Why SMART Goals Aren't Always Smart (And What I Do Instead)
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- čas přidán 1. 01. 2024
- Hello Brains! My book is officially OUT ON SHELVES today! To celebrate, I wanted to talk about how you can achieve your own goals -- by making them less realistic ;)
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Music credits for Why SMART Goals Aren't Always Smart (And What I Do Instead):
"Life of Riley", "The Show Must Be Go”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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UPDATE -- the book is now a USA TODAY and NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER! In its first WEEK!!!!! Thank you to everyone who ordered a copy, I appreciate you so so much for helping make this ridiculously ambitious dream come true!!!
I've never accomplished anything long term before either. And I'm almost 31. I burst into tears over this for you. You did it!! You really did it. 😭😭❤️❤ You CAN DO IT. And nobody can ever take that away!! AAAAAAAH!!
Im so getting it
Congratulations, you deserve it!
Are there plans to release versions in other languages? Would be so happy - Greetings from Germany 🙂
As someone with generalized anxiety disorder and depression it was super validating to hear someone else say that SMART goals don’t help me and could actually make it worse. Thank you!
Me too. I was actually crying this morning.
Yes, hard relate! I was just today talking with my therapist about how traditional goals don't usually work out for me (especially in regards to motivation) and trying to tease out some other way to frame things. I'm looking forward to reading this book even more now.
Me too!
@@MiracleAngel20❤❤❤ hugs❤❤❤
I'm crying right now. I'm 42 years old. I've dreamed of having my stories written as books since I was 10 and I gave up that dream because I didn't think I could do it.
Your book is on my desk at home (delivered today) and I am aching to leave work and go read it.
WHEN I publish my first book, I will ABSOLUTELY mention you because you have restored my faith that I can do this.
I'm 44. I've been writing since I was twenty (on and off, because ADHD) and I've never managed to finish anything. This actually got me a bit bummed out because she went from 0 to a book in two years, sand I have twenty years of material and have done zero in the last two years.
@@daina3628 , let's do it. Let's both show the world that us 40 something chicks got the words in us. I bet your books are wonderful and I would be honored to read them!!
Do it, you got this!! If it helps, I tried (and failed) to write a novel a decade ago...the process I went through over the past 2 years showed me I needed two things I didn't have then:
1. support. The idea that I could write in a vacuum, by myself, was a romantic one that I needed to let go of. For a project this long and complicated I needed someone to bounce ideas off of, people to read chapters to as I went.
2. hard deadlines. I needed to know my time was limited so I could kickstart my brain into gear! I did this when I started my channel, too -- I could get as perfectionistic as I wanted to, but I had to post every week, so I could only make them as good as I could in a week.
hope this helps!!
Yay! That's so good to read. Also, you will write that book! My first one was published when I was 42.
@@HowtoADHD , it did. Thank you! I screenshotted your reply and I'm hanging it over my desk.
I just don't know who I can depend on for support. I'm still learning to retrust people.
This is making me think. When I was 16, I decided I wanted to become a professional ballerina. I had barely any dance background but I was determined, despite this being an incredibly unrealistic goal. I've always had trouble sticking to daily routines but my goal inspired me to stretch every day for years. I had terrible social anxiety but my dream gave me the strength to go to classes, summer schools, and auditions by myself.
I'm now 33, and although I never became a professional dancer, dance is still a huge and wonderful part of my life.
Getting into ballet led to me trying and falling in love with so many other types of dancing, learning so much about myself, having amazing experiences and meeting wonderful people.
Looking back, 16 year old me never had the slightest chance of becoming a professional ballerina, but I'm so, so glad I tried and ended up cementing dance as a core part of my life and identity.
I love this because it shows a different side to "success". Many would say that if you don't meet the end goal that you have failed, but you failed UPWARD! You may not have met the original goal, but as you said, the journey was worth it. I love this mindset shift, and thank you for telling your story!
My experience as a AuDHD + CPTSD person is the exact opposite.
Throughout my whole life I always had these big, unrealistic dreams. But they never felt motivating in the slightest (and I always felt lots of shame for not following through). It all clicked just recently - turns out they were not really dreams, just fantasies that I used to escape from unpleasant reality and/or to help me regulate my emotions.
So, personally, in order to feel motivated I need to dream small and realistic. Otherwise it's not dreaming and setting goals, it's just escaping into a fantasy world.
This is my experience too... the struggle for me, truly, is not having a parent like the person in the story had. Without that kind of support, I never got a sense of what was realistic, or just how broad a category "realistic" is. EVERYTHING I wanted was dismissed as an unrealistic fantasy, and I didn't learn until WELL into adulthood that actually yeah I could have done the things I dreamed about. But because I didn't believe it was possible, those fantasies stayed fantasies. I never got any messaging from the adults in my life that it was worth pursuing them.
I feel you on this! I'm not autistic, but I have ADHD and CPTSD and I'm learning to make small realistic goals for myself and also to be proud of myself when I achieve them. I feel like big goals in my life fall under one of two categories: 1) escapist fantasies I have no desire to actually work towards or belief I ever could achieve, 2) goals set for me by parents, teachers etc. who saw my "potential" and decided to overstretch me. The latter especially gave me a lot of anxiety and depression.
