@@TurtleHillTx omggg relatable! 😭 like for me it was nothing to say, "ugh I wish I was aborted" I used to say that w so much confidence and now I know how bad it really sounds 🤧😭😭 but I mean, they don't understand the toxicty I'm going thru ☹ like ppl don't understand that my mom has made an awful impact on me. Imagine wanting to commit suicide bc of your OWN mom. The same person who ur supposed to go to to seek for nurturing love but nah she's a monster 🤢 it's actually so sick! And the fact that ppl literally have the audacity to say, "but" even after I try(bc words cannot describe her cruelty 😭) to explain what she does to me, and how she makes me feel! (I wanna freakin dieee bc of a human just like me wth)😡 I almost didn't make it out alive last year but I'm trying so hard to hold on. I'm here for a reason, and whether my mom likes it or not, I'm gonna be a positive impact to others on this earth! I'm staying around for the little boys and girls who think they can't escape the toxicity they're battling every day and night 🤧🤧
My parents had foster kids. OMG, what those kids went through- we were used to it and knew to avoid but they were helpless. Of course to the social workers she was all syrupy. It's tragic that this could happen to kids who were already in a tough spot. There were probably 20 kids went through our house, plus exchange students etc. I remember one poor kid from Mexico, he was very young, she made his life so miserable.
@@Chahlie awh the poor children 😭😭 that's actually so upsetting. And the fact that I'm sure she'll think there's nothing wrong with her. She'll think that she's not the problem and that the kids are just, "bad kids" 🥺 I'm actually scared to have kids of my own tbh. I feel like there's a toxic trait within me that just hasn't been unleashed yet. There's no way I haven't been affected deep down emotionally in some way by my mom's cruelty. I don't wanna have kids if I'm just gonna turn out to be like her, a horrible mother 😭
When my NPD mom was dying, I never went to see her and did not go to the funeral. It was a waste of time. Besides that, I was not goinog to allow her to say anything to me in her last moments that were cruel. She died at 94. My brother and I do not miss her and I do not mourn for her. She was dead to me many years ago. When she died, I felt nothing. I called her the "mother of sabotage".
She used to scream in my face, "I OWN you! You came out of MY BODY!! I BIRTHED you!!!" I am 60 yrs old and just found out last year what NPD is. She just put my 92 yo Dad in a nursing home. I am so happy that he is finally away from her abuse. As for me, I will now go "No Contact". No one believes me and all the stories of covert abuse I have endured. Haha! Let all of her flying monkeys take care of her now. I AM FREE!!!
I'm glad a friend's mom and dad explained this too me when I was 16. I couldn't imagine 60 years of that abuse I'm sorry you had to go through that. Keep the NC you will be much much happier.
@@maggiej7328 yes we never had internet or anybody to talk to with parents knowing everything that was said to professional doctors etc especially in a small town, I am fifty and lucky enough knew by instinct to go no contact on several occasions, now after 15 years of no contact I am 50 years of age and are still processing through the foggy PTSD memories and making sense of the truth and how I felt and fell about it now.
I just realised that my mother is narcissistic only about 4 months ago. And I went full no contact 3 months ago. She raged, she lashed out, she rotated from being ‘hurt’ and bereft to going full on Narc Beast Mode when either strategy would fail. She’s accused everyone who has supported me of lying, misinterpreting what she has said - on purpose, ‘dementing’ and being under my spell. It’s funny how narcissistic people always accuse you of the very same things that they themselves are guilty of. To be honest, going full contact is like drinking pristine mountain water. Everything is very clear and there is lots to be grateful and look forward to. I have also realised that I am a natural introvert which is a huge relief after a lifetime of being told by mommie dearest that I’m anti-social, a loner and awkward. I spend my free time reading my books, studying things that are interesting to me and appreciating my life for its own quiet and solitary way whilst still seeing and chatting to my most favourite friends. I would recommend anyone with a Narc in their life, goes full no contact and no, you don’t need to offer an explanation to anyone as to why, you just do it. They’ll be a backlash and you’ll be hated but you will have already overcome far worse throughout your life...
As silly as this sounds, the cartoon in the thumbnail made me cry because that was me every day from 4 years old until well into my early 20’s. I knew better than to talk back. My heart breaks for the little girl that I was who never got the love I deserved 💔
I hope that, understanding the narcissist, gives you perspective, peace and closure. It wasn't you. It NEVER was. You were only the outlet for their own insecurities. Their own failings. Their own self loathing. Their own inadequacies. In short... their own TORTURED soul. It was never you and I hope you finally found peace. God bless you. ❤
I feel you sister! I just watched this today and I think it will help. If you can't watch it all, skip to 1hr 7 mins 30 secs and do the meditation 💖 czcams.com/video/VQCAZUSMe5E/video.html
I am 61and unfortunately, didn’t discover what my mother was until age 57. You are ahead of the game and can now work on healing the child within. God bless you 🙏🏼
Amby blessings and love 💕 remember you are not alone,we are many. I am 50 and only just finding that out. Society is ignorant of the truth and lacks understanding. You know your truth. Embrace,let go,self heal. DFTBA (don’t forget to be awesome) xxoo🌈🥰🦋
My husband had a terribly abusive, narcissistic mother. I had a very loving family. My mom could be nosy, but she was full of love for us. Most of my friends had great moms. I know my hubby had to overcome trust issues to get close to anyone, and he thought he was unlovable (from a very young age.) She was a covert narcissist. No one believed him when he reached out for help at a young age. It took me a while, and some research to realize what was wrong with his relationship with his mom. It wasn't him. It was her meanness. He ws a victim of his mom. When your mom is mean, you think it's normal, and that every mom is like that. When you have a good mom, you assume that most people do have a loving mom. We are working through a lot, even after 33 years of marriage. She was hurtful to both of us, and our children. Shes still alive, in her mid 80s, and still manipulating people. He's an only child and only has minimal contact when necessary now.. It's been a long road to healing. He's learning to trust that I won't leave him or purposely hurt him, and that I love him for who he is. There are many kind people in the world. I'm sorry you had the experience of this destructive disorder in your mom. I hope you know you are lovable and worthy of bettter treatment. I hope you find that in life..
@@amylee9956 people who assume all mothers are loving and tell us off for not been kinder etc. is just further pain and gas lighting. I'm so glad you got informed and fully support your husband I'm sure he is so grateful as am I to my partner for believing me and understanding me which is so healing.
@@anz10 I get it now, but I actually wasn't aware of narcissistic personalities before. I never judged anyone's relationship with their moms, or condemned anyone's actions. What people don't know shouldn't be held against them. But I do understand that people giving advice without understanding the nature of the relationship can be hurtful, even though they might not mean to be. I'm sorry your hurt was compounded by other people.
They can, but they have to realize what they're doing first before any changes really can happen. From my point of view, this is very uncommon for narcissists to do. But it is still possible for them to change. The trick is to not tell them that, again, they must figure it out on their own.
I'm taking a life coaching program and the woman who's running it did a question and answer in one session. An older woman (in her 60's) brought up her emotionally abusive mother - I say narcissistic mother. The life coach listened to this woman before telling her that her "mother was doing her best" during the time this woman was being brought up. She said no mother is a perfect mother and they all make mistakes. I was pretty ticked off at the coach's response because you could hear in the caller's voice how disappointed and hurt she was by the answer. Not every mother "is just doing her best." Many are living their worst life and dragging you along for the ride. When you're a child, you don't have a choice and that's when most of the damage is done.
I can't stand the "they were doing their best" blanket statement so many people use. Let's use some common sense. 1. You don't know anything about the perpetrator. 2. Many people don't always do their best. 3. Anyone that says that has poor people skills and only make the victim feel worse. It's like when someone is grieving for a loved one who died and people say "he/she's in a better place" Really? Where did they get that fact from. And if it's a better place then the person saying it is looking forward to dying! Gimme a break
@@amylee9956 It’s true. My mother said to me “I wasn’t going to be on Welfare collecting money, I’m going to work and provide for my children”. And I asked her, “how did your children profit from that? We always had food and materialistic stuff. Did you send us to private school, sent us to guitar classes with the extra cash? No. She did it for her own pride and nothing more.
Anyone who makes ignorant and potentially damaging statements like that - which are loaded with assumptions (and negative judgements about you) should not be working with people !
The damage the narcissistic mother can do is almost incomprehensible. Cold, controlling, forbidding. Any imperfection justifies their rejecting you. I joined the US Air Force when I was 18, got stationed clear across the country, and never went back. It took a lot of professional therapy to convince me that I wasn't the one with the problem. I thank you for posting the video, and hope it reaches many, many more young people.
This is my mother especially destroying my friendships. Every time I made a friend she accused me of being a lesbian or trying to paint them in a bad light. She made everything about her especially my graduation and academic achievements. She would put me down by making fun of my hair or my clothes or something to take away what I accomplished. When I don’t give her what she wants she will go silent and ignore me and make me feel invalid. I did notice she would only do things for me where other people would notice and if she wouldn’t get praise or attention she wouldn’t help me. She always lied on me and say either I said or did things I didn’t. She would be so convincing even I started to believe it. I was always so confused and unsure of myself growing up. I’m still unsure of myself.
