The MOST SADDEST Valentineâs Day Episode Ever?! | TDK Podcast
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- Äas pĹidĂĄn 10. 09. 2024
- After marriage got no life? Side your mother or your wife? Always wrong, never right? No such thing as compromise???
This is a good ep, we promise! Watch till the end đ
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Cast:
⢠Johnathan Chua / johnathanchua
⢠Daniel Lim / danlim11
⢠Jonathan Paul / jonathanpaul.sxw
⢠Denise Oh / ohthedenise
Behind the Cam:
⢠Nashrul Merza
⢠Julian Chin
⢠Daren Khek
⢠Charlene Goh
⢠Amirul Nashtrie
Edited by:
Daniel See
Act blur, live longer? Who would you side with if your parent and partner were on opposing sides?
TDK seriously took Singapore CZcams to another level where intimate issues are discussed with maturity and different level of perspective. Coming from Asian value and culture, it is very hard to discuss and share such topics. Thanks TDK for asking some of the most difficult questions and doing it in a not so serious setting. Please produce more such contents.
John failed to shift his own perspective and made it parents vs. wife. Couldve easily been helping Pat renavigate this feeling of possessiveness. Her feeling that way is legitimate and perhaps her sense of loss is trauma based. A husband who then threaten for divorce out of a completely normal emotion isnt helping her whatsoever. You expect her to go away w this issue and come back once its resolved
HmmâŚPat did well to hang on and not give up. I could be wrong, maybe the story being shared was just a summary, but it does sort of seem like the communication wasnât very effective. Rather than shutting down the whole issue as âthis canât be solved, neither of us can help the way you feel, please stop ranting about itâ, I think it would potentially have helped to keep trying, you know? Itâs really not a matter of having to choose between your loved ones as John puts it. Thatâs a little sulky - and I get it, you had to live through the unpleasantness, you have the right to express it - but maybe with the power of hindsight you can think about how you could have done better as well?
Iâm not saying that youâll find anything that works, but at the very least, putting in effort to try out mini solutions (nothing extreme, âI choose you over themâ sort of thing) will tend to make the other party feel better because they see how much you care. Be it sharing concerns with the parents, trying to carve out some individual space in the house, etc., I think things could have been a little better had the attitude been more of a âokay I see, how about we try thisâ sort of thing, where youâre impartial and not also getting emotional about it.
Mr naiiveâs (lol) pov may be quite idealistic, and whether or not he can really do it when push comes to shove is unknown, but i thought his response about wanting to be there to make things better precisely because the other party is doomed to continue suffering was really mature (and high EQ!) - and this is coming from someone who has always been staunch on the idea of not sharing everything with oneâs partner, and wanting to have the freedom to solve my own issues without letting anyone know. I think i learnt the most from him today!
Jaredâs principles 8:55 of sharing each otherâs joys and burdensâŚ.you are married to each other, hence you share everything as ONE ⌠when you start sharing with others rather than your spouse, then there is already some trouble waters surfacing and it will only gets worst. Then why get married?
I agree with Jared's pov on sharing with your partner the good and the bad, prob just choose a good sensitive time if your partner is going through some rough time themselves. The 9:40 part about being each other's rock first and foremost, and if either party thinks its not worth the hassle sharing, unfortunately the rs will go downhill from there over the years. Anybody here watched 18 Again a korean drama? I think it touched on the theme of love and marriage very well. Worth a watch to get one thinking about our relationships with our partners
I love how mr. naive really help bring out the best conversation in this episode
Pat is such a great wife. If my husband ever tell me what Jon said to Pat about him choosing his parents over me, I would file for divorce no matter what. To me filial piety is great but I have to be number 1 no matter what, and since it is my house, I should have the say.
Hi guys, great episode once again. Based on Johnâs perspective at 3:44âŚwhen you are buying dinner for your employees, or even for colleagues or anyone who has rendered assistance, it is good to be forthcoming with your intentions to explain clearly to your spouse, they will understand, just as how you have explained/reason why you needed to belanja when you are trying to not spend. Rather then them thinking that you are spending on others and not on themâŚ.or try to hide the truth. Nothing good comes from hiding or tell a white lieâŚit will come back to bite you or worst, your conscience will suffer. When your spouse knows you and your intentions, youâll be surprise to see their support and your appreciation for one another will strengthen.
Jared, we share the same âtoolsâ and âviewsâ on marriage and the significant role of our partner. what i can tell you is it worked for me and mine and we are already in the double digit of wedding anniversaries.so you do you. the same set of tools and views may not work for every individual..
#teamnaive
TLDR
"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." - Agent K ( MIB)
When ever the phase dating exclusively starts after the trial period.
Don't want to know.
Don't need to know.
She will tell me when she is ready to.
Girls night out ?
have fun !
Its gaming session in a man cave with some pals for me.
She hanging out with a guy before our time ?
What is there to be jealous about ?
I am the chosen one !
I have the high ground.
Jealousy just leads to fear,
fear leads to hate,
and hate well leads to the dark side.
these are honestly the best kinds of episodes
thanks for bringing Jared back! he fits in with you guys very well and adds good points!
