Say This To Stop Them Disrespecting You | Jocko Willink | Leif Babin | Extreme Ownership
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- čas přidán 19. 02. 2024
- In this video, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, the authors of the NY Times #1 Bestseller, "Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win", talk about the strategy to win respect and also how you can lose respect.
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I like how Jocko always starts with introspection first. Define issue. Check self first. Collaborates. Ask questions to find root cause. Get buy-in. This is real leadership that earns respect.
Anytime there is an issue, you have to look at yourself first.
@leifbabin1512 yeah, but that's hard for peopleto do, me included. The older I get, the more rare it is to find someone who always checks themselves first.
I need to self check myself prior to dealing with my son. I have definitely learned that you cannot demand respect. Truly thankful for your advice. I humbly need to do some serious introspection, build a better relationship, actually listen to his complaints, and get his buy-in in order to right our disagreements. You guys are stellar. Thank you!
In addition to the advice given in this video, don't ever forget, some people are just assholes. And, usually, there is nothing you can do to change that.
Any chance you think that comes from someone hating themself internally?
I’ve worked under leadership that treated people like shit and I’ve worked under people that wanted to be friends with everyone. The best leaders are the ones that no how to master both of these. You gotta know how to talk to people and treat them well. But you also need to know when to be hard without being the asshole that everyone is miserable working for.
All about balance (in my opinion)
This goes against his closing statement here.
My mentor:
"Never bring me a problem without a possible solution. It may be unworkable, it still shows you are trying to solve the problem"
That’s what an old boss of mine said too. It was a game changer and it’s part of my leadership approach.
Man code to the responsible people
Some people are doing there best which I understand is still a problem but could be coached, some are lying about doing their best because they have no intentions of it. I try to stay respectful even when dishing out orders and ask for other perspectives. If time permits I can usually build trust getting things done most efficiently and easiest, even though nothing is easy in my world. Problem is never that kind of time. Always under fire. That’s why training time is important as in the fire. Many individuals have multiple ways of operating and can’t get them to understand all communication being the same between us is where unity and resolve begin. Nobody believes in team and common code which is mandatory when we all have strengths and weaknesses to figure out how to compliment the team instead of running down or competing. Ego is a funny thing to balance. Not to much not to little. Getting rid of them is what doesn’t happen and a team is only as strong as weakest link. Keep preaching we have a bunch of weak leaders and nobody is helping build up in large part cause we’re fighting a loosing war, even though we win many battles. Much love brother let’s keep trying, all we got.
My Mom was a 5ft 1 inch immigrant from Ireland. When i was younger she saw me and my brothers climbing a tree in the backyard. She yelled out the kitchen window" if Ye fall from that tree and hurt yourselves, I will break your necks". We were all afraid of here. Years latter now i"am 6ft 3inch 220 lbs, and my brothers and i are still afraid of Her-----, and we LOVE Her very much..
❤ I love the if "ye".. I've Indian analogies for my mom... so sweet.
Much respect for your mom
@@leifbabin1512 Thanks for your kind words
Amen irishseven😂😂
Being afraid of your mom isn’t respect.
Jocko: This guy can't be beat.
agreed
Spartan spirit in my rational thinking.
The resolution of resistance is the litmus of a good leader...
the number one tool for fixing any situation and improving my life has been self reflecting on what role did I play. The reason its not everyones go to is because it requires a lot of gut level honesty and ego check.
Recovery 101, I can’t agree more
I tend to be someone who just goes in adn gets things done.
When someone says "do you know what i think?" when they aren't working?
i say "no, i don't care. Keep practicing thinking, you'll get it right some day. Either GET IT DONE or GET OUT...I have something to do"
and i walk away an get back to task.
After work, i'm OFF WORK...and i have MY personal tasks to do.
THEM?
NOT MY ISSUE OFF THE CLOCK.
I used to work salary, nights, weekends, overtime with no pay.
now it is "i work, you pay me. You don't pay me, i don't work. I cannot be committed to your ish unless i have
AUTHORITY
and
RESPONSIBILITY.
Otherwise, i punch out and it's a situation for you to manage.
The absolute GORGEOUS BEAUTY of GOING GALT!