@@gulabimandal Its as she said. Growing up I understood right from wrong. Our mother raised us well. Through much mental abuse, physical abuse, we faded in and out of each others lifes. I never took it to heart. Knowing something is so wrong with her. Now here we are, a 88 year old dying and 2 daughters trying to be here for her. Our journey in this life was so painful and truly wasted. All we can do is be humane and give her dignity. Being in this house full of dreadful memories. Somehow we manage to give what we've never received from the one who have birth to us. I hope you are managing well. We become better, when we know what we do not want to become.
1. She destroys your relationships. 2. She manipulates everyone, guilt is one of her tools. 3. Silent treatment and neglect can go on for extended period of time, especially if you have pointed out her flaw. 4. She must always be the center of attention. 5. She will only do things for you if other people can see it. 6. She will comment on the smallest of flaws or imperfections. 7. She will never admit to be wrong or take any responsibility of any wrong doings of her. 8. She will set her children against each other. Triangulation is the part of the ways she manipulates. Thanks for the wonderful video.
My Mum made everything about her and always played the Victim and was abusive to me. I have asperger's syndrome and OCD and she made my 23 years of living with her a living hell. Always threatening to throw me out always using emotional blackmail. And as 17 - 18 year old always questioning my decisions and judgement like she couldnt bare my success. I moved out over 10 years ago now
Tillsoo my grans rage mellowed out in her 60’s. it settled into a 4 years taking the huff when told bedtime when you told her No. everything else got worse
@@fatgirlonabike6279 I am with you on all of the points girls! I just have to say that your nick is also a picture of how we feel probably..... Please change it in to "Bautiful girl on a bike"! PLEASE
My mom told me… you made it easy for me to make people believe me when I said you were crazy. She said it so proudly. She also turned my brother against me. Now he’s telling people my moms lies about me. It’s so hurtful.
Mine was so jealous. So jealous that couldn't see me having a relationship with my dad. Did all her best and all she could to make us hate our dad.. At the age of 18, when I realised what was going on, I decided to build my relationship with my dad. One night, my dad wanted to go to buy take away dinner, I asked him if I could tag along... Got ready, was leaving the house with him, she ran after me and started to call me a "Whore"... I was really shocked and started to cry.. My dad took me outside of the house and told me that's its ok and she is sick.. That was the very first time that I realised she was not normal and that my father knew it...
My mother manipulated my brother into breaking my arm ,telling him that I don't want him to be successful and get in a medical school . He broke my arm just to please my mother, coz he thinks my mother is an angel, and she says is right. I no more go home ever , I have been living away since 12years. I am a doctor, obstetrician to be specific. If this could happen to me, knowing well my mother's toxic nature, I feel really sorry to all those who still are dependent on their parents . See don't make yourself suffer because of anyone. Love yourself 😘❤️❤️❤️.
You are very fortunate to become something in your life. I spent my adult life dedicated to my mothers life. Not one day goes by that I don't think about how I was groomed to be by her side rather than spread my wings. Only those with a narcissistic mother understands.
This should be part of health education class rather than sex. We need to understand about the people in our lives who want to destroy us. Like you, it took me the same amount of time to understand why I was hated in the family - particularly by my mother. She's now dead, thank God! But my narcissistic father is still alive and expects me to take care of him 2 days a week even when I'm on disability for my own problems (chronic lyme and CFS). He could care less about my issues.
Me too. You're not alone. I find myself now laughing at her terrible behavior and how shallow she was as a mother. She no longer here on earth. Funny how all those years still haunts me. The only person I will bow to now is Jesus Christ. Amen. ✌💕
I think total trust in any relationship is overpriced as i ended up hating myself for ever believing my ex-husband. When my ex-husband started getting home late, I would ask and he'd say something came up at work. When i couldn't take any more of his lies, I decided it was time i get to know what was really going on. On the recommendation of a friend, I contacted this great ethical hacker (cyberhackingsage@gmail) who cloned his cellphone without physically touching the device and as a result, I was able to access his social media accounts , GPS Location, iMessage, call logs and text messages (both recent and deleted) through a remote decryption link sent to me. I discovered he is a liar who is having a secret affair with his secretary and that he has been using money from our joint account to finance the affair. Thanks to cyberhackingsage, I was able to file for divorce with lots of evidence against him. If you're ever in doubt or you need that extra bit of closure, I recommend you send a mail to cyberhackingsage@gmail or text and WhatsApp them at +15713758467. I hope you find peace of mind just like me after I discovered the truth.
I was adopted at 7 days old. I suspect that my mother started her tirade against me the day I was picked up. I was evidence she was unable to birth a child. I grew up in terror. She emotionally and physically abused me and her actions are what I thought was normal. At this time at age 72 I have found answers to my question of ‘what did I ever do to deserve her hatred, anger, and disgust”. My mother had a biological child when I was 2 years old. My sister could do no wrong and was given everything. I became the house servant and yard person at 7-8 years of age. If I did not mow the lawn (we had over acre of lawn) correctly she would come out and whip with a belt. Somehow all the terror I encountered strengthened me. She was an alcoholic who classified herself as a social society drinker. This actually helped me as she was drunk most evenings and thus she didn’t use me as a punching bag and would be remorseful most mornings. I worked part time at telephone company as an operator and saved enough to put myself through nursing school. From there I thrived. She continued her rage against me until the day she died. My sister never helped her a bit. I put her in nursing home at her request after she wouldn’t take care of herself. She had money so that paid for it. I managed her money while my sister kept an eagle eye on what I spent. I never used a dime on myself. I rarely went to see her. Only time sister appeared was to get money. I have had 2 marriages …divorced the 1st due to his compulsive gambling and 2nd died after 22 years of marriage. I have 2 successful adult children who love and care about me. I am now a retired widow. I have found my birth mother who is now deceased and gained 8 half siblings who accept me as family and I see them frequently. My adoptive sister has had 5 marriages and models after my adoptive mother. What ‘saved’ me was God, my intelligence, my independence and willingness to look beyond the faults of others.
I'm only ten seconds in and my jaw is dropping ... My mother thought I was her personal slave and even told me "that's why people have kids". You can't make this shit up.
It's been 17 years since I packed and left and never went back. Today I was reading my email to her, 10 years ago and I feel so proud to have left and made my life from scratch and most importantly, knowing my worth! This year, I am gonna be 40 and I am gonna celebrate my beautiful 40. A part of my email to her: I like to thank you for hating me, for making my life a living hell, and for all the cruelty you subjected me to. Because of that, I was forced to succeed on my own, I was forced to liberate myself emotionally, financially and spiritually. I was forced to think and free myself from the mental slavery you impose upon me. My experience properly made me more to become kind, honorable and hard-working women, setting goals and achieving them, and most importantly feeling proud of it! I don't hate you but You are part of my past, a memory and someone I am only biologically connected to. I feel nothing for you, except pity! I pity you, because you will never be able to know what real "love" feels like, and what its like to wake up and simply be happy, feeling archived and wonderful.
Mary, Next week will be 4 years since I walked away. I am not quite where you are yet, but I am absolutely getting there. I also wrote a final email, but she made believe it never existed, and still tells people that she doesn't know why I'm mad. I'm not mad - I'm just done. I went from mad, to sad, to focused, to enlightened and now as far as she is concerned, I am simply numb.... there is nothing left to feel. Its time I feel for those who deserve it. My feelings matter. I matter. Thank you for speaking out, and showing that there is life after a narcissist.
@@amywinn6932 oh Anna! I can't agree with you more. It's amazing how well I can relate to you when you say :" I'm not mad, I'm just done" that's exactly how I feel and that's precisely her reaction... They tend to play their role really well.. They pretend that they have no idea why we are showing such reactions and they pretend that there is something wrong with us! They can continue with their games, but we are out of that and they have no power over us any more.... You are amazing, you have come so far! You are extremely intelligent and you are worth it... Worthy of love and happiness and you have a great future ahead of you.
Reading all these comments and seeing people say their mothers were narcissists well into their death bed.... It's weird to say, but thank you. I'll learn that my mother will never change.
The narcissist in my life has a son and he's had to endure ALL of this. And then some. One time, he tried to purchase a home (that was nicer than hers) and she had the audacity to tell him... oh hell no! You are NOT going to have a nicer home than mine! What kind of parent says that?? (Yes, a narcissist one). Every NORMAL parent wants their child to do better and be better than them.
0:43 Envious? JUST envious??? LOL!!!! Oh no. She is JEALOUS. She is TOXICALLY JEALOUS. It's beyond envious. She used to get out of control each time she used to get jealous. Off-the-chain! Yeah, no! That's beyond just envious! Thank you! :-) Jokes aside, thank you. I'm with you on all the points... :-(
Mine is extremely jealous she can't accept and fathom the idea her daughter is well liked and gets on with people . She is malicious unhappy woman and hates to see me happy. Hope she rots in her dark hole. Will provoke you to the point where you lash out and then has the audacity to act like she's innocent and call me " argumentative" and they hate feeling ignored. The more you ignore them the more riled up they get . Never have a good word to say about anyone.