It's the same conversation over and over again but maybe because for the whole six months it was a constant stress for her. Was she looking for you to do something or was she just looking for an outlet to cope with the change?
I don't feel like sides need to be taken here but it doesn't invalidate her bringing it up
i don't think John was invalidating her feelings/stress. More like it was also stressful for him to constantly face the rant with nothing he could do about it, and he probably felt at fault for her feeling stressed since it was his parents causing the stress. So at some point he probably would rather avoid the issue then to be in the loop at being ranted at constantly.
Hi Mr. Naive!
We need this kinda person coming on the show once in a while to help us see how mature Dan, Jon, JP are.
Got to envy his life, relatively problem free if its so easily resolved
Naive! I like how optimistic he is⌠thinking that he can listen to a rant that he alr tried to solve over and over. I like how JP blinked at him while heâs saying that
I think he's newly married lah. I was the same in the early days. Give him time, he'll also learn how to manage/avoid conflict đ
Or heâll have a better marriage than most. Just my thought process, youâll become whoever gave the advice if you follow it. So Iâll rather do it differently if I donât want to have that miserable husband that becomes happy every time the wife goes out of the house
Really naive when he say he got to pick one between the bestfriend and the wife. If this happen 10 time and he no more friends. The wife leaves him, he left what?
Imho itâs a really BAD idea to live w inlaws. I lived w inlaws for the 1st 5 yrs of marriage & those were the worst time of my life. I got along perfectly fine w them during courtship but things got nasty only after hbâs maternal grandmother got terminally ill.
My inlawsâ scheming & shoving & pushing of responsibilities of taking care of ahma took a heavy toll on me. Thatâs the closest hb n I ever came to a divorce.
Eventually we moved out to live on our own & marriage was much better albeit w the same underlying issues abt my inlaws (due to me subsequently falling chronically ill bcos of their abuse).
My hb tries to help by not burdening me w anything tt concerns my inlaws but I understand yet dislike the lack of communication at the same time. I wld much prefer my hb to always confide in me bcos I am his soulmate, & not assume tt I wld overrxt automatically. Of cos given our situation w toxic inlaws, tt cn b v taxing on both of us, especially when they r getting old themselves. U cn well imagine the pushing & shoving of responsibilities in the near future⌠đ
To be honest, I donât know of any married graduate couple who hv gone thru what we hv & still stayed married happily. Pple always say tt everyday shd b V day & love shdnt b demonstrated only on V day but itâs extremely exhausting & difficult when u n partner hv to deal w the tension of toxic inlaws day in & out. E tension tends to build a wall btwn us. I cn only try my best bcos of our young son⌠â¤
My advice to young married couples:
âFor this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one fleshâ (Gen 2:24). It is the man who is leaving and cleaving to his wife.
Newlyweds + Inlaws
== Turbulent marriage.
I speak fr my experience.
May nobody go thru what hb & I went thru. đâ¤ď¸
Pray tt u guys hv Happy V days thruout ur relships!
Stay lovey-dovey!đĽ°đ¤Ş
i mean when there's a will, there's a way right? if you're insecure about your partner's "best friend", what about all of your partner's work acquaintances? clients? normal friends? etc. that insecurity is merely going to abade but not go away completely. besides, what does that say about the "insecure" partner? that they are making the decision to spend the rest of their life with someone they cannot fully trust? why then?
denise saying "dont nervous dont nervous" got me HAHA
Ok I gotta admit. I have a period of time where I feel super insecure about myself. And I feel like I wanna be alone and dont want to have anyone in my life so I broke up with my bf. Its messy and really heartbreaking. But thank goodness when things get better me and my bf get bck tgt and we promise each other that such things will not happen, at least try our best not to breakup easily. We will communicate and work things through.
Also, I hate flowers. I once had a fight when he gift me that. Please buy me my fave food instead
Perilla Leaf: It depends on how the partner gives it to her. Perhaps to lighten the situation, the bf can go âEh so slow, I help you take lahâ or make it more bro-ish. But if the bf goes, âHere you go.â Then it suddenly is romanticised and the act becomes intimate although itâs just picking up a damn leaf to make a meat wrap.
MIL Situation: Totally been in the same situation regarding the beefing with parents in law. Living together is very difficult and something that should be avoided at all costs (on hindsight). But; that said, my partner was like John and told me to stop ranting about the same situation when thereâs nothing he can do. Likewise he felt sensitive because it was his parents in the picture. But, for me, it left quite a trauma in my heart and I felt like heâd always choose his parents over me (not that he should not) but it just doesnât feel nice to be secondary especially when youâre married.
Best friend with Opp Gender: Honestly if the best friend was sensitive and truly genuine with no ulterior motive, he or she should definitely move aside and respect the relationship. Itâs eventual because everyone would settle into the families and individual partners and we will shift into that system either way when everyone is attached.
perilla leaf dilemma! tip 1: separate the leaf (helping partnerâs friend) but do not put into the personâs bowl -leave it on the same dish. tip 2: put it into the bowl of partnerâs friend AND one leaf for partner. problem = solved :D
Broke up a long term relationship (FiancĂŠe) few days before Valentines' Day ;(
Now have to settle what to do with the BTO.
naive de relationship is the goal that everybody wants.. but nobody have.. except for the naive ones...
