Mother Podcasts With Her Daughter's Ab*ser!!! Do Families Protect Evil People? Keke Palmer
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- čas přidán 11. 09. 2024
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8:40
No Aba. Preach interpreted the meme correctly.
😂
Pin of reading comprehension
Ayye. I’ve been pinned by Aba. YERRRRR🤟🏾🤟🏾!
…oh no, I’ve been pinned by Aba🗿🗿…
Wow. A new pin
LOL
@@theCRYSISgameryou made it in life bro
I was disowned by my paternal side of the family for reporting my dad's brother, whom I found out was a child predator. Many kids were victims of him. He went to prison for what he did. The family fell apart, but I would do it again in a heartbeat! The side of the family who supported a child predator instead of protecting the children have been dead to me.
Basically their are criminals because they helped the predator continue his thing. Vile... you are incredible for doing this and getting justice for those poor children
Some people straight-up REFUSE to believe stuff like that. (Not only because they don't want to believe it, but also because then the admission of it reflects on their shitty judgement) Not saying that's Right, just saying, one more shitty thing about Humans being Human.
It was heartbreaking to see some family not believing the children when they spoke up. Some family even knew about this way before I found out and didn't do anything about it. A few of the children were able to go all the way in the court system to see justice. Other children retracted their reports from the investigation because their parents didn't want to ruffle any feathers and upset the family.
Good for you. You did the right thing! I wish more folks had the courage to speak up.
Your bravery is incredible. You know 100% those folks who protected him are not safe people!!
@@pherrera234same by my mom because I found out that my grandpa was in fact guilty of murder but was also a hitman. And apparently I was betraying the family or some bs.
The fact abusers get lesser prison sentences than junkies is honestly wild
Cops are usually abusers themselves
I agree. No help for either though. A prison cell, if anything, breeds more of either of these behaviors
yeah but the thing a lot of abusers are junkies so that kinda overlaps
How about i knew this girl that was abused by her father, the dude got off. Yet men are always on about how they are so oppresed. Male privilege is equally as real as female privilege
Especially when you realize majority of junkies are on government made drugs designed to fuck their lives up
I’m not surprised. My “mom” threatened to smack me after telling her her friend tried to rape me. I was thirteen. They are still friends and act like nothing happened. Some people put their family reputation 1st. I’m 33 and I avoid these so called family members like the plague.
Oh yeah they would much rather have their family their way. My grandmother told me word for word that it didn’t matter what my father did to me he was her youngest and will always be her baby boy. She still doesn’t understand why I “hold on to my hate”
@@ashleygray6322 If he can always be her baby boy you can always hate him as the abuser he is.
Sorry to hear all that happened to you 🙏🏾
Wow😢
❤❤❤❤ God that's horrible. Smart to avoid her. God bless you dear
My mother still wishes my abuser "happy father's day" every year; i came across the fb post this past summer and spiraled into depression. My mother will never get to meet my daughter (im married with a kid and she hasn't met either of them). My mother has gaslit me my entire life, blaming me to my face, saying i wanted it and treated me like i was "the other woman" (my abuse started when i was in diapers), and then behind my back, telling the family that i lied about it just because i didnt like him. She used to chase me around the house, punching me until i broke down and cried. That woman, my mother is vile.
Sending you love. What was done to you was so wrong and such a violation and betrayal. I pray your heart can find some peace for you.
Sending you so much love too. I am so proud of you for realising the only way to deal with people like this is to cut off communication. So many people are keeping these kind of people around not realising they are playing a part in endangering their kids .
I’m sorry. praying for you sister. ❤
I'm sorry for the childhood you had to endure. I'm happy for the childhood your daughter will get to have (with a loving and protective mother always there for her).
I almost became a victim to my uncle when my mother left me alone with him on a vacation once. It was God’s Grace that saved me. I was 15 at the time and only told my mother about it when he passed away and by then I was 30.
You know what she said…: “Oh how unfortunate, but I already knew this about him. He tried the same thing with me and your aunt when were your age. But I know you’re a tough cat that won’t tolerate it, that’s why I wasn’t worried.”
Even while typing this I still can’t comprehend the casual response from her. Our relationship isn’t what it’s supposed to be like, and after that conversation it got a bit more distant.
I'm so sorry. That is messed up on your mum's part. Nothing can prepare a child for the master manipulations of these predators.
That’s horrible. I’m sorry your mom let you down ❤
Parents who were victimized as children sometimes protect their own the least! It’s so bizarre 🤦🏾♀️
@desiprioleau I'd never thought of it like that. Perhaps the mother had normalised it all.
I cannot comprehend it! You deserved to be protected from known threats!!!
I was in an abusive marriage scared to death to tell my parents. As soon as they found out my MAMA beat the crap out of my ex. He left and never harassed me since.
Way to go Mom!
Mama bear for the win!
Wow..more people must stand up to bullies, they are often cowards
Thats a nice story and i’m glad you got away, BUT its is recommended that family does NOT get involved when they see their child in an abusive relationship. Especially physically. The victim has to wake up and make the decision to leave. Getting involved can actually backfire and cause the victim to cut the parents/family members off completely.
Nice fanfic
This sorta did happen to me. My mom's brother gRaped her and her sister when she was young. Her parents basically told her to shut up and pretend it didn't happen. When she was older, she let her brother live with us before I was born when it was just my brothers. She assumed they were safe and my uncle only wanted girls. After me, she kept my uncle away. She got sick, and literally on her death bed told my dad everything my uncle did to her. He took that knowledge and decided to ask the uncle to move in cause he didn't wanna be a father and raise his kids himself. He knew my existence would get my uncle to move in. I was 3. I was nearly 13 before I turned him into the police. It was several years later that I learned my dad had known and put me at risk on purpose. He knew for nearly 10 years what was happening to me, ate dinner with my abuser every night, celebrated holidays with this man. I haven't spoken to him in 10 years since I accused him of prostituting me out for free babysitting and he said he had to do it cause daycare was expensive. I cannot forgive him. Parents should protect you, not work with the person trying to hurt you. The circumstances are different, but I felt such a deep feeling of betrayal, knowing i wasn't important as my dad's bank account. I'd feel the same in Keke's shoes, that my mom's money mattered more than standing up for me.
😢 bless your soul!❤❤❤
Honestly, you're probably still recovering from this, but I beg you to lend me your ear. Before I leave I just want to let you know that you are special. And no, I don't mean retarded or autistic. You have a gift, a talent to make one stop and reflect upon his life. You can be great, you are meant for bigger things. Your circumstances will be the springboard to your ascension and accomplishments. In the name of Christ, I bless you. Use the blessing how you please, and please just remember that you are special and you have the potential to change the world. If no one believes in you, then I would be ready to risk everything doing so.🙏 please forget my name, but remember my message
I'm sorry this happened to you. Praying you find healing. Your father on the other hand...I have no words..
This is awful! I’m sorry you had to go through so much. I can’t imagine the betrayal you felt with your dad but I’m relieved you got the truth out and got your disgusting uncle to the authorities. He needed to be punished for the pain you and your mother and aunt went through. I’m praying that you will have strength and peace and feel safe again. Thank you for sharing.
May The Lord of the heaves and earth ease any suffering you’re experiencing, and guide you to the path of healing, truth and serenity. I hope you know and understand that it was not your fault and not to let that experience define who you are and what you want to do with your life 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
A friend of mine had her boyfriend threaten suicide if she left and I told her if he feels like it's he's time to meet his maker who are you to get in he's way. The only human life she is responsible for is her child I refuse to put a grown person life in my hands. Sorry if you only living for me I ain't worth it die than 🤷🏾♀️
😂😂 that last line. I needed to read this, going through something similar.
Yo, when I first read this, I was like “damn, that’s kind of harsh”. Then I paused… and I was like, “that’s some real as shit 😂”.
Tell him U wint miss him
@@Diamondr11Blue”tell my grandma I said i love her if you see her” 😂
Was I the friend lmao cause I did what you said and he died
You know, this is really normal in Caribbean families. I later found out that my graduating class had a lot of victims of child abuse and the perpetrators were either uncles or older male cousins. And no one was ever persecuted to this day. People just ignore it and sweep it under the rug. Thinking of this makes me 1000% more grateful for my mom. She refused to even leave me alone with male relatives and had a talk with me from age 4 about how if _anyone_ touches me _anywhere_ that makes me uncomfortable, tell her. She cuts people off with a *quickness* and that's why we're not a big ""family""". She'd have a gun out before she sat down with my abuser.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤love your mom. She is a true mother.🎉
Thank you for being open about this sad truth, I hope our society here changes.
THAT is a good mother. I pray for justice and restoration for the other victims. Covering up that kind of evil is evil in itself.
There is no Caribbean society where abuse is 'normal'. Don't put the trash behavior of individual people on our culture.
@@SoulbirdamiCaribbean culture lol that’s in your family not in mine
I remember one Thanksgiving, I called my (on my stepmom side) cousin's bf out for being an abuser, lazy and a loser and was nearly nailed to the cross for having a disrespectful opinion. I was told to leave. Turned out I was right the whole time. I thank God for the gift of discernment.
