@Someguy1357 and whats the point of the comment...? if the man's issue is that the woman doesnt want to have sex, and the woman doesnt want to have sex because the man isnt giving affection outside of trying to have sex... then how would the reverse have the same effect? and do some self reflection if not having sex "turns you off" from wanting to cuddle your wife non sexually
Thats why I ended my marriage. My husband never gave me non - sexual attention and affection and love. Left him although I had three kids with him by then.... It was the right thing to do, although it meant walking away from financial security. After a few years I met a wonderful man who appreciated me for who I am as a human being - not a sex object. He married me, and he has been the most loving husband, as well as a wonderful stepfather to my children.
Not trying to excuse the behavior but men have never really been taught love.. I don't even remember the last time any of my parents said "I love you" without me having to say it first
My husband brought home groceries, things we needed, without me asking him to. When I was very sick after major surgery, he brought the mattress downstairs and put it in the living room. The doctor told me no stairs for six weeks. There were times that he would bring me flowers for no reason. He'd come home from work, get cleaned up and tell me that we were going to the movies after dinner at our favorite restaurant. He would give me money and tell me to go shopping for myself and just leave the kids with him. Sometimes, he'd be playing his favorite music and just grab me and dance with me in the living room. Our kids thought we were crazy. LOL! He even showed me how to do a tune-up on my car. The little things were the ones that mattered most. We were married for 35 years. I miss him so much.😢 He lost his battle with cancer in 2017.
now if only women could treat men like humans for once :O i love when women claim be exhausted yet throught history men are still the highest death rate at a young age.
If a boy grows up seeing only that behavior in his home, that’s what he’ll do as a spouse. So be a good example because “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons, to the third and fourth generation.” ~ Numbers 14: 18 This happens, regardless of whether you believe in God or not. It’s like a relational law of physics.
It's also sad when your partner misuses the word and calls us watching TV together "intimacy". "We are plenty intimate together! I don't know what you're complaining about" He is so clueless -_-
@@AT-vp8qwMen don't usually have a whole lot of sources to call upon to learn about things like intimacy. That and the easiest approach is to see things in white and black as a man. Harder to misread a situation and end up being labeled something or punished for a mistep. It's one of the reasons men value bluntness so much. It's like getting mad at someone for not knowing a language they've had little to no interaction with. Yea the language barrier sucks , but if he's earnestly trying to learn it for your sake then I hope you don't shit on him for it.
@@AT-vp8qw I feel like at this point men lack So much education they just completely lack Social skills and their brain is very underdeveloped in Social areas. I really hope Society starts educating them more Instead of just letting it go and forcing them to be undeveloped shitheads
@@opdinkleberg7078 I wouldn't take all their liability from it either though. They have many opportunities to learn-- from the people in school or their family. Yet it was their choice not to. We can't just excuse their behavior as if they were innocent, although they are definitely affected and influenced by things that are out of their control, their choice to continue the cycle shpuldn't be excused.
”My wife doesn’t want to have s*x with me :(” ”Is there literally any reason for her to feel interested other than your own horniness?” ”I don’t see how that’s relevant”
I was told once by my eighth grade history teacher “if the facts or truth of a situation makes you feel like the bad guy or the villain, you probably were in that situation “ and honestly I apply that everyday and never forgot it
@@jopiluis3382 Apply common sense and logic, Try to put yourself in the other person/partner's shoes, take examples from others successful relationships that around you / close to you, you'll get facts.
@@jopiluis3382 Because facts are true regardless of who says them. 2+2=4. If you never cuddle your partner without expecting sex, you know that. If you can't remember the last time you and your partner went on a date or your partner does all of the housework, those are facts and aren't subject to personal bias.
I couldn't agree more, at first I really loved the butt slaps and the "damn girlllll" but now since that's the only kind of physical affection he shows, can't even give me a hug without grabbing my butt- it honestly makes me feel like just a piece of ass.
Have you told him that? Might be that he thinks you like that, because in the beginning you liked it. Nothing wrong with wanting other ways of affection, but men are no mindreaders!
@@spiderseatbaby3692 Some of us have tried. But found out it is like talking to a brick wall or get into an argument because he refuses to see your side of things.
This is why I feel disgusted when people talk about "withholding sex" as a form of abuse. I don't feel like something you're not owed can be withheld. It feels manipulative and just not right to say "not consenting to me using you is abuse"
@@WeKnow_yet it doesn’t feel manipulative to you when a wife is withholding any kind of intimacy just to get what she wants in a relationship, knowing her husband is pent up after a long time of not having sex and using that to get what she wants ?
Non sexual affection is THE one for me. I want to know I can cuddle with a man without feeling like it needs to go any further than that. Sometimes you just want to feel loved.. not make love. There is a difference.
OMG SAME, the song "Like we'll never have sex" puts it into words really beautifully. I recommend listening to it, it's beautiful, but here's some of the lyrics: Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me Not to take me home It was simple, it was sweetness It was good to know You look perfect, you look different I don't wonder about your indifference If I said you could never touch me You'd come over and say I looked lovely Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me Not to make me cry It was simple, you are sweetness Let's just sit a while
Divorce was the best thing to happen to me. My life has improved in more ways than I could imagine! No more putting up with someone who did not consider me a human worthy of basic kindness.
I married the wrong man 10 years ago. I’m now divorced. I still feel so stupid and feel lots of guilt for letting someone slowly control me and get away with it. I want my 10 years back!! 😭
Never feel ashamed or stupid. Eventually, you made the right choice FOR YOU, and it's all that matters. I understand it might feel this way, but the fact that you stayed and tried is something to be proud of. THEY should be ashamed that regardless of how probably easy you made it for them, they were too lazy and self-centered to made their part. Shame on them, not you. I am glad you are out of this. Stand tall, head high!
Im trying to stay strong but even Pretending to be strong has caused some people to envy me because they think I have my life together. But I don’t. I’ve been doing a lot of reckless self harm, not physically but mentally and financially. I need a psychiatrist/ psychologist but don’t know where to even start or look.
@@galaxyqueen8835 it’s a long process. No one, even older adults, are free from struggles and “self-destructive” behaviour. Better Help was my first move, but it can be expansive. There are also local free help lines you can find where they can refer you to the proper resources. It’s never too late. Don’t give up. :)
She’s not a sex toy! She’s living, breathing, human being with thoughts and emotions! Give a flower love, attention and care and it will bloom for you!
Thank you! Geez I needed to see something like this, I literally just saw a comment five minutes ago "Women have it so easy. So true" Like what the fuck is the matter with y'all? We ALL have issues, stop acting like we do not
@@marce420.7 the problem is 90% of women's issues are bullshit they made up in their head while trying to find as many excuses why they're not attracted to their partner and why they're not going to have sex with them rather than just getting fucked and clearing your pretty little head
honestly! Pisses me off that a guy will demand sex from the girl, instead of accepting that she has to be in the mood. If she's not, you have two hands of your own bro!
My ex would just go on and on until i gave in, or use anger as a way to force me to agree, and then never understood why i never wanted it.. especially since it was only ever focused on him, never me. So happy to be single now ✨️
Same! I remember me and my ex once getting into a serious argument, because he got really angry at me for refusing him sex. Truly wish I would have had the strength and self confidence back then to just break up. I went with it far too long and let him just have his will most of the time.
The annoyance that he depicted as the husband trying to understand why his wife might be acting that way but not wanting to understand is just spot on. He is like: "why am I being told to put efforts? I should just have what I want. Its always been like that."
Just a reminder that the entire concept of “withholding sex” rests on the idea that sex is something she does FOR you instead of with you for her own enjoyment.
Sex isn't a right. Its a privilege and a process that BOTH sides have to agree on. Women aren't sex objects when you're in a relationship with them smh
If she’s not emotionally satisfied then sex is definitely something she’s doing ‘for’ you and not with you. Men seriously need to be more present in the relationship that happens outside of the bedroom.
Yes!! I feel like this is the origin of slt shaming; the idea that sex is something you do TO a woman, not WITH a woman, and that if a woman "lets" a man have sex with her, she obviously doesn't respect herself because why else would she let a man do something to her that he views as an inherently disrespectful act?
So that marriage is just on paper, should he get a prostitute instead of a wife or something? Why is it wrong to cheat if sexual relationships isn't something supposed to be gotten from your partner? You're just being ridiculous, if she got needs he got needs too. Your partner doesn't owe you your needs? That's literally what women are asking for in this video while saying their partners aren't owned to
@@justaguy3538💯 these women can't understand the needs of a man, nor do they care, yet they want only their needs being met, no wonder the divorce rates are through the roof. Us women are emotional, men are mostly sexual, by nature, our biology, our hormones are literally the reason, nothing wrong with that, there has to be a balance, I meet your needs, you meet mine, we both are happy! My husband and am I are about to celebrate our 19th anniversary because I UNDERSTAND men have needs as well and their needs are valid!
Mine would sit in a totally different room every evening unless he wanted sx, then he would come sit with me ang bring me a glass of wine or cup of tea. So transparent. Made me so resentful I could not stop thinking about how angry he made me. Sx was never on the cards
@@Cleow33 I imagine that if he came through with the wine/tea/etc without expecting intimacy then it would happen far more often that it did with his transactional perspective
I remember saying to a guy friend “you know your girlfriend is a person right?” I got stared at me for a minute then accused me of sticking up for her because I’m a girl. He got broken up with three days later and had no idea why. 😩🤦🏽♀️
In my 13 years of being with a man, he still never once put his phone away or really spent more than a few minutes a year on my emotional or sexual satisfaction. He felt entitled to be served because he was a provider. We are separated now.
I hate every time my husband hugs me or tries to kiss me because theres always the expectation of the bedroom... He literally never shows me affection unless he wants it. This video is so spot on it hurts
Yep. Same situation here. Only affectionate when he's in the mood. Dates? Random kisses/hugs? Sweet gestures? Flirting? Maybe hold my hand every now and then? Hug me when I'm sad? Out of the question. Many men don't realize that's what turns us on.
Most men do all these things because they actually want to give their wives a kiss sometimes and want to have a hug. What kind of men did you marry and why are you stayig with them?
Those women are literally getting graped when they endure it simply so they husband is ok. Men be terrible partners then wonder why most divorces are initiated by women
No the final nail in the coffin happens long before that. You likely get bored and start thinking about other options because women today aren't loyal.
it should turn into „getting a divorce“ Enthusiastic consent is the only form of consent and your partner or worse husband not caring equally about your pleasure is the biggest red flag and shows he neither loves or respect you histidine your body as a toy to get himself off..
Nah, they need to have good fathers in their life. I agree alpha male shitcast need to take a gainer of the Empire state building. But you need to understand that an extreme is still an extreme. This was so over the head it made me cringe just like fuckboi tate.
Yaaaaas! This comment is the summery of every comment here. Communication, open genuine communication, is the key for loving and lasting relationship. I had some k!nks (like toy$ - hugo etc) that I was afraid my bf would dislike but after talking to him openly we made our own collection that grows every few months. I know its different kind of communication but the principles are the same.
The amount of men butthurt in this comment section is funny. Always ready to start the "WhaT If ThE WoMan DiD ThIs aNd ThAT" and not taking responsibility of their actions.😂
I really wish the importance society gives to a mans sexual needs would also be given to a womans emotional needs. We dismiss so many poor behaviours from men because of their "sex drive" but we shame,ignore and berate women for their "emotional" drive. We're BOTH human, we BOTH have needs lets all try to meet halfway here.
