Splitting Money 50/50 With Your Partner Is Not Fair!
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- čas přidán 5. 08. 2024
- For a number of couples, sharing the load in everything can be the standard - seen as equal partners in the relationship - 'when I cook you wash the dishes' or 'when we go on dates we split the bills 50/50, or I’ll pay this time you’ll pay next time'.
And it’s natural that this also feeds into the way they choose to split their finances - which means we’ll do a 50/50 split. Today we’re looking into whether splitting finances with your partner 50/50 is actually fair.
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We’ve been married for a few years now and are super passionate about sharing the things we’ve learnt along our journey with others.
Money is one of the leading causes of separation and divorce & if we can help at least one couple navigate their finances in an effort to stay together, then we’ll be happy.
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Thando & Lindie.
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Hate how this splitting bills has gotten trivalised in our community. I'm male and know how to cook, clean, DIY, laundry, zero debt, 800+ credit score, etc. If a partner was pregnant, I know to pay everything, take care of her and so. Periods she can work, I expect her to be able to support so we can give our children a safe, great environment and support to grow to be wonderful adults.
Hopefully, there are decent men out there who don't take the piss because it reads like women don't even want to support or contribute to their families or think they should stay at home because sex or attractive when house prices are 25* our salaries. Be realistic please, we need to build up our communities, move up the social classes.
The mentality of "fairness" is destroying fairness...sorry!
A MAN PROVIDES YOURE A MALE
Don't date beneath your financial status. If the person in question can't afford your living standard, everything falls apart if the primary earner loses a job or gets sick. Two is one, and one is none. Guys, start dating women who earn strong salaries. Ladies are certainly quick to dismiss men based on income. In modern times, men should be doing the same.
I run my own candle making business I don’t work there I own it. If I was to get sick my woman could easily run it with the help of the on site manager. It’s not much to it really.
Never doing 50/50 made that clear
Just discovered you channel. Love it! Very professional and good quality content
Thank you. We really appreciate it :)
Thank you for this video
Love the video! Thanks so much!!!
Thank you :)
Great video guy's you have given me a lot of ideas
Glad you found it useful!
My partner & I will be buying a house together and we've been trying to learn about how we should be spliting our finances. Thanks for making this video! It was helpful to listen to what your opinion is on this topic.
I did struggle a little to keep my attention in the first half of the video (discussion of personal views), since I was looking more for education/advice, which came at around minute 11:25. Maybe this is not my business, but I thought I'd suggest an idea: adding timestamps, to avoid people exiting the video? Thanks again for discussing this topic!
Very good point and thank you for your feedback! We'll put out a video soon that breaks down the various ways to split your finances together :)
Love that we found your channel! This topic in our community is so crucial as 50/50 split can really lead to resentment and a legacy of trauma. 😮💨We just did a video about this topic on our channel too. We'd love to connect one day 💞
The problem is though, if you as a woman start living with a man on 50/50 agreement as a "start" kind of thing, do not expect him to change this agreement favoring you later on. Most men do not change 50/50 to something else. They get comfortable with paying only their share and that's it. And women on the other hand, will with time fall in love more and grow attachment to this man which will become a reason not to leave him and agree to continue 50/50 with him. Most women hate 50/50 relationship. I haven't met even one that would feel otherwise about it.
I believe the spirit should be about taking care of one another (at the end of the day).
I think the concept should be for both people to enjoy life together at both expenses. If u know the person’s heart and know they are doing their best by one another then that is the goal. If that person would allow you to be homeless or starve if u were injured or out of work and cannot financially contribute then walk away🙏🏽
Totally agree. Only children and the elderly are dependent on adults. I was a child till I became independent. I’m not a pedo, I won’t make a child my girlfriend/wife
Who’s washing the dishes, cooking, doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom? You guys need to factor that.
We completely understand that every couple is different and each couple will do things according to what works for their relationship. For some the 50/50 split works whilst for others it may not. In our relationship we both do dishes, we both cook and do laundry etc but that's how we've built the relationship. What matters is a couple building their relationship in a way that works for them and being able to work as a team.
Factor who's paying for the dates, vacation, kids, extracurricular activities. gifts, etc.. usually, if not always, the man
The men….
Who’s taking out trash, Maintaining cars, protecting, fixing stuff around house, factor that too.
I just stated that. Whoever is doing all the domestic house work is simply not paying half the bills. Absolutely not.
I think, if it's a romatic relationship (ie not just a friendship or roommate situation) but you're not fully committed, figuring what percentage each of you contributes to the "collective income" and then splitting the "household" expenses accordingly would be the minimum "equalizing factor". Then you could negotiate how to handle remaining money based on what "feels appropriate, given all of the other facts of the relationship.
