The problem is...for me there is no way for me to leave this toxic environment. So I really have no choice. I understand I cant fully heal but if there's hope that I can at least heal to a significant extent that gives me hope to keep going
I have the same problem, I'm living with my parents, and all I feel is fear. All I can do is work hard to move out, but till then I wanna know if I can heal or just stop it all.
Yes same omg are you okay now ??♥️🙏🏾 everyday I’m in this toxic environment.. but yeah everyday I’m still fighting for healness and gaining strength to figure out how to leave
Yes. Due to my disabilities, severe chronic pain, and 0 family/friend support I cannot leave. But at least I can try my best to kickstart better habits. It's so freaking difficult when you're running on E and emotionally flatlined. I isolate in my home, in the same room I was attacked and violently raped by a stranger who came to my door. I de-personalize and dissociate a lot. I'm very numb but I cannot heal here. For me my relationship is only part of it. But I live in an extremely hostile city where I've been attacked and robbed more times than I can count and some even in broad daylight. I have cPTSD from my entire life basically. All of my adulthood traumas come from this city. I isolate and the only person I interact with is my husband (who can be abusive) but I'm so traumatized of this city and of being homeless in this city alone without pain management. Racism is something that definitely makes me a target along with the traits of my autism and the fact that I'm female. Being light skinned is very bad here. I had left to CA to try to live but I was too expensive so we had to move back. But I was there for 14 months and had healed SO much, was in the best shape of my life, and was so easy to make friends because it's so diverse, I was thriving!!! Then I had to come back and I was so stressed out I developed a neurological issue the second day moving back. I pep talked myself that I'd give this place a fresh start as a new person and the second month back I'm attacked for the first time. I've been attacked 3x in three years of being here. I've been struggling so badly. We are planning to move so I can thrive. I want my education but I cannot do it here as this city in its entirety is a cPTSD trigger. I cannot do it all alone like a person without disabilities and daily chronic headaches and migraines. I'm grateful he's going to help me escape here again because he knows everything I've been through. My hope is to go to school, in the career I chose where my autism will be an advantage rather than a disadvantage, be happy with a new life outside of this hostile, heavily littered barren desert wasteland, get into fitness again because I'll be much happier, and if the relationship doesn't change I will be able to stand on my own in a beautiful environment I can go out for walks and not worry about no solace from the sun's wrath as well as not get jumped (which did happen while talking a walk in my neighborhood, listening to music, and minding my own business).
Same....my parents are excellent at guilt tripping and emotional and verbal abuse. Since childhood, i have been suffering from different types of trauma..I will spill --- My babysitter decided to starve me for months, and i ended up in a hospital almost dead..when i was a child, i used to wipe my mother's tears whenever she was sad, Gradually, i feel distant because of the pain they have given me...like any normal children, when i did something naughty,like--- running across the living room, my father used to beat me mercilessly and after giving me bruises, he used to say sorry the next day...This continued till i was 15. My mother used to emotionally blackmail me everytime when my father was not home that she will suicide by lighting herself on fire and will make me watch Her and she will Haunt me afterwards or she will take me along with her and lit us up if i don't do my homework (this happened continuously when i was 6--13 years of age) and off course, degrading words and verbal abuse are still present..... I am preparing for NIFT next year, and i want to move out (my parents don't want me to move out , they tell they are emotionally attached and can't live without me, lol) They are still demotivating me so that i can't give my exam well, and yeah, it's working..i am being negative, and stressed, also suffering from panick attacks I am 18. Wish me luck, i wish i am able to cover my exams and move out from this traumatising and toxic environment 🌸
The worst is being a teenager and living in a toxic environment that makes you want to give up, still if i want to leave I can't, live in a terrible country, no job, to young, just lost...
me exactly right now and this sucks so bad i'm so tired of just feeling secluded in my room but purposefully too because i can't trust anybody in my house and they all just tend to really really make me angry and just piss me off 24/7
Keyanna, Jen here from Team Lyon. There is so much going on in the world right now, you are certainly not alone in feeling this way. Now is a time to lean into support of all kinds. If you need crisis support, please reach out to your local crisis hotline.
This is fascinating when considered within toxic community, national, and geopolitical white supremacist, capitalist environments. So we want to dismantle any collective power structure that obstructs the capacity for any group of people to fully heal.
Living in an unsupportive environment where our feelings and what we say is invalidated feels like being in a straitjacket with a stuffed mouth. Hard, but I have to try NOT DUMPING DOWN myself! So good to be reminded to this balance is needed, so I can stay good to myself. I really like Hayao Miyazaki's animations, I watched the Totoro last night! It warms up my heart, and strengthens my faith about I CAN DO IT!
nrbysf, Great to hear that you have resources that warm your heart and strengthen your faith. You can do it! Irene has lot of resources to check out too if you want more support. Two in particular came to mind when I read your post so I'll link to them here in case you want to check them out (one is from Seth Lyon, Irene's colleague and husband). How to Unfrustrate Frustration: sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/ How to work with anger in a healthy way: czcams.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/video.html -Jen from Team Lyon
@@teamlyon3109 Thanks, I read the article, I liked it, because I saw the video before, and was thinking about how I could do a practice like this alone.
My issue is that I have neighbours that are very aggressive, and I never know when they suddenly start shouting at their children, and it's usually triggering a very strong fear/panic response in me. I know it's triggering my own traumas, but it's really difficult to live like this because even though I'm working on my healing, I don't feel really safe in this environment.
Hi Andrea C, Jen here from Team Lyon. I can certainly understand how your neighbor's behavior could be stressful and could touch into your traumas and history. You're not alone in that one. It can for sure be challenging to work on growing nervous system regulation and capacity when we don't feel safe. While it may not be possible to create the ideal situation in the short term (e.g. moving to a space without loud neighbors or talking to them about their behavior), know that anything you can do to support your sense of safety can make a difference. For example, when you hear your neighbors start to get loud, you might pause and take a moment to name what's happening and what you're noticing in your experience, and orient to already Taking steps such as having ear buds or ear plugs near by so that when you hear it starting may also be helpful as it can both turn down the volume on what you're experiencing and also communicates to you and your system that you're paying attention and have the ability to take action to support yourself. I'll link two of Irene's videos that might be of interest. czcams.com/video/XGYh1wPpOLA/video.html czcams.com/video/0ICsbXUCKmM/video.html&app=desktop
@@teamlyon3109 Thank you! The earplugs are there, I've been using them for a while now and thet do help. Moving now is not an option, and also I like this place. I talked to them in the past and that didn't help. I feel sorry for those children and I feel like I should help them but I can't really and then I feel powerless. On the other hand this powerlessness might actually be what I felt as a child...
@@andreac647 Great to hear that you're taking steps to lessen the impact of this on you and that this is helping a bit. Understandable that feelings about the impact on the children would arise, and yes, great insight that this might tap into experiences from your own history. Perhaps something to explore if/when you feel called to do so.
Move out! Now and before leaving have talk with healthcare and maybe your neighbours. Stand up for yourself and their children. Chose the side of the powerless.
Genius advice Irene ❤️ I’m 51 years old and have never properly understood any of this 😔 the guidance applies completely to my family system, history and inter generational trauma 😞you are helping me self heal myself 😌 thank you, thank you 🙏❤️🌈
I keep this video in a text message to myself, so I can watch it over again when I feel disconnected from my healing or overwhelmed by toxicity in my environment 😞 every time I watch it my hope and vigour for change in myself is restored 💪🏻 everything you say is absolutely spot on true and I literally can’t thank you enough for providing this content - you really are changing and saving lives Irene ❣️😁🥰💓🎉
I have been same toxic environment pretty long time and trying to heal. Toxic environment is at home where im living with parents. I can say for sure that i thoughed i can heal just to fight and get to their level being toxic myself order to protect myself. Now i understand that i can't heal this environment, because this environment has lead me to anxiety and stress. So if you feel anxiety and stress in that environment it only means it isn't good for your health.
Hi Victory90, Jen here from Team Lyon. It is definitely harder to heal when living in a toxic environment. Sometimes people are able to carve out a small slice of safety in their environment and they are able to start the healing process that way until they are able to leave their environment.
You are amazing.. Thank you so much. I live in toxic family and my "medicine" for now is to go out somewhere, with my car or whatever. Because i think i am also kinda energeticly too open ffor their things to go in my field and its killing me. But as you said, i agree with the idea to make a good base and then leave. I am doing this now and uuff.. Its difficult to proces some old trauma but i also feel reliefe.
