The PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Instantly Be More Confident & WIN ANY ARGUMENT | Evy Poumpouras
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- čas přidán 4. 06. 2024
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Evy is a multimedia journalist who regularly appears on the Today Show, NBC, MSNBC, and GMA covering topics on national security, law enforcement, and crime. She holds a Master of Arts in Forensic Psychology and a Master of Science in Journalism from Columbia University. Evy’s actions as a first responder during the 9/11 terror attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City bestowed her the United States Secret Service Valor Award.
As a member of the most prestigious protection force in the world for over 12 years, Evy served on the Secret Service’s Presidential Protective Division for President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. When not safeguarding the world’s most high value assets, Evy worked complex criminal investigations, operated undercover, and was an interrogator for the agency’s elite polygraph unit specially trained in the art of lie detection, human behavior, and cognitive influence.
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If you’re ready to learn how to get more comfortable with confrontation, how to better read people’s true intentions, the difference between a disagreement and being competitive, and more, then I know you’ll gain a ton of value from my wide-ranging conversation with Evy. And now, let’s jump into Episode 1,270 of The School of Greatness!
“When people feel comfortable with you, they will challenge you more." @evypoumpouras
SOME QUESTIONS I ASK:
What are things people can do to own and regain their confidence?
What happens when people avoid conflict?
What should we be thinking about every time we meet someone new?
What are the key strategies to mastering your relationships?
What is the difference== between unconditional and conditional trust?
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU WILL LEARN:
The difference between a disagreement and being competitive.
How to feel more comfortable addressing a conflict.
How to master your relationships.
Why you should trust people conditionally.
Plus much more…
You don't want to miss this!!
You can follow me at:
Website: lewishowes.com/
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
Instagram: / lewishowes
Tiktok: / lewis
Linkedin: / lewishowes
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I love this woman, straight to the point, clarity, intention, drive, I find her inspirational
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''Assess people on behavior''. She's faked her hair, covered in make-up, probably had multiple plastic surgery's. People always act different when they've faked it.
Lets see her do a talk without the above, especially in terms of confidence.
I love this video to the world.... Just wanted to say it
@@wertpollwert you compare behavior to her looks? Any person who colors their hair isn't confident?
@@jazmingomez2011 who's amy? what does she have to do with any of this?
Let me say this. My teachers always said "ask if you don't understand". But when I did, I'd get kids around me saying, "boy, you're stupid". Teachers! Control your class room, make it really plain from the start that you will not tolerate anyone belittling another, and watch for it. Also, I was in an "EST" seminar way back. You can look up what that is. But every time anyone stood up and said anything, we all were told to clap and cheer for them, and we really got into it sincerely. And you can bet no one was afraid to comment on anything, it was a freedom from fear I had never known!
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How Would You Handle this: When I, Try to Speak my Peace after She Speaks. Now She's Screaming and Yelling and She's Breaking Down Crying. I, Do say Calm Down Brittany.The Anger In Her Is Been Like This. Really Need Some insights about this. Angela From Michigan
This is My Daughter
I, have Grand-Daughters 5,2, 9 Months old. My, Other One is Due in October.
You are Speaking about Harm. I, Have some other Questions. My, Daughter Lied about Throwing a Toy behind my Back. She Said Her Daughter Did it. Few Years a go. My, Son's Ex- Step-Daughter Had said The Truth That My, Daughter Threw The Toy Behind My Back. Do You Think The Anger Could LEAD TO WORSE.
Evy is a real-life hero. She inspires me to live bolder and more genuine. Thank you for this interview. When Evy speaks, I just take notes. ☺
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
@@lewishowes Real Lewis
Thdydydydt
You nailed it ! How engaging.
No are you serious. She's a fool.
I love EVY! Everyone needs an Evy in their head... we'd be such a happier species if we could think like she does. Hope you will have her on regularly!
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Our society doesn’t like to have open respectful dialogue and simply discuss topics whether you agreed or not. People need to feel like they have to control, accuse and badger the other person with the objective of winning, instead of understanding.
You can disagree and still be okay with each-other.
If someone doesn’t like how you think or agree with your perception, you’re either cancelled, labeled toxic, a narcissist, a people pleaser….etc.
