I'm glad I was priced out of London.
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- Is it big city or bust? Do you have to live in the capital to really live at all? Here's my reflections on leaving, and why it's complicated.
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00:41 THE MYTH
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11:12 THE MOVING ON
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Thanks so much for your lovely responses! Love hearing all of your thoughts in here. If you're new to my channel and need more context, a useful watch-next is this video where I discuss privilege, house-buying and the industrial interior design complex! WHAT LARKS ;) czcams.com/video/wRPJxi4fwXE/video.html
Im off to London next weekend for a city break to see my cousin wos moved down there. I used to live their but London always seemed like an abusive relationship where I always had to give her money! Im going call London a psychologically abusive ex who over inflates themselves!.
Interesting content - thank you for being so open & sharing.
I have a few questions (if that’s okay?) -
Where did you move to? Do you find yourself going back to London for visits often, every now & then, or never?
With London being so transient, have your ‘London friendships’ stood the test of time? If so, what did your friends make of your move?
@@scholesiefirsttime heya! So I've moved to the midlands but I don't share where online for safety reasons - I probably go back at least every fortnight, for day trips only. I definitely have less friends in London but the best ones have stuck around and I go and visit them and they come and visit me - to be hnest london was so busy that I probably see them AS often now I don't live there, I just see a lower quantity of people. Hope that helps!
@@leenanorms Sounds like it’s been a great move for you - great to hear! Wishing you much happiness in the midlands.
I'm 52, born and bred Londoner. I've read a lot of the comments on how important it is to be live in a diverse and accepting community and this is so important. But as an older person who still rents, I urge the younger generation to try and find a home to own, even one from a smaller, cheaper town, even if you're a landlord for the property and still living in the big city. By the time you're my age, you own a property outright and won't be at the mercy of insecure and ever increasing price of rentals, and the prospect of finding over a £1,000+ a month when you're old and tired or suffering ill health. I'm looking at the US and so many older people are living in cars/vans because they cannot afford a home anymore.
This!!! Where I live in Canada we are almost at the point where young people will not be able to afford home ownership, maybe ever. Not everyone needs to be a homeowner, but given that its one of the biggest steps to stability and intergenerational wealth, it shouldn’t be overlooked. Our entry level homes are being snapped up by investment firms so someone else can grow wealthy off of renters. It’s fuelling the growing gap between the haves and have nots.
Same for Australia. Buy a home before your health fails, which may not always be in old age. Even if being a landlord initially while you still work in big smoke.
Great advice.
People cannot afford to buy homes. The costs are insane and there is a lack of affordable properties. It takes years to afford a deposit too. Not everyone is allowed a mortgage. Mortgages increase as well and if you lose your job, how can someone afford it.
I lived in the US most of my life. And for the last 3 to 4 years there I lived out of my sedan while still working a corporate job from 6am to 7pm.
Currently a new home owner in London not worrying about having to my healthcare and how to stay warm in the back of my car during a New England winter. Happiest I've ever been.
I definitely agree with the 'London or nothing' mindset being disappointing for the rest of the UK. I live in a pretty deprived part of Cumbria and we just don't really have public transport, and where we do, a single journey bus ticket is £8.10 for a 15 minute drive to the train station. Things like emergency services are based hours and hours away. Feeling quite jealous of London getting things like free school meals for every school child (not critiquing that specific policy, I entirely support free school meals, I just feel like non-London is comparatively forgotten).
Yes! In London I could go anywhere in the city, any distance, and it would be £1.50. Here I'm lucky if I can get anywhere for under a fiver. Utter madness. Like you it's fine because it's something I can afford, but it sucks that without access to a car or paying £££ for public transport, it's really hard to get around if you're in a low income bracket outside of big cities.
When I started uni I met mates from London who informed me that all bus journeys in London for under 18s are free!?! I couldn't believe my ears. So many people at my high school had to be ferried to school by parents on their way to work (parents who btw did not really have the time to play taxi!) because bus tickets were completely unaffordable in my 'city'. I had never heard the free school meals thing and again I'm feeling the same genuine rage! Why does nobody care about kids outside the capital?
It's 12.50 nowadays T^T why, stagecoach, why?
@@eepmeep8550 Stagecoach is for sure a dodgy outfit, I've always been suss
Yikes man, that sounds really tough.
I am a US girly living in Kent UK. I was at the shop last week and the lady looking at my ID for alcohol said "Wow, I think I would rather be in America than here!" I thought this was very funny as an American who would like to be anywhere but home. I have traveled to 25 countries, and if I have learned anything, no one is impressed by the place that had to grow up in. It's up to us to decide if our lives are worthy and beautiful, otherwise we will prescribe to dreams given to us: move to a big city, a new country, an expensive flat, mansion, etc.
that's a good point, the USians I know want to move away as well
As a Brit who has lived in the US south, mainly Texas, I can safely say Texas is mostly better than the UK, if you have a good job.
The UK has turned into a shitty version of America at this point. The American chains are here, American music is here, NFL and baseball are here, American cars are here, even the politics is here.
UK transport and infrastructure is crumbling outside of London, overpopulation and overcrowding more of an issue than Texas. Terrible cold, wet weather
Higher house prices, higher taxes, lower salaries, lack of access to good healthcare in the UK (no NHS is not free)
I am a geography teacher and I am THRILLED to see the Burgess and Hoyt models of Urban Land Use in a CZcams video. Proof that Geography matters even when you are older. 🌍🌍🌍
Haha hopefully I used it in the right context! To be fair I wish I’d carried on with geography, it’s bloody useful
It took me four exhausting years in London (living hand to mouth, flirting for free samples at Borough market, saying yes to everything) to realise I was a Kindle-and-a-cuppa tea kinda guy. Thankfully, my Irish dad had instilled into me the importance of owning property so I had my name on a buy to let before I left on my adventures. Now I’m back in Staffordshire, the only negative is that niggling feeling you’re missing out on something and that can be quite intense sometimes. I miss the diversity and randomness the most, teaching English idioms to a lady from Madrid on the tube to being tipped very generously by Claire Foy when I was a waiter. Ultimately, though, it’s where you find balance and peace. You can be the main character anywhere with the right people.
Luckily Staffordshire is pretty close to London, so I don’t see what you’re missing out on.
Also, what you described could happen in Manchester too. London unfortunately sold its soul with mass immigration and money now the main value of the city. It’s more like New York, but New York has more cultural identity.
I'm American, and lived in London for four years back in the early 10's (think Olympics.) I LOVED my time there, but often found it a lonely, hard slog that left me with what I call my "crusty" side. I come from the American South, where people are very open, friendly, and giving (sometimes too giving, but still, we are always the first to help anyone out.) London developed my outer shell, and made it much tougher. Visa issues with my non-profit and years of singlehood loneliness led me to move back to the States. Shedding the city exterior took a while, and sometimes I still find myself unable to embrace the softer way of life here. I LOVED London, but in the long run, living there was not sustainable, and damaged my soul a little bit. I still hold a place in my heart for London, but I could not live there anymore.
I agree…I’m from Canada, have lived and traveled to the US so much but living in London that past 2.5 years has made me depressed and angry, so I’m moving to SE Asia for up to a year and then back to North America somewhere…I need happy people that want to sustain a relationship. No one has time for that in London, very cold place overall ❤
@@juliekrol I think there is a certain level of underlying stress and anger in the city. London is not exactly an easy place to be compared to a lot of European cities. I will get worse as we head into the next recession when people start to get laid off etc.
@@juliekrol I think one of the main problems with London (where I was born a poor boy) is it's an international city, a commercial city, all permeated with competitiveness, greed, money spinning and a survival of the fittest mentality..Yes like New York. There is a lot of culture and arts surviving in the hub and periphery of London. But I always perceive London as the ideal home for top Lawyers, top Investment Bankers, and top super wealthy corporate management. I once lived in Toronto for a year. I thought Toronto had parallels with London and New York......hard cities. I don't mean the Canadian people were hard, I mean the atmosphere was work hard and survive endlessly and keep your balance on a financial tight rope.
@@HarrySmith-hr2iv: my parents were incomers during the 50s and London was and still is, where most people went. They both had solidly working class jobs and moved about from rooming house to rooming house all over London, but eventually they were able to buy a three storey house. The mortgage was manageable and the parents raised four children in modest comfort. Us children now in our 60s benefitted from full employment, a low multiple of mortgage to salary ratio, wages that went up every year, enrolment in a pension plan and seeing the property we had bought for historically not very much, rise in value. None of that is going to happen to the generations that came after me and home ownership is a dream that many will not realise whilst living in London. I feel sad for those youger than me but angry, too that successive governments have ceded the potential wealth of ordinary working people to big business and the rich.
