More Delirium Tremens Stories: My First Major Relapse
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- čas přidán 20. 06. 2024
- By popular demand, I decided to return to the topic of delirium tremens and alcoholic hallucinosis. In this video, I recount a different experience I had with delirium tremens as a result of alcoholism and alcohol withdrawal.
It's a hard watch. There's some gory detail in here that I haven't heard many people discuss before. But it's all true, and therefore, it all needs to be shared.
Good luck out there.
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#alcoholfree #alcoholrecovery #sober #soberlife #sobriety - Zábava
My last 50 relapses were instant suicidal drinking and drug taking I would not wish them on my worst enemy if had some very dangerous home alone detox’s I’m now 4 and a half years sober 🙏🙏🙏📕📕📕📕
Wow, congrats on your sobriety, that's really inspiring.
I feel that 😢....we can't have ANY booze We go off the deep end
@@hugh2hoob668 I haven't even been able to have a single beer in years because I'll just end up drinking a liter of vodka all day everyday for months. Ending up projectile vomiting pure blood in hospital but with severe withdrawal because I still wanted to drink but couldn't because of the massive blood loss.
Congratulations on getting sober x That's one tough battle.
Wishing you the very best of everything ❤❤❤
After my last relapse a few weeks ago it was clear that you don‘t ever stop. You just hit the pause button.
I just continued at the same pace and quantity before I stopped 9 months prior that relapse. Thanks friend, I love your storys, really helped me kept me going on.
The most genuine, erudite voice you'll ever hear on the subject. Yes he's not credentialed with a Phd but I think that matters not ... his obviously high intelligence and frank but also entertaining honesty will be attractive. Rather than a stuffy oration from some pompous professor ...
Keep it up dude ...
Thank you mate, that's high praise indeed
This. Well said.
The way you are able to speak so fluently without verbal garbage is amazing, makes it super easy to listen along and picture the story in my head! Keep making these videos they are definitely helping those that are struggling with alcohol addiction to know they aren’t alone… these videos are definitely helpful for those who don’t suffer from addiction either because it shows how serious and dangerous alcohol can be if not used in moderation!
Hey Quincy, thanks so much for the positivity, I appreciate it.
Even though I don’t know I’m glad you’re here sharing with us. What a storyteller
Thank you Zeus, good to see you here!
. Thanks for sharing! These recollections of yours are truly enthralling.
Thank you Katman, it's not an easy watch so I'm glad you stuck with it.
@@_BatCountry I wasn't sure if you referenced this site in previous videos, but a site you should check out is called "DeliriumTremens" on CZcams. It should be quite interesting to you as he, like yourself, is also one of the few people to go through this and live to tell the tale(s). He starts out explaining how rare it is and that in fact very few people live to tell the tale and only they can truly understand how chillingly real it is to the person experiencing it. It was posted about 3 years ago and if memory serves me is actually part of a series of videos he put out going into detail about one particular experience that I certainly will never forget. .
You sir, are an INCREDIBLE story teller and an absolutely eloquent linguist. Appreciate your honesty on the subject. I've learned a lot as an individual on my sobriety journey of 3 years. Appreciate you and keep it up. Godspeed.
Thanks brother! I appreciate the support, and congrats on your time.
I like the way you tell your story. I'm sober 146 days today. Quit nicotine 9 days ago, so I'm going through more withdrawals like brain fog, depression and insomnia at the moment, so doing the youtube surfing to keep my mind occupied. Love hearing how human we all are. Thanks for sharing.
My AA sponsor told me to watch out when you are either very happy or very sad as a relapse trigger. Your story reminded me of what he told me.
Hey Smoozer, thanks for the compliment. Congrats on your days, that's a lot of time. You should be proud. And it sounds like you have a smart sponsor too!