I can't help but imagine that if anyone used the "accountant for George Lucas" thing on me, it wouldn't work. For one, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to tell they don't actually mean it. And then, I would either feel disappointed in myself for not reaching my goal and would default to self-loathing again, or, in case of escapist fantasies, I would get mad if people used it to influence my behaviour. Like, as a child I wanted to be an actress. If anyone had told me that in order to do that, I need to be more confident, talk to more children, take better care of my appearance, do more sports etc., I would probably have cried because they would have "ruined" the dream.
I am AuDHD + CPTSD + OCD. I would say that the answer to what you just said is the cause of your CPTSD. You didn't believe in yourself and your goals because people around you didn't believe in you and your goals. It's not because it doesn't work, it's because the people around you let you down.
I hope you're in a better place now and are going through psychotherapy to get back in a state of mind where you'll believe in yourself enough to dream big again. I'm halfway there but not there yet, but someday I will be again.
This is really interesting! Personally, I feel like I need a combination of both; realistic and very simple goals combined with task batching to build habits, but fiery and ambitious ones to sustain the passion overall. I feel like my flavour of AuDHD demands balance, which sucks as that's probably my biggest weakness
You must have been sitting in on my last two appointments with different providers 😂
In all seriousness, thank you for the work and advocacy you do. ♥️
One of my managers at work is a fan of the "Shoot for the moon, if you fail then you'll still land among the stars" types of goals. I think one of the other important things is building in the accountability - there are monthly check-ins to see how these lofty goals are going, and to talk through the next steps and any problems.
Problem is the stars are further than the moon. 🤣
@@taoist32 And you're already among the stars here on Earth. We're orbiting one as we speak.
I noticed that if I don't enjoy the ride, reaching the goal feels hollow. I still reach for the stars, but I am making my space journey as comfy and fun as possible.
@@taoist32u definitely got the tism
My old boss was like that also, and the new one I got only WANT stats and don't even care how we get it :S
Feels so stressful.
When I was a kid I had ADHD at the time it was called ADD or Minimal Brain Damage (MBD) can you believe that lol. My teachers told me that I might not graduate highschool. I wanted to go to law school. Guess what I graduated from Law School and passed the bar. My dream was lofty but It motivated the heck out of me. Everyone please have lofty dreams.
I love this so much. Congrats on passing the bar, that's so awesome!
The purpose of smart goals, really, is for therapists to put them in their treatment plans so they can measure the success of the client. That's not the only way we measure success, but it's a way to put it on paper. I was kind of not digging this video until you brought up "Going about it in an ADHD-friendly way." My big goal, which I recently accomplished, was graduating with a master's degree in counseling (A fellow counselor and I at my internship absolutely love yours and Dani Donovan's work). For me that lofty goal wouldn't have happened without setting smaller, "SMART" goals in place. Goals that had to do with prioritizing, self care, and, like you said, working with my ADHD brain and not against it. For me SMART goals aren't about limiting what I can do, but it helps me break down lofty goals that are intimidating to smaller steps so that it's less scary. I guess what got me through my lofty goal was not watering it down into something easier, but breaking it down so that accomplishing it was easier.
I think this is what a lot of neurotypicals would interpret as "Remember your why." For many people, their "why" (or reason or desire) is focused on a value, like "I have a goal to build an exercise habit because I value health and staying well to spend time with my family." But in this case, the "why" is an ambitious challenge or a special interest.
I got goosebumps listening to this because I've been self-sabotaging and dismissing a lot of my goals. But screw it, I'm going to say it now: My goal is to write a bestselling fantasy series and have a backlist of over 20 books. It's pretty ambitious. I think I want to go the independent publisher route. But writing 20 books? That's a lot. It's going to be hard, because writing even 1 book is hard! But ohhhhh my goodness, do I really want that. And I think wanting it is enough of a motivation. I don't need to start planning out things with the SMART tool (which has never been successful for me... I have lived my whole life thinking I'm neurotypical, but lately I've been questioning that). I need to just remember my challenge. The mountain I'm climbing. The satisfaction of getting to the top and going, "I did a really, really hard thing... And I am so proud of myself."
I believe in you man!! Since we're working up the courage to say it out loud, my goal is to make a living out of comics and art. We can do this!! And even if things don't work out as planned, I'm sure the journey itself will be worth it 😁
Loveee the idea that we need an overly ambitious goal that excites us to overweight the struggles ADHD people need to go through, and having people help us to achieve these wild goals in realistic ways. I am off to the kindle store to order the book rn! Congratulations Jessica for writing the book you set out to write!!
Love this video. This quote from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland perfectly summarizes how I feel about goal setting.
"Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
I love this quote! For as mixed as the opinion on the live action Alice movies is, I’ll always be glad that a version of this quote made it in.
Wonderful comment! 🏆 💯
@@thefinalfrontear I love the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland. It's my favourite Johnny Depp role.
Thank you, I always HATED SMART goals and I could never totally understand why. I don't want to plan out my whole damn life and have a new goal every week. The entire reason I did so well in college was because I wanted to go to vet school. I graduated in 2020 and never did go to vet school... but I graduated with a 3.6 in biology, 3.8 if you only count the science courses. That goal fueled me.
