@@chimaubabuike9774Time. Seasons are temporary. And also if through rough season a person doesn’t show any willingness and actual growth from unhealthy behaviors…then those are red flags and not just a rough patch in life. Even through rough patches, you can see a positive healthy character. If they are a good person and genuine, they’ll still be able to exhibit that in some way through their rough season. Time will tell.
@chimaubabuike9774 Sound judgment and discernment cquired through experiences and wisdom & time invested & spent with someone will show you a contrast between the 2. If you spend enough time with someone & pay attention, your intuition also tells you when something doesn't seem right.
@@chimaubabuike9774Looks like my comment was deleted or not posted. I don’t understand why YT does this. But anyway: Time. Seasons are temporary. When it ends you’ll see. But even through rough seasons you can see a good character in a person. How they handle that rough season and you through it will tell you what you need to know.
I read Patti LaBelle's book 'Patti's Pearls' and one line she wrote that I'll always remember is that, 'a wedding band can be the smallest handcuff.' Man, that makes you really think... especially if you're not with the right person...
This is exactly why I've always said having a husband or a wife is not the flex people act like it is. Just being married is not an accomplishment. If you don't have a true partner, none of it has any value.
Marriage is a flex. Dont let the bad apples dissuade you from something good. This is why therapy is needed. So many of u are broken and in need of healing. This mess only goes on in America. EVERYWHERE else, they’re working together to prosper. So many will have to learn the hard way I see..
@@bigde131I agree! In other countries marriage is valuable. America for some reason made it a norm to look down on marriages and celebrate babymama/babydaddy relationships
@@bigde131 it’s a flex if it’s built on the right foundations & the marriage is healthy. That’s what the comment is basically sayin.. did u read the whole thing? It’s but a died if the marriage is toxic babe
True marriages is where you and your partner went thru it all face it all dealt with each other but still picked each other up from the floor and still love each other no matter how many wins n losses on each other fights.
In full support of healthy marriages, God Bless y’all. I am convinced if the marriage feels like prison, Sir or Ma’am, how long must you go on in this, before you lose your mind, identity, and spirit?
1000% TRUTH!! Just because you like one another doesn’t mean he or she is the right one for you. Allow God to work on your behalf to send the right person for you. Stop rushing….be patient and Trust The process..have faith, and trust God….not your flesh
No, if you did the i dos you are husband and wife. Love is a choice and so is marriage. You have become one and covenant with Lord God. The problem with marriage these days is many forget the first Love. His name is Lord Jesus Christ
Sounds like a living hell. I know far too many people in these unhealthy marriages. And I know just as many mothers who push this crap on their daughters for no other reason than they want their daughters to suffer like them. I actually heard a "good mom" say with my own two ears that if she has to suffer, then so does her daughter and had the nerve to laugh as if it was funny. Some people's only joy in life is causing trauma. Talking about "God this and God that." No "God," nothing. Just hurt people hurting people, happily and willingly passing down generational curses and trauma. Real nasty business.
I been n married 28 yrs 3 kids , a blessing that Kept me outta jail & focus taking care my family it a curse when hell break loose & you got to stick thru the pain & tears everyday you wake up because without them you are doomed, so are they , I try remind people marriage isn’t for everybody, but some of us are miserable, even with the right person , love is overrated these days , only strong survives , I love my wife , no doubt & she loves me but we both know we created this foundation our legacy & can’t let Too much distractions outside tear down what we built for 17 yrs right or wrong I live with it & so does she , karma teaches us too why marriages last for others , because it take two to make it last, good luck ✌🏾
This is a lesson that I learned the hard way. It's hard to be accountable to choose the right person spiritual vs. just having a person... but it IS worth waiting to let the 'I do' be a blessing and not a spirit killer for the rest of your lives.
The problem is that society has convinced everyone that they deserve to be married when, in reality, God never promised marriage to everyone. Ladies, God may not send you a husband. Fellas, God may not allow you to find a wife. People need to face the reality that God may not deem them fit to be a husband or wife. Instead, your stubbornness got in the way of the path God has for you, and you jumped head first into a situation that you were NEVER trained for nor ever supposed to be in. If you never get married, it doesn't mean that you're a failure. Stop focusing on finding a mate and focus on asking God to reveal His purpose for your life.