I live with my narcissistic parents and I feel like I'm as healed as I can be, as I've been healing from my trauma for 3 years now.. but I can't help that I don't trust ANYONE. I know that's part of the trauma but it makes it impossible to seek help, because I'm afraid no one will believe me. I'm extremely depressed and anxious, I don't have friends, I don't have family members who believe me, police doesn't do anything, I can't be hospitalized for some reason.. the only way seems to be to end it all, I'm just so tired
Hi Kimberley, Jen here from Team Lyon. From what you describe I can understand how you would be feeling exhausted and that it would be hard to trust people. It's good to see you here and that you've found Irene's work and teachings. I encourage you to use and apply the learnings here, it can be a way to support your healing without having to trust anyone right now. I'll link to some free resources that come to mind, as well as to Irene's online self-study course. I'll also link to Irene's "In Crisis" info so you have it if you ever need it. Free Resource Centre - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ In Crisis? - irenelyon.com/in-crisis/ 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/
This is a great video! I decided that I wanted a divorce and told my husband back in April and we have continued to live together, but it hasn’t been easy. I took it as a learning experience and used the lessons to change myself. I know in my heart that I won’t be able to heal completely living under the same roof, so I have been working towards moving out.
I feel sad and I come to this video and you make me listen. I’ve already do things but I can’t set boundaries since ‘they’ do certain things and affecting my emotions. Sometimes it takes me month for me to recover. If I have important things to do, what I do is binge eating or binge shopping, wasting my money. That’s the only way for me to get back to work. Once I’ve realize what I’ve done I’ve feel bad but it has been done. I can’t stop myself. I will cry and have sleepless nights and start the routine all over again. Sometimes I sleep all day. I’ve been so frustrated of them and myself for being weak and I don’t know what to do. I hate myself for getting affected by what they say. Sometimes I do think n ramble nonsense. I, myself even wonder why the hell I even do that? I can’t even run away from this environment since I am a student. During this pandemic time, online class is sucks. I am okay though, but my mind is a messed. Tired, obviously. My phone and my laptop is my sanctuary where I write my ideal life. It is temporary but never help me much. After a few moments, I’ll get back to square one. It stays, they say ones will is the determination of how much u want to change but I keep failing on changing. I started to accept the worst me and soothe my heart, it is okay, ure okay. But I hate it cus it didn’t bring me anywhere. I wanted to move but I am dead inside. I don’t want to live anymore. Just letting time passes by and I don’t know how long. Anyway, u soothe my trouble heart tonight. Thanks. 🌸
HI Afiqah Rosli, what you're describing sounds challenging for sure. It's good to hear that Irene's video spoke to you. Growing nervous system regulation can often be very healing. I'd encourage you to check out Irene's work if you haven't already. I'll link to a few of here free resources here. - Jen from Team Lyon Ancient Anxiety Medicine - czcams.com/video/0ICsbXUCKmM/video.html 4 Surprisingly Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
It’s an excellent video…sometimes people that we tought honor our light don’t actually want to see you shine…the mistake for me was to give my power away cause they were people that I cared for…now I makes the conscious choice to not let that happen..and really choose who I want to have around me….
I can't trust God/universe. Toxic environment is not even my problem anymore even though I am in this environment. Every time I have prayed for my dreams and my depression, things have just gotten worse. It's like when you've been in a road accident and you are laying on the road injured and you are praying to get the help you need but another big vehicle comes and hits you making your situation worse. People say think positive but, in some cases, even the meds don't help.
I understand the metaphor, but from what I hear, people in who are in road accidents and are laying there like you describe are generally either unconscious or floating out of their bodies and watching everything.
@@iolite2 Well - allow me to explain. There is always a possibility that these people are awake sometimes and are in pain and can't call out for help either because they are exhausted by the pain. That's the worst case scenario. Now, it might be 1 in a million of a chance of this occuring - but it's possible. We can't rule that out. The reason I do this is possibly to imagine the worst case scenario and then go towards the acceptance of it. I guess it helps me prepare for the worst. Even though - things can be far worse than our imaginations. Going back to my comment - I am very much in pain and that pain has probably caused numbness in me. I really could care less about GOD/Universe having my back, given the place that I am in. And the place that I am in is because that's all the energy I have left in me at this point in time. I am tired of calling out for help. I am so exhausted - but that exhaustion is only mine to feel and deal with. No one else can feel it without being in my shoes.
Read The Complete Works of Florence Scovel Schinn. The way you are praying to God is what’s blocking you from receiving. It’s important to get enough sleep/rest and to pray through joy. She does an excellent job explaining how it works and how most of us have been praying to God incorrectly and in a way that increases the pain and suffering. Wishing you well @queenbean5573
I live in a toxic community and it's hard because every people judges me on what I look and what I do and Im always tired of coping up. I started starving myself for 7 days and didn't sleep for 7 nights
You shouldn’t starve yourself based on what other people think. You and your health is more important! I Pray you can find some peace and a plan to get out of there.
I live in an abusive household and it’s difficult to leave it because women in my country can be reported by their families to the police for leaving the house
I am loosing my shit I am sick and fucking tired of these videos saying “get out of the environment “ HOW WHEN YOU MAY NOT HAVE THE MONEY? Or you’ve been isolated from your outside family your entire life ... HOW DO YOU GET OUT WITH NO HELP, NO JOB && in school... HOW?! Is there a boarding house,m or something I am sick and tired of being I am breaking down in here today, I can not take this shit no more , I have been praying,fasting,reading,meditating AND I AM STILL HERE HOW TF AM I SUPPOSE TO GET OUT HOW DO IT GET OUTTTT!!!!
Hi itsdriaa, this sounds incredibly frustrating and there aren't easy answers for sure. If there were, I imagine you would have found them by now. It sounds like you have a lot of resilience and inner strength. This nervous system piece can be an important one for many of us. I encourage you to to keep doing the work, using the free practices available from Irene, and from others where you find resources that resonate. It might also be helpful to express your frustration in the ways that Irene teaches in her health aggression resources. I'll link to those here, and some of her other free resources as well. Also, finding groups, such as select facebook groups or Al-Anon, can also be a way to connect with people who can offer support and encouragement. What is Healthy Aggression? - irenelyon.com/2019/08/19/what-is-healthy-aggression/ Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ Playlist of Free Neurosensory Practices - czcams.com/play/PL_tIcR-r0CU5Xss_Mq1buU-tWdYVQksjI.html
Its really hard living in this toxic community who constantly harasses us. I just wanted to go for a walk outside my house but other people who i dont even know would yell at me and shout slurs and insults. i tried telling my parents about it but they too just say get over it "your not strong" "you shouldnt cry"
Anonymous Sandy, Jen here from Team Lyon. It can be very challenging to live in toxic environments. Where possible, I encourage you to create moments of refuge for yourself. This might be in your room, finding a part way from your house, or listening to music of these videos (to name a few).
im experiencing this in college. i wanted to become a lawyer so i chose criminal law as my major & it was the biggest mistake of my life. im gonna have to spend these first yr of my life dealing w toxic people. our room feels so cold & im surrounded by people who never understands other people's perspective. they constantly make fun of eachother & i dont fit in. im not the type of person that can go around & talk shit behind my friends back. im not the one to look at my phone 24/7 & make tiktoks & judge every person that walks pass my sight. im just not the type of person to backstab one another & spill all their secrets without having a second thought. i hate it here, i just wanted to become a lawyer & not deal w fake people. ik becoming a lawyer will let me face different kinds of people like this but tbh, dealing w criminals is better than dealing w a bunch of fake losers. i should've listened to my friend because she told me to not enter this major since she knows alot of fake people will end up becoming my partners but this is my dream & them becoming part of my everyday life is what keeping me from doing the things that i love. she also told me "id rather b in a room filled w dumb people than b part of the smart kids who are toxic" & now, i agree w that statement more than i ever thought. i rlly should've just went to an art college because im wasting my time here, i just cant wait to graduate
I'm so grateful that you answered many of my questions. I've been doing SE/somatic therapy for 3 years for depression/cptsd. I've read so much but haven't been able to get straight answers to these basic questions either from the books or my therapist. It's hard for me to understand how this healing works because I started from a point of very little body awareness. Some of the problem is language ('resources,' 'regulation,') but at a more basic level it's like trying to explain how to ride a bicycle. You can learn all the steps, but until you finally feel some balance on the bike, it makes no intuitive sense and you keep falling down. I have kept trying because am so desperate for help and the theory makes so much sense, but I bet many people would give up and try something else.