“Let’s do this ridiculous thing in a more realistic way”
Literally where I’m at right now. Thanks for putting it in words Jessica ❤
So I usually don't support creators. I am deep in debt and I have little money to spare. When I was listening to Jessica, I was happy that the patrons support her and how beautiful it is that they helped to create funds for this book. And then I realized that I actually do support her on Patreon since forever. It is just a dollar a month, a grandfathered tier that's not being able to be chosen anymore. I will not buy the book, it costs too much for me and I don't read anyway. But I am very happy I was able to help at least a little bit 🧠💙
If you create the audible free trial you can listen to it for free :) be sure to unsubscribe though ;)
I'm broke too. I'm gonna ask my library if they have the book. The more people who ask the libraries about a certain book, the sooner they are to purchase one to loan out. I love reading but I'm too broke to buy books. And the library does actually buy new books if enough people ask. Maybe check your library. They might not have it right away but if it's popular enough they might buy it ^_^
Damn, this is really hitting home as someone who realized that a lot of passion and ambition I used to have kinda just.... disappeared. And I don't really think I can 'dream big' anymore or decide what to work towards, because who am I to know what to shoot for or what's possible/impossible for me?
But what if you don’t have a fiery, ambitious goal? What if you don’t really have a goal at all? This is what I struggle with, and it means my motivation is always low. I’d love to hear a perspective on finding these goals when hanging on to a single project is a monumental challenge all by itself!
You can’t always force it, sometimes it just happens while we’re busy doing other things. You naturally gravitate towards it! I’m in the same boat, but I think a fiery ambitious goal puts too much pressure on me, so i’m trying to be content with just seeing what happens and doing what I can/want!
Idk if this helps!
I'm between big goals at the moment but as someone who's always struggled with formal goal setting I've always found the ones I've had come from indulging in reading about/learning random stuff and just leaning into it, finding parts of it interesting and becoming obsessed with it
Your goal is always aligned with something you good at,
@@drodlaren Actually, it does help! Sometimes I forget that just making it day to day can be a valid goal.
This is what I kept thinking too.
Man the George Lucas story hits me in the feels. I'm ADHD my wife is autistic and we have two boys have both ADHS and ASD. This is so hopeful. Thanks for what you do!
Okay so now I'm crying at my desk because you understand me--I'm so used to calling my impossible goals my fatal flaw. I never thought I could consider them a strength and another tool in my toolbelt. Just bought the book and can't wait to get reading!
Everyone always told me I get a bee in my bonnet, saying I have these goals but forget about them later or don't achieve them. I can't wait to read the book!
This was EXACTLY my experience with my master's thesis. I didn't realize it, but hearing you talk about this, and how your brain worked through this, and how you were able to write this, it's so accurate. I was SO lucky to have someone who didn't tell me to be 'more realistic' or go for a smaller goal, she gave me accountability, she brought me to different places to write, helped me put my ideas in order when they were all jumbled, showed me where I was combining too many things into one chapter, etc.
Now, I feel like I've kinda forgotten how to do that, how to dream big and really feel motivated, and I think that's what I'm lacking. It's so important to have that huge goal to shoot for, and it's really interesting that you always hear 'shoot for the moon' but also to be more realistic with making goals. :"D
I pre ordered the book when I heard about it and it’s arriving today. I’m SO excited 😆
Aw yay thank you for ordering it!!! Hope you enjoy!
Whaaat mine says March! 😢 damn amazonnnnn
It is so amazing
@@therealzahyra the hardback comes out today, the paperback in March - but a lot of places don't have the hardback 🙁 - ordered mine from Blackwell's (UK) if that helps
Still staring out the window here willing the Amazon driver to appear with mine... Lol... So excited for the delivery today
The concept of SMART goals has actually been really helpful for me as a person with ADHD, but I agree with you in the sense that neurodivergent people like us need goals that are not too easy & goals that actually match our passions and the things we care about! 😊💕🙏🏾
I agree. The SMART goals are the stepping stones that make the road to the big drems ✨
I think this is true for some people, but backfires if you fall into all-or-nothing mind traps (ie, if it feels like I won't be able to do Big Goal, then I will abandon everything about this)
It also only works for people with enough resources/support/safety nets/etc.
I also have ambitious goals. And now? I'm a policy director for my local political party. And I also moderate for a few CZcams channels. I totally agree, Aiming high is not a bad thing. 😊
...Except chores. Because _oh my god_ wall of awful. 😢
Big goals matter to anyone, especially for neurodivergent folks. Thanks for stating this so eloquently using your experience with your book. Congrats on your achievement!
Thank you for validating my two really big long-term goals:
1) My fiancée and I want to open a Medieval-themed camping and event site, mainly for LARP, by the end of 2025.
2) I am sewing most of the costume pieces for our wedding party. The bard and the rogue are going off on an adventure, and 11 of our friends as the other D&D classes are going to be in our wedding party! That's 16 costumes (separate costumes for the two of us, for the wedding and reception, plus a vest for the beastmaster ranger's service dog). That's a *lot*, especially for the level of quality of the garments I'm expecting myself to achieve.
People have been telling me I'm nuts for goal #2, but we want to open our business first anyway (so we don't have to pay for a venue), so I have time. And my fiancée and I are *very* particular about what we want our wedding to be, so it's worth it to me to put in that amount of time and effort. Thank you for the validation 💜
The direction is so much more important than the end objective for me-I want to do/experience the thing, not get the thing done. This idea of big lofty goals works with this because it’s more about vision and inspiration rather than realistic, measured progress, which is what SMART goals value
Yesss!!! I always disagreed with the idea that you cant consistently rely on motivation/inspiration... i need it, it drives me! I nurture it daily!