Mr Naive is a great addition to banter with the rest of the cast.
True. Naive or not, it's nice of him to stand by his point despite not flowing in the same way as the rest
I actually with Mr naive though so good to hear from him
Sharing another perspective here:
My problem is that I donât see my problems as problems. I grew up as a massive introvert and internalizing all my thoughts and feelings. I grew up learning that my emotions donât matter and the world still spins whether no matter how i feel.
I cannot control what happens to me but I can control how I feel about it. Hence, Iâve always sucked it up and move on.
But must always a draw a line too.. cant let your s/o or whoever step all over you. Internalising has its limit, then eventually it will eat u up from the inside
relatable
But you cannot expect others to do the same
Jared needs to learn that the world does not deal only in absolutes - there are real world solutions to ânot telling her is such a huge sin idgiâ instead of his âdie die must tell her everything cus thatâs what love isâ, such as picking the right time or getting started on coming up with a solution on your own first etc.
His ânice guyâ ideals seem learned from fantasy worlds. Love in the real world is often more raw, and sometimes more beautiful.
Jared, you are not naive! Different people handle things differently. Different methods work for different people. If it works for you it works for you.
Such an important episode to have. Bravo.
I donât think itâs healthy to think that your partner should be your everything. Sometimes, youâd want to talk to your friend about a topic, that you might not necessarily want to discuss with your spouse. For example, I like arts, but my husband does not. Therefore, I would not talk to him about art because it would bore him. Thatâs what I have my friends for. It does not mean that I love my husband any less.
HAHA!!! The last part is such a great tip....
in an ideal world, we would all like to be jared. but there's no such thing as an ideal world.
Denise, your feelings at 26:22âŚof feeling insecure is quite natural but to put a condition onto your partner, I feel is a little off. For your partnerâs agreement to inform you every time a meeting is to take place with the one, is actually her kind consideration of your feelings to not upset you, however, is it fair? It is after all your insecurities and/or jealousy that you cannot control. In my opinion, trust is something one has to prove and not earned⌠Giving trust to someone is a bigger deal.
This year valentine? 10/10. I didn't spend a single cent nor did any plan for anything and slept throughout the day.. Because life is good if you're single.
Glad to see Jared back again... or he never left..? haa
Maybe we go through the different phases in a relationship? Even in marriage.
Great episode!
jon chua i love u
Shut up
Why canât we have 1 hr podcast?
Mr Naive is really naive! Agreed with Jon's stance on taking side of parents when push comes to shove.
Your partner is meant to be your other half, i.e. you are the same unit.
Pat kept bringing it up itâs because you did not bother to help her solve her problem
can i comment and huat me for finding a gf this year ? huat u all too ! keep up with the good work!
Gosh I have that green outer wear too. Literally most people have it. Welcome to Uniqlo.
Really appreciated Jaredâs views! Ps: youâre not naive at all
NAIVE
commending for huat romance this year!!
No VD for me for past 10 years already. Just a normal day.
Most and saddest shdnt be in the same sentence . But love the podcast
The saddest, not most saddest
brb taking waifu pillow go gaigai
Commenting for the huat huat romance
Edit (now that I have watched till the end): The last part where you all joked about "she's great but she hates your bestfriends/friends, hits home hard..
John is so funny when he elaborated on the boyfriendâs female best friend. I so relate to this đ
Is couple swapping legal?
the best scenario is the best friend and partner become good friends also.
Hello naive!
Hi naive
i want huat huat romance
if not now, later.
go get a partner for your best friend. solved LOL
I would like to highlight the point where sometimes when we r voicing out, we might not be asking for a solution but just a listening ear. Deep in us all of us can find our own solution, it is a matter of time n realisation. Even as a peer for mentally stressed individual that was what was suggested. Alot of times proposing a solution is not the way out. What is needed is just to be heard. Let it out n let it go. I hope u would rather she let it out to u then to keep it within to herself which is hurting her mental health. Sometimes all that is needed is adknowledging her effort, listen to her pain. It should not be about solution unless it is asked for.
0:27 Metted
10/10
Leh Leh Leh Leh
When you single af
Watched
mr naive truly..
The call me naive guy is super naive..
Who is Mr Naive? Itâs ok, I know now
valentine đ ââď¸đ ââď¸đ ââď¸đ ââď¸
tdk â â â â
normally u can't talk to ur wife about financial or career issues. even when its a small one
i am single
naive
Hi naive:)
This guy is so naive. Give it a few years. You'll understand sometimes ignorance is bliss.
9/10
Jon and Jade
J&J
Stupid Valentine day
Naive sia this Jared. Good luck
6/10
Lol huat huat romance
đŤśđť
algo
Algoo lol
net net
Algoooooooooooooooooo
First
Denise just use "she" again so her partner is a girl. Nothing wrong with that but I am just surprised she still goes to church.
God judges?
Flowers?! it really depends on the person...
if my partner is a practical person.
My answer is no flowers, food will be the next thing in mind
Jon chua I love u