The fuck you mean? It's alreqdy all about women's need ALL THE TIME. Help center for women, shelter for women, line calling for women, they even have free spychological help. Her poor comportment is justify by her hormones because she is either pregnant or on her period, guess what: men also have hormones and these hormones cause the hornyness but we never talk about it l, we dismiss it. The fact that a man want intimate relation with his wife is hormonal same thing as women's hormones. Also, why would a man have to do everything just to maybe have acces to his woman? Makes no sense. Maybe if you'd suck his dick once in a while he would do these asked things in the first place. It goes both way.
The wife would also be sexually deprived since I doubt she getting an organisms lol. And the husband could be emotionally deprived hut idk since men don't seem to care about it that much.
I once asked my husband "Sometimes can't you just hug me for me, not for what you can get?" He said, "It turns me on so why should I hug you if I can't get anything?" Yep. He's my ex for a reason.. or ten.
You don't understand. Men are biologically wired to procreate especially when there is physical touch. If you don't like that maybe try to date a woman. It's like buying a fiat punto and complaining it's not a tesla.
My personal rules if or when Im in a relationship: 1: If there's an issue, COMMUNICATE CLEARLY! 2: Set boundaries 3: Respect my partner's boundaries 4: When arguing, don't focus on winning. Focus on reaching a compromise where everyone wins.
the groping thing was a huge pet peeve of mine to the point that it started making me feel uncomfortable. It would be different if we were in a playful mood already but coming up and grabbing my vagina while I'm cooking is just ridiculous and will never make me want to be sexual. just feels gross, especially when I'm already checked out of the relationship mentally and haven't gotten normal attention.
@@LilFrg yeah and apparently my ex didn't understand consent at all because we had other issues as well. his needs were always more important than my comfort.
"She's depriving me!" Let's let that sink in. She is lonely in the relationship, feels used and taken for granted because she doesn't experience love in the ways that actually matter to stay in a relationship. She has to do everything because if not, nothing ever gets done. She has to care for kids, drive them to school, feed them, get them to bed at night, raise them and help with their problems. Let's face it, she IS being used and taken for granted. She IS deprived of love and care. She IS alone in the relationship. This conversation never fails to infuriate me.
@24SparrowJack all of that, a lengthy explanation of the emptiness most women feel in a relationship with a man, and you still end up blaming her? Did you completely miss the point? And even if you did understand, women rarely give up on a relationship fast. She will try to fix things, and depending on how open and communicating she is, she has probably said it plain as day that she is not happy and things need to change, multiple times. This will go on for quite the while before she finally breaks. And the whole cheating thing highly depends on what kind of person she is, because not everyone is excited about it. That is also why most women don't dwell on the breakup; they are already over it for months.
I have sexual trauma and have struggled with it with my current partner, but he is so loving and patient. He loves to just hold my hand or rub my back without expectation. Don't settle for a guy who can't do stuff like that.
@@Lloyd_Waterno, it's not. you cannot be deprived of something unless you believe it is something you are owed. nobody owes you access to their body, not even your wife. sex should never just be something your partner permits you to do to them, so it's not possible to deprive you of that unless that is the case in your relationship. sex should always be something you do together for mutual enjoyment, not some inherent right that they "take away" from you when they just aren't in the mood for it. it shows that you believe you're entitled to your partners body. nobody wants to be with someone like that.
@@AliceBunny05 it was a stupid thing to say depriving yes but divorce is a long process that nobody wins cause your gonna end up split custody with the kids which isnt good for them and it also will waste years of your life you spent dating the person then deciding to get married and for however long you were married all those years gone because he said one dumb sentence
@@Lloyd_Waterone dumb sentence that showed you exactly the type of person he is. The person who thinks that your body is owed to him and he should be allowed access whenever he feels like it. Divorce is a long process, but a miserable marriage is longer.
What does their whining matter to clipboard dude, who actually gets laid and likely so with high quality of intercourse and overall life, while they sulk ;D
I thought I had found the ONE we got engaged in Italy but soon realized that he was not emotionally present, I always felt like he had a second agenda, it was all about him and his desires...he was only present (for his own satisfaction) ...I was feeling so lonely even though we were together 💔
Ruling out obvious ones is this guy saying “have you tried these things your wife hasn’t voiced?” And it’s never about women meeting a man’s emotional needs, it’s always the man who isn’t doing something right to treat the woman perfectly and never in these videos does this guy actually meet in the middle and say something like “well maybe she could do a better job of describing her needs, but we can always try to anticipate” because that’s exactly what this video is
He’s saying the video creator frames every relationship issue as a result of the man’s failings as opposed to both the man’s failings and also the woman’s failings. For instance, the woman could communicate that her demands for the relationship aren’t being met. Moreover, the video creator doesn’t investigate possible blame from the woman’s side, E.g. she doesn’t try to get herself in the mood by reading or watching erotic content before, she isn’t eating right or working out, she doesn’t talk about how he can better please her in the bedroom etc
Sex can be perfectly fine and enjoyable without love. What stings is when someone who used to show you that love and affection stops offering you love and affection, and begins demanding sex without them as though nothing had changed. In one case, there was a mutual understanding and, while it may not reach the heights of sex within a relationship, can still be extremely satisfying. The other feels like you're being neglected, or used as a human sex toy (in a bad way).
It's smelly. Overated. As Shirley Valentine said. "Just a lot of huffing and puffing" not much to show at the end of it. Except perhaps pregnancy. The woman is expected to ingest the chemical cosh for years.
Hey, I'm not hating, but... it seems like your partners either sucked in making you having fun or you're ace. First sucks, second is totally fine. Or you're hurt by a purity culture. For which I'm sorry. Personally, Sex is awesome. I love my partner, but we also just cuddle and just hug other. Makes Sex even better, because I can just relax and be in the moment. And to me, it's awesome. Multiple orgasms are possible. (For which you also need to know your own body. That's also a thing you're responsible for as well)
this is wild to hear as someone in the adult industry, for whom these men come to when they're being "deprived" instead of working on a more well rounded relationship
If she’s autonomous then she is providing for her own food, clothing, and shelter. If he’s providing it, then she’s not really autonomous anymore. She’s an entitled leech.
I wonder, has she initiated any of that towards him? Why is this a one-way thing? It takes two. Sometimes it's a matter of how they're both working together, not just one person's fault. This does end up sounding like a blame game, because we're only seeing one side. And it's obviously a skit, not a real scenario. This is like a caricature. Most men are not actually this shallow, and if they are, they're likely not going to change. Things are usually far more nuanced than this skit is portraying.
The fact is most of the house work and child care falls onto the woman even if she's working full time. Yes it's a skit but it's not exaggerated that much. Most guys are completely clueless that women can't just be over worked and stressed and still have the energy to sleep with a guy. Also most guys are all about their needs in bed and fail to satisfy their women so it could also be that.@@ErickMcNerney
@@ErickMcNerneyyou seem to have missed the inherent point of the skit: that love shouldn't always have to be expressed sexually. the gender of the bad partner is irrelevant.
I hate this idea of "depriving" or "withholding" sex that dudes seem to think is a conscious effort to punish them. When you don't want to, you just don't want to. Not everything is about you!
Its true. Women like nice surprises It doesnt have to be a fancy dinner in Paris or Sydney. It can just be a walk in the park and a inhome breakfast. A coffee, a Christmas movie, and a bit of fun kbob grill! Bake cookies together, write and read her poetry... Good luck!
I think the thing that stings me the most and turns me off from men really quick is when there is no pillow talk/aftercare. Like you get me all emotional and just abandon me? And you think I want to do that again?
@@aaronbrown8377 Lots of men do this. It's not just one or two guys here or there or a communication issue. If anything it's a societal misogyny issue where men think they can just use women like toys and go off to the next one. They orgasm, they aren't having fun anymore, and they irresponsibly leave because they're bored. I've had boyfriends do this too that I talked to about issues like this and dumped later because they never changed. If you want to do the crime, you gotta do the time.
A few months ago, Mum tripped and badly sprained her foot and broke a toe. It's amazing her foot didn't break actually we thought for sure it was broken. She had quite bad cuts up her legs. Putting her arm out to brace her fall retriggered her already chronic neck and shoulder pain and then sitting and lying down so much during her recovery retriggered her sciatica. She's 68. I took care of her and the housework because she wasn't able to walk even with crutches, she really needed rest and recovery and poor Mum was in a fair bit of pain so was on a strong script. I got no help from my father but I also didn't anticipate any. He took to moping and drinking sitting out the front of the property. Initially I thought wow, I guess he's really feeling bad for Mum but I wish he'd express it in a way that's more helpful to her. But then on the literal second day, I noticed Dad had added "b low job" to the the list I was keeping on the kitchen bench of things that needed doing (I suppose Dad had mistaken my handwriting for Mum's because Mum normally keeps lists in the same place, but for Christ's sake did he really not stop to think given the circumstances?). I rewrote the list and binned that copy just in case Mum got up on her crutches and read it. But it pissed me off and disappointed me because it clicked into place why Dad was fucking moping so much and hitting the booze. He was feeling sorry for himself not for Mum! How God damn selfish. It pisses me off now just thinking about it. He was really thinking "how does my wife's injury effect _my_ -wants- *needs?!".*
That is absolutely disgusting. When people brag on long marriages I usually know better 20 30 40 years isn't necessarily a romantic success story. I often find it's one person giving everything and the other just using and I have seen old men get new gfds literally the day after the wife's funeral. Replaced like an employee. Your mom is lucky to have you though.
That is absolutely disgusting. When people brag on long marriages I usually know better 20 30 40 years isn't necessarily a romantic success story. I often find it's one person giving everything and the other just using and I have seen old men get new gfds literally the day after the wife's funeral. Replaced like an employee. Your mom is lucky to have you though.
"She's depriving me" I wanted to vomit after hearing that. I'm so glad my parents taught me that I have absolutely no rights to a woman's (or anyone's) body.
@@user-zi8xn2vq5p Yeah it seems like it should be common sense and people skills but apparently it's not? At least if I do something bad accidentally, and I see that my action hurt someone, my gut reaction is not to do that again because I have basic respect and empathy for others. If they feel bad I feel bad.
And then men like this get upset because the therapist is always on her side even though they’re just using their intelligence and years of schooling/experience to assist both of you.
@@chrisallen9296Not many though. Because giving somebody the tools to abuse their partner is punished by law. They can easily lose their license. Especially cause most women ending up in that situation will leave eventually if the man doesn't change. And that will be taken to court at the divorce.
I've actually heard a therapist say that in psychotherapy school they are taught to always validate the woman, regardless if she is in the right or not, because otherwise she will be defensive and therapy won't work or she will leave altogether. Meanwhile they don't care about the men's feelings because the think they can take it. I wish it was different but not only couples therapy but psychology in general is made by women for women. Don't get me wrong, I love that they get the attention and support they need, what I don't get why this has to be a zero sum game where one party wins and the other loses. Men have different needs and ways to deal with feelings, and shaming us because we don't function as defective women is like blaming a cancer patient because he/she does not improve by having an insulin shot, it was bound to fail.
@@nicolasmoreno9442 Psychology was literally created by men what do you mean by it was made by women for women?? I have also literally never heard of people being taught to always validate the woman. Either that therapist is super old and what they said is outdated, or they learned from a really shit professor/university. Therapy in general is a mixed bag and I highly doubt that the idea of always validating the woman is a widespread ideology. On a slightly unrelated note, did you really just say "we don't function as defective women"?? Sir, politely, wtf.