My mom used to be hysterical and overly dramatic when she saw that my dad is on my side whenever we argued. Too much self-importance and jealousy! I hope we all get healed from these insidious and unbelievable relationship with our own mothers. God bless us all!
Yes, definitely. These narcissistic mothers are beyond envious. My mother gets of me jealous whenever I talk to my dad, sees that I am well dressed and take care of myself, and even gets jealous of my own success, She slapped me just because someone called me gorgeous. She is jealous of my success, and especially because I am at a very young age in my life, I will have to live with her narcissistic abuse (both mentally and physically) for a very longtime until I turn 18, get a job, and mature enough move out and afford a place to live.
I've got narcissistic parents. And they got super jealous when I got married and that ex-husband & me seemed to love each other dearly. They got happy when I finally got unhappy with my ex because of all the pain I couldn't heal myself being raised by narcissistic parents. When I divorced, they were like "yeahh, that's it"
You are 100% right on the money with identifying these behaviors as narcissistic! This video is very valuable and so concise. This will help a lot of people. Thank you for putting this on your channel.
After a couple decades of being victim to a narcissistic mother, I learned about narcissism. My research helped me to see my mother in a different light. I learned that all the ugly behaviors eg: never being wrong, unjustified anger, controlling through guilt, the severe enmeshment through adulthood, etc., stems from a deepseated self-loathing. To put it simply, the narc must use these dysfunctional behaviors to neutralize their self-disgust. More simply, the narc thinks, "I am nothing, an empty shell, and it's so difficult to face that I must do all I can to prove to myself I am something... by making everyone wrong, I am right, by criticizing, I am better than others, by charming strangers I will get people to think I'm fabulous, etc. I do not suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. Knowing and understanding this personality disorder has helped me to not take anything personally. By experiencing their dysfunction objectively, from a birds eye view, I am able to recognize that the narc is mentally ill and it's not about me. I hope this will help you.
Sad thing about this is you end up thinking its a normal behavior and end up attracting other narc relationships and friendship.. so the first step is realizing you have a narc parent and then try to avoid these kind of people in your life..
Yup! ALL these hit the nail on the head and explain all my mothers traits. Hence why I have a fallout with my whole family, and haven't seen any of them for over a year and a half.
@Wendy Watts Hope you're doing well Wendy and glad you're free from the abuse. Originally I never knew what narcissism was, and only discovered that it's a thing only in the past year. Usually being afraid to speak up to your parents or afraid of how they'll react to anything. So.. definitely being out of their control and being free is the way to be.
My mom’s golden line that made me realize she’s not normal: ‘when did I lose control of my kids?’. So I’m a thing to control and not a person? Runner up: My fiancé, stepson, and I lost our home, all our belongings/memories, and pets in a fire. My mom’s response was less than horrible. ‘You NEED therapy and I’m paying for it.’ ‘You don’t understand the severity of this situation’. ‘I’m just trying to help. I’m your mother.’ ‘No thanks.’ (I knew it was yet another ploy to have leverage over me). Complete silence, let alone asking how me, my fiancé, or our son is doing. A 6 year old autistic child watched his house burn down, watched every toy and his beloved stuffed bear burn down and the bitch can’t even ask if he’s okay. Dad didn’t either. She tries again for therapy and says I’m being unreasonable when I send her a letter explaining how their behaviour was unacceptable. 4 months later I graduated, through PTSD panic attacks in my car awaiting calculus tests. Sobbing to myself knowing I was alone. Somehow got a C+ and graduated with a diploma. Didn’t invite my parents to grad because of how awful they made me feel and how their behaviour was completely NOT OKAY. My only grandfather dies later in the year. They did not invite me to the funeral (over 1000km away) because I did not invite them to grad. I found out through a shared visa statement that they bought a ticket each and one for my sister, but not for me. Another runner up: me: ‘I love my girlfriend and I want to marry her. I’m letting you guys know’ Proceeds to spend 30+ minutes trying to convince me I’m wrong about where my heart is. ‘No, I don’t think you want to marry her. Don’t you think this is too soon? Don’t you think you’re working harder than you have to? Don’t you think...’ Happiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve learned SO much about mental health, NPD, and what it looks like to people on the outside of this ‘family’. We’re going to be married soon and I refuse to invite her to the wedding. Fuck me I actually said sorry to the bitch when I didn’t care she was in the hospital. Wish I didn’t say it. Now she thinks I’m weak. I’m her fallen golden child who she ‘loves more than life’, but she also questions me to the point where she really believes I can’t do anything on my own. One time when I was 4 I was underwater in a river and she looked at me thinking ‘oh shit this kid will never stand up for himself’. Said so in therapy. But ‘you’ve done all of this (accomplishments) yourself. That’s incredible’. But still thinks I’m a failure, or that they ‘failed me as parents’. They’re both proud and ashamed of me at the same time? I wrote this for myself because I’m having a really hard time mourning the loss of my family, even though I’ve always felt this way. I was so fake for most of my life because it’s was easier than opposing the ‘all powerful mom’. Somehow it’s completely deflating knowing my stepson or any future kids we have will not have grandparents (fiancé dad passed/mom not in the picture). I’m still not sure what I miss or wanted. I have to be my own parent at this point and I have regular sobbing breakdowns to myself about it. I don’t know if therapy actually fixes pain this deep but I know I will never accept any conditional help from my mom. If you read all of this, thank you for your time. If you’re going through something similar I wish you all the strength in those weak moments. Even more strength when confronting them and going no contact. I wish for you the power to continue and be your own parent. To create the family they kept lying to friends they had. To have authentic, loving people in your life that make you feel great about who you are and who you will become. I wish you nothing but love because god knows these monsters have taken enough from you. All the love.
I just read your whole comment, I just want to say that I am crying when you said you were sobbing in the car :-( I care for you even though I have never met you. I wish you, your fiance and stepson the happiest life together. May you all be blessed and appreciate each other. We don't have to carry on the abuse we got from our parents and we now teach our children what true love is. Thank God the abuse ends with us. Let all those who suffered from narcissist mothers do many great things and may we prosper in many ways that even our own parents never imagined. :-) All the best bro to you and your family!! :-) God bless. :-) Onwards and upwards! :-)
God bless you as you heal. All true, narc siblings surviver from a a violent narc dad here. Anything we say in all innocence WILL be used against us, if we didn't say something incriminating they imply we did or lie. Jesus is our only Hope, He set me free.
Will throw me or my kids under the bus in public after she screws up because it's impossible that she'd EVER make a mistake. Acts like an angry 10 yr old child at 76 yrs old, storms out, yells, critisises, slams doors, hangs up when you're mid sentance, if she does listen she immediately devalidates....fun times.
What is scary is, that many younger people, in the age of or children, tell the same as we do. I thought, our generation, the children of the baby boomers, act the other way, because of our parents. Many of us, I experienced, go to a psychlogist. Hm, crazy...
Look up Richard Grannon on CZcams and Pete walkers books. Complex post traumatic stress disorder is sometimes wrongly diagnosed as BPD. It might be childhood trauma.
Is this why I am avoidant? I don’t seek out any relationships. I was left alone for hours, sometimes into the next day as a child. I remember moving to a new city with my mom at 5 and every Friday and Saturday night, I would left alone in the hotel room for hours. This continued throughout my life with her. We didn’t spend anytime together because she always had “ better things to do” I always wondered if that’s why I’m a loner. Because I’ve always been alone and isolated so it’s normal to me. When people were struggling during quarantine, I was unbothered. It was like memory lane, stuck in the house and not allowed out or to have friends over, that’s normal to me.
I’ve just recently realised my mother is exactly this. I’m 52 yrs old. I moved O/S 17yrs ago and even from the other side of the world she has caused problems and tried to control me. Now I see all of it. I feel so much better not speaking to her. I don’t take her calls or wish her happy birthday or happy Mother’s Day (🙄 what a joke) She married another narcissist a few years ago. I have met him once - when I was last home in 2019. He is vile. She is no more loyal to him than me or my brother. I’m currently in therapy and even just finally seeing her for what she really is feels liberating to me. It’s horrific and most people don’t understand. These places bring like minded people together and there’s so much understanding and support. Thank you very much for posting this and sharing ❤️
According to my mum I'm too sensitive, easily offendible, unforgiving... Just because I make her notice how critical she is about everything I do, including my exterior aspect or the most important achievements of my life (university, relationships, qualities, eccetera). She never told me "I love you" or "I'm happy for you", neither when I graduated with honors at university. I'm a clinical psychologist now, and so its preferred gaslighting strategy has become: "Don't act like a psychologist with me". It's impossibile to discuss with this kind of mothers. They're selfish, immature, egotistical. When you grow up and become an adult woman, and you're about 25/30 years old, you begin to perceive how immature your mother is. When I discuss with mine, it's like interfacing with a 10-year-old-child. Roles are inverted.