Suicidal binge drinker here. Stopped drinking 6.5 years ago. Years of relapsing. If I relapse now, I know it’ll be the last. I do not have another recovery in me. I sobered up in 2017 after a 10 year relapse, a few attempts in those 10 years but never could put together a meaningful recovery. 5 stints in rehab. The last one, I was on the train returning home, thinking I’ve got 2 choices, I go home, pick up and die or I take this chance and run with it with all that I have. I ran with it and each day is a reprieve. I shattered my own life and others with drinking and still have lingering guilt and shame on so many things I said and did. My behaviour was so removed from my personal moral compass. That’s the stuff that needs healing. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏽
I've listened to your original DT video atleast 3-4 times over, it's morbidly fascinating and terrifying so I can't wait to listen to this one.
I hope you enjoy it. Actually "enjoy" is probably not the right word - I hope you get something out of it.
I find this really hard to listen to as a fellow alchoholic. It makes me want to writhe and put my hands over my ears, i'm sure you know why. God knows how you have the bravery to share it.
I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable, other people's stories do that to me too. But I think that's what makes them essential, right?
@@_BatCountry Absolutely. And don't be sorry. That bit about securing a big win and then immediately going for beer and KNOWING you're fucking up. Tough stuff man.
Speaking as someone who still suffering I will say this man is so helpful it's almost unreal. It is what it is and and it's terrible@@user-bv5po1hk3l
I been waiting to hear this! I remember my dt trip a few years ago. I'll never forget that. On a good note, I'm still working out everyday, eating great. Quit ciggs cold turkey almost 2 months ago. I'm addicted to this lifestyle now no b.s. I appreciate the content brother. Thank you an take care!
How’d you stop drinking? Did you go to AA? Any advice?
Great videos! I connected most with your video on alcohol hallucinosis. I've never experienced full-on DTs, seizures, etc. but I have had shakes, sweating, insomnia, paranoia, half your mind is sane observing the other half of your mind going insane at the same time, auditory/visual hallucinations. The delirium i've had has led me to do things like hide in my attic because a police car flashing its lights across the street convinced me they were there for me, and they were imposters pretending to be real cops. There is so much more to that episode, which isn't even the most ridiculous one. Alcohol withdrawal is serious, and it seems like struggling alcoholics and professionals who administer benzos to them are the only people who understand it.
Oof, that cop thing really hits close to home. I'm glad - with obvious caveats - that you connected with this stuff
Welcome back brother! Excited to listen to this tonight at work! 💯
Thanks mate, it's not an easy watch but I hope you get something out of it
My dad died of alcohol withdrawals at age 52 , stay safe people
🙏💜🕯💧🌱🐾👣🌿🌎🕊
Another 10/10 video. Felt myself getting a bit emotional during your description of your hallucinations, I think because I found it so relatable . Personally I haven't had direct hallucinations from alcohol, but I have had extremely vivid dreams which can compete with reality for their lucidness. They are usually violent and disturbing in nature, and leave you wondering "how did my mind even conjure up such things? I must be completely insane". They have been so horrifying that I have, in the past, actually felt afraid to go to sleep after drinking heavily because I do not want to see what my brain will confront me with next. Please continue making videos, and also I must reiterate the point that your channel deserves to be 100x more popular than it is!
Thanks for the comments Harry. I would also like a bigger audience, but it'll come in time. Fr now, I'm more interested in keeping it honest.
That thing about being afraid to close your eyes, that's so real, and so scary. What a horrible way to live.
I have also had extremely violent imagery during closed eye hallucinations and in very real feeling night terrors. I had a concussion when I was younger on the Ski slopes, a woman was out of control and crashed into my friend and I hit a patch of ice trying to stop to avoid them and slammed the back of my head onto solid ice. About eight years ago, I had a car accident where my head burst through my sunroof and the car kind of laid on my head until the rescue crew got there. After reflecting a lot on my past use while thinking about the connection of these violent images and head trauma, I realized that after the car accident is where my drinking started to get out of hand.
