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The Right Way To Discipline Your Child || Motherhood In Progress
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2021
- In today’s video, I start off a new series that I call "Motherhood In Progress." This series is all about having conversations about motherhood with no ending or answer because I feel like there is still a look we can learn from an open conversation. Today specifically I talk about disciplining your child and whether speaking or gentle parenting is the right path to take. I hope you enjoy and stick around!
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#gentleparenting #spanking #discipline #motherhoodinprogress
oof, I was spanked as a kid. I do not recommend. It just breaks a child's will and makes us think it's ok or that we deserve to be hit or hurt when we make mistakes throughout or lives. I will not be spanking my child. I would rather die than do that.
Seems like you werent just spanked but actually abused 😥
To the people saying spanking is different to abuse NO IT ISNT ...hitting a child is abuse, in any form
Exactly this! Yes
My grandmother spanked me, I'd have to go to her house before school and I was spanked for accidents. Once I spilled my food accidentally and she always brought out a wooden spoon to hit the back of our hands with, then proceeded to put the food back in the bowl and make me eat it as I was crying. I was always so terrified to do anything, I can't imagine anyone defending that behavior.
@@BooksToAshes that is so awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you
I appreciate this new series and I’m excited for the future videos you add to it.
We mainly do “gentle-ish” parenting. I have spanked before, twice.
For my daughter- time outs don’t work. Taking away toys/belongings don’t work.
I think what is most important, is that in any form of discipline your children still know they’re loved. You talk/explain what they did, the reason that you are disciplining and exactly what/how you are doing.
My daughter knows what a spanking is. She knows she doesn’t want one. And so when all else fails (as in I’ve removed her from the situation. I’ve told her her behaviour is not acceptable. I’ve removed the toy. Whatever it is) I let her know if she continues to CHOOSE to not listen, Mommy will hit her bum.
As I said above, I’ve only had to do those twice. And it has worked so well. Afterwards when she has calmed a bit, I hug her and let her know I love her and I don’t enjoy giving spankings. But I also set the boundary that what she did is not acceptable.
I think like you said every child is so different in their disciplinary needs. And it’s important for us as parents to not judge other parents for how their discipline, as long as it is done in love. ❤️
Personally, I feel like it wouldn't be acceptable to hit other adults, not even the ones that you're closest to, like your spouse. So I wouldn't be comfortable hitting a child, especially since they feel things in such a big way, and may not have the mental capacity to understand that what they did was wrong. I also wouldn't want my kids to think that hitting other children or adults is ok.
The difference is the child unlike an adult is under you responsibility and it’s your duty to keep him alive and safe and raise him well. I think that spanking is definitely a last resort, but the comparison to an adult is a fallacy in me eyes.
Sorry for any English mistakes, not a native.
@@becky61194 In Germany its strictly forbidden to spank your kid. Every kind of hurting your kid physically is considered child abuse. I highly appreciate that. :)
@@annkal.3608 it’s forbidden in my country too. I think in all western countries nowadays
@A i think that if you’re doing it with the guidance of a certified trainer and if there is no other choice because the dog is endangering people, then yes it is ok. I know it’s controversial but again he’s under your responsibility. And please don’t get me wrong, I’m referring to only in extreme situations in both. I have a dog that I love very much and I hit her once in my life when she was young (but not a puppy)because she ran to the road and wouldn’t come back to me. I would rather hit her once than for her to be hit by a car.
Children and animals don't understand *why* they're being spanked, that's why I hate it so much. They don't completely comprehend why someone they love and trust is hurting them.
I'm very against it, that alongside yelling. I was only hit minimally as a child but I was yelled at and even now I suffer with anyone raising their voice at me as an adult. I'm so filled with anxiety I get panic attacks or shut myself out. We need to learn and adapt to our children rather than harm/scare them even if it can be really aggravating at times.
How can you teach respect with disrespect, and there is the answer...
There is so much evidence that shows spanking can lead to aggression, parent-child relational issues, and a child can internalize the spanking and think they are "bad", instead of the behavior. That's how you end up with the "unruly" children. If a child is having a lot of maladaptive behavior, the child's environment needs to be looked at, not the child. Why are they acting out? All behavior serves a purpose. If a child is not having some need met, they are going to act out. Teach them the skills to use to manage or change the behavior. This may be different for children who have special needs or diagnoses, but even with those children, the behavior is a communication of a need, and there are options to help those children as well.
Imagine being unable to express how you feel when you are feeling super stressed, sad, or angry. You are going to show it physically. Children need to be taught how to handle these big feelings in healthy ways.
There is so much information to wade through with parenting approaches. Kudos to you for putting this out there and welcoming opinions! I’d highly recommend Hapa Family’s videos on positive discipline. The decades of research on spanking has become so robust and there are so many alternatives to what we have accepted as commonplace. Every child pushes the limits and has their “difficult” moments, it’s part of development. Positive discipline doesn’t mean letting your kid walk all over you without consequence, but rather modeling respect and boundary setting instead of fear-based action-reactions. Yes, there will always be folks in the “I was spammed and I turned out okay” camp- most of us were so what basis of comparison do we have? There is new evidence on the harmful effects on the developing brain showing that it really doesn’t differentiate at the emotional level between spanking and more severe physical abuse. At the end of the day, if you knew you could reduce your child’s risk for anxiety, depression, behavior problems, and other mental health problems, would you try?
I absolutely agree with this 100%. I love Hapa Family and actually discovered her because she's the only CZcams mom that is incredibly resourceful in Montessori Philosophy and that's what we are doing in our family. Yes every child is going to push their limits at some point but, as adults we need to understand that is a part of their development and it will only be a phase. Our job is to help them understand their feelings and model for them .
Wow this is so helpful! It’s so encouraging to hear that there are so many other options. Plus I didn’t think of the effect on mental health as adults. Thank you for sharing and I’ll look into the hapa family!
Where I live spanking is illegal. There seems no good reason to me to do. And I'll tell ya my 5 year old is no cake walk but the more gentle and less reactive I am with him the better he responds. For me I've found our best "groove" is in lots of silliness and connection time.
I think there can be a difference between making them "hard" and teaching them to just accept mistreatment because "that's life"
Totally
I think it's very brave of you to put out your unaltered thoughts on this. To your point that kids should learn how the "real world" is, I think they'll learn that very early on and the difference is whether they're experiencing harshness from circumstances/others or from their parent/someone they should trust.
10/10 don't recommend spanking your child. My earliest childhood memory of my dad, is being spanked. He only did it a few times, there are plenty of good memories with him, but that doesn't change the fact that it is still my very first vivid memory when I was 3.