@@nicolasmoreno9442Found the one who needs therapy! Everything you just said is so wrong that I partially feel like you are being facetious. Or you're literally just proving this video so fucking right. Whoever taught you about therapy knew nothing about therapy or its education. Jesus fuck christ dude my god. *spelling
Do men really treat their moms like this? I just assumed most guys DO platonically hug their moms and have convos with them like they're human beings, and stuff.
@@MoleculesAndMinecraftNo. Men do not treat their mom's like this in real life. Only in the fake world that exists inside the minds of the delusional.
Something I like about this dude is the kindness he uses while trying to help people see the problem. Like he never gets aggressive or frustrated. He continues to show empathy even when the person might not always deserve it
Yeah, this skit wasn't overly mean in making a point. I know he's just talking to himself on video, but he's also talking to any men that complain about the same problem who might see this.
almost started crying watching this. i wish i knew how to express these feelings when i was experiencing this for the first time. thank you for these videos
@@fraydizs7302 Why do women need to ask men (or even crazier, why do wives have to ask their husbands) to treat them with basic human respect and kindness?
@@fraydizs7302 Yeah well someone needs to be. Because her husband isn't adult enough to comprehend that his wife is a human being and not a pleasure doll.
They will not listen to it because it is cancerous af, masking as 'help'. It is manipulative to the max, and it feeds into the victimhood identity of all the wrong people. This has nothing to do with your gender - we live in current year, where bullshit is bullshit, no matter the genitals of the source.
I dont even think calling him out on all would make him out to be the bad guy, guys sometimes just don't realize us women function differently and tbh men sometimes think that doing the deed is something that connects them deeply to their wife (which it does) but they don't realize we also look to other stuff to feel loved and wanted (like he said, holding your wife, gently touching her without pressure of the bedroom) but also like he said its like shes depriving him if his wants, it just shows that men and women receive love differently and sometimes to get you have to give, thats what marriage is. Men often don't think that you not wanting the bedroom is because they make yiu feel unwanted, they think yiu don't want the bedroom because yiu don't want HIM, and thats just where talking about yiur feelungs is a have to.
I don’t say this often with videos on the internet, but this is great advice that should be listened to. It really does address the intimacy issues with a lot of relationships.
"I want intimacy and that he will be interested in my personality." "I don't feel satisfied, and I'll assume it's because my boyfriend neglects me and just wants to have sex with me" "That's why I'm gonna cheat on him with a manipulative narcissist who only cares about sex"
The problem is that men need intimacy to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to be intimate. If either side is not actively initiating, then one or the other will stop fulfilling the others emotional needs. Combine that with the fact that everybody spouts off about how you need communication for a successful relationship, without clarifying that everybody (especially when comparing men and women) communicates differently. So, for every man out there who is not making her feel loved in a way that will spark her drive for intimacy, there are as many women who are not effectively communicating their needs.
@@anactualbear5683men and women are all different. gender wouldn't define what you want in a relationship. but if you only need intimacy to feel loved, you have to understand that you need to work harder for that. since your already in a relationship, loving your partner is a must. so if she's deprived of being loved outside of intimacy, that's an issue. you should feel love just because. not only because of intimacy. plus, some people have less of a sex drive. so you maybe should find another way to feel loved by a partner besides sex 😭😭 it doesn't sound healthy at all
@@hueningpie you misunderstand. There are multiple forms of love. You can learn to love anybody if you try hard enough, but this video is referring specifically to being in the mood sexually. Sex is not the default requirement for love, but to not be willing to initiate because you aren't feeling something else, is going to lead to his feeling undesired by her, which then means he is less likely to be driven to fulfill her emotional needs. It's a cycle, and gender plays a role here with the brain chemistry of love. So if she withholds affection, but then doesn't communicate why or what she actually needs, then the high likelihood is that he will start to withdraw as well, and potentially leads to resentment. This is not necessarily a conscious decision, but is one that occurs in many relationships.
And it's so difficult to get it back once we get here. Once the engine's gone cold, it's tough to get it running again. So a guy will take this list, do one thing once, then get mad cuz it "doesn't work." But it takes patience. You gotta have the epiphany that says, "oh, I've been treating her like a thing that's supposed to respond in a set way when I want something instead of a person who needs to feel happy and loved to think sex sounds fun." If you have that epiphany, then you can give her the validation and affection she needs without immediately whipping your dick out for some reciprocity.
It's so sad that even the men that supposedly love us, still treat us like an object to get/take things from, instead of another human being with the same qualities as them.
What’s even more sad is that men will not hold hands, they will not slow dance with their partner, but then they immediately wanna have intercourse. They just don’t get it.
My libido has gone down drastically over the years, except I am neither a mother, nor is my boyfriend only giving me sexual attraction. He’s literally perfect. It’s just not as simple as “I need a break” or “it’s his fault”. I just don’t have libido, my boyfriend and I can cuddle, watch the movies, joke around all day, help each other work and study… but it has no effect on me just never being in the mood. I hate this mentality of blaming the man for his woman not wanting sex. We’re complex creatures, our hormones work very differently from men’s and sometimes just being on a poor diet can result in my whole entire personality and energy completely shifting. Obviously this video is talking about a particular case when the man is only giving his wife sexual attention, but it’s still not fair to the man in my opinion. Stuff that used to work all the time now doesn’t work all of a sudden, of course he’s confused.
I feel like lots of people don’t set firm boundaries in the beginning of their relationship so after honeymoon phase finished their partners assume things gonna work the way it was for the first couple of months and get confused when they are asked to changed their behaviour. Once boundaries were violated it is hard to trust people again, they might act and pretend for some time but then will seek opportunities to take advantaged of you other way around.
My ex acted like a child, making me the only person responsible for housechores, even if my shifts are 10h per day. Plus, when I told him, he just aswered "tell me what to do and I'll do it". After a while I stopped being interested in sex 'till the point where I litterally told him: "you are forcing me to act as if I was your mother. Well, moms don't usually have sex with their children!". When we broke up (for a moltitude of reason, icluding this) he insisted that I should have told him what needed to be done around the house. Clueless, like he did't live there.
@@Opal5674yup… men know what to do. If he doesn’t do it it’s because he didn’t want too. It’s that simple. Women need to see that for what it is and stop making excuses for men’s poor behavior. If the woman of his dreams entered his life how much you would want to bet he would be doing EVERYTHING you’ve been “whining” about for the last three years and then some just to impress and be with that woman.
@@Bri-nc8yp Literally this. That sh*t really hurts when you have to dump someone for neglecting you. And then when they move on to their dream woman, they start doing everything for her that they couldn't be bothered to do for you. SMDH.
Lots of guys are not intuitive or observant and really do need to be told or given a list or something. A schedule posted or something. To some degree I think it's how their brains work. But, that doesn't mean it's helpful having to always tell them what to do. Edit to add that I have known some men who were better at picking up on things- needs, schedules, etc. than others. Idk understand why it's harder/easier for some than for others.
@@jadapinkett1656thank you! I actually showed him this and he’s seen this comment. We have great communication that doesn’t mean he’s romantic. Going on 4 years. ❤️❤️ and he knows half of it doesn’t apply to him.
When someone demands to be the victim, rather than approaching as an equal. 🙄🤣 ETA- I am considering the person in OP's comment who was saying "she is depriving me," as the person who is identifying as a victim. They are attempting to force an unequal dynamic.
Exactly I keep telling my husband I feel like the maid and a prostitute. Guess what he bought me to wear to bed? A maids costume!!! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ nope not fulfilling the fantasy dream on that one.
@@lopave6while I really don't think that's the aim of any good therapist, there's one true thing about what you said: therapy often caters better to women because they can oftentimes express/discern their emotional landscape a lot better than men It's more of a societal issue, we should absolutely start validating and valuing emotions in boys more & teach them how to better deal with them
Each relationship is unique and while this video may cover generic causes it is important to seek professional help that addresses the issues affecting your relationship.
I just read a thread recently about a woman whose husband "kindly" volunteered to give her a massage, which inevitably always led to sex. she started saying "no" to the massages because she knew he was just doing it for his own selfish wants, and the ten minutes of half-assed massage wasn't worth it.
It is all a matter of perspective. What he was doing was indirect communication. They both know the massage is a prelude to sex, so if they know that and he offers it, then she understands what he is offering is sex. However, it doesn't have the impact of asking directly. I live in Japan and all communication is like that... I actually don't think it's problematic unless there is a lack of understanding regarding the meaning.
@@muhammedahmed3291dude this is the second comment of yours where you blame it all on the woman and never on the man, I don’t know you but this indicates me that you are part of the problem
There’s a thing I’ve noticed over time and time again (I study marriage and family therapy) and it’s that what you give a woman (not a girl) she will multiply. Example, babies (just an example. Not everyone wants kids). You give her love and affection (which shows her you respect her and genuinely care for her) then she will give you respect (which to a guys shows they are loved) and she will give so much more. This may not have worked for some men who have given their all and still got played, again this applies to women, not women who have the mentality of a teenager.
this is actually very good advice and made me realize things about myself as a woman; I may not be in a relationship nor married for now, but if ever such a problem arises I'd know how to approach it, discuss it, and solve it!! you're doing such a great job thank you
I was this guy and it almost killed my marriage. Luckily she was able to get through to me and didn't give up on me and now our relationship is better than it has been in our entire 7 years together. I still have lots to improve on but just the fact that I am working on it has brought us so much closer together.
My SO will randomly ask me if he can kiss my forehead and he'll get so excited when i say yes and then give me a super gentle forehead kiss and it's absolutely adorable. One of the reasons i love him
Maybe physical touch at home in the night can get him horny and he doesn't want to get horny without having sex and he his avoiding it. Maybe One can talk and share concern without intimate touching🤔
The problem with non sexual affection in my past relationship experience is that it is mostly always perceived as sexual affection, or an attempt to make it so.
People forget that the dating period doesn't end after marriage. People change over time naturally and marriage is a process of constantly getting to know each other better.
@@velvetypotato711what they are saying is, the dating stage never stops in a marriage. To keep a women, merried or not, you have to keep dating her. Take her out, give flowers, etc. Constantly show you love her.
I used to have a high libido, but ever since having my son its dropped significantly. Theres not much non sexual affection coming from him, Im mentally exhausted all day, I dont show much physical affection (kissing, hugging) because he always wants it to lead to the bedroom, so its like if thats where it ALWAYS goes then Ive just stopped showing affection as much. I have depression and anxiety as well so those are huge mental and physical strains and Im so drained daily from my own mind
@@Bri-nc8yp I'm pretty sure a lot of my problems stem from my depression and anxiety. I've been thinking about therapy but we don't really have the money. I've heard of a low cost therapy app that you can do sessions on your phone, I'll try looking into that but it always sounds too good to be true
THIS. This shit is so annoying!! I'll be bending over putting dishes in the dishwasher or at the store and my husband will smack my ass with full force, or comes up to me and bounces my boobs randomly and then expects me to take it as a compliment. Listen, I'm happy and love that he loves my body, but it would be nice to also have him hug me from behind or kiss my neck. Anything indicating a love of me and not just my body. I've explained this so many times and he literally takes offense to it.