I have been tempted to start making videos similar to yours where I talk about the things that I saw and had dreams about. While they were not open eye hallucinations, they were extremely horrifying and it's still difficult to talk about sometimes. To put it simply, one of the worst things I saw when I was having closed eye visual hallucinations, was a view out of the sliding doors of a local grocery store, except the parking lot was this hellish wasteland with piles of dismembered body parts. A tall, thin demonic figure walked into my view with a machete, and a naked child ran past it and he grabbed the child and cut it's head clean off with the machete and proceeded to rape the corpse in the neck wound it created. It did not break eye contact with me the entire time and I cannot get the image of how bright white the eyes were. After that, I didn't close my eyes for more than 5 seconds at a time for almost 90 hours. I believe this is the first time I have actually written that out or told somebody about it, because it was so shocking to me that my brain would create such an awful thing and it really made me question who I am as a person.
Hey buddy.
As hard as it was for you to share that horror, and as hard as it must be for people to hear, that is what makes this stuff so essential, and so important. Because I saw stuff very similar to that, and I always assumed that it only happened to me, and therefore I must be a terrible person who didn't deserve help. If we want people to get sober, we have to make space for the uncomfortable stories like yours and mine, otherwise those who have also experienced them will continue to feel isolated and turn back to the bottle instead of to help.
I really appreciate you putting that in writing. I would gently encourage you to make a video or two too. I know not everyone has the freedom I do to talk about stuff that might show us in a bad light, but it helps me, so you might find something useful in doing it to.
I used to walk my buddy home..we drank together but after a while he could not walk..he had scares on his face from falling down..and his place was near..in the cold of the winter in Canada we would be there on his couch..Bobby had passed out..i was still there until his room mate showed up..drunk..and belligerent..i excused myself and went home..i did not have have head trauma as far as i can remember..but i was in the army and we certainly drank alot..thank you for the your candid conversation...but i know that when i stopped drinking beer i did go into some withdrawal..i could not sleep i was anxious and everything i had done wrong in my life came back to haunt me.
Hey Brian, thanks for sharing your experience. That withdrawal you had, that sounds like a close call. Once you've walked up to that line and crossed it, there's no crossing back to moderate drinking. It's sobriety, or worse.
Another great video. The hallucinations that come with the DTs can be really strange - my delirium lasted a few days but the hallucinations took about two weeks to subside.
Thanks Paul! Even now with a lot of sobriety under my belt, I still fear those hallucinations, do you have that too?
Thank you. I was feeling like I was going to relapse today. I have been watching your videos today and it saved me from making that choice. The craving came from nowhere after 11 months clean. I’ll be a year out on the 4th of July and almost didn’t make it. My addiction was so bad I had an emergency liver transplant and still my brain wants some to to drink today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Wow.. Such a powerful video. I had to go to hospital for a little while after something similar... I've watched vids on psychosis etc. But I hsve never seen/ heard something that is so relatable to what I experienced. The things that I 'experienced' left me feeling absolutely broken. I'm still trying to make sense of It all. Not sure if I ever will. Add to that addiction/recovery psych meds and unresolved trauma.
I say all that to say this: thank you from the bottom of my heart for your video. I'm very grateful to have come across it tonight. It has helped to validate my own experiences.
Thank you. I wish you all the very best of everything as you continue your journey . I'm extremely grateful to you. ❤❤❤
Hey man, I just found your channel yesterday, I've been trying for a few months to get clean, I'll do two weeks here, three there (putting myself through the withdrawals basically everytime). Finding your channel cut this relapse very short, as when i found your channel yesterday it had "only" been my third day back on the bottle, so here's to another day 1. Im beginning to think i may need to go to meetings, I can deal with the physical stuff, but when the strong cravings happen, my mind is very good at convincing me that somehow im the exception, that i can go back to having a normal relationship with alcohol. Foolish. Kind of a rambly comment but the point im trying to get to is, thank you for the content you make, for having the bravery to share your story with everyone willing to listen, and congratulations on your sobriety. I will not drink with you today.
And to reply to your inquiry in the video, I've been a drinker since 18 (27 now), I fell out of a tree about four years back, broke my nose, I don't remember much of anything surrounding that event so I probably had at least a minor concussion, I never really thought about it but I guess it's possible that there's a connection, as I feel the drinking has only become an actual problem (noticable decline in mental health and general well being along with struggling to quit) in the past few years
Hey Moony, thanks so much for this, and I'm happy this has been useful to you. Yeah maybe hit some meetings, that's what they're for so don't be shy, and keep us posted on your progress.