@@eattherich9215 But London has changed so much since 1950. At that time its population was around 7 million, and 99.5% white. Today, 2023, it is only 46-54% white, depending on whose statistics you believe. If that is what you want, that's your choice. I think many young people, especially Uni students or young graduates, head there because to them its the ultimate destination for fun, adventures, partying and social life. (after having been brought up in remote villages in Wales, Scotland or rural UK.) It's all called the New World Order, but I think it will all crash eventually. Yes, true.... the young have been sold out to big business and the rich, but they don't fully realise it yet. And you can't tell them, because they will give you a teenagers(even tho' they might be up to 30 years old) answer like 'Ah, but every bodys happy, right!'
I feel this from a completely different perspective. I moved to Berlin five years ago and I love it, even though I'm definitely not a typical Berlin resident. I love the diversity, the public transport, the culture, even the grime. And compared to where I'm from, it's still more affordable. I had the privilege to stay for a few months in a tiny German village during covid in a big, beautiful house and superficially it was lovely - green, spacious, clean, full of abundant nature, old castles and pretty little villages. But I was completely lost in that environment. I hated the small town gossip, the endless quiet, the isolation, the lack of diversity. I was trapped in a gilded cage. I now know wholeheartedly that I prefer a smaller apartment and modest living in a big city to even the most beautiful remote home, and I'm willing to make sacrifices to maintain that. I also value my friendships here immensely, and as a foreigner and single person, they're truly priceless. I know plenty of people around me who would love to move away at least part time or plan to in the future, but I know my soul wouldn't thrive in that environment.
I come with the same perspective! I pulled a lot of strings and turned my life quite upside down to move in a big remote house in a village in Cyprus next to the sea and...I hated it with all my heart. As a queer person it felt incredibly isolating and also I hated the idea of not living in mainland Europe and to be able to get to any country via bus. I left as soon as I could!
I moved from Munich to my hometown during the pandemic. And while my hometown isn't the smallest, I still miss all the possibilities and the communities I had in Munich that I am just unable to find here. I find myself commuting to bigger cities in the area or taking day trips to Munich to do stuff. Even just finding a group for creative writing or something like that requires me to go to another city.
And despite living here for almost 3 years now, I have failed to connect to anyone here.
And I am part of a church and I am part of a sports club and so on, but that doesn't help much in finding people.
here to also say the same!!! i've always lived in a city and i feel lost in smaller places. plus as a disabled, queer person, cities are a lot more welcoming
I live in the capital of my small country, think like 8 million people total of which like a quarter live in the capital. I was born here, but my husband is from a small town, like 30.000 including surrounding villages. I like visiting his family there but never for more then a few days, the quite gets to loud, the walls have ears. When we go out it's always the same places and same people. It is quite charming that you can see all your friends in a night out as everything worth going to (and open) is in one short street 😄 but, i would never trade our city life for that. He does have a fantasy of retiring there someday, but i feel that would break my spirit even more when I'm like 70 and there is nothing for me there. No museums, no theater, not even a cinema. What will i do but descend into madness xD
Funny, i lived in Berlin for about 8 years, then Toronto and now a middle sized town in Germany again. I think the different cities have suited my age at the time. Hut i am hesitant to Move to a villags/Bug House because i think while it is great for the "little kids time" it does not offer enough for old age
When I was in Uni (Bath Spa) studying publishing it was really emphasised that the only place to get a job in publishing was in London, and the only way to even get the opportunity was to do unpaid intern work. As somebody from the Welsh valleys who didn’t have parents who could afford to keep me afloat to do unpaid intern work when I was studying that basically immediately ruled out the chance for me to work there. Also London for me was not a lifestyle I wanted.
Fast forward to six years later, and I moved back to Wales after uni, I work in a ‘normal’ job doing IT I’m able to actually single handedly afford my own house in a commuter town to Cardiff. And living a middle of the road life here is really really great 😊
Born and bred in London however I just moved to Guernsey and wow I can't believe I'm saying it I miss London
@@Shaneswws23: I would miss London too. I will never leave unless I could afford to come back.
I’ve been really struggling with this feeling lately. I’m 26 and I moved away from home town at 19 for uni and have never returned. Similar to you, I also feel like moving home means there are no opportunities or opportunities are infinitely harder to come by.
Recently I’ve noticed that I miss visiting the beach in the evenings after work. I’m angry that I can’t pop in and see my parents on Wednesday night - instead I have to plan and organise a monthly trip home. I’m not there to help when they need it. I’m missing out on building a community of people that I can rely on.
I’m from rural Ireland where there are three options after secondary school:
1) leave home and move away to a uni (usually in Dublin, Galway or a Belfast) that’s at least 2 - 6 hours away
2) emigrate
3) get a job as a labourer, child care assistant or shop assistant
That’s it. There is no ‘commuting’ to the big city as we’re so far from one. There are 7 busses a day that serve 3 other places. To return home now would mean my career taking a huge blow and I’m angry that I have to pick between earning a decent living that I enjoy and seeing my family and building a community.
I really don’t have a nice way of tying this up. I just wish ireland would change somewhat.
I’m from Galway, 25, and can’t move out. Half my friends also live at home, the other half live in expensive shitholes with too many housemates despite earning decent money. Honestly feel like you can’t win in this country. The rural areas are so underserved but the housing crisis is so awful those of us from cities can’t move on. It’s just shit all round.
@@hannahr9177 So so so many of my friends are in the exact same position. I'm the only one of my friends who doesn't live at home and that's only because I live with my boyfriend who has a good-paying job. If I was living with flatmates I couldn't afford to move out. You're so right, it's bleak out here at the moment.
You forgot about moving to USA OR Australia 🦘
I live 400 miles from my parents. The worst thing about it is being continually pestered about visiting, and being made to feel so guilty about using your precious annual leave for yourself rather than spending it with them.
There is a real sense of spite from them when you think that you're not going to camp in their spare room for Easter, you're going to Amsterdam instead.
@@jaywalkercrew4446: America, dear god, NO. It's a hellscape of unhappy people who are screwed over by the establishment and the corporations. Everything is surprisingly expensive for such a big country - whatever happened to economies of scale - and the healthcare system is a SCAM whereby you pay through the nose for USELESS medical plans. Nine millions Americans are enjoying a better quality of life outside the US. I know because they tell us so on the numerous CZcams channels.
Just yesterday I was in a big city and thinking "man, people here have it all" but then I remembered that I hate when it's louf outside and I can't sleep. And that I enjoy nature and that that the small city I live in has everything I need and if not, I'm only 40 mins away from the bigger cities in my country.
Hearing your story reassures me that it's fine where I am because it's where I would want to live when I'm not in my 20s anymore anyway.
Exactly Jennifer and you need to remember that most who live in London have to commute a hell of a lot longer than 40 minutes to get to and from work which kind of defeats the purpose of living here, where you pay as much rent for a room as you do for a house or 2 bedroom flat in other parts of the country.
Great video. 29 y/o black guy, left London in 2020 (still on a London salary) and it's been the best decision ever - on my way to owning my own home soon (alone). I had anxieties about leaving as a minority but I wasn't going to let that keep me broke, stressed and depressed. Sure, it's fun in your 20s but eventually you have to get your shit together. Don't get me wrong though, I love London. I'd just rather live within my means (and I would come back if I could afford it comfortably).
London the absolute pits once you go outside central. Some of the tower blocks are third world.
Bristolian here! I've never been someone who wanted to live in London, but I love living in a mid-sized city and always have (well, I live in the suburbs, but still, I'm close enough). I think there needs to be a larger conversation about house prices in general in this country, like you say many Londoners have left the city but a lot of them still crave the city lifestyle so have moved to places like Bristol or Manchester instead of less popular towns, driving the costs up. Bristol is apparently the worst for it because we're like a mini London in a sense, a melting pot of different cultures and identities, full of the arts and we generally have the same kind of appeal. We now have the same problem that it's becoming too expensive for people to live here and people are being forced out. Rents are through the roof, as are house prices if you intend to buy. I'm lucky enough to own outright thanks to inheritance, but I've seen similar houses to mine in my neighbourhood being sold at about 50-75k more than they were worth just before the pandemic, and about 100-125k more than 10 years ago. It's not just a London problem anymore, it's a city problem in general which is such a shame as they are great places to live!