Thanks for a concise list unlike so many of the other videos have. It's nice to get the pertinent data without all the rambling in between. And you are spot-on about all the narcs I've had to deal with, and, as for most of us, there are many.
Not to happy with the phrase “my mother suffered from all of these” when it’s the child who suffers at the hands of a mother ‘who has all of these traits’. They don’t suffer from their narcissism.
Yep you got this pretty much spot on and describes my non- mother perfectly. Who would I have been if I had known love and comfort. I sometimes wonder. Thanks for your video xx
If I point out her flaws she says to not change her! Ugh! I say always try to be the best version of yourself and strive to be the best. Goes in one ear 👂 and out the other.
Good question. Been pondering this for years. The only answer is, it's a spiritual problem. My mother is, among many types, a spiritual narc. Claims ( for real) to be the greatest Christian ever. That SHOULD mean that she follows Jesus/Yeshua and does/says what he would do. Just the opposite! Could not possibly be a true follower. The only time she has a humble bone in her body is when she plays the victim card. OBTW, He never did that either! There are rewards coming. Have a feeling she won't be happy with hers!
I saw a documentary, that the kids of around the 50s were spoiled by their parents in the time of the economy raise. That they are entitled and with narcissistic traits. 🙂
I believe that they are born that way, many people go through horrific things but it doesnt make them horrible without sorry ever. I dont believe it is taught although it might be in a small part. They just are born touchy and mean.
It’s a generational and cultural thing. People tend to get married to people they are familiar with, ie their parents. And if their parents are in a narcissist/enabler relationship, often they themselves will become one as well if they are not treated or don’t become aware of making proper boundaries. Many cultures also strongly value subserviency to parents. So if you have a narcissistic parent, you must obey and care for them in old age. You are frowned upon if you do not, regardless of how your parents treated you. So this behaviour is encouraged.
My birthday story was that I almost killed her being born! She needed 7 pints of blood. And how my dad "saved her life" by pinching off a section of IV tubing preventing a tiny bubble from entering her bloodstream. I've now been a nurse for 30 years, and I don't have the heart to tell her how ignorant she is. At 84, the drama goes on, but without me.
@@leelee6000😂 like my father died at age 70 passed on December 24,2020. Right now I am 30 year old female and glad. Trying to heal so I can be better before have kids. I have speed up my healing. Because I don't want it my trauma to pull me down. And I have to catch up on things. Sad. But I am so happy. Lord thank you.
I hope, fewer and fewer young people will be affected by such mothers. Your video is so truthful. Thank you. It is factually what my mother has been doing for decades; sadly. However, let me add this GOOD clarification: my grandmother was a totally different, big-hearted, warm, caring, reliable, not selfish person!!!!!!!
I got one of those "moments" watching your vid, when I recalled how she tried to turn me against my friends, two sisters of the same family who were bullied beyond belief while at school. Then she tried to forbid me from playing with them in the playground. I get it now.
Mine was raised by uncles, aunts, and grandparents were Narcissists. She was like the mom from Carrie in the verbal abuse and the mom from the Waterboy in the isolation.
This so accurately describes my mother. Made everything about her. She tells me that I rejected her when I was a baby and forced her to remove herself from my life. She still believes it to this day and wants me to apologise.
The 1st one is literally something she has shouted at me countless times. Pretty much all of these are my mother. She has showed no signs of change and I'm thinking of going no contact as I'm getting to the point where I'm getting more depressed than I ever have been before. Though she only says if I'm sad that I'm being weak.
I wasn’t feeling 100% these past few days so I had some attitude towards my mother and she made this whole thing of how bad of a daughter I am and that I don’t appreciate her and that I don’t care about her, making me feel guilty when I was actually going through something, no one cared to ask ME what was wrong ( idk if sound bratty but I genuinely don’t know how to feel, I mean my mom talks badly about me behind my back to my father while I can still hear her)
My mother is all of these too, moved to another continent, gets physically ill when I call her and don't give her narcissistic supply in under 10 minutes, stays ill into the next day. What works really well in healing is to understand that this mother went through her own hell as a little girl, probably never knew unconditional love, and the compassion you show her will become the compassion you show yourself so you start diminishing the harsh inner critic. It's a journey well worth pursuing.
And that's OK. I spent a long time hating my mother. It did me good. I needed too it told me I could feel what I wanted and not what she told me to. It will change though as we learn what real love can be xxxxxxx
I’m at the point now where imygoing yo permanently get away from my mother it’s so draining to be around someone who’s like this and don’t try to to change. I’m glad I seen this video
And ppl have the audacity to say, "BuT sHe's yOuR mOm" 🙄 u don't even know half of what goes on behind closed doors honey
The one I cringe at is "she gave life to you." Really....I need a refund!!
@@TurtleHillTx omggg relatable! 😭 like for me it was nothing to say, "ugh I wish I was aborted" I used to say that w so much confidence and now I know how bad it really sounds 🤧😭😭 but I mean, they don't understand the toxicty I'm going thru ☹ like ppl don't understand that my mom has made an awful impact on me.
Imagine wanting to commit suicide bc of your OWN mom. The same person who ur supposed to go to to seek for nurturing love but nah she's a monster 🤢 it's actually so sick! And the fact that ppl literally have the audacity to say, "but" even after I try(bc words cannot describe her cruelty 😭) to explain what she does to me, and how she makes me feel! (I wanna freakin dieee bc of a human just like me wth)😡
I almost didn't make it out alive last year but I'm trying so hard to hold on. I'm here for a reason, and whether my mom likes it or not, I'm gonna be a positive impact to others on this earth!
I'm staying around for the little boys and girls who think they can't escape the toxicity they're battling every day and night 🤧🤧
My parents had foster kids. OMG, what those kids went through- we were used to it and knew to avoid but they were helpless. Of course to the social workers she was all syrupy. It's tragic that this could happen to kids who were already in a tough spot. There were probably 20 kids went through our house, plus exchange students etc. I remember one poor kid from Mexico, he was very young, she made his life so miserable.
@@Chahlie awh the poor children 😭😭 that's actually so upsetting. And the fact that I'm sure she'll think there's nothing wrong with her. She'll think that she's not the problem and that the kids are just, "bad kids" 🥺
I'm actually scared to have kids of my own tbh. I feel like there's a toxic trait within me that just hasn't been unleashed yet. There's no way I haven't been affected deep down emotionally in some way by my mom's cruelty. I don't wanna have kids if I'm just gonna turn out to be like her, a horrible mother 😭
"silent and sneaky manipulation" behind everyone's back. So sorry, I've been there too. ✌💕
She will always be the victim. Used manipulation and control.
Exactly
T H I S
sounds like my so called mother ...n then some...good luck to them ...in the end they will have to answere to their actions...like we all do
Exactly correct 💯
Mine always does that
When you try to tell her that she hurt you, she will flip the script and it will be YOU who apologizes for hurting HER!
Yes! It happens to me all the time.
This is so insane but so accurate.
Yes.. every time 😔
it sucks being gaslighted all the time ):
So true! This has been happening for all of my life
My mum says this after 78 years: Iv never done anything wrong. I never hurt anybody. My conscience is clean "
Yeah right! All that believe that, stand on your head!
@@carnivan554 That's called: egosyntone
When my NPD mom was dying, I never went to see her and did not go to the funeral. It was a waste of time. Besides that, I was not goinog to allow her to say anything to me in her last moments that were cruel. She died at 94. My brother and I do not miss her and I do not mourn for her. She was dead to me many years ago. When she died, I felt nothing. I called her the "mother of sabotage".
@@desmajones it is like they are dead to us when they are alive. Crueler the older they get and your fault if they die..toxic
Mine does the same and has turned all 3 of my children against me. Two faced snippy nasty that never hurt a soul (BULL CRAP) SHE IS EVIL!
She used to scream in my face, "I OWN you! You came out of MY BODY!! I BIRTHED you!!!" I am 60 yrs old and just found out last year what NPD is. She just put my 92 yo Dad in a nursing home. I am so happy that he is finally away from her abuse. As for me, I will now go "No Contact". No one believes me and all the stories of covert abuse I have endured. Haha! Let all of her flying monkeys take care of her now. I AM FREE!!!
Patty flanders enjoy your freedom! I know at 54 years old, I am 😁
I'm glad a friend's mom and dad explained this too me when I was 16. I couldn't imagine 60 years of that abuse I'm sorry you had to go through that. Keep the NC you will be much much happier.
I'm so sorry you've experienced this, I'm so happy you're free
@@maggiej7328 yes we never had internet or anybody to talk to with parents knowing everything that was said to professional doctors etc especially in a small town, I am fifty and lucky enough knew by instinct to go no contact on several occasions, now after 15 years of no contact I am 50 years of age and are still processing through the foggy PTSD memories and making sense of the truth and how I felt and fell about it now.
And how old is she right now?