Hi marc, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that you're getting some answered questions by watching Irene's videos. As Irene often says, learning to work with the nervous system can be like learning a new language. And, as you pointed out, it is also experiential. Little steps do really add up over time. Also, I don't know if your SE practitioner is trained in Somatic Practice/touch work (taught by Kathy Kain and/or Stephen Terrell), and this work can often be quite helpful where early/developmental trauma is in the picture. Irene weaves aspects into this work into her more comprehensive program, SmartBody SmartMind. Her more introductory course, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up, can be a great way to learn the basics. It's a self-study course that offers a mix of education and practice. You can also ask questions as you go through the course (which you can do repeatedly if you like) and trained nervous system practitioners answer them. I'll link to Irene's free 3-part Healing Trauma video series. It can be a good way to learn some of the basics if you haven't yet seen it. Her "Four Steps" free resource can also be a good one, I'll link to that too in case you haven't see it yet. free Healing Trauma video series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma 4 Surprisingly Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
This is an amazing video Irene, thank you so much. I really like your examples, because it shows that one does not need to jump from 'nothing' to 'everything', but can actually build a road to feeling more and more resourced.
I used this exact same boat analogy in relation to an abusive relationship that I left after 10 years (luckily 'only' 3 years or so where confusingly distructive) last autumn. During that abusive time it was as if while being busy repairing a hole in the boat my ex partner would be encouraged in making new ones, it became more and more impossible to sleep, eat and feel anything like grounded by the time. Moving apart freed me somewhat, but unfortunately it took a quite traumatising panic attack and health procedure to realise that I had to cut the cords for good. The physical weakness after that incident on top of chronic fatigue brought my whole system to a halt. My Dad, with whom I feel very safe, came to take care of me for a week. After he left I had a blissful week of presence and peaceful sleep. I had totally forgotten how this feels, that I was able to feel like this. Until the trauma of the procedure came back, next to the childhood traumas tight to the abusive relationship and separation. No titration possible in that tsunami wave. I am now educating myself through your videos and working via video chat with my therapist. But o boy, these past unsafe relationships and feelings visit me in my dreams. Not easy to find good or enough sleep. But I stay hopeful and try to find more and more agency. Sometimes only a tiny ounce a day. I also referred to it as learning a new language. One who's alphabet I have yet to desipher. Thank you Irene for putting out all of these helpful insights and informations. : o)
Hi MaiOcean, it was lovely to read about how your Dad came to take care of you and that you experienced a blissful week after he left. Those tiny ounces you're noticing add up to pounds and pounds and heaps more agency over time. It's also inspiring to hear how you're educating yourself through Irene's videos and with your therapist. If you decide you want to dive a little deeper into the nervous work, I hope you'll consider joining us for The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up (irenelyon.com/tuneup/). It's a powerful complement to 1-1 therapy.
@@teamlyon3109 , thank you very much for your kind and encouraging words! I am planning to take part in the 21 Day nervous System Tune Up, and am saving to be able do so. I also joined the waiting list for the 'big programm' in february 2021, although I don not know at this point how I will come up with the fee. But I am trusting, that if it is the right thing at the right moment, a solution will present itself. Meanwhile I am grateful for all the free content. I had a beautiful experience with the guided 'resistance' meditation which grounded and reconciled me for a moment with my body and physiology. This moment feels like a new friendly seed, that I have to come back to and water. : o)
Just wow. what a powerful video. Thankyou so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear to highlight to me that I am on the right path and that me setting boundaries is the right thing to do. It's so easy to fall into the mindset of feeling guilty when you set boundaries especially when you've always been a people pleaser. But I'm growing and changing my narrative. I am healing myself on all levels.
This video is so helpful! I usually listen to Aurora as her mere presence and her music on top of that just makes me feel so calm and loved like I can be myself again, such a nature goddess motherly loving energy! I hope this helps anyone if you wanted something calm and peaceful ~
I wonder… what if we can’t pinpoint the toxic environment? I mean I was growing up in a highly toxic home environment but I moved out years ago, I study at a college, make my own money. But it seems like I have the same neurological responses as if I was still in a toxic and unsafe environment. I love the city I’m in. I love my apartment. I manage finances very Well so the only stress is school because it makes me feel trapped and pressured to do what I don’t want to do to get through. So I wonder whether maybe educational system is the toxic environment? Or maybe not and it’s just something inside of me projecting out? Idk what to do becasue I’m sabotaging myself more and more when it comes to my studies and idk what to do about it.
Viola Nováková, Jen here from Team Lyon. We don't need to pinpoint the toxic environment as we work with what's happening in the here and now. And the responses we learned early in life often stay with us until we do this work to create sustainable and foundational change. If you haven't already seen Irene's free Healing Trauma video training, you might check it out. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
I am glad I found your channel and this video. As some people in the comments mentioned this video is validating. I am currently in a place of distancing myself from my toxic family (boundaries), one person in particular because the history is not a great one, but over the past years I am realizing just how bad this relationship/my family is. I am currently going minimal/no contact with this family member because even being around them for a short time or on a phone call to see my nephew triggers so much and I need a week or two to recover. I am in a place of healing and learning more and more about regulating my nervous system. Thank you for your videos and sharing this content.💙✨
My hubby & I both grew up in toxic homes & he triggered more with rage & control. I would mostly shutdown. Once I realized how verbally abusive he was, I got angry & raged at him & would tell him all the ways he hurt me & it was ugly. We almost divorced. 1.5 years later, I found a good therapist & started to understand our behavior. Then little by little I started to share what I was learning & things started shifting for us both. Then I found your videos last year & now doing 21 day program. Its been steps forward & back but we are both learning & growing. We still have issues but we are learning to regulate & learning better ways to handle things other than our old destructive patterns, but he won't go to therapy so his growth is very slow & gets stuck. We aren't on the same page with everything because he doesn't read the books or watch the same videos. Are you saying I won't completely heal if he's stuck or not willing to do therapy?
Hi Louise, it's uplifting to hear that you found a therapist who's helped you understand your and your husband's behavior a bit more, that you've joined the 21 Day Tune Up and that the steps you've taken are making a difference in your relationship. Irene isn't saying that you won't heal if he's not wiling to do therapy, and the road to healing will likely be a little quicker and ease-ier if he is willing to take some steps to support his own healing. Sometimes people are more open to the nervous system work and/or to education because you it's more about learning about yourself and your physiology than it is about being "therapized". If you haven't already, you might consider sharing some of Seth or Irene's videos or articles with him.
@@teamlyon3109 thank you 💜. I've been trying. He's not interested so I share what I'm learning & he'll take some of it in. Thx for all you guys do. Its life giving ❤
I commend you on trying to fix this now. I don't know if you guys have kids,but 2 "broken" parents trying to raise kids is STRESSFUL for the kids. Trust me. At least you know you guys have to fix yourself. It's bad when parents don't realize THEY too need healings.
@@louisenairpyc6813 hi Louise 😍 Unfortunately we have no children but happy to say that therapy has & is healing me & I'm teaching my husband through my learning & we are growing together...we still have a lot to heal from but we are in a really good place right now. So thankful ❤
@@louiseyoung1231 Well that's good Louise. That's good you guys are in & continuing down a healthy road together. 🥰Love another Louise. You all stay healthy and happy:)
Wow, I'm halfway through the vid & had to pause and say how excellent it is!!! I'm 44, and had to move back in w/ the very people (parents) who caused childhood trauma that manifested into years of untreated borderline personality disorder. I'm now taking my mental health seriously and attending therapy weekly. I cannot thank you enough for this very well put together vid!!! There's so much helpful tips & info!!! I will def come back to this vid often!!! Thanks so much for sharing!!!