@@_BatCountry day 2 man, I appreciate the reply, I reached out to the helpline today to find a meeting. In one of your videos you mentioned trying to stop through pure willpower, kinda white knuckling it without doing the actual work, I related a lot, that's what I was doing, and every time it's ended the same. It's time for a change. The work you're doing is so important man, I've been watching slayer-sober too, you all are showing the rest of us we're not alone
My first ever comment on CZcams. Lad, you are the best. I'm Totally tired of drinking.
Hey Colin, sorry for the slow reply, but I'm very proud to be your first comment. Have you packed the drinking in yourself?
Very old story I suppose. I've spent 5 years in & out of AA. I was doing well up until late March. By the time the early June came around I was arguing about the 12th step with my AA Sponsor. One night we had a bad argument and for want of a better word said goodbye. Since that day until a week or two ago, I've been back in the mess. Thanks for asking.
The way you describe the hallucinations is so powerful and so relatable for me. Honestly, it is exactly as you describe, especially about how even when you KNOW it's not real, that knowledge is of no comfort to you whatsoever. In fact, it gives it more power. I remember sitting in A&E with these voices in my head and I knew they weren't real, so I was responding to them by writing replies in the notes app on my phone so that nobody else in the room knew I was having a very real argument with these imaginary voices. I was writing things like, "I know you're not real, I'm here to get medication that will get rid of you." And they started to get angry and more abusive and threatening as a result. I mean how absolutely ludicrous is that? It's so hard to explain and most people find it so hard to listen to they don't want to, so thankyou for sharing your experience and allowing me to share my own here.
and it really is THAT quick. For me it went from thinking I can handle a couple of glasses of wine one night to full blown lying in bed for a week round the clock drinking, not eating, curtains drawn, ordering wine online, ignoring everyone, self pity, self loathing....Just from 0-100000 in under 12 hours. And the shame. The shame and the terror when I stop. The trauma of knowing what I've done. The suicidal nature of knocking back a full glass in one, just one after the other, like self harming. I'm so pleased you're giving us all a platform where we can be open and honest without judgement.
That bit about writing replies: that is just such a perfect encapsulation of the surreality of these experiences. That makes such perfect sense to me.
@@_BatCountry it's the whole delusional/rational thinking combined that makes it so insidious. I was having these auditory hallucinations that (I don't need to tell you) were as real to me as if someone was sat next to me talking. Yet, I knew that if I was to reply out loud in a room full of people, I'd look completely insane, so to rationalise that I decided to write it down because OBVIOUSLY, these imaginary voices could read that, and then reply back to me. Writing this now, in sobriety, seems so unbelievably ridiculous yet at the time it made perfect sense to me.
You are such an amazing storyteller. It’s terrifying just listening to you describe these vivid hallucinations I can’t imagine actually living it in your mind.
Thank you so much, that's a lovely thing to say :)
Another amazing vid brother!! 🙏🙏
Thank you mate, the response to this one has been great!
Another really brave, eloquent and honest post. Your candour and desire to help is immense, fella. I really get a lot from your videos and they are helping me understand my own history. Please keep it up.
Thanks Giles, I really appreciate the support for this kind of stuff. It's not easy to put this kind of raw, disturbing stuff out there, and there isn't much of it, so it always makes me nervous. I'm glad you're getting something out of it.
Yes regarding the head injury I was reflecting on it. I started drinking fairly late in my life. Not like as people say the typical alcoholic, who starts early drinking. When I was 25 I suffered a kick to the head. My girlfriend at the time even noticed and said you started drinking all the alcohol at my home after this incident happened. And that was not usual to me. It’s super interesting how impulsive control can get lost. I didn’t make a medical check yet. But know I’m convinced to do so. Keep up the great work! Thank you!
Thanks Smitty, keep us posted on the results of that medical check
Truly harrowing Stuart. Thank you for baring your soul, my friend.
Thanks for your constant support here Asif, I do appreciate it.