I don't have a husband in spirit... I did all the normal domestic trad. wifey sh!t plus go to school and work. I got no support from him. After the military, all he did was play video games. I didn't grow up with aspirations to get married. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to get married as it was explained to me that marriage was like eating your favorite food for the rest of your life. But I got pregnant, he wanted to do the right thing and marry me, he didn't propose, we got married after he graduated boot camp. Now I'm waiting for my youngest son to graduate high school next year. I want a clean break because I don't want to pay child support, I will not take the kids. I don't want to be a single mom. My toes curling I want out so bad.
I resonate with this one so much. My divorce was finalized earlier this year. I had more good times than bad so I won’t act like it was all bad but after I suffered a knee injury late last year I realized in sickness or health was only lip service. As a man I’m not afraid to say that it stung a little to break up but it was the best decision. Never stay in a relationship out of comfort if both sides not working to maintain in
I Believe Genesis 2:22 If WE WAIT ON GOD? HE WILL BRING us to the Man that WE WERE CREATED FROM. WE TOOK THE CREATION OUT OF THE CREATORS HANDS. Marriage IS NOT about Love?👀 It’s about coming together to the one you were created for and it’s a Business! Whether WE LIKE each other or not!
🫰🏽🫰🏽🫰🏽cmonnnnn now !!!!! I think it was Kita in the background that said the church "welllllllll" and I'm over here like "tuh, tell em sumn today nahh" 🙌🏽 👏🏽
Never heard anything piece of marriage advice worded better. It’s not for the weak but more importantly your choice in an partner can leave you being the most miserable person on earth and not a soul in your life will ever know it because by that time the children are there and your family loves that person cuz they don’t know who he or she really is as an individual and like he said…now you’re trapped.
Letting go means getting out of an miserable marriage that keeps you from moving forward , But first you have to begin a transformation process of letting go in order to be Happy if the party fail to take responsibility of his or her unfaithful actions on their part
When two ghosts collaborate, On the dance floor, They create a war. He said She said They get in your head Then fear sets in And the whole world dread One army does tread On the aother army, but instead They lay down and cry with all these voices in their head Little children "whats under your bed?" Is it a spirit full of love and compassion with nercy abound Or a spirit of hate and discontent with a scary sound It all depends on your hearts condition Do you want grace or to suffer affliction I choose my imaginary friend in this fiction Because I have an addiction And he helps me endure And helps me be sure That ten thousand men can be against me But he will be loyal with his agape. 😘✌️👍
Til death do us appart with the wrong person, will even try to actually bury you alive, if you're not careful. Be careful out there, you've been warned.
No piece of paper means you're In love & faithful and happy. Skip all that bs, and find yourself someone your compatible with on every level. Some people just want the fancy weddingl.
And I wasted money on this phone, because it won't download my direct line to the right person. So next week I'm gonna have to invest in another phone and company
Genesis 29.. In my opinion, in most relationships, you are either a Leah or Rachel. The loved one or the tolerated one. Read the history of both women in the bible. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. And Jacob worked for Laban another seven years; to marry the women he truly loved. But the good news is that God doesn't forsake the unloved.. Leah was thrusted into a bad position... BUT..When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Both women received grace, mercy, and a portion from God. There is always hope. Either way you are not forgotten by God. He sees you. **Just a thought.**
I agree partially but remember there where times biblical times where the husband and wife did not pick each other fathers brothers..etc did and those marriages still lasted and were fruitful so it has more to do with both parties making it work than GOD not being involved in bringing them together...
That's why I side-eye these ppl that blow 6-figures on a wedding. You got a whole lifetime to have all those moments. Spend that money planning your future and making sure you're equally yoked. Cause marriage is no joke. No such thing as an easy marriage. If it's easy IT AIN'T REAL!! (PS I'm not talking about toxic marriages with abuse/cheating etc.) That's why you gotta have God in it with you two, especially when life gets REAL!! Get over your fantasies.
Marriage came from protecting the family bloodline. I don’t believe today’s marriage. Life(spirit) is in the blood. Dude on point and I’m way younger than him.