This video was amazing for me. ❤ Living in a somewhat toxic environment at this time. One of my housemates is a "loose cannon". Verbal abuse and the kind of sabotage that you mentioned toward the end of your video. When he does that ranting and cursing, he's not really present. Out of his mind. I know that it comes from his own trauma wounds/survival stress. I have compassion for him in this regard. But the personal attacks are more than I can deal with. Or want to deal with. Watching your video, I kept saying "YES!" and doing a Thumbs Up!👍 Because have already been doing many of the things that you spoke about. Resources. Have safe spaces - my own room, including own bathroom and the patio and yard. I love watching funny animal videos, especially cat videos. 😸 I laughed when you suggested that and said that you like watching cat videos, too. 😆 👍 I also enjoy just watching my two cats at play. And watching them relax, which is very relaxing. Boundaries. Already set boundaries. When "said roommate" first moved in the beginning of this year, I listened with compassion to "victim" stories. But there was periodic verbal abuse. He'd apologize, but it happened again and again. Now I avoid him as much as possible. If he says something, I answer with brief phrases, such as "OK", "That's good", "Yes, hot outside" in order to keep the peace. (I'd rather be outside in the Texas heat than be in the same space as him.) Intention. Have already been doing clarified visualizations of where I'm going to live hopefully by next year. Also wrote vision in online journal. I'm there with my two sweet kitties. I feel the emotions - Grateful, Happy, Joyful! Energetic! And of course, SAFE! Will have a better, beautiful future. And will be working part-time for a company/organization that's helping others. Or will help people directly as a Functional Nutrition Coach. Currently retired and need extra income. Want to earn while helping other people live happier, healthier lives. Still feeling stressed and hypervigilent too much of the time. Fatigued. And sometimes don't feel like doing much of anything. Brain fog. Feeling like that today. Got "blasted" again. It was my tone of voice that triggered hiim into a ranpage.Then later today, speaks to me aa if that didn't happen. "Crazy making". From video - "I know I want more for myself. I want out of this toxic environment, this unsafe environment. And I'm not there yet." Can't afford my own place in the U.S.. And what about my cats? They're happy "indoor/outdoor" cats here. Will continue to work on boundaries and building capacity and resiliency. And need to take more actions to make my intention a reality. Also going through the 21 Day Nervous System Tune-Up. I was concerned about being able to heal, as in "Why everyone can heal, but not everyone will". Watched that as part of one of the lessons. Still concerned, but afrer watching this video, I have more hope. THANK YOU AGAIN! ❤
This this! I am so glad to find this video today. Thank you Irene, if nothing else it soothes my soul into knowing it is trying so so very hard to find it’s way. 🦋🌲🌺
Hi Irene/Everyone. I wanted to write a comment on this video to express my gratitude and empathy. I made a huge shift out of my familial environment that was just so terribly attuned and toxic, with lots of intergenerational and cultural/religious trauma. The neighbour was also aggressive towards his children and it was so triggering, was awful to even have to find coping strategies. And so...moving was the hardest thing I've ever done I think. It took years really of saying to myself that I was going to move out (empathising with others in the comments here, it is NOT always easy to 'just move out'. I hear you.) But I started to work on building the capacity financially and in my mind-body. I managed after years. I am still v much dealing with the post move traumas and survival physiology as it's not all hunky dory due to my personal circumstances BUT it is hell of a lot better than becoming extremely sophisticated in my coping strategies in that environment. That is just never going to be the same as living peacefully and harmoniously with oneself (which hopefully I will get to bit by bit). While in that environment, feeling peaceful connections in my physiology (e.g. closest friendships) made me realise by contrast, wow, this is the kind of human connection I deserve - I need to make the leap and find a way to move soon. So there is an inner worthiness dimension to it... do we believe we deserve to feel free, whole and the ease of a new boat? IRENE! This video was just amazing and one of the best I've seen from you in my opinion. So coherent and hits every nail on the head for me having moved out and begun to heal. The boundaries, intentions, resourcing, not being in a victim consciousness (esp. when I go back and see family) is all something that I am finding challenging. I even began to space out a little during the boundary section 😆😅🧐 So this video was just perfect for me. I will definitely be rewatching. I am a 21 Day student so I am building the capacity bit by bit. It can be hard when not around anyone who understands this language of the nervous system and can support me in it, and at times I find it frustrating that it will take me months and years to strongly hold my own life force in the way that I want... but I try to imagine what you and your team would say if you saw me grounding, orienting, resourcing inch by inch despite the severity of the past weighing heavily on me So anyway, thank you all 🥰🙏 Bless you. Here's to our collective healing!!
Forever grateful for your videos and for all the useful information you shere, Irene ! I found this video on the exact day that I needed to watch it. Will check your website for more resources on how to start doing the work to a 'healthier and more authentic version of myself' ❤
Thank you so much!!! This is the first I've watched of your videos, but I already know I'll be watching lots more 😉 Soo helpful!!! Best that I've seen on this topic 🥰
This is great, and I would like to add to the part at the end about shifting and the two responses we might get. The part where someone in your environment might see your gaining agency as a threat is all too real. If that happens, and the threatened person is very controlling and potentially violent, it would be naive and dangerous of the person seeking greener pastures not to have an exit strategy and a literal safe place to which to go arranged in advance of admitting to desire to leave. These are some tips I have read are advisable in such a situation, which thankfully, I am not. Perhaps you can comment further. Thanks for what you do!
hey Irene, I just wanted to say don't give up I 100% believe in what you're talkin about, just unfortunate that there's so much crap going on in this world so less and less eyes are going on you even with myself because I've been so I just wanted to say don't give up I a hundred percent believe in what you're talking about, just unfortunate that there's so much crap going on in this world 🌎 so less and less eyes are going on you, even with myself because I've been so looking into this conspiracy stuff which are starting to add up which is starting to make me feel real sick..✌🙏❤
I’m really through difficult time so far, The people around me are toxic person( Their decision, their words and their thoughts) they are messing with my family especially me and my mom, I’m really rage and anxiety every single days because of them.😢 I tried to heal myself with some music, movies or games but Their manners and words are come to my mind even I don’t want to so I’m rage and anxiety. I’m seriously need help.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. I'm sorry to hear how desperate things are on your end, thank you for sharing your story. Please take a look at Irene's free resources if you're interested in getting started with this nervous system work irenelyon.com/free-resources/ Additionally, feel free to reach out to our support inbox for more details. I hope this helps.
If I leave the boat...to find my own self and live my life completely...what about them? How to see them in pain and leave at the same time? How would I then be able to help them heal?... how would they find their spark to heal?...
Unnati Shah, Jen here from Team Lyon. It can be very hard to leave someone in pain, especially when we love them. And when we stay, this often means that we are hurting ourselves. It's a deeply personal choice, and often choosing ourselves - and feeling the fear, and grief, and other feelings that come up when we do - can be the biggest gift we give to ourselves, and often to our loved ones as well (whether directly or indirectly).
I am wondering if it is at least possible to coming out of that chronic freeze response while working with a professional and living in a toxic environment and feeling a little bit of safety? It's just a thought because than I would have more stress tolerance to leave and make change, I guess. I have my own apartment but my neighbors are stalking me and my sensitiv nervous system is reacting to that with danger.
@baileysummere.8017, Jen here from Irene's Team. Know that the steps you're taking are often cumulative and can add up even when it's not easy to see in the short term. If you haven't checked out Irene's free resources, you might to that. She also offers a course where you can learn more about this work. It's called the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up. I'll share a link in case you'd like to learn more about it. Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources/ 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/
Most times, in romantic relationships, I can’t feel safe enough to be in flow. How can this be remedied? Or is it something to note from the very beginning. Please LMK
chilloften, Jen here from Team Lyon. It can be remedied by doing this work and healing trauma. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video training as that can be a great place to learn about what leads to trauma and how it can show up in our lives. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Have you ever been in an unsafe environment but unable to get out, Irene? It doesn't sound like it. Family system environments aren't the only ones we can be trapped in that are unsafe.
@@IreneLyon I am in such a situation right now, where I can't get out, can get help getting out, and have no other family or friends who will help. If I say or do the wrong thing, I run the risk of getting kicked out and having no where else to go. It is not a family- or domestic violence-related situation, either. I desperately need to heal. How am I supposed to do that?
@@bethmiller9774 - Seth here again. That's a very hard situation to be sure, but there may be some steps you can take to support your healing. Please have a read of this article of mine - it's about how we sometimes need to break up with our family, but there's a section in it describing what to do in your situation, where you can't leave a toxic situation. sethlyon.com/sometimes-break-family/
Currently in survival mode. Not a victim but I want to start living again.
The problem is...for me there is no way for me to leave this toxic environment. So I really have no choice. I understand I cant fully heal but if there's hope that I can at least heal to a significant extent that gives me hope to keep going
I have the same problem, I'm living with my parents, and all I feel is fear. All I can do is work hard to move out, but till then I wanna know if I can heal or just stop it all.
Yes same omg are you okay now ??♥️🙏🏾 everyday I’m in this toxic environment.. but yeah everyday I’m still fighting for healness and gaining strength to figure out how to leave
Yes. Due to my disabilities, severe chronic pain, and 0 family/friend support I cannot leave. But at least I can try my best to kickstart better habits. It's so freaking difficult when you're running on E and emotionally flatlined. I isolate in my home, in the same room I was attacked and violently raped by a stranger who came to my door. I de-personalize and dissociate a lot. I'm very numb but I cannot heal here.
For me my relationship is only part of it. But I live in an extremely hostile city where I've been attacked and robbed more times than I can count and some even in broad daylight. I have cPTSD from my entire life basically. All of my adulthood traumas come from this city. I isolate and the only person I interact with is my husband (who can be abusive) but I'm so traumatized of this city and of being homeless in this city alone without pain management. Racism is something that definitely makes me a target along with the traits of my autism and the fact that I'm female. Being light skinned is very bad here.