Cartman had it right, "You will respect my authority"
😂
Great insight gentlemen, thanks
A lot of wisdom being put out in the vid.
Semper Fi!
This is why it’s super important to develop demonstrate-able skills, so the doubter can be faced with the fact they don’t know what they don’t know. In art anyone can say that doesn’t look right but only certain people can show how to fix it.
"Resistance" is just a healthy process to improve things (with the right mindset). It's people practicing their creative & curious minds. But people now-a-days make themselves to be a victim.
When people disagree, listen
From my experience in and out of the military now for almost 15 years. Leadership has to be able to switch on and off the bad guy and nice guy mentality to gain respect. Some of the best leaders I’ve worked under have been masters of this. If you are too soft and want everyone to like you, you will be taken advantage of. If you are hard and over the top at all times with no let up, people will resent you for it. All of this boils down to RESPECT or DISRESPECT.
You could also throw your EGO in there as well. Some leadership just can’t get out of the power tripping mindset of whatever I say goes no matter what. Some folks out there will never get out of the way of their own EGO to let themselves be a good leader
I did 8yrs in the AF and 6 of those yrs I worked at the HQ level, I was pulled up there when I put on E4 and they wouldn’t let me go until I finally requested after having issues w/my supervisor who was a E7.
I’m thankful for my time there because I learned A LOT about leaders and the leadership level but it was also the reason I no longer wanted to be in the military. It’s sad that throughout my time in the service I can only name 4 people that I remember being amazing leaders and what’s worse is not one is a female. As a female myself it was so hard finding a good mentor or a female Senior Enlisted leader to want to emulate. The women I worked with were so catty, vindictive and hated being overshadowed. One example I remember is wearing my service dress to a ceremony we had and a male Chief MSGt telling me it was good to see a SSGt wearing the formal uniform & telling me I had more ribbons and medals then some chiefs ( I deployed multiple times ), the following day my supervisor told me I was out of regs & if I didn’t change my ribbon rack she would write up an LOR. She went into my records to remove my Iraqi & GWOT ribbons because I had no orders showing I was deployed. I had to pull up an Achievement medal written for me for that deployment to prove it and she refused to fix it and made me jump through hoops to getting changed back. She spent more time finding fault in things I did and spreading rumors than actually trying to take me under her wing and say “damn ain’t my troop shit hot, damn I know how to train them”
I lost all respect for her and the CCMSGT that we worked for. I got very bitter and felt like my time in was a waste & people w/rank are frauds .
Yes! I managed 20 years somehow between active, reserve, and a ten year break in service. The strangest sit down I ever had went like this.
Our division commander (brigadier general) was at our training area one drill weekend. He met with a group of lower enlisted, NCO's, and of course his officers. The meetings were separate. I was an E-4 at the time or recently promoted to sergeant.
As we came in, he was sitting and smiling and offering to break bread together with MRE's. How can I describe his demeanor? Not quite jovial. Very relaxed. Unassuming. Yes...Unassuming. He was asking questions and encouraging open and unguarded discussion. Until I asked a question he didn't deem worthy of the time with a general. He quickly took it to a 4, which is a hard 4 coming from a general. He put me on notice, then segued into a story about being a young lieutenant. Then took it right back down to unassuming. Effortlessly in the blink of an eye.
@@Bekz00 I was recently promoted to sergeant in the Army Reserve, which always comes with a unit transfer. Upon transfer, I came across the most narcissistic bully of a staff sergeant I ever had the displeasure of dealing with. I had a soldier under me that the SSgt was appearing to f with over the same type of thing. Insignia and what not. Unfortunately he was right on that one. But I looked it all up to find out. The soldier ended up being a real piece in his own right, but I had just got thrown into the mix with those yahoos. Anywhats....
In the process of dealing with the SSgt, I discovered something. The best kept secret in the military. Article 138 of the UCMJ. A petition to the commander for redress of wrongs.
Your supervisor wasn't acting in good faith for the good of the AF. Stolen valor is serious and should be investigated. She was digging with determination to harass you. Probably was intimidated by you. Forget the NCO COC, you should have went straight to your CO. If the CO didn't take action, then file an Article 138 complaint against him/her.
They don't brief young recruits on these things for a reason.
