AITA for telling my mom I'll never let her husband adopt me and she needs to get over it?
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- čas přidán 10. 09. 2024
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Story: AITA for telling my mom I'll never let her husband adopt me and she needs to get over it?
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NTA. If Dan was such a “good man” then he would respect OP’s boundaries and accept “no” for an answer.
That’s a good point. I was feeling a little bad for him (but more so for OP of course).
Regret the decision in the future? Sounds like a threat.
Nah, felt more like a warning than a threat. Pretty feeble warning at that.. if there's one thing I hate, it's when people try to take your choice away. I hope the dad sorts himself out, with his daughter as the motivation. Then they can really stick it to the mother and her partner.
Sounds to me, op is the only mature person in this situation mom and dan are throwing a tantrum and the dad is spiraling due to PTSD and his addiction
Just because you chose to abandon your husband in his time of need, doesnt mean absolutely everyone else has to also. She is just a vindictive AH whos only goal in life now is making your father as miserable as possible.
They broke up before all the addiction and spiraling, but mostly yes to everything else.
NTA if Dan was such a good guy, he would respect OP's boundaries
NTA obviously. Tell your mom that just because she replaced your dad doesn't mean you ever will.
To be honest it's understandable for someone like ops dad to do such a thing, not everyone can be fixed with medicine and therapy after they came back from the military and if the mom doesn't understand that and was practically trying to force op to accept Dan as her "dad" then might as well let op move in with her dad, both her and Dan don't understand or know what ops dad went through and everything he saw so everything they did was unacceptable so no op your NTA
Our poor veterans come home to this. Smh yes I’m a veteran.
Ya... its one of the reasons I wont serve. But none the less thank you for your service.
NTA. Both mom and Dan don't get you can't force a relationship that's unwanted. They're also not getting that OP has set a boundary and they aren't respecting it.
"Do it for Dan???"
That guys everywhere 😂
@@sgtwhisker26 everybody knows Dan
Why do both the mother and the step father feel that there needs to be an adoption for them to be a family? Why does the mother think that anyone is going to believe that she will allow contact between the OP and their Dad if the Dad gave up his parental rights, she is already trying to restrict contact when he has those rights. The forcing of the adoption issue and slagging off of the OP’s Dad is only ensuring that the OP will be hostile to any attempt at making them a family and will result in pushing them away in the long term.
nta but i will say i can sorta understand the mom, she keeps bringing up the drug thing which is obviously not something a kid should be around but completely limiting any contact and trying to force the stepfather is the wrong way to go about that
The mom's actions are intentional, she knows what she's doing is destroying that man.
It's all cool and all but if it was the mother this scenario wouldn't be tolerated by either family or society 😅
No do what your Heart tells you
Nta
Maybe a hot take, but i really don't think the daughter should be included into a pre-existing tradition. It's much better to create new traditions, as for the wife's kids it can easily feel like this new sibling is being forced upon them and that this new family is more important than the family they had before. It's a safer bet to leave that tradition alone and create a new one.
This is a kind of iffy situation b/c OP’s bio-dad isn’t mentally well enough to take care of OP if her mom suddenly does die. I’m guessing the dad is still doing drugs & if that’s true then I don’t really understand why OP keeps taking her dad side. At the end of the day, he isn’t well enough to be a dad. You could still keep him in your life, but it’s obvious the mom just wants what’s best for her. However, the mom trying to limit OP’s time with her dad is just pushing her more towards her dad. Idk, I understand where the mom is coming from, but at the same time there’s nothing she could do about it. I can’t sympathize with the dad though b/c yeah he went through traumatic, but doing drugs… really. It’s selfish af. Especially seeing as he has a child & wife (at the time). I just tend to think about other people who went through the same things & they don’t resort to drugs. They deal with it.
Also the mom shouldn’t force the stepdad on OP and try and force him as a parental figure , it’s something that OP has to accept on her terms , it’s a big thing . Even though he’s not a good father , to OP he is her father and that can’t change since he’s the main male parental role in her life (not a good one but still). It has to be OPs choice
She's taking his side because he's her father, how shocking that a girl would want her father in her life. Yeah the dad is fucked up but his daughter is probably the only good thing he has going for him. What a way it would be to thank a deeply traumatized army vet by taking away the only bright light in his world and leaving him to die alone. He needs help, not for his child to be forcefully taken from him. If she felt in danger around him it would be a different story but she clearly stated she still loves him all the same and just wishes he could live without the pain he deals with every day. You can't judge someone going through something like that without having gone through it yourself
Mom just wants to hurt the father it has nothing to do with Dan or op, if op agreed to the adoption and the judge granted the severance of parental rights we all know mom would never allow op to have any kind of relationship with her father for any reason she feels like... At least if the adoption doesn't happen ops father can still have his access
Severing OP's connection to her father in a way that will evidently traumatise her ~just in case~ something happens to the mum, when that might well never come to pass in the next three years and OP will have been traumatised for no reason, isn't a smart move though. Like, living that much in thrall to the future you're scared of just means condemning the person whose welfare is involved involved to guaranteed misery and mental health detriment in the present instead.
Also, tbf, you don't need to understand why OP keeps taking her dad's side despite him doing drugs. Like, she's clearly got a different opinion about addiction to you, and she could still have that opinion about drug use generally even if she chose to go along with her mum's plan. There are people who've never lived with an addict in their life who still think the same way she does about it.
I absolutely can’t stand the argument “other went through they same and they don’t do xyz”. First of all, no, no two people ever had the exact same experience. Second of all, people have different genetic predispositions, different environmental influences, some develop more severe PTSD than other, some don’t respond to medication and therapy… Clearly, lived experiences of different people aren’t the same at all. That makes people cope differently. This sort of argumentation is really just a way to dismiss somebodies pain and make them feel as less then for the things they can’t controls.