I had left to CA to try to live but I was too expensive so we had to move back. But I was there for 14 months and had healed SO much, was in the best shape of my life, and was so easy to make friends because it's so diverse, I was thriving!!! Then I had to come back and I was so stressed out I developed a neurological issue the second day moving back. I pep talked myself that I'd give this place a fresh start as a new person and the second month back I'm attacked for the first time. I've been attacked 3x in three years of being here. I've been struggling so badly. We are planning to move so I can thrive. I want my education but I cannot do it here as this city in its entirety is a cPTSD trigger. I cannot do it all alone like a person without disabilities and daily chronic headaches and migraines. I'm grateful he's going to help me escape here again because he knows everything I've been through.
My hope is to go to school, in the career I chose where my autism will be an advantage rather than a disadvantage, be happy with a new life outside of this hostile, heavily littered barren desert wasteland, get into fitness again because I'll be much happier, and if the relationship doesn't change I will be able to stand on my own in a beautiful environment I can go out for walks and not worry about no solace from the sun's wrath as well as not get jumped (which did happen while talking a walk in my neighborhood, listening to music, and minding my own business).
Same....my parents are excellent at guilt tripping and emotional and verbal abuse. Since childhood, i have been suffering from different types of trauma..I will spill ---
My babysitter decided to starve me for months, and i ended up in a hospital almost dead..when i was a child, i used to wipe my mother's tears whenever she was sad, Gradually, i feel distant because of the pain they have given me...like any normal children, when i did something naughty,like--- running across the living room, my father used to beat me mercilessly and after giving me bruises, he used to say sorry the next day...This continued till i was 15. My mother used to emotionally blackmail me everytime when my father was not home that she will suicide by lighting herself on fire and will make me watch Her and she will Haunt me afterwards or she will take me along with her and lit us up if i don't do my homework (this happened continuously when i was 6--13 years of age) and off course, degrading words and verbal abuse are still present.....
I am preparing for NIFT next year, and i want to move out (my parents don't want me to move out , they tell they are emotionally attached and can't live without me, lol)
They are still demotivating me so that i can't give my exam well, and yeah, it's working..i am being negative, and stressed, also suffering from panick attacks
I am 18.
Wish me luck, i wish i am able to cover my exams and move out from this traumatising and toxic environment 🌸
Same
The worst is being a teenager and living in a toxic environment that makes you want to give up, still if i want to leave I can't, live in a terrible country, no job, to young, just lost...
How are you dear ??
me exactly right now and this sucks so bad i'm so tired of just feeling secluded in my room but purposefully too because i can't trust anybody in my house and they all just tend to really really make me angry and just piss me off 24/7
I am HONESTLY TIRED OF LIVING HERE! I AM TIRED OF coping I just want to leave there is nothing here for me!
Hey! You are not alone!
Keyanna, Jen here from Team Lyon. There is so much going on in the world right now, you are certainly not alone in feeling this way. Now is a time to lean into support of all kinds. If you need crisis support, please reach out to your local crisis hotline.
Let’s go to a village
Me too :( crying Rn feel like I’m going to suffer here forever
Bojana you’re not, you’re going to succeed and live in a place where you feel alive. Enjoy the journey.
This is fascinating when considered within toxic community, national, and geopolitical white supremacist, capitalist environments. So we want to dismantle any collective power structure that obstructs the capacity for any group of people to fully heal.
Yes.
Living in an unsupportive environment where our feelings and what we say is invalidated feels like being in a straitjacket with a stuffed mouth. Hard, but I have to try NOT DUMPING DOWN myself! So good to be reminded to this balance is needed, so I can stay good to myself. I really like Hayao Miyazaki's animations, I watched the Totoro last night! It warms up my heart, and strengthens my faith about I CAN DO IT!
nrbysf, Great to hear that you have resources that warm your heart and strengthen your faith. You can do it! Irene has lot of resources to check out too if you want more support. Two in particular came to mind when I read your post so I'll link to them here in case you want to check them out (one is from Seth Lyon, Irene's colleague and husband).
How to Unfrustrate Frustration: sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
How to work with anger in a healthy way: czcams.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/video.html
-Jen from Team Lyon
@@teamlyon3109 Thanks, I read the article, I liked it, because I saw the video before, and was thinking about how I could do a practice like this alone.
My issue is that I have neighbours that are very aggressive, and I never know when they suddenly start shouting at their children, and it's usually triggering a very strong fear/panic response in me. I know it's triggering my own traumas, but it's really difficult to live like this because even though I'm working on my healing, I don't feel really safe in this environment.
Hi Andrea C, Jen here from Team Lyon. I can certainly understand how your neighbor's behavior could be stressful and could touch into your traumas and history. You're not alone in that one. It can for sure be challenging to work on growing nervous system regulation and capacity when we don't feel safe.
While it may not be possible to create the ideal situation in the short term (e.g. moving to a space without loud neighbors or talking to them about their behavior), know that anything you can do to support your sense of safety can make a difference. For example, when you hear your neighbors start to get loud, you might pause and take a moment to name what's happening and what you're noticing in your experience, and orient to already
Taking steps such as having ear buds or ear plugs near by so that when you hear it starting may also be helpful as it can both turn down the volume on what you're experiencing and also communicates to you and your system that you're paying attention and have the ability to take action to support yourself. I'll link two of Irene's videos that might be of interest.
czcams.com/video/XGYh1wPpOLA/video.html
czcams.com/video/0ICsbXUCKmM/video.html&app=desktop
@@teamlyon3109 Thank you! The earplugs are there, I've been using them for a while now and thet do help. Moving now is not an option, and also I like this place. I talked to them in the past and that didn't help.
I feel sorry for those children and I feel like I should help them but I can't really and then I feel powerless. On the other hand this powerlessness might actually be what I felt as a child...
@@andreac647 Great to hear that you're taking steps to lessen the impact of this on you and that this is helping a bit. Understandable that feelings about the impact on the children would arise, and yes, great insight that this might tap into experiences from your own history. Perhaps something to explore if/when you feel called to do so.
Move out! Now and before leaving have talk with healthcare and maybe your neighbours. Stand up for yourself and their children. Chose the side of the powerless.
@@kristine6996 Thank you, I've been trying but it's not thay simple.
Genius advice Irene ❤️ I’m 51 years old and have never properly understood any of this 😔 the guidance applies completely to my family system, history and inter generational trauma 😞you are helping me self heal myself 😌 thank you, thank you 🙏❤️🌈
I keep this video in a text message to myself, so I can watch it over again when I feel disconnected from my healing or overwhelmed by toxicity in my environment 😞 every time I watch it my hope and vigour for change in myself is restored 💪🏻 everything you say is absolutely spot on true and I literally can’t thank you enough for providing this content - you really are changing and saving lives Irene ❣️😁🥰💓🎉
Don’t just remind yourself. Practice escaping the toxic environment and not seeing yourself as a victim.
I have been same toxic environment pretty long time and trying to heal. Toxic environment is at home where im living with parents. I can say for sure that i thoughed i can heal just to fight and get to their level being toxic myself order to protect myself. Now i understand that i can't heal this environment, because this environment has lead me to anxiety and stress. So if you feel anxiety and stress in that environment it only means it isn't good for your health.
Hi Victory90, Jen here from Team Lyon. It is definitely harder to heal when living in a toxic environment. Sometimes people are able to carve out a small slice of safety in their environment and they are able to start the healing process that way until they are able to leave their environment.
You are amazing.. Thank you so much.
I live in toxic family and my "medicine" for now is to go out somewhere, with my car or whatever. Because i think i am also kinda energeticly too open ffor their things to go in my field and its killing me. But as you said, i agree with the idea to make a good base and then leave. I am doing this now and uuff.. Its difficult to proces some old trauma but i also feel reliefe.
I live with my narcissistic parents and I feel like I'm as healed as I can be, as I've been healing from my trauma for 3 years now.. but I can't help that I don't trust ANYONE. I know that's part of the trauma but it makes it impossible to seek help, because I'm afraid no one will believe me. I'm extremely depressed and anxious, I don't have friends, I don't have family members who believe me, police doesn't do anything, I can't be hospitalized for some reason.. the only way seems to be to end it all, I'm just so tired
Hi Kimberley, Jen here from Team Lyon. From what you describe I can understand how you would be feeling exhausted and that it would be hard to trust people. It's good to see you here and that you've found Irene's work and teachings. I encourage you to use and apply the learnings here, it can be a way to support your healing without having to trust anyone right now. I'll link to some free resources that come to mind, as well as to Irene's online self-study course. I'll also link to Irene's "In Crisis" info so you have it if you ever need it.
Free Resource Centre - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
In Crisis? - irenelyon.com/in-crisis/
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/
This video is bringing me to tears. She really understands and gives amazing advice
One of the best vids I’ve ever seen on the subject, this has given me the final tool to make my decision. Thanks and God bless you!