You are solid bro. 🙏🏼
Stay blessed please
I notice most people in leadership positions these days are doing a lot of listening and asking people of a lower competency level, “what can I do better?” In my opinion, something’s off about that, because most people that attain certain levels in an organization earned it with merit. In all honesty, I agree with Jocko’s point but it seems like unnecessary extra work. It might be the best advice in this modern culture of ours. Did General Schwarzkopf have to ask his subordinates questions like “what can I do better?” in 1990-91?
You can ascertain if they're of a lower competency level by the way they answer. A leader has to lead EVERYONE on the team, regardless of competency level. All That being said, there's something to learn from everyone.....
There may be something to be learned, but you stop and listen every single time someone has input, you will fail.
I agree. I think it’s pretty intense humility and self-deference. Which isn’t necessarily efficient and sometimes self deprecating and harmful. I totally agree. But I think that’s morenat the beginning of a position too typically because it’s also the beginning of the leader’s timeframe as leader as well. Once they get more comfortable/ once they realize that they indeed are the leader for a reason and it’s because they are the ones who have the most competency to lead - they will fill the shoes. But yes it does take some time for sure. L
@@Eman-vp5wk "Your know what leadership means Lord Snow? It means the man in charge gets second guessed by every clever twat with a mouth. But if he starts second guessing himself, it's the end. The end for him. For the clever twats. For everybody".
Hi Guys at EF, Jocko, Leif, many thanks for the video. Would you guys do us a favor and always mention of your videos which podcast / debrief episode is the video related to? It would be very helpful if someone wants to go to the full episode to deepen the topic. Sometimes i watch a video and then takes ages to find the whole episode. Thanks in advance, Adam. PS. The EO academy is great, thanks for offering it!
Love the notes 😂
I've never known anyone to think this far into anything? Interesting thanks
these help me so much at work. thanks
Great to hear it
@leifbabin1512 Leif Babin - the Texas Batman in the house! Hope things are good. Great video.
Just saved an escalation. Thanks
I wish I would have had leaders like Jacko in the navy. I was kicked out for riding my motorcycle before completing the basic riding course and disrespecting a petty officer… minor things in hindsight. I was not perfect but I worked to consistently make improvements to myself. I did have some of the worst leaders I have ever encountered in my life. I did my best but it wasn’t enough and now I’m banned for life from the military while I watch them have a recruiting crisis. God knows how badly I wish I could serve again.
GOOD. Now take full responsibility for it and get after it
I love Jocko's content and advice - but I'm also cognizant that he was a Navy SEAL. Perhaps a rowdy bunch, but also very selective and disciplined. When dealing with regular humans, you'll need escalated disciplinary action more often than 0 times in 20 years.
I've issued 2 formal disciplinary actions in 10 years. One guy was kicked out, and the other got a sheet of paper that doesn't stay on his record to change course or else.
Yep, I was going to say the same thing. Insubordination and disrespect levels in the SEALs have about zero correlation to their levels in the real world. The advice is solid, but do not expect that same level of success in a normal workplace setting. There is significantly more Dunning-Krueger effect going on in the real world. That, along with exponentially higher levels of laziness, are major factors that drive disrespect and resistance in real world settings. Either people who know next to nothing believe that they know better, but aren't even intelligent enough to realize that, or they are just lazy and don't like it when a leader challenges them to work or think harder. The other big issue he wouldn't have likely dealt with is other leaders subverting and undermining you for various reasons like what happens often in a workplace where people do downright nasty and vile things to try to move up the ladder ahead of other peer level leaders. SEALs are selected with an extremely high bias towards teamwork at all costs. Almost nothing will relate to normal world situations.
Solid.
The type of leaders that are Schooled trained ..reminds me of Fresh out of West-point A hole officers that showed up Fresh as Officers in Vietnam ....and said ...We're Marching up HWY 13 .......and they came back with a bullet in the back .
What type of leaders?
“Do it in a way that helps them become the type of person they’d like to be” ✊🏻
(Not verbatim, but I think it’s close)
My husband served, in the navy, 2002-2006, and he said alcohol and hazing each other, especially as a new guy, is a right of passage to joining the navy. He was a naval aircrewman on a c-130 load master. He was medically discharged because of a tbi. He told me that had the honor to fly a few teams around the world. He misses the navy. Thank you for y'all's service.