I very firmly believe teaching children through pain/fear is not the way to go about it.
I spanked my son twice. Both times he acted out in a very negative way i.e. he started hitting us(after we'd already gotten out of the hitting phase) his meltdowns were a bit worse that day, and we'd have to re teach it's not okay for him to hit.
Researchers that have done proper control group studies have found there aren't any positive implications, but there could be probable negative outcomes to doing so. The only "study" that said it was beneficial was a word of mouth survey done on a Christian college campus
*Don't get me wrong absolutely please discipline your children. But I absolutely resent that part of childhood and therapy as an adult is EXPENSIVE*
i’m crying as I read this. one of my first memories of my dad is the same. he escalated in his spanking because I was talking back or something, hit me harder because of rage, than immediately realised it was too much, started apologizing and put ointment on my leg so that the red mark of his hand wouldnt be visible. it’s burned in my brain to this day.
I had actually read a study a few years back by Michigan state that actually stated that mild physical punishment within a certain time span (3 being too young) I believe about 6-puberty I could be wrong, was beneficial when done correctly and in moderation. The study was mostly about the spectrum of controlling to balanced to lenient parenting correlates to abuse. Overly lenient and controlling being abusive and damaging to the overall development of your child which I totally agree with as I was raised by separated parents on either side of that spectrum. Bc of my unique perspective I believe in discipline as seen in nature Physical correction being a last resort if all other corrections fail. There should be a lot done to prevent spankings but it's definitely not wrong to leave it as an option if you know you can limit yourself and while using physical discipline, like animals, it is important to follow the ques of your kid, discipline shouldn't cause a child extreme distress or long lasting pain rather that a sharp reminder. My grandpa did this well by flicking me on my scalp. It's not intense or traumatic but it got the message across. I'm really sorry for the book but ruling out trauma before deciding on a discipline method is very important. I was abused in every way possible as a kid but it's really important I don't repeat that cycle and project my trauma. If you can use physical punishment in a responsible manner and have come to terms with your own trauma it can be a valid route. No one really talks about the fact that parents that are too worried about not hitting their kids often use emotional abuse as a replacement as well.
It’s hard being a parent 😳 I would love to just gentle parent but it also depends on the environment you’re raising your children in. For example being raised on a farm there was enormous pressure on my parents to discipline us quickly and effectively or it could be a case of life or death.
„gentle parenting“ has been common where I am from (Germany, middle class ….) since the 70s I think. It was a bit „hippie“ at first, but it’s definitely not a new thing. I was never spanked as a child or was grounded or anything like that. It’s known as non-authoritarian. Or is that something different?
Anyway, if parents spank their child nowadays in Germany, they can get sued.
Same in Denmark! It is illegal to hit your child here, and I must say I wish it was illegal in the whole world! In my mind there is NO excuse for abusing your child however mild you might find the hit.
Same in Poland. Hitting your child even once and even very lightly is considered an abuse and is illegal, and you can call police if you see a parent threatening his/her child. I was blown away that’s not the case in Canada, I thought everyone agree that every form of spanking is just bad and should never be an option. I’m 30 and it’s really uncommon to meet someone who was spanked as a child in my age group, it something that my parents’ generation struggled through though as a children.
@@muffinikola yes, it's kind of shocking to me that it's even consided an option in 2021. There ia so much research to back that it's damaging for the child. Some things shouldnt just be "up to the parent". I know that it is incredibly hard being a parent and kids will test you/the world/limists. But there are clearly a ton of other options on handeling it!
I'm personally not into spanking my kid but I appreciate having a conversation about this without it being a black and white conversation. Before being a parent I thought I'd strictly use positive parenting. Turns out I have a toddler who loves to push the limits. I have ended up having to use a very stern voice with him. He does react very well to being taught why things are wrong. But he gets in rebellious moods Haha.
This is so encouraging! Are there any other methods you use to teach your child boundaries?
I feel like the harsh tone/spanking (not saying in it) would keep young ones understand it's the end, when common sense would be too difficult to explain everything, physical pain would sort of explain no-go boundary when words cannot ...and also like I've seen with my teenager younger brother(we don't spank him, just an example ) he would argue till the end but we fail to explain why something's not right.
I agree with gentle parenting more tho, but yeah it's not a black and white world, or a single rule applies to all....
LOOOOOOVE the mic haha OMG i thought it was connected 😆
That part made my day!
If you’re interested in this topic, I would highly recommend reading/following Janet Lansbury. She’s an infant educator that has been working with thousands of children and has raised her own kids (who are now adults). She coined the term “respectful parenting” and I 100% agree with her views. This conversation made me think of her book No Bad Kids.
I ordered the book!
I'm reading her book Positive Discipline the first three years. My son is about to turn 11 months old and I'm so grateful I found this resource as he's just given us a taste of his changing emotional needs 😊
This is tough conversation. Thank you for bringing an open conversation to this difficult topic with such an open minded with both sides of the coin. I definitely love the podcasty feels. I do have an early childhood education and use
a redirection method along with explaining why something isnt ok, instead of time out corners or rooms I'll be sitting with my child and give them something small to do and then discuss the behavior
I love this!
The “not podcast” I didn’t know I needed 😂
Got me thinking about my parenting style (Baby is 7 months). I wasn’t spanked and I like to think I turned out ok lol
Hi! Not long ago I had a similar conversation with a group of friends and it got heated FAST 😅 For me personally the moment a parent hits a child is a moment of failure. But we are sure to fail as parents at times, as we are all flawed. We can just try as hard as possible to avoid that, do better next time and not justify hitting, not look for excuses. My dad hit me once. It hurt him more than it hurt me and he never allowed himself to get to that point again. I was obedient because of our trust and love, not out of fear of being hit/punished. I'd love to be half the parent my parents are.
Luckily, here in Germany any form of physical and psychological punishment (as in anything degrading like calling the child names, making fun of it, etc.) is illegal. The law states that children have the right to a violence-free upbringing.
The parents can be charged with assault or, if I remember correctly, will be closely monitored by childhood services.
If parents realize early enough that they use violence to discipline their children they can also seek help at special centers where they will not have to fear legal consequences since that would be counterproductive.
We have followed gentle parenting since my daughter was around 1, she’s nearly 5 now and I’m so happy with our choices. I do prefer the term respectful or peaceful parenting though. I’m glad we are breaking the parenting cycle now that we have more knowledge on how to raise children. I do strongly believe that love, firm but respectful boundaries and a connection with our children will always be a better way than spanking and fear based parenting (authoritarian). I can recommend sarah ockwell smith for your gentle parenting research, her books are brilliant. I also love the book ‘how to talk to little kids so they will listen and listen so kids will talk’ It’s been a lifesaver for me. It has really practice tips for younger children.