This is a great video! I decided that I wanted a divorce and told my husband back in April and we have continued to live together, but it hasn’t been easy. I took it as a learning experience and used the lessons to change myself. I know in my heart that I won’t be able to heal completely living under the same roof, so I have been working towards moving out.
I feel sad and I come to this video and you make me listen. I’ve already do things but I can’t set boundaries since ‘they’ do certain things and affecting my emotions. Sometimes it takes me month for me to recover. If I have important things to do, what I do is binge eating or binge shopping, wasting my money. That’s the only way for me to get back to work. Once I’ve realize what I’ve done I’ve feel bad but it has been done. I can’t stop myself. I will cry and have sleepless nights and start the routine all over again. Sometimes I sleep all day. I’ve been so frustrated of them and myself for being weak and I don’t know what to do. I hate myself for getting affected by what they say. Sometimes I do think n ramble nonsense. I, myself even wonder why the hell I even do that? I can’t even run away from this environment since I am a student. During this pandemic time, online class is sucks. I am okay though, but my mind is a messed. Tired, obviously. My phone and my laptop is my sanctuary where I write my ideal life. It is temporary but never help me much. After a few moments, I’ll get back to square one. It stays, they say ones will is the determination of how much u want to change but I keep failing on changing. I started to accept the worst me and soothe my heart, it is okay, ure okay. But I hate it cus it didn’t bring me anywhere. I wanted to move but I am dead inside. I don’t want to live anymore. Just letting time passes by and I don’t know how long. Anyway, u soothe my trouble heart tonight. Thanks. 🌸
HI Afiqah Rosli, what you're describing sounds challenging for sure. It's good to hear that Irene's video spoke to you. Growing nervous system regulation can often be very healing. I'd encourage you to check out Irene's work if you haven't already. I'll link to a few of here free resources here. - Jen from Team Lyon
Ancient Anxiety Medicine - czcams.com/video/0ICsbXUCKmM/video.html
4 Surprisingly Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
It’s an excellent video…sometimes people that we tought honor our light don’t actually want to see you shine…the mistake for me was to give my power away cause they were people that I cared for…now I makes the conscious choice to not let that happen..and really choose who I want to have around me….
Really appreciate this video for helping me validate myself i am doing my best in an objectively difficult situation.
I can't trust God/universe. Toxic environment is not even my problem anymore even though I am in this environment. Every time I have prayed for my dreams and my depression, things have just gotten worse. It's like when you've been in a road accident and you are laying on the road injured and you are praying to get the help you need but another big vehicle comes and hits you making your situation worse. People say think positive but, in some cases, even the meds don't help.
@@teamlyon3109 wow I want to frame this comment by far the most compassionate person i've seen on le tube
@Paris I know he exists too but I am rebellious enough to walk away! 🤣
I understand the metaphor, but from what I hear, people in who are in road accidents and are laying there like you describe are generally either unconscious or floating out of their bodies and watching everything.
@@iolite2 Well - allow me to explain. There is always a possibility that these people are awake sometimes and are in pain and can't call out for help either because they are exhausted by the pain. That's the worst case scenario.
Now, it might be 1 in a million of a chance of this occuring - but it's possible. We can't rule that out.
The reason I do this is possibly to imagine the worst case scenario and then go towards the acceptance of it. I guess it helps me prepare for the worst. Even though - things can be far worse than our imaginations.
Going back to my comment - I am very much in pain and that pain has probably caused numbness in me. I really could care less about GOD/Universe having my back, given the place that I am in.
And the place that I am in is because that's all the energy I have left in me at this point in time. I am tired of calling out for help. I am so exhausted - but that exhaustion is only mine to feel and deal with. No one else can feel it without being in my shoes.
Read The Complete Works of Florence Scovel Schinn. The way you are praying to God is what’s blocking you from receiving. It’s important to get enough sleep/rest and to pray through joy. She does an excellent job explaining how it works and how most of us have been praying to God incorrectly and in a way that increases the pain and suffering. Wishing you well @queenbean5573
I discovered you last night and this is exactly what I am dealing with RIGHT NOW! What a gift!!! Thanks for this video!!
I live in a toxic community and it's hard because every people judges me on what I look and what I do and Im always tired of coping up. I started starving myself for 7 days and didn't sleep for 7 nights
You shouldn’t starve yourself based on what other people think. You and your health is more important! I Pray you can find some peace and a plan to get out of there.
Your title was the question I ask myself 24/7 thank you so much for this !
I live in an abusive household and it’s difficult to leave it because women in my country can be reported by their families to the police for leaving the house
😔I PRAY you find a way out sister.
@@louisenairpyc6813 yes Amen!
I am loosing my shit I am sick and fucking tired of these videos saying “get out of the environment “ HOW WHEN YOU MAY NOT HAVE THE MONEY? Or you’ve been isolated from your outside family your entire life ... HOW DO YOU GET OUT WITH NO HELP, NO JOB && in school... HOW?! Is there a boarding house,m or something I am sick and tired of being I am breaking down in here today, I can not take this shit no more , I have been praying,fasting,reading,meditating AND I AM STILL HERE HOW TF AM I SUPPOSE TO GET OUT HOW DO IT GET OUTTTT!!!!
Hi itsdriaa, this sounds incredibly frustrating and there aren't easy answers for sure. If there were, I imagine you would have found them by now. It sounds like you have a lot of resilience and inner strength. This nervous system piece can be an important one for many of us. I encourage you to to keep doing the work, using the free practices available from Irene, and from others where you find resources that resonate. It might also be helpful to express your frustration in the ways that Irene teaches in her health aggression resources. I'll link to those here, and some of her other free resources as well. Also, finding groups, such as select facebook groups or Al-Anon, can also be a way to connect with people who can offer support and encouragement.
What is Healthy Aggression? - irenelyon.com/2019/08/19/what-is-healthy-aggression/
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
Playlist of Free Neurosensory Practices - czcams.com/play/PL_tIcR-r0CU5Xss_Mq1buU-tWdYVQksjI.html
Its really hard living in this toxic community who constantly harasses us. I just wanted to go for a walk outside my house but other people who i dont even know would yell at me and shout slurs and insults. i tried telling my parents about it but they too just say get over it "your not strong" "you shouldnt cry"
Anonymous Sandy, Jen here from Team Lyon. It can be very challenging to live in toxic environments. Where possible, I encourage you to create moments of refuge for yourself. This might be in your room, finding a part way from your house, or listening to music of these videos (to name a few).
im experiencing this in college. i wanted to become a lawyer so i chose criminal law as my major & it was the biggest mistake of my life. im gonna have to spend these first yr of my life dealing w toxic people. our room feels so cold & im surrounded by people who never understands other people's perspective. they constantly make fun of eachother & i dont fit in. im not the type of person that can go around & talk shit behind my friends back. im not the one to look at my phone 24/7 & make tiktoks & judge every person that walks pass my sight. im just not the type of person to backstab one another & spill all their secrets without having a second thought. i hate it here, i just wanted to become a lawyer & not deal w fake people. ik becoming a lawyer will let me face different kinds of people like this but tbh, dealing w criminals is better than dealing w a bunch of fake losers. i should've listened to my friend because she told me to not enter this major since she knows alot of fake people will end up becoming my partners but this is my dream & them becoming part of my everyday life is what keeping me from doing the things that i love. she also told me "id rather b in a room filled w dumb people than b part of the smart kids who are toxic" & now, i agree w that statement more than i ever thought. i rlly should've just went to an art college because im wasting my time here, i just cant wait to graduate
I'm so grateful that you answered many of my questions. I've been doing SE/somatic therapy for 3 years for depression/cptsd. I've read so much but haven't been able to get straight answers to these basic questions either from the books or my therapist. It's hard for me to understand how this healing works because I started from a point of very little body awareness. Some of the problem is language ('resources,' 'regulation,') but at a more basic level it's like trying to explain how to ride a bicycle. You can learn all the steps, but until you finally feel some balance on the bike, it makes no intuitive sense and you keep falling down. I have kept trying because am so desperate for help and the theory makes so much sense, but I bet many people would give up and try something else.
Hi marc, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that you're getting some answered questions by watching Irene's videos. As Irene often says, learning to work with the nervous system can be like learning a new language. And, as you pointed out, it is also experiential. Little steps do really add up over time.
Also, I don't know if your SE practitioner is trained in Somatic Practice/touch work (taught by Kathy Kain and/or Stephen Terrell), and this work can often be quite helpful where early/developmental trauma is in the picture. Irene weaves aspects into this work into her more comprehensive program, SmartBody SmartMind. Her more introductory course, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up, can be a great way to learn the basics. It's a self-study course that offers a mix of education and practice. You can also ask questions as you go through the course (which you can do repeatedly if you like) and trained nervous system practitioners answer them.