The problem is people are thinking that some supernatural entity gives a fuck about YOU and your relationships. If a god is the reason for good relationships he would also be the reason for the bad ones as well as all of the baggage, trauma and drama that comes along with that. Thats a victim mindset thinking someone else is in control. The fact of the matter is that YOU have to do the developmental work on yourself; YOU have to figure out what it is you actually want in a relationship;YOU have to discern the real from the bullshit. There's no ultimate father figure thats going to tell you if you found a good mate or not; its trial and error like every other damn thing.
They don't work because no one teaches men and women how to maintain a loving marriage. Did your parents actually sit down and discuss marriage with you?
Then maybe, juuuussst maybe we need to be taught how to be honorable spouses and love one another the way God intended us to. Millions of people get married off of lust, and they don't know what how to maintain a loving, fruitful marriage. We're learning about marriage from the wrong people. How can you learn how to be a great spouse if all the examples of marriages around you are either failed ones or bad ones.
This is why legal marriage will always be different than a spiritual marriage ordained by God. There are a lot of people out here who look married, but when you look at the fruit of their marriage, the spirit of their marriage they are basically strangers and there’s no way God is gonna bless that mess.
Is the marriage healthy or is it full of conflict, chaos and distress? If the answer is opton 2, you picked the wrong partner. Full disclosure, I picked the wrong partner
Look at Jerrod Carmichael. His father cheated on his mother for over 35 years and fathered *FOUR* children with his other woman. *FOUR!* What little time his job wasn’t getting was split between two women. Each of them had 15-20% of a man. But his wife, following what she believes are GOD’s tenets, stuck by him and is still with him today. Imagine how his outside kids must feel. Imagine how Jerrod and his siblings felt watching Daddy take off and disappear all the time. If I were Mrs. Carmichael, I’d have gone a long time ago. But that’s what women did. They held on. And by the time your husband is ready to “settle down”, he’s half dead, his d**k don’t work, and you spend your golden years taking care of him. 👴🏽
Bump all them excuses... Relationships fail because somebody quits.... And if we're honest, we know that usually it's women. Women think they can have it all and when they can't, they'd rather have nothing... So that's what they end up with. Nothing. If only they realized that we were actually the ones setting for them.
Jesus gave us freedom of choice. Who you choose to marry with god will grow into what it needs to. If you are not with god of course it will not work. You should be encouraging people to pray and study the bible together to save thier marriage.
Seek discernment, sound judgment and compatibility. Never ignore red flags.
‼️‼️💯💯
How do you tell a red flag from someone just having a bad day or going through a rough patch in life?
@@chimaubabuike9774Time. Seasons are temporary. And also if through rough season a person doesn’t show any willingness and actual growth from unhealthy behaviors…then those are red flags and not just a rough patch in life.
Even through rough patches, you can see a positive healthy character. If they are a good person and genuine, they’ll still be able to exhibit that in some way through their rough season.
Time will tell.
@chimaubabuike9774 Sound judgment and discernment cquired through experiences and wisdom & time invested & spent with someone will show you a contrast between the 2. If you spend enough time with someone & pay attention, your intuition also tells you when something doesn't seem right.
@@chimaubabuike9774Looks like my comment was deleted or not posted. I don’t understand why YT does this.
But anyway: Time. Seasons are temporary. When it ends you’ll see. But even through rough seasons you can see a good character in a person. How they handle that rough season and you through it will tell you what you need to know.
I read Patti LaBelle's book 'Patti's Pearls' and one line she wrote that I'll always remember is that, 'a wedding band can be the smallest handcuff.' Man, that makes you really think... especially if you're not with the right person...
Damn! That one hit me hard!
Damm 😩😳🔥
Well Do ...If That Doesn't Smack You With A Dose Of Don't Ask God Today For What You're Not Ready For Tomorrow Sheesh!!!!
Oooooh say a word, say a word right there 🔥💯
This is exactly why I've always said having a husband or a wife is not the flex people act like it is. Just being married is not an accomplishment. If you don't have a true partner, none of it has any value.
Yesss!!
Marriage is a flex. Dont let the bad apples dissuade you from something good. This is why therapy is needed. So many of u are broken and in need of healing. This mess only goes on in America. EVERYWHERE else, they’re working together to prosper. So many will have to learn the hard way I see..