My mum sat me down with my rapist less than two months after the rape and told me to act normal Infront of the family over for Xmas dinner. Needless to say I got too drunk and 'ruined xmas'. Madness
Good. That you ruined Xmas. Not about what happened to you.
I'm sorry that happened to you, your mother is not a good person and you deserve better. ❤️🩹 I hope you have healed and you're a better woman than her.
Im glad your ruined THEIR xmas cause ruined yours to begin with🎉😢
Good.!!! People feel bad for the abuser I don’t get it. 😢 everyone needs to know or it’ll happen to someone else.
That is horrible 😢
Preach is 100% right about Caribbeans. I'm Haitian Guyanese. I grew up in a household where my father was violent with my mother. Despite family and religious pressures to maintain the marriage, it was a struggle. Divorce wasn't encouraged, so we endured the horror for over a decade. Although family support came intermittently, we often returned to the same situation. Eventually, we moved, and my mother became a single parent.
Even though my (Christian leader & missionary) grandmother encouraged my mother to reconcile with my father, the situation didn't improve. We, as children, were encouraged to have a relationship with our father for practical matters. However, it was emotionally taxing. Subsequently, my brother, who is high-functioning autistic, exhibited violent and manipulative behavior, creating further turmoil. Despite the difficulties, I strived to support my mother and sibling, but the weight of those experiences led me to prioritize my safety and mental well-being. It's been a year and a half since I moved away from my family, and I cherish the privacy, safety, and peace of mind I now have.
Honestly, you're probably still recovering from this, but I beg you to lend me your ear. Before I leave I just want to let you know that you are special. And no, I don't mean retarded or autistic. You have a gift, a talent to make one stop and reflect upon his life. You can be great, you are meant for bigger things. Your circumstances will be the springboard to your ascension and accomplishments. In the name of Christ, I bless you. Use the blessing how you please, and please just remember that you are special and you have the potential to change the world. If no one believes in you. Then I will die doing so.🙏 please forget my name, but remember my message
my parents indian - same shit
Same and it's demented how one of their family member could do the most foul shit and they be acting like nothing happened for the sake of the family
Im glad you were able to get out. That takes so much to do. ❤
100% right
As an Antiguan American I can confirm that Caribbean parents absolutely value the honor of the family over the safety of individual family members.
What a disgrace
How ironically dishonorable
Very sad.
The reality is that outside the Western world, many cultures are like this. From the Caribbean to the Middle East to Africa, Latin America, India, etc., you see a lot of similar cases.
@@beno1129I agree 100%. The reputation is literally more important than reality for many.
My family does this. They look over incestuous sexual abuses and pretend it never happened. I don't talk to many family members because of how it's affected people I'm close to in my family that have been victims. These dynamics need to stop within families.
It never ends. Better off forgetting them and starting a new family
I knew someone who was being abused by his girlfriend. Everyone knew. And people just continued being nice to her, which just completely baffled me. He was constantly covered in scratches and bruises. I didn't ever say a word to her. He wouldn't break up with her, so the only option for me was to just ignore her existence until he came to his senses.
She started on me one night asking "what my problem was with her" and I just laughed in her face and said "People who abused their partner are scum, and that's what you are."
Fair to say she wasn't happy and she ended up being thrown out of the bar and smashing one of the windows. She's a fuckin psychopath.
They're broke up now. And I still see her about other bars trying to find her next victim. Never seen her with the same lad twice tho. Obviously not very good at hiding her red flags.
I'm going to be honest... some people just want to keep the peace. Many times abusers will find any reason to abuse their partner which includes hostility from the abuse victim's family/friends... they'll say crazy stuff like "what did you tell them?? why did they look at me like that", which is why people are more prone at smiling in an abusers' face and privately helping the victim prepare to leave that situation. This is coming from a DV survivor who did exactly as I described.
@@consoledollz1688 yeah, understand that. This girl had hit him in front of others. That's why until that night, I just ignored her and stayed away from her, cause I knew I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue and I would just try talking to my friend so he would leave her.
You were mature with the situation. However, try calling the police next time you encounter a person like that.
@@Koce13 it had been reported many times, he never wanted to press charges so there was basically no point. The police were called the night she smashed the window in the bar and she was charged.
@@seanah123A bar window is more valuable and deserving of protection than a man, it seems.
Some mothers are their own daughters worst enemy!! It stems from jealousy and insecurity within the mother. It’s really disgusting!
Is it because they see their daughters as a better versoon of them? This is interesting to me, if any ladies would be willing to explain
Absolutely and narcissism too so many of them are stuck in a bubble of being a teenager or the centre of attention so it’s worse when they have a daughter who becomes a black sheep and punching bag to the mother used as a pawn for their ego.
The son becomes the golden child son husband since he is not competition but must be controlled completely to his detriment. These are the worst types of mothers and the abuse is insidious. I had to heal from a covert narc of a mom who was bipolar so she was physical with me too. Leaving and going no contact to live across the world with my husband was the best thing I could do for my life. The peace was like heaven
@@jpraise6771The daughter naturally will be some type of better version of them because like they say in my culture your offspring should be 10 times more gifted than you and as another you should love that, be proud and let them shine as an individual in their own identity.
The daughter if she cannot be fully controlled like she can do with her son becomes a threat to her fragile unhealthy ego because she is able to speak for herself and be her own woman. The threat is that the daughter wants her own identity and the mother sees this a threat because she cannot control the daughter like a doll or a perpetual child. The mother then usually stuck in a childish mindset of a teenager sees the daughter as a threat to her authority and if she cannot control the daughters life in every aspect from what she says, wears, who’s she chooses to marry etc then it renders the daughter useless and competition to her underdeveloped mind. The mother usually was the centre of attention in her own family usually a golden child or known for beauty so the daughter is usually a punching bag scapegoat in the family to the flaws of the mother.
This is where the mother would use the daughter as an “experiment” to “fix” so she will bully the daughter about her weight, appearance, choices etc from a young age making the daughter suffer from low self worth and low self esteem and usually choosing other abusers if they don’t seek therapy.
The daughter is treated as though she is never good enough to break the daughter down psychologically, emotionally and at times physically because these types of mothers have insane rage and temper tantrums. The mother is usually a covert narcissist because it initially seems like love and care but is insidious abuse with a Jezebel spirit that is used for the mother to control the entire family in some way especially through manipulation.
Read about “Daughters of narcissistic mothers” online.
Yeah they secretly love it when the daughter is doing poorly.
My father was like this with me and it took me a very long time to catch on that every time I had a job interview he wouldn't let me take his car (which he would say I could until the day of the interview so I never planned a backup) or would start a huge fight to put me in a terrible mood as I was heading out the door.
It's hard to see because it's such a crazy idea that your parents are purposely trying to get you fail.
That's narcissism and/or psychopathy.
Abuse should never be normalized, it’s genuinely so disheartening that her mother could sit there knowing what he has done to her daughter. Cognitive dissonance indeed.
Problem is Keke has put hands on him as well. They both have been abusive in some form to each other
They already got audio of her admitting to putting hands on him, and sounds like it was a regular thing. Not defending him but they both abusing eachother.
Yo they fight each other
A fight is not abuse
@@tcincali9642 Did you actually listen to the audio? She was literally referencing saying nasty things and putting her hands on him AFTER he said nasty things and put his hands on her. The only reason that and the audio of keke's mom came out before Darius admit to the things that were literally on camera stills and a video in keke's house is for damage control.
@@tcincali9642 Most domestic abuse is perpetrated by both partners towards each other
I dated a guy that threatened to kill himself after an argument. I didn’t play into it much because I knew how manipulative the threat was. I told him. The next morning, I texted him and he wouldn’t answer. Trying to act dead. And, I knew that. So, I said “I’m texting [friend] and telling him what you said and to check on you. He responded immediately. Hell yeah it would be embarrassing for his friends to find out how scandalous he was being.
The effing audacity of him
That's a super clever way of handling it. Just take his behavior and show it to people he wouldn't want seeing it. Also shows he knows it's wrong.
Handled that well
That’s messed up and manipulative
@@kevensevenonreverend no it's really not
She used to make excuses, and defend her abusive husband… Now she’s doing the same for her abusive sons…. It’s a horrible, and toxic cycle.
The fact that he's light-skin certainly helps too
@@jasonburrs3142can you elaborate?
@@jasonburrs3142lol i understand the black cummunity issue with colorism but what are you talking about?
@themack5131 No you don't. The way you frame the Black experience as a monolithic collective community betrays your lack of understanding. There's no such thing as "The Black Community".
@@jasonburrs3142 there isnt? Why is that? You just saying alot of stupid shit but not elaborating on anything
I’m from Jamaica and I distance myself from my parents BECAUSE of this. The honor or perceived honor of the family is above the safety, well-being, of individual family members; but especially children. The expectation is for the children to become used to this family dynamic
Asian here and exactly the same. They cared more about what others would think of it got out. They would tell me, “imagine what people would say! Do you want that?” I was a child too. It’s so messed up.