I just realised that my mother is narcissistic only about 4 months ago. And I went full no contact 3 months ago. She raged, she lashed out, she rotated from being ‘hurt’ and bereft to going full on Narc Beast Mode when either strategy would fail. She’s accused everyone who has supported me of lying, misinterpreting what she has said - on purpose, ‘dementing’ and being under my spell. It’s funny how narcissistic people always accuse you of the very same things that they themselves are guilty of. To be honest, going full contact is like drinking pristine mountain water. Everything is very clear and there is lots to be grateful and look forward to. I have also realised that I am a natural introvert which is a huge relief after a lifetime of being told by mommie dearest that I’m anti-social, a loner and awkward. I spend my free time reading my books, studying things that are interesting to me and appreciating my life for its own quiet and solitary way whilst still seeing and chatting to my most favourite friends. I would recommend anyone with a Narc in their life, goes full no contact and no, you don’t need to offer an explanation to anyone as to why, you just do it. They’ll be a backlash and you’ll be hated but you will have already overcome far worse throughout your life...
As silly as this sounds, the cartoon in the thumbnail made me cry because that was me every day from 4 years old until well into my early 20’s. I knew better than to talk back. My heart breaks for the little girl that I was who never got the love I deserved 💔
Yasmine K. Baca not silly at all sis.
I hope that, understanding the narcissist, gives you perspective, peace and closure. It wasn't you. It NEVER was. You were only the outlet for their own insecurities. Their own failings. Their own self loathing. Their own inadequacies. In short... their own TORTURED soul. It was never you and I hope you finally found peace. God bless you. ❤
I feel you sister! I just watched this today and I think it will help. If you can't watch it all, skip to 1hr 7 mins 30 secs and do the meditation 💖
czcams.com/video/VQCAZUSMe5E/video.html
I am 61and unfortunately, didn’t discover what my mother was until age 57. You are ahead of the game and can now work on healing the child within. God bless you 🙏🏼
I agree with you because I am a qualified lesbian
One hundred percent. I allowed mine to destroy my self esteem for decades.
Girl😢😢😢😢I can relate
Amby blessings and love 💕 remember you are not alone,we are many. I am 50 and only just finding that out. Society is ignorant of the truth and lacks understanding. You know your truth. Embrace,let go,self heal. DFTBA (don’t forget to be awesome) xxoo🌈🥰🦋
Me too!!
Hugs and kisses from above 🙏
Poor you!!! Poor us, I can totally relate :((((. Me too all along
Only very few people have kind parents
True! most are bad.
My husband had a terribly abusive, narcissistic mother. I had a very loving family. My mom could be nosy, but she was full of love for us. Most of my friends had great moms. I know my hubby had to overcome trust issues to get close to anyone, and he thought he was unlovable (from a very young age.) She was a covert narcissist. No one believed him when he reached out for help at a young age.
It took me a while, and some research to realize what was wrong with his relationship with his mom. It wasn't him. It was her meanness. He ws a victim of his mom.
When your mom is mean, you think it's normal, and that every mom is like that. When you have a good mom, you assume that most people do have a loving mom.
We are working through a lot, even after 33 years of marriage. She was hurtful to both of us, and our children. Shes still alive, in her mid 80s, and still manipulating people. He's an only child and only has minimal contact when necessary now.. It's been a long road to healing.
He's learning to trust that I won't leave him or purposely hurt him, and that I love him for who he is.
There are many kind people in the world.
I'm sorry you had the experience of this destructive disorder in your mom. I hope you know you are lovable and worthy of bettter treatment. I hope you find that in life..
@@amylee9956 people who assume all mothers are loving and tell us off for not been kinder etc. is just further pain and gas lighting. I'm so glad you got informed and fully support your husband I'm sure he is so grateful as am I to my partner for believing me and understanding me which is so healing.
@@anz10 I get it now, but I actually wasn't aware of narcissistic personalities before. I never judged anyone's relationship with their moms, or condemned anyone's actions. What people don't know shouldn't be held against them. But I do understand that people giving advice without understanding the nature of the relationship can be hurtful, even though they might not mean to be. I'm sorry your hurt was compounded by other people.
Very few people are actually meant to be parents!
Describes my mother perfectly. Another characteristic - she will NEVER change.
They can, but they have to realize what they're doing first before any changes really can happen. From my point of view, this is very uncommon for narcissists to do. But it is still possible for them to change. The trick is to not tell them that, again, they must figure it out on their own.
Exactly 🤣🤣even my mom
"I'm sorry you feel that way" the only apology I'd ever get really wasn't one to begin with.
[I'm sorry that you're so neurotic]
Josh Forest wow I’ve never gotten as much as an admittance of fault, let alone a sorry :(
"I'm sorry you feel that way", translation, "I'm sorry you can't see that I'm right".
HaHaHa!!! Talk about passive-aggressive, eh? (laughter takes the teeth out of the monster)
Anyone else get, "you bring these things on yourself!"?
What it she never owns apologies ? 👁👄👁💧
I'm taking a life coaching program and the woman who's running it did a question and answer in one session. An older woman (in her 60's) brought up her emotionally abusive mother - I say narcissistic mother. The life coach listened to this woman before telling her that her "mother was doing her best" during the time this woman was being brought up. She said no mother is a perfect mother and they all make mistakes.
I was pretty ticked off at the coach's response because you could hear in the caller's voice how disappointed and hurt she was by the answer.
Not every mother "is just doing her best." Many are living their worst life and dragging you along for the ride. When you're a child, you don't have a choice and that's when most of the damage is done.
Most likely the coach is a narc and recognised her own behaviours in the tellers story this instantly excused it. Nasty. It’s a plague
Narcissists do their best... for themselves!
Until you have close contact with a true narcissist, you have no idea!
I can't stand the "they were doing their best" blanket statement so many people use. Let's use some common sense.
1. You don't know anything about the perpetrator.
2. Many people don't always do their best.
3. Anyone that says that has poor people skills and only make the victim feel worse.
It's like when someone is grieving for a loved one who died and people say "he/she's in a better place" Really? Where did they get that fact from. And if it's a better place then the person saying it is looking forward to dying! Gimme a break
@@amylee9956 It’s true. My mother said to me “I wasn’t going to be on Welfare collecting money, I’m going to work and provide for my children”. And I asked her, “how did your children profit from that? We always had food and materialistic stuff. Did you send us to private school, sent us to guitar classes with the extra cash? No. She did it for her own pride and nothing more.
Anyone who makes ignorant and potentially damaging statements like that - which are loaded with assumptions (and negative judgements about you) should not be working with people !
The damage the narcissistic mother can do is almost incomprehensible. Cold, controlling, forbidding. Any imperfection justifies their rejecting you. I joined the US Air Force when I was 18, got stationed clear across the country, and never went back. It took a lot of professional therapy to convince me that I wasn't the one with the problem. I thank you for posting the video, and hope it reaches many, many more young people.
This is my mother especially destroying my friendships. Every time I made a friend she accused me of being a lesbian or trying to paint them in a bad light.
She made everything about her especially my graduation and academic achievements. She would put me down by making fun of my hair or my clothes or something to take away what I accomplished.
When I don’t give her what she wants she will go silent and ignore me and make me feel invalid.
I did notice she would only do things for me where other people would notice and if she wouldn’t get praise or attention she wouldn’t help me.
She always lied on me and say either I said or did things I didn’t. She would be so convincing even I started to believe it. I was always so confused and unsure of myself growing up. I’m still unsure of myself.
I can relate
RMM can I talk to you. I need help
@@gulabimandal Its as she said. Growing up I understood right from wrong. Our mother raised us well. Through much mental abuse, physical abuse, we faded in and out of each others lifes. I never took it to heart. Knowing something is so wrong with her. Now here we are, a 88 year old dying and 2 daughters trying to be here for her. Our journey in this life was so painful and truly wasted. All we can do is be humane and give her dignity. Being in this house full of dreadful memories. Somehow we manage to give what we've never received from the one who have birth to us. I hope you are managing well. We become better, when we know what we do not want to become.
My mom is same as yours🥺🙌
I understand exactly!
1. She destroys your relationships.
2. She manipulates everyone, guilt is one of her tools.
3. Silent treatment and neglect can go on for extended period of time, especially if you have pointed out her flaw.
4. She must always be the center of attention.
5. She will only do things for you if other people can see it.
6. She will comment on the smallest of flaws or imperfections.
7. She will never admit to be wrong or take any responsibility of any wrong doings of her.
8. She will set her children against each other. Triangulation is the part of the ways she manipulates.
Thanks for the wonderful video.
My Mum made everything about her and always played the Victim and was abusive to me. I have asperger's syndrome and OCD and she made my 23 years of living with her a living hell. Always threatening to throw me out always using emotional blackmail. And as 17 - 18 year old always questioning my decisions and judgement like she couldnt bare my success. I moved out over 10 years ago now
what is your date of birth
@@dishadhouliyan5190 why are you asking what my Date of Birth is?
so happy you are free////i went thru a very similar situation with my mom
As my own mother's life draws to a close, these traits are becoming more pronounced.