Yeah. I grew up in a what somewhat "rough" poor area and even our houses are creaping closer to 200k for absolutely no reason. The area hasn't been improved or anything like that, other than new housing estates. The main school in the area got an physical uplift that was needed as it was one of the worst schools in the UK while I attended, but the behaviour of students hasn't changed and thus, it would'nt be the school you chose if you have any other options. We have new housing estates going up, with prices from 200k to 250k. It's ridiculous. Not many people in this area could afford that. Housing price for a 4 bed house 10 years ago was like 100k. Now you'd be lucky to get a flat for that price. And they are building these new estates without ever thinking about building a new GP surgery or anything like that. You could barely get an appointment years ago and it's gotten even worse because of these new estates bringing in more people, without thinking about the increased demand. The housing estates are also badly built and are built to stuff as many houses on the plot as can be. Not many local people can ever dream of buying a 200k house. So a lot of locals can't afford to buy a home in the area. And it's still a area where there are parts of it where you'd avoid at night or even day!
I did my uni exchange to Bristol 5 years ago from Sydney and I left a piece of my heart there. I love that city so much and would move there in a heartbeat if I could 😭😍
Bristol is such a cool and vibrant city, it’s a shame that the locals are being priced out.
@@Scarlett-nu8gh that’s the thing I moved out of Bristol 2020, to London, everyone said I was crazy, and yes things are more expensive (although Bristol was/is becoming a mini London) but I know have a better paid career! Swings and roundabouts. I personally don’t regret my decision but as I said, it’s a personal decision that worked for me.
I grew up in Bristol until I was 18, went away for uni and haven't been able to afford to return. It's not like I make bad money either! Most of my family have since moved to Weston-super-Mare. It has a reputation, but it's actually a nice place to live with clean air, good houses and lots happening at an affordable price
As a writer and a parent in the US, I can't unsee how many picture books take place in New York City, a place I've never been. It's, like, all of them, largely because that's where all of the big publishing houses in the US are. NYC and LA are also where all of the late night shows are and where almost all of the entertainment is made. The US, meanwhile, is huge. But the entertainment industry has very little curiosity about any of the thousands of towns and communities outside of those two big hubs. It has major implications in almost every part of our culture, and is a huge contributor to the political schisms and radicalization happening right now. We need stories with specificity about main characters living full lives outside of these giant cities. We need to flip the narrative.
I work in entertainment and I am so glad you said this. Thank you.
I totally agree
I could say exactly the same about Russia (my home country). The media create the image that everything is happening in Moscow and St. Petersburg (and it's true to some extent), like our huge diverse country doesn't exist outside those 2 large cities. I come from a little Siberian town and I went studying at our best university in Moscow. Now I feel the disproportion and inequality in representation stronger than ever.
@@tatiyanazzz these cities all have a lot of stature and that's why they have been heavily romanticized in people's psyche.
@@tatiyanazzz but stature doesn't equate to quality of life as I learnt from living and working in London.
I love this video so much. I’m Welsh but spent most of my 20s living in Brussels. I truly felt like a main character living a way better life than I ever could have imagined, filled with parties and events and new friends from all over Europe. When I went through a break up and decided to move to my home town of Cardiff I felt like I’d given up/failed. Fast forward 4 years and I’m now married, own a home, have a great job and love being close to my family and spending my weekends walking along the coast or hiking up mountains. Of course there are some limitations (lack of diversity/culture etc), but I think I might be happier and more fulfilled.
Welsh culture is still culture :-) it baffles me that ppl often dont consider British / English / Scottish / welsh culture as culture . Culture is not only ethnic
I have been considering moving to Cardiff as an alternative capital of the UK (I live in York atm). I have never been there but it gives me an anti-elitist, pro-decentralisation impression (left-wing centre of the UK?) Based on Tiger Bay's multicultural history I assumed that ethnic minorities might feel more comfortable than in rural areas. This is why I am surprised you write there is a lack of diversity.
When I researched forums, people reported it was their biggest mistake to leave Cardiff, or the best decision of their life to move there. It is significantly more affordable than Greater London and it is close to the sea. It seems like a dream, tbh!
@@hannelorefly Welsh born or raised people don't necessarily want a massive influx of Saes looking for cheaper living, though...
As a uni student now, there's so many people I have heard are flocking to London after graduation. For many of us, this isn't an option as broke graduates. This bright lights syndrome sometimes makes me feel like I'm setting my career up for failure for not wanting to live in a concrete jungle and live where it's "at". But this whole concept of the city having everything fundamentally clashes with my values. As someone trying to move away from hustle culture and embrace slower living, a place like London would only make it worse with so many opportunities on my doorstep. Yet, being from the North has also shown me how many areas cannot access opportunities because they're only in the biggest cities or in the South. There's definitely a North-South divide and hopefully investment in areas outside of London will somewhat equalize opportunities for people from different backgrounds.
I'm living this exact scenario, originally from the North, currently studying in London for a career path that has the London or nothing mentality, but desperately missing the comforts and slower pace of home, causing me to wonder if I've chosen the correct career if I'm about to make myself redundant by moving away from all the opportunities once I finish studying. Honestly just seeing someone else put the same experience into words has made me feel much less alone in my journey.
PREACH!!
I’ve already noticed so many who have moved up north. I have high hopes for it equalising but I’m afraid it prices people up there out. Maybe after a couple more decades people will start to earn more in general there anyways though
London is so great and I'm so jealous I can't afford to live there right now. It's not feasible, it really isn't. It only makes sense if you've got the money. Why put yourself in a rough time for a risky career? Just work somewhere cheaper and buld your way up. This is so much easier as a man since youth isn't really a big deal. I'm also going to argue that if you do delay your gratification, do not miss out on doing youthful fun things like partying. People like to put hard-age gaps on things like that, but there's really no reason for that. Cna also still go partying in a cheaper city anyways.
You’re right but London gets all the investment from this criminal government
I really like how you mention the privilege of having secure and loving parents or family members. I've always thought this was an underappreciated factor in younger generational success ( however you define success) wherever you fall socio economically. It is sad how that was affected by covid.
I know this comment is a year old, but had to reply and say YES! Having parents and family that are loving, supportive and giving you guidance is so important, and can make a huge difference.
Something I'm thinking about is this myth that young people only exist in cities. Like if you are under the age of 40, particularly if you do not have children, you cannot live in a small town. I live in a town about an hour and a half from NYC, and it is so hard to meet anyone in my age range, though being able to make friends across generational lines brings me much joy. Statistically, there are young people, living in small towns, but there is no narrative about their lives and this makes it harder for people to imagine such a lifestyle and feels isolating while living it.
I love embracing not aspiring to be a Matilda because she’s a prodigy, but because she finds love and warmth and a good place to read.
I’ve been ReContextualizing my idea of what it means to be a main character in the adventure of my life as someone who realized they’re London (New York) was a place I could visit 100 times but never live. I love New York, but I’m too anxious to feel nourished there, even as I feel pressured to legitimize myself as an artist by living there.
It’s so relieving to release the idea that my creations, my actions, my home, my life are less beautiful, or meaningful, or cool because I never made it to Williamsburg.
It’ll take decades to restore my middling house in my middling town, but I can be my own Ms. Honey, adopt myself, and roller skate in my living room if I want.
It’s sick.
I'm a born and bred Londoner, south of the river. My parents moved us away when I was 11 and I was heartbroken. I've lived in Wiltshire, North Wales and Hampshire since then. I always vowed I'd go home one day. Then I had my daughter. My whole world changed and I realised I would never feel happy raising my daughter in London for a whole variety of reasons - probably a video's worth! I don't think we'll stay in Hampshire, it's not entirely our vibe, but we'll definitely not be moving to London.
As someone who grew up in the North of England I actually feel the exact opposite! London has so much more diversity, culture, and opportunity than where I grew up and I'd love my kid to be surrounded by that. Kinda hurts that they won't have a notthern accent tho 😅
@@TheTruestGrit totally get where you're coming from on that one! I live between Portsmouth and Southampton which are both surprisingly diverse cities so I feel like we still get that while also having cleaner air and greenery. Also we have the opportunity to buy a home here which just wouldn't be possible for us any closer to London than we currently are, let alone in zone 4 where I used to be!
Is it the crime or segregation in London? South London, Croydon are bad
I'm so glad you made this video. I grew up in the midwest of the United States and always believed I would move to a big city on the east or west coast. Instead, I ended up in a smaller city about an hour drive from my family. It took me years to realize that I was allowed to be happy with the choice I made that was informed by what was important to me and how I actually spend my time (not to mention the financial realities of getting a graduate degree in the U.S.), instead of beating myself up for not moving to a city that would have seemed like an impressive place to live to somebody else. I used to feel inferior when I heard people from bigger cities talk about the midwest with disdain, but the older I get, the more I realize I made the right choice for me, and at the end of the day, I want to be defined by my what I do and who I love, not where I live.