But... Of course spanking will work and the child will listen. I wasn't so I can only imagine. But it must be SO SCARY to have your parent spank you. The person who's supposed to love, protect and teach you life, hurting you ON PURPOSE.
Of course this work , that poor child must be terrified by their parents.
Our generation is full with anxious, depressed people. Clearly something went wrong somewhere...
There's a middle between rainbow and unicorns and to show the real world and do gentle parenting.
That’s very true
Loved the format, love the topic, loved the openness!! I think these thoughts are in every parents mind, and even those before they have kids.
I so appreciate your bringing both side of the conversation and your openness. I feel like I will land somewhere in the middle too and curious to hear what that ends up looking like for you. I like the podcast style too :)
Thank you! Just trying to see both sides of the coin 😊
Thank you so much for creating an open forum for discussion on what can be a controversial topic! Major props for that 👏😊😊
Love this. Thanks for giving a new perspective on it.
I love the concept of gentle parenting and applaud those who are committed to that style, I definitely think there are benefits to it and there are also some serious side effects to smacking. However I don’t see smacking as a parenting failure, I think parenting failures are more along the line of turning a blind eye when your kid is mistreating others or acting like a brat in public. I don’t tolerate that. There’s a right way and a wrong way to act and gentle parenting aside, the child needs to respect the parent’s authority.
Also “a hard childhood can create a strong person”, absolutely agree with this! Some of the most emotionally intelligent and wonderful people I know have had very strict parents that by today’s standards definitely did a lot wrong.
When it boils down to it, most people just want the best for their kids and this manifests itself in many forms of discipline and parenting. I’ve learned not to judge others too harshly on their choices relating to this.
I don't think spanking is separated from abuse. I don't think you should ever hit your child. Every situation can be resolved with communication.
Even for the child that challenges you and pushes the limits. They deserve an explanation and to be taught the appropriate lesson for their curiosity, not for you to snap and spank them. I was spanked and it just made me terrified and have resentment towards my parents. When I questioned my mothers ideals and she didn't want to tell me the truth she lied or hit me and said "I am the parent so I have to just listen." If parents would just show their kids respect there wouldn't be spanking and the world wouldn't be so harsh.
Do you have kids?
Love this!!! Talk about your thoughts about sleepovers, boundaries, body parts
I second this^
I really appreciate you being so open about discipline. It can be a real juggle of how much/how far is too far in what to do. I'm not a mother yet, but I do wonder what I will do in a scenario of extreme behaviour from my child. personally, I don't think spanking was good for me in my childhood (made me fearful of my parents and of acting out), but I also see how it can seem like the only option, like you said. I feel like researching discipline/behaviour management techniques in schools (especially with the new lean toward progressive education) may be helpful to understand how to keep kids in line without being able to spank.
Keep up the great content Ashley! I love this format BTW x
I appreciate this format and hearing both sides for sure. This is a great conversation to have both views of and to hear that falling in the middle is still an option
Cracking up at the prop mic, and the fact that you told us that you aren’t actually using it. Totally speaks to the honestly and realness you bring to this space! The format doesn’t feel too different to me than your other types of videos, just a bit less scripted. I like both!
Hhaha thank you! I’m going to keep the series going 😄
Love the format - it brought me to the comments section. I have a 9 month old and am starting to think about these types of things myself. Now that he is on the move and getting into things, I've started to use the word, "no" so often I get sick of hearing it myself. I like the idea of starting to get in the habit of explaining boundaries rather than just relying on that word. That said, I think using the expression, "because I said so" at least once is a parental right of passage :) On the other topic, I am deeply committed to not spanking my child. With respect to others, I don't understand how one can expect a child to understand why it's not OK to hit others when they are upset if they are hit in the home when their parents are upset. I don't think discipline is a continuum with gentle parenting on one end and spanking on the other. There is a plethora of research to suggest spanking is not an effective form of discipline.
My baby is only 4 months old but I've been thinking about discipline I think way before I was even pregnant. But when my baby was born, that's when I realized how much trauma I carry with me from my childhood. There is so much I need to unpack and unlearn for the sake of my child. Everyone tells you to prepare for childbirth and the newborn stage. But nobody tells you to prepare for the discipline stage! And the surprises come from the most unexpected places
Preach 🙌🏻
To those people who are saying 'i would only do it as a last resort' ...how then would it work? Sorry but if I had tried negotiating with my kid, then told them off, then maybe said oh I will have to take a sticker off your chart etc then I had put them in a time out to calm down and the child is still losing their mind and lashing out ...then you come to your last resort, the kid is going wild and you are angry and tired and you think ok now I am going to have to smack the kid, are you telling me you will fully calm down and just give the child a tap? No way, this is when people lose it and really end up hurting the kid. Just don't have it as on option in the first place. When you are actually facing a 4 year old in a complete and utter meltdown you have to rise above it and tackle the situation like an adult and not a bully
Well in our situation, he would not get spanked if he was having a full blown tantrum. Those are handled differently.
If the adult doesn't have enough discipline to hold back when spanking their child, they shouldn't be spanking them period. It's not so black and white, and physically disciplining a child in a restrained way does not make the parent a bully.
@@ironicalseer ok, see if the kids behaviour hasn't become THAT bad then I can't see a reason to need to hit them then, what can have happened that would be bad enough to warrant that response in an adult. Also if you were regularly hitting a friend or work colleague it would be bullying or abuse. I can't even discuss this anymore to be honest I just need to let it not depress me for the rest of the evening
I'm glad I'm not the only one who texts their husband at work and complains about whatever shenanigans the kids are getting into 😆
😂👌🏻
Loved this! 👏🏻🙌🏻
I LOVED this podcast-ish video !
For me personally it's way more easily to listen and watch along
Also loved this video and your open minded imput !
Very very good video!!!
I love the format! I don’t have kids yet but videos like this make me think about what I will do when the time comes. Your channel gets better with every upload!
Thank you!!
Loving this format! I never usually comment on youtube videos, but I had to with this one. I’m loving the new style and topic, I feel like I spend all day reading about these things but have no one but my husband to talk to them about haha.
I love that you bring up the generational differences between us and our parents, because it’s a big one. I think we’re the first generation (maybe?) to stop and think about the approach we want to take raising our children as opposed to “doing what our parents did”. I truly believe that raising a child with love, kindness and mutual respect is the only way.