The truth is we all have some small personality traits that could appear to simulate those labels…but we are many things at different times. We are complex beings changing hour by hour, learning new things daily, so labels are irrelevant… virtually by the next day! So learn to be present in the moment, allow people to communicate, even if you don’t agree!
Confidence comes from being your authentic self with no agenda other than to create a positive safe space that blesses or benefits others.
I just took notes on your post. Thank you!
Agree
Love. learn to be present in the moment. Allow people to be heard ! This is one of the basic human needs. To be and feel heard ! But we are all to busy talking!
Well said
Well said. Some people in power don't give constructive criticism, they insult. This is especially how women behave in my cut throat profession. I feel like I had more confidence in my 20's before I worked for years. I have confidence doing my actual job, just not communicating with women.
When you spoke about whether people would be hired if they commited a crime, it made me think about a memoir I'm reading called "Jump" by Larry Miller. He is a black man who was in a gang as a teen who committed murder and armed robbery. He ended up in prison for a few years. When he got out of prison, he kept the secret of his past in order to get a job. He worked his way up the ladder to become president of a Nike subdivision, made billiins for nike..became president of the Trailblazers and more. He was constantly haunted by if someone would find out his secret. Please interview him! I kept some interesting details out.
It's amazing how much we could learn on CZcams
The best way to win an argument is to let them speak their truth first and learning how to progress the dialogue, use your own words to summarize what they said and ask them if that’s correct, “identifying behavior”, inserting honest empathy where appropriate, decide if that’s an argument worth winning (I.e. politics).
Great points. Asking if "that's correct" is very helpful! Making sure you're on the same page before moving forward. The only thing I'd counter in this comment is the idea of repeating back in your own words. I think summarise, yes. But using their words is a great way to show you were listening to them and it can help build trust too. I learnt this within a conflict resolution customer service training I did years ago and it's served me so well in personal life and my career. To give a personal example...when I say "I'm frustrated" and somebody says back to me "I know you're mad" I feel misunderstood. Their definitions are different. I choose my words carefully to describe how I'm feeling or what's going on. A better response would be "I know it's frustrating" or to use your technique..."I'm hearing that your frustrated, is that right?". Not everyone chooses their words carefully but all words are selected for a reason. Sometimes using different words when summarising can cause further issues. So I find mirroring language helps 👍
EXACTLY! Ironically when you repeat it back they realize how ridiculous their point is and the argument is over and you don’t even have to make your points.
Politics is just a reflection of a persons individual evolutionary mating strategy, there is only a 10% shift as people get older from dem to con, so the odds of you changing their mind are not high given 90% don’t switch.
The interview I didn't realize I needed, so many tricks and tips that can be used daily 💡💯
Glad you enjoyed it!
yeah - and watch some of her other videos - WOW - i have learned so much!
same 👌
@@memneophilia and her interview with Lisa Biyeu.
Great stuff. Love the "let them go". Makes complete sense. My mother used to shut me down and cause conflict but I had an aunt like Evy who would let me go and then ask me why. Exactly like that. It gains trust for sure.
My mum too. I grew up with her making me very insecure about speaking and critical thinking. I grew up with my mum telling me to shut up and be quiet. Very hard later in life to overcome this. Am very insecure.
@@oolat9863 Two books I love that I am convinced can help you with your issues is by Dr. Phil McGraw.
(1) "Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters" (1999) bought mine 2006. Kindle $2, paperback $8. Audiobook version highly recommended but not a must (also good for listening to when in need of a reminder) but text version IS a must due to the exercises since the audiobook is abridged (5h).
(2) "Self Matters", (Kindle $17, paperback $11) I only have as audiobook (6h). Both books are narrated by himself which is awesome. (3) Jordan B. Peterson: "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos" (audiobook narrated by JBP for the win, since he's verbose to put it mildly (~14h) and like the first two, narration being more powerful & engaging (to me anyway) I'd highly recommend getting all 3 as audiobooks along with the "Life Strategies" text version as mentioned. As for your particular childhood related issues, "Self Matters" deal with such A LOT, so should possibly be your personal first choice.
Hope you find this useful.
I dealt with insecurities many years ago, though not about speaking, just in social relations generally due to not reading people well (ADHD didn't help). 🙃
“Trust is conditional”…AMEN!
Wish I’d known that in my youth
Love is also conditional ...