My goals are so out there, so enormous, I keep most of them secret! I dream of them almost daily. My desire and zest for life grow even bigger than my obstacles and challenges!
The timing on this is fortuitous. I just finished a therapy appointment and saw this video pop up shortly after and.. it made me realize I've been trying to hard to set realistic expectations and goals for myself for this thing I'm trying to do this year.. that.. it doesn't seem that exciting.
I'm trying to keep myself from being disappointed in the future, but like.. if I get disappointed, it'll only be for a little bit, right? Better to be full of fire and energy to do the thing for the next month or two than to hold myself back from dreaming big and never really doing it.
That is so cool ! I want to become an author who lives through books and when the books get too hard or long to work on, I tell myself "it's just impossible to become a professionnal author without writing things for others" and then I want to prove it wrong and motivation comes right back
Exciting goals, that totally makes sense!! I do really like SMART goals, but I sincerely respect that others may not. I'm a computer scientist by schooling and trade, and the fundamental aspect of computer programming involves taking a large problem and breaking it down into small problems. For me, the little problems are the SMART goals. They are simple and easy to understand (i.e. I can hold them in my working memory and not forget them). But, yes, by themselves they are boring. This idea of excitement is fantastic. There should be a large exciting goal that spans the smaller uninteresting goals. It's this larger, awesome goal that I have forgotten to set for myself. Thank you for sharing this!
As a middle-aged person with ADHD who just graduated with her M.S. in Counseling I want to give this video two thumbs up! If realistic goals were motivating, I wouldn’t have gone to school! Thanks for sharing your journey. I agree we need big dreams to motivate us through obstacles. Unfortunately, SMART goals for clients were really hammered in by my supervisors, but I think it’s because the “specific” part is so hard for me (okay, how do we figure out the next step to make it happen). I know how good it feels to have a physical thing that exists in the world because you had a dream/vision and worked (with others of course) to make it come true. It’s amazing, right?!?! Very happy for you, enjoy!
Maybe SMART is just a way to achieve the accountability that Jessica is talking about? I haven’t thought this through, I just got inspired by your comment.
I wish I could give this video more than one like. Constantly being berated by certain family members over my lifetime about how "I'm not being realistic" always crushed what I was trying to do.
I sincerely needed to her this today! Thank you! I have set out to start my own company and I ran into road blocks and trying to scale down and quit has really been depressing, now I know why!
"Sometimes the impossible goals are the only ones that's possible for us to achieve"
Hits hard though
I'm a special education teacher and this is so true! A big part of the IEP at the high school level is called Transitions Planning. For a while, I felt like it was my job to move students from unrealistic goals to realistic goals.
One of my students wanted to be a makeup artist. In my head, I was like there is no way this is going to happen. You live in Minnesota and there is no chance of this happening. But 10 years later, sure as shit, she pops up on my Instagram and she's a makeup artist!
So, I learned to never doubt my students desires, but to use them as guides for them.
You have no idea of how much I needed to listen to this right now.
But seriously why do I get teary eyes with so many of your videos?
“Sometimes the ‘impossible’ goals are the only goals it is possible for us to achieve.” Powerful and inspiring!
Congratulations on the book being out in stores!
I got diagnosed this last year. Unfortunately, I've run out of goals/dreams. With all the twists, turns, and desert island stops just to get to my age, all goals have at some point been abandoned. It sounds horrible, but it's just a reckoning. I try on new goals now and then but nothing that lights my fire. 🤷
Anyone out there who has an inkling of a goal - pursue it! 🎯
Maybe it's time to try on some of those old goals and see if they still fit?
I started crying when I heard that we can do it in a adhd friendly way. There is no „universal correct” way, just effective ways for different people. I gained faith in my dreams after your talk in this podcast. Thank you, good job with a book and let’s goooo do some fantastic things!
I've sat through so many work/mentorship meetings forcing me to write down SMART goals and time after time I've felt they were incredibly frustrating. Thanks for this one!
I think the closest comparable would be the bullet journal book as being part memoir, part how to, and adhd friendly as well as somewhat adhd informative/helpful, but certainly not a direct or 1-1 comparison.
So proud of you for completing this amazing feat/goal and look forward to getting a copy myself. ❤
my secret sauce that completely turned my motivation around (to the point that my therapist was literally surprised) is a big, ambitious, over the moon goal, then break it down into steps, but the steps are mini, achievable, SMART goals
As a high school student who has been contemplating whether or not I'm neurodivergent for a while now, thank you so much for what you're doing. Your videos have seriously helped me as a person who isn't able to get the treatment needed while also living in a country where autism specifically is heavily stigmatized
Everyone is talking about their new book, get their book, and honestly I love all of these creators and I'm kind of tired about hearing about the books they've written. Partly because I'm jealous because I'm so depressed and I can't get myself to write the book I've always wanted to. I don't feel strong enough to be in these spaces and be my authentic self.
I started watching your channel a couple months before the pandemic because I found out at 30 I had ADHD and ASD. I have loved your channel and I have learned so much about myself and have appreciated every moment.