Sorry for the ramble, loving this video and can’t wait for future ones! Hope you guys have a good week!
i love this video! give us more!
For me as a child my father would use hitting as a form of discipline alot. Either through spanking, 'hand warmings' which is when he would grab us by the wrist and repeatedly slap our hands until they were red and burning or back handing us in the mouth. I grew up to really hate my father and to this day have a 0 contact relationship with him. I did not ever feel that I loved him, in fact when he would hit me I never thought I wanted to be better. I always thought I want to be worse because I do not respect him and I wanted him to be as frustrated as I was. My father was a very cruel person in more way than just violence and used his words to put us down too though. To this day my coping mechanisms in any fight are to run away and shut down and feel hopeless. I remember distinctly when I was 7 years old after a spanking, for what I do not remember, I was sent to room where I laid crying in severe emotional distress and all I could think was 'I would rather be dead. I obviously didn't know what suicide was at that age or how to carry out such a thing but it opened the doors and lead me down a lifetime path of suicidal ideation that I still struggle with to this day. I fantasized about committing suicide my entire childhood and teenage years and still do in extremely frustrating situations in my life to this day at 26 years old. I do not feel my adverse childhood made me a strong adult. It made me bitter and filled with rage both with myself and the world for a long time. I am doing better now, but still in the back of my mind in any situation that is too overwhelming I get the urge to run away and contemplate suicide. I always remember when he would hit me I told myself I will never hit my children. It didn't make me want to behave. It made me want to abuse myself and it made me want to abuse others. And my siblings and I did in fact hit eachother alot, because it was how we were taught to show our frustration to someone when they aren't complying with what you want. This is obviously an extreme case but still, I never ever felt once that I wanted to be better. It did not deter me. I just felt like my father was a monster and if he could hit me like that, then he couldn't love me.
Love the bullet point version for easier topics but I think this style is PERFECT for something with more behind it, such as parenting styles. Great video and great way to open up conversation.
I think it’s great you opened up a forum for this conversation. By meeting your child needs and showing them love, you’re building strong attachments. Attachment in parenting is what prepares our kiddos for the real world. A kid that has a healthy attachment to a caregiver is more equipped to face adversity. Discipline isn’t what your child will likely hinge on to either be well prepared or ill prepared. Parents that actively think about how to best parent and meet the needs of their child are the best parents!
I LOVE the style of this video! I still love your videos that have bullet points and get right to the point but for things like this where there isn’t necessarily one right way I like the open discussion feel!! Also I loved when you said that a lot of parents are just trying to do the best they can in the situation they’re in but sometimes their best can still cause harm to their children because that is some thing I think about all the time even though my son is only three months old right now 😅
Also, the format is great! It would be cool to use the mic if you can. I love that podcast-y sound and feel.
Years of watching supernanny have helped me with nannying and taking care of my little sisters. I’ve never had to spank. Time outs/ consistency have always worked for me with all different kinds of children
Also love the casual podcast-y style. & the mic. 😆
Okay I LOVE this! Someone who finally has an unpopular opinion about parenting 🙌🏼
That's what I was thinking! 🙌
First, I love the format and your prop mic cracked me up! I'm interested to see where this conversation goes. My older brother and I were spanked as children, but he was spanked more than me, but he also pushed boundaries more than me. I think I behaved better out of fear that my dad would spank me like he did my brother, and don't get me wrong, he did a few times. I definitely think there needs to be some sort of "final straw" with children, especially in the case of them doing something dangerous, but I'm not sure what that would look like.
I really enjoyed this format, and thank you for opening up the discussion of the different ways to discipline. My child is only 5 months old so I have not had to discipline yet, but I, too, have been trying to educate myself for when that time comes. I often see such great material on gentle parenting, and I love the thought of the approach; however, whenever I would watch an example of gentle parenting, I think to myself, “what if my child doesn’t respond the way they’re supposed to? What if they do keep pushing the situation further? What if my explanation isn’t enough to dissuade them?”
If you’re looking at future topics, I would be interested in hearing people’s thoughts on the “good cop/bad cop” parent dynamic. Growing up, one of my parents was the more gentle, understanding one, and the other one was the disciplinarian for when I was pushing the boundaries. The gentle parent would try to get me in line by saying they were going to have the disciplinarian parent handle the situation if I continued to act out. This definitely made my relationship with the disciplinarian parent more tense throughout my life, which I think is a bit unfair to that parent.
I also have those thought. That’s why I’m looking for more resources on what to do if they don’t listen.
That’s a great video idea as well, thank you!
I think spanking just teaches kids that someone bigger can hit someone smaller if they don’t do what they want/behave as they want. Definitely a slippery slope
I love this chatty format
I so appreciate this video! I would say I'm somewhere close to where you are. I have some questions about both types of parenting and want to do more research into what will work best for my family! ❤
It’s great that you’re opening up the space for a dialogue to happen.. which really never happens online. I definitely disagree that if you have a harder childhood it makes you a stronger adult. Were you someone who had a harder childhood and that’s why you say that? Sorry I haven’t followed you for long at all so I don’t know if you’ve shared that. I personally had a hard childhood and while hardships can make you stronger, I won’t say it made me a stronger adult. You have a lot to work through when going through any childhood trauma that ends up affecting every relationship (romantic or friendship) for your entire life. I also agree about what you’ve experienced from ages 3-10 will affect how you are for your life. I also think it starts MUCH earlier then that though. I have an infant and won’t be spanking. I didn’t learn to be “well behaved” from spanking. One area that I’m learning and have solidified my decision from is that my son bites me while breastfeeding now. How I was taught was to bite him back (or even spank) to teach him not to do it. Many in my family have done that. And I think to myself.. how on earth can I teach a baby to answer violence with violence?! But that’s just my personal opinion. I’m not judging someone else for doing that but I cannot. Anyways good for you for putting a video out that may not receive all positive feedback.. it takes courage for sure!
Thank you for your opinions! The whole hard childhood hard adult thing didn’t come from my life. I think it’s more of a thought that stemmed from being a millennial and being told that we’re soft because we got participation awards lol. I agree though that I can’t imagine responding to violence with violence. The thought of disciplining a child under 1 in any manner makes no sense to me.
Oh no! ALL physical touch causing pain is abuse. Spanking is abuse. End of story. When you say “no options” what do you mean? There are infinite choices that are better than causing pain to try and teach your child a lesson. It’s not helpful to “teach” by fear of pain. I could type out a thousand reasons but all I really want to say is PLEASE don’t spank Rook ever. I’ve loved all of your videos and know for sure you just want what’s best for him but you can get through the few hard years of big feelings without spanking. Promise 😳
Exactly! Thank you for saying this!