Thankfully, I have not experienced full-blown DTs. I've had glimpses through both auditory and tactile hallucination..man...they were traumatic enough. Thank you again Stuart. @_BatCountry
The style of your videos is very appealing to me, the mellow background music, your incredibly good manner to tell stories, the whole setting and not least the content. I didn´t drink nearly as much as you but I also had my problems and have been sober since over two years now. I watched quite every video of yours and I´m excited for every one to come. I wish you all the best, keep on! Greetings from south Germany - Bavaria.
servus heiko, wi geht es mit dir? Hit me up if you're ever in Berlin buddy, and congratulations on more than two years. That's inspirational.
Great video, yet again! A little side remark: it’s amazing that you remember a lot of details form your drunken states, not just in this story but also in others. I have tried recollecting my own drunken states and relapses, but can do that only with a fraction of the details that your stories have. Good on ya’!
I was hospitalized four times, first time I struck out and was in critical care for 5 days. The other three weren't as bad but pretty bad and those are just the times I dialed 911 for myself. I'd say probably 30 other hardcore withdraws every minute. Feels like a year like you're going to die. You're plugged into a light switch. Stop drinking 2016. My obsession was completely removed. God willing it is something I would not wish on anyone. Very strange. Very scary. Guarantee you're on the Verge of death no matter what the machines or anyone says, it's cliffs
Congrats on stopping buddy, and I'm glad to see even after all these years of sobriety you're still watching sober content like mine.
Thanks so much for having the courage to share just how progressively violent the hallucinations associated with delirium tremens get. This is no joke. Like you my hallucinations started pretty tame-- a song I like playing quietly in another room. Then it's playing inches from my face. Then it's playing loud enough that the bass rhythm rattles my eyeballs. Then the closed-eye visuals of unimaginable cruelty and sadism-- the sight of which I still haven't completely recovered from. It's so hard to describe because it's so abstract-- everything is writhing, undulating, screaming, bleeding, eating. Dirk's videos were great because his warning was so unambiguous-- if you're in withdrawal and experiencing hallucinations of any kind, go to the hospital immediately; don't wait for it to get worse because it almost certainly will.
Hey Seb! Thanks for the support, this stuff isn't easy to talk about so as many similar experiences like yours I read in the comments, the more I'm sure this stuff is of benefit. I hope you're good mate.
Oh God this took me right there again, it's good to remember sometimes. The DT hallucinations I had were more detailed, vivid and horrific than any drug I've ever taken. They're seared into my brain. I was in hospital detox most times but the benzodiazepines don't stop them. I really want to say never again! Thank you for this
Tanks Davey, I'm sorry to hear you went through it, but happy you made it out alive. And yeah, it's so hard to explain this to someone who hasn't experienced it - it's just not like a drug trip.
Going back to AA and staying this time
I made the mistake of leaving was 6 months sober and relapsed
Your videos are so important. I am 2 weeks post detox after a relapse binge of 3 weeks after 4 years sober. Hearing your stories keeps me from binging again as it terrifies me my withdrawels getting worse. I have been lucky to only get moderate withdrawals so far. I don't want to take the gamble again and experience what you have. Keep doing what your doing boss, the community Will grow!
Try lots ov aa meeting mate our own will power is not enough 🙏🏻
As a former heroin / fentanyl / oxycodone addict whom had been through w/d including PAWS (post acute wd, the absolute worst) at least 40 times, I may have felt like I would die but I knew I wouldnt. Real alcohol withdrawal scares the heck out of me. It can kill you. These stories just remind me theres a different type of demon in every substance.
I'm glad this video was recommended, thank you for uploading.
Man the story of trying to stave off the withdrawals by any way necessary really hit me. You feel it coming and you know the agony. I would beg and steal to keep drinking. I would take any shame or embarrassment, I would voluntary lose jobs, abandon my family. Alcohol should be illegal. My hallucinations came when I closed my eyes. Faces, gory medieval faces would fly at me. I couldn’t sleep for days because I was so scared to see the faces. Then you have the shaking, sweating and your heart pounding out of your chest. Alcohol withdrawal is no joke, I just go to the hospital when I relapse now. Can’t do it without being heavily drugged with Valium.