I haven't purchased any of these new books from all my favorite creators who honestly have such a close place in my heart same as you. But as you were describing your impossible goal, that reading your book should feel like I binged watched your whole channel(which I have done a couple times), watching your ted talk, etc, etc, and sitting down to have a coffee with you in that moment I have never gone to audible so fast and bought a book, and after I was like I hope she narrated it too and went back to check.
Jessica, thank you for being you, I don't know what this journey I'm on would look like without you. I'm excited to learn more with you. You have made a profound difference on my life.
I've been following your channel ever since I had to leave my university because of my ADHD and undiagnosed autism. I couldn't stop watching your videos and learning systems to navigate the world. What has inspired me most has been your conversation around ableism, what you've learned from it, and how much you empower people through this channel to do what works for them and ignore an ableist society that often limits and fills neurodivergent people with guilt. (A bit of a tangent ik.) I am so excited to read your book! I want to become an architect and design houses for disabilities while having a work-life balance, something I've never had before! It sounds impossible; I'll take your advice and see if having an impossible goal makes it all the more possible! (I think you're on to something with this!)
Decades before I realized my neurotype, the quote "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars," really resonated with me. Aim for the ridiculous thing so that when you fall short, it's still amazing.
Talk about synchronicity!
I just found out this morning that I'm finally going to be able to start working toward my "Big Dream" - one I've had, in some form, since I was little. I'm now 58 and bedbound. I thought it was a lost cause.
As of this year, our state has a program which pays for tuition & fees to a state college or university for residents who qualify.
I qualify.
So I can now go get a degree after taking classes about art history, music history, literature, cultures, sociology, philosophy, etc.
I've barely looked into it and have found two online bachelor degree programs (Humanities or English w/Humanities minor) that I'm interested in.
I need to get the chaos of my life down to a dull roar before I start classes this summer and that's where the SMART goals will come in.
With AuADHD, I need both the ridiculously ambitious goal *and* the SMART - let's call them goalettes (goalees sound like hockey players 😉) .
I pre-ordered the digital version from Amazon. Then forgot I pre-ordered the digital version and ordered it from Google. So now I have two copies, one of which I'm going to share with a friend. Congratulations on a ridiculously wonderful achievement!
Thank you for reminding me to genuinely dream BIG instead of trying to fit my dreams into the tiny box of what's "realistic". My life has gone through a lot of upheaval in the last year and as I've been trying to give it new direction I've struggled to find motivation, but I think that if I dare to dream "unrealistic" dreams with my whole heart behind them then I will finally find my new path.
"Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound." These are our goals at work every quarter and you've just articulated why I hate them so much and why they always feel like I'm giving up on anything great before I even start. I may share this with our neurodiversity ERG if I can convince myself it's safe to.
It's at my library. All.the copies are currently checked out. So glad people like it!
One dream I have, thanks to you, is for your book to be translated to Swedish, so I can give it to my mom. Because she tries, she truly tries, but she doesn't always understand and this book would probably be perfect for her.
Thanks to you and this channel I realised that not only do I have autism, I also have ADHD and this channel gave me so many tips to figure out that part of my brain and I've come to the realisation that I need meds to be able to do tasks, so I've requested evaluation, which will take years, but at least it's started.
So thank you, truly thank you
I just got the book via Audible, simply because your voice calms me down and enables me to focus on things very well❤ I don't know how much I'll be able to listen to it bc my main focus is on working on my childhood trauma🥲 But I now have it, and I'll find mental capacity for it eventually😊 It's so amazing to see you thrive in a world made for neurotypical people! Much love from Germany. Thank you, Jessica! We're all incredibly proud of and inspired by you writing this book!❤
Cool!, another crying 42-year-old here. I see one in the comments just now, because Not only am I excited about your book, but this is exactly message I needed to hear right now. My dreams are huge, and I am the one who keeps telling me that it's not a realistic goal and that playing small is smart because what I'm doing is a huge risk. The thing is, if we pull it off, myself and my people in my corner, who are so capable but we are all AutDHD, this project could help tons of people and become a self-sustaining perpetual thing helping people after we're gone. I need to stop telling myself I can't and maybe just... Try to see if I can!!!
Kindle edition bc I'm moving but will buy hardcover soon as I'm settled in a few months!
One thing I learned, as an educator, and for myself, set the ridiculous goal, don’t make all goals ridiculous or they may work against each other, but do it. Then, work to achieve the goal by breaking it down into realistic bites. And don’t shut down someone else’s goals. Help them figure out how to get there. Point out possible obstacles but also solutions. If it isn’t meant to be, the universe will correct it.
This explains a lot - I've had so many partially completed projects driven by some overly ambitious goal, yet there's so many basic things I can't bring myself to do
I was always told my goals were unrealistic and I continue to have "unrealistic" goals but I never have been able to follow through with them. If I had the kind of encouragement that mom provided I can't imagine where my life would be (ADHD+Autism)
I did this with learning to play Hymns on the piano. Instead of starting with the easy ones, I went for way harder ones that I liked a lot more. One was in four flats, and the other was in a tenor clef, causing your hands to constantly intertwine. I only ever learned those two, but I actually learned them. If I'd started with easy ones that I liked less, I wouldn't have ever practiced more than a handful of times
Well, I have achieved my childhood goal in a way, and this reminded me of that, which is quite validating. My goal was to be self-employed and not have to work for a boss. So I have stood 3 years of apprenticeship, to learn a job which I can easily get self-employed with and which I like and which is also rare. This was a tough time for me.