Man I feel the same. Also I figure once you start using violence it's getting the child to become more rebellious at least some children will and this leads to more violence... I am not all into being a gentle whatever that means snuggle smooth mom but violence in any form be it spoken or used is a no!
Sorry if I didn’t explain myself well but I meant to genuinely ask if there are no other options because I’m not fully educated or experienced! I have no desire to spank rook, I just think with everything in life it’s good to talk about both sides of the coin. There’s a lot of people who strongly agree with spanking and I just wanted to try and see things from their point of view. I’m going to be educating myself on every option to avoid spanking because I can’t imagine doing it to rook. Hope that helps!
@@AshleyEmbers man the internet is the wild Wild West! I totally get that you just wanted to openly talk about both sides with your subscribers and that is very respectable. You don’t need to apologize, especially because it’s none of our business what you do, but since it out in the open it’s impossible not to have an opinion. And spanking is just SUCH a horrible thing, and any reason that someone uses to try and justify why they spank or have spanked is just not good enough. Literally at it’s very core it’s hurting your child because they’re not appeasing your ideals of what is “good” behavior. They don’t have the brain development to handle that punishment. It’s abuse no matter what.
Thank you for understanding and I totally get that. I think the thing I get hung up on is what do you do if other methods don’t work. If that’s the case then I can understand where parents who spank are coming from. But also that doesn’t mean that I’m going to resort to spanking. I just am trying to figure it out 😄
This was great 😊 I think as parents we all go through the stress of failing… I have four children. Each time I think “oh I am getting the hang of this!” The truth is each child is different… What works for one -won’t work for the other. The fact of the matter is - they’re smart! They pick up on what you’re trying to do and they will challenge you🤣 all I know is, love matters and how much you provide -not just to them - but to yourself and to those around you will give the best examples of how to be - and they will follow suit! You’re obviously a beautiful person So I think that you won’t have anything to worry about! Keep the videos coming 😊
No spanking for my kids if I can help it. I don’t care it they might cure cancer or colonize Mars. I just want them to be hard working, well-intended people and emotionally stable. There are so many ways to educate without physical or mental punishment. I suggest checking Gabor Maté and J. Peterson about raising kids structures, they are both well educated and very wise. Love the format, please keep bringing discussion to the channel.
I work with child protective service and where I live spanking is abuse. If the parents are spanking their children and are not open to work with people like me and work on their response to children, the parents get into huge problems and the children can be taken away from them. It is just illegal to hit a human this applies to children and grown ups the same way
I’m not an expert, but I think gentle parenting doesn’t mean no consequences. It means the consequences are natural consequences. Let’s say it’s your kid’s turn to do the dishes and they don’t do it. The consequence is they need to do yesterday’s dishes and today’s dishes. As an adult, if I don’t do the dishes before bed, that’s what I have to do. If your kid spills orange juice because they wanted to see what would happen. The consequence is they need to clean it up. Again, if I make a mess, I need to clean it up. In real life, unless you break the law, there are no punishments. You can stay up until 2 am every day or eat an entire cake from the grocery store by yourself. The consequence is that you’ll feel terrible later.
I think you might like looking into authoritative parenting. It is high responsiveness and demands. It seems the way you are leaning for finding that middle ground.
Hey Ashley. I just wanted to say that I appreciate you bringing up this topic. It’s very brave of you and I totally understand what you’re saying. Yes gentle parenting sounds ideal, but it doesn’t necessarily always work. Please disregard all the comments that mention things like “we are disappointed in your view of this” or that there is no question in the matter at all. Some people will just be negative no matter what. There definitely is the question “what do you do if my child doesn’t GET IT with gentle disciplining?” Although it’s what I hope will work with mine, people that do what they must to try to teach their children out of love are not bad parents because of it. In my opinion, they are better than parents who let their children do whatever they want. To me, that’s not caring.
Thank you 🧡
Motherhood in progress is a great name. 👍
Thanks for the video, lots of good conversation points. Parenting is a topic I could talk about for hours. I grew up with a daycare in my home and then I was a nanny for 5 years so I have seen a lots of different children and a lot of different parenting styles. Now this is just my experience but the families my mother had to let go because of bad behavior were all super gentle, never say no kind of parents. I personally think and have seen kids thrive in an environment where they know the limits and understand the consequences which means saying no when necessary. I find kids will struggle when the line is fuzzy and can lead to the children acting out for a reaction more often. I personally think "no" is a good tool for parents to use but not without an explanation, it can be tiring explaining all the time but I think the MOST important part of discipline is explaining why something is bad, dangerous or not allowed so the kids can understand themselves why you have said no. (Even when you think the kid won't understand) Hope this made sense. Again lived the video looking forward to more :)
This was so insightful. Thank you so much!
Few things!
1. I strongly agree that spanking = abuse. Children (toddlers) are meant to push boundaries, throw tantrums, etc. It’s important to remind yourself that the part of a toddlers brain that controls emotions is not even developed yet, so I believe it’s unfair to use physical contact (spanking) as a way to discipline. All it does is belittle and scare the child. As parents, it’s our job to acknowledge their feelings and model how to deal with their emotions- even if this means letting them throw their tantrum, then offer a hug.
2. Yes, the world can be harsh and people can be disrespectful/bullies, but the point of gentle parenting is to treat our children with love and respect so that they will treat others the same way. You can 100% teach a child about life and how things aren’t perfect all the time without purposely putting them through situations to make them “toughen up” or be more prepared for the “real world.”
Loved this chat! I’m excited for future videos!💛
I‘m at the same Point now (First Time mom) what Kind of parent i‘m going to be or want to be? Very stressful! Here in Berlin, Germany Montessori Parenting and positive discipline is very popular right now, maybe also something to learn more about.
Love this new „podcast Videos“, all the best for you and your Family!
Montessori is getting very popular here in the US as well. My family is actually following the Montessori philosophy and I highly recommend Hapa Family here on CZcams if you're interested in it also !
I don’t know if this has to do with discipline but I have a really hard time standing up for myself and speaking my mind as an adult. I would like to make sure that my kid isn’t afraid of upsetting people or getting in trouble like I am. I was spanked (not much AT ALL) idk if that is the culprit. What do you think?
Ooo that’s interesting. I think it could be a variety of things. Could even be a female thing that is caused by us being told as children to be calm and timid as women.