Mine too ! The older she gets, the more bitter she becomes and her mask slips more and more, I wonder why
That’s what happened with my grandmother. In the end I could take no more. I cut her out my life. She died 18 months later.
That’s so sad to hear, I’m so sorry. You would think they would get better as they got older.
As they get older, they get worse.
Tillsoo my grans rage mellowed out in her 60’s. it settled into a 4 years taking the huff when told bedtime when you told her No. everything else got worse
I guess we’re related.....You just described my mother.
Well, we're sisters in spirit, that's for sure
@@fatgirlonabike6279 I am with you on all of the points girls! I just have to say that your nick is also a picture of how we feel probably..... Please change it in to "Bautiful girl on a bike"! PLEASE
Poor those children, who have those mothers.
Me
Me here it’s mentally emotional.
My mom told me… you made it easy for me to make people believe me when I said you were crazy. She said it so proudly.
She also turned my brother against me. Now he’s telling people my moms lies about me. It’s so hurtful.
Narrc. Mothers are cold no empathy no compassion jealous its just a precious waste of energy trying with this 😈......
Mine was so jealous. So jealous that couldn't see me having a relationship with my dad. Did all her best and all she could to make us hate our dad.. At the age of 18, when I realised what was going on, I decided to build my relationship with my dad. One night, my dad wanted to go to buy take away dinner, I asked him if I could tag along... Got ready, was leaving the house with him, she ran after me and started to call me a "Whore"... I was really shocked and started to cry.. My dad took me outside of the house and told me that's its ok and she is sick.. That was the very first time that I realised she was not normal and that my father knew it...
My mother manipulated my brother into breaking my arm ,telling him that I don't want him to be successful and get in a medical school . He broke my arm just to please my mother, coz he thinks my mother is an angel, and she says is right. I no more go home ever , I have been living away since 12years. I am a doctor, obstetrician to be specific. If this could happen to me, knowing well my mother's toxic nature, I feel really sorry to all those who still are dependent on their parents . See don't make yourself suffer because of anyone. Love yourself 😘❤️❤️❤️.
whqt is your date of birth
You are very fortunate to become something in your life. I spent my adult life dedicated to my mothers life. Not one day goes by that I don't think about how I was groomed to be by her side rather than spread my wings. Only those with a narcissistic mother understands.
Manipulated your brother into breaking your arm!? That's seriously messed up even for a narcissist. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@dishadhouliyan5190 1991
@@jyotiverma-ld2dr birth date and birth place ? I am doing some research on astrology numerology.
Why didn't anyone teach me this or tell me many years ago.....omg.
My mom destroyed 50 years of my life!
This should be part of health education class rather than sex. We need to understand about the people in our lives who want to destroy us. Like you, it took me the same amount of time to understand why I was hated in the family - particularly by my mother. She's now dead, thank God! But my narcissistic father is still alive and expects me to take care of him 2 days a week even when I'm on disability for my own problems (chronic lyme and CFS). He could care less about my issues.
Yeah me too but I'm coming back it's never too late
Me too. You're not alone. I find myself now laughing at her terrible behavior and how shallow she was as a mother. She no longer here on earth. Funny how all those years still haunts me. The only person I will bow to now is Jesus Christ. Amen. ✌💕
@@happyblue2792 So very true! !00%!
I think total trust in any relationship is overpriced as i ended up hating myself for ever believing my ex-husband. When my ex-husband started getting home late, I would ask and he'd say something came up at work. When i couldn't take any more of his lies, I decided it was time i get to know what was really going on. On the recommendation of a friend, I contacted this great ethical hacker (cyberhackingsage@gmail) who cloned his cellphone without physically touching the device and as a result, I was able to access his social media accounts , GPS Location, iMessage, call logs and text messages (both recent and deleted) through a remote decryption link sent to me. I discovered he is a liar who is having a secret affair with his secretary and that he has been using money from our joint account to finance the affair. Thanks to cyberhackingsage, I was able to file for divorce with lots of evidence against him. If you're ever in doubt or you need that extra bit of closure, I recommend you send a mail to cyberhackingsage@gmail or text and WhatsApp them at +15713758467. I hope you find peace of mind just like me after I discovered the truth.
My mother has all of these and more...to say growing up with her was a nightmare is an understatement
I was adopted at 7 days old. I suspect that my mother started her tirade against me the day I was picked up. I was evidence she was unable to birth a child. I grew up in terror. She emotionally and physically abused me and her actions are what I thought was normal. At this time at age 72 I have found answers to my question of ‘what did I ever do to deserve her hatred, anger, and disgust”. My mother had a biological child when I was 2 years old. My sister could do no wrong and was given everything. I became the house servant and yard person at 7-8 years of age. If I did not mow the lawn (we had over acre of lawn) correctly she would come out and whip with a belt. Somehow all the terror I encountered strengthened me. She was an alcoholic who classified herself as a social society drinker. This actually helped me as she was drunk most evenings and thus she didn’t use me as a punching bag and would be remorseful most mornings. I worked part time at telephone company as an operator and saved enough to put myself through nursing school. From there I thrived. She continued her rage against me until the day she died. My sister never helped her a bit. I put her in nursing home at her request after she wouldn’t take care of herself. She had money so that paid for it. I managed her money while my sister kept an eagle eye on what I spent. I never used a dime on myself. I rarely went to see her. Only time sister appeared was to get money. I have had 2 marriages …divorced the 1st due to his compulsive gambling and 2nd died after 22 years of marriage. I have 2 successful adult children who love and care about me. I am now a retired widow. I have found my birth mother who is now deceased and gained 8 half siblings who accept me as family and I see them frequently. My adoptive sister has had 5 marriages and models after my adoptive mother. What ‘saved’ me was God, my intelligence, my independence and willingness to look beyond the faults of others.
I'm only ten seconds in and my jaw is dropping ...
My mother thought I was her personal slave and even told me "that's why people have kids".
You can't make this shit up.
Damne, I also felt like Cinderella who had a evil step mom hahaha
@@rosemanu28 same haha
It's been 17 years since I packed and left and never went back. Today I was reading my email to her, 10 years ago and I feel so proud to have left and made my life from scratch and most importantly, knowing my worth! This year, I am gonna be 40 and I am gonna celebrate my beautiful 40. A part of my email to her: I like to thank you for hating me, for making my life a living hell, and for all the cruelty you subjected me to. Because of that, I was forced to succeed on my own, I was forced to liberate myself emotionally, financially and spiritually. I was forced to think and free myself from the mental slavery you impose upon me. My experience properly made me more to become kind, honorable and hard-working women, setting goals and achieving them, and most importantly feeling proud of it!
I don't hate you but You are part of my past, a memory and someone I am only biologically connected to. I feel nothing for you, except pity! I pity you, because you will never be able to know what real "love" feels like, and what its
like to wake up and simply be happy, feeling archived and wonderful.
This hit me. Everything you wrote is what I feel about her.
@@darkmaster9936 ❤️ keep in mind "you are enough"
@@marymorino7444 Thank you. I needed this much right now.💙 I'm only 21 and this is a wake up.
Mary, Next week will be 4 years since I walked away. I am not quite where you are yet, but I am absolutely getting there. I also wrote a final email, but she made believe it never existed, and still tells people that she doesn't know why I'm mad. I'm not mad - I'm just done. I went from mad, to sad, to focused, to enlightened and now as far as she is concerned, I am simply numb.... there is nothing left to feel. Its time I feel for those who deserve it. My feelings matter. I matter. Thank you for speaking out, and showing that there is life after a narcissist.
@@amywinn6932 oh Anna! I can't agree with you more. It's amazing how well I can relate to you when you say :" I'm not mad, I'm just done" that's exactly how I feel and that's precisely her reaction... They tend to play their role really well.. They pretend that they have no idea why we are showing such reactions and they pretend that there is something wrong with us! They can continue with their games, but we are out of that and they have no power over us any more.... You are amazing, you have come so far! You are extremely intelligent and you are worth it... Worthy of love and happiness and you have a great future ahead of you.
My mother has all of these traits.
My mum does aswell
this is so true it hurts
I know, it's hard.
It sure is 💯
Reading all these comments and seeing people say their mothers were narcissists well into their death bed.... It's weird to say, but thank you. I'll learn that my mother will never change.
The narcissist in my life has a son and he's had to endure ALL of this. And then some. One time, he tried to purchase a home (that was nicer than hers) and she had the audacity to tell him... oh hell no! You are NOT going to have a nicer home than mine! What kind of parent says that?? (Yes, a narcissist one). Every NORMAL parent wants their child to do better and be better than them.
I want, that my children are happy with what they choose. Nothing more. 🙂
Same, my mother checks all the boxes and then some. Glad more people are becoming aware of this. It took me forever to believe myself.