As a wife who used to always "not be in the mood", all of these definitely made a huge difference for me in the intimate life and helped bring it back.
she cant deprive you of something you arent entitled to. her body is hers first. sex is something that a couple engages in together because they both want to. not something that one owes the other. so gross
Is true that no-one is entitled to sex. But surely you can agree that it not realistic in a relationship to not have sex at all, and thus you can't really expect the other to just be okay with never having sex. That just won't work a relationship (bar a-sexual people of course). Now does that give someone the right to just 'take' it if it's not 'given'. No thats just rape. But suddenly not having sex with someone anymore and expecting everything else to stay the same is also no solution. At least the one withholding sex should start a conversation about it.
@@maxtelintelo6577 Agreed, but hugs, kisses, cuddles and a good emotional connection are just as important in a relationship, maybe even more than sex. If these things are lacking and there's just sex, can it be considered a relationship in the first place? Why would a woman want to have sex if the husband acts and thinks like the guy in the video? She'd feel like a prostitute rather than a wife and slowly lose interest in making love. You're right in saying they should talk about it and figure out why and what changed in the relationship, but if the husband still refuses not to use his wife as a free prostitute, even after she explained what the problem is, than she is right for not wanting to do it
@@maxtelintelo6577the point is 'you are not entitled to sex whenever your partner doesn't want to do it'. Trust me, if you're in a relationship with someone who actively desires sex (which you should've discussed on the first date btw), and they're happy and content in all/most other spheres of your relationship, they will want it. Also, you don't need to be asexual to not want to have sex? It's a ridiculous notion to believe that.
Well you formally is not entitled to nothing in relationships, so you cant be entitled to honesty, communication and emotional connection either. I think its not completely healthy and we shouldnt take "owing" in relationships too literally. I think we owe each other to make each others needs as our priorities, which does not obligate us to slave way for your partner, but to communicate our problems, needs, changes, everything that affect our desire to be there for your partner in any need (not just sexual) Like you can say men dont owe women emotional support thus if im stressed out with work and dont have a resource to be there for my gf i can just ignore her and brush her off with general excuses like "im not in the mood to spend time with you". Or i can notice my workload increased, im under more stress, i dont want to spend time with her anymore and communicate it myself like "Hey i noticed i dont want to engage with you emotionally lately and i took it as a problem and self reflected about the reasons, i believe its because work gives me too much stress this weeks, wanna figure out with me what we should do with this or are you ok for now?" Cause we cant expect our partners to just KNOW we feel stressed, neglected or anything changed about our feelings, desires and general mood. We need to address it first cause noone knows you better than yourself. So thats what i understand by "owing" things in relationship, its keeping dynamics with your partner in check
@@maxtelintelo6577 "withholding sex" is still not the most accurate, constructive, or respectful way to talk about it. it's far, _far_ too accusatory considering what's actually going on: if she doesn't _want to_ then she isn't _withholding_ anything, she's just choosing not to subject herself to non-consensual sex, which is pretty damn reasonable. i don't just have sex all the time that i hate out of obligation to someone else. you probably don't either! when you don't want sex, you don't have it, and that is _fine._ you're not supposed to do it unless you want to. _you are not supposed to feel obligated to give anyone your body when you aren't comfortable with it._ framing that as the problem, as "withholding," is missing the point completely. and how this fictional guy (and plenty of real, actual people) talk about it reveals _a lot_ about what they think of their partner. ppl should not be using language that conveys a sense of entitlement over their partner's body. it's fucked up. we can only hope that everyone like this goes to therapy
Praying for an emotionally intelligent man Update: I secured one 🥰 shoutout to the boys that get no cooter in the comments telling me it was impossible 🙈🖕🏽
@@cheddofclanmacleod7664 You can find that very easily. Don't men always say that women are too emotional and are good at that while men are more "rational" ?? Strange !
Biggest turn off is never getting non sexual affection.
@@MrLove-ty1si I love your comment :). Couldn't be more true.
@Someguy1357 and whats the point of the comment...? if the man's issue is that the woman doesnt want to have sex, and the woman doesnt want to have sex because the man isnt giving affection outside of trying to have sex... then how would the reverse have the same effect? and do some self reflection if not having sex "turns you off" from wanting to cuddle your wife non sexually
Thats why I ended my marriage.
My husband never gave me non - sexual attention and affection and love. Left him although I had three kids with him by then.... It was the right thing to do, although it meant walking away from financial security.
After a few years I met a wonderful man who appreciated me for who I am as a human being - not a sex object. He married me, and he has been the most loving husband, as well as a wonderful stepfather to my children.
@@MrLove-ty1si if you don't want to hug and cuddle your partner without expecting anything in return, then it's not an unconditional, nonsexual touch.
you're so dang cute i literally blushed irl (if that is you in the pic, otherwise disregard)
Therapist- "Have you tried loving her"
Dude- "Idk what that is"
"that's not what wives are for, that's what gfs are for" /s
Bruh this took me out😂😂😂😂
Dude-all these foreign big WORDS-leave me alone! Uga UGA!!!😂
Not trying to excuse the behavior but men have never really been taught love.. I don't even remember the last time any of my parents said "I love you" without me having to say it first
ppl forget this n begging for it im not sure if it is. not u saying it first ofc men who cant take rejection well etc.
@@real_smilegamez
My husband brought home groceries, things we needed, without me asking him to.
When I was very sick after major surgery, he brought the mattress downstairs and put it in the living room. The doctor told me no stairs for six weeks.
There were times that he would bring me flowers for no reason.
He'd come home from work, get cleaned up and tell me that we were going to the movies after dinner at our favorite restaurant.
He would give me money and tell me to go shopping for myself and just leave the kids with him.
Sometimes, he'd be playing his favorite music and just grab me and dance with me in the living room. Our kids thought we were crazy. LOL!
He even showed me how to do a tune-up on my car.
The little things were the ones that mattered most.
We were married for 35 years. I miss him so much.😢
He lost his battle with cancer in 2017.
I’m so sorry for your loss
your husband must have been a really reallly good person and husband. So sorry for your loss.
Wow, what a wonderful man and I'm sorry for your loss.
Your story makes me regain a little faith in man. Thank you so much and I'm sorry for your loss. Much love 🥹❤
I’ll pray for you and your family,
treating women as people instead of objects 🤯🤯🤯
now if only women could treat men like humans for once :O i love when women claim be exhausted yet throught history men are still the highest death rate at a young age.
Crazy! Right?
Why should anyone? Lmao y’all do not add anything to anyone’s life. Just take.
@@Joe-iq1bu 🤣 you don't add anything to anyone's life either. All you do is take too. Lmao you sound toxic af
If a boy grows up seeing only that behavior in his home, that’s what he’ll do as a spouse.
So be a good example because “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons, to the third and fourth generation.” ~ Numbers 14: 18
This happens, regardless of whether you believe in God or not. It’s like a relational law of physics.
it's sad when people think that "intimacy" can only mean sexual activity.
It's also sad when your partner misuses the word and calls us watching TV together "intimacy". "We are plenty intimate together! I don't know what you're complaining about" He is so clueless -_-
Yeah, I had to teach my bf that intimacy does not always mean sexual contact. He just didn't understand...
@@AT-vp8qwMen don't usually have a whole lot of sources to call upon to learn about things like intimacy. That and the easiest approach is to see things in white and black as a man. Harder to misread a situation and end up being labeled something or punished for a mistep.
It's one of the reasons men value bluntness so much.
It's like getting mad at someone for not knowing a language they've had little to no interaction with. Yea the language barrier sucks , but if he's earnestly trying to learn it for your sake then I hope you don't shit on him for it.
@@AT-vp8qw
I feel like at this point men lack So much education they just completely lack Social skills and their brain is very underdeveloped in Social areas. I really hope Society starts educating them more Instead of just letting it go and forcing them to be undeveloped shitheads
@@opdinkleberg7078
I wouldn't take all their liability from it either though. They have many opportunities to learn-- from the people in school or their family. Yet it was their choice not to. We can't just excuse their behavior as if they were innocent, although they are definitely affected and influenced by things that are out of their control, their choice to continue the cycle shpuldn't be excused.
”My wife doesn’t want to have s*x with me :(”
”Is there literally any reason for her to feel interested other than your own horniness?”
”I don’t see how that’s relevant”
Bang. You brought that right to the top!
Can't forget "I go to work every day and provide for our home. How is that not enough?"
@@christinaburkemper3105 Seriously! Her parents likely did the same. That didn't make her sexually attracted to them either.
That would make me laugh but it's too true
Basically
I was told once by my eighth grade history teacher “if the facts or truth of a situation makes you feel like the bad guy or the villain, you probably were in that situation “ and honestly I apply that everyday and never forgot it
But how do you know the facts without personal bias?
@@jopiluis3382 Apply common sense and logic, Try to put yourself in the other person/partner's shoes, take examples from others successful relationships that around you / close to you, you'll get facts.
@@jopiluis3382 Because facts are true regardless of who says them. 2+2=4. If you never cuddle your partner without expecting sex, you know that. If you can't remember the last time you and your partner went on a date or your partner does all of the housework, those are facts and aren't subject to personal bias.
@@misspriss2482 good point! Thank you
I couldn't agree more, at first I really loved the butt slaps and the "damn girlllll" but now since that's the only kind of physical affection he shows, can't even give me a hug without grabbing my butt- it honestly makes me feel like just a piece of ass.
Basically he sees you as a bangmaid.
I would have given almost anything for a dang kiss on the forehead instead of b00b grope while doing dishes.
@@SuzetteKath “bangmaid” is the most outstanding word I’m sorry I’ll ever have to use.
Have you told him that?
Might be that he thinks you like that, because in the beginning you liked it.
Nothing wrong with wanting other ways of affection, but men are no mindreaders!
@@spiderseatbaby3692 Some of us have tried. But found out it is like talking to a brick wall or get into an argument because he refuses to see your side of things.
You can't be deprived of using someone else's body for your own wants. Because that simply is never owed to you. Ever. Even in marriage.
This is why I feel disgusted when people talk about "withholding sex" as a form of abuse. I don't feel like something you're not owed can be withheld. It feels manipulative and just not right to say "not consenting to me using you is abuse"
@@WeKnow_yet it doesn’t feel manipulative to you when a wife is withholding any kind of intimacy just to get what she wants in a relationship, knowing her husband is pent up after a long time of not having sex and using that to get what she wants ?
@@WeKnow_ had you given much thought to the idea that withholding sex over a specific unrelated to sex issue is in fact also toxic behavior at best?
@@sadek__4952 So, you're upset that someone you're in a relationship won't have sex with you without conditions or effort on your part?
Fr
Non sexual affection is THE one for me. I want to know I can cuddle with a man without feeling like it needs to go any further than that. Sometimes you just want to feel loved.. not make love. There is a difference.
OMG SAME, the song "Like we'll never have sex" puts it into words really beautifully. I recommend listening to it, it's beautiful, but here's some of the lyrics:
Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me
Not to take me home
It was simple, it was sweetness
It was good to know
You look perfect, you look different
I don't wonder about your indifference
If I said you could never touch me
You'd come over and say I looked lovely
Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me
Not to make me cry
It was simple, you are sweetness
Let's just sit a while
@@xyriusd832Have you told him? Or are you assuming he's a mind reader...
@@muhammedahmed3291she probably does but men only think about sex and themselves
Its not just your husband. All men confuse affection with sex
Amren!
Divorce was the best thing to happen to me. My life has improved in more ways than I could imagine! No more putting up with someone who did not consider me a human worthy of basic kindness.