Also from Jamaica… our middle class/upper middle class family made it clear, “if you sully the family’s name you will get lost” & best believe they would do it themselves. Thankfully for us that kept the predators at bay, however on the other hand, with me being gay, it kept me in the closet for quite a while. I can say I’d take being in the closet than abused or silenced about being abused any day though
@Kayla_Kizzle I'm from Jamaica too. Sorry it's kept you in the closet. Hope things get better.
I grew up in a household where my mom was constantly getting beat by my brother's dad. I still remember till this day when her face was beaten so bad her nose was broken and her face was covered in blood...after that I never wanted to see his face ever again. I hate that man for what he did to my mom. I'm just so happy that she survived it, was able to defend herself and got out. Some people can't do that. If I ever see that man, I swear it would be on sight. I don't think I would ever want to be in the same room or anything. So yea that whole podcast and being able to be in the same room as your abuser is crazy.
Ok I’m very sorry that happened to you. I hope you and your family are doing alright now
trust me bro
Sorry you went through that. Women have been getting abused for centuries
Stepfather?
Which is why those “abuse” allegations are probably exaggerated or completely untrue.
I grew up in a Latino family and haven’t spoken to any of them in about 2 years because of the generational abuse cycles. It happens to a lot of people, a lot of families, too much suffering to be excused anymore. I’m glad you guys spoke about this ❤
😂
I’m Latino and my mom and dad never fought. You grew up ghetto
@javiruiz8365 you're dense. He didn't say all Latino families, and plenty of "nonghetto" folks go thru this too. Jfc.
@@javiruiz8365The way you are so defensive about it you probably grew up in the most mess. Abuse is not regulated to class or status. Most wealthy people even Royals go through the most abuse and family issues ask Prince Harry and the Royals/Sheikh of Dubai who has a daughter Latifah who tried to escape the country to flee from sexual abuse from her father which is common in a such families.
The people who defend the abuser and put them on a pedestal while putting the blame on the victim... Should not be surprised if they get cut out with the abuser. They are essentialy favoring the abuser and harboring a safe environment for the abuse to keep going, they don't get called out and don't get punished for what they did to the victim. If the abuser would get called out by the other family members they would know that it isn't tolerated to behave like that, but the fact they enable them just makes the abuser feel like they are allowed to keep doing it and ramp up the behavior accordingly. With every single bully I've had in my life their behaviors has always become worse over time, never less. They get a kick out of pushing the boundaries further and further and to see what they can get away with, if they are not stopped early they will push to the extremes eventually. Even with a person who I thought they had become more mature (since we both moved out and she moved to another city so I didn't see her as much) she eventually showed me her old colors again. The darkness within such people never truly goes away, it just lays in waiting, or they have just learnt how to put on a fake mask better. Some people who were bullies as kids or teens might realize what a shitbag they were and change for real but then there are some who enjoy the bullying too much that they can't stop. It's the people who only value money, will backstab anyone friend or foe for money and manipulate for other things too, those people can never change as they are simply selfish and greedy to the core. Her longterm boyfriend who she has dated since 16 have never seen her true colors. She behaved like an innocent angel around him but bullied and harassed me and my mom at home to drive us insane and disturb our peace as much as possible. If he knew who she truly is...
As a fellow Haitian 🇭🇹 Preach, what you said about condoning abuse and violence is so true and hit home for me. A lot of our parents cannot adjust their traditional ways to modern day and a lot of abuse is hidden and tolerated because of an archaic view of respect and respectability.
It’s not even just modern day, its adjusting to the Western world, and shedding parts of their culture that no longer apply in the West. Tbh I think there’s progress being made all over though
@@chibu3212 Why make it sound like it’s only a “Western” thing? The fuck are you on.
Ain't that the truth, my mom did the same thing with lol bros dad, she was so stuck she didn't know what to do dude cheated on her and hit her. Once he showed her he didn't want her , she walked out and didn't turn back.
I can attest that is definitely seen throughout the Caribbean. I'm just glad that my parents didn't subscribe to that mindset. They were both chastised for calling out other family members for ignoring certain things due to family name and respect. You can also see the dire affects of unresolved issues - it's sickening!
He’s Canadian, not Haitian
As someone who was abused I kept it a secret from my family for about a year before my family found out. When my family did find out by then I was ready for divorce however many of them suggested counseling to prevent the break up of my family. We are Native American & Mexican this occurred in many of the previous generations before me and they “worked through it”. Mother and fathers have very different perspectives depending on if your father was an abuser. My Dads mother was abused My Dad was NOT abusive. My Dad suggested I leave immediately but other family members wanted me to “work on it” little did they know I already tried and it only became public bc there’s no going back.
My ex husband began hitting me a few months after I had our child. It was a shock to me bc he had never hit me before and I tried to consider us being new parents was stressful for him so it’s something we could work on. But that wasn’t going to happen bc he would deny his abuse when confronted about it at a later time when I would bring it up once he seemed calm.
After the whole family knew he was hitting me my family tolerated him after that, they didn’t act differently towards him but they didn’t openly greet him they were respectful for my sake.
After our divorce the abuse continued during child exchanges; we used a third party trade off for a year and when I finally felt comfortable as if he wouldn’t harm me again we ended the third party monitoring and shortly after that he started trying to control me in my own home and abused me a handful of times again. Police officers are a joke the system is a joke, abusers get away with it.
We divorced in 2015 I been abused well into 2021. I have so many police reports but they didn’t do me any good my child has been an eye witness many times but her voice doesn’t matter bc she is a minor and that is her father which is what the court indicated. In 2021 my best friend and I became roommates bc the economy is so bad. It took a roommate to stop him from hitting me and showing up unannounced.
Abusers are cowards.
You seem very strong willed. Please don't ever lose your voice because of things like this. I hope the cycle of abuse ends though
Honestly, you're probably still recovering from this, but I beg you to lend me your ear. Before I leave I just want to let you know that you are special. And no, I don't mean retarded or autistic. You have a gift, a talent to make one stop and reflect upon his life. You can be great, you are meant for bigger things. Your circumstances will be the springboard to your ascension and accomplishments. In the name of Christ, I bless you. Use the blessing how you please, and please just remember that you are special and you have the potential to change the world. If no one believes in you, then I would be ready to risk everything doing so.🙏 please forget my name, but remember my message
Im Nigerian and have to agree with Preach. Ppl will smile at their enemies in public to save the family face. Unfortunately, I know aunties and women told to act happy with their husbands in public to save face. I remember family gatherings with a particular uncle that beat my aunty and every adult/older cousin knew but myself and other kids didn't cuz everyone acted like nothing was up. Apparently, they would only talk to him and try to get him to change behind closed doors but never encouraged my aunt to leave cuz she would be shamed by society for "failing to keep her family" 🤮
Being forced to attend the same event/family gathering as your abuser is a regular occurrence in Caribbean families. Only the inner family knows the situation but they act like everything is cool & nothing happened. No idea why, it’s sickening.
What Caribbean countries are you speaking about Westerner?
@@AA-ed6ek I’m talking about my experience with my family which seems to be a shared experience with many people i have come across who are also Caribbean. Dw about where if you know you know.
@@silverpsalm628 It's the fear of being judged, condemned by others. Although many of them claim to be Christians, they do not stand up for the truth.
@@cassieinspire3940 Yup lol refuse to stand up for the truth but condemn you for being unable to forgive.
@@AA-ed6ekCaribbean is part of the West...
This is like that Madea's Family Reunion movie where the mom was aware that her daughter's boyfriend was abusing her for years, and still pushed them to try to get married.
Ironically keke was in that movie
Its like a medea plot come to life. Or maybe he is beating the mom too. 😂 But what if they both dicMatazied. PlotTwist
Yes!
Her mom was literally cussing him out and threaten to kill him we don’t know the timeline or how much she knew at this point
My daughter's father beat me and my parents hated him. I got together with my ex from high school because I thought I knew this man and he was safe. He starts beating me (knew him for 15 years at this point so I was really surprised) my mom even was there and saw it. They still try to convince me to take him back three years later. 😮💨😒 man I hate people sometimes.
This whole forgiveness things gets on my nerves, because what is there to be talked about? He ABUSED and TRAUMATIZED her what's supposed to be compromised here ? People don't have to have constructive conversations with someone who ruined their lives nor forgive them.
She prolly wanted grandkids
@Diamondr11Blue she already has two from me and 6 total so nope.
@@PrivelivetYou can forgive someone and not let them back in your life. People saying forgive and take them back are crazy
@@Privelivet This whole forgiveness culture is just making excuses and putting responsibility on the victim to fix the abuser.
A normal person, if they ever hit or hurt someone, is able to feel empathy and understand the other’s need for distance. It’s also not a bad thing to carry the shame of what you did for the rest of your life, if you actually take responsibility, you also understand the consequences and you know that the burden of having to live with them is rightfully on you.
