my life now. Thank you Ana ❤️
An empowering survey of abusive behaviors, thank you for linking to resources to cope & seek dignity, Ana :)
Very interesting insight! Thanks for the video!
Quick and to the point, I hope this video can set someone free cause everything you mentioned is reflects my personal experience!!!
Thank you so much for the information.
From your experience and/or studies has there any data or information about abusers level of awareness of their behavior? Awareness is always the key to any adjustment in one’s behavior. When I realized how my actions affect others was I able to adjust my behavior.
Thanks producing these videos. It’s allowed me to be more aware of behavior from others and in myself.
wow, watching this video really helped me. i had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with an abusive partner and its really difficult leaving n moving on from this person because it had been so long. and now watching this video pretty much everything that was said is what happened
To what extent are abusers doing it consciously?
this is so helpful thank you so much. i just got out of a physically abusive relationship. i thought i was crazy. but in reality I’m just a victim 😔 what he did has changed me forever
The way they can't see what they're doing wrong is horrible and so repulsive
Is it possible for a person to be unintentionally abusive? I feel like my previous relationship may have been emotionally abusive, but I don't feel as though my partner was someone who would do it intentionally...
Yeah sometimes people do have unconscious habits and are just in survival mode... Not really aware of the impact they are having on others
That's the point of these videos. Most people aren't intentionally doing it, but the damage to you is still real
legit question here Ana what do you do when you recognize the same behaviors in yourself. like I'm aware i have done these things and they have been done to me but I'm concerned with my own temperament to continue doing the same things... how does one break they pattern of being on both sides of everything you've mentioned?
Thank you
Yes!! All of this. After so many attempts and four years of abuse I'm finally out of it!
The fact that I see all of these in my dad and the way he treats my mom is so frustrating
The fact that I want to send this to at least 3 people so that they can understand what they're going through
You're awesome
Can you make a video on gambling please. I’m seeing it promoted a lot more on social media recently and I’m interested in the early signs of gambling addiction, it’s harms, and measures that can be taken to prevent harm. I would also like to know if it is and how it might be possible to gamble regularly without it being harmful to one’s self.
Thank you Ana.
Spot on.
An abusive person should have learned by now, not to come my way. Abuse kills and destroys lives! Therefore, that threat has to be destroyed. I HATE ABUSIVE PEOPLE THAT BAD! They sell control like it's understandable or necessary- wtf??
Thanks for sharing!!!❤❤❤
Every last one in my last relationship. Every last one.
And one valuable thing I learned is that I was lovebombing myself mostly, him, not so much actually, but me! to myself rather! And that is a very interesting thing I came to realize and worked on actively and eventually stopped doing, and this is a more insidious type of abuse where mostly the other is not so graphic about the abuse but is fine with whatever you said hurt and just seek from you to roll with it otherwise you are just making things complicated and creating problems... It's a more passive type of abuse and takes deep healing to come out of...
Excellent video
sis sat there and described me
Is this abuse:
When the relationship is experiencing turbulence, they will start making accusations that are completely untrue and in fact sometimes the opposite and it makes you not even feel angry or defensive because you're so confused like "how could they possibly think that".
Is this a type of gaslighting??
yes
it could be gaslighting. maybe they’re feeling insecure and overthinking. i think context is important when determining if you’re being gaslit.
Yeah I believe so
You look very young Ana. But you are whip smart. Thanks for explaining things in a way this old lady can understand.
I wish I had this info 6 years ago, my life might still be in tact
What should you do if you spot love bombing early on but are not sure if it’s malicious in intent or just someone whose excited ?
Just be careful and make sure you’ve got a solid support network - and be vigilant :/ hopefully it’s just excitement!
I would say, does the "love bombing" include statements that couldn't be true or are negative complements? Like them promising they'll love you forever or "you're not like the others"? Or is it socially unacceptable behaviors without permission? Like, texting late into the night or sending gifts right away? Then it's manipulation.