The faces, man. Always the disfigured face. There's a few of us who see those - for you it's medieval faces, for me it's world war 1 faces. That similarity in our experiences is really interesting - any theories where that comes from/what it means?
@@_BatCountry I just think perhaps it is nightmarish. I don't know man, but I don't want to see them again. I'm getting shivers just thinking about them. I screamed so loudly at one point the nurses came and injected me with valium. I was on a ward of 5 other alcoholics, all of them were homeless and going through DTs. Thank god I never got to that level, but hearing their stories and screaming was haunting.
The worst part is that it takes a few days for them to really start, so you know what you are in for at you lowest (end of a relapse). You know you aren't in for a few days of a hangover and back to normality, you are going to hell for days.
Love your videos dude, it really helps me identify my own experience with this evil drug. Long may we remain free and sober.
I ones had 2 acid tablets 30 years ago I was tripping terrible for 24 hours it scared me that bad I never did it again and can remember it like it was last week but alcohol a smashed my life and my sanity over and over again 😢
I like the glasses. I am sorry you have been through DT. I got close once or twice, Your videos really help me. This might be your best video. I have drank some stuff I am not proud of.
Thank you for sharing -- right now I'm in bed -- basically feeling like death💔💔💔
Get to hospital 😢
Hey. How's it going today?
Congrats on your sobriety!
Thank you for such a well explained,descriptive account of the sheer Hell of delirium tremens.My horrific experiences have been somewhat similar but taken on a slightly different narrative nevertheless just as petrifying and hard to believe in the sober light of day that my subconscious mind is able to conjure up such demonic events.I think that anyone who has gone through it and the profound effect it has on you afterwards because there is not a day that I don’t think about the auditory and visual Hell that my body and mind put me through for depriving it of what it wanted.I have often tried to explain to people in alcohol group or to other individuals trying to quit what can happen only to be met with the look that I have a very vivid imagination or have watched to many horror films but the reality is I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.Keep up the good work Stuart it’s helping a lot of people and your ability to tell a well explained story with absolute honesty is incredible.
Thanks TK, I appreciate the support. This is pretty raw stuff to put out in the world so I'm grateful that it connects with people who've had similar experiences.
That thing that people suspect you've soon too many Saw movies? That's so accurate.
Love these vids thank you
Glad you like them!
Great stuff. Thanks 👍
Thanks as always Pete!
This is nuts. I never had DTs but I can't even imagine how horrific they must be. Great video and thanks for sharing :)
DTs: one star, do not recommend.
Thanks for the comment, always good to see you here. Hope you're doing good.
@@_BatCountry Thanks :) hope you are too!!
Oooohhhh I can’t wait to watch this tonight!!!!
Thanks Steve, let me know how you get on with it.
Can i just say dude that you are infact Hot shit.... no matter what comes ahead you are an absoloute badass to have dealt with and survived the horrible terrible things that you have.. youre such a badass honestly and please keep doing what your doing because at this point you are such a positive inspiration.. your story is yours and it will always be yours to tell.. but im thankful you decided to share your horrors with us, thank you dude 🖤
Wow thank you Robyn, that is an incredibly generous compliment.
@@_BatCountryit's okay dude, I really mean it
Thanks for this.
Amazing discussions on the Darkest Side of the end-game of a booze lifestyle: hell on earth, psychosis. You’ve endured this in jails, home, and the worst hospitals I can imagine. Would be fascinated on your take on things like quit lit, supplements for recovery, CBT therapy, attempts at moderation, brain chemistry, your hangovers earlier in your journey, anything and everything you have tried, experienced, or researched during your recovery periods. Someone, I think Jordan Peterson, explained that for some people, booze hits the brain like opioids. And for that group: lookout. Anyway, keep the content going!
wow, man, thanks for this!
Thanks for watching!