And now I am working alone, I have a time flexible job, where I can be completely honest to my customers and don't have to sell anything I don't want to. I don't earn a full living because I am also growing up 4 children. But I achieved my goal.🎉
I often don't see it that way because it's not a big business like I pictured, but it's the goal I had as a 16-year-old. So yey quite a success. I haven't thought of it that way.
PS. In the last year, I have started to realize that I probably have Flown under the radar to be recognized with ADHD, because I have somewhat managed my childhood, (and my brothers ADHD was much more noticeable).
I just got the audible notification about the boom release. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RELEASING AN AUDIO BOOK VERSION, with my neurodivergency I struggle alot with being able to sit down and read but I love books and audio books are the way I can.
I just got my copy of the book. That plus this video are helping me to recenter myself on getting my thesis done. Thanks and great job you’ve helped me and many others so much! Edit: I think I may have figured out why graduate school has gotten so much more difficult. I think I lost my ridiculous goal now I need to refind one.
Wow that's exactly what I needed to hear as an ADHDer with a new Autism diagnosis. I need my crazy dream, but is it holding me back from settling in my disabilities or is it propelling me forward on a journey of finding myself. Thanks Jessica!
Thank you for this. I'd forgotten that these "unrealistic goals" is how I, a student who had average grades, was able to motivate themselves enought to improve his grades and in the end got into one of the most competitive universities in my country to study aerospace engineering.
For some of us, shooting for the stars is what gets us going, and sometimes you land on the moon. But that's further than you would've gotten if only the sky was your limit.
This is an absolutely brilliant observation and idea. All successful projects were ridiculously difficult to pull off in the first place OR subconsciously delayed for so long that they became difficult.
My job has had tons of these moments. "We don't improve the process or architecture or documentation, we REWRITE IT FROM SCRATCH!"
For reasons I now understand, the tiniest edits on existing things were horrible and dreadful. Working ten times as much to rewrite the whole thing from scratch and make it the best thing it could be was always much... easier to pull off. "Edit three pages and add a table in the annex" was always far far worse to do than "rewrite 15 pages, beautify the layout and throw out that stupid annex nobody needs anymore". And not just more motivating, it was objectively better for everyone and the whole thing was good afterwards, and people finally used it to improve their own work and not just check off company regulation.
So, off to set lofty goals for all the things now.
Thank you so much! I've been forced to make SMART goals in so many programs and classes, it's such a demoralizing experience.
This actually made me cry. Couple of years ago I had an idea for a career change and due to my partner's 'realistic' comments I gave up. The 'realism' cuts wings.
This reminds me of how I once spontaneously decided to make a dress, never having done so before and not having used a sewing machine in years, also only with youtube to teach me and only a few weeks. It seemed so impossible but so exciting and I did it and it looked amazing. I was so proud of myself. Then, another occasion came up to make a dress, but a different kind and with much less time. After having done it before I totally thought it was possible because people usually only take a few days to make dresses like these. But guess what, I failed. I feel that it was both because of me getting a little overconfident and also thinking that it was so possible that I didn't give myself the right amount of time and resources and treated it more like a task than an ambitious project. Now, I'm going to design for a fashion show, and it feels so insane and so impossible that I think I might just succeed!
I was just able to finish watching the video before ordering your book...preorders drive me crazy, so I had to wait for the sentence to change from "can be preorderes wherever books are sold" to "can now buy this book everywhere books are sold" 🤩
When I was a child, I wanted to become a cashier at the local grocery store. Something you don't need any degree for here.
And my mom always said, that is a very nice job. We need cashiers!
I did get a degree in retail sales. But I don't work in a grocery store. Because I wasn't physically made for that work.
But I did use the skills I learned to do digital customer service.
For me adhd meds do something different. Everyone says, hey I can concentrate better with meds. Not me. But I can take in more stimulus at once, and process them better. So I see more and because I see more I can learn more. But it's not like I can read or not read a book with or without meds. I also don't have issues remembering the book with or without. But when I go outdoors, the environment is so much bigger with meds. And less exhausting.
I also pre-ordered your book. The store seems to be taking a while to deliver but I hope it helps.
I actually couldn't finish this video the first time I watched it because I was crying so hard. I realized I've been systematically crushing any dreams I have because they weren't "realistic". It's going to be a quite the process to figure out how to dream again
This totally makes sense. I’ve tried SMART goals and breaking them down into steps but they never last. But the nebulous dream of becoming an astronaut always keeps me moving forward.
I didnt realize i had limited myself as a kid with this mindset. I killed my own dreams trying to make them more realistic.
But i do have crazy goals, and right now I've never felt more secure in my current decisions that can get me there. Lets do this!!
I've spent 38 years lost from the SMART goals set by schools and others. And I've spent the last 2 years with my AMBITIOUS goals becoming a program lead at my school, and building a program for others like me. As I tell my students "I don't need you to be like all of them, I need you to be all of you, which is AMAZING. Go break something, be scared, be awesome, be different. You got my support".