But an egocentric narcissist will try everything to avoid the public shame of coming across as an abuser, and this will include incessantly reaching out to the victim and guilt tripping them into excusing whatever happened.
When someone you love is in an abusive relationship it’s SO IMPORTANT to keep in touch with the person and keep a regular relationship with them until they’re ready to leave. Even if that means ignoring certain truths for a period of time. If everytime you see the abuser you go off on them they’ll wind up keeping your loved one from you and that’s the LAST THING you want to happen.
Some perspective from a previously abused person: my mom also allowed my ex into her life, not because she didn't care, but because she was scared that if she pushed him away too hard, I would go with him. At least in this way, she could still see me and be there for me.
When police are called for domestic violence situations, often times, the more dangerous and unpredictable person is the one who was beaten. They are so mentally ill that they try to protect their abuser.
If my mom had pushed him away too hard, I may have disappeared too just to keep him happy. There is a chance that her mom was using this as an opportunity to still be in her daughter's life and to even discuss healthy relationship dynamics in front him him may have been her way of trying to get through to both of them, or at least her daughter.
On top of that, abusers often isolate their victims. If he felt her mother was a threat to their relationship, he may have isolated her from her mom too, just to prevent any voices of dissonance from interfering with their relationship.
Not saying for sure, just my perspective from being on the other side of the situation.
I grew up in a family where sexual abuse happened to me and my mom was there for the family member who abused me. We have moved on from it but I didn’t talk to her for several months because of this. I will never understand why we allow abusers to still be in circles that shouldn’t. I don’t care how much a person has changed. The abused will always remember what you did. If the absuer changed great but I would never allow that person in my space ever.
My family always swept shit like this under the rug.
💔
Moved on from it? You're mother committed the deepest betrayal. How can you move on from it? Did she accept responsibility and tearfully apologize?
It's common for men to find pathetic women that will enable them no matter what. Killed someone? Oh you are the bad one, he/she clearly needed help. People abuse other people because they will know there will be no consequences or know of someone who will enable them. I've been told that I should be the bigger person and have relationship with my mom because "she has changed" despite that I know her for over years and can easily predict her behavior. People don't change, just learn to mask their behavior.
@@Mariet31 Not true. Sometimes they do change, sometimes they don't and the only way to know is to trust them again or at least let them prove themselves, which is hard to do after a betrayal/abuse and therein lies the problem. It's easier for most people to look at it as a yes or no choice and decide not to give them another chance and find out.
@@yootoob1001001but the abused person should be prioritized. What about our happiness and mental health? When the abuser and the ones who supported them are around, my mental health goes down the drain. I was doing so well for many years until they got stuck with me during Covid and I’m still trying to fix my mental health since. I get anxiety, panic attacks, indescribable amount of rage, night terrors, etc. I don’t care if the abuser has changed or not. It doesn’t changed what they did. They and their enablers should just stay away from me because that’s the least they can do.
as someone who has an abuser in my family I can say this is so common. it shouldn't be but it is. I live in the same household as my abuser and both of my other family members are constantly trying to defend her and says things like "what she's never done that, don't lie" even when they see it with their own two eyes. they're in denial and it's honestly sad and just makes me feel more distant from them because of the fact that they're constantly defending the person who actively abusing me and makes my life a living hell. safe to say I'll be out of here as soon as I'm 18.
Between this video, a friend I know whose mother said she deserved her abuse from her ex and all the comments on this video saying that there are people close to them defending their abuser...all I feel is disgust. The human race is a cesspool
Good for you. Get out and get even by doing better and better
Wishing you all the best!
@condesabeatriz9303 thank you :)
@noirefit5954 that's exactly what I plan to do, thanks for this comment
Preach is right. My uncle was molesting his daughter. She told our grandma and she did nothing.
We didn’t find out until over a decade after because my grandma was on her deathbed and my cousin refused to visit her. We didn’t know why until a few months after my grandma passed away. My cousin was just a middle schooler when the abuse was happening.
I was disgusted with my grandma and honestly that side of the family when I found out about it. More come about this particular uncle including him groping my mom and peeping in on her showering. Again no one said anything about this until DECADES after it happened.
Well, that's her son so she was conflicted. Doesn't justify it but sometimes putting yourself in that person shoes to kinda makes sense of their decision
@Tales_Thomas well it's also her granddaughter that's being abuse. If you're conflicted and stay quiet about your son that's in his 30s or 40s putting his dick in his 11-13 year old daughter then you're just a horrible piece of shit period. There is no excuse and people like you trying to rational letting a child suffer constant sexual abuse and the mental abuse that comes along with it are the problem.
It was also her granddaughter.
@@ethxo6734 she didn't carry her granddaughter for 9 months, feed her or watch them grow, nurture, teach, invest and discipline like her SON.
Like I said she was wrong for not telling anyone and not doing anything about it but that's her son she was conflicted. When emotions are high, logic is low.
@@Tales_Thomas So true it actually hurts, sometimes. I used to think "I don't understand so that can't be the truth", but the truth is sometimes it isn't to be understood. I mean, I suppose the right answer would be telling somebody from the outside, with a less emotionally-inclined perspective.
It's just sad that your family can be just as, if not scarier than the world sometimes.
As a mom of three girls, I'd could not sit on a podcast or any place else and pretend that everything is okay. I am way too emotional about my family. If I were KeKe, I would be way too embarrassed to bring this abuser around my family. And if I were Darius, I could not face her family. Nope, could not do it.
Sadly, this isn’t as rare as it should be. I know more than one woman in the same kind of stupid situation with their dude and their mother. Moms having the abusers all up in their house, at the dinner table, just skinning and grinning. It COULD NOT be me and my daughter, though! Anywhere around me would be classed as a danger zone for him!
I was abused by a man for years, he almost killed me…. Multiple times. My mother had to act like she liked him or just be civil with him to avoid him being triggered by any little thing, any trigger can stimulate another fight where my life could’ve been taken. Most women statistically who leave abusers have a higher chance of being killed when leaving. It’s not an easy situation.
May I ask why you never left , because I would never let a man lay his hands on me
@@Didi-fr5ic i know generally the victims do still care about the abuser, its not often the relationship is entirely awful and violent so it becomes more complicated. Along with what she said
What made you leave? My sis might be in a situation but has told me she would never leave, im sad and scared for her but idk what to tell her so she can leave eventually at least
@@Didi-fr5ictheres a reason victims struggle to leave or show resistance and come out with their stories later. It's a lot of shame, fear, to open your mouth and speak on this subject or fight back, that's a a whole struggle in itself. It eats u alive
@@Didi-fr5ic This woman just finished telling you that survivors have a higher chance of being killed upon leaving..
Caribbean families definitely value the image and honor of the family over their safety.
I’m in the same boat with Aba in regards to not caring for certain family members after finding out the nonsense they do or allowed to happen.
Some not all
I’ve actually put my hands on my baby daddy in his parents house cause I caught him cheating on me. I’ve never felt more disgusted with myself. I didn’t show my face for months after that till Halloween so the grandparents could see them in their costumes. I stayed outside in my car. Their granddad came outside gave me a hug and said he misses me brought me into the house and everyone else said they miss me. Needless to say I bawled my eyes out later that night.
So you saying you started after the disrespect? I hope you sought counseling both alone and together. 🙏🏾
Some families are so unhealthy it's scary. When I had an exbf I lived with get physically abusive with me, I was ready to leave and called my father, instead of coming to pick me up he instead said I probably deserved it and that I was an adult and to deal with it on my own and hung up on me. For 9 more years I didn't tell anyone all the even worse stuff that started to happen. Not even counselors. I thought i truly deserved it all. My mother told me to stay with him because he was a good provider and no one else would ever want me. I left him 9 years ago and both my parents still don't know all that happened in that relationship. And my mother still tries to convince me to settle for guys only because they make a lot of money.
Its narcissism, they lack empathy. Its not entirely their fault, who knows what shit they went through in their childhood, but you have to just keep in mind that they are incapable of love and empathy for others.
@@omarctnot every amoral, narcissistic or straight up evil person is the product of trauma. In fact, most bad people didn't experience anything substantially worse than their peers for their conduct, genetics probably play a larger role. Its the reason two people can experience the same trauma, while one degrades into antisocial behavior another can grow stronger and develop more robust values and positive self-image.
@@publiusventidiusbassus1232 I believe negative trauma is not the only way. Research shows that too much attention and cuddling can also be negative and result in a damaged psyche.
What a monster. I think if someone was abusing a loved one of mine, I wouldn't want to be in the same room with them.
You wouldn't.
There’s audio of keke admitting physically assaulting him as well. She’s not innocent either
@@c-anime23 Interesting.
@@c-anime23Is that so? If that's the case she should be charged as well. She's already a confirmed street walker
@@c-anime23 You're twisting what was said and the way it was said. She was talking about what she did after the fact. He said nasty things to her she said it back. He did what he did to her, she touched him back.