Having some background in psychology, for what it's worth:
1. These were very intense/extreme/'supernatural' experiences. It feels like you are the kind of person for whom they are very attractive and important - a seeker, an artist. Be careful about missing them. Something in you might subconsiously want fuel for that seeking/creativity and lead you towards that, or a similar, path again. Better look for ways to fulfill that without chemistry. Maybe consider meditation.
2. You are not a psychopath. It feels to me like you might be struggling with self-image, the path to healing might be in looking into some perceived inadequacies. This might be your adventure, it can be quite extreme too. There you might find your fuel, sooner in therapy than in any kind of travel voyage you can imagine.
Some hockey players have had many concussions, and with abusing alcohol...the outcome has been deadly..
Yeah. Wrestlers too.
It’s one of the reasons I hate contact sports.
Wow! I am literally speechless.
I have that effect.
I have a weird experience with an alcohol withdrawal hallucinations. I was a drinker to the point that I needed a liver transplant. When I was first admitted there was a cartoon girl in a hoodie that was there all the time. She would even interact with the doctors too. It was so real that I didn’t realize that she wasn’t there until a month os so later. All of a sudden it all came back to me at once. My mind finally let me finally see that it was impossible and she was not there.
I've been drinking a fifth of vodka for the last week, I'm terrified of the withdrawals. DO you think I should just tapper? No access to benzos or doctors btw
Good question, and I'm not the person to ask because my advice is to go to hospital. Where are you?
i had a severe medical issue last year that landed me in (a couple of) hospitals. i don’t remember about two months of it, and apparently one thing they did at some point at first was put me in a detox. i never really bothered to quit bc i was afraid of withdrawals but, even though my issue was something different, i probably would’ve noticed some really bad things if i was aware and i don’t forget that.
The puppy…mine was a cat..I would see it on one side in my peripheral vision…and I’d turn to look at it and the it would disappear to my other side…so back and forth I’d go looking for it…it ended up being two cats wondering down the hall…tormenting me…at this point I was full blown hallucinating…shaking…feeling my physiological body hurting while my brain was ripping itself apart from the pain of GABA withdrawals…
At this point I grabbed the Bible….and just starting reciting the “Hail Mary”…the interesting part is…is when I was saying it…the cats would walk away like they didn’t want to hear it….but when I stopped saying it…they waltz back towards me to pick on me again…the stuff animals came alive and I could see figures of ppl living inside them…then that’s when the ants came…and started crawling out of my hair follicles …. Then that’s when I said I needed to go to the hospital….they got to me QUICKLY….PUMPED me full of meds….finally they started to calm me down….
Phenobarbital works well when you’re in a very bad situation…I stayed in the ICU for two nights…but stupid stupid me…that didn’t teach me..I’ve been relapsing on and off for months now….alcohol is crazy…only ppl that have been thru it…truly truly understand….thank you sir…for sharing…had to stop before you said it got worse…lol…because I don’t want to fathom what you experienced…even when I’m sober…I still wonder if I’m hallucinating….thats how scary it is…in your last video…I don’t remember the exact words…but you said that after experiencing it, it leaves a dark strife of doubt….of what’s real or not….and that too is scary…
The South Koreans believe that if you see ants coming out of your skin, it means you're lonely. I think there's some truth to that.
@@_BatCountry my wife passed a few months before…that’s when I really picked up…so it could be true…
Oh man, I thought I was the only one experiencing these hallucinations. I woke up seeing demonic monsters. It was the first time I had these hallucinations; I saw demons like Venom from Spider-Man and tried to fight them, but my fist would go right through them, and they were laughing. I remember waking up and thinking I was dead because of all the things I was seeing. I literally thought I was in hell and kept wondering why I wasn’t in heaven. The hallucinations kept happening repeatedly that day. This is no joke.
My arm is a bit sore from all the patting myself on the back, but here I am - Day 100 dry. :)
I'm so very aware of the fact I've achieved something but also barely taken a few steps in this long journey. My initial reaction to this milestone was to toast it with a bottle of scotch. Of course, those muscle memories are quickly filed away but they don't go away.
Good luck one and all :) x
If you need someone to take over patting you on the back for a while, I'll take over: well done mate, you should sincerely be proud.