0:43 Envious? JUST envious??? LOL!!!! Oh no. She is JEALOUS. She is TOXICALLY JEALOUS. It's beyond envious. She used to get out of control each time she used to get jealous. Off-the-chain! Yeah, no! That's beyond just envious! Thank you! :-) Jokes aside, thank you. I'm with you on all the points... :-(
Mine is extremely jealous she can't accept and fathom the idea her daughter is well liked and gets on with people . She is malicious unhappy woman and hates to see me happy. Hope she rots in her dark hole. Will provoke you to the point where you lash out and then has the audacity to act like she's innocent and call me " argumentative" and they hate feeling ignored. The more you ignore them the more riled up they get . Never have a good word to say about anyone.
My mom used to be hysterical and overly dramatic when she saw that my dad is on my side whenever we argued. Too much self-importance and jealousy! I hope we all get healed from these insidious and unbelievable relationship with our own mothers. God bless us all!
Yes, definitely. These narcissistic mothers are beyond envious. My mother gets of me jealous whenever I talk to my dad, sees that I am well dressed and take care of myself, and even gets jealous of my own success, She slapped me just because someone called me gorgeous. She is jealous of my success, and especially because I am at a very young age in my life, I will have to live with her narcissistic abuse (both mentally and physically) for a very longtime until I turn 18, get a job, and mature enough move out and afford a place to live.
I've got narcissistic parents. And they got super jealous when I got married and that ex-husband & me seemed to love each other dearly. They got happy when I finally got unhappy with my ex because of all the pain I couldn't heal myself being raised by narcissistic parents. When I divorced, they were like "yeahh, that's it"
@@goateehee5018 I am so sorry to hear that. When parents are jealous of their own kids, it REALLY hurts deep.
You are 100% right on the money with identifying these behaviors as narcissistic! This video is very valuable and so concise. This will help a lot of people. Thank you for putting this on your channel.
Thank you for responding
After a couple decades of being victim to a narcissistic mother, I learned about narcissism. My research helped me to see my mother in a different light. I learned that all the ugly behaviors eg: never being wrong, unjustified anger, controlling through guilt, the severe enmeshment through adulthood, etc., stems from a deepseated self-loathing. To put it simply, the narc must use these dysfunctional behaviors to neutralize their self-disgust. More simply, the narc thinks, "I am nothing, an empty shell, and it's so difficult to face that I must do all I can to prove to myself I am something... by making everyone wrong, I am right, by criticizing, I am better than others, by charming strangers I will get people to think I'm fabulous, etc.
I do not suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. Knowing and understanding this personality disorder has helped me to not take anything personally. By experiencing their dysfunction objectively, from a birds eye view, I am able to recognize that the narc is mentally ill and it's not about me. I hope this will help you.
Although it's not about me but the damage is done to me and I can't help it
Sad thing about this is you end up thinking its a normal behavior and end up attracting other narc relationships and friendship.. so the first step is realizing you have a narc parent and then try to avoid these kind of people in your life..
My mom exhibits all of these traits.
Yup! ALL these hit the nail on the head and explain all my mothers traits. Hence why I have a fallout with my whole family, and haven't seen any of them for over a year and a half.
@Wendy Watts Hope you're doing well Wendy and glad you're free from the abuse. Originally I never knew what narcissism was, and only discovered that it's a thing only in the past year. Usually being afraid to speak up to your parents or afraid of how they'll react to anything. So.. definitely being out of their control and being free is the way to be.
Your not alone kid's. As soon as you learn she's one run away and never look back no matter how much it hurts.
Kassandra Sabean 💯💯💯💯
My mom’s golden line that made me realize she’s not normal: ‘when did I lose control of my kids?’. So I’m a thing to control and not a person?
Runner up:
My fiancé, stepson, and I lost our home, all our belongings/memories, and pets in a fire. My mom’s response was less than horrible. ‘You NEED therapy and I’m paying for it.’ ‘You don’t understand the severity of this situation’. ‘I’m just trying to help. I’m your mother.’
‘No thanks.’ (I knew it was yet another ploy to have leverage over me).
Complete silence, let alone asking how me, my fiancé, or our son is doing. A 6 year old autistic child watched his house burn down, watched every toy and his beloved stuffed bear burn down and the bitch can’t even ask if he’s okay. Dad didn’t either. She tries again for therapy and says I’m being unreasonable when I send her a letter explaining how their behaviour was unacceptable.
4 months later I graduated, through PTSD panic attacks in my car awaiting calculus tests. Sobbing to myself knowing I was alone.
Somehow got a C+ and graduated with a diploma. Didn’t invite my parents to grad because of how awful they made me feel and how their behaviour was completely NOT OKAY.
My only grandfather dies later in the year. They did not invite me to the funeral (over 1000km away) because I did not invite them to grad. I found out through a shared visa statement that they bought a ticket each and one for my sister, but not for me.
Another runner up:
me: ‘I love my girlfriend and I want to marry her. I’m letting you guys know’
Proceeds to spend 30+ minutes trying to convince me I’m wrong about where my heart is. ‘No, I don’t think you want to marry her. Don’t you think this is too soon? Don’t you think you’re working harder than you have to? Don’t you think...’
Happiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve learned SO much about mental health, NPD, and what it looks like to people on the outside of this ‘family’. We’re going to be married soon and I refuse to invite her to the wedding.
Fuck me I actually said sorry to the bitch when I didn’t care she was in the hospital. Wish I didn’t say it. Now she thinks I’m weak.
I’m her fallen golden child who she ‘loves more than life’, but she also questions me to the point where she really believes I can’t do anything on my own. One time when I was 4 I was underwater in a river and she looked at me thinking ‘oh shit this kid will never stand up for himself’. Said so in therapy.
But ‘you’ve done all of this (accomplishments) yourself. That’s incredible’. But still thinks I’m a failure, or that they ‘failed me as parents’. They’re both proud and ashamed of me at the same time?
I wrote this for myself because I’m having a really hard time mourning the loss of my family, even though I’ve always felt this way. I was so fake for most of my life because it’s was easier than opposing the ‘all powerful mom’. Somehow it’s completely deflating knowing my stepson or any future kids we have will not have grandparents (fiancé dad passed/mom not in the picture). I’m still not sure what I miss or wanted. I have to be my own parent at this point and I have regular sobbing breakdowns to myself about it. I don’t know if therapy actually fixes pain this deep but I know I will never accept any conditional help from my mom.
If you read all of this, thank you for your time. If you’re going through something similar I wish you all the strength in those weak moments. Even more strength when confronting them and going no contact. I wish for you the power to continue and be your own parent. To create the family they kept lying to friends they had. To have authentic, loving people in your life that make you feel great about who you are and who you will become. I wish you nothing but love because god knows these monsters have taken enough from you. All the love.
I just read your whole comment, I just want to say that I am crying when you said you were sobbing in the car :-( I care for you even though I have never met you. I wish you, your fiance and stepson the happiest life together. May you all be blessed and appreciate each other. We don't have to carry on the abuse we got from our parents and we now teach our children what true love is. Thank God the abuse ends with us. Let all those who suffered from narcissist mothers do many great things and may we prosper in many ways that even our own parents never imagined. :-) All the best bro to you and your family!! :-) God bless. :-) Onwards and upwards! :-)
@@rosemanu28Thank you for taking the time and for your kind words. I appreciate it. I wish the best to you as well! Take care
Oh yeah. These people love to send YOU to therapy. It’s always YOU who is the problem. Never them.
God bless you as you heal. All true, narc siblings surviver from a a violent narc dad here. Anything we say in all innocence WILL be used against us, if we didn't say something incriminating they imply we did or lie. Jesus is our only Hope, He set me free.
@All Things New
💟✝️🛐
Will throw me or my kids under the bus in public after she screws up because it's impossible that she'd EVER make a mistake. Acts like an angry 10 yr old child at 76 yrs old, storms out, yells, critisises, slams doors, hangs up when you're mid sentance, if she does listen she immediately devalidates....fun times.
What is scary is, that many younger people, in the age of or children, tell the same as we do. I thought, our generation, the children of the baby boomers, act the other way, because of our parents. Many of us, I experienced, go to a psychlogist. Hm, crazy...
@@oOIIIMIIIOo a good therapist makes a huge difference.
Omg I relate to Evey single one .. I've never thought my mom was the problem cause I always felt I'm the problem and it's always my fault
Cried when I heard this thought I was sensitive
the reason why I have diagnosed borderline personality disorder:
true!
You can heal from that. You are not broken. BPD is just a label for defensive, survival mechanism responses to trauma. I'm healing from DID.
Look up Richard Grannon on CZcams and Pete walkers books. Complex post traumatic stress disorder is sometimes wrongly diagnosed as BPD. It might be childhood trauma.
CZcams: Crappy Childhood Fairy!!
Anneke Rotterdam yeah she’s also good.
Is this why I am avoidant? I don’t seek out any relationships. I was left alone for hours, sometimes into the next day as a child. I remember moving to a new city with my mom at 5 and every Friday and Saturday night, I would left alone in the hotel room for hours. This continued throughout my life with her. We didn’t spend anytime together because she always had “ better things to do” I always wondered if that’s why I’m a loner. Because I’ve always been alone and isolated so it’s normal to me. When people were struggling during quarantine, I was unbothered. It was like memory lane, stuck in the house and not allowed out or to have friends over, that’s normal to me.