Both my parents got into abusive relationships after they divorced and it came to a point where if I wanted to be in my parents lives i had to just let them figure it out on their own because my mom always made excuses for him and it becomes a big fight and they basically chose the abuser over you and you just have to let them come to their own conclusions and it hurts to watch. I don’t talk to my dad anymore either because of alcoholism and his abuse towards women. I was with an abuser because it was all I knew and didn’t realize my self worth so I hope Keke is finally realizing hers. When a man puts his hands around your neck that is a big indication that he has it in him to kill you.
Very scary!
I understand you, sis, and sorry that happened! You are worth being loved by you first ❤️
Preach is right about some Caribbean parents, mothers in particular, they care more about the opinion of their friends and church members that they boasted to, than their actual children’s (mainly emotional) well-being. Their daughter will be SA,d and she’ll be shipped away and isolated for being pregnant because the public will judge but the assaulter won’t even be pursued.
Preach, it's so weird that you brought up that a lot of African families would rather sweep this type of conversation under the rug for various reasons. It wasn't until you brought up specific scenarios that I realised that my family, consisting of Christian, highly educated individuals, is doing the same. My youngest aunt, just this year, was beaten up by her husband. He beat her unconscious and broke her fingers and ribs. At first, she promised she was done with him and we were all happy. However, she has said that she's now forgiven him and we must too. The adults are not happy about it but they've AGREED to continue helping him out. But us children lost our minds- how the heck can you expect us to respect this man, this fake Christian artist when we know he lays hands on his wife, our beloved aunt, and drinks like a fish? However, we were told to stay out of their business and not say anything to him.
I *JUST* realised that my family is doing exactly what you described. I'm actually very shaken.
it’s hard to understand but maybe your parents are right. this man has power over your aunt and if he wants he can easily isolate her from her family. you can’t persuade her to leave him but you can wait until she is ready to leave and help her. so, your parents pretend to be ok just to be with her and help her when she needs it.
@@wentano Thanks a lot for giving this opinion. I only hope that my parents, aunts and uncles are pretending to be ok with the situation. Because it's almost exactly a year after that incident and I still don't want to talk to him.
And to be fair, him isolating her from us would be horrifying so you may have a point. Rather keep channels of communication open for when she chooses to leave.
Have a lovely day further ♥️
I’m the oldest of 5 girls. The only way I could see myself being around my little sister’s abuser like that, is only because I know she’s not ready to leave him. I wouldn’t want to abandon her, leaving her with no one. Which could lead to her feeling completely stuck in the relationship. Abuse goes deep. It’s never just mental abuse or just physical. It’s all of it at once. So if I leave her and push away because I’m not like what’s happening to her; then I’m essentially taking her life jacket away and telling her to fight the waves herself. I want to be there and ready to snatch her out of that situation when she is ready and the only way I can see that working is if she she feels I’m a safe place for her, who has always been there for her no matter what. Think how much harder it would be for Keke to go to her mom if her mom washed her hands of it and wasn’t really around like she has been? Keke would unfortunately feel a lot of shame because the “I told you so” and things like that.
That’s just my opinion though.
Keke’s mom probably sat with him on the podcast cause Keke asked her. Had she not, what kind of narrative do you think he would start to spin about her mom to her? Which would lead Keke reaching out to her mom less and less therefore isolating her from her safe haven.
This situation feels like the military type of professionalism. Personal feelings aside, its all about the mission/getting the bag.
Just cold and calculating
Straight up making me consider not joining
@meilei8716 joining military? if so, yes it's all about programming you even more to obey the orders. whatever order they say
@@tellnicklegit not enlisted but that’s what people say.
@@tellnicklegit Brainwash techniques are use in boot camp, for sure - Sleep deprivation, tons of verbal abuse, punishments for breaking one little rule...
I'm not sure where I saw this, but there is some interview with Keke and she speaks to commiting to a relationship in spite of challenges like this, and my first reaction was "I hope there isn't some bullshit going on in her marriage"
Edit: welp, didn't know it was from her own podcast
Wait, what?! She said she'd work through abuse?!
I think she was referring to cheating, not abuse. And she never married him.
Yikes!
Yeah they should've watched more. I'm surprised they didn't notice that KeKe was sitting off by herself while the mother was sitting very close to her ex. 🤔 I saw that in a protective way.
She also admitted to be verbally and physically abusive in her book. They have a toxic relationship, and the Usher situation proved it, if he's so abusive why would you publicly go against your abusers wishes knowing what can happen when you go home. She doesn't talk act or move like she's in a one sided abusive relationship.
I completely get what preach is saying, back home in Nigerian there’s a saying “do not drag the family name into the mud” no matter what is going on inside that family you keep that shit in private and lie to the public just to uphold a desired image, my parents wouldn’t even let me eat at friends houses (if they don’t know their parents) because they didn’t want people thinking why didn’t I eat before leaving the house
If you beat up your own children or turn a blind eye when they are being beat up at home, they will never have the confidence to come asking for help when they are being abused outside the home.
My mother, "got along" with my ex for years. She kept her mouth shut about her opinions to him to keep the peace until I can figure out how to get out of the marriage. No one knew what was going on in the house but her. But to keep the peace and make sure the kids were good was the most important thing. And since I had kids before our relationship we had to take extra caution.
A lot of families normalize all sorts of fucked up things, not necessarily always to protect their image. I think a lot of people aren't comfortable drawing hard lines and having tough confrontations, so it's easier to pretend like things aren't the way that they are. It's easy to talk about what you would do, but harder to do it when people you love turn out to not be who you thought. Denial is easier. Gotta have principles and conviction. Sadly, I've seen this personally a few times.
As a third generation domestic violence survivor, I can tell you that if her mother wanted to help and stay in her life, she had to stay close. Keke needed support and a soft place to land, not another person taking her power.
Until she is ready to leave there is nothing that a mother can do but tell her she loves her, that she deserves more, and has her support should she decide to leave. If she pressures, the daughter would most likely cut her off and stay longer to prove her wrong.
It’s very complicated. The mother stayed by her side and ushered her into her power. Now she is free. It’s beyond complicated.
Don’t pass judgement. we can’t know what we don’t know and definitely don’t understand. If it were that easy to stop, DV wouldn’t be one of the most commonly reported and commonly unreported crimes in America.
No
@@JoseRamirez-cb4pz Yes. You may not like it, but she is completely correct.
Thank you👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I was looking for this comment 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
If anyone bothered to listen to the leaked phone call, Keke mom was PLAYING IN their abuse.
I just couldn't. The family dynamics of ignoring things they know or underplaying it or using innuendos, is something that is just all too common and it's just disgusting.
My parents in public were ALL ABOUT this phrase "We don't beat our children" but also didn't care for us. Sure, I can say we were fed, clothed and had a roof. Raised? Spent time with? Loved? No. My dad ABSOLUTELY wanted a girl but all he got was two boys. Due to mom's health, two was the max. Dad didn't want us and mom is a follower.
So, yeah, sure, they didn't beat us but I lost count on things like: "We live in the woods... You know I could bury you and they wouldn't EVER find your body" or telling me what happened to this one crow that made too much noise and it bothered him. Or, for when I'd really pissed him off: "I'll rip your head off and shit down the hole". My mom's preferred phrase was: "Wait till dad comes home, he's going to TAKE CARE of you".
In my mid 30's I learned that EVERYONE KNEW when an uncle contacted me(through an old facebook acc) about my Dad's health going down. I explained that maybe it isn't the best idea and the reply was: "Well, you know, your dad had it rough growing up".
In my mid twenty's I discovered WHY we had moved deep deep in the woods when I was around 4 1/2. 30 minutes from a town that was itself 30 min from the town we moved from. Yeah, they moved THAT far. See, this town didn't have a pharmacy or health services or CPS. And CPS might of been a "problem" due to certain "events" that had happened. Almost getting run over in the street with no parents around. My 3 month spent in an ICU with not ONE family member visiting(no aunt, uncle or grandparents) or anyone wanting to talk about it after and the parents biggest excuse being: "Was too busy with work". Treatment for a speech impediment that I "suddenly" developed during those 3 month, etc.
So yeah, family's will often "hide" their shame by simply acting as if there's no problem when the "shame" is around, who cares about the kids right? Family image first! The worst thing is, you get used to this treatment, so it takes A LONG TIME for people OUTSIDE the family to get you to realize that getting out is the right thing to do.
💔
I’m truly sorry you had to go through such a fucked up thing growing up,I hope you continue healing and find happiness ❤
They're downplaying it because they know Keke is just as abusive and intentionally provokes him knowing he has mental issues, there's video recordings of it. The photos they showed are still shots, she was hitting him too that day. She's been verbally abusive to all her boyfriends, check her background. Fucked up world right?