7:00 title of video
Asking questions is to gain knowledge. That is not insubordination.
Truth.
Would a similar approach be recommended up the chain of command? Follower askes for the feedback from leader when the leader is being disrespectful?
I see Jocko, I click. It’s that simple.
Right on. Follow us for more content from Jocko
How do you approach this without lowering yourself?
I do agree with taking responsibility for how did this dynamic get to this point and trying to self reflect on your role.
@Jocko could you put out material in the opposite direction? For example your leader is the problem and you’re the subordinate? A lot of people including myself have terrible bosses and we are stuck with them until they move on or a better opportunity presents itself.
He’s doing exactly what you are asking…
He covers it in one of the books. He talks about his first platoon leader...heck of a story.
Resistance is why you get buy in from the most influential individuals in your organization before throwing it in front of everyone.
As a young man I dated, and later married, a single mother. I was totally unprepared to be a father of a 5 year old girl, and the first years showed that.
She is now 21 and considers me as her dad. A lot of this makes sense to be looking back.
I was not ready to be a leader. If you demand respect, you lose respect. Being placed in a role, maybe with a title, it might get your foot in the door, but respect is earned through a LOT of hard work. Oh, and it’s totally worth it.
Fatherhood is an earned leadership title.
I can honestly say that I have never been insubordinate with any of my past supervisors, I seldom let them know my position on things. There were many times that I felt they were absurd and even petulant in the way they conducted themselves but I never let them know. Instead I simply walked away when I didn't approve of their chosen direction to lead. Most times I left ample notice however in some cases they were so disrespectful that I left quicker than I planned. I have no regrets about my time working for others!
Michael Focaults power dynamic theory.
Ok so going the hospitality way. Chefs . . . . First time I meet many Chefs, one of the FIRST things they say is that " You have to call me Chef, I will not answer to any other name. I feel physical pain if you do not call me Chef. You can only call me Chef. It's the same as calling a doctor, doctor. You have to show me respect by calling me Chef . . . Ok . . . I have tried to point out the stupidity in this to Chefs in the past and the ones I have delt with just don't understand the damage they are doing. They yell at people for not calling them Chef and then cry when nobody wants to be their friend. It's as if they just don't see that respect can not be demanded. There is a difference between being respectful and being courteous. If respect is not given freely then it is not given at all.
How do you overcome resistance? Jiu Jitsu....
There may also be something as a leader that you don't understand. There may be a flaw in the plan that you as the leader are not fully aware of, but that your subordinates are aware of. That may be the reason for their resistance. Because the people at the coalface often know stuff that managers who are remote from the coalface don't even realise. Tha'ts why a good leader will respect their frontline staff and seek their input prior to implementing plans that make significant changes to how things are done. Lead in this way and you'll find yourself encountering far fewer instances of "insubordination."
Oi Thee USS Aircon, Aka Dave Burke? One of my opinions on thee 2nd TopGun Movie, Is that on what's Tue point of Pushing Mc9? If ya can't Remover it like thee Sparrow, from Hell.. at 7?
Earn respect. Do not demand it.
i thought u had straws taped together for you drink, lol
No straws
@@leifbabin1512 Jocko with silly straws would be funny
Is an apology considered basic levels of respect or upheld discipline of decency?
What if you ask them what can you do better and they respond that you are doing nothing wrong??
My company recently published that insubordination is a fireable offense. It’s a software company, lol. 😂
Most problems I see with supervisors is that they don’t explain the mission, or the my withhold information unnecessarily. I’ve followed sergeants/Lieutenants that said yes the mission is dumb, yes it’s a bad strategy, but we have to get it done. It’s hard to respect someone who “try’s to sell a shit-sandwich”. Demanding respect is a great way to get sub-par performance. I may have to respect the position, I don’t have to respect the man.
70% rule... 70% persona's manageable
, 30% push back...15% of 30% then find middle ground. So task complete, last 15% just %% A- holes, grin & bear...but, move forward. Reduce drama..
