Couples Transitioning From Monogamy to Polyamory - Jessica Fern
Vložit
- čas přidán 19. 07. 2018
- As many of us know, being non-monogamous in a monogamous world has its ups and downs, but taking on the process of going from monogamy to non-monogamy as a couple can have its own unique set of difficulties, as well as gifts. In this presentation Jessica Fern explores five specific dynamics and challenges that relate to couples who are transitioning from monogamy to polyamory while staying together.
In this talk, Jessica goes beyond talking about relationship agreements, communication and jealousy, through exploring:
-How the paradigm shift your are going through is creating your relationship challenges, not non-monogamy.
-How the skills you used to stay healthy in monogamy may not convert in polyamory.
-Why the pairing of a Poly-as-Lifestyle partner with a Poly-as-Orientation partner can be particularly challenging.
-How going Poly can catalyze an awakening of the Authentic Self
-How going Poly can expose a Crisis of Attachment Style.
www.JessicaFern.com
This is amazing. As my wife and I begin our journey into polyamory, I feel like this is absolutely necessary. so grateful to have found this.
gj cuck
I'm so hopeful for our future. This video validated so much of what I'm feeling is appropriate for us.
you prolly dont give a shit but if you are bored like me during the covid times then you can stream all the new movies on instaflixxer. Have been binge watching with my brother recently =)
@Lincoln Walter definitely, have been using InstaFlixxer for since november myself :D
How did things end up going? Just interested :) all the best!
Thank you so much for this insightful video. I very much appreciate the honest and depth of your knowledge - transitioning is a big step and kind of scary but also very liberating! I will watch for more of your work. xo
I've spent weeks of time collectively watching videos and listening to podcasts on this very topic.
This video is hands-down the PERFECT breakdown of the shift in relationship dynamic. It breaks down everything logically, clearly, and teaches us how to evaluate any of our own difficulties that may arise from this experience.
Very eye-opening and enlightening! Thank you!!!!!
This video is incredibly important and helpful. Thank you so much for the energy that went into creating and sharing it.
Most enlightening video I’ve seen this year. It is amazing how Jessica explain almost all the emotions we are going through and all the struggles I have experienced. Thank you! Ordering your book right now.
Hi Jessica! Very awesome content. I am undergoing the transitioning period and it is very hard. I always go back to your video and re watch it so I wont give up on it. Because its feels so easy to go back to monogamy because thats what I am program to be. But I know deep inside of me I love giving love and getting love to everyone.
By far the best advice and transition from monogamy to poly information I have received so far! Thank you so so much!
This is gold! It validates so many of my experiences and I think this will really help getting through my own struggle at the minute
My partner & I just finished Poly Secure on the advice of our couples therapist. We are experiencing exactly many of the feelings & challenges described in this video & the book. I’m really grateful for a resource that is so validating and empowering. Thanks!
Thank you so much for giving this talk.
// this brought me so much peace on this Aries full moon
Thank you
Thank u
I was very interested in the video, but was unable to continue once the birth story started. Way too much trauma for many of us.
i think poly relationships only apply to a specific group of individuals in a “healthy” way.
it’s all subjective & psychological, which in and of itself is dangerous by nature.
26:30
Monogamy can kill relationships and here is how.
It is often overlooked that relationships can end when one person sets unrealistic expectations for their partner. It is crucial to understand that no individual can fulfill every need of another person. Believing that one person should shoulder the entire burden of someone else's emotional and physical needs is both foolish and unrealistic. This kind of mindset places excessive pressure on the person attempting to meet those expectations, ultimately leading to relationship breakdown.
the thing is that person should be able to fulfill all his needs himself... i don't really get this argument for polyamory. Not against this thing btw.
Ideally they should be able to self satisfy, but ideals are seldom met and even when someone is self sufficient there are times when we all need someone(s) to lean on until we regain our balance.
The couples use polyamory for the wrong reasons ....some think polyamory would fix a broken marriage
This got my like, but a suggestion that echoes @Nikki Williamson: Comparing going back to monogamy to going back to being childless is what's called a straw man argument. It's only superficially true. A better analogy would be for people who have decided to go organic, to go back to consuming processed foods. This analogy holds up much better on a number of levels, because there is a strong case that polyamory is more organic than monogamy, and were keeping contexts consistent by dealing with concepts ( paradigms ) rather than mixing paradigms with physical objects ( kids ). Kids aren't a "paradigm".
I would also add that there's good reasons to suggest that those who see polyamory as a lifestyle rather than as an orientation, just don't get it ( yet ). If anything monogamy is a lifestyle. There's no evidence that humans are naturally wired for monogamy. It's learned through socialization and the repression of our natural "orientation" which is the capacity for multiple concurrent relationships.
The attachment styles also have some problems. For example I'm comfortable with intimacy & autonomy ( secure ) but border on being preoccupied with relationships ( preoccupied ) because of how much I value the richness they can add to my life, and tend to be socially avoidant in the face of conflict ( avoidant ), and if necessary strongly independent ( dismissive ). I suspect I can't be the only one who is all over the map on this one, so I'm not so sure it's any more valuable than a horoscope.
I guess parenthood would be the paradigm in this case?
I don’t know if I believe that humans are wired for either one. I’m not really a big fan of the “wiring“/heredity/born this Way explanation of human sexuality or thought.
I’m sure there are some people out there who find it more natural to focus on one person at a time, although I’ll bet the more fulfilling lifestyle, for all parties involved, is polyamory.
Your "comparison" of it's easier to go back to monogamy with telling struggling new parents to return the kids doesn't even make sense. You can't return kids. I keep trying to honestly understand poly yet people promoting it keep giving ridiculous examples to support it.
You're right! That's the point of the comment is that it doesn't make sense. It's meant to illustrate the challenge that many consensually no- monogamous people face. In the same way that it would not make sense to tell new parents to send their kids back because they are struggling with the new hardships of having a newborn, for many people going back to monogamy is not an option and telling them to do so would be miss seeing who they are and what they are going through. Similar to when someone comes out as gay. They might have a difficult time with being out, but they can't just go back to being straight and advising them to would make very little sense.
You can’t stuff shit back in your ass. Think of it that way.
How does it not make sense to you? Sure you can’t send the kids back, but if one partner is dying on the inside because of the restrictive monogamous rules, you can’t really tell them to go shove all those feelings back into a box and just “deal with it”. To me this makes just as much sense as the “just stop the polyamory”. If relationships can’t evolve over time, they are doomed to fail, whether that evolution plays out as polyamory or not should be up to the participants, not you. If you really want to understand polyamory, try not to force it to fit into your smaller narrative.
I think a better comparison is just that when monogamous relationships end people don’t then conclude that it was the monogamy that was the problem, but people do this with non-monogamy/polyamory all the time.