The shortcut to gaining confidence is by expanding your vocabulary. The more meaning you have, the less you will be intimidated by not understanding how to feel about a situation. Lack of confidence stems from a lack of clarity and realistic thinking. When you can't trust your flawed perceptions due to a weak vocabulary. The stronger our vocabulary is, the more we can interpret accurate and in-depth meaning from our experiences resulting in confident answers, ideas, and therefore more successful decision making. If someone wants to disrespect your position on something, then they better be able to express their position on the matter better than you can. When they realize that you have no need to get defensive or insecure, they'll know that you are more confident than they are and will think twice about proceeding to challenge you or bullying you. You will be recognized for being more sharp, focused and not necessarily more knowledgeable, but more teachable, self-led and a self-learner. These are qualities valued in confident individuals.
That is so true. I struggled alot with confidence because I have trouble finding ways to get my point across. And by that I mean finding the right words. Ill reread your comment another 10 times thanks!
Any tips on expanding our vocabulary and expressing our ideas clearly? Thank you in advance!
I have always had trouble expressing my thoughts or opinions. And def need to expand my knowledge. I just wish I knew how!
@@yvettemillan6568 read!
@@yvettemillan6568 Read a lot!
This woman is my idol. Wish I had half her confidence.
If you follow her advice I think your wish will come true 🙏
@@dinky.. I wish! She is a powerhouse. The longer I have been alive, the less power I have had. And sometimes it pays to learn to go around and not through, as I learned from years of jumping directly into the frying pan and getting...fried.
You can !!!
.. You Can Do It!
She is great but keep in mind she worked for the government and she is a trained master manipulator
Combining their definitions of greatness is the ultimate definition of greatness to me: living your best life + developing skills and tools to live your best life.
Evy is exceptional! I can't get enough of her wisdom.
Thank you so much!
I Love Evy!!! I have rewatched her on Women of Impact. She's smart, tough and beautiful. Congratulations on her being a mommy. ❤
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Part of the problem is also during conflict... someone might get angry and for some reason anger is no longer just a normal emotion. Now if you get angry you're accused of being a bad person, a bad communicator, out of control, etc. When really someone just stepped over a personal boundary. They may or may not have meant to! So it is so important to recognize that we CAN get angry, we should not be villianized for it, if someone else gets angry ask them why they are angry and try to hear from their perspective. If you shut down the conversation when someone gets angry you make them feel even more invalidated!! If someone gets angry... ask them why, be compassionate.
It depends how angry they get. Kicking doors off the hinges and breaking someone’s jaw, does not deserve compassion.
Absolutely!!!! I wish everyone believed this idea. For some reason we lost compassion for those who are angry - because they were hurt before the anger manifested. ❤️🩹
@@jbug884 that's NOT what I am talking about. But that is not typically where anger starts. It evolves to that due to continued dismissal, continued lack of validation, people avoiding addressing the problem, telling them they shouldn't have a problem, etc. THAT is partly why it is so important to address the issue right away when the person 1st gets angry. If you care about that person you should both want resolution. And if they are THAT angry compassion is still the fastest way to deescalate it if you cannot leave.
Agree!!
Lewis..now in our school our teacher used to talk about your interview too much that she use to tell us that your yt channel will change our life ! Thanks Lewis
Sometimes I say something stupid or wrong on purpose in a group to loosen ppl up a little, I laugh about it too and I admit it was stupid or something. Really helps loosen people up!
Dude. The part on asking people why they think a certain way instead of arguing is such SUCH gold…
Lewis & Evy, I’ve seen a number of different interviews/ discussions with each of you over the last year and I love the countless granules of wisdom you sprinkle everywhere. Though I love everything about this episode, I especially like the final question by Evy to you, Lewis, regarding how you help people. Your approach aligns with an old proverb that has resonated with me my entire life: “if give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; if you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.” Thank you both for all you do to heal yourselves and to model and inspire that for others. 🙏🌎🏘🤝💝🌱
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
Thanks for this... I don't think it's about the fear of being "wrong or right,"
I think it's more about the fear of what others are thinking about that person. We are trained as we grow up to be obsessed with what other people think about us. Sometimes your LIFE seems to depend on it if one of your parents had a VICIOUS TEMPER.