De-escalation seems to be really important in Leadership
This is fantastic advice. But Jocko and Leif, I'm only 31 years old w/ 5 years of experience in my industry, 2 of which are the director position I'm in now. It feels a lot harder to earn respect than it should. How did you deal with these people in your earlier years, before you had 20 years of experience, and before you became the most badass guys on the planet?
He said it at about 7 minutes in, ask for feedback, listen and adjust. You get respect by giving respect
💯
How do u get rid of them
That coffee molk ❤
The Sweet Cream Coffee Molk is the bomb
I think you also have to give a sgit about getting the other persons respect for this tactic to work.
Wonder if the Ted Lasso writers were JW fans? Hearing some similar things.
You are speaking about problems in the hierarchy, what about people on the same level? I have a new colleague, who is just humiliating me and other people with no obvious reasons, and I am not sure if I should just report it to HR
You got two options: You either put fear into them or you just walk away.
Hello
🌳
If someone isn’t willing to take no for an answer then they weren’t really asking a question.
Nowadays.... sometimes people are just punks and insubordinate.
Leif sounds like a dude doing a Jocko impersonation
I hear what Jocko and Leif are saying, but at the end there, Jocko not being able to remember anyone he had to get rid of - he’s dealing with the elite of the elite, and sure, even that level will have some “disrespectful” operators. However, when you’re dealing with civilians, let’s say whom are in a union, and the union helps to protect shitbirds, sometimes those shitbirds just complain to complain, to make people lives harder. And because of the union, they can’t just be fired or let go, and they don’t want to be part of the team, they just want to complain and play the victim mentality… that’s what I deal with, and I don’t claim to be the best leader ever, but I’ve moved up pretty fast, and the people I’ve moved up over are just plain difficult. Not all of them, actually only a few, but those few can make life at work hell. In my instance, I don’t see how it always has to be the leaders fault. I get what they’re saying, and it is a noble way of leading, but some of these nasty civilians wouldn’t piss on their co-workers back if they were on fire. It’s exhausting.
let them take a role if there is a need...see how they do
Response: What is an effective way to handle insubordination? From an analytical perspective basing it on the majority of the population given the circumstance that we are dealing with one person rather than a group...First option is a mediated communication amongst leaders and a verbal warning. If the insubordination continues documented write-up can alleviate some of the threat to the remainder of the company, however it doesn't resolve the matter. If you have experience in vetting people (in other words picking their brain to discover the hidden meanings behind their reaction or action) you can learn the difference between a motive verses a general response to an unsettling situation whether it be home or work related. Most of the time a person who is or has become insubordinate it is because there is something unsettling to them from their view of normalcy. You mentioned something about respect and that is completely different. If you are dealing with a statistical person their view of respect is different than it actually is: They think they have to earn it rather than it is to be shown first. If you are teaching or handling a person or group who has never got to exercise their right to respect you must, as an individual and as a team, find more than one way to model what respect in multiple types of scenarios in order for the lesson to get across to everyone. Everyone learns differently because their job descriptions and their skill set is not based on performance. It's based on experiences from the past. To correct insubordination sometimes makes you the bad guy, however, if the company and the individual can reassess any situation that led up to the particular action you may see more stones you haven't uncovered. A common theme seems to be that at some point a team member was not heard when they tried to exercise their concerns or completely ignored. There is a finite line between earning respect and people pleasing: Don't get the two confused.
Aware Citizen
Texas
Pull them aside and hear what they have to say. Explain the WHY. Give as much ownership as you can.
Hmmm. My 25 years of sales and management asking a new hire with zero history what I need to do to earn respect. I don’t think that’s right.
To gain respect, we have to show it to others. If you can show a new sales manager respect by listening and mentoring them, they will respect you too.
I think there are multiple ways to handle these type of scenarios. The approach can change based on the context. If it’s a new hire that’s doing this, I probably wouldn’t ask them what I need to do to earn respect. I would instead explain the dynamics of the team, and that I will always listen to their ideas as long as it’s done in a professional and respectful manner. It doesn’t matter if they are talking to their manager or a colleague, be respectful and professional in their approach. If they continue to be troublesome, well not everyone makes it.
Nooo
I hold it in until I explode. I have an issue with impulsivity regarding others disrespecting me. I will bite holes in my cheeks to keep from flying off the handle verbally.