I really like this format for topics that are more discussion based like disciple instead of top recommendations and bullets format since it does feel like we can talk out our thoughts and get feedback. I’m not to the point with my daughter yet that disciple is needed (she’s six months old) but it’s something I think about a lot. I like the idea of gentle parenting- giving opinions, explaining emotions, and answering questions- instead of coping out with no. But part of me thinks it sounds too easy. Will my child be okay with my explanations or will she still not understand and be confused 😂 I guess only time will tell. It’s a learning process for sure and I look forward to more of these videos. Are you going to do a part two, bringing up peoples comments and discussing it further?
I love this! I’m listening to an audiobook right now called ‘The Danish Way of Parenting’ by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl. I really like it so far! It has a lot of good tips and ideas. It’s not just about discipline, but it has a lot of good information. It talks about exposing your kids to things that aren’t always happy, such as reading them stories that don’t always have happy endings because it teaches them how to be empathetic, how to handle different emotions, and gives them different perspectives. 😊
Hi Ashley, you should look into the four parenting styles! This distinction you're talking about reminds me the difference between authoritarian and authoritative styles. The authoritative style tends to have the best outcomes (at least in western countries). Authoritative parents set high standards but are also warm towards their children.
And if you provide any discipline, the best thing to do is to explain why - so they children understand what they did wrong and what they can do instead of that behaviour.
Absolutely love this. I believe every child needs the type of discipline that aligns with the child’s behavior and values. I’m one of several kids and we all responded to discipline differently. I was terrified of spankings so I behaved to avoid them. My sister wouldn’t stop until she was spanked. She was talked to, reasoned with, but to this day, she is strong willed, stubborn and an incredibly amazing force to be reckoned with. I hate the blanket black and white discipline theories. “Every child should be spanked vs. No child should be spanked” Be balanced and principle minded and always discipline out of love and with self control and the child will appreciate you.
I felt the same way as a new mom- unsure and I also was spanked as a child, and I though that was simply what you do. However, as a parent, I began to feel when my first child began needing discipline that hitting your child in those moments of anger and frustration is simply an instant gratification for the parent. You’re angry when your child is being naughty, and our natural reaction is to lash out. It takes much more discipline to ourselves to step away and not spank or hit the child. However, by going ahead and hitting the child, we are modeling the behavior that when we get angry, we physically lash out. And that in my opinion is the opposite of what I wish to model. I hope to model that yes it is hard to be frustrated and angry, and you can use other tactics to work through it. When I was spanked, it did not deter me from the behavior. I just found sneakier ways to do things. Every child is different, yet each will have their “cryptonite”. My daughter hates being alone, therefore, time-out in her room alone is the worst punishment for her, and highly effective when needed. I am not shaming parents who spank, but I personally found that it was a way to relieve my own feelings of anger and frustration, and that is immature in my opinion.
I also don’t believe that a hard childhood ever leads to a strong adult who has no mental health issues. I had a hard childhood and yes I was successful from a young age being alone etc., but as any child who goes through neglect, abuse or just difficult times, those situations will have an impact on your mental health and you will deal with that at some point in your life.
Thank you for sharing in such a non judgmental way. You brought up a lot of really good points
I agree. And as a person who was So Smart about how i am going to parent, my toddler is really putting that to the test. Do i want to hit him or think it's a good idea? No way. Does he make it really hard sometimes? Oh boy. And it just shows you how you react to certain behaviors or stressors. When i get hit, i want to hit back and need to actively hold myself back. When my toddler hits and bites me?? It takes sooo much out of me to not have that knee jerk reaction. It's hard 😬
Did you take down the reno series?
I did! I talk about it in tomorrow’s vlog. I’m not continuing the series so I thought it best to private them because what’s the point if there isn’t an ending lol
Corporal punishment is banned in over 50 countries. They're not anarchies. This is plenty enough proof for me that violence is totally unnecessary. As an adult, your pain threshold is much higher. It's a horrible thing at a young age. The world is not becoming harder on kids as time goes on. People are only going to judge it as more appalling as time goes on. Might as well get one step ahead by not hitting.
I LOVE this channel but I was so scared for her when I watched this vid bc ppl can be really explosive (Ironically) about this topic. I really like the idea of disciplining the kid in front of you. I personally believe that there is a protocol for punishment. I think that children deserve softer methods at first and escalate severity as needed. Like don't hit your kid unless it's absolutely needed. Most of the time it's not but sometimes it is. Similar to animal communication physical discipline is after a plethora of other warnings and signals and should always be fair and limited by the response of the recipient. One thing I'm absolutely sure I want to change about my generation vs my parents is to admit when my kid is right in an argument
Fear is an extreme emotion, of course the fear of pain will get the strongest reaction compared to gentle parenting. But that is not how you build a strong adult human that is how you build a human that takes fear as a cue of what is right or wrong; or even worse, they will anticipate pain if they give something a try and fails.
Does your friend mean he liked to push the limits of people? If it seemed like he was just curious about pushing limits of things in general would it not have been possible for his parents to explore that with him and explain what would happen if he did push the limit without him having to actually do it?
From my sisters experience she said she never really internalized what she did when she was spanked, all she would remember was the spanking and what led up to it.
honestly a strong leaning “gentle parenting” home sounds more chaotic to me than a well managed “strict” home.
As an adoptive parent, we are required to undergo mandatory training regarding this, and many others topics, and it is something that would be really helpful for all parents to undertake in the process of starting their families. A few points to add to this conversation:
- We should always start with the assumption that parents intend to do right by their child. Nothing in parenting is linear nor identical to another’s experience.
- With this topic, parents need to get very clear on what they’re talking about: Discipline or punishment. These are not synonymous.
- From the Parent Resources for Information, Development, and Education (e.g., “PRIDE”) training on this topic (the standard in North America for all resource parents), the negative effects of physical punishment include:
o “Teach[ing] children that bigger people use power and force to stop smaller people from doing certain things…
o Teach[ing] that using force or violence is a way to solve problems and conflicts, and a way to respond when you are angry…
o Increases likelihood that the person who is punished will grow resentful…
o Fuels poor self-esteem by not treating the child or youth and his or her body with dignity and respect…
o Research in child development and psychology has shown that physical punishment may stop a behaviour immediately, but not for long. It just means that a child or youth might stop or avoid a particular behaviour only if the parent is present…
o Physical punishment tends to set the child or youth against the parent who uses it…
o Teach[ing] the importance of not getting caught…
o Physical punishment violates a child’s right to be safe. If the same behaviour was inflicted on an adult, the aggressor could be charged with assault.”
- Our children didn’t choose any of us as their parents - they owe us nothing. We owe them everything. Which at a minimum includes patience in guiding and teaching them, and taking the time to educate ourselves.