@@bigde131I agree! In other countries marriage is valuable. America for some reason made it a norm to look down on marriages and celebrate babymama/babydaddy relationships
@@bigde131 it’s a flex if it’s built on the right foundations & the marriage is healthy. That’s what the comment is basically sayin.. did u read the whole thing? It’s but a died if the marriage is toxic babe
True marriages is where you and your partner went thru it all face it all dealt with each other but still picked each other up from the floor and still love each other no matter how many wins n losses on each other fights.
Facts on facts
No lies told
YOU may be married,but your spouse is not
In full support of healthy marriages, God Bless y’all. I am convinced if the marriage feels like prison, Sir or Ma’am, how long must you go on in this, before you lose your mind, identity, and spirit?
Amen, I just divorced my husband there wasn’t no marriage he was nothing but a future faker, I’m happy right now I have my peace
1000% TRUTH!! Just because you like one another doesn’t mean he or she is the right one for you. Allow God to work on your behalf to send the right person for you. Stop rushing….be patient and Trust The process..have faith, and trust God….not your flesh
This right here just blessed me! Thank you for the rawness of this honesty. 💯
No, if you did the i dos you are husband and wife. Love is a choice and so is marriage. You have become one and covenant with Lord God. The problem with marriage these days is many forget the first Love. His name is Lord Jesus Christ
Amen, brother.
Sounds like a living hell. I know far too many people in these unhealthy marriages. And I know just as many mothers who push this crap on their daughters for no other reason than they want their daughters to suffer like them. I actually heard a "good mom" say with my own two ears that if she has to suffer, then so does her daughter and had the nerve to laugh as if it was funny. Some people's only joy in life is causing trauma. Talking about "God this and God that." No "God," nothing. Just hurt people hurting people, happily and willingly passing down generational curses and trauma. Real nasty business.
I been n married 28 yrs 3 kids , a blessing that Kept me outta jail & focus taking care my family it a curse when hell break loose & you got to stick thru the pain & tears everyday you wake up because without them you are doomed, so are they , I try remind people marriage isn’t for everybody, but some of us are miserable, even with the right person , love is overrated these days , only strong survives , I love my wife , no doubt & she loves me but we both know we created this foundation our legacy & can’t let Too much distractions outside tear down what we built for 17 yrs right or wrong I live with it & so does she , karma teaches us too why marriages last for others , because it take two to make it last, good luck ✌🏾
You Are Absolutely Right!!
This is a lesson that I learned the hard way. It's hard to be accountable to choose the right person spiritual vs. just having a person... but it IS worth waiting to let the 'I do' be a blessing and not a spirit killer for the rest of your lives.
I literally just had this discussion with someone today this is so true. Some will have to learn the hard way.
This is so on point!! You must have sincere discernment when considering a person in your life!
Amen! Exactly right...
The problem is that society has convinced everyone that they deserve to be married when, in reality, God never promised marriage to everyone. Ladies, God may not send you a husband. Fellas, God may not allow you to find a wife. People need to face the reality that God may not deem them fit to be a husband or wife. Instead, your stubbornness got in the way of the path God has for you, and you jumped head first into a situation that you were NEVER trained for nor ever supposed to be in. If you never get married, it doesn't mean that you're a failure. Stop focusing on finding a mate and focus on asking God to reveal His purpose for your life.
I've heard him speak lots of truths, but man this I believe was the most powerful one EVER. Listen people.
I don't have a husband in spirit... I did all the normal domestic trad. wifey sh!t plus go to school and work. I got no support from him. After the military, all he did was play video games.
I didn't grow up with aspirations to get married. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to get married as it was explained to me that marriage was like eating your favorite food for the rest of your life.
But I got pregnant, he wanted to do the right thing and marry me, he didn't propose, we got married after he graduated boot camp. Now I'm waiting for my youngest son to graduate high school next year. I want a clean break because I don't want to pay child support, I will not take the kids. I don't want to be a single mom. My toes curling I want out so bad.
I resonate with this one so much. My divorce was finalized earlier this year. I had more good times than bad so I won’t act like it was all bad but after I suffered a knee injury late last year I realized in sickness or health was only lip service. As a man I’m not afraid to say that it stung a little to break up but it was the best decision. Never stay in a relationship out of comfort if both sides not working to maintain in
Preach, Ace!!