I married the wrong man 10 years ago. I’m now divorced. I still feel so stupid and feel lots of guilt for letting someone slowly control me and get away with it. I want my 10 years back!! 😭
Never feel ashamed or stupid. Eventually, you made the right choice FOR YOU, and it's all that matters. I understand it might feel this way, but the fact that you stayed and tried is something to be proud of. THEY should be ashamed that regardless of how probably easy you made it for them, they were too lazy and self-centered to made their part. Shame on them, not you. I am glad you are out of this. Stand tall, head high!
100% agree with Melanie. You are not stupid for loving someone who did not care enough. We all make mistakes.
Im trying to stay strong but even Pretending to be strong has caused some people to envy me because they think I have my life together. But I don’t. I’ve been doing a lot of reckless self harm, not physically but mentally and financially. I need a psychiatrist/ psychologist but don’t know where to even start or look.
Omg. Im 18 years in, trying to get out. You're amazing. You deserve respect and your needs do not make you needy!
@@galaxyqueen8835 it’s a long process. No one, even older adults, are free from struggles and “self-destructive” behaviour. Better Help was my first move, but it can be expansive. There are also local free help lines you can find where they can refer you to the proper resources. It’s never too late. Don’t give up. :)
She’s not a sex toy! She’s living, breathing, human being with thoughts and emotions! Give a flower love, attention and care and it will bloom for you!
This comment made me tear up because I had felt like that for a long time
Thank you! Geez I needed to see something like this, I literally just saw a comment five minutes ago "Women have it so easy. So true" Like what the fuck is the matter with y'all? We ALL have issues, stop acting like we do not
@@marce420.7 the problem is 90% of women's issues are bullshit they made up in their head while trying to find as many excuses why they're not attracted to their partner and why they're not going to have sex with them rather than just getting fucked and clearing your pretty little head
honestly! Pisses me off that a guy will demand sex from the girl, instead of accepting that she has to be in the mood. If she's not, you have two hands of your own bro!
@@alexgade4512 but a girl can demand anything and that's ok
"She's depriving **me**"
And you, sir, having been depriving her. Of her humanity.
Right It's only became a problem after He was inconvenienced
😂👏
100%
👏👏🏻👏🏽👏🏿❤
Dayummm so true good point!!!!!!!
My ex would just go on and on until i gave in, or use anger as a way to force me to agree, and then never understood why i never wanted it.. especially since it was only ever focused on him, never me. So happy to be single now ✨️
so that's basically rape..
I'm sure he's even happier.
Say it with me people
👏 coerced 👏 consent 👏 isn't 👏 consent 👏
Same! I remember me and my ex once getting into a serious argument, because he got really angry at me for refusing him sex. Truly wish I would have had the strength and self confidence back then to just break up. I went with it far too long and let him just have his will most of the time.
I sadly relate
The annoyance that he depicted as the husband trying to understand why his wife might be acting that way but not wanting to understand is just spot on. He is like: "why am I being told to put efforts? I should just have what I want. Its always been like that."
Yeah, he illustrates inherent male entitlement really well
I'm reading the comments and feeling like being a nun is not that bad
Yeah, being a nun or being single sounds great. I wish men saw women as humans but that will never happen. They see women as sex pezz dispensers.
I wish I could be sexually attracted to women. 😂
being a lesbian is blessing
I wish I was a nun
or a lesbian
Just a reminder that the entire concept of “withholding sex” rests on the idea that sex is something she does FOR you instead of with you for her own enjoyment.
Sex isn't a right. Its a privilege and a process that BOTH sides have to agree on. Women aren't sex objects when you're in a relationship with them smh
YES
THANK YOU
If she’s not emotionally satisfied then sex is definitely something she’s doing ‘for’ you and not with you. Men seriously need to be more present in the relationship that happens outside of the bedroom.
The fact we still have to remind people they aren’t owed access to other peoples bodies…
Yes!! I feel like this is the origin of slt shaming; the idea that sex is something you do TO a woman, not WITH a woman, and that if a woman "lets" a man have sex with her, she obviously doesn't respect herself because why else would she let a man do something to her that he views as an inherently disrespectful act?
You cannot be deprived of something you do not need and are not owed
You cannot be deprived of love/assurance from your partner
So that marriage is just on paper, should he get a prostitute instead of a wife or something? Why is it wrong to cheat if sexual relationships isn't something supposed to be gotten from your partner? You're just being ridiculous, if she got needs he got needs too. Your partner doesn't owe you your needs? That's literally what women are asking for in this video while saying their partners aren't owned to
@@justaguy3538why not just have an open relationship then do you can hook up when you want?
Your mindset is why people divorce.
@@justaguy3538💯 these women can't understand the needs of a man, nor do they care, yet they want only their needs being met, no wonder the divorce rates are through the roof. Us women are emotional, men are mostly sexual, by nature, our biology, our hormones are literally the reason, nothing wrong with that, there has to be a balance, I meet your needs, you meet mine, we both are happy! My husband and am I are about to celebrate our 19th anniversary because I UNDERSTAND men have needs as well and their needs are valid!
Never getting non sexual affection is such a ick, it makes the actual sexual affection seem annoying if its the only way they show affection.
Mine would sit in a totally different room every evening unless he wanted sx, then he would come sit with me ang bring me a glass of wine or cup of tea. So transparent. Made me so resentful I could not stop thinking about how angry he made me. Sx was never on the cards
@@Cleow33 I imagine that if he came through with the wine/tea/etc without expecting intimacy then it would happen far more often that it did with his transactional perspective
@@rory8182 exactly
If you want non sexual affection then why don't you be with other women or get a man with erectile dysfunction
To all guys in the world: PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS GUY
No thanks, he's a biased asshole and not an actual doctor.
Most guys are single losers who are gonna die alone anyway
To all the women if you don't want to have sex don't be in an adult relationship with a man
We are
@@shashish6856thank you
I remember saying to a guy friend “you know your girlfriend is a person right?” I got stared at me for a minute then accused me of sticking up for her because I’m a girl. He got broken up with three days later and had no idea why. 😩🤦🏽♀️
He really thought humanizing people was a team sport huh 💀
ah yes, you was a snitch and likely got a boost in ego when you broke them up.
snitch? I think he should review himself
I sure hope so, because it's better to be a "snitch" than let a toxic relationship go on@@Zennethe
@@Zennethe Do you know what snitch means? They were in a relationship, WITH EACH OTHER. I didn’t need to tell her anything, she was there.
In my 13 years of being with a man, he still never once put his phone away or really spent more than a few minutes a year on my emotional or sexual satisfaction. He felt entitled to be served because he was a provider. We are separated now.
I hate every time my husband hugs me or tries to kiss me because theres always the expectation of the bedroom... He literally never shows me affection unless he wants it.
This video is so spot on it hurts
Yep. Same situation here. Only affectionate when he's in the mood. Dates? Random kisses/hugs? Sweet gestures? Flirting? Maybe hold my hand every now and then? Hug me when I'm sad? Out of the question. Many men don't realize that's what turns us on.
Most men do all these things because they actually want to give their wives a kiss sometimes and want to have a hug. What kind of men did you marry and why are you stayig with them?
The "you're depriving ME" attitude is the final nail in the coffin and is the exact reason sex turns into "is it over yet"
Those women are literally getting graped when they endure it simply so they husband is ok. Men be terrible partners then wonder why most divorces are initiated by women
No the final nail in the coffin happens long before that. You likely get bored and start thinking about other options because women today aren't loyal.
it should turn into „getting a divorce“
Enthusiastic consent is the only form of consent and your partner or worse husband not caring equally about your pleasure is the biggest red flag and shows he neither loves or respect you histidine your body as a toy to get himself off..
@@divine_simplicity Humble yourself
@@destroya3303 no, you should face reality.
Real advice men need, not that alpha padcasts they see
Fr
Nah, they need to have good fathers in their life. I agree alpha male shitcast need to take a gainer of the Empire state building. But you need to understand that an extreme is still an extreme. This was so over the head it made me cringe just like fuckboi tate.
This. It’s clear those dudes are not in a serious relationship. This guy, I guessing, is, because this is actually realistic advise for LTRs.
Yaaaaas! This comment is the summery of every comment here.
Communication, open genuine communication, is the key for loving and lasting relationship.
I had some k!nks (like toy$ - hugo etc) that I was afraid my bf would dislike but after talking to him openly we made our own collection that grows every few months. I know its different kind of communication but the principles are the same.
frr
The amount of men butthurt in this comment section is funny. Always ready to start the "WhaT If ThE WoMan DiD ThIs aNd ThAT" and not taking responsibility of their actions.😂
What a gross response “she’s depriving me” from sex? You’d be depriving her of being treated like a human.
I really wish the importance society gives to a mans sexual needs would also be given to a womans emotional needs. We dismiss so many poor behaviours from men because of their "sex drive" but we shame,ignore and berate women for their "emotional" drive. We're BOTH human, we BOTH have needs lets all try to meet halfway here.
A woman's emotional needs are foreplay. A man who refuses to invest in a relationship is a man who is bad at sex.
They say men cry in silence but society doesnt shut up about mens loneliness and they dont mind into turn into mass murder to be listened.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
To a hammer everything is a nail.
The fuck you mean? It's alreqdy all about women's need ALL THE TIME. Help center for women, shelter for women, line calling for women, they even have free spychological help. Her poor comportment is justify by her hormones because she is either pregnant or on her period, guess what: men also have hormones and these hormones cause the hornyness but we never talk about it l, we dismiss it. The fact that a man want intimate relation with his wife is hormonal same thing as women's hormones. Also, why would a man have to do everything just to maybe have acces to his woman? Makes no sense. Maybe if you'd suck his dick once in a while he would do these asked things in the first place. It goes both way.
An affection deprived wife will always lead to a sexually deprived husband.
Yes, it is a cosmic rule. 😄
The wife would also be sexually deprived since I doubt she getting an organisms lol. And the husband could be emotionally deprived hut idk since men don't seem to care about it that much.
@@revenga01 That's why we have mailmen
and that's why women are bigger cheaters than men.
cause women are not attached to the men that give her money.@@athormaximoff4634
Facts
I once asked my husband "Sometimes can't you just hug me for me, not for what you can get?"
He said, "It turns me on so why should I hug you if I can't get anything?"
Yep. He's my ex for a reason.. or ten.
Cant you just stop asking for bills to be paid and love a man for being a man? Cause most women can’t
You don't understand. Men are biologically wired to procreate especially when there is physical touch. If you don't like that maybe try to date a woman. It's like buying a fiat punto and complaining it's not a tesla.
My personal rules if or when Im in a relationship:
1: If there's an issue, COMMUNICATE CLEARLY!
2: Set boundaries
3: Respect my partner's boundaries
4: When arguing, don't focus on winning. Focus on reaching a compromise where everyone wins.
Also call the girlfriend let her know you will be free later. Sexual humans are not monogamous................Have you tried...alcohol ?
@@FrankSancimino-pp9nrweirdo
@@FrankSancimino-pp9nr What the actual fuck
I have the last problem sometimes. With my parents, not partner. I've never had one
@@fructosecornsyrup5759 Really
the groping thing was a huge pet peeve of mine to the point that it started making me feel uncomfortable. It would be different if we were in a playful mood already but coming up and grabbing my vagina while I'm cooking is just ridiculous and will never make me want to be sexual. just feels gross, especially when I'm already checked out of the relationship mentally and haven't gotten normal attention.