Ashley, one final request: please be mindful in how your gender content on your channel. 99.9% of topics on your channel have nothing to do with being a mom and everything to do with being a parent. Both our generations are some of the first to have fathers step up and out in taking on their fair share of parenting, including being the primary care givers. It’s also important to remember that families look and are created in different ways, and not all families have “mom”. I don’t assume ill intention or anything like that on your part, and overall think you’re doing a great job. Just an opportunity to be more inclusive.
Very well put, couldn't have said it better myself.
Everyone has the right to speak to whatever audience they choose and if someone is choosing to speak on the topic of being a mother because they identify with being a woman and a mother than they should be able to do exactly that without shame or ridicule. There are plenty of CZcams channels that cater to parents who identity as transgender, non-binary, gay, poly, single, ect. Thats what's so beautiful about living in a world with so many unique voices; everyone has an opportunity to find their own community that that can relate to and identify with.
@@mendingandmantras a. I have neither shamed nor ridiculed. I have offered my feedback and perspective on an opportunity to be more inclusive. Ashley is an adult and can take that opportunity or not as she wishes. b) there are not plenty of channels catering to the queer community as you state. The majority are mommy bloggers.
This is extremely helpful and definitely changes things. Thank you for sharing 🧡
@@MattRadfordToronto Fair enough :) I agree that there are definitely plenty of women speaking about motherhood within the YT community but but I also come across plenty of channels who do cater to parents within the LGBTQ+ as well as other communities. I find it interesting to hear and learn from everyone's unique perspective and I think that can sometimes get lost when there is pressure to be inclusive to every audience. Anyways, I appreciate the discussion! I am not trying to say that you are wrong in any way, I just wanted to add another perspective to the conversation.
I was a pushover child lol...and still pushover adult. I think I would have benefited from a little confidence building as a child. It's really hard to do now.
I will probably be falling into the mix category. I was spanked as a child and I feel my parents found the right balance. I rber each and every time, 2 times in my life to be exact, and it was because I did something extremely bad and was sassy about it not taking the gentle method from my mom. After the second time I could recognize the intestity of the situation and would back off into my place. It was definetly a last resort for my parents as if should be for every parent.
My mother did not use gentle parenting but I was also not spanked often. I think I was a few times and of course the threat was there. "I'll take you to the bathroom." was code for you're going to get spanked. If I misbehaved or didn't listen I was more often sent to the corner. When I got older that translated in to things (privileges) being taken away. Tv time, my cell phone (as a teen). I don't think I pushed boundaries too often though. I'll lean more to gentle parenting with my son with time outs, loss of privileges as repercussions. I do agree with other comments that spanking isn't effective in helping a child learn what they did wrong. It more just frightens them into submission. They might learn that something is bad through spanking but they learn why through communicating with them. Such a good conversation topic. Thank you for talking it through with us. :)
Time-outs and loss of privileges carry many of the same problems spanking does and neither of those help you learn what you did wrong and really have a LOT of issues with them.
Spanking and open conversations with your children need to be merged. Respect and love is necessary. Whenever I was spanked, after, I wanted my mom and to be held and she would hold me and love me afterwards. I was always given a warning and when they followed through with what they said, I learned to trust my parents word. I think follow through and consistency is huge. If I get spanked only once in a while, I'm gonna roll the dice and push that limit. It only takes a few weeks of consistency for your kid to trust your word and you eventually won't have to spank anymore, because your kid won't act up as often, because they know you stick to your word. Which honestly means a lot, to know you can trust your parents and what they say. I don't think hitting your child just because your the adult is right and they "wrong". I believe in open conversations about limits and boundaries and warnings, but also being consistent with what you say will happen after those are crossed.
Also, LEAVING A MARK is never necessary! I do think hitting anywhere but the bottom and too hard is wrong. There's no need for that.
I agree with you! I love that you are so open! But to just throw out another reason for "if nessecary spanking" it comes down to their safety! For example: if you tell you child to come to you, or a family member asks your child to come to them and the child does not respond by doing so, then in certain situations especially in our current world, they could really be in danger! If a parent tells a child to come to them or instrusts them to do something they need to underatand that at the very least they have to respond. Bottom line it is for their safety.
So I think the rise of gentle parenting isn’t just people rebelling angst how they were raised it is in some cases but for me personally I’m more interested in all the study’s done by child psychologist gentle parenting isn’t entirely but the popularity of it is at the end of the day when you use physical violence on your child they are more likely to use violence to solve there problems mamma doctor jones on CZcams had a really good video on the topic I hope this comment doesn’t sound negative or condescending in anyway there’s no perfect parenting we’re all learning I am just trying to share the information that I have learned definitely would recommend looking in to more study’s on the topic
The "v" in "vs" for this thumbnail looks like a "u" instead of a "v." Anyways when I first saw the video thumbnail I read "Spank us gentle" lol.
That one topic, where should we tell the kids life sucks or in proper way. I think I let the kid found out the hard way. But teach the kid how to be optimistic when the situation comes. During my childhood, that's all I ever hear was how life sucks and how people are and everything. That made me not want to live. Gave me hopeless to live for anything. Luckily I got a boyfriend that helps me how to be happy or optimistic. I wont tell my kids that life sucks. But I will make him happy as much as he can. Teach him how to have hope, faith in anything he can or in this world no matter how crazy this world is. And for spanking the kid, I cant do it, I never did with my nephews or niece. They go crazy from time to time 😂 but I always try to find the way to talk to them or explain why it's not good. I do think it's important to discipline a kid when misbehaving. But there's 2 differences ways. One is talking to them about it, or sometime they just needs to be loved. My kid may be naive in life, but I rather have him to be happy with life whether there's nothing in life or alot in life. That's one thing I'm battling with every day how to be happy and life really does sucks, and just giving up on everything. That's my main reason why I wont tell me kid. (My baby is almost 3 months old, so no I'm not there yet 😂 but ive thought about it forever)
Highly recommend following Parenting With Perspectacles instagram.com/parentingwithperspectacles/ on Instagram.
I was spanked when i was a kid and im not traumatized, in fact i needed that since I was so bratty lol.