That's why I have to get out of the situation immediately. I have left work pissed off to the point that I wasn't being mindful and wound up breaking my leg in multiple spots. It could've been avoided had I been paying attention. My anger is problematic on occasion.
But I recently decided to square off with it. I'm tired of being so reactive with other's nonsense. It's their baggage to carry, and I don't want to help them carry it. It's not mine to manage. I learned that I need to trust myself. I learned that crap people do are red flags of their own insecurities. I need to empower myself. I need to lift myself up and not depend on others to do that.
I'm taking responsibility for my reactive nature. I'm getting my ego in check. Nobody can hurt me unless I let them. I'm no longer in the business of letting anybody own my emotions. THEY'RE MINE!
Work is work. The nice thing is I only see my coworkers for a few minutes and I can leave as soon as I am finished. I don't have to be on site for a set time. I do my work, help as needed, and go home.
I'm no longer trying to be friends with coworkers. I'm there to master my craft and earn a paycheck. Nothing more.
A-holes won't change, but I can.
Not all athority deserves tespect!
Oh SNAP. Leif Babin, war criminal in command right here in the flesh. The Reinhard Heydrich of our times. I just watched that report damning him for the death of 36 marines.
❤❤. Portos Bakery Downey California. I enjoy reading in morning but the Spanish speaking community did it disrespectful and management that I read English books. I am Mexicano American . They see reading and educating yourself disrespectful. Wow, 1970 I remember being sent home for speaking spanish in school.. what happen to Downey California
Churlish
How to lose all respect:
Step 1: Build a brand on extreme ownership
Step 2: Ignore requests for assistance from CSA survivors to stop child sex trafficking like you ignored Chris Kyle's domestic abuse.
Sometimes this gets too far from reality in my opinion. Jocko doesn’t teach middle school in the ghetto or he would realize these tactics don’t really work. Sometimes people are just pieces of shit that test you cause the suck and leveling this advice will get you nowhere. With reasonable and average people, this may work but not every thing is a leaders’ fault or failure.
This is advice for when dealing with decent, rational people, which means it won't apply to everyone.
Na na jacko dear boi.
I C U isnt just in the hospital boi we talk later
Try a little bit harder. Fck me. Check. I encountered this three days ago. I do feel better after watching this. Thanks, guys.
+
These guys voices sound exactly alike. Very strange and kind of weird
Negative
No, they don't sound alike.
LOL. They actually sound almost identical@@alphasuperior100
Step 1 Shave your head.
I don't want their respect. I don't care, for it means nothing to me, those that swore an OATH know what I'm about. I don't need anyone else's approval.
Not a strategy for long-term success
@leifbabin1512 uncorruptable is my way of life. I don't care for success.
track my fundß im not worried but im not doing thiß to enable stats
Jocko embodies, more and more, some of the worst leaders I’ve ever had, and how I imagine they think.
Dumbest thing in this feed
And disrespect? There’s no more talking about it. Zero tolerance for that shit
Mostly it's a reaction to management disrespect of subordinates.
I just remove, they knew better. I’m not their daddy
I call bullshit on you. You would have gone hard on someone messing with you deliberately.
This sounds like hindsight wisdom to me. And would rarely (if ever) work in real life.
Absolutely disagree. People are used to fighting, and when either party is upset, nothing good or productive comes of it. When people mess with you, they're looking for a response, and if you get mad, you've given them what they want and shown others they have the power to affect you. They get to go to their buddies and tell the story of how Sgt. Hardass chewed them out over a joke, and now they have perceived justification for their disrespect. Getting mad and yelling also communicates emotional immaturity, possible lack of impulse control (undisciplined) and lack of professionalism.
If I was messing with someone to get their goat, and instead of sound and fury, they hit me with "hey man, I respect you, what do I need to do to earn your respect" I'd be pretty shocked. That response alone, is disarming, it's sobering (think "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed",) it communicates discipline and maturity, the ability to be stoic under pressure, willingness to accept feedback, all qualities that make for a great leader. If I was asked that, I'd be pretty embarrassed that I pulled whatever I just did, and I would respect that person much more for handling the problem like that.