Honestly, you're probably still recovering from this, but I beg you to lend me your ear. Before I leave I just want to let you know that you are special. And no, I don't mean retarded or autistic. You have a gift, a talent to make one stop and reflect upon his life. You can be great, you are meant for bigger things. Your circumstances will be the springboard to your ascension and accomplishments. In the name of Christ, I bless you. Use the blessing how you please, and please just remember that you are special and you have the potential to change the world. If no one believes in you. Then I will die doing so.🙏
The comment I just said applies to the rest of you here if you need it. You are a miracle child
its the same in eastern europe, the whole "what will others think of me??" mentality, i literally wasnt allowed to go to therapy because "what if people find out? they'll think im a terrible parent!" instead of being told that i should try to take care of myself lol
My little sister was being verbally abused and while she was pregnant and afterwards. I barely spoke to the guy when I went over and he was 100% aware as to why. I gave her my advice but allowed her to make her own decisions and trust in her ability to be a strong person and defend herself. And in the end she did and I am proud of her for it. I wouldn’t engage with him on any level outside of hello and goodbye.
My eldest sis is in the same situation, but is still with him. I’m very hopeful that she can get out.
@@kayee__555same, it’s difficult to not be able to do anything since it’s not in our control 😢
My daughter was in a similar situation. I begged her to leave, I banned him from my mere presence because I knew I'd have ripped him apart. She decided to stay so I had to go with her choice. She's happily with a decent man now. All I could so then was make my feelings clear, set my boundaries with him and tell her she's always welcome to move home.
I respect your decision and maturity so much!!!!!! Im going STRAIGHT TO JAIL BEHIND MINE! She is so tiny and delicate.. i just KNOW id loose my mind. 😢
As an Haitian, I can confirm all of what Preach is saying (and I saw it in other Caribbean families to) Image is the most important ever. You will see people in church looking amazing and being super God fearing. But, if you really knew what they were behind the facade...mezanmi. I brought up church, because that is probably where you see it the most. Haitian people at church is all about your image. You don't want to look like your struggling. You don't want people to know that there are any problems. You have to be perfect. You do not want any scandal ever. I recall another Haitian family changing church when they shunned one of their children. In that other church, they thought that family was a family of 3 (when it is actually a family of 4).
To be honest, most Christians are no better than Satanists. At least the Satanists are honest about what they are.
This is exactly why I will never set foot in a church again.
I had to grow up watching this happen. It really has a lasting effect that never goes away. When you see the strongest people in your life destroy eachother, you have trouble feeling safe no matter where you go. You relive those moment in your head at the worst times and its hard to cope with. If youre going to be an idiot, be smart enough to leave the kids out of it.
"When you see the strongest ppl in your life destroy eachother..." you feel there is no safe place for you.
On point! That's it!
Honestly, you're probably still recovering from this, but I beg you to lend me your ear. Before I leave I just want to let you know that you are special. And no, I don't mean retarded or autistic. You have a gift, a talent to make one stop and reflect upon his life. You can be great, you are meant for bigger things. Your circumstances will be the springboard to your ascension and accomplishments. In the name of Christ, I bless you. Use the blessing how you please, and please just remember that you are special and you have the potential to change the world. If no one believes in you, then I would be ready to risk everything doing so.🙏 please forget my name, but remember my message
Years ago, my parents started causing problems to my oldest sister and that led to her running away from home multiple times. I remember that social services were involved in this case. And one day, she tried to run away but she was caught and my dad beat her up. I could never forget the screams she made and the screams got so loud that the neighbours called the police and the ambulance the police came into the house and only asked the identity of my father and told not to hit her again. A few hours later, I saw her with a neck supporting brace around her neck. I did not see what happened exactly, I was in my bedroom when it happened, but from the neck brace, I could tell that my dad hurts her very badly. I thought I was crazy for thinking that she did not deserve the beating, but thanks to A&P, I'm fully convinced that I'm not. This is very common in not only African, but also in Asian and Central and South American cultures. In those countries, families will always prioritise the reputation and the image of the family over the safety of its members. Cruel world we live in
I come from a Latino family. The only way i can have true peace is to let go of them and move on. I tried my best, but i dont beleive in an afterlife so i cant justify a life of suffering just so that death finds its way to me without me even feeling peace. My grandma told me something i ended using on her. Peace is non negotiable. Sad i had to leave my grandma for that same reason. She made my life hell with her way of being.
I wouldn't sit next to him and I've walked away before in both dynamics.
My ex fiance tried to murder me and my family did nothing, but I got out of it on my own. One day my ex stole my car and I told my father to call the cops because I couldn't. I was in the hospital and my cell was broken, but my father wouldn't.
A year or two later when a friend was going through an abusive situation and I was stressed my father asked why I cared and I said, "because no one cared when someone tried to murder me".
He simply said without skipping a beat, "that was between you and him." So I don't talk to my family anymore.
I used to have a cousin and she's still in a abusive relationship and she has children. I told her to fix it or I'd raise hell. Raised hell and she still stayed so we don't talk anymore.
All you can do is try to help those who need help, but if you can't, definitely walk away because if that person can abuse the one you love, they can try to take it out on you too and I'm not here for it.
All I can say to those who are being abused to gather the evidence and get out as quickly and silently as you can, especially if you've been choked before.
You can actually Google an article where if I recall correctly a nurse of some sort stated that you're 750% more likely to be murdered by the person who strangled you and that was very eye opening for me.
It's not a matter of will, but the fact of when. People don't deserve that and neither does Keke. Hopefully she stays safe as well as the baby and I hope she never goes back.
it's easy to say you wouldn't be around them if you haven't had to actually experience a family member actively choosing to stay in that abusive relationship. My sister has been in one for a long time. I used to not want to be around her due to getting tired of constantly telling her she needed to leave. I didn't want to be around; I couldn't stand him. Then when he broke her leg, a few days later I had a nightmare that he killed her. I realized that in the end she is my sister & I would rather have her in my life and be someone she can come too, rather than push her away and not be there. I figured as my sister, I would rather be in her life, knowing she is alive, then get that call one day and missed out on time with her. Frankly I just had to kind of disassociate myself from the reality. I realized this is her choice and I can't make her leave, but I will not push her away because she chooses to be in an abusive marriage. I spoke my peace to her, she knows how I feel, so I no longer ask her to leave. it kills me seeing her live this way, but in the end, I'm just glad to have my sister. Hopefully this made sense.
What the heck? He broke her leg and she still staying? 😢😢😢no!!
We know women make the mistake to stay in a domestic violence relationship when they shouldn't, but her momma going along with the bs like it's okay is a bad look. Why was her momma there in the first damn place like they're a happy family?
..mental health. smdh
Sometimes when someone is abusing someone you love and you can't convince them to leave, the only thing you can do is make sure the abuser doesn't isolate them from you to the point that they can't come to you for help. If that means keeping your mouth shut past a certain point so the abuser can't find an excuse to keep you away, it's the only power you have to keep that door open so when the person you love who's abused is ready to get out, you can be there.
I had male friend in a physically abusive relationship. I couldn't convince him that it wasn't okay or to leave and if I hadn't played nice with his spouse and him he would have lost contact with me. But when he was really ready to see what was happening and leave I was the only one left to help him get out, get him to a lawyer and for him to stay with while he was moving out
We had an abuser in our family who just died. He damaged three generations of our family and was only able to do so because he had his protectors within the family. Some were overwhelmed and didn't know how to help. Some outright denied what was right in front of them and attacked the victims who stood up. I will never have anything to do with those that aided him. They can choke on their money if there's even anything left.
Even if her mom doesn't want to say anything being on the podcast is ridiculous she does not have to do that
If she want keke to keep paying her bills, she do!💯🤦🏾🤣
Coming from a family with the type of dynamics Preach talked about, I can almost tell you what her mom was thinking. Probably something like "Well he be laying hands on her but he won't if I'm there so I'll just sit beside him to ensure she's safe". Like it doesn't sound insane to be pretending to be cool to a global audience at all. It's about upholding the image
Notice how she's between them and can't force her daughter to do anything she is not ready to do. She has always been in her life and has never wanted to upset her, ya'll have not paid attention with these ignorant comments.
This happened to me, my mom knew my ex was abusive because we lived with her for a time. So bad in fact she was literally going to pay me to leave him. When I finally got the strength to leave and file for divorce. I started dating again trying to get my life back together, well my mom didn’t like that. She wanted me to live and stay with her and stay single till the day she died. When I didn’t do that, she teamed up with my ex, I mean both would drive by my home at all hours of the night, my car that I paid on for 3 or 4 years, she threatened to call it in to the police as stolen because her name was on it because she had better credit than me. But I paid for it. I just gave it to her, to not deal with the stress and she gave it to my ex. I don’t talk to her anymore, I could never trust her after that. It’s an even longer story and boy she did some wild shit. But I got away from her too. I don’t know what the whole story is, or how much the mom knew about what he was doing to her. But as a mother, I would never be able to sit next to my kids abuser and play nice. I would not let them come near my home or nothing. So I don’t know the story on this, if the mom is standing by her, I say give her a break maybe she didn’t know what was going on since it was happening outside of her home. If she did know, than she will have to answer for that. My prayers go out to KeKe hopefully she can recover emotionally and find a good man that will treat her right.
I'm glad you're doing well. That's insane. I'm guessing your life is much more peaceful without both of them around I hope? 😄 😊
For the experiment:
1. God forbid if I were to ever abuse my significant other, I would be terrified to see or breathe the same air as her love ones for fear of losing my life.