I agree, but you can't realistically deny that our past reflects our present. I'm not blaming anyone. AND apparently, I don't really care what others think! 😋
@David Michaels but the pain and rejection last a lifetime.
I love the way Evy listens. She is the best listener I've ever seen. Every episode with her is a real school of listening. Superb!
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
Toxic people hang out with toxic people. Just perfect. 🎯
Evy, Congratulations on your pregnancy! When I was far along I got scared because this baby has to come out eventually. I ate a lot of Cheerios in the middle of the night. I could see my reflection on the window. It's surreal! Wow! I'm a habitat for this person I have not met. I could feel her strength. You have strength and I will pray for a good delivery! Best wishes!
What really calmed my fears was after a baby shower, a coworker I respect pulled me aside and gave me advice that worked beautifully! We taught in the bilingual program. She had been the district music teacher before they dissolved the music in favor of physical education. "Mary, someone told me when I was pregnant that I don't have to teach my children anything. Just talk to them and read to them."
I could not have imagined a more beautiful experience than being her mom! She is so special.
I loved being a mom and my daughter has had great success. She got a scholarship to a CA university! She played trombone in the Alumni Band for all her high school musicals while in high school. There was no music program. She was captain of the track team and won the Spanish prize and a community service award. She also works! Now she wants to study for her masters in nutrition and the brain.
YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE BEING A MOM! It goes by fast! And life just keeps getting better and better.
Lewis, thank you so much for your hard work on these difficult topics, asking great questions and being of service to The People.
The me, myself and I attitude is disturbing! A high school psychology teacher Dr. Raines, had us studying The New Narcissism. Life is a big education and love is real! Not fade away!
This conversation started slow but got exciting after 10 minutes or so. I am glad I continued watching.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
“When someone says,being truth” ha! Perfect, learned so quickly.
I love the transparency of this interview. Got to watch this just in time.
I love her confidence.
So many gems in this interview! Thank you!
What a treat! This is truly gold!
I value a piece of advice I was once given; your allowed to make mistakes when your learning! That’s why your here, to learn and we learn by our mistakes, right?! Each time you make a mistake it’s an opportunity to learn something new. Sometimes it takes a long time, but we shouldn’t feel judged as everyone learns at a different rate. Life is not a learning race! Let’s focus more on relaxing and looking outwards rather than focus on ourselves by looking inwards. Plus, when we relax we allow those around us to relax at the same time. So we do everyone a favour when we stop worrying about making a mistake. Just my opinion. Great video! Thank you!
You're welcome🧡
Love Evy and loved her book !! I run to listen to anything she has to say 🙏🏻💝✨
This episode is pure gold ✨️ thanks Lewis
Her voice is captivating
THANK YOU! I have learned so much on this interview.. Very level headed woman and Lewis always knows how to ask the right question that leads to a great interview process... She's amazing!
Always lot of knowledge when there is an interview by Evy
This woman is magical. Thank you! 🌺 🌺
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Thank you, fearing judgment, labelling.
Hello sayusayme
Imagine the world with more people like Evy and Lewis....what a wonderful world it would be!
Appreciate you and your support 🧡
Every time I watch this woman I love her a little more! Such a great human! 🥰
This Woman is amazing!
Thank you both very inspiring!Congratulations on your wonderful baby news🥰
Meaningful stuff, she's full of knowledge that I can learn from. I admire her ❤️
I love her. Shes so smart!
I love this woman, just ordered her book.
You are such an amazing person..Lewis.
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
Evy is so inspiring and so are you. Thank You Lewis❤️
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Evy is EXCELLENT. Great show.
Thank you so much for watching! :)
Wow, She is amazing
What a beautiful lady. So genuine and honest🙏
🧡
Amazing this woman. Amazing interview
I LOVE EVY!! Thank you Lewis, this is exactly what I needed today.
So happy to hear we have supported you!
I love this talking... its so important to look and be all trust.... yes its hard with people.... being honest is all ... good question about trust question you asked
Thank you!
Evy is such an inspiring woman!
👍
I love this woman
This is so powerful, thank you so much for this great interview from both of you. I really take a lot from this!
She's excellent, it's a real pleasure to listen to her.
Glad you enjoyed it!
What a beautiful conversation between two amazing people! Thank you so much! You make a difference! It's so helpful!