Yup.😢
Yes it feels as bad as being groped by a stranger 😢 especially when they sneak up on you
It creates problems with consent too, if the door is “always open” you don’t always have time to process if you actually want the door open
@@wylizzleromg 🎯
@@LilFrg yeah and apparently my ex didn't understand consent at all because we had other issues as well. his needs were always more important than my comfort.
"She's depriving me!"
Let's let that sink in. She is lonely in the relationship, feels used and taken for granted because she doesn't experience love in the ways that actually matter to stay in a relationship. She has to do everything because if not, nothing ever gets done. She has to care for kids, drive them to school, feed them, get them to bed at night, raise them and help with their problems.
Let's face it, she IS being used and taken for granted. She IS deprived of love and care. She IS alone in the relationship.
This conversation never fails to infuriate me.
😆 that's a lot of blind assumptions to justify bad behavior
@@chrisallen9296 respectfully, what bad behavior are you referring to?
And that leads her to cheating
@24SparrowJack all of that, a lengthy explanation of the emptiness most women feel in a relationship with a man, and you still end up blaming her? Did you completely miss the point?
And even if you did understand, women rarely give up on a relationship fast. She will try to fix things, and depending on how open and communicating she is, she has probably said it plain as day that she is not happy and things need to change, multiple times. This will go on for quite the while before she finally breaks. And the whole cheating thing highly depends on what kind of person she is, because not everyone is excited about it.
That is also why most women don't dwell on the breakup; they are already over it for months.
@@raven8434 but she will go out and cheat
Oh not the clipboard...! 😆😅
I have sexual trauma and have struggled with it with my current partner, but he is so loving and patient. He loves to just hold my hand or rub my back without expectation. Don't settle for a guy who can't do stuff like that.
"She's depriving me" divorce.
Thats a bit extreme
@@Lloyd_Waterno, it's not. you cannot be deprived of something unless you believe it is something you are owed. nobody owes you access to their body, not even your wife. sex should never just be something your partner permits you to do to them, so it's not possible to deprive you of that unless that is the case in your relationship. sex should always be something you do together for mutual enjoyment, not some inherent right that they "take away" from you when they just aren't in the mood for it. it shows that you believe you're entitled to your partners body. nobody wants to be with someone like that.
@@AliceBunny05 it was a stupid thing to say depriving yes but divorce is a long process that nobody wins cause your gonna end up split custody with the kids which isnt good for them and it also will waste years of your life you spent dating the person then deciding to get married and for however long you were married all those years gone because he said one dumb sentence
So it is extreme couples therapy for a few months and if that doesnt work then maybe divorce if you really cant stand the person
@@Lloyd_Waterone dumb sentence that showed you exactly the type of person he is. The person who thinks that your body is owed to him and he should be allowed access whenever he feels like it. Divorce is a long process, but a miserable marriage is longer.
And sadly, some bros will hear this advice and call clipboard dude a simp.
What does their whining matter to clipboard dude, who actually gets laid and likely so with high quality of intercourse and overall life, while they sulk ;D
Just their way of coping with being unable to reciprocate in a relationship, and it shows.
Funny thing is that clipboard dude, and by that standard all the "simps" are getting a lot more sex than the braindead bros
Yeah it's stupid though, he'll get walked all over and won't get the respect he needs and deserves
True....however that simps gonna be getting laid 😂
“Stop saying words I don’t know.” Bless his heart.
I thought I had found the ONE we got engaged in Italy but soon realized that he was not emotionally present, I always felt like he had a second agenda, it was all about him and his desires...he was only present (for his own satisfaction) ...I was feeling so lonely even though we were together 💔
If you don't like to be desirable just wait until you turn 40. All male attention will fade. Enjoy it while it lasts.
“Lets rule out some OBVIOUS ones” 😂😂 🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, it hits the vibe of “So did you try restarting the computer?”
@@cover_mystic545so true
Ruling out obvious ones is this guy saying “have you tried these things your wife hasn’t voiced?” And it’s never about women meeting a man’s emotional needs, it’s always the man who isn’t doing something right to treat the woman perfectly and never in these videos does this guy actually meet in the middle and say something like “well maybe she could do a better job of describing her needs, but we can always try to anticipate” because that’s exactly what this video is
@@JimstrVids sorry, what? can you try to explain what you’re even talking about? that whole paragraph confused me.
He’s saying the video creator frames every relationship issue as a result of the man’s failings as opposed to both the man’s failings and also the woman’s failings. For instance, the woman could communicate that her demands for the relationship aren’t being met. Moreover, the video creator doesn’t investigate possible blame from the woman’s side, E.g. she doesn’t try to get herself in the mood by reading or watching erotic content before, she isn’t eating right or working out, she doesn’t talk about how he can better please her in the bedroom etc
sex feels pretty gross and meaningless without the love and respect for your partner that this guy is talking about.
Yup, feels like being used.
Sex can be perfectly fine and enjoyable without love.
What stings is when someone who used to show you that love and affection stops offering you love and affection, and begins demanding sex without them as though nothing had changed.
In one case, there was a mutual understanding and, while it may not reach the heights of sex within a relationship, can still be extremely satisfying.
The other feels like you're being neglected, or used as a human sex toy (in a bad way).
It's smelly. Overated. As Shirley Valentine said. "Just a lot of huffing and puffing" not much to show at the end of it. Except perhaps pregnancy. The woman is expected to ingest the chemical cosh for years.
@@irenejohnston6802 skill issue
Hey, I'm not hating, but... it seems like your partners either sucked in making you having fun or you're ace.
First sucks, second is totally fine. Or you're hurt by a purity culture. For which I'm sorry.
Personally, Sex is awesome. I love my partner, but we also just cuddle and just hug other. Makes Sex even better, because I can just relax and be in the moment.
And to me, it's awesome. Multiple orgasms are possible. (For which you also need to know your own body. That's also a thing you're responsible for as well)
this is wild to hear as someone in the adult industry, for whom these men come to when they're being "deprived" instead of working on a more well rounded relationship
Are we just going to ignore the awesome pen flip he does right after he says it's been busy at work?
I went back and watched it again just to look for what you noticed - omg! Is he secretly a drummer?! That's awesome! \m/
She’s depriving me? Meanwhile he’s depriving her of love, affection and validation as an autonomous human being!
If she’s autonomous then she is providing for her own food, clothing, and shelter. If he’s providing it, then she’s not really autonomous anymore. She’s an entitled leech.
I wonder, has she initiated any of that towards him?
Why is this a one-way thing?
It takes two. Sometimes it's a matter of how they're both working together, not just one person's fault. This does end up sounding like a blame game, because we're only seeing one side.
And it's obviously a skit, not a real scenario. This is like a caricature. Most men are not actually this shallow, and if they are, they're likely not going to change.
Things are usually far more nuanced than this skit is portraying.
The fact is most of the house work and child care falls onto the woman even if she's working full time. Yes it's a skit but it's not exaggerated that much. Most guys are completely clueless that women can't just be over worked and stressed and still have the energy to sleep with a guy. Also most guys are all about their needs in bed and fail to satisfy their women so it could also be that.@@ErickMcNerney
@@ErickMcNerney”most men are not this shallow” ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
@@ErickMcNerneyyou seem to have missed the inherent point of the skit: that love shouldn't always have to be expressed sexually. the gender of the bad partner is irrelevant.
"You're making me out to be the bad guy"
"Oh, so you DO speak spanish-"
lol thats good sarcastic comeback
I hate this idea of "depriving" or "withholding" sex that dudes seem to think is a conscious effort to punish them. When you don't want to, you just don't want to. Not everything is about you!
Its true.
Women like nice surprises
It doesnt have to be a fancy dinner in Paris or Sydney.
It can just be a walk in the park and a inhome breakfast.
A coffee, a Christmas movie, and a bit of fun kbob grill!
Bake cookies together, write and read her poetry...
Good luck!
What you are saying is that women have a whole washboard of expectations and demands.
@sven888 you're intentionally being obtuse
@@charlotterigney8159 Just saying it like it is.
@@charlotterigney8159 Maybe you are right. I don't know. I am going to bed. I am tired.
I think the thing that stings me the most and turns me off from men really quick is when there is no pillow talk/aftercare. Like you get me all emotional and just abandon me? And you think I want to do that again?
Or when he's done, it's over, no matter where you're at.
Or after sex they don't want to cuddle or touch. That really makes me feel used.
@@aaronbrown8377 Lots of men do this. It's not just one or two guys here or there or a communication issue. If anything it's a societal misogyny issue where men think they can just use women like toys and go off to the next one. They orgasm, they aren't having fun anymore, and they irresponsibly leave because they're bored. I've had boyfriends do this too that I talked to about issues like this and dumped later because they never changed. If you want to do the crime, you gotta do the time.
@@gorgeousnoxy481women literally sell their bodies only for 4 dollars. Then get mad when y’all get treated exactly like how y’all wanted wtf
BANKING ON HE IS A DOUCHE-I KNOW!@@aaronbrown8377
A few months ago, Mum tripped and badly sprained her foot and broke a toe. It's amazing her foot didn't break actually we thought for sure it was broken. She had quite bad cuts up her legs. Putting her arm out to brace her fall retriggered her already chronic neck and shoulder pain and then sitting and lying down so much during her recovery retriggered her sciatica. She's 68.
I took care of her and the housework because she wasn't able to walk even with crutches, she really needed rest and recovery and poor Mum was in a fair bit of pain so was on a strong script. I got no help from my father but I also didn't anticipate any.
He took to moping and drinking sitting out the front of the property. Initially I thought wow, I guess he's really feeling bad for Mum but I wish he'd express it in a way that's more helpful to her.
But then on the literal second day, I noticed Dad had added "b low job" to the the list I was keeping on the kitchen bench of things that needed doing (I suppose Dad had mistaken my handwriting for Mum's because Mum normally keeps lists in the same place, but for Christ's sake did he really not stop to think given the circumstances?).
I rewrote the list and binned that copy just in case Mum got up on her crutches and read it. But it pissed me off and disappointed me because it clicked into place why Dad was fucking moping so much and hitting the booze. He was feeling sorry for himself not for Mum!
How God damn selfish. It pisses me off now just thinking about it. He was really thinking "how does my wife's injury effect _my_ -wants- *needs?!".*
That is absolutely disgusting. When people brag on long marriages I usually know better 20 30 40 years isn't necessarily a romantic success story. I often find it's one person giving everything and the other just using and I have seen old men get new gfds literally the day after the wife's funeral. Replaced like an employee.
Your mom is lucky to have you though.
That is absolutely disgusting. When people brag on long marriages I usually know better 20 30 40 years isn't necessarily a romantic success story. I often find it's one person giving everything and the other just using and I have seen old men get new gfds literally the day after the wife's funeral. Replaced like an employee.
Your mom is lucky to have you though.
He should have been the one who tripped lol
Do not help him ever. Even in his dying moments.
I hope you confronted your dad and told him what an ass he is.
Some are like this IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.
Of course. Men love women.
The second you base your relationship on transactions, its over
"She's depriving me"
I wanted to vomit after hearing that. I'm so glad my parents taught me that I have absolutely no rights to a woman's (or anyone's) body.
W parents
Yeah. I'm asexual and most likely aromantic too, but I can't comprehend how one could think like that about the person they're supposed to love.
lit parents
why should parents have to teach that ? Isnt that kinda known ?