@@_BatCountry Thank you kind Sir, I have found your vids very useful over these 100 days - thank you for sharing and all the very best to you :) x
For my last 5 years ov drinking the same picture in my mums house was terrifying the
Jack Russell dog on a lead used to jump the man’s leg then it see a black telly tuby with 1 eye 👁️ absolutely terrifying and I’d do it over and over again 🥲🥲🥲🥲
the girl with the dragonfly tattoo......could be a book in there
Wow - thanks again for the new video and going into even more detail to your DT's and journey through hell.
It really is truly scary what our mind can do just because it doesn't have alcohol going through the system.
Look forward to more uploads!
Thanks James. That's exactly what I find most fascinating about this stuff: our minds' ability to work against us
I went through something very similar. After something like 9 of very heavy drinking or more. I was sweating to the point it looked like a bucket of water was poured over me. I was too scared to sleep. In my mind Satan was coming to get me when I was sleeping. So maybe I would pass out for an hour at a time. But only because my body needed to rest. I was so paranoid my brain was mush. It lasted about 4 days. sadly I went back to dirking on and off for a few years
Yeah that's a common story for a lot of people I speak to, and for me too. Too scared to sleep. That's a bad place to be, right?
@@_BatCountry It was it really was
Thanks for sharing this with us. Unfortunately for me, i struggle for 30 years with alcoholism, opioids (mostly heroin, but also morphine etc.) and benzos. If you go cold from all these three groups at once, it will end with a psychosis just like your experiences of DT, together with massive health problems, like you'll tremble and shake because of the seizures from the benzos, the opioids will make you feel dying and get you nasty stuff, like diarrhea and that's even bad before the psychosis itself starts. It was crazy, really fucked up.
The thing is, all the creativity we have in the brain, like to write books with creating entire worlds and writing dialogues, creating characters etc. all this is used against us in such a psychosis. The brain is able to make it feel real, it can create realistic people that walk and talk to you. Then there's the shift to the dream or better said, the nightmares, where you are not even sure if you are now awake or asleep. In a nightmare, you can touch and interact with things. Very important, what you mentioned, the psychosis with the hallucinations can evolve to another stage, it can adapt to a new situation and even be lower for a moment before it comes up with new bad stuff.
It's most important to go the hospital when such things happen, with antipsychotica etc. these things can be either lowered or completely prevented. Even more for my benzo addiction, the seizures can and will kill you sooner or later.
It's a lifelong struggle with addiction, even when you get clean, you can fall back in a second. Wish you the best for the future to stay sober!
Thank you for this Jack. A bit of me is saddened that whatever that creativity was that you mentioned, how incredibly detailed it was, i just can't access it with my normal sober mind. There were moments in psychosis when I knew I was hallucinating, and I would watch it all in awe, like I had no idea my brain was so powerful.
@@_BatCountry You also made a very important point in the video about relapsing - that one can relapse when he is successfull, not just when there are problems around. Most strategies against relapses focus on bad times, that you want to drink to feel better, but you can fall back after a success like what you got in Berlin. It's important that people know this and keep it in mind.
I stopped before I got that far
Nearly 2 years sober,
would be cool if you did a livestream sometime
Yeah perhaps I should try it. I've never done it before, so it would be fun to experiment with it.
What's really freaky is, you know the way he describes the hallucinations justifying themselves, I think it's called confabulation, and your left brain, the side that can speak, is apparently doing this all the time. Just justifying the reality you're experiencing the best way it knows how whether it knows what is going on or not. Also freaky is that chat gpt also seems to do the same thing. If it doesn't know the answer, it lies in a confident way, very similar to confabulation.
And the fuckers named a beer after this. I hate this world sometimes. I still drink the beer tho because it’s strong. I hate myself….
I have suicidal ideation after heavy drinking 😢
My last 50 relapses were instant suicidal drinking and drug taking I would not wish them on my worst enemy if had some very dangerous home alone detox’s I’m now 4 and a half years sober 🙏🙏🙏📕📕📕📕