2. If my hypothetical child was getting abused, I wouldn’t be able to breathe the same air as the abuser without an emotional outburst, whether it be an ass whooping or murder.
3. I couldn’t even imagine myself doing a podcast with someone putting their hands on me, because after the first time I’d either call the police or end the relationship.
Such a bizarre situation to watch after being shown SOME of the action behind the scenes
All. Of. This.
Point 3 is easier said than done.
@@swizzybrizzyNo. It really isn’t. At the first sign of any behavior like this I leave. Even calling me out of my name, I will not tolerate. That happened once and I immediately ended all interaction.
If you make your own money (especially good money) and are able-bodied, there is no reason not to put your (and kid’s) safety first.
@@swizzybrizzywho tf makes a PODCAST about it…
This. If anyone on either side of my family was shown to be physically abusive, the men would beat the living shit out of him without question & tell him to pack his bags and never come back. The men in my family are very peaceful leaders, but they all have a rageful side. Thankfully, that rage is reserved for those who abuse or pick on those who are weaker than themselves or those they love. I've seen it firsthand.
I'll never forget getting a false RO the day I turned 18 and as soon as my dad believed me that it was truly unwarranted, I'd never seen him that angry in my entire life. He got them kicked out of our church for not coming to me, my parents, or anyone in the church about it first if they had an issue. I helped their daughter through the hardest period of her life when her brother killed himself, refused to take advantage of her emotionally vulnerable state (later finding out other people I know DID), but I got hit with an RO for texts entertaining her fantasy of wanting to run away. All I did was understand she wanted to entertain some escapism, and they used it as grounds that I might legitimately run away with her to another country. It was fucking pathetic.
I watched a 20/20 about a girl who killed her child’s father in cold blood. Now his parents are best friends with the woman who killed their son and go to visit her in prison and pay her commissary. Made me sick
I was in an abusive relationship. I was close to my family. They couldn't stand him. He wanted me to distance myself from them. I'm glad that my family didn't give up on me and stay away from me even though they didn't like him. When I finally said enough is enough and left him, I knew I could go back to my mom's house.
I would like to think that the mom was just being there for her daughter until her daughter was ready to leave.
I never understood hiding stuff to protect the family name. Why not speak about it and remove them from you and your family's lives?
It makes more sense in the context of folks marrying within their childhood community, where a bad family name could kill off the family through eliminating suitors. But I don't think coming from a "bad family" has as many impacts nowadays
@@aisherwasher6959- it makes more sense in the context of misogyny, where girls & women are considered worthless in comparison to degenerate m@les.
The last part hit home for me..
I had a partner that threatened to unalive himself if I left. I stayed out of fear, for years. Until I reached my limit and I walked away, cut all ties, blocked him on everything.
Then one day, after months of not hearing from him, he assaulted me at gunpoint and then unalived himself once the police caught up to him. If I could go back and change things, I agree I should have left the first time he tried that but carefully. That was a huge red flag that I should have taken seriously and as an indicator to protect myself rather than to lean in and support him.
I understand Abba's perspective on leaving the those kinds of situations on their own when the people involved who don't do anything to try to resolve the issue. But I want to know if there is such a moment for someone who does want out of that toxic relationship with whoever, how do guide/help them through when you care about them knowing if you get involved people will get hurt physically, financially, emotionally, etc. Which might end their relationship with you too, is it worth getting involved when you know the person you save might despise you? Or do you just walk away like Abba mention and hope the best for them?
I have some anecdotal experience:
*I suggest being someone to remind your loved one of their self-worth and help pick them up when they’re down. Treat them like a normal person and try to continue having new, beautiful experiences with them despite their circumstances.*
They will likely stay too long and even go back to an abuser, but they need support to fully break the ties and move on to better. They need good people to remind them of who they are. Don’t desert them, even if it isn’t safe to physically be in their presence. They will need you and feeling abandoned is why I think most ppl get and stay with abusers.
On the other hand, *NEVER put yourself in a dangerous situation involving an abuser regardless of what your loved one says, thinks, or does.* Use discernment and prioritize your own life and safety, then theirs. Meet up in public, don’t leave info in texts or email, don’t send them your address, etc. and make your loved one call the police (or you do it!) if they ever need help when the abuser is present. DO NOT GO WITHOUT THE AUTHORITIES if you go at all.
You’re a gem for being so considerate. Great support can make all the difference. It’s more valuable than money imo.
@@DannniellleeeI have to disagree. To able to even stay with someone who's abusing you, primarily physically because the mental abuse can be unnoticed if they're ignorant to the manipulation tactics, is a mental illness. Every life form has a desire to live and move in a way so that they can continue living. If someone is harming you and you continue going back because the "love" makes you feel good I genuinely think they're the only one who can make the decision to leave, it's not something you can convince them of or persuade them. You can have conversations with drug addicts about how bad the drugs are and and they can tell you how much better their life would be without drugs, but they still ultimately are being fulfilled by the drugs and them actually wanting to do better vs the temporary enjoyment is the only thing that will stop them.
You will really be doing yourself more harm watching them stay in a bad relationship. You essentially become a victim of the abusers gaslighting because your friend will just tell you all the lies of how it's going to get better and you going against them will then make you the bad guy.
Yeah just leaving people on allegations is messed up. Just canceling your family. Even Kevin Spacey has been acquitted of all charges but it's not being blown up on the news.
@@Ac3Badger While I do agree with most of what you have to say, as a sister of someone who is currently in an abusive relationship, I have learned to disassociate myself from her situation. I agree that in the end, it's their choice to leave. We have all tried many times with my sibling. it'll be her choice in the end, but I choose to be there because I don't want her to feel even further isolated & I want her to understand that when she is ready, she has me there. I did have to get real with her and lay down boundaries where it may sound cold hearted, but I had to tell her, this is what you are choosing, you know it's wrong & may even kill you, yet you choose to stay. I am here for you when you need me, but unless you are willing to leave or it gets really bad, our talks will not consist of you complaining about a situation, that you know what my reply will be. I am just glad to have her in my life and that I am not missing out on time with her.
@@Ac3Badger We live in a place that celebrates abusive people so much that it is part of US culture. This country was founded on the grossest atrocities anyone could imagine. Many of our families are abusive in a multitude of ways.
The mental illness is widespread, then, based on your choice of words. The only way to change it is to do the hard work and stand up for what’s right, even if it hurts. Even if it’s scary. A lot of things in life hurt, but we can choose to help ppl stuck in misery to see the light, and maybe incite some healing in the process.
Or you can turn away and do nothing as it continues to happen. Your choice! 🤷🏽♀️
Im so sick of this mentallity that some people have about how nobody should say shit about certain things in a family especially when its absolutley awful and when it is something awful that is especially the time for something to be said and also family loyalty the fine to a point but when people in the family start to try to protect or defend or try to act as if that person in that family isnt a terrible human being is when it turns into a huge problem
Thanks for talking about a serious and very common familial situation . It’s not easy and that’s why I support you guys. I’m a fellow Haitian and I agree this is very common in our culture, black culture, and probably most cultures. The issue is very complex so I wouldn’t put too much judgment without too much context. I will also say as a mental health professional it is hard very hard to maneuver in that dynamic when a person is an adult and they make their own decisions. Most times a family may have to be cordial and deal with the abuser to support and protect the victim. Most people would say they would never do what Keke Palmer’s mom did. But I just want to add that it’s more complicated and all we can do is hope the victim gets away and the abuser gets some consequence before the worst situation happens
Ultimate betrayal and disgusting money grab by the mother. No care for her daughter at all!!!
It’s not a money grab she has the money. She turned 30 and used him for a baby.
Huh? So he decided to put his hands on his child's mother...this is the lowest of scum.
I think he's the one in it for the money grab.
@@fatcatontarioisn't this the same mother throwing down on other men in public?
Assaulting her is wrong, however don't sit here pretending like she isn't scummy.
This is the ideal situation,🗑 and 🗑 together
@@anonymousbo0318I would reckon beating someone is worse than dancing with someone. I don’t think those things are equally scummy🤷♀️
5:00 No lies told preach. We had a few family secrets that I later found out was being hidden from me. I remember wondering why certain family members weren't allowed around us anymore. It was all about image and keeping things hidden from the public. I remember my mother saying, "we don't air our dirty laundry out there like that."
I don’t understand why getting hit in front of her child is somehow worse. Don’t hit people period. In front of kids or not. Unless you’re defending yourself keep your hands to yourself.
It's worse because two people are getting traumatised instead of one.
You are much more likely to be traumatized if you witness the beating happening, as opposed to just seeing the results after it’s concluded
I still remember the first time I saw my father hit.my.mom. I don't know how old I was. I just remember that I couldn't talk and couldn't get out of the crib to help her off the floor. Everyday of my life until I was 22, the first imagine that came to mind when I woke up was my Dad hitting her and my mom falling over the couch 😢😢😢😢 Now the image just flashes across my mind in the middle of the day and I just ignore it. But it's still a daily memory at age 38😢
It’s worse because it’s double the trauma and at that point you’re hurting two people not just one..