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
I love you guys! Evy you’re such a power house! And congratulations on your pregnancy! ✨💛✨ Thank you both!
Very educational! Thankyou
Thank you for details and support and cooperation and nice councelling and motivation 👏🎉
She’s soooi cool. Grt show. “ shut up & listen” powerful words
Thank you for Not interrupting her or talk too much. It was Just enjoying listening whole 2 hours 👍🏻
She has a beautiful voice!
❤️
Lewis, you inspire me more than words can say. Evy, I love the insights you share here!
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Omgoodness Evy congrats!!! That is such a beautiful thing!!! I am amazed and SOOoOooO happy for you!!! Wow!!! 💗✨⭐️✨⭐️
open and safe means the world to others is how I feel always... I THINK THIS IS A GREAT to send to others too that may not be so people people Love is love, friendly and looking at people as they are is so important!
Lewis, thank you for everything you do. Absolutely loved this episode. I appreciate how curious and organized you are with the information.
Thank you!
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
I feel like I have attended a very high level communication seminar at Harvard. Lewis you were also exceptional in this interview, is it Evy's influence. I think I've had some tricks used on me in the past. Cheers for this both of you.
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
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You both are awesome 👏🏼
Thank you for sharing light 💡
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
Where has Evy been all my life? THANK YOU. Definitely buying her book!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Amazing💗thank you evy and Lewis for sharing your truth.
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Amazing !!! One of the best interviews. Thank you for producing it.
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
One of the many best podcasts I have ever enjoy listening and gain a lot. Thank you Lewis and Evy.
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
lewis, you ask such great questions and we get the best answers from your guests. Loved everything Evy shared with us. She is a really strong and fierce woman. I love her.
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to follow my page and leave me a review here:
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This was gold ! Thank you for being the best in game ❤
Thanks! Evy is awesome
You're welcome🧡
evy you have such smart compassionate eyes.
Thank you ❤
Evy is so inspiring! Greece represented well! 🇬🇷💙
👍
To serve others. Great ending by this beautiful woman
Oh I love this woman. Lewis your podcasts are literally the best quality out there at the moment Dude👌
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Great information! Thank you! I love the filter advice, I have issues with this where I am too honest and it gets thrown back to my face in the most hurtful way!
Lewis you are the most genuine interviewer I’ve ever come across ✌🏻
Appreciate you! 🙏
Omg she is showing in this interview!! I love her!! my idol !
I just love this interview and watched it like 3 times and still learn something new everytime. Evy & Lewis what a combination of curiousity and anlyticial ability
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
I love these episodes enriched with tips to use. It's foolproof. Thankyou Lewis for bring Evy on again. Admire you both while heartedly 🍰
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
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She is the medicine I needed.
Amazing and insightful show Lewis. Evy was a fantastic guest with a sincere willingness to share her knowledge. Apart from a book, there is no other platform an interview of this calibre could have existed. Great channel and KUDOS CZcams.
Thank you lewis and evy this video has been so helpfull. Love it when you both speak calm and collected. 😊
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Fabulous interview
Thank you for this. You both are amazing 🤩.
👍
Thx so much ❤
Very enlightening, episode Evy is a great person.
Happy to hear this :) Thank you so much for watching! :)
Brilliant and so relevant to me my life. Those who have power and I have allowed to demean me , revel in mistakes . But at dabce studio , I get along with most all from 5 to 85 grandmas . I feel I can be ME , around my sister and certain people I know well , they just bait me or don’t ‘get me ‘
As I am a tad different !
WOW I listen to many many things on here all day long! I feel like I have learned more in this video than I did in any other on however long CZcams has been around and I want to say that some recent interactions and considering it for the last two weeks made me much more receptive to this information! I’ve heard it before I’m sure many times since I worked in a university for almost 15 years! It is definitely an alignment thing. Thinking we’re always in alignment is ego! I have had some major life changing tragedies in the past 5 years and well I see now it has changed me! We must always check in with ourselves! Thank you I am grateful for this video!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
I LOVE this woman and this man.Thank you for sharing your knowledge. 🇺🇸🌹
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
insightful interview. i love how she talks how we're all on the same team & are working together even when disagree.
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I learned a lot from this interview with Evy. Thank YOU!
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.