I'm glad you lightly touched on the anxieties of being a minority because I'm a mixed race queer woman born and bred in London. I grew up on benefits and have always lived with my parents(who rent). I went to uni in Loughborough and have visited areas outside of London several times but the fact that my Black, Asian and Queer community wasn't as prominent outside is my key factor in staying here. Even though it's incredibly expensive, I still value those connections more than anything, especially as someone who can't drive and has family that also can't drive and wouldn't be able to afford a car. If all goes well, I'm hoping to buy a flat here soon even though I work fairly remotely 90% of the time. All that being said, I totally understand your viewpoints - especially with the access to green space part during the PannyD and I'm glad that you've found your home outside ☺️
This was one of the biggest culture shocks to me having been born and raised in London. I lived in a few different towns before winding up in Bradford because of my partner - experienced racism within a few weeks of being there, for the first time in my life. I have learnt to hide my queerness but I can't hide my skin tone.
I really really miss being in London and feeling like I belong and am valid. I've been in an out of therapy ever since moving away because there's a huge part of my identity that I lost when I moved away, but realistically I can probably never move back. 10 years this year!
This resonates so deeply! Although I have many privileges as a white person, I'm also queer, trans, and Jewish, and I feel so much safer and have much greater community living in a big city.
I remember being completely shocked when my parents upped and moved me out of a part of London where as a white person I was very much the minority of my area and school, to the West Country. While I obviously don't have your experience, I can completely understand your pov. Funnily enough, my friend (from Wiltshire) told me excitedly that I'd love Loughborough uni - so diverse! When I visited I was just a tad disappointed.
London is very multicultural and very tolerant to different races other Uk cities are very racist and segregated with no integration at all people are backwards and bigoted.
It’s part of the reason I love living in Manchester because of how cosmopolitan and international it is, but being a lot more liveable and manageable than London. I’m from the London area but lots of us have moved up this way
It’s such a good thought- all our stories and narratives centre a main character, having exceptional stuff happening to them. And all our historical figures too. It can be a shock and an identity crisis to realise that’s not going to be your lived experience and does that make you a failure? Less special? Is your purpose not to change the world in some way? Great thought provoking video as always Leena!
As a foreign student currently studying in London, making it here is seen as the ultimate achievement. Simultaneously though, surviving in London seems like this Herculean task that feels like it will take everything from you. I can totally see how it would be better for you to just move out.
Making it in London for what 😂 It’s not the American dream dude. There are very few other benefits living in London, when you are rich. It’s just better restaurants and clubs.
At least New York has skyscrapers to look down at the peasants
So so relatable. At 19 I moved to NYC and after 7 years only maybe 3 of which I look back at as enjoyable I realized I desperately needed to be near trees and out of the most anxiety producing place imaginable. I was ready to let go of my "New Yorker" badge and be happier, live a far more earth-conscious life where this was simply easier, have space to garden and exist at a more sustainable pace. The one thing I miss most is being in a place where people from everywhere overlap. Cultural homogeny is the worst thing about the smaller city I live in now. I really appreciate you pointing out that for many, living in 'the city' means (more) safety to be non-white and queer. As a white cis person living in a smaller historically redlined city it feels important to acknowledge and find actionable ways to change this. Thanks for all your lovely videos, honesty and humor!
Having come from a big city (Birmingham), I've never felt a pull towards other big cities. London always seemed too big for me and I visited family there enough in my childhood that I had no illusions about what it was like. Long before I had the option of where to live, I knew I wanted to live somewhere small and old (eg. Oxford was my plan for a while), and thankfully my dreams came true, though not in Oxford. Funnily enough, Edinburgh is also a capital city, but far smaller than London, and fulfils my desire for small and old, while also having lots of exciting and fascinating things going on.
Edinburgh is an absolute gem
I feel similarly. I used to live in a small town in Buckinghamshire but then moved to York (because I love old architecture and small city vibes) and it was the best place I've ever been. I now live in Oxford (for uni) but after nearly 3 years I'm feeling bored here. I really miss York but since it's up north it feels slightly secluded from my friends and family who live in the south east. It's difficult to find a place that encompasses all your needs and wants...
Birmingham is not a nice city its very rough full of poverty and crime and lots of racial divisions and segregation and Birmingham is pretty much boring and a depressing city its slow and has a rural feel cannot ever compare to London which is vibrant and colourful city .
It's funny how Londoners talk about how they grew up there and we all think they're so lucky. Only for them to relocate because they're bored of London, the quality of life is crap and it's too expensive.
I'm from Edinburgh and have the exact same feelings about Edinburgh, and have done the exact same in leaving. I'm tired of it and it has no magic or serious differentiating features anymore. I absolutely 100% cannot afford to properly settle there even if I wanted to, and when I do visit I just get bored very quickly and don't want to be there.
And I don't even have a family home there anymore because my parents separated and sold it.
Funny how students and tourists who were there for 10 minutes love to lecture me on how dismally wrong I am about my own hometown that I lived in for 22 years. Cheers, much appreciated.
I prefer my current location which is a medium-large town within striking distance of London. Weather's better, it's easier to get around and is well connected, great job opportunities with easy access to London. Housing costs actually slightly less.
@@jonesroberts3640 Birmingham has a rural feel? 😆 Now I've heard everything.
This is a brilliant video and it actually made me really emotional in a way I wasn't expecting it to. Thank you so much for your incredible research, honesty, and story-telling. (Also I'm AGAIN super tempted to go and buy the brown cord jacket from L&Y because you make it look so good!)
Quinn! I didn't mean to make you EMOSH! Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, it means a lot. I am biased, but I DO feel like that Jacket goes with everything ;)
I also ended the video feeling super and unexpectedly emotional!
I can relate to some of this: though I was born and raised in my ‘big city’ (Amsterdam), staying here has become increasingly difficult. I too see the schism in my friend group: those who can buy property here and those who can’t. I’m still in a position of renting an affordable apartment that is somewhat protected by regulation, but that could all change. I am angry about the way our politicians have devalued homes to property and investments. I totally get why people leave, I just don’t have a different hometown to go to!
come to Groningen, we have eierballen here
I always find your explorations of complex topics, like class, so incisive, Leena. Once again, a throughly informative and entertaining watch! Thank you ❤️
I love your essays. So thoughtful, well researched, strong point of view, funny, relevant, well written... Thank you for creating and posting them. There is so little content of this quality on the net and I'm glad you're here.
Xxx
I thought this was a beautiful video essay! You hit on a lot topics that I either related to or just understood. Thank you for sharing this journey into and out of the city. I also appreciate you acknowledging things like when people say "I can't afford to live ____" they mean "at the standard of living I find acceptable" when we know many do live at very terrible standards with no other choice. My only addition is that for the people originally from these ultra-expensive places, my heart breaks when they cannot afford to stay in their own hometown, that their experience of the city may be very different than someone who loves it but didn't grow up there. obviously this video was about your experience so you can't touch on everything, and again I appreciate when you stepped out of your own viewpoint too.
Such a great chat. I’ve lived by the sea in Bournemouth my whole life, but when I started my career, I was told I wouldn’t ‘make it’ without being in London. Luckily we have a direct train to Waterloo and I was happy coming up once a week, but now it’s even better that I can come and go as more things are virtual. I love London, but I also love the seaside and my bigger home. Thanks for the conversation!
I am thinking of moving to Bournemouth. I have read that homelessness and addiction is a massive problem. Which part of Bournemouth is the safest/nicest?
I come from a small European country, housing around 2.5 million people. When I was in school, all I wanted was to escape somewhere where it didn’t feel like you had to fit specific boxes to feel like a worthy person. After I graduated high school, I came to London to study - that was 2014, and now I’ve been living here for 8 years. This video rings a lot of bells for me - there’s things I adore about London - it’s a city that is always alive, there’s always something going on, you can find people from all corners of the world, with all types of lives and styles, and usually people don’t care about the way you choose to express yourself. But it’s also someplace where it feels like you need to be doing something all the time, hustling all the time - I have this weird guilt if I don’t do something for two evenings in a row, and there’s the low thrumming stress and need to achieve always around the corner. My roommates, who are a couple, are now moving away to Bristol - while a few years back I couldn’t have imagined why anyone would leave London after making it here, now I really see it. I don’t expect to stay here forever. Like you, I crave a bit more steadiness, a bit more calm, and smaller goddamn rent prices (holy shit, seriously…) Thank you for the really insightful video, it was great to listen to someone from a slightly similar perspective.