@@user-zi8xn2vq5p Yeah it seems like it should be common sense and people skills but apparently it's not? At least if I do something bad accidentally, and I see that my action hurt someone, my gut reaction is not to do that again because I have basic respect and empathy for others. If they feel bad I feel bad.
And then men like this get upset because the therapist is always on her side even though they’re just using their intelligence and years of schooling/experience to assist both of you.
Lots of therapists woildnt be kn her side
@@chrisallen9296Not many though. Because giving somebody the tools to abuse their partner is punished by law. They can easily lose their license. Especially cause most women ending up in that situation will leave eventually if the man doesn't change. And that will be taken to court at the divorce.
I've actually heard a therapist say that in psychotherapy school they are taught to always validate the woman, regardless if she is in the right or not, because otherwise she will be defensive and therapy won't work or she will leave altogether. Meanwhile they don't care about the men's feelings because the think they can take it. I wish it was different but not only couples therapy but psychology in general is made by women for women. Don't get me wrong, I love that they get the attention and support they need, what I don't get why this has to be a zero sum game where one party wins and the other loses. Men have different needs and ways to deal with feelings, and shaming us because we don't function as defective women is like blaming a cancer patient because he/she does not improve by having an insulin shot, it was bound to fail.
@@nicolasmoreno9442 Psychology was literally created by men what do you mean by it was made by women for women?? I have also literally never heard of people being taught to always validate the woman. Either that therapist is super old and what they said is outdated, or they learned from a really shit professor/university. Therapy in general is a mixed bag and I highly doubt that the idea of always validating the woman is a widespread ideology. On a slightly unrelated note, did you really just say "we don't function as defective women"?? Sir, politely, wtf.
@@nicolasmoreno9442Found the one who needs therapy! Everything you just said is so wrong that I partially feel like you are being facetious. Or you're literally just proving this video so fucking right. Whoever taught you about therapy knew nothing about therapy or its education. Jesus fuck christ dude my god.
*spelling
“Stop speaking Spanish” 🤣
This is a life changing short. No lie.
Treating her like his mother until he wants sex .."shes depriving me"!!!
And all the while, acting like a spoiled baby 🙄 Gawd it’s so freaking immature 🙄
Do men really treat their moms like this? I just assumed most guys DO platonically hug their moms and have convos with them like they're human beings, and stuff.
@@MoleculesAndMinecraftNo. Men do not treat their mom's like this in real life. Only in the fake world that exists inside the minds of the delusional.
@@MoleculesAndMinecraftplatonic hugs and conversations is not what they meant.
@@irunamuk I know, I'm saying I don't think most guys actually treat their moms as badly as the internet thinks they do. Or I hope they don't.
Something I like about this dude is the kindness he uses while trying to help people see the problem. Like he never gets aggressive or frustrated. He continues to show empathy even when the person might not always deserve it
he is just talking to himself so there isn't anyone to get mad at.
@@sallybanner I mean the hypothetical person he is talking to
Yeah well its kind of one of the rules to be agood psychologists to be truthful and kind not judgemental. He us good at it
You gotta be for a job like this lmaoo😭
Yeah, this skit wasn't overly mean in making a point. I know he's just talking to himself on video, but he's also talking to any men that complain about the same problem who might see this.
"I dont speak any Spanish" 😂
Man-child; all about me (the guy) with zero consideration for his partner. 🙄 *smh*
almost started crying watching this. i wish i knew how to express these feelings when i was experiencing this for the first time. thank you for these videos
Its called being an adult and using your words.
Bruh
@@fraydizs7302 Exactly!
@@fraydizs7302 Why do women need to ask men (or even crazier, why do wives have to ask their husbands) to treat them with basic human respect and kindness?
@@fraydizs7302 Yeah well someone needs to be. Because her husband isn't adult enough to comprehend that his wife is a human being and not a pleasure doll.
I’m just glad a man is saying this because a lot of the men who need to hear this will never listen to it coming from a woman.
Sadly, men who need to hear it will ignore it either way
They will not listen to it because it is cancerous af, masking as 'help'. It is manipulative to the max, and it feeds into the victimhood identity of all the wrong people. This has nothing to do with your gender - we live in current year, where bullshit is bullshit, no matter the genitals of the source.
My husband doesn’t listen to Jimmy either, he’s not “manly” enough.
The way he is approaching this makes him come across as pathetic. He makes the councilor feel very feminine and the guy as dumb as rocks.
Thank u
I dont even think calling him out on all would make him out to be the bad guy, guys sometimes just don't realize us women function differently and tbh men sometimes think that doing the deed is something that connects them deeply to their wife (which it does) but they don't realize we also look to other stuff to feel loved and wanted (like he said, holding your wife, gently touching her without pressure of the bedroom) but also like he said its like shes depriving him if his wants, it just shows that men and women receive love differently and sometimes to get you have to give, thats what marriage is. Men often don't think that you not wanting the bedroom is because they make yiu feel unwanted, they think yiu don't want the bedroom because yiu don't want HIM, and thats just where talking about yiur feelungs is a have to.
This video is absolutely right!!! That's why, women change in a relationship!!!
Because they suddenly go from a fully formed human being to just being some man's bangmaid?
Yeah, I imagine that would do it.
You are like the only person who gives good relationship advice
Yo actually tho. This guy knows what’s up
Exactly
This guy and Zach the recovering manchild.
Crappy Childhood Fairy also covers this stuff really well too.
He gives advice to men who won't listen to him because of the delivery method. He gives advice so women will comment and click on his videos.
I don’t say this often with videos on the internet, but this is great advice that should be listened to. It really does address the intimacy issues with a lot of relationships.
"I want intimacy and that he will be interested in my personality."
"I don't feel satisfied, and I'll assume it's because my boyfriend neglects me and just wants to have sex with me"
"That's why I'm gonna cheat on him with a manipulative narcissist who only cares about sex"
I actually copied this so I can remember these things.
The problem is that men need intimacy to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to be intimate. If either side is not actively initiating, then one or the other will stop fulfilling the others emotional needs.
Combine that with the fact that everybody spouts off about how you need communication for a successful relationship, without clarifying that everybody (especially when comparing men and women) communicates differently.
So, for every man out there who is not making her feel loved in a way that will spark her drive for intimacy, there are as many women who are not effectively communicating their needs.
@@anactualbear5683men and women are all different. gender wouldn't define what you want in a relationship. but if you only need intimacy to feel loved, you have to understand that you need to work harder for that. since your already in a relationship, loving your partner is a must. so if she's deprived of being loved outside of intimacy, that's an issue. you should feel love just because. not only because of intimacy. plus, some people have less of a sex drive. so you maybe should find another way to feel loved by a partner besides sex 😭😭 it doesn't sound healthy at all
@@hueningpie you misunderstand. There are multiple forms of love. You can learn to love anybody if you try hard enough, but this video is referring specifically to being in the mood sexually.
Sex is not the default requirement for love, but to not be willing to initiate because you aren't feeling something else, is going to lead to his feeling undesired by her, which then means he is less likely to be driven to fulfill her emotional needs. It's a cycle, and gender plays a role here with the brain chemistry of love.
So if she withholds affection, but then doesn't communicate why or what she actually needs, then the high likelihood is that he will start to withdraw as well, and potentially leads to resentment. This is not necessarily a conscious decision, but is one that occurs in many relationships.
This guy described what I want better than I could myself.....
“stop saying words i don’t know”😭😭
And it's so difficult to get it back once we get here. Once the engine's gone cold, it's tough to get it running again. So a guy will take this list, do one thing once, then get mad cuz it "doesn't work." But it takes patience. You gotta have the epiphany that says, "oh, I've been treating her like a thing that's supposed to respond in a set way when I want something instead of a person who needs to feel happy and loved to think sex sounds fun." If you have that epiphany, then you can give her the validation and affection she needs without immediately whipping your dick out for some reciprocity.
It's so sad that even the men that supposedly love us, still treat us like an object to get/take things from, instead of another human being with the same qualities as them.
I felt this so hard.
What’s even more sad is that men will not hold hands, they will not slow dance with their partner, but then they immediately wanna have intercourse. They just don’t get it.
My libido has gone down drastically over the years, except I am neither a mother, nor is my boyfriend only giving me sexual attraction. He’s literally perfect. It’s just not as simple as “I need a break” or “it’s his fault”. I just don’t have libido, my boyfriend and I can cuddle, watch the movies, joke around all day, help each other work and study… but it has no effect on me just never being in the mood.
I hate this mentality of blaming the man for his woman not wanting sex. We’re complex creatures, our hormones work very differently from men’s and sometimes just being on a poor diet can result in my whole entire personality and energy completely shifting.
Obviously this video is talking about a particular case when the man is only giving his wife sexual attention, but it’s still not fair to the man in my opinion. Stuff that used to work all the time now doesn’t work all of a sudden, of course he’s confused.
I feel like lots of people don’t set firm boundaries in the beginning of their relationship so after honeymoon phase finished their partners assume things gonna work the way it was for the first couple of months and get confused when they are asked to changed their behaviour. Once boundaries were violated it is hard to trust people again, they might act and pretend for some time but then will seek opportunities to take advantaged of you other way around.
My ex acted like a child, making me the only person responsible for housechores, even if my shifts are 10h per day. Plus, when I told him, he just aswered "tell me what to do and I'll do it".
After a while I stopped being interested in sex 'till the point where I litterally told him: "you are forcing me to act as if I was your mother. Well, moms don't usually have sex with their children!".
When we broke up (for a moltitude of reason, icluding this) he insisted that I should have told him what needed to be done around the house.
Clueless, like he did't live there.
And then when you break up and he lives alone he keeps his place spotless all of a sudden. He always knew what to do.
@@Opal5674 lolnope, he went back to his real mommy
@@Opal5674yup… men know what to do. If he doesn’t do it it’s because he didn’t want too. It’s that simple. Women need to see that for what it is and stop making excuses for men’s poor behavior. If the woman of his dreams entered his life how much you would want to bet he would be doing EVERYTHING you’ve been “whining” about for the last three years and then some just to impress and be with that woman.
@@Bri-nc8yp Literally this. That sh*t really hurts when you have to dump someone for neglecting you. And then when they move on to their dream woman, they start doing everything for her that they couldn't be bothered to do for you. SMDH.
Lots of guys are not intuitive or observant and really do need to be told or given a list or something. A schedule posted or something. To some degree I think it's how their brains work. But, that doesn't mean it's helpful having to always tell them what to do.
Edit to add that I have known some men who were better at picking up on things- needs, schedules, etc. than others. Idk understand why it's harder/easier for some than for others.
Most accurate loop I’ve ever seen.
Why’s this come up on my page and not my boyfriends…
Hopefully, he'll see this comment and leave you.
@@jadapinkett1656thank you! I actually showed him this and he’s seen this comment. We have great communication that doesn’t mean he’s romantic. Going on 4 years. ❤️❤️ and he knows half of it doesn’t apply to him.
@@jadapinkett1656 hopefully!
You help me realize over and over again that I wasn’t crazy…😌
She's depriving me. Smh. That's all majority of them see. That's all they want to do, is take take take. Their needs. Like do not touch me sir 😒
When someone demands to be the victim, rather than approaching as an equal. 🙄🤣
ETA- I am considering the person in OP's comment who was saying "she is depriving me," as the person who is identifying as a victim. They are attempting to force an unequal dynamic.