Spanking as a last resort when the occasion calls it is important. Discernment and wisdom in this area is important. God calls us to discipline our children but not to be harsh on them. Our parents generation all got spanked and they're fine. Today a lot of people are needing that discipline. It is a form of love when done in the right way even if it doesn't feel right
Some people consider using spanking for things that are dangerous - your child running towards a road/into a road, playing with a lighter, touching the stove- would you rather your child burn themselves, etc, or have a swat on the hand to tell them- no that is dangerous, don’t touch. Etc ….just a thought.
what i would with these situations is I usually grab the child’s hand/body or put myself in the way and say something like “I cannot let you touch that. You’ll hurt yourself.”. It’s so hard but you really have to repeat this as many times as necessary, because children’s brains are still developing, and especially because their prefrontal cortex is so immature they really don’t have impulse control at this point. Something I’ve read recently (don’t remember where/who): “We have to BE their prefrontal cortex”. If the situation gets out of hand, such as if the child cries or keeps “testing” your reaction, you have to find some patience, take them to another room to let them act out their emotions and eventually talk to them. It’s not alway perfect, and sometimes you’re gonna do a bad job at it. But consistency is EVERYTHING and the more you train yourself to respond this way the more it becomes second nature.
Start with what you think works for your child. You'll change tactics. Many, many times. Just because your child is not a static object. Neither are you or your circumstances. Watch this video back in five years, and see how much you changed your mind and adjusted along the way. Raising kids is not a theory. It's a day to day practice. We get it right, sometimes. We get it wrong, sometimes. And usually we're somewhere in the middle.
Researching equips you with alternatives to try out when your tested and tried isn't working (anymore). But it does not offer the fool proof guide to discipline. Not matter how much research you do.
Raising kids is not a theory 🙌 so well put.
Interesting conversation! I was spanked as a kid; not very often, though. It was more the ‘threat’ of being spanked that made me behave. But I was kind of a naughty kid that didn’t respect her parents. And I feel like a fine adult now. My younger sister wasn’t spanked from what I can remember, but she was a much more well behaved kid. Ahh I have noooo idea what I will do when it comes the time!
love the video since the beginning. Excellent idea, there is no "right" or "perfect" way to do things, and we are a community that helps others with experiences😎
I like that you talk openly about this so that everyone can take part in the conversation. That said, i personally think that spanking or quite frankly any form of physical discipline is s form of abuse. I'm from Germany and was born in 1988 and from my experience, only a very small percentage of my age group got spanked (perhaps 10%). From what I heard, In the eyes of my generation, they only got spanked when their parents "lost it", when they didn't know what else to do. So it's never seen as a form of valid parenting. Also, it's illegal in Germany to hit a child and if i saw a parent hit their child anywhere in public, I would call social services or the police because if they dare to do it in public, i would fear what happens when no one is looking.
I have a 4 month old so I'm probably no one to speak on this but I do belive spanking is needed at times BUT (huge BUT) not when it comes out of anger or frustration
loved this video. I want to strive for gentle parenting (or at least punishment being time-outs and privilege's taken away once my son is old enough to understand that), but I was a very strong willed and stubborn kid (still am a stubborn and strong willed adult, lol), and my son is already showing signs of that too at just over 8 months old. For me growing up there was a point where time outs didn't work - where a light tap on the bum (not hard enough to actually hurt or leave a mark), or a slap on the hand when I reached for something super dangerous was the way to go (ex, reaching for a hot stove, or if at the hunting camp reaching for ammo or a gun case). I don't know yet what I'll do for discipline, and it honestly might end up being a mix depending on the situation and depending on my childs age at the time. I love the more chatty format, but I also like the bullet point videos too. I think this Motherhood in Progress is a wonderful series idea and am super excited to hear more opinions on different ways of parenting :D
If you have an instagram you should follow Big Little Feelings. They talk all about children behavior and how we as parents can handle situations without having to resort to hitting . Also check out Hapa Family on CZcams . She has a video on Positive Discipline that give a different insight on things.
@@YOS3liN1 Thank you for the recommendation, however I already have things I've been looking into and will be making the decision that ends up being the best for my specific situation. I don't plan on using physical punishment for every little thing, but if my child is reaching for something dangerous repeatedly and talking it out/time outs have not worked then I will re-assess and make a decision then.
I don't want to come across like I'm promoting physical punishment, and there needs to be a conversation with the child about why what they did is wrong, but in my experience growing up if I did not listen repeatedly when it came to something dangerous, a slap on the hand (not hard!) drove the point across and allowed me to listen.
I don't make parenting decisions in anger, and have plans in place to ensure I never react in anger to my child - but I will be making the discipline decision with my partner while also learning from trusted sources online.
In regards to other comments - please stop jumping down everyones throats. Parenting is hard enough without the constant judgement.
@@lezliesmith3354 in your original comment you stated that you didn’t know what you were going to do yet for discipline so I only suggested some resources that you could look into . you don’t have to look into any of those outlets if you don’t want to and I’m not pushing it down people’s throats , I’m just giving suggestions to people that may be curious or want to look into a different form a discipline other than hitting
I’m planning on taking the big little feelings course!
@@AshleyEmbers I really enjoy them! I also plan on taking their course !
So far I have only had to tap my daughter's hands when she is doing something negative. I'm trying not to go with the spanking route but not totally opposed as we were when we were children and we came out just fine. There are time when my kiddo has gotten tunnel vision of doing something and she does not hear me when I'm talking to her to get her to stop and she starts a tantrum when I remove her from the situation so a tap on her hands to get her to stop. A couple minutes if her crying not from the hand slap but because I stopped her from doing something she wanted to keep doing. So there are gonna be times when everything gets tested for sure.
I’ve heard this as well that kids can get tunnel vision and need some sort of physical intervention to get them out of it
What I learned about brain development is that the brain is plastic, in the sense that it can be remoulded. Your brain doesn’t stop developing until around the age of 25. This means that it could still be possible to alter the thoughts and world views, as well as help to overcome adversity and trauma, that young people have experienced growing up.
Okay wow you are so brave for sharing your thoughts! I’m sure you’ll get some serious back lash but girl I support you!
I also grew up in a spanking house but my brothers and I have never felt traumatized by it or like I was abused. I think it’s because my parents used spanking as the “final straw” in punishment and never spanked us in anger. I can count on one hand how many times I was spanked as a child. They would send us to our room until they could calm down so they weren’t acting out of emotion and then afterward made sure to love on us and explain why they felt they had to go to the point of spanking (“you were doing this, I told you to stop many times, you continued even after getting warnings and *lists a few other steps they did to stop behaviour*. Like I said before, we can’t behave this way because xyz.” My parents were also so kind and loving all the time that I knew if I pushed them to the point of spanking me that I really REALLY upset them.
On the flip side, I have friends who’s parents weren’t as nurturing and loving and didn’t explain themselves after spanks and they now resent their parents for it. So I think there is so much psychology that goes ok behind it. 🤷♀️