I love the message here. It's ultimately your life to live, and being the side character who doesn't go through much drama but lives a peaceful and fulfilling existence sounds great to me. Team side-character for the win!
This resonates so much! Thanks for vocalising this better than I've been trying to 👏👏
“But they’re also kind of missing out on you, like they’re loss.” I totally get fomo sometimes and this is such a lovely sentiment. Go where your life IS not where you think it should be. :)
“…and aren’t we all kind of missing out on all the places we’re not? All the chances, all the moments; because we’ve traded it for all the places that we’ve actually chosen to be”
That really got me in the heart
I do wonder whether a good part of the issue with Big City Dreams is that the reality of them is permanently rushed. I spent 5 years in Edinburgh and while yes, it is at least technically a city, the people there seem to actually focus on the life parts of life. When I head into London for my job, all I see are employees worrying about their employee lives. Which is perfectly fine if that is what you want to do, but in reality I aspire to be more like those old ladies walking their dogs on a cold August morning on Portobello beach - living a life about the little things with the people you love.
I also have some thoughts along the lines of Big City, something, something, big time consumerism, but maybe that's for a different time. :D
I would say London has been heavily influenced by New York, started with American banks and its also American food and consumerism…money is all values. People no longer care about each other and don’t have many local communities left
This is so relatable! London has always been my dream and then I went to uni there in 2018. Even tho I´ve never been there before, I´ve never felt more home than there. Living there is incredibly financially challenging and I had to move back home because of pandemic, which saved me in many ways since I had a lot of mental issues at the time as well.
I lived there for 1,5 years and I still feel more homesick than I´ve ever felt about town/country where I grew up and lived for over 20 years.
This is such an interesting video (as always!). I'm from a small town in Canada, and I've been living in London for a year now. I like it, but I'm beginning to think it isn't for me. The cons - the really poor quality of housing compared to back home, the very low salaries and high cost of living, the crowds, the grimy streets - don't necessarily outweigh the pros (no matter how obsessed I've become with seeing cheap West End shows and exploring London's endless bookstores). I don't associate leaving London with failure or a lack of ambition - I just think it's a shame that such a cool city has such a low standard of living. If I end up moving back to Canada (or to the US, or Europe, or elsewhere) I won't be sacrificing my career - in fact, I'll probably just end up with a much better salary.
What a beautiful message 🥹 Middle of the road house, career and a quiet life is the life for me and I love how you articulated that being content with where you are is such a gift. I’ve never left my hometown and never regretted it, and your perspective on this was really interesting!
This felt like watching me explain my life to myself. My experience maps almost perfectly onto yours - I was born in the Midlands and moved to London in 2012. I worked in publishing. My job went remote and I started freelancing and then the pandemic hit, and I moved back to the Midlands. Now I live with my boyfriend on a houseboat. It's a quieter life for sure and I miss London from time to time - it will always have a place in my heart. But I turn 30 this year and I've never felt happier or more peaceful than I do on my little boat in my new city ✌🏼
Having moved from London to Nottingham a year ago my only regret is not doing it sooner! London was soooo aspirational growing up in Watford, and I'm happy I was there for a time. But when you're in London you really think life stops outside it, I've found the reverse to be true, especially since I can afford to enjoy myself now. Seeing what my life could be like outside of the M25 was like coming out of Plato's Cave lmao
Big up Notts!
I’m from Nottingham, now living just outside of London and full of existential questions! Hope you enjoy living there. The bars are great, if you’re into that sort of thing 🥂😂
@@undefinedreb971 Oh deffo! The bars and pubs are great, I think growing up in a uk chain copy paste high street has made me really appreciate the amount of independents here :) I hope you get those questions answered, and London is great in many ways it’s so worth giving it a go! As long as you’re honest with yourself about whether you’re actually enjoying it, you’ll be fine!!
@@kaywilson3233 Enjoy them! And thank you! Think the way forward will be to not overthink it and see where I end up... We'll see how that goes!
Also can we all agree how great the public transport is in Nottingham. Thank god it's not owned by Stagecoach.
Leena, this was one of my favourite ever videos of yours - which is saying a lot because I'm here for the books, baybee! I've also lived, loved and left London and now live in its antithesis - an off-grid island in New Zealand. But luckily I can always go back as my sister bought a flat in Fulham last year, which was only possible for her (A Paediatric consultant!) with a high-earning partner, and a gift from his parents. What a state housing is in there. I sometimes mourn the life I could have lived if I had stayed but ultimately know, I don't want to live in a sandcastle that could collapse under the trampling feet of landords.
the london or nothing mentality is so true! I went to uni in Bristol with a LOT of people from london/the home counties and I experienced people from London having completely different lifestyles to me and in a lot of cases disdain for what my life was like - I had people laugh at me because I said I saw cows everyday, people not believe the reality of public transport outside of London and people complaining that their life in london was waaay more boring than mine. Honestly I think people who have lived in London for a long time need to check their privilege and realise that the UK isnt just London
I lived in London for two years from 2014-2016, and I've moved to steadily smaller places ever since. I always felt I should "make something of myself" by living in a big city, but I just felt alienated the whole time I was there, and the rental market was a massive headache. I was lucky I could live with my aunt for most of my time there, but it didn't really feel like independence. The only thing I enjoyed about living in London was the museums - if I could pick up the British Library and plop it down somewhere near Lancaster, I would! When the plague hit, I spent the last few months of my degree in my parent's house in Cumbria, and now I live and work in two museums in the Central Lakes - the public transport is rubbish and everything closes at 5pm (except the pubs), but I've honestly never been happier! Can't believe my luck really
Ahhhh I am going through all these motions.. Turn 30 this year, moved to London when I was 24. I work in the charity sector and I'm struggling to figure out how I would have a better quality of life outside of London given the dramatically lower salaries... Also I think leaving as a single person is a different challenge. Anyway, I am on the look out for a new city to call home. We'll see!
My graduate thesis was actually on living in segregated spaces in the city (by that I mean slums, encampments, occupations, etc) and how they do/don't belong to the city itself. It's a fascinating subject and when you understand how much citizenship and the exercise of it, and participating in the city, is tied to dwelling, and how people can get excluded from basic things in life by not having an official address, it makes you so incredibly angry at these processes. I live in a whole other country, with a different history and a different culture regarding social housing and the government's job on supporting people, but there is SO much in common with what you've pointed out. I could talk about this for days!
During my undergraduate degree I had this sense of London as the aim. It felt like success. Then I lived in London for three months and I struggled with feeling like a failure because I didn't enjoy it. I'm still working through some of that I think I just might be a small city kinda gal.
Why didn’t you enjoy it?
If you didn't like it here that means you are normal.
I feel this. Coming from a town where nothing happens, you see your only options as marrying and having a family, or moving to London and climbing up the corporate ladder. All of my friends from primary and secondary school minus one have moved to London. I feel the pressure to move on and off. I adore London, especially because I can find lots of places to get in touch with my Jamaican roots, but in other ways I don't think the housing situation is worth the hassle. There is a feeling amongst the people I know that if you don't make it to London, you're essentially a failure.
I've been to plenty of cities like Bristol, Liverpool, Nottingham and absolutely loved them, but being from such a non-descript place makes that pressure to move away even more real.
Manchester and Birmingham have quite big Jamaican communities. Not like Notting Hill carnival vibes but there are others.
London is aight, nothing special
I really enjoyed this video, as someone who lives in the North East of England. I think one of the joys of living somewhere smaller is how exciting and how invested I get when new opportunities do open up. A new independent bookshop opened recently. with a book club and author events, and I sort of love having my one special bookshop. I love finding these little treasures that might be around every corner in a bigger city. It feels like a prize when I find them and it makes me try things I might not normally. I end up going to events just because I'm happy they exist, and it means I have such an eclectic experience. I'm not sure if I explained this right, but I just came home from the bookshop and watched this video and am feeling grateful 📚✨
Leeeeeena!!! This is so good. So very thoughtful. As someone pursuing a career in performance, I've always thought that I have to eventually "make it" to a big city to reach my big, lofty dreams. But as I've settled back into my hometown, I've been given so many opportunities that have made me feel so fulfilled. It's made me wonder if I HAVE to move somewhere bigger or if I could find a beautiful, fulfilling life right here. Thank you for this refreshing video that hit every note that I've been thinking about.