I'll link to Irene's free 3-part Healing Trauma video series. It can be a good way to learn some of the basics if you haven't yet seen it. Her "Four Steps" free resource can also be a good one, I'll link to that too in case you haven't see it yet.
free Healing Trauma video series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
4 Surprisingly Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
This is an amazing video Irene, thank you so much. I really like your examples, because it shows that one does not need to jump from 'nothing' to 'everything', but can actually build a road to feeling more and more resourced.
I used this exact same boat analogy in relation to an abusive relationship that I left after 10 years (luckily 'only' 3 years or so where confusingly distructive) last autumn. During that abusive time it was as if while being busy repairing a hole in the boat my ex partner would be encouraged in making new ones, it became more and more impossible to sleep, eat and feel anything like grounded by the time. Moving apart freed me somewhat, but unfortunately it took a quite traumatising panic attack and health procedure to realise that I had to cut the cords for good. The physical weakness after that incident on top of chronic fatigue brought my whole system to a halt. My Dad, with whom I feel very safe, came to take care of me for a week. After he left I had a blissful week of presence and peaceful sleep. I had totally forgotten how this feels, that I was able to feel like this. Until the trauma of the procedure came back, next to the childhood traumas tight to the abusive relationship and separation. No titration possible in that tsunami wave. I am now educating myself through your videos and working via video chat with my therapist. But o boy, these past unsafe relationships and feelings visit me in my dreams. Not easy to find good or enough sleep. But I stay hopeful and try to find more and more agency. Sometimes only a tiny ounce a day. I also referred to it as learning a new language. One who's alphabet I have yet to desipher. Thank you Irene for putting out all of these helpful insights and informations. : o)
Hi MaiOcean, it was lovely to read about how your Dad came to take care of you and that you experienced a blissful week after he left. Those tiny ounces you're noticing add up to pounds and pounds and heaps more agency over time.
It's also inspiring to hear how you're educating yourself through Irene's videos and with your therapist. If you decide you want to dive a little deeper into the nervous work, I hope you'll consider joining us for The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up (irenelyon.com/tuneup/). It's a powerful complement to 1-1 therapy.
@@teamlyon3109 , thank you very much for your kind and encouraging words! I am planning to take part in the 21 Day nervous System Tune Up, and am saving to be able do so. I also joined the waiting list for the 'big programm' in february 2021, although I don not know at this point how I will come up with the fee. But I am trusting, that if it is the right thing at the right moment, a solution will present itself. Meanwhile I am grateful for all the free content. I had a beautiful experience with the guided 'resistance' meditation which grounded and reconciled me for a moment with my body and physiology. This moment feels like a new friendly seed, that I have to come back to and water. : o)
Just wow. what a powerful video. Thankyou so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear to highlight to me that I am on the right path and that me setting boundaries is the right thing to do. It's so easy to fall into the mindset of feeling guilty when you set boundaries especially when you've always been a people pleaser. But I'm growing and changing my narrative. I am healing myself on all levels.
Irene, I'm thankful to whomever. Simply put, thank you.
Thank you Irene, you have a lot of nice metaphors. I think healing in toxic enivornment is possible in a half. Greetings from Poland
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟!!! So needed to hear this! THANK YOU IRENE! 😍
Have more to write... later.
After watching this I felt peaceful and understood , thanks
This video is so helpful! I usually listen to Aurora as her mere presence and her music on top of that just makes me feel so calm and loved like I can be myself again, such a nature goddess motherly loving energy!
I hope this helps anyone if you wanted something calm and peaceful ~
I wonder… what if we can’t pinpoint the toxic environment? I mean I was growing up in a highly toxic home environment but I moved out years ago, I study at a college, make my own money. But it seems like I have the same neurological responses as if I was still in a toxic and unsafe environment. I love the city I’m in. I love my apartment. I manage finances very Well so the only stress is school because it makes me feel trapped and pressured to do what I don’t want to do to get through. So I wonder whether maybe educational system is the toxic environment? Or maybe not and it’s just something inside of me projecting out? Idk what to do becasue I’m sabotaging myself more and more when it comes to my studies and idk what to do about it.
Viola Nováková, Jen here from Team Lyon. We don't need to pinpoint the toxic environment as we work with what's happening in the here and now. And the responses we learned early in life often stay with us until we do this work to create sustainable and foundational change. If you haven't already seen Irene's free Healing Trauma video training, you might check it out.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
I'm listening to this and another your video often in order to cope better with my current circumstances. Thank you!
I am glad I found your channel and this video. As some people in the comments mentioned this video is validating.
I am currently in a place of distancing myself from my toxic family (boundaries), one person in particular because the history is not a great one, but over the past years I am realizing just how bad this relationship/my family is.
I am currently going minimal/no contact with this family member because even being around them for a short time or on a phone call to see my nephew triggers so much and I need a week or two to recover.
I am in a place of healing and learning more and more about regulating my nervous system.
Thank you for your videos and sharing this content.💙✨
My hubby & I both grew up in toxic homes & he triggered more with rage & control. I would mostly shutdown. Once I realized how verbally abusive he was, I got angry & raged at him & would tell him all the ways he hurt me & it was ugly. We almost divorced. 1.5 years later, I found a good therapist & started to understand our behavior. Then little by little I started to share what I was learning & things started shifting for us both. Then I found your videos last year & now doing 21 day program. Its been steps forward & back but we are both learning & growing. We still have issues but we are learning to regulate & learning better ways to handle things other than our old destructive patterns, but he won't go to therapy so his growth is very slow & gets stuck. We aren't on the same page with everything because he doesn't read the books or watch the same videos. Are you saying I won't completely heal if he's stuck or not willing to do therapy?
Hi Louise, it's uplifting to hear that you found a therapist who's helped you understand your and your husband's behavior a bit more, that you've joined the 21 Day Tune Up and that the steps you've taken are making a difference in your relationship.
Irene isn't saying that you won't heal if he's not wiling to do therapy, and the road to healing will likely be a little quicker and ease-ier if he is willing to take some steps to support his own healing.
Sometimes people are more open to the nervous system work and/or to education because you it's more about learning about yourself and your physiology than it is about being "therapized". If you haven't already, you might consider sharing some of Seth or Irene's videos or articles with him.
@@teamlyon3109 thank you 💜. I've been trying. He's not interested so I share what I'm learning & he'll take some of it in. Thx for all you guys do. Its life giving ❤
I commend you on trying to fix this now. I don't know if you guys have kids,but 2 "broken" parents trying to raise kids is STRESSFUL for the kids. Trust me. At least you know you guys have to fix yourself.
It's bad when parents don't realize THEY too need healings.
@@louisenairpyc6813 hi Louise 😍
Unfortunately we have no children but happy to say that therapy has & is healing me & I'm teaching my husband through my learning & we are growing together...we still have a lot to heal from but we are in a really good place right now. So thankful ❤
@@louiseyoung1231 Well that's good Louise. That's good you guys are in & continuing down a healthy road together. 🥰Love another Louise. You all stay healthy and happy:)
Wow, I'm halfway through the vid & had to pause and say how excellent it is!!! I'm 44, and had to move back in w/ the very people (parents) who caused childhood trauma that manifested into years of untreated borderline personality disorder. I'm now taking my mental health seriously and attending therapy weekly. I cannot thank you enough for this very well put together vid!!! There's so much helpful tips & info!!! I will def come back to this vid often!!! Thanks so much for sharing!!!
So helpful! So timely! Thank you Irene! 💞
This video was amazing for me. ❤ Living in a somewhat toxic environment at this time. One of my housemates is a "loose cannon". Verbal abuse and the kind of sabotage that you mentioned toward the end of your video. When he does that ranting and cursing, he's not really present. Out of his mind. I know that it comes from his own trauma wounds/survival stress. I have compassion for him in this regard. But the personal attacks are more than I can deal with. Or want to deal with.
Watching your video, I kept saying "YES!" and doing a Thumbs Up!👍 Because have already been doing many of the things that you spoke about.
Resources. Have safe spaces - my own room, including own bathroom and the patio and yard. I love watching funny animal videos, especially cat videos. 😸 I laughed when you suggested that and said that you like watching cat videos, too. 😆 👍 I also enjoy just watching my two cats at play. And watching them relax, which is very relaxing.
Boundaries. Already set boundaries. When "said roommate" first moved in the beginning of this year, I listened with compassion to "victim" stories. But there was periodic verbal abuse. He'd apologize, but it happened again and again. Now I avoid him as much as possible. If he says something, I answer with brief phrases, such as "OK", "That's good", "Yes, hot outside" in order to keep the peace. (I'd rather be outside in the Texas heat than be in the same space as him.)