I do think it's unrealistic to think things would run smoothly if there's a large difference in income and a romantic couple is putting too much emphasis on "yours & mine"...but, at the same time...full combining of income at that point is probably going too far.
Just my two cents! 😊
just find someone who matches your lifestyle
This! It’s so important to be with someone who aligns with you.
As long as the other person puts in their 50%, it isn’t the business of the other what you make.
I don't understand why some men (fortunately not all of them ) want to be 50 50 with their wives??? As i know a man that truly loves his woman will feel happy to provide for her
Cause it's fair. If they're planning on starting a family, then they should talk it over about if the man should start to pay more
EXACTLY, a woman will lose respect for a man that doesn't provide
This kind of relationships makes me feel like i'm with a roomate not with a husband
The man is the provider financially
The woman makes a house home ,give him kids ,breastfeed them ,clean the house cook .....
But this kind of 50 50 mindset will not work for long term because the woman is as provider as the man and with time she'll lose respect towards him(facts)
The woman shouldn't feel that she has to work ,she shouldn't have that financial burden (if it's like this then she doesn't need a man in her life)
A woman needs a provider protector, a man she can count on that makes her stay in her feminine energy and makes her relaxed to give him her best in everything and for the kids also
Pool all the income together, then pay bills, pay down debt, then save some and husband/wife can split what’s left. That is more than fair because he likely brings in more money and does outside chores, while she does inside chores.
This is 2023. It's only fair that both are entitled to make their own money, and save some of it for rainy days. During a divorce, she should have her and he should have his stuff.
Yes. Savings is a whole other question. Probably needs to be negotiated just after household expenses.
Did 50/50 in my last 2 relationships and it doesn’t work… unbalanced and both feel like they do more than the other
In a joint mortgage you are both responsible, not 50 : 50.
So you are both responsible for 100%. The bank doesn't care who pays. However in life you will find it isn't equally split but the law doesn't allow for one person to default on the house if one partner moves out
How's it your partner's fault that you make more than them ?
What we're talking about is the impact that a pay gap will have on a relationship such as affordability and lifestyle choices. It's really about making conscious decisions that you're both happy with
@@skilledfinances so the fact that someone under performs allows them to pay less than rent? It sounds very lazy to me so they can get a free ride. Nothing is free in life. If you’re not pulling your weight with me. Pull all of it by yourself. Because I will not be used.
Did you even watch to understand
Can you please guys explain what heppend when the women give birth and after birth , im really concerned on this plus if you work and you are the one who give to much effort in hous and still pay 50/50
When it comes to Couples Finances there are various ways in which a Couple may chose to manage their finances. You have the 50/50 split, Income split - which takes into account that individuals in the Couple earn different amounts, Joint style where there's no his or her money and the couple just joins their finances and various other methods. This is why it's important for a Couple to talk about what works for their relationship. We are currently in this situation as we had our baby in 2023 and Lindie is on maternity. But because we've always joined our income and viewed it as our money despite how much we each earn everything has continued as normal and nothing has had to change.
The 50/50 split is usually unstable but can be stable:
Best Case Scenario - 1: Both partners make great money. I purposely didn't give an amount because that is subjective. Couple can afford bills and vacations/fun. Issues will arise if one person erroneously spends frivolously, gets into debt etc.
Worst Case Scenario - 2: One partner makes significantly more (ie 50K/150K) The lesser earning partner most likely will resent the other. Huge problem arise when planning trips, fun etc bc lesser earner will have their finances stressed to keep up with the 50/50 agreement. Lesser couple can likely feel financially abused.
Decent Scenario- 3: Both partners make lesser or average income, but equal income. Works well but the stress of paying bills could test or strengthen the bond. This scenario works well if Both partners drastically increase their income over time and bond through the struggle. They will feel endowed to each other later.
Bad Scenario -4: One partner makes more than the other but not significantly more (ie 50K/65K) There could be slight resentment from lesser earner. Greater earner can splurge more causing jealously. Or can splurge on the lesser earner randomly causing the lesser earner to feel out of control of enjoyment/experience events.
IMO if shacking up, only do 50/50 in Scenario 1 or 3. In Scenario 2 use a spread split ie 80/20. In Scenario 4 combine income and do 50/50 split. In marriage, combine all income and do 50/50.
Love this breakdown! With couple's finances, there are other nuances to consider, but overall, agree with these!
Why is it that the lesser earner has more resentment?
In my case, the ex wife ended up making more and started resenting me.
Imo, this is due to the idea that she carried a heavier financial burden.
Idk, I always figured that it didn't matter WHO made the most money so long as one person didn't unilaterally start spending outside of their own means.