It’s crazy how much of this resonates with me. I’m a little older than you (almost 36) and I moved to where I am now, Philadelphia, in 2007. I’m at the point now where finding an affordable apartment that isn’t the size of a shoe box and that’s also in a safe neighborhood is getting harder and harder. I recently looked into my options for buying a house, and I’m not eligible for a high enough mortgage in order to even buy anything (unless it’s in a remote and very high crime neighborhood). For many years I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck here. And no, Philadelphia isn’t the largest city in the US but it’s still considered a large city. We’re also about a 1.5 hour drive from NYC. And many people are moving here from NYC because they’ve gotten priced out of NYC, and that in turn has added to rent and home price increases here. I don’t own a car and I love that I don’t need one here. I love that everything is within walking distance. I love our culture and quirks. And I also can’t really afford to move anywhere else. You can absolutely be poor while living in a large city.
I'm not from the UK but I studied there and after graduation almost all of my friends moved to London for work, while I moved back home (abroad). I love London (as someone who has only visited) and I would love to live there and give it a go, but the stories I hear about the housing and rental market are so deterring! Not that it's easy where I am now, but the scale of it in London just makes me not even want to try 💔
This was an uplifting video that I needed to see today! I've been really depressed about being priced out of the area I'm currently in and I really needed to hear a lot of these things from someone else. Made me feel a lot better about the hard decisions I've been making.
Xxx
Ahhh I love this video, thank you for sharing your experiences!! I need to send you a voice memo with all my thoughts bc I can’t type them out lmao
GIMME THEM VOICENOTES, I’d love to hear thoughts x
I think you covered the senitments wonderfully. I used to live on London's doorstep and thus it was a very forgone conclusion that I would go to uni and get a job in London. I wanted to be an editor too, and I knew I could (basically) only do that in London. It took until the pandmeic and not being able to find a placement, as well as my family moving away from London to realise there was nothing in London that was actually appealing to me. Even having a job there seemed very stressful- there's a certain kind of person that thrives in competitive jobs and I'm not that. It meant letting go what I thought of as a dream career, but I've realised watching friends and other graduates go through their working life that dream careers are a scam. I'm quite happy where I am. Got a good office job. My location is cheap, close to cities, and I don't need a car. I'm glad of my choice, though its not a job people would consider "making it big". I dread to think what might have happened if the pandemic didn't happen and I ended up trying to scrape by to "make it big" just for the feeling of success the job would have brought.
I lived in London for a few years in my mid-late twenties, the day a complete stranger unlocked the door with a key and walked into the room I was renting in a shared house while I was in it was the day I realised that I needed to leave.
I moved to Gloucestershire and bought a house near Cheltenham (shared ownership because I had drained my savings on London rent and deposits I never got back), I grieved London for a about 6 months but I fell in love with the Cotswolds and will never go back, people say it’s expensive here but my mortgage and rent combined for that house was more than the 1 bedroom in London was costing me 👍
This video was greatly timed for me. I just had to leave a big city in Australia to move back to the country with family after getting ill and no longer being able to pay rent. I'm so lucky that I have somewhere else to call home. I was lucky to experience life in the city for a year. I was lucky to make all the friends I made in that year. The reality is that that life really isn't that far away. I'm a 90 minute drive away now and thats okay. I was even looking forward to moving back to a more regional area because it meant I could live slowly and actually focus on myself and not have to say yes to every social outing like you said in your video. Your video has made me feel so much better about the move!
This was really emotional to listen to!
In case you weren't sure - you are incredibly talented, you are my favourite CZcamsr and I've been watching you for years. It is so interesting that lots of us go through the same thought process. I've been living in beautiful areas in and around London for the past 4 years and I know in order to live the 'normal' life (house, children, dogs) that I want I'm going to have to leave so it's reassuring to see you go through that narrative too.
Sending love to all those of us who aren't bankers/management consultants/landlords and therefore can't live in London
I love this video! I was born and raised (and still live) in Toronto, so the biggest city in Canada. I moved away to the UK for a year, and then did university in a much smaller Canadian city. It's definitely unlikely that I will ever leave Toronto, but it is so unaffordable here without a well-paying job, AND a partner. I think one thing the UK has over Canada is the rail system and of course smaller size overall, so even if you move out of London it's still relatively accessible. We don't have the same connectivity here. Transportation can be a real pain.
I grew up with a Dad in the US military, so I’ve had a wide variety of living situations, from an inner city (in Southern California), to living on base with hundreds of other military families, to the suburbs, to a term spent at Cambridge University, and to my favorite of them all- a farm in rural Somerset, England. Whilst it was incredibly jarring to move from essentially a sunny city in California to a rainy rural farm in England (my Dad did a personnel exchange and became part of the Royal Navy for several years, which is what prompted that rather odd move), it was also absolutely wonderful. I felt almost immediately at home, living on a farm with several hundred cows and sheep, several dogs and cats, and the farmer’s six children. The slower pace of life took awhile to get used to, but I came to absolutely treasure it and, to this day, I can trace my love of being around trees and green fields to living on that farm. For the first year or so of my family’s time in England, our paperwork to be able to use the NHS was slow to go through, so we had to drive three hours west to go to an American military base in London for our healthcare (I was 12 and my sister was 8 when we moved there, so as kids, we still needed the doctor a lot). I consequently dreaded driving to London, because it meant the unpleasantness of the doctor or dentist and because it was so loud and crowded and noisy in comparison to my beloved farm. I have an aunt and uncle who live in NYC and one of my closest American friends from uni lived in London for years with her husband. They all love the big cities, but they’re not for me. I now teach primary school in the suburbs of an American city- I have no desire to move to the city itself and am frequently finding myself near the lakes and nature parks. Combine the easy access to the beach in California and the beauty of the trees and pastures on the farm and I’ve become rather a nature lover and not someone who particularly enjoys the cities as a place to live (but I do love visiting them). I know my access to public transport in Somerset was nowhere near as good as it would have been in London, but it was still amazing compared to what’s on offer here (and the metro region I live in is one of the better ones for public transport in the US), so I even miss that.
Thanks so much for this lovely video, Leena! I love how you're able to put so much life wisdom into a video about housing.
Your note about industries being focused in one city is something I’m thinking about a lot right now. I have ideas about careers I want to explore, but it feels like my options are so limited as to where I can be to try!
In 2021 I moved to Brighton after 10 years in London. I was living on Broadway Market - the dream street full of cute cafes and 3 bookshops sandwiched between the canal and a park - but someone was shot outside my door, we were told to keep inside one night because 'people were running around with machetes', I witnessed several muggings and barely escaped one myself. I knew I wanted more space and more nature which was mostly why I left, but I feel like my shoulders untensed within weeks. It's so hard to see how rat-racey and stressful and anonymous London is when you're in it. Great for a couple of fun young years but dear god I hope my not-urban-at-heart friends shake themselves out of it soon and start building a life elsewhere that's more attuned to their values than all the expectations we put on London. So nice to hear your experience of moving to Coventry Leena. Keep up the top quality vids.
Shouldn’t have voted for Sadiq Khan, somehow made the city worse with ULEZ, knife and gun crime, gangs, sky high property prices
I currently live in NYC but so much of what you've talked about is my constant internal debate. I work in publishing and the emphasis on everything being so NYC-centric is crushing -- I never had a strong desire to move here, but have grown to love it in many of the same ways you describe London. But the rents and prices of things are absolutely insane, I don't like this intense hustle culture, and I haven't felt truly stable once since moving here. Lots to think about, but glad you chose what was right for you
There were so many points through this video where I felt compelled to like it, only to go and find I had already liked it. You are an incredible story teller!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🔥🔥🔥👑
Thank you thank you thank you so much for making this video!! I’m moving to Sheffield from London at the end of the month and keep going through this thought cycle constantly. The part where you said “aren’t we missing out on all the places we’re not” hit me so hard.
As a former Londoner, you so perfectly explained my own thoughts and feelings about living in London and also leaving. It's been many years since I left now, and while I love the city with my whole heart I learnt that there are many great places to live outside of London. I was so caught up in the whole London-or-nothing mindset.
I have always, since I left London, debated if I am a big city girl or if I would prefer the countryside. I am now in Montreal and this city gives me the same stuff I loved with London, but on a less insane budget (although the city is way more expensive now after the pandemic). Being here I realize I am a city girl, but I wouldn't mind living in a smaller place as long as the access to a bigger vibrant city isn't too bad. I could see myself living in some English small towns even as long as I had access to London, Bristol or similar.
i just moved from Montreal to London! I had to leave because of my lack of french but Montreal will always be one of my fav cities, it’s the best mix of big city and slow life style. No one drinks wine in a park like montrealers do
@@olivialuvzpurplecows I have heard! 😍🍷I moved just recently so I haven’t yet experienced any park hang outs- but I am very excited to do it once the weather allows! London & Montreal are definitely two of my favorite cities and you are very right about the pace being slower here which I truly appreciate.