I can't wait to read your book :)
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars” - Norman Vincent Peale
Im glad you brought this up! Ive been funtioning this way. I call them trophies. "What is the trophie I want from this?" After I got my trophie in photography I decided to pursue a life long dream of bieng a singer. With no experiance and 40 yrs old i set my trophie as having a number 1. Hit. It wakes me up in the morning. Reminds me to practice vocals everyday and write lyrics.
Thank you so much. I have been told most of my life that my goals and dreams are too big and unrealistic. I WILL make them come true.
I have a few big dream that I want to do!! For example
1. I want to do voice acting (but people have been saying to me that “you need to be thick skinned” which means to be resilient when it comes to acting and working REALLY hard!! I have dyslexia, ADHD, and I’m also autistic as well as having an undiagnosed seizure disorder. I have seizures when I get too stressed, flashing lights, too much reading, listening to music that has fast beats etc). So hopefully I can one day live my dream and become a voice actress.
2. I want to do something that involves dancing, for example I want to do a flash mod!!! I’ve been wanting to do that for years now!! (But my dance moves don’t like being confined to a specific dance practice, the reason I don’t like being confined to a specific dance practice is because my brain is very spontaneous but is also very rigid and scheduled which means “I will dance the way I want to dance and I won’t conform to other people’s rules” but then I’m also “I want to dance with everybody!!! And I don’t like staying with a schedule!! Let’s be fun!!!”)
3. I would like to draw things that give me joy!! And maybe put it into a artbook and sell the artbook to make money (maybe). (But I’m not always in the mood to draw things and my brain sometimes doesn’t get the needed dopamine from it).
4. I want to go metal detecting!! That’s been a passion that I want to do for a long while now!! (I have all the equipment but my metal detectors are getting dusty and I need to clean them).
5. I want to go to the cinemas with my support worker!! (But I’m not sure if I have enough hours so I can go to the cinema, the closest cinema is about 30 - 40 minutes away from my house and I only have about 4 hours pre week of time with my support worker, I also have another support worker that I go out with on the same week but on a different day. I did get more hours added to my NDIS funding which is nice, it went from 4 hours a week to 6 hours, so that’s nice). Just to tell you I only have 4 hours, 2 hours pre support worker a week and it takes about 30+ minutes to get to the cinema then 30+ minutes to get back, so that’s already an hour gone. Then we only had 1 hour to watch the movie at the cinema, which isn’t long. But with 6 hours now I could be able to go because now I could watch a movie at the cinema but I might want to use those extra hours to get another support worker, I don’t know.
6. I want to publish my fictional story but it’s unfinished because I haven’t had the inspiration to keep writing.
7. I want to make a cook book for people like me who are dyslexic, ADHD and/or autistic!! I’ve already made a Facebook page that has some of my recipes that I have modified (all the recipes that I have put on my page are not mine, but are from other websites and recipe books but I have modified them so that they are easier for me to understand).
I also want to go and bake at a group for people who are disabled and/or have learning disabilities like me. Like a Baking School!! That would be awesome!!
8. I also want to be a stand up comedian!! I do have anxiety but I think I’ll be ok if I can train myself to not focus on the audience and just think about “they all turned into cute kittens, and they are playing with each other!!” I love kittens!!
First WOW what a different perspective on goals. Then I thought differently too. Your goal was achievable. You did it because no one told you that you could not. You did not limit yourself. I went off to college not knowing to years later that my parents thought I probably would fail. They knew it would be better to try and fail than never know if I could. I have a masters in special education. My passion was to help students, who like me, did not fit well in the standard education system. I taught for 30 years.
Congratulations on your book.
Man this makes so much sense. I realize now how my lack of motivation for my performance degree was directly corelated to when i started seeing "being a performer as a profession" as an unrealistic goal.
Its like, i need two types of goals. A big goal that may seem unrealistic, or a goal that is difficult to fail. My new years resolutions are usually the difficult to fail kind. Because big goals I'm excited about dont come to me at a specific time of year haha
Oh I really like that!! Two types of goals. I think I might be the same actually…I need easy wins in addition to big challenges
❤️❤️❤️ There have been some very significant periods in my life that I truly believe having an impossible goal was THE reason I survived. Thank you so much for speaking this to my heart. ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve been taking a workplace success course which focuses a lot on goal setting. They differentiate goals and strategies, which are the long term aims and roadmaps, from objectives and tactics, the little things you do along the way to get there. I didn’t really get it, but I think it resonates more if I get rid of the strategy part. Just a big goal like you describe, and then taking steps in that direction. A goal can be valuable because it encourages me to do objectives/tactics, even if I never have a real plan to get to that final goal.
even though my goals are otherwise mundane, they feel herculean to me & this was such a feel-good boost to my motivation :))
I wish someone told me this over 10 years ago. I've lost motivation in life, for my study (that I might not even be able to complete anymore) for any job, even though my current job isn't bad. There is no dreaming at all anymore, since everything seems to be unrealistic and therefor a waste of time, if you're easily overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and tired. I'm 36 and so lost.
This is great! I absolutely hate smart goals, and had no idea I did until you said my feelings out loud about them. They are strict and inflexible…and BORING! And everyone with ADHD knows that boredom is worse than almost anything for us. I shut down as soon as I know how to do something, so if my goals are realistic and achievable, I’ll quit before I even start. We need the frisson of excitement and the problem-solving drive we automatically harness when we’re faced with the great unknown is the only way I have ever fuelled myself toward doing just about anything I’ve ever been proud of.