The to death do us part sound like prison. Sad but so true especially when you are unhappy
Come on Sir!!! You Said That!!!❤❤❤
💯🔥🔥🔥👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽Amen!!!! Qualifications are valid!!!! Blessings to come!
You’re totally right ❤ and thanks for reminding us this!
I Believe Genesis 2:22
If WE WAIT ON GOD? HE WILL BRING us to the Man that WE WERE CREATED FROM. WE TOOK THE CREATION OUT OF THE CREATORS HANDS.
Marriage IS NOT about Love?👀 It’s about coming together to the one you were created for and it’s a Business! Whether WE LIKE each other or not!
SPIT THAT TRUTH ACE!!
Incredibly well said.
Is it a blessing or is it a prison sentence???🤔 Go off, Ace!!!♥🖖🏽
AMEN
Wheeew he hit this on the head. Seek discernment
Facts upon facts upon facts!
TRUTH!! ❤
Facts on facts.
That was powerful!!!!!!! 🔥 🔥🔥🔥
🫰🏽🫰🏽🫰🏽cmonnnnn now !!!!! I think it was Kita in the background that said the church "welllllllll" and I'm over here like "tuh, tell em sumn today nahh" 🙌🏽 👏🏽
Good words....but he did sound a bit ZESTY at one point😂😂
" The qualified person in Spirit" Amén.
Absolutely!! 💯
Preach it brother
BOOM!!!!!!!
Never heard anything piece of marriage advice worded better. It’s not for the weak but more importantly your choice in an partner can leave you being the most miserable person on earth and not a soul in your life will ever know it because by that time the children are there and your family loves that person cuz they don’t know who he or she really is as an individual and like he said…now you’re trapped.
👏🏿 Well said young man
So many NON experts on these panels speaking about marriages.
EGO doesn't allow them to STFU when they need to *Ace Metaphor*
Yeah I don’t understand why they have a man that’s not married giving think pieces on marriage when he has no experience with it lol.
Trying to be a “voice of reason” but didn’t stand a chance in his “debate” about marriage w/TG.
💯💯💯
That's real 💯
💯💯
till death do us part with wrong person doesn't just sound like a prison....it is prison.......
That last line though..... 😬😬 Very sobering!
🥺UCH‼️
FYI. Marriages aren't actually doing much better or worst than they have done historically.
That said, I agree with this characterization/assessment.
💛💯
Letting go means getting out of an miserable marriage that keeps you from moving forward , But first you have to begin a transformation process of letting go in order to be Happy if the party fail to take responsibility of his or her unfaithful actions on their part
This‼️
#ACEMETAPHOR JUST DROPPED KNOWLEDGE THAT IS THE BOMB 💣
❤❤❤
It goes both ways too and they want everything and want someone to take care of them
💯
Yup
When two ghosts collaborate,
On the dance floor,
They create a war.
He said
She said
They get in your head
Then fear sets in
And the whole world dread
One army does tread
On the aother army, but instead
They lay down and cry with all these voices in their head
Little children "whats under your bed?"
Is it a spirit full of love and compassion with nercy abound
Or a spirit of hate and discontent with a scary sound
It all depends on your hearts condition
Do you want grace or to suffer affliction
I choose my imaginary friend in this fiction
Because I have an addiction
And he helps me endure
And helps me be sure
That ten thousand men can be against me
But he will be loyal with his agape.
😘✌️👍
Til death do us appart with the wrong person, will even try to actually bury you alive, if you're not careful. Be careful out there, you've been warned.
No piece of paper means you're In love & faithful and happy. Skip all that bs, and find yourself someone your compatible with on every level. Some people just want the fancy weddingl.
And yet . . . here we are. We’re seeing more divorces amongst people 50 and up and amongst people married 20+ years.
Nothing but the truth! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
And I wasted money on this phone, because it won't download my direct line to the right person. So next week I'm gonna have to invest in another phone and company
Genesis 29.. In my opinion, in most relationships, you are either a Leah or Rachel. The loved one or the tolerated one. Read the history of both women in the bible. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. And Jacob worked for Laban another seven years; to marry the women he truly loved. But the good news is that God doesn't forsake the unloved.. Leah was thrusted into a bad position... BUT..When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Both women received grace, mercy, and a portion from God. There is always hope. Either way you are not forgotten by God. He sees you. **Just a thought.**
I agree partially but remember there where times biblical times where the husband and wife did not pick each other fathers brothers..etc did and those marriages still lasted and were fruitful so it has more to do with both parties making it work than GOD not being involved in bringing them together...