@@missmatti If you are alrady loving the city then you will fall head over heels once the summer comes around. Enjoy!!
Love this video! It truly resonates with me. I left London in 2019 due to lack of funds and feeling the urge to try living alone for the first time. But I was terrified I would lose my friends and wouldn't be considered for jobs/castings and people would think lesser of me as a professional for not living there and so many silly things. For a while, if someone asked where I lived I would respond "just south of London" with no further detail unless they asked for specifics, and even then I would make sure to relate it to how close I still am to the city. But since then (and after surviving the pandemic living alone) I've been able to build savings, I adopted the best cat in the world, I fell in love (with someone who could never live in London haha), I've built a community of friends in the area, and even though it's meant losing or sacrificing certain things, I think it's been for the better. I still love London but it's not for everyone!
ahhh I’ve literally been nodding along the whole way to this! Another excellent video, Leena. I’m contemplating leaving London in the next 1-2 years and so this video came at the perfect time! ❤
this is so interesting! so many of my friends have migrated to London post-graduating (I’m 25 so the panorama hit just as I was trying to start my career), and I live in a commuter belt town with my boyfriend. living in London has never appealed (even though I love it!), I grew up in Surrey so was incredibly privileged in that most of my weekend excursions were bumming around London and I got to know the city fairly well. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me! but I know, deep down, that my brain needs my home to be a respite from hustle and bustle, not a part of it. ✨
As an outsider, I absolutely love London. I love watching it on the TV and thinking “I would absolutely love to live there” but ultimately, it’s not where I see myself. Like you were saying, London’s a complete anomaly compared to the rest of the UK and my mindset is definitely shifting to where now I want to see the vibrancy and acceptance and multiculturalism of London to be the norm for the rest of the UK. Not to say all other British cities/towns lack this, just to clarify but if this reach was wider, concentration in London may not be so high!
Vibrancy lol oh yeah you get that, like right now for the last half an hour a little wkstn has been zooming in circles around the small estate I live in, on a ridiculously loud motorbike with no numberplate or lights on, so that I literally feel the vibrancy of the vibrations every 2 mins when he passes and shout obscenities and imagine doing horrible things to him, but of course I can't even go and ask him nicely to stop, nor will any of the other hundreds of people whose evening he is blighting. It's vibrant alright but I can do without that.
When you spoke about not being able to live alone due to costs; man, I felt that. I'm in Australia and lived in Melbourne for 11 years. It's one of the coolest cities on Earth and I moved there when I was 20. I was out every night having fun with friends and lived pay cheque to pay cheque. Eventually I moved back to Perth and could finally afford to live on my own. It was so liberating. And I am so lucky that I moved when I did, because Covid soon hit, and Melbourne went through the longest lockdown on Earth. I couldn't imagine working from home and being in lockdown with flatmates. That would've driven me insane.
I'm going through something similar but in a completely different country - after growing up in the relatively tiny capital city of Estonia I moved to Istanbul just over a year ago and I absolutely love it here. It's a huge city with so much to do, so many opportunities to meet new people, historically and culturally diverse, etc. But inflation has been really really bad here, especially in the period since I moved here, and now me and my boyfriend are thinking of moving to Ankara (the actual capital of Turkey but considerably smaller than Istanbul) in hopes of finding a better quality of life as living costs there are generally cheaper but it also still has good universities, student life, diversity etc. I really don't want to leave but it's also getting exhausting stressing about rent and groceries and everything.
I really enjoyed this video. I left with my family in 2021 too after 11 years in the capital. We are still financially recovering from it and the fact you’ve managed to buy has given me a bit of hope that one day it’ll happen for us too. I still miss london but I’m happy with this slower pace of life. I didn’t realise how anxious I was!
I come from an incredibly working class, incredibly poor Northern town and after uni hauled ass to London several times on unpaid work experience opportunities to try and get an in with the field I wanted to work in. I rapidly realised that the culture within that industry wasn't for me, but I also realised - including looking at friends who have now gone into that field successfully-that the amount of sleeping in precarious settings in London (rent, housemates, other people's sofas) that was needed and that they embraced to get to where they are was not something I could cope with or felt safe about.
Other circumstances at home also intervened at the time (needing to support other family members and earn a wage I could actually share) as well but it was a bitter pill at the time even though I knew it was the right one. I love visiting London (when I can afford the train and somewhere to stay) but I am mostly glad I stayed in my home town and - because it is quite poor-saved up and got a mortgage to move my family somewhere closer. Sometimes I do wonder what I would be like if I'd not had those terrible (did I mention totally fucking unpaid) work experience "opportunities" - without them I might have taken longer to realise that it was never for me.
I live in the SF Bay Area. I've seen the cost of housing more than triple in less than 8 years in SF, Oakland and Berkeley so I can definitely relate to the feeling that this area no longer wants someone like me. I want to eventually move to a more affordable area, but I have no partner or even a close friend that would move with me, so I'd have to go it alone, which, to be honest is a daunting idea. I should also mention that I am an artist and occasional art curator , so one of the main reasons I've hung on is that I have built up a network of creative people over the years, The comradery is here, but the income from the creative work is sporadic at best. Some of my friends feel equally anxious about money, but also don't know where else to go. Others are married and able to get by on the dual income or have supplemental help from their parents. Many others have left the area altogether, because they can't afford the rent. Ironically, this is supposed to be a great place culturally, but many of the actual living artists have been priced out.
I too had dreams of London, I lived there briefly as a toddler and when my parents moved away it became the place where the people who loved me lived, that I never went to and had lost. Wound up living there for just under two years a decade ago, after the family members were already gone sadly. I was so in love but it chewed me up and spat me out, it can be a very cold city - if you have a problem, you are much more likely to get left behind than to be helped. Was assaulted in a crowded tube carriage for example, everybody saw but nobody said or did anything. Thankfully I was able to leave and now live in a small rural town - miss some things but overall so much more content, peaceful, healthy... and less poor!!
It's so surprising how much I can relate to you, Leena. Although for me it's more of a staying in the UK vs going back to my home country. A lot of people from here deem it a success story if you can build a new life abroad but that's an outside-looking-in thing. They don't know how the struggles of not just renting, but finding a place that will accept international tenants, or how limited our job opportunity is since we have to start over (for me nearing my 30s, that was especially dreadful) and get paid new grad salary while having to live in London because there are even less jobs in smaller, more affordable cities. When I moved back home, people questioned me about my choices but like you say, instead of imagining how great my live in the UK could be, I decided to be realistic and addressed my current situation, then chose my peace of mind.
As someone born and raised in a big city (Paris), who never experienced the Move in a Big City, I love your thoughts on it.
Yes that's something I didn't touch on! Being born in a capital and leaving/staying. Would love to see someone with that experience make a similar video.
@@leenanorms As someone who was also born and raise in (or close enough) the big city (also paris) I feel like it might be harder in some way to leave. It's not about "making it" but about not knowing anything else. If your whole family, friends, job and support system is there it's harder to imagine where else you could live. You might have romanticize another capital city (for me it was London) but you probably didn't romanticize the rest of the country so unless you (or your partner if you have one) has family ties elsewhere, leaving might feel like a bigger step than for those who already know what leaving outside the big city feel like. You might need an opportunity: a job offer, a chance to study in another city or a want to live off the grid in preparation for societal collapse😅
I have so many thoughts and feelings on this, being born and raised in Berlin but having moved to the smaller neighbouring city Potsdam. I love the fact that the nice city center is small enough to be completely walkeable, i love the freedom of being able to go everywhere by bike if i wanted to (altho most the time I choose public transportation+walking). I love how all the student bars and clubs and places know each other, how if you know someone involved in one of them you know about all events and get greeted like a friend everywhere. Finding an apartment as a single student is possible, even if still difficult - as opposed to Berlin. I love how i have made a home in this comfortable, cute town in the last 5 years (altho everyone from an actually small town or rural area will get mad if I call Potsdam small lol).