About to go check out the book! Just learned a couple of weeks ago I had ADHD & found this channel. Glad toknow what was going on in my brain. Good luck on everything with the book & channel.
I've always struggled with ADHD and the learning issues that came with it, but I set the goal of becoming a leading video game designer. It took longer than I had hoped for, but I did it! Now at 58 years old, I've designed many best-selling games for many top game developers and publishers.
Your stating how you actually did it brought tears to my eyes.
Happy New Year, Jess, and all the Brains!
Happy New Year!!!!
If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough!
Just ordered the book. 😊
Such a great insight! As I struggle to get my thesis finished, people keep telling me, "Eh, just write something, no one will ever read it anyway!"--as though that's supposed to be motivating. I will stick to my wild over-ambition for the project instead, I think.
Honestly as someone who chose to forgo med school and go to nursing school because I was living out of my car at the time this is making so much sense to me. I went through some of the WORST depression of MY LIFE. I genuinely don’t even think it was the nursing school, the abuse from my parents,homelessness or the studying I just think I felt like I had given up and went for a path I knew I could achieve and didn’t feel…curious or stretched in anyways. I felt defeated I guess and hopeless. I had managed to go to college and what I chose was the path already managed to be walked.
Looking back I’m glad I didn’t go to med school either actually. Now that the dust is settled I think I may go to art school a good 10 years later 😂 like an absolute loon. Do something crazy because I have always done better. My Dad made a great career out of it. Like she said, it’s where our brains thrive is more creative problem solving. I love learning actually but in medicine I found I’m often uh…😅 basically recalling things I could just …look up lol and regurgitating guidelines not actually using any critical thinking skills and usually being cockblocked by insurance in a way I find so depressing I would never return for a medical doctorate.
I’m in a sign language interpreting program and I REALLY wanna work out in nature with a Deaf Ecologist and I’ve been telling myself “bro that is kinda impossible” but this video has made me realize how motivating that is and maybe ok to go after. ❤
The book sounds great! To be fair you can STILL make a whole book on each chapter! But having just the succinct overview version as a first book is amazing! :)
I just got my pre-order delivered today! Cant wait to read later.
CGP Grey has a video on using themes instead of goals. It was very similar to the type of goals mentioned here. I switched to using themes this year. And then goals are just learning experiments for me. That reframing has helped a lot because ive never been good with traditional goals or smart goals.
Maybe some content ideas here but would love to see some videos going more in depth on the writing process. Ive always been terrified of writing not because of the actual writing but because im so bad with writing by deadlines. So would love to see how you wrote while not getting stuck for too long and having a two year book turn into a 10 year book.
Congrats on your book! You can tell that you put your heart into this book and want to help your community! Love your tips about goals, for example, taking breaks, finding ways to make the goal fun or cozy, and using tools or systems that will help you achieve your goals! Mariane Cresp has a video called how to use a self-care/break list on her channel where is talks about 3 types of breaks and Jashii Corrin has some goal planning videos and live videos where she discusses having a low-bar goal and high bar goal. For example, exercise 5 minute would be low-bar and exercise 45 min will be high- bar. She would color in the goal in her journal with different colors according to low-bar or high-bar. I those ideas, too!
This brought me to tears. My loving, caring, also neurodivergent (autism) wife tries to keep me grounded...tries to manage my expectations...tries to keep me from risking too much. She means the absolute best, but it's counterproductive. All of the craziest, most notable things I've done in my life have been the result of setting an insane, unattainable goal...and then achieving it anyway.
I am so happy for you, I just bought your book, and I am going to set my sights back on the sky.
I tried so hard for many years to make SMART goals work for me, and I never could. I was changing my planner system every few months or so because I couldn't make traditional systems work for me. I made my own SMART goal replacement and called it the P3AR method. Plan - Prioritize - Prepare - Act - Reflect. It worked for a bit, until the novelty wore off.
I have been struggling with these issues for so long, but the military makes it so hard to even get a diagnosis if you have no prior medical history with ADHD. I'm 31 and still haven't gotten a diagnosis. I've been begging for a diagnosis just so that i have a professional's view of what my symptoms are because I need to come up with a treatment plan to find what works for me.
I have been watching Jessica's videos for almost a year now and I have learned so much about myself in the process. I have learned to be more kind and forgiving with myself. Thank you Jessica, and I am proud of you for accomplishing your "impossible" life goal of publishing your book. I can't wait to read it!
Thank you for being you. I am building a 400sqft Tiny house on wheels with no experience, and it is my current ridiculous goal and I am proud to say the shell is almost complete and I can begin finishing the exterior and finish the interior. Lots of doubt but no one has stopped me instead have been supportive and ...well my proof is on my channel 😊 the book arrives tomorrow and even though I'm not a reader I am ecstatic for its arrival. ...got one for my sister and mom too
"I had no idea how I can do it, but I knew it would be super cool"
I love that mindset!
Un medicated for a long time diagnosed adhd as a kid, adult now sometimes i get overwhelmed to the point of a type of paralysis, like executive function isnt there, it scares me but keep on pushing, love the videos.