Since we were married, and say IF I started making more, my mentality is that if I don't have, it means that WE don't have it.
@Mental_Alchemist but you are not illustrating my "scenario 2." You are saying "our money is our money." When I said the lesser earning partner would show resentment, would be in the case where there is a large disparity in income ie 50K/150K AND they still decide to go 50/50 on bills etc. When it comes to planning vacations etc the lesser earning partner would resent the fact that the higher earning partner has more of a Cushion and doesn't have to stretch finances. If you are with someone, they shouldn't have more financial ease than you IMO. People who think otherwise usually get resented.
@@JayLawson I see what you mean.
In my case I wouldn't quite call it resentment. that would be too strong of a term. But I did think that there would have been more equity had we chosen to split the household bills and expenses based upon the percentage of income that we each brought into the household.
That way I would have had more money to take her to nicer places and buy nicer things for her.
I say that she had more resentment for me because I couldn't afford to do those things or pay for the same level of vacations that she could now afford on her own.
I personally don't think that I would have felt that way if I had ended up being the one who made the most money.
Unfortunately I could not explain that to to her in in way that she could receive it. She saw the extra money that she made after paying her 50% of the bills as "her" money and it is kind of hard to argue with someone with that mentality.
Her thing was that I should have "leveled up" financially at the same rate if not faster than she did.
I didn't even realize that she had a problem with this until I asked her to explain how she felt it was okay to have an affair.... 🤦🏿♂️ Smh
The thing is and it may be an excuse I'll take that, but while she was in school and working part time, I was also working full-time making pretty decent money and still took on most of the domestic duties around the house so that she would have more time to study. I did not get a part-time job in addition to my regular job because we had a young kid at the time.
We were not rich but neither were we worried about paying for the lights or the rent during that time either.
There were times where she could not go 50/50 with me, but I held it down and didn't feel any kind of way about it.
Tbh I really saw the household income (regardless of whether I made more or she made more at the time) as all kind of going to the same place anyway so I can't say that I was resentful.
@Mental_Alchemist It's unfortunate that she doesn't see your role in her "leveling up." You held her down when she was down, so that she could focus on school and as a result she was successful. It's sad to me that she doesn't recognize the integral role you played and now I wonder if she would have done the same for you. This type of thing makes men question going above and beyond, and highlights the old saying "no good deed goes unpunished."
I think everyone made this overly complicated. Whoever is making more money is paying more of the bills. Whoever is making less money is paying less of the bills but doing most or almost all the domestic house work. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, mopping, sweeping, vacumming, laundry, organizing etc... Basically, Whoever is doing a majority of the Domestic work, is not paying 50/50. It should be more like 80/20. I spend 3-4 hours a day doing domestic housework. Basically the live in home maid. The man also generally mows the lawn, does vehicle repairs, paints and maintains the house , and fixes anything that breaks. Basically unless she's raising my children, she's doing her part and what's fair.
Do you mean “our children”? 😅 surely is both of yours
The partner is earning less income but she is still working the same hours as you… so you basically wants her to come back home after work and do all the domestic work by herself because she earns less? Sounds like a punishment 😂
Most people tend to marry within their income bracket tho. In the US the average gap between a married couple is about 10k. So say it’s closer to 60/40. Either way the 50/50 principal still makes sense and pivots as the gap in income increases. Whoever makes more should pay more of the combined bills, whoever makes less should probably help out more at home. It’s about working as a team. This idea of the husband making far more than the woman is a 1960s concept and that era is over
Completely agree with you on the fact that it's about working together as a team.
Nobody really wants commitment so the new relationship people live in separate houses and pay bills in separate places she pays your light bill you pay her cable
I’ve heard many women say that because of other costs of being a woman such as hygiene products, beauty products etc that it should never be a 50/50 split even if you make the same amount. What are your thoughts?
I'd suggest that the household and cost of ilving expenses should be split, possibly goroceries could be 60-40 or 70-30 because men usually have more food, but clothes, shoes, electronics, hairdresser? I would say on its own pocket, or minimum discussed and agreed for both... the "cost of be a woman" is women's problem and the "i need to be pretty for you" is just a manipulation.
Pretty are those who goes with no make up nor dye through life... LOL!
My previous statement is obviously asuming that domestic tasks like cleaning, cooking, etc are also split 50-50.
The beauty with Couples Finances is that there are various ways in which a Couple may chose to manage their finances. You have the 50/50 split, Income split - which takes into account that individuals in the Couple earn different amounts, Joint style where there's no his or her money and the couple just joins their finances and various other methods. Couples can decide to take into account the things you mentioned when deciding to split expenses. The most important thing is having a conversation and coming to an agreement about what works for your relationship.