Trauma is a sad thing. We all have seen/felt it however, everyone deals with it differently, and when family members are not always inclined with knowledge and their ability to make a difference can hurt more.
The problem with a parent taking too strong of a stand against their child's abusive partner is that the child is still chosing that abusive partner.
If you go wild, like you might want to, then the abusive partner that your child is still picking, now loses an aspect of their support system in the future when the abuse continues or escalates. You have to be a soft presence of resistance until the child is ready to leave. Then you can step in hard.
I’m really proud of you gents for maintaining such strong/healthy boundaries regarding your families. Those boundaries are especially tested when you are still in contact and care for some family members who try to keep you involved with others that you don’t want to be involved with.
My mom literally cut me off when she found out i was in a DV situation. When i finally left my mom lied to me and said how she sent people for him. Literally lied. To my face. The moment I moved back home, she threw a pyrex glass at me. DO YALL KNOW HOW THICK THEM PYREX GLASSES ARE smfh
This makes me think your mom is a part of the reason you had a mental state that would allow you to stay with an abuser.
@@Ac3Badger she was. The first time he put hands on me it was actually her fault cause she forced me to be around him. If she didnt do that, the argument wouldve never escalated. My mom has NPD. So she made my abuse about her and was going on and on saying how she couldnt deal with it because of “it made me think about when your dad use to do that to me”. Then she got angry and told me she wasnt gonna help me since “you were gonna do whatever you wanted anyway”. But my mom also allowed her boyfriend to make me strip and hit me. So 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ I guess i shouldnt have expected much from her. Even now to this day. My mom says weird crap like *scoff* “you couldve never been a single mother” as if having two baby daddies is a badge of honor
Well it wasnt her fault per say. I shouldnt say that. But she had the opportunity to protect me and as per usual refused and made it about her
Recently, I had to cut off a long time friend because he verbally and sometimes physically absuses his girlfriend, and he didn’t listen to me when I’d tell him to treat her better. He also threatened me in anger, so I cut him off. The girlfriend later asked me on instagram, “Are you still friends with him?” I told her straight up, he abuses you, he threatened me, we’re done. She made all the excuses under the sun for him, and she’s still miserable with him. Posting sad stories on instagram. I’m not Mr. Save a Bitch. But I said what I said, meant it, and moved on.
If I were her mom, I would sit there and do the podcast. I wouldn’t want my child to go through the hardship alone and I wouldn’t want to run the risk of my kid pushing me away.
If I were the abuser I’ve probably already spun the story in my favor or I’ve “apologized” and wouldn’t feel guilty about anything. So I could definitely sit there and pretend all is well.
19:57 Whats crazier is that you have to leave an abuser the “right” way so they stay out of your life. If you aren’t concerned about them unaliving themselves they may feel justified in taking you with them.
And for the folks who think it’s so easy to leave after the first incident of abuse, abusers don’t choose people who have their minds right. They are like piimps; they are looking for victims who are broken or have no reference for dealing with crazy.
Boy, the way she talked him on that leaded voicemail while poor Usher caught strays was shocking. I guess she’s just was being an actress for her daughter until she couldn’t take it anymore.
Victimhood mentality nuff said women get away with it WAY TO OFTEN.
Women know if they accuse a man of abuse they can get full custody and/or money simply off the accusations and allegations. In this case, I think they're physically abusive to each other.
@@mellow.madness she wouldn’t have been granted temporary custody of the child and a RO if there wasn’t evidence
@@dreamkitty Ok.
He knew what he was doing, he's all quite in the recording when she starts screaming. Makes you wonder what happened before he hit that record button. Any mother would act that way, not all our parents are politically correct.
I don’t know why Abba is surprised, I’d immagine exactly this from the mother of a domestic abuse victim. Someone had to normalize this type of behavior for her, sometimes it’s the culture or the violent partner. But many times it’s children who’ve been failed by their caregiver and become easy targets for manipulators in adulthood.
Bottom line, if there is violence within a couple, break up, men or women. You might think that sticking it through will help your child, but trust me, some people will never be able to be good parents. They’ll say how much they love the baby, but words are cheap, children are structured to be extremely perceptive of the parents’ emotional state. If you hit the other parent, you are actively damaging that baby, and should not be allowed to see him/her.
Women will be jealous of their daughters. Especially women who didn't have it as good as their daughters. Especially in the black community.
People need to seek therapy as well; otherwise, they may continue to afflict trauma onto others.
Exactly
True. The first time a man laid a hand on me would be the last time because I was raised by parents who would absolutely lose their minds if they found out. Especially my Dad.
My mom lived with a abusive stepdad her mom stayed with him until he died and the sad part about it was they both cried at his funeral and I asked my mom why did she cry she said its because its the only dad she knew
This is so sad to see. Surviving a DV relationship with a minor child comes with a lot of shame and guilt…especially when your abuser is a master manipulator and has the support of his family and your support system is oceans away. It took me 10yrs to get out…and I remember when I reached out to his family for help his mom said “what do you want me to do I’m scared of him too” while his dad said “shut up and be a good wife!” I’m just happy that my kid gave me the strength to leave that toxic hell hole. I pray for Keke and any other person in this situation that they get the strength to leave…safely 💕
One good thing to come out of this video is showing what a protective father Aba is gonna be ✨
Born and raised in Trinidad Preach is 100% correct we really be hiding shit for the sake of image. It's really sad when you think about it. My whole entire family is like that and i know many other Caribbean families like that also.
cognitive dissonance is crazy...because no abuser is abusive ALL the time, people get stuck in a kind of disbelieving frozen state when it happens the first few times.. until it happens all the time & can no longer be ignored... unfortunately by that time it's too late for some victims because the abusers become addicted to the feeling of power & control &" rush " of the unmittigated abuse & spiral till they really end the victims life...that's why at the FIRST sign of DV you must RUN for the hills & NEVER come back..
Very true, it's a strange and difficult feeling to navigate when someone is fine 80% of the time but the other 20% they're awful and abusive. One second you hate them and you're ready for them to face the consequences of their actions, the next you're gaslighting yourself and downplaying what they did because they're back to acting normal again
3:30 - this situation is not far out of the ordinary. Some dads might be proud of a man putting his daughter "in her place"
nah as a caribbean i agree. families would stay MAD silent if sh*t happens cause the shame is greater than what is right
I wouldn’t be caught in the same room as another family member who’s beating their spouse. If I had access to that info then I’m skipping every family get together until someone does something about it. I don’t think I could physically restrain myself from saying/doing something to the abuser in that situation. As far as sitting down with them for a podcast?? Are you crazy?!
In my personal family I’ve had to stop associating with people for certain reasons. My uncle’s a hardcore racist, I haven’t said a word to him in years. This is how I’d react if someone was abusive
My family is kind of like this. We have a history of domestic violence that goes back to my 2x great grandparents from the stories I have heard. Most abusers look to isolate the victims and drive a wedge between them and anyone who would tell them to leave.
If Keke’s mom had refused the bf could even use that as a weapon against her. “See your mom doesn’t care about you. She knows how much this podcast means to you, and she wouldn’t even bother to come on to support you.”
My mom dated a guy who was verbally abusive and an alcoholic. Sometimes she didn’t go to family functions because neither myself or my relatives would allow him to drink in our homes, and he doesn’t go where he can’t drink. My auntie stopped taking her grandkids to visit my mom because she didn’t want them to see a sloppy drunk. Thank God my mom finally woke up and cut him off. I have seen this man so drunk he pissed himself on the floor because he couldn’t get up. Literally piss drunk. I was civil to him but My mom got angry at me many times and accused me of being a snob because I wanted nothing to do with him him and wouldn’t sit there and pretend to chit chat when I couldn’t stand him.
I think a lot of people don’t say anything or be too aggressive because they are afraid if they do they will lose contact entirely with the victim and the victim’s children if they have any.
I have a friend who, when she was 6 months pregnant, showed up at my place in the middle of the night because the baby daddy punched her in the face. I told her I'd help her get away from him and with the kid. Her mom told her it was normal and that she would get slapped sometimes when she argued with her husband (friend's father). The friend stayed with me for a month and then went back to the guy. Good luck to that child with such parents
I’m gonna be honest, if that was my daughter I’m going to prison!! Ain no way in hell you gonna put hands on my daughter and think we good!!
From my experience, sometimes the abuser is the one who even begs you to convince your family to come publicly to almost validate them. He could have manipulated her into talking her mom to come on the podcast. I have experienced it which is why no one believes that you are still being abused. Unfortunately abusers always need public validation. A form of gaslighting
Hello, this came up on my feed, I raised four adult daughters 35, 29, 26 & 23 and they are all amazing successful woman. I am a former Teacher/Dean of Students and I am also a former State of Colorado Juvenile Probation Officer.
This is crazy as Hell, if any man puts his hands on any of my four adult daughters, he will meet his maker, period!!!