I’ve just recently realised my mother is exactly this.
I’m 52 yrs old.
I moved O/S 17yrs ago and even from the other side of the world she has caused problems and tried to control me.
Now I see all of it. I feel so much better not speaking to her. I don’t take her calls or wish her happy birthday or happy Mother’s Day (🙄 what a joke)
She married another narcissist a few years ago.
I have met him once - when I was last home in 2019. He is vile.
She is no more loyal to him than me or my brother.
I’m currently in therapy and even just finally seeing her for what she really is feels liberating to me.
It’s horrific and most people don’t understand.
These places bring like minded people together and there’s so much understanding and support.
Thank you very much for posting this and sharing ❤️
May I ask you what therapy you are taking?
Thank you for this reminder that I’m not alone. Still undoing years of gaslighting.
According to my mum I'm too sensitive, easily offendible, unforgiving... Just because I make her notice how critical she is about everything I do, including my exterior aspect or the most important achievements of my life (university, relationships, qualities, eccetera). She never told me "I love you" or "I'm happy for you", neither when I graduated with honors at university. I'm a clinical psychologist now, and so its preferred gaslighting strategy has become: "Don't act like a psychologist with me". It's impossibile to discuss with this kind of mothers. They're selfish, immature, egotistical. When you grow up and become an adult woman, and you're about 25/30 years old, you begin to perceive how immature your mother is. When I discuss with mine, it's like interfacing with a 10-year-old-child. Roles are inverted.
You just perfectly described my mother in law.
At 39 I felt dead inside all my life thanks to my mother and late grandmother.
Thanks for a concise list unlike so many of the other videos have. It's nice to get the pertinent data without all the rambling in between. And you are spot-on about all the narcs I've had to deal with, and, as for most of us, there are many.
This is her alright. I just got a snapshot of everything she does in 2 mins.
Never a word of praise yet you always try to please.
Not to happy with the phrase “my mother suffered from all of these” when it’s the child who suffers at the hands of a mother ‘who has all of these traits’.
They don’t suffer from their narcissism.
Exactly! The mother from hell!
Yep you got this pretty much spot on and describes my non- mother perfectly. Who would I have been if I had known love and comfort. I sometimes wonder. Thanks for your video xx
Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this important topic ❤️
OMG So true 100% I can't agree with you more. You have put all of these in this one small video, really appreciate your hardwork 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💝
If I point out her flaws she says to not change her! Ugh!
I say always try to be the best version of yourself and strive to be the best. Goes in one ear 👂 and out the other.
Why are there so many !!!!
Good question. Been pondering this for years. The only answer is, it's a spiritual problem. My mother is, among many types, a spiritual narc. Claims ( for real) to be the greatest Christian ever. That SHOULD mean that she follows Jesus/Yeshua and does/says what he would do. Just the opposite! Could not possibly be a true follower. The only time she has a humble bone in her body is when she plays the victim card. OBTW, He never did that either! There are rewards coming. Have a feeling she won't be happy with hers!
I saw a documentary, that the kids of around the 50s were spoiled by their parents in the time of the economy raise. That they are entitled and with narcissistic traits. 🙂
I believe that they are born that way, many people go through horrific things but it doesnt make them horrible without sorry ever. I dont believe it is taught although it might be in a small part. They just are born touchy and mean.
It’s a generational and cultural thing. People tend to get married to people they are familiar with, ie their parents. And if their parents are in a narcissist/enabler relationship, often they themselves will become one as well if they are not treated or don’t become aware of making proper boundaries.
Many cultures also strongly value subserviency to parents. So if you have a narcissistic parent, you must obey and care for them in old age. You are frowned upon if you do not, regardless of how your parents treated you. So this behaviour is encouraged.
Wow it’s as if we had the same mother 😞 I’m 25 and decided to go no contact and I don’t even regret my decision one bit
same I’m televe
So I’ve know about npd from my dad cos of the way she acted now she’s gone xx
I an currently going through this and am 27.... do you have a fb ?
@@AtumnLeaf7463 hey, I've got Instagram. ismahan_keyse :)
This has hit the nail on the head 100% percent she emotionally drained me by putting me down all the time 💞
My mom gave birthday wishes by mentioning how much pain she was in to give birth to me and therefore it was such a special day
oh shit that's so sad, sorry to hear, she ruined your life. :-(
My birthday story was that I almost killed her being born! She needed 7 pints of blood. And how my dad "saved her life" by pinching off a section of IV tubing preventing a tiny bubble from entering her bloodstream. I've now been a nurse for 30 years, and I don't have the heart to tell her how ignorant she is. At 84, the drama goes on, but without me.
This was my former mother-in-law. Even into her 90s she was still a raging narcissist.
She will be controlled by her coffin don't worry she will be controlled by maggots in a coffin
@ Lee Lee
Thank you for posting this.💜
Not to be mean. But next time take her cane and see if she talk trash then.
@@leelee6000😂 like my father died at age 70 passed on December 24,2020. Right now I am 30 year old female and glad. Trying to heal so I can be better before have kids. I have speed up my healing. Because I don't want it my trauma to pull me down. And I have to catch up on things. Sad. But I am so happy. Lord thank you.
You hit every nail on its head. My mom had every single trait.
Did anyone else think that they were crazy before finding out about narcissism?
Girl, you are spot on !! 🎯
Me too, I understand your pain. Thanks for making this video.....validation of our suffering helps. So tired of thinking about her feelings....
Yes
I think they need more love and light than anyone but, from a distance. Its the only way to heal this relationship and part of ourselves. 🌿
Excellent video. Straight forward.
I learned from this video.thank U.
I pray for all the children who have narcissistic mothers. As soon as you turn 18 RUN and don't look back.
I hope, fewer and fewer young people will be affected by such mothers. Your video is so truthful. Thank you.
It is factually what my mother has been doing for decades; sadly.
However, let me add this GOOD clarification: my grandmother was a totally different, big-hearted, warm, caring, reliable, not selfish person!!!!!!!
Great new channel Thank you.
You described my father
You described my parents
This is all true. I’ve been suffering from my mother’s covert narcissism my whole life. Everything’s unfair and she’s never wrong.
I came to make sure I didn't carry any of the traits myself being a mother just to realize my mom has all the signs except for 3 of them! 🤯 wow
Spot on!! 🙌
Yup , she fits in most of these traits.
I got one of those "moments" watching your vid, when I recalled how she tried to turn me against my friends, two sisters of the same family who were bullied beyond belief while at school. Then she tried to forbid me from playing with them in the playground.
I get it now.
Sad and evil of her!
My mother to the T. Horrifyingly true!!!!
Well done!
😵💫😵💫🥺🥺
I love the name of your channel 😊
Together we can make it,
All the daughters of thr narssistic mothers 💐🙏❤️
My mom has all of these.
Mine was raised by uncles, aunts, and grandparents were Narcissists. She was like the mom from Carrie in the verbal abuse and the mom from the Waterboy in the isolation.
Well said love.......
This so accurately describes my mother. Made everything about her. She tells me that I rejected her when I was a baby and forced her to remove herself from my life. She still believes it to this day and wants me to apologise.
"You *will* smile"
The 1st one is literally something she has shouted at me countless times. Pretty much all of these are my mother. She has showed no signs of change and I'm thinking of going no contact as I'm getting to the point where I'm getting more depressed than I ever have been before. Though she only says if I'm sad that I'm being weak.
If you are getting depressed, please go no contact immediately.
Yes, go no contact, then you will be free. Blessings.
Right on point that's so 😥 sad
I wasn’t feeling 100% these past few days so I had some attitude towards my mother and she made this whole thing of how bad of a daughter I am and that I don’t appreciate her and that I don’t care about her, making me feel guilty when I was actually going through something, no one cared to ask ME what was wrong ( idk if sound bratty but I genuinely don’t know how to feel, I mean my mom talks badly about me behind my back to my father while I can still hear her)
Totally correct no contact 3years and forever wicked demons
These are definitely facts
My mother has all of these. I hate her.
My mother is all of these too, moved to another continent, gets physically ill when I call her and don't give her narcissistic supply in under 10 minutes, stays ill into the next day. What works really well in healing is to understand that this mother went through her own hell as a little girl, probably never knew unconditional love, and the compassion you show her will become the compassion you show yourself so you start diminishing the harsh inner critic. It's a journey well worth pursuing.
And that's OK. I spent a long time hating my mother. It did me good. I needed too it told me I could feel what I wanted and not what she told me to. It will change though as we learn what real love can be xxxxxxx
You just described my Mother.
Yes most of these traits describe my late mother...But yet I still love her and always will.
I’m at the point now where imygoing yo permanently get away from my mother it’s so draining to be around someone who’s like this and don’t try to to change. I’m glad I seen this video
My childhood. Now adulthood. To a T!
My narcissistic mother still won’t acknowledge that I was raped twice as a kid and she did nothing about it… I’m 34 now 🥺