No! 50/50 is not fair! Shared household expenses should be paid based on each person’s percentage of total household income.
50/50 is not for married couple. Men are built physically to work hard, women are for nurturing and caring. Also women hormones changes every month, she's more stressed and emotionally challenging for her, which is not the same for men.
2 couples earning the same money decide to come together, they don’t have or want kids, why shouldn’t it be 50/50
Or even 2 couples coming together why not 50% of their finances each to pay the bills and both left with 50% of what they earn.
My wife doesn’t even meet 25% /75% lol
We doing 50/50 off the back if I’m trying to invest my money and you not talking 50/50 then you don’t deserve anything that I built
testing waters while u married ? :D
I wouldn’t live with a man who doesn’t pay the full rent or mortgage regardless of what I make.
If I’m paying half, I would rather have a roommate , who I don’t have to sleep with, and she pays half and I pay half.
It’s definitely important to know your boundaries and be clear about what you’re willing to accept and not accept in your relationship.
Wow. What makes you so special that you feel you are entitled to live off another person like a parasite when you are fully capable of earning your half of the relationship? Equality came with benefits but it also came with responsibilities.
@@daustin439 why would I sleep with a man or even respect him if he isn’t providing?
I would rather have a roommate then
@@yudirsamakhlouf2955 if you are the kind of woman that f*cks your roommates - knock yourself out. What entitled you to live rent free?
Was your reason? Isn’t the house for two people?😏 how would you take it if it was revised to you? “I wouldn’t live with a woman who doesn’t pay for full rent or mortgage?” People like you want a man for their convenience
Ima say something controversial: back then woman literally had no rights therefore not much options than to marry to stop being a “burden” to her parents bc thanks to “those feminists” now a days she can be anything she wants doctor lawyer CEO have her own car her own house treat herself etc but they STILL CHOOSE to be a stay at home girlfriend/wife bc they are lazy or they want a man to solve all their problems like their dad used to do for them I heard plenty of females say they rather be cooking and cleaning and changing diapers all day than to be working NOT in construction or heavy jobs but your regular 9-5 desk job like those jobs are NOT that hard and they don’t want to stress about bills car payments and mortgage they just want their boyfriend/husband to deal with ALL the responsibility HOW IS THAT FAIR? For me that is like being selfish bc if they do work they want to keep all their money and not chip in a dime while they go get their nails/hair done and go on shopping sprees but the husband NEVER gets to see or enjoy his hard earned money I thought a relationship/marriage was supposed to be mutual (unless of course one of the 2 willingly wants to pay for everything and have all the financial burden) being 100 financial co dependent is such a risk I heard horrible stories where after the honeymoon phase husbands start to humiliate and abuse their power bc he’s the one paying everything so therefore she doesn’t have a say is that what y’all ladies want ? Now the most successful marriages I’ve seen (only 4) is bc they BOTH worked hard and they even got to retire early bc they were a team that’s why most females don’t like 50-50 bc it would stop benefiting them I said what I said PS I AM A FEMALE 😐
Run for 50 50 guys… cheap
Only traditional women who are virgin and childless women before marriage are worthy to have all her bills paid and be a stay at home mother or homemaker. All other non traditional, non virgin and non childless women will have to pay their part 50/50 at least.
Facts. The best chance for this type of girls is shes young or going overseas mainly muslim countries
Resentment? She should work harder and be more successful. Can’t hate someone for succeeding where you don’t.
I dont get hwy you guys feel the 50-50 is not fair, just saying whoever earn more should pay more... this is not HMRC or IRS.
If someone earns more is for a reason, right? Studied more, have more experince, or just inherit it... why the the couple deserves that money if is a previous to the beggining relation status... still if that happen during the coexistance, in which way the couple, had to do with that?. With the exception of course the couple had helped somehow. (time, effort, money)
Could you extend your idea, because the video does not justify your point. Thanks.
As we highlighted during the Money Discussion, this is just our opinion on the 50/50 method. The 50/50 style is just one of the many methods that Couples may choose to use. We completely understand that what may work for one relationship may not work for another relationship which is why we always encourage Couples to have a discussion about this and decide what works for their relationship.
Hi @@skilledfinances thanks for your reply, I know that is what you think, but I wanted to see if there was another good reason behind of it I'm not seeing, like an in depp justification or it's just what you consider fair or not. If this is the case, fair enough too, just wanted to know and confirm that. Many thanks!
This is an interesting topic that defnitively new couples worth to at least try to talk and imagine how it would be if they were livng together. Cheers!
Only traditional women who are virgin and childless women before marriage are worthy to have all her bills paid and be a stay at home mother or homemaker. All other non traditional, non virgin and non childless women will have to pay their part 50/50 at least.