Yet i miss Berlin and feel so much sadness for potentially never living there. Yes, parties and hip restaurants/bars and every obscure store/activety/location is there, but I more so am saddened over the commute to see family being too long to hop over spontaneously for an afternoon or even a day without also having a place to sleep there. I miss the area i grew up in, that still had a very village-y character, which seems to change bit by bit now every time i come by. I miss feeling connected to my family history, being in the locations that my parents and grandparents told me stories from their lives about. The house and street of mums first apartment that she lived in when she met my dad, the house my dad always points out as his first job and the one across the street where he and his friends had lunch breaks. The street my godmum and my mum walked home all the time after missing the last train, in the cold, for 45 minutes, and how upset they were about being sober again by the end of the walk. The lake where my great grandparents met while paddling and spent their summers for decades, where my grandma got a boating license and my mum learned to swim.
They all were simply the area my family lived for generations. And I'm deeply saddened from knowing these places are getting lost bit by bit. And I will probably never be able to live there and feel close to them.
Thanks for making me feel okay about my situation in life! Sometimes it’s just about choosing what parts of life you want to focus on. Like when you are in your 20’s being somewhere with a lot going on is great! But as you get older you realize that other things like stability, and enjoying real time with your close loved ones is also really great! I feel like it’s more about priorities and choosing which ones you really want to invest in. Thanks so much for your videos!!
You are so articulate and fun to watch. You’re everything I would love to be in videos :-) this video is seriously valuable and interesting
Really thoughtful video Leena! I am an assimilated/transplant New Yorker, and I moved here at 18 to go to university. I think the situation in new york is a little different geographically--our jobs are a little bit less centralized geographically--but it's not a totally different situation. By this point I've lived here longer than I've lived anywhere else and am trying very hard not to go anywhere. My method is to band together with friends to try to buy a building and live in it, but that's truly no easy feat. I can't say I would choose something else at 18 if I could go back and do it over (I love too many people here), but I can imagine a different version of my life where I was happy somewhere else. A lot of people have left New York in the past couple of years. I get why.
Also, I can't drive, which is a no-go in most of the rest of the US.
Really enjoyed listening to this. It’s something that’s not raised enough. I live in the North East. Cheap houses, some lovely beaches and countryside. I have no mortgage. For me it feels like a win win. I do happen to love London but it is annoying how much investment goes on there in comparison to the Midlands/North. Definitely there is no ‘levelling up’!
About 6 months ago, I moved to a major city in the US that has a reputation for being boring. Despite getting a good job offer I almost didn't take it because of the reaction I got from friends and family when I told them where I would be moving. I took the job and it's been amazing so far! It's not boring at all. But sometimes I'll talk to someone I haven't seen in a while and they'll react in a way that makes me feel like a failure. I'm really enjoying my life right now, but that response always throws me off for a minute.
I so want to know, which major US city has a reputation as boring? It's probably in the midwest...
This video was like a hug. (with added statistics which I dont usually include in hugs). I absolutely relate, having lived in london for 5 years before leaving. Most of my friends are still there but renting vs owning really is such a massive difference in how you feel at home, just like you described. I may see my friends less nowadays but it means more when I do , and man - I am saving SO much money on not going to expensive coffee shops just to get out of the tiny flat with five flatmates every day.
I feel like I need to watch this video like 5 more times! I'm from Aus and have always loved Uk pop culture, was raised on British tv shows comedy and music, and loved it, and as a result, have always wanted to live in the UK. I only started looking into it seriously over the pandemic and I was totally shocked at how different the reality was (both economically and socially) from the romanticized version of it that I had in my head. I really wish more people talked about the cold hard facts of it - like even the difference in salaries between aus and UK is staggeringly different. It's not necessarily a reason not to and I think i'll always want to be there but it is very discouraging when you look realistically at things like the cost of living. Super interesting video as always and love hearing your opinions on it all 💕
I’m from Newcastle and moved to London in my twenties, it was the only place I wanted to be and really thought I’d ‘made it’ and never saw myself living anywhere else. Fast forward 20 years and realising I was 40 and paying a grand a month for a run down bedsit in a grotty part of north London and this was never likely to change was a turning point for me. Although I didn’t move far (Berkshire) and still can’t afford to buy, I’m very happy that I pay the same amount of rent for a 3 bedroom house with a garden. I left London in 2019 and so glad I did before the pandemic hit. My life is now much more peaceful and relaxed, I work remotely from home and actually dread the rare occasion I do have to go into London for work. TBH I’d happily never go back there again. Totally a case of ‘been there, done it, bought the T-shirt’ but now I’m so over it!
This resonates with me so much. I moved to a town just outside of London from the midlands for uni. 10 years later, I’m still here, studying for my free PhD and living in a (fairly) nice shared house…but there is a twinging feeling that, as I approach 30, I’ve missed my chance to live in London. I’ve missed my chance to have the “London-life.” People move out of London at my age, not into it. I could go now, but then I’d have to put off buying a house and a car and all those other life milestones for even longer…
I'm in the exact same position. Finishing my PhD in a year at 32. Would love to experience 'London-life' but am I too old? Also my sensible side says move to a place that might be more boring but provide more financial stability. Ah decisions
@@mptuga4018 Good luck with making them! I am glad to know that I am not alone!
Phewwww this was a great video! I live in the US in a town sized area. I’ve never lived in a city and I’m planning to study at an average university in my state that isn’t in a big city either. I have also felt this pull that I should move away and live this glorious life in a big city going to school and studying in a prestigious field and If I don’t I’m a failure. But the section at the end of this video really made me consider that I’m actually ok with being in the middle of the road. I don’t need to live according to society’s high standards. I’m not going to be some amazing historical figure that changes the world and that’s ok. I am going to find joy in my life and thrive living a simple life in the middle. Thanks Leena this made me feel infinitely better about my current crossroads!!! 🧡
This was an amazing video in so many ways, but the ending hit me hard. It's such a lovely way to wrap up this video topic, and it made me realize that I'm perfectly happy not living in a big city and I much rather be in a more rural community. When I was in college, especially before meeting my husband, I desperately wanted the big city life and work in a creative branding agency. However, I soon realized that my dream wouldn't be possible financially. Currently, my husband and I are living in a small city in the midwest, and I work for a marketing agency. It's been almost six years now, and I couldn't be happier with the path I chose.
I grew up in the largest city in Latin America and always felt like I was missing out on the small town on the countryside lifestyle. It took me many years to leave the big city, but I now live in a small village of just 100 people and I’ve never been as happy. I love the last line on Leena’s video! In a way we are always missing out on the choices we didn’t make. In the end the girl escaping the small town in favour of a big city is just a trope because I’ve always dreamed of doing the exact opposite :)
As someone who grew up in the suburbs of Greater London you won’t regret your decision. I moved to Yorkshire as far away as possible and wouldn’t miss anything if I never went back. It’s become a population controlled zone of high taxes, restrictions, surveillance, fines and debt that people submit to under the delusion they’ll only be successful if they stay. Reality is most are unhappy, frightened, anxious, broke and lead superficial lives desperately trying to convince themselves they’re making the right decision to stay. Well done for making the best decision of your life
Where are you from in London mate? London is a metaphor for what has gone wrong is this country!
Big government control, high taxes, high surveillance, lack of freedom, mass immigration taking over British cultural values and identity
@@jakehowie442 northwest London, Watford
This was a great video Leena! 😍 such an interesting insight x
Great video! Also loved your praise for ‘middle-of-the-road’….you’re totally right there. I’ve never thought about it that way. Thanks for that perspective! (And some new gained self-worth through that.) 😊
as an american, I definitely feel this way about new york. I feel like I really want to live there after I graduate, but I'm also worried it'll just be too much for me. idk it's nice to realize that if I do choose to live in nyc at some point, that doesn't have to be my end point. as someone who grew up in a really small town, I've always been drawn to big cities, but I'm kinda scared of them in a way too. I just have no idea if I would actually enjoy living in nyc or any other big city at all, so it's a scary decision
If the UK’s public transport system was better overall (affordable, accessible for all etc…) then we could all visit the beautiful cities up and down the country more frequently. Congratulations on being a new homeowner. ❤
mmmm very good video, I am in the current process of moving back to Sydney from my parents and i definitely contain multitudes of thoughts atm. I keep saying that in this season of my life (i'm 25 and am just now getting on the career ladder, am still partying and searching for community) I want and need to be in the city. but also it's nice in the country sometimes. i want to grow my own food and paint some walls, bake bread on the weekend and go for hikes. But also a bird flew into the window this morning and my dog ate it so it's still time for me to move back to the city i think
maybe i'll return to this video in 5 years and see how the vibe has changed
thanks leena, this video was healing for my little heart in more ways than one❤