Mama's boys in Lisbon: Why do young guys choose to stay home
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- čas přidán 27. 06. 2024
- We interviewed guys in Lisbon, from younger to older generations, about the phenomenon of 'Mama's boys.' It's a topic we encountered many times in Portugal, so take it with a pinch of salt! ;)
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its not a choice. The rent for a 1 bedroom apartment is higher than a software engineer income
It's a cultural and social-economic problem, imo. Portugal does not have a "Finance First" type of mindset. People are not encouraging other people to start companies, projects, or to be educated on finances/money overall, because the reality is a lot of burocracy to get small things done, a lot of time wasted, a lot of money spent, and only slight to non-existent evolution/improvement.
That creates de-motivation, because things take so long to be done, in such a fast paced world we're currently living on.
So, it seems that it originated a wave of apathy towards making money, and the people that do want to make money end up going to other European, Asian, American Countries where they can fulfill their needs. This might correlate to what happened next to the Economy of the Country.
Portugal has "high taxes" compared to what people have as an income and house prices are through the roof, making it hard for, in this case, young men, but also women, to get their own home and be more independent. Portugal has 30% of their young-adults out of the country. Portugal does not have the best public services, etc. Trust me, I could go on and on.
All this to say the following, I agree that this phenomenon is real in Portugal and it saddens me. I would really like to see more hope on Portuguese people, more independence, more productivity and I think we should all take responsability for our own actions and thoughts. However, I cannot be blind to the history of the country and how that affected families and their mental stability during generations, culminating in young men being captivated by this phenomenon, being almost afraid of stepping out of their known "bubble", tending to stay in their family house much longer, so they can be more comfortable when moving out.
Anyway, really like the vid, made me think, keep up the good work! :)
That was super interesting to read; thanks for that and for your sweet words!
What about the divorces and single moms? That's a great breeding ground for too-close relationships between son and mom.
Why mama's boys? Is the situation different for girls?
Nice video!
thanks a lot!
I lived in Lisbon for 4 years. Most old people barely make ends meet with pensions too low for basic expenses for those lucky enough to already own their apartment/houses, the other struggle to make rent after a life of hard work. Their children are faced with insane real instate inflation, completely dicconnected from wages progression. The young ones can't afford their own place; and a lot of the elders couldn't make it withour the help of their stil-at-home child.. I worked wit several people who could've afforded to leave home, but if they did they couldn't afford their own own rent and to keep paying part of their parents rent, which their parents couldn't cover on their own. They're abit ashamed of still being at their parents place, and the parents are ashamed of not being able to cover rent rent but feel better that they're at least able to provide for their children, and the children would feel selfish to just leave and let their parents struggle, and feel like they're at least helping them out despte stil being at home. It's kind of embarassing for both, everyone still makes the best of it and focuses of the good side of being together while avoiding the painful side of being co-dependant, it's a bit more complex and subtle that what's portrayed in the video
In those kind of street interview it's difficult to have a real picture because it's clear that almost everyone answears according to their biases.
Other than what has been said, which I think is totally correct (the socio-economic problem), I think portuguese people get to establish better and deeper relationships with their parents, and I see that as a really good thing, because a lot of emotional intelligence problems people have nowadays come from a distant relationship with their family. Parents here are often also seen as friends, they're not "distant" like in other countries. Speaking for myself, I want to have independence to live with my girlfriend, but I don't want to live far away from my parents. Not because of necessity (I don't like the term "mama's boy" because it implies emotional dependence, which is a sign of immaturity and I don't think that's fair for every case), but because I really care about them and I willingly WANT them to be a part of my adult life, they're my friends. Wouldn't you want your friends to be close? Tbh I've reached a phase where I see them more like my friends than my parents, and I think that transition is super important in order for you to become an adult. Parenting is super important, but sometimes, if parents are reduced to the "functional" part of being a parent, you lose a big opportunity of establishing a better background for yourself and for your own happiness, because these people are the ones who taught you almost everything in life, and they are supposed to understand you better than anyone (except maybe your partner). Even though I think it's sad that we don't have the economic capacity to live on our own by an early age, I think living with the parents shouldn't be seen as a sign of immaturity. It really depends on the case, some people are immature, sure, but many others aren't, it really depends on the way you carry your life living at home. You can be proactive, working, helping at home and living in community, or you can be really lazy and avoid doing anything that takes work and perseverance. It's all about context and specific cases. :)
This video makes it seem that young portuguese people choose to live with their parents despite being adults because they value their family and specially their relationship with their mother, barely talking about the main reasons why that actually happens - low wages and really expensive cost of life (and on that matter, crazy expensive housing) 😐
She are saying, the girls have oney, and money, and money to leave the parents house earlier, in Portugal? Is that sexist?