Not impressed with 3 pumps and a 💦 being called "love"
@@PaigeSquaredThere is no communication with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. If you don't understand that, then maybe you are one
Exactly I keep telling my husband I feel like the maid and a prostitute. Guess what he bought me to wear to bed? A maids costume!!! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ nope not fulfilling the fantasy dream on that one.
@@mallred5 WOW did he miss the mark on that one! Can you replace all his boxers with man thongs?
He expressed my feelings as a female more than i would express myself
And that is why therapy, coaching and couples therapy are so valuable. So the elephants in the room get adressed and eaten spoon by spoon. :)
So well put across...22 years of marriage and my husband doesn't understand this still...
@@NochSoEinKaddiFanyea more like always blaming the man, that's what happens in therapy.
Do u people even communicate this stuff to ur man or just think about it?
@@lopave6while I really don't think that's the aim of any good therapist, there's one true thing about what you said: therapy often caters better to women because they can oftentimes express/discern their emotional landscape a lot better than men
It's more of a societal issue, we should absolutely start validating and valuing emotions in boys more & teach them how to better deal with them
Each relationship is unique and while this video may cover generic causes it is important to seek professional help that addresses the issues affecting your relationship.
That pen flick said SO MUCH!
I just read a thread recently about a woman whose husband "kindly" volunteered to give her a massage, which inevitably always led to sex. she started saying "no" to the massages because she knew he was just doing it for his own selfish wants, and the ten minutes of half-assed massage wasn't worth it.
It is all a matter of perspective. What he was doing was indirect communication. They both know the massage is a prelude to sex, so if they know that and he offers it, then she understands what he is offering is sex. However, it doesn't have the impact of asking directly.
I live in Japan and all communication is like that... I actually don't think it's problematic unless there is a lack of understanding regarding the meaning.
@@queenkoi the problem is that the women just wants a nice gesture without there being a hidden message.
@@unknownartist8136Has she ever given her husband a massage? Or better yet, did she communicate that she wanted a massage without it leading to sex?
@@muhammedahmed3291a massage is literally just a massage- there’s no indicator it will always lead to intimacy -_-
@@muhammedahmed3291dude this is the second comment of yours where you blame it all on the woman and never on the man, I don’t know you but this indicates me that you are part of the problem
When you think intimacy only involves sex, don't be surprised when she is no longer in the mood.
Men want sex, not intimacy.
How many men did you cheat with,army wife?
@@Gigachadbased-p34 I think you got her mixed up with your mama! FOH
@@Gigachadbased-p34Not the stereotype coming in 💀
@@casualties9478 don't come in then, stereotype
Stop saying words i dont know, so funny 😂
There’s a thing I’ve noticed over time and time again (I study marriage and family therapy) and it’s that what you give a woman (not a girl) she will multiply. Example, babies (just an example. Not everyone wants kids). You give her love and affection (which shows her you respect her and genuinely care for her) then she will give you respect (which to a guys shows they are loved) and she will give so much more.
This may not have worked for some men who have given their all and still got played, again this applies to women, not women who have the mentality of a teenager.
this is actually very good advice and made me realize things about myself as a woman; I may not be in a relationship nor married for now, but if ever such a problem arises I'd know how to approach it, discuss it, and solve it!! you're doing such a great job thank you
Make sure you are in a relationship where you can talk things. Thats it.
I was this guy and it almost killed my marriage. Luckily she was able to get through to me and didn't give up on me and now our relationship is better than it has been in our entire 7 years together. I still have lots to improve on but just the fact that I am working on it has brought us so much closer together.
This is what these guys need to realize and say.
good for you, may your journey on self improvement not end!
I love that!
I was in the same boat man and your exactly right . We've reconnected and it's like walking on air.
Spot on
Neutral questions are a great way to assess people. Their reactions tell a lot.
It's sad how a solid relationship can deteriorate because you just don't see what your partner is going through 😢
My SO will randomly ask me if he can kiss my forehead and he'll get so excited when i say yes and then give me a super gentle forehead kiss and it's absolutely adorable. One of the reasons i love him
Soooo cute 🥰🥺
@@_Elif7 ikr, he's precious. I definitely found a good one❤️
Treat this man good and never let him go 🥺
That's the cutest thing ever, I'm so happy for you❤
Why do i feel jealousy
The only time that we receive any physical touch is when "he is in the mood". Nothing, until then.
And then they disappear afterwards, while still being at home. It's weird.
Maybe physical touch at home in the night can get him horny and he doesn't want to get horny without having sex and he his avoiding it. Maybe One can talk and share concern without intimate touching🤔
May I ask the last time you cleaned the gutters or changed the spark plugs in the family car without being asked? For real, honest question.
@@mattschmitt9924 irrelevant.
@@blagjackette So only asking for rewards without giving in return is irrelevant? Can you elaborate a bit for me?
my love language is biting my partner and saying i gave him rabies
The problem with non sexual affection in my past relationship experience is that it is mostly always perceived as sexual affection, or an attempt to make it so.
People forget that the dating period doesn't end after marriage. People change over time naturally and marriage is a process of constantly getting to know each other better.
you shouldn't have gotten married so soon if the dating period hasn't ended
@@velvetypotato711what they are saying is, the dating stage never stops in a marriage. To keep a women, merried or not, you have to keep dating her. Take her out, give flowers, etc. Constantly show you love her.
@@velvetypotato711they mean the same basic rules of love and respect still apply
Well said
@@shaniarobertson4920a man should give all this in a marriage but what does he get in return?
I used to have a high libido, but ever since having my son its dropped significantly. Theres not much non sexual affection coming from him, Im mentally exhausted all day, I dont show much physical affection (kissing, hugging) because he always wants it to lead to the bedroom, so its like if thats where it ALWAYS goes then Ive just stopped showing affection as much. I have depression and anxiety as well so those are huge mental and physical strains and Im so drained daily from my own mind
100%
You need to tell him this preferably in front of a counselor…before your relationship leads to you co-parenting and him being a weekend dad.
@@Bri-nc8yp I'm pretty sure a lot of my problems stem from my depression and anxiety. I've been thinking about therapy but we don't really have the money. I've heard of a low cost therapy app that you can do sessions on your phone, I'll try looking into that but it always sounds too good to be true
are you me, omg
just show him this video and enough.
no need to starve stupidly.
100% transparency I needed to hear some of this. Excellent advice from this guy.
This makes so much sense, I used to love sex but then it just felt like a chore. At least I know I’m not broken.
"Don't walk up to me while I'm sewing and touch my boobs"
LOL Thats perfect example. LOve it
That's how to get a hand caught up in the foot of the machine. Whose hand? That depends upon disposition.
Or when cooking on a hot fucking stove
THIS. This shit is so annoying!! I'll be bending over putting dishes in the dishwasher or at the store and my husband will smack my ass with full force, or comes up to me and bounces my boobs randomly and then expects me to take it as a compliment. Listen, I'm happy and love that he loves my body, but it would be nice to also have him hug me from behind or kiss my neck. Anything indicating a love of me and not just my body. I've explained this so many times and he literally takes offense to it.
As a wife who used to always "not be in the mood", all of these definitely made a huge difference for me in the intimate life and helped bring it back.
The reason that you are not in the mood is because you are not attracted to your husband as simple as that
Hilarious! Being clueless is a real condition.
Thank you Jimmy!😂
Guys remember sex isn’t a bad thing, if it’s love then it can be the purest form of intimacy there is
she cant deprive you of something you arent entitled to. her body is hers first. sex is something that a couple engages in together because they both want to. not something that one owes the other. so gross
Is true that no-one is entitled to sex. But surely you can agree that it not realistic in a relationship to not have sex at all, and thus you can't really expect the other to just be okay with never having sex. That just won't work a relationship (bar a-sexual people of course). Now does that give someone the right to just 'take' it if it's not 'given'. No thats just rape. But suddenly not having sex with someone anymore and expecting everything else to stay the same is also no solution. At least the one withholding sex should start a conversation about it.
@@maxtelintelo6577 Agreed, but hugs, kisses, cuddles and a good emotional connection are just as important in a relationship, maybe even more than sex. If these things are lacking and there's just sex, can it be considered a relationship in the first place? Why would a woman want to have sex if the husband acts and thinks like the guy in the video? She'd feel like a prostitute rather than a wife and slowly lose interest in making love.
You're right in saying they should talk about it and figure out why and what changed in the relationship, but if the husband still refuses not to use his wife as a free prostitute, even after she explained what the problem is, than she is right for not wanting to do it
@@maxtelintelo6577the point is 'you are not entitled to sex whenever your partner doesn't want to do it'. Trust me, if you're in a relationship with someone who actively desires sex (which you should've discussed on the first date btw), and they're happy and content in all/most other spheres of your relationship, they will want it.
Also, you don't need to be asexual to not want to have sex? It's a ridiculous notion to believe that.
Well you formally is not entitled to nothing in relationships, so you cant be entitled to honesty, communication and emotional connection either. I think its not completely healthy and we shouldnt take "owing" in relationships too literally.
I think we owe each other to make each others needs as our priorities, which does not obligate us to slave way for your partner, but to communicate our problems, needs, changes, everything that affect our desire to be there for your partner in any need (not just sexual)
Like you can say men dont owe women emotional support thus if im stressed out with work and dont have a resource to be there for my gf i can just ignore her and brush her off with general excuses like "im not in the mood to spend time with you". Or i can notice my workload increased, im under more stress, i dont want to spend time with her anymore and communicate it myself like "Hey i noticed i dont want to engage with you emotionally lately and i took it as a problem and self reflected about the reasons, i believe its because work gives me too much stress this weeks, wanna figure out with me what we should do with this or are you ok for now?"
Cause we cant expect our partners to just KNOW we feel stressed, neglected or anything changed about our feelings, desires and general mood. We need to address it first cause noone knows you better than yourself. So thats what i understand by "owing" things in relationship, its keeping dynamics with your partner in check
@@maxtelintelo6577 "withholding sex" is still not the most accurate, constructive, or respectful way to talk about it. it's far, _far_ too accusatory considering what's actually going on: if she doesn't _want to_ then she isn't _withholding_ anything, she's just choosing not to subject herself to non-consensual sex, which is pretty damn reasonable. i don't just have sex all the time that i hate out of obligation to someone else. you probably don't either! when you don't want sex, you don't have it, and that is _fine._ you're not supposed to do it unless you want to. _you are not supposed to feel obligated to give anyone your body when you aren't comfortable with it._ framing that as the problem, as "withholding," is missing the point completely. and how this fictional guy (and plenty of real, actual people) talk about it reveals _a lot_ about what they think of their partner. ppl should not be using language that conveys a sense of entitlement over their partner's body. it's fucked up. we can only hope that everyone like this goes to therapy
Praying for an emotionally intelligent man
Update: I secured one 🥰 shoutout to the boys that get no cooter in the comments telling me it was impossible 🙈🖕🏽
praying for an emotionally supportive woman.
@@cheddofclanmacleod7664 You can find that very easily. Don't men always say that women are too emotional and are good at that while men are more "rational" ?? Strange !
@@riieeas easy as finding emotionally intelligent men?
@@revimfadli4666 easier, actually. this is coming from a bisexual person who’s had about the same amount of experience with both genders.
Emotionally intelligent man would not take bullshit of an emotionally unstable woman period
this is soul crushing and deeply relatable unfortunately:')
the red flag guy needs to see this