Intention. Have already been doing clarified visualizations of where I'm going to live hopefully by next year. Also wrote vision in online journal. I'm there with my two sweet kitties. I feel the emotions - Grateful, Happy, Joyful! Energetic! And of course, SAFE! Will have a better, beautiful future. And will be working part-time for a company/organization that's helping others. Or will help people directly as a Functional Nutrition Coach. Currently retired and need extra income. Want to earn while helping other people live happier, healthier lives.
Still feeling stressed and hypervigilent too much of the time. Fatigued. And sometimes don't feel like doing much of anything. Brain fog. Feeling like that today. Got "blasted" again. It was my tone of voice that triggered hiim into a ranpage.Then later today, speaks to me aa if that didn't happen. "Crazy making". From video - "I know I want more for myself. I want out of this toxic environment, this unsafe environment. And I'm not there yet."
Can't afford my own place in the U.S.. And what about my cats? They're happy "indoor/outdoor" cats here. Will continue to work on boundaries and building capacity and resiliency. And need to take more actions to make my intention a reality. Also going through the 21 Day Nervous System Tune-Up. I was concerned about being able to heal, as in "Why everyone can heal, but not everyone will". Watched that as part of one of the lessons. Still concerned, but afrer watching this video, I have more hope. THANK YOU AGAIN! ❤
Thank you this has helped me very much.
This this!
I am so glad to find this video today. Thank you Irene, if nothing else it soothes my soul into knowing it is trying so so very hard to find it’s way. 🦋🌲🌺
Hi Irene/Everyone. I wanted to write a comment on this video to express my gratitude and empathy.
I made a huge shift out of my familial environment that was just so terribly attuned and toxic, with lots of intergenerational and cultural/religious trauma. The neighbour was also aggressive towards his children and it was so triggering, was awful to even have to find coping strategies. And so...moving was the hardest thing I've ever done I think. It took years really of saying to myself that I was going to move out (empathising with others in the comments here, it is NOT always easy to 'just move out'. I hear you.) But I started to work on building the capacity financially and in my mind-body. I managed after years. I am still v much dealing with the post move traumas and survival physiology as it's not all hunky dory due to my personal circumstances BUT it is hell of a lot better than becoming extremely sophisticated in my coping strategies in that environment. That is just never going to be the same as living peacefully and harmoniously with oneself (which hopefully I will get to bit by bit). While in that environment, feeling peaceful connections in my physiology (e.g. closest friendships) made me realise by contrast, wow, this is the kind of human connection I deserve - I need to make the leap and find a way to move soon. So there is an inner worthiness dimension to it... do we believe we deserve to feel free, whole and the ease of a new boat?
IRENE! This video was just amazing and one of the best I've seen from you in my opinion. So coherent and hits every nail on the head for me having moved out and begun to heal. The boundaries, intentions, resourcing, not being in a victim consciousness (esp. when I go back and see family) is all something that I am finding challenging. I even began to space out a little during the boundary section 😆😅🧐 So this video was just perfect for me. I will definitely be rewatching. I am a 21 Day student so I am building the capacity bit by bit. It can be hard when not around anyone who understands this language of the nervous system and can support me in it, and at times I find it frustrating that it will take me months and years to strongly hold my own life force in the way that I want... but I try to imagine what you and your team would say if you saw me grounding, orienting, resourcing inch by inch despite the severity of the past weighing heavily on me
So anyway, thank you all 🥰🙏 Bless you. Here's to our collective healing!!
This is perfect, Irene. I have been thinking about the same thing.... This helped me so much🙏🏾🌺🌼
Forever grateful for your videos and for all the useful information you shere, Irene ! I found this video on the exact day that I needed to watch it. Will check your website for more resources on how to start doing the work to a 'healthier and more authentic version of myself' ❤
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️
Beautiful! Loved it
Thank you so much!!! This is the first I've watched of your videos, but I already know I'll be watching lots more 😉 Soo helpful!!! Best that I've seen on this topic 🥰
This is great, and I would like to add to the part at the end about shifting and the two responses we might get. The part where someone in your environment might see your gaining agency as a threat is all too real. If that happens, and the threatened person is very controlling and potentially violent, it would be naive and dangerous of the person seeking greener pastures not to have an exit strategy and a literal safe place to which to go arranged in advance of admitting to desire to leave. These are some tips I have read are advisable in such a situation, which thankfully, I am not. Perhaps you can comment further. Thanks for what you do!
This is a highly intelligent, realistic video. Thank you.
Thank u so much I rlly need this rn
hey Irene, I just wanted to say don't give up I 100% believe in what you're talkin about, just unfortunate that there's so much crap going on in this world so less and less eyes are going on you even with myself because I've been so I just wanted to say don't give up I a hundred percent believe in what you're talking about, just unfortunate that there's so much crap going on in this world 🌎 so less and less eyes are going on you, even with myself because I've been so looking into this conspiracy stuff which are starting to add up which is starting to make me feel real sick..✌🙏❤
So so helpful! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. :)
This was such a great video tysm for making this 🥺🥺!! This is what I really needed to know.
Thank You so much, you have know I idea how much I needed this x
Thank You Rakmet
Really helpful, inspirational video, thank you 💚😊
I’m really through difficult time so far, The people around me are toxic person( Their decision, their words and their thoughts) they are messing with my family especially me and my mom, I’m really rage and anxiety every single days because of them.😢 I tried to heal myself with some music, movies or games but Their manners and words are come to my mind even I don’t want to so I’m rage and anxiety. I’m seriously need help.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. I'm sorry to hear how desperate things are on your end, thank you for sharing your story. Please take a look at Irene's free resources if you're interested in getting started with this nervous system work irenelyon.com/free-resources/ Additionally, feel free to reach out to our support inbox for more details. I hope this helps.
I love this video, brilliant advice Irene ♥️
Thank you, this video is a lifesaver! 💜
Immensely helpful video. Thank you!
If I leave the boat...to find my own self and live my life completely...what about them? How to see them in pain and leave at the same time? How would I then be able to help them heal?... how would they find their spark to heal?...
Unnati Shah, Jen here from Team Lyon. It can be very hard to leave someone in pain, especially when we love them. And when we stay, this often means that we are hurting ourselves.
It's a deeply personal choice, and often choosing ourselves - and feeling the fear, and grief, and other feelings that come up when we do - can be the biggest gift we give to ourselves, and often to our loved ones as well (whether directly or indirectly).
thank you
I am wondering if it is at least possible to coming out of that chronic freeze response while working with a professional and living in a toxic environment and feeling a little bit of safety? It's just a thought because than I would have more stress tolerance to leave and make change, I guess.
I have my own apartment but my neighbors are stalking me and my sensitiv nervous system is reacting to that with danger.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. You might find this older video of Irene relevant to you czcams.com/video/U4IgtrZDJXg/video.html
23:00 😢🎯🙏
❤
I’m 27 disabled and trying so hard to get out. Ty
@baileysummere.8017, Jen here from Irene's Team. Know that the steps you're taking are often cumulative and can add up even when it's not easy to see in the short term. If you haven't checked out Irene's free resources, you might to that. She also offers a course where you can learn more about this work. It's called the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up. I'll share a link in case you'd like to learn more about it.
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources/
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/
I got my answer 2:00 mins into the video 😂🙏
Most times, in romantic relationships, I can’t feel safe enough to be in flow.
How can this be remedied? Or is it something to note from the very beginning. Please LMK
chilloften, Jen here from Team Lyon. It can be remedied by doing this work and healing trauma. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video training as that can be a great place to learn about what leads to trauma and how it can show up in our lives.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Pleaseeeee do not make assumptions 😭😭😭😭😭 I do not have room
I dont want to wait more 4 years to be able to get out of this shit. I just want to leave.
22:12
Have you ever been in an unsafe environment but unable to get out, Irene? It doesn't sound like it. Family system environments aren't the only ones we can be trapped in that are unsafe.
Hi Beth, Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes! I won't go into the details but yes, she has had that experience.
@@IreneLyon I am in such a situation right now, where I can't get out, can get help getting out, and have no other family or friends who will help. If I say or do the wrong thing, I run the risk of getting kicked out and having no where else to go. It is not a family- or domestic violence-related situation, either. I desperately need to heal. How am I supposed to do that?
@@bethmiller9774 - Seth here again. That's a very hard situation to be sure, but there may be some steps you can take to support your healing. Please have a read of this article of mine - it's about how we sometimes need to break up with our family, but there's a section in it describing what to do in your situation, where you can't leave a toxic situation. sethlyon.com/sometimes-break-family/
@@IreneLyon Thank you.