Say that louder again for the people in the back.
That's why I side-eye these ppl that blow 6-figures on a wedding. You got a whole lifetime to have all those moments. Spend that money planning your future and making sure you're equally yoked. Cause marriage is no joke. No such thing as an easy marriage. If it's easy IT AIN'T REAL!! (PS I'm not talking about toxic marriages with abuse/cheating etc.) That's why you gotta have God in it with you two, especially when life gets REAL!! Get over your fantasies.
Hellooooo!
Marriage came from protecting the family bloodline. I don’t believe today’s marriage. Life(spirit) is in the blood. Dude on point and I’m way younger than him.
If the marriage feels like a prison, I'm almost certain the dating season felt like county. You just ignored the signs.
The problem is people are thinking that some supernatural entity gives a fuck about YOU and your relationships. If a god is the reason for good relationships he would also be the reason for the bad ones as well as all of the baggage, trauma and drama that comes along with that. Thats a victim mindset thinking someone else is in control. The fact of the matter is that YOU have to do the developmental work on yourself; YOU have to figure out what it is you actually want in a relationship;YOU have to discern the real from the bullshit. There's no ultimate father figure thats going to tell you if you found a good mate or not; its trial and error like every other damn thing.
Dude you ain’t listen to the main part in the video
God don’t bless no mess!!!
ABSOLUTELY ☻PEOPLE GET married for the wrong reasons. Sometimes a man will turn a mistress into a HOUSEWIFE.🤑 🤦🏾♂️😳🤷🏽♂️
They don't work because...
Keisha only wants Pookie.
Good Men get Used
That the truth.
Baby u didn’t listen at all….
@@meicealways5842😂
They don't work because no one teaches men and women how to maintain a loving marriage. Did your parents actually sit down and discuss marriage with you?
He says that, but he's not married. Letting a "former player/badboy" give you relationship advice is like throwing yourself to the wolves.
Let the married people on the panel speak on it.
He is correct.
He is very correct 💯 percent. Whether he is married or not, he is speaking the truth. Truth is bitter and painful to a lot of people like yourself
Then maybe, juuuussst maybe we need to be taught how to be honorable spouses and love one another the way God intended us to. Millions of people get married off of lust, and they don't know what how to maintain a loving, fruitful marriage. We're learning about marriage from the wrong people. How can you learn how to be a great spouse if all the examples of marriages around you are either failed ones or bad ones.
This is why legal marriage will always be different than a spiritual marriage ordained by God. There are a lot of people out here who look married, but when you look at the fruit of their marriage, the spirit of their marriage they are basically strangers and there’s no way God is gonna bless that mess.
Is the marriage healthy or is it full of conflict, chaos and distress? If the answer is opton 2, you picked the wrong partner. Full disclosure, I picked the wrong partner
Look at Jerrod Carmichael. His father cheated on his mother for over 35 years and fathered *FOUR* children with his other woman. *FOUR!*
What little time his job wasn’t getting was split between two women. Each of them had 15-20% of a man. But his wife, following what she believes are GOD’s tenets, stuck by him and is still with him today.
Imagine how his outside kids must feel. Imagine how Jerrod and his siblings felt watching Daddy take off and disappear all the time.
If I were Mrs. Carmichael, I’d have gone a long time ago. But that’s what women did. They held on. And by the time your husband is ready to “settle down”, he’s half dead, his d**k don’t work, and you spend your golden years taking care of him. 👴🏽
Bump all them excuses... Relationships fail because somebody quits.... And if we're honest, we know that usually it's women.
Women think they can have it all and when they can't, they'd rather have nothing... So that's what they end up with. Nothing.
If only they realized that we were actually the ones setting for them.
mmmm
Is he married?
Jesus gave us freedom of choice. Who you choose to marry with god will grow into what it needs to. If you are not with god of course it will not work. You should be encouraging people to pray and study the bible together to save thier marriage.
We have all been taught, and we